All language subtitles for White.Coats.2004.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] eng

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♪♪

Man's voice:
This is St. Albert's.

It's a teaching hospital
where interns learn
to become doctors.

It's also
the worst run hospital
in the medical system.

And it's where I got posted
for the final year
of my internship.

It wasn't my first choice
for clinical rotation,

or even my second.

In fact, no one would choose
a rotation at St. Albert's.

Woman over P.A.:
Dr. Kuzinski, report to ER.
Dr. Kuzinski.

- What have we got guys?
- ( laughing )

Okay, enough,
all right? Stop.

Sir, calm down.
You're at St. Albert's.
You're in good hands now.

Man #2:
All right, Whitecoats,
stay close.

You'll spend the third year
of your clinical internship

rotating in intervals
starting here in E.R...

Man:
That's Dr. Olson.

He's the one who decides
whether we pass or fail.

...Orthopedics,
and finally, ob/gyn,

but not necessarily
in that order.

Remember, failure
or dropout rate is 50%.

So take a look
around you.

Either you or the person
next to you

will never become
a doctor.

Man:
That's me-- Mike Bonnert,
the guy with the glasses,

doing my best to stay out
of the line of fire.

Mr. Bonnert, what is
the non-surgical alternative

to c.a.b.g. Surgery?

Well, um,
I guess drugs...

Uh, sotatol to lower
the blood pressure.

Wrong.
The correct answer is

percutaneous transluminal
coronary angioplasty,
or p.t.c.a.

- Yes.
- I'm surprised you didn't
know that, Mr. Bonnert.

I guess having
two distinguished doctors
as parents

is no guarantee
that you will become one.

I'm pleased
to mark you down
with an F for today.

- Okay.
- Moving on.

- Okay.
- Hey, how are you doin'?

- Super.
- Well, you look fantastic.

Ass.

Anyone care
to enlighten us?
Mr. Dodd.

Do a blood and urine workup

and then run it
through the lab for
possible infection.

Wrong. The patient
could be dead

before the results
come back from the lab.

Well, that sounds
like an administrative
problem to me.

The only administrative
problem we have at
this hospital

is admitting interns
with no knowledge whatsoever.

I'm pleased to mark
you down with an F
for the day, Mr. Dodd.

I aim to please.

Anyone else have
an answer for me? Yes.

Pressure test,
right side.

Check for rebound tenderness,
periumbilical radiating
off the right side

for possible
inflamed appendix.

Very good, Miss Towers.

Moving on.

So isn't anyone
gonna pressure test
my... Whatever?

All right.
Burn victim,
second degree.

I need a definition,
please.

Miss Lee.

Yes, sir.
In second-degree burns,

the epidermis and part
of the dermis are damaged,

producing blisters
and mild-to-moderate
edema and pain.

- All right, and treatment?
- Local anti-infectives,

topical steroids
to reduce inflammation,

- Astringents to
shrink tissues--
- No.

That might be plausible
in a textbook from the 1930s,

but we're in
the new millennium,

and I have
a burned man in a bed,

so I need another answer.

- Yes.
- You bathe the skin
with saline,

and you dress
with a wet gauze.

Very good,
Mr. Thomas, is it?

All right, moving on.

How did you know that?

You see, there's a book,
and then there's the street.

Now, you've got to know
the book, but the book's
no good without the street.

You know what I mean?

Okay, thanks.

Bed just opened up
on two for mrs. Henderson.

- could you move her up?
- I was just gonna give her
a sponge bath.

That's fine.
Give her a bath,
then move her.

I could use a little
sponge bath myself.

Knock yourself out.

All right, Whitecoats,
moving on.

Let's take a look
at what we got here.

Okay. Oh...

At a trauma center
like St. Al's,

where we offer
emergency care,

we seem to spend
a disproportionate
amount of our time

removing things
from people's rectums.

And I'm talking
about everything

from pen-like flashlights
to weird sex toys,

and even live animals.

And most ridiculous of all,
these patients will look
you right in the eye

and tell you they have no idea
how the object got there.

- Who are all these people?
- They're interns studying
to become doctors.

Okay, let's take a look
at what we got here.

( all laughing )

Stop it!
All right, stop it!

All right? Shame on you
for laughing at me

for accidentally sitting
on a child's toy.

Okay, I need recommendations
for removal of the object.

- Lube-J Jelly.
- That's a good way
of getting it in,

but not necessarily a good
way of getting it out.

- Anyone else? Yes.
- Start by getting x-rays
to check the position.

Very good.
X-rays have been taken.

- Let's take a look.
- ( snickering )

Okay, we have
one doll here

lodged in the
sigmoid colon.

Recommendations
for removal-- anybody.

That is not any doll,
that's malibu mindy.

Why don't we shove
a pink corvette up there?

She can drive
herself out.

Olson:
Okay, let's keep
on track here.

Recommendations for removal
of the object. Yes.

Possibly, the doll
can be safely removed
if we inflate the colon.

Wrong-- The colon
is not a closed system.

We'd never get a seal
around the sphincter

with the doll's legs
protruding as they are,
anyone else?

We could use some forceps
to push the doll's arms up
over its head,

- and then we could
pull it out.
- No no no no!

- Don't-don't do that.
- I think you got your answer
from the patient there,

Mr. Bonnert.

Don't I have a single doctor
in this group to give me
an answer?

The only way to safely
remove the doll

is to anesthetize
the patient,

lubricate,
insert a clamp,

pin the doll's arms
to its side,

slide it out,
then do a sigmoidoscopy
to check for damage.

Very good answer,
but unfortunately,

it took too long
to get to it.

So I am pleased
to mark you all down
with an F here today.

Okay, we'll have someone
come and take you to O.R.
In about 15 minutes.

- Woman: Dr. Olson?
- Yeah.

The patient's wife
and daughter are here.

Oh god, no!
You can't let them
see me like this!

Tell them he's already
gone up to O.R.

You got it.

Moving on.

( sighs )

Wow, he actually showed
some compassion there.

Hmm, maybe he's not
such a bad guy after all.

He is a bad guy--
we all got F's.

Maybe he just has
a soft spot for people who
stick things in their asses.

Yeah, if that's what it takes
to get an a around here,

pass the Lube-J Jelly.

By the way, I really liked
your suggestion

of aggressive use
of petroleum jelly.

I would love
to hear more about
your application technique.

Maybe I should show
you sometime.

Really?
How about Friday night?

How about tonight?

Okay.

Mrs. Kelly, I just
wanted to let you know

that your husband's
in surgery now.

Is he gonna be
all right?

Yeah, fine.

Don't worry about your dad,
little girl.

- He's just gonna be fine.
- I think she's more upset

because she lost
her favorite doll.

Yeah well,
sometimes these things
never come back.

It worked
when it was here.

I personally supervised
the removal of that machine

when your guys
picked it up.

So if it's broken,
it happened somewhere
on your end.

Well, you do what you
gotta do, but you're not
getting that money back.

Color those
greenbacks gone.

John, I value
your friendship

and I'm sorry you feel
it has to end over this.

That's your decision.
Anyway, give my regards
to marge.

All right.

Stupid bastard.

Broke the M.R.I. machine.
Now he wants his money back.

- The one from D wing?
- Yeah.

I thought you finally sent
that out to get it fixed.

( chuckles )
Caveat emptor--
buyer beware.

After overhearing that,
I don't suppose there's
any point at all

in asking where
the x-ray machines
from the third floor are.

Well, you can ask
and I'm happy to tell you.

They went
to Moline, Illinois.

I think
they'll be very comfy
in their new lives

at the little
Sunnyside clinic.

How the hell are we supposed
to do our jobs around here

with you selling
this hospital off
one wing at a time?

Why don't you do your jobs
with the eight wings
we've got left?

You can thank the people
in Moline, Illinois, for
paying your salary.

You know,
I don't get it.

St. Albert pays
the lowest salaries
in the medical system,

the cheapest supplies
and every bed is full.

How could we not
be making money?

Take a look around you.
Hospitals are closing
all over the country.

The healthcare system
is collapsing!

I've got
a Board of Trustees here--
I've got eight of them

that would flip this place
for real estate tomorrow.

I gotta find more things
to sell to make next
month's payroll.

I'm single-handedly keeping
this place alive, Omar.

Well, I guess if I wake up
packed in ice,

I'll know
you sold my kidneys
to the indonesians.

You're giving me
an idea.

Yo, Mitzi, Mitzi.

What happened to you
last night? I thought
we were gonna go out.

- I had to work.
- What, here at the hospital?

Uh, look, I don't
have a lot of time
to answer questions,

so come here.

Woman over P.A.:
Dr. Mike hunt
to ob/gyn.

Dr. Mike Hunt
to ob/gyn.

( moaning )

So can I take you out
for dinner or something?

Mm, I don't have time,
but I hope that's okay.

Yeah.

Well, that was
a new record.

Yeah. This place
is awesome!

Mike:
By the beginning
of the second day,

Dale Dodd was
on a first-name basis

with just about
every female in the hospital.

Hello.

But he was
the exception.

Most of us interns were still
getting to know each other.

What are you gonna
specialize in?

Dermatology, I think.

But it's not really
my passion.

What is
your passion then?

Well, I just love
cutting people up,

taking them apart
to see how they work--

the tissues, the nerves,
the bones.

Okay, thank you for sharing
your deepest, darkest
thoughts with us.

- Sure.
- What about you?

I want to be
a cardiac surgeon,

to be able to walk
into a waiting room after
open-heart surgery and say,

"It was tough,
but he's gonna make it."

I can feel that power.

The money's
not bad either.

Well, there is the money.

And that's exactly why
I'm going into dermatology.

My parents consider it
bad luck to be poor.

My name is

Dr. Roget Tony Toussant!

But you can
call me Tony.

Now today,

what we are going to
concentrate on

is learning how
to identify cell samples.

I think that one of
the best cell samples

we can use are
from our own mouths.

Now why do you think
I think that?

Because the hospital
doesn't have any money
for real specimens.

No no, that's wrong.
Who else? Yes.

Because the mouth is
the filthiest place
on the human body.

Exactly!
The mouth is filthy,

disgusting cells
and bacteria,

rife with all sorts
of viral bacteria--

whatever.
It's very bad,
but good for us

because that is why
we take

from the inside
of the mouth, okay?

What we do now is
we take the swab.

Everyone take one.
Take a swab.

And swab it around
in your mouth.

In your mouth,
right in your mouth.

Your own, yes.
Don't do your friend.

No, you do yourself.

- Okay, now.
- Dr. Toussant?

- Tony?
- Yes.

Yes!

I'm having trouble
identifying a cell here.

All right now,
your name is...

Misty-- Misty.

- Mitzi.
- Okay.

Oh, that is very strange.

That is very strange,
indeed.

That is a sperm cell.

Now what would
a sperm cell

be doing
in your mouth?

Uh, I have
the glove on.

Let me see
just to verify.

No, just--
I just want to confirm--

that is very strange.

Come look, look.

Everyone, come look
and see the sperm cell

inside misty's mouth.

Come, look look,
please.

Yes.

Do you have
any St. John's wort tea?

- Man: No, I'm sorry.
- ( gasps )

Oh my god,
that's Dr. Whiteside,
the cardiac surgeon.

How do I look?

Well, I wouldn't
kick you out of bed
for cutting the cheese.

Wait--

- Dr. Whiteside.
- Yes?

Hi, I'm Mira Towers.
I'm a huge fan of your work.

Well, so am I.
So am I.

Your article in
"The Journal of Medicine"

on the limitations
of the raz procedure
for older patients

requiring a valve
replacement was--

was what?

Way ahead
of its time.

Yes, that has always been
one of my shortcomings,

being ahead
of my time.

Well, I just hope
I get the opportunity
to work with you

when I become
a cardiac surgeon.

( laughs )
Yeah yeah, okay.

What's so funny?

Well, in the history
of St. Al's,

there's never been
a practicing female
cardiac surgeon,

and with good reason.

Well, you keep
plugging away

and maybe you'll
be the one who gets lucky.

If not, you'll probably
be able to marry one.

I mean,
you're a pretty girl.

That is the most disgusting
chauvinistic thing
I've ever heard!

Yeah, hold that thought,
would you?

There's a guy down there
I've been trying to make
golf plans with for weeks.

Uh, that'll be
29.72, please.

I'm not hungry!

I wonder if after we've been
doing this awhile

we'll be as mean and jaded
as Dr. Whiteside

and the rest of the doctors
around here.

Whoa, Mira,
sit down, sit down.

- No, I'm fine.
- No no, please, sit down.

You look like
you're upset.

It's the gentlemanly
thing to do. I have
to do it, please.

- Damn Whiteside.
- Who the hell's Whiteside?

He's the dickhead
Mira was talking to in line.

He's also the head
cardiac surgeon.

Yeah, he was mean
to Mira.

He was mean to you?

Did he say something
to hurt you?

Did he embarrass you?

Point him out to me,
I'm gonna kick his ass!
Point him out!

He's right there,
Marlon.

I'm gonna go
kick his ass.

No no,
you can't do that.

Yes, I can
and I will!

I gotta do it.

- Dr. Denton Whiteside?
- Yes.

( loudly )
You think you could
push people around?

( quietly )
Well, you can.

( loudly )
You think you're
some sort of hotshot?

( quietly )
Well, you are.

Do you understand me?
I just want everyone
to know that.

You're the best.

Maybe you should
go sit down.

Yeah.

Don't you forget
what I said, man.

Gee, Marlon,
I'm really impressed.

That was really sweet of you
to stick up for me like that.

Yeah, it was.
When someone messes
with one of my bitches,

that's what happens--
ass gets kicked!

I wouldn't mind being
one of your bitches.

Mike, you're
everybody's bitch.

Hi.

Okay, so the results
of your pregnancy test
came back positive.

Are you sure that you're
not sexually active?

- Sexually active?
- Yeah.

No, sir,
I just lie there.

Well, do you know
who the father is?

No, who?

Uh...

Dale?

Aren't you supposed
to be assisting in
surgery right now?

Shit!

Okay, little
pregnant girl.

Ah...
Let's have a chat.

Okay, let's get
sternal wire and driver.

( monitor beeping )

There's an arrhythmia
on his e.k.g.

That's within normal range.
I'm gonna need some help here.

Oh, I can wire
a sternum.

No, I'll wire
the sternum.

Mr. Bonnert,
perhaps you can help me?

- Yeah, what do you
want me to do?
- Hold this, please.

Dr. Whiteside,
you should really
look at his e.k.g.

Oh, would you shut up?

You know, I've done over
1,000 valve replacements.

I really
don't need an intern
telling me what to do.

- Will you hold that
a little tighter, please?
- Sure.

Okay, not so tight!

Okay, that's good.

All right.
Now then, I'm gonna
need some clippers.

- Perhaps you can get those.
- e.k.g. Is v-fib.

- That's not possible.
- Cardiac arrest.

Son of a bitch!
All right, we're gonna
have to open him up.

Zap him!
Defibrillator!
Spreaders!

Xylocaine now.

- Where is the defibrillator?
- It's coming, sir.

I need it now!

- All right.
- ( grunts )

All right,
now clear.

- Hit it!
- ( electricity zapping )

Take it up to 20
and hit it!

25-- hit it!

30-- Hit it!

- No response.
- Have you tried
dopamine and adrenaline?

I've given him
everything I can.

All right, you're not
gonna die on me yet,
you son of a bitch.

- All right, hit it!
- ( pounding )

Hit it! Hit it!

Dr. Whiteside,
he's gone.

You don't decide
if he's gone!

Nor you or you or you,
you son of a bitch!

( instruments clatter )

What happened?
You replaced the valve.
You connected him back up.

It's statistics,
Mr. Bonnert.

The stats in this procedure
are one in 100.

I tend to do
a little better than that--
about one in 500.

But unfortunately
for this poor bastard,
today his number came up.

Yeah, but isn't there
anything that we can do?

Yes, you can go
down to the waiting room
and tell the family.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

No, are you kidding?
He's not even my patient, sir.

You assisted in this operation.
That makes him your patient.

I think this would be good
practice for you, Mr. Bonnert.

Hi.

Are you the intern
that was supposed
to be assisting today?

- Yeah. See, what happened--
- What's your name?

What is your name?
I want your name.

- Dale--
- Your full name. I'm not
asking you out on a date.

- I wanna know your name.
- It's Dale...

- Dale...
- ...Dodd.

- Dale Dodd!
- Yeah.

Well, Dale Dodd,
you have earned the right
to clean up around here.

So why don't you sew
him up and get him ready
for the morgue?

And, Mr. Bonnert,
what are you still
doing here?

Shouldn't you be
down in the waiting room

giving the family
the good news?

Right.

Shit!

No no no.

Where did you go,
you son of a bitch?

Oh no.

Where are you,
you little suction cup?

Don't do this to me,
not today.

Bitch, where are you?

- Oh fuck!
- ( monitor beeping )

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

He's got a heartbeat.
What did you do?

- I didn't do anything--
- You must have done something.
He was dead.

Well, maybe I willed him
back to life.

- What happened?
- He did it.

- Did what?
- I brought him
back to life.

I dropped this thing
in here,

and his heart started.
It was awesome!

Who the hell are you
to play God with my patient?

What do you want to do?

Someone's gonna
have to get down there

and stop that squirrely kid
from telling the family.

That'll be you. Go.
Go go go! Go.

Are you gonna
close him up?

No, I think we'd better
monitor him for a little while.

You know, I'm part
of a foursome that's
teeing off in about an hour.

But I guess that
doesn't matter to you,
does it, Lazarus, huh?

( melancholy music
playing )

I'm sorry, folks.

He didn't make it.

Woman:
No! No!

It's okay,
it's okay.

No... No.

- ( tapping )
- ( music stops )

I'll be right back.

( silent )

( music resumes )

Sorry, folks.
I got the wrong family.

( crying )

( music stops )

I'll be right back.

( music resumes )

I'm sorry, folks.

Oh no.

- Mike, stop talking.
- Dale, it's okay.

I've got the right family
this time. I'm sorry,
folks, he's dead.

- No, he's alive.
- Do not make their pain
any worse.

I saw his heart stop
with my own two eyes.

Yeah, but then
it started again.
I dropped this thing

in his chest and then
the heart started beating.
It was awesome.

- What?
- We wanna listen
to this guy.

Ahem, excuse me,
gentlemen.

Hello, I'm Dr. Whiteside,
the head of cardiology.

And I just want
to let you know that...

Roger is
going to be fine.

We expect
a full recovery.

And my office will call
to schedule with follow-up.

You son of a bitch!
You got no right to be
working in a hospital.

You got a sick sick
sense of humor.

- ( clangs )
- I hope you burn
in hell, buddy!

I'm gonna try to validate
everyone's parking.

- Woman: You asshole!
- Oh.

Mike:
By the second month

the teaching structure
at St. Al's really started
to fall apart.

Woman over P.A.:
Dr. Dick to f33,
Dr. Harry Dick.

Cynthia:
Okay, listen up, kids.

Dr. Walters was supposed
to take you around today,

but he's out dealing
with some tax difficulties.

So I have
your assignments.

We're gonna put you
in groups of two here:

Towers and Lee,
you're gonna go
to orthopedics;

Bonnert and Cole,
obstetrics;

Radford and Thomas,
pediatrics;

Dodd and Madden,
report to E.R.

So where do we meet
our supervising doctors?

We have a little problem
with that today in that
there aren't any.

- There aren't any?
- No.

No, we're a little
short-staffed today,

so you're on your own.

How the hell are we
supposed to graduate

if there's no one here
to monitor how we're doing?

Why don't you pretend
you've already graduated?

Just go out there
and assist those patients
as best you can.

Oh, and remember,
you're on the honor system,

grade yourselves fairly.

So, Christine,
do you still think this is
a fine teaching hospital?

Well, I think if we're honest
with the honor system,

then we should
all be able to benefit
from independent study.

This is total bullshit.
We've gone from

the hardest teacher ever
to not having one at all.

Hey, aren't you
supposed to be going down
to pediatrics on two?

- I'm going to
get some coffee.
- Oh, good idea.

- I need some coffee too.
- Yeah, me too.

What about
the honor system?

Without coffee,
there is no honor.

Why don't you make
arrangements for the body?

Thanks.
Oh no.

Hey, what's going on?

We lost another patient
in 205.

Another one, huh?

Yeah, it's the fourth patient
we've lost this month.

This is intensive care.
People do die in
intensive care.

In the same bed
four Fridays in a row?

Well, that is
a little creepy.

Some of the girls think
this bed's haunted.

Oh, really?

Did anybody check
the air conditioning

or respirator hoses
for bacterial infection?

Yes, we had infection control
and maintenance in here
all last week

and they came up
with nothing.

Then I guess
it must be haunted.

Are you making
fun of me?

No, I'm making fun
of the girls who think
it's haunted.

- I know you're
not one of them.
- What makes you think that?

You're way too smart to think
there's no explanation

somewhere between maintenance
and the paranormal.

You're right.
I don't think it's haunted,
but I do think it's weird.

I think we should
go for a coffee and talk
about it some more.

That's not why
you want to have coffee.

And besides,
I'm making beds right now.

Well, I'll help you
make beds.

Did they teach you how
to make beds in medical school?

No, but I'm here
to learn.

I hope you're not
too disappointed

- In being assigned with me.
- Why?

Because I'm getting
a reputation of being
a complete screw up.

I told the wrong people
that their family members
are dead.

Well, I think
you're kinda cute.

Besides, I've developed
quite a reputation myself.

You mean that whole sperm-
in-your-mouth in lab class?

No, I mean, who hasn't had
sperm in their mouth--

Are you the interns?
You were supposed to be here
half an hour ago.

Nobody told us when to come.
They just told us
where to come.

Whatever. We've got
a 40-year-old woman.

She's never had a child before.
Her contractions are a couple
of minutes apart

and she was fully dilated
the last time we checked.

Great, well,
you keep us posted.

No no no,
you don't understand.

You're going to be delivering
that baby right away.

- What?
- Don't tell them
you're interns.

- I already told her
you're doctors.
- Wh--

( moaning )
It hurts!

Good, they're here.

I'd like you to meet
Dr. Bonnert and Dr. Cole.

- They're going to be
delivering your baby.
- Hi.

- You're a doctor?
- Actually, I'm not a doctor.

- I'm just an intern.
- Oh, jesus.

I am Dr. Mitzi Cole.
Mr. Bonnert is my intern,

and he'll be
assisting me today.

- Woman: Oh god!
- I'm gonna keep an eye
on your blood pressure.

And, Mike,
why don't you check and see
how far dilated she is?

- The nurse just said
she was completely dilated.
- It won't hurt to check.

Woman:
Ooh, it's starting again!

So are you
a hockey fan?

- No, not really.
- Kind of a baseball?

- I'm not really
into sports.
- Okay.

I'm just gonna measure
your wife's cervix here.

What?

I'm gonna stick my hand
into your wife's vagina,

and we're gonna see
how wide her opening is.

You're gonna what?

Ma'am, this is
gonna be cold.

( squeals )

Okay, I don't think
that's the right spot.

( grunts )

So what's the deal
with Africa?

Why do you want
to go there?

Well, actually,

Africa is just
my first stop.

I wanna use my nursing skills
to see the whole world;

you know, take
a job at a clinic here
and a hospital there

and work my way
from continent to continent.

That's what I was gonna do.
Do you wanna go together?

Come on,

don't you have
some dreams?

What dreams?

Well, okay,

I bet you've probably
wanted to be a doctor

ever since you were
a little kid, right?

No no no, I wanted to be
a pro wrestler.

When I found out it was rigged
I cried for days.

That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard,

and almost believable.

Why did you decide
to become a doctor?

To meet women.

You spent four years
in medical school just
to meet women?

It worked, didn't it?
I'm standing here with you.

You're cute, Dale.
But I'm not going out
with you.

Are you afraid of me?

Well...

Okay, we can go
on one date.

One's all I need.

If...

If it happens
here in the hospital
when we're both working.

What does that mean?

You figure it out.

I think I see it.

Man:
Hey, what's she
doing in here?

Nurse:
Mr. Younger,
this is Dr. Bonnert.

- Hello.
- Mom?

Pay no attention to me,
honey, I'm not here.

- You brought your mom
to my kid's birth?
- No, I didn't.

We paid extra
for the private room.

I don't want people
just wandering
in and out.

Don't worry, Mr. Younger.
Dr. Bonnert is one of the best
gynecologists in the country.

- Then why isn't she
delivering my kid?
- Oh no, I'm not here.

You're here.
I see you,

so get in there
and do your job.

Mitzi:
Mr. Bonnert and I
are perfectly capable

of handling this birth
without any help.
Right, Mike?

- Huh?
- How many babies
have you delivered?

- Over 1,000.
- And you?

Including this one?
One.

Wait, I've got a type II dip
that's not coming back up.

The baby's umbilical chord
must be wrapped around the neck.

- Let's--
- Okay, I'll take it
from here, thanks.

I need a pair
of episiotomy scissors
and a pudendal block.

Get an anesthesiologist.
We may need to do an
emergency cesarean.

- ( baby crying )
- Michael?

Michael, come back here!

Why did you
come here today?

I came to see my son,
and you're lucky I was there.

I mean, would you have
known what to do?

Yeah, I did know
what to do.

Then you pushed me
out of the way.

How am I even supposed
to become anything

if you won't let me out
from underneath your thumb?

I saved that baby's life,
Michael.

Help me out here,
okay?

Did I miss parents' day
on the internship calendar?

Is Tuesday the day
that interns have their moms

come and perform procedures
for them?

I don't have to take
that kind of shit from you!

You didn't have good enough
grades to get into a veterinary
clinic in Tijuana!

Your father and I
got you into this hospital
and don't you ever forget it!

I'm sorry.

- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Okay.

No more fighting.

Come on, give mommy
huggy-boos.

Come on,
huggy-boos!

- Sw, isn't that sweet?
- The world needs more hugs.

Mike:
Nights at St. Al's could be
long and bizarre.

Even though Dr. Kipp
rarely left the hospital,

he seemed more interested
in banging his autoclaves,

banging back beer,
selling off hospital equipment

and chasing nurses.

Taking care of the patients
was left to us interns.

I saw a trustee
in the building.

- I've gotta get
these units out of here.
- Take it to the usual place?

No, he's been
ripping me off for storage.
Take it to dominick's.

Consider it done, doc.

- Hi, Cindy.
- Hi, Dr. Kipp.

Move move move.

Cindy, wait up.

We've got a patient
losing a lot of blood.

I'm here, I'm here.
What do you got?

I think she's got a laceration
in the brachial artery.

All right,
let me have a look.

Okay, guys,
let's bring her in here.

Oh, shit!
Hey, doc!

Oh my god.
Cynthia, get me
a suture tray.

Crosspatch her
and get her stabilized
right away. Quick!

Okay, guys, I'm gonna
need you to help me.
Get some gloves on, please.

Quick quick quick!
Let's get moving!

Okay, what was her b.p.
On the way here?

- It was 70/50.
- How much blood
do you think she's lost?

- At least 1500cc.
- We better hurry up on
that crosspatch, quick.

Give me my tools.
And I need some sponges.

- Where the hell
are my sutures?
- Right here, right here.

Good, suture.
Okay, more,
more sponge, please.

- How's that?
- Thank you, good.

- I need to see
what I'm doing.
- Got the loops.

- No, I don't need them.
- How can you see without
magnification?

I don't need them.
I can see just fine.

Little bit more.
Hold it.

Okay, a little bit more.

Jesus Christ,
that was amazing.

I've never seen
anything like that.

Get her on some ancef.

Well, you're a little
testy, but you got the job
done, Dr. Lee.

Oh hey, guys, guys.

Can you do me a favor
and take this guy
over to general?

- He's dead.
- Yeah.

He's been dead
for a while.

Yeah, my buddy from General
sent him over here.

I sent him back,
then he sent him
back over here.

It's been going on
for a couple of days.

So you guys think it's funny
to send a dead body

back and forth
from hospital to hospital?

Yeah.
That's the whole point.

Yeah sure, okay.

- Thanks.
- No problem.

Uh... Ahem.

So, Gail, I got your workup
back from the lab.

Is this your husband?

No, we just met
in the waiting room
a few minutes ago,

but who knows?
Maybe one day I'll
be her husband.

Oh, you're so sweet!

Well, see, I've got
some medical information
to discuss with Gail,

so if you could, um...

Oh, can't he stay?

I think this is something
you might want to
hear in private.

Hey, you know,
whatever it is...

I think we should
hear it together.

You're so sweet!

So, the deal is
you have herpes iII,

some genital warts
and a touch of chlamydia.

Oh. Okay...

Uh, well, I was with my mom
in the waiting room.

She was having a cast
put on her leg.

So I should probably
go check on her.

Sorry.

I just need a hug,
doctor.

I just need a hug.

I'm gonna get a nurse.
Stay in this room.

- Doc?
- Yeah?

You've gotta help me
change my shit bag.
It's stuck.

Okay.

Let me just have
a little look here, okay?

All we gotta do
is just...

Pull the tabs.

I need
a little help here.

I had a small accident.

- Dale.
- That's nice work,
buddy.

- Can you help me out?
- No.

Need a little help.

I've been shit on.

This is not my shit.
Someone shit on me.

It's mexican food.

It's very spicy.
It's very spicy on my eyes.
I'll be right back.

What's with the cooler
and the camera?

Well, it's a surprise.
You'll find out soon enough.

- Come on.
- You set the rules.

You said the date
had to happen in the hospital

while we were both working.
I've satisfied both
requirements.

That's all you need to know.

Oh good,
there's a bed over here.

We can set up
right across from him.

- Set up for what?
- It's Friday night.

Intensive care,
bed 205.

We're gonna catch
a ghost.

We can set up
the equipment here...

Pull this curtain
and it'll make for
a nice headquarters.

Good plan.
If it is a ghost,

they'll never
think to look for us
behind a curtain.

Come on.

Well, for your information,

ghosts are really
sort of unaware of
their surroundings.

They just sort of stare off
into the distance in a trance.

Okay.

I'll set up
the video camera then.

Okay, I'll set up
the food.

- You brought food?
- Yeah.

It's a date,
remember?

Uh, do you want
white or red?

I thought we were just
gonna stake out the bed

to see what was
killing those patients?

Yeah, well, we are,

but we don't have to
do it sober.

Okay.

White.

Okay.

( cork pops )

Do you remember
the other day

when you told me
that you had me
figured out?

Yeah.

Well, I've been
doing some thinking,

and I think that
I've got you figured out.

( chuckles )

- Really?
- Yeah.

You're full of shit,
you know that?

Excuse me?

If you want something,
you just gotta ask for it.

Can I kiss you?

No.

( knock on door )

Exam room six.

No no no!

Yeah yeah yeah,
fine fine.

You're welcome.

Okay, I'm going to need
to get some tests

and for that I need a urine,
blood and stool sample.

What?

I need to get a urine,
blood and stool sample.

What?

I need to get a urine,
blood and stool sample!

- Ehat?!
- She needs a pair
of your underwear!

Ooh...

Okay, let's check out
that itching and discharge
you've been having.

- ( moaning )
- How's that feel?

That feels great!

But the discharge
is in my ear.

( laughing )

Oh no, don't go.
Come back!

( alarm beeping )

( vacuum cleaner
roaring )

Sarah!
Sarah, the ghost!

Oh my god!
His life support's off.

Jesus Christ.

Ma'am, you've just unplugged
this man's life support.

( speaking foreign language )

- What kind of
language is this?
- I don't know.

No, ma'am, no unplug-y
machine-y.

No speak english.

Oh really?

Doctor Kipp.

I think she wants us
to see Dr. Kipp.

Well, he'll be
in his office.

- It's 4:00 in the morning.
- He's always here.

- Dr. Kipp, ya!
- Okay, yeah, Dr. Kipp.

Okay, we go see
Dr. Kipp.

Okay, come on.
We go see Dr. Kipp

because you're a murderer.

( blues music playing )

Hi, sarah.
What's going on?

Gina, pulling kind of
a long shift, aren't you?

Oh, I'm off the clock.

Who is it?
Oh, Marina.

You've got some
friends with you.

Come on in,
we were having
some ice wine.

Dr. Kipp.
( speaks foreign language )

Oh, what's the problem?

This woman here,
this murderer, Marina,

has been unplugging
the life support system

to plug in
her floor polisher.

( speaks foreign language )

Oh!

( speaks foreign language )

Wait wait,
you understood her?

Of course, I understood her.
I don't hire people
I don't understand.

I go to the Ukraine
a couple of times a year,

bring back a dozen of them,
help them get their landed
immigrant status.

Go back,
get a dozen more.

Call it an internship
for cleaning ladies.

- Ah.
- She knows what
she did wrong.

Can't bring back
the dead.

So let's have
some ice wine.

She understood that,
didn't she?

You're gonna take a left.
It's gonna be okay.

Right down here,
take a left.

- Good luck.
- Okay. Thank you,
Dr. Balls.

- Dr. Balls.
- Thank you.

Mike:
By midterm I could run an i.v.
In three seconds flat.

But thanks
to the disorganization
at St. Al's,

finding my classes was
still a real challenge.

430...

You want fries with that?
( laughs )

this is John Doe V.

Since we were unable
to identify a next of kin,

we asked John
if he wouldn't mind
being cut up

by a bunch of interns.

Well, he didn't say no.

What we do in this class

is kind of like "C.S.I."

You kids like that show?

I love it.

I mean, since "Quincy"
got pulled off the air,

there's really
nothing that a dedicated
pathologist like myself

can really sink
his teeth into.

( all gasp )

( cracks )

We're gonna figure out
what killed John Doe V today.

It may very well
have been my scalpel.

And we're gonna start
with Msssssssss...

- Dowd.
- No, it's Towers.

Check for bruising
and trauma.

Very good,
Ms. Charles.

- No, it's Towers.
- Are you challenging me,
Ms. Powers Towers?

I'm the teacher here.
He has no trauma.

♪ Yes, he has no trauma ♪

♪ He has no trauma
today... ♪

Big finish-- ♪ Today ♪
Blackout-- ♪ Today. ♪

Blackout.

Next.
Mssss...

( buzzes )

China.

- Me?
- Yes, you.

Miss China-Full-of
Eastern-Promise,

Miss China-- You!

It's Lee.
Christine Lee.

Very good,
Miss Chrissie Lee.

I want to hang you
from my rearview mirror
like a car freshener.

Check the body for stab,
gunshot and puncture wounds.

No stab...

And no gunshot.

What kind of puncture wounds,
Miss Cree-Lee-Lee--

if that's
your real name!

Syringe wounds
which would indicate

possible drug overdose.

That's what I thought
you meant.

No track marks!
Ha ha!

Next, Mr....

Banister Wood.

- Bonnert.
- Yes.

Check for
myocardial infarction?

Very good.
And how do we
check for that?

- By cutting open the chest.
- Very good, Mr. Woodbone!

Step this way.
Come on, come on, come on.

Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.

Shut the door,
what's the score,
dinosaur?

Do think I look Amish?

You know,
with my hair like...

- Very good, Mr. Bigbone!
- forget it.

Now, prove your worth.

I really don't think
that I'm the right person
to do this.

What are you talking about?
You've got the bone saw,
you've the scalpel,

you've got the meat apron.
You wanna be a doctor, right?

- You look like
the right guy to me.
- I'd be happy to do it.

Cool it, Miss M.S.G.
Let Doogie have a go.

Now, this procedure is
excellent practice

for those of you who
wish to become hotshot
cardiac surgeons.

The big cash cow
for cardiac surgeons

is the bypass operation,
or c.a.b.g.

( sniffs )
Each of you will
perform this procedure

at least once
in this class.

Good good good.

Replace your tool.

Hey, um,..

- The spreader.
- Yes.

Spread 'em.

( sloshing )

( crunching )

Well, someone
pushed a little hard
on the chest, didn't they?

- Ew!
- Gross.

Now, it looks like
this stiff is ruined.

So wire the sternum shut,
stitch him up,

run him up the flagpole,
see who salutes him.

While we're waiting
for Mr. Butterfield to finish,

what do you say
we play a little game
of "Brussels Sprout Boy"?

You know, where you
rearrange all the parts

and stick 'em
back on to come up with
a new figure to play with.

- ( humming )
- ( sawing )

( gasps )

There.

Ping.

Now, where shall I sew
this nose back on

for maximum comic effect?

Any suggestions?

Right, the forehead
it is, then.

Dr. Keller,

we finally got
a response on those
pics of John Doe V,

and the family are here
to identify the body

and take the remains
to a funeral home.

Hey, Bonnert.

I heard about
your little accident
in pathology.

You know, I don't
know what's worse:

puking in some corpse's chest
or telling the wrong family

that their loved ones
are dead.

You know,
if by some miracle

you manage to graduate--
and I really doubt that--

you might want to consider
setting up a private practice

in a Christian Science
community

where a man of your talents
would really be appreciated.

Have a nice day.

Gee, that guy's
a bastard.

Yep, but he really seems
to have it in for you, Mike.

No no, he is right.

I am not cut out
for being a doctor.

Would you quit
your moping, please?

All you need is a good night
out with some friends to take
your mind off of this.

Dale's right.
We should go out tonight.

Listen to Dale.
It'll be good for you.

- ( dance music playing )
- ( crowd cheering )

This is incredible.
Dale, this was
a brilliant idea.

Look at this.
This is horrible!

It totally
objectifies women.

Christine, let me tell you
something, all right?

Men walk in here
with their pockets
full of cash

and walk out totally broke
just to look at some ass.

Who's really being
objectified here?

That's not what
objectified means.

I'm not talking about
the book version
of objectified.

I'm talking about
the street version.

Emcee:
All right, lady lovers!

Get your hands
out of your pants
and put 'em together

for Naughty Nurse Tawny.

Hey hey hey,
that's Mitzi.

- No no, that's Tawny.
- Holy shit!

Dale:
How come you
and the other nurses

don't wear outfits
like that?

Maybe because we're not
all naughty stripping nurses.

Mira:
I had no idea she had
such a good body.

What the hell
is she doing?

Yeah, and why the hell
would she call herself Tawny?

Mitzi's a perfectly good
stripper name.

We should go. If she knows
we're here she'll get
really embarrassed.

She doesn't look
too shy to me.

Hi, Mitzi.

Hey hey.

Hey. Why does this
keep happening?

You know, are you guys
just out to embarrass me?

I mean, first in the lab class
with the sperm in my mouth,

- and now this?
- No.

No, we didn't even know
that you...

Ugh!

You know what?
I don't have two rich
doctors as parents.

And I am not some brainiac
like Christine

cruising through
on a fat scholarship.

I have to actually work
to pay for med school.

What are you doing?

I know there is
nothing that I could--

Hello, move along,
please--

there is nothing
that I can say to you

to prove to you that I am not
trying to embarrass you.

So maybe if I
embarrassed myself,

maybe you would realize
I would never do anything

to hurt you
in any way,

and that so far

up until now

everything has just been
a big ridiculous mistake.

Well, you didn't take
your underwear off.

You want me to take off
my underwear?

Not here.

Oh.

♪ You've got the guns
and I've got the holster,
baby... ♪

( crowd continues
cheering )

Yeah, baby, baby! Ow!

Mira:
I think Mitzi was much
better than this girl.

Yeah, she doesn't know anything
about working the pole.

What do you know
about working the pole?

You know, what I want
to know about the pole

is who cleans them.
I mean, seriously,

these girls go
up and down these things
like, well, snails.

I mean, it can't be
hygienic.

And what about stuffing
that money in their crotches.

Everyone knows money is
a known disease carrier.

You know what?
You two are really killing
the mood here, okay?

I came to see naked women,
not talk about the science
of vaginas.

- We are all doctors.
- Yes, we are doctors.

But we're also men and women,
and we deserve to get freaky
when we like to.

So I'll tell you what,

you saw how I put that money
in that last girl's g-string?

I will buy this round
and the next round

if you put this money
in her g-string.

You guys think
I'm a real wuss,
don't you?

You could stand
to loosen up a little bit.
Come on, live a little.

Oh yeah?
All right.

What the hell?

That loose enough
for you guys?

Yeah, loose enough
to get us kicked
outta here.

Sorry sorry,
that was a reflex action.

She thought she was
swiping an A.T.M.

Just take this money,
please.

Give me some more of these
and I'll let you shove your
whole fist in my ass.

- Oh, nasty!
- I'm outta here!

Time to go.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Wow.
What is this?

- It's an Ever Pink.
- Oh.

( choking )

What's in that?

Pink lemonade
and grain alcohol.

It was probably
that grain I tasted.

So did the pole come
with the apartment?

Actually, no. I was dating
a construction contractor.

We met at the club.

So for my birthday,
he had it installed

so I could do shows
for him and his friends.

Then we broke up
and I got to keep the pole.

Well, that's cool.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Oh...

I don't really see very well
without my glasses.

So you-you weren't kidding.

You really are
a Malibu Mindy fan.

Yeah, do you watch it?

- Yeah.
- Did you see the one

when they were playing
for the firefighters?

Yeah.
The malibu fire?
Of course, I did.

♪ So hot,
gotta cool down ♪

♪ Santa anas spreading
the flames around. ♪

Yeah.

They're good.

I love Malibu Mindy.

She's so sweet
and innocent.

Well, that's exactly
how I see you, actually.

That's exactly
how I try to be.

Oh!

( both moaning )

- Mike?
- Yeah?

What you got
in there?

It's just
some keys, I think.
Maybe some lip balm.

- Hmm.
- No, oh!

Oh that?
Don't make fun.

Are you kidding me?

Get these pants off!
Let me see this thing!

- Huh?
- ( both grunting )

Oh my--
Oh my god.

You think I'm a freak.

Well, yeah,
definitely.

A superfreak.

But in a good way.

In a very good way.

Oh.

Hey hey hey hey!
Don't-don't you think

that we should just,
you know, maybe talk
a little bit more?

Mike:
Working through Christmas
really sucks.

But if you
have to do it,

there's no better place
in the world

than the emergency room
at St. Albert's.

What's up, sister?
You don't feel like
partying tonight?

- No, I'm having a good time.
- You could have fooled me.

Marlon, a girl
doesn't have to be
drunk to have fun.

You know,
that may be true
in some cases,

but with you, you actually
do need to be drunk
to have a good time.

Come on,
drink it up.

Why does everybody
want me to drink?

You're like the fifth person
that's tried to get me
to drink tonight.

- I don't understand it.
- Listen to me carefully.

I had to line up
with Dr. Turner.

That fool's breath
is ferocious, please.

All right,
just give it to me.

That's what
I'm talking about.

See, don't be afraid
of your inner freak.

- Embrace it.
- You happy?

- Here.
- Wow.

Oh my god.

Dale, this is
a Cartier watch.

Yeah.

What are you doing?
Why are you giving me this?

You don't like it?
The girl at the store
said that you'd like it.

Oh, I like it.
Um...

Are you trying
to tell me something?

Merry Christmas.

- Yup.
- That's what
I'm talking about.

- I'm happy.
- I know.

I'm gonna get rid
of this.

You don't need that,
but you need to dance

to burn them carbs up
you just consumed, right?

- I love to dance.
- I love to dance, too.

You're tall.
What just happened?

- I'm wearing heels.
- Oh, they're nice.
Keep those on, okay?

( feedback )

Happy holidays.
For those of you
who don't know me,

I'm Dr. Cyril Kipp,
the hospital administrator.

I was just sitting here
having some punch,

listening
to the Christmas carols,

most notably
"Good King Wenceslas,"
who according to the song

was having a find old time
at his Feast of Stephen.

I couldn't help but think,
"when is St. Al's gonna have
their Feast of Stephen?"

- Man: Yeah, when?
- Well,

it won't be this year,
I can assure you.

Stephen's not even in the same
zip code as us right now.

But Christmas is
a time of Miracles,

and maybe, just maybe,
someone up there will
find a way

to help me to keep
the doors open

at St. Al's
one more year.

But I wouldn't bank on it.
Go ahead, tim.

Merry Christmas
and god bless us--
everyone.

( faint applause )

( feedback )

Ahem.

Thank you,
Dr. Kipp,

for your usual uplifting
Christmas message.

Fortunately, we have
the Jimmy Chin Trio here

with us again this year

to help us out
of Dr. Kipp's pit of despair.

- You all know
Dr. Jimmy Chin.
- Man: all right, jimmy!

And back again
this year on bass,

Dr. Stanley Gilbreath.

And for a very
limited engagement,
I'm sorry to say,

from intensive care,

welcome, please,
Dr. Harvey Yazmian.

The patient says,

"Uh, doctor,
I don't think
that's right."

I said, "Well, what would
make you think that?"

He says, "I don't know.
Just call it intuition

- Or... a hunch."
- ( all laugh )

Look, I would stack
my years of training

and experiences against
your hunches any day.

I think it's very important
for patients

to express their feelings
to their doctors.

And do you have
a medical basis for
that statement, doctor?

I'm sorry,
I keep forgetting.

You're not a doctor yet.

That might be so,

but we all have a sense
of our own bodies,

of our own health.

If we sense
something's wrong,
something's off,

it's very important to express
that to your doctor.

If you're doctor's
saying something that
doesn't make sense,

- Then you should
question him.
- Ah.

Well, you know this happens
every once in a while

that some smart-ass
little intern comes along

and expect us doctors
to stop and listen.

Well, I don't play it
that way.

With all due respect,
young lady,

you are full of shit.
Mm-hmm.

Now, if you should ever
graduate and become a doctor,

and you should spend the hours
that I've spent with patients,

then you can come
and talk to me.

I will graduate and I will
spend more time with my
patients than you ever have.

But I will never come talk
to you about anything,
you pompous ass!

- Oh, she wants me.
- ( laughing )

Hey, toots.

( giggles )
How're you doin'?

Thank you very much.
That's very nice.

Thank you very much.

♪ ...laughing
all the way ♪

♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is
to dance and sing... ♪

I'd like two more,
please.

Thank you.

- Merry Christmas.
- ( crowd laughing )

♪ Oh, what fun
it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse
open sleigh, hey! ♪

♪ Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way... ♪

I brought you
something.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Merry Christmas.

Ahh...

So... Ahem...

What else you got?

What else do you want?

Well, if you're
gonna make me beg,

you can forget it.

Whoa whoa whoa,
slow your roll.

( both laugh )

Get out of the way,
damn it!

- Should we get
in the hot tub?
- Oh yeah.

- Will it make me wet.
- We're getting wet.

Should we get
in the hot tub? Oh.

Hey, come on in.
The water's perfect.

Sorry, Dr. Kipp.
We didn't mean to
interrupt you guys.

Don't be ridiculous.

Better get in
while you can.

I sold all these tubs.
This one's going to
the Philippines tomorrow.

What the fuck?
It's Christmas!

That's the spirit!

Well well well...

( "Joy to the World"
playing )

- Go!
- ( men cheering )

Nice ass, baby!

Hey, listen, Mike.
There's something
I gotta tell you.

- What?
- It's regard--

Hey hey, check it out.

Yeah, baby, right there!
You know how to party!

- It looks like someone
is really loosening up.
- Yeah, no shit.

Hey!

Come and get me, boys!

Hey, Christine! Hi!

Okay, yeah.

- Hey, Dale.
- Hey, whoa whoa...

My eyes are up here,
come on.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Okay, yeah,
you're in red.

- I am.
- Okay, that is a bite.

- That's a--
- Whoo!

Why don't you
go and see Dale?

- Go see Mike.
- Dale.

- Why don't you
go and see Dale?
- Okay, boys, show's over.

Hey, girls!
Hey, leave me alone!

- I wanna dance!
- You've danced enough
tonight, sweetie.

Bye, guys!

- Damn it!
- That was awesome!

It was.

No no no, there actually
was a St. Albert.

He lived between
1200 and 1280 A.D.

He was declared a saint
of natural science
by Pope Pius XII.

He was called
"The Universal Doctor,"

and "Albert the Great."

And he taught
St. Thomas Aquinas.

( laughing )

- ( snorts )
- Okay, you win.

- Your turn.
- Do I get to do it?

- Oh-oh.
- I can?

- Do it.
- ( mimics alarm )

Dive dive dive!

Oh, my head is
killing me.

You've gotta give it about
10 minutes and it'll start
to rehydrate your system.

I'm feeling it already.

- Hey, guys.
- ( clears throat )

Hey, party girl.
Did you get loosened up
last night?

Shut up, Marlon.
I don't wanna talk about it.

Uh, so Christine,
did you end up going
to midnight mass?

- Dale.
- What?

Look, I don't wanna
talk about it and I don't
wanna hear about it.

All right?
I feel humiliated
enough as it is.

- What are you
guys talking about?
- Christine got a little drunk.

Oh and what?

You stumbled into
the men's room?

You put your shoes
on the wrong feet?
You kicked a kitten?

Tell me you didn't
kick a kitten!

I took off all of my clothes,
all right?

You took off
all your clothes?

She didn't take off
all her clothes.

She still had
a g-string thing on.

- and a very pretty bra.
- Yeah.

So let me
get this straight.

I do all the work,
and they get to see
the stripper show?

- Shut up, Marlon.
- No, see, that just
ain't right.

They benefit
from the fruits of my labor.

- I said shut up!
- Come on, let me get a little
peek at your titties.

Fuck off, Marlon!

- Jesus, Marlon.
- You are such a pig.

That's not unreasonable.

Oh, I guess I should go
with the girls.

I think you really
upset Christine, Marlon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But tell me,
what were her titties like?

They were fantastic!

Mike:
The days became nights
and the nights became weeks

and the weeks became months,

and we all became
very very tired.

♪ I'm in charge,
I'm only doing
what I want ♪

♪ Working my way
down from the top... ♪

Show time.

♪ It's not
exactly what I ♪

♪ I had in mind ♪

♪ I'd make some plans,
but I ♪

♪ I don't have time ♪

♪ This is life
such as it is ♪

♪ It's a coke
without the fizz ♪

♪ Wake me
when it's over... ♪

Exam room four.

♪ It's what's
making me sick ♪

♪ Wake me
when it's over... ♪

( gasps )

♪ Will I complain
if nobody listens? ♪

♪ I'll keep my problems
to myself... ♪

- exam room five.
- Yes, fine, okay, I'm coming.

♪ I've got
this pain from everything
I'm missin'... ♪

I need someone
to look at my breasts.

♪ Exactly what I,
I had in mind ♪

♪ I'd make some plans,
but I don't have time ♪

♪ This is life
such as it is ♪

♪ It's a coke
without the fizz ♪

Out of the way!
I'm very tired.

Very tired.

Bonnert!

Out of the way!
Come on!

♪ This is life
such as it is... ♪

Salt.

Salt.

All right, ladies,
time to rise and shine.

I've got
an 80-year-old woman
with a bowel problem,

a 50-year-old homeless man
suffering from exposure,

and uh... Oh,

a 26-year-old lawyer
who took too much viagra

and has an erection
that won't go down.

All:
I got the erection!

Hey.

There's an empty bed
in here.

- What?
- Come here.

Oh!

What's the deal
with him?

Oh, don't worry
about Mr. Reynolds.

He's been in a coma
for two years.

Hold on.

I have to
tell you something.

Oh, Jesus,
you're not pregnant,
are you?

Thank you for that
tender sentiment.

No, I'm not pregnant.

I got the job
in Kenya.

Oh.

Wow.

Uh, when do you go?

Well, I didn't
take it yet.

Why not?

Well, you'd be here
and I'd be there.

You mean, you wouldn't go
because of me?

Well... yeah.

Maybe.

I don't know--
that's stupid.

I don't know why
you'd give up what you want

because of some guy.

What did you think
was happening here?

Did you not think
it was going anywhere?

Well, yeah,

but I didn't think
you'd flush everything

just to hang out
with me.

He's fine.

Dale, maybe-- Okay--

maybe you don't
realize this,

but sometimes people
have to make sacrifices

so that they can be
with the people they love.

You love me?

Oh...

Did you hear that?
She said she loves me.

No, I didn't.
I was...

Speaking in
a hypothetical situation.

Holy shit, you love me!

Dale, stop it.
I di--

No, I may have thought
that I did,

but clearly
I was deluding myself

because how could I
possibly be in love
with someone

who has no concept
about what love is?

I don't know.
You're the one
who loves me.

Right.
You're a dick.

No, okay okay,
come here.

Let's just say,
all right, like

hypothetically,

that I feel
the same about you

even though
I have no concept
of what that means.

Are you saying
you love me?

- Yeah, I guess so.
- Well, then say it.

Right in front
of Mr. Reynolds?

- Okay--
- Okay.

I love you, okay?

Mike:
I don't know the medical term
for cabin fever,

but by the time
spring rolled around

we were all starting
to show symptoms.

Okay, all right,
all right.

Would you rather have sex
with Dr. Kipp or Dr. Olson?

- Dr. Kipp.
- Hmm.

- How about you?
- Oh, definitely Kipp.

Only because Olson would say
I'm doing it wrong.

What about you?

Well, if I was pitching,
probably Dr. Kipp,

and if I was catching,
Dr. Olson.

- Interesting.
- Okay, how about this?

Would you rather lick
Dr. Olson's ass

or eat broken glass?

How much glass?

I don't know,
like eight ounces.

Whoa whoa,
does she just have
to lick the cheek

or go all the way
inside?

No no no, she's gotta go
all the way inside--
toss salad.

- Oh, good call.
- Is it clean?

Well, it will be when
you're done, ass licker.

I hate to interrupt, but I've
got an 80-year-old man

with a really bad infection
in his ingrown toenail.

Who wants it?

It can't be any worse
than hanging out
with these guys.

- Good luck, Mira.
- See ya.

You son of a bitch.
Here's your five bucks.

I can't believe you made her
take three patients in a row.

- Psychology, Mike.
It's the hidden hand.
- Huh.

How come we gotta
take the organs to
pathology class?

Probably because you
made fun of Dr. Keller's
notation system.

I'm sorry, referring
to the atria as the a-hole

and then saying
the main vein pumps
into the a-hole.

- Come on.
- I don't understand why
women like that, you know?

Come on, man,
we don't need to hear about
your sex life, all right?

I probably didn't
need to say that.

Hey, are these human organs
we're getting?

- Yeah.
- Where do they get
these things from?

From all
the John and Jane Does
that come into St. Al's.

I thought they're supposed
to use that for organ donation.

No no no, by the time
the bodies get here

they've been dead so long
that the organs aren't
good anymore.

Hey, I found the stuff
we're looking for,

but we're gonna
need some sort of cart
to put this all on.

There's one right here.
Give me a hand,

- We'll move this guy.
- That's taken, man.

There's a body on there.
I ain't touching that.

Fine. Mike,
you help me.
Move his head.

Oh, jeez.

We can lean him up
against the wall over there.

This guy really stinks.

You know, that's wrong.
We should not be
moving that body.

Come on, guys.
Don't do that.

Put him back.

- Hey, Mike,
unlock that wheel.
- Yeah.

That's just wrong, man.
Don't you have any respect?

What do you care?
He's dead.

I care because every time
you mess around,

we end up having to take
a trip to cold storage

- To pick up some organs.
- So now I'm a bad influence
on you and Mike, am I?

I'm just saying, man,
you don't take anything
seriously, or try,

or care that some of us
have to work twice as hard.

Oh, which ones of us?
The black ones?

Yeah, that's right.
You don't seem to realize

how hard it is just to get
the same opportunities.

What opportunities
aren't you getting?

We're all in the same
lame-ass hospital doing
the same shitty work.

Work!
The only work you do
in this place

is try to hit on every woman
to see if you can get some.

I mean, first,
Mitzi blows you--

What?

Mitzi blew you?

Jesus, Marlon.

Listen, Mike, it happened
way before you guys
were going out.

Mike, man, I thought
Dale told you, that's all.

Marlon, you just
stay out of this!

Mike, she had sperm
in her mouth in lab class.

- What do you think happened?
- I don't know.

I'm a little surprised
you didn't tell me this, Dale.

Let's clean this stuff up
and go upstairs.

You want something
to clean up?

Here-- ugh--

clean this up!

Mike, chill out,
all right?

And you!
You are an asshole!

Now it's on!

Jesus, Mike,
what are you doing?

Yeah?

- Son of a bitch!
- Stop being an asshole!

You should have just
told him the truth.

Two against one!

You're with me, pal.

- You like that?
- It wouldn't have come as--

- ( body thuds )
- ( knock on door )

Come in, gentlemen.

Have a seat.

Dad?

Hi, Mike.

Go ahead.
Sit down, Mike.

The willful destruction
of human organs

by interns is very nearly
inconceivable to me.

The only appropriate
punishment is expulsion

from the internship
program.

- What?
- Whoa whoa whoa, sir,

if there's any damage
that we can pay for, we will.

Well, it's not the money.
These organs represent
valuable research tools

that were harvested
over 30 years from John
and Jane Doe cadavers.

Now they're gone.

Hey, what is he
doing here?

Huh?

Well, Mike,
obviously the--

I'll-- let me.
I'll talk.

Mike, I'm your father.

I'm here...

To talk...

To you about...
The consequence--

I'm sorry, I can't talk.
Very embarrassing.

I wonder if you would
give me a few seconds
to talk to my boy.

- Oh my god.
- Sure.

Yeah, no problem.

- I'll go out and have a...
- Not you, not you.

Stay here.
Stay.

I appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Hey hey.

This is all my fault,
Dr. Kipp.

I was the one that started
the whole thing.

Well, Mike, I respect
and understand the loyalty

you have
for your friends,

but I think you're making
a big mistake.

- Listen, Mike--
- No, what are you doing here?

- I'm not doing anything.
- Yes, you are.

- What did you say to him?
- I didn't say anything.

I'm just here because
I'm your father, okay?

- I'm a little upset.
- Yeah, I know that.

I'm upset, Mike!

What is that look?
You prefer I wasn't here?

Yes, I would prefer
that you're not here.

Maybe the two of you
would just like to sort
this out alone. Fine.

( door opens, shuts )

What's going on here?

Now you listen carefully.
You're going down for this--

all three of you!
And there's nothing
anybody can do about it,

- Including me.
- Look, things got
out of hand.

- Yeah, there was
a girl involved--
- I don't care about that.

You wanna sacrifice my son
along with yourselves?

Do it, do it.
Go ahead, I don't care.
It's your choice.

You can do
the right thing,

And you could
still have a career
in medicine after this.

A professional career.
I'm a powerful and
influential man.

You look in my eyes
and you'll see that
I can do it.

I can make it happen.
You understand me?

Mike, you gotta understand
what your dad's going through.
I mean,

parenting is a--
it's a--

it's a rough gig.

It's a responsibility
I never wanted.

That's why
I never got married.

I guess, to kind of avoid
episodes like this.

( knocks )
Kipp,

I believe these gentlemen
have something to say to you.
Gentlemen...

( sighs )
Mike had nothing to do with it.
It was just me and Marlon.

Yeah, it was
all our fault.

What are
you guys doing?

Well, it's regrettable
in the light of your potential

and the fact that we had
some good times, didn't we?

That's decent.
Very decent.

Hey. Look into
my eyes, little man.

Yeah, and you'll see
that we'll never accept
your offer.

- I don't know---
- 'Cause we might
never be doctors,

- but we'll
always be men.
- Good.

Yeah, proud,
unemployed...

Tall men.

- ( chuckles )
- No, guys.

You guys do not
have to do this.

Sorry, I've got
this whole thing
under control.

Listen, Marlon, Dale,
you are not taking
the fall for this.

There's no point in all of us
getting kicked out, Mike.

- Look, I can fix this--
- Hey, don't blow this.

I don't know what
you did in there--

what I did in there
was I saved your ass.

How? By buying people off
as you always do?

I would do worse than that.
I would do way worse than that

to make sure this was okay.
I'm your father, I love you.

I would do anything--
anything at all

to make sure that you
become a doctor.

You know what?

You have really
helped me out here.

Because I didn't know
what I wanted to do
with my life.

But thanks to your
little ridiculous show,

yeah, it has made
a few things very clear.

Mike, listen listen.
Mike--

Dr. Kipp, I quit.

- What?
- Yeah, and I just
wanted you to know.

Well, you're not
getting this check back.

The sale of those
x-ray machines is final.

It's a check.
I just have to stop
payment, you moron.

Is there no honor
in the world anymore?

They can't kick you out
for that.

Can't you guys appeal?

Dr. Kipp is the final court
of appeal.

Hey. Hi.

I just quit.

- You quit?
- Yeah.

I-- I was just
listening to my dad

and I wasn't even
sure if I wanted to
do any of this,

and I-I quit.
I just quit.

Your dad covered
for you nicely.

I wish my dad would
do that for me.

No no no, you don't.

You're right.
Your dad is a douche bag.

So what do you wanna do first?
Go get drunk or register
for welfare?

Um, what about
getting laid?

I'll take all three of you
on right now.

- What?
- All right, you too.

But that's it,
four is my limit.

Jesus, Mitzi!
What?

I'm kidding!
Jeez!

I don't know why you guys
are being so serious.

Okay, the three of you
got kicked out.
Big deal.

Actually, I guess...

It is a lot of money
to get this far.

And six years of your life
is a long time,

so I guess
it is a big deal.

I'm sorry, I didn't--
I didn't really think
that through.

Thanks for joining
the party, Mitzi.

Hey, I need you guys
in E.R.

There's a 76-car pileup,
freeway's closed.

No other doctors can get here.
Let's move, go.

Please please,
somebody's gotta help me!

My son is unconscious
and he's not moving.

- Where's your kid?
- He's over here.

Okay, everybody, calm down.
Calm down.

I cannot have people
running all over the place.

I'm gonna set up
a triage system here.

Please take a seat.
We'll get to you as soon
as we can. What?

We've already had two
stat patients we sent
to the O.R.

Dr. Olson went with them.
We only have one
anesthesiologist.

It's okay. Mike,
Marlon, Dale, go up
to O.R. Help Dr. Olson.

Sarah, go with them too.
They're gonna need extra nurses.

This kid has a pulse
of 118, b.p. 60/40,

and a six-inch gash
over his head.

Possible skull fracture,
maybe a subdural.

Get him up to O.R.
Christine, Mitzi, stay with me.

I'm gonna need doctors
down here.

- Take her.
- No!

- Somebody help me
with this gurney!
- Got it.

Easy easy.

Okay, you guys.
Come on, move it.
Let's go!

- Marlon, how's he doing?
- I lost his pulse.

- What?!
- I got it.

Let's go.
Let's get him in the O.R.

- One, two,
three, four, five...
- Come on, let's do it!

- Keep breathing!
- Somebody get the door.

No pulse yet.
Come on, Mira,
let's do it.

- One, two, three, four, five.
- Keep on it!

One, two, three,
four, five.

- One, two, three,
four, five.
- Got it?

- Easy, guys.
- Get the hell outta here!

This kid coded
getting off the elevator.

- I got a pulse.
- His abdominal tap
is positive.

You and you,
you're with me.

The rest of you,
take that kid into O.R. two
and do what you can for him.

What are you waiting for?
Go go go!

Okay, let's get him
on the table.

- Okay, ready?
- Yeah yeah.

On three--
one, two, three.

Thank you.

Let's get him hooked up
to an e.k.g.

- Okay.
- White is right.

What about black?
Black is beautiful.

We'll talk about this
later.

All right,
we'll go scrub up.

- Okay, bag him.
- Yup yup.

Start prepping.
Are you getting set up?

We need the anesthesiologist
in here right away!

All right, go in
and start 'em,
but come back.

B.P. 60/40
and falling.

All right, back on him
and more volume.

Okay, come on,
will you?

We've got to find out
where this bleeding is
coming from.

Looks like it's at the apex
of the pulmonary artery.

Oh yeah.

Very good, Mr. Dodd.
Clamp that, Mr. Bonnert.
Clamp it.

Thanks.
I think you did it.

Very nice.

Very nice.

He stopped breathing.

There, he's breathing again.

You can thank Dr. Kipp
for the machines around here.

He's always been
really nice to me.

So where do
you guys wanna start?
Head or the abdomen?

- Abdomen.
- Head.

- Abdomen.
- Head. Marlon,

you take the abdomen
and I'll take the head.

Fine.

All right, close him up
and get him down
to recovery.

Then go downstairs to see
if there are any more
candidates for surgery.

I'm gonna go next door
to O.R. two

to see if I can be
of any help there.

Thank you, Terry.
Okay, what have we got here?

I was gonna do an x-ray
to check for a subdural.

All right, good,
and what's this?

Ruptured spleen--
managed to stop the bleeding,
about to take it out.

So let's see.

We have no x-rays,
but we have cat scans.

Interesting.

And I see
from these cat scans

that he also has a brain tumor
and he's 65 years old.

All right, get these outta here.
They belong to somebody else.

Okay, let's take
some pictures of this kid

and see what we got.

Anyone who wants
to have babies,

going on alert,
behind the screens.

Let's go.
Marlon, you too.
Come on, move it.

Anybody?
Lots of internal injuries,

spinal precautions.
Mitzi, go take care of it.

Got anyone else
for surgery?

Yes, compound fracture,
major bleeding,

tied up, but he's
gonna lose his leg...

Lose his leg?
You gotta save his leg!

- Calm down.
- He's a football player!

He'll be fine.
He'll be fine.

So all you gotta do
is ask your father.

Holy Moses!

- What the hell happened here?
- It's a 76-car pileup, sir.

Why are they bringing
them here? Why can't they
bring them to General?

It's a good thing you're here.
We need all the doctors
we can get.

I'm not a doctor.

What are you talking about?
You're Dr. Cyril Kipp.

Well, I'm a doctor like
Dr. Phil's a doctor,
for christ's sake.

I have a PhD
in hospital administration.

I hired half of you,
so I know you'll do
a good job.

Carry on, fellas.
Carol.

Dr. Phil's not
a real doctor?

It's what we thought.

Ma'am, you've got
a pneumothorax.

Can you give that
to me in English?

A collapsed lung.

Am I gonna die?

Well, there is a 7.5% chance
of all cases

of a pneumothorax
that you will die.

No, you're not gonna die.
It's a minor procedure,

we can do that
right here in E.R.

Did somebody
say pneumothorax?

I got a head wound
out here scaring the shit
out of patients.

I need somebody
to stitch him up.
Now.

Okay, you do the chest tube,
I'll do the bleeder.

You're gonna be fine.

- I'll retract and cauterize,
you cut, okay?
- good call.

- What are his vitals?
- Pressure's up and I've given
him two liters.

Okay, good stuff.

- Whoa, this looks ugly.
- Ouch.

- Don't puke in his leg.
- Very funny.

I think when that bone
cut the artery it must
have snapped

right up the leg.
That's why they had to
belt it so high.

We've got to find it.
Give me more exposure.

- Shit! The belt.
- give me a clamp.

- give me some sponges.
- Here. Here here.

- Clamp.
Hold on, here we go.
- All right, I got it.

Get the other end,
and then we can sew
them together.

Do you know how
to sew it together?

No.

Get Christine up here
right away.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Sure you got it?
- Yeah yeah.

- Dale?
- Yeah?

I really wanna put some closure
on this whole Mitzi thing.

Yeah, okay, fine.

The best way to do that
would be for me and you
to pray together.

( chuckles )
You're kidding me, right?

Give me
your free hand, Dale.

Mike, I'm not
gonna pray with you.

Dale, give me
your free hand!

Jesus Christ.

Dear God,

don't let Mitzi suck
on Dale's dick anymore.

Amen.

Amen.

Holy shit,
he was a Sonny Bono?

Guy swerves
to avoid the pileup,

head-ons a family
coming back from vacation.

The poles were
on the roof rack.

- Still ticking.
- But his b.p.'s falling
steadily.

Not much blood on
the outside so he must be
leaking pretty good inside.

Another ambulance just
arrived with a critical.

Holy crap!
Has he still got a pulse?

- Yeah.
- Get him up to O.R.

I'll see what we've got
in the other ambulance.

- I'll be up after that.
- I got it. I got it.

Hey, they need you
up in O.R. right away.

- What's up?
- You know how to stitch up
a severed artery?

Absolutely I do.

All right, sir,
you're all set.

A nurse will be by
to discharge you, okay?

Will I ever
see you again?

( pole clangs )

- Oh...
- let's try not to kill
this guy just yet.

We still have
a pulse.

Okay okay, we'll get him
on the table.

You two, go.
Scrub up.

- ( siren wails )
- ( tires screech )

- ( vehicle crashes )
- ( horn honking )

Jesus!

- Holy shit!
- Oh my god.

Where's Christine?
We need her to sew
this artery.

I don't know about Christine,
but Dr. Olson's on his way up.
Maybe he can help you.

We got a guy with a ski pole
in his heart, man!

That's why I snowboard,
dude.

- What the hell are you doing?
- Get him outta here!

- It's Dr. Olson.
- Where's Dr. Olson?

- He supposed to help me.
- Right here.

He got hit by a car
in the ambulance bay.

- He's got internal injuries.
- What?

Can you hold this, please?

All right, listen.
He's not the only
patient in here.

Christine, would you fix
this artery, please?

Mitzi, why don't you
give her a hand?

Mira, you're
the cardiac surgeon.
Go work on ski-pole guy.

- Marlon, get us some coffee.
- What?

I'm kidding, man.
Go help her.

Well, come on, people,
let's go!

Moving on,
let's go!

- Come on, Mike,
let's go scrub up.
- Hmm.

- Suction right there.
- All right, what's going on?

I had several pages
about a heart procedure.

We had a cardiac tamponade,
drained it, patched up
the hole in the atrium--

Step aside.

- We had to--
- Shh.

All right,
who worked on this man?

- I did. Well...
- Both: We did.

What the hell is
going on here?

We've got interns
doing open-heart surgery?

Who authorized this?

- ( high-pitched ) I did.
- Who said that?

Dr. Olson, sir.

Dr. Olson, you should
probably quiet down.

You really need to
save your strength.

Okay, doc.

All right,
what are you idiots doing?

There are two patients
in that operating room.

That is strictly
against procedure.

And where are all
the real doctors?

Fuck you!
It's been a goddamn
war zone in here,

and you come walking in
at the last minute

spewing off
hospital procedures!

Where were you when
we were saving lives?
Playing squash?

Now why don't you
make yourself useful?

Scrub up, close up
this man's chest while
we clean up.

Why you arrogant
little bitch!

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

- You want to go?
- Yeah.

You want a piece of this?
Okay, come on.

Come on-- Oh.

Oh my god!

Who do you think
you are?

Dr. Mira Towers,
cardiac surgeon!

You can't be
a cardiac surgeon
if you're dead!

Not if you're dead!

Not if you're dead!

Hold him!

Stop them!
Get them apart.

Christine:
oh my god!

Hold her!

Keep them apart!

♪ True love... ♪

- Dale: oh, god!
- Ew...

- ( groans )
- ♪ It's no ordinary love... ♪

Okay, show's over.

♪ It's not pretend ♪

- ♪ And it's really
really real ♪
- Sorry.

- ♪ Almost as real
as it's true... ♪
- Mitzi.

♪ True love. ♪

This is a wonderful
occasion for us all.

Because thanks
to the courageous work

of this particular
group of interns,

we may be able
to keep our doors open
a little longer.

( applause )

One of the accident victims
in the big pileup,

the guy with the ski pole
in his chest,

turned out to be
a billionaire.

And he made a large donation
to this hospital,

which will enable us
to open D wing again

and fill it
with brand-new equipment.

So, let's say goodbye

to St. Albert's hospital

and say hello
to Microtek

General Hospital,
a division of Unicom
International.

That Dr. Kipp sure
knows how to put a bow

on a story,
doesn't he?

Yeah. Dr, Olson,

I was wondering if you had
any recollection

of being unconscious
in that ambulance bay

after you got hit
by that car.

How could I?
I was unconscious.

It's just that when I was
giving you mouth-to-mouth,

I could have sworn
you slipped me the tongue.

That was probably some kind
of involuntary muscle spasm.

If you ever feel
one of those spasms
coming on again,

I'm here for you.

That's good to know.

All right, Whitecoats,
the party's over.
Come on.

Moving on.

You'll spend the third year
of your clinical internship

at St. Al's
rotating in intervals

starting here in the E.R.,
then onto general surgery...

Mike:
So we all graduated,

and a new group of interns
took our place.

I don't know
what happened to them,
and I really don't care.

They're nowhere near
as good-looking as our group,
especially the girls.

Oh, outtakes!

I love outtakes.

- ( all laughing )
- All right, I'm okay.

I'm fine.

It's a miracle!

I don't want them
cutting me up.

I'm a doctor.

Oh hi, Sarah.
What's going on?

Gina, pulling kind
of a long shaft-- Shift.

( crew laughing )

Stay right here,

your stankin' ass.

Hi.

( laughing )

I've been shit on.
This is corn relish.

- Very spicy.
- ( crew laughing )

Very spicy.

This is not my shit!

Someone else
just shit on me.

Just looking
for a little help.

Maybe a mop,
some hot water and rags.

Oh god, no!
You can't let them
see me like this!

Please!

- Oh god.
- It's my ass!

I've got eight trustees
on this board

who would love to sell
this hospital tomorrow
for real estate.

( barks )

( laughs )
I'm sorry.

( crew laughing )

Man:
It looked good, though.
Cut cut cut.

Okay, let's
try it again.

It's just that when I was
giving you mouth-to-mouth,

I thought that you
slipped me the tongue.

Oh well, that was
probably just

an involuntary
muscle spasm.

How do you explain
that large hard-on then?

Never mind.
Um, I just wanted
to let you know

that if you have
one of those spasms again

- I'm here for you.
- Okay.

Have to change
my pants!

Hold on a second.
Does she just have to kinda
lick the cheek a little,

like...
( pants )

or kind of go
all the way...
Inside?

Man:
Hey, danny,
cover up those nips.

No no,
not hers, yours.

That could just be fart,
I'm not sure.

It might
just be fart.

Might not be
anything else in there,

just fart.

It might be
a bag of fart.

I mean, you could have
no mind at all,

just enough brainstem activity
to keep your heart
and lungs going.

It would still
really work for me.

You're about to get
another ass-kicking.

Oh, I just came!

I love my job!

We're totally
locked up, tim!

Very quiet!
Action!

No, that's okay.

I'll do it.

And cutting!

Woman's voice:
Help! Get me out of here!

Don't leave the theater
with me stuck in here.

Have you no mercy?

Please!