All language subtitles for s b t b s02e01 1080p web h264-ggez (1)_track3_[eng]

- Previously on
"Becoming Lexi: I am Me"...

I thought me single-handedly
saving the Douglas kids

was gonna be the craziest
thing to happen in 2020.

Little did I know, it wasn't.

[dramatic music]

* *

- So we gotta shut
everything down.

Schools, stadiums, the secret
rich person sex submarine

in the Hollywood Reservoir.

And, out of an abundance
of caution,

I told Linda to stay home

'cause I'm gonna do
my own sign language.

- But that didn't stop me
from finding love

with the boy next door.

- That filter makes you look
really pretty.

- Oh, it's not a filter.
It's just me.

- Stop flirting.
This is geometry class.

- And getting
into a little drama.

No, you're gaslighting me,
Dana.

- Ahh!
- Yeah, suck on that.

But now, life is finally
getting back to normal.

I can't believe schools
are reopening in a few weeks...

is a line my producers
told me to say.

- Mac, are you at Kim
Kardashian's birthday party?

Aren't you scared?
- Jamie, don't be ridiculous.

Yes, 40 is very old
for a woman,

but I do not fear her.

- No, the virus.

- Oh, I got vaccinated
a long time ago.

Yeah, my dad golfs with
either Johnson or Johnson.

I forget which.

- And what about you, Daisy?
Are you excited for school?

- I am.

Of course, quarantine
has put into stark relief

the inequities
built into our--

- Me too.
- Yo, you're famous.

- I know.

Oh, I thought Jamie
looked really bad, by the way.

- You don't have to do that.
I'm over it.

It was a year ago.

And not just a year,
a quarantine year.

I'm just happy
to be back at school.

- Me, too.

I can't wait to start Junior
year in a real classroom

at a desk
that isn't an ironing board.

- Girl, same.

- I'm gonna pick up right
where I left off.

And that starts with becoming
class president again.

I got cheated out of 50%
of my term last year.

But check this out, bam!

- [clears throat]

"The hard work we do now
will pay dividends

"in the future
for years to come.

Daisy for President."

- Is it bad?
- Very, but it doesn't matter.

Before the lockdown,
you united the entire school.

Pandemic or not,
nobody's gonna forget that.

- Yeah, that's true.

I got people to care
about important stuff,

not just Bayside nonsense.

- Exactly,
you changed this place--

- Mac!

Mac Morris,
get me down from here!

- Well, even Martin Luther King
couldn't get everybody.

- Yeah.

- Ladies, help me out please.

My doctor said if I get
one more wedgie, I'll die!

[school bell rings]

- * When I wake up
in the mornin' *

* Alarm gives out a warnin' *

* I don't think
I'll ever make it on time *

[school bell ringing]

* By the time
I grab my books *

* And I give myself a look *

* I'm at the corner
just in time *

* It's all right,
it's all right *

* Saved by the bell,
it's all right *

* It's all right,
saved by the bell *

* It's all right *

* 'Cause I'm saved
by the bell *

[school bell ringing]

- All right, keep it moving.
Come on.

This isn't cocktail hour.
You drop and then you drive.

Very good, there we go.

- Have a good one, son.

Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

- Sorry, Dad.
I wasn't thinking.

- That's my boy.

Morris men never use
car doors.

You rule!

Hey, Preppy, how you been?

- Hey, oh, you know,
okay, I guess, considering.

- Yeah.
- It's been a rough year.

[car honks]

- Hey, what happened
to "keep it moving"?

- I ran into my best friend
is what happened!

Shut your trap.

Yeah, sorry about
the election, man.

You know,
I would've voted for you,

but I had to write
in Chester Cheetah

for this contest
I was trying to win.

- It's fine, but I'll tell you,
I don't regret

keeping the Douglas kids
here at the school.

But boy, did it make rich,
white parents mad.

They didn't just vote me out,

they got me banned
from the NextDoor app.

- Well,
you did the right thing.

I mean, it's not your fault
Californians vote

for whoever's the most famous.

- Yeah.

But Governor Prince Harry's
doing a pretty good job.

- Yeah.
- Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Worse things happened
this year.

- Yeah.

- Are you going to the thing
at the Max?

- I don't know.
I'll have to see.

- Okay.
Well, better get going.

Don't want to miss "The View."

That's what I call
watching Kelly in the shower.

- Ahh!
All right.

- See ya.

- Finally.
- Hey, Slater!

- God damn it!
- Oh, you just missed Zack.

- Oh, yeah?
How's he doing?

- He seemed
a little down, actually.

- I mean, who isn't?

I just spent the past year
trapped in a house

with a guy I'm divorcing.

- I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

- It's fine.

We haven't told Jamie yet,

but we're working
with a therapist

who specializes
in conscious uncoupling.

He also does
unconscious recoupling,

which I don't totally get,

but I think it's just
having sex on Ambien.

- I could never do therapy.
Don't believe in it.

- Everybody could benefit
from therapy, Slater.

- Not me.

Whenever I have a problem,
I just get my body moving.

Go for a little run,
lift some weights,

put on a ski mask
and challenge a stranger

to a wrestling match.

Yeah, that's my therapy.

- Just as long as you're not
using exercise

as a substitute
for feeling your feelings.

- That's what I was gonna say!

- Hey, pal, you wanna
put on a ski mask and go?

'Cause I'm feeling
real sad right now!

[upbeat music]

* *

- Could you take a half step
to the left?

You're in Lexi's light.

- I'm waiting for Jamie.

Today's the first day in, like,
a year we can be

within six feet of each other,
and I want it to be perfect.

- It's a very sexy situation.

Even though they've been dating
all quarantine,

they haven't had
their second kiss yet.

- Hey, can you stop
being excited about this?

It's making me not excited
about it.

- Silly String attack!

- What the hell, Mac?

- Okay, I know it might seem
like I just pranked you

for no reason,
but this is actually a prank

I've had in my prank bank
since last year

and was saving it
for April Fools' Day 2020.

- Oh, that makes total sense.
I need no further explanation.

- Wait, I do.

- I'm trying to make up
for everything

that I didn't get
to do during the pandemic.

Pranks I didn't pull,

parties I didn't throw,
girls I didn't kiss.

Oh, speaking of that,
question for you two.

If you could guess, what month
would we have hooked up?

- Never.
- June, maybe?

Oh.

- In June?
- Hey, Lexi.

- Oh, hey, Jamie.
Are you eating a hot dog?

- Mm-hmm, how are you?
- Not like this!

Sorry, I just don't want
to kiss in front of people

because
I'm really religious now.

In the name of the Father,
and the Son,

and holy moly, a-mentos.

* *

- Hey, Nadia!

- Ixnay on the adianay.

It's Pig Latin.

Like "The Three Stooges."

- How old are you?
- I was raised by a grandma.

Just stop waving at Nadia.

- All right, settle down,
everybody.

Everybody take a seat.

Hey, welcome back, Bayside!

[cheers and applause]

All right, listen,

I know this last year
wasn't easy,

but together,
we made distance learning work.

And not to toot my own horn,

but I got a little write up
in the "LA Times."

"Local Principal Does Passable
Job at Distance Learning.

"You have zero free articles
left for this month.

Please click here
to subscribe." So...

- Obviously, there will
still be some challenges,

so if anyone's
feeling overwhelmed,

that's totally normal.

- That's right.

Dr. Spano will be
extending her office hours

for any students
who need to talk.

- And conversely...

- Oh, announcements are only
for long sleeve teachers.

- I will be doing

an alternative
therapeutic solution called

Pump the Pain Away
with Coach Slater.

Show of hands, how many dozens
of you guys are interested?

I'll just be over here.
Right, yeah.

- Moving on,
as many of you know,

Bayside has a bitter rivalry
with Valley.

[all yelling]
Hey!

All right, hold on.
I know!

- Why would you mention them?
- I'm gonna puke!

- Just let me finish.

Bayside has been chosen

to host the Southern California
School Spirit Competition.

It's an event designed to gauge
a school's pep and enthusiasm,

and the winner takes home
the ultimate prize,

a tiny spirit stick,
which, as of 1996,

has a little tassel on it.

[crowd murmurs in awe]
- I want that.

- I don't like the sound
of this.

- What?

- Every time Bayside nonsense
comes up,

it always gets foisted
on Student Council.

- Naturally,
the Student Council

will be taking
the lead on this.

- What a stupid waste of time.

This isn't what
people need right now.

- Yes, this is exactly
what people need right now,

a return to fun!

A return to everything
that makes Bayside, Bayside.

And that is why I am running
for President.

[cheers and applause]

Well, that and because
Rick Singer said that I had to

or I else I wouldn't get
into Stanford.

But yeah!
All right!

- Time out.
No one's gonna buy this.

She didn't even mention
hard work

or the dividends that hard work
could hypothetically produce.

- Who likes T-shirts?

all: We do!

- Whoo!

- Do you have any women's
extra-large?

That's what I wear.

- Thank you, yes!
- I would love a T-shirt.

- What's up with you and Nadia?

- Nothing, things just kind of
fizzled out over quarantine.

- But I thought
you guys were serious.

You unfollowed all of those
butt models on Instagram.

- Okay, those are
fitness influencers.

And if a fitness influencer
happens to have a wagon

like a Pixar mom,
that ain't on me.

- So what happened?

- I don't know, Aisha.
She ghosted me.

- What?
You know what?

I think that somebody's gotta
go tell her about herself.

- Under no circumstances

are you to tell her
about herself.

- Fine, I will keep my opinions
to myself.

I'm good at that.

- Deal.
- Hey, Aisha.

* *

- Colt looks like
a stretched-out Bruno Mars!

[timer rings]

- Okay, Amber, that's gonna be
the end of our relationship.

That was an amazing
"two weeks" together.

You can send over
my next girlfriend.

- Hey, I have a big problem.

- Me too.
There's not enough time

to cram a year's worth
of social events into one week.

- I have a real problem.
Do you think I can beat Yasmin?

- In Scottish Highland dancing?

Hell no.
She's nationally ranked.

- In the student
council election.

- Oh, also no.
- Why?

Before the pandemic,
I was doing a great job, okay?

I got people to care
about big important issues.

- Yeah, and then everybody
got stuck

in their houses for a year.

Now they just wanna have fun.

You're a lot of things, Daisy--

smart, hardworking, imaginary--
but you're not fun.

- It's not fair.

The stupid pandemic messed up
my presidency last year.

I'm not gonna let it mess up
this year, too.

- I get it.

Why do you think I wanna throw
all of last year's parties?

'Cause the pandemic
can only take our prom,

our luau, our guys-only
Wet-Tighty-Whitey contest

if we let it.

- Hey, what if,
instead of scheduling

a million parties you missed,
you just throw one big one

that was every party
rolled into one?

- That's a fantastic idea,
but where?

Toddman won't let me
throw anything at the school.

Last year, I tried to rent out
the football field

for this thing called
Sex Fest Five,

and he was like, "No."

- Okay, well,
I can get Toddman to sign off.

- Why would you do that?

- Because I'm gonna throw
the party with you.

* *

[upbeat music]

- You know, I feel like
everyone's still getting used

to being back
in the real world.

Like, did we always wear
these hard pants?

- At least you don't have
to wear a bra.

Just kidding, what am I,
some 30-year-old loser?

- [sniffs]
Is that you?

You smell amazing.

- Thanks,
it's Pheromone by Tom Ford.

Just don't wear it hiking,
or a coyote will mate with you.

- Cool.
- I need lip balm!

Oh, God, are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

There was probably too
much blood in my nose anyway,

so good thing we got it out.

- Sorry, just don't go
to the nurse's office.

She's too sexy.

Damn it.

- Why can't you just kiss him?

- Because after a year
of buildup,

I'm not gonna have
some B-plus second kiss

in front of a locker.

We've been through
a war, Daisy.

I need my Times Square kiss.

- You know, that picture
isn't actually romantic.

That sailor
assaulted that woman.

- Wow, the world
used to be so sexist.

Anyways, toots,
I got a question for you.

I need it to be snowing
at the Snowflake Ball,

but for the Bikini Car
Wash--never mind.

Fur bikinis.

- Wait, so
you're doing every event?

Like, even
the Sweethearts Dance?

- Yeah, except the Date Auction
because Daisy said that

too many people would bid on me

and it would cause
a traffic jam.

- No, I said it was
human trafficking.

- The Sweethearts Dance is
the most romantic event

of the Bayside social calendar.

It's the perfect venue
for our second kiss.

- And what a delicious sight
it will be!

- You're not a part of this.

[soft music]

* *

- Hey, did you tell kids
not to go to Pitta-pawcs?

- What?

- Pump the Pain Away
with Coach Slater.

Nobody showed up.

- I'm sorry, Slater.

- Meanwhile, there's
a line of kids a mile long

waiting to talk to you.

What are you giving away
in here, free pog slammers?

- Look, this generation is

just more emotionally mature
than we were.

They get that there's value
in processing difficult things

with other people.

It doesn't have to be
a therapist.

It can be a friend.

- Right, therapist, a friend,

thousand push-ups.
It can be any of those.

- Look, I just think when
we're all together tomorrow--

- Yeah, look, I'm not going
to the Max tomorrow.

- Slater, come on.

- You have your way of dealing
with things, and I have mine.

* *

- Do you have a problem?

- Nope.
- You sure?

'Cause you keep looking at me

and muttering under your breath
like Yosemite Sam.

- No, I don't.

That fricking,
fracking, no-good,

rooting-tooting screwy rabbit.

Fine, I do have a problem.
You ghosted my friend.

- What?
No, I didn't.

DeVante cheated on me.

- No way, D wouldn't do that.

He won't even cheat
when we play Scrabble,

and I cheat the whole time.

- I really liked DeVante,

but the couple times
we hung out,

he was real shady
with his phone.

He kept getting texts
from some girl

whose number wasn't saved
in his contacts.

- You don't know it was a girl.

It could've been someone else
he's ashamed of.

Like, maybe he's one
of those guys

that's really into tickling,
and it was his tickle master.

- Oh, it was a girl.

You should have seen
the emojis she was sending.

It was disgusting.

Eggplant, droplets,
tongue, droplets.

- Droplets twice?
That girl's a freak.

- And then after that,
I never heard from him again.

- Oh, I didn't know.

I'm sorry that I came
at you like that.

- It's okay.

I'm happy we could
clear the air.

Black female surf enthusiasts
need to stick together.

- Oh, this isn't a surfboard.

I was trying to make a coaster
and just got carried away.

[upbeat music]

* *

- Enjoy this party I threw.
Take a pin.

* *

- "The fun parties we have now

"will pay dividends
in our memories forever.

Vote for Daisy for president."

This is good.

Hey, cover your ears
for a second.

- What?

[airhorn blasts]

- Okay, everybody,
it's luau time!

[ukulele strums]

[yelling and drums]

- This isn't gonna be, like,
overwhelming for people, is it?

- No, I'm actually concerned
it's gonna be underwhelming.

Do you wanna learn how
to swallow swords real quick?

- No!
- No?

[airhorn blasts]

[electronic music playing]

- You cheated on Nadia?

- So we just don't say hi
to each other anymore, huh?

- I can't believe that you
would throw a good thing away

with Nadia for some side chick.

What's that unsaved number?
Is that her?

- Hey, you know what I think?

I think somebody's unhappy
with their own love life

and wants to mess around
with somebody else's.

- Tell me who 818-109-4142 is.
- No!

And how did you memorize
that number so fast?

You looked at the phone
for like, a second.

- What are you doing?

What are you doing?
Please stop.

- It's fine.
- Stop!

[phone ringing]

- Hello!

- Wait.

You cheated with Toddman?
- No, God, no.

I told him I was worried
about getting my grandma sick,

so he said I can come stay
with him, and I did.

Okay?
Are you happy now?

- But why was he sending you
all those sexy emojis?

- He doesn't know they're sexy.

He made eggplant parm
and peach cobbler for dessert.

And you know what?
It was mouthwatering.

- Oh, and you didn't want
to tell Nadia any of that?

- No, Aisha.

And I didn't want
to tell you either.

* *

- Is this my alma mater?
Hey, you know what?

You didn't invite me
to the reunion,

and I don't have any money!

- * Blow it up
ay ay blow it up *

* Blow it up ay ay
blow it up *

- Okay, I really think
this is too much.

People are just getting used
to being around each other.

So maybe no more
jarring theme changes?

- Hey, I've been waiting
all night

for the Sweethearts Dance.

Can you switch to it
with no advance warning?

- Ooh, that's gonna be tough.

We still have the Costume Ball,
then the Murder Mystery Party,

then it's Daylight Savings,

so we start
at the beginning of the party--

- Just do it now.
- Okay, okay.

- * Drop the bomb blow it up *

[airhorn blasts]

Okay, everybody.

Although it's out of order
and seems counter

to the organic flow
of the party,

it's time
for the Sweethearts Dance.

[slow music]

- Come on, let's dance.

- * We don't have
to call it love *

* It's just us *

* *

- Hey, I've been getting weird
vibes from you, like, all week.

- What?
No, you haven't.

- Yeah, yeah, I have.

You keep running away
every time I try to touch you.

Nurse Scarlett said
you almost broke my nose.

- I told you not to go to her.

- I feel like you
don't want to kiss me.

- I am literally trying
to kiss you right now

if you'd just stop talking.

- Lexi, I'm allowed to talk.

- No, I know, and look,
I wanna have this conversation.

We just don't have a lot
of time right now.

[airhorn blasts]

- And now the moment
you've all been waiting for!

It's Mac's birthday party!

[accordion music]

- What the hell is that?

- Oh, you see,
the theme for my birthday

was gonna be Escape
from the Haunted Carnival.

- Just kiss me, and everything
will stop being weird!

[screaming]

- Hey, I'm leaving.

both: Why?
The fun's just getting started!

- Could you not?

[airhorn blasts]

[all screaming]

- And now it's time
for the lock in!

- Hey, I know I got
in your business--

- You don't have to apologize.
- Good, 'cause I'm not.

I know I got in your business,
but you're my friend, bro.

And friends don't let people

that they care about
make stupid mistakes.

If I did, Daisy would have
a tattoo that says "books."

- Okay, friend.
Let's talk about your business.

Part of the reason you're so
worked up about me and Nadia

is because you're upset

about how things went down
with you and Jamie.

- Fine, maybe you're right.
Okay?

He really liked me,
and it was scary,

so I ended it

instead of being vulnerable
for even one second.

- I get it.
- I know you get it, dumbass,

because you're doing
the same thing.

- Hey, is it too late
to change friend groups?

'Cause on the first day
of school,

Mason asked me
if I liked trains,

and I'm starting to wish
I said yes.

- You let Nadia think
that you were cheating

because it was easier
than showing her your house,

or letting her meet
your grandma,

or letting her find out

that you have problems
that maybe she doesn't.

Don't make the same mistake
that I did.

[soft music]

* *

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You look rough.

- Yeah, you were smart to climb
out the window when you did.

The clown won prom king
and then puked on everybody.

Hey, can we talk?

- Yeah, sure.

- I'm so sorry.
The situation's just weird.

Like, it's kind of romantic

we've been
long-distance dating all year,

but it's also a lot of buildup.

Like those Christians
who don't kiss

until they're married,
which if you think about it,

is a lot more perverted
than just having sex.

- Lexi.

- Okay, I just put too much
pressure on our second kiss.

And honestly,
it wasn't just the last year.

This relationship is something
I've thought about for, like,

my whole life,

and I really don't want
to screw it up.

And I'm sorry for making you
think I didn't want to kiss you

because I do.

- It's okay.

I do, too.

* *

- Sometimes the imperfect

is even more beautiful
than the perfect.

both: Get out of here!

* *

- Hey, thought you
might need some help.

- Yeah, thanks.

It was gonna take forever
with just me and Coach Slater.

- How you do even make
this many scuff marks?

Did a Roomba run
over a sack of dog crap?

- Do you not know how to clean?
- No, I do.

Do you have one of those wet,
colorful rectangles?

- Yeah.

- Hey, you still might win.

- But even if I do win,

what I really wanted
was everything

to go back to normal.

I wanted to pick up
right where I left off

and pretend
like last year didn't happen.

- Yeah, me too.

- But now I realize I can't,
because last year did happen,

and we lost a bunch of stuff
we're never gonna get back.

We're never gonna have
another sophomore year.

And there are people
we're never gonna see again.

And everybody can't
just instantly be okay.

- Yeah, so what do we do?

- I don't know.

- Hey, you guys want some help?

- Yeah, how'd you know?

- We just followed the trail
of Mardi Gras beads

from what I personally believe

to be the most offensive
portion of last night.

- Yeah, I've never
cleaned before,

but I do know a tap routine
that involves a mop.

- Should we get to it, guys?
- Yeah.

- Let's do it.
- Let's go over here.

* *

- I can't believe
everybody came to help.

- See, you did
change this place.

They didn't forget.

* *

- Hey.

So I'm ready if you
still wanna go to the Max.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, you were right.

The only way through
hard things is together.

- Would it help if we did
ten push-ups before we go?

- [sighs]
It would help a lot.

[upbeat music]

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

- Hope you're hungry.

You guys are the first

to try the newest addition
to the Max menu,

Screech's spaghetti burger.

- Oh!
- Kevin.

- Hey!
- Kevin!

You look amazing!

- Thank you.
I've had some work done.

- Well...
- Haven't we all?

- You know,
it's a little weird, but great.

- Kind of like Screech.
- Yeah.

- Do you guys remember the time
that he got struck by lightning

and was psychic for a week?

- And then you used his powers
to cheat on a midterm?

- Yeah, but why didn't we go
to, like, Vegas

or stop the Gulf War?

Huh.
- I don't know.

- Hey, you know, I'm still mad

that little dweeb beat me
at becoming Miss Bayside.

- Yeah, me too.

- He was so funny.

- Yeah.

- To Screech.
- Aw.

all: To Screech.

* *

- * Say, isn't she--he
charming? *

* Isn't he a pearl? *

[soft piano music]

* *

* And now it's my duty *

* To present to you
with pride *

* The very first
Mr. Miss Bayside *

* *