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1
00:00:03,344 --> 00:00:04,482
Yes!
2
00:00:04,551 --> 00:00:07,551
Evil waffle iron, you have
finally met your match.
3
00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:09,758
Your reign of
tyranny has finally...
4
00:00:09,827 --> 00:00:11,275
Well, the joke'’s on you
5
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,448
'’cause that'’s the
way I like them.
6
00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:15,758
Breakfast is ready!
7
00:00:15,827 --> 00:00:18,689
Miles, Morgan, roxie!
8
00:00:18,758 --> 00:00:20,517
Breakfast!
9
00:00:22,758 --> 00:00:25,275
Come on, people!
10
00:00:25,344 --> 00:00:26,517
Free food!
11
00:00:26,586 --> 00:00:27,689
[ Sighs]
12
00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,586
Fine, have it your way.
13
00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:34,344
[ Crowing]
14
00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:35,689
I heard crowing!
15
00:00:35,758 --> 00:00:37,344
Is my mother here?
16
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:38,838
It'’s the feds! Illegal
search and seizure!
17
00:00:38,862 --> 00:00:39,872
Quick, help me hide this film.
18
00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:41,241
Sorry, sorry... it was just me
19
00:00:41,310 --> 00:00:42,655
practicing my barnyard calls.
20
00:00:42,724 --> 00:00:44,068
Suuey!
21
00:00:44,137 --> 00:00:46,379
Look, I made us a
"first day of college
22
00:00:46,448 --> 00:00:49,206
life doesn'’t get any
better than this" breakfast.
23
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:51,655
Look, old McDonald,
i'’ve worked very hard
24
00:00:51,724 --> 00:00:54,344
to make sure my first
class isn'’t until 3:00.
25
00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:56,379
Good day and good night.
26
00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:59,206
That'’s funny, because
I totally had you pegged
27
00:00:59,275 --> 00:01:00,586
for a morningperson.
28
00:01:01,724 --> 00:01:03,275
Miles, what are you doing?
29
00:01:03,344 --> 00:01:05,758
I-I made us waffles
and bacon and eggs.
30
00:01:05,827 --> 00:01:07,103
Do you have any idea
31
00:01:07,172 --> 00:01:09,551
where bacon and eggs come from?
32
00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,137
Pigs and chicken butts?
33
00:01:11,206 --> 00:01:12,896
Government-subsidized farms.
34
00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:15,068
They'’re fed chemicals
and hormones.
35
00:01:15,137 --> 00:01:16,137
It'’s not natural.
36
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:19,000
I'’m sorry, Sabrina, but
my body is my temple.
37
00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:21,793
So, you'’re filling it with
sacred sugar bombs?
38
00:01:21,862 --> 00:01:23,758
Well, they turn the milk purple.
39
00:01:25,517 --> 00:01:27,379
Don'’t let them
bother you, Sabrina.
40
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:29,034
Your enthusiasm for college is
41
00:01:29,103 --> 00:01:30,896
exactly what we
need around here.
42
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:31,965
Thank you, Morgan.
43
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,758
At least someone appreciates me.
44
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,655
Put me down for
French toast tomorrow.
45
00:01:35,724 --> 00:01:38,034
Put me down for, "yeah, right."
46
00:01:40,482 --> 00:01:43,620
Well, foghorn, I guess
it'’s just you and me.
47
00:02:23,482 --> 00:02:24,482
You know, as sad as I am
48
00:02:24,551 --> 00:02:26,068
about Sabrina
being off at college
49
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:28,379
I love having time to fill
my life with new meaning.
50
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:29,896
What do you think
about acrylics?
51
00:02:29,965 --> 00:02:30,896
Oh, I like them
52
00:02:30,965 --> 00:02:33,103
but i'’m prone to fungus.
53
00:02:33,172 --> 00:02:36,103
Hey, hey, hey,
watch the dewclaw.
54
00:02:36,172 --> 00:02:38,517
Too bad Zelda'’s
not coping like I am.
55
00:02:38,586 --> 00:02:42,310
For her, the world begins,
middles and ends with Sabrina.
56
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,206
Sabrina... where have
I heard that name?
57
00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:45,379
Ah, yes, Audrey hepburn.
58
00:02:45,448 --> 00:02:46,758
Wonderful film.
59
00:02:46,827 --> 00:02:49,241
Knowing Zelda, she'’ll be
moping around here for weeks.
60
00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:51,206
I got it! I got it!
61
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:52,896
You are looking
62
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,724
at a new associate
professor of quantum physics.
63
00:02:55,793 --> 00:02:57,620
Yeah, she'’s a wreck all right.
64
00:02:57,689 --> 00:02:58,941
Where are you
going to be teaching?
65
00:02:58,965 --> 00:03:00,517
Adams college.
66
00:03:00,586 --> 00:03:04,137
Adams college... now, why
does that sound familiar?
67
00:03:04,206 --> 00:03:05,310
Oh, I know.
68
00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:07,137
That'’s Sabrina'’s college.
69
00:03:07,206 --> 00:03:08,689
How pathetic is that?
70
00:03:08,758 --> 00:03:11,344
I know it looks like I took
this job to be near Sabrina
71
00:03:11,413 --> 00:03:13,793
but i'’ve always dreamed
of being a teacher.
72
00:03:13,862 --> 00:03:15,620
I'’m moving on
with my life, hilda
73
00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:16,724
and so should you.
74
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:18,517
Already way ahead
of you. Really?
75
00:03:18,586 --> 00:03:20,482
So, tell how doyou
plan to spend your time
76
00:03:20,551 --> 00:03:22,206
now that the clock
shop'’s gone under?
77
00:03:22,275 --> 00:03:24,344
Oh, please, there aren'’t
enough hours in the day.
78
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,310
I'’m more productive
now than i'’ve ever been.
79
00:03:26,379 --> 00:03:27,482
Now, if you'’ll excuse me
80
00:03:27,551 --> 00:03:28,758
I have to draw Salem a bath.
81
00:03:28,827 --> 00:03:30,413
[ Startled grunt]
82
00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,448
Are you insane, woman?
83
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:34,310
My nails aren'’t dry.
84
00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:35,620
[ Sighs]
85
00:03:35,689 --> 00:03:37,862
I can'’t believe
i'’m actually here...
86
00:03:37,931 --> 00:03:40,724
Sabrina spellman...
College student, coed...
87
00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:42,793
Independent woman of the world.
88
00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:45,413
I feel a celebratory
woo-hoo coming on.
89
00:03:45,482 --> 00:03:46,793
Woo-hoo!
90
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:49,000
Sabrina, you are a
very lucky freshman.
91
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:50,413
You have at your disposal
92
00:03:50,482 --> 00:03:52,931
this school'’s most
knowledgeable tour guide.
93
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,137
Well, until she shows up, why
Don'’t you give me the tour?
94
00:03:56,206 --> 00:03:57,310
[ Chuckling]
95
00:03:57,379 --> 00:03:59,724
Um, do you know where
the psychology building is?
96
00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:00,793
No idea.
97
00:04:00,862 --> 00:04:02,000
What about history?
98
00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,241
Oh... got me again.
99
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,034
Do you know where
anything is on this campus?
100
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:08,620
I know that the men'’s
swim team has lunch
101
00:04:08,689 --> 00:04:10,310
on the quad every afternoon
102
00:04:10,379 --> 00:04:12,310
but you have got
to get there early
103
00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:14,275
'’cause the good
seats fill up fast.
104
00:04:14,344 --> 00:04:15,482
See ya.
105
00:04:15,551 --> 00:04:17,344
Don'’t know where my classes are
106
00:04:17,413 --> 00:04:19,344
but I know where
i'’m eating lunch.
107
00:04:19,413 --> 00:04:21,827
Man: I can'’t tell you how
excited we are to have you
108
00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:23,103
on the faculty, professor.
109
00:04:23,172 --> 00:04:24,758
Yet that'’s what
you'’ve been doing
110
00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:26,034
for the last 20 minutes.
111
00:04:26,103 --> 00:04:28,000
Aunt Zelda?
112
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,000
Oh, Sabrina.
113
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,620
Will you excuse me, gentlemen?
114
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:32,827
Hi...
115
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:35,172
Sorry to interrupt
your little singles mixer
116
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:36,793
but, uh, what'’s going on here?
117
00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:39,586
Men... you can take the
nobel laureate out of the boy
118
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,137
but you can'’t take the boy...
119
00:04:41,206 --> 00:04:43,241
No, I mean, what
are youdoing here?
120
00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:44,562
And please tell
me "professor'’s"
121
00:04:44,586 --> 00:04:46,266
just an exotic nickname
you'’re trying out.
122
00:04:46,310 --> 00:04:47,862
Sabrina, I know
how this must look.
123
00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:49,103
Like exactly what it is.
124
00:04:49,172 --> 00:04:51,172
I'’m supposed to be
embarking on a journey
125
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:52,655
of independent self-discovery
126
00:04:52,724 --> 00:04:54,620
but there'’s no "aunt"
in "independent."
127
00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:56,827
There'’s an "ent," but
that'’s another story.
128
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,620
Honestly, honey, my new
job has nothing to do with you.
129
00:04:59,689 --> 00:05:02,724
Yeah, right. Here I am, trying to
go to college like a regular mortal
130
00:05:02,793 --> 00:05:04,379
but my other realm
aunt doesn'’t think
131
00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:05,586
that I can handle it alone.
132
00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:07,551
Well, I got news for
you... I can and I will.
133
00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:08,976
Sabrina... and
while we'’re at school
134
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,872
we Don'’t know each other.
Is that clear, aunt Zelda?
135
00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:12,862
Very clear...
136
00:05:12,931 --> 00:05:15,103
And it'’s "professor
spellman" to you.
137
00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:17,413
Good, and it'’s...
"Sabrina" to you.
138
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:19,827
Hey, congratulations
on the new job.
139
00:05:19,896 --> 00:05:21,000
Thanks.
140
00:05:21,068 --> 00:05:22,275
I'’m really excited.
141
00:05:26,862 --> 00:05:29,689
Got to get one of those
book bags with wheels...
142
00:05:29,758 --> 00:05:31,034
Or maybe a pack mule.
143
00:05:31,103 --> 00:05:32,034
What'’s wrong, perky?
144
00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:33,493
First day of Sabrina'’s
wonderful life
145
00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:34,448
hitting a brick wall?
146
00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:36,344
No, not at all. It'’s
very wonderful.
147
00:05:36,413 --> 00:05:38,517
I'’ve only been at
college for three hours
148
00:05:38,586 --> 00:05:41,068
and already I get to
read four chapters of Plato
149
00:05:41,137 --> 00:05:42,275
write a ten-page essay
150
00:05:42,344 --> 00:05:44,344
and catch a small
arthropod to dissect.
151
00:05:44,413 --> 00:05:46,344
Maybe I ought to
rethink my definition
152
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:47,689
of the word "wonderful."
153
00:05:47,758 --> 00:05:50,344
Hey, college girl, how
was the big first day?
154
00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:53,275
Bigger than I expected...
But still wonderful.
155
00:05:53,344 --> 00:05:55,344
Josh, this is my
roommate, roxie.
156
00:05:55,413 --> 00:05:56,344
Hey, roxie.
157
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:57,344
Great name.
158
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:58,586
You know, we had this girl
159
00:05:58,655 --> 00:06:00,586
at school named roxie.
160
00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:03,448
I used to call her "foxy roxie."
161
00:06:03,517 --> 00:06:06,413
And, today, you'’re wiping
tables for a living. I'’m shocked.
162
00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:08,551
Nice to meet you, too.
163
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,620
Don'’t mind her.
164
00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:11,620
She'’s always a
little cranky before...
165
00:06:11,689 --> 00:06:13,206
She'’s just cranky.
166
00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:16,172
Sabrina, Emerson'’s having
a huge kickoff party tonight.
167
00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:18,034
They have parties
on Monday night?
168
00:06:18,103 --> 00:06:20,586
This is college; They
have parties every night.
169
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:22,586
I could leave your
names at the door.
170
00:06:22,655 --> 00:06:24,827
Oh, my gosh!
171
00:06:24,896 --> 00:06:26,344
A college party?
172
00:06:26,413 --> 00:06:27,724
I'’m so excited.
173
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:29,793
Whatever will I wear?!
174
00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:31,482
[ Squeals]
175
00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:33,448
I-I think she was
being sarcastic.
176
00:06:33,517 --> 00:06:34,551
Yeah, I got that.
177
00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:36,448
Anyway, you'’ll be there, right?
178
00:06:36,517 --> 00:06:37,517
I can'’t.
179
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:39,137
I got tons of work to do
180
00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:42,206
and i'’m falling further
behind as we speak.
181
00:06:42,275 --> 00:06:44,172
Oh, so what? There'’s
always somethingdue.
182
00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:46,724
You just have to learn
how to juggle your priorities.
183
00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:49,413
[ Heavy metal music playing]
184
00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:52,379
Hey, rox, could you do
something with that music?
185
00:06:52,448 --> 00:06:53,448
Oh, sure.
186
00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:54,413
[ Playing loudly]
187
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,206
No, actually, by "do something"
188
00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:57,551
I meant "turn it off."
189
00:06:57,620 --> 00:06:59,206
And, again, we'’re
at an impasse.
190
00:06:59,275 --> 00:07:01,517
Why are you always
looking to pick a fight?
191
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:03,976
I'’m not fighting. I just can'’t
study with the music on, that'’s all.
192
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,551
And I can'’t study with it off.
193
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:06,631
So, what are we going to do?
194
00:07:06,655 --> 00:07:07,695
Well, since you woke me up
195
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,798
with some five-course
breakfast, I think you owe me.
196
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,517
Well, i'’m glad I
didn'’t make you lunch.
197
00:07:12,586 --> 00:07:14,310
I'’d be in your debt forever.
198
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:18,034
[ Music resuming]
199
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:21,241
Hey, you'’re slogging
through Plato'’s dialogues, too?
200
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:24,379
Do you have any idea
what the first one is about?
201
00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:29,068
I'’m not sure, but if you take
the first word of each paragraph
202
00:07:29,137 --> 00:07:30,724
it makes the sentence
203
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:33,241
"mine enemy goeth
in green shoes."
204
00:07:34,862 --> 00:07:37,724
Maybe we should just
read quietly to ourselves.
205
00:07:42,172 --> 00:07:44,551
For your
gastrointestinal pleasure
206
00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:48,241
another delicious hilda
spellman original recipe.
207
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:49,689
Guess what'’s in it.
208
00:07:49,758 --> 00:07:51,206
I Don'’t care.
209
00:07:51,275 --> 00:07:52,586
[ Belches and chews]
210
00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:54,148
That'’s what I like
about you, Salem...
211
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:55,379
You'’re a culinary adventurer.
212
00:07:55,448 --> 00:07:58,310
So much nicer
than "big fat pig."
213
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:00,206
What an invigorating day...
214
00:08:00,275 --> 00:08:03,379
Filling eager young
minds with knowledge
215
00:08:03,448 --> 00:08:05,000
and challenging debates...
216
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:08,517
Then meeting the whole
gang down at tgi Friday'’s
217
00:08:08,586 --> 00:08:10,689
for margaritas and crazy fries.
218
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,275
Ooh, I feel so alive!
219
00:08:12,344 --> 00:08:15,310
Hildy, make the big,
scary lady go away.
220
00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:18,793
Zelda, would you mind taking your
affected self-absorption for a walk?
221
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:20,793
Hilda, what on
earth are you doing?
222
00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:24,310
Don'’t tell me you'’ve spent
your entire day doting on this cat.
223
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,551
I haven'’t been doting.
224
00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:27,965
I simply gave him a
few beauty treatments...
225
00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:29,758
Read to him... Cooked for him...
226
00:08:29,827 --> 00:08:32,310
And put on a delightfully
amusing puppet show.
227
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,103
Hilda, dear...
228
00:08:34,172 --> 00:08:36,896
Sometimes, when a
person experiences a loss...
229
00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:39,241
Say a loved one
goes away to college...
230
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:42,172
They project their feelings
onto someone else...
231
00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:43,482
Say a worthless cat.
232
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:44,551
Mm-hmm.
233
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:46,965
They do this as a way
of sublimating anxiety.
234
00:08:47,034 --> 00:08:49,241
Do you understand
what i'’m saying?
235
00:08:49,310 --> 00:08:51,517
Your mouth moves,
sound comes out
236
00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:52,724
and yet, nothing.
237
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:58,068
Okay, i'’ve gotten through
understanding Plato
238
00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:00,413
and understanding
understanding Plato.
239
00:09:00,482 --> 00:09:02,965
Now, what I need is
Plato for dummies...
240
00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:04,034
Or better yet, Plato.
241
00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:06,620
Look, Plato, I know
you'’re the foundation
242
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:09,310
of western thought
and stuff, but you seem
243
00:09:09,379 --> 00:09:10,551
to be talking in circles.
244
00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:11,862
Can you help me out, here?
245
00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:13,862
Oh, that.
246
00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:15,172
Now, that...
247
00:09:15,241 --> 00:09:17,620
I-I wrote this to impress
someone I was seeing.
248
00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:19,310
We met at the Olympics.
249
00:09:19,379 --> 00:09:20,965
Vestal virgin... yeah, right.
250
00:09:21,034 --> 00:09:22,379
Do you have any nectar?
251
00:09:22,448 --> 00:09:25,068
Greeks... good souvlaki,
bad explanations.
252
00:09:25,137 --> 00:09:26,896
Oh, you want an explanation?
253
00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:28,068
It'’s all about reason.
254
00:09:28,137 --> 00:09:29,517
You'’ve got the power of reason
255
00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:31,379
and a couple of
drachma in your toga
256
00:09:31,448 --> 00:09:32,586
you'’re sitting pretty.
257
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,344
Oddly enough, that helps.
258
00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:35,896
Thanks, Plato.
259
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,896
Okay, i'’m done with Plato.
260
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:41,931
Next up: My ten-page essay
on the Franco-prussian war.
261
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,724
I was just going to
throw these away...
262
00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:45,034
The syrup is hard as a rock...
263
00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:46,758
But then I thought
they might hold
264
00:09:46,827 --> 00:09:48,655
some kitschy,
sentimental value for you.
265
00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:50,793
Do I look like I have
time for dishes right now?
266
00:09:50,862 --> 00:09:53,172
I'’m overwhelmed with work
and it'’s only my first day.
267
00:09:53,241 --> 00:09:55,551
Relax. Every freshman
goes through this.
268
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,103
It'’s just the college'’s way
269
00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:59,965
of getting rid of the
weak... Culling the herd.
270
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,517
Whoa, you got invited
to the Emerson party?
271
00:10:02,586 --> 00:10:03,793
Yeah, but I can'’t go.
272
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:05,620
The guy I cheat
off in ethics class
273
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,448
has a brother who
goes to Emerson.
274
00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:09,965
My friend put me and
roxie on the guest list but...
275
00:10:10,034 --> 00:10:11,551
I'’ve got too much
studying to do.
276
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,448
Sabrina, as your
resident advisor
277
00:10:13,517 --> 00:10:14,517
I must tell you
278
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:16,931
that Adams college
values life experience
279
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,655
as much as it does academics.
280
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:19,965
I mean, the last thing
281
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:21,482
that you want to do
282
00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:24,000
is neglect the social arena.
283
00:10:24,068 --> 00:10:25,586
I'’ve got a lot of
work to get done
284
00:10:25,655 --> 00:10:27,655
but I Don'’t want the
college to get mad at me
285
00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:28,827
for not partying enough.
286
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,241
The key here is balance.
287
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:31,413
Now, it'’s 9:00.
288
00:10:31,482 --> 00:10:33,172
Why Don'’t you go for an hour?
289
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,379
In fact, why Don'’t
I go with you?
290
00:10:35,448 --> 00:10:37,724
And then you'’ll come
back fresh, rejuvenated
291
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:39,482
and ready to attack
the academics.
292
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,965
You Don'’t think that'’ll
be too distracting?
293
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,965
Sabrina, it'’s my
job to advise you.
294
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,448
Would I steer you wrong?
295
00:10:45,517 --> 00:10:47,896
Well, as we college
types like to say...
296
00:10:47,965 --> 00:10:48,896
Party!
297
00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:51,344
Both: Party! Party!
298
00:10:51,413 --> 00:10:53,310
[ Music playing]
299
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,655
I can'’t believe I
almost missed this.
300
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,000
I know. If you miss
the Monday party
301
00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:02,241
there is nothing to talk
about at the Tuesday party.
302
00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:05,000
By then, it'’s Wednesday...
You'’ll never catch up.
303
00:11:05,068 --> 00:11:06,000
Josh: Sabrina...
304
00:11:06,068 --> 00:11:07,103
Sabrina: Hey, finally.
305
00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:09,620
Hey. i didn'’t think you
were going to make it.
306
00:11:09,689 --> 00:11:10,907
Yeah, I had to do some studying
307
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:11,931
before I could cut loose.
308
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:12,931
Oh, well, i'’m going
309
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,482
with party first; Study later.
310
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:15,724
Wow, you'’re an animal.
311
00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:16,793
It'’s already 2:30.
312
00:11:16,862 --> 00:11:17,793
Well, you know me.
313
00:11:17,862 --> 00:11:18,862
2:30?
314
00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:20,448
I'’ve got a paper
due in six hours!
315
00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:21,517
Got to go.
316
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:22,862
Whoa, whoa, I just got here.
317
00:11:22,931 --> 00:11:23,931
Sabrina, you can'’t leave
318
00:11:23,965 --> 00:11:25,517
until you introduce
me to your friend.
319
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:27,344
Morgan, Josh; Josh,
Morgan. Everybody happy?
320
00:11:27,413 --> 00:11:28,758
Yeah.
321
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:29,931
Very.
322
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,448
Flunking freshman
coming through!
323
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:36,793
Okay, I can do this.
324
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,689
Just type up this bad
boy and we'’re in business.
325
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,068
No problem.
326
00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:43,206
Morgan was right.
327
00:11:43,275 --> 00:11:45,068
I do feel refreshed...
328
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,965
Rejuvenated and...
Ready to attack.
329
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:00,965
[ Snoring]
330
00:12:01,034 --> 00:12:02,310
Sabrina.
331
00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:03,965
[ Snoring]
332
00:12:05,068 --> 00:12:06,344
Sabrina!
333
00:12:06,413 --> 00:12:08,344
What'’s going on? Am I finished?
334
00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:11,310
I didn'’t want to wake
you, but drool tends
335
00:12:11,379 --> 00:12:12,655
to short out your keyboard.
336
00:12:12,724 --> 00:12:14,172
Oh. No, i'’m glad you did.
337
00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:16,586
I'’ve a paper due
in... 30 minutes and...
338
00:12:16,655 --> 00:12:18,413
All i'’ve done is type my name?
339
00:12:18,482 --> 00:12:19,655
"Sardina smellman"?!
340
00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:21,482
It'’s getting there.
341
00:12:21,551 --> 00:12:23,172
Focus.
342
00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:24,586
Okay.
343
00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:26,517
You can do this.
344
00:12:26,586 --> 00:12:28,241
No, I can'’t!
345
00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:29,689
Oh, I can'’t zap a paper.
346
00:12:29,758 --> 00:12:30,965
That would be cheating.
347
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:33,551
But maybe I could use
a magical pick-me-up.
348
00:12:36,448 --> 00:12:39,862
Faster. Speedy. Quick.
349
00:12:39,931 --> 00:12:41,206
Glad you'’re here.
350
00:12:41,275 --> 00:12:43,241
I may need you
to roll me over...
351
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:45,172
Don'’t want to get bedsores.
352
00:12:45,241 --> 00:12:46,482
Salem, what happened to you?
353
00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:47,724
The good life!
354
00:12:47,793 --> 00:12:49,551
La dolce vita, baby!
355
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:50,620
Apparently, the good life
356
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,068
doesn'’t come in
a low-fat version.
357
00:12:52,137 --> 00:12:54,000
I think I carry it quite well.
358
00:12:54,068 --> 00:12:56,827
I Don'’t think you could
carry it out of this room.
359
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:59,206
Okay, here'’s something
about a double-time spell.
360
00:12:59,275 --> 00:13:01,517
It helps you get your
work done twice as fast.
361
00:13:01,586 --> 00:13:02,724
Speaking of fast
362
00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:05,034
I ordered a tri-tip
15 minutes ago.
363
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:06,034
Hilda!
364
00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:07,655
Shh! Be quiet.
365
00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:09,827
I Don'’t want them to
think I can'’t handle college
366
00:13:09,896 --> 00:13:11,137
because I can.
367
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,965
It'’s just the social
and the academic part
368
00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:14,034
i'’m having trouble with.
369
00:13:15,206 --> 00:13:16,827
Okay, here goes.
370
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,586
"Step lively, step quick,
make me move, lickety-split."
371
00:13:21,448 --> 00:13:24,034
Gentlemen, start your engines.
372
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,551
[ Rock music playing]
373
00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:28,241
Save and print.
374
00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:35,172
I could chisel this
thing faster... come on!
375
00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:47,034
Excellent and I still have...
20 seconds to get to class.
376
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:49,586
Of course, professor Flanagan
377
00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:51,137
i'’d love to discuss
your theories.
378
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,758
I just Don'’t think
the travelodge
379
00:13:52,827 --> 00:13:54,172
is an appropriate environment.
380
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:58,655
That blur looks
strangely familiar.
381
00:13:58,724 --> 00:14:00,103
All right, half a pound
382
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,034
hand-ground, organic,
dark-roasted Peruvian.
383
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,344
You'’re a life-saver, Josh.
384
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:06,137
I'’ve looked all
over town for these.
385
00:14:06,206 --> 00:14:07,206
We'’re the only ones.
386
00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:08,517
Unfortunately, most people
387
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,586
aren'’t that picky
about what they drink.
388
00:14:10,655 --> 00:14:12,517
Well, Salem is not most people.
389
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:14,000
Isn'’t Salem your cat?
390
00:14:14,068 --> 00:14:16,000
Your point being...?
391
00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:17,793
Nah, I just think
it'’s a little weird
392
00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:19,344
to buy gourmet coffee for a cat.
393
00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:22,103
Any weirder than a full-grown
man in a little red apron
394
00:14:22,172 --> 00:14:24,758
grinding roasted seeds so
strangers can catch a buzz?
395
00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:26,034
Don'’t judge me, bean boy.
396
00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:32,241
That blur looks
strangely familiar.
397
00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:34,206
Whoa.
398
00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:35,275
Sabrina, you startled me.
399
00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:36,350
I didn'’t see you come in.
400
00:14:36,379 --> 00:14:38,206
What do you want me to do?
401
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:39,275
Oh, I hate to ask
402
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,241
but the bathrooms could
us a good once-over.
403
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:43,275
Hey, what'’d you think
of that party last night?
404
00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,379
I thought it was by far
the most amazing party...
405
00:14:45,448 --> 00:14:46,655
Done.
406
00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:48,965
Also amazing.
407
00:14:49,034 --> 00:14:51,724
Whoa, I just must have
zoned out there for a minute.
408
00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:52,965
I'’m going on my break.
409
00:14:53,034 --> 00:14:54,103
Can you cover for me?
410
00:14:56,482 --> 00:14:57,413
[ Sighs]
411
00:14:57,482 --> 00:14:58,620
Anything else?
412
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,551
Sabrina, there are a dozen
people here waiting for...
413
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:02,620
I had a little downtime
414
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:04,241
so I polished the
Espresso machine.
415
00:15:04,310 --> 00:15:07,793
Well, I guess if you want
to cut out early, then...
416
00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:12,068
Oh, man, what i'’d
give to be 18 again.
417
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,068
Sorry i'’m late.
418
00:15:15,137 --> 00:15:18,137
It took forever to find
the beans, and bad news:
419
00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:20,862
The video store was
out of spaceballs.
420
00:15:20,931 --> 00:15:22,689
Quit yammering, start cooking
421
00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:25,655
and get some quotes on
a double-wide litter box.
422
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:26,655
Zelda: All right.
423
00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:27,827
This has gone far enough.
424
00:15:27,896 --> 00:15:29,620
Sorry, zellie, I
can'’t talk right now.
425
00:15:29,689 --> 00:15:31,034
I Don'’t want Salem to get mad.
426
00:15:31,103 --> 00:15:32,620
You Don'’t want to
make Salem mad?
427
00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:34,068
If you Don'’t leave immediately
428
00:15:34,137 --> 00:15:35,482
i'’ll be forced to sit on you!
429
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:38,275
What you need is a
healthy dose of reality.
430
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:41,793
[ Coughs]
431
00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:44,034
What did you do that for?
432
00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,379
Mmm, lemon-y.
433
00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:47,034
I had to make you realize that
434
00:15:47,103 --> 00:15:49,965
you'’ve displaced your
emotions for Sabrina onto Salem
435
00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:51,586
and that he'’s taking horrible
436
00:15:51,655 --> 00:15:53,034
horrible advantage of you.
437
00:15:53,103 --> 00:15:55,000
You'’re right. What'’s
become of me?
438
00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:57,689
I Don'’t even like being
in the same room as him
439
00:15:57,758 --> 00:15:59,655
and today I flossed
his bicuspids.
440
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:01,413
You just have to find something
441
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,310
to fill the void
left by Sabrina...
442
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,413
Something that
you'’re passionate about
443
00:16:05,482 --> 00:16:07,827
that'’s legal in the
state of Massachusetts.
444
00:16:07,896 --> 00:16:10,172
"Step easy, step slow.
445
00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:12,034
Make me stop this go-go-go."
446
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:16,000
Great spell, but...
447
00:16:16,068 --> 00:16:18,034
Tough on the high-tops.
448
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,413
[ Salem grunting]
449
00:16:19,482 --> 00:16:22,517
Oh! A little help
for a bloated feline?
450
00:16:22,586 --> 00:16:24,413
[ Grunting and gasping]
451
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:25,482
Salem?
452
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:28,379
Okay, I had the
most amazing day.
453
00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:30,586
I partied till 2:00 A.M.
454
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:32,310
I still managed
to finish my paper
455
00:16:32,379 --> 00:16:35,586
do all my reading for the week,
work, go to the gym, hint, hint.
456
00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:37,965
I think i'’ve found
the perfect spell.
457
00:16:38,034 --> 00:16:38,965
[ Gasps]
458
00:16:39,034 --> 00:16:40,655
What'’s with slow and moe?
459
00:16:44,793 --> 00:16:46,344
Miles?
460
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,344
Miles, what'’s wrong with you?
461
00:16:48,413 --> 00:16:50,965
Good... morning.
462
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,896
I'’m... late... For... class.
463
00:16:54,965 --> 00:16:56,448
You haven'’t been to class yet?
464
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:58,586
Roxie, you'’re just
goofing around, right?
465
00:16:58,655 --> 00:17:03,103
Salem: You didn'’t do that
double-time spell, did you?
466
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:04,482
Of course I did.
You were splayed
467
00:17:04,551 --> 00:17:05,793
all over the bed when I did it.
468
00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:07,275
Salem: Sabrina,
where do you think
469
00:17:07,344 --> 00:17:08,448
the extra time comes from?
470
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:09,896
You sucked it right out of them.
471
00:17:09,965 --> 00:17:13,620
Why couldn'’t I have sucked out
something useless like a spleen
472
00:17:13,689 --> 00:17:15,068
or 20 pounds of cat fat?
473
00:17:15,137 --> 00:17:16,172
[ Gasps]
474
00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:19,103
I'’ve got to try to get
them back to normal.
475
00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:22,310
It'’s not working! Oh, no!
476
00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:23,655
If they Don'’t get to class
477
00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:25,517
then they'’ll be on
academic probation
478
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,655
and it'’s all my fault!
479
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:30,068
Morgan, uh, I can explain.
480
00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:32,862
If you can explain that
top with those pants
481
00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:35,000
you are a better
woman than I am.
482
00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:39,172
Stupid, stupid spell!
483
00:17:39,241 --> 00:17:41,379
I'’ve got to find a
way to speed them up.
484
00:18:07,862 --> 00:18:10,310
I am officially out of ideas.
485
00:18:10,379 --> 00:18:11,827
I'’ve got one.
486
00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:15,172
Call your aunt Zelda and have
her get you out of this mess.
487
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,310
I can'’t... I told her I
didn'’t need her help.
488
00:18:17,379 --> 00:18:19,551
Told her I could handle
everything on my own.
489
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,655
To quote the great
philosopher, Rene descartes:
490
00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:24,517
"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"
491
00:18:26,827 --> 00:18:30,000
So, if we take "a" to
be the atomic mass...
492
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,586
What if "a" is unknown?
493
00:18:35,551 --> 00:18:36,655
Oh, really?
494
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,517
So now you want my help?
495
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:40,862
That'’s kind of what I
look for in a teacher.
496
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,482
I thought you could handle
everything on your own.
497
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:47,000
I admit I have a cocky side
498
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,931
but I never said I
knew everything.
499
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,068
All right. Apology accepted.
500
00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:56,275
Thanks. I'’ll be more
careful next time.
501
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,793
I think I put too
much supersonic tonic
502
00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:02,000
in that last batch.
503
00:19:02,068 --> 00:19:03,689
A few drops of
"where'’s the fire?"
504
00:19:03,758 --> 00:19:05,344
Should bring them
back to normal.
505
00:19:05,413 --> 00:19:07,827
Quick! I think they'’re
carving a rut in my floor.
506
00:19:13,275 --> 00:19:14,275
Don'’t you have anything
507
00:19:14,344 --> 00:19:16,172
between roadrunner
and yertle the turtle?
508
00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:18,551
Zelda: Time spells can
be incredibly complicated.
509
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,689
They require very
precise measurements.
510
00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:21,896
This could take days.
511
00:19:21,965 --> 00:19:22,965
I Don'’t have days.
512
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,103
By then they'’ll be...
513
00:19:25,758 --> 00:19:26,896
right where they are now.
514
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,000
Oh, for crying out loud.
515
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,137
Why must you always make
516
00:19:29,206 --> 00:19:30,862
such a production of everything?
517
00:19:30,931 --> 00:19:32,206
A small sip of Espresso
518
00:19:32,275 --> 00:19:34,551
and a little magical
thump to the heart
519
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:35,896
usually does the trick.
520
00:19:35,965 --> 00:19:37,241
What'’s going on?
521
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,068
How did I get out here?
Who are you people?
522
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,586
This better not
involve a probing.
523
00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:41,689
I can explain everything.
524
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:42,862
Which do you like better:
525
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,758
"Overslept" or "alarm
clock didn'’t go off"?
526
00:19:44,827 --> 00:19:45,827
Mmm, both classics.
527
00:19:45,862 --> 00:19:47,172
Can'’t go wrong either way.
528
00:19:48,172 --> 00:19:49,517
Roxie: Oh, my god! I overslept!
529
00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:51,379
Miles: Aah! My alarm
clock didn'’t go off!
530
00:19:51,448 --> 00:19:53,000
I thought i'’d split
the difference.
531
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,000
Nice touch.
532
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,172
Out of the way!
533
00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:56,620
Got a paper to turn in!
534
00:19:56,689 --> 00:19:58,379
Wait your turn, alien breath!
535
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,344
I'’ve just slept away my future!
536
00:20:02,379 --> 00:20:03,689
Maybe I could use a little magic
537
00:20:03,758 --> 00:20:05,517
to help them with
their late assignments.
538
00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:06,896
No need. I'’m sure I can work
539
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:08,827
some of my own magic
on their professors
540
00:20:08,896 --> 00:20:10,551
and I won'’t have to point.
541
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,241
Thank you guys
for helping them out
542
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:13,862
and for getting
me out of this mess
543
00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:15,241
and for not gloating... Much.
544
00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:17,379
Well, you'’ve only been
in college for two days.
545
00:20:17,448 --> 00:20:19,724
It takes a while to learn
how to balance your time.
546
00:20:19,793 --> 00:20:21,310
She speaks from experience
547
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:23,689
and I have to admit,
it'’s nice to know
548
00:20:23,758 --> 00:20:25,793
you haven'’t
outgrown your aunties.
549
00:20:25,862 --> 00:20:27,172
At first, I was a little annoyed
550
00:20:27,241 --> 00:20:28,862
when you got the
job at the university
551
00:20:28,931 --> 00:20:30,586
but now i'’m glad
you'’ll be so close by.
552
00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:31,551
You really mean that?
553
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:32,551
Yeah.
554
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:34,068
Then you'’re going
to be doubly glad.
555
00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:36,000
Why? You didn'’t get a
job there, too, did you?
556
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,448
Seeing you both at school
might force me to join the army.
557
00:20:38,517 --> 00:20:40,379
No, I didn'’t get
a job at school.
558
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:42,448
I bought the coffee house.
559
00:20:42,517 --> 00:20:43,724
I'’ll see you at work.
560
00:20:43,793 --> 00:20:45,620
[ Chuckles]
561
00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:47,344
Maybe I should join the Navy.
562
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,000
I do look better in blue.
563
00:20:53,448 --> 00:20:54,586
9:28.
564
00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:57,448
All studied up and
lots of places to go.
565
00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,793
Hey, guess what?
566
00:20:59,862 --> 00:21:01,275
I finished all my work
567
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:02,493
I understood at least half of it
568
00:21:02,517 --> 00:21:03,631
and now i'’m free
to party with you.
569
00:21:03,655 --> 00:21:04,758
Woo-hoo!
570
00:21:04,827 --> 00:21:06,000
Great. Put up some streamers
571
00:21:06,068 --> 00:21:07,758
pull up a chair and
watch me do logarithms.
572
00:21:07,827 --> 00:21:08,965
The first 20 should take us
573
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,724
to the wee hours of
the morning. Hoo-woo!
574
00:21:10,793 --> 00:21:13,586
Just so you'’re clear,
it'’s "woo-hoo." Woo-hoo!
575
00:21:13,655 --> 00:21:14,827
Ah. Have fun at your party.
576
00:21:14,896 --> 00:21:16,448
I wasn'’t invited to a party.
577
00:21:16,517 --> 00:21:18,965
I was just trying to
find something fun to do
578
00:21:19,034 --> 00:21:21,310
and, hey, what'’s more
fun than logarithms?
579
00:21:21,379 --> 00:21:23,689
You'’re a wild one, spellman.
580
00:21:23,758 --> 00:21:25,482
La dolce vita, baby.
41733
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