Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,877 --> 00:00:15,680
Sue... sue shells sea-sells
by the she-shore.
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:19,050
Toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toy
boyt, toy boyt, toy boyt, toy boyt.
3
00:00:19,051 --> 00:00:23,454
Unique New York, new-ique New York,
New York, new-ique 'nique nork.
4
00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:27,358
My crotch fell.
5
00:00:27,359 --> 00:00:30,161
Knocked over the crotch.
6
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:31,696
I should move this.
7
00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:36,797
Petunia. Petunia.
8
00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:38,970
Hey.
9
00:00:38,971 --> 00:00:44,071
It's me, Tom Slansky, on what
could turn out to the be the
10
00:00:44,109 --> 00:00:46,944
biggest night of my life.
11
00:00:46,945 --> 00:00:50,181
"Why?" You ask.
12
00:00:50,182 --> 00:00:54,326
Have you ever heard of...
D of...
13
00:01:01,226 --> 00:01:02,793
vampires?
14
00:01:02,794 --> 00:01:04,562
"No, no, Tom.
15
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:07,163
They're fake, the
things of fairy tales."
16
00:01:07,164 --> 00:01:09,838
You, okay?
17
00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:15,439
Sorry, mom, for the ""
18
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,076
a little bit about me... I'm a
sophomore at Hawthorne college.
19
00:01:19,077 --> 00:01:21,012
I'm majoring in photography.
20
00:01:21,013 --> 00:01:25,016
Uh, my favorite thing to
shoot is the female form.
21
00:01:25,017 --> 00:01:29,189
But this story's not about me...
this is about Dr. G, the...
22
00:01:31,089 --> 00:01:34,458
And guess what...
he's a vampire.
23
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:39,263
"Oh, a vampire that teaches history...
that's counterintuitive."
24
00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:42,667
You again, man.
25
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:47,768
Once upon a time, Dr. G fell in love...
with a human named Mary.
26
00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:54,311
Get a chamber!
27
00:01:54,312 --> 00:01:55,145
No.
28
00:01:55,146 --> 00:01:58,049
But then, this one time in
Mary's bedchamber, they were in
29
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:00,918
there, and it was getting late,
but they didn't care, and they
30
00:02:00,919 --> 00:02:02,118
were all over each other.
31
00:02:02,119 --> 00:02:05,189
And then the sun went
down, and he bit her.
32
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:06,057
Aah!
33
00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:11,158
He killed the love of his life.
34
00:02:14,399 --> 00:02:15,866
Everyone was pissed.
35
00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:19,070
Her family didn't even let
him come to the funeral...
36
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:21,539
Just 'cause he killed her.
37
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:24,841
Good thing he's a genius and
dressed up like friar tuck and
38
00:02:24,842 --> 00:02:28,077
snuck in to see her.
39
00:02:45,062 --> 00:02:46,201
Thief!
40
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:50,066
Gretzky!
41
00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:52,069
I never meant to hurt her.
42
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:56,072
The devil himself disguised
as a man of the cloth.
43
00:02:56,073 --> 00:03:01,173
Don't be a fool, Gregor.
44
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,180
Ohh!
45
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:09,253
You'll rot in hell,
Wayne Gretzky.
46
00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:13,423
You'll rot in hell!
47
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:15,959
I'm already there.
48
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,696
He just kicked Gregor's ass,
but did you notice that his
49
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:19,929
teeth didn't grow?
50
00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:24,468
Ever since Mary died,
his teeth went limp.
51
00:03:28,073 --> 00:03:30,441
Goodbye, Mary.
52
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:34,310
So, for the last 300 years,
Dr. G has been wandering the
53
00:03:34,311 --> 00:03:37,947
earth with his flaccid fangs,
surviving on nothing more
54
00:03:37,948 --> 00:03:43,048
than animal blood... that
is, until a few months ago.
55
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:59,737
You know, vampire impotence is just
another facet of human impotence.
56
00:03:59,738 --> 00:04:01,372
I am not impotent.
57
00:04:01,373 --> 00:04:02,973
Your teeth won't grow.
58
00:04:02,974 --> 00:04:04,441
What would you call it?
59
00:04:04,442 --> 00:04:07,043
I just think the
comparison may be useful.
60
00:04:07,044 --> 00:04:07,945
Well, in what way?
61
00:04:07,946 --> 00:04:13,046
Well, your impotence began when
you killed the love of your life.
62
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:19,521
Sorry, Herman.
63
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:20,590
Ooh. Bleeder.
64
00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:28,399
Say "hello" to Mary.
65
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:33,500
No, it's not uncommon for a
murderer to become impotent...
66
00:04:33,804 --> 00:04:38,904
Because it's usually... my God.
67
00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:40,978
What is up your butt, Wayne?
68
00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:43,414
You know, maybe this whole
thing would work better if we
69
00:04:43,415 --> 00:04:44,380
were just friends.
70
00:04:44,381 --> 00:04:45,349
Better for who?
71
00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:47,851
Not for you... you
need help, my friend.
72
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:50,286
I know, but no one has
experience with this stuff.
73
00:04:50,287 --> 00:04:54,123
I have experience with people, and
you look just like a person to me.
74
00:04:54,124 --> 00:04:56,760
Only, if I do my job right,
we're gonna have you looking
75
00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:57,560
more like a demon.
76
00:04:57,561 --> 00:04:58,829
We don't look like demons.
77
00:04:58,830 --> 00:04:59,829
On "Buffy," you do.
78
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:01,332
In real life, we don't.
79
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,601
Well I'm still learning.
80
00:05:03,602 --> 00:05:05,702
There's not a lot of hard
evidence on your breed.
81
00:05:05,703 --> 00:05:08,123
The only reference I have
is pop culture, okay?
82
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:15,976
But, in any case, I'm, uh,
I'm glad you trust me.
83
00:05:17,215 --> 00:05:18,716
I am, too.
84
00:05:24,388 --> 00:05:26,589
So, who's Chris' advisor?
85
00:05:26,590 --> 00:05:28,659
Dr. Levine, I think.
86
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:31,861
But he smells
like homemade bread.
87
00:05:31,862 --> 00:05:33,363
Ugh!
88
00:05:33,364 --> 00:05:35,565
Look, we caught a largemouth ass.
89
00:05:35,566 --> 00:05:36,065
Ohh!
90
00:05:36,066 --> 00:05:37,868
More like a largemouth dick.
91
00:05:37,869 --> 00:05:39,370
What?
92
00:05:39,371 --> 00:05:40,738
Fred, where's your girlfriend?
93
00:05:40,739 --> 00:05:41,772
She's not my girlfriend.
94
00:05:41,773 --> 00:05:43,507
Just admit...
she doesn't exist.
95
00:05:43,508 --> 00:05:46,577
And when the sun goes
down, you guys get gay.
96
00:05:46,578 --> 00:05:49,245
Just admit that you smell
like shit a-all day long.
97
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:50,113
What?
98
00:05:50,114 --> 00:05:53,517
♪ Ghost-penning songs for
big-hair aristocrats ♪
99
00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:56,620
♪ now she lies in a
plush, velvet bed ♪
100
00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:59,656
♪ shaped like a coffin
and filled with bats ♪
101
00:05:59,657 --> 00:06:02,058
I think I'm just
gonna wait in the car.
102
00:06:02,059 --> 00:06:03,928
♪ I'm smitten and... ♪
103
00:06:03,929 --> 00:06:05,094
I'm sorry.
104
00:06:05,095 --> 00:06:06,430
I forgot my hat.
105
00:06:06,431 --> 00:06:07,765
Oh, you're such a bitch!
106
00:06:07,766 --> 00:06:08,332
Chris.
107
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,166
No, Ted.
108
00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:10,500
♪ Night blooming ♪
109
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:12,036
♪ and she bites through necks... ♪
110
00:06:12,037 --> 00:06:12,670
She's right.
111
00:06:12,671 --> 00:06:17,771
♪ ...like Ginsu ♪
112
00:06:18,176 --> 00:06:22,745
♪ a sweet, sweet heartkiller ♪
113
00:06:22,746 --> 00:06:24,147
No, no, no, no.
114
00:06:24,148 --> 00:06:27,051
There's... there's nothing wrong
with a freshman being undeclared.
115
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:30,154
It's difficult to know what you
want to do with the rest of your
116
00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:31,889
life when you're only 18.
117
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:32,690
I'm 19.
118
00:06:32,691 --> 00:06:34,524
Oh. Were you held back?
119
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,527
What's that supposed to mean?
120
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:40,029
Why would you say that?
121
00:06:40,030 --> 00:06:41,030
Yes?
122
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,702
Ah, speak of the vampire.
123
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:46,269
Speak of the devil.
124
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:47,738
He's not a vampire.
125
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:51,041
Um, I've been
reading "twilight."
126
00:06:51,042 --> 00:06:52,810
All I can think
about is vampires.
127
00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:55,144
That was not... Gretzky’s, uh...
he's not a vampire.
128
00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:57,247
He's a hell of a history teacher.
129
00:06:57,248 --> 00:07:00,250
He seemed a bit scared.
130
00:07:00,251 --> 00:07:03,687
He was... But in a good way.
131
00:07:03,688 --> 00:07:07,024
The students just love him.
132
00:07:07,025 --> 00:07:11,661
Uh, apparently those vampires
can have sex all night long.
133
00:07:11,662 --> 00:07:13,497
How do you like that Edward, hmm?
134
00:07:13,498 --> 00:07:15,298
I don't read that shit.
135
00:07:15,299 --> 00:07:16,767
Chris, please.
136
00:07:16,768 --> 00:07:17,500
What, dad?
137
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:18,334
This is college.
138
00:07:18,335 --> 00:07:19,937
You can say "shit" here.
139
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:20,837
That's right, Ted.
140
00:07:20,838 --> 00:07:25,175
Some of our professors use the
word "shit" in their lectures.
141
00:07:25,176 --> 00:07:27,315
Well, they shouldn't.
142
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,182
You're right...
they shouldn't.
143
00:07:32,183 --> 00:07:34,218
I'll look into that.
144
00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:37,587
Enough said.
145
00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:39,589
I just think you should
loosen up a little bit, dad.
146
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:40,991
It's just...
it's the language.
147
00:07:40,992 --> 00:07:43,226
I know, but it's college, dad...
college.
148
00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:44,161
Uh.
149
00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:44,827
Fred!
150
00:07:44,828 --> 00:07:46,697
Hey, hey, Chris.
151
00:07:46,698 --> 00:07:48,098
Hey, hey!
152
00:07:48,099 --> 00:07:48,699
Hi.
153
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:49,433
Hi!
154
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:50,567
Beautiful.
155
00:07:50,568 --> 00:07:51,902
Hey, I like your hair.
156
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:52,870
I cut it.
157
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:53,771
Yeah, it looks good.
158
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,139
Not good enough.
159
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,139
Uh, Mr. Keller.
160
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:57,408
Fred, please.
161
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:58,942
Sorry... Ted.
162
00:07:58,943 --> 00:08:02,546
Uh, guys, uh, this is Chris
and her father, Ted.
163
00:08:02,547 --> 00:08:04,380
Uh, these are my
fraternity brothers.
164
00:08:04,381 --> 00:08:05,815
This is Jared.
Boom.
165
00:08:05,816 --> 00:08:07,317
- And this is Kyle...
- Hey.
166
00:08:07,318 --> 00:08:07,950
Knuckles.
167
00:08:07,951 --> 00:08:08,685
And Tom.
168
00:08:08,686 --> 00:08:09,887
Hey.
169
00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:12,389
Wow. Great to meet
you guys, really.
170
00:08:12,390 --> 00:08:15,024
Uh, I got to go, honey, so...
Okay. Mwah!
171
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:15,993
Mwah!
Mm!
172
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:17,861
Fred, take care of
my little girl, okay?
173
00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:18,861
I will do her.
174
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:21,031
Uh, I'll... I-I-I will do it.
175
00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:23,332
I'll take... I'll
take care of her.
176
00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:25,769
So, Chris, are you
pledging with anyone?
177
00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:27,738
Yeah, with, uh, kappa omicron.
178
00:08:27,739 --> 00:08:30,106
Kappa O’s are the biggest hos!
179
00:08:30,107 --> 00:08:31,140
Unh!
180
00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:32,409
Unh!
181
00:08:32,410 --> 00:08:34,277
Well, which ones are
you guys in, again?
182
00:08:34,278 --> 00:08:35,445
We're STDs.
183
00:08:35,446 --> 00:08:37,647
STDs, gonna give you the disease.
184
00:08:37,648 --> 00:08:39,616
We're sigma tau delta.
185
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:43,954
Hey, it's the great one.
186
00:08:43,955 --> 00:08:45,488
Why does he have an umbrella?
187
00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:48,092
He's got a skin disease,
and he's cool as shit.
188
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:49,325
That's Dr. Gretzky.
189
00:08:49,326 --> 00:08:50,694
Oh, that's him?
190
00:08:50,695 --> 00:08:51,962
Yeah, he teaches history.
191
00:08:51,963 --> 00:08:55,031
Remember, I tried to get
you to take that class?
192
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,599
Yeah.
193
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,166
Yeah, yeah.
194
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,735
I-I mean, I guess I'll add it.
195
00:08:58,736 --> 00:09:00,403
Yeah, my advisor said
everybody loves him.
196
00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:01,537
He's awesome.
197
00:09:01,538 --> 00:09:03,206
Your advisor talked about him?
198
00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:05,843
Yeah, you know, he walked into
my advisor's office, and he
199
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,710
goes, "speak of the vampire."
200
00:09:07,711 --> 00:09:12,811
"Speak of the vampire"?
201
00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:16,786
This is history 205.
202
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:19,156
I'm your Professor, Dr. Gretzky.
203
00:09:19,157 --> 00:09:21,992
Who's here to add the class?
204
00:09:21,993 --> 00:09:23,459
I must be popular.
205
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:26,997
Professor Gretzky, I'm sure you
get this all the time, but
206
00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:29,967
were you named after
Wayne Gretzky?
207
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:33,369
I was named Wayne Gretzky
long before Wayne Gretzky was
208
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:34,304
named Wayne Gretzky.
209
00:09:34,305 --> 00:09:36,172
I'm pretty sure
he's older than you.
210
00:09:36,173 --> 00:09:38,441
He's like 50.
211
00:09:38,442 --> 00:09:40,143
I'm not named after him.
212
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,778
He wishes.
213
00:09:41,779 --> 00:09:45,081
Wayne Gretzky wasn't even
in the NHL when I was born.
214
00:09:45,082 --> 00:09:48,786
Hasn't anyone ever heard
of a coincidence?!
215
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:49,820
It's okay, Tom.
216
00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:50,954
Sorry, Dr. G.
217
00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:52,156
It's all right.
218
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:56,225
We're going to cover
coincidences in history.
219
00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,195
You know, you really upset
your daughter today.
220
00:09:58,196 --> 00:10:01,565
I'm not gonna change my beliefs just
because it's her first day of college.
221
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:03,767
You know, I've been meaning
to ask you about that.
222
00:10:03,768 --> 00:10:08,238
You know Ron from whole foods...
well, he grew up Amish, and he
223
00:10:08,239 --> 00:10:10,406
said the Amish have no problem
with being out in the sun.
224
00:10:10,407 --> 00:10:11,874
And he has mirrors in his house.
225
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:14,911
Yeah, well, we don't
like being photographed.
226
00:10:14,912 --> 00:10:15,945
You go to mass.
227
00:10:15,946 --> 00:10:17,647
My mother was catholic.
228
00:10:17,648 --> 00:10:20,651
Mary, I don't
believe you're Amish.
229
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:23,453
I gave up believing
that years ago.
230
00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:25,689
Well, what do you think I am?
231
00:10:25,690 --> 00:10:28,358
I don't care.
232
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:31,261
I always just wrote it off as
slight neuroses... might be
233
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:34,230
easier just to let it slide.
234
00:10:34,231 --> 00:10:35,165
You know what?
235
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:38,234
If you're not careful, you're gonna lose
your relationship with your daughter.
236
00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:42,705
Ted, there are things about
me that I just can't change
237
00:10:42,706 --> 00:10:45,408
and that I don't
like to talk about.
238
00:10:45,409 --> 00:10:47,310
I would think you
should understand that.
239
00:10:47,311 --> 00:10:48,744
What's that supposed to mean?
240
00:10:48,745 --> 00:10:52,114
When was the last time you
wanted to make love to me?
241
00:10:52,115 --> 00:10:53,916
That's not fair.
242
00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:55,319
Don't worry.
243
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,689
I just chalk it up
to slight neuroses.
244
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:02,225
So, he cuts the guy's arm
off, but he doesn't beat him
245
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:06,930
with it... he slaps him
with his own hand.
246
00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:09,465
Genghis really did have a
wonderful sense of humor.
247
00:11:09,466 --> 00:11:11,969
I mean, he would... he actually
would laugh the most during the
248
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,804
physical act of love.
249
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:18,307
I remember one time when I was...
when somebody wrote down,
250
00:11:18,308 --> 00:11:23,213
um, that he was entertaining a woman
with a leg-length discrepancy.
251
00:11:23,214 --> 00:11:26,983
As he pulled the boot off the short
leg, he just starts to laugh.
252
00:11:26,984 --> 00:11:29,652
All the men in the neighboring
caves start to laugh.
253
00:11:29,653 --> 00:11:33,022
When we all look... they all
look up, and they see Genghis
254
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:35,057
wearing the short-leg boot.
255
00:11:35,058 --> 00:11:36,058
"Unh."
256
00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:41,064
Oh, man, I miss him.
257
00:11:41,065 --> 00:11:44,401
I mean, uh, you know, I miss...
I miss reading about him.
258
00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:47,738
Well, can't you
still read about him?
259
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:49,105
Um, yeah.
260
00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:50,440
Yeah, I could... could.
261
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:53,277
But, um, it... it
wouldn't be the same.
262
00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:54,744
It wouldn't be as fun.
263
00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:56,847
As fun as what?
264
00:11:56,848 --> 00:12:00,017
Is this going to be on a test?
265
00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:03,520
Yes, everything I say is
gonna be on the test.
266
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:04,320
I'm kidding.
267
00:12:04,321 --> 00:12:05,955
It's not gonna be on the test.
268
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,891
But it's history.
269
00:12:07,892 --> 00:12:12,992
That's right, Tom
...It's history.
270
00:12:12,997 --> 00:12:18,097
I meant to tell you... I, um, I
really enjoyed your paper last
271
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:22,839
semester about, uh,
impotence among murderers.
272
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,507
Thank you.
273
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:24,608
Oh, yeah, yeah.
274
00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:27,377
I actually learned a lot.
275
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:29,012
You did?
276
00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:34,113
Well, not about
myself, of course.
277
00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:36,320
I-I'll see you Tuesday.
Sure.
278
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:37,286
Okay. Bye.
279
00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:37,787
Bye.
280
00:12:37,788 --> 00:12:38,588
Hi.
281
00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:39,589
Hi.
282
00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:43,560
"Speak of the vampire"?
283
00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:44,328
I apologize.
284
00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:45,195
I was flustered.
285
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,662
I had just insulted a student.
286
00:12:46,663 --> 00:12:47,998
I said what came to my mind.
287
00:12:47,999 --> 00:12:50,032
What happened to
doctor/patient privilege?
288
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:53,804
I know, but, come on, like
anyone would ever believe it.
289
00:12:53,805 --> 00:12:55,071
We'll talk about this later.
290
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,039
I got to get to class.
291
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,974
How fast can you run the 40?
292
00:12:57,975 --> 00:12:59,108
What are you talking about?
293
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:03,714
If I were a vampire,
I'd be in the NFL.
294
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:08,651
You'd make a hell
of a free safety.
295
00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:12,723
I can't believe Lorianne wants
to do a blood drive again.
296
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:16,225
I mean, I want to do something
different, like maybe a plasma drive.
297
00:13:16,226 --> 00:13:17,426
Well, what's a plasma drive?
298
00:13:17,427 --> 00:13:19,729
Chris, you are like the
coolest bitch I know.
299
00:13:19,730 --> 00:13:23,333
I mean, you are not
afraid to ask questions.
300
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:24,284
Hey, Fred.
301
00:13:24,285 --> 00:13:25,167
Hey, Chris.
302
00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:30,268
Hey, have you met the...
Oh, hey, you guys, look...
303
00:13:32,243 --> 00:13:35,978
it's the great one.
304
00:13:58,101 --> 00:14:00,280
What was that about?
305
00:14:14,985 --> 00:14:16,085
I couldn't control it.
306
00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:17,787
I mean, it was the
same way with Mary.
307
00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:20,323
I could control myself during the
day, but as soon as that sun
308
00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:22,191
- went down...
- Then all bets were off.
309
00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:23,192
Ohh.
310
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:27,164
300 years of limp teeth and a
couple of sessions with me...
311
00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:29,900
Well, you're not cured,
but, hey, come on.
312
00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:30,733
I mean, w-who is she?
313
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,203
I'll tell you who she is...
she is your vampire Viagra.
314
00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:33,869
She is?
315
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:38,441
And I am your four-hour
erection, baby...
316
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:42,179
You know, until we get, uh,
you vamping out on your own.
317
00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:43,914
I mean, it w-wasn't
a full vamp out.
318
00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,016
I mean, my teeth just barely
are starting to tingle.
319
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:47,050
Oh, tingle, schmingle.
320
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:49,552
I mean, if you would have stayed
around here a while longer, you
321
00:14:49,553 --> 00:14:52,589
would have had this whole
school scared shitless.
322
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:54,791
Oh, man, she
looked just like her.
323
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,392
Doesn't surprise me.
324
00:14:56,393 --> 00:14:57,094
Really?
325
00:14:57,095 --> 00:15:00,030
Yeah, there... there are only so
many available faces in this world.
326
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:02,199
You were bound into
run into hers again.
327
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,002
I once treated a young woman who
was the spitting image of my
328
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:09,473
second wife... I mean,
it was head to toe.
329
00:15:09,474 --> 00:15:14,574
It... Almost cost
me my APA license.
330
00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:21,147
But... She was worth it, and
so is this juicy peach.
331
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:30,160
Oh, it's weird not seeing
you and Tom together.
332
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:33,662
Oh, yeah, well, he has barbershop
at night, so didn't work out.
333
00:15:33,663 --> 00:15:34,564
That's too bad.
334
00:15:34,565 --> 00:15:35,565
Yeah.
335
00:15:35,966 --> 00:15:40,469
Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you...
when you came in the building, I
336
00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:42,439
thought you... you fell down.
337
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:47,540
Oh, yeah, that... that was,
um, like a hundred bees.
338
00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:52,114
Oh.
339
00:15:52,115 --> 00:15:54,718
Okay, well, I'm glad
you're all right.
340
00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:59,819
I mean, you seemed pretty panicked, so...
I just hate bees.
341
00:16:01,725 --> 00:16:04,594
Hey.
342
00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:05,628
Professor Gretzky?
343
00:16:05,629 --> 00:16:07,464
Yes.
344
00:16:07,465 --> 00:16:09,266
Who are you?
345
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:10,599
I'm Chris Keller.
346
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,536
Um, I'm not on your roll,
but I was wondering...
347
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:17,239
Mm, yes, you want to clad my ass.
348
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,910
You want to, um, add my class.
349
00:16:19,911 --> 00:16:20,609
Uh, yeah.
350
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:21,844
Would that be all right?
351
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:23,680
Yes, of course.
352
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:26,516
I was, uh... Mnh.
353
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:27,517
Excuse me.
354
00:16:28,686 --> 00:16:33,786
Um, I just found out
that my mother died.
355
00:16:34,024 --> 00:16:35,024
Um.
356
00:16:35,526 --> 00:16:38,794
Class dismissed.
357
00:16:49,806 --> 00:16:53,575
Oh. Ah.
358
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:57,580
Poor guy's hysterical.
359
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,349
Yeah.
360
00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:14,798
Dr. G.
361
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,004
What?
362
00:17:21,606 --> 00:17:22,606
What?
363
00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:24,975
Whoa.
364
00:17:25,042 --> 00:17:26,909
Your breath is hot.
365
00:17:26,910 --> 00:17:27,910
Oh! Oh!
366
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,982
You're gay.
367
00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:33,282
Gay?
368
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,283
Oh! Aah.
369
00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:36,186
Ugh.
370
00:17:57,742 --> 00:18:02,842
♪ I've seen the light in my dark,
sitting alone in the park ♪
371
00:18:03,347 --> 00:18:06,416
♪ the stillness of the breeze... ♪
372
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:07,469
Poor Barry.
373
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:12,922
Poor big, gay Barry.
374
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:13,923
Hey!
375
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:17,159
Got one for you!
376
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,260
♪ ...'cause you're much
more important than them ♪
377
00:18:27,237 --> 00:18:30,307
So, yeah, I think once she
gets into her classes, like,
378
00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:32,108
she'll have more time to
focus on other stuff.
379
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:34,810
Like, I really hope she
gets into Dr. G’s class.
380
00:18:34,811 --> 00:18:37,946
- I think...
- Speak of the vampire!
381
00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:39,948
Hey, Chris told us
what Dr. Levine said.
382
00:18:39,949 --> 00:18:40,416
Oh.
383
00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:42,185
What a d-bag.
384
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:43,419
Yeah, isn't he?
385
00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:45,922
No, he's cool, though...
And shit.
386
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:46,856
Whoa, Dr. G.
387
00:18:46,857 --> 00:18:48,224
I didn't know you cussed.
388
00:18:48,225 --> 00:18:49,993
Well, you know, I don't usually.
389
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:52,028
It sounded really good.
390
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:53,762
Hey, uh, are you
...Are you okay?
391
00:18:53,763 --> 00:18:54,263
Oh, yeah.
392
00:18:54,264 --> 00:18:55,130
What do you mean?
393
00:18:55,131 --> 00:18:57,133
Oh, I mean your mom
...She passed away.
394
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:57,966
Oh, yeah.
395
00:18:57,967 --> 00:18:59,402
Pfft, no biggie.
396
00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:02,304
I mean, well, she's been dead for years...
well, she's been
397
00:19:02,305 --> 00:19:06,309
dying for years, so I was ready.
398
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,778
You just seemed really upset
when you went out of class.
399
00:19:08,779 --> 00:19:13,879
Yeah. I didn't want them
to harvest her organs.
400
00:19:14,217 --> 00:19:17,387
Hey, uh, my friend Chris... she
really wants to add your class.
401
00:19:17,388 --> 00:19:18,221
Chris Keller?
402
00:19:18,222 --> 00:19:18,887
Yeah, yeah.
403
00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:20,156
Uh, she's... she's smart.
404
00:19:20,157 --> 00:19:21,624
She's... well, not book-smart.
405
00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:22,192
She's nice.
406
00:19:22,193 --> 00:19:24,993
She's... I think you're really,
really gonna like her... and not
407
00:19:24,994 --> 00:19:27,931
in a sexual way,
just a normal way.
408
00:19:27,932 --> 00:19:29,232
Yes.
409
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:30,300
Yes. No.
410
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:34,604
No sexy sex.
411
00:19:34,605 --> 00:19:39,705
Ah. So, I'm gonna go prepare...
prepare for my students...
412
00:19:41,445 --> 00:19:44,280
not in a sexual
way... for class.
413
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:46,383
So... I'm gonna go.
414
00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:51,484
I will see you two later...
Sexually.
415
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:56,557
No sexy sex!
416
00:19:58,294 --> 00:20:03,394
♪ Barry, when I accidentally
killed you that night ♪
417
00:20:05,034 --> 00:20:08,303
♪ I wasn't quite myself ♪
418
00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:09,505
♪ I wasn't quite... ♪
419
00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:10,506
Come in.
420
00:20:19,582 --> 00:20:20,582
Hello?
421
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:21,751
Wayne!
422
00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:24,553
Aah! Oh!
423
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:25,655
You got me.
424
00:20:25,656 --> 00:20:26,556
I'm... I'm sorry.
425
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:27,322
I'm so sorry.
426
00:20:27,323 --> 00:20:31,593
I-I meant to, um... well, I
meant to say "ta-da" when I-I
427
00:20:31,594 --> 00:20:34,062
jumped into the room, but
I-I said your name instead.
428
00:20:34,063 --> 00:20:35,298
Oh.
429
00:20:35,299 --> 00:20:35,831
Yeah.
430
00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:39,171
Hey, too bad my
name's not "ta-da."
431
00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:46,171
Yeah. Actually, well, I guess
you'd better be on your way.
432
00:20:46,276 --> 00:20:49,279
I mean, you know, well, after...
after a quick, brief, but
433
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,814
enjoyable minute or two.
434
00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:53,249
And then... I'm sorry.
435
00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:58,350
I don't mean to be rude, but I
have to, uh, prepare for class.
436
00:21:00,523 --> 00:21:05,462
My God, you're beautiful...
Today, just as ever.
437
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:06,463
What?
438
00:21:07,164 --> 00:21:10,700
Um. Brain fart!
439
00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:12,135
No, but what did you say?
440
00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:15,038
I said, "brain fart!"
441
00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:16,039
No.
442
00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:17,974
Before that.
443
00:21:17,975 --> 00:21:23,075
Um... I don't think
I said anything.
444
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:26,916
Mm.
445
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:31,420
Oh, um, I-I grabbed it for you
after you ran out of class.
446
00:21:31,421 --> 00:21:33,490
I cleaned it.
447
00:21:33,491 --> 00:21:36,291
That's, um, that's pretty
sad about your mom.
448
00:21:36,292 --> 00:21:38,828
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
449
00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:43,066
That whole thing...
that was pretty bad.
450
00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:48,167
But, um... Oh! Ohh!
451
00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:49,906
There we go!
452
00:21:49,907 --> 00:21:50,907
Wayne.
453
00:21:51,242 --> 00:21:52,207
Wayne, are you okay?
454
00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:54,511
No. I just peed my pants!
455
00:21:54,512 --> 00:21:55,177
You what?
456
00:21:55,178 --> 00:21:56,412
Get out!
457
00:21:56,413 --> 00:21:57,579
Okay.
458
00:21:57,580 --> 00:21:59,147
Come back tomorrow.
459
00:21:59,148 --> 00:22:00,049
Yeah, yeah.
460
00:22:00,050 --> 00:22:01,216
Um, what time?
461
00:22:01,217 --> 00:22:06,317
The morning...
morning's a good time.
462
00:22:12,996 --> 00:22:15,130
Oh, it's gorgeous.
463
00:22:15,131 --> 00:22:17,266
So, who's your first victim?
464
00:22:17,267 --> 00:22:18,568
I don't know.
465
00:22:18,569 --> 00:22:21,404
Fred's girl's been vibing
me pretty hard, eh?
466
00:22:21,405 --> 00:22:23,438
Dude, don't be a jerk.
467
00:22:23,439 --> 00:22:25,308
Well, quit
puppy-guarding her, dude.
468
00:22:25,309 --> 00:22:26,576
Make a move or move on.
469
00:22:26,577 --> 00:22:27,944
Dude, I've had like two days.
470
00:22:27,945 --> 00:22:28,744
Give me a break.
471
00:22:28,745 --> 00:22:32,447
All I'm saying is she wants
me, and you're being selfish.
472
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:34,783
I mean, honestly, what do you
think she'd rather look at,
473
00:22:34,784 --> 00:22:37,520
boys... my naked butt cheeks or
474
00:22:37,521 --> 00:22:40,756
Tom's saggy ass falling
out the top bunk?
475
00:22:40,757 --> 00:22:43,725
Neither! You big dick.
476
00:22:43,726 --> 00:22:44,726
Hey, come on.
477
00:22:46,397 --> 00:22:47,397
Pass.
478
00:22:53,670 --> 00:22:55,304
King me again, sluts.
479
00:22:55,305 --> 00:22:56,305
Ohh!
480
00:22:56,506 --> 00:22:58,273
She always does that.
481
00:22:58,274 --> 00:23:00,175
♪ Your red, red, red eyes ♪
482
00:23:00,176 --> 00:23:02,744
Scum, door... Now.
483
00:23:02,745 --> 00:23:07,783
♪ We could just have
spread them lies ♪
484
00:23:07,784 --> 00:23:08,618
Hey.
485
00:23:08,619 --> 00:23:10,086
I brought you some drinks.
486
00:23:10,087 --> 00:23:10,954
Is that alcohol?
487
00:23:10,955 --> 00:23:13,656
No, energy drinks.
488
00:23:13,657 --> 00:23:15,958
Excuse me, guys.
489
00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:18,360
♪ Over land and sea ♪
490
00:23:18,361 --> 00:23:19,361
♪ don't let them fool you ♪
491
00:23:19,362 --> 00:23:20,597
Did she say that was her mom?
492
00:23:20,598 --> 00:23:22,665
Um, I know... more
like her twin sister.
493
00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:24,200
She is wicked hot.
494
00:23:24,201 --> 00:23:25,201
Bing!
495
00:23:25,636 --> 00:23:27,035
It's 2:00 A.M.
496
00:23:27,036 --> 00:23:28,870
Yeah, I-I wanted
to surprise you.
497
00:23:28,871 --> 00:23:31,707
How? By showing all my
friends how weird you are?
498
00:23:31,708 --> 00:23:33,309
Well, I-I couldn't sleep.
499
00:23:33,310 --> 00:23:34,877
Yeah, well, you never can.
500
00:23:34,878 --> 00:23:36,145
I hate all your Amish shit.
501
00:23:36,146 --> 00:23:38,681
Sometimes, people's Amish
shit isn't what you think.
502
00:23:38,682 --> 00:23:41,117
If being Amish is so
important to you, then why
503
00:23:41,118 --> 00:23:43,252
didn't you raise me Amish?
504
00:23:43,253 --> 00:23:47,991
I always wanted to teach you
about our ways, but it just...
505
00:23:47,992 --> 00:23:50,092
I-I didn't know how.
506
00:23:50,093 --> 00:23:51,426
You know, maybe I still can.
507
00:23:51,427 --> 00:23:52,427
No.
508
00:23:53,397 --> 00:23:55,031
No, you can't.
509
00:23:55,032 --> 00:23:56,965
I'm 19. It's too late.
510
00:23:56,966 --> 00:23:59,368
I don't care anymore.
511
00:23:59,369 --> 00:24:02,905
Thanks for the drinks.
512
00:24:02,906 --> 00:24:04,915
Yeah.
513
00:24:16,253 --> 00:24:18,021
We got monster, bitches!
514
00:24:18,022 --> 00:24:19,022
Yeah!
515
00:24:19,089 --> 00:24:20,089
Whoo!
516
00:24:20,090 --> 00:24:21,090
Whoo!
517
00:24:23,394 --> 00:24:25,028
Hey, Tom.
518
00:24:25,029 --> 00:24:26,029
Yeah?
519
00:24:26,163 --> 00:24:29,232
Do you really think kappa
O’s are the biggest hos?
520
00:24:29,233 --> 00:24:32,068
Ever seen that clip on YouTube?
521
00:24:32,069 --> 00:24:33,069
Yeah.
522
00:24:34,071 --> 00:24:37,244
I don't know why she
pledged with them.
523
00:24:43,546 --> 00:24:45,281
Hi, honey.
524
00:24:45,282 --> 00:24:46,249
Cute shoes.
525
00:24:46,250 --> 00:24:48,650
Did you make it
down to see Chris?
526
00:24:48,651 --> 00:24:51,119
Yeah, yeah, I did.
527
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,621
How'd that go?
528
00:24:52,622 --> 00:24:54,122
Stupid.
529
00:24:54,123 --> 00:24:55,224
Honey.
530
00:24:55,225 --> 00:24:56,993
You have a rapport with her, Ted.
531
00:24:56,994 --> 00:24:58,160
She hates my guts.
532
00:24:58,161 --> 00:24:59,896
Why don't you sue me about it?
533
00:24:59,897 --> 00:25:00,897
Hey.
534
00:25:05,002 --> 00:25:10,102
Don't you wish you could
just turn back the clock?
535
00:25:11,140 --> 00:25:12,708
How far?
536
00:25:12,709 --> 00:25:15,017
Really far.
537
00:25:39,336 --> 00:25:40,136
Yes?
538
00:25:40,137 --> 00:25:42,437
Professor Gretzky?
539
00:25:42,438 --> 00:25:43,438
Uh.
540
00:25:44,507 --> 00:25:45,541
Yes, he is I.
541
00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:46,309
It... come in.
542
00:25:46,310 --> 00:25:47,310
Come on in.
543
00:25:51,348 --> 00:25:53,816
Whoa. What are you doing here?
544
00:25:53,817 --> 00:25:58,553
Oh, I-I thought that message
meant you wanted me to come.
545
00:25:58,554 --> 00:25:59,554
It is.
546
00:26:03,292 --> 00:26:05,861
What can I do for you?
547
00:26:05,862 --> 00:26:06,862
Ah, yes.
548
00:26:11,601 --> 00:26:16,339
The old "add" slip, the infamous...
from before.
549
00:26:16,340 --> 00:26:17,340
Yes.
550
00:26:20,377 --> 00:26:23,612
The "add" slip.
551
00:26:23,613 --> 00:26:28,251
Well, actually, Chris, the night
class is full right now, but
552
00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:30,887
there is an opening
in the morning class.
553
00:26:30,888 --> 00:26:32,821
Oh, the... the 10:30 one?
554
00:26:32,822 --> 00:26:33,822
Yes, yes.
555
00:26:34,057 --> 00:26:39,157
Um, it seems that Barry Pearson
was in that class, and now he is
556
00:26:39,996 --> 00:26:41,397
a missing person.
557
00:26:41,398 --> 00:26:43,800
Yeah, that's awful.
558
00:26:43,801 --> 00:26:44,801
Yeah, it is.
559
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:50,639
But when God opens a
door, he opens a window.
560
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,422
And now you can join that class.
561
00:27:06,322 --> 00:27:07,322
Oh.
562
00:27:07,523 --> 00:27:11,060
I-I-I hope I-I didn't
break any rules.
563
00:27:11,061 --> 00:27:12,061
Rules?
564
00:27:13,362 --> 00:27:16,698
I mean, who makes rules?
565
00:27:16,699 --> 00:27:17,699
I don't know.
566
00:27:20,536 --> 00:27:24,307
So, um... See you in class.
567
00:27:24,308 --> 00:27:26,576
Okay. I'll look for you.
568
00:27:26,577 --> 00:27:28,343
Deal.
569
00:27:28,344 --> 00:27:30,585
I'll be teaching.
570
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,427
Pervert!
571
00:27:45,428 --> 00:27:47,463
It's for class!
572
00:27:47,464 --> 00:27:48,865
You pervert.
573
00:27:48,866 --> 00:27:52,301
Hey, hey. It's Chris.
574
00:27:52,302 --> 00:27:54,136
Dude, ask her to
the party already.
575
00:27:54,137 --> 00:27:55,905
Dude, don't you think
I'm gonna do that?
576
00:27:55,906 --> 00:27:57,439
Hey, guys, what's up?
577
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:58,340
Hey, Chris. Hey.
578
00:27:58,341 --> 00:27:59,841
Uh, did you get into
Gretzky’s class?
579
00:27:59,842 --> 00:28:02,378
Yeah, I did, but that
night class was full.
580
00:28:02,379 --> 00:28:04,480
But, you know, I got
into the morning one.
581
00:28:04,481 --> 00:28:05,915
Sweet. That's my class.
582
00:28:05,916 --> 00:28:07,215
Hey, Fred Flintstone!
583
00:28:07,216 --> 00:28:08,050
Ow!
584
00:28:08,051 --> 00:28:10,218
You're supposed
to catch it, dude.
585
00:28:10,219 --> 00:28:11,087
You're such an ass.
586
00:28:11,088 --> 00:28:12,322
That really hurt.
587
00:28:12,323 --> 00:28:13,489
It was a love pass.
588
00:28:13,490 --> 00:28:16,559
Speaking of love,
Chris, you look lovely.
589
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,529
Oh, and smelling so sweet.
590
00:28:20,530 --> 00:28:23,432
Mm!
591
00:28:23,433 --> 00:28:25,701
Well, it was good
to see you, Chris.
592
00:28:25,702 --> 00:28:29,972
I don't want to catch you two fags'
pudding in my bed again tonight.
593
00:28:29,973 --> 00:28:30,806
See you guys.
594
00:28:30,807 --> 00:28:32,308
Like he ever catches us.
595
00:28:32,309 --> 00:28:34,409
So, dude, when are you gonna
ask her to the party?
596
00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:36,579
What... what... what
are you talking about?
597
00:28:36,580 --> 00:28:40,049
Uh, Chris, "the most beautiful
girl I've ever seen."
598
00:28:40,050 --> 00:28:40,649
Dude.
599
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:43,319
What are you guys talking about?
600
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,988
Ah, chewing the fat.
601
00:28:46,055 --> 00:28:48,256
Just chewing the fat.
602
00:28:48,257 --> 00:28:49,692
Fred.
603
00:28:49,693 --> 00:28:51,493
You were gonna
invite me to a party?
604
00:28:51,494 --> 00:28:54,429
No. Unh-unh. No.
605
00:28:54,430 --> 00:28:58,233
Okay. Well, I-I got to go buy
some textbooks, but, uh, I
606
00:28:58,234 --> 00:28:59,702
will... I'll see you guys.
607
00:28:59,703 --> 00:29:00,802
See you in class.
608
00:29:00,803 --> 00:29:01,704
Bye.
609
00:29:01,705 --> 00:29:03,272
Dude, what the hell
was that about?
610
00:29:03,273 --> 00:29:05,875
I wanted to talk to you about
her, but for some reason, I got
611
00:29:05,876 --> 00:29:08,444
it in my mind when Jared and
Kyle left, I should just...
612
00:29:08,445 --> 00:29:11,446
Don't you think you should
have waited till she left?
613
00:29:11,447 --> 00:29:12,848
I'm so sorry, man.
614
00:29:12,849 --> 00:29:14,819
I'm as surprised as you are.
615
00:29:16,719 --> 00:29:20,589
Every person that entered
into that chamber unannounced
616
00:29:20,590 --> 00:29:25,427
was executed... Swiftly, by
either sword or crossbow.
617
00:29:25,428 --> 00:29:30,299
Luckily, for Guinevere, that fateful
evening, there was a full moon.
618
00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:33,135
So, you're Guinevere.
619
00:29:33,136 --> 00:29:36,938
As Lancelot lay sleeping naked...
let me just pop these off.
620
00:29:36,939 --> 00:29:37,740
Just kidding.
621
00:29:37,741 --> 00:29:40,141
I can only do that to you.
622
00:29:40,142 --> 00:29:45,214
As Lancelot lay sleeping naked,
he reached for a sword, and the
623
00:29:45,215 --> 00:29:50,185
moon shone down just at that
time, revealing her pale and
624
00:29:50,186 --> 00:29:52,487
only slightly blemished face.
625
00:29:52,488 --> 00:29:55,925
It was right then and there...
Lancelot knew he would risk
626
00:29:55,926 --> 00:29:58,994
everything... he'd risk his
power, his title, his rank...
627
00:29:58,995 --> 00:30:04,095
for that one forbidden evening,
very long and naughty evening
628
00:30:06,203 --> 00:30:08,169
with that ginger-haired
Bathsheba.
629
00:30:08,170 --> 00:30:09,170
Yes!
630
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,877
I thought Camelot
was only a legend.
631
00:30:14,878 --> 00:30:18,347
Tom, you will learn in my class
that every legend begins with
632
00:30:18,348 --> 00:30:23,185
the truth and every real hero
must risk everything to get what
633
00:30:23,186 --> 00:30:24,619
he most desires.
634
00:30:24,620 --> 00:30:25,620
Yes!
635
00:30:29,192 --> 00:30:34,292
So... Ginger-haired
Bathsheba, seat.
636
00:30:34,865 --> 00:30:37,966
Naked Lancelot...
teacher, pants on.
637
00:30:37,967 --> 00:30:41,337
Lecture resumes.
638
00:30:41,338 --> 00:30:46,438
♪ Chris, you're like a poor
man's version of Mary ♪
639
00:30:48,078 --> 00:30:52,548
♪ since Mary's dead, I guess
I'll take what I can get ♪
640
00:30:52,549 --> 00:30:55,016
♪ can't have Mary
'cause she's dead ♪
641
00:30:55,017 --> 00:30:56,952
♪ but I'll take you, Chris ♪
642
00:30:56,953 --> 00:30:59,687
♪ you don't have
to know about... ♪
643
00:30:59,688 --> 00:31:01,956
Whoa!
644
00:31:01,957 --> 00:31:03,858
Trying to fix your guitar?
645
00:31:03,859 --> 00:31:04,859
Nope. Nope.
646
00:31:05,028 --> 00:31:09,197
I just broke this one, actually.
647
00:31:09,198 --> 00:31:12,301
You're not here to drop my class
after one lecture, are you?
648
00:31:12,302 --> 00:31:13,302
Oh, no.
649
00:31:13,669 --> 00:31:14,970
No, no, no, no.
650
00:31:14,971 --> 00:31:20,071
I... that lecture was... It really...
it really spoke to me.
651
00:31:22,745 --> 00:31:24,446
I can't stop thinking about it.
652
00:31:24,447 --> 00:31:29,547
Well, you know, what's funny is
that, um, it's really... it's
653
00:31:29,785 --> 00:31:31,686
really a misunderstood
love story.
654
00:31:31,687 --> 00:31:36,024
What people don't know about
king Arthur was that he really
655
00:31:36,025 --> 00:31:40,532
was sort of a, uh... Prick?
656
00:31:42,432 --> 00:31:43,999
Awesome, right?
657
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,333
And some people would call that
658
00:31:45,334 --> 00:31:47,535
disgusting because of
the age difference.
659
00:31:47,536 --> 00:31:49,871
Although, if they knew the real
age difference, they'd be puking
660
00:31:49,872 --> 00:31:51,974
all over each other.
661
00:31:51,975 --> 00:31:54,476
I'm proud of Dr. G, though,
because there are only two
662
00:31:54,477 --> 00:31:57,312
people in this world who look
like Chris and her mom, and
663
00:31:57,313 --> 00:32:00,983
that's Chris and her mom, and
he had sex with both of them.
664
00:32:00,984 --> 00:32:06,084
Fred and I would just love to
rub up against them in a crowd.
665
00:32:06,188 --> 00:32:11,288
The only bad part about it
is what it did to Fred.
666
00:32:12,361 --> 00:32:14,533
Do it. Do it.
667
00:32:16,433 --> 00:32:17,433
Ohh!
668
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,034
Hey, Freddie Prinze Jr.
669
00:32:20,035 --> 00:32:24,039
Hey, Jared from
subway commercials.
670
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:24,540
Nice.
671
00:32:24,541 --> 00:32:25,241
Okay.
672
00:32:25,242 --> 00:32:29,345
Hey, how do you personally feel
about Chris tapping Dr. G,
673
00:32:29,346 --> 00:32:30,678
just out of curiosity?
674
00:32:30,679 --> 00:32:32,947
Not so bad, considering that's
the stupidest rumor I've
675
00:32:32,948 --> 00:32:34,750
ever heard in my entire life.
676
00:32:34,751 --> 00:32:36,284
Everybody knows they're doing it.
677
00:32:36,285 --> 00:32:38,454
Just because they're
always locked in his
678
00:32:38,455 --> 00:32:40,889
office does not mean
they're having sex.
679
00:32:40,890 --> 00:32:43,158
I mean, it might,
but... It doesn't.
680
00:32:43,159 --> 00:32:45,160
Dude, listen, we're just
trying to give you a heads-up.
681
00:32:45,161 --> 00:32:48,297
Yeah, so don't be surprised if
you see Chris' name in my book.
682
00:32:48,298 --> 00:32:48,931
Oh!
683
00:32:48,932 --> 00:32:54,032
His book of sexual conquest.
684
00:32:54,070 --> 00:32:56,004
She probably won't, Fred!
685
00:32:56,005 --> 00:32:59,508
You guys are jerks.
686
00:32:59,509 --> 00:33:01,577
Let's drink these.
687
00:33:01,578 --> 00:33:02,477
Come on, Chris.
688
00:33:02,478 --> 00:33:05,313
Everyone knows you're getting some.
Why don't you just admit it?
689
00:33:05,314 --> 00:33:10,218
Because it's none
of your business.
690
00:33:10,219 --> 00:33:12,655
You're, like, in his
office every day.
691
00:33:12,656 --> 00:33:15,657
- Yeah, talking about class...
- Mm-hmm.
692
00:33:15,658 --> 00:33:16,858
With our pants on.
693
00:33:16,859 --> 00:33:20,829
More like your
pants on each other.
694
00:33:20,830 --> 00:33:25,930
Like... like, you
guys swap them.
695
00:33:26,636 --> 00:33:29,405
I think we swapped pants.
696
00:33:29,406 --> 00:33:30,406
Huh. Oh.
697
00:33:31,207 --> 00:33:33,075
Sex is so crazy.
698
00:33:33,076 --> 00:33:36,278
Has its moments.
699
00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:40,883
I need you to take me
to the chiropractor.
700
00:33:40,884 --> 00:33:41,884
Yeah.
701
00:33:47,957 --> 00:33:51,226
When she was 12, she told her dad
she probably wanted to marry me.
702
00:33:51,227 --> 00:33:52,427
How do you know that?
703
00:33:52,428 --> 00:33:53,428
He told me.
704
00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:56,965
♪ Believe me ♪
705
00:33:56,966 --> 00:33:58,500
Speak of the vampire.
706
00:33:58,501 --> 00:33:59,368
Dr. G?
707
00:33:59,369 --> 00:34:01,669
Yeah. And he's with Chris.
708
00:34:01,670 --> 00:34:02,838
♪ Deceive me ♪
709
00:34:02,839 --> 00:34:03,472
Let me see.
710
00:34:03,473 --> 00:34:05,040
This is an expensive camera.
711
00:34:05,041 --> 00:34:06,774
♪ I know you did ♪
712
00:34:06,775 --> 00:34:09,778
Dude, they're
getting into his car.
713
00:34:09,779 --> 00:34:12,714
♪ I'm sorry ♪
714
00:34:12,715 --> 00:34:15,921
♪ we are all alone now ♪
715
00:34:17,821 --> 00:34:19,655
♪ together ♪
716
00:34:19,656 --> 00:34:23,057
Dude, Dr. G is
humping your breezy.
717
00:34:23,058 --> 00:34:25,693
She's not my breezy.
718
00:34:25,694 --> 00:34:28,196
She's nobody's breezy.
719
00:34:28,197 --> 00:34:31,466
Nothing's going on between them.
720
00:34:31,467 --> 00:34:34,035
It's just that they... they
got into the car together.
721
00:34:34,036 --> 00:34:37,205
She doesn't have sex every time
she gets into somebody's car.
722
00:34:37,206 --> 00:34:39,608
She's been in my car a lot.
723
00:34:39,609 --> 00:34:41,743
Dude, think about it.
724
00:34:41,744 --> 00:34:44,747
♪ Holding it down ♪
725
00:34:44,748 --> 00:34:49,584
Dr. G’s humping my breezy.
726
00:34:49,585 --> 00:34:54,685
♪ Never let me down
like this before ♪
727
00:34:55,792 --> 00:34:59,160
How long have you been
humping this breezy?
728
00:34:59,161 --> 00:35:03,164
A few days... well,
probably about five weeks.
729
00:35:03,165 --> 00:35:04,566
Am I just a schmuck to you?
730
00:35:04,567 --> 00:35:05,667
Why didn't you tell me?
731
00:35:05,668 --> 00:35:08,370
She's my student,
and she's a kid.
732
00:35:08,371 --> 00:35:11,173
And now you're vamping
out like it's 1399?
733
00:35:11,174 --> 00:35:12,341
Yeah, pretty much.
734
00:35:12,342 --> 00:35:14,510
Hey, could you
vamp out right now?
735
00:35:14,511 --> 00:35:19,611
I'm not gonna do
it in your office.
736
00:35:20,382 --> 00:35:24,653
Let me just throw this out there.
737
00:35:24,654 --> 00:35:29,754
Ohh. Besides Mary, um... How
many people have you killed?
738
00:35:32,261 --> 00:35:33,162
No one.
739
00:35:33,163 --> 00:35:34,963
I never asked you to
help me kill people.
740
00:35:34,964 --> 00:35:35,964
Oh, God.
741
00:35:36,933 --> 00:35:39,468
I am so happy to
hear you say that.
742
00:35:39,469 --> 00:35:41,937
I was sweating that
big-time, I'm telling you.
743
00:35:41,938 --> 00:35:43,939
That is a load off my mind.
744
00:35:43,940 --> 00:35:44,940
Wow! Okay.
745
00:35:47,444 --> 00:35:52,544
Except, you know, uh, but, then,
why did you want to vamp out in
746
00:35:53,616 --> 00:35:54,649
the first place?
747
00:35:54,650 --> 00:35:57,086
I thought it'd
make me feel better.
748
00:35:57,087 --> 00:35:59,287
I didn't think about the killing.
749
00:35:59,288 --> 00:36:01,823
Now, don't get me wrong... back
during the renaissance, I used
750
00:36:01,824 --> 00:36:04,026
to drain fools for walking funny.
751
00:36:04,027 --> 00:36:09,127
But, then, when I met Mary, then
she made me feel different.
752
00:36:09,498 --> 00:36:10,865
All right.
753
00:36:10,866 --> 00:36:12,234
You don't want to kill anyone.
754
00:36:12,235 --> 00:36:14,001
You don't want to
play in the NFL.
755
00:36:14,002 --> 00:36:15,003
So, what now?
756
00:36:15,004 --> 00:36:19,774
Well... well, we're just
trying to make me feel better?
757
00:36:19,775 --> 00:36:23,912
Well, at some point, you're just
gonna have to let her go, right?
758
00:36:23,913 --> 00:36:25,481
I mean, look at you.
759
00:36:25,482 --> 00:36:26,582
You're vamping out.
760
00:36:26,583 --> 00:36:29,852
You've got a girl that makes you feel
like you haven't felt in 300 years.
761
00:36:29,853 --> 00:36:30,785
That's all good.
762
00:36:30,786 --> 00:36:32,553
Do you know why I feel that way?
763
00:36:32,554 --> 00:36:35,724
Because when I'm with Chris, I
have these moments, these...
764
00:36:35,725 --> 00:36:39,628
these fleeting moments like
Mary's still alive, like I never
765
00:36:39,629 --> 00:36:40,629
killed her.
766
00:36:41,730 --> 00:36:45,367
Then the moment's gone,
and she's still dead.
767
00:36:45,368 --> 00:36:50,338
"I waked, she fled, and day
brought back my night."
768
00:36:50,339 --> 00:36:53,609
What am I doing with a
19-year-old Lolita?
769
00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:55,343
A lot less than I would.
770
00:36:55,344 --> 00:36:59,548
Listen, she's
brought you this far.
771
00:36:59,549 --> 00:37:01,421
Just give her a chance.
772
00:37:08,424 --> 00:37:10,691
Hey, stranger.
773
00:37:10,692 --> 00:37:12,593
Hey.
774
00:37:12,594 --> 00:37:13,595
It's been a while.
775
00:37:13,596 --> 00:37:14,596
Yeah.
776
00:37:15,364 --> 00:37:17,466
So much has happened lately.
777
00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:19,718
How does something
like that just happen?
778
00:37:19,969 --> 00:37:25,069
Well, like, one time, when I was
in his office, I-I took off
779
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:29,745
my coat, and... I was
naked underneath.
780
00:37:29,746 --> 00:37:30,979
Why are you telling me this?
781
00:37:30,980 --> 00:37:35,450
Because you're like the only person
I can talk to about this stuff.
782
00:37:35,451 --> 00:37:38,620
Another time, we were in his
office, and we were, like, being
783
00:37:38,621 --> 00:37:40,555
intimate and stuff...
you were having sex.
784
00:37:40,556 --> 00:37:45,656
Yeah. Well, like, the whole time,
all I could think about was you.
785
00:37:48,464 --> 00:37:49,030
No, no.
786
00:37:49,031 --> 00:37:49,932
I mean, no, no.
787
00:37:49,933 --> 00:37:51,200
It's... it's not like that.
788
00:37:51,201 --> 00:37:53,167
I mean, I don't... I don't
think about you that way.
789
00:37:53,168 --> 00:37:55,704
I don't think about
you that way, either.
790
00:37:55,705 --> 00:37:58,106
That was just muscle memory.
791
00:37:58,107 --> 00:37:58,906
From what?
792
00:37:58,907 --> 00:37:59,907
Other stuff.
793
00:38:00,743 --> 00:38:01,743
Oh.
794
00:38:02,679 --> 00:38:05,948
Look... I just thought that...
795
00:38:05,949 --> 00:38:07,615
that college would be
different, you know?
796
00:38:07,616 --> 00:38:11,086
Like, we'd hang out and get wasted...
stuff like that.
797
00:38:11,087 --> 00:38:12,955
I could just be a student and
798
00:38:12,956 --> 00:38:18,056
not have crazy good sex
with my Professor.
799
00:38:18,728 --> 00:38:20,439
What do I do, Fred?
800
00:38:33,141 --> 00:38:38,241
You need to dump his ass... And
quick, before you change your mind.
801
00:38:40,782 --> 00:38:44,285
♪ Once I'm dead ♪
802
00:38:44,286 --> 00:38:45,954
♪ you can tell me everything ♪
803
00:38:45,955 --> 00:38:47,756
Dude, come here.
804
00:38:47,757 --> 00:38:48,757
What?
805
00:38:49,324 --> 00:38:51,126
Just come over here.
806
00:38:51,127 --> 00:38:53,861
Check this out.
807
00:38:53,862 --> 00:38:55,696
Oh. That's Chris.
808
00:38:55,697 --> 00:38:57,298
When she was with Dr. G.
809
00:38:57,299 --> 00:38:59,100
Yeah, thanks for
bringing that up.
810
00:38:59,101 --> 00:38:59,934
No, look.
811
00:38:59,935 --> 00:39:04,573
There's Chris, there's Dr. G’s
umbrella, and no Dr. G!
812
00:39:04,574 --> 00:39:05,640
Oh, my gosh.
813
00:39:05,641 --> 00:39:08,776
Tom, I know... now you can
Photoshop me in there and make
814
00:39:08,777 --> 00:39:10,012
me feel like a bigger idiot.
815
00:39:10,013 --> 00:39:12,481
Dude, I didn't Photoshop it.
816
00:39:12,482 --> 00:39:13,849
Whatever.
817
00:39:13,850 --> 00:39:17,218
I got a quiz on this, so if you can
keep it down, I'd appreciate it.
818
00:39:17,219 --> 00:39:18,653
There's the umbrella.
819
00:39:18,654 --> 00:39:19,588
There's Chris.
820
00:39:19,589 --> 00:39:20,789
Where's Dr. G?
821
00:39:20,790 --> 00:39:22,691
Dude, I am not that good.
822
00:39:22,692 --> 00:39:24,526
I'm not that good.
823
00:39:24,527 --> 00:39:27,229
Exhibit "C"... there's Chris,
824
00:39:27,230 --> 00:39:29,964
there's the umbrella,
and where's Dr. G?
825
00:39:29,965 --> 00:39:33,367
Why would Dr. G not show up?
826
00:39:33,368 --> 00:39:36,305
Shh!
827
00:39:36,306 --> 00:39:39,240
But your hair is a little bit
darker than how she kept it at
828
00:39:39,241 --> 00:39:42,577
the time, but it was cut
off just below the neck.
829
00:39:42,578 --> 00:39:47,678
Marilyn was 5'5" when she wasn't
slouching, and Jack was 6'2".
830
00:39:48,650 --> 00:39:50,885
So she liked to wear high
heels when she visited him at
831
00:39:50,886 --> 00:39:54,589
the oval office 'cause she liked
to look at him in the eyes.
832
00:39:54,590 --> 00:39:59,193
But the affair made
Jack uncomfortable.
833
00:39:59,194 --> 00:40:00,829
He loved his wife.
834
00:40:00,830 --> 00:40:02,830
Marilyn was just a distraction,
835
00:40:02,831 --> 00:40:07,931
something to take his
mind off Castro.
836
00:40:11,540 --> 00:40:12,640
You okay, Tom?
837
00:40:12,641 --> 00:40:13,642
Need some water?
838
00:40:13,643 --> 00:40:17,245
Yeah, I just got a cough.
839
00:40:17,246 --> 00:40:18,713
The days are getting shorter.
840
00:40:18,714 --> 00:40:20,481
You better hurry.
841
00:40:20,482 --> 00:40:23,651
Why... because
the sun might set?
842
00:40:23,652 --> 00:40:28,752
I swear, you're like a
werewolf or something.
843
00:40:29,359 --> 00:40:31,727
And we still are gonna meet at
the tower theater tomorrow?
844
00:40:31,728 --> 00:40:32,361
Oh, yeah.
845
00:40:32,362 --> 00:40:35,097
If it's another Woody Allen
movie, you should go by yourself.
846
00:40:35,098 --> 00:40:38,966
I'm just sick of all these
stupid old-person dates.
847
00:40:38,967 --> 00:40:41,470
I mean, why can't we go out
at night, like normal people?
848
00:40:41,471 --> 00:40:42,738
I'm not a normal person.
849
00:40:42,739 --> 00:40:44,205
Ohh, God!
850
00:40:44,206 --> 00:40:46,008
You're just like my mom!
851
00:40:46,009 --> 00:40:48,109
You think you're
better than everyone.
852
00:40:48,110 --> 00:40:53,048
You know... Sometimes,
when we're having
853
00:40:53,049 --> 00:40:55,751
sex, I think of other people.
854
00:40:55,752 --> 00:41:00,852
I think of someone
else every time.
855
00:41:03,326 --> 00:41:06,294
Mary, you're probably rolling
over in your grave right now.
856
00:41:06,295 --> 00:41:09,664
Yeah, like I give a
shit what she thinks.
857
00:41:09,665 --> 00:41:10,899
And she's not dead.
858
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:11,600
What?
859
00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:13,001
My mom's not dead.
860
00:41:13,002 --> 00:41:15,771
You said she's probably
rolling over in her grave.
861
00:41:15,772 --> 00:41:19,106
I said Mary is probably rolling
over in her grave right now.
862
00:41:19,107 --> 00:41:20,508
Are you a moron?
863
00:41:20,509 --> 00:41:21,977
She's not dead.
864
00:41:21,978 --> 00:41:24,780
You only say that
when people are dead.
865
00:41:24,781 --> 00:41:26,247
Your mother's name is Mary?
866
00:41:26,248 --> 00:41:27,248
Yeah.
867
00:41:27,449 --> 00:41:28,649
You knew that.
868
00:41:28,650 --> 00:41:31,153
No. I would not
have forgotten that.
869
00:41:31,154 --> 00:41:32,354
Well, that's her name.
870
00:41:32,355 --> 00:41:33,287
Don't wear it out.
871
00:41:33,288 --> 00:41:34,555
What's her maiden name?
872
00:41:34,556 --> 00:41:35,890
Why the hell do you care?
873
00:41:35,891 --> 00:41:39,260
Because I care!
874
00:41:39,261 --> 00:41:43,997
It's Lipinsky.
875
00:41:47,703 --> 00:41:48,703
Wayne.
876
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,709
Are you okay?
877
00:41:53,710 --> 00:41:54,376
Oh, my God.
878
00:41:54,377 --> 00:41:55,644
What's wrong with your face?!
879
00:41:55,645 --> 00:41:58,280
I thought I lost you, Mary.
880
00:41:58,281 --> 00:42:00,919
What? Oh! Oh!
881
00:42:04,853 --> 00:42:05,853
Holy shit!
882
00:42:06,221 --> 00:42:08,122
You're a werewolf, for real?!
883
00:42:08,123 --> 00:42:09,123
I'm a badass.
884
00:42:23,306 --> 00:42:25,406
Wayne, no!
885
00:42:25,407 --> 00:42:29,676
Oh, God!
886
00:42:29,879 --> 00:42:31,278
Mary?
887
00:42:31,279 --> 00:42:32,279
Chris!
888
00:42:33,116 --> 00:42:33,881
Chris!
889
00:42:33,882 --> 00:42:37,718
Oh, she's still... Oh, shit!
890
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:38,285
Shit!
891
00:42:38,286 --> 00:42:39,821
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
892
00:42:39,822 --> 00:42:42,057
Okay. Whew, whew, whew!
893
00:42:42,058 --> 00:42:43,825
That was a bad one.
894
00:42:43,826 --> 00:42:44,826
Whew! Okay.
895
00:42:49,264 --> 00:42:50,264
♪ Oh-oh ♪
896
00:42:53,101 --> 00:42:54,602
♪ oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
897
00:42:54,603 --> 00:42:59,145
♪ doo-ooh ♪
898
00:43:03,045 --> 00:43:07,582
♪ tell Santa I
gave you my heart ♪
899
00:43:07,583 --> 00:43:12,683
♪ but don't tell him
you threw it away ♪
900
00:43:15,792 --> 00:43:16,323
Hello.
901
00:43:16,324 --> 00:43:18,693
Hi. Is Mary here?
902
00:43:18,694 --> 00:43:21,530
Uh, she went to a movie.
903
00:43:21,531 --> 00:43:23,365
Probably Woody Allen.
904
00:43:23,366 --> 00:43:25,133
I don't know.
905
00:43:25,134 --> 00:43:26,401
How do I know you again?
906
00:43:26,402 --> 00:43:28,435
Just from around the town.
907
00:43:28,436 --> 00:43:29,171
Oh.
908
00:43:29,172 --> 00:43:32,841
Does she have amazing skin?
909
00:43:32,842 --> 00:43:34,042
Yeah.
910
00:43:34,043 --> 00:43:35,943
That's... that's a
weird question.
911
00:43:35,944 --> 00:43:38,280
Do you have a photograph of her?
912
00:43:38,281 --> 00:43:40,816
My wife doesn't like
to be photographed.
913
00:43:40,817 --> 00:43:43,651
Right. Right, sorry.
914
00:43:43,652 --> 00:43:47,222
This belongs to her.
915
00:43:47,223 --> 00:43:48,223
All right.
916
00:43:48,757 --> 00:43:49,757
Thank you.
917
00:43:52,795 --> 00:43:54,262
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
918
00:43:54,263 --> 00:43:55,263
Oh, shit!
919
00:43:55,831 --> 00:43:56,831
Oh!
920
00:43:57,199 --> 00:44:01,503
♪ Told it to the angel,
now we're worlds apart ♪
921
00:44:01,504 --> 00:44:02,504
♪ now... ♪
922
00:44:03,406 --> 00:44:07,908
Wait. You thought Chris was
dead, but she's still alive.
923
00:44:07,909 --> 00:44:11,245
Mary, who is dead, is
at a Woody Allen movie?
924
00:44:11,246 --> 00:44:14,281
She must have been in a... in
a coma when they buried her.
925
00:44:14,282 --> 00:44:16,417
I mean, people didn't check
for pulses back then.
926
00:44:16,418 --> 00:44:18,753
But if her mother was a
vampire, wouldn't Chris have
927
00:44:18,754 --> 00:44:19,687
been born a vampire?
928
00:44:19,688 --> 00:44:20,921
No, it doesn't work that way.
929
00:44:20,922 --> 00:44:21,957
It's like herpes.
930
00:44:21,958 --> 00:44:25,961
A mother can have it, but that
doesn't mean a child will.
931
00:44:25,962 --> 00:44:31,062
So, you have to bring the person to
the edge of death, and then stop?
932
00:44:31,667 --> 00:44:33,734
What... to turn them into a vampire?
No, no.
933
00:44:33,735 --> 00:44:37,205
You just have to drink about
a pint of their blood.
934
00:44:37,206 --> 00:44:38,472
That's it?
935
00:44:38,473 --> 00:44:41,408
That's how much I
give when I donate.
936
00:44:41,409 --> 00:44:44,446
Does your bite have venom,
like in "twilight"?
937
00:44:44,447 --> 00:44:46,381
No. People get all these
ridiculous ideas.
938
00:44:46,382 --> 00:44:47,582
It's not about the bite... it's
939
00:44:47,583 --> 00:44:50,718
the drinking of the
blood that does it.
940
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:52,687
That's so simple,
it's almost stupid.
941
00:44:52,688 --> 00:44:55,155
Yeah. I could slit your
wrist, drain it into a glass,
942
00:44:55,156 --> 00:44:57,892
and drink it... tomorrow,
you'd be a vampire.
943
00:44:57,893 --> 00:44:58,893
I'm game.
944
00:45:03,299 --> 00:45:04,299
Yeah.
945
00:45:06,902 --> 00:45:11,171
I really wish I didn't
turn Chris into a vampire.
946
00:45:11,172 --> 00:45:13,240
I just don't know how
this is gonna play out.
947
00:45:13,241 --> 00:45:17,044
Oh, like a fairy tale, my friend...
like a fairy tale that never ends.
948
00:45:17,045 --> 00:45:19,113
Just the same, I'd better
be there when she wakes up.
949
00:45:19,114 --> 00:45:20,749
Terrific. I'll go with you.
950
00:45:20,750 --> 00:45:21,682
No.
951
00:45:21,683 --> 00:45:23,154
Okay.
952
00:45:25,054 --> 00:45:27,321
Chris?
953
00:45:35,230 --> 00:45:38,332
Oh, shit.
954
00:45:41,504 --> 00:45:42,504
Dvvvt!
955
00:45:45,641 --> 00:45:50,445
What's worse... he steals your
girl or steals your girl, then
956
00:45:50,446 --> 00:45:51,780
turns her into a vampire?
957
00:45:51,781 --> 00:45:53,615
You know, both scenarios suck.
958
00:45:53,616 --> 00:45:56,850
Lucky for me, vampires don't
exist, so I only have to worry
959
00:45:56,851 --> 00:45:58,019
about the first one.
960
00:45:58,020 --> 00:46:00,689
How much evidence do you need?
961
00:46:00,690 --> 00:46:01,690
Come in.
962
00:46:02,792 --> 00:46:03,792
Oh!
963
00:46:06,462 --> 00:46:08,396
Speak of the vampire.
964
00:46:08,397 --> 00:46:12,667
Dr. G, what are you doing
here at this ungodly hour?
965
00:46:12,668 --> 00:46:13,734
It's 9:30.
966
00:46:13,735 --> 00:46:15,503
The witching hour.
967
00:46:15,504 --> 00:46:19,807
Well, can we get anything for
you, perhaps something to drink?
968
00:46:19,808 --> 00:46:20,941
Uh, no thanks.
969
00:46:20,942 --> 00:46:23,678
I'm actually looking for
Chris, uh, Chris Keller.
970
00:46:23,679 --> 00:46:25,546
Yeah. We know her last name.
971
00:46:25,547 --> 00:46:28,416
Some of us used to take baths
with her when we were little.
972
00:46:28,417 --> 00:46:29,718
Well, t-this is important.
973
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:31,720
Have you tried
looking in your car?
974
00:46:31,721 --> 00:46:33,955
I know she spends a lot
of time in there lately.
975
00:46:33,956 --> 00:46:37,359
Please, if you have any information...
The lambda sigs are having a
976
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:39,626
bonfire up the canyon.
977
00:46:39,627 --> 00:46:40,961
Why do you need her?
978
00:46:40,962 --> 00:46:42,732
I-I just need to find her.
979
00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:48,736
You still don't think
he's a vampire?
980
00:46:48,737 --> 00:46:49,737
No.
981
00:46:50,339 --> 00:46:55,439
Just a big, fat,
stupid son of a bitch.
982
00:46:56,444 --> 00:47:01,544
You have to meet Ludmila.
983
00:47:17,732 --> 00:47:21,336
♪ Please don't get me
everything I want ♪
984
00:47:21,337 --> 00:47:23,975
♪ I want to want some things ♪
985
00:47:25,875 --> 00:47:30,512
♪ and if you were to give me
everything, I hope you'd make it
986
00:47:30,513 --> 00:47:35,613
hard for me ♪
987
00:48:13,355 --> 00:48:18,455
Sorry about this, buddy.
988
00:48:25,734 --> 00:48:29,204
♪ Ambush, ambush, ambush,
ambush, ambush, ambush ♪
989
00:48:29,205 --> 00:48:31,606
♪ ambush, ambush, ambush,
ambush, ambush ♪
990
00:48:31,607 --> 00:48:33,640
♪ gather all my folk who's
all together, rally 'round ♪
991
00:48:33,641 --> 00:48:34,309
Hello, Chris.
992
00:48:34,310 --> 00:48:35,443
♪ Listen to the drummer... ♪
993
00:48:35,444 --> 00:48:38,146
Oh, don't you know how to knock?
994
00:48:38,147 --> 00:48:40,048
How many people have you killed?
995
00:48:40,049 --> 00:48:41,281
Uh.
996
00:48:41,282 --> 00:48:42,649
He makes 29.
997
00:48:42,650 --> 00:48:44,785
♪ All my folk who's all
together, rally 'round ♪
998
00:48:44,786 --> 00:48:46,053
♪ listen to the drummer talking ♪
999
00:48:46,054 --> 00:48:47,321
Chris, we need to talk.
1000
00:48:47,322 --> 00:48:49,423
What's there to talk about?
1001
00:48:49,424 --> 00:48:50,758
You're a vampire now.
1002
00:48:50,759 --> 00:48:51,693
Uh-huh.
1003
00:48:51,694 --> 00:48:54,162
And, uh... Wow, really?
1004
00:48:54,163 --> 00:48:57,698
I mean, 29?
1005
00:48:57,699 --> 00:48:58,699
Oh!
1006
00:49:01,270 --> 00:49:03,705
I need to teach you
certain rules.
1007
00:49:03,706 --> 00:49:04,472
Like what?
1008
00:49:04,473 --> 00:49:09,010
Well, how to style your hair
without a mirror, how not to
1009
00:49:09,011 --> 00:49:13,714
blow up in the sun, how to not
leave people alive, or they're
1010
00:49:13,715 --> 00:49:14,916
gonna turn into vampires!
1011
00:49:14,917 --> 00:49:17,484
Then why did you
leave me alive, huh?
1012
00:49:17,485 --> 00:49:19,687
Because I never
meant to hurt you.
1013
00:49:19,688 --> 00:49:20,688
Oh!
1014
00:49:21,290 --> 00:49:26,390
Look, we need to talk
about alternatives here.
1015
00:49:28,697 --> 00:49:29,963
What are you talking about?
1016
00:49:29,964 --> 00:49:33,167
Well, like... like
drinking animal blood.
1017
00:49:33,168 --> 00:49:34,535
But you didn't get my note?
1018
00:49:34,536 --> 00:49:37,104
Yeah. I tried that
shit in your fridge.
1019
00:49:37,105 --> 00:49:38,272
You get used to it.
1020
00:49:38,273 --> 00:49:42,109
Just because you're a weak-ass
vampire doesn't mean I have to be.
1021
00:49:42,110 --> 00:49:44,979
Look, I know this is all
very, very new to you.
1022
00:49:44,980 --> 00:49:46,647
It's probably very difficult.
1023
00:49:46,648 --> 00:49:47,648
No.
1024
00:49:47,982 --> 00:49:50,285
You know, it's
actually kind of easy.
1025
00:49:50,286 --> 00:49:52,687
Well, help me clean this up, and
then we can talk about this.
1026
00:49:52,688 --> 00:49:53,588
You know what?
1027
00:49:53,589 --> 00:49:54,689
Clean it up yourself.
1028
00:49:54,690 --> 00:49:57,591
Oh!
1029
00:49:57,592 --> 00:49:59,560
♪ This woman mean,
an aggravated teen ♪
1030
00:49:59,561 --> 00:50:01,162
♪ got you running scared ♪
1031
00:50:01,163 --> 00:50:03,731
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta.
1032
00:50:03,732 --> 00:50:05,700
♪ ...shook by guerrilla
tactics, ambush ♪
1033
00:50:05,701 --> 00:50:07,035
♪ you can say you been hit now ♪
1034
00:50:07,036 --> 00:50:09,437
♪ gather all my folk who's
all together, rally 'round ♪
1035
00:50:09,438 --> 00:50:12,472
♪ listen to the drummer
talking, listen to the sound ♪
1036
00:50:12,473 --> 00:50:16,143
♪ ambush ♪
1037
00:50:30,993 --> 00:50:34,928
♪ Mary, I can't wait ♪
1038
00:50:34,929 --> 00:50:39,533
♪ to hold you in my arms ♪
1039
00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:41,202
♪ I always knew ♪
1040
00:50:41,203 --> 00:50:42,403
♪ this day would come ♪
1041
00:50:42,404 --> 00:50:46,941
Want to catch a movie?
1042
00:50:46,942 --> 00:50:52,042
♪ Now we're sitting here,
in lives we can't deny ♪
1043
00:50:53,047 --> 00:50:54,047
Mary! Whoa!
1044
00:50:57,453 --> 00:51:00,156
Your toast is burnt.
1045
00:51:02,056 --> 00:51:04,359
♪ Mary, I said I love you ♪
1046
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:05,827
I want a divorce.
1047
00:51:05,828 --> 00:51:07,894
♪ I hope you feel the same ♪
1048
00:51:07,895 --> 00:51:11,231
I deserve a smoothy.
1049
00:51:11,232 --> 00:51:12,533
♪ There's just something... ♪
1050
00:51:12,534 --> 00:51:15,236
I killed a priest when
he said I had no soul.
1051
00:51:15,237 --> 00:51:19,307
I killed a football player
who had feelings for me.
1052
00:51:19,308 --> 00:51:21,142
♪ Mary, hold me close ♪
1053
00:51:21,143 --> 00:51:22,577
Oh.
1054
00:51:22,578 --> 00:51:24,646
You really couldn't grow
your teeth without me?
1055
00:51:24,647 --> 00:51:29,747
Well, okay, well,
I-I said I couldn't.
1056
00:51:29,851 --> 00:51:33,086
But then the funniest
thing happened to me.
1057
00:51:33,087 --> 00:51:37,557
Okay, so... okay, not "ha
ha" funny, more of a, um,
1058
00:51:37,558 --> 00:51:41,129
like, "that's interesting"
kind of funny, you know?
1059
00:51:41,130 --> 00:51:42,196
Um.
1060
00:51:42,197 --> 00:51:44,164
So, you know your daughter Chris?
1061
00:51:44,165 --> 00:51:45,233
Yeah.
Yeah.
1062
00:51:45,234 --> 00:51:46,667
How do you... how
do you know her?
1063
00:51:46,668 --> 00:51:47,801
Well, just from school.
1064
00:51:47,802 --> 00:51:51,104
But you know how you two
look exactly alike?
1065
00:51:51,105 --> 00:51:53,173
We're practically twins.
1066
00:51:53,174 --> 00:51:54,042
Yeah. Yeah.
1067
00:51:54,043 --> 00:51:59,143
So, anyway, uh, she made
my teeth grow long.
1068
00:52:00,516 --> 00:52:02,383
And then we had sex
a bunch of times.
1069
00:52:02,384 --> 00:52:07,484
Um, but I am not in love with her,
and we were about to break up.
1070
00:52:08,623 --> 00:52:11,658
Also, uh, I turned her into a
vampire, and she killed about
1071
00:52:11,659 --> 00:52:16,759
29 people so far.
1072
00:52:17,299 --> 00:52:20,133
I thought of you every time.
1073
00:52:20,134 --> 00:52:22,870
You have to get out of here.
1074
00:52:22,871 --> 00:52:23,403
Mary.
1075
00:52:23,404 --> 00:52:24,037
Go away.
1076
00:52:24,038 --> 00:52:26,573
♪ Mary, I can't wait ♪
1077
00:52:26,574 --> 00:52:27,408
Go away!
1078
00:52:27,409 --> 00:52:31,546
♪ To hold you in my arms ♪
1079
00:52:31,547 --> 00:52:35,921
♪ I always knew this
day would come ♪
1080
00:52:38,821 --> 00:52:43,921
♪ and now we're sitting here,
in lives we can't rely on ♪
1081
00:52:50,264 --> 00:52:53,312
They prefer to make
love in the daytime.
1082
00:52:53,601 --> 00:52:56,803
It calms their fear of the sun.
1083
00:52:56,804 --> 00:53:01,904
After climax,
I always take a sketch.
1084
00:53:02,744 --> 00:53:04,077
What? What's wrong?
1085
00:53:04,078 --> 00:53:05,680
You don't like sex?
1086
00:53:05,681 --> 00:53:07,749
No, I'd probably love sex.
1087
00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:10,151
I just... I don't see how
hearing about your multiple
1088
00:53:10,152 --> 00:53:11,519
partners is gonna help us out.
1089
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,638
There is over 1,000
sketches in this book.
1090
00:53:15,257 --> 00:53:20,357
If he has ball
sac... He's in there.
1091
00:53:22,563 --> 00:53:25,172
Ball sac?
1092
00:53:30,072 --> 00:53:31,372
What... what about him?
1093
00:53:31,373 --> 00:53:33,039
Did you make love to him?
1094
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:37,345
No, not this one... And
God knows I tried.
1095
00:53:37,346 --> 00:53:40,481
I met him in Coney island, 1986.
1096
00:53:40,482 --> 00:53:45,582
He said he loved once
before and that was enough.
1097
00:53:45,888 --> 00:53:48,122
He got me a corn dog.
1098
00:53:48,123 --> 00:53:49,457
What was his name?
1099
00:53:49,458 --> 00:53:52,660
He never said, but his
nickname I remember.
1100
00:53:52,661 --> 00:53:54,195
What was it?
1101
00:53:54,196 --> 00:53:55,229
The great one.
1102
00:53:55,230 --> 00:53:55,997
Let's go.
1103
00:53:55,998 --> 00:53:58,566
I've got an appointment with
her, but I'll meet you out...
1104
00:53:58,567 --> 00:54:01,334
meet you out there.
1105
00:54:01,335 --> 00:54:03,274
Thank you.
1106
00:54:06,174 --> 00:54:08,176
Take this and put it on there.
1107
00:54:08,177 --> 00:54:09,343
Are you sure?
1108
00:54:09,344 --> 00:54:12,379
Oh, hey, bitch faces,
where is everybody?
1109
00:54:12,380 --> 00:54:13,914
I think they went bowling.
1110
00:54:13,915 --> 00:54:15,216
Lame.
1111
00:54:15,217 --> 00:54:16,484
Is this absinthe?
1112
00:54:16,485 --> 00:54:18,486
You do not even know
what you're missing.
1113
00:54:18,487 --> 00:54:19,586
None of you do.
1114
00:54:19,587 --> 00:54:23,256
I've got something that
will blow you mind.
1115
00:54:23,257 --> 00:54:25,158
What is it?
1116
00:54:25,159 --> 00:54:28,229
Come in here.
1117
00:54:28,230 --> 00:54:30,932
Where's your whip,
sexified bitch?
1118
00:54:30,933 --> 00:54:31,933
Ow!
1119
00:54:35,904 --> 00:54:38,372
Are you trying to be,
like, all lesbian on me?
1120
00:54:38,373 --> 00:54:39,941
Just come here.
1121
00:54:39,942 --> 00:54:42,676
Do you want to do body shots?
1122
00:54:42,677 --> 00:54:43,677
Shh.
1123
00:54:44,746 --> 00:54:45,746
Mm.
1124
00:54:46,781 --> 00:54:47,781
Okay.
1125
00:54:52,855 --> 00:54:53,855
Ooh.
1126
00:54:55,891 --> 00:54:58,792
Oh, Chris, I'm so glad
you roll this way.
1127
00:54:58,793 --> 00:55:01,835
Mm. Me too.
1128
00:55:06,735 --> 00:55:10,073
Ugh! Aah!
1129
00:55:13,174 --> 00:55:14,441
Oh, my God!
1130
00:55:14,442 --> 00:55:15,642
Oh, my God.
1131
00:55:15,643 --> 00:55:16,643
Ta-da!
1132
00:55:17,746 --> 00:55:18,678
What?
1133
00:55:18,679 --> 00:55:20,180
You'll thank me tomorrow.
1134
00:55:20,181 --> 00:55:21,147
Aah!
1135
00:55:21,148 --> 00:55:22,148
Yeah.
1136
00:55:22,951 --> 00:55:24,885
Yeah, that looks good.
1137
00:55:24,886 --> 00:55:25,886
Come on.
1138
00:55:26,388 --> 00:55:28,388
Come on.
1139
00:55:28,389 --> 00:55:30,825
Nothing.
1140
00:55:30,826 --> 00:55:34,629
Why did you have to
tell her about Chris?
1141
00:55:34,630 --> 00:55:36,430
I mean you had to, right?
1142
00:55:36,431 --> 00:55:37,497
Damn it.
1143
00:55:37,498 --> 00:55:38,798
All those hours of therapy, and
1144
00:55:38,799 --> 00:55:42,937
now we're right back
to the drawing board.
1145
00:55:42,938 --> 00:55:44,205
Your hands are prune-y.
1146
00:55:44,206 --> 00:55:49,306
That seems odd happening
to a vampire.
1147
00:55:50,612 --> 00:55:53,847
So, is, uh, 29 a lot?
1148
00:55:53,848 --> 00:55:55,416
Yeah, it's a lot.
1149
00:55:55,417 --> 00:55:57,584
What... you don't think that's a lot?
Well, I don't know.
1150
00:55:57,585 --> 00:56:00,854
There was a guy in Toulouse.
He killed 19 his first night.
1151
00:56:00,855 --> 00:56:02,923
He's what they call a
Nosferatu Puternic.
1152
00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:03,890
What's that?
1153
00:56:03,891 --> 00:56:05,760
It's Romanian for
"super vampire."
1154
00:56:05,761 --> 00:56:07,662
These guys are
cold-blooded murderers.
1155
00:56:07,663 --> 00:56:09,664
They kill way more
than they can drink.
1156
00:56:09,665 --> 00:56:10,830
Is he still alive?
1157
00:56:10,831 --> 00:56:11,798
No, no.
1158
00:56:11,799 --> 00:56:15,769
He fell asleep in the sun.
1159
00:56:15,770 --> 00:56:20,870
You have to kill her, don't you?
1160
00:56:31,319 --> 00:56:32,519
Are you crazy?
1161
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:34,055
I thought we were
here to kill him.
1162
00:56:34,056 --> 00:56:35,622
Dude, the sunlight will kill him.
1163
00:56:35,623 --> 00:56:37,992
And this way, if... if he's not
a vampire, we won't go to jail.
1164
00:56:37,993 --> 00:56:38,725
What the hell?
1165
00:56:38,726 --> 00:56:41,629
For the last five weeks, you've been
saying you're positive he's a vampire.
1166
00:56:41,630 --> 00:56:44,197
And I am, but this way, I
don't have to be positive.
1167
00:56:45,801 --> 00:56:49,070
♪ Thou shalt break them ♪
1168
00:56:49,071 --> 00:56:52,372
♪ thou shalt break them ♪
1169
00:56:52,373 --> 00:56:53,841
Yo, Dr. G.
1170
00:56:53,842 --> 00:56:55,276
You played me like a bitch!
1171
00:56:55,277 --> 00:56:56,644
Like a bitch!
1172
00:56:56,645 --> 00:56:57,310
What?
1173
00:56:57,311 --> 00:56:58,079
You stole my girl.
1174
00:56:58,080 --> 00:56:59,646
I don't know what
you're talking about.
1175
00:56:59,647 --> 00:57:02,216
And we got a picture to prove it.
You have a photograph of me?
1176
00:57:02,217 --> 00:57:03,917
Yeah, come around
the desk and see it.
1177
00:57:03,918 --> 00:57:04,751
Well, show it to me.
1178
00:57:04,752 --> 00:57:06,320
I'm too tired to come over.
1179
00:57:06,321 --> 00:57:09,557
♪ Thou shalt dash them
in pieces, in pieces ♪
1180
00:57:09,558 --> 00:57:11,792
It's empty.
1181
00:57:11,793 --> 00:57:12,793
Aah!
1182
00:57:12,927 --> 00:57:16,530
We bounced sunlight
on your vampire ass!
1183
00:57:16,531 --> 00:57:18,666
How you like me now, huh? Huh?!
1184
00:57:18,667 --> 00:57:19,667
Ohh!
1185
00:57:20,969 --> 00:57:22,803
He didn't die, you asshole!
1186
00:57:22,804 --> 00:57:27,874
I don't have time for this!
1187
00:57:27,875 --> 00:57:29,010
That's hickory, you moron.
1188
00:57:29,011 --> 00:57:30,176
♪ Thou shalt break them ♪
1189
00:57:30,177 --> 00:57:32,479
Ohh!
1190
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,115
Oh, that's such bullshit!
1191
00:57:34,116 --> 00:57:38,618
♪ Thou shalt break them
with a rod of iron ♪
1192
00:57:38,619 --> 00:57:41,555
You guys are really easy
to fight, so stop, okay?
1193
00:57:41,556 --> 00:57:42,522
Let's just talk.
1194
00:57:42,523 --> 00:57:44,758
Just promise not to
bite my best friend.
1195
00:57:44,759 --> 00:57:49,859
Please, please, please, pl...
I'm not going to.
1196
00:57:50,431 --> 00:57:53,434
I couldn't, anyway... Not
with everything that's going
1197
00:57:53,435 --> 00:57:55,836
on in my personal life.
1198
00:57:55,837 --> 00:57:57,171
Why don't you guys take a seat?
1199
00:57:57,172 --> 00:57:59,240
I don't want to sit
down in your sex chair.
1200
00:57:59,241 --> 00:58:01,374
Well, just lean against
something, then, okay?
1201
00:58:01,375 --> 00:58:02,977
What if I just want to stand up?
1202
00:58:02,978 --> 00:58:04,044
Fine. Whatever.
1203
00:58:04,045 --> 00:58:07,048
What I'm trying to say is that
what I have to tell you guys is
1204
00:58:07,049 --> 00:58:09,050
gonna be a little bit difficult
to take standing up.
1205
00:58:09,051 --> 00:58:11,352
Really? More difficult than
finding out that your most
1206
00:58:11,353 --> 00:58:13,620
favorite teacher ever is a
vampire and he had a bunch of
1207
00:58:13,621 --> 00:58:16,390
"crazy good sex"
with your soul mate?
1208
00:58:16,391 --> 00:58:17,258
It gets worse.
1209
00:58:17,259 --> 00:58:18,492
What... you killed her?!
1210
00:58:18,493 --> 00:58:19,193
No.
1211
00:58:19,194 --> 00:58:21,294
I turned her into a vampire.
1212
00:58:21,295 --> 00:58:24,765
And now we have to kill her.
1213
00:58:24,766 --> 00:58:25,365
Bastard!
1214
00:58:25,366 --> 00:58:26,633
I know. I know.
1215
00:58:26,634 --> 00:58:27,734
I'm a bastard.
1216
00:58:27,735 --> 00:58:31,671
I'm a son of a bitch
and just a big dick.
1217
00:58:31,672 --> 00:58:36,772
You know, I didn't mean for
any of this stuff to happen.
1218
00:58:37,344 --> 00:58:41,582
But she's out of control...
And I have to stop her.
1219
00:58:41,583 --> 00:58:43,417
How?
1220
00:58:43,418 --> 00:58:45,452
I don't know yet.
1221
00:58:45,453 --> 00:58:46,453
Um.
1222
00:58:47,389 --> 00:58:49,522
Let us help you.
1223
00:58:49,523 --> 00:58:50,691
You guys suck.
1224
00:58:50,692 --> 00:58:52,126
Dude, she's really pretty and
1225
00:58:52,127 --> 00:58:54,227
everything, but she
wasn't that into you.
1226
00:58:54,228 --> 00:58:57,231
And... and now she's
a demon from hell!
1227
00:58:57,232 --> 00:59:00,100
I said you suck!
1228
00:59:00,101 --> 00:59:02,774
Tell us what to do.
1229
00:59:08,909 --> 00:59:11,812
So, why does it have to be ash?
1230
00:59:11,813 --> 00:59:12,479
I don't know.
1231
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:14,448
Why does the sun make me explode?
1232
00:59:14,449 --> 00:59:18,084
I mean, why am I still
allergic to peanuts?
1233
00:59:18,085 --> 00:59:21,555
So, after we kill Chris, do
we get to kill you, too?
1234
00:59:21,556 --> 00:59:23,423
Well, I guess I
wouldn't blame you.
1235
00:59:23,424 --> 00:59:24,859
'Cause you're still a vampire.
1236
00:59:24,860 --> 00:59:26,359
Yeah, Fred, but he's different.
1237
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:30,164
"Different" as in he likes to have sex with
teenage girls and turn them into vampires?
1238
00:59:30,165 --> 00:59:33,100
Well, I guess I'm different because
I don't like to kill people.
1239
00:59:33,101 --> 00:59:36,336
Yeah, just your
ex-girlfriends.
1240
00:59:36,337 --> 00:59:38,607
Turns out.
1241
00:59:40,407 --> 00:59:42,408
You've been one
way longer than her.
1242
00:59:42,409 --> 00:59:44,044
Shouldn't you be
way more powerful?
1243
00:59:44,045 --> 00:59:46,914
Yeah. Why can't you
fight her by yourself?
1244
00:59:46,915 --> 00:59:49,082
It's because I'm impotent.
1245
00:59:49,083 --> 00:59:51,285
Vampires fight
with their wieners?
1246
00:59:51,286 --> 00:59:52,286
No.
1247
00:59:52,453 --> 00:59:55,892
I assure you I can hold
a gigantic erection.
1248
00:59:56,792 --> 00:59:58,132
Um, I can maintain an erection.
1249
00:59:59,226 --> 01:00:01,909
What I mean by "impotent"
is that I can't vamp out.
1250
01:00:03,031 --> 01:00:05,466
I can't... can't grow my teeth.
1251
01:00:05,467 --> 01:00:06,600
Why not?
1252
01:00:06,601 --> 01:00:09,303
Is it because you're a dick?
1253
01:00:09,304 --> 01:00:10,838
It's a long story.
1254
01:00:10,839 --> 01:00:15,939
But even if I could vamp out,
she's way stronger than me.
1255
01:00:16,710 --> 01:00:20,747
I saw her strength that first
night, and she's just learning.
1256
01:00:20,748 --> 01:00:21,748
Figures.
1257
01:00:22,150 --> 01:00:23,751
You would be a weak-ass vampire.
1258
01:00:23,752 --> 01:00:27,921
I'm not weak...
she's stronger.
1259
01:00:27,922 --> 01:00:32,026
So, do vampires do everything
in horseshit and snow?
1260
01:00:32,027 --> 01:00:32,992
Yeah, Tom.
1261
01:00:32,993 --> 01:00:35,361
Yeah, everything we do is
in horseshit and snow.
1262
01:00:35,362 --> 01:00:38,164
You got that from the
vampire book, I guess.
1263
01:00:38,165 --> 01:00:38,899
Just saying.
1264
01:00:38,900 --> 01:00:40,501
It's the only place in the shade.
1265
01:00:40,502 --> 01:00:42,068
What do you want?
1266
01:00:42,069 --> 01:00:44,738
Okay, I'm gonna be holding her
down because that's gonna be
1267
01:00:44,739 --> 01:00:45,539
the hardest part.
1268
01:00:45,540 --> 01:00:47,975
Here. I want you to hold the
stake into place and just lean
1269
01:00:47,976 --> 01:00:48,908
into it a little bit.
1270
01:00:48,909 --> 01:00:50,211
'Cause I'm heavy?
1271
01:00:50,212 --> 01:00:51,178
Just to help, all right?
1272
01:00:51,179 --> 01:00:53,213
Fred, get ready with
the sledgehammer.
1273
01:00:53,214 --> 01:00:56,283
Hey, hold it right
over her heart, okay?
1274
01:00:56,284 --> 01:00:58,419
Dude, do not smash my fingers.
1275
01:00:58,420 --> 01:01:00,486
All right, Fred, you
got to hit it hard.
1276
01:01:00,487 --> 01:01:03,224
Vampire bone is very dense.
1277
01:01:03,225 --> 01:01:04,490
Okay.
1278
01:01:04,491 --> 01:01:05,992
We only got one shot at this.
1279
01:01:05,993 --> 01:01:08,829
You nail that bitch
to the ground.
1280
01:01:08,830 --> 01:01:12,768
She's my bitch, you big dick.
1281
01:01:15,871 --> 01:01:18,972
How the hell do I
get out of here?!
1282
01:01:18,973 --> 01:01:23,010
You big dick and your
big, fat dickhead fence!
1283
01:01:23,011 --> 01:01:25,678
I hate you!
1284
01:01:25,679 --> 01:01:27,814
♪ I'm holding that against you ♪
1285
01:01:27,815 --> 01:01:31,084
Dude, if you do that during the
real one, it's gonna suck so bad.
1286
01:01:31,085 --> 01:01:32,137
♪ Deceive me ♪
1287
01:01:34,121 --> 01:01:38,892
♪ I know you did ♪
1288
01:01:38,893 --> 01:01:41,829
♪ I'm sorry ♪
1289
01:01:41,830 --> 01:01:43,664
This is hard on all of us, Fred.
1290
01:01:43,665 --> 01:01:46,934
That's easy for you to say.
1291
01:01:46,935 --> 01:01:47,968
♪ Together ♪
1292
01:01:47,969 --> 01:01:49,769
She was supposed to be my breezy.
1293
01:01:49,770 --> 01:01:54,870
♪ We're so far apart ♪
1294
01:02:05,987 --> 01:02:07,988
The blood drive is mandatory.
1295
01:02:07,989 --> 01:02:10,490
We're going to have it
at the STD boys' house.
1296
01:02:10,491 --> 01:02:11,425
Where's Chris?
1297
01:02:11,426 --> 01:02:12,693
She's supposed to be here.
1298
01:02:12,694 --> 01:02:14,995
How are they gonna have a
blood drive at our house?
1299
01:02:14,996 --> 01:02:17,097
They're going to park
a trailer in front.
1300
01:02:17,098 --> 01:02:18,731
It's got everything they need.
1301
01:02:18,732 --> 01:02:23,832
We just need to supply all the
refreshments for the donors, okay?
1302
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:28,008
Oh, I just got the chills.
1303
01:02:28,009 --> 01:02:29,809
Where have you guys been?
1304
01:02:29,810 --> 01:02:32,245
Oh, well, we just, uh, killed a
gas station attendant, and we
1305
01:02:32,246 --> 01:02:34,448
had to cover it up.
1306
01:02:34,449 --> 01:02:35,783
Oh, that's funny.
1307
01:02:35,784 --> 01:02:40,585
Oh, it was.
1308
01:02:41,188 --> 01:02:42,188
Aah!
1309
01:02:45,460 --> 01:02:46,460
Aah!
1310
01:02:46,860 --> 01:02:48,162
Oh, my God!
1311
01:02:48,163 --> 01:02:49,330
Oh, my God!
1312
01:02:49,331 --> 01:02:50,863
Meeting adjourned, bitches.
1313
01:02:50,864 --> 01:02:53,303
Now, who wants to be a vampire?
1314
01:02:55,203 --> 01:02:57,140
Come on. Don't be shy.
1315
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:00,707
All right.
1316
01:03:00,708 --> 01:03:04,577
Well, the rest of you are dinner.
1317
01:03:04,578 --> 01:03:09,416
Let's get out of here, Fred.
1318
01:03:09,417 --> 01:03:10,417
Dr. G!
1319
01:03:15,956 --> 01:03:18,325
Dr. G, oh, my God!
1320
01:03:18,326 --> 01:03:20,059
I've been looking
everywhere for you guys.
1321
01:03:20,060 --> 01:03:22,262
Fred wanted to try
to talk to Chris.
1322
01:03:22,263 --> 01:03:22,863
Did you?
1323
01:03:22,864 --> 01:03:24,164
What did you do to her?
1324
01:03:24,165 --> 01:03:27,200
She's turning her
sorority into vampires!
1325
01:03:27,201 --> 01:03:28,234
Only half of them.
1326
01:03:28,235 --> 01:03:31,638
They're gonna eat the rest.
1327
01:03:31,639 --> 01:03:32,638
We're gonna need help.
1328
01:03:32,639 --> 01:03:35,274
Who's gonna help us?
1329
01:03:35,275 --> 01:03:38,611
Huh?
1330
01:03:40,547 --> 01:03:42,316
Hello, Wayne.
1331
01:03:42,317 --> 01:03:43,317
Hi, Mary.
1332
01:03:43,985 --> 01:03:47,854
I-I was just noticing how
beautiful your flowers are.
1333
01:03:47,855 --> 01:03:48,855
They're mums.
1334
01:03:49,991 --> 01:03:55,091
Well, your mum has
excellent taste.
1335
01:03:55,864 --> 01:03:59,233
♪ Here we are again ♪
1336
01:03:59,234 --> 01:04:00,033
♪ dancing through... ♪
1337
01:04:00,034 --> 01:04:01,535
How do you know Fred green?
1338
01:04:01,536 --> 01:04:06,339
Uh, he's, uh, helping us with
the logistics on... How we're
1339
01:04:06,340 --> 01:04:09,943
going to kill Chris.
1340
01:04:09,944 --> 01:04:12,379
She's turned her sorority
sisters into vampires.
1341
01:04:12,380 --> 01:04:13,646
And she's strong.
1342
01:04:13,647 --> 01:04:15,749
She's really strong.
1343
01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,551
Why did you do this to her?
1344
01:04:17,552 --> 01:04:22,652
You know the funniest
things happen in life.
1345
01:04:22,723 --> 01:04:25,709
This is not one of them,
though, as you know.
1346
01:04:26,527 --> 01:04:29,930
I messed up pretty bad.
1347
01:04:29,931 --> 01:04:33,100
Why did you bury me?
1348
01:04:33,101 --> 01:04:36,803
I didn't know.
1349
01:04:36,804 --> 01:04:38,805
I need your help, Mary.
1350
01:04:38,806 --> 01:04:39,872
Is Fred a vampire now?
1351
01:04:39,873 --> 01:04:40,774
No. No, no, no.
1352
01:04:40,775 --> 01:04:42,008
He's just helping us out.
1353
01:04:42,009 --> 01:04:44,510
He'll be killed.
1354
01:04:44,511 --> 01:04:49,115
Well, we're working
on a game plan.
1355
01:04:49,116 --> 01:04:51,084
I won't help you
kill my daughter.
1356
01:04:51,085 --> 01:04:52,086
I can't do that.
1357
01:04:52,087 --> 01:04:55,088
Yeah, I figured as much.
1358
01:04:55,089 --> 01:05:00,189
If I could just have your blessing...
Well... Wish me luck.
1359
01:05:08,103 --> 01:05:09,375
Probably die.
1360
01:05:15,909 --> 01:05:18,979
I was hungry, so I had to stop
for a burrito at "Chipotel."
1361
01:05:18,980 --> 01:05:21,515
I'm almost there, all right?
1362
01:05:21,516 --> 01:05:23,550
Dude, it's pronounced both ways.
1363
01:05:23,551 --> 01:05:24,617
Mom?
1364
01:05:24,618 --> 01:05:25,952
Hey, Chris.
1365
01:05:25,953 --> 01:05:27,988
Hi, Tom.
1366
01:05:27,989 --> 01:05:30,224
So, I guess it's
supposed to rain today.
1367
01:05:30,225 --> 01:05:34,394
I wish I had the foresight to
have bring my umbr-r-r-ella.
1368
01:05:34,395 --> 01:05:36,997
So... Ah, yeah.
1369
01:05:36,998 --> 01:05:39,399
I see you guys all
got yours open.
1370
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:41,334
Mm. Just preserving our skin.
1371
01:05:41,335 --> 01:05:43,102
Ooh, very smart.
1372
01:05:43,103 --> 01:05:45,872
So, what do I do with it today?
1373
01:05:45,873 --> 01:05:48,908
- What is...
- Oh, this is for the blood
drive at your house.
1374
01:05:48,909 --> 01:05:49,843
Didn't you know about it?
1375
01:05:49,844 --> 01:05:54,381
Yeah. I guess I just assumed
it was canceled, 'cause...
1376
01:05:54,382 --> 01:05:57,050
Why would it be canceled?
1377
01:05:57,051 --> 01:05:59,318
Weather.
1378
01:05:59,319 --> 01:06:01,088
This is for skin cancer.
1379
01:06:01,089 --> 01:06:01,854
Oh.
1380
01:06:01,855 --> 01:06:02,855
So sorry.
1381
01:06:03,857 --> 01:06:04,524
Okay.
1382
01:06:04,525 --> 01:06:06,626
Hey, don't let Fred come.
1383
01:06:06,627 --> 01:06:07,493
Why not?
1384
01:06:07,494 --> 01:06:11,932
I-I'm like 100% positive
he has a heart murmur.
1385
01:06:11,933 --> 01:06:13,566
But you should come.
1386
01:06:13,567 --> 01:06:15,868
I see how it is.
1387
01:06:15,869 --> 01:06:18,071
Well, I guess I've
got to go to class.
1388
01:06:18,072 --> 01:06:23,172
- If you'll excuse me...
- Thank you.
1389
01:06:27,848 --> 01:06:30,283
You know, if someone would
have told me four months ago
1390
01:06:30,284 --> 01:06:32,718
that, by the end of the
semester, I'd be plotting to
1391
01:06:32,719 --> 01:06:37,524
kill my... True love 'cause she's
a psychotic vampire, I would
1392
01:06:37,525 --> 01:06:42,625
have been like... "No way."
1393
01:06:43,897 --> 01:06:47,367
But now that we're actually doing it and...
I just look back
1394
01:06:47,368 --> 01:06:51,338
on that imagined scenario, and
I-I just want to grab myself and
1395
01:06:51,339 --> 01:06:53,673
I want to say,
"listen to this guy.
1396
01:06:53,674 --> 01:06:57,211
He knows exactly what
he's talking about."
1397
01:06:57,212 --> 01:06:59,412
Dr. G!
1398
01:06:59,413 --> 01:07:04,513
Son of a bitch!
1399
01:07:07,388 --> 01:07:08,388
Damn!
1400
01:07:12,627 --> 01:07:14,461
I'm sorry about that.
1401
01:07:14,462 --> 01:07:16,863
Tom, hey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
1402
01:07:16,864 --> 01:07:19,298
More like a bunch of vampires
that are trying to kill me and
1403
01:07:19,299 --> 01:07:22,602
my fraternity.
1404
01:07:22,603 --> 01:07:23,903
A blood drive?
1405
01:07:23,904 --> 01:07:24,937
They're still having it?
1406
01:07:24,938 --> 01:07:27,106
Yeah, and they're out,
passing out flyers.
1407
01:07:27,107 --> 01:07:29,709
And Chris said you couldn't come
'cause you have a heart murmur.
1408
01:07:29,710 --> 01:07:31,211
I don't have a heart murmur.
1409
01:07:31,212 --> 01:07:33,946
Then she's a liar and a vampire.
1410
01:07:33,947 --> 01:07:36,783
Why doesn't she want me there?
1411
01:07:36,784 --> 01:07:40,086
This... that doesn't
change anything, okay?
1412
01:07:40,087 --> 01:07:42,722
This just lets us know
where they're gonna be.
1413
01:07:42,723 --> 01:07:46,796
Now, let's put on
our thinking caps.
1414
01:07:53,101 --> 01:07:56,035
Bury me good.
1415
01:07:56,036 --> 01:07:59,472
You wanted to see me?
1416
01:07:59,473 --> 01:08:00,473
Hi.
1417
01:08:02,442 --> 01:08:03,442
Ah.
1418
01:08:03,578 --> 01:08:07,580
Chris invited me to the blood
drive, and I told her that I
1419
01:08:07,581 --> 01:08:08,481
couldn't make it.
1420
01:08:08,482 --> 01:08:13,582
But then I got to thinking...
how selfish of me.
1421
01:08:20,928 --> 01:08:22,296
Is this your blood?
1422
01:08:22,297 --> 01:08:23,297
It is.
1423
01:08:23,364 --> 01:08:24,364
Mm.
1424
01:08:25,600 --> 01:08:26,432
I hope it's enough.
1425
01:08:26,433 --> 01:08:29,735
Um, I actually feel
a little faint.
1426
01:08:29,736 --> 01:08:32,538
Um, could you see
that Chris gets this?
1427
01:08:32,539 --> 01:08:36,142
I'm sure she'll know
what to do with it.
1428
01:08:36,143 --> 01:08:39,046
Sure thing.
1429
01:08:39,047 --> 01:08:44,147
Well, um, I think, uh, I think I'll
turn in a little early tonight.
1430
01:08:46,654 --> 01:08:48,488
You're gonna sleep in here?
1431
01:08:48,489 --> 01:08:49,489
Oh.
1432
01:08:49,891 --> 01:08:54,991
You have no idea how
comfy this thing is.
1433
01:08:57,130 --> 01:09:02,230
Don't drink and drive.
1434
01:09:16,718 --> 01:09:17,950
You almost done?
1435
01:09:17,951 --> 01:09:18,651
All done.
1436
01:09:18,652 --> 01:09:19,453
We got to hurry.
1437
01:09:19,454 --> 01:09:23,222
The salon closes
earlier on Fridays.
1438
01:09:23,223 --> 01:09:26,159
Hey, tweedle-dumbasses,
what is this?
1439
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:27,694
Uh, it's our new coat rack.
1440
01:09:27,695 --> 01:09:29,962
Why the hell do the hooks go
all the way to the floor?
1441
01:09:29,963 --> 01:09:31,832
Just in case a
little kid comes over.
1442
01:09:31,833 --> 01:09:33,734
Kids aren't allowed here.
1443
01:09:33,735 --> 01:09:36,069
Clean this shit up
before the party.
1444
01:09:36,070 --> 01:09:38,372
♪ Resistance is futile ♪
1445
01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:39,138
Wait a second.
1446
01:09:39,139 --> 01:09:41,341
Aah! Jared! Jared! Ow.
1447
01:09:41,342 --> 01:09:46,442
♪ And I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1448
01:09:47,882 --> 01:09:50,050
We're here to set up.
1449
01:09:50,051 --> 01:09:52,718
Fred... I didn't
think you'd be here.
1450
01:09:52,719 --> 01:09:55,388
Well, I guess a lot of things
happen that you'd never, in your
1451
01:09:55,389 --> 01:09:57,257
wildest dreams, would
think would happen.
1452
01:09:57,258 --> 01:09:58,525
Kappa hos!
1453
01:09:58,526 --> 01:10:00,226
What's up, ladies.
1454
01:10:00,227 --> 01:10:01,595
Well, hello, Kyle.
1455
01:10:01,596 --> 01:10:02,328
Sweet.
1456
01:10:02,329 --> 01:10:04,297
You guys all look like hookers.
1457
01:10:04,298 --> 01:10:06,565
All right, we got to go.
1458
01:10:06,566 --> 01:10:08,502
So... You won't be here?
1459
01:10:08,503 --> 01:10:10,971
Well, then, do you
want me to be here?
1460
01:10:10,972 --> 01:10:14,141
Well, I guess it doesn't
matter either way.
1461
01:10:14,142 --> 01:10:16,409
So it's like that, then?
1462
01:10:16,410 --> 01:10:17,843
Like what?
1463
01:10:17,844 --> 01:10:19,044
We'd best skedaddle.
1464
01:10:19,045 --> 01:10:22,547
So, excuse us.
1465
01:10:29,389 --> 01:10:34,489
Friends, family, Ludmila...
take a good look at me now
1466
01:10:35,929 --> 01:10:39,666
because this could be the
last time you see me alive.
1467
01:10:39,667 --> 01:10:43,003
Just know that I love you
and I did it for you.
1468
01:10:43,004 --> 01:10:48,104
And to the kappa O’s...
buckle up, bitches.
1469
01:10:51,579 --> 01:10:56,679
We 'bout to ride
your asses to hell.
1470
01:11:30,218 --> 01:11:31,889
♪ Ah ♪
1471
01:11:35,789 --> 01:11:36,789
♪ ah-ah ♪
1472
01:11:37,758 --> 01:11:38,758
♪ ah-ah ♪
1473
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:40,560
♪ ah-ah ♪
1474
01:11:41,596 --> 01:11:42,596
♪ ah-ah ♪
1475
01:11:43,396 --> 01:11:45,198
♪ ah-ah ♪
1476
01:11:45,199 --> 01:11:46,199
♪ ah-ah ♪
1477
01:11:47,168 --> 01:11:48,168
♪ ah-ah ♪
1478
01:11:49,070 --> 01:11:51,637
♪ ah-ah ♪
1479
01:11:51,638 --> 01:11:53,672
Hey, are you guys done
playing grab-ass?
1480
01:11:53,673 --> 01:11:54,440
Almost.
1481
01:11:54,441 --> 01:11:55,976
And what the hell is this?
1482
01:11:55,977 --> 01:11:59,279
Dude, it is what it is.
1483
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:00,513
You guys need to come upstairs.
1484
01:12:00,514 --> 01:12:02,181
The kitchen looks disgusting.
1485
01:12:02,182 --> 01:12:04,650
Maybe if you play your cards
right and clean up your room,
1486
01:12:04,651 --> 01:12:06,852
you'll get laid tonight...
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1487
01:12:06,853 --> 01:12:08,989
by girls this time.
1488
01:12:08,990 --> 01:12:10,489
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1489
01:12:10,490 --> 01:12:13,059
Mary, please help me kill her.
1490
01:12:13,060 --> 01:12:15,861
It's out of the question.
1491
01:12:15,862 --> 01:12:17,430
Hey, I'm getting
another call here.
1492
01:12:17,431 --> 01:12:17,931
Hold on.
1493
01:12:17,932 --> 01:12:20,199
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1494
01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:21,467
What's up?
1495
01:12:21,468 --> 01:12:24,837
Hey, yeah, Fred's being really
anal right now, but we'll
1496
01:12:24,838 --> 01:12:27,306
be there fairly soon.
1497
01:12:27,307 --> 01:12:30,310
All right.
1498
01:12:30,311 --> 01:12:32,345
Hey, I got to go.
1499
01:12:32,346 --> 01:12:34,547
But if you change your mind,
there will be a bunch of people
1500
01:12:34,548 --> 01:12:37,516
murdering each other
at 1637 Benton.
1501
01:12:37,517 --> 01:12:38,517
So... Bye.
1502
01:12:40,053 --> 01:12:44,356
♪ Da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
1503
01:12:44,357 --> 01:12:47,060
So, she doesn't care either
way, but, at first, she wasn't
1504
01:12:47,061 --> 01:12:49,061
gonna kill me, but now
she's gonna kill me?
1505
01:12:49,062 --> 01:12:49,930
What the hell?
1506
01:12:49,931 --> 01:12:51,698
Dude, she was always
gonna kill you.
1507
01:12:51,699 --> 01:12:55,034
She just wanted you for herself,
and then she was like, "oh",
1508
01:12:55,035 --> 01:12:56,770
"whatever," you know?
1509
01:12:56,771 --> 01:12:57,870
Fred, it's not you.
1510
01:12:57,871 --> 01:13:01,805
Get down!
1511
01:13:08,749 --> 01:13:09,749
Hey.
1512
01:13:11,052 --> 01:13:12,985
Go tell the girls it's time.
1513
01:13:12,986 --> 01:13:17,130
But we're gonna be here all
night, so don't get caught.
1514
01:13:42,984 --> 01:13:44,016
Where'd Mel go?
1515
01:13:44,017 --> 01:13:45,017
I know.
1516
01:13:45,652 --> 01:13:48,087
This is getting lame!
1517
01:13:48,088 --> 01:13:49,021
Dude, ease up.
1518
01:13:49,022 --> 01:13:52,859
They said blood drive outside...
party on the inside.
1519
01:13:52,860 --> 01:13:53,459
Who cares?
1520
01:13:53,460 --> 01:13:54,461
Let's just go out there.
1521
01:13:54,462 --> 01:13:57,329
No, I'm not gonna run around
like fricking A.C. Slater.
1522
01:13:57,330 --> 01:14:00,367
Dudes, the bitches aren't coming!
1523
01:14:00,368 --> 01:14:01,368
♪ I ♪
1524
01:14:02,169 --> 01:14:05,437
♪ I went to the beach ♪
1525
01:14:05,438 --> 01:14:08,475
♪ the bitch was so hot ♪
1526
01:14:08,476 --> 01:14:10,010
♪ she came to me and said ♪
1527
01:14:10,011 --> 01:14:12,111
♪ do you like the
beach, bitch? ♪
1528
01:14:12,112 --> 01:14:13,747
Sweet.
How do I look?
1529
01:14:13,748 --> 01:14:17,016
Were we supposed
to get dressed up?
1530
01:14:17,017 --> 01:14:18,017
Oh! Ugh!
1531
01:14:18,686 --> 01:14:21,453
Hello, ladies.
1532
01:14:21,454 --> 01:14:23,323
What's up?
1533
01:14:23,324 --> 01:14:25,291
You're all wearing Dracula teeth.
1534
01:14:25,292 --> 01:14:25,891
No shit.
1535
01:14:25,892 --> 01:14:27,360
How do they stay in so good?
1536
01:14:27,361 --> 01:14:29,428
Same as yours, dickface.
1537
01:14:29,429 --> 01:14:30,497
Hey, come upstairs with me.
1538
01:14:30,498 --> 01:14:31,897
I got something I
want to show you.
1539
01:14:31,898 --> 01:14:34,900
Mm. I'd love to, but Carly's
already got dibs on you.
1540
01:14:34,901 --> 01:14:36,468
Is that gonna be a problem?
1541
01:14:36,469 --> 01:14:38,771
Oh, hells, no.
1542
01:14:38,772 --> 01:14:39,772
Come on.
1543
01:14:42,043 --> 01:14:44,711
Raise your hand if you want
to make out with a vampire.
1544
01:14:44,712 --> 01:14:45,345
Me, me, me.
1545
01:14:45,346 --> 01:14:46,546
Oh! Me, me, me.
1546
01:14:46,547 --> 01:14:47,413
Okay, check it out.
1547
01:14:47,414 --> 01:14:49,949
Look, you're gonna take
this girl right here.
1548
01:14:49,950 --> 01:14:51,551
Go upstairs and make love to her.
1549
01:14:51,552 --> 01:14:52,886
Don't have sex... make love.
1550
01:14:52,887 --> 01:14:55,689
And, look, you, buddy, come on,
take this girl right here.
1551
01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:57,627
Um. No, you're a douche bag.
1552
01:15:00,527 --> 01:15:03,797
All right, I'll open the
window from upstairs.
1553
01:15:03,798 --> 01:15:05,198
Can you fly up there?
1554
01:15:05,199 --> 01:15:08,735
I may be king shit, but
I'm not super king shit.
1555
01:15:08,736 --> 01:15:09,936
I'll climb up.
1556
01:15:09,937 --> 01:15:11,104
All right.
1557
01:15:11,105 --> 01:15:12,739
Are we ready to do this?
1558
01:15:12,740 --> 01:15:17,408
Are you ready pound a stake through
the chest of your one true love?
1559
01:15:17,410 --> 01:15:19,178
Why you got to say it like that?
1560
01:15:19,179 --> 01:15:19,979
Hey, hey, hey.
1561
01:15:19,980 --> 01:15:22,649
Tom's trying to get you in the
right frame of mind, okay?
1562
01:15:22,650 --> 01:15:24,516
We can't afford any
hesitations tonight.
1563
01:15:24,517 --> 01:15:27,520
We put in the hours to do this,
and then, like, you're...
1564
01:15:27,521 --> 01:15:29,288
you're upset, but take
it out on yours...
1565
01:15:29,289 --> 01:15:30,923
I'll do what needs to be done.
1566
01:15:30,924 --> 01:15:35,594
Well, let's hope no one
lands there now, I guess.
1567
01:15:39,432 --> 01:15:41,066
Oh!
1568
01:15:41,067 --> 01:15:42,067
Oh.
1569
01:15:42,937 --> 01:15:45,471
Say, Chris, what's the big idea?
1570
01:15:45,472 --> 01:15:47,640
I hate being tripped.
1571
01:15:47,641 --> 01:15:49,909
Sorry, no girls inside tonight.
1572
01:15:49,910 --> 01:15:52,177
I saw kappa O girls
going in there.
1573
01:15:52,178 --> 01:15:55,114
Yeah, it's a kappa O/STD party.
1574
01:15:55,115 --> 01:15:56,783
Aren't they all?
1575
01:15:56,784 --> 01:15:59,519
Too bad you just died.
1576
01:15:59,520 --> 01:16:01,087
♪ The bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1577
01:16:01,088 --> 01:16:04,123
♪ the bitch said, "yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" ♪
1578
01:16:04,124 --> 01:16:05,992
♪ the bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1579
01:16:05,993 --> 01:16:07,392
♪ the bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1580
01:16:07,393 --> 01:16:08,394
♪ the bitch said ♪
1581
01:16:08,395 --> 01:16:09,128
♪ oh, yeah ♪
1582
01:16:09,129 --> 01:16:10,096
♪ hell, yeah ♪
1583
01:16:10,097 --> 01:16:12,332
♪ damn, yeah ♪
1584
01:16:12,333 --> 01:16:15,702
♪ I went to the beach ♪
1585
01:16:15,703 --> 01:16:19,204
Dude, Jared, I thought you said
there'd be plenty to go around.
1586
01:16:19,205 --> 01:16:21,874
Yeah, I did, and
there will be, bro.
1587
01:16:21,875 --> 01:16:24,043
Good, 'cause you totally
screwed me over.
1588
01:16:24,044 --> 01:16:24,677
No, listen.
1589
01:16:24,678 --> 01:16:26,578
I'm gonna take care of you, okay?
1590
01:16:26,579 --> 01:16:28,213
I didn't even give
anything to myself.
1591
01:16:28,214 --> 01:16:29,315
That's how leader I am.
1592
01:16:29,316 --> 01:16:30,048
Where are they?
1593
01:16:30,049 --> 01:16:31,751
What? Oh, look at the douche
1594
01:16:31,752 --> 01:16:33,753
bags, all douched up
for the douche ball.
1595
01:16:33,754 --> 01:16:34,820
Where are the kappa O’s?
1596
01:16:34,821 --> 01:16:36,556
Dude, they're gonna
get with all of us.
1597
01:16:36,557 --> 01:16:38,658
Yeah, and maybe if you guys
sit down and quit working on
1598
01:16:38,659 --> 01:16:40,426
your eagle project, you'll
get some action, too.
1599
01:16:40,427 --> 01:16:41,593
You guys are so stupid!
1600
01:16:41,594 --> 01:16:42,628
They're vampires, okay?
1601
01:16:42,629 --> 01:16:43,762
And they're gonna kill us!
1602
01:16:43,763 --> 01:16:45,632
Yeah, it's super hot, man.
1603
01:16:45,633 --> 01:16:46,231
Where's Kyle?
1604
01:16:46,232 --> 01:16:48,234
He's upstairs,
banging one right now.
1605
01:16:48,235 --> 01:16:49,968
No, don't go up there, dude.
1606
01:16:49,969 --> 01:16:52,204
You're salting his game!
1607
01:16:52,205 --> 01:16:53,839
What the hell is that?
1608
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:56,810
It's a barricade, jackass.
1609
01:16:56,811 --> 01:16:58,645
♪ Calling me high
on the telephone ♪
1610
01:16:58,646 --> 01:17:02,781
♪ came by plane all alone ♪
1611
01:17:02,782 --> 01:17:07,220
All right, no one leaves until
every vampires is dead.
1612
01:17:07,221 --> 01:17:08,922
♪ ...tell it's not enough ♪
1613
01:17:08,923 --> 01:17:11,790
♪ come and... ♪ ♪
1614
01:17:13,660 --> 01:17:15,528
Kyle, are you in there?
1615
01:17:15,529 --> 01:17:16,529
Open up!
1616
01:17:16,597 --> 01:17:18,498
Dude, I'm kind of busy.
1617
01:17:18,499 --> 01:17:20,233
Dude, she's gonna kill you!
1618
01:17:20,234 --> 01:17:21,568
You can be next.
1619
01:17:21,569 --> 01:17:23,369
Wait. That's jacked up.
1620
01:17:23,370 --> 01:17:25,942
Tom!
1621
01:17:27,842 --> 01:17:29,809
♪ You knew my ideas when
they were in my head ♪
1622
01:17:29,810 --> 01:17:31,511
♪ they were my secret
evening plans ♪
1623
01:17:31,512 --> 01:17:33,913
All right, aim for the heart
and use something heavy.
1624
01:17:33,914 --> 01:17:36,481
Dude, I don't care if you
don't want to get some, but
1625
01:17:36,482 --> 01:17:38,383
don't ruin it for the
rest of us, all right?
1626
01:17:38,384 --> 01:17:40,819
Dude, Tom, Kyle's up there
right now with one of them.
1627
01:17:40,820 --> 01:17:41,654
We got to go save him.
1628
01:17:41,655 --> 01:17:44,690
Hey, bro, just out of curiosity,
just let me know... are you gay?
1629
01:17:44,691 --> 01:17:47,060
That doesn't change this, but just
let me know right now, all right?
1630
01:17:47,061 --> 01:17:49,061
Dude, I am gonna
punch your dick, okay?!
1631
01:17:49,062 --> 01:17:51,931
There are vampire girls in this
house, and they're gonna kill us!
1632
01:17:51,932 --> 01:17:54,667
If any of them come back down
before we're back, hold them
1633
01:17:54,668 --> 01:17:56,369
down and do what you have to do.
1634
01:17:56,370 --> 01:17:59,105
That's what I'm talking about!
1635
01:17:59,106 --> 01:18:00,106
Bam!
1636
01:18:04,143 --> 01:18:05,244
Wait. Wait, wait.
1637
01:18:05,245 --> 01:18:07,881
When should I take my pants off?
1638
01:18:07,882 --> 01:18:08,882
After I leave.
1639
01:18:08,883 --> 01:18:10,388
What?
1640
01:18:16,656 --> 01:18:17,556
Dude.
1641
01:18:17,557 --> 01:18:18,557
Mm.
1642
01:18:19,994 --> 01:18:20,994
Aah! Mnh!
1643
01:18:23,830 --> 01:18:25,364
Aah!
1644
01:18:25,365 --> 01:18:26,365
Kyle!
1645
01:18:27,401 --> 01:18:28,401
Oh, shit!
1646
01:18:34,575 --> 01:18:36,909
Dr. G!
1647
01:18:36,910 --> 01:18:37,910
Dr. G!
1648
01:18:38,745 --> 01:18:39,745
Dr. G!
1649
01:18:40,614 --> 01:18:42,181
Oh! Oh, okay, we're starting.
1650
01:18:42,182 --> 01:18:44,182
We're starting.
1651
01:18:44,183 --> 01:18:47,986
Hey, vampire skank...
Bet you can't catch me.
1652
01:18:47,987 --> 01:18:51,622
I bet I can.
1653
01:18:56,496 --> 01:18:59,930
Aah!
1654
01:19:00,100 --> 01:19:03,069
Better double-check.
1655
01:19:03,070 --> 01:19:04,070
Wait!
1656
01:19:05,172 --> 01:19:06,471
Bite me instead.
1657
01:19:06,472 --> 01:19:11,377
Why... 'cause your jugular
vein's easier to find?
1658
01:19:11,378 --> 01:19:12,378
What?
1659
01:19:13,213 --> 01:19:17,417
What do you want me to do?
1660
01:19:17,418 --> 01:19:20,720
Dude, just tell me what
you want me to do.
1661
01:19:20,721 --> 01:19:21,721
Aah!
1662
01:19:24,590 --> 01:19:25,590
Do it!
1663
01:19:26,860 --> 01:19:27,860
Oh!
1664
01:19:28,495 --> 01:19:29,495
Ohh!
1665
01:19:30,964 --> 01:19:31,964
Does it hurt?
1666
01:19:34,334 --> 01:19:35,334
Yeah.
1667
01:19:35,736 --> 01:19:36,736
Ohh.
1668
01:19:39,706 --> 01:19:41,140
It's official.
1669
01:19:41,141 --> 01:19:43,642
We're murderers.
1670
01:19:43,643 --> 01:19:45,110
You get used to it.
1671
01:19:45,111 --> 01:19:46,111
What?
1672
01:19:46,213 --> 01:19:48,547
Murderers.
1673
01:19:48,548 --> 01:19:49,849
Murders get used to it.
1674
01:19:49,850 --> 01:19:51,217
Dude, don't look at me that way.
1675
01:19:51,218 --> 01:19:55,788
She's my first kill... Promise.
1676
01:19:55,789 --> 01:19:59,257
So, how do you
preserve the blood?
1677
01:19:59,258 --> 01:20:03,029
You're a very
inquisitive young lady.
1678
01:20:03,030 --> 01:20:05,464
Well, I just think I might be
interested in running a blood
1679
01:20:05,465 --> 01:20:06,899
drive some day.
1680
01:20:06,900 --> 01:20:07,900
Mm.
1681
01:20:09,370 --> 01:20:11,770
I mean, they probably have to
pee, but I doubt they ever have
1682
01:20:11,771 --> 01:20:16,372
to take a dump, you know?
1683
01:20:20,114 --> 01:20:21,180
Hi, Fred.
1684
01:20:21,181 --> 01:20:22,181
Hi.
1685
01:20:22,648 --> 01:20:25,618
Um, hey, did you, uh, hear
that we're all just kind of
1686
01:20:25,619 --> 01:20:27,020
making out with different guys?
1687
01:20:27,021 --> 01:20:29,756
That's the word on the streets.
1688
01:20:29,757 --> 01:20:33,726
It's really too bad that
Chris called dibs on you.
1689
01:20:33,727 --> 01:20:36,462
I thought she didn't
care either way.
1690
01:20:36,463 --> 01:20:38,864
Well, I guess it's just kissing.
1691
01:20:38,865 --> 01:20:42,668
I'll make out with you...
But it has to be on my bed.
1692
01:20:42,669 --> 01:20:43,468
Mm.
1693
01:20:43,469 --> 01:20:46,471
♪ Back in town ♪
1694
01:20:46,472 --> 01:20:47,472
Can I watch?
1695
01:20:49,442 --> 01:20:51,711
It's what we do.
1696
01:20:51,712 --> 01:20:53,479
I like to watch.
1697
01:20:53,480 --> 01:20:56,548
Okay, crazy-ass.
1698
01:20:56,549 --> 01:21:01,649
Okay, well, just this way.
1699
01:21:03,356 --> 01:21:06,191
Blood goes... pfft!
1700
01:21:06,192 --> 01:21:07,260
Oh.
1701
01:21:07,261 --> 01:21:09,662
So, should we just
start making out?
1702
01:21:09,663 --> 01:21:11,963
Well, why don't you
lay down on the bed?
1703
01:21:11,964 --> 01:21:15,333
And I will get on top of you.
1704
01:21:15,334 --> 01:21:17,970
You've got this all
planned out, don't you?
1705
01:21:17,971 --> 01:21:20,705
We have a system, and it works.
1706
01:21:20,706 --> 01:21:21,406
I'm down.
1707
01:21:21,407 --> 01:21:25,977
♪ If you want to make out,
you'd better come alone ♪
1708
01:21:25,978 --> 01:21:30,483
♪ totally senseless I'm
gonna drive you to ♪
1709
01:21:30,484 --> 01:21:31,117
Straighten.
1710
01:21:31,118 --> 01:21:34,854
♪ When I'm ready to
dance with you ♪
1711
01:21:34,855 --> 01:21:35,788
Oh.
1712
01:21:35,789 --> 01:21:36,789
Dr. G?
1713
01:21:36,824 --> 01:21:38,024
What are you doing here?
1714
01:21:38,025 --> 01:21:41,694
Oh, um... Just... just
getting my frisbee.
1715
01:21:41,695 --> 01:21:42,962
Do you play ultimate?
1716
01:21:42,963 --> 01:21:43,729
No.
1717
01:21:43,730 --> 01:21:46,399
Ah, you know,
neither does Maggie.
1718
01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:47,833
She feels pretty bad about it.
1719
01:21:47,834 --> 01:21:51,837
Check this out.
1720
01:21:51,838 --> 01:21:54,039
See her?
1721
01:21:54,040 --> 01:21:55,240
Whoops-a-Daisy!
1722
01:21:55,241 --> 01:21:56,241
Whoa-oh!
1723
01:21:57,578 --> 01:22:02,678
Better double-check.
1724
01:22:06,285 --> 01:22:07,285
Looking good.
1725
01:22:10,190 --> 01:22:13,592
Hey, you guys, get a room, huh?
1726
01:22:13,593 --> 01:22:15,160
Hey, don't kiss his neck.
1727
01:22:15,161 --> 01:22:16,863
He's ticklish.
1728
01:22:16,864 --> 01:22:19,431
I wasn't going to.
1729
01:22:19,432 --> 01:22:21,300
Now!
1730
01:22:21,301 --> 01:22:24,401
Aah!
1731
01:22:25,138 --> 01:22:26,973
Dude, get off now.
1732
01:22:41,655 --> 01:22:42,989
Hey, side boob.
1733
01:22:42,990 --> 01:22:43,722
Where's Chris?
1734
01:22:43,723 --> 01:22:44,723
Aah! Geez!
1735
01:22:46,560 --> 01:22:48,561
We haven't seen her.
1736
01:22:48,562 --> 01:22:51,230
You scared me, Dr. G.
1737
01:22:51,231 --> 01:22:55,898
Later, bitches.
1738
01:22:59,606 --> 01:23:00,606
Mom?
1739
01:23:01,374 --> 01:23:03,609
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1740
01:23:03,610 --> 01:23:07,279
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1741
01:23:07,280 --> 01:23:09,916
Why do you hate me, God?!
1742
01:23:09,917 --> 01:23:10,716
Shh. Hey.
1743
01:23:10,717 --> 01:23:14,052
Hey, stupids.
1744
01:23:14,053 --> 01:23:15,620
I saw what you did
in the backyard.
1745
01:23:15,621 --> 01:23:17,422
Yeah, did you see what
we did to Samantha?
1746
01:23:17,423 --> 01:23:19,792
No. Did you see
what we did to Jared?
1747
01:23:19,793 --> 01:23:21,761
He's right there.
1748
01:23:21,762 --> 01:23:23,596
So, did you see him?
1749
01:23:23,597 --> 01:23:25,230
♪ Come on over here ♪
1750
01:23:25,231 --> 01:23:27,971
Get Fred. Kill Tom.
1751
01:23:31,871 --> 01:23:32,871
Whoa.
1752
01:23:33,472 --> 01:23:35,474
Hickory. Damn it!
1753
01:23:35,475 --> 01:23:36,441
Come on, Tom.
1754
01:23:36,442 --> 01:23:41,542
It'll be a lot more fun
if you don't fight it.
1755
01:23:41,682 --> 01:23:46,185
I hope you know this
is an automatic flunk.
1756
01:23:46,186 --> 01:23:47,019
Who is it?
1757
01:23:47,020 --> 01:23:48,020
It's Chris.
1758
01:23:48,054 --> 01:23:49,321
Open the door.
1759
01:23:49,322 --> 01:23:50,322
Hold it.
1760
01:23:52,359 --> 01:23:53,959
There's a barricade.
1761
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:56,761
Well, move it.
1762
01:23:56,762 --> 01:23:58,931
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1763
01:23:58,932 --> 01:23:59,731
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1764
01:23:59,732 --> 01:24:01,667
Hyah!
Aah!
1765
01:24:01,668 --> 01:24:03,468
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1766
01:24:03,469 --> 01:24:05,570
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1767
01:24:05,571 --> 01:24:08,406
♪ uh-huh, I... ♪
1768
01:24:08,407 --> 01:24:11,276
You're such a pervert
with your giant camera!
1769
01:24:11,277 --> 01:24:11,877
What?
1770
01:24:11,878 --> 01:24:14,980
You know, if it wasn't for
that, I probably would have
1771
01:24:14,981 --> 01:24:17,216
asked you to winter formal.
1772
01:24:17,217 --> 01:24:18,016
You would have?
1773
01:24:18,017 --> 01:24:21,553
Yeah. But now I'm going
to suck your blood.
1774
01:24:21,554 --> 01:24:24,422
Wait, wait, wait! Wait!
1775
01:24:24,423 --> 01:24:26,492
Don't you want to know
what I would have said?
1776
01:24:26,493 --> 01:24:28,561
What would you have said?
1777
01:24:28,562 --> 01:24:30,296
Hells no, biznatch!
1778
01:24:30,297 --> 01:24:31,297
Mnh!
1779
01:24:35,736 --> 01:24:36,788
Writhe it out.
1780
01:24:38,905 --> 01:24:39,905
Sorry.
1781
01:24:41,607 --> 01:24:45,577
I probably would have said yes.
1782
01:24:48,181 --> 01:24:49,790
Sorry, ladies.
1783
01:24:56,690 --> 01:24:59,425
Open it already!
1784
01:24:59,426 --> 01:25:01,260
Mrs. Keller?
1785
01:25:01,261 --> 01:25:02,727
Fred green, is that you?
1786
01:25:02,728 --> 01:25:04,797
What are you doing here?
1787
01:25:04,798 --> 01:25:05,897
Same thing as you.
1788
01:25:05,898 --> 01:25:09,601
You came to help murder Chris?
1789
01:25:09,602 --> 01:25:11,407
Yeah.
1790
01:25:29,755 --> 01:25:31,022
Oh, you found him.
1791
01:25:31,023 --> 01:25:32,925
♪ They're easy pickings
at the discotheque ♪
1792
01:25:32,926 --> 01:25:34,526
You dyed your hair.
1793
01:25:34,527 --> 01:25:37,062
Hey, look what Fred did.
1794
01:25:37,063 --> 01:25:38,897
Pull it out, ho-bag.
1795
01:25:38,898 --> 01:25:40,565
I wanted to show you guys first.
1796
01:25:40,566 --> 01:25:42,168
♪ And they never, ever check ♪
1797
01:25:42,169 --> 01:25:42,901
Oh, cute.
1798
01:25:42,902 --> 01:25:43,903
You dyed your hair.
1799
01:25:43,904 --> 01:25:45,471
♪ ...that I leave in the neck ♪
1800
01:25:45,472 --> 01:25:48,140
♪ well, if they were wise... ♪
1801
01:25:48,141 --> 01:25:51,843
It's Chris' mom.
1802
01:25:51,844 --> 01:25:53,111
Come get some, bitches.
1803
01:25:53,112 --> 01:25:55,748
♪ Drac's back ♪
1804
01:25:55,749 --> 01:25:57,283
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1805
01:25:57,284 --> 01:25:59,517
♪ whoo ♪
1806
01:25:59,518 --> 01:26:00,418
♪ Dracula ♪
1807
01:26:00,419 --> 01:26:01,153
♪ Drac's back ♪
1808
01:26:01,154 --> 01:26:03,823
Somebody throw me a stake!
Ah!
1809
01:26:03,824 --> 01:26:04,923
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1810
01:26:04,924 --> 01:26:05,591
♪ whoo ♪
1811
01:26:05,592 --> 01:26:06,592
Now!
1812
01:26:06,860 --> 01:26:08,793
♪ Dracula ♪
1813
01:26:08,794 --> 01:26:12,431
♪ I'm gonna wait for you
on Saturday night ♪
1814
01:26:12,432 --> 01:26:14,266
♪ I'm gonna give your neck... ♪
1815
01:26:14,267 --> 01:26:15,467
♪ ...a great, big bite ♪
1816
01:26:15,468 --> 01:26:18,037
Come on, Fred! Do it!
1817
01:26:18,038 --> 01:26:21,172
Come on, stick it in her!
1818
01:26:21,173 --> 01:26:22,240
I give up. I give up.
1819
01:26:22,241 --> 01:26:23,542
I give up. I give up.
1820
01:26:23,543 --> 01:26:24,543
Wait.
1821
01:26:24,643 --> 01:26:25,643
She's lying.
1822
01:26:25,779 --> 01:26:30,879
I know, but I've
got a better idea.
1823
01:26:32,619 --> 01:26:33,953
I didn't want it to go to waste.
1824
01:26:33,954 --> 01:26:35,053
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1825
01:26:35,054 --> 01:26:35,855
♪ whoo ♪
1826
01:26:35,856 --> 01:26:36,622
Where's Tom?
1827
01:26:36,623 --> 01:26:37,623
Ohh!
1828
01:26:37,790 --> 01:26:42,125
Let it happen.
1829
01:26:43,262 --> 01:26:44,262
♪ Whoo ♪
1830
01:26:44,830 --> 01:26:46,297
♪ Dracula ♪
1831
01:26:46,298 --> 01:26:48,934
♪ Drac's back ♪
1832
01:26:48,935 --> 01:26:50,403
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1833
01:26:50,404 --> 01:26:52,437
♪ whoo ♪
1834
01:26:52,438 --> 01:26:53,739
She was in love with me.
1835
01:26:53,740 --> 01:26:57,309
♪ They're not hung over,
they're just vampire who rest ♪
1836
01:26:57,310 --> 01:26:58,878
He's dead, dude.
1837
01:26:58,879 --> 01:27:00,212
Damn it!
1838
01:27:00,213 --> 01:27:03,748
Guess who killed the nurse
lady and stole all the blood.
1839
01:27:03,749 --> 01:27:04,315
Chris.
1840
01:27:04,316 --> 01:27:07,119
Why would she do that?
1841
01:27:07,120 --> 01:27:10,355
She's a super vampire, and
she's gonna drink it all.
1842
01:27:10,356 --> 01:27:12,525
What for?
1843
01:27:12,526 --> 01:27:14,526
To turn all the
donors into vampires.
1844
01:27:14,527 --> 01:27:16,494
What a bitch!
1845
01:27:16,495 --> 01:27:20,999
Mm, good... good bitch.
1846
01:27:21,000 --> 01:27:24,235
We have to stop her, right?
1847
01:27:24,236 --> 01:27:28,237
Yeah.
1848
01:27:28,575 --> 01:27:30,176
♪ Whoo ♪
1849
01:27:30,177 --> 01:27:31,444
♪ Dracula ♪
1850
01:27:31,445 --> 01:27:35,212
♪ Drac's back ♪
1851
01:27:39,886 --> 01:27:42,221
You don't have to do this, Mary.
1852
01:27:42,222 --> 01:27:44,824
I think I do.
1853
01:27:44,825 --> 01:27:45,958
Don't worry.
1854
01:27:45,959 --> 01:27:49,498
We will look back in a few
centuries, and we will laugh.
1855
01:27:52,398 --> 01:27:54,699
But right now, this is
really, really sad.
1856
01:27:54,700 --> 01:27:56,368
Well, let's just
get this over with.
1857
01:27:56,369 --> 01:28:01,403
Okeydokey.
1858
01:28:20,494 --> 01:28:21,760
Chris?
1859
01:28:21,761 --> 01:28:23,634
In here.
1860
01:28:29,102 --> 01:28:33,672
Chris, what are you doing?
1861
01:28:33,673 --> 01:28:36,742
Cutting this blood
with some monster.
1862
01:28:36,743 --> 01:28:37,309
Mmm.
1863
01:28:37,310 --> 01:28:38,843
Where did you get it?
1864
01:28:38,844 --> 01:28:40,212
Where do you think?
1865
01:28:40,213 --> 01:28:42,280
I saw you drive by
when I left the party.
1866
01:28:42,281 --> 01:28:44,449
Okay, Chris, we have to talk.
1867
01:28:44,450 --> 01:28:47,052
What do you want to talk about?
1868
01:28:47,053 --> 01:28:48,988
Why do you have all that blood?
1869
01:28:48,989 --> 01:28:50,321
I'm making vampires.
1870
01:28:50,322 --> 01:28:52,490
It's not rocket science.
1871
01:28:52,491 --> 01:28:54,426
Those people have lives.
1872
01:28:54,427 --> 01:28:57,596
Yeah, and now
they'll last forever.
1873
01:28:57,597 --> 01:29:00,498
Chris, you're a
really evil vampire.
1874
01:29:00,499 --> 01:29:01,499
No shit.
1875
01:29:01,935 --> 01:29:05,604
I love killing people, and I love
making other people kill people.
1876
01:29:05,605 --> 01:29:07,205
It's funny to me.
1877
01:29:07,206 --> 01:29:08,774
Oh, I'll slit my wrists.
1878
01:29:08,775 --> 01:29:12,343
This is the most boring conversation
I've ever had in my life.
1879
01:29:12,344 --> 01:29:15,647
I'm sorry, Chris.
1880
01:29:15,648 --> 01:29:18,684
This is all my fault.
1881
01:29:18,685 --> 01:29:19,685
Now!
1882
01:29:23,255 --> 01:29:25,062
Aah! Aah! Aah!
1883
01:29:28,962 --> 01:29:29,962
Tom?
1884
01:29:30,496 --> 01:29:31,496
Tom.
1885
01:29:33,532 --> 01:29:34,300
Tom.
1886
01:29:34,301 --> 01:29:35,301
Dr. G!
1887
01:29:37,036 --> 01:29:39,741
G, she's biting me.
1888
01:29:43,243 --> 01:29:47,178
Mary, the stake, now!
1889
01:29:47,179 --> 01:29:47,946
Mary, do it!
1890
01:29:47,947 --> 01:29:48,780
Push it through.
1891
01:29:48,781 --> 01:29:50,748
No, I can't.
1892
01:29:50,749 --> 01:29:55,788
What a chickenshit!
1893
01:29:55,789 --> 01:29:56,789
Ohh!
1894
01:29:57,790 --> 01:29:58,790
Oh!
1895
01:30:02,361 --> 01:30:05,663
Ah, good... good hit, Fred.
1896
01:30:05,664 --> 01:30:07,632
I'm so sorry, Chris.
1897
01:30:07,633 --> 01:30:08,601
It's okay.
1898
01:30:08,602 --> 01:30:12,837
I never would have killed you
if you weren't a vampire.
1899
01:30:12,838 --> 01:30:13,838
I know.
1900
01:30:15,909 --> 01:30:21,009
But I was gonna kill you... But
not before I gave you this.
1901
01:30:26,319 --> 01:30:29,421
I made you a mix for your iPod.
1902
01:30:29,422 --> 01:30:32,224
It's on that flash drive.
1903
01:30:32,225 --> 01:30:34,827
You were gonna give me
this and then kill me?
1904
01:30:34,828 --> 01:30:38,830
I was gonna flip a coin.
1905
01:30:38,831 --> 01:30:43,931
I'll listen to it when I jog.
1906
01:30:44,036 --> 01:30:45,036
Wayne...
1907
01:30:46,905 --> 01:30:51,342
you were the best I ever had.
1908
01:30:51,343 --> 01:30:52,477
Uh, thank you.
1909
01:30:52,478 --> 01:30:55,814
Thank you.
1910
01:30:55,815 --> 01:30:56,781
Mom.
1911
01:30:56,782 --> 01:30:57,782
Yeah, honey?
1912
01:30:58,718 --> 01:31:02,587
You're not a chickenshit.
1913
01:31:02,588 --> 01:31:03,588
Oh!
1914
01:31:05,357 --> 01:31:06,357
Unh.
1915
01:31:12,398 --> 01:31:14,099
I had a dream we killed Chris.
1916
01:31:14,100 --> 01:31:16,668
Holy shit, we killed Chris.
1917
01:31:16,669 --> 01:31:21,769
She made me a mix.
1918
01:31:29,348 --> 01:31:32,156
No, no.
1919
01:31:36,056 --> 01:31:38,190
Let's go check the fridge.
1920
01:31:38,191 --> 01:31:41,760
I'm... I'm not hungry.
1921
01:31:41,761 --> 01:31:46,861
Oh, maybe something light, like a
yogurt or something... Parfait.
1922
01:31:49,401 --> 01:31:51,880
Bye.
1923
01:32:01,780 --> 01:32:06,784
There's nothing in here
but blood and monster.
1924
01:32:06,785 --> 01:32:10,622
I guess I'll have a monster.
1925
01:32:10,623 --> 01:32:14,426
Hey, you want one?
1926
01:32:14,427 --> 01:32:17,162
Looks like we have to
kill some vampires.
1927
01:32:17,163 --> 01:32:18,868
How many?
1928
01:32:25,370 --> 01:32:30,470
That son of a gun.
1929
01:32:55,200 --> 01:32:57,936
♪ You think the birds are pretty ♪
1930
01:32:57,937 --> 01:33:01,339
♪ and you sleep eight
hours a night ♪
1931
01:33:01,340 --> 01:33:06,440
♪ and I'm fog, out of the city,
and still you stake it all ♪
1932
01:33:06,678 --> 01:33:09,647
♪ and trains stop for you
and so do the boys ♪
1933
01:33:09,648 --> 01:33:12,517
♪ when you run your fingers
through your hair ♪
1934
01:33:12,518 --> 01:33:16,724
♪ but resistance is futile ♪
1935
01:33:18,624 --> 01:33:23,724
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1936
01:33:24,798 --> 01:33:29,898
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1937
01:33:30,469 --> 01:33:35,569
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1938
01:33:36,609 --> 01:33:41,709
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1939
01:34:07,472 --> 01:34:08,140
♪ just breathe ♪
1940
01:34:08,141 --> 01:34:09,106
♪ just breathe ♪
1941
01:34:09,107 --> 01:34:10,374
♪ and mouth "goodbye" ♪
1942
01:34:10,375 --> 01:34:15,475
♪ if you want, I'll
give you eternal life ♪
1943
01:34:18,484 --> 01:34:22,354
♪ well, not so much life, but
have you ever seen a good
1944
01:34:22,355 --> 01:34:25,257
zombie movie? ♪
1945
01:34:25,258 --> 01:34:28,025
♪ well, like that, but
you'll be smarter ♪
1946
01:34:28,026 --> 01:34:30,561
♪ and you'll stay 23 ♪
1947
01:34:30,562 --> 01:34:35,662
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1948
01:34:36,636 --> 01:34:41,736
♪ and I just want to
drink your blood ♪
1949
01:34:42,575 --> 01:34:47,675
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1950
01:34:48,615 --> 01:34:53,715
♪ and I just want to
drink your blood ♪
1951
01:35:18,544 --> 01:35:23,644
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1952
01:35:24,683 --> 01:35:29,783
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1953
01:35:30,722 --> 01:35:35,822
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1954
01:35:36,529 --> 01:35:41,629
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪135724
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Welsh
Wolof