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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,143 Jocelyn: Moira, I'm sorry I couldn't be more available 2 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,511 for you today, it's just that my sister was supposed 3 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,213 to organize this with me, 4 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,082 and her husband has come down with gout for the third time. 5 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,616 But I still think this is gonna be the best 6 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,618 Asbestos Fest yet! - You know, 7 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,121 I know all about being left in the lurch for a fundraiser. 8 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,656 Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform 9 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,793 our ventriloquist act for the "Everybody Nose" benefit 10 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,661 for juvenile rhinoplasty, 11 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,764 when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. 12 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,467 I had to be both puppet, and puppeteer. 13 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,269 - Okay, you know what, Moira? 14 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:36,837 There's just a lot going on right now. 15 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,506 I've got a list of three different numbers 16 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,807 that you're choosing from, 17 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,176 and what would really be helpful to everyone, 18 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,711 and when I say everyone, I mean me, 19 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,479 is if you could just nail down which one 20 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,348 you're gonna perform tonight. 21 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,351 I did get the set list from the children's choir two weeks ago. 22 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:54,688 - I... the easiest to go with is probably 23 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,458 "Shoes, Glorious Shoes, the Imelda Marcos Story." 24 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,860 - Okay. - Never mind. 25 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,764 I am going to dust off... "Two Heads Are Better". 26 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,266 - The one woman Siamese twin play. 27 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,235 - Yes- no! 28 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,103 No, you know what? 29 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,738 I am going to resurrect... 30 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,542 "One Crazy Summer, The Patty Hearst Story." 31 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,677 It's a tale of perseverance, much like your quest 32 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,180 to bring asbestos back to the town. 33 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,414 - Okay, well first of all, we're trying to get rid 34 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,583 of the asbestos, Moira, 35 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,852 and we really just need you to make a decision, now. 36 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:25,853 - Okay! - Now! 37 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:29,623 - Well, let me think! Uh... "Two Heads" it is. 38 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,792 The Foxwood Casino Gazette did say 39 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,695 it was a performance they'd never seen before. 40 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,864 Don't write that down. - Okay Moira, 41 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,200 I just wanna slap you right across the face. 42 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,768 - Patty it is! Patty. 43 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,774 Although Jocelyn, I'm wondering, 44 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,543 does "TV's Moira Rose" send a different message 45 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,580 than "television's Moira Rose?" 46 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,218 Something to think about? 47 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,253 I said, something to think about! 48 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,422 (Low hum of chatter) 49 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,425 Hello, you. 50 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:09,463 ♪♪♪ 51 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,538 - Oh hi, David. - Hi. 52 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,507 - I believe you said I could have your room for the day, 53 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,775 to rehearse my act for the fundraiser. 54 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,478 - Oh, you meant like, like right now? 55 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:28,316 Okay. Um... what did you decide on? 56 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:31,319 - Well, at this very moment it's 1974, 57 00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,721 and this room is a San Franciscan bank. 58 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,889 - You're going with the Patty Hearst story? 59 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,892 - Yes, I am. 60 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,361 And what's wrong with that? 61 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,463 - Well, didn't it have an ensemble cast of 30? 62 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,332 - Uh huh, and what was your father's review? 63 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,667 29 dead weights! (Laughs) 64 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,369 So I trimmed the fat. 65 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,870 - You didn't even play Patty, though. 66 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,739 - You know I did! 67 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,475 The night Patricia Lupone ate that pre-show shwarma, 68 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,345 and I was asked to step in. 69 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,980 I've always wanted to reprise the role! 70 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,583 - I just recall that that show was very heavy on the footwork 71 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,952 and at one point you yelled, "Line!" 72 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,720 in the middle of a dance break. 73 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,656 - Okay, some of these townspeople 74 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,891 are going to experience my triad of threats 75 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,826 for the first time, David. 76 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,396 Nothing less than spectacular can do for them! 77 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,632 - Okay. I just remember you practicing every day 78 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,768 for seven months with that dance instructor 79 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,470 that I ended up dating. 80 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:25,005 Are you sure you remember it all? 81 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,476 - Skip Fosse once told me that when it comes to choreo, 82 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,878 always leave some room for spontaneity. 83 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,681 - Okay. - Okay, you know what? 84 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716 If you feel it's necessary, fine, 85 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,485 I won't stand in the way of you spotting. 86 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:38,952 - Well unfortunately, I can't spot you now, 87 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,621 because now I have to go to work. 88 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,924 - Oh, then go to work! - Okay. Good luck. 89 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,626 - No, you say, "break a leg." 90 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,461 - Okay, that, too. - Say "break a leg!" 91 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:50,298 - Break a leg! (Door slams) 92 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,867 - Okay, here. Ahem! We're going to ease in... 93 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,236 with a machine gun ballet. 94 00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,240 (Low hum of chatter) 95 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,712 - Hi, sorry. Boys: Hey! This guy! 96 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,348 - Excuse me, hey. Hey, yeah. What's up. Yeah... 97 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,383 - And we mark up the retail price. 98 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,519 - Okay. - What are you doing here? 99 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,354 - Patrick has offered to help me with this school assignment 100 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,055 I told you that, David. - Hi. 101 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,057 Um, you did not tell me that. 102 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,826 - Yeah, how are your friends doing outside? 103 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,762 - They're harmless, thanks. - Are they? Cool. 104 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,531 - Um, we're actually just in the middle of something, 105 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,566 so if you wouldn't mind... - I would mind, but-- 106 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,536 - Okay, so, profit margins. - Mhmm? 107 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,838 - Um, how do you get more of those? 108 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,341 - Well, you'd start by telling the group of teens 109 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,443 that hang out outside your store every afternoon 110 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,778 to leave because they're scaring off actual customers. 111 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,515 - Okay, they're not scaring off customers, 112 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,851 there was one that looked meth-y. 113 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,786 And I don't know where he went. 114 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,555 - See, your brother doesn't wanna tell them off. 115 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,457 Which is, and you can write this down, 116 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,459 a financial liability. - Liability. 117 00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:55,329 - Incorrect! The fact that we have youths 118 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,031 minding their own business in front of our store 119 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,067 builds, and you can write this down-- 120 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,503 - No. - street cred. 121 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,772 - Okay, are they actually buying anything? 122 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:09,076 - Yes! They're coming in, and they're buying gum. 123 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,412 - And what else are they doing, David? 124 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,615 - They're coming in, they're looking around, 125 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,950 and they're buying gum. - (Gasps) 126 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,920 - And maybe complimenting my outfits. 127 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,456 - There it is! - No, there what is? 128 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,125 I'm sorry that you connect with a more mature clientele, 129 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,429 whereas I vibe with a much younger crowd. 130 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,464 - Oh. (Scoffs) (Door bell jingles) 131 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,535 - Nice sweater, bro! - Um... God, I-- 132 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,939 this is so old, and I can't even remember where I got it. 133 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,041 Do you guys remember-sorry, where I got this sweater? 134 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,112 - What just happened to you? - Huh? 135 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,914 - Like, breathe it out. 136 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,682 (Door shuts) 137 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,083 Roland: Hey there, Johnny! 138 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,520 Just so you know, I'm obviously a beer guy, 139 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,022 but I've never been known to turn down 140 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,090 a fresh bouquet of flowers... 141 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,759 - Roland, what are you talking about? 142 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,495 - Well, you are gonna be thanking me pretty soon 143 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,730 for saving your bacon, so I just thought 144 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:06,467 I'd give you some gift ideas. - I'm kinda busy right now. 145 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,503 - Yeah, I can see that. Very busy, right, Johnny? 146 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,939 Apparently too busy to change the bulb 147 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,941 that's burned out over room three. 148 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,143 - Roland, I fail to see how pointing out problems here 149 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,111 is saving my bacon. 150 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,080 - I know a guy who needs some work, 151 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,849 and I told him I'd do him a favour, 152 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,785 and get him a job right here in the motel, so... 153 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,920 - Uh huh. And why does it sound like I'd be the one 154 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,656 doing your friend the favour? 155 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,458 - Well Johnny, I'm the middle man, 156 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,993 I'm the one that kind of made this all happen. 157 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,463 - Well, nothing's happened, so you can tell your friend 158 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,465 we can't afford him. - (Sighs) 159 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,900 - You know, when I started Rose Video we had one employee 160 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,503 per store working start to close, 161 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,505 so keeping an eye on the bottom line, 162 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,173 that's how a young business grows. 163 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,675 - Uh huh... - Besides, 164 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,511 Stevie and I are managing just fine on our own. 165 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,713 - All I'm saying is keep an open mind, okay? 166 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,548 It might be nice to have a guy around here 167 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,917 who has some basic skills for a change. 168 00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:00,821 And I'm sorry, but we all know how Rose Video turned out! 169 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:04,625 - You know, Rose Video was the second largest video chain in- 170 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,560 (Door slams) Oohhh! 171 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,562 - Did you ask him why he's been wandering around with a notepad, 172 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,197 it's really starting to creep out the guests. 173 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,065 - Yeah, he's pitching a guy he knows to help out 174 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,901 around the motel, but don't worry, 175 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,037 I told him that we're a well oiled machine at this point. 176 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,607 - Yeah, that I've been greasing. 177 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,710 Your new policy about helping the guests with the bags-- 178 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,177 - Yeah, and you know, we're getting very good feedback 179 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,213 about that on the comment cards. 180 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,115 - But I've been the one carrying them, 181 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,651 because "somebody" has a bad back. 182 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,653 - Well Stevie, if I lift a roll of toilet paper, 183 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,655 you know, it... flares up. 184 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,590 - Okay well, I'm starting to look like 185 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,026 a Slovakian shot putter, so I'm with Roland. 186 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,828 We're gonna be hiring someone else. 187 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,998 (Car rumbles) 188 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,102 - Thanks, bro. 189 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,471 Come back again soon, guys. 190 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:54,742 - Great sale, bro. 191 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:57,645 Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped. 192 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,212 Hey, why don't we just close the store up, 193 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,248 and celebrate for the rest of the day? 194 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,183 - I'll have you know that it was one pack of gum, 195 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,786 and one lip balm. - Oh! 196 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,054 - (Gasps) Well, that'll make up for all the stuff 197 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,256 they've been stealing. 198 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,291 - I'm sorry? - What do you mean, stealing? 199 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,027 - Those kids are one hundred percent stealing from you. 200 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,730 - I don't think so. - (Scoffs) 201 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,266 - Okay. They split up into four different directions, 202 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,169 one takes the back left corner, one takes the right, 203 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,838 one of them asks you if you have those wool hoodies 204 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,607 in a different size, 205 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,042 while the last one compliments you on your cuticle game. 206 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,878 And while you're lapping all that up, 207 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,546 the two in the back corner are filling their backpacks 208 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,815 full of facial cleanser. 209 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,250 It's the exact same move that I used with my klepto friends 210 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,986 in the Hamptons. 211 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,821 - I-I feel like I would've seen that. 212 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,156 - Yeah, I mean, maybe that's what you and your burnout 213 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,158 friends did at the Miss Sixty store, 214 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,027 but that's not what's happening here. 215 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,162 - Okay. Why don't you go check, then? 216 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,974 - I can't tell if there's product missing, 217 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,676 or if we just haven't replenished. 218 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,745 I feel like if someone were robbing our store 219 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,080 we would know about it, right? - Uh yeah, we would know. 220 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,016 - Though this would explain the compliments. 221 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,351 - That's-- - What? 222 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,054 - Give it an hour, they'll be back. 223 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,756 They only took the toner and the cleanser, 224 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,858 and if they're not selling it on the black market, 225 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,761 then they'll need to come back and get the moisturizer, 226 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,562 or their t-zones are going to be like, super effed! 227 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,335 Roland: Johnny, I gotta say, uh, 228 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,203 I'm glad you came around to your senses, 229 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,338 and may I tell you something, 230 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,807 I don't feel like you're less of a man 231 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,308 because you need a little help with your business. 232 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,944 - Yeah, that's good to know, Roland. 233 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,345 So where's the guy? 234 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,914 - Oh he'll be here, don't you worry. 235 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,617 Mr. Worry! (Laughs) 236 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,653 And I think you're really going to like him, 237 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:49,056 he's very smart, he's devilishly handsome, 238 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,824 and he stands about yay tall, 239 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,293 maybe a little bit more like that. 240 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,262 - Okay, I see where this is going. 241 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,731 - Or do you? - Roland what are we doing here? 242 00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:00,367 - Johnny, it's me! I'm the guy! 243 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,102 - I know you're the guy, 244 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,271 I got that as soon as I said where's the guy? 245 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,173 - Oh my god, you should see the look on your face! 246 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,375 - Impatience, that's the look! 247 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,344 All right, we do need help at the motel, we do need someone, 248 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,213 but someone who is going to pitch in, 249 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,648 and do some of the grunt work. 250 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,950 - And I am willing to roll up my sleeves, 251 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,886 and help out my best friend! 252 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,187 - Okay, I gotta go. 253 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,388 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, no, no! 254 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,323 Now I wasn't joking about my skills, pal! 255 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,358 Come on, what do you say we give it a shot? 256 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,060 - I don't think so, no. - Huh? Going once. 257 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,295 Going twice. - No. 258 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,730 - Going 3 times. - Roland! All right. 259 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,799 - Going 4 times. Going 5 times-- 260 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,267 - All right, all right, all right. All right. Fine. 261 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,370 But only because we could actually use some help. 262 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,240 - That's a smart move, Johnny. - But consider this a trial. 263 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,242 - Yeah, that's probably a good idea, 264 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,877 I don't wanna commit until I know I like it. 265 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,453 - (Sings) ♪ Stick 'em up! This is a holdup! ♪ 266 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,923 ♪ Nobody move but me-me-me-me! 267 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,427 ♪ But me! 268 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,262 (Knocking) Who goes there? 269 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,832 - It's Jocelyn. - Oh! 270 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,234 - Good news, Moira, don't ask me why, 271 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,802 but Gwen had a hunting rifle in her basement, 272 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,938 and I'm hoping this is good for your act! 273 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,806 - Um, it was a machine gun. 274 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,177 So I need a machine gun for the machine gun ballet! 275 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,948 - Okay Moira, you've got to meet me halfway here, 276 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,716 this is a real gun! - What? 277 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,319 - And I got you extra performance time, 278 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,122 I got the children's choir down to one song! 279 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:32,425 Some of the kids cried. - Oh, Jocelyn. 280 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,928 Jocelyn, why? Why, why, why, would you do that? 281 00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,064 - Because you asked for more time, Moira! 282 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,432 - But... Jocelyn! 283 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,169 Did you know that rehearsal, 284 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,337 it can be the most enlightening 285 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,306 and even heuristic exercise. 286 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,142 - What are you saying? 287 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:52,846 - I'm saying I am stepping out of the limelight, Jocelyn. 288 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,449 - But we already re-printed the posters 289 00:11:56,483 --> 00:12:00,520 from "TV's Moira Rose," to "Television's Moira Rose!" 290 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,455 - And that's great, that will get them in the door 291 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,357 and then the kids take over from there! 292 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,860 That's... - Okay. 293 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,929 I see what's going on here. 294 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,866 Somebody's got cold feet. - Ha ha. 295 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,301 Blocks of ice. Mhmm. 296 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,504 I bit off more than I could chew. 297 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:21,174 - You know what, Moira, we have all been there. 298 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,844 Yeah. On my wedding day, I thought, 299 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,346 what if I just got in my car and drove to New Mexico, 300 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,016 and left Roland at the altar at the Elmdale Bingo Hall? 301 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,852 Bottom line, I got cold feet too, 302 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,187 and I faced my fears, and now look at us! 303 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,857 27 years of bliss. 304 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,492 - Was I to perceive something encouraging within that... 305 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,029 little anecdote? 306 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:45,398 - Okay, you know what, Moira, pull it together. 307 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,200 I'm taking this gun. 308 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,906 - Okay, Patty, come on, Patty! (Door slams) 309 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:56,043 Patty, the eyes of the lonely world are on you! 310 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,048 So, five, six, seven, eight, Patty! 311 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,050 (Thumps) 312 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,551 Five, six, seven, eight! 313 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,187 Nine, ten-nine-- 314 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,523 nine, ten, eleven, twelve! 315 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,360 ♪♪♪ 316 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,095 (Slow Jazz tune plays) 317 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,898 - (Sighs) - Like clockwork, David. 318 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,068 Hey! - Yeah. 319 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,371 - Hey! Can I help you guys with anything, or...? 320 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,206 - No, we're just looking. 321 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,942 - Okay, cool. Cool, cool, yeah, yeah. 322 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,945 Look around. You do you. 323 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,547 - Uh, hey, do you have this in like, 324 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,950 a larger size, maybe? 325 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,385 - I don't know, I'll have to go all the way 326 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,220 into the back to check. 327 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,059 - Hey, man! - (Gasps) 328 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,861 - I like your shoes, where'd you get them? 329 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:50,197 - Oh! Oh... - Oh! Um, these? 330 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,432 I got these at a boutique in Prague 331 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,501 that's only open on Sunday nights. 332 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,536 - Cool. - Is it? 333 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,572 - Uh hey, I think we're gonna head. 334 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,976 - Oh, um wait, but-you forgot something, though. 335 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,546 - What?! 336 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,248 - Look, please don't do anything crazy, 337 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,983 it took me so long to make that. 338 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,418 - Well, I'll be happy to give it back, 339 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,653 when you and your skid mark friends give back 340 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,255 all of the products that you've stolen. 341 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,656 And if I'm being honest, 342 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,325 someone with your combination of skin 343 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,260 should really be using product with tea tree oil in it. 344 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,030 - I... 345 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,134 - Hand it over. 346 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,069 - I thought she was too cool to work here. 347 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:32,239 - I don't work here, and I am really cool, so. 348 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,008 Don't do it again, and I won't call the po po. 349 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,077 - Did she say po po? - Okay! Okay! 350 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,578 I think we're done here. 351 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,413 - Okay, I just have one more question. 352 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:43,416 All those compliments, and fist pumps-- 353 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,118 - Bumps. - Shut up. 354 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,287 Was that just part of the big scheme? 355 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,589 - No, you have cool style. - I like your shoes. 356 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,925 - They're lying to you, David, they're lying, they're lying. 357 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,195 - Okay, get out. 358 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,430 (Teenagers mutter) - Right, so... 359 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,935 - (Sighs) 360 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,503 Ugh... - What? Why me? 361 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,305 - I just feel really gross. - Why did I get one? 362 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,309 - Okay, so there's window repair in room four. 363 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,011 - Mhmm... 364 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,645 - And then the bathroom in room 5 still needs to be done. 365 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,813 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 366 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:17,184 - Can you handle that? - No, I am just waiting to hear 367 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,186 something that's in my wheelhouse. 368 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:23,523 - Okay uh, why don't you just start by changing the sheets? 369 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,493 - Honey, that kinda sounds like a Johnny job to me. 370 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,162 Why don't we just put a "J" next to that. 371 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:32,599 - No, no, no! We're putting an "R" next to that, 372 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:36,003 Roland, I thought you said you had no problem doing grunt work. 373 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,538 - Well Johnny, how's it going to look to have the mayor 374 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,640 of the town changing sheets? 375 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,010 - Uh, we change sheets! 376 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,978 - Well great, so then, you've got it covered, 377 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,579 let's put a big, fat "J" next to that one. 378 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,316 - No, no, we're not putting a "J," we're putting an "R!" 379 00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,985 Or better yet, Roland, why not just get to work? 380 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,686 - This isn't exactly what I had in mind 381 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,056 when I said I needed help. - Yeah, I know. 382 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:59,592 - No, guys, look, I just need to find something 383 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,361 that caters to my expertise. 384 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,063 That's all, you know what I can do? 385 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,764 I can restock the soda machine. 386 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,067 - Yeah, the soda machines are fine, Roland. 387 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,402 What would actually help is if you could clean a toilet or two, 388 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,504 but obviously, you're too good for that. 389 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,241 - No, I can clean a toilet. - You know what, 390 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,176 I think we made a mistake, Stevie. - Mhmm. 391 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,211 - No! I wanna clean a toilet. - We'll hire somebody else. 392 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,313 - No, I need to clean a toilet! 393 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,683 - You need to clean a toilet? 394 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,518 - (Sighs) Yeah, I need to Johnny, 395 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,021 I... I mean, with the new baby coming, 396 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,223 things are a little tight. 397 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:32,159 Joc and I have been trying to save, 398 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,694 but we've been living off cold cuts and waffles. 399 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,330 And Jocelyn had to sell her Beanie Baby collection. 400 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,033 And she didn't get half what that Diana bear is worth. 401 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,502 And now she's working nights down at the gas station. 402 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,671 - She's working nights? - No, she's not, 403 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:48,075 but she will have to if things get really bad. 404 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,312 (Whimpers) 405 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,248 - (Sighs heavily) All right. 406 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,649 Here's what we're gonna do. - Hmm? 407 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,285 - We're putting an "R" beside 408 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,087 every single thing on this list. 409 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,722 - (Smacks lips) Got it. Okay. Now when you say "R," 410 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,125 does that stand for Rose, as in Johnny Rose-- 411 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,260 - Roland! It stands for Roland! - Okay. 412 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,296 - And you can start by taking those sheets over to room two. 413 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,563 - You got it. 414 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,234 (Birds chirp) 415 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,037 (Keys jingle) 416 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,275 (Door shuts, lights click on) 417 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,511 - Ew! What are you doing in my bed? 418 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,513 - Oh David please, I couldn't possibly make it 419 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,415 all the way to my own bed. 420 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,749 I'm-I'm just uh... 421 00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,220 I'm exhausted! - (Sighs) 422 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,724 Was it the footwork? - Oh, it was the footwork. 423 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,859 It was the score, it was the book, 424 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,229 it was all of that, David. 425 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:45,064 But most severely lacking... was me. 426 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,735 You were right, my dear. 427 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:52,539 I've had my time, and it's over now. 428 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,874 - Um, I don't think I said that. 429 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,344 - There is an elephant in the room David, 430 00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:00,247 and he's whispering, "retire!" 431 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,582 Run David, go to Jocelyn, 432 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,584 and tell her to cancel the evening. 433 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,420 - Okay... um well, I won't be doing that, 434 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,422 but... (sighs) 435 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,161 there is one other option. 436 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,628 - What? 437 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,166 - What if we did... 438 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,269 the number? 439 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,805 - The number? - Yeah, I know, 440 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,275 it was stupid, it was dumb. It was a dumb idea. 441 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,479 - David, you would do that for me? 442 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,150 I thought you used to hate it when I'd trot you out 443 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,818 in front of my friends? 444 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:43,623 - I still do, it's just that I'm finding this situation 445 00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,592 to be incredibly disturbing, 446 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:49,396 and I will eventually need my bed back. 447 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,599 - Do you think people would find it strange, 448 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,302 or even inappropriate? - Probably. 449 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,639 - And do you think we still have it? 450 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,343 - I'll go plug in my hair straightener. 451 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,645 I hope you're not wearing your shoes. 452 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,919 (Audience applauds) 453 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:15,922 - Okay, let's have another round of applause 454 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,424 for the children's choir, 455 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,526 and their Kylie Minogue medley! 456 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,760 (Audience applauds) 457 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,196 - Those were some racy lyrics! 458 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,298 Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, 459 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:28,201 I know that your headliner tonight is gonna surprise you, 460 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,270 because she certainly surprised me 461 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,272 when she told me just moments ago 462 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,906 that she'd switched up her entire act, 463 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,742 even though somebody put down a really hefty deposit 464 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,644 on a wall of mirrors! 465 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,280 (Chuckle turns into a sob) 466 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,550 Okay anyways, without further ado, the main event! 467 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,186 (Audience applauds) 468 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,258 (Mic feedback squeal) 469 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,693 - Oh, thank you so much. 470 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,862 - Um, is this the number? 471 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,898 It's the middle of summer. 472 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,469 - Brr! It's awfully cold out there. 473 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,237 - Um, they used to do this act 474 00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,838 every year at our Christmas party, 475 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,807 and you can't unsee something like this. 476 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,908 - (Laughs) 477 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,743 - Ahem! (Knocking) 478 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,013 Oh, I wonder who that could be! 479 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,383 It's television's Moira Rose! 480 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,850 (Audience applauds) 481 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,786 - That's television's mom, to you. 482 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,521 - (Fake laugh) 483 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,524 - You know, nothing is colder than the chill I get 484 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,560 when I think of the dangers of asbestos poisoning. 485 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,362 - Mhmm. 486 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,664 - Luckily, a little birdie told me 487 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,800 that with enough funds raised, 488 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:37,437 this town could be asbestos free by... 489 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,573 (Mic feedback squeal) - Christmas! 490 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,376 ("Jingle Bells" plays on the piano) 491 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,480 - ♪ Ding! - ♪ Dong! 492 00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:48,715 - ♪ Ding! - ♪ Dong! 493 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,350 - ♪ Ding! - ♪ Dong! 494 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,551 - ♪ Ding! - ♪ Dong! 495 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,852 Both: ♪ On the first day of Christmas ♪ 496 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,721 ♪ my true love gave to me 497 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,557 ♪ The keys to a Lamborghini 498 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,959 - ♪ On the-oh come all ye faithful... ♪ 499 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:03,830 - ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly... ♪ 500 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:07,567 - Yes, I said faithful, which rules out all of you! 501 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,336 (Forced laugh, Johnny and Patrick laugh) 502 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,570 (Jazz music plays) 503 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,545 Both: ♪ God rest ye, merry gentlemen ♪ 504 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,781 ♪ Let nothing you dismay may-may-may-may ♪ 38740

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