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1
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:10,943
♪ I love you and you love me ♪
2
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,812
♪ We love you and you love we ♪
3
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,882
Yes, it's Blarney.
4
00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:19,451
The earth's happiest
bouncing ball of foam.
5
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,821
His daily television show is
beloved by children everywhere.
6
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:27,559
And now you can have these same
adored programs in your own home.
7
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,496
The Blarney home video library.
8
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,833
We'll send you one tape
each hour, for the next decade.
9
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:39,371
It's like having Blarney as a
delightful houseguest who never leaves.
10
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,074
♪ ...and you love we ♪
11
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,979
Whee!
12
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,315
Watch this, boys and girls.
13
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:53,285
♪ Hey, hey, heh Whoop! ♪
14
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,461
Now, I want you to watch
this tape. It's very important.
15
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,397
Ooh, is it Blarney on the farm?
16
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,577
♪ I am Blarney on the farm ♪
17
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:08,945
- ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
- No.
18
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,636
Huh? Well, is it
Blarney at the zoo?
19
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,705
♪ I am Blarney at
the zoo E-I-E-I-O ♪
20
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:16,908
No, stop that. It's not Blarney.
21
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:20,312
This is a tape where you
actually learn something.
22
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,525
Ooh.
23
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,950
This is... Your Solo
Wilderness Ritual.
24
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:31,356
Ever since ancient times,
young children like you
25
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,825
have been demanding
and self-centered.
26
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,094
Me, me, me! Gimme, gimme.
27
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,477
I don't care about you at all.
28
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,433
So it was up to the parents
to demonstrate to the child
29
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:45,970
that his unbridled self-centeredness
would be tolerated only up to a point.
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00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:47,805
That's it!
31
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:50,642
Whoa! Hey!
32
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:54,112
And thus the solo
wilderness ritual was created.
33
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,814
Hey, what's the big idea?
34
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,151
Left alone for several
days, the child soon came
35
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,753
to appreciate the
importance of his family.
36
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:07,659
Boy, family sure is important.
37
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,128
Ready to come back in now!
38
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,730
This valuable lesson learned,
39
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,765
the parents would
welcome the child
40
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,802
back into the safe and
loving confines of the family.
41
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,281
Oh, whoa!
42
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,705
If they were quick enough.
43
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,205
Neat-o!
44
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,543
Today, the solo wilderness
ritual is purely symbolic.
45
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,611
Toddlers like you are
taken out to the woods
46
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:30,415
and left on an orthopedically-designed
stone perch for 20 minutes.
47
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,684
And then taken out
for a happy meal.
48
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,755
So good luck on your
solo wilderness ritual.
49
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,757
Did you understand the tape?
50
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,426
Sure. Gimme cookie.
51
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:44,095
- We don't have any cookies.
- Go to the store.
52
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:47,865
No. And that's exactly why
you have to be left in the woods.
53
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,969
So you can learn that the world
does not revolve around you.
54
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,771
- Mommy's not going
to the store?
- No.
55
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,907
Oh, I understand.
56
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,943
Daddy! Go to the store!
57
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,342
Honey, I'm home.
58
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,450
Aaah!
59
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,498
- Ohh!
- Ow!
60
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,122
- Ow!
- Ooh!
61
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,790
Aah!
62
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,803
Daddy! Go to the store!
63
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,673
- Daddy! Go to the store.
- Hey, Earl, isn't that
64
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,942
- your infant calling?
- Yep.
65
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,978
But my extensive experience
as a parent has taught me that
66
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,514
if you ignore him long
enough, the wife gets him.
67
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:12,116
Wow, you make it look so easy.
68
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,785
- Daddy.
- Go, babe.
69
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,020
I have something
important I want to ask you.
70
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,400
Uh-huh.
71
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,558
Well, how do you know
when you found true love?
72
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,794
Uh...
73
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,307
Oh! Oh! Shh. Game's on.
74
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,636
Oooh!
75
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:37,442
- Ahhh.
- Huh? What?
76
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:46,117
Guys, it's just a bunch
of letters flying around.
77
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,618
Bunch of letters?!
78
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,454
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, fella...
79
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,890
Females just don't
understand the critical role
80
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,559
that digital graphics play
in professional sports.
81
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,496
We'll be back with more
exciting logo action later.
82
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,864
But first, lets get
back down on the field
83
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,200
and check in on the game.
84
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,903
Boy, life doesn't get
much better than this.
85
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,916
You got your beer,
your best friends,
86
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,407
and three hours
of virtual paralysis.
87
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:10,976
Earl, are you ready to go?
88
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,679
Huh? Fran, there is
no going on playoff day.
89
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,015
Only staying.
Perhaps a little shifting,
90
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,984
readjusting of cushions,
reaching for salted snacks...
91
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:24,155
Earl, you promised to take Baby
out for his solo wilderness ritual.
92
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:27,092
- Not today, my sweet.
- It has to be today.
93
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,961
This is the third Sunday
after his second birthday
94
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,063
as set forth in The
Book of Dinosaur.
95
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:36,834
No... I believe today is the third
round after the second round of playoffs
96
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,637
as set forth in the guide of TV.
97
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,807
- Fine.
- Fine.
98
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,442
You win.
99
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,611
Uh-oh.
100
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,847
Want beer nuts. The hot kind.
101
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,216
And juice. Need juice
to wash 'em down.
102
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:54,285
Hey, watch me pick my nose!
103
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,687
Ahh... Say, Earl,
104
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,500
I think it's gonna
be kind of tough
105
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,502
to enjoy the game
with the kid here.
106
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,260
Want a puppy! Now!
107
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,073
So maybe you should
just take him out
108
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,075
on his little wilderness ritual.
109
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,532
No. Not a chance.
These are the playoffs,
110
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:09,712
this is my comfy chair,
111
00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:11,614
and nothing short
of a bursting bladder
112
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:12,871
is gonna get me out of it.
113
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,739
Our exciting halftime show,
114
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,842
featuring those turtlenecked
youngsters, Up With Reptiles.
115
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,678
♪ Up, up with reptiles ♪
116
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,499
♪ We're here to
brighten your... ♪
117
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,349
- We're outta here.
- Yeah.
118
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,184
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Outta here.
119
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,720
Hey, check the game,
son. Is it still halftime?
120
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,533
Oh, uh, let me check.
121
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,057
♪ Up with reptiles
We're the greatest... ♪
122
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,893
If only the armies of the
world could don turtlenecks
123
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:37,696
and join hands in a happy song,
124
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,431
the whole world
could come together
125
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,165
in a joyous parade of love.
126
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,435
Yeah, and you'd be
the Grand Marshal.
127
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,004
- Yeah, yeah. That's me.
- Are we there yet?
128
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,307
Yep. This would be
it. Hallowed ground.
129
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,011
Prepare to experience one of life's
most profound and timeless lessons.
130
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,780
- This stinks!
- And not a moment too soon.
131
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,682
I'm tired. Take me home.
132
00:06:57,784 --> 00:07:00,018
Juice is warm! Where's Mama?
133
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,920
- Yeah, yeah.
- Gee, Robert.
134
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,190
Being here on this spot brings
back a flood of bittersweet memories.
135
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,470
Were you left here
when you were little?
136
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,993
Oh, indeed I was.
137
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:13,165
Some 30-odd years ago, my
father placed me on the sacred stone
138
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:16,468
and disappeared into the
woods, never to be seen again.
139
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,714
You mean, he didn't
come back to get you?
140
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,640
No. After several days
I was found and raised
141
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,543
by a kindly park ranger
who never married.
142
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,178
As for my father,
143
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:30,548
I can only assume he fell from
some cliff or was eaten by predators.
144
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,817
Hey, cheer up. Maybe
he just abandoned you.
145
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:36,421
- Oh... Yeah.
- My butt's cold!
146
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,824
Oh. Oh, yeah. Time to read
from the sacred pamphlet.
147
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,360
Come on, gather around, guys.
148
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,897
Yep. OK.
149
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,933
"Son, slash, daughter..."
150
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,135
- Hmm?
- Um...
151
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,138
"We leave you here today for
a symbolic ritual of discovery.
152
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,440
That you may learn that
nothing is more important
153
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,486
than home and family."
154
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,455
There's the start
of the second half.
155
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,747
Yada, yada. Growth,
eternal wisdom, blah, blah.
156
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:05,783
- See ya. Come on, guys.
- But what about me?
157
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,119
You stay on that rock
until you learn your place
158
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,688
in the family structure. Or
the end of the third quarter.
159
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,257
Why?
160
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,759
Because you have to
learn that you need us.
161
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,127
That's the sacred lesson.
162
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,642
Ah... to you too.
163
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,966
- This is so beautiful.
- Come on.
164
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,035
- Oh. Oh, yeah. OK.
- Come on, Roy.
165
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,970
Hurry, behind the wall.
166
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,973
Ooh. OK, let me see.
167
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,253
- Give.
- Hey.
168
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:33,177
- Dad. Hey.
- Nice TV, Roy.
169
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,280
Couldn't you get
anything smaller?
170
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,959
I got it free with
my subscription
171
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,983
to Dawn of Time magazine.
172
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:43,255
Judy the operator sent it to
me. I'm pretty sure she digs me.
173
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,892
- There's the kickoff.
- Oh.
174
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,628
- Jackson takes it. On the ten.
- Go Jackson.
175
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,565
He's hit hard! Fumble!
Who's got the ball?!
176
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,334
The picture! It's gone!
177
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,302
Do something! Move the aerials.
178
00:08:58,404 --> 00:08:59,604
I'm trying, Dad. Look.
179
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,173
- Maybe if we step to the left.
- Right! Go to the left.
180
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,709
Left, left, left, left. No,
no. It's getting worse!
181
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,571
- Go the other way.
- Right, right.
182
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:07,912
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
183
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,392
No, no. No, go...
Go straight ahead.
184
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:13,250
- Move straight ahead here.
- Straight ahead, yeah.
185
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,621
- More, more, more. Baby step.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
186
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,823
That's it! Don't
move! It's perfect.
187
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,057
Uh... Guys...
188
00:09:20,159 --> 00:09:22,560
Shh, shh, shh. They're
showing a replay.
189
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,422
- Yeah, yeah.
- Uh, we're in trouble.
190
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,230
Oh, no. Think positive, Robbie.
191
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,210
With two full quarters
of play remaining
192
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,035
- it's anybody's game.
- I mean, we're in trouble.
193
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,657
- Yeah.
- Look.
194
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,438
- Hmm?
- Huh?
195
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,608
Oh, boy! We're in a tar pit!
196
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,455
What do we do?! What do we do?!
197
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,656
Oh, that's easy.
198
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,881
We sink slowly into
the thick black goo,
199
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,750
experiencing crushing,
lung-bursting suffocation
200
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:51,022
until our lives are snuffed out
in searing, black nothingness.
201
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,325
- Don't sugar-coat it, Roy.
- We have to get help somehow.
202
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,295
How do you propose we do
that? There's no one for miles.
203
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,275
- I don't know.
- Keep it down!
204
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,232
I'm having a ritual over here.
205
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,700
The baby!
206
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,002
- Son, son, come over here!
- Hey, little guy.
207
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,404
I'm busy!
208
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:09,173
Daddy, Robbie and Uncle
Roy are in a little trouble.
209
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,253
We need you to come
here and give us a hand.
210
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,378
You said, "Don't leave rock."
211
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,380
Well, things change.
Get over here!
212
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:20,418
I'll think about it.
213
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,754
He'll think about it? What's
he have to think about?!
214
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,923
Just how the heck
does he expect to survive
215
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,226
in this wilderness without us?
216
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,562
- Yeah.
- Huh? Huh? Huh?
217
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,598
- Help!
- Help!
218
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,034
Son! Hurry! Help us, please!
219
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,369
- Hi.
- Oh. Hey, little guy.
220
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,671
I knew we could count on you.
221
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:42,907
Ooh, a mud puddle.
Can I come in?
222
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,510
- No! No, no, no.
- No, no, no. No, it's not mud.
223
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,146
It's tar. We're stuck
in it and we're sinking.
224
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,015
- Yeah.
- Now we need you to help.
225
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:54,185
- So listen very carefully.
- Ooh, a butterfly.
226
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,287
Hey!
227
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,021
Forget the stupid butterfly!
228
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,691
Oh, pally-boy, I
believe I can handle this.
229
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,093
Hey, little fella.
230
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,728
Wanna play a fun
game with Uncle Roy?
231
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,465
Yay, games!
232
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,934
Alrighty. And
you get to go first.
233
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:13,071
All you have to do is
pull down these vines,
234
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,541
then lash together logs to
form a lattice over the pit.
235
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,788
From there, you
fashion a crude winch,
236
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:23,381
and using a system of
counterweights, hoist us out.
237
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,682
You go first.
238
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,986
We can't go first! We can't
move! Can't you see that?!
239
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,321
- Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.
- Sorry.
240
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:34,291
Listen, pal. We're in trouble and
we need a big boy to help us out.
241
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:37,628
- Are you a big boy?
- Yeah.
242
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,598
OK. Now, go back the
same way we came,
243
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:44,002
get help, and bring
them back here.
244
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:48,139
Hmm. Go back, get help,
bring them back here. Got it.
245
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,709
- I'm a big boy!
- Yeah!
246
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:55,179
- Well, what do you know?
- I think he'll come
through for us.
247
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:59,283
Oh, sure. That lad may be
young, and a trifle inexperienced,
248
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:04,221
but when lives are at stake, a sort
of primitive survival instinct kicks in,
249
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,691
driving him to pursue his
goal with sheer determination.
250
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,528
- Yep.
- Ooh! A stick!
251
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,532
We're all gonna die!
252
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:20,238
Go get help, bring it back.
Go get help, bring it back.
253
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:24,842
Go get help, bring it back.
Go get help, bring it back.
254
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:30,248
Go get help, bring it... Oh.
255
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,285
Uh-oh.
256
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:37,655
Huh? What's that?
257
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,430
Oof! Didn't hurt, nothing
broken. Happens all the time.
258
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,610
It's all part of living in a tree
without wings. How ya doin'?!
259
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,868
- Who are you?
- I'm Woody, short for Woodrow.
260
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,248
Glad to know you, and...
261
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,506
- You're it! Ha, ha!
- What are you talking about?
262
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,976
Don't you know anything?
Come on, come on. This is tag.
263
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,923
Basic stuff. You
either know it or don't.
264
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,425
- I don't.
- OK, here it is.
265
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,616
I tag you, you're it.
You tag me, I'm it.
266
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:09,120
You're right, you're right. There's
no point. I'm bored, let's move on.
267
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,502
I know! Let's spin around and
around and get dizzy and chuck. Huh?
268
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,226
- Can't.
- What do you mean? Sure you can.
269
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,406
- Barfing's fun.
- Wanna see?
270
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,464
No. Gotta save Daddy and Robbie.
271
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,500
Ooh... Daddy and
Robbie? New game!
272
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,436
I'll be Daddy, you be Robbie.
Who goes first? What do we do?
273
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,239
- I'm bored. Move on.
- No, no, no. It's not a game.
274
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,008
It's not a very good one,
but you're new at this.
275
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,077
No, no, no. I can't play now.
276
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:39,083
- Gotta save Daddy and Robbie.
- I got toys.
277
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:42,686
- They're not going anywhere.
- Come on, come on,
come on!
278
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:51,028
Help! Somebody!
Somebody help us! Help!
279
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,931
Somebody save us!
280
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:58,403
Oh, what a nightmare. Every
inch we sink saps our strength,
281
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,704
weakens our resolve,
brings us closer to death...
282
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:03,152
- And wreaks havoc
on our reception.
- Yeah.
283
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,476
Was that a touchdown or
an ad for Mulching Mower?
284
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,023
I think it was a touchdown.
285
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,013
How come they're
raking him into a bag?
286
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,948
I can't believe all you
guys can think about
287
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,616
- is that stupid TV.
- Hey.
288
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:16,098
I'll have you know that the soft
blue light of the cathode-ray tube
289
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,156
has always comforted me.
Always soothed my frazzled nerves.
290
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,659
Oh! Oh, my God, I'm losing it!
291
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,328
- Roy, I'm losing it!
- Dad! Get a hold of yourself.
292
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,097
Hey.
293
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,599
Hey. That did the trick.
294
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,970
I got the picture back. Although,
it could use more contrast.
295
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,273
Oh! Ooh.
296
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,941
- There we go.
- See.
297
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,710
- Things are starting
to go our way.
- Yeah.
298
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:43,414
Wait a second. Why
didn't I think of this before?
299
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:48,052
The TV. Convert it into a simple
transmitter and radio for help.
300
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:51,555
That's a pipe dream, son.
After all, what tools do we have?
301
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,190
Well, I have my soldering iron.
302
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,527
And I brought these
diodes, if that'll help.
303
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,301
- Give me that! Jeez.
- Hey. What are you...?
304
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:07,638
- We are not gutting this TV.
- Nah...
305
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,908
And... It has nothing
to do with the fact that
306
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,143
we're in a crucial fourth
quarter scoring drive.
307
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:16,280
- Mmm-hmm.
- It's because... gutting this TV
308
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:19,383
would be admitting that
we've lost faith in that little baby,
309
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:22,987
who at this very moment
is out there... alone,
310
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,924
risking all... in a desperate
effort to save our lives.
311
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:30,128
- 20 yard line,first and ten.
- Help!
312
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:34,398
- Help! Somebody help us!
- Help! Help! Help!
313
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:38,102
Yeah!
314
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,772
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Ah! Yeah! Yeah!
315
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,352
Wow!
316
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,321
You destroyed
the entire universe.
317
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,024
Big ball of fire. Everything's
dead. Nothing left.
318
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,282
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, it's good. Bonus points.
319
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,852
- Lots and lots and lots. Yeah.
- Oh! Again!
320
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,156
What'd I tell ya, Squirt? It's a great
game. Can't beat it. My favorite.
321
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,925
I'm bored. Play something else.
322
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,777
OK! New game, here it is. Gotta get
two idiots out of the tar pit. Got it? Go!
323
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,768
- Yeah. Yeah. Two idiots?
- Two idiots.
324
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,648
- Out of the tar pit?
- Out of the tar pit.
325
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,205
- OK.
- Master that and go
to the next level.
326
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:19,443
- Three idiots
stuck in a tar pit.
- Three idiots...
327
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,813
Wait a second...
Yeah, that's it.
328
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:27,017
- Gotta get help, bring it back.
- Wait a minute. No, you can't go now.
329
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:30,087
Next level, bonus
points. Save the princess.
330
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,658
No, no, no. Gotta save Daddy
and Uncle Roy and Robbie. Bye-bye.
331
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,227
But... No. No, stay. Stay, stay.
332
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,006
- But... Uh...
- Bye-bye.
333
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,197
But I've got
milkshakes, Pixy Stix!
334
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:43,033
Raw cookie dough!
335
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,671
Here's the snap. It's put down.
336
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,273
Oh, it's just wide!
Into the stands...
337
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,876
Um... I was just thinking...
338
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,512
Maybe this is why Pop
never came back for me.
339
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:58,115
Maybe he stumbled into this
very pit and was sucked under.
340
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:02,820
Maybe he always meant to come back
for me, but died a tragic death instead.
341
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,889
Hey, wouldn't that be great?
342
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:08,158
Hey. Uh, is the
tar getting warmer?
343
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,661
- Uh...
- Yeah, I feel that too.
344
00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:12,964
- Oh.
- Uh, sorry guys.
345
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:17,201
- Too many beers back
at the house.
- Oh! Jeez!
346
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,570
That's the end of regulation.
347
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,206
We're headed for sudden death.
348
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:25,443
Sudden death? How ironic.
349
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:29,080
Yeah. For some reason, I don't
feel like watching the game anymore.
350
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,748
Yeah, me neither.
351
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:34,252
This moment I realize there's
more to life than football.
352
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,920
Yeah.
353
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,855
- Let's see what else is on.
- Yeah.
354
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,691
I can't believe you
two! We're dying here.
355
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:44,495
These are our last moments on the earth,
and all you can do is stare at the TV.
356
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,363
- Well.
- Gimme.
357
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,775
- Hey!
- Give it.
358
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,666
This idiot box is not
gonna save our lives.
359
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,528
- Hey! Hey! Oh.
- Wait, wait, wait.
360
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,935
Oh, Robbie!
361
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:54,238
Next up on Trail Tips,
362
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,741
I'm going to show you the easy
way to extract yourself from a tar pit.
363
00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:02,012
Should you ever brainlessly stumble
into one, just follow these simple steps.
364
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,081
One...
365
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,743
Two...
366
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,085
And three, you're out.
367
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:10,855
Wasn't that simple? Let's
see that again in slow motion.
368
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,924
What are the odds?
369
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,228
Go get help, bring it back.
370
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,565
Go get help, bring it
back. Go get help...
371
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,702
Wait a second!
Bring it back where?
372
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,173
Oh... Oh, boy.
373
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:34,645
Hey... Ooh. Huh?
374
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,414
- Oh.
- Would you lookie here.
375
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:42,586
Now, what in tarnation are you doing
out here in these woods, youngster?
376
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:45,156
- Huh?
- Gotta find help.
377
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,225
Ah. Well, I may qualify as help.
378
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,460
You see, I'm a woodsman.
379
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,530
Yeah, I've spent years
wandering these woods.
380
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,733
I know 'em like the
back of my hand.
381
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,302
Daddy and brother
are stuck in a tar pit.
382
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,738
- There's tar pits out this way?
- Mmm-hmm.
383
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,007
- We better find them
quick then.
- Hey, hey, back off, pops.
384
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:07,044
He's mine. I found him
and I'm keeping him.
385
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,680
Woodrow, shouldn't
you be in bed?
386
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,460
Wanna sneak into
the candy factory?
387
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,418
It's cool! Piles and piles and
piles of candy and no parents.
388
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,565
We'll get tummy
aches. It'll be great!
389
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,823
- Ooh! I love tummy aches!
- Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...
390
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,260
Now, I'm sure that
would be a heap of fun,
391
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,162
but this young'un's got a
family to think of right now.
392
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,498
And if you, uh, let 'em down,
393
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,534
well, you'll be
all alone, like me.
394
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,147
Lots of candy. All you can eat.
395
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,871
Fill up and then go sit on
the swings. Can't beat it!
396
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,973
Hmm...
397
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,710
Son!
398
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,979
- Help us!
- We're sinking!
399
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:46,049
Candy.
400
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,986
Hey! Hey, don't you look
at that other thought bubble.
401
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,188
We're family!
402
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,156
Yeah. We're more
important than candy!
403
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,736
Help!
404
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:59,396
Ah... Yum, yum, yum, yum...
405
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,802
I know we're only moments
away from death, guys.
406
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:08,539
But this sauna-like heat is working
wonders on my love handles.
407
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,641
I feel pounds lighter.
408
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,710
You know, facing
our ultimate end,
409
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,145
I find myself grappling
with the big questions.
410
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:16,880
Who created us? Why are we here?
411
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,883
I created you and we're
here because of your mother.
412
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,753
Thanks. I'm ready to die.
413
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:26,690
You know, I just can't help
thinking about that little guy out there.
414
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,594
- Hmm.
- Cold... Lost... Hungry.
415
00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,529
- Hey!
- Huh?
416
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:34,465
How'd you guys get so short?
417
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,468
- Yay! You're back!
- Hey! And you brought help!
418
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,371
Hey, I picked you
instead of candy.
419
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:44,275
- Oh! Way to go, little guy!
- There's candy?
420
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:49,547
Yes, sir, this little fella wrestled
with some mighty temptations.
421
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:54,118
But he kept talking about his family
and how important it was to him.
422
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,855
He kept on saying, "Gotta
get help, no time to waste."
423
00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,925
Excuse me, could we
hear about this later?
424
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,893
Oh.
425
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:05,262
Sure. Let's get you
boys out of there.
426
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,976
- Yeah.
- Let me see now...
427
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,901
I feel very funky.
428
00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:13,004
Yeah, I gotta get home
and take a shower.
429
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,040
Yeah. But first, it's time for
the all-important conclusion
430
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,342
of the solo wilderness ritual.
431
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,310
- Ah.
- Congratulations, little guy.
432
00:21:20,412 --> 00:21:23,680
I think you proved to us all
here that you're part of this family.
433
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:27,129
And that you've learned to
think of others, not just yourself.
434
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,985
Want happy meal! Now!
435
00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:31,221
You got it!
436
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:33,023
Hey. Say, stranger...
437
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:36,226
- Uh, the name is Les.
- Oh, well, Les, care to join us
438
00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:38,829
for a colorfully-boxed
dinner with a special toy?
439
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,799
I can't. Gotta keep
searching these woods.
440
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,568
- Oh.
- See, I left my son
on that very stone,
441
00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:47,305
- oh, pretty near 30 years ago.
- Uh-huh.
442
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:50,707
Yep. Got lost, and by the
time I found my way back,
443
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:52,843
- well, he was gone.
- Oh.
444
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,479
Yep. Vowed I'd
search till I'd found him.
445
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,581
- OK. Maybe some other time.
- All right.
446
00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,783
- No, no. Wait. Wait, Uncle Roy.
- Huh?
447
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,319
Doesn't that sound an
awful lot like your story?
448
00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:05,322
Well, it's got a couple
of superficial similarities.
449
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,324
Look. What was your son's name?
450
00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:08,959
- Roy.
- Right.
451
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,862
- And what was
your father's name?
- Les.
452
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:14,798
Well...?
453
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,867
Oh, my gosh, it's fate!
454
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,202
I was meant to help
you look for your son!
455
00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:20,949
Well, I can always use a hand.
456
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:23,674
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
457
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:27,210
- Oh, Roy!
- Where are you, Roy?
458
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,847
- Come here, buddy.
- I know that one.
459
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,950
Huh. You think they'll
ever figure it out, Dad?
460
00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,219
Figure what out?
33936
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