All language subtitles for Sabrina.The.Teenage.Witch.S05E22.Finally.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

Hey, want a fresh cup
of the Guatemalan?

Obviously, you
prefer the Venezuelan.

Well, why Don'’t
you go talk to him?

I can'’t just go up
and introduce myself

to a guy I Don'’t even know.

What if he'’s not
interested in me?

Well, you'’ll never know
unless you go say hello.

Or hola. You know, your choice.

I can'’t do it!

Just bring me something
with a lot of chocolate

and leave me alone.

Some people in
here are so pathetic.

What can we do?

Hilda'’s our boss.

But once we graduate, we'’ll
never have to see her again.

Well, youmight have
to... She'’s your aunt.

I'’m talking about
our single customers.

I wish there was some way
we could bring them together.

You know, "you'’re a
nice guy; You'’re a nice girl.

Now, go get a blood
test and a mortgage."

Hey, you know, i'’ve
heard of these parties

where singles get paired up
for like five minutes at a time.

If they click, they
exchange phone numbers.

If they Don'’t, they move
on to the next person.

Five-minute dates?
That is so unromantic.

But what a time-saver.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Are you people
trying to disgust me?

Aunt hilda, Josh and I
want to turn the coffeehouse

into a singles meeting place.

Great. Then maybe i'’ll finally
meet someone, dump this joint

and never have to
see these people again.

Well, I may have to see
you again... you are my niece.

No, aunt hilda

the mixers
wouldn'’t be for you...

They'’d be for the college kids.

Oh, everything is for kids!

Movies, fashion, penne pasta.

What was so wrong
with an egg noodle?

We'’ll charge five dollars
a head; You'’ll get half.

Wait-wait. We'’re
charging for this?

Absolutely. People
are desperate for love

and they'’re willing
to pay big bucks for it.

Great idea, Josh...
Now all you need

is a big, white hat
and a purple El dorado.

Don'’t be so cynical, Sabrina.

In a cold and alienating world

it'’s a wonderful thing
to bring people together.

I'’ll play hostess and do
stand-up for 60% of the gross.

I'’ll give you 65%
to take the night off.

Deal.

You know, Josh, I like the idea

of helping out our
single customers

but i'’m not sure about
charging five bucks.

Are you kidding me?

These schmoes spend double that

to sit alone in a
cold, dark cineplex.

At least here, they have a shot

at looking at someone
besides Helen hunt.

I'’m sold.

And whatever money we make

we'’ll put towards a nice
dinner for the two of us.

You had me at Helen hunt.

Poor thing, she'’ll never get
up the courage to make a move.

A girl needs a guy
who catches her eye

and make her less
shy when he walks by.

[ Ringing]

Hey, Sabrina.Harvey.

I was in the neighborhood
and decided to drop by.

Oh, i'’m glad you did.

You know, it'’s
great to see you.

So, you want to sit
down and catch up?

Hi. I Don'’t usually
do things like this

but i'’m Pam, and
I think you'’re cute.

Thanks. I'’m Harvey, and
I think you'’re cute, too.

Do you want to go out
and grab something to eat?

I'’d love to.

Uh, then afterwards,
we could check out

one of the new
Helen hunt movies.

See you, Sabrina.

They'’re lucky.

Next week that would'’ve
cost them five bucks.

♪ Life'’s changing around me,
and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

Hilda, I just
opened our visa bill.

How could you spend $3,000
on world war ii memorabilia?

What are you talking about?

You know i'’m a
boer war kind of gal.

Well, if these aren'’t
your visa charges

and they aren'’t my visa
charges, then whose are they?

Salem: Mooshi-mooshi.

The name on the
card is Zelda spellman.

[ Speaking Japanese]

Tomo Arigato, mr. Roboto!

Just what do you
think you'’re doing?

I know the kimono'’s
a little gauche

but it'’s so dang silky.

I'’m talking about
my credit card.

Oh, that. Just making
a little impulse buy.

The future Mrs.
Mioshi saberhagen

ships in two weeks.

You bought a mail-order bride?

Dummy, what are you going to do
when a Japanese woman shows up

and sees that her "number
one American husband" is a cat?

When she sees the
engagement ring you bought her

with your discover
card, she won'’t care!

[ Laughing]

Can you believe the nerve
of that mangy little fur ball?

Stealing from us
and then flaunting it.

[ Bell dings]

When was the last time actual
toast came out of that thing?

Oh, it'’s for you

from the other realm
department of justice.

Justice? That can'’t be good.

Oh, you'’re looking fine.

Well, I was feeling fine
until you showed up.

What do you want, Harry?

A date for new year'’s.

And to read this.

"Hilda spellman

as a gesture of amnesty,
the outgoing president

of the witch'’s
council pardons you

and everyone else involved
in the witchwater scandal.

That'’s fantastic!

I'’ve been pardoned!

I knew buying his wife that
spa weekend would pay off.

And the bottom line is,
you'’re no longer required

to feed, clothe and
house Salem saberhagen.

The feline felon will be
assigned a new halfway house.

Salem won'’t be
living with us anymore?

Hilda, have you forgotten?

He'’s a hardened criminal
who led a bloody insurrection

to try to take over the world.

Everyone makes a
mistake now and then.

I suppose if you really
want to keep him...

Zelda! My fancy feast has lumps

and so does my litter box!

Hilda, roll up your
sleeves and start scooping.

Book him, dano.

Huh?

Zelda, he'’s gone.

We'’ll never see Salem again.

Free at last!

Thank god almighty.

Both: We'’re free at last!

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, what'’s that for?

Josh and I are throwing a
singles party at the coffeehouse.

I'’m sure you
think it'’s stupid.

I haven'’t been on a
date in five months.

I can live with stupid.

Well, there'’s no
motivation like desperation.

Okay, so i'’m watching
deep space nine.

It was this cool episode, uh...

About the borg...

Well, she wasn'’t
your type anyway.

Yeah, I usually strike out
with the normal, human ones.

Let'’s face it, i'’m never
going to meet a girl.

Yes, you are... lots of them.

Why should I pay five
dollars to get rejected

when I do it so well for free?

Well, for every
girl that says no

you'’re that much closer
to the one that'’ll say yes.

Dating is a numbers game.

So getting rejected by 20 girls
in one night is a good thing?

Yeah. For only five
bucks, that'’s a bargain.

I never realized what
a pack rat Salem was.

It'’s amazing... He
saved everything.

Wrapping paper; Aluminum foil...

My cartier watch.

He needed something to go
with your ferragamo handbag.

Zellie, are you sure I did
the right thing with Salem?

Yes, absolutely... he was
evil, selfish and disgusting.

You'’re right. Good-bye
and good riddance.

But honestly, how cute was
he when he wore this little outfit?

I loved his Shirley
temple phase.

Remember how he'’d put that on

and sing "the
good ship lollipop"?

That cat could really
shuffle off to buffalo.

I do hope he lands
someplace nice.

[ Yelling]

[ Chuckling]: Well, who are you?

Salem saberhagen, aka "the fist"

aka "Mr. Julian."

Must be the new parolee
Harry said he was sending over.

You are correct, madame.

But now if you'’ll kindly
show me to my quarters

i'’d like to freshen up

before gorging on a
nice ceviche appetizer.

Of course you would, yes.

[ Chuckling]

[ Yells]

He seemed nice.

Yes.

Uh-oh!

Something tells me this
isn'’t the good ship lollipop.

Welcome to dick and
dora'’s prison labor camp.

My name is snake, and
i'’ll be your dungeon master.

Now, get sewing, or
you'’re going to be my lunch.

[ Whimpering]: But I
Don'’t know how to sew!

[ Growls]

Just give me a minute to
thread my bobbin. Heh-heh.

This is going great!

I mean, how cool would it
be if everyone here got dates

and the singles
night really took off?

Very cool, and very profitable.

Sabrina, you and I have
discovered a beautiful way

to create meaningful,
lasting relationships.

[ Rings bell]Switch!

I'’m Steve. I'’m Erica.

I know you... you'’re
in my biology lab.

I'’ve been trying
to get up the nerve

to talk to you all semester.

I'’ve wanted to
talk to you, too!

Let'’s find out if
we'’re soul mates

in the next four
minutes and 20 seconds.

I think we'’ve got a
budding romance here.

Yeah, I think we do.

I mean, theydo.

Well, right, yeah, them.

Why Don'’t I, uh, make sure
we have enough sugar packets?

Yeah, and i'’ll
refill the coffee pot.

As soon as it'’s empty.

[ Rings bell]Time!

My name is miles.

Thus far we'’ve only known
each other as roommates

but i'’m open to other avenues.

Make a u-turn...
This road is closed.

I didn'’t pay five bucks
to get chatted up by miles.

I want to meet that
cute guy over there.

That'’s my friend, Brett.

He should be at your
table in another four bells.

[ Ringing bell]

Well, the girl knows
what she wants.

We may only have a few seconds
together before the next bell.

I need you to sum up your
entire being in four words. Go.

Not interested in you.

Four words on the dot.

Can I get a bell, please?

Well, i'’d call this
evening a total success.

I bet more than a dozen
phone numbers were exchanged.

Yeah. Roxie met my friend Brett

miles met my friend Holly

and I met a lot of
dead presidents.

So where do you want
Mr. Lincoln and his pals

to take us for dinner?

Well, I know roxie'’s
a little bit nervous

about her first date with Brett

so maybe the four
of us and the lincolns

could go someplace together.

Sounds good to me.

And old Abe'’s up for anything.

As long as we Don'’t
wind up at the theater.

I'’m so excited about
going out with Brett.

Thanks for double-
dating with us.

How many times do I have
to tell you? We'’re not dating.

And how many times do I have
to tell you that you should be?

We tried it, but
it didn'’t work.

Then he tried it, but I
just wanted to be friends.

Then I tried it, but he
was dating Morgan.

Which he isn'’t anymore.

The man'’s coming
over to take you

to a kung fu movie.

Dead giveaway that he
wants a serious relationship.

You think so?

What I think is that you two
are perfect for each other.

I Don'’t know what'’s
holding either of you back.

[ Knocking on door]

Hey, you ready?

Maybe I am.

Where'’s Brett?

Oh, he couldn'’t make it.

Yeah, at the last
second, his buddy got him

a box seat for the Red Sox game.

He told me to tell
you he'’s sorry.

That makes two of us.

Wait a minute.
Okay, Brett cancels

but he doesn'’t
bother to call roxie

and tell her himself?

Like I said, he
just got the tickets

he knew I was coming over here

and I told him i'’d give
roxie the message.

Which I did.

Roxie, are you okay?

I'’ll be fine. Have
a great time.

Okay, we better go.

You Don'’t want to miss the
beginning of a Bruce Lee movie.

The first ten minutes sets
up the whole emotional arc.

Hold the phone.

When Brett told
you he was canceling

to go to the game,
what did you say?

Uh, "who'’s pitching?"

You didn'’t say anything about,
you know, how rude he was

how insensitive, how
you could never be friends

with someone who was
so morally bankrupt?

I felt it was implied.

Now, come on

we Don'’t want to
miss that cartoon

with the little dancing hot dog.

See if you can get
what i'’m implying.

You and I aren'’t
going to the movies.

All right, let me get
this straight, Sabrina.

You think my friend acted like
a jerk, and you'’re blaming me?

No, i'’m blaming you
'’cause you Don'’t even realize

your friend acted like a jerk.

Okay, fine, Brett was
a jerk... are you happy?

You'’re saying that '’cause
you Don'’t want to argue.

I can'’t argue with that.

You know, Josh, the
scary thing about this is

you'’re not who I
thought you were.

Yes I am... I just happen
to have a jerky friend.

Miles, what do you
think about a guy

who doesn'’t care how
a woman is treated?

Well, what do you
think about a woman

who blames a guy for
stuff another guy does?

You both need to relax.

This is a normal argument
that eventually all couples have.

Both: We'’re not a couple.

Then stop messing with my mind.

I'’m going to pick
up Holly for our date.

Aren'’t you guys supposed
to be at the Bruce Lee movie?

We were until Johnny
blackheart here

decided that he didn'’t care

if his friend treated
my friend like dirt.

Oh, you are just not going
to let this go, are you?

Hang on a second.

You have extra tickets
to the 1971 classic

han sing dai hing?

There you go. Enjoy.

On second thought,
i'’m coming with you.

Josh, we'’re not done here.

Oh, yes, we are.

Popcorn?

No, thanks.

[ Men grunting on-screen]

Ugh, artificial
butter flavor, yuck!

Sabrina was way out of
line, wasn'’t she, miles?

Hello, on a date!

Legend has it that all
these guys actually die

during the filming
of this scene.

I mean, where does
she get off blaming me

for what happened to roxy?

I didn'’t do anything wrong.

I acted the way any other
guy would have acted.

Yeah, like a jerk!

Ow!

I think my popcorn bit me!

Shh! This is the scene
where Bruce Lee repositions

the spleens of 12
lawyers from Thailand.

Now, that'’s a real man.

I'’m glad youthink so.

Man: Gentlemen, I was
going to reposition your spleens

but i'’ve learned that a
real man should admit

when he'’s behaved
badly, and have the insight

to urge his friends
to be more sensitive.

I Don'’t remember this
in the movie, do you?

He'’s going to have to
get back to you on that.

So.

So, here we are.

Isn'’t this wonderful?

Divine.

Now that Salem'’s not around

we can eat like
civilized witches.

That'’s true; No more guarding
our plates against that vulture.

Oh, speaking of vulture, could
you please pass the vulture?

Certainly.

Yes, this is such a treat.

Nobody begging for scraps...

Leaving whiskers
in your crème brûlée.

Parading around in your
best fishnet stockings.

God, I miss him!

Me, too. Hilda, do you think
it would be wrong of us to...

Way ahead of you.

You sure you Don'’t want

to give singles
night another shot?

We booked a really hot band.

No one wants to be

at that stinking
coffeehouse less than me.

Except me. Josh and I
haven'’t spoken in a week.

I mean, he hasn'’t
even called to apologize.

This could kill the
whole relationship.

You mean the
relationship you Don'’t have

with the guy you'’re not dating?

Yeah. I Don'’t want that to end.

The end of a relationship is
always the most depressing part.

But it'’s got to be really
depressing to end something

that never got a
chance to begin.

All I know is, he should be

the first one to
call and apologize.

He acted like a jerk
when Brett stood you up.

Is that what this is about?

You'’re throwing
away a great guy

because of someone that
never meant anything to me?

It'’s the principle
of the thing.

If you'’re going to date
based upon principle

your choices are the pope
or St. Francis of assisi.

So i'’ve got options.

I like your bungalow.

I like saying "bungalow."

Bungalow.

Say it with me.

When will Salem be back?

Hard to say; He
loves splashing around

[ chuckling]: In the
estuary, doesn'’t he?

Yes.

That'’s funny, you know.

He never liked playing in
brackish water at our house.

[ Rhythmic clonking]

What'’s that?

Uh, the boiler; It'’s
on the Fritz again.

I think it needs
to be disciplined.

Are you getting a weird feeling?

No, but there'’s something
new i'’d like to say.

Brackish water.

Say it with me: Brackish water.

♪ ...over, over yourself

♪ whoa, whoa ♪ get over
yourself, good-bye, good-bye ♪

♪ it must be hard to be
you, yeah, living in your life ♪

♪ I was always the
one to cry, to cry ♪

♪ now, everything, everything,
everything is all right ♪

♪ get over yourself ♪ get
over yourself, know why? ♪

♪ '’cause without you,
see, I do anything I like ♪

♪ sometimes I
stay out all night ♪

♪ I do anything I want, babe

♪ and everything, everything,
everything is all right ♪

♪ get over yourself, good-bye ♪

♪ everything is all right ♪

♪ get over yourself, good-bye. ♪

[ Applause]

Sabrina, this is great!

How did you get the pop
stars to play at singles night?

Well, they may have a hit series

but they'’re looking for
love just like everyone else.

All right, everybody,
for the next round

the women will switch tables.

Let them do
something for a change

besides hold all
us guys responsible

for everything bad that
happens in the world.

Maybe we wouldn'’t
hold you responsible

if you did the right thing.

How do we do the right thing

if you blame us for stuff
that isn'’t even our fault?

It isyour fault; You'’re just
too pigheaded to admit it.

What do you think

pop stars one through five?

I think you both need
some serious therapy.

Hey, Sabrina. Hey, Josh.

Miles, what are you doing
here on singles night?

Yeah. Where'’s Holly?

It'’s over.

There'’s a surprise.

Another one of your
flaky Emerson friends

dumps another one of myroommates

and you Don'’t even care!

How do you know I Don'’t care?

You didn'’t even give me a
chance to react, and stop poking me!

Actually, I broke up with Holly.

Huh?

Uh, looks like I made
a little poke Mark there.

Yeah, that happens

when you point your
finger at the wrong person.

All right, Josh, you know,
maybe I jumped all over you

but i'’m still upset
about the Brett thing.

Uh, that'’s not
much of an apology.

What are you talking about?

You'’re the one the one
that needs to apologize.

Again? Sabrina, how many
times do I have to say i'’m sorry?

Until the one time
you really mean it.

Boy, for a couple trying
to bring people together

you'’re setting a
rotten example.

Both: We'’re nota couple.

[ Rhythmic clonking]

Where did you get those pumps?

Other realm shoe
pavilion. Do you like them?

Not particularly.

What you doing?

Translating morse code.

I'’ve got it.

"I'’m in a basement
prison cobbling shoes.

Send help and ceviche.

Hilda, this is an other
realm prison labor camp!

Dick and Doris, shame on you!

Zap '’em, dick!

Watch out, Zelda!

Nice work, super witch.

You, too, hex kitten.

Let'’s find Salem
and get out of here.

All right, that'’s it!

I'’ve had enough
of you, saberhagen.

I'’m famished!

[ Hissing]

Everybody freeze!

Hilda! Zelda!

Am I glad to see you!

Salem, are you all right?

Hilda, let'’s get out of here
before dick and Doris escape.

We'’ll send the authorities

after these wretched
men. Come on!

Wait a minute.

[ Gobbling]

[ Bell ringing] All right,
everybody, wrap it up.

The night'’s over;
We'’re closing.

Actually, it'’s just beginning.

I'’m sorry I only have two arms.

Pop stars?

Well, at least someone
had a good time this evening.

Yeah, miles and the pop
stars really seemed to hit it off.

Yeah, they make an
attractive... You know, whatever.

So, how is it that miles can
get along with an entire harem

and you and I can'’t even
be civil to each other?

Look, Josh, I Don'’t want
to keep going on like this.

Me, neither.

Just because I didn'’t like

how you handled
things with Brett

doesn'’t mean we
shouldn'’t be friends.

We still have to work together

so we should figure out
a way to get along so...

Well, that'’s one way.

For what it'’s worth

if I ever had to cancel
a date, i'’d call you.

For what it'’s worth, I hope we
have a date for you to not cancel.

Well, we never did
go out for that dinner.

Well, maybe we can oct-up
with miles and his harem.

These are the most
comfortable shoes i'’ve ever had.

And stylish.

Oh, cobbler?

Yes, ma'’am!

I'’d like five more
pairs, one in every color.

Yeah, and how are
you with matching belts?

I'’ll cobble whatever you want.

I'’m just glad to be home.

And we'’re happy
to have you home.

I'’m sure you learned a
lesson from your misbehavior?

I'’m sure I have.

[ Doorbell rings]

I am Mrs. Salem-San.

Okay... come in.

I bring you gift.

Where is my husband?

Meeeeow!

Nobody perfect.