All language subtitles for The.Swimmer.1968.Restored.1080p.BluRay.x264-OFT.eng

(FOOTSTEPS)

(BIRDSONG)

(RUSTLING)

(WATER STREAMING)

(RUSTLING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(HOOTING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

DON: Where've you
been keeping yourself?

Oh, here and there.
Here and there.

DON: So, it's not because
our service is bad, huh?

What a day!

You ever see
such a glorious day?

Come on, say hello to Helen.

You old son of a gun.

Say, it's wonderful to see
you again. You look great.

- Well, so do you.
- (HOLLOW LAUGH)

- Well, a little green around the edges.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)

I drank too much last night.

HELEN:
I don't believe it.

Neddy!

"How beautiful are
thy feet in sandals,

"O prince's daughter."

(ALL LAUGHING)

HELEN:
Oh!

Oh, I bet you drank
too much last night.

Isn't he a sight for sore eyes?

Oh, Neddy.

We've missed you.

Come on, now,
sit down and tell us everything.

Where are you coming from?

Oh, I was around.

I thought I'd come over
and have a swim with you.

God, look at that water.

- And look at that sky.
- DON: You look at it.

You know, I think everybody
drank too much last night.

HELEN: it was that rum!
I drank too much of that rum.

Whose party?

Our own.

Oh, don't worry,
you didn't miss a thing.

Usual Saturday night blowout,
you know.

Same old jokes, same old faces.

We've all known
each other so long,

there's not even anyone
to flirt with.

I'd have flirted with you.

Well, you're practically
a new face.

How are things, Ned?
Do you have a good summer?

Sure, just great.

Come on.

- How about a swim?
- Uh-uh.

Put oxygen in your blood.
Good for your hangover.

What in the world
makes you think I'm hungover?

- Come on, I'll race you.
- Oh, Neddy, please, no!

Don, how about you?

- Who are you kidding?
- (HELEN GROANING)

Relax, Neddy.
Have a drink.

Come on, sit down and tell us
what you've learned.

STU:
Ned!

Stu Forsburgh!

STU:
Ned Merrill!

How are you, sport?

Okay, never better.

God, I'm glad to see you,
you old monster, you!

- What the hell are you doing here?
- We just stopped over.

We've been up in the Cape
for three weeks.

- How's Lucinda?
- Oh, she's great. Just great.

And the girls?

All grown up.

And beautiful, Stu.
Just beautiful.

I don't know how you do it!

You haven't changed a bit.

Hey, where did you get this?

Now, why you got
all these clothes on?

We have to go in town,
catch a plane. Peggy's packing.

On a day like this,
you're gonna catch a plane?

Gotta get back to the shop.

(SIGHING)

Gosh, Stu.
You know how long it's been

since we had a swim together?

- Please, don't remind me.
- (LAUGHING)

DON:
What'll you have, Stu?

- We're old bunkmates.
- DON: Huh?

We went to the same camp
when we were kids.

Gee, I don't know, er...

- I drank too much last night.
- (ALL CHUCKLING)

A diluted martini?

I'm out of practice with the kind of
parties you throw around here.

We don't go in
for that in Columbus,

unless it's New Year's Eve.

I told you
not to accept that transfer.

What else could I do?

I'd have quit before I let 'em
send me to the provinces.

Well, it's healthy.

(LAUGHING)

Stu, did you pack...

Don't tell me
that's Ned Merrill down there.

Hi, honeybunch.
Come on, join the party.

Half a minute.

God, Stu, I didn't realise
how much I missed

that ugly old mug of yours.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Listen, why don't you get out
of those clothes

and we'll have one quick swim.

I'm not up to it.

I'm beginning to feel my age.

Are you crazy?

You're a year younger than I am.

Yeah, you were always
pulling seniority on me at camp.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Remember how we used to
take off our suits

and swim for miles
up that river?

- We just never got tired.
- Yeah.

We had nice, new,
pink lungs in those days.

And the water up there,
remember?

That transparent
light-green water.

It felt different.

God, what a beautiful feeling!

We could've swum around
the world in those days.

That was before we ever
touched a drink or a cigarette.

- Or a girl!
- (CHUCKLING) Or a girl!

That doesn't sap
a man's strength.

Or I'd be in a wheelchair today.

PEGGY:
Ned Merrill!

- Peggy.
- Ned Merrill, still bragging.

Oh, I've heard those
old schoolboy stories.

You all made them up.

So you figured
that one out, have you?

(PEGGY CHUCKLING)

Let me look at you.

Now, let's settle this nonsense
about your taking a plane.

Settle it with him.
I like it here.

More and more.

Well, Lucinda'll be
disappointed as hell.

(CHUCKLING) I don't think
that's exactly true.

I could run you over
to our house in ten minutes.

Come on, just to say hello.

Don, how about using your car?

DON:
Well, sure, but, er...

Honestly, they haven't time.

We promised to stop
at the Grahams'

for a quick goodbye drink.

Will you come with us?

PEGGY: Of course
he'll come with us.

You haven't seen
their new pool, have you?

NED:
Whose pool?

The Grahams'.

NED:
The Grahams put in a pool?

Oh, yeah.
They nurse it like a baby.

When did the Grahams
put in a pool?

DON:
Last June.

Last June?

HELEN: Did you get
the suits off the line?

PEGGY: My God,
I forgot all about them.

HELEN: if they're still damp,
I have some plastic bags you can use.

Listen, the Biswangers,
they have a pool, haven't they?

Biswangers?

You know, those awful people
on Red Coat Road.

They're always talking about
their Caribbean cruises

and their electric toothbrushes.

Sure, they have a big pool.

STU: Go on, honey,
finish packing.

PEGGY:
I will, in a minute.

STU: Listen,
if we miss that plane...

DON: Don't worry,
I'll get you to the airport.

( INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

STU:
if we miss that plane...

PEGGY:
I will, in a minute.

I could do it.

I could really do it!

Do what, Neddy?

Well, now with the Grahams',
there's a string of pools

that curves clear across
the county to our house.

Well, look, the Grahams',
the Lears', the Bunkers'.

Then, over the ridge.

Then, a portage through
the Pasterns' riding ring,

to the Hallorans'
and the Gilmartins'.

Then down Alewives Lane
to the Biswangers' and then...

Wait a minute, who's next?

I can't think,
I had it just a minute ago.

Who is it?

Well, who is it?
Who's next to the Biswangers'?

Shirley Abbott.

Shirley Abbott.

Then across Route 424
to the recreation centre pool,

then up the hill, and I'm home.

Well, don't you see?
I just figured it out.

If I take a sort of a dog-leg
to the southwest...

I can swim home.

STU:
Come on, Ned!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Why would you want to swim home?

DON:
I don't get it.

Pool by pool, they form a river

all the way to our house.

Well, I suppose you could
put it that way.

Now, Neddy,

why don't you sit down
and have a drink, and...

and then we'll all go
to the Grahams'?

I'll call it the Lucinda River,

after my wife.

PEGGY: That's quite
a tribute.

This is the day Ned Merrill
swims across the county.

STU: Always threw himself
in the water like that.

God, what energy!

He keeps himself in shape.

Oh, come on!

He always ate like a horse,
never put on an ounce.

Look at that.

Wouldn't use the ladder.
Not Ned.

DON:
Hey, Ned!

Hey, Ned, where are you going?

HELEN: Where'd he get
that nutty idea?

He's just joking.

You sure?

Sure. We'll find him waiting
for us down at the Grahams'.

God, I hate Columbus.

Swim to his house.

Why would he want to do that?

(CHUCKLING)

Neddy! Neddy!

Oh, it's been so long.

You look wonderful.

So do you.

Oh, I'm going on a diet
a week from Thursday.

Where did you come from?

Don and Helen's.

Oh, where are they all?

Er... They're all coming over,
aren't they?

Why didn't they come with you?

NED:
They're driving down.

- Well, what do you think?
- Terrific. Absolutely terrific.

It cost a bundle, but...

Howie's had a marvellous year.

Look how clear the water is.

Wow!

Well, we got the best filter
money can buy.

It filters 99.99.99% of all
solid matter out of the water.

Really?

We put a six-inch
lint filter in there, too.

The way we take care
of this pool,

the water's purer
than drinking water.

- What'll you have, Neddy?
- Well, scoop me up a glass of that.

Oh, don't be silly.

Want a martini?
I've got them all made.

No, nothing, thanks.

I'll have a quick swim
and be on my way.

Oh, Neddy, you will not!
You just got here.

I can't stay.

I just want to try out your pool.

Well, that's pretty unfriendly.

What's the rush?

Okay, but make it a little one.

Next summer, we're going to
build a pool house over there.

You know, with dressing rooms
and showers, and...

and a little playroom,
and a big bar.

Make a swell layout.

Cheers.

You never thought
he'd make it, did you?

Who?

Oh, when we were kids,

and I first started
dating Howard,

you weren't very nice to him.

I wasn't? Why?

Remember he kept track
of every penny

he used to save and spend
in a little notebook?

You thought
that was very amusing.

I was jealous.

Of Howard?

I was crazy about you.

Well...
you never said anything.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, come on!

You were having a big affair
with Lucinda.

Why do you think
I got smashed at your wedding?

Because Lucinda was dancing
with Roger Bunker, that's why.

What a long memory
you've got, Grandma.

No kidding, though.

You've got a gorgeous pool.

I've got everything
I ever wanted.

Funny the way things
turn out, isn't it?

Hey, Ned!

NED:
Howard!

How are ya, Ned?

- Fine, fine.
- Of all people!

How do you like my new toy?

BETTY: Next year we're getting
all the luxury optionals,

like a padded seat, a canopy.

She's idling a bit slow.

Idling?

It's not supposed to be
a racing engine.

What's he doin'?

He's fixing it.

It's okay now.

I'll get you a drink.

- It's a great pool you've got here.
- Yeah.

BETTY: Ned's just crazy
about our pool.

I didn't skimp on anything.

I got a diatomaceous
earth filter in there.

Betty told me.

Filters out 99.99.99%
of all solid matter in the water.

That's what Betty said.

She tell you about the
swing joints I got in there?

Spingon's pool split
right down the middle,

three months after
the guarantee ran out.

No swing joints.

Ned doesn't even know
the Spingons.

Lemme tell you
about the Spingons.

Now, they're the kind of
people who skimp.

Just look at the colour
of that sky.

HOWARD: I don't like
the look of that cloud.

It's beautiful.

Like a dream city
from the bow of a ship.

Lisbon, Naples,

Istanbul.

Hackensack.
(CHUCKLING)

NED: I'd like to see all those
glistening white domes and minarets.

First chance I get to get away
from the office, that's what I'll do.

I'll go sailing around
the Golden Horn.

Well, why can't we travel more?

What for? We've got everything
we want right here at home.

So how come you never
put a pool in your place?

Never got around to it.

That's too bad.
Helps the resale value.

Well, I don't have to worry
about the resale value.

Oh, I guess with a tennis court
and all the planting you've put in,

you'll get a hell of a lot more
than you paid for it.

If I ever sell it.

Right buyer has to come along.

I want my girls
to be married in that house.

Won't be long now.

Our driveway
looked like a parking lot today.

Boys all over the place.

DON:
Hey, anybody home?

That must be Don and Helen
with the Forsburghs.

Neddy, don't go away.

- HELEN: Hi, Betty.
- So long, Ned.

HELEN:
ls Ned here?

Good afternoon, Mrs Hammar.
How are you?

May I ask
what you're doing here?

On my way home.

I thought
I'd cool off in the pool.

Who gave you permission
to use the pool?

I'm Ned Merrill.

Beautiful flowers.

I see Eric's put in
the rock garden.

You're not welcome here,
Mr Merrill.

Well, you know me, don't you?

I'm a friend of your son.

A friend.

How dare you use that word.

You never came to see him.

You never even called him
at the hospital.

Well, how is he?
Is he...

better?

Just one minute, Mr Merrill.

This is my house now.

Don't you ever come here again.

Don't you ever set foot
on my property again!

(PANTING)

(WHINNYING)

(HOOVES GALLOPING)

(WHINNYING)

(WHINNYING)

(CLAPPING)

(HORSE NEIGHING)

(SPLASHING AND LAUGHING)

MUFFIE:
Oh, hi, Mr Merrill.

Hi there, Muffie.

Oh, Mommy and Daddy
are at the club.

Do you think they'd mind
if I had a swim?

- 'Course not! Help yourself.
- Thanks.

It isn't Julie Ann Hooper?

Yes, it is.

Wh... I can't believe it.

You're all grown up.

Well, how come we never
see you anymore?

Well, I guess
you don't need me anymore.

Well, of course
we need you, Julie.

We're always looking
for a babysitter.

Oh, Mr Merrill!

How about Sunday night?
You busy?

- Well, no.
- Okay, you're hired.

You still live
in the same place?

- Yes, but...
- I'll pick you up at seven.

You're putting me on.

No, I'm not.

A babysitter!

Ellen and Aggie would
have a fit if they heard you.

Oh, Mr Merrill, this is
my brother, Vernon.

Your brother?

But your brother was...

Boy, you know,
I sure used to like

that little red Jaguar
you used to have.

- Want a Coke, Mr Merrill?
- Sure.

Thanks.

I can't get over you, Julie.

How old are you now?

Twenty last month.

You still go to school?

I've got a job.

MUFFIE: Gee, I miss
Ellen and Aggie.

Where are they?

They're home.

Playing tennis.

MUFFIE: They are?
But when did they...

Well, why didn't they call me?

Oh, I'd just love to see them.

Let's drive over.

Well, I've gotta be on my way.

I'm swimming home.

You're swimming home?

I figured out there's a river of pools
all the way to my house.

That's more hiking
than swimming.

Well, not hiking, exactly.
Portaging.

Well, it's okay,
if you like exercise.

VERNON:
What a crazy idea!

I think it's a brilliant idea.

From here, I go to the Bunkers'.

Then I'll portage through
the Pasterns' riding ring

to the Hallorans', and so on.

Got it all mapped out
in my mind.

Well, what are you doing it for?

Why do you wanna do it?

JULIE: I think
it's very original.

As if... he's...

an explorer or something.

I mean,
I think it's an adventure.

Come with me.

Oh, well, gee, I...

Come on, live a little.

Well, I don't know if...

We'll explore the torrential
headwaters of the Lucinda River.

(OTHERS LAUGHING)

All right, I will.

Ready?

Go!

- NED: That's funny.
- JULIE: What?

NED: Marigolds.
This time of the year.

They're all over the place.

Well, they usually bloom later.

JULIE: They're lovely.
I love the colours.

- Mr Merrill?
- Mmm?

What did you mean before?

All that about
my coming over to babysit.

NED:
Coming over to babysit?

Oh! (CHUCKLING)
I was just joking.

I was teasing you.

JULIE:
Gee, I wondered.

NED: You used to be
such a shy little kid.

You always brought along
a pile of schoolbooks,

and you were always
dropping pencils and things.

And you never had a word to say.

JULIE:
I thought plenty, though.

NED:
About what?

JULIE:
Oh, daydreamed.

NED:
What about?

JULIE:
Lots of things.

NED:
What sort of things?

JULIE: Oh, it's so silly.
I mean, it was such kid stuff.

NED:
Ah, come on, tell me.

JULIE: I bet you never knew
I had a big crush on you.

NED:
You did?

JULIE: I was mad about you,
and I am!

NED: (CHUCKLING)
You were?

JULIE: You know, if Mrs Merrill
called me to babysit,

even at the last minute,

I'd cancel out
whoever I promised

and I'd come to
your house instead.

NED: You must have lost
a lot of customers. (CHUCKLING)

JULIE: Then, I'd spend about an hour
getting myself all fixed up.

(CHUCKLING)
My mother thought I was nuts.

I mean, I was just a kid to you,
but you were a god to me.

NED: Oh, now you're
putting me on.

JULIE: Know what I'd do
after the girls were asleep?

I'd go up to your room
and open your closet

and touch your suits.

And then, I'd go into your bathroom
and smell your shaving lotion.

And then, one time...

(CHUCKLING) This is
a terrible thing to admit.

NED:
Tell me.

JULIE:
I stole one of your shirts.

And then, when I was doing
my homework up in my room,

I'd put it on.

And it... it made me feel
as if you were all around me.

NED: Well, Julie, I...
I didn't know.

JULIE: And when you'd
drive me home late at night,

I'd pretend like mad.

NED:
Pretend what?

What was it you used to pretend?

JULIE:
I...

After all, I... I was
just a child in those days.

NED:
I want to know.

Oh, that...

that you were desperately
in love with me.

You were too honourable
to say so,

because you were married.

So, I had to go to Paris.

You know, put
an ocean between us.

And no matter how many divine
Frenchmen begged me,

I'd never marry.

I'd just live there,
all pale and mysterious,

huge tragic arts.

And then, one night,
I'd be in some club.

A fabulous Paris gown.

I'd see you at the door.

Tall, distinguished,

a little grey at the temples.

I pretended your eyes
would burn into me

across this whole room
full of people.

Suddenly, there'd be a hush.

And everyone would look at me.

And then, I'd just stand up
and float towards you.

And then what?

That's all.

Julie, I don't know what to say.

I told you.
I was a real spooky kid.

(BACKGROUND CHATTERING)

The Bunkers
must be having a party.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING AND CHATTERING)

How bonny are the banks
of the Lucinda River!

I knew we'd find friends
all along the way.

Neddy!

Enid, darling.

This is Julie Ann Hooper,
our babysitter.

I lost her for a while,

but I found her again.

ENID: How fortunate
for you, darling.

What a lovely dress.
Now, you look ravishing.

ENID: Oh, Ned, what a treat
to have you here.

Well, I see Roger's
the life of the party, as usual.

Well, he started
all by himself at brunch.

I guess it kinda
caught up with him.

Neddy, tell me everything.

I wanna know all about you.

WOMAN:
Enid?

Look who's there!

Get yourself a drink.

We'll have one quick one
to appease the natives.

Neddy!

Hiya, honeybunch.

To think I nearly
didn't get to this party!

Ned, you old fossil.
How are ya?

Great, just great.

- Ned!
- Rusty!

My God, it's been a dog's age.

Let's have a game of golf.
Soon.

Darling!

Is it undiplomatic
to ask how Lucinda is?

She's just great.
I'll bring your money.

WOMAN:
Neddy!

- Oh, Neddy, darling.
- Hi, I'm John. Nice to meet you.

We wanna see you.
I'll have Lucinda call.

- How you doing, John?
- Great, great.

My God, Neddy Merrill!

- Freddy Preston!
- Marvellous to see you.

We missed you
on the race this year.

I expected you'd be
on the Xanadu with Willie.

- I'll have to call Willie about that.
- Good show!

- STANLEY: Mr Merrill!
- Hiya, Stanley. How's Inez?

- Will she be glad to see you, sir!
- Inez is my girl.

Yes, sir.
What may I get you, sir?

Dom Perignon.
That's for us.

Yes, sir.

Ever drink champagne?

Mm-hmm.
Once, at a birthday party.

A boy drank it out
of my slipper.

Here's to sugar
on our strawberries.

Mmm!

Andiamo.

Ned, my God.

Brian!
How are you, Brian?

Oh, I feel rotten
I didn't call ya.

I mean, I've been so...
so damn busy.

I... I don't know
where the time goes.

Well, let's have lunch
this week for sure.

Okay. Oh, one thing
I wanna tell ya.

You know, I think that was
a stinkin' thing to do.

I mean, what they pulled
on over at your place.

- What's that, Brian?
- Well, now, I don't care.

I don't care how-how-how-how
big a firecracker this new guy was.

But, brother, that-that-that
story really jolted me.

I kept thinking,

what if some young smartass

comes to our shop
and does that to me?

Let's hear from you, huh?
Ring me at the office.

Beautiful Cynthia!

Neddy!

(LAUGHING)
Darling!

Hi, there.
Where's Carter?

Well, haven't you heard?
We've separated.

This is Julie Ann Hooper,
our babysitter.

Now, run along
to your babies, dear.

She's with me.

We're swimming
across the county.

How healthy...

and young of you.
(CHUCKLING)

Now, who the hell else
could wear a dress like this?

Why don't you, er...

come over tonight?

For dinner?

I'd love to.

If Lucinda hasn't made a date.

Lucinda?

Well, congratulations.

- Ned!
- Denny boy!

Look, why don't you leave
some phone numbers around?

I've been trying to reach you.

Look, I've heard of an opening.

Sounds perfect for you,
your experience.

Smaller place
that you're used to,

but these two guys
are creative as hell.

- Say hello to Julie Ann.
- Hello, Julie Ann.

Now, this firm has
a reputation for originality.

I think if you
approach them right,

take a cut just at first.

Take a cut?

Now, look here, Ned.

You don't have to
pretend with me.

Set!

Go!

JULIE:
Did you hurt yourself?

(PANTING)
It's nothing.

Bad take-off.

Let's go sit down somewhere.

JULIE:
Does it hurt?

NED: (CHUCKLING)
No, it's all right.

What sort of a job
do you have, Julie?

JULIE:
Secretary.

We're the largest office supply
company in New York.

NED: That's funny. I've never
run into you on the train.

JULIE:
I take the 7:22.

I'm always the first one in,
so I make the coffee.

- NED: It's a friendly office?
- Mm-hmm.

Two of the girls want me to
get an apartment with them,

soon as we get our raises.

NED: Well, you better watch out.
It's a big, wicked city.

JULIE: Oh, I know.
I've had some experiences.

NED:
Like what?

JULIE: Well, one morning,
I was making the coffee,

and just happened to
look out of the window.

You see, there's an
apartment building across the court.

This man was standing
in his window, looking at me.

He was stark naked.

That's terrible.

I just stood there
looking at him.

Well, you ought to
report that to somebody.

Well, he's...
he's never been there again.

I check every morning.

There's a lot of nuts around.

Oh, and then another time,

my boss sent me
to deliver some record books.

So, I got into an empty elevator
and pressed "26".

Then a man got in
and he pressed "27",

and the door closed
and the elevator started up.

This man came right over
and kissed me.

On the mouth.

Well, what'd you do?

Well, I dropped the record books.

Well, then what happened?

He picked them up,
gave them to me,

the door opened
on the 26th floor,

and I got out.

Can you imagine?

A building on Park Avenue?

"Her belly is like
a heap of wheat,

"fenced about with lilies."

JULIE: That's from
the Bible, isn't it?

Song of Solomon.

When I was a little girl
in Sunday school,

they never mentioned
that part of the Bible.

You still are a little girl
in Sunday school.

You know, Julie,
I've been thinking.

I could...

I could meet you
in the morning on the train

and take you to your office.

And then, if you...

if you had to go out
on an errand,

you could call me
and I'd go with you.

And then, I'd pick you up
every day at noon,

and we'd have lunch together.

That's what I'll do, Julie.

I'll take care of you.

Well, gee, Mr Merrill, I...

I don't think
that would work out too well.

I mean...

- I have a boyfriend.
- Oh?

He's a very jealous type.

I mean, if I just look at
anybody else, he has a fit.

He's a very high-strung person.

He's got so many problems.

What sort of problems?

Oh, his mother.

He says she's
"a very sensuous woman."

Says she has lovers.

He says he's not even
100% sure he's legitimate.

He's taking it out on the
whole United States of America.

Where did you meet this boy,
Julie?

Through a computer.

A computer?

Yeah, it's a... just a joke.
All the kids are doing it.

You fill out this questionnaire,

and send in three dollars,

and they guarantee
to send you back

the names and phone numbers
of three ideal mates.

(CHUCKLING)
He was the first one I called.

How'd you meet Mrs Merrill?

Oh, I...

On a boat,
going to Europe one summer.

I was with a...

with a bunch of students
down in steerage.

And, one night, I sneaked up
to the first-class salon,

and there she was.

Oh, how romantic
and old fashioned!

Now, wait a minute.

It wasn't that long ago.

Well, I mean it sounds so much
more passionate than a computer.

That shirt of mine, Julie.

Do you still have it?

No.

Well, after a while, I...

I decided it was just a shirt.

I mean, you had so many shirts,

I didn't think
you'd miss it or anything.

Do you mind?

No, but I wish...

I wish you'd have told me
how you felt.

Oh, I couldn't.

I would have died.

There's so little love
in the world, Julie.

When it's kept a secret,
it's wasted, don't you see?

You're very precious to me.

I won't let you
ever get scared or hurt.

Mr Merrill...

if there's anything you want,
anything at all,

come to me.

I'll be your guardian angel.

Mr Merrill, I...

Julie.

Julie!

Julie!

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Hiya, Steve!

Well, you're not Steve.

No.

How are you, Mr Merrill?

- I'm a friend of the Hallorans.
- Yes, I know that.

Do you mind if I ride up
to the house with you?

- Not at all.
- Oh, don't bother.

Thank you.

How long have you been
driving for the Hallorans?

Going on a couple of years now.

Well, what happened to Steve?

I'm afraid I don't know.

Man, what a character.

Did he mangle
the English language!

We told him he should
be on television.

Big, bass voice.

You should've heard
that guy sing.

And a natural sense of rhythm?

(CHUCKLING)
Yeah, that's right.

I'll take in the paper.

Thank you.

Thank you for the lift.

And my apologies.

I don't know why
I thought you were Steve.

That's okay.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Oh, hello, honey.

Tell her to hurry.
They'll miss the sun.

She absolutely refuses
to bring the children

unless we put on our suits.

After the way we brought her up?

What's the matter with her?

After the way we brought you up?
What's the matter with you...

honey?

She says they're her children,

and she's going
to bring them up her way.

They'll end up repressed.

Mommy says
they'll end up repressed.

She's not going
to bring the children.

Good heavens!

It's Neddy Merrill.

I wonder if he's come
to ask us again.

He'll get the same answer.

No, dear.

It seems a little mean.

He's not going to get a penny.

Couldn't we help him out
just a little?

For old times' sake?
After all, he's a... friend.

Friends are not deductible.

(SUDDENLY FRIENDLY)
Hello, Neddy dear!

MR HALLORAN:
How are you, my boy?

- I'm swimming across the county.
- MR HALLORAN: Oh?

MRS HALLORAN:
I didn't know one could.

I met your new chauffeur
on the way in.

Nice boy.

Real sense of personal worth.

Well, I sure got a lot of
laughs out of old Steve.

Steve had no sense
of personal worth.

What does it say, dear?

"At a meeting
of the zoning board,

"local property owners objected
to the Halloran proposal,

"on the basis that it would
overcrowd the public schools."

MR HALLORAN: We petitioned
to have the Driscoll estate cut up

into two-acre lots,
instead of five-acre lots.

They're practically
calling us communists.

Sticks and stones,
sticks and stones, sticks and stones.

MRS HALLORAN: It's going to
be a tough fight, Chester.

Why is that tree bare?

Oh, that's an ash.

Well, it must be blighted.

No.

Ashes are the last
to get their leaves

and the first to lose them.

MRS HALLORAN: Overcrowding
the public schools, indeed!

As though people with two acres

give birth to more children
than people with five acres.

That's not even
a biological fact.

"Safari Ball."

Put me down for a table.

Oh, Neddy.

What's the matter?

Don't I always support
your benefits?

A table costs $1,000.

Okay, put me down.

By the way, my boy,
I was awfully sorry

that we couldn't be of help.

I don't recall
asking you for help.

How are Lucinda and the girls?

Lucinda's fine, and the girls
are home, playing tennis.

Now, if you don't mind,
I think I'll get wet.

Didn't ask for any money
after all.

Just wait.

He must be back on his feet.

He bought a whole table,
didn't he?

(RECORDER PLAYING TUNE)

- Hi.
- Hi.

I bet your name's Gilmartin.

Kevin Gilmartin Junior,
after my father.

My mother says
I gotta lot to live down.

How about giving me a cup?

It's ten cents.

- I'll owe it to you.
- How do I know I'll ever collect?

I'll drop around tomorrow
and pay you.

Scout's honour.

Well, I look honest, don't I?

Thanks.

You're shivering.

Is your mother home?

Well, she's in Europe.

It's a honeymoon,
so she couldn't take me.

How's your father?

He's in love with a manicurist.

That's what my mother says.

I have to depend on her
for information.

You alone here?

There's a maid.

You know what?

I'm gonna invite you
over to our house.

I've got two girls
you can play with.

How big?

Not much bigger than you.

Do you play with them?

Well, sure.

Play tennis and we go
bike riding together.

I have an English racing bike.

Well, fine. Bring it over
and we'll race you.

Do you want another?

No, thanks.

You'll owe me twenty cents.

I haven't time.

I'm swimming home.

You mind if I use your pool?

Not at all, but...

(PLAYING A TUNE)

(BIRDSONG)

Well, that does it.

That really does it.

My whole project is ruined.

They took the water out the pool

because I'm not a good swimmer.

I'm bad at sports, and...

at school, nobody
wants me on their team.

Well, it's a lot better that way.
You take it from me.

At first, you think it's
the end of the world

because you're not on the team.

Till you realise.

Realise what?

You realise that you're free.

You're your own man.

You don't have to worry
about getting to be captain

and all that status stuff.

They'd never elect me captain
in a million years.

You're the captain of your soul.
That's what counts.

Know what I mean?

There's one thing I could do.

I could get down there
and make believe

I'm swimming across the pool.

KEVIN: But that's kind of
cheating, isn't it?

NED: Well, not if
I did all the strokes

exactly as if I were
doing them in the water.

Hey, that's a good idea!

Let's do it.

Now, there are
three things to remember.

Relax,

reach,

and follow through.

That's it.

Okay, let's start
with the crawl.

Hey, you've got
pretty good form.

I've had lots of lessons.

It's just that I'm
afraid of the water.

Okay, over on your back.

That's it.

You know what we do
in the winter?

We flood our tennis courts
and then we ice-skate on them.

Those kids of mine
look so damn cute.

Like a couple of elves
in their little red caps.

Stocking caps.

I don't know how to skate.

When you come over
next winter, we'll teach you.

Then we'll have
a game of hockey.

Okay!

Breaststroke.

Yes, sir, those kids of mine
think I got all the answers.

Those kids of mine
think I'm just about it.

- I've done it!
- (NED CHUCKLING)

It's the first time
I've ever swum a whole lane!

Congratulations.

I suppose it
doesn't count, though,

because there's no water.

Well, for us, there was.

But that's a lie, isn't it?

No.

You see, if you make
believe hard enough

that something is true,

then it is true for you.

Let's do it again.

I gotta be going.

Oh, come on! Please?

It's getting late.

I'm sorry.
I'd like to, but...

Okay, if you're gonna leave,
then leave.

I'll give you a ring tomorrow.

About coming over.

(VIBRATING SOUND)

What's the...
What's the matter?

I thought you were gonna dive.

You thought I was gonna dive?

There's no water in the pool.

Well, so long again.

(PLAYING A TUNE)

(LIVE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHATTERING)

Ain't it a bitch, huh?

You ever seen anything like it?

Fifteen tons,
thirty thousand pounds

of structured aluminium
and clear plastic.

So there we are, bare-assed,

and we jump in the pool.

It's all steamy and warm,

and the snowflakes
are floatin' down,

and the hi-fi system is playin',

and Grace and I are there
on our backs, just bobbin' along.

And I says to Grace, I says...

Well, this party has everything,

including a gatecrasher.

I was hoping
you'd be glad to see me.

You never came
when I invited you.

Why should I be glad
to see you now?

Well, I thought,
"better late than never."

You thought wrong, buster.

As one of your more
distinguished gatecrashers,

do I rate a drink?

Suit yourself.

You're new around here,
aren't you?

What do you mean, "new"?

Well, it's just I haven't
seen you at parties.

I haven't seen you neither.

I'll have a gin
on the rocks, please.

When you have a chance.

Here I am again, Leroy.

Fill her up!

Some big deal, huh?

Boy, you've sure
gotta like swimming

to go in for this expenditure.

You look like the type
that goes in for swimming, huh?

Why not?

When the world is so generously
supplied with water.

Not a maniac about it.

Tell you the truth,
it's murder on my hair.

Lovely hair.

Thank you.

You a...

You a neighbour
from around here?

No.

You a friend of the Biswangers?

They're not even on
our Christmas card list.

Then what are you?

I'm an explorer.

No, I mean,
what are you doing here?

I'm swimming home.

(CHUCKLING)

You, er...

You married?

What's that got to do with it?

You're divorced? What?

Do you wanna come with me?

Where?

Along a river of sapphire pools.

I never heard anyone
talk like you.

Come with me, be my love.

- That, I've heard before.
- Not from me.

You're no different
than any other guy.

Oh, but I am.

I'm a very special human being.

Noble and splendid.

Come on, Joan.

NED:
Hey, wait a minute.

This looks like my wagon.

I'm sure this is my wagon.

This is my wagon.

I wheel my kids around in it.

You see that?

That's where Ellen put her
foot through, and I mended it.

With plywood.

This is my wagon, man.

What's the trouble here?

This is my hot dog wagon.

Well, we bought it.

You bought it?

Yes, at a white elephant sale.

Well, what the hell was it doing
in a white elephant sale?

Your wife must have donated it.

Well, she had no right
to do that!

She knows
I'm crazy about this thing.

Take it up with her!

Listen, I'll buy it
back from you.

Not interested.

I'll give you...
I'll give you twice what you paid for it.

I'll give you a hundred dollars.

A hundred dollars?
For that piece of junk?

I want to buy this wagon back.

Name a price,
and I'll send you a cheque.

He'll send me a cheque!
(CHUCKLING)

I'm taking this
thing home with me.

Hands off, you.

You crashed in,
now crash the hell out.

Go on, beat it!

(CHATTERING)

I'll have my lawyers
get in touch with you tomorrow.

Yeah, you do that.

(QUACKING)

(CROAKING)

What are you doing here?

What a great suit.

New?

Last year's.

I don't remember that suit.

You weren't around last year.

God, you look sensational.

Would you mind telling me

what the hell you're doing here?

I'm swimming home.

You're what?

Pool by pool, across the county.

Good Christ, Ned,
will you ever grow up?

Let me try.

No.

Please, let me.

When I was a Boy Scout,
I passed the first-aid test

but there wasn't much
in it about splinters.

Now, if you broke something,

I could make you
a beautiful splint.

Ow!

I'm sorry.

There we are.

A regular redwood.

Cut a hole in it,

you could drive a car through.

Now, what did you do that for?

Keep away from me, Ned,
will you, please?

You must be crazy.

Everybody's gone crazy today.

I just came from
the Biswangers'.

They snubbed me.

Everybody at their party
snubbed me.

They've even got
my hot dog wagon.

Your wagon?

I painted it myself
and put the little umbrella up.

I always kept it
down in the playroom

where the ping pong table was,
remember?

I've never been to your house,
remember?

God, I'm tired.

You mind if I have a drink?

All right.

How about you?
You want a bull shot?

SHIRLEY:
No, thank you.

Oh, come on, now.

You know you love the way
I make them.

We are running out of Tabasco.

"We"?

Aren't you a little confused
this afternoon?

Well, how goes it
in Never-Never Land?

What?

Has the ideal
all-American family

found happiness on the hill?

The hill?

I heard a rumour
that you'd changed

your place of residence.

Of course not,
that's ridiculous.

Well, how is the president
of the League of Women Voters?

- Who?
- How's your wife?

Oh, she's fine.

I've been away so long
I haven't kept up with the news.

I suppose by now
all the waitresses in town

must be certified non-venereal.

Last I heard, that was
your wife's latest project.

Physical checkups for food handlers.
(CHUCKLING)

Lucinda's always done
a lot of good in this town.

She just didn't do so good
at home, did she?

Here's to sugar
on our strawberries.

Cheers.

Remember last winter in Toronto?

We called room service
and ordered bull shots.

I wasn't in Toronto last winter.

Why, sure, I came up
for the opening of your show.

Remember how it snowed?

And I ordered
a horse and a sleigh

to take us from the hotel
to the theatre.

I haven't been in Toronto
in three years now.

Was it Boston?

What was the name
of that play in Boston?

I came up on
a Saturday, remember?

You faked a slipped disc,

and your standby went on
for the matinée.

I cured your aching back,
didn't I?

You bastard.

Listen, Ned. I want you to
get out of here now. I mean it!

Why?

I'm expecting someone.

Who?

None of your business who.

A man?

Do you think
I've been in a deep freeze

while you've been playing
house on the hill?

Yes, a man.

I'm cold.

What's the matter with that sun?
There's no heat in it.

Shirley...

what happened?

What happened to what?

Nothing's turned out...

Nothing's turned out
the way I thought it would.

When I was a kid, I...

I used to believe in things.

People seemed happier
when I was a kid.

People used to love each other.
What happened?

You got tossed out
of your golden playpen.

That's what happened.

My mother gave me
twenty-five cents

for mowing the lawn
around our house.

Seems only a minute ago

I could smell the grass.

It's so fast.

People grow up, and then they...

We're all gonna die, Shirley.

That doesn't make
much sense, does it?

Sometimes it does.

Sometimes, at three o'clock
in the morning.

Did you know I went
to spy on you once,

once in the lobby
of the theatre?

Spy on me?

It was a long time ago.

You were meeting your family
to take them to the ballet.

I saw your daughters

in their white gloves
and patent leather slippers,

and that ageing, Vassar-girl
wife of yours

and her understated little suit.

And you.

There you were,

shaking hands with people,
smiling, saying hello.

One hour before that,
you'd been in bed with me.

I put that smile on your face,

you damned hypocrite!

Listen, Ned, I want you
to get out of here now.

Swim the pool,
do whatever you have to do,

but get out.

As soon as you tell me
who's coming over.

I told you,
that's none of your business.

On a ten-point scale,
how would you rate him in bed?

What did I do to you, Shirley?

I'm sorry for whatever I did.

You did the usual red-blooded
married man thing.

You took me out to lunch
and gave me that lecture

about the duties
of a father and a husband.

It's considered
a classic by now, isn't it?

Reprinted every year
in the Reader's Digest?

I don't remember.

It's the first
really chic restaurant

you took me to in New York.

Right out in front
of everyone who counts.

You cried.

I also raised my voice.

It tore me apart
to see you crying.

You chose that restaurant

because you thought
I wouldn't dare make a fuss

in front of all those...

mink hats and snobbish waiters
and stylish fags.

No, no.

Did you really think
you could get rid of me

in no more noise than the
sound of finger bowls tinkling?

I loved you.

I didn't know what to do.

So you went back to your wife,

whom you didn't love.

Well, it figures.

The real estate is in her name,
she owns all the pots and pans,

knows where all
the lost shirt buttons are.

Why give up those comforts?

Well, I had a few
comforts of my own.

When you were on that train
back to Connecticut,

remember that groovy
bellhop in my hotel?

Absolutely primitive,
no hang-ups.

You're lying.

You got in and called me
from the station.

I put the phone
on the pillow between us

so we both could listen.

All that snivelling

about your innocent wife
and innocent children.

We laughed so hard, we stuffed
the sheets in our mouths.

You're lying.

You'll never know, will you?

Let me do your back.

No.

Please, let me.

Shirley, let's go away
for a couple of weeks.

I read about a great
old castle in Ireland.

A real one, with a moat
and a drawbridge.

Some king built it,
hundreds of years ago.

It's an inn now, with
crazy old four-posters and...

big, soft beds with canopies.

Ned, I want you to go away now.

Will you come with me, Shirley?

Do you really think
it's that easy?

(CHUCKLING) Of course,
everything's always

been easy for you, hasn't it?

You could always get
a cab in the rain,

a woman into bed.

God knows,
I was easy enough to get.

You wore a blue slip,

with a safety pin
holding up your shoulder strap.

I thought we were
going to make it.

I really thought
we were going to make it.

I kissed that safety pin.

Ned, please don't.

(SOBBING)

Shirley...

I never meant
to hurt you, Shirley.

Please, believe me.

Please.

(WATER SPLASHING)

(SHIVERING)

What's the matter with you?

I'll get you a sweater.

No.

You must be catching something.

How can I swim in a sweater?

Listen, I'll drive you home.

No.

I've got to swim home.

For the love of God, why?

I've just got to.

I've got to.

I'll go get the car.

NED:
No!

I can't go in a car.
It's impossible.

How can I?

Lucinda's waiting.

The girls are home
playing tennis.

I'm swimming home.

My God...

(WATER SPLASHING)

Come with me.

Come with me, Shirley.

- Ned, I can't.
- Please.

Come with me.

Please, don't.

Shirley...

Leave me alone.

You know you don't want me to.

Please, leave me alone.

We made love together
in this pool.

And you loved it, remember?

- I lied.
- You loved it, Shirley.

You loved it.

Ned, don't.

- Please.
- No!

Baby...

- No, Ned.
- Please.

No, don't.

No, stop it, Ned. Don't.

Ned, don't.

No.

Damn you! No!

I lied!

I lied all the time about
loving it anywhere with you!

You bored me to tears
with all your stories

about your old deals,
and your old girls,

and your golf scores,
and your bloody war,

and your bloody duty,
your wife and kids.

- You loved it.
- You bored me to tears.

I was playing a scene with you.

You loved it.

You met your match in me,
you suburban stud.

I was acting!

(ECHOING SLAM)

You loved it.

You loved it.

We both loved it.

(SHOUTING)
You loved it!

NED:
Just one lane.

I want to swim just one lane.
You don't understand.

I understand you ain't got
a half a buck.

That's all I'm supposed
to understand.

But can't you make
an exception just this once?

My house is right over
there on the hill.

I'll come straight back
with the money.

Get the hell out of there,
mister.

Listen...

will you lend me fifty cents?

Please.

Please.

Why the hell should I?

But I'll pay you back.

Don't you realise
I'll pay you back?

Beat it.

Howie!

- Hi, Mr Merrill.
- Oh, Howie, lend me fifty cents.

Don't you do it, Howie.

Howard, for Christ's sake.

What's fifty cents more or less?
I mean, considering.

Thanks, Howie.

Thanks a lot, chum.
Thanks an awful lot.

Hold it.

Can't you read, buddy?

Take a shower.

Go on back and wash those feet.

(CHATTERING)

ATTENDANT:
Spread your toes.

Bottoms.

Okay.

(CHILD SHRIEKING)

What's the matter, Mr Merrill?

Your friends' pools
run out of water?

What?

So, how do you like
our water, Mr Merrill?

NED:
Hi, Jack.

Boy, you sure got
a lot of chlorine in it.

Stings your eyes a little, huh?

- Yeah.
- LILLIAN: Yeah, that's too bad.

Ain't seen you
in a dog's age, Mr Merrill.

Too bad you don't get
into town anymore.

We sure had a lot of
good times, didn't we, Howie?

Yeah, I used to count on seeing you
maybe four or five times

a week in my place.
A few drinks, a hamburger, maybe.

How is the Series?

LILLIAN: What are you waiting for?
Go and ask him.

- HOWIE: What series, Mr Merrill?
- The World Series.

Oh, you mean two years ago.

Did you use those seats
I gave you?

Oh yeah, they were great seats.

They were right over third base.

Are you going to ask him or not?

- Will you shut up?
- Okay, then I'll ask him.

When you gonna
pay your bill, Mr Merrill?

JACK:
Yeah, how about that?

We're decent people,
tryin' to make a livin'.

We got bills to pay, too,
you know.

LILLIAN:
Wanna know somethin'?

You're the first deadbeat
we ever got in our place.

HOWIE:
Hold it down, Lil.

Now, wait a minute.

Listen,

I'm going to send
the both of you...

a cheque tomorrow.

(LAUGHING)
Yeah, that's a laugh, all right.

Oh, listen, what's the matter with you?
He's no friend of yours.

Send a cheque that isn't worth
the paper it's written on.

Okay, that's enough.
That's enough.

JACK: You oughta see the orders
I had to send up to his house.

French strawberry jam
his wife made me stock for her.

American strawberries
ain't good enough for her.

SYLVIA: Plain mustard
ain't good enough for Mrs Merrill.

She had to have Dijon mustard.

JACK: Hearts of palm,
hearts of artichokes.

Hearts of this, hearts of that.

Some rich diet
you have up there.

Hearts of Jack Finney,
that's what they get.

(ALL LAUGHING)

HOWIE: Okay, let's break it up.
Let's not have a fuss.

I gotta go.

How's the family, Howie?

My oldest boy just won

the American Legion
Scholarship Award.

- Straight As this year.
- That's wonderful.

Yeah, Ned, we bring our kids up
to behave themselves.

We don't want our kids
runnin' around drunk, wrecking cars.

He kept his daughters' names
out of the paper that time.

I'll bet that cheque
didn't bounce.

You leave
my daughters out of this.

Well, why didn't you
teach them some manners?

LILLIAN: Oh, those girls never
paid no attention to him.

- Will you shut up?
- Look, I'm not blamin' the girls.

It's him.

Always chummin' around
with all the kids,

tryin' to be one of the gang.

My daughters worship me.

They love me and respect me.

Because I'm their father,
and they respect me.

They respect me.

Yeah?

My girls love me.

LILLIAN: Plenty times
we heard those girls

talkin' in our place.

We heard your girls
giving you the raspberry.

You're a liar.

Come on, Mr Merrill,

don't talk to my wife that way.

She's a goddamned liar.

Want to know what your girls
thought of you, Mr Merrill?

Your girls laughed at ya.

I heard them.

They thought
you were a great big joke.

(PANTING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(RATTLING)

(CREAKING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

- (TENNIS BALL BOUNCING)
- (GIRLS LAUGHING)

(AUDIBLE TENNIS GAME)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(HOWLING WIND)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(THUMPING CONTINUES)

(NED WAILING)

(THUMPING AND WAILING CONTINUE)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(THUMPING CONTINUES)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(THUNDERCLAP)

SUBTITLES BY POWERHOUSE FILMS LTD