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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,109 Whoa, there! 2 00:04:36,128 --> 00:04:37,278 Halt! 3 00:04:38,881 --> 00:04:40,131 Who goes there? 4 00:04:40,382 --> 00:04:44,552 It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. 5 00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:47,805 King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons. 6 00:04:48,473 --> 00:04:50,641 Sovereign of all England! 7 00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:53,553 Pull the other one. 8 00:04:53,653 --> 00:04:56,939 I am, and this is my trusty servant, Patsy. 9 00:04:57,316 --> 00:05:00,810 We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights 10 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:05,823 who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. 11 00:05:06,575 --> 00:05:08,784 - What? Ridden on a horse? - Yes. 12 00:05:08,994 --> 00:05:11,154 - You're using coconuts! - What? 13 00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:15,158 You've got two empty halves of coconut, and you're banging them together. 14 00:05:15,258 --> 00:05:19,170 So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. 15 00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:23,249 - Through the Kingdom of Mercia. Thru... - Where'd you get the coconuts? 16 00:05:23,349 --> 00:05:24,542 We found them. 17 00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:27,845 Found them? In Mercia? The coconut is tropical. 18 00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:31,007 - What do you mean? - Well, this is a temperate zone. 19 00:05:31,107 --> 00:05:34,761 The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber 20 00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:39,190 may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. 21 00:05:40,192 --> 00:05:45,104 - Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? - Not at all. They could be carried. 22 00:05:45,204 --> 00:05:49,909 - What? A swallow carrying a coconut? - It could grip it by the husk. 23 00:05:50,369 --> 00:05:55,206 It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple question of weight ratio. 24 00:05:55,707 --> 00:05:59,869 A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. 25 00:05:59,969 --> 00:06:01,122 Well, it doesn't matter. 26 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,655 Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here. 27 00:06:06,385 --> 00:06:09,512 Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, 28 00:06:09,721 --> 00:06:14,392 a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? 29 00:06:14,518 --> 00:06:16,394 - Please! - Am I right? 30 00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:18,482 I'm not interested. 31 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,330 It could be carried by an African swallow. 32 00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:26,813 Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point. 33 00:06:26,913 --> 00:06:28,147 Oh, yeah, I agree with that. 34 00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:32,576 Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?! 35 00:06:33,537 --> 00:06:36,614 But then of course, uh, African swallows are non-migratory. 36 00:06:36,714 --> 00:06:37,714 Oh, yeah. 37 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,800 So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway. 38 00:06:40,585 --> 00:06:44,171 Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together? 39 00:06:44,589 --> 00:06:46,589 No, they'd have to have it on a line. 40 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,100 Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper! 41 00:06:49,845 --> 00:06:52,245 What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers? 42 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,400 Well, why not? 43 00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:56,767 Bring out your dead! 44 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,500 Bring out your dead! 45 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,500 Bring out your dead! 46 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,700 Bring out your dead! 47 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,800 Bring out your dead! 48 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,500 Bring out your dead! 49 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,500 Bring out your dead! 50 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,500 Bring out your dead! 51 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:29,783 Ninepence. 52 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,500 Bring out your dead! 53 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,300 Bring out your dead! 54 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,500 Bring out your dead! 55 00:07:49,571 --> 00:07:51,739 - Bring out your dead. - Here's one. 56 00:07:51,990 --> 00:07:53,140 Ninepence. 57 00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:54,734 - I'm not dead! - What? 58 00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:57,487 - Nothing. Here's your ninepence. - I'm not dead! 59 00:07:57,587 --> 00:07:59,822 - 'Ere. He says he's not dead! - Yes, he is. 60 00:07:59,850 --> 00:08:01,335 - I'm not! - He isn't? 61 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:03,950 - Well, he will be soon. He's very ill. - I'm getting better! 62 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,940 No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. 63 00:08:06,012 --> 00:08:08,664 Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. 64 00:08:08,764 --> 00:08:12,085 - I don't want to go on the cart. - Oh, don't be such a baby. 65 00:08:12,185 --> 00:08:14,337 - I can't take him. - I feel fine. 66 00:08:14,437 --> 00:08:16,464 - Well, do us a favor. - I can't. 67 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,175 Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. 68 00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,969 No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. 69 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,846 - Well, when's your next round? - Thursday. 70 00:08:23,946 --> 00:08:26,946 - I think I'll go for a walk. - You're not fooling anyone, you know. 71 00:08:26,999 --> 00:08:32,999 - Look. Isn't there something you can do? - I feel happy. I feel happy. 72 00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:37,068 - Ah, thanks very much. - Not at all. See you on Thursday. 73 00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:38,318 Right. All right. 74 00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:45,126 - Who's that, then? - I don't know. Must be a king. 75 00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:48,003 - Why? - He hasn't got shit all over him. 76 00:09:11,903 --> 00:09:13,529 - Old woman! - Man! 77 00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:17,408 Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there? 78 00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,785 - I'm 37. - I-- what? 79 00:09:20,078 --> 00:09:21,678 I'm 37. I'm not old. 80 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,200 - Well, I can't just call you 'Man'. - Well, you could say 'Dennis'. 81 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,080 Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'. 82 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,980 Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? 83 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,920 I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked... 84 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,000 What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior! 85 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,877 - Well, I am king. - Oh, King, eh, very nice. 86 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,835 And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! 87 00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:44,872 By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates 88 00:09:45,278 --> 00:09:48,264 the economic and social differences in our society! 89 00:09:48,364 --> 00:09:50,464 If there's ever going to be any progress... 90 00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:52,470 Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. 91 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,500 Oh! How d'you do? 92 00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:58,191 How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 93 00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,693 - Who's castle is that? - King of the who? 94 00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,953 - The Britons. - Who are the Britons? 95 00:10:03,205 --> 00:10:06,207 Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king. 96 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:10,119 Didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. 97 00:10:10,219 --> 00:10:13,039 You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. 98 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:16,209 A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes... 99 00:10:16,309 --> 00:10:18,309 Oh, there you go bringing class into it again. 100 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,000 That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of... 101 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,000 Please, good people. I am in haste. 102 00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,684 Who lives in that castle? 103 00:10:26,311 --> 00:10:28,346 - No one lives there. - Then who is your lord? 104 00:10:28,446 --> 00:10:30,246 - We don't have a lord. - What? 105 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:33,300 I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. 106 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:37,000 We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week... 107 00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,050 Yes. 108 00:10:38,060 --> 00:10:39,960 ...but all the decisions of that officer have... 109 00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:41,970 ...to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting... 110 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:42,980 Yes, I see. 111 00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:45,570 ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs... 112 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,600 Be quiet! 113 00:10:46,610 --> 00:10:48,960 ..but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major... 114 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,119 Be quiet! I order you to be quiet. 115 00:10:51,336 --> 00:10:53,412 Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh. 116 00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:56,131 - I am your king! - Well, I didn't vote for you. 117 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:59,677 - You don't vote for kings. - Well, how did you become King, then? 118 00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:05,057 The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, 119 00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:08,435 held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, 120 00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:13,941 signifying, by divine providence, that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. 121 00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:15,935 That is why I'm your king! 122 00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:20,531 Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis 123 00:11:20,657 --> 00:11:23,943 for a system of government. Supreme executive power 124 00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:28,614 derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. 125 00:11:28,714 --> 00:11:29,782 Be quiet! 126 00:11:29,882 --> 00:11:32,255 Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive 127 00:11:32,279 --> 00:11:34,882 power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! 128 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,500 Shut up! 129 00:11:36,556 --> 00:11:38,983 I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just 130 00:11:39,058 --> 00:11:43,337 because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! 131 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,782 Shut up, will you? Shut up! 132 00:11:44,806 --> 00:11:47,406 Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. 133 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:48,500 Shut up! 134 00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:51,312 Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! 135 00:11:51,479 --> 00:11:54,473 - Help! Help! I'm being repressed! - Bloody peasant! 136 00:11:54,573 --> 00:11:57,076 Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? 137 00:11:57,076 --> 00:11:58,576 That's what I'm on about. Did you see 138 00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:00,273 him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you? 139 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,003 You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. 140 00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:45,342 I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 141 00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:51,921 I seek the finest and the bravest knights in 142 00:13:51,945 --> 00:13:54,184 the land to join me in my court at Camelot. 143 00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:02,985 You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? 144 00:14:08,616 --> 00:14:11,702 You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. 145 00:14:12,036 --> 00:14:13,704 None shall pass. 146 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,165 - What? - None shall pass. 147 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:20,578 I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge. 148 00:14:20,678 --> 00:14:22,880 Then you shall die. 149 00:14:23,756 --> 00:14:27,718 I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside. 150 00:14:28,011 --> 00:14:31,597 I move for no man. 151 00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:34,600 So be it! 152 00:15:01,336 --> 00:15:03,412 Now, stand aside, worthy adversary. 153 00:15:03,512 --> 00:15:06,715 - 'Tis but a scratch. - "A scratch"? Your arm's off! 154 00:15:06,841 --> 00:15:09,218 - No, it isn't. - Well, what's that, then? 155 00:15:10,303 --> 00:15:11,754 - I've had worse. - You liar! 156 00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:13,472 Come on, ya pansy! 157 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:22,898 Victory is mine! 158 00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,902 We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer... 159 00:15:28,196 --> 00:15:29,780 - Come on, then. - What? 160 00:15:30,114 --> 00:15:31,323 Have at you! 161 00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:35,486 Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine. 162 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,162 Oh, had enough, eh? 163 00:15:38,122 --> 00:15:40,741 Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left. 164 00:15:40,841 --> 00:15:42,292 - Yes, I have. - Look! 165 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:44,211 Just a flesh wound. 166 00:15:45,296 --> 00:15:47,706 - Look, stop that. - Chicken! Chickennn! 167 00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:50,300 Look, I'll have your leg. Right! 168 00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:55,506 - Right! I'll do you for that! - You'll what? 169 00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,509 - Come here! - What are you going to do, bleed on me? 170 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,353 - I'm invincible! - You're a loony. 171 00:16:02,105 --> 00:16:05,774 The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you! 172 00:16:06,818 --> 00:16:08,068 Come on, then. 173 00:16:13,324 --> 00:16:15,409 All right, we'll call it a draw. 174 00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:18,745 - Come, Patsy. - Oh. Oh, I see. 175 00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:22,833 Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! 176 00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:27,296 Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off! 177 00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:34,803 ♪ Pie Lesu Domine ♪ 178 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:39,808 ♪ Dona eis requiem ♪ 179 00:16:42,312 --> 00:16:46,106 ♪ Pie Lesu Domine ♪ 180 00:16:47,734 --> 00:16:52,134 ♪ Dona eis requiem ♪ 181 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:58,300 ♪ Pie Lesu Domine ♪ 182 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,000 ♪ Dona eis requiem ♪ 183 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,500 - A witch! A witch! - A witch! A witch! 184 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,000 ♪ Pie Lesu Domine... 185 00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:11,510 CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! 186 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,600 CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! 187 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,000 We've got a witch! 188 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:19,600 CROWD: A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! 189 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:25,200 CROWD: We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! 190 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,223 We have found a witch. May we burn her? 191 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:31,300 CROWD: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! 192 00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,947 - How do you know she is a witch? - She looks like one. 193 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,971 CROWD: Right! Yeah! Yeah! 194 00:17:37,992 --> 00:17:39,451 Bring her forward. 195 00:17:40,244 --> 00:17:44,665 - I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. - Uh, but you are dressed as one. 196 00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,826 - They dressed me up like this. - Augh, we didn't! We didn't... 197 00:17:47,926 --> 00:17:50,504 And this isn't my nose. It's a false one. 198 00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:56,301 - Well? - Well, we did do the nose. 199 00:17:57,136 --> 00:18:00,013 - The nose? - And the hat. But she is a witch. 200 00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:03,590 CROWD: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah! 201 00:18:04,268 --> 00:18:05,568 Did you dress her up like this? 202 00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:11,090 CROWD: No! No. No. No. No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, a bit. A bit. A bit. A bit. 203 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,100 She has got a wart. 204 00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:17,572 - What makes you think she is a witch? - Well, she turned me into a newt. 205 00:18:19,033 --> 00:18:20,183 A newt? 206 00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:25,706 I got better. 207 00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:29,957 CROWD: Burn her anyway! Burn! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!... 208 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:37,800 Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. 209 00:18:37,969 --> 00:18:41,346 CROWD: Are there? Ah? What are they? Tell us! Tell us!... Do they hurt? 210 00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:44,725 Tell me, what do you do with witches? 211 00:18:44,892 --> 00:18:47,892 CROWD: Burn! Burn! Burn! Burn them up! Burn!... 212 00:18:48,354 --> 00:18:52,107 - What do you burn apart from witches? - More witches! 213 00:18:53,443 --> 00:18:56,945 - Wood. - So, why do witches burn? 214 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:10,959 - B... 'cause they're made of... wood? - Good. Heh heh. 215 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,983 CROWD: Oh, yeah. Oh. 216 00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:16,506 So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? 217 00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:19,133 Build a bridge out of her. 218 00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:22,345 Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone? 219 00:19:23,598 --> 00:19:25,748 CROWD: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. True. Uhh... 220 00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:28,143 Does wood sink in water? 221 00:19:28,478 --> 00:19:30,929 - No. No. - No, it floats! It floats! 222 00:19:31,029 --> 00:19:32,731 Throw her into the pond! 223 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,755 CROWD: The pond! Throw her into the pond! 224 00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:38,862 - What also floats in water? - Bread. 225 00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:41,782 - Apples. - Uh, very small rocks! 226 00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:47,241 CROWD: Cider! Uh, gra...gravy! Cherries! Mud! Uh, churches! Churches! Lead! Lead! 227 00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:48,521 A duck! 228 00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:51,942 Exactly. 229 00:19:53,669 --> 00:19:55,295 So, logically... 230 00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,422 If she... 231 00:19:58,299 --> 00:20:00,592 ...weighs the same as a duck... 232 00:20:03,054 --> 00:20:04,630 ...she's made of wood. 233 00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:06,181 And, therefore? 234 00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:14,392 CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!... Here is a duck. Use this duck. 235 00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,775 Very good. We shall use my largest scales. 236 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:24,799 CROWD: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! 237 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:33,800 CROWD: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! 238 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,400 CROWD: Ahh! Ahh... 239 00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:40,632 Right. Remove the supports! 240 00:20:45,805 --> 00:20:47,305 CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! 241 00:20:47,932 --> 00:20:48,932 It's a fair cop. 242 00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:55,933 CROWD: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!... 243 00:20:57,817 --> 00:21:00,986 Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science? 244 00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:04,447 - I am Arthur, King of the Britons. - My liege. 245 00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:10,787 Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot and join us at the Round Table? 246 00:21:11,372 --> 00:21:13,456 My liege, I would be honored. 247 00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:16,668 - What is your name? - 'Bedevere', my liege. 248 00:21:17,128 --> 00:21:19,838 Then I dub you 'Sir Bedevere, 249 00:21:20,715 --> 00:21:22,632 Knight of the Round Table'. 250 00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:27,880 The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights. 251 00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:30,849 But other illustrious names were soon to follow. 252 00:21:31,392 --> 00:21:33,184 Sir Lancelot the Brave. 253 00:21:34,186 --> 00:21:35,896 Sir Galahad the Pure. 254 00:21:36,689 --> 00:21:39,683 And Sir Robin, the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, 255 00:21:39,783 --> 00:21:42,019 who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, 256 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,188 who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, 257 00:21:45,288 --> 00:21:49,034 and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. 258 00:21:49,285 --> 00:21:52,746 And the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. 259 00:21:54,165 --> 00:21:55,866 Together they formed a band 260 00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:59,794 whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries. 261 00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:02,339 The Knights of the Round Table. 262 00:22:03,007 --> 00:22:06,418 And that, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped. 263 00:22:06,518 --> 00:22:08,962 This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. 264 00:22:09,062 --> 00:22:12,883 Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. 265 00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:15,018 - Certainly, sir. - Look, my liege! 266 00:22:19,023 --> 00:22:20,857 - Camelot! - Camelot! 267 00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:22,950 - Camelot! - It's only a model. 268 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,000 Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. 269 00:22:27,657 --> 00:22:30,200 Let us ride... to... Camelot! 270 00:22:32,036 --> 00:22:35,322 ♪ We're knights of the Round Table ♪ ♪ We dance whene'er we're able ♪ 271 00:22:35,422 --> 00:22:38,492 ♪ We do routines and chorus scenes ♪ ♪ With footwork impeccable ♪ 272 00:22:38,592 --> 00:22:41,878 ♪ We dine well here in Camelot ♪ ♪ We eat ham and jam and spam a lot ♪ 273 00:22:48,719 --> 00:22:52,889 ♪ We're knights of the Round Table ♪ ♪ Our shows are formidable ♪ 274 00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,384 ♪ But many times ♪ ♪ We're given rhymes ♪ 275 00:22:55,484 --> 00:22:58,345 ♪ That are quite unsingable ♪ ♪ We're opera mad in Camelot ♪ 276 00:22:58,445 --> 00:23:00,605 ♪ We sing from the diaphragm a lot ♪ 277 00:23:15,788 --> 00:23:18,123 ♪ In war we're tough and able ♪ 278 00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:21,167 ♪ Quite indefatigable ♪ 279 00:23:21,961 --> 00:23:23,829 ♪ Between our quests ♪ ♪ We sequin vests ♪ 280 00:23:23,929 --> 00:23:27,132 ♪ And impersonate Clark Gable ♪ ♪ It's a busy life in Camelot ♪ 281 00:23:27,508 --> 00:23:33,377 ♪ I have to push the pram a lot ♪ 282 00:23:36,434 --> 00:23:38,799 Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. 283 00:23:38,899 --> 00:23:41,271 - It is a silly place. - Right. Right. 284 00:23:50,406 --> 00:23:53,783 Arthur! Arthur. 285 00:23:54,243 --> 00:23:55,702 King of the Britons! 286 00:23:57,538 --> 00:24:01,283 Oh, don't grovel! One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling. 287 00:24:01,383 --> 00:24:03,084 - Sorry. - And don't apologize. 288 00:24:03,544 --> 00:24:07,122 Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' 289 00:24:07,222 --> 00:24:08,840 and 'I'm not worthy'. 290 00:24:09,008 --> 00:24:11,710 - What are you doing now?! - I'm averting my eyes, O Lord. 291 00:24:11,810 --> 00:24:16,347 Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms... they're so depressing. 292 00:24:16,557 --> 00:24:18,300 - Now, knock it off! - Yes, Lord. 293 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,895 Right! Arthur, King of the Britons. 294 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,098 Your knights of the Round Table shall have a task 295 00:24:25,198 --> 00:24:27,893 to make them an example in these dark times. 296 00:24:27,993 --> 00:24:30,695 - Good idea, O Lord! - 'Course it's a good idea! 297 00:24:31,405 --> 00:24:35,116 Behold! Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. 298 00:24:35,367 --> 00:24:39,996 Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. 299 00:24:40,414 --> 00:24:42,665 That is your purpose, Arthur. 300 00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:46,336 The quest for the Holy Grail. 301 00:24:50,508 --> 00:24:54,344 - A blessing! A blessing from the Lord! - God be praised! 302 00:25:52,903 --> 00:25:54,053 Halt! 303 00:26:04,957 --> 00:26:06,987 Hallo! 304 00:26:13,598 --> 00:26:15,222 Hallo! 305 00:26:16,468 --> 00:26:18,011 Allo! Who is eet? 306 00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:21,931 It is King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Table. 307 00:26:22,099 --> 00:26:23,641 Whose castle is this? 308 00:26:23,851 --> 00:26:27,145 This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard. 309 00:26:27,438 --> 00:26:31,316 Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God 310 00:26:31,775 --> 00:26:36,237 with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, 311 00:26:36,614 --> 00:26:39,490 he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. 312 00:26:39,825 --> 00:26:42,994 Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. 313 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,163 Uh, he's already got one, you see. 314 00:26:46,332 --> 00:26:48,791 - What? - He says they've already got one! 315 00:26:50,252 --> 00:26:53,963 - Are you sure he's got one? - Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. 316 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,008 I told him we've already got one. 317 00:27:00,179 --> 00:27:02,364 Well, u... um, can we come up and have a look? 318 00:27:02,388 --> 00:27:04,474 Of course not! You are English types-a! 319 00:27:06,143 --> 00:27:08,386 - Well, what are you then? - I'm French. 320 00:27:08,486 --> 00:27:12,482 I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?! 321 00:27:12,983 --> 00:27:16,152 - What are you doing in England? - Mind your own business! 322 00:27:17,821 --> 00:27:21,566 If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force! 323 00:27:21,666 --> 00:27:24,827 You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! 324 00:27:25,454 --> 00:27:29,374 Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. 325 00:27:29,667 --> 00:27:33,544 I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, 326 00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:38,596 you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. 327 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,000 Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt! 328 00:27:44,723 --> 00:27:48,093 - What a strange person. - Now look here, my good man... 329 00:27:48,193 --> 00:27:50,561 I don't wanna talk to you no more, 330 00:27:50,854 --> 00:27:54,148 you empty headed animal food trough wiper! 331 00:27:54,525 --> 00:27:57,277 I fart in your general direction. 332 00:27:57,778 --> 00:28:02,699 Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! 333 00:28:04,910 --> 00:28:07,612 Is there someone else up there we could talk to? 334 00:28:07,712 --> 00:28:11,582 No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! 335 00:28:13,961 --> 00:28:17,630 Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable... 336 00:28:17,756 --> 00:28:19,165 - Fetchez la vache! - Quoi? 337 00:28:19,265 --> 00:28:20,717 Fetchez la vache! 338 00:28:23,095 --> 00:28:26,222 If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall... 339 00:28:28,058 --> 00:28:29,392 Jesus Christ! 340 00:28:30,811 --> 00:28:31,961 KNIGHTS: Christ! Ah! Ohh!... 341 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,740 Right! Charge! 342 00:28:36,757 --> 00:28:38,757 KNIGHTS: Charge! 343 00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:46,300 Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go. 344 00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:53,958 - And this one's for your dad! - Run away! Run away! Run away! 345 00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:01,500 Thppppt! 346 00:29:04,511 --> 00:29:06,804 - Fiends! I'll tear them apart! - No, no. No, no. 347 00:29:06,930 --> 00:29:09,849 Sir! I have a plan, sir. 348 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,000 - C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. - Quoi? 349 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,388 - Un cadeau. - What? 350 00:30:46,412 --> 00:30:47,412 A present. 351 00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:49,084 - Oh, un cadeau. - Oui, oui. Allons-y. 352 00:30:49,100 --> 00:30:50,199 - What? - Let's go. 353 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,000 Oh. 354 00:30:57,500 --> 00:31:02,500 FRENCH GUARDS: On y va. Bon magne. Over here... 355 00:31:14,141 --> 00:31:15,300 What happens now? 356 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:20,313 Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, 357 00:31:20,731 --> 00:31:24,901 and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. 358 00:31:25,402 --> 00:31:28,070 Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! 359 00:31:29,072 --> 00:31:30,281 Who leaps out? 360 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,534 U-- u-- uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I, 361 00:31:34,786 --> 00:31:37,586 uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh... 362 00:31:37,610 --> 00:31:39,610 Ohh. 363 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:46,000 Oh. Um, l... look, i... i... if we built this large wooden badger... 364 00:31:49,593 --> 00:31:50,669 Run away! 365 00:31:50,670 --> 00:31:56,670 KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! 366 00:32:01,772 --> 00:32:04,315 - History for Schools. Take 8. - Action! 367 00:32:04,775 --> 00:32:08,611 Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. 368 00:32:08,946 --> 00:32:13,733 The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise. 369 00:32:13,833 --> 00:32:18,120 And Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required 370 00:32:18,288 --> 00:32:22,667 if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. 371 00:32:22,793 --> 00:32:25,628 Arthur, having consulted his closest knights 372 00:32:26,004 --> 00:32:30,299 decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. 373 00:32:30,676 --> 00:32:32,510 Now, this is what they did... 374 00:32:35,806 --> 00:32:36,956 Frank! 375 00:32:48,527 --> 00:32:51,404 So, each of the knights went their separate ways. 376 00:32:51,697 --> 00:32:54,991 Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, 377 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,743 accompanied by his favorite minstrels. 378 00:32:58,996 --> 00:33:02,707 ♪ Bravely bold Sir Robin ♪ ♪ Rode forth from Camelot ♪ 379 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:07,545 ♪ He was not afraid to die ♪ ♪ O, Brave Sir Robin ♪ 380 00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:11,841 ♪ He was not at all afraid ♪ ♪ To be killed in nasty ways ♪ 381 00:33:12,342 --> 00:33:15,011 ♪ Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin ♪ 382 00:33:16,722 --> 00:33:20,516 ♪ He was not in the least bit scared ♪ ♪ To be mashed into a pulp ♪ 383 00:33:21,226 --> 00:33:25,479 ♪ Or to have his eyes gouged out ♪ ♪ And his elbows broken ♪ 384 00:33:25,689 --> 00:33:29,609 ♪ To have his kneecaps split ♪ ♪ And his body burned away ♪ 385 00:33:29,901 --> 00:33:33,112 ♪ And his limbs all hacked and mangled ♪ ♪ Brave Sir Robin ♪ 386 00:33:34,573 --> 00:33:36,649 ♪ His head smashed in ♪ ♪ And his heart cut out ♪ 387 00:33:36,749 --> 00:33:38,751 ♪ His liver removed ♪ ♪ And his bowels unplugged ♪ 388 00:33:38,751 --> 00:33:40,733 ♪ His nostrils raped, his bottom burned off ♪ 389 00:33:40,757 --> 00:33:41,796 ♪ And his penis... ♪ 390 00:33:41,796 --> 00:33:44,707 That's... that's, uh... that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. 391 00:33:45,542 --> 00:33:47,543 Looks like there's dirty work afoot. 392 00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:52,999 Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom. 393 00:33:53,099 --> 00:33:56,552 Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud. 394 00:34:00,098 --> 00:34:02,391 ALL HEADS: Halt! Who art thou? 395 00:34:02,684 --> 00:34:05,428 ♪ He is brave Sir Robin, ♪ ♪ brave Sir Robin, who... ♪ 396 00:34:05,528 --> 00:34:06,812 Shut up! 397 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,894 Um, n... n... n... nobody, really. I'm j... j... 398 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,817 j... ju... just, um... just passing through. 399 00:34:11,234 --> 00:34:12,477 ALL HEADS: What do you want? 400 00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:15,279 - ♪To fight and... - Shut up! 401 00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,593 Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. 402 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,759 I, uh-- j-- j-- just-- just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight. 403 00:34:21,333 --> 00:34:22,445 ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not! 404 00:34:24,289 --> 00:34:26,729 Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Knight of the Round Table. 405 00:34:26,830 --> 00:34:29,045 ALL HEADS: You're a Knight of the Round Table? 406 00:34:29,586 --> 00:34:30,586 I am. 407 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,794 - In that case, I shall have to kill you. - Shall I? 408 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:34,994 - Oh, I don't think so. - Well, what do I think? 409 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,918 - I think kill him. - Oh, let's be nice to him. 410 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,660 - Oh, shut up. - Perhaps I could... 411 00:34:38,700 --> 00:34:39,700 And you! 412 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,050 Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off! 413 00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:44,319 - Oh, cut your own head off! - Yes, do us all a favor! 414 00:34:44,990 --> 00:34:46,617 - What? - Yapping on all the time. 415 00:34:46,652 --> 00:34:49,389 - You're lucky you're not next to him. - What do you mean? 416 00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:51,224 - You snore! - Oh, I don't. 417 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:52,700 Anyway, you've got bad breath. 418 00:34:52,888 --> 00:34:54,894 Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth. 419 00:34:54,994 --> 00:34:57,355 Oh, stop bitching and let's go have tea. 420 00:34:57,455 --> 00:34:59,359 Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll... 421 00:34:59,383 --> 00:35:01,567 ... kill him first and then have tea and biscuits. 422 00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:02,985 - Yes. - Oh, not biscuits. 423 00:35:03,085 --> 00:35:06,531 All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway. 424 00:35:06,631 --> 00:35:07,781 ALL HEADS: Right! 425 00:35:10,293 --> 00:35:12,620 - He's buggered off! - So he has. He's scarpered. 426 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:14,038 ♪ Brave Sir Robin ran away ♪ 427 00:35:14,138 --> 00:35:15,138 No! 428 00:35:15,230 --> 00:35:17,041 ♪ Bravely ran away, away ♪ 429 00:35:17,141 --> 00:35:18,291 I didn't! 430 00:35:19,136 --> 00:35:22,647 ♪ When danger reared its ugly head ♪ ♪ He bravely turned his tail and fled ♪ 431 00:35:22,670 --> 00:35:23,670 No! 432 00:35:23,700 --> 00:35:25,250 ♪ Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about ♪ 433 00:35:25,300 --> 00:35:26,300 I didn't! 434 00:35:26,350 --> 00:35:27,750 ♪ And gallantly he chickened out ♪ 435 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,706 ♪ Bravely taking to his feet ♪ - I never did! 436 00:35:29,730 --> 00:35:31,636 ♪ He beat a very brave retreat ♪ - All lies! 437 00:35:31,650 --> 00:35:33,317 ♪ Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin ♪ 438 00:35:33,407 --> 00:35:34,567 I never! 439 00:35:36,737 --> 00:35:40,698 ♪ Pie Lesu Domine ♪ 440 00:35:41,283 --> 00:35:45,745 ♪ Dona eis requiem ♪ 441 00:35:47,100 --> 00:35:48,100 Heh heh heeh ooh... 442 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,200 - Ho ho. Woa, wayy! ♪ Pie Lesu Domine ♪ 443 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,600 - Heh heh heh heh ho! Heh heh heh! ♪ Dona...♪ 444 00:35:54,624 --> 00:35:56,124 - Wayy! Wayy! ♪...eis requiem♪ 445 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,400 Forgive me, for I have sinned. 446 00:35:57,700 --> 00:35:58,700 Oh! 447 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:01,800 Oooo. 448 00:37:02,072 --> 00:37:05,366 Open the door! Open the door! 449 00:37:06,535 --> 00:37:09,662 In the name of King Arthur, open the door! 450 00:37:18,713 --> 00:37:19,863 Hello! 451 00:37:20,298 --> 00:37:24,051 Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. 452 00:37:25,303 --> 00:37:27,680 - The Castle Anthrax? - Yes. 453 00:37:28,723 --> 00:37:30,758 It's not a very good name, is it? 454 00:37:30,858 --> 00:37:35,396 But we are nice, and we will attend to your every, every need! 455 00:37:36,314 --> 00:37:38,691 You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? 456 00:37:38,817 --> 00:37:41,193 - The what? - The Grail. It is here. 457 00:37:42,195 --> 00:37:45,155 Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. 458 00:37:45,657 --> 00:37:47,074 Midget! Crapper! 459 00:37:47,367 --> 00:37:50,411 - Yes, O Zoot? - Prepare a bed for our guest. 460 00:37:50,500 --> 00:37:51,713 - Oh, thank you! - Thank you! 461 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,813 - Thank you! Thank you! - Thank you! Thank you!... 462 00:37:53,850 --> 00:37:55,317 Away, away, varletesses! 463 00:37:57,002 --> 00:38:01,130 The beds here are warm and soft, and very, very big. 464 00:38:01,631 --> 00:38:04,383 - Well, look, I... I, uh... - What is your name, handsome knight? 465 00:38:04,718 --> 00:38:06,802 'Sir Galahad... the Chaste'. 466 00:38:08,013 --> 00:38:10,773 Mine is 'Zoot'. Just 'Zoot'. 467 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:12,800 Oh, but come. 468 00:38:12,884 --> 00:38:15,811 Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail! 469 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:20,053 Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious. 470 00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:21,940 No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this... 471 00:38:21,950 --> 00:38:22,950 Sir Galahad! 472 00:38:22,970 --> 00:38:26,224 You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. 473 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,000 Well, I... I, uh... 474 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:34,604 Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. 475 00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:38,766 We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, 476 00:38:38,790 --> 00:38:41,128 all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, 477 00:38:41,504 --> 00:38:44,590 cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. 478 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,542 Oooh. It is a lonely life. 479 00:38:48,011 --> 00:38:53,015 Bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. 480 00:38:54,601 --> 00:38:57,144 We are just not used to handsome knights. 481 00:38:57,479 --> 00:39:00,064 Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. 482 00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:03,919 - Oh, but you are wounded! - No, no. It's... it's nothing. 483 00:39:04,945 --> 00:39:09,740 Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down. 484 00:39:12,911 --> 00:39:16,980 - Well, what seems to be the trouble? - They're doctors?! 485 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,810 Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes. 486 00:39:19,850 --> 00:39:20,850 B... but... 487 00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:23,528 Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. 488 00:39:23,838 --> 00:39:26,924 Doctor Piglet! Doctor Winston! Practise your art. 489 00:39:34,391 --> 00:39:37,226 - Try to relax. - Are you sure that's absolutely necessary? 490 00:39:37,686 --> 00:39:39,186 We must examine you. 491 00:39:42,148 --> 00:39:45,526 - There's nothing wrong with that! - Please. We are doctors. 492 00:39:47,946 --> 00:39:49,530 Look! This cannot be. 493 00:39:50,073 --> 00:39:52,358 - I am sworn to chastity! - Back to your bed! At once! 494 00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:55,244 Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail! 495 00:39:55,578 --> 00:39:58,414 - There's no Grail here. - I have seen it! I have seen it! 496 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,542 - I have seen... GIRLS: Hello. 497 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:03,000 Oh. 498 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:12,840 GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. 499 00:40:12,900 --> 00:40:16,311 GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. 500 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:20,599 GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. 501 00:40:27,861 --> 00:40:28,861 Zoot! 502 00:40:28,870 --> 00:40:31,672 No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo. 503 00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:32,967 Oh, well, excuse me, I... 504 00:40:32,991 --> 00:40:35,534 - Where are you going? - I seek the Grail! 505 00:40:35,660 --> 00:40:37,870 I have seen it, here in this castle! 506 00:40:38,955 --> 00:40:43,333 Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot! 507 00:40:43,668 --> 00:40:47,004 - Well, what is it? - Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! 508 00:40:47,505 --> 00:40:49,433 She has been setting alight to our beacon, 509 00:40:49,457 --> 00:40:51,717 which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. 510 00:40:52,135 --> 00:40:54,462 It's not the first time we've had this problem. 511 00:40:54,562 --> 00:40:56,263 It's not the real Grail? 512 00:40:56,556 --> 00:40:59,475 Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! 513 00:40:59,601 --> 00:41:02,936 Oh, she is a bad person, and must pay the penalty! 514 00:41:04,647 --> 00:41:06,891 Do you think this scene should have been cut? 515 00:41:06,991 --> 00:41:10,991 We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now, we're glad. 516 00:41:10,999 --> 00:41:13,227 It's better than some previous scenes, I think. 517 00:41:13,656 --> 00:41:15,049 At least ours was better visually. 518 00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:18,040 Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pussy jokes. 519 00:41:18,085 --> 00:41:20,613 - Get on with it. - Yes. Get on with it! 520 00:41:20,713 --> 00:41:23,332 ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Get on with it! 521 00:41:23,917 --> 00:41:27,669 - Oh, I am enjoying this scene. - Get on with it! 522 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,000 Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. 523 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,471 She must pay the penalty, 524 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,766 and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one 525 00:41:39,790 --> 00:41:42,476 punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon 526 00:41:43,103 --> 00:41:46,021 You must tie her down on a bed, and spank her. 527 00:41:46,231 --> 00:41:48,357 GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! 528 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,760 You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, 529 00:41:50,770 --> 00:41:54,270 you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me. 530 00:41:54,300 --> 00:41:56,300 - And, then, spank me. GIRLS: And me! And me! 531 00:41:56,350 --> 00:41:58,836 Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! 532 00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:01,685 GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight! 533 00:42:02,455 --> 00:42:05,413 And, after the spanking, the oral sex. 534 00:42:05,437 --> 00:42:08,255 GIRLS: The oral sex! The oral sex! 535 00:42:08,336 --> 00:42:10,020 Well, I could stay a bit longer. 536 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,200 - Sir Galahad! - Oh, hello. 537 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,602 - Quick! Quick! - What? Why? 538 00:42:14,650 --> 00:42:15,650 You are in great peril! 539 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,719 - No, he isn't! - Silence, foul temptress! 540 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,500 - You know, she's got a point. - Come on! We will cover your escape! 541 00:42:20,550 --> 00:42:21,686 - Look, I'm fine! - Come on! 542 00:42:21,700 --> 00:42:22,700 Wait, Sir Galahad! 543 00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:24,929 No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! 544 00:42:24,953 --> 00:42:26,846 Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! 545 00:42:26,870 --> 00:42:28,350 Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! 546 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:29,360 No, Sir Galahad. Come! 547 00:42:29,500 --> 00:42:32,000 No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily. 548 00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:33,483 Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily. 549 00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:35,594 - Yes. Let him handle us easily. - No. Quick! Quick! 550 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,653 Wait! Please! I can defeat them! There's only 150 of them! 551 00:42:38,658 --> 00:42:41,251 Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance. 552 00:42:41,275 --> 00:42:45,275 We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily... 553 00:42:45,582 --> 00:42:46,832 Oh, shit! 554 00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:49,338 We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. 555 00:42:49,340 --> 00:42:50,340 I don't think I was. 556 00:42:50,350 --> 00:42:52,050 Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. 557 00:42:52,060 --> 00:42:53,980 Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. 558 00:42:53,990 --> 00:42:54,990 No, it's too perilous. 559 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:57,550 Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. 560 00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,395 No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on! 561 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,130 Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? 562 00:43:01,140 --> 00:43:02,140 No. It's unhealthy. 563 00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,035 - I bet you're gay. - No, I'm not. 564 00:43:05,602 --> 00:43:09,313 Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation. 565 00:43:09,606 --> 00:43:12,149 But, they were still no nearer the Grail. 566 00:43:12,442 --> 00:43:16,103 Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, 567 00:43:16,203 --> 00:43:18,113 had discovered something. 568 00:43:19,157 --> 00:43:21,492 Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. 569 00:43:21,500 --> 00:43:24,050 I mean, they were more than two laden swallow's flights away... 570 00:43:24,060 --> 00:43:26,496 ...four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them 571 00:43:26,672 --> 00:43:28,282 I mean, if the birds were walking... 572 00:43:28,382 --> 00:43:30,284 Get on with it! 573 00:43:30,384 --> 00:43:31,384 Oh, anyway, 574 00:43:31,476 --> 00:43:34,955 on to Scene 24, which is a smashing scene, with some lovely acting, 575 00:43:35,055 --> 00:43:37,208 in which Arthur discovers a vital clue 576 00:43:37,308 --> 00:43:38,830 and in which there aren't any swallows, 577 00:43:38,854 --> 00:43:40,819 although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh! 578 00:43:42,138 --> 00:43:45,974 And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail? 579 00:43:51,189 --> 00:43:52,689 Where does he live? 580 00:43:52,899 --> 00:43:54,483 Old man, where does he live? 581 00:43:55,818 --> 00:44:00,697 He knows of a cave. A cave which no man has entered. 582 00:44:01,157 --> 00:44:04,701 - And the Grail. The Grail is there? - There is much danger. 583 00:44:05,328 --> 00:44:09,414 For beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, 584 00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:12,376 which no man has ever crossed. 585 00:44:12,835 --> 00:44:15,254 But the Grail. Where is the Grail? 586 00:44:15,922 --> 00:44:19,049 Seek you the Bridge of Death. 587 00:44:20,635 --> 00:44:23,345 The Bridge of Death? Which leads to the Grail? 588 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,800 - Ni! - Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! 589 00:45:08,850 --> 00:45:13,637 - Who are you? - We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'! 590 00:45:13,737 --> 00:45:16,265 - No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'! - The same! 591 00:45:16,365 --> 00:45:20,110 - Who are they? - We are the keepers of the sacred words. 592 00:45:20,653 --> 00:45:23,989 "Ni," "Peng," and "Neee Wom"! 593 00:45:24,824 --> 00:45:27,318 Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. 594 00:45:27,418 --> 00:45:31,780 The knights who say "Ni" demand a sacrifice. 595 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:34,208 Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers 596 00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:36,394 who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. 597 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,760 - Ni! Ni! - Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!... 598 00:45:44,427 --> 00:45:48,972 We shall say "Ni" again to you, if you do not appease us. 599 00:45:49,599 --> 00:45:51,933 - Well, what is it you want? - We want... 600 00:45:53,895 --> 00:45:55,645 ... a shrubbery. 601 00:45:56,522 --> 00:45:57,556 A what? 602 00:45:57,656 --> 00:46:01,769 - Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! - Please! Please! No more! 603 00:46:01,869 --> 00:46:05,606 - We will find you a shrubbery. - You must return here with a shrubbery, 604 00:46:05,706 --> 00:46:09,076 or else, you will never pass through this wood... 605 00:46:09,577 --> 00:46:10,994 ...alive. 606 00:46:11,287 --> 00:46:13,697 O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, 607 00:46:13,797 --> 00:46:16,658 - and we will return with a shrubbery. - One that looks nice. 608 00:46:16,758 --> 00:46:18,702 - Of course. - And not too expensive. 609 00:46:18,802 --> 00:46:22,089 - Yes. - Now... go! 610 00:47:05,925 --> 00:47:08,218 Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! 611 00:47:08,386 --> 00:47:13,886 Look on! Clear off! Go on! Go away! Go away! Go away! 612 00:47:14,392 --> 00:47:15,551 And you, clear off! 613 00:47:21,315 --> 00:47:22,465 Hah. Bloody weather. 614 00:47:22,942 --> 00:47:24,860 The Tale of Sir Lancelot. 615 00:47:31,617 --> 00:47:34,536 One day, lad, all this will be yours. 616 00:47:34,662 --> 00:47:37,156 - What, the curtains? - No. Not the curtains, lad. 617 00:47:37,256 --> 00:47:41,702 All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! 618 00:47:41,802 --> 00:47:43,620 That'll be your kingdom, lad. 619 00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,464 - But, Mother... - Father, lad. Father. 620 00:47:45,631 --> 00:47:49,259 - But, Father, I don't want any of that. - Listen, lad. 621 00:47:49,385 --> 00:47:54,264 I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. 622 00:47:54,765 --> 00:47:57,801 Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on the swamp, 623 00:47:57,901 --> 00:48:01,021 but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. 624 00:48:01,522 --> 00:48:03,307 It sank into the swamp. So... 625 00:48:03,407 --> 00:48:06,226 ... I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. 626 00:48:06,326 --> 00:48:10,147 So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. 627 00:48:10,247 --> 00:48:12,240 But the fourth one stayed up! 628 00:48:13,075 --> 00:48:15,152 And that's what you're gonna get, lad. 629 00:48:15,252 --> 00:48:19,998 - The strongest castle in these islands. - But I don't want any of that. 630 00:48:20,583 --> 00:48:22,375 - I'd rather... - Rather what?! 631 00:48:22,585 --> 00:48:24,586 I'd rather... just... 632 00:48:25,713 --> 00:48:28,582 - sing! - Stop that! Stop that! 633 00:48:28,682 --> 00:48:31,426 You're not going into a song while I'm here. Now listen, lad. 634 00:48:31,552 --> 00:48:33,837 In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl 635 00:48:33,937 --> 00:48:37,933 whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain. 636 00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:40,844 - But I don't want land. - Listen, Alice. 637 00:48:40,944 --> 00:48:42,513 - Herbert. - 'Erbert. 638 00:48:42,613 --> 00:48:46,024 We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get. 639 00:48:46,609 --> 00:48:49,444 - But I don't like her. - Don't like her?! 640 00:48:50,238 --> 00:48:51,688 What's wrong with her?! 641 00:48:51,788 --> 00:48:56,076 She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... 642 00:48:56,786 --> 00:48:58,203 tracts o' land! 643 00:48:59,288 --> 00:49:04,167 I know, but I want the... the girl that I marry to have... 644 00:49:05,127 --> 00:49:08,588 ...a certain,... special... something! 645 00:49:09,382 --> 00:49:11,633 Cut that out! Cut that out! 646 00:49:12,969 --> 00:49:17,472 Look, you're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea! 647 00:49:18,808 --> 00:49:19,958 Guards! 648 00:49:20,309 --> 00:49:23,554 Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him. 649 00:49:23,654 --> 00:49:26,640 Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him. 650 00:49:26,740 --> 00:49:28,775 No, no. Until I come and get him. 651 00:49:29,110 --> 00:49:32,320 Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. 652 00:49:32,446 --> 00:49:37,284 No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave. 653 00:49:37,577 --> 00:49:40,070 - And you'll come and get him. - Right. 654 00:49:40,170 --> 00:49:43,832 We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room. 655 00:49:44,125 --> 00:49:47,052 - No, no. Leaving the room. - Leaving the room, yes. 656 00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,577 - All right? - Right. Oh, if.. if.. if, uhh.. 657 00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:51,580 if... if... w... ehh... i... if... if we... 658 00:49:51,590 --> 00:49:52,590 Yes? What is it? 659 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:54,022 Oh, i... if... i... oh... 660 00:49:54,100 --> 00:49:56,001 Look, it's quite simple. 661 00:49:56,019 --> 00:50:00,223 You just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room. 662 00:50:01,392 --> 00:50:03,518 - All right? - Oh, I remember. 663 00:50:03,686 --> 00:50:06,021 Uhh, can he leave the room with us? 664 00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:10,267 N... no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure... 665 00:50:10,367 --> 00:50:12,644 Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, 666 00:50:12,744 --> 00:50:14,563 but if he had to leave and we were with him... 667 00:50:14,587 --> 00:50:16,405 No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here... 668 00:50:16,410 --> 00:50:19,120 - Until you or anyone else... - No, not anyone else. Just me. 669 00:50:19,125 --> 00:50:20,459 - Just you. - Get back. 670 00:50:20,460 --> 00:50:21,460 Get back. 671 00:50:21,537 --> 00:50:22,537 - Right? - Right. 672 00:50:22,671 --> 00:50:24,615 We'll stay here until you get back. 673 00:50:24,715 --> 00:50:27,542 - And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave. - What? 674 00:50:28,878 --> 00:50:31,921 - Make sure he doesn't leave. - The Prince? 675 00:50:32,048 --> 00:50:35,334 - Yes, make sure he doesn't leave. - Oh, yes, of course. 676 00:50:35,434 --> 00:50:37,085 I thought you meant him. 677 00:50:37,185 --> 00:50:40,847 You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard. 678 00:50:41,265 --> 00:50:44,059 - Is that clear? - Oh, quite clear. No problems. 679 00:50:44,226 --> 00:50:45,376 Right. 680 00:50:47,521 --> 00:50:50,106 - Where are you going? - We're coming with you. 681 00:50:50,232 --> 00:50:54,361 No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave. 682 00:50:54,862 --> 00:50:56,071 Oh, I see. Right. 683 00:50:56,906 --> 00:50:57,906 But, Father... 684 00:50:57,910 --> 00:51:00,450 Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! 685 00:51:08,292 --> 00:51:10,251 And no singing! 686 00:51:10,628 --> 00:51:12,587 Oh, go and get a glass of water. 687 00:52:01,303 --> 00:52:03,880 - Well taken, Concorde! - Thank you, sir! Most kind. 688 00:52:03,980 --> 00:52:05,473 And again! 689 00:52:05,808 --> 00:52:08,885 Over we go! Good, steady! 690 00:52:08,985 --> 00:52:11,187 Now, the big one! 691 00:52:12,022 --> 00:52:14,265 Uuh! Come on, Concorde! 692 00:52:15,192 --> 00:52:17,318 Message for you, sir. 693 00:52:19,864 --> 00:52:21,740 Concorde! Concorde! Speak to me! 694 00:52:31,417 --> 00:52:33,076 "To whoever finds this note. 695 00:52:33,176 --> 00:52:37,255 "I have been imprisoned by my father, 696 00:52:37,673 --> 00:52:40,250 "who wishes me to marry against my will. 697 00:52:40,350 --> 00:52:42,886 "Please, please, please come and rescue me. 698 00:52:43,387 --> 00:52:46,840 "I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle." 699 00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:50,226 At last! A call! A cry of distress! 700 00:52:50,352 --> 00:52:53,513 This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! 701 00:52:53,613 --> 00:52:58,193 Brave, brave Concorde, you shall not have died in vain! 702 00:52:58,527 --> 00:53:00,236 Uh, I'm... I'm not quite dead, sir. 703 00:53:02,364 --> 00:53:04,941 Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain! 704 00:53:05,041 --> 00:53:07,368 I think I could pull through, sir. 705 00:53:08,370 --> 00:53:09,370 Oh, I see. 706 00:53:09,380 --> 00:53:11,639 Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, sir... 707 00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,375 No, no, sweet Concorde! Stay here! 708 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,153 I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and 709 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,905 heroic rescue in my own particular... 710 00:53:22,092 --> 00:53:23,885 - Idiom, sir? - Idiom! 711 00:53:24,053 --> 00:53:27,430 - No, I feel fine, actually, sir. - Farewell, sweet Concorde! 712 00:53:28,432 --> 00:53:31,601 I'll, um... I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir? 713 00:53:33,646 --> 00:53:34,796 Yeah. 714 00:54:13,936 --> 00:54:15,270 - 'Morning! - 'Morning. 715 00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:18,500 Oooh. 716 00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,000 Ha ha! Hiyya! 717 00:55:00,149 --> 00:55:01,299 Hey! 718 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,000 Hiyya!, Ha! 719 00:55:52,534 --> 00:55:54,869 Now, you're not allowed to enter the room... aaugh! 720 00:55:56,914 --> 00:55:59,908 O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 721 00:56:00,008 --> 00:56:02,663 I have come to take... Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 722 00:56:02,687 --> 00:56:03,920 You got my note! 723 00:56:04,254 --> 00:56:08,132 - Uh, well, I... I got, uh, a note. - You've come to rescue me? 724 00:56:08,550 --> 00:56:11,344 - Uh, well, no. You see, I... - I knew someone would. 725 00:56:11,637 --> 00:56:16,265 I knew that somewhere out there, ...there must be... someone.. 726 00:56:17,059 --> 00:56:19,268 Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! 727 00:56:20,813 --> 00:56:21,813 Who are you? 728 00:56:21,909 --> 00:56:23,515 - I'm your son! - No, not you. 729 00:56:23,615 --> 00:56:26,810 - Uh, I am Sir Lancelot, sir. - He's come to rescue me, Father. 730 00:56:26,910 --> 00:56:29,714 - Well, let's not jump to conclusions. - Did you kill all those guards? 731 00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:33,000 Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry. 732 00:56:33,124 --> 00:56:34,334 They cost fifty pounds each! 733 00:56:34,358 --> 00:56:36,758 Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything. 734 00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:40,139 Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot. I've got a rope all ready. 735 00:56:40,499 --> 00:56:42,875 You killed eight wedding guests and all! 736 00:56:43,043 --> 00:56:45,570 Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady. 737 00:56:45,580 --> 00:56:46,580 I can understand that. 738 00:56:46,888 --> 00:56:49,207 - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry! - Shut up! 739 00:56:49,307 --> 00:56:51,182 You only killed the bride's father, that's all! 740 00:56:51,206 --> 00:56:52,711 Well, I really didn't mean to... 741 00:56:52,811 --> 00:56:55,547 Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head! 742 00:56:55,647 --> 00:56:58,633 - Oh, dear. Is he all right? - You even kicked the bride in the chest! 743 00:56:58,733 --> 00:57:01,219 - This is going to cost me a fortune! - Well, I can explain. 744 00:57:01,319 --> 00:57:02,982 I was in the forest, um, riding north from 745 00:57:03,006 --> 00:57:04,669 Camelot, when I got this note, you see... 746 00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:07,419 - Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot? - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! 747 00:57:07,943 --> 00:57:10,020 Uh, I am a Knight of King Arthur, sir. 748 00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,114 Very nice castle, Camelot. Uh, very good pig country. 749 00:57:13,866 --> 00:57:16,901 - Is it? - Hurry! I'm ready! 750 00:57:17,001 --> 00:57:18,803 Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink? 751 00:57:18,827 --> 00:57:21,001 Well, that... that's, uh, awfully nice of you... 752 00:57:21,081 --> 00:57:24,242 - I am ready! - ...um, I mean to be so understanding. 753 00:57:24,342 --> 00:57:26,079 ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I 754 00:57:26,103 --> 00:57:28,254 sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. 755 00:57:34,928 --> 00:57:36,028 Now, this is the main hall. 756 00:57:36,050 --> 00:57:39,050 We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh... 757 00:57:39,100 --> 00:57:42,195 - There he is! - Oh, bloody hell. 758 00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:49,000 - Ha ha ha! Hey! - Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! 759 00:57:49,100 --> 00:57:52,100 - Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please! - Ha ha! 760 00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:55,400 Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. 761 00:57:55,415 --> 00:57:58,318 I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone. 762 00:57:58,418 --> 00:57:59,827 He's killed the best man! 763 00:58:01,371 --> 00:58:05,867 Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Sir Lancelot 764 00:58:05,967 --> 00:58:10,963 from the Court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, 765 00:58:11,715 --> 00:58:14,584 - and my special guest here today. - Hello. 766 00:58:14,684 --> 00:58:16,302 He killed my auntie! 767 00:58:17,054 --> 00:58:21,682 Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! 768 00:58:21,809 --> 00:58:25,728 Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. 769 00:58:26,522 --> 00:58:31,025 We are here today to witness the union of two young people 770 00:58:31,151 --> 00:58:33,486 in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. 771 00:58:35,072 --> 00:58:38,866 Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, 772 00:58:39,660 --> 00:58:41,702 has just fallen to his death. 773 00:58:42,538 --> 00:58:46,040 But I don't want to think I've lost a son, so much as 774 00:58:46,542 --> 00:58:48,209 gained a daughter. 775 00:58:48,919 --> 00:58:52,163 For, since the tragic death of her father... 776 00:58:52,263 --> 00:58:54,382 He's not quite dead! 777 00:58:55,717 --> 00:58:58,761 Since the near fatal wounding of her father... 778 00:58:58,887 --> 00:59:00,638 He's getting better! 779 00:59:02,558 --> 00:59:05,893 For, since her own father 780 00:59:06,019 --> 00:59:09,355 who, when he seemed about to recover, 781 00:59:09,773 --> 00:59:13,234 suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. 782 00:59:14,194 --> 00:59:15,361 Oh, he's died! 783 00:59:15,863 --> 00:59:19,482 And I want his only daughter to look upon me 784 00:59:19,582 --> 00:59:24,078 as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense. 785 00:59:25,914 --> 00:59:30,585 And I feel sure that the merger... er, the union between the Princess 786 00:59:31,295 --> 00:59:35,047 and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Lancelot of Camelot... 787 00:59:35,465 --> 00:59:38,293 - What? - Look! The dead Prince! 788 00:59:38,617 --> 00:59:41,017 GUESTS: Oooh! The dead Prince! 789 00:59:41,263 --> 00:59:44,765 - He's not quite dead! - No, I feel much better. 790 00:59:44,892 --> 00:59:47,768 You fell out of the tall tower, you creep! 791 00:59:48,061 --> 00:59:51,814 - No, I was saved at the last minute. - How?! 792 00:59:52,107 --> 00:59:53,774 Well, I'll tell you. 793 00:59:55,110 --> 00:59:58,110 Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it! 794 00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:06,120 ♪ He's going to tell ♪ ♪ He's going to tell ♪ 795 01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:08,300 ♪ He's going to tell ♪ - Quickly, sir, come this way! 796 01:00:08,500 --> 01:00:11,512 No, it's not right for my idiom. I must escape more... 797 01:00:13,629 --> 01:00:16,797 - Dramatically, sir? - Dramatically. 798 01:00:16,821 --> 01:00:18,821 ♪ But he's here with us today... ♪ 799 01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:25,800 ♪ What a wonderful escape! ♪ 800 01:00:28,977 --> 01:00:31,771 Excuse me. Could, uh... could somebody give me a push, please? 801 01:00:47,537 --> 01:00:49,205 Old crone! 802 01:00:50,832 --> 01:00:54,335 Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? 803 01:00:55,170 --> 01:00:58,170 - Who sent you? - The Knights Who Say 'Ni'. 804 01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:01,700 Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here. 805 01:01:01,726 --> 01:01:05,846 If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I 806 01:01:06,223 --> 01:01:07,515 will say... 807 01:01:08,684 --> 01:01:11,519 We will say "Ni." 808 01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:13,600 Agh! Do your worst! 809 01:01:13,700 --> 01:01:17,463 Very well. If you will not assist us voluntarily... 810 01:01:21,363 --> 01:01:22,530 - Ni! - No! 811 01:01:23,323 --> 01:01:25,574 Never! No shrubberies! 812 01:01:25,909 --> 01:01:27,660 - Ni! - Nu! 813 01:01:27,911 --> 01:01:29,011 - No, no, no, no, i... - Nu! 814 01:01:29,050 --> 01:01:30,550 - No, it's not that. It's 'ni'. - Nu! 815 01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:32,471 No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No. 816 01:01:32,500 --> 01:01:33,500 Ni! 817 01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:35,600 - Ni. - That's it. That's it. You've got it. 818 01:01:35,700 --> 01:01:38,200 - Ni! - Ni! 819 01:01:38,221 --> 01:01:41,340 Are you saying "Ni" to that old woman? 820 01:01:42,551 --> 01:01:43,626 Erm,... yes. 821 01:01:43,726 --> 01:01:46,026 Oh, what sad times are these when passing 822 01:01:46,050 --> 01:01:48,639 ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. 823 01:01:49,224 --> 01:01:52,393 There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. 824 01:01:52,728 --> 01:01:54,723 Even those who arrange and design shrubberies 825 01:01:54,747 --> 01:01:56,514 are under considerable economic stress 826 01:01:56,614 --> 01:01:58,607 at this period in history. 827 01:01:58,734 --> 01:02:01,402 - Did you say "shrubberies"? - Yes. 828 01:02:01,528 --> 01:02:04,522 Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. 829 01:02:04,622 --> 01:02:09,243 My name is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. 830 01:02:10,037 --> 01:02:12,246 - Ni! - No! No, no, no! No! 831 01:02:13,248 --> 01:02:16,159 O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. 832 01:02:16,259 --> 01:02:18,586 - May we go now? - It is a good shrubbery. 833 01:02:18,795 --> 01:02:23,132 I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem. 834 01:02:23,717 --> 01:02:24,867 What is that? 835 01:02:24,934 --> 01:02:29,263 We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'. 836 01:02:29,287 --> 01:02:30,487 KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Shh! 837 01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,052 Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 838 01:02:32,275 --> 01:02:35,770 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky- pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv' 839 01:02:36,688 --> 01:02:38,806 Therefore, we must give you a test. 840 01:02:38,906 --> 01:02:42,485 What is this test, O Knights of... knights who till recently said 'Ni'? 841 01:02:43,236 --> 01:02:45,404 Firstly, you must find... 842 01:02:46,114 --> 01:02:47,823 another shrubbery! 843 01:02:48,992 --> 01:02:51,452 Not another shrubbery! 844 01:02:51,578 --> 01:02:53,443 Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you 845 01:02:53,467 --> 01:02:55,289 must place it here beside this shrubbery, 846 01:02:55,499 --> 01:02:57,316 only slightly higher, so you get the two-level 847 01:02:57,340 --> 01:02:59,035 effect with a path going down the middle. 848 01:02:59,135 --> 01:03:02,415 KNIGHTS OF NI: A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Knights of Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!... 849 01:03:02,430 --> 01:03:05,257 Then, when you have found the shrubbery, 850 01:03:05,300 --> 01:03:08,294 you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... 851 01:03:08,804 --> 01:03:11,972 with... a herring! 852 01:03:11,996 --> 01:03:13,242 KNIGHTS OF NI: A herring! 853 01:03:13,266 --> 01:03:15,935 - We shall do no such thing! - Oh, please! 854 01:03:16,311 --> 01:03:19,480 Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done. 855 01:03:19,504 --> 01:03:21,167 KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! 856 01:03:21,191 --> 01:03:23,059 - Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word. - What word? 857 01:03:23,159 --> 01:03:25,152 I cannot tell. Suffice to say, 858 01:03:25,278 --> 01:03:27,939 it's one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear. 859 01:03:28,039 --> 01:03:30,942 How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is? 860 01:03:31,042 --> 01:03:33,160 - You said it again! - What, 'is'? 861 01:03:33,578 --> 01:03:37,782 No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'. 862 01:03:37,882 --> 01:03:39,175 My liege, it's Sir Robin! 863 01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:43,578 ♪ He's jacking it in and packing it up ♪ ♪ And sneaking away and buggering off ♪ 864 01:03:44,005 --> 01:03:46,094 ♪ And chickening out and pissing a pot ♪ 865 01:03:46,118 --> 01:03:48,584 ♪ Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge ♪ 866 01:03:48,684 --> 01:03:49,919 - Sir Robin! - My liege! 867 01:03:49,999 --> 01:03:51,967 - It's good to see you. - Now he's said the word! 868 01:03:51,990 --> 01:03:54,260 Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail? 869 01:03:54,300 --> 01:03:56,100 ♪ He is sneaking away and buggering up... ♪ 870 01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:57,500 Shut up! 871 01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,694 - No, no. No. Far from it. - He said the word again! 872 01:03:59,946 --> 01:04:04,525 I was looking for it. Uh, here... here in this forest. 873 01:04:04,693 --> 01:04:09,029 - No, it is far from this place. - Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! 874 01:04:09,156 --> 01:04:11,615 - The word we cannot hear! - Stop it! 875 01:04:11,783 --> 01:04:13,776 - He said "it" again! - That's it! 876 01:04:13,876 --> 01:04:16,871 Wait! I said it! I said it! Ooh! I said it again! 877 01:04:17,074 --> 01:04:19,206 And there again, that's three "its"! 878 01:04:25,380 --> 01:04:29,876 And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find 879 01:04:29,976 --> 01:04:33,888 the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24. 880 01:04:35,390 --> 01:04:38,225 Beyond the forest they met Lancelot and Galahad, 881 01:04:38,351 --> 01:04:40,728 and there was much rejoicing. 882 01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,484 In the frozen land of Nador, 883 01:04:54,584 --> 01:04:57,369 they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. 884 01:04:58,038 --> 01:05:00,289 And there was much rejoicing. 885 01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:03,584 A year passed. 886 01:05:07,422 --> 01:05:09,882 Winter changed into spring. 887 01:05:10,425 --> 01:05:12,551 Spring changed into summer. 888 01:05:13,094 --> 01:05:15,505 Summer changed back into winter, 889 01:05:15,605 --> 01:05:20,142 and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn. 890 01:05:21,436 --> 01:05:22,686 Until one day. 891 01:05:44,918 --> 01:05:46,252 Knights, 892 01:05:47,462 --> 01:05:48,754 forward! 893 01:06:25,792 --> 01:06:28,369 What manner of man are you that can summon up fire 894 01:06:28,469 --> 01:06:32,881 - without flint or tinder? - I... am an enchanter. 895 01:06:35,927 --> 01:06:39,763 - By what name are you known? - There are some who call me... 896 01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,518 - Tim. - Greetings, Tim the enchanter! 897 01:06:44,644 --> 01:06:47,021 Greetings, King Arthur. 898 01:06:47,856 --> 01:06:49,523 - You know my name? - I do. 899 01:06:57,532 --> 01:07:00,284 You seek the Holy Grail! 900 01:07:00,869 --> 01:07:03,946 That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, O Tim. 901 01:07:04,046 --> 01:07:05,289 Quite. 902 01:07:13,548 --> 01:07:15,966 Yes, we're... we're looking for the Holy Grail. 903 01:07:16,217 --> 01:07:17,649 Our quest is to find the Holy Grail. 904 01:07:17,673 --> 01:07:20,137 KNIGHTS: Yeah. Yes. It is. It is. Yeah. Yup. Yup. Hm. Mm. 905 01:07:23,350 --> 01:07:25,682 And so, we're... we're... we're looking for it. 906 01:07:25,706 --> 01:07:27,806 KNIGHTS: Yes, we are. Yeah. We are. We are. 907 01:07:27,850 --> 01:07:29,350 - We have been for some time. - Ages. 908 01:07:32,150 --> 01:07:36,570 Uh... uh, so, uh, anything that you could do to, uh... to help... would be... 909 01:07:39,032 --> 01:07:40,182 very... 910 01:07:41,409 --> 01:07:44,244 - helpful. - Look, can you tell us where... 911 01:07:48,083 --> 01:07:51,085 Fine. Um, I don't want to waste any more of your time, 912 01:07:51,211 --> 01:07:55,211 but, uh, I don't suppose you could, uh, tell us where we might find a, 913 01:07:55,230 --> 01:07:58,130 um... find a, uh... a, um... a, uh... 914 01:07:58,218 --> 01:07:59,843 A what...? 915 01:07:59,867 --> 01:08:01,967 A g... a... a g... a g... a... a g... 916 01:08:02,013 --> 01:08:03,589 A grail?! 917 01:08:03,689 --> 01:08:05,849 Yes, I think so. 918 01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,200 KNIGHTS: Yes. Yes. Yup. That's it. 919 01:08:08,603 --> 01:08:09,770 Yes! 920 01:08:11,940 --> 01:08:14,775 - Oh. Thank you. - Splendid! 921 01:08:18,613 --> 01:08:21,190 Look, um, you're a busy man, uh... 922 01:08:21,290 --> 01:08:25,953 Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail. 923 01:08:26,413 --> 01:08:31,200 To the north, there lies a cave. The Cave of Caerbannog. 924 01:08:31,300 --> 01:08:35,629 Wherein, carved in mystic runes, upon the very living rock, 925 01:08:36,089 --> 01:08:39,425 the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged 926 01:08:41,553 --> 01:08:46,473 make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail. 927 01:08:47,392 --> 01:08:50,477 - Where could we find this cave, O Tim? - Follow! 928 01:08:51,980 --> 01:08:56,066 But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, 929 01:08:56,484 --> 01:08:59,945 For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature 930 01:09:00,447 --> 01:09:03,657 so foul, so cruel, 931 01:09:03,783 --> 01:09:06,994 that no man yet has fought with it and lived! 932 01:09:08,580 --> 01:09:13,584 Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. 933 01:09:14,127 --> 01:09:18,505 So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage 934 01:09:19,007 --> 01:09:21,842 or your strength, come no further, 935 01:09:22,177 --> 01:09:27,139 for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. 936 01:09:29,601 --> 01:09:31,477 What an eccentric performance! 937 01:09:45,033 --> 01:09:46,442 They're nervous, sire. 938 01:09:46,542 --> 01:09:49,111 Then we'd best leave them here and carry on, on foot. 939 01:09:49,211 --> 01:09:50,704 Dis-mount! 940 01:10:03,843 --> 01:10:07,846 Behold the Cave of Caerbannog! 941 01:10:10,266 --> 01:10:13,393 - Right, keep me covered. - What with? 942 01:10:14,145 --> 01:10:16,522 - Just keep me covered. - Too late! 943 01:10:17,857 --> 01:10:19,024 There he is! 944 01:10:22,111 --> 01:10:24,279 - Where? - There! 945 01:10:25,323 --> 01:10:28,367 - What, behind the rabbit? - It is the rabbit. 946 01:10:30,495 --> 01:10:32,947 - You silly sod! - What? 947 01:10:33,047 --> 01:10:34,490 You got us all worked up! 948 01:10:34,590 --> 01:10:36,283 Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! 949 01:10:36,383 --> 01:10:41,338 That's the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! 950 01:10:41,506 --> 01:10:45,133 You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared! 951 01:10:45,260 --> 01:10:48,754 Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide. 952 01:10:48,854 --> 01:10:50,840 - It's a killer! - Get stuffed! 953 01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:53,259 - He'll do you up a treat, mate! - Oh, yeah? 954 01:10:53,359 --> 01:10:55,886 - You manky Scots git! - I'm warning you! 955 01:10:55,986 --> 01:10:59,648 - What's he do, nibble your bum? - He's got huge, sharp... 956 01:11:00,692 --> 01:11:02,442 He can leap about... 957 01:11:02,902 --> 01:11:06,321 - Look at the bones! - Go on, Bors, chop its head off! 958 01:11:06,447 --> 01:11:10,158 Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up! 959 01:11:12,537 --> 01:11:13,996 Look! 960 01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:20,035 - Jesus Christ! - I warned you! 961 01:11:20,135 --> 01:11:22,204 - I done it again! - I warned you, 962 01:11:22,304 --> 01:11:25,632 but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? 963 01:11:25,800 --> 01:11:30,337 Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same 964 01:11:30,437 --> 01:11:33,056 - I always tell them... - Oh, shut up! 965 01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:34,493 Right! 966 01:11:34,517 --> 01:11:37,517 KNIGHTS: Charge! 967 01:11:53,036 --> 01:11:55,495 Run away! Run away! 968 01:11:55,519 --> 01:11:57,519 KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away!... 969 01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:02,000 Ha ha ha ha! Ha haw haw! Ha! Ha ha! 970 01:12:04,881 --> 01:12:06,916 - Right. How many did we lose? - Gawain. 971 01:12:07,016 --> 01:12:09,043 - Ector. - And Bors. That's five. 972 01:12:09,143 --> 01:12:11,094 - Three, sir. - Three. Three. 973 01:12:11,471 --> 01:12:15,132 And we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite. 974 01:12:15,232 --> 01:12:17,843 Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? 975 01:12:17,943 --> 01:12:21,305 - Oh, shut up and go and change your armor. - Let us taunt it! 976 01:12:21,405 --> 01:12:24,183 It may become so cross that it will make a mistake. 977 01:12:24,283 --> 01:12:25,433 Like what? 978 01:12:26,694 --> 01:12:27,844 Well... 979 01:12:30,907 --> 01:12:32,858 - Have we got bows? - No. 980 01:12:32,958 --> 01:12:35,319 - We have the Holy Hand Grenade. - Yes, of course! 981 01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:37,154 The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. 982 01:12:37,254 --> 01:12:40,074 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! 983 01:12:40,174 --> 01:12:43,251 Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade! 984 01:13:14,742 --> 01:13:16,034 How does it, um... 985 01:13:16,744 --> 01:13:17,903 How does it work? 986 01:13:18,003 --> 01:13:20,823 - I know not, my liege. - Consult the Book of Armaments! 987 01:13:20,923 --> 01:13:24,710 Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one. 988 01:13:28,047 --> 01:13:31,967 "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 989 01:13:32,677 --> 01:13:36,797 " 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest 990 01:13:36,897 --> 01:13:40,559 " blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' 991 01:13:41,227 --> 01:13:44,304 "And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon 992 01:13:44,404 --> 01:13:49,359 "the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans 993 01:13:49,902 --> 01:13:53,402 "and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu..." 994 01:13:53,500 --> 01:13:54,500 Skip a bit, Brother. 995 01:13:55,700 --> 01:14:00,454 "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. 996 01:14:01,289 --> 01:14:05,709 "Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. 997 01:14:06,627 --> 01:14:09,288 "Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, 998 01:14:09,388 --> 01:14:12,382 "and the number of the counting shall be three 999 01:14:12,967 --> 01:14:16,595 "Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, 1000 01:14:17,138 --> 01:14:19,806 "excepting that thou then proceed to three. 1001 01:14:21,142 --> 01:14:23,477 "Five is right out. 1002 01:14:24,645 --> 01:14:28,148 "Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, 1003 01:14:28,566 --> 01:14:31,818 "then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch 1004 01:14:31,944 --> 01:14:35,655 "towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, 1005 01:14:36,324 --> 01:14:37,991 "shall snuff it.'" 1006 01:14:38,659 --> 01:14:39,659 Amen. 1007 01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:41,000 KNIGHTS: Amen. 1008 01:14:41,170 --> 01:14:42,320 Right. 1009 01:14:42,914 --> 01:14:45,157 One!... Two!... Five! 1010 01:14:45,257 --> 01:14:47,125 - Three, sir! - Three! 1011 01:15:33,089 --> 01:15:34,589 There! Look! 1012 01:15:35,508 --> 01:15:37,876 - What does it say? - What language is that? 1013 01:15:37,976 --> 01:15:40,220 Brother Maynard! You are a scholar. 1014 01:15:40,388 --> 01:15:41,930 It is Aramaic! 1015 01:15:42,265 --> 01:15:45,142 Of course! Joseph of Arimathea! 1016 01:15:45,476 --> 01:15:47,561 - 'Course! - What does it say? 1017 01:15:47,687 --> 01:15:51,014 It reads, "Here may be found 1018 01:15:51,114 --> 01:15:54,734 "the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. 1019 01:15:55,444 --> 01:15:58,697 "He who is valiant and pure of spirit 1020 01:15:59,490 --> 01:16:01,700 "may find the Holy Grail 1021 01:16:02,034 --> 01:16:06,329 "in the Castle of aaarrrrggh." 1022 01:16:08,249 --> 01:16:09,416 What? 1023 01:16:10,168 --> 01:16:14,004 "'...The Castle of aaarrrrggh'. 1024 01:16:14,672 --> 01:16:15,922 What is that? 1025 01:16:16,465 --> 01:16:18,667 He must have died while carving this. 1026 01:16:18,767 --> 01:16:21,595 - Oh, come on! - Well, that's what it says. 1027 01:16:21,721 --> 01:16:25,307 Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aarrggh'. 1028 01:16:25,516 --> 01:16:28,935 - He'd just say it! - Well, that's what's carved in the rock! 1029 01:16:29,312 --> 01:16:31,305 - Perhaps he was dictating it. - Oh, shut up. 1030 01:16:31,405 --> 01:16:33,682 - Well, does it say anything else? - No! 1031 01:16:33,782 --> 01:16:37,027 Just 'aaarrrrggh'. 1032 01:16:38,988 --> 01:16:41,398 - Aaaauugggh. - Aarrrggh. 1033 01:16:41,498 --> 01:16:45,235 Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue? 1034 01:16:45,335 --> 01:16:47,321 - Where's that? - In France, I think. 1035 01:16:47,421 --> 01:16:50,241 Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall? 1036 01:16:50,265 --> 01:16:52,209 No, that's 'Saint Ives'. 1037 01:16:52,501 --> 01:16:54,669 Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives. 1038 01:16:54,693 --> 01:16:56,693 Oooohoohohooo! 1039 01:16:56,839 --> 01:16:59,374 No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh. 1040 01:16:59,474 --> 01:17:02,594 N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm. 1041 01:17:02,845 --> 01:17:05,597 - Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'! - Yes, that's right. 1042 01:17:05,621 --> 01:17:07,284 - aaaaaah! - Oooh! 1043 01:17:07,308 --> 01:17:08,458 My God! 1044 01:17:11,145 --> 01:17:13,813 It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh! 1045 01:17:16,108 --> 01:17:19,069 That's it! That's it! Run away! Run away! 1046 01:17:19,093 --> 01:17:27,093 KNIGHTS: Run away! 1047 01:17:28,829 --> 01:17:30,330 KNIGHTS: Keep running. 1048 01:17:33,102 --> 01:17:35,102 KNIGHTS: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! 1049 01:17:35,127 --> 01:17:36,419 We've lost him. 1050 01:17:38,214 --> 01:17:40,966 As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, 1051 01:17:41,676 --> 01:17:44,461 escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. 1052 01:17:44,561 --> 01:17:48,556 When, suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. 1053 01:17:48,891 --> 01:17:51,476 The cartoon peril was no more. 1054 01:17:52,270 --> 01:17:55,146 The quest for the Holy Grail could continue. 1055 01:18:07,285 --> 01:18:08,910 There it is! 1056 01:18:09,161 --> 01:18:13,373 - The Bridge of Death. - Oh, great. 1057 01:18:13,541 --> 01:18:16,493 Look! There's the old man from Scene 24. 1058 01:18:16,593 --> 01:18:20,338 - What's he doing here? - He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. 1059 01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:23,166 He asks each traveler five questions. 1060 01:18:23,266 --> 01:18:25,210 - Three questions. - Three questions. 1061 01:18:25,310 --> 01:18:28,880 - He who answers the five questions... - Three questions. 1062 01:18:28,980 --> 01:18:33,427 ...three questions, may cross in safety. - What if you get a question wrong? 1063 01:18:33,527 --> 01:18:37,022 Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. 1064 01:18:37,273 --> 01:18:40,442 - Oh, I won't go. - Who's going to answer the questions? 1065 01:18:40,443 --> 01:18:41,443 - Sir Robin! - Yes? 1066 01:18:41,450 --> 01:18:43,450 Brave Sir Robin, you go. 1067 01:18:44,155 --> 01:18:46,156 Hey! I've got a great idea. 1068 01:18:46,782 --> 01:18:48,317 Why doesn't Lancelot go? 1069 01:18:48,417 --> 01:18:51,153 Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. 1070 01:18:51,253 --> 01:18:54,914 - I shall make a feint to the northeast... - No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! 1071 01:18:55,124 --> 01:18:57,743 - Just answer the five questions... - Three questions. 1072 01:18:57,843 --> 01:19:01,838 Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray. 1073 01:19:02,048 --> 01:19:03,882 I understand, my liege. 1074 01:19:04,133 --> 01:19:07,761 Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. God be with you. 1075 01:19:12,224 --> 01:19:13,374 Stop! 1076 01:19:14,852 --> 01:19:19,481 Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 1077 01:19:19,648 --> 01:19:21,858 ere the other side he see. 1078 01:19:22,068 --> 01:19:25,070 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 1079 01:19:25,321 --> 01:19:29,240 - What... is your name? - My name is 'Sir Lancelot of Camelot'. 1080 01:19:29,992 --> 01:19:31,743 What... is your quest? 1081 01:19:31,994 --> 01:19:34,037 To seek the Holy Grail. 1082 01:19:34,538 --> 01:19:36,664 What... is your favorite color? 1083 01:19:37,124 --> 01:19:39,376 - Blue. - Right. Off you go. 1084 01:19:40,836 --> 01:19:42,754 Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. 1085 01:19:47,218 --> 01:19:48,426 That's easy! 1086 01:19:51,472 --> 01:19:52,622 Stop! 1087 01:19:53,265 --> 01:19:57,936 Who approacheth the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three, 1088 01:19:58,312 --> 01:20:00,522 ere the other side he see. 1089 01:20:01,357 --> 01:20:04,101 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 1090 01:20:04,201 --> 01:20:07,821 - What... is your name? - 'Sir Robin of Camelot'. 1091 01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:11,408 - What... is your quest? - To seek the Holy Grail. 1092 01:20:11,742 --> 01:20:13,868 What... is the capital of Assyria? 1093 01:20:16,705 --> 01:20:19,705 I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! 1094 01:20:26,757 --> 01:20:27,907 Stop! 1095 01:20:28,759 --> 01:20:32,303 - What... is your name? - 'Sir Galahad of Camelot'. 1096 01:20:32,513 --> 01:20:35,932 - What... is your quest? - I seek the Grail. 1097 01:20:36,851 --> 01:20:39,936 - What... is your favorite color? - Blue. 1098 01:20:40,771 --> 01:20:43,771 No, yel... auuuuuuuugh! 1099 01:20:47,655 --> 01:20:49,155 Hee hee heh. 1100 01:20:49,280 --> 01:20:50,430 Stop! 1101 01:20:50,531 --> 01:20:54,617 - What... is your name? - It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons. 1102 01:20:55,035 --> 01:20:58,705 - What... is your quest? - To seek the Holy Grail. 1103 01:20:59,540 --> 01:21:02,876 What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 1104 01:21:03,669 --> 01:21:06,546 What do you mean? An African or European swallow? 1105 01:21:07,548 --> 01:21:10,548 Huh? I... I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh! 1106 01:21:15,347 --> 01:21:17,724 How do you know so much about swallows? 1107 01:21:17,850 --> 01:21:20,518 Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know. 1108 01:22:00,692 --> 01:22:02,570 Lancelot! 1109 01:22:03,486 --> 01:22:04,899 Lancelot! 1110 01:22:06,380 --> 01:22:07,723 Lancelot! 1111 01:22:08,026 --> 01:22:09,176 Lancelot! 1112 01:22:10,933 --> 01:22:13,349 - Lancelot! - Lancelot! 1113 01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:21,000 - Lancelot! - Lancelot! 1114 01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:26,000 Lancelot! 1115 01:24:08,729 --> 01:24:13,066 The Castle "Aaargh". Our quest is at an end. 1116 01:24:31,752 --> 01:24:33,336 God be praised. 1117 01:24:36,924 --> 01:24:38,333 Almighty God, 1118 01:24:38,433 --> 01:24:42,933 we thank Thee that Thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy... 1119 01:24:44,431 --> 01:24:46,557 Jesus Christ! 1120 01:24:47,768 --> 01:24:50,011 Allo, dappy English k-niggets 1121 01:24:50,111 --> 01:24:53,014 and Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. 1122 01:24:53,114 --> 01:24:56,142 So, we French fellows outwit you a second time! 1123 01:24:56,242 --> 01:24:59,237 How dare you profane this place with your presence? 1124 01:24:59,780 --> 01:25:03,700 I command you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, 1125 01:25:03,951 --> 01:25:06,911 to open the doors of this sacred castle, 1126 01:25:07,121 --> 01:25:10,581 to which God himself has guided us. 1127 01:25:10,791 --> 01:25:15,795 How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in your direction', 1128 01:25:16,088 --> 01:25:17,539 sons of a window-dresser! 1129 01:25:17,639 --> 01:25:20,208 So, you think you could out-clever us French folk 1130 01:25:20,308 --> 01:25:23,878 with your silly knees-bent, running about, advancing behavior. 1131 01:25:23,978 --> 01:25:26,764 I wave my private parts at your aunties. 1132 01:25:27,057 --> 01:25:31,636 You cheesy lot of second-hand, electric donkey-bottom biters! 1133 01:25:31,736 --> 01:25:33,813 In the name of the Lord, 1134 01:25:33,939 --> 01:25:37,650 we demand entrance to this sacred castle! 1135 01:25:37,776 --> 01:25:40,562 No chance, English bed-wetting types. 1136 01:25:40,662 --> 01:25:44,899 I burst my pimples at you, and call your door-opening request a silly thing! 1137 01:25:44,999 --> 01:25:48,403 You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms. 1138 01:25:48,503 --> 01:25:52,165 If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force! 1139 01:25:54,001 --> 01:25:56,502 In the name of God and the glory of our... 1140 01:25:58,172 --> 01:26:00,673 Agh. Right! That settles it! 1141 01:26:01,508 --> 01:26:04,586 Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, 1142 01:26:04,686 --> 01:26:07,043 or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and 1143 01:26:07,067 --> 01:26:09,424 make castanets out of your testicles already! 1144 01:26:09,524 --> 01:26:11,092 Walk away. Just ignore them. 1145 01:26:11,192 --> 01:26:15,146 And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! 1146 01:26:15,272 --> 01:26:19,934 And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard 1147 01:26:20,034 --> 01:26:23,529 nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets! Thpppt! 1148 01:26:45,385 --> 01:26:48,513 - We shall attack at once! - Yes, my liege! 1149 01:26:48,680 --> 01:26:50,556 Stand by for attack! 1150 01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:51,617 French persons! 1151 01:27:52,536 --> 01:27:56,289 Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. 1152 01:27:56,874 --> 01:28:00,201 In the name of God, we shall not stop our fight 1153 01:28:00,301 --> 01:28:05,089 till each one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail 1154 01:28:05,215 --> 01:28:08,801 returns to those whom God has chosen. 1155 01:28:10,262 --> 01:28:11,262 Charge! 1156 01:28:11,300 --> 01:28:19,300 ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Hooray!!! 1157 01:28:38,916 --> 01:28:42,916 - Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure. - Come on. Anybody armed must go, too. 1158 01:28:42,990 --> 01:28:44,990 - All right. Come on. Back. - Get that one. 1159 01:28:45,000 --> 01:28:46,000 - Back. Right away. - Yes. 1160 01:28:46,100 --> 01:28:48,900 - Just... pull it off. Come on. Come along. - Put this man in the van. 1161 01:28:53,513 --> 01:28:56,349 - Put him in the van. - Get a blanket over that one. 1162 01:28:56,642 --> 01:28:59,185 Come on. Back. Riiight back. Come on! 1163 01:28:59,209 --> 01:29:00,209 Run along! Run along! 1164 01:29:00,250 --> 01:29:02,472 Pull that off. My, that's an offensive weapon, that is. 1165 01:29:02,500 --> 01:29:04,500 Come on. Back with 'em. Back. Right. Come along. 1166 01:29:06,985 --> 01:29:09,278 All right, sonny. That's enough. Just pack that in. 1167 01:29:09,302 --> 01:29:10,302 Christ! 95547

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