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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:15,390 [crickets chirping] 4 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,560 [upbeat funky music] 5 00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:19,853 * * 6 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,187 - All right, here we go. 7 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:27,360 * * 8 00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:31,406 We're at the Columbus Theatre in Providence. 9 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,075 Beautiful theater. 10 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,202 Probably about 800 seats. 11 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:39,205 I'm not performing here. 12 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,082 We're not performing on this stage. 13 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,418 [laughs] 14 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,755 I'm performing up there. 15 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:49,090 That's where I work out new material. 16 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,010 This is very hard to explain. 17 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,679 "Old Man and the Pool" went to Broadway. 18 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,723 - His Broadway show-- it's fantastic-- 19 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,600 "The Old Man and the Pool," with an additional 20 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,477 two-week extension of its run. 21 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:02,729 Please welcome back to the show our friend Mike Birbiglia. 22 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,397 [cheers and applause] - Super exciting. 23 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,774 And then it ends. 24 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:10,362 It's like, well, I can't tour that anymore. 25 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,322 And so then it's like, OK. Well, now what do I do? 26 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:15,075 [indistinct chatter] 27 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,910 This week in Providence, 28 00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:20,997 it's, like, show number one of 500 shows 29 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,415 or however many it takes 30 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,418 to be the next Broadway show, comedy special. 31 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:26,753 What's the next show about? 32 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,254 And it's like, I don't know... - Right. 33 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:31,049 - Until I figure out what I'm obsessed with. 34 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,844 - When a comedian puts a special out into the world, 35 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,555 they are faced with a real sense of dread 36 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,517 that that is the last hour of jokes they're ever gonna write, 37 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,644 and they should probably move on to a different career. 38 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,813 - Good evening, and welcome... [laughs] 39 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:48,066 To the Strange Attic at the Columbus Theatre, 40 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:52,070 where Mike Birbiglia sometimes performs shows for some reason. 41 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,947 [cheers and applause] Thanks. 42 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:56,074 Thanks, Gary. 43 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,953 [cheers and applause] 44 00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,329 Here we go again. 45 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,872 This is the beginning. 46 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,166 - A comedian only makes it work onstage 47 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:08,128 if it looks like it's the first time they're saying it. 48 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,756 If it doesn't seem natural, the audience feels ripped off. 49 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,259 You weirdly have to put all this time into it 50 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,719 to make it look 51 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,846 like you're coming up with it off the top of your head. 52 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,806 - I don't know why that's so funny. 53 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,350 You think it's funny, so it'll live 54 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,686 to see another night in the show. 55 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,855 I always tell the audience, "In case anyone's wondering, 56 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,940 there will be no arc." 57 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,817 If you feel themes, those aren't themes. 58 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,277 [laughter] 59 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,779 It's just the same person telling the jokes. 60 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,991 "If you notice an arc, feel free to shout it out." 61 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,909 You're probably thinking, how come we don't get 62 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,953 the final product? 63 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,621 We just get the first draft. 64 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,749 I think Providence is a first-draft town. 65 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,418 I just feel like-- [laughter] 66 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,296 Maybe that's who you are. 67 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,591 That's--that's why my family lives here. 68 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:58,178 [laughter and applause] 69 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,181 [bright music] 70 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:08,396 * * 71 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:17,864 [laughter] 72 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,700 I'm gonna start with a story that took place 73 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,286 here in Rhode Island last summer. 74 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:26,206 My wife and I stayed at an Airbnb, 75 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,958 which, by the way, no breakfast. 76 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:33,963 It's a--Airbnb is a wildly misleading acronym. 77 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:37,258 It's like if you showed up to an AA meeting, 78 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,052 and they're like, "We're livestreaming." 79 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:42,055 And you're like, I had heard 80 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,307 it was sort of a private thing. 81 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,685 And they're like, "Pop open a wine cooler. 82 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,395 We're gonna dish some goss." 83 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,271 [laughter] 84 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:53,400 All I'm doing right now is just throwing out jokes 85 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:56,319 and seeing what sticks. 86 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,321 If they get a big enough laugh, 87 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,073 I'll do them, you know, next week 88 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,533 in Washington, D.C. 89 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,410 That's actually what's exciting about these shows, 90 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,828 is it's an adventure. 91 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,038 It's like, OK. Wonder what this will be. 92 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,082 - Yeah. - Who knows? 93 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:12,419 - Mike came upon this idea to call shows "Working It Out," 94 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,920 so as to set expectations. 95 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,006 You know, this isn't a fully realized show. 96 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,466 - I come off of doing "Old Man and the Pool," 97 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:21,136 where it's, like, this fully realized production. 98 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,929 I've been working for four years. 99 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,889 So I always have this sense of, like, 100 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,518 do they know that this is what they're getting into? 101 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,104 This Airbnb said five minutes from the beach. 102 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,355 And it wasn't. 103 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,190 It was not five minutes from the beach. 104 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,609 It was on Seaview Road. 105 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,154 There was no sea view. 106 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:43,450 Everything was misleading. 107 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:47,412 [light music] 108 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:52,000 - I've only done one special, so I'm so impressed with Mike 109 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,127 and people like Mike who are prolific enough 110 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:55,462 to churn out a bunch. 111 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,047 And the other thing about Mike is, 112 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,466 none of his have ever seemed even a little bit rushed. 113 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,969 You realize that he takes that idea 114 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:06,264 of what a special means literally. 115 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,224 * * 116 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,976 Obviously, he's been incredibly lucky to be gifted 117 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:13,146 with things like a sleepwalking affliction, 118 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,856 heart trouble. 119 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,942 Not all of us can have this fall in our laps. 120 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,652 - So I told my brother Joe about this, 121 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,780 and he goes, "You should come over to our place." 122 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:24,115 I went over to his house, and his house is 123 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,367 five minutes from the beach. 124 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:26,993 [laughter] 125 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:30,580 And Joe and I, we work together professionally. 126 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,500 We've worked together for 15 years. 127 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:37,504 I mean--but technically... 128 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,339 he works for me. 129 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,341 [laughter] 130 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,926 I mean, I sign his checks. 131 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:44,636 [laughter] 132 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,056 So, if he's five minutes from the beach... 133 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:51,685 I should be five minutes from the beach. 134 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,187 So I started thinking, I should seize his home. 135 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,647 [laughter] 136 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,858 [upbeat music] 137 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,361 * * 138 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,696 I think people ask you a lot, 139 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,739 how come you didn't become a stand-up? 140 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,700 - Yeah, OK. - Because you're very funny. 141 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,368 - Yes. - You're a comedy writer. 142 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,786 - Some would say more funny. 143 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,162 [laughs] 144 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,706 - Some would say more funny. - Mostly our mom. 145 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,457 - Most people. - Mostly our mom. 146 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,792 [laughter] 147 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:16,960 The joke Mike has made is that 148 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,920 I'm too sensible to be a comedian. 149 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,839 Yeah, I had a pretty serious corporate job at the time... 150 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,257 - Yeah. - At Pfizer. 151 00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:24,134 And finally when he said, "I need your help," 152 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,511 I was more than happy to leave that world. 153 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,347 On occasion, I'll write a joke and give it to him. 154 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,766 And then he'll present it, and it won't do well. 155 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,435 But he didn't do it the way I thought 156 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,728 he should have done it. 157 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,312 [laughs] 158 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,732 Is he here? Um... [laughs] 159 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:43,278 - When I was in high school, you were living in Brooklyn. 160 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,239 And you would take me to, like, the hipper shows 161 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:49,159 that had Sarah Silverman and Zach Galifianakis. 162 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,161 - Right. - Joe took me 163 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,288 to see Steven Wright at the Cape Cod Melody Tent 164 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,040 when I was, like, 16. 165 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,417 Two of my biggest influences were Steven Wright 166 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,502 and Mitch Hedberg. 167 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:00,920 - It's a small world, 168 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,881 but I wouldn't want to paint it. 169 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,382 [laughter] 170 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,842 - Steven Wright, of course, 171 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,261 was all these, like, one-liner, like, cerebral jokes. 172 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,347 People are always surprised that these are the influences, 173 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,141 because they don't think of me as, like, a joke teller. 174 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,601 And, like, Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg are 175 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,686 two of the greatest joke tellers of all time. 176 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,313 - I'm gonna rob a bank with a BB gun. 177 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,691 Give me all your money, or I will give you a dimple. 178 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,276 - In terms of developing "Sleepwalk With Me," 179 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,694 my biggest influence 180 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:27,280 was "Richard Pryor: Live from the Sunset Strip." 181 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,282 - Of all the people you ever heard of freebasing, 182 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:33,578 have you ever heard of anybody blowing up? 183 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,996 Why me? 184 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,749 - He just had so many moves-- wildly versatile. 185 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,626 Sometimes you don't need punch lines. 186 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:43,463 Sometimes it can just be what happened. 187 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,256 * * 188 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:49,219 I love jokes, and I love storytelling. 189 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:53,181 So I do these shows that are solo plays, 190 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,558 that are also stand-up specials. 191 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,480 I'm a very different comic than I was when I started. 192 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,565 I was like an observational comic. 193 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,317 And at a certain point, I started telling 194 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,860 personal stories about my life. 195 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,654 And it was weird. It was a hard thing to do, 196 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,114 because I was always discouraged 197 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,865 from telling personal stories growing up. 198 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,826 Like, my dad, my whole life, 199 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,661 when I would tell personal stories, 200 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:18,581 he'd be like, "Don't tell anyone." 201 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,125 And it would be about mundane things. 202 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,459 Like, it wasn't about creepy things. 203 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,169 Like, I wouldn't make the soccer team, 204 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,171 and he'd be like, "Don't tell anyone." 205 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,882 I was like, they're gonna know, you know, 206 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:32,887 when they show up at the games and I'm not on the team 207 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,056 and I'm crying, you know what I mean? 208 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,641 And-- 209 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,018 [soft music] 210 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,894 My dad, he was a doctor-- 211 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,898 very serious person, very academic person. 212 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,026 He always had this thing that was like, 213 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,902 the more that you tell people about yourself, 214 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,321 the more they can use it against you. 215 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,450 But the upside is incredible. 216 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:57,787 If you can open up to people and tell them the thing 217 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,582 that you'd be the least likely to tell them about-- 218 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,584 how you had cancer or how you have 219 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,754 a serious sleepwalking disorder or any of your flaws, 220 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,882 anything that you're self-conscious about, 221 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,925 the connection can be so deep. 222 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,180 - When you grow up in a structured Catholic family, 223 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,891 there is a fear of veering way off. 224 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:21,519 But I do think that Mom and Dad were supportive of you 225 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,562 or supportive-- - Of comedy? 226 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,772 - Yes. - Really? 227 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,774 - I do. I think that more than you do. 228 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,985 - Literally, when I told Dad I was doing comedy-- 229 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,862 when I was at Georgetown, I was working the door. 230 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,113 - Mm-hmm. - And I said, 231 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,490 "I'm working at a comedy club at the door." 232 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,368 And he goes, "Comedy club? What do they do, strip?" 233 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,619 - [laughs] - He literally-- 234 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,828 - Right, right. - You know? 235 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,455 And it's like a "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel." 236 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:41,915 - Right. - Like, that's the context 237 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:45,126 of his old-time clubs. - That's right. 238 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,754 - When I was a kid, I feel like everything in my life 239 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,924 was me trying to express-- 240 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,843 like, writing poetry, writing essays, 241 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:57,263 writing jokes, drawing, painting, writing plays... 242 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,266 * * 243 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,603 And just, like, in every direction, 244 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,230 people just being like, 245 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,982 "Yeah, I don't think that's for you." 246 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:11,152 And they didn't mean any harm by it. 247 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:14,698 They just thought I was this kid who, like, trips a lot. 248 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,324 Like, it's almost like the great metaphor 249 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,910 for being a comedian is like, it's the person who trips a lot 250 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,453 and then figures out how to write about it 251 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,955 in a funny way. 252 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:25,583 When I was 20, there was blood in my pee. 253 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,794 My dad takes me first thing in the morning to see 254 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,254 a urologist friend of his. 255 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,673 And the urologist asked me to take my pants down, 256 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,966 and he's looking around. 257 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,801 I started to chime in with my own theories, 258 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,761 because I find doctors enjoy that. 259 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,055 I said to my urologist-- I can never unsay this. 260 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:42,851 I said, "Is it possible that the blood is from me 261 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,145 masturbating too often?" 262 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,855 [laughter] 263 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,274 I said that... 264 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,401 out loud... 265 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,737 to my dad's friend! 266 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,865 [laughter] 267 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,868 The best jokes are the secrets. 268 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,037 You're telling the audience things that, like, 269 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,581 you're not even really telling your friends. 270 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,790 You look at the last show. 271 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,167 It's like, "Old Man and the Pool" is, 272 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,668 I'm obsessed with age and mortality. 273 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,878 - Right. - You look at the show 274 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,171 before that, "The New One," it's like, 275 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,756 I'm obsessed with having a child, 276 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,007 even though I never wanted to have a child. 277 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,717 - Right. - The obsession thing, 278 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,052 it's like-- - Totally. 279 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,678 - People being like, what's the next show about? 280 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,763 And it's like, I don't know. - Right. 281 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,431 - The last show was all about death, 282 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,975 'cause it's a preoccupation and it's relatable. 283 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,310 We're all gonna die. 284 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,145 So now I'm trying to figure out, like, 285 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,688 OK, I'm writing this new show. 286 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,024 It's like, well, what's after death? 287 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,942 What's the show gonna be about? 288 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,737 What's more high stakes than death? 289 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,873 - One time, I was in West Virginia. 290 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,124 This is when I was starting out. 291 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,501 And this guy was opening for me. 292 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,127 He goes, "Oh, you live in New York City?" 293 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,629 He goes, "I went there once. 294 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,130 "The only place I saw was 295 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,675 the inside of an abortion clinic." 296 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,635 You know, that's like a joke where 297 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:01,513 I wouldn't have written that joke, like, 20 years ago. 298 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,431 But I wrote down the memory. 299 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,850 That's how he started the conversation. 300 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:10,480 Now, what I should have said... 301 00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,273 was nothing. 302 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,025 [laughter] 303 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,319 What I did say was, 304 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,154 "You really gotta spend a week there 305 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,906 "to get a feel for the town. 306 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:24,869 "You know, I'd probably swing by the Empire State Building. 307 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,415 "If it's the holiday season, I'd go to Rockefeller Center 308 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,791 "to see the tree. 309 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,127 "The abortion clinics are nice. 310 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,504 That was one of your things." 311 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:38,550 [laughter] 312 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,720 I journal a lot--probably three, four times a week. 313 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,181 And usually, it's not funny, 314 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:48,685 as much as it's just writing down memories 315 00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,437 so that I don't forget them. 316 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,856 - I'll walk into his dressing room when he's on the show, 317 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,858 and there'll be a journal he's writing in, 318 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,234 and there's another journal-- 319 00:12:56,276 --> 00:13:00,030 almost as if he's flexing to everybody who comes in, 320 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,532 I might fill up this first journal 321 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,035 so fast that I need a second one. 322 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,787 This is a random box of journals, 323 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,666 which is the only type of box of journals I have. 324 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:17,672 A lot--like, a majority of it is just writing something down 325 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:21,384 about how you feel and then rereading them later 326 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,762 and seeing if there's anything of value 327 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,181 that's worth saying onstage. 328 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,308 [percussive music] 329 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,394 "Comedy is mean, even when it's not mean, 330 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,938 "because life is mean and painful and cruel. 331 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,524 Or at very least, the funny parts." 332 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,026 I stand by that. 333 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:44,991 Most of the time, all of us are being polite 334 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,619 to either everyone we're encountering 335 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,246 or some people we're encountering. 336 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:54,417 And you don't have to be polite to a journal. 337 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,253 It is the only thing that I can think of 338 00:13:57,295 --> 00:14:00,632 that is culturally understood that only belongs to you. 339 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,428 This is from, I think-- it's, like, four years old. 340 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,263 "I just got back from Brooklyn Bridge Park, 341 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,265 "where ten four-year-olds tackled me 342 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,810 "and stuffed grass into my nose and ears 343 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,187 and yelled, 'Beautiful.'" 344 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,314 That's the kind of thing that I would write down, 345 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,525 and it might become a joke, it might not. 346 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,984 I mean, that would basically have to be-- 347 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:23,488 that would be the setup for punch line, tag, tag, tag. 348 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,240 Essentially, like, the structure 349 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,075 of, like, everything I do. 350 00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:28,493 Like, in a full journal like this, 351 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,662 there might be one line that's, like, anything. 352 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,289 With all of this, you're creating clay 353 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,958 to make a sculpture. 354 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,669 But if you didn't have clay, you couldn't make a sculpture. 355 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,839 And so this is the dirt. 356 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,633 [upbeat music] 357 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:46,219 My whole life, my dad would be like, 358 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,471 "Don't tell anyone." 359 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,098 I wouldn't make the soccer team. 360 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,225 He'd be like, "Don't tell anyone." 361 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,227 I was like, "They're gonna know 362 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,646 "when I'm not on the team 363 00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:58,982 and I'm crying, you know what I mean?" 364 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,358 And... 365 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,027 - Do you get time every day to write? 366 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,278 - God, no. 367 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,113 I mean, I try, but it's like-- 368 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,949 I find that the time I'm able to write most 369 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:11,494 is on the subway to the Comedy Cellar. 370 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,872 Earlier today, I showed them my journals. 371 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,166 I've never shown anyone my journals--anyone, ever. 372 00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,792 - You have a whole record called 373 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,461 "My Secret Private Journals." 374 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,546 - I know, but I've never showed them to anybody. 375 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,466 - [laughs] 376 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,180 - So the process usually is writing in my journal. 377 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,807 And then I'll be like, OK. 378 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,642 I'll give that a shot onstage. 379 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:38,104 And then I have one other Rhode Island story. 380 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,899 Pedro from Petro, 381 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,361 which I have to read, 'cause it's brand-new. 382 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,946 Two years ago, my wife and daughter and I rented 383 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,406 a house here in Barrington. 384 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:53,286 Everything was great until we turned the heat on 385 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,997 and there wasn't any. 386 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:58,667 And it was Thanksgiving. 387 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,543 I'll bring it to, like, Peter and Joe, 388 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:04,047 and we'll kick around analogies and tags 389 00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:05,340 and things like that. 390 00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,926 The Pedro from Petro story 391 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,135 went this week 392 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,179 from being 4 pages 393 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,556 to about 2 1/2 pages. 394 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,059 So it went from being about a 12-minute story 395 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,978 this week to being, like, a 7-minute story. 396 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,647 And I called the oil company. 397 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,066 I didn't shout, but I think he could hear 398 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,943 some angst in my voice. 399 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,738 And to deescalate it, he goes, "Happy Thanksgiving." 400 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,700 [laughter] 401 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,243 And it will probably land at being, 402 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,953 like, a 5-minute story. 403 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,206 Which I thought was a pretty smart move on his part, 404 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,458 because I was forced to respond, 405 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,504 "Happy Thanksgiving to you, too." 406 00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:48,591 Even though he was completely fucking me over in real time 407 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,678 and lying to me, like the pilgrims. 408 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,472 [laughter] 409 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:58,643 The--all right, I'll keep in that line. 410 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,937 You could also change "Happy Thanksgiving" 411 00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,188 to "Merry Christmas." 412 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,065 - Oh, right. Just move it to Christmas. 413 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,650 - Yeah. - Oh, that's interesting. 414 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,444 - In a way, that's kind of better. 415 00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,778 - Well, is it less-- I mean, well, 416 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,488 people do run out of oil on Christmas. 417 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,407 - Yeah, but then you lose the pilgrims joke. 418 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:13,783 - That's the thing. 419 00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,452 - Pilgrims joke is currently the biggest hitter. 420 00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:16,953 - Oh, right. Right, right. - Yeah. 421 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:19,789 I feel like the upsides of this week, for me, feel clear. 422 00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:23,626 There's a lot of jokes and a lot of stories that work. 423 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,504 The downside is, it's not about anything. 424 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,631 - I remember seeing one of Mike's shows 425 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,175 and going backstage afterwards, 426 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,011 and this was a show that was exceptional when I saw it. 427 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,555 I would've thought there was no work left in this show. 428 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:37,307 And then you go backstage, 429 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:40,602 and it does look like a detective 430 00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:44,481 trying to catch a serial killer in the middle of a manhunt-- 431 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,608 so many different index cards. 432 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,443 I don't know if it made it more or less fun 433 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,737 to realize how much work, 434 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,989 how much structure had gone into what I'd just seen 435 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,282 that he had made look effortless. 436 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,326 - This index-card thing is brilliant. 437 00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,661 It sounds simple, but it's so brilliant. 438 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,414 He lays the entire show down on index cards. 439 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,291 [upbeat music] 440 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,793 He tells me, 441 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,671 "If I can lift up one of these index cards 442 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,422 and the show still works... 443 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,508 - "Decent guys on the bus" worked. 444 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,885 - "Then that joke, that story, is gone." 445 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,346 - I was on book the other night with it, 446 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:17,931 and it didn't go as well. 447 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,808 - He'll have bangers, 448 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,643 like, really great jokes. 449 00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,645 - It felt a little stodgy. 450 00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:26,648 - And he'll just lift it, lift it, lift it. 451 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,359 - I think, like, long-term, Pedro from Petro, 452 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,319 if that's gonna live in the show, 453 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,697 it's gonna have to have something to do 454 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,657 with taking care of my family. 455 00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:38,159 - Mm-hmm. - Some kind of stakes. 456 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,577 - I know you well enough to know 457 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,330 you're in between, like, five things at all times. 458 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,873 You're working up new material at the Cellar, 459 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,126 or you're doing the podcast, you know. 460 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,713 And Jen has your back, and your brother has your back. 461 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,757 But somehow, even though they have your back, 462 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,385 you have a feeling all the time that it's all on you. 463 00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:56,803 - [laughs] - That basically, 464 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,888 if you stop working for a month, 465 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:02,600 suddenly, like, several people would be unemployed and-- 466 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,728 I don't know, I can't even imagine. 467 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,396 - My wife is-- she's here tonight. 468 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,023 She's a poet. She writes under a pseudonym. 469 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,232 It's Allen Ginsberg. 470 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:12,485 And... [laughter and applause] 471 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:14,154 And I don't know if I would-- 472 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:16,072 I don't know if I would have made these shows 473 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,616 if it weren't for Jen, because she's always 474 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,577 really loved these shows. 475 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,662 And I think you end up just doing 476 00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:27,459 the thing that the person who you're in love with enjoys, 477 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,420 because you're like, what else am I gonna do? 478 00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,881 [upbeat rock music] 479 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,799 Actually, it was a funny moment. 480 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,926 They interviewed Jenny earlier today. 481 00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,595 * * 482 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,096 - If you talk to Mike's siblings, 483 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,390 you talk to his parents, everyone will tell you 484 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:45,226 that Joe Birbiglia is the funnier Birbiglia. 485 00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,478 - And Jen was like, 486 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,104 "I just want to set the record straight. 487 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,314 Like, Mike's the funny one." 488 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,232 - Aww. - I thought that was sweet. 489 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:55,779 * * 490 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:59,366 - When I met Mike, he was 25 years old. 491 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:02,410 As I got to know him, he would tell me stories. 492 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,995 And what I appreciated about it 493 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,331 is that he was telling me all these things about him 494 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,958 that were, like, a lot of red flags. 495 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,045 It wasn't gonna work if we were gonna get married 496 00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,421 and I was going to stifle 497 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,839 his ability to talk about his life. 498 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,467 - I'm very jealous that Mike seems to have 499 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,511 a solid understanding with his wife 500 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,971 about what is allowed to be said onstage. 501 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:25,975 My wife and I are having a continuing conversation. 502 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,977 - In Hindi, there's a saying that says... 503 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,813 [speaking Hindi] 504 00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:33,650 "Don't say the things that you speak of at home," 505 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,820 which is a very, like, kind of beautiful saying about... 506 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,698 the way parents and family members feel 507 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,616 about the way comedians act onstage. 508 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,535 - My wife has said, 509 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,662 "I don't care how mean you make me sound, 510 00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:48,915 as long as you always make me right." 511 00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,001 It's diabolical. 512 00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:53,545 - I'm happily married, which is to say, 513 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,755 I'm not happy... 514 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:59,217 [laughter] 515 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,094 But I'm happy I'm married. 516 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,595 Does that make sense? 517 00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,723 - There's things that we just keep for ourselves, 518 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,766 and that's very important to me. 519 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,853 When I was pregnant, I had a lot of issues. 520 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,187 I was like, "I really don't want you 521 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,647 talking about this onstage." 522 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:13,857 And that was really hard for him. 523 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,692 - But, like, yeah, because I wasn't 524 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,902 happy before I, like, was married. 525 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,779 And then I got married, and I'm like, that's cool. 526 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:22,407 And then like, I'm still not happy. 527 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,034 You know what I mean? 528 00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:28,538 And then, like, we had a child, and, like, that's great. 529 00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,290 Still not happy. You know what I mean? 530 00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,000 And... 531 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:34,419 - So when Mike started writing "The New One" 532 00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,046 about that time period, 533 00:21:36,087 --> 00:21:38,548 it was a little bit of floodgates opening 534 00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:40,633 after I had sort of kiboshed 535 00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:44,387 his ability to talk about our lives for a while. 536 00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:48,767 - Me not being happy, like, that's what was cool about me. 537 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:52,354 Like, you saw my shows, right? 538 00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:55,523 This is very tenuous stuff I'm talking about here. 539 00:21:55,565 --> 00:21:58,276 It's unformed and irresponsible. 540 00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,195 [laughter] 541 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,989 For me to have something be in a show, 542 00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:08,495 it has to be a story that is attached to something real. 543 00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:10,413 You know, tragedy plus time. 544 00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,831 I'm always trying to find that. 545 00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,792 But if it's just serious, 546 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,502 if I'm just talking about cancer 547 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:16,920 in a serious, serious way, 548 00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:18,880 well, that's not, like, what having cancer is like. 549 00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:20,382 Like, when you have cancer, 550 00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:22,467 sometimes something funny happens. 551 00:22:22,509 --> 00:22:24,260 That's why the story works. 552 00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:26,221 There's parts of the Internet where they credit me with, 553 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,723 "Comedy is tragedy plus time." [laughter] 554 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:31,059 - Really? That's a good one, Mike. 555 00:22:31,101 --> 00:22:32,936 - I'm like, how do I fact-check that one for them? 556 00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:34,938 [laughter] That's not me! 557 00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:36,940 My whole comedy career is based on it. 558 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:38,400 - Yeah. - But I didn't invent it. 559 00:22:38,441 --> 00:22:40,193 - That's really funny. 560 00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:48,868 - I haven't been here in 30 years. 561 00:22:48,910 --> 00:22:50,161 Do you mind if I come up? - Come on in. 562 00:22:50,203 --> 00:22:51,830 - OK. Well, thank you very much. 563 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:54,082 [upbeat music] 564 00:22:54,124 --> 00:22:56,251 This is the house I grew up in Shrewsbury. 565 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:58,461 * * 566 00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,005 - Oh, hi, there. I'm Mike. 567 00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:02,298 I'm sorry to be in your home. 568 00:23:02,340 --> 00:23:05,260 I remember standing up on a high chair 569 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:07,429 when I was probably three or four years old, 570 00:23:07,470 --> 00:23:09,055 trying to get attention, 571 00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:10,890 falling down, and landing on my head. 572 00:23:10,932 --> 00:23:12,767 - Oh, no. - They take me to the hospital. 573 00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,561 I ended up with, like, 20 stitches in my head. 574 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,271 - Oh, my goodness. 575 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:17,814 - That's where comedians come from. 576 00:23:17,856 --> 00:23:19,357 We fall on our head. 577 00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:25,030 This week I visited Shrewsbury, my hometown. 578 00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:26,656 I grew up in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts. 579 00:23:26,698 --> 00:23:28,575 Yeah. [cheers and applause] 580 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,995 I went to Saint Mary's School-- it's a Catholic grade school-- 581 00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:34,247 from grade one through eight. 582 00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:37,584 And, like, the amount that you age 583 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:41,087 in that span of time is profound. 584 00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:43,757 Like, there was this girl in my class. 585 00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:47,135 The nun let her ring the bell for recess. 586 00:23:47,177 --> 00:23:49,262 And I remember thinking, like, oh, that's so cool. 587 00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:51,264 In, like, third grade, I was like, that's so cool. 588 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:54,100 I hope someday I can ring the bell. 589 00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,644 And then when she was, like, in, like, ninth grade, 590 00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:58,980 I heard she had sex for the first time. 591 00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:01,649 And I was like, wow. I still haven't rung the bell. 592 00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:03,443 You know what I mean? 593 00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:05,820 [bell tolling] 594 00:24:05,862 --> 00:24:07,822 You remember the three-check system? 595 00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:10,283 If you were talking in class, you get a check. 596 00:24:10,325 --> 00:24:11,534 Like, an X mark. 597 00:24:11,576 --> 00:24:13,328 And I got three checks, like, so many times 598 00:24:13,370 --> 00:24:14,913 because I just wouldn't stop talking. 599 00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,122 - Yes. - They taught us 600 00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:18,291 that God was watching us at all times. 601 00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,960 And I thought, oh, I guess he's watching me masturbate. 602 00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:22,837 And so I tried to cheat to the camera, 603 00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:24,297 thinking if he happened to be looking 604 00:24:24,339 --> 00:24:26,007 at the monitor at that moment, he'd think, 605 00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:27,759 "I've seen a lot of 12-year-olds masturbate, 606 00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:29,094 but this kid's good." 607 00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,970 [laughter] 608 00:24:31,012 --> 00:24:33,014 One of the misunderstood things about comedians is, 609 00:24:33,056 --> 00:24:35,225 people always assume they're the class clown. 610 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:38,228 But I don't think a majority are. 611 00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:39,979 - I don't ever remember thinking, like, 612 00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,481 oh, he's funny, he's funny, he's funny. 613 00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:43,525 Looking back on it... 614 00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:45,819 I'm sorry, but you were not funny as a kid. 615 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,529 [laughs] - I get it. I get it. 616 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,072 - Your brother was funny. 617 00:24:49,114 --> 00:24:50,990 - Your brother was hilarious. - Yeah, Joe was very funny. 618 00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:52,492 - Yeah. - Joe's hilarious. 619 00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,703 Growing up, when I would say things that were kind of 620 00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:57,914 seemingly off-kilter to my friends, 621 00:24:57,956 --> 00:25:01,501 I don't think it was ever viewed as humorous. 622 00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:05,797 It was more viewed as just, like, why are you saying this? 623 00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:08,466 [soft music] 624 00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:11,761 People would be sort of confused. 625 00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:14,014 * * 626 00:25:14,055 --> 00:25:15,724 - This is first grade? - This is first grade. 627 00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:17,559 - Yeah. 628 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,310 - I mean, I have this now. 629 00:25:19,352 --> 00:25:21,271 If I say a thing that I'm thinking, 630 00:25:21,312 --> 00:25:23,523 it's usually not very well received. 631 00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:25,108 My sisters Gina and Patty, 632 00:25:25,150 --> 00:25:27,569 they were, like, teacher's assistants. 633 00:25:27,610 --> 00:25:29,821 And when they walked in, 634 00:25:29,863 --> 00:25:32,574 they saw me just being screamed at. 635 00:25:32,615 --> 00:25:34,909 Like, a teacher, like, in my face. 636 00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:38,246 And Gina went home and said to my mom, 637 00:25:38,288 --> 00:25:40,874 "Like, Mike's, like, a pretty bad kid. 638 00:25:40,915 --> 00:25:42,417 "Like, he gets in trouble. 639 00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:44,502 Like, gets in trouble, like, a lot." 640 00:25:44,544 --> 00:25:47,047 - There was one kid who used to pick on you in this class. 641 00:25:47,088 --> 00:25:49,257 - Oh, yeah. There was one time 642 00:25:49,299 --> 00:25:52,719 this guy was pushing me on, like, the hill down here, 643 00:25:52,761 --> 00:25:54,929 and then Michael, like, attacked him. 644 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:57,724 You, like, slid-tackled him or something. 645 00:25:57,766 --> 00:25:59,559 - Is that, like, hard to think about? 646 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:00,894 - [chuckles] 647 00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:02,062 - It's hard for me to think about. 648 00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:03,772 It's always hard to know, like, as a friend 649 00:26:03,813 --> 00:26:05,023 in that situation, right? Like-- 650 00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,649 - Yes. - How do you step in? 651 00:26:06,691 --> 00:26:08,026 - Yeah. 652 00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:09,861 When I was in ninth grade, 653 00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:11,529 I went to this all-boys Catholic school. 654 00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:13,698 - Saint John's? - Saint John's. There you are. 655 00:26:13,740 --> 00:26:17,452 Joey Grigioni was from Worcester. 656 00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:19,704 He loved to fight. 657 00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,290 One day, I'm walking down the hill. 658 00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:25,335 And I feel on the back of my head 659 00:26:25,377 --> 00:26:28,755 what seems like a rock on my head. 660 00:26:28,797 --> 00:26:31,758 Turns out it was a fist. 661 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,469 I forgot to mention, Joey Grigioni 662 00:26:34,511 --> 00:26:36,638 has rock-like fists. 663 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,600 And next thing I know, I'm just on the ground. 664 00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:44,479 And I'm just getting pounded in the back of my head. 665 00:26:44,521 --> 00:26:46,564 I didn't even run away at first, you know? 666 00:26:46,606 --> 00:26:50,276 Like, it took me a few seconds to just eventually be like, 667 00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:53,071 I guess I should leave here, you know what I mean? 668 00:26:53,113 --> 00:26:56,825 Like, this conversation is going terribly. 669 00:26:56,866 --> 00:27:00,954 It's only now, at age 44, that any of this is funny at all. 670 00:27:00,995 --> 00:27:03,498 [laughter] 671 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:06,042 [chuckles] 672 00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:09,212 * * 673 00:27:09,254 --> 00:27:11,172 - And then I just threw in the towel. 674 00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:14,009 I go, you know, I'm just gonna leave this school. 675 00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:16,469 And what was remarkable is that no one tried 676 00:27:16,511 --> 00:27:17,804 to talk me out of it. 677 00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:20,098 Not a single grown-up in my life. 678 00:27:20,140 --> 00:27:24,811 Not my teachers, my parents, not my guidance counselor. 679 00:27:24,853 --> 00:27:26,813 Nobody said, "Stick with it. 680 00:27:26,855 --> 00:27:28,565 Don't let them get the best of you." 681 00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:31,651 They knew that they had gotten the best of me. 682 00:27:31,693 --> 00:27:35,989 Like, the best of me was gone. 683 00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:38,491 [laughter] 684 00:27:38,533 --> 00:27:41,536 So, at the end of the year, I transferred schools. 685 00:27:41,578 --> 00:27:43,830 And the first few weeks of school, 686 00:27:43,872 --> 00:27:45,331 you're getting to know people. 687 00:27:45,373 --> 00:27:47,000 And they say, where are you from? 688 00:27:47,042 --> 00:27:48,335 What was your last school like? 689 00:27:48,376 --> 00:27:51,338 And I decided to leave out the fact 690 00:27:51,379 --> 00:27:54,591 that I had been beat up mercilessly 691 00:27:54,632 --> 00:27:56,092 in my previous school. 692 00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:59,054 And you know what? They never found out. 693 00:27:59,095 --> 00:28:01,014 Because that's what they don't teach you 694 00:28:01,056 --> 00:28:02,766 in those after-school specials. 695 00:28:02,807 --> 00:28:05,602 Running away works. 696 00:28:14,277 --> 00:28:16,363 - Who am I not telling in the bullying story? 697 00:28:18,114 --> 00:28:20,533 - Oh, that's true. That's a good point. 698 00:28:20,575 --> 00:28:22,702 Yeah. 699 00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:25,497 Yeah. 700 00:28:25,538 --> 00:28:28,875 Yeah, no. I didn't-- it didn't occur to me. 701 00:28:28,917 --> 00:28:30,669 [laughter] 702 00:28:30,710 --> 00:28:32,879 And that's the show. Thanks a lot for coming. 703 00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:34,255 [cheers and applause] 704 00:28:34,297 --> 00:28:38,718 This has been the first week 705 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,387 of the next show. 706 00:28:40,428 --> 00:28:42,847 So I was just happy that the "running away works," 707 00:28:42,889 --> 00:28:44,057 I got off the page. 708 00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:46,017 - I really like that line of, like, 709 00:28:46,059 --> 00:28:47,394 "That's what they don't teach you 710 00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:48,937 in the after-school specials." 711 00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:51,231 It's like, running away works. - Yeah, running away works. 712 00:28:51,272 --> 00:28:53,066 I think for D.C., I'll try to memorize it. 713 00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:55,819 [cheers and applause] 714 00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:58,738 Also, like, just adding the context of, like, 715 00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:01,032 being like, "I'm 44 now, 716 00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:03,910 and so it's funny." 717 00:29:03,952 --> 00:29:05,203 - Mm-hmm. 718 00:29:05,245 --> 00:29:06,496 - It's funnier now than it was then. 719 00:29:06,538 --> 00:29:08,415 - Yeah. - Like, it kind of gives 720 00:29:08,456 --> 00:29:10,208 the audience a pass to laugh. 721 00:29:10,250 --> 00:29:12,335 Great job this week, Gary. It's our first week! 722 00:29:12,377 --> 00:29:15,296 [cheers and applause] 723 00:29:15,338 --> 00:29:18,466 [upbeat jazzy music] 724 00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:25,473 * * 725 00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:35,025 [indistinct chatter] 726 00:29:35,066 --> 00:29:38,111 [upbeat music] 727 00:29:38,153 --> 00:29:39,863 * * 728 00:29:39,904 --> 00:29:42,699 - This week I'm performing in Washington, D.C. 729 00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:45,285 In Providence, I was just throwing out jokes, 730 00:29:45,326 --> 00:29:47,746 seeing what sticks. 731 00:29:47,787 --> 00:29:49,873 This week trying to put together 732 00:29:49,914 --> 00:29:53,626 runs of jokes into what might be stories. 733 00:29:53,668 --> 00:29:56,171 * * 734 00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:59,132 Growing up, my dad would be like, "Hush! 735 00:29:59,174 --> 00:30:00,884 Don't tell anyone." 736 00:30:00,925 --> 00:30:04,888 In a year or two, those stories might become a show. 737 00:30:04,929 --> 00:30:06,931 When she was in ninth grade, I heard she had sex 738 00:30:06,973 --> 00:30:08,475 for the first time. 739 00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:12,729 And I was like, wow. I still haven't rung the bell. 740 00:30:12,771 --> 00:30:14,939 It's nice to be in D.C. 741 00:30:14,981 --> 00:30:17,150 The first time I did stand-up, 742 00:30:17,192 --> 00:30:19,736 I won a contest at Georgetown 743 00:30:19,778 --> 00:30:21,738 called The Funniest Person on Campus. 744 00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:22,781 It was wild. 745 00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:24,449 It was hosted by Victoria Jackson 746 00:30:24,491 --> 00:30:25,742 from "Saturday Night Live." 747 00:30:25,784 --> 00:30:27,410 I think it was probably the first celebrity 748 00:30:27,452 --> 00:30:28,745 I ever met in my whole life. 749 00:30:28,787 --> 00:30:30,580 I couldn't believe that she was at my college. 750 00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:32,749 [bell tolls] 751 00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:35,752 [light music] 752 00:30:35,794 --> 00:30:38,463 * * 753 00:30:38,505 --> 00:30:41,216 The idea that I would just be performing 754 00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:45,512 in a 600-seat theater was just shocking. 755 00:30:45,553 --> 00:30:48,682 [cheers and applause] 756 00:30:48,723 --> 00:30:50,725 Like, I think maybe it was a standing ovation. 757 00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:53,436 Like, it was, like, pretty big. 758 00:30:53,478 --> 00:30:55,271 Funniest Person on Campus contest 759 00:30:55,313 --> 00:30:56,940 was when I met Nick Kroll, 760 00:30:56,981 --> 00:30:59,359 because he entered also. 761 00:30:59,401 --> 00:31:00,944 It was a really fluky thing 762 00:31:00,985 --> 00:31:03,613 that a bunch of comedians came from this school, 763 00:31:03,655 --> 00:31:05,365 because it's, like, not a funny school. 764 00:31:05,407 --> 00:31:08,660 Just a very serious place. 765 00:31:08,702 --> 00:31:10,787 I never even clocked, really, the idea 766 00:31:10,829 --> 00:31:13,540 that I was doing comedy in this very, 767 00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:16,584 like, almost, like, religious hall. 768 00:31:18,545 --> 00:31:20,964 I auditioned for the improv group, 769 00:31:21,006 --> 00:31:22,215 and I got in. 770 00:31:22,257 --> 00:31:24,050 And it was, like-- it was a long shot. 771 00:31:24,092 --> 00:31:26,761 Like, I think, like, 50 or 100 people auditioned. 772 00:31:28,430 --> 00:31:30,807 And then all of a sudden, I was friends 773 00:31:30,849 --> 00:31:32,809 with these ten hilarious people 774 00:31:32,851 --> 00:31:35,186 who were funnier than anyone I had met in my whole life. 775 00:31:35,228 --> 00:31:36,896 And I was like, oh, OK. 776 00:31:36,938 --> 00:31:39,607 I guess this is-- I guess these people exist. 777 00:31:39,649 --> 00:31:40,859 And it was very eye-opening. 778 00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:43,653 It made me feel a certain sense of hope, 779 00:31:43,695 --> 00:31:45,572 that, like, I found my people 780 00:31:45,613 --> 00:31:49,034 and, like, that what I thought was funny about me, 781 00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:50,702 they thought was funny about me. 782 00:31:50,744 --> 00:31:53,997 And that was, like, a huge breakthrough in my life. 783 00:31:54,039 --> 00:32:00,045 * * 784 00:32:00,086 --> 00:32:02,464 Victoria Jackson said to me... 785 00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:04,674 [high-pitched voice] "You're gonna be a comedian." 786 00:32:04,716 --> 00:32:06,676 [normal voice] She had a very high voice. 787 00:32:06,718 --> 00:32:09,679 I actually did think, like, maybe she's right. 788 00:32:09,721 --> 00:32:11,639 I got $200 and the chance to perform 789 00:32:11,681 --> 00:32:13,600 at the Washington, D.C. Improv, which is, like, 790 00:32:13,641 --> 00:32:16,686 not only the best comedy club in Washington, 791 00:32:16,728 --> 00:32:19,481 top five, top ten comedy clubs in the country. 792 00:32:19,522 --> 00:32:22,442 [rockabilly music] 793 00:32:22,484 --> 00:32:25,153 * * 794 00:32:25,195 --> 00:32:27,197 [car horn honking] 795 00:32:27,238 --> 00:32:34,412 * * 796 00:32:40,835 --> 00:32:43,088 - I want you to get your hands together right now 797 00:32:43,129 --> 00:32:46,132 for Mike Birbiglia. 798 00:32:46,174 --> 00:32:48,510 Whoo! [cheers and applause] 799 00:32:48,551 --> 00:32:50,053 - Thanks, Gary. Appreciate it. 800 00:32:50,095 --> 00:32:52,597 Gary Simons, everybody. 801 00:32:52,639 --> 00:32:55,141 I went, and I opened for Dave Chappelle. 802 00:32:55,183 --> 00:32:56,685 Nice to see everybody. 803 00:32:56,726 --> 00:32:59,020 I said, "Can I perform here again?" 804 00:32:59,062 --> 00:33:01,731 I thought to myself, I just need stage time. 805 00:33:01,773 --> 00:33:03,983 And they said, "We don't need that. 806 00:33:04,025 --> 00:33:06,528 But we need someone to work the door." 807 00:33:06,569 --> 00:33:07,654 So I go, "I'll do that." 808 00:33:07,696 --> 00:33:09,531 I worked here at the door. 809 00:33:09,572 --> 00:33:11,908 I used to seat people down here. 810 00:33:11,950 --> 00:33:13,576 The worst was, you have to sometimes 811 00:33:13,618 --> 00:33:15,328 seat people behind these poles. 812 00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:18,540 For example, like, you have those seats behind the poles. 813 00:33:18,581 --> 00:33:20,625 Right. No, and I'm sorry. 814 00:33:20,667 --> 00:33:23,628 I would bring, you know, people with the menus. 815 00:33:23,670 --> 00:33:25,505 And then I would jog away. 816 00:33:25,547 --> 00:33:26,965 As an aspiring comic, 817 00:33:27,007 --> 00:33:28,967 you get to watch a lot of shows for free. 818 00:33:29,009 --> 00:33:32,554 I was able to watch, like, George Lopez and Mitch Hedberg 819 00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:34,264 and Lewis Black and all these people who... 820 00:33:34,305 --> 00:33:35,974 - Yeah. - like, I would have loved 821 00:33:36,016 --> 00:33:38,101 to have seen, but I couldn't afford it. 822 00:33:38,143 --> 00:33:39,436 Started off here when I was 19. 823 00:33:39,477 --> 00:33:41,229 And I was, like, an observational comic. 824 00:33:41,271 --> 00:33:43,940 Like, the kinds of jokes that I would say would be like, 825 00:33:43,982 --> 00:33:46,359 I would hate to be a stick insect, you know, 826 00:33:46,401 --> 00:33:49,029 'cause all the other insects are always bumping into you. 827 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:51,281 And that's the whole joke. 828 00:33:51,322 --> 00:33:53,658 That would be my act. 829 00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:57,871 The first time I told a joke that worked, I said, 830 00:33:57,912 --> 00:34:00,665 "My girlfriend is getting to the age 831 00:34:00,707 --> 00:34:03,835 "where she's thinking about having kids, 832 00:34:03,877 --> 00:34:06,796 which is exciting 'cause we're gonna have to break up." 833 00:34:06,838 --> 00:34:08,465 And I said, "I don't want to have kids 834 00:34:08,506 --> 00:34:10,425 "until I'm sure nothing else good 835 00:34:10,467 --> 00:34:12,135 can happen in my life." 836 00:34:12,177 --> 00:34:14,554 It was like an inflection point. 837 00:34:14,596 --> 00:34:16,598 Not because the joke is so great, 838 00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:20,477 but because it was the moment where I realized 839 00:34:20,518 --> 00:34:23,146 that telling an honest truth 840 00:34:23,188 --> 00:34:25,732 about how I felt... 841 00:34:25,774 --> 00:34:29,652 connected with a group of people in a room. 842 00:34:29,694 --> 00:34:32,322 Like, there was a feeling of like, 843 00:34:32,364 --> 00:34:36,034 oh, they get me, and I get them... 844 00:34:36,076 --> 00:34:39,537 in a way that, like, an observational joke 845 00:34:39,579 --> 00:34:42,123 about insects or something doesn't. 846 00:34:42,165 --> 00:34:45,710 I opened for George Lopez once, and I kind of, like, bombed. 847 00:34:45,752 --> 00:34:48,505 I was, like, up here, and it, like, didn't go great. 848 00:34:48,546 --> 00:34:49,964 At the time, I was living with my girlfriend. 849 00:34:50,006 --> 00:34:51,925 We'd watch Oprah every day together. 850 00:34:51,966 --> 00:34:54,719 We were like Oprah soldiers. We were, like, super into it. 851 00:34:54,761 --> 00:34:56,638 Like, all about it. We're in the book club. 852 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:57,847 You know what I mean? 853 00:34:57,889 --> 00:35:00,558 Like, we're just, like, full-on Oprah. 854 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,769 But the thing that always struck me as really funny 855 00:35:02,811 --> 00:35:05,438 was that her song at the beginning of her show 856 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,357 is, like--the song that was like... 857 00:35:07,399 --> 00:35:09,818 * Run on, run on * 858 00:35:09,859 --> 00:35:12,779 And my joke was, like, I don't think Oprah runs a lot. 859 00:35:12,821 --> 00:35:15,115 And... 860 00:35:17,075 --> 00:35:20,537 And this is not a joke I would ever tell now, 861 00:35:20,578 --> 00:35:24,416 other than right now into a microphone 862 00:35:24,457 --> 00:35:26,835 in front of a group of strangers. 863 00:35:26,876 --> 00:35:28,878 I go backstage, and I say to George Lopez, 864 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,798 "Hey, do you have any, like, critical feedback?" 865 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,635 And he goes, "I wouldn't open with a thing about Oprah"... 866 00:35:38,179 --> 00:35:40,890 "'Cause they love Oprah, 867 00:35:40,932 --> 00:35:43,518 and they don't know who the hell you are." 868 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,396 [soft upbeat music] 869 00:35:46,438 --> 00:35:48,898 He goes, "You know, you should make fun of yourself 870 00:35:48,940 --> 00:35:50,525 "before you make fun of other people, 871 00:35:50,567 --> 00:35:52,402 "because then you have a relationship 872 00:35:52,444 --> 00:35:53,737 with the audience." 873 00:35:53,778 --> 00:35:56,031 It's stuck to me to this very day. 874 00:35:56,072 --> 00:36:02,787 * * 875 00:36:07,834 --> 00:36:09,753 - That's my time. Thank you very much. 876 00:36:09,794 --> 00:36:13,006 Let's give it up for Mike Birbiglia. 877 00:36:13,048 --> 00:36:14,591 Whoo! [cheers and applause] 878 00:36:14,632 --> 00:36:15,842 - Thanks, Gary. 879 00:36:15,884 --> 00:36:17,552 Gary Simons, everybody. 880 00:36:17,594 --> 00:36:20,388 - I've been really grateful to be able to do these shows 881 00:36:20,430 --> 00:36:22,140 and, like, learn from each one. 882 00:36:22,182 --> 00:36:24,309 - You're killing, man. You're doing great. 883 00:36:24,351 --> 00:36:26,269 - Thank you. - It's exciting. 884 00:36:26,311 --> 00:36:29,564 [upbeat music] 885 00:36:29,606 --> 00:36:31,566 - Mike Birbiglia is one of those dudes 886 00:36:31,608 --> 00:36:36,071 that truly loves the art form of comedy. 887 00:36:36,112 --> 00:36:40,200 The people that he's touched-- myself, Kroll, Mulaney-- 888 00:36:40,241 --> 00:36:41,868 we're all so different, 889 00:36:41,910 --> 00:36:43,995 but it is his love of comedy, 890 00:36:44,037 --> 00:36:48,958 his desire to help mentor. 891 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,670 - My favorite comedians who are coming up, 892 00:36:51,711 --> 00:36:54,756 like Hasan Minhaj and Atsuko Okatsuka, 893 00:36:54,798 --> 00:36:56,591 I love that they tell personal stories. 894 00:36:56,633 --> 00:37:00,428 And usually, like, I love when their stories 895 00:37:00,470 --> 00:37:02,389 are completely different from mine. 896 00:37:02,430 --> 00:37:03,807 - Trippy! - Ah! 897 00:37:03,848 --> 00:37:05,517 Look what you've done. 898 00:37:05,558 --> 00:37:08,228 [upbeat music] 899 00:37:08,269 --> 00:37:09,312 [gagging] 900 00:37:09,354 --> 00:37:10,855 I had already done stand-up 901 00:37:10,897 --> 00:37:12,982 for maybe, like, 11 years. 902 00:37:13,024 --> 00:37:14,901 And my stand-up, you know, not bad, you know. 903 00:37:14,943 --> 00:37:16,820 But it wasn't gonna be life-changing. 904 00:37:16,861 --> 00:37:18,488 It was definitely during the pandemic, 905 00:37:18,530 --> 00:37:21,074 when there was just, like, a general big sadness, 906 00:37:21,116 --> 00:37:22,617 I turned inward. 907 00:37:24,661 --> 00:37:26,955 I didn't want people to feel sad. 908 00:37:29,207 --> 00:37:32,043 I started writing more about things 909 00:37:32,085 --> 00:37:34,587 that was hard for me to talk about before, 910 00:37:34,629 --> 00:37:36,256 like my mom's mental illness. 911 00:37:36,297 --> 00:37:38,925 The truth is, my mom has schizophrenia... 912 00:37:38,967 --> 00:37:40,844 I never talked about it before the pandemic. 913 00:37:40,885 --> 00:37:43,013 Which means she hears voices in her head 914 00:37:43,054 --> 00:37:45,140 and she hallucinates a lot. 915 00:37:45,181 --> 00:37:47,767 And also, I started talking to my fans more 916 00:37:47,809 --> 00:37:50,812 and making more videos with my family... 917 00:37:50,854 --> 00:37:54,149 because it was a mood lifter for all of us. 918 00:37:54,190 --> 00:37:58,194 So those dance videos that went viral... 919 00:37:58,236 --> 00:38:01,114 and the drop challenge that went viral, 920 00:38:01,156 --> 00:38:03,575 that was all, you know, me running from trauma. 921 00:38:03,616 --> 00:38:06,119 You know? [laughs] 922 00:38:06,161 --> 00:38:08,788 Mike found me on one of those videos. 923 00:38:08,830 --> 00:38:10,999 [elevator bell dings] 924 00:38:11,041 --> 00:38:13,043 And then he DM'd me and was like, 925 00:38:13,084 --> 00:38:14,627 "Would you want to be on my podcast?" 926 00:38:14,669 --> 00:38:18,089 There is a show in Vegas called "The Puppetry of the Penis." 927 00:38:18,131 --> 00:38:19,758 - Yes, there is. - Have you seen it? 928 00:38:19,799 --> 00:38:20,967 - I've seen it. It's... 929 00:38:21,009 --> 00:38:22,344 - You've seen it! - Bizarre. 930 00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:24,637 - After that, he asked me to open for him. 931 00:38:24,679 --> 00:38:28,475 * * 932 00:38:28,516 --> 00:38:29,934 Just so cool, you know? 933 00:38:31,353 --> 00:38:33,855 He's the one that told me to get on TikTok. 934 00:38:33,897 --> 00:38:36,399 We don't need to talk age, but he is older than me. 935 00:38:36,441 --> 00:38:38,860 He's 400 years old. 936 00:38:39,819 --> 00:38:41,363 I'm hip. 937 00:38:41,404 --> 00:38:43,740 My clothes, trendy. 938 00:38:43,782 --> 00:38:46,326 You're telling me I need to be on TikTok? 939 00:38:46,368 --> 00:38:50,121 And he's like, "Well, I mean, do you want to be forgotten?" 940 00:38:50,163 --> 00:38:52,457 - Atsuko, like, she started coming on the road with me 941 00:38:52,499 --> 00:38:53,875 and opening for me. 942 00:38:53,917 --> 00:38:57,087 And at one point, I said to her, like, 943 00:38:57,128 --> 00:38:59,839 like, what's the strangest thing that's happened 944 00:38:59,881 --> 00:39:01,508 in the last few years? 945 00:39:01,549 --> 00:39:02,842 And she told me... 946 00:39:02,884 --> 00:39:04,844 - About this intruder that came to our house 947 00:39:04,886 --> 00:39:06,179 three times in the same day. 948 00:39:06,221 --> 00:39:09,140 I was already touring with my hour at that time. 949 00:39:09,182 --> 00:39:11,101 And I was like, I want to figure out 950 00:39:11,142 --> 00:39:14,521 a way to put this intruder story into the hour. 951 00:39:14,562 --> 00:39:15,730 But I don't know how. 952 00:39:15,772 --> 00:39:17,023 - And I was like, wow, this is great. 953 00:39:17,065 --> 00:39:18,316 It's a great story. 954 00:39:18,358 --> 00:39:20,151 - And he was like, "He came to your house 955 00:39:20,193 --> 00:39:22,654 "three times in the same day. 956 00:39:22,696 --> 00:39:23,947 That's three acts." 957 00:39:23,988 --> 00:39:26,116 - That's not just a joke. That's a whole show. 958 00:39:26,157 --> 00:39:29,077 - I was really excited but a little scared, 959 00:39:29,119 --> 00:39:31,538 'cause I was like, well, I've been doing an hour 960 00:39:31,579 --> 00:39:34,207 that I know works. 961 00:39:34,249 --> 00:39:37,085 But I want this intruder story in there. 962 00:39:37,127 --> 00:39:39,462 Oh, this is gonna be so much more work, Mike. 963 00:39:39,504 --> 00:39:40,797 OK, I'll do it. 964 00:39:40,839 --> 00:39:44,884 [rock music] 965 00:39:44,926 --> 00:39:46,469 And then he got really excited. 966 00:39:46,511 --> 00:39:49,347 He loves process. He loves jokes and stories. 967 00:39:49,389 --> 00:39:51,349 And so he was like, "OK, let's sit down." 968 00:39:51,391 --> 00:39:53,143 And he took out his note cards. 969 00:39:53,184 --> 00:39:56,062 And he was like, "OK, so act one is first intrusion, 970 00:39:56,104 --> 00:39:57,939 second intrusion, third intrusion." 971 00:39:57,981 --> 00:40:04,404 * * 972 00:40:04,446 --> 00:40:07,323 If you were to tell a younger me that as an adult, 973 00:40:07,365 --> 00:40:09,909 I would have an HBO stand-up special, 974 00:40:09,951 --> 00:40:11,619 I'd be like... 975 00:40:11,661 --> 00:40:13,413 yeah, that sounds about right. 976 00:40:13,455 --> 00:40:14,956 No, I'm just kidding. I'd be like, "What's HBO? 977 00:40:14,998 --> 00:40:16,124 We don't have cable." 978 00:40:23,340 --> 00:40:25,592 So our landlord had an intruder. 979 00:40:25,633 --> 00:40:29,304 That's what he's so good at, having an arc in his shows. 980 00:40:29,346 --> 00:40:31,431 - I used to write everything down on the computer, 981 00:40:31,473 --> 00:40:33,016 and I actually found 982 00:40:33,058 --> 00:40:35,268 there was value to writing it out longhand first. 983 00:40:35,310 --> 00:40:37,312 When you think you have a funny idea 984 00:40:37,354 --> 00:40:39,689 and you type it into the computer, it goes so fast. 985 00:40:39,731 --> 00:40:42,275 When you think of an idea and you're writing it out longhand, 986 00:40:42,317 --> 00:40:44,277 about halfway through a lot of times, 987 00:40:44,319 --> 00:40:46,112 you realize, oh, this stinks. 988 00:40:46,154 --> 00:40:49,741 And I did learn that from Mike. 989 00:40:49,783 --> 00:40:52,285 - It's this weird thing where I'm not just looking to him 990 00:40:52,327 --> 00:40:54,746 for advice, but I'm also looking for him 991 00:40:54,788 --> 00:40:57,582 for some form of therapy, I guess. 992 00:40:57,624 --> 00:40:59,250 - I'm aging into a point 993 00:40:59,292 --> 00:41:01,294 where I'm starting to be a mentor to people, 994 00:41:01,336 --> 00:41:03,713 which I don't think I ever thought I was gonna do. 995 00:41:03,755 --> 00:41:05,090 But sometimes that just happens. 996 00:41:05,131 --> 00:41:06,591 You age. [laughs] 997 00:41:06,633 --> 00:41:09,969 And--but it was helpful for me to be a student first, 998 00:41:10,011 --> 00:41:11,513 to understand, like, what that is and what-- 999 00:41:11,554 --> 00:41:13,556 as a student, what you need from a mentor. 1000 00:41:13,598 --> 00:41:15,475 You don't want it to be pretty good. 1001 00:41:15,517 --> 00:41:17,268 You want it to be great. 1002 00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:19,771 And the only way you can make it great 1003 00:41:19,813 --> 00:41:21,690 is writing, failing, getting feedback. 1004 00:41:21,731 --> 00:41:22,982 Need more there. 1005 00:41:23,024 --> 00:41:24,776 Writing again, failing again. 1006 00:41:24,818 --> 00:41:26,152 I'll take out that line. 1007 00:41:26,194 --> 00:41:28,947 The story peaked a little early. 1008 00:41:28,988 --> 00:41:30,323 Getting more feedback... 1009 00:41:30,365 --> 00:41:31,866 [cheering] I don't know why. 1010 00:41:31,908 --> 00:41:33,535 The ending worked well in the other show. 1011 00:41:33,576 --> 00:41:36,996 Is the only way that people get better. 1012 00:41:37,038 --> 00:41:38,665 That's what they don't teach you 1013 00:41:38,707 --> 00:41:40,000 in the after-school specials. 1014 00:41:40,041 --> 00:41:42,877 Sometimes running away works. 1015 00:41:42,919 --> 00:41:44,504 Eventually, if you're lucky, 1016 00:41:44,546 --> 00:41:46,923 you'll arrive at something that is yours. 1017 00:41:46,965 --> 00:41:48,508 Last night was the first time I thought, 1018 00:41:48,550 --> 00:41:51,011 the "getting beat up" story, I think, 1019 00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:53,096 will probably be in the next show. 1020 00:41:53,138 --> 00:41:55,015 This seems promising. 1021 00:41:55,056 --> 00:41:56,433 [applause] 1022 00:41:56,474 --> 00:41:57,851 Thank you. 1023 00:41:57,892 --> 00:41:59,978 Thanks for having me. 1024 00:42:05,525 --> 00:42:08,486 [light music] 1025 00:42:08,528 --> 00:42:10,321 * * 1026 00:42:10,363 --> 00:42:13,366 - In some ways, stand-up comedy is like a documentary 1027 00:42:13,408 --> 00:42:15,118 of your own life, right? 1028 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,370 In most documentaries, they shoot 1029 00:42:17,412 --> 00:42:18,830 and they shoot and they shoot. 1030 00:42:18,872 --> 00:42:22,167 And then eventually something happens. 1031 00:42:22,208 --> 00:42:25,253 And we go, oh, that's what it's about. 1032 00:42:25,295 --> 00:42:28,381 It all hinges on, there has to be a main event. 1033 00:42:28,423 --> 00:42:29,758 - Mm-hmm. 1034 00:42:29,799 --> 00:42:31,718 - I don't know what the main event is of this yet. 1035 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,763 * * 1036 00:42:34,804 --> 00:42:37,640 Once every three weeks, our dad will call me. 1037 00:42:37,682 --> 00:42:40,560 He'll go, "Mike, the craziest thing happened." 1038 00:42:40,602 --> 00:42:41,686 I'll go, "What?" 1039 00:42:41,728 --> 00:42:44,189 He goes, "I was at the hardware store... 1040 00:42:44,230 --> 00:42:46,232 And someone had heard of you." 1041 00:42:46,274 --> 00:42:47,776 And I was like, 1042 00:42:47,817 --> 00:42:51,654 "I don't know if that's, like, the craziest thing." 1043 00:42:51,696 --> 00:42:53,156 - He does say that a lot. 1044 00:42:53,198 --> 00:42:54,574 - The craziest thing. 1045 00:42:54,616 --> 00:42:56,159 - [laughs] - Like, I think, 1046 00:42:56,201 --> 00:42:58,536 the least believable part of that story 1047 00:42:58,578 --> 00:43:01,706 is that you were at a hardware store. 1048 00:43:01,748 --> 00:43:05,377 Dude, the whole job is, you tell jokes to strangers. 1049 00:43:05,418 --> 00:43:07,128 Eventually some of the strangers are gonna see it. 1050 00:43:07,170 --> 00:43:08,838 - [laughs] 1051 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,675 - Our father did tell me once, one job he would have liked 1052 00:43:11,716 --> 00:43:13,510 would have been to be a writer for "Saturday Night Live." 1053 00:43:13,551 --> 00:43:15,095 - No. - He said that? 1054 00:43:15,136 --> 00:43:16,471 - Yeah. - I can't even see him 1055 00:43:16,513 --> 00:43:18,056 saying that or watching it. 1056 00:43:18,098 --> 00:43:20,016 - That is absurd. - Isn't that unusual? 1057 00:43:20,058 --> 00:43:21,184 - That is so strange. 1058 00:43:21,226 --> 00:43:22,936 - Seems out of character, right? 1059 00:43:22,977 --> 00:43:24,562 - Right. - Joe gets the juice. 1060 00:43:24,604 --> 00:43:25,897 - [laughs] 1061 00:43:25,939 --> 00:43:28,108 - My brother Joe was talking to my dad, who's 83. 1062 00:43:28,149 --> 00:43:29,776 He was a doctor, went to law school, 1063 00:43:29,818 --> 00:43:32,320 never wanted me and Joe to go into comedy at all. 1064 00:43:32,362 --> 00:43:33,613 - Mm-hmm. - And he said, 1065 00:43:33,655 --> 00:43:35,532 "I thought, for a period of time, 1066 00:43:35,573 --> 00:43:37,951 that I could write for 'Saturday Night Live.'" 1067 00:43:37,992 --> 00:43:39,035 - Really? - Yeah. 1068 00:43:39,077 --> 00:43:40,161 - Was your dad funny? 1069 00:43:40,203 --> 00:43:42,372 - My dad is very dry. 1070 00:43:42,414 --> 00:43:44,624 And my mom is a great storyteller. 1071 00:43:44,666 --> 00:43:45,625 - Hmm. 1072 00:43:45,667 --> 00:43:47,043 Have you ever heard of the thing 1073 00:43:47,085 --> 00:43:50,547 that Rilke says, how children dance 1074 00:43:50,588 --> 00:43:52,590 to the unlived lives of their parents? 1075 00:43:52,632 --> 00:43:54,384 - Oh. 1076 00:43:54,426 --> 00:43:56,845 Going to Shrewsbury this week, 1077 00:43:56,886 --> 00:43:59,556 Dad, of course, wanted to know, "Who did you run into?" 1078 00:43:59,597 --> 00:44:01,391 - Yeah. [laughs] - "Who did you see?" 1079 00:44:01,433 --> 00:44:05,729 And then you go, "Mrs. Gazik, Mrs. McCann." 1080 00:44:05,770 --> 00:44:10,233 "Well, did they say anything about me?" 1081 00:44:10,275 --> 00:44:11,735 - They wanted to know if you were alive. 1082 00:44:11,776 --> 00:44:13,903 - Yeah, they wanted to know if you were alive. 1083 00:44:13,945 --> 00:44:16,072 Exactly. That's exac--yeah. 1084 00:44:16,114 --> 00:44:19,743 Yes. I answered that you were alive. 1085 00:44:19,784 --> 00:44:22,704 [light guitar music] 1086 00:44:22,746 --> 00:44:26,583 In my 20s and 30s, as a comedian, 1087 00:44:26,624 --> 00:44:28,710 I feel like I have so many judgments 1088 00:44:28,752 --> 00:44:31,296 in my act of my parents. 1089 00:44:31,338 --> 00:44:34,507 And I think as I get older and they get older, 1090 00:44:34,549 --> 00:44:36,551 they're in their 80s, and I'm just like-- 1091 00:44:36,593 --> 00:44:39,262 it's like, what was I doing? 1092 00:44:39,304 --> 00:44:41,389 When I see our childhood home, 1093 00:44:41,431 --> 00:44:44,184 like, it definitely brings me to, oh, yeah, 1094 00:44:44,225 --> 00:44:47,395 like, they were just parents just, like, trying their best. 1095 00:44:47,437 --> 00:44:48,688 - That's right. 1096 00:44:48,730 --> 00:44:51,775 * * 1097 00:44:51,816 --> 00:44:54,903 - So it's like, maybe that's what the next show is about. 1098 00:44:54,944 --> 00:44:56,363 - Mm-hmm. 1099 00:44:56,404 --> 00:44:58,782 - I don't know how literally any one of those jokes 1100 00:44:58,823 --> 00:44:59,991 supports that idea. 1101 00:45:00,033 --> 00:45:01,659 - [laughs] - But it could. 1102 00:45:01,701 --> 00:45:05,205 * * 1103 00:45:05,246 --> 00:45:07,457 It's like, the reason I don't know what the show is about 1104 00:45:07,499 --> 00:45:09,209 is, I don't know what will happen 1105 00:45:09,250 --> 00:45:10,752 in the next three or four years. 1106 00:45:10,794 --> 00:45:14,798 * * 1107 00:45:14,839 --> 00:45:17,717 So it's like, you know, God forbid, 1108 00:45:17,759 --> 00:45:21,012 someone close to me dies or any number of things 1109 00:45:21,054 --> 00:45:25,266 that I'm anxious about at all times could occur. 1110 00:45:25,308 --> 00:45:27,477 And I'd say, most likely, 1111 00:45:27,519 --> 00:45:30,772 that's what the show ends up being about. 1112 00:45:30,814 --> 00:45:32,315 It's just a doozy. 1113 00:45:32,357 --> 00:45:36,403 Being an autobiographical comedian is not-- 1114 00:45:36,444 --> 00:45:39,656 it's not advisable. 1115 00:45:41,366 --> 00:45:45,078 But also, it's my favorite type of comedy. 1116 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,496 [chuckles] 1117 00:45:46,538 --> 00:45:48,665 That's all for me. [cheers and applause] 1118 00:45:48,707 --> 00:45:51,334 Thank you so much. Thanks for being here. 1119 00:45:51,376 --> 00:45:53,294 I'll see you next time, everybody. 1120 00:45:53,336 --> 00:45:56,256 [upbeat music] 1121 00:45:56,297 --> 00:46:00,176 * * 1122 00:46:00,218 --> 00:46:01,511 Still rolling? Speeding? 1123 00:46:01,553 --> 00:46:03,013 Save it for the camera. - You save it. 1124 00:46:03,054 --> 00:46:04,639 - What was it like? - Save it for the camera. 1125 00:46:04,681 --> 00:46:06,141 - OK. All right. - That's more interesting 1126 00:46:06,182 --> 00:46:07,434 than what I have to say. 1127 00:46:07,475 --> 00:46:09,519 - Sister Margaret walked into our classroom. 1128 00:46:09,561 --> 00:46:11,396 And she was like, "Boys and girls, 1129 00:46:11,438 --> 00:46:13,523 "I'm hearing something on the playground. 1130 00:46:13,565 --> 00:46:15,608 I'm hearing a word." - [laughs] 1131 00:46:15,650 --> 00:46:18,194 - "And that word is 'fuck.'" - Oh, my God. Wow. 1132 00:46:18,236 --> 00:46:20,697 "What happened to that one joke?" 1133 00:46:20,739 --> 00:46:24,117 The reason it's gone is because of you. 1134 00:46:24,159 --> 00:46:25,368 - You know, the thing 1135 00:46:25,410 --> 00:46:27,412 that always impresses me the most about Mike 1136 00:46:27,454 --> 00:46:29,539 is how much thought he puts into his clothes. 1137 00:46:29,581 --> 00:46:31,374 When he walks out onstage, you think, 1138 00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,376 oh, maybe one day I'll hit it big enough 1139 00:46:33,418 --> 00:46:37,422 to have whoever his personal shopper is. 1140 00:46:37,464 --> 00:46:39,049 - Pretty much everything I'm saying 1141 00:46:39,090 --> 00:46:40,925 makes me uncomfortable. 1142 00:46:40,967 --> 00:46:42,469 - Yay, good job, everyone. 80025

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