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1
00:00:02,130 --> 00:00:03,930
Britain, Britain, Britain!
2
00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:09,560
I love Britain so much that every day
I sacrifice a child in honour of it.
3
00:00:09,730 --> 00:00:13,330
So thank the Lord, who incidentally is British,
4
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:16,370
for the great things he has brought to this land.
5
00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:20,530
Take A Break, Spearmint Rhino
and Findus Crispy Pancakes.
6
00:00:20,690 --> 00:00:25,050
But also let us give thanks
for the people of Britain
7
00:00:25,210 --> 00:00:29,730
and it is them whom we'll be
doing looking at today. Boogaloo!
8
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:34,640
Today Lou has arranged for Andy
to go on a blind date.
9
00:00:34,810 --> 00:00:39,810
I went on a blind date once with a border collie.
Nothing came of it, but we stay in touch.
10
00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:42,610
- Can I have one of them chips?
- No!
11
00:00:42,770 --> 00:00:45,570
- Please?
- No. Should have got your own.
12
00:00:45,730 --> 00:00:48,330
- But I only had enough for one.
- Yeah, I know.
13
00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:52,280
- Well, I don't want any chips now anyway.
- Nor do I.
14
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:58,530
- Are you excited about this date?
- Yeah. What date?
15
00:00:58,690 --> 00:01:02,290
- The date. I set you up on a date with a lady.
- Yeah, I know.
16
00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:04,650
Now, her name is Francesca
17
00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:08,810
and I said we'd meet her
at the steps at five sharp.
18
00:01:08,970 --> 00:01:11,880
She's early! Hello, Francesca! How are you?
19
00:01:12,050 --> 00:01:14,200
- Very well, thanks.
- That is good.
20
00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:17,170
Now, this is Andy, who I was telling you about.
21
00:01:17,330 --> 00:01:20,170
- Hello, Andy.
- I don't want that one.
22
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:24,040
- Why not?
- She's in a wheelchair.
23
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,770
- I know she's in a wheelchair.
- Don't like her.
24
00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:30,930
Well, it's early days.
I'll leave you two alone.
25
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:35,400
You don't need me here playing raspberry.
All right? Have a lovely time.
26
00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:40,880
Well, Andy, I've heard a lot about you.
27
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,240
Aaaaaaaah!
28
00:02:01,130 --> 00:02:06,530
In Darkley Noone, Vicky Pollard's gang
are keen to get on with their day's robbing.
29
00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:09,570
Where is Vicky?
She's so supposed to be here by now.
30
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,120
Got that black boyfriend now, ain't she?
Probably with him.
31
00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:17,080
She has well changed
since she's gone with that Jermaine.
32
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:22,450
- Er, take your time, why don't you (?)
- Vicky, where have you been?
33
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:27,400
(JAMAICAN) No but, yeah but, no but,
yeah but, no because somethin' happen'
34
00:02:27,570 --> 00:02:30,480
what I don't even know nothin' about,
so shut up.
35
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:34,960
Me got me man, Jermaine. We've been
behind the water slides makin' babies.
36
00:02:35,130 --> 00:02:38,810
So are you coming robbin' down Woollies
with us later?
37
00:02:38,970 --> 00:02:44,170
Me don't know. Me think about just hangin' with
me man, cookin' up chicken and rice and peas,
38
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:48,800
but, yeah but, no but, yeah. It's up to Jermaine.
I'm his bitch now. What say you?
39
00:02:48,970 --> 00:02:53,520
(POSH) I don't really know, Victoria.
I'm just happy to go with the flow.
40
00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:57,450
Me man has spoken. Woollies it is.
41
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:02,360
Rasta!
42
00:03:04,930 --> 00:03:07,450
Meaningwhile, at this restaurant in Chafe...
43
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:10,210
And a rocket salad. Thank you.
44
00:03:12,130 --> 00:03:14,810
So...you still haven't heard from Alistair?
45
00:03:14,970 --> 00:03:17,490
No, I think he's gone back to that Sasha.
46
00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:22,930
Sorry. Well, I've been wanting
to introduce you to my friend, Jonathan.
47
00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:26,080
- Oh, yes?
- He's single.
48
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:29,210
Works in the City.
Lovely apartment in the Docklands.
49
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:32,840
- Oh, so he's doing well?
- Yes. Bought a place in Provence.
50
00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:36,610
- Oh, sounds wonderful.
- I've got a picture of him.
51
00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:42,080
Oh, looks lovely.
52
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:51,090
Christianity is one of the most popular religions
in Britain, with over 80 members.
53
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:54,010
(HYMN FINISHES)
54
00:03:57,850 --> 00:04:00,730
Please be seated.
55
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:06,410
Now, as you know, the Reverend Hartley is
on an exchange trip to Harlem in New York.
56
00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:10,770
So they've sent their reverend here
to take the service this week.
57
00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:13,320
Now, I imagine he's a little nervous,
58
00:04:13,490 --> 00:04:17,280
so I want you all
to make him feel very welcome.
59
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:20,600
His name is Reverend Jesse King.
60
00:04:20,770 --> 00:04:23,370
Hallelujah!
61
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:24,930
I...
62
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,290
..is from the ghetto!
63
00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:29,040
You...
64
00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:31,490
..is from the ghetto!
65
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,040
We is all of the ghetto!
66
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:37,720
So how we gonna get out the ghetto?
67
00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:42,650
I tell you how we's gonna get out the ghetto!
We is gonna fight the power!
68
00:04:42,810 --> 00:04:46,010
Fight the power! Fight the power!
69
00:04:46,890 --> 00:04:49,090
What we gonna do, mama?
70
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:53,290
- Fight the power, perhaps?
- Praise the Lord!
71
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,850
Hallelujah!
72
00:04:57,010 --> 00:05:00,050
Say praise be to Jesus!
73
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:02,930
(THEY MUMBLE)
74
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:07,370
- Say praise be to the Lord!
- (QUIETLY) Praise be to the Lord.
75
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:11,320
- Say hi-de-hi-de-hi!
- Hi-de-hi-de-hi.
76
00:05:11,490 --> 00:05:14,480
- Say ho-de-ho-de-ho.
- Ho-de-ho-de-ho.
77
00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:19,280
Go, go, go to the holiday rock!
Praise the Lord. Amen.
78
00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:24,530
And now it is time to call upon Lord Jesus
to come amongst us today
79
00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:26,890
and heal the sick and the lame.
80
00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:29,810
Anyone here who can't walk?
81
00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:34,050
They can't do dat.
82
00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:37,360
Anyone here with leprosy?
83
00:05:37,530 --> 00:05:40,290
Any lepers in the house?
84
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:45,240
- Brother, what be your sickness?
- Oh, I'm fine. It's just a slight cough.
85
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:49,690
Come and join me, brother. Jesus will cure you.
86
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,840
(COUGHS)
87
00:05:54,530 --> 00:05:57,490
Excuse me while I talk in tongues for a moment.
88
00:05:57,650 --> 00:06:00,610
(GARBLED NONSENSE)
89
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:11,450
- Well?
- Still a bit tickly.
90
00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:13,570
Try these.
91
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:19,530
He can walk! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
92
00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:23,690
There is no greater shame in Britain
than being fat.
93
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:27,450
I had a fat son,
who, naturally, I gave up for adoption.
94
00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:32,770
He's written several times saying he's lost weight
and would like to meet up. I'm not interested.
95
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:41,010
- What the hell's all this?
- You know me and Pat have got engaged?
96
00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,770
- Yeah.
- We're having a party afterwards.
97
00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:47,930
- We've been setting up all afternoon.
- Looks cheap. OK...
98
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:52,290
Let's start with the... Hang on a minute.
I didn't get my invitation.
99
00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:55,490
No, well, it was just close friends and family.
100
00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,720
- You're going?
- Oh, yes.
101
00:06:57,890 --> 00:07:00,490
- You?
- Yeah.
102
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:02,690
- What about you, Meera?
- Yes.
103
00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:04,290
- Sorry?
- Yes.
104
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:06,280
- Again.
- Yes!
105
00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:10,890
- No. Do it again.
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
106
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:14,890
Was that a ''yes'' or...? I never know.
We need an interpreter, really.
107
00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:18,450
- All this food's for the party?
- Yeah.
108
00:07:18,610 --> 00:07:20,760
- What are these?
- Vol-au-vents.
109
00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:24,930
Come on! We did vol-au-vents last week!
Am I wasting my time?
110
00:07:25,090 --> 00:07:28,240
- Absolute calorie hot spots!
- Marjorie!
111
00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:33,360
I'm only thinking of you, Pat.
I want to see you get down to a size 30.
112
00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:37,090
- These?
- Mini chipolatas.
113
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:40,130
Why not just stick shit through my letterbox?
114
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:44,800
And what the hell is this supposed to be?
115
00:07:44,970 --> 00:07:47,040
I made it. It's banoffee pie.
116
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:52,890
''Oh, I made it. It's banoffee pie''! You are
playing Russian roulade with their lives!
117
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:56,360
If one of them has a single bite,
they could drop down dead.
118
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:59,050
Shame on you, Tanya. Boo! Hiss! Boo!
119
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:04,450
We're just trying to have a party, Marjorie.
120
00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:09,130
Yeah, you're right. What am I thinking?
121
00:08:09,290 --> 00:08:12,280
Let's not worry about FatFighters today.
122
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:16,290
Have a lovely time
and I wish you all the best for the future.
123
00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:30,730
Today stage hypnotist Kenny Craig's
three-date national tour has arrived in Snitch.
124
00:08:33,570 --> 00:08:37,770
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome hypnotist extraordinaire...
125
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:42,530
Kenny-y-y-y Craig-uh!
126
00:08:44,250 --> 00:08:49,690
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you
very much indeed and welcome to the show.
127
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:55,010
Look into my eyes, the eyes,
not around the eyes. Look into my eyes.
128
00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:59,640
You're under. In one hour's time
I will click my fingers and you will all believe
129
00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:04,200
you witnessed a superb hypnotic comedy show,
much better than Paul McKenna
130
00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:08,680
and that Derren whatsisname, and you will tell
all your friends. Hold the thought.
131
00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:32,770
With this afternoon's
Welsh gay rugby league match over,
132
00:09:32,930 --> 00:09:36,320
local fruit Dafydd Thomas
is heading off to the pub.
133
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:39,560
- Hello, Dafydd.
- Yeah, I'm gay! Get over it!
134
00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:44,120
- There you go, Farmer Hughes.
- Thank you, my love.
135
00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:48,490
Ten Bacardi and Cokes, please, Myfanwy.
136
00:09:48,650 --> 00:09:51,410
- Oh, coming right up.
- In you come, fellows.
137
00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,770
Come on, lads.
138
00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:58,080
- Get in here.
- Oh, so who are all this lot, then?
139
00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,850
- They're from Bangor.
- Oh, right.
140
00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:04,320
Llandewi Breffi played them today
in the gay rugby league.
141
00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:07,960
- Who won?
- Bangor. 96-0.
142
00:10:08,130 --> 00:10:10,810
What's happened to all our lot, then?
143
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:14,330
Oh, no, it's just me.
I am the only gay in the village.
144
00:10:16,170 --> 00:10:20,560
Funny. I was here last week.
You couldn't move for cock.
145
00:10:20,730 --> 00:10:24,770
- Yeah, it was non-stop bum fun.
- No, you're quite wrong.
146
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,840
I'd have played, but I never heard about it.
147
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:30,210
This was a gay team, for gays.
148
00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:32,760
I've tugged the odd todger in my time.
149
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,290
Thank you, Farmer Hughes.
150
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:40,050
- Excuse me. I'm a good winger.
- Yes, but you're married.
151
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:42,600
But I'm always cottaging.
152
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:48,010
- What about your wife?
- She don't mind. She's bi-curious herself.
153
00:10:48,170 --> 00:10:51,290
- Disgusting!
- So which toilets do you use, then?
154
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:56,890
- The one in the park, of course.
- I thought I'd seen you through the glory hole.
155
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:03,730
I think I'm a bit old now for the rugby,
but I'm a big fan of fisting.
156
00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,650
Is there nobody in this pub who isn't gay?!
157
00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:13,730
Well, I indulged in mutual masturbation
when I was younger. Does that count?
158
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:17,280
- What about you, Mr Jenkins?
- Since I've retired
159
00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:20,050
I've discovered the joys of rimming.
160
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:24,330
Right. That is it.
161
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:27,400
I've had it with this village. I'm leaving!
Goodbye!
162
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:31,170
- But where are you going?
- As far away from here as possible.
163
00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:34,530
Where gay people are not welcome,
where I am the only one.
164
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:38,160
- Where?
- I've got two uncles in San Francisco! There.
165
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:53,320
Ohhh!
166
00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:57,280
Oh, so he's in the army.
167
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:06,560
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, yeah. 3, 2, 1. You're back in the room.
168
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:11,120
Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.
You've been a great audience.
169
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:16,290
Thank you very much.
Don't forget to tell your friends. Good night!
170
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:22,080
She's taking bloody ages with these drinks.
Oh! Thank you very much.
171
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:27,040
- Oh, it's a shame about Jonathan.
- He just talked about himself the whole night.
172
00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:31,570
- Well, I have a friend. Have you met Rupert?
- I don't think I have.
173
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:34,880
More a friend of Simon's.
Just split up with his girlfriend.
174
00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:39,050
- Oh? What's he like?
- He's lovely. Very good-looking.
175
00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:43,000
He's an architect. I've got a picture of him, I think.
176
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:46,000
Oh, yes.
177
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,050
Hm. Looks familiar.
178
00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:53,250
- He was at Harriet's wedding.
- Did he have longer hair?
179
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:58,760
Before you can get divorced in Britain,
you need to get married.
180
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:02,930
For Harvey and Jane,
the big day has finally arrived.
181
00:13:03,090 --> 00:13:06,050
(HYMN FINISHES)
182
00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:13,770
And now it is time for Jane and Harvey
183
00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:15,920
to make their wedding vows.
184
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:22,080
Do you, Harvey Tobias Jerome Pincher,
185
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,130
take Jane Louise Edwards
186
00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:27,850
to be your lawful wedded wife?
187
00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:30,930
Bitty.
188
00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:33,130
I'm sorry?
189
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:37,490
- Bitty.
- No, it's ''I do''.
190
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,850
I know, but hungry. I want bitty.
191
00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:44,970
- Harvey, I fed you on the way here!
- We're eating in an hour.
192
00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:49,050
- Do you want me to go?
- No, no, no, Mummy.
193
00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:55,280
I'm terribly sorry. It's a lovely service.
194
00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:05,320
Carry on.
195
00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:09,040
Er, do you, um...
196
00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:12,930
..take this woman
to be your lawful, wedded wife?
197
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:15,770
I do.
198
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:18,160
And do you, Jane Louise Edwards,
199
00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:21,130
take this...
200
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:24,250
..man...
201
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:27,450
..to be your lawful, wedded husband?
202
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:29,200
Um...
203
00:14:35,010 --> 00:14:36,530
I do.
204
00:14:36,690 --> 00:14:41,320
I now declare you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
205
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:59,970
In Troot, theatrical agent Jeremy Rent
is working hard for his stellar list of clients.
206
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:05,650
Hello. This is a message for the editor
of ''OK!'' magazine. Jeremy Rent here.
207
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:09,410
My client, Liza Goddard,
has just had a new loft extension.
208
00:15:09,570 --> 00:15:12,450
I'm offering you an exclusive on it for �30.
209
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:16,250
I look forward to hearing from you. Goodbye.
210
00:15:16,410 --> 00:15:19,400
- (INTERCOM BUZZES)
- Dennis Waterman here to see you.
211
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,960
Lovely. Send him in.
212
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:27,160
- Hello! It's raining cats and dogs out there!
- Hello, Dennis.
213
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:29,720
Let me take that from you.
214
00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:32,330
Yes.
215
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:36,610
- You sound a bit bunged up.
- Yeah. Bit of a cold.
216
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:40,080
- Here. Have a tissue.
- Have you not got any man-size?
217
00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:41,840
No.
218
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:47,240
(BLOWS NOSE)
219
00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:57,810
- Now, I've had a call from George Lucas.
- Oh, the man who done ''Howard The Duck''.
220
00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:03,610
- Yes. And ''Star Wars''.
- Oh, he done that as well?
221
00:16:04,770 --> 00:16:08,400
Anyway,
he's making a brand-new ''Star Wars'' film
222
00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:11,800
and he wants you to be Obi-Wan's cousin,
Kenneth Kenobi.
223
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:16,970
Nice. They want me to star in it,
write the theme tune, sing the theme tune?
224
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:20,330
- No, they've got their own music.
- Tell him to get stuffed.
225
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:26,520
Dennis, ''Star Wars'' is a very big deal
and can make you an awful lot of money.
226
00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:29,680
They'd even make an action figure of you.
Like this.
227
00:16:31,170 --> 00:16:35,090
Oh! Life-size!
228
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:43,650
- Well?
- # In a galaxy far away in space... #
229
00:16:43,810 --> 00:16:45,770
Dennis...
230
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:49,770
# Bad men had taken over space... #
231
00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:51,410
Dennis!
232
00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:55,170
# I've got a good idea
Just you keep me near
233
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:58,050
# I'll be so good for the Rebel Alliance! #
234
00:16:58,210 --> 00:17:03,000
Obviously, it will sound a bit better on the day.
I'm still a bit snotty.
235
00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:05,560
Here. Try this.
236
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:13,050
Man, that's good!
237
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:20,330
It's half past Wilhelm and at this health spa
Mr Hutton is taking an important meeting.
238
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:24,170
Meetings are when people who need to meet
meet and have a meeting.
239
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:26,640
Mr Hutton! A word.
240
00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:29,170
Mrs DeVere, I'm in the middle of a meeting.
241
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:33,960
Why have you told Gita I can't have any more
treatments until my bill has been paid?
242
00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:36,930
That's correct, yes. This is the lady.
243
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,650
Her bill has been unpaid for five months now.
244
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:44,530
Why don't you take a photo? It lasts longer.
245
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:48,050
- Mrs DeVere, please leave.
- Aren't you going to introduce me?
246
00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:51,840
- This is Mrs DeVere.
- Call me Bubbles.
247
00:17:52,010 --> 00:17:55,890
- This is Mr Byfield. He's head of accounts.
- Yes.
248
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:58,960
- Mr Shah, in charge of our legal side.
- Oh, yes.
249
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,730
- This is Miss Crozier.
- Hm.
250
00:18:01,890 --> 00:18:04,690
And Sir Anthony Garfield, who's the owner.
251
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,050
Oh, the owner.
252
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:11,760
Oh, Sir Tony, it is a great pleasure
to make your acquaintance.
253
00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:13,730
Hello.
254
00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:17,880
Champagne!
255
00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:21,360
Sir Tony, what sort of qualities
do you look for in a woman?
256
00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:23,730
You're sitting on my report!
257
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:25,930
I do apologise.
258
00:18:26,090 --> 00:18:28,480
Is this more comfortable?
259
00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:31,330
No!
260
00:18:31,490 --> 00:18:35,120
- Mrs DeVere, will you please leave?
- Very well.
261
00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,690
Oh! You dropped your pen.
262
00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:45,520
I'm winking, darling.
263
00:18:47,690 --> 00:18:49,570
Get out!
264
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:52,930
Meet me in the Jacuzzi in 15 minutes.
265
00:18:57,250 --> 00:19:01,690
It's nought o'clock and at this shop in Phlegm,
Mr Man is looking for a record.
266
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:06,130
I myself own two records,
both ''No Parlez'' by Paul Young.
267
00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:16,330
- Hello. How can I...
- I would like to purchase a record
268
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:20,090
of James Last playing the hits of Nelly Furtado...
on the banjo.
269
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:26,650
And I would like a picture on the cover of James
Last holding out his hands displaying stigmata.
270
00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:31,120
Certainly.
271
00:19:35,690 --> 00:19:38,080
Thank you.
272
00:19:39,130 --> 00:19:41,850
Does it have sleeve notes
by Dr Graeme Garden?
273
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:43,810
Yes!
274
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,530
Thank you.
So, do you think you'll see Rupert again?
275
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:56,290
- No, thank you.
- Did you ever meet Simon's brother, Tom?
276
00:19:56,450 --> 00:20:01,850
- No, I don't think I did.
- I think I've got a picture of them together.
277
00:20:02,010 --> 00:20:04,000
Oh, yes.
278
00:20:05,530 --> 00:20:06,850
Oh!
279
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:09,210
I can see the family resemblance.
280
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:14,770
Today in the charming village of Pox,
the village green is host to a bring-and-buy sale.
281
00:20:14,930 --> 00:20:19,530
Last year's bring-and-buy sale
was very successful and raised over �1.20.
282
00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:22,210
- Slow today, isn't it?
- Yes.
283
00:20:22,370 --> 00:20:24,330
Oh, hello!
284
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:29,090
- Would you like a gingerbread man each?
- Oh, thank you. How delightful!
285
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,450
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
286
00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:35,170
Oh, delicious! Did you make these?
287
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:38,320
No. Anisha did.
288
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:45,810
No, Maggie, please. She's just a child.
289
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:59,250
Did you talk to Valerie about the Barnardo's job?
290
00:21:00,410 --> 00:21:02,400
Run along.
291
00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:09,520
At Number 10, the government is celebrating
another election victory.
292
00:21:09,690 --> 00:21:13,890
I love an election.
In fact, I'm having one right now.
293
00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:18,930
- Here's to a third term!
- (CHEERING)
294
00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:21,480
- You did it!
- We did it.
295
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,440
What about me?
296
00:21:26,610 --> 00:21:30,920
Sebastian, thank you.
You know I couldn't have done it without you.
297
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,690
(MUSIC: ''CARELESS WHISPER'')
298
00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:46,850
# Ohhh, ohhhh-ohhh... #
299
00:21:48,490 --> 00:21:50,690
- Um...
- This is nice, isn't it?
300
00:21:50,850 --> 00:21:52,250
Um...
301
00:21:52,410 --> 00:21:56,120
Er...yes. It's going to be
a very hectic day tomorrow.
302
00:21:56,290 --> 00:22:01,290
- I'll need your help, shepherding all the MPs...
- Ssh! Ssh!
303
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:06,320
- 23 new Members. It's going to be quite...
- Ssh!
304
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:15,720
- Prime Minister, I'd just like to say...
- (MOUTHS)
305
00:22:21,930 --> 00:22:23,520
Oh...
306
00:22:33,130 --> 00:22:35,120
Oh! Whoa! Ah.
307
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:41,010
Don't fight it, Prime Minister.
308
00:22:42,130 --> 00:22:45,810
This is a very...a very long song, isn't it?
309
00:22:54,890 --> 00:22:57,690
# Moving on up, moving on up... #
310
00:22:58,850 --> 00:23:02,640
I'll be back in a while.
I'm going to...talk to the Chancellor.
311
00:23:04,130 --> 00:23:06,930
(WEEPING)
312
00:23:14,330 --> 00:23:18,640
- Sebastian, will you...? Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
313
00:23:20,490 --> 00:23:22,880
I don't want to speak out of turn, but...
314
00:23:23,050 --> 00:23:27,920
..do you perhaps have...
the slightest crush on me?
315
00:23:30,490 --> 00:23:34,280
Whatever gave you that idea? No.
I just wanted to say well done.
316
00:23:34,450 --> 00:23:37,050
Oh, well, thank you. Thank you.
317
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:52,930
Well done.
318
00:23:53,090 --> 00:23:54,810
Oh, hello!
319
00:24:02,530 --> 00:24:07,930
As a special treat, Lou has taken Andy
to the popular coastal town of Sphincter-on-Sea.
320
00:24:09,090 --> 00:24:11,080
Right. Tell me when.
321
00:24:11,890 --> 00:24:13,930
Fine.
322
00:24:14,090 --> 00:24:16,850
Fine. Fine.
323
00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:19,970
Fine.
324
00:24:22,730 --> 00:24:24,720
(HORN BLARES)
325
00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:28,890
- I wanna go swimming.
- Oh, no. Not today.
326
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:33,440
It's very cold in there and I'd need someone else
to help you get in and out.
327
00:24:33,610 --> 00:24:37,400
I haven't even brought your trunks.
It would be a right kerfuffle.
328
00:24:37,570 --> 00:24:41,570
- I wanna go swimming!
- You don't like swimming in the sea.
329
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:44,690
You said the sea is a dark and brutal force
330
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:47,840
that has dragged many an innocent
to a watery grave.
331
00:24:48,010 --> 00:24:52,010
- Yeah, I know.
- You stay there. I'll go and get you a choc ice.
332
00:24:52,170 --> 00:24:54,370
Hello, Mr Choc-Ice Seller.
333
00:24:54,530 --> 00:24:57,000
What types of choc ice have you got today?
334
00:24:57,170 --> 00:25:00,560
You've got your plain chocolate
and your milk chocolate?
335
00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:03,330
What's the main difference between the two?
336
00:25:03,490 --> 00:25:07,880
The milk one is creamier.
It's sweeter, isn't it?
337
00:25:08,050 --> 00:25:13,450
- Then there's the plain chocolate...
- It has a dark and bitter edge to it.
338
00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:18,160
It's not to everybody's taste. But some people
do prefer the plain over the milk.
339
00:25:18,330 --> 00:25:23,570
It's very interesting, that. If you had to pick
between the two, what would you choose?
340
00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:26,040
- Plain.
- You'd choose the plain one?
341
00:25:26,210 --> 00:25:29,090
All right. Let me try one plain one, then.
342
00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:31,640
Thank you.
343
00:25:31,810 --> 00:25:34,410
There you go.
344
00:25:34,570 --> 00:25:38,570
That's the best choc ice you can get.
All right, thanks a lot.
345
00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:41,120
Here we are, my young friend.
346
00:25:44,730 --> 00:25:47,330
Is there a reason why you're naked?
347
00:25:50,930 --> 00:25:55,130
And so another remarkable series
of ''Little Britain'' comes to an end.
348
00:25:55,290 --> 00:25:59,080
If you have enjoyed the series
and you see me in the street,
349
00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:04,530
you may like to come up to me
and caress my thighs and buttocks. Good pie!
29196
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