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For the past few years, Ricky
Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington
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00:00:20,131 --> 00:00:24,837
have been meeting regularly for a
series of pointless conversations.
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00:00:24,872 --> 00:00:26,540
This is one of them.
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00:00:26,575 --> 00:00:28,376
Testing.
Is that all right?
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Hello, and welcome to The Ricky
Gervais Show, with me, Ricky Gervais,
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00:00:34,586 --> 00:00:36,421
Stephen Merchant...
Hello.
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00:00:36,455 --> 00:00:39,891
And a little round-headed buffoon.
That is... Karl Pilkington.
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00:00:39,926 --> 00:00:41,126
Right.
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00:00:41,513 --> 00:00:51,205
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:52,041 --> 00:00:53,509
What are you doing?
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00:00:54,577 --> 00:00:55,811
I'm trying to calm
my gums down.
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00:00:55,846 --> 00:00:57,948
Well, you don't
do it with water.
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00:00:57,982 --> 00:00:59,616
What do you do it with?
14
00:00:59,651 --> 00:01:01,251
You're trying to calm you gums down with...
You do it with...
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00:01:01,286 --> 00:01:02,753
You do it with meditation
and hard drugs.
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00:01:02,788 --> 00:01:05,323
What's the
problem with your gums?
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00:01:05,358 --> 00:01:07,492
When I'm stressed
out, my teeth know.
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00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:08,593
What? What
do you mean?
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00:01:08,628 --> 00:01:10,596
Say that again.
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00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:13,833
When I'm sort of stressed out, me, me
gums and my teeth know before I do.
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00:01:13,867 --> 00:01:15,035
It's like a weakness.
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00:01:15,069 --> 00:01:16,737
So what's up? You
got a toothache then?
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00:01:16,771 --> 00:01:20,475
Mmm. I did the other week. I
thought you went to the dentist?
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00:01:20,509 --> 00:01:22,010
Well, what's wrong
with your teeth then?
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00:01:22,045 --> 00:01:23,579
It's just cause you're stressed?
I don't know.
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00:01:23,613 --> 00:01:25,147
I don't know. I don't know.
Why are you stressed?
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00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:26,849
What have you got to be stressed about?
I don't know.
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00:01:26,883 --> 00:01:29,419
That's, that's what, that's what's
weird with stress, isn't it?
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00:01:29,453 --> 00:01:31,722
No. Your body can be stressed
without your realizing.
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00:01:31,756 --> 00:01:33,891
That's what kills people. No, stress.
No, no, no, no, no.
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00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:36,327
You're stressed, because
you feel stressed, and then,
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00:01:36,361 --> 00:01:38,062
your body gets weak,
because you're...
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00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:39,898
No, because I'm pretty good.
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00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:42,100
I don't... I never feel stressed.
That's part of my problem.
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00:01:42,134 --> 00:01:43,769
That's not a problem. I am
stressed, but I don't know about.
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00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,071
That doesn't make sense at all.
That's why...
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00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,739
It's a number one killer.
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00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,709
What? What do you mean?
Do you never get stressed?
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00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,011
If you don't feel stressed,
how are you stressed?
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00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,448
But you must be stressed if your teeth
are telling you you're stressed.
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00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,316
Right. It's like saying, I
didn't feel like I had the pain,
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00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,317
but apparently, I did.
43
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Listen.
Go on.
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00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,153
- I was in Israel recently.
- Hmm.
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00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,288
Had a bag put over me head,
chucked in the back of a van.
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00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,560
- Now the thing is, I kind of thought,
well, this is... - Right.
47
00:02:05,594 --> 00:02:09,598
It wasn't a blind date, by the way. And
he wasn't being arrested or kidnapped.
48
00:02:09,632 --> 00:02:12,401
It was a, it was a training thing,
wasn't it, for kidnap situations?
49
00:02:12,435 --> 00:02:13,969
Yes, but I didn't
know. I didn't know...
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00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,603
What? You didn't know
they were going to do it? No.
51
00:02:15,637 --> 00:02:17,139
Brilliant. They don't
tell me anything, do they?
52
00:02:17,173 --> 00:02:18,874
- That's good.
- So what happened then?
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00:02:18,908 --> 00:02:23,077
So, the thing is, that happened,
I had a panic on a little bit.
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00:02:23,111 --> 00:02:26,814
Afterwards, they took the bag off. I
realized everything was all right.
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00:02:26,849 --> 00:02:30,618
I was calm. But my body was shaking.
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00:02:30,652 --> 00:02:32,786
And that's what I'm saying to you.
That doesn't make any sense.
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00:02:32,821 --> 00:02:37,150
My body, as far as my body was
concerned, it had just been kidnapped.
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00:02:37,184 --> 00:02:39,486
Right.
But I knew I hadn't.
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00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,288
The, you know the bag
they put over your head?
60
00:02:42,322 --> 00:02:45,322
Was it like a tennis racket cover?
What, what shape was it?
61
00:02:45,357 --> 00:02:46,656
You sure they
just didn't go with...
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00:02:46,691 --> 00:02:48,790
Oh, I thought I just bought
the world's biggest orange.
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00:02:50,592 --> 00:02:52,058
Do you ever get
recognized much?
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00:02:52,093 --> 00:02:55,729
Yeah, now and again. But I haven't
done anything of any worth.
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00:02:55,763 --> 00:02:58,732
However, it's almost
like recognizing...
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00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:00,768
...a neighbor or something.
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00:03:00,802 --> 00:03:02,303
Cause they sort of
go, oh, it's him.
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00:03:02,337 --> 00:03:04,271
And then the other one
might go, what does he do?
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00:03:04,305 --> 00:03:05,372
Oh, I don't know.
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00:03:05,407 --> 00:03:06,740
It's not like I've
done something...
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00:03:06,775 --> 00:03:07,875
Right,
of any worth.
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00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:09,376
Of any worth yet.
Yeah.
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00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:11,913
I think you're forgetting all
those emails I pass on to you.
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00:03:11,947 --> 00:03:14,282
For those people that have
had traumas in their lives.
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00:03:14,317 --> 00:03:15,917
You know, theearthquake victim.
76
00:03:15,951 --> 00:03:17,552
There's people that havelost relatives or had...
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00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:19,354
You know, terrible lifethreatening diseases.
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00:03:19,388 --> 00:03:21,322
And they say the
podcast got them through.
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00:03:21,357 --> 00:03:24,760
Doesn't that warm the
cockles of your heart?
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00:03:24,794 --> 00:03:27,763
Uh, well, normally it's, it's
gone straight to you, hasn't it?
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00:03:27,797 --> 00:03:29,398
And you just forwarded me on.
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00:03:29,433 --> 00:03:30,967
So it's, it's almost
like spam to me.
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00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,205
It doesn't, it doesn't feel as
special, cause it's like, here you go.
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00:03:35,239 --> 00:03:37,140
Look at this, you know?
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00:03:37,174 --> 00:03:38,942
Unbelievable.
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00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:44,114
I've watched the World Cup a few times
with Ricky, the last time we qualified.
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00:03:44,148 --> 00:03:45,782
We were doing, um, a project.
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00:03:45,817 --> 00:03:48,218
And then we were, we watched
it together in a hotel room.
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00:03:48,252 --> 00:03:51,054
But of course in a hotel room,
it was just like a big bed.
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00:03:51,088 --> 00:03:55,992
So, we sat on the bed together,
and we thought that was a bit intense.
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00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,061
So I put a line
of pillows down.
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00:03:58,095 --> 00:04:02,399
But I don't understand what, to... He was
putting a line of pillows between us.
93
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:03,967
Now he knows I'm not
going to jump on him.
94
00:04:04,002 --> 00:04:06,003
No, I know. No. He's not
going to jump on me.
95
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,171
But he's still terrified
that some kind of...
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00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:12,475
Like some kind of paparazzi is going
to sort of parasail down the building.
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00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:14,444
And peer in and take a photo of us.
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00:04:14,479 --> 00:04:17,414
And that's before we've got time to explain
that we're just watching the football.
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00:04:17,449 --> 00:04:20,350
It's already printed going, "Well, this
is clearly evidence that they're gay."
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00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,119
Yeah. There's no way
that they could possibly...
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00:04:22,153 --> 00:04:23,487
Sat on a bed just as friends.
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00:04:23,521 --> 00:04:25,222
No, but hold on, though.
Why were we naked?
103
00:04:25,256 --> 00:04:26,991
Why didn't we just
pop some trousers on?
104
00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:28,926
But I didn't remember that you,
even though it was my room...
105
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,128
You forced me to
sit in the chair.
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00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:33,464
It was one of those really
uncomfortable box chairs.
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00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:35,533
I said, it's weird.
I can't get excited.
108
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,403
We're having a beer, okay?
So, now we're drinking.
109
00:04:38,437 --> 00:04:42,039
Now we're drinking in bed, on the bed.
We weren't in bed.
110
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,574
No, no, no. We had
our clothes on.
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00:04:43,609 --> 00:04:45,676
We're on the bed
watching football.
112
00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:49,079
But I couldn't go, "Come on England," with
a little man sitting next to me in bed.
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00:04:49,113 --> 00:04:50,414
Not a little man at all.
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00:04:50,448 --> 00:04:52,449
No. Big man.
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00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:54,184
And so I just thought, "Let's pop the
pillows down." That wasn't enough.
116
00:04:54,218 --> 00:04:56,353
I said, Steve, I can't
do this. I can't...
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00:04:56,387 --> 00:05:00,190
I can't watch football
with a man on a bed.
118
00:05:00,224 --> 00:05:02,792
I said, so go in the chair.
119
00:05:02,826 --> 00:05:04,794
And he sat in the chair. So I
sat in this chair, which is...
120
00:05:04,828 --> 00:05:07,697
For a man of my size, those tiny little,
crappy hotel box chairs are no good.
121
00:05:07,732 --> 00:05:09,365
It's 90 bloody
minutes, plus the...
122
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,000
It was my room.
I was furious.
123
00:05:11,035 --> 00:05:16,172
I felt like I was, like an old
rich man just waiting to die.
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00:05:16,207 --> 00:05:19,408
And my little, man servant used to come
and sit and watch football with me...
125
00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:20,810
- Exactly. Yes.
- ...in the last days...
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00:05:20,844 --> 00:05:22,044
The last days.
...of my time.
127
00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:24,547
Karl, would you sit
on a bed, right,
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00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:27,683
with Stephen in a hotel room,
right, watching football?
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00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:31,554
Okay? You're pouring, you're pouring
each other wine, and beer, and...
130
00:05:32,622 --> 00:05:34,023
Well, no. There wasn't
that music playing.
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00:05:34,057 --> 00:05:35,358
There was the roar of the
crowd,
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00:05:35,392 --> 00:05:36,693
and John Motson
doing commentary.
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00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:39,295
It wasn't, it's the not
the sexy sound at all.
134
00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:41,497
What do
you think, Karl?
135
00:05:41,532 --> 00:05:43,766
Um...
136
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,403
Someone said, oh, come to my
room. We're watching football.
137
00:05:46,437 --> 00:05:47,737
You got there and he went...
138
00:05:49,507 --> 00:05:50,741
Well, who was on the bed first?
But, that's not what happened.
139
00:05:50,775 --> 00:05:52,375
Who was on the bed first?
140
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:55,078
Well, he probably got up to
answer the door. So he, so...
141
00:05:55,113 --> 00:05:56,646
So, I don't know.
I came in.
142
00:05:56,681 --> 00:05:58,415
I thought, well, there's only
a bed here. We sat down.
143
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,317
We thought, yes, we... No it wasn't.
It was a chair there. So...
144
00:06:00,352 --> 00:06:02,786
Well, yeah. But you know full well
that if you're in a room with Ricky,
145
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,555
he's the one who's going to leap straight
on the bed and demand that you...
146
00:06:05,589 --> 00:06:07,156
I'd just take the chair.
147
00:06:07,191 --> 00:06:08,658
Well, why would you be concerned
with lying on the bed next to me?
148
00:06:08,692 --> 00:06:09,826
Yeah. What's
up with that?
149
00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:10,893
It's a bit weird, isn't it?
150
00:06:10,928 --> 00:06:12,061
Why?
Why is it weird?
151
00:06:12,096 --> 00:06:13,429
I don't understand this.
Because...
152
00:06:13,463 --> 00:06:15,031
I changed my tune.
153
00:06:15,065 --> 00:06:17,700
It's a bit weird lying on a bed,
with a mate, just watching football.
154
00:06:17,735 --> 00:06:19,536
Yes, it isn't like when you
go around the house, do you?
155
00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:21,605
You don't pop on... Yes, but it's
because you have a sofa and things.
156
00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:23,407
We didn't have that in the room.
Yes, but when you visit,
157
00:06:23,441 --> 00:06:25,142
someone in hospital, you
don't say, "Move over."
158
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,744
And you probably don't pop
yourself down next to him.
159
00:06:26,778 --> 00:06:28,679
You sit on the
chair next to it.
160
00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:30,815
No. Because you're not there in
a relaxed situation for 90 minutes...
161
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,254
Enjoying a game of sport. It's a,
there's a more formal environment.
162
00:06:33,288 --> 00:06:36,059
Cause you're quite a sport
fan, aren't you, Karl?
163
00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:39,162
Yes, but not in, um...
164
00:06:39,197 --> 00:06:41,666
I, I don't like getting
into things too much. Mmm.
165
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,935
Cause it can be disappointing.
Well, that's true.
166
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,570
I've never seen him get
into anything. No.
167
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,439
To be quite honest. No.
I am a football fan.
168
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:51,046
But I've gotten, I've got, I've
got it now to a point, where...
169
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,483
If they lose, it only bothers
me for about half an hour.
170
00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:56,251
Yeah.
And then I move on.
171
00:06:56,286 --> 00:06:58,854
Because the thing is,
I'm not in control of it.
172
00:06:58,888 --> 00:07:01,523
- There's nothing I can do to alter
that, that team. - No.
173
00:07:01,558 --> 00:07:03,792
If I could go in and say,
listen, you're lazy.
174
00:07:03,827 --> 00:07:06,962
You get your finger out.
You move up front a bit.
175
00:07:06,996 --> 00:07:08,764
It's different.
But it's totally...
176
00:07:08,798 --> 00:07:11,800
It's like getting annoyed with nature.
177
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:14,402
There's nothing you can do.
178
00:07:14,437 --> 00:07:16,772
So let it happen.
Watch it if you want.
179
00:07:16,806 --> 00:07:19,975
But don't get annoyed about it,
cause it's totally out your hands.
180
00:07:20,009 --> 00:07:22,010
Yeah.
181
00:07:22,045 --> 00:07:24,745
Interesting that Karl's team tactics also
sounds like he could be directing a gay porn.
182
00:07:29,418 --> 00:07:32,587
You get your finger out.
You get up front. You're lazy.
183
00:07:32,621 --> 00:07:34,522
Oh, it's amazing.
184
00:07:34,556 --> 00:07:36,023
What do you think of
these people, though?
185
00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:39,460
I love it that everyone's a, an expert.
Everyone's a pundit.
186
00:07:39,495 --> 00:07:41,662
You see these fat
people in pubs going...
187
00:07:41,696 --> 00:07:43,330
Well, he's lost a
few yards up front.
188
00:07:43,365 --> 00:07:44,498
Yeah. You, you be...
189
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,266
You fucking score
a goal then, fatty.
190
00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:48,602
Mmm. Wearing
a football top.
191
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,604
Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
I hate that.
192
00:07:50,639 --> 00:07:51,939
They shouldn't make
them for them.
193
00:07:51,973 --> 00:07:54,442
Shouldn't make them in that size.
It should be one size only.
194
00:07:54,476 --> 00:07:57,712
If you're fit enough to play football, you can wear one.
If you're a fatty, you not.
195
00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:00,681
You look ridiculous anyway.
196
00:08:00,749 --> 00:08:02,449
But what's that, that's...
What are you talking about?
197
00:08:02,484 --> 00:08:05,786
So you with a big, fat slob with his
belly out in an England shirt...
198
00:08:05,821 --> 00:08:07,221
Going, "I could
score from there."
199
00:08:07,256 --> 00:08:09,023
Go on then.
Let's have a go.
200
00:08:09,057 --> 00:08:11,792
If fat Bob in the pub... Mmm.
201
00:08:12,794 --> 00:08:14,161
He's got his football top on.
202
00:08:14,196 --> 00:08:15,662
Mmm. Just.
203
00:08:15,697 --> 00:08:18,198
He gets all annoyed when
England, you know, lose.
204
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:20,367
Mmm. Yeah. What
difference it make...
205
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:23,937
What difference does it make if they
lose there, or lose in the final?
206
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:25,371
Well, I'll...
What's the point?
207
00:08:25,406 --> 00:08:26,506
Well, I'll tell you
what difference it makes.
208
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,441
I knew a fat Bob, okay?
209
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,577
That wasn't his name, but I'm changing the
name to protect the innocent, and him.
210
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,712
And he's not innocent, right?
Is it fat Dave?
211
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,548
It was a big, fat bloke, right?
212
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,917
And he worked on one
of the crews, um...
213
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:43,122
That used to bring in equipment where I
used to work at that student's union, okay?
214
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:46,325
And, uh, he was, he
was massive, right?
215
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,897
And, uh, I think it was 1992.
216
00:08:49,931 --> 00:08:52,566
The Euro. Right? When
England got knocked out.
217
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,467
And he went mental.
218
00:08:54,502 --> 00:08:56,469
And he was so angry.
219
00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:59,739
He went out, and he
wanted retribution, okay?
220
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:02,776
Luckily there were no
German people around.
221
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:06,413
But the closest he, he could
find was a sausage van.
222
00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:10,117
Some poor bloke who delivers
sausages, and he turned it over.
223
00:09:10,151 --> 00:09:13,287
He got the van, and he turned it
over cause it was selling sausages.
224
00:09:13,321 --> 00:09:15,122
So he thought that's
German enough.
225
00:09:15,156 --> 00:09:18,425
No. Well, if he's fat, he's probably
just annoyed that it wasn't open.
226
00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:25,298
I think I first became really
excited by the World Cup,
227
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:29,335
that famous year when
Maradona did the hand ball.
228
00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:32,138
Do you remember, what was that, 1986?
'86. Yeah.
229
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,773
Oh, that was so exciting.
230
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,541
Cause it was... He had been so
brilliant in that tournament.
231
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,544
And then he did cheat,
as we all know. Yeah.
232
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,780
Isn't cheating part of,
part of all games now?
233
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,116
Hang on. Here we go. This is controversial.
Oh, hold on...
234
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,819
There's a lot of young people who
look up to Karl as a role model.
235
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,622
Yeah. Yeah, but it's the
world we live in now, isn't it?
236
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:52,659
It's, uh, get what you
can, or how you can.
237
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,861
But what's your feeling?
Are you the sort of person...
238
00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:56,296
Well, I mean, have you
ever cheated in a game?
239
00:09:56,331 --> 00:09:57,598
Were you that sort of person?
240
00:09:57,632 --> 00:10:00,634
Um, let me just think.
My dad does it a lot.
241
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,869
Um...
242
00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:03,103
What? In board
games and that?
243
00:10:03,138 --> 00:10:07,542
Yeah. They're just,
just cards. Monopoly.
244
00:10:07,576 --> 00:10:09,644
- Uh...
- How does he cheat in Monopoly?
245
00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:11,113
Just nicks a lot of the money.
246
00:10:11,147 --> 00:10:13,014
Oh, just straightforward
nicks the money.
247
00:10:13,049 --> 00:10:15,150
I hadn't thought of that.
I love that. Yeah.
248
00:10:15,184 --> 00:10:17,787
But how do you notice he's
even doing it? He does...
249
00:10:17,821 --> 00:10:20,990
I'm busy looking at, you know, what
properties I've, I've invested in and stuff.
250
00:10:21,024 --> 00:10:23,960
Sure. And the money's
just there, isn't it?
251
00:10:23,994 --> 00:10:26,095
See I don't see the point of
cheating at Monopoly. No, I don't.
252
00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:27,963
I say that to him. I'm saying,
you're kidding yourself.
253
00:10:27,998 --> 00:10:29,899
You're kidding yourself.
254
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,801
But to him, he's, he's broke
the system, hasn't he?
255
00:10:32,835 --> 00:10:35,704
He's got round the rules.
256
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:38,807
What do you mean I can only have that much?
Who says I can? Bosh.
257
00:10:38,841 --> 00:10:41,009
Get some more money.
Buy some more hotels.
258
00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:43,178
And in a way, that's
life, isn't it? Mmm.
259
00:10:43,212 --> 00:10:47,183
All people with loads of money now, you
kind of go, have they made that honestly?
260
00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:48,651
Right.
261
00:10:48,685 --> 00:10:51,354
You know, I pass big houses in
London, and I think gangsters.
262
00:10:51,388 --> 00:10:53,322
Got to be gangsters to
have a house like that.
263
00:10:53,357 --> 00:10:56,059
Yeah. There's no way a
normal job, someone who's...
264
00:10:56,093 --> 00:10:57,794
Cause I know. I'm
trying to make money.
265
00:10:57,828 --> 00:11:00,029
And I know how hard
it is to make money.
266
00:11:00,064 --> 00:11:03,500
Cause the more money you make, the more
hands are out there, taking little bits.
267
00:11:03,535 --> 00:11:06,804
So how the hell has this
man bought this house?
268
00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:09,173
It's
got to be a crook.
269
00:11:09,207 --> 00:11:10,908
And that's the... So
do you yourself cheat?
270
00:11:10,942 --> 00:11:13,444
Would you consider yourself a cheater?
Are you honorable?
271
00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:14,912
In games.
272
00:11:14,947 --> 00:11:17,148
Well, just generally.
Do you cheat on anything?
273
00:11:17,182 --> 00:11:19,784
No. Do you know what?
The other week...
274
00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:24,189
I'd had a cup of tea and some
fish and chips at this pub.
275
00:11:24,224 --> 00:11:26,191
And they only took for one.
276
00:11:26,225 --> 00:11:28,760
And I went back the next day.
277
00:11:28,794 --> 00:11:31,463
And said, oh, you didn't charge
me for my fish and chips.
278
00:11:31,497 --> 00:11:32,931
What a fucking moron.
279
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:35,100
I paid. No, I didn't tell
her about the tea though.
280
00:11:36,436 --> 00:11:37,570
Got a free tea?
281
00:11:37,604 --> 00:11:39,605
Took the free tea, yeah.
282
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,941
I just thought, well, you know, it's pretty
good about going back to pay for that.
283
00:11:41,975 --> 00:11:44,744
And it was just a tea bag.
The water was free.
284
00:11:44,778 --> 00:11:46,479
Yeah.
I'll have that for free.
285
00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:49,682
So that, again, that's just me. It's
like the Mars bar on the paper round.
286
00:11:49,716 --> 00:11:51,550
Mmm. It's me going,
well, I've been good.
287
00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:56,322
The fish would have cost money. Potatoes
are pretty cheap. But I'll pay for it.
288
00:11:56,356 --> 00:11:59,592
But for my goodness, here's a little gift.
Have a free cup of tea.
289
00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:02,461
If she was good at her job,
she'd have remembered.
290
00:12:02,495 --> 00:12:03,729
I thought she would have done.
291
00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:05,363
In a way, it annoyed
that she didn't go...
292
00:12:05,398 --> 00:12:07,399
Oh, yes. So you did. Well done. Thank
you very much for coming back.
293
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:08,833
Right. She
just was like, did you?
294
00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:10,635
Another little crap shoot.
She looks at me.
295
00:12:10,669 --> 00:12:11,769
I know what you mean. She looked,
she looked at me, like...
296
00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:13,338
We didn't even know.
297
00:12:13,372 --> 00:12:15,406
Yeah. I was worrying
about a staff member.
298
00:12:15,441 --> 00:12:17,776
Sort of on her own or having to pay for it.
Getting fired or something.
299
00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,644
I know where you're coming at there.
Yeah.
300
00:12:22,314 --> 00:12:26,284
One of my first disappointments
with football...
301
00:12:26,318 --> 00:12:30,422
I was, um, I was 10-years-old, okay?
302
00:12:32,358 --> 00:12:36,261
And, uh, one of the teachers was in charge
of the football team, my junior school.
303
00:12:38,131 --> 00:12:43,902
And I went down to Tuttys.
It was a shop, with my mom.
304
00:12:43,936 --> 00:12:49,674
So it's just white socks,
black shorts, white shirt...
305
00:12:51,410 --> 00:12:53,512
Went to, knocked on his door.
306
00:12:53,546 --> 00:12:55,514
I said, I've got my kit.
307
00:12:55,548 --> 00:12:58,518
Yes, well, the trials were
yesterday. You've missed it.
308
00:12:58,552 --> 00:13:00,853
That was it for a year, right?
309
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:03,222
Next year I went, "When are the
trials, when are the trials..."
310
00:13:03,257 --> 00:13:04,991
Got in the trials, okay?
311
00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:06,792
He's going, well, I want everyone
to give 100 percent, right?
312
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:07,960
Really try hard.
Really try hard.
313
00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:09,528
He's watching
people play, right?
314
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:13,065
I made sure that every time I ran
by him, I was out of breath, right?
315
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,167
Really trying.
316
00:13:15,202 --> 00:13:17,537
Every time I ran by him
he sort of looking at me...
317
00:13:17,571 --> 00:13:18,838
Came to it.
318
00:13:18,872 --> 00:13:21,208
He said, and the team is
this. I'm left out, right?
319
00:13:21,242 --> 00:13:25,246
He went past me, and he went,
you've clearly got asthma.
320
00:13:26,882 --> 00:13:28,916
So you didn't make
that team either?
321
00:13:28,951 --> 00:13:31,452
Yeah. And I didn't...
And, and I...
322
00:13:31,486 --> 00:13:34,822
I vowed that day, never
try hard at anything.
323
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:37,192
Yeah. Well, and you've
certainly kept that up. Yeah.
324
00:13:37,226 --> 00:13:39,260
What's your thoughts
on that, Karl?
325
00:13:39,295 --> 00:13:41,462
Well, you play... Did you
play sport at school?
326
00:13:41,497 --> 00:13:43,064
Um, a little bit.
327
00:13:43,098 --> 00:13:45,233
But it was never taken
seriously at school anyway.
328
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:49,170
It was, I think the P.E. teacher
was a geography teacher as well.
329
00:13:49,205 --> 00:13:51,806
- So it's like, you know, what does he know?
- Yeah.
330
00:13:51,841 --> 00:13:53,841
It was all that...
331
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,177
Basically, he put on some track suit pants
on that were always too tight for him.
332
00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:57,746
Could see everything.
333
00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:59,714
Well, why were you looking at...
You couldn't help it.
334
00:13:59,748 --> 00:14:02,116
It was in the days when
clothing was tight as it is.
335
00:14:02,151 --> 00:14:05,153
Mmm. And then it was
like Lycra tracky bottoms.
336
00:14:05,187 --> 00:14:06,220
Oh, all right.
337
00:14:06,255 --> 00:14:08,690
And everyone used to
say, look at the...
338
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,491
But... Like stealing
sausages from...
339
00:14:10,526 --> 00:14:12,126
He was ridiculous, ridiculous.
340
00:14:12,161 --> 00:14:13,828
So he didn't
know what he was doing anyway.
341
00:14:13,862 --> 00:14:15,730
If, if anything
it was dangerous.
342
00:14:15,764 --> 00:14:17,365
Cause he didn't know...
343
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:22,103
What was, what was the capability
of a, of a 10-year-old kid's body.
344
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:24,739
- I mean, he'd put you through loads of stuff.
- Right.
345
00:14:24,773 --> 00:14:26,941
He didn't like me anyway,
cause I wasn't that good.
346
00:14:26,975 --> 00:14:28,643
If you're not that good,
347
00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:30,745
- teachers don't like you.
- Oh, I thought you'd be pretty good.
348
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:33,048
I wasn't interested.
That's the thing.
349
00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:37,286
I did relay, and I got done for swearing.
Got whacked on the ass with a baton.
350
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,989
Hold on. Why, why, why were
you swearing in relay?
351
00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:41,223
What, when's that come into it?
352
00:14:41,258 --> 00:14:42,457
Why did you need
to swear in relay?
353
00:14:42,492 --> 00:14:44,259
You're running
round out there...
354
00:14:44,293 --> 00:14:45,961
Because the lads wouldn't slowed
down, so I couldn't pass it on.
355
00:14:45,995 --> 00:14:47,329
So I sort of said,
fucking slow down.
356
00:14:47,363 --> 00:14:50,765
And he heard me. And
then went mental at me.
357
00:14:50,799 --> 00:14:53,701
But, yeah. So it was never...
I mean, Darren Campbell...
358
00:14:53,736 --> 00:14:55,236
The, the athlete.
359
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,571
I told you, haven't I, that I was
involved in his, his training?
360
00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:59,873
No. Didn't know
about this.
361
00:14:59,908 --> 00:15:02,642
Yeah, Darren Campbell, the...
I think he won a gold medal.
362
00:15:02,677 --> 00:15:04,411
Didn't he used to push you
around in a bath or something?
363
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,413
No, it's not Lastof the Summer Wine.
364
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,384
It was, it was in me go cart.
365
00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:11,718
Really?
366
00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:13,220
And used to...it was
a motorized go cart.
367
00:15:13,254 --> 00:15:14,922
And that's why he'd
pick it up at the back.
368
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,625
Run with it, up speed, and
then drop the wheels down,
369
00:15:17,659 --> 00:15:19,293
And the engine kicks in.
370
00:15:19,328 --> 00:15:21,428
We should explain
to the people who don't know.
371
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,597
He was the bloke who used to push the
bob sleigh in the Winter Olympics.
372
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,098
Wasn't he, for
the England team?
373
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,434
No. He was a,
he was a runner.
374
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,170
Well, how was that part of his
training then, pushing a fucking go cart?
375
00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:31,538
What was he doing?
376
00:15:31,573 --> 00:15:32,606
Because he's running.
377
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,274
But he's
running about a yard.
378
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:37,644
No. No. Sometimes more
than that, quite a lot.
379
00:15:37,678 --> 00:15:41,081
And it's just...
God, what do you want?
380
00:15:41,116 --> 00:15:43,050
It was Darren Campbell
pushing my go cart.
381
00:15:43,084 --> 00:15:46,320
Yeah, but you seem to be taking
half the credit for his gold medal.
382
00:15:46,355 --> 00:15:49,457
What you've done is sat on
your ass, you lazy twat.
383
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:52,994
I just kind of think he was, he was
at the age where it's important.
384
00:15:53,028 --> 00:15:56,631
He could have made a decision not
to go into it at that point.
385
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:59,267
And I think he was never
keen to get in the go cart.
386
00:15:59,301 --> 00:16:02,604
Yeah. He was always keen
to push it, and I used to let him.
387
00:16:02,638 --> 00:16:06,575
Now, if I said, no, I don't want
you pushing me go cart, who knows?
388
00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:08,577
I'm just saying I was
there at the start.
389
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:11,413
Doing nothing,
providing nothing.
390
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:12,982
Sitting
on your ass.
391
00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:15,151
Sitting around, letting
someone else do it.
392
00:16:15,185 --> 00:16:16,619
Well, all right. What
athletes have you helped?
393
00:16:16,654 --> 00:16:18,021
You've not
helped him.
394
00:16:18,055 --> 00:16:20,791
I bet if he ever did a
book, an autobiography,
395
00:16:20,825 --> 00:16:25,062
it'd go, you know, The Early
Years, Darren Campbell.
396
00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:27,031
Now I want to know if
he has done an autobiography,
397
00:16:27,065 --> 00:16:28,299
cause we're going to
be looking this up.
398
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,967
"I remember
the training."
399
00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:32,002
I'm making a note of that for
the next time you do anything.
400
00:16:32,037 --> 00:16:33,804
"Around
at Pilkington's."
401
00:16:33,838 --> 00:16:35,038
"Darren Campbell."
402
00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:36,574
"Pushing a go cart."
403
00:16:36,608 --> 00:16:42,914
"Pushing, bald,
in crap, cheap..."
404
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:44,715
Wasn't.
"Go cart."
405
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:48,252
120 quid it was. You know how
many paper rounds that is?
406
00:16:49,755 --> 00:16:53,591
What I like when, um, you're watching
football on the television...
407
00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:56,928
Is if it goes to a
close-up of a footballer,
408
00:16:56,962 --> 00:16:59,097
it's just kick the ball
out, miss the goal,
409
00:16:59,131 --> 00:17:00,732
he's gone for a free
kick or whatever,
410
00:17:00,766 --> 00:17:04,970
if you stay on any footballer
for more than 10 seconds,
411
00:17:05,004 --> 00:17:07,505
they will either swear...
412
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:09,741
- Or gob.
- Yeah. Yeah.
413
00:17:09,775 --> 00:17:12,578
I mean, that's a fact.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
414
00:17:12,612 --> 00:17:14,780
I've never needed
to gob that much.
415
00:17:14,814 --> 00:17:17,316
I don't care how knackered I am,
I'm never gobbing like that.
416
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:18,517
It's weird though.
417
00:17:18,551 --> 00:17:23,055
The other week, I just sat
in the garden slobbering...
418
00:17:24,257 --> 00:17:25,691
Just to see if it
would ever run out.
419
00:17:25,725 --> 00:17:28,928
And it's amazing. I don't
know where it all comes from.
420
00:17:28,962 --> 00:17:31,831
What is the strangest...
That's extraordinary.
421
00:17:31,865 --> 00:17:34,133
That's amazing. So that... Just
to see if it would run out?
422
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:37,937
So now, he's got to the
point in his life, where,
423
00:17:37,971 --> 00:17:43,709
as a hobby, or a pass time, or just to
count down the minutes before he dies...
424
00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:46,678
Yeah.
He sat in the garden...
425
00:17:46,713 --> 00:17:50,382
Creating sputum. Slathering
to see if he'd ever run out.
426
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:53,352
I mean, that's amazing, Karl.
Where, where does it all come from?
427
00:17:54,988 --> 00:17:56,789
Well, you create it, don't you?
428
00:17:56,823 --> 00:17:58,190
But from what?
429
00:17:58,225 --> 00:18:00,359
I'm always getting done for
not drinking enough water.
430
00:18:00,394 --> 00:18:01,627
Salivary glands.
431
00:18:01,661 --> 00:18:03,362
But it's amazing.
432
00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:07,032
Honestly, I just sat like that with my
head forward, and just let it drip.
433
00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:09,000
Fuck me.
Wow.
434
00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:12,004
So Suzanne comes into the garden,
and all she sees is her boyfriend...
435
00:18:12,038 --> 00:18:15,074
Sad. Like something from OneFlew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
436
00:18:15,108 --> 00:18:16,608
Yeah.
Dribbling.
437
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,276
Like something battered around
their head with a cricket bat.
438
00:18:18,311 --> 00:18:20,078
No, she was, she was
reading something.
439
00:18:20,112 --> 00:18:22,180
Did she, did you answer
to back to a dictator?
440
00:18:22,214 --> 00:18:24,049
Yeah.
What'd he do?
441
00:18:24,116 --> 00:18:25,083
Battered me.
442
00:18:25,118 --> 00:18:27,085
You got Trojan up
your ass as well.
443
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,155
Yeah, it makes me slather.
444
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:31,323
No. Just sat there.
445
00:18:31,357 --> 00:18:33,291
What a fucking mong.
That's extraordinary.
446
00:18:33,326 --> 00:18:35,327
What a div you are.
447
00:18:35,361 --> 00:18:37,963
And I just had my head
there, and it continuously...
448
00:18:37,998 --> 00:18:40,533
I think I got bored of
it before it stopped.
449
00:18:41,935 --> 00:18:45,305
Oh, God! I have never
heard anything like this.
450
00:18:45,339 --> 00:18:47,641
Oh, God, it's unbelievable.
451
00:18:47,675 --> 00:18:51,311
He just sat there with
his head down, slathering.
452
00:18:51,345 --> 00:18:53,213
Letting it just...
That's extraordinary.
453
00:18:53,248 --> 00:18:55,216
You weren't even sort of like gobbing?
454
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:57,652
You were just letting... No, just
letting it, letting it sort of drop.
455
00:18:57,686 --> 00:18:59,687
So, you've...
456
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:02,557
You've got nothing else going on in your
life, that you've got time to do this?
457
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:04,959
So your brain
wasn't even engaged.
458
00:19:04,993 --> 00:19:06,794
How long were you there for?
459
00:19:06,828 --> 00:19:13,067
I'll tell you what, no joking,
probably a good 15 minutes.
460
00:19:13,101 --> 00:19:14,668
Wow.
Fifteen minutes...
461
00:19:14,703 --> 00:19:17,772
- Of sitting with his head forward...
- Amazing.
462
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:20,275
Letting him salivate
back onto the grass.
463
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,743
But you reckon you
could do that amount?
464
00:19:21,777 --> 00:19:23,411
I would never do it. Never do it.
We'll never try. Never try.
465
00:19:23,445 --> 00:19:25,046
I've never got that
amount of time.
466
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,582
I've never, I've,
I, I tell you now.
467
00:19:27,616 --> 00:19:29,417
You will never
see either of us...
468
00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:32,388
Sat there for no reason in the
garden, with our head forward,
469
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:36,892
and our mouth open, seeing
how long we can create saliva.
470
00:19:36,927 --> 00:19:38,427
Unless I've
just come out of a coma.
471
00:19:38,462 --> 00:19:41,397
Yeah.
Yeah, or a gas attack.
472
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,598
Yeah.
473
00:19:42,632 --> 00:19:45,935
No, I have a lot of...
I'm sort of goz unlimited.
474
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:50,573
That's a great
new dance duo, isn't it?
475
00:19:50,608 --> 00:19:54,277
Please welcome to thestage, it's Goz Unlimited!
476
00:19:57,248 --> 00:19:58,681
Amazing.
477
00:20:01,452 --> 00:20:03,553
What do you think
about George Best?
478
00:20:03,588 --> 00:20:06,423
Using up his liver, and then getting
another one, and getting pissed again?
479
00:20:06,457 --> 00:20:08,425
Clever.
480
00:20:08,459 --> 00:20:11,061
Well, that's always going to encourage, isn't it?
I've always said that.
481
00:20:11,095 --> 00:20:12,797
What?
482
00:20:12,831 --> 00:20:15,866
The moment we can replace stuff,
people just go, oh, sod it.
483
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:18,435
Like smokers. What would you do
if you gave someone a kidney...
484
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,304
And then, and they started to...
Mess with it.
485
00:20:20,338 --> 00:20:24,240
And you saw them down to the pub again.
Doing drugs and shit, and...
486
00:20:24,275 --> 00:20:27,444
Well, I wouldn't, I wouldn't hand it out
to someone just, just like that, would I?
487
00:20:27,478 --> 00:20:30,780
I think you should be allowed to say,
right, who's it for? Can I meet them?
488
00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:32,649
Right. Right. And then
have a chat with them.
489
00:20:32,716 --> 00:20:34,050
Saying, have you
learned your lesson?
490
00:20:34,084 --> 00:20:35,684
What I'm going to do...
Okay, okay. I'm a, I'm a...
491
00:20:35,719 --> 00:20:40,121
I'm a little kid
who wants a, a kidney, okay?
492
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,790
Um, and you come to...
I'm on the top of the list.
493
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,659
Hello.
494
00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:46,227
Hello.
Hello.
495
00:20:46,261 --> 00:20:47,595
How are you doing?
Good.
496
00:20:47,630 --> 00:20:49,897
Are you going to give me one
of your kidneys so I can live?
497
00:20:49,931 --> 00:20:51,365
I don't know...
498
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,334
Well, I'm on top of the list so...
Why is your head so round?
499
00:20:54,369 --> 00:20:56,403
Right. So, definitely not. Why?
500
00:20:56,438 --> 00:20:58,205
Definitely not. He's a little kid.
Look at him.
501
00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,940
He's a little kid. But I
need, I need a kidney. Pale.
502
00:20:59,975 --> 00:21:01,375
He's cheeky, though, isn't he?
Cheeky. No. Please.
503
00:21:01,409 --> 00:21:02,977
Please. Round head. Lovely little kid.
Lock of hair.
504
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:04,412
Can I have your kidney?
505
00:21:04,446 --> 00:21:06,146
No, you can't have it, right? Oh, come on.
You've got two.
506
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,714
Let's
see another kid.
507
00:21:07,749 --> 00:21:10,016
- No. I'm on the top...
- Lesson learned.
508
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:12,118
I'm top of the fucking list. Give me one
of your kidney's you round-headed twat.
509
00:21:12,153 --> 00:21:15,088
No. I would not feel bad about
walking away from that kid,
510
00:21:15,122 --> 00:21:17,056
and saying he could
not have a kidney.
511
00:21:17,090 --> 00:21:18,590
So you're going to,
you're going to...
512
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,959
Do you know what? I'm going to take
this kidney out now and bin it.
513
00:21:23,462 --> 00:21:26,531
Hey, wait. Do you know
who that kid went on to become?
514
00:21:26,566 --> 00:21:27,966
Go on.
515
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,802
Winston Churchill.
516
00:21:30,837 --> 00:21:33,672
All right. Well, maybe I helped. It's
like Darren Campbell all over again.
517
00:21:33,706 --> 00:21:35,874
I made him stronger.
518
00:21:35,909 --> 00:21:37,843
I was tough with him. He
saw how tough the world is.
519
00:21:37,878 --> 00:21:39,044
No. But you didn't.
520
00:21:39,079 --> 00:21:40,713
This is an alternative
universe where he died,
521
00:21:40,747 --> 00:21:42,181
because you never
gave him that kidney.
522
00:21:42,215 --> 00:21:45,084
Yeah. Yeah, well you can't worry
about that then, can you?
523
00:21:45,118 --> 00:21:48,487
If you go, if you're going to start going
that far back and forward and stuff.
524
00:21:48,522 --> 00:21:52,859
But I think, I don't know what
I'd expect someone to be like.
525
00:21:52,893 --> 00:21:55,428
Just wanting to go,
what do you eat?
526
00:21:55,462 --> 00:21:57,196
I'd, I'd say write
down your diet.
527
00:21:57,230 --> 00:22:00,065
Oh, yeah. That one is really...
I'm going to treasure this kidney.
528
00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:01,500
I'm going to treasure it.
529
00:22:01,534 --> 00:22:03,435
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
530
00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:05,871
And I'll really work hard, and I'm going
to make something of more than you did.
531
00:22:05,906 --> 00:22:08,074
So, um...
So I made this...
532
00:22:08,108 --> 00:22:10,343
You're kidney is going to be a lot better
off in me than you, you lazy tosser.
533
00:22:10,377 --> 00:22:12,378
I'll tell you that. If you want,
if you want achievement...
534
00:22:12,413 --> 00:22:14,914
Oh, okay. Then, you know, I,
I'm going to go to school.
535
00:22:14,949 --> 00:22:17,817
I'm going to do really well. Not like
you, you thick, little round-headed shit.
536
00:22:17,852 --> 00:22:21,489
So the quicker you get the fucking kidney
out of your useless body, and into mine...
537
00:22:21,523 --> 00:22:23,190
Well... ...we'll all
be happy, won't we?
538
00:22:23,224 --> 00:22:25,092
Okay. Well, I'll go away and
think about it for a month.
539
00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:26,794
Well, no.
540
00:22:29,565 --> 00:22:32,200
There you go. Don't
have to get nasty.
541
00:22:35,304 --> 00:22:38,339
Sick of it, always
helping people out.
542
00:22:38,373 --> 00:22:41,208
Oh.
Uh...
543
00:22:41,242 --> 00:22:42,976
That's a big ask, isn't it?
544
00:22:43,011 --> 00:22:45,846
Would you give anyone
a kidney, Karl?
545
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,948
Suzanne? Sure he would
give Suzanne a kidney.
546
00:22:47,983 --> 00:22:49,450
Tricky little, tricky, tricky.
547
00:22:49,484 --> 00:22:51,785
Well, you, obviously you'd give
Suzanne a kidney, wouldn't you?
548
00:22:51,819 --> 00:22:53,353
Yeah...
549
00:22:53,388 --> 00:22:55,322
Well, would you? Or are
you just saying that?
550
00:22:57,993 --> 00:23:00,061
Suppose I would. I don't
really like the idea of it.
551
00:23:00,095 --> 00:23:03,164
So if, what you're saying... What
you're saying to Suzanne right now.
552
00:23:03,199 --> 00:23:05,199
A bit of good luck.
You know, I need a kidney.
553
00:23:05,234 --> 00:23:09,971
And this got quite rare. Well, we've got the
same sort of blood group and everything.
554
00:23:10,005 --> 00:23:13,809
So, uh... You've got two.
I've got none.
555
00:23:13,843 --> 00:23:16,979
Bibbity Bob, one each.
Let's have a good life.
556
00:23:17,013 --> 00:23:19,314
Don't know.
Yeah?
557
00:23:19,349 --> 00:23:21,984
Uh, yeah, you'll have
to, have to have it.
558
00:23:22,019 --> 00:23:24,453
Which one are you thinking
of going for? Cause the...
559
00:23:24,488 --> 00:23:27,123
I think the right one's a bit dodgy
cause I had the kidney stones.
560
00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:28,291
Do you want that one?
Well, you keep that.
561
00:23:28,325 --> 00:23:29,725
I'll have, I'll
have the left one.
562
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,794
No. I tell you what.
You have that one,
563
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:34,396
because when I was in all the pain,
you were going, it can't be that bad.
564
00:23:34,431 --> 00:23:37,966
So you have it. It's in good working order.
They've looked at it.
565
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:41,637
Yeah. But it is prone to stones.
566
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,441
There. He's using this
to get back at her.
567
00:23:46,475 --> 00:23:48,609
For saying,
it can't be that bad.
568
00:23:48,643 --> 00:23:50,578
It's like poetic justice.
569
00:23:50,612 --> 00:23:53,982
He can give her the kidney she
didn't believe was that painful.
570
00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:56,618
Don't like talking
about it. It's all...
571
00:23:56,652 --> 00:24:00,188
It freaks me out. It freaks me out.
It's all doing stuff now.
572
00:24:00,223 --> 00:24:02,624
The kidney is doing stuff. Yeah.
573
00:24:02,658 --> 00:24:03,958
My teeth are hurting still.
574
00:24:03,993 --> 00:24:05,827
Still got a little bit of
tooth ache going on there.
575
00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:07,228
I've got a sweat on.
576
00:24:07,262 --> 00:24:09,297
All stuff is going on
without me knowing.
577
00:24:09,331 --> 00:24:12,067
Germs whizzing round.
I've had jabs for rabies.
578
00:24:12,101 --> 00:24:16,037
I've had Hepatitis A and B.
I don't know what that does.
579
00:24:16,072 --> 00:24:20,376
I've had A and I've had B.
That's whizzing round my body.
580
00:24:20,410 --> 00:24:24,180
Body's in shock, isn't it, at the moment?
It doesn't know what is going on.
581
00:24:24,214 --> 00:24:26,616
I've had... How is it
notifying you of the shock?
582
00:24:26,650 --> 00:24:29,752
Well, the thing, like I say,
I keep getting this sweat.
583
00:24:29,787 --> 00:24:33,323
And what else have
I had? Typhoid.
584
00:24:35,694 --> 00:24:37,362
Doesn't that, like
shouldn't, I have...
585
00:24:37,396 --> 00:24:39,264
All this stuff shouldn't
be in my body, should it?
586
00:24:40,266 --> 00:24:42,267
And we don't really
know, do we?
587
00:24:42,302 --> 00:24:45,137
They're saying, yes, have this. Have that.
Shove it in your arm. It's all right.
588
00:24:45,171 --> 00:24:48,274
But we don't really
know, long-term effect.
589
00:24:48,308 --> 00:24:52,845
I've got rabies in me. I never
thought I'd have to have that.
590
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,049
Tetanus, T.B.
591
00:24:56,083 --> 00:24:57,684
One for if I get bit
by a dirty monkey.
592
00:25:04,402 --> 00:25:14,597
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593
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