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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,194 --> 00:00:09,966 Synchro: Anyone Sixe Guilamu Transcript: Anyone Suggestions critics insults: itcrowdsub@gmail.com www.forom.com 2 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:34,436 The IT Crowd - 1x02 - Calamity Jen 3 00:00:48,601 --> 00:00:51,692 Has this... ever happened to you? 4 00:01:05,376 --> 00:01:10,129 From today, dialling 999 won't get you the emergency services. 5 00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:12,592 And that's not the only thing that's changing. 6 00:01:13,217 --> 00:01:15,851 Nicer ambulances, faster response times, 7 00:01:15,865 --> 00:01:17,505 and better looking drivers 8 00:01:17,522 --> 00:01:19,754 mean they're not just the emergency services, 9 00:01:19,785 --> 00:01:22,494 they're "your" emergency services. So... 10 00:01:22,558 --> 00:01:24,273 Remember the new number: 11 00:01:36,031 --> 00:01:37,636 That's... 12 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:52,737 Hello? I've had a bit of a tumble... 13 00:01:52,916 --> 00:01:54,865 Well that's easy to remember! 14 00:01:54,961 --> 00:02:03,616 0118 999 881 999 119 725... 15 00:02:03,699 --> 00:02:04,598 ...3! 16 00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:07,490 I don't know why they just couldn't keep it as it was! 17 00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:09,640 How hard is it to remember 911? 18 00:02:09,675 --> 00:02:11,233 - You mean 999... - I mean 999! 19 00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:13,127 - That's the American one! - Yeah! 20 00:02:13,198 --> 00:02:15,941 - You berk! - Come on, are you ready? 21 00:02:16,897 --> 00:02:18,536 I don't know what to say really it's fun... 22 00:02:18,559 --> 00:02:20,289 there are some many issues in the world, 23 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,711 They are beautiful, I love them... 24 00:02:21,722 --> 00:02:24,264 in fact they're the most beautiful shoes I've ever seen but... 25 00:02:24,298 --> 00:02:26,102 you know, I can't have everything that I love, 26 00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:28,469 otherwise I'd own lots of things, and actually they're red, 27 00:02:28,528 --> 00:02:31,630 which is quite tarty, and they don't necessarily go with any of my outfits... 28 00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:33,981 Come on you crazy bitch! 29 00:02:34,072 --> 00:02:34,874 Come on! 30 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:36,906 Come on! 31 00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:39,251 - Denholm's called the general. - Oh God, another one! 32 00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:39,840 Yeah! 33 00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:42,616 I bet he declares war on something! 34 00:02:43,076 --> 00:02:45,005 He loves declaring war! 35 00:02:46,168 --> 00:02:47,695 I am declaring... 36 00:02:47,781 --> 00:02:48,853 WAR! 37 00:02:52,482 --> 00:02:54,504 I can see that got your attention. 38 00:02:56,862 --> 00:02:58,547 What am I declaring war on? 39 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,269 My bollocks?! 40 00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:02,883 Stress! 41 00:03:04,124 --> 00:03:07,808 Stress is a disease, people, and I am a cure! 42 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,852 I'm a doctor with a cure. 43 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,444 No, no! I'm a General! And it's still a war! 44 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,225 A war on disease! 45 00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:15,303 Stress! 46 00:03:16,786 --> 00:03:18,319 There's too much stress around here. 47 00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:20,436 They're very expensive and besides, 48 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,044 the woman in the shop said they were way too small for me. 49 00:03:23,057 --> 00:03:25,214 - You see you know, be practical, go on! - In the time... 50 00:03:25,269 --> 00:03:26,496 I've been speaking, 51 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:29,671 over 18 million people have died of stress. 52 00:03:34,517 --> 00:03:35,609 That's another one. 53 00:03:36,553 --> 00:03:37,683 That's another one. 54 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,230 More... 55 00:03:40,411 --> 00:03:41,458 Mayhem! 56 00:03:41,829 --> 00:03:43,044 We gotta deal with it! 57 00:03:49,014 --> 00:03:50,709 - Are you ready to deal with it?! - Yeah! 58 00:03:50,775 --> 00:03:52,379 Say: "I hate stress!" 59 00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:53,529 - I hate stress! - No! 60 00:03:53,648 --> 00:03:54,987 You didn't let me finish. 61 00:03:55,203 --> 00:03:56,715 Say: "I hate stress..." 62 00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,367 and I want to limitate its influence in my life, 63 00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:01,656 what can I do about it? Anyone? 64 00:04:02,986 --> 00:04:03,981 Have a bath? 65 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,442 Have a bath?! 66 00:04:06,675 --> 00:04:07,850 Get a bike! 67 00:04:08,421 --> 00:04:10,603 I cycle to work... everyday! 68 00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:11,967 70 miles! 69 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,046 Both here, and here... 70 00:04:14,269 --> 00:04:16,366 are as red as a fire engine! 71 00:04:17,349 --> 00:04:18,441 Any other ideas? 72 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,248 Jen, what about you? 73 00:04:21,306 --> 00:04:22,218 Shoes! 74 00:04:22,508 --> 00:04:24,306 - What? - Shoes! 75 00:04:24,776 --> 00:04:26,379 Well, shoes... 76 00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:28,719 Ok, look! 77 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,466 I have invited Dr. Julian Holmes 78 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,083 to come and give a class at lunchtime. 79 00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:35,117 He is Europe's leading stress expert. 80 00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:37,391 They call him:" Stressperts!" 81 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,189 Anyone interested in coming along picking up 82 00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,689 a few tips on how to manage stress? 83 00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:45,459 There's a free buffet... 84 00:04:49,106 --> 00:04:49,900 Good! 85 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,680 Good people. 86 00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:53,367 Oh! By the way! 87 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,899 Anyone still experiencing stress at the end of the day... 88 00:04:56,707 --> 00:04:59,527 will be fired! 89 00:05:00,197 --> 00:05:01,362 It's not going on! 90 00:05:01,415 --> 00:05:03,738 Yeah, I think it is so. Just down angle it a bit more. 91 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,511 Are you sure you're a 5? 92 00:05:05,563 --> 00:05:07,610 - I'm not a liar. - Yeah, but I mean I can't... 93 00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:09,839 Just... just... 94 00:05:09,924 --> 00:05:11,948 I can feel the heel going into the shoe. 95 00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:13,045 Just down angle a bit more... 96 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,489 There is no angle, but I could... 97 00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:15,722 Don't let me push you away! 98 00:05:15,736 --> 00:05:17,438 Just lean in with the shoe. Lean in... 99 00:05:17,573 --> 00:05:18,727 with the shoe! 100 00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:19,524 Lean in! 101 00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:33,405 We've been here... for half an hour. 102 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,276 The shoes aren't going on! 103 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:37,352 They're two sizes too small. 104 00:05:37,485 --> 00:05:38,980 And even if they did go on, 105 00:05:39,096 --> 00:05:40,271 they would cripple you. 106 00:05:40,579 --> 00:05:42,324 You don't want that, do you? 107 00:06:00,161 --> 00:06:02,726 I myself, have been subject to some... 108 00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:06,169 terrible rages, but... Yes? 109 00:06:06,608 --> 00:06:09,978 - I'm sorry. Is this the stress class? - Oh yeah. Come on in. 110 00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:11,222 Thank you. 111 00:06:12,728 --> 00:06:14,161 Moss! 112 00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:18,988 This is in here! Moss! 113 00:06:23,593 --> 00:06:25,435 Just come in. 114 00:06:55,271 --> 00:06:56,418 Thank you. 115 00:07:11,774 --> 00:07:12,316 Ok. 116 00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:16,401 Are you all right? 117 00:07:18,893 --> 00:07:20,621 As I was saying... 118 00:07:20,811 --> 00:07:23,490 I myself have been subject to some terrible rages. 119 00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:25,067 Where I've... 120 00:07:25,164 --> 00:07:27,621 snapped at my wife, or spoken harshly 121 00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:30,192 to a work colleague, because of stress. 122 00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:34,305 If I... just... thinking about it now, I realise I'm... 123 00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:35,425 raising my voice. 124 00:07:35,881 --> 00:07:37,208 I'm sorry. 125 00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:42,158 Stress is the main cause of heart attacks. 126 00:07:42,307 --> 00:07:45,277 And even a little bit... well... 127 00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:48,706 Let me show you what stress can do. 128 00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:55,466 I'm gonna need a volunteer. 129 00:07:56,503 --> 00:07:57,778 Yes. Come on up. 130 00:08:01,385 --> 00:08:04,364 That's fine. Can I have your left hand there? The back? 131 00:08:04,434 --> 00:08:06,018 And just relax there. 132 00:08:06,249 --> 00:08:08,986 I'm gonna ask you a very personal question. 133 00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:11,471 There we are, you see? 134 00:08:11,813 --> 00:08:13,534 Sorry, I'm not gonna ask you anything at all. 135 00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:15,740 That's just to show how little is needed 136 00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:17,890 to send downstress levels shooting up. 137 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,360 Just a simple statement like that 138 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,346 is registered very strongly on the display. 139 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,815 - Yes, another volunteer? - Yeah. 140 00:08:22,992 --> 00:08:23,531 Ok. 141 00:08:23,612 --> 00:08:24,772 I'll have... just this off. 142 00:08:27,151 --> 00:08:29,639 Ah! There it goes! Yes, raise up! 143 00:08:29,687 --> 00:08:31,588 Look at that! Brilliant! 144 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:35,136 Brilliant, excellent! It's a super machine! 145 00:08:42,202 --> 00:08:43,827 Wow, great shoes! 146 00:08:43,926 --> 00:08:44,995 Thank you very much. 147 00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,477 I really envy women with dainty feet. 148 00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:49,948 What are you? A five? 149 00:08:50,409 --> 00:08:52,763 Yeah! Five... 150 00:08:55,873 --> 00:09:00,025 Well, just a little misunderstanding there I imagine. So... 151 00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:02,014 - Huh let's move on... with... - Wow! 152 00:09:02,257 --> 00:09:04,796 I actually haven't had a proper go yet. 153 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,426 Well, I don't need attach... can't, what's happened there... 154 00:09:07,479 --> 00:09:09,196 Actually, I don't think that's fair... 155 00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:10,394 I would like a go, and I think 156 00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:13,038 Roy should be punished for nearly killing that lady. 157 00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:15,042 Well, I think I should go first! 158 00:09:15,049 --> 00:09:16,110 I see, well let's move on... 159 00:09:16,124 --> 00:09:17,851 - When did you grow a bit? - A little go. 160 00:09:17,878 --> 00:09:19,820 - We gotta move on... - And I think we could... 161 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,096 Can we just move on? 162 00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:23,114 You're old ? Are you very old? 163 00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,216 Let's move on! 164 00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:27,296 Oh! Shut up! 165 00:09:31,517 --> 00:09:32,589 What are you eating? 166 00:09:32,831 --> 00:09:33,850 Muffin. 167 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,751 A muffin? How can you be hungry, 168 00:09:35,779 --> 00:09:37,834 you ate a whole chicken at the stress buffet! 169 00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:40,027 What's that? 170 00:09:40,331 --> 00:09:42,015 Oh, I've made a stress machine 171 00:09:42,043 --> 00:09:44,641 to try out for myself, like the one in that class. 172 00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:45,738 Watch this. 173 00:09:46,605 --> 00:09:49,686 I'm going to ask myself a very personal question. 174 00:09:52,737 --> 00:09:56,262 Don't worry, I'm not really going to ask myself any questions. 175 00:09:57,802 --> 00:09:59,026 Pretty good. 176 00:09:59,111 --> 00:10:01,947 Not as good as the one in the stress class. 177 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,469 The shoes! 178 00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:28,029 What was all that about? 179 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,897 Well, like all the women, she's shoe mad! 180 00:10:30,936 --> 00:10:32,457 It's a bit sexist, isn't it? 181 00:10:32,629 --> 00:10:35,032 Do you know one woman who isn't obsessed with shoes? 182 00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,053 No, but I only know one woman. 183 00:10:37,226 --> 00:10:40,381 And she just left the room shouting: "the shoes!". 184 00:11:01,757 --> 00:11:04,439 The needle's freaking out! 185 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,260 Try not to hurt yourself! 186 00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:15,975 - Moss? - Huh? 187 00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:19,182 Did you use a soldering iron to make that stress machine? 188 00:11:19,226 --> 00:11:19,962 Yes. 189 00:11:20,332 --> 00:11:21,536 You turned it off? 190 00:11:21,626 --> 00:11:23,804 Oh I'm fairly sure I did! 191 00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:29,128 Because, you remember what happened last time, right? 192 00:11:29,196 --> 00:11:31,032 Yes! That was very funny! 193 00:11:31,049 --> 00:11:32,363 Well no! No. 194 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,141 It was very dangerous and someone nearly died! 195 00:11:37,002 --> 00:11:38,304 Right! No! Yeah! 196 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,227 I was thinking of a different incident. The one on the golf course. 197 00:11:41,616 --> 00:11:42,605 What? 198 00:11:43,382 --> 00:11:45,428 I'm talking about the fire! 199 00:11:45,492 --> 00:11:49,230 Oh yeah, fire sorry! I always get mixed up between golf and fire. 200 00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:52,315 - Just make sure it's off! - It is off. 201 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,260 I think. 202 00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,477 - Well just make sure it is. - I will make sure it is. 203 00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:58,945 And if it's already off... 204 00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:04,195 I'll just walk away! 205 00:12:06,948 --> 00:12:11,410 Will he get off my back! What is he? The soldering iron police? 206 00:12:14,075 --> 00:12:15,897 It's off... 207 00:12:16,062 --> 00:12:18,564 that means I turn it... on... 208 00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:20,882 and just walk away! 209 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,174 Oh four! I mean five! 210 00:12:49,258 --> 00:12:50,443 I mean fire! 211 00:13:00,163 --> 00:13:02,555 Now let's see what we have here. 212 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,212 "Stand upright." 213 00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:08,181 Now, I can't read it... 214 00:13:08,691 --> 00:13:09,846 Oh, not me! 215 00:13:10,017 --> 00:13:12,210 I am a giddy-goat! 216 00:13:13,716 --> 00:13:14,584 Okay. 217 00:13:14,851 --> 00:13:16,752 "Remove safety clip." 218 00:13:18,359 --> 00:13:20,712 - Don't look at my feet! - Fire? 219 00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:22,434 Fire... 220 00:13:23,253 --> 00:13:23,841 No...? 221 00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:28,152 "Aim nozzle at base of fire." 222 00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:35,701 Oh, that is typical! 223 00:13:37,445 --> 00:13:38,984 Why has it done that? 224 00:13:39,098 --> 00:13:41,109 "Made in Britain" 225 00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:51,674 I'll just put this over here, with the rest... 226 00:13:51,936 --> 00:13:53,314 of the fire. 227 00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:02,453 011 53... No. 228 00:14:02,661 --> 00:14:04,712 011 huh... 229 00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:09,136 0118 999... 230 00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:13,188 ...3! 231 00:14:14,403 --> 00:14:17,209 Hello? Is this the emergency services? 232 00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:20,142 Then which country am I speaking to? 233 00:14:20,447 --> 00:14:22,463 Hello? Hello? 234 00:14:24,387 --> 00:14:25,741 I know! Yep. 235 00:14:27,296 --> 00:14:28,260 O kay. 236 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,434 "Subject:..." 237 00:14:30,639 --> 00:14:31,747 "...fire!" 238 00:14:31,932 --> 00:14:33,860 "Dear Sir", stroke, "Madam." 239 00:14:33,898 --> 00:14:36,069 "I'm writing to inform you of a fire 240 00:14:36,096 --> 00:14:38,109 "which has broken out at the premises of..." 241 00:14:38,198 --> 00:14:39,570 No. That's too formal. 242 00:14:43,906 --> 00:14:46,204 "Dear Sir", stroke, "Madam." 243 00:14:46,483 --> 00:14:48,797 "Fire!", exclamation mark. 244 00:14:49,092 --> 00:14:51,505 "Fire!", exclamation mark. 245 00:14:51,652 --> 00:14:54,156 "Help me!', exclamation mark. 246 00:14:54,285 --> 00:14:56,644 "123, Carendon road." 247 00:14:56,823 --> 00:14:59,131 "Looking forward to hearing from you." 248 00:14:59,403 --> 00:15:02,136 "All the best, Maurice Moss." 249 00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:10,095 What are you wearing size 5 shoes for, woman? You're at least an 8! 250 00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:10,962 Eight? 251 00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:12,224 How dare you?! 252 00:15:12,276 --> 00:15:14,981 That foot is completely mangled. 253 00:15:15,387 --> 00:15:17,438 And the other one's even worse. 254 00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:19,404 You're not wearing these again. 255 00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:21,744 But I threw away my other shoes, 256 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,001 what am I supposed to wear? 257 00:15:35,749 --> 00:15:38,159 Hello! Hello! 258 00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:41,185 Do you remember me? Can I have a go in your machine now? 259 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,071 - Oh hello again! - Oh hi! 260 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:09,801 Please thank Yamamoto San for this fine ceremonial sword. 261 00:16:09,971 --> 00:16:12,713 It is a magnificent symbol of our new merger. 262 00:16:15,695 --> 00:16:17,254 I am sorry that my gift... 263 00:16:17,402 --> 00:16:19,207 a huge pair of Doc' Martins, 264 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,018 is extremely thick and heavy sorts. 265 00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:24,374 It's so poultry in comparison. 266 00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:30,645 Please rest assured that my cultural advisor will be fired 267 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,569 as soon as this meeting is over. 268 00:16:42,371 --> 00:16:44,394 - These are very heavy shoes. - Yes. 269 00:16:48,004 --> 00:16:49,912 He feels like... Godzilla! 270 00:16:50,764 --> 00:16:51,504 Does he? 271 00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:52,280 Godzilla! 272 00:16:52,314 --> 00:16:54,146 Go on! Stamp your feet! 273 00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:55,596 Clap him man! 274 00:16:55,688 --> 00:16:56,436 Good! 275 00:16:57,753 --> 00:16:59,261 Oh yeah! Godzilla loves it ! 276 00:16:59,303 --> 00:17:01,929 Go on! Break something! 277 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,800 Put your weight into it! 278 00:17:09,751 --> 00:17:12,075 You f...... idiot!! 279 00:17:13,851 --> 00:17:15,334 You stupid old f....... 280 00:17:15,764 --> 00:17:17,395 You f....... J.......... 281 00:17:17,602 --> 00:17:20,334 and your big m.... shoes! 282 00:17:20,592 --> 00:17:25,605 Oh you're not! You're nothing! But I f... .... 283 00:17:51,464 --> 00:17:55,766 - I am... so... sorry, Denholm. - That was quite a tarring Jen. 284 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,617 It would have been even worse 285 00:17:57,653 --> 00:18:00,221 if Paul hadn't been so quick on the profanity buzzer. 286 00:18:00,974 --> 00:18:01,972 Well done, Paul! 287 00:18:02,007 --> 00:18:03,751 You're back on the payroll. 288 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,878 As for you... you're fucked up! 289 00:18:06,883 --> 00:18:08,801 Shouting at Japs! Mad feet! 290 00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:10,787 Both classic signs of stress! 291 00:18:10,845 --> 00:18:12,741 And you know how I feel about stress... 292 00:18:13,215 --> 00:18:15,269 Go to your office, and wait for me. 293 00:18:26,032 --> 00:18:29,320 Weirdest thing just happened... Fire! 294 00:18:29,621 --> 00:18:30,806 Fire! 295 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,719 I've sent an e-mail. It's fine! 296 00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:35,485 An e-mail?! It's a fire! Where... 297 00:18:36,403 --> 00:18:38,364 Where is the precinct extinguisher ? 298 00:18:41,916 --> 00:18:46,012 - Made in Britain! - This is just like the golf incident! 299 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,201 You mean the fire incident? 300 00:18:47,217 --> 00:18:49,512 I mean the fire incident! Of course I mean the fire incident! 301 00:18:49,536 --> 00:18:50,524 What have you got there? 302 00:18:50,558 --> 00:18:52,036 Oh I'm in trouble! I'm in real trouble! 303 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,979 Help me get my shoes on! I gotta get my shoes on! 304 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:55,767 Help me get my shoes on before Denholm comes! 305 00:18:55,795 --> 00:18:56,953 - Denholm's coming? - Yeah. 306 00:18:56,964 --> 00:18:58,701 And he's got a... fire! Fire! Fire! 307 00:18:59,607 --> 00:19:02,083 I've taken care of it. 308 00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:04,543 I have to say I feel a little bit insulted 309 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,509 by the lack of faith you both display. 310 00:19:06,532 --> 00:19:08,196 What happened to your feet? 311 00:19:08,222 --> 00:19:09,013 What is this? 312 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,657 I think a fire in the office 313 00:19:10,703 --> 00:19:13,312 demands a little more attention than my feet, don't you? 314 00:19:13,329 --> 00:19:15,376 How... how did you get the stress machine Roy? 315 00:19:15,464 --> 00:19:17,386 I... don't really know. 316 00:19:17,503 --> 00:19:20,452 Met Dr. Holmes by the lift. 317 00:19:20,529 --> 00:19:22,838 Wasn't he nice? I thought he was a lovely man. 318 00:19:22,863 --> 00:19:24,472 Yes I thought he was a delight. 319 00:19:24,556 --> 00:19:29,659 But I met him there by the lift, and he just went... mental! 320 00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:34,766 And one thing led to another and I just... stole it! 321 00:19:35,176 --> 00:19:37,475 - You stole it... - Yeah! 322 00:19:38,078 --> 00:19:39,795 But that's stealing! 323 00:19:40,616 --> 00:19:41,423 Yeah! 324 00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:44,644 Didn't know what a stress machine was this morning and now we have 2 of them. 325 00:19:44,702 --> 00:19:46,880 I hate to remind everyone but 326 00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:48,133 I've just destroyed a merger 327 00:19:48,134 --> 00:19:50,113 that probably took hundreds of years to set up, 328 00:19:50,209 --> 00:19:52,707 the office is on fire, Denholm is furious, so 329 00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:54,770 could we please concentrate on what's important, 330 00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:57,198 and help me out with my shoes! 331 00:19:57,298 --> 00:19:58,890 That could get you into trouble! 332 00:19:59,808 --> 00:20:00,914 Empty! 333 00:20:02,637 --> 00:20:03,964 Got a little bit there! 334 00:20:04,654 --> 00:20:07,070 Oh quick! No, no! Quick, no! 335 00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,734 These are a size 5... 336 00:20:08,869 --> 00:20:10,607 What are you, eight and a half? 337 00:20:10,671 --> 00:20:11,860 Shut up! 338 00:20:12,032 --> 00:20:13,582 - Come on! - I'm pushing! 339 00:20:13,619 --> 00:20:15,438 Push it! Oh don't let me push you away! 340 00:20:15,445 --> 00:20:17,342 - Is it in? - Come on! 341 00:20:17,386 --> 00:20:19,050 Push hard guy! 342 00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,313 The heel went right through! 343 00:20:23,329 --> 00:20:25,555 Oh my God it hurts so much! 344 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,119 - Oh now, I'm bleeding! - Jen! 345 00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:31,420 - Where are you Jen? - It's Denholm! 346 00:20:31,528 --> 00:20:32,588 What? 347 00:20:33,452 --> 00:20:35,290 Hide the stress machine! 348 00:20:35,373 --> 00:20:37,923 The stress machine? What about the fire?! 349 00:20:37,963 --> 00:20:40,188 Ok! Put the stress machine in Jen's room! 350 00:20:40,203 --> 00:20:42,142 - He'll never go in there! - But what if he does? 351 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,871 It doesn't matter! He won't know what it is! 352 00:20:43,936 --> 00:20:45,664 I can't go to prison Roy! 353 00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:47,491 They'll rape the flip out of me! 354 00:20:51,394 --> 00:20:53,122 You! Stall him by the door! 355 00:20:53,154 --> 00:20:54,703 I stall... How? 356 00:20:54,765 --> 00:20:56,441 I don't know! Use your womanly ways! 357 00:20:56,508 --> 00:20:59,187 Ok Moss! Pass me that monitor screen. The broken one. 358 00:21:02,257 --> 00:21:03,284 There you are! 359 00:21:03,951 --> 00:21:04,794 Hello there! 360 00:21:04,913 --> 00:21:07,213 It's no use being womanly with me Jen! 361 00:21:07,541 --> 00:21:08,974 You're in big trouble! 362 00:21:10,881 --> 00:21:11,802 Nice screensaver! 363 00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:16,091 Thank you. 364 00:21:20,395 --> 00:21:21,674 A stress machine! 365 00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:23,302 Just what we need! 366 00:21:23,861 --> 00:21:25,230 Roll up your sleeves, Jen. 367 00:21:25,406 --> 00:21:26,602 Let's get this over with. 368 00:21:29,208 --> 00:21:31,807 It's a one way ticket to slammer town for us Roy. 369 00:21:31,862 --> 00:21:33,403 With no return ticket! 370 00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:39,524 I really am losing quite a lot of blood! 371 00:21:39,677 --> 00:21:41,469 You understand this is your last chance? 372 00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:43,090 If the needle goes beyond here... 373 00:21:43,222 --> 00:21:44,494 you will be fired! 374 00:21:45,412 --> 00:21:47,015 Does that make you feel stressed? 375 00:21:47,425 --> 00:21:49,153 Jen! Does it? 376 00:21:49,369 --> 00:21:50,709 No? Are you sure? 377 00:21:50,872 --> 00:21:51,757 Are you sure? 378 00:21:52,130 --> 00:21:53,077 Are you sure? 379 00:21:53,316 --> 00:21:54,148 Are you sure? 380 00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:55,333 Are you sure? 381 00:21:55,669 --> 00:21:56,590 Are you sure? 382 00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:57,784 Are you sure? 383 00:21:58,092 --> 00:21:59,074 Are you sure? 384 00:21:59,254 --> 00:22:00,208 Are you sure? 385 00:22:00,443 --> 00:22:01,576 Are you sure? 386 00:22:01,673 --> 00:22:02,696 Are you sure? 387 00:22:02,903 --> 00:22:03,885 Are you sure? 388 00:22:03,982 --> 00:22:05,502 I'll level with you Roy. 389 00:22:05,572 --> 00:22:08,185 I don't think I'd flourish in a prison environment. 390 00:22:10,081 --> 00:22:11,874 Could I try on your new glasses? 391 00:22:13,192 --> 00:22:14,574 See this balloon, Jen? 392 00:22:15,044 --> 00:22:16,454 I'm gonna burst it. 393 00:22:16,648 --> 00:22:18,155 But I'm not gonna tell you when... 394 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,095 Do you feel stressed Jen? Jen? Jen? 395 00:22:22,228 --> 00:22:23,144 Look at that! 396 00:22:24,660 --> 00:22:26,005 That's your peace of mind! 397 00:22:26,102 --> 00:22:27,421 And it's gonna go bang! 398 00:22:28,553 --> 00:22:30,287 Do you feel stress now, Jen? 399 00:22:30,405 --> 00:22:30,892 Jen! 400 00:22:32,743 --> 00:22:36,130 Jen! Jen! Do you?! 401 00:22:37,705 --> 00:22:38,950 Evidently not. 402 00:22:40,332 --> 00:22:41,905 Well done Jen! 403 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:44,289 You're not being fired by me... 404 00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:45,966 at this precise moment. 405 00:22:51,115 --> 00:22:54,028 I love the way the smoke seems to be coming off the top of it. 406 00:22:56,573 --> 00:22:57,934 Just a second... 407 00:23:00,483 --> 00:23:01,844 I'm late for golf! 408 00:23:09,114 --> 00:23:11,341 I wonder why it didn't work... 409 00:23:12,928 --> 00:23:15,291 "Made In Britain" 410 00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:19,980 I don't know if it's the loss of blood 411 00:23:20,001 --> 00:23:24,011 or the melting plastic from the monitor but I feel great! 412 00:23:26,646 --> 00:23:30,534 It's so ironic but this entire situation has been quite stressful. 413 00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:33,624 I'll get help... 414 00:23:36,695 --> 00:23:39,315 You sent an e-mail about a fire? 28536

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