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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,298 --> 00:00:08,134 Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:14,757 --> 00:00:20,130 For the past few years, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington 3 00:00:20,165 --> 00:00:24,836 have been meeting regularly for a series of pointless conversations. 4 00:00:24,871 --> 00:00:25,971 This is one of them. 5 00:00:26,006 --> 00:00:27,107 Testing. 6 00:00:27,141 --> 00:00:28,209 Is that all right? 7 00:00:30,379 --> 00:00:34,350 Hello, and welcome to The Ricky Gervais Show, with me, Ricky Gervais, 8 00:00:34,384 --> 00:00:35,492 Stephen Merchant... Hello. 9 00:00:35,516 --> 00:00:39,625 And a little round-headed buffoon. That is... Karl Pilkington. 10 00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:40,960 Right. 11 00:00:46,869 --> 00:00:50,406 So, Karl, law and order? 12 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,644 Not at all interested in it to be honest. 13 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,414 What do you mean? I've got no interest in law and order whatsoever. 14 00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:57,882 It's not part of my life. 15 00:00:59,451 --> 00:01:02,855 That's the problem. You keep picking topics that don't buzz me. 16 00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:06,925 Course they do. They don't. 17 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,355 I'm not interested. Well let's talk about this. Let's talk about this. 18 00:01:08,366 --> 00:01:11,163 You're, you're a man quite obsessed with law and order. 19 00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,697 Law and order... 20 00:01:12,732 --> 00:01:15,200 Is basically to protect the innocent, isn't it? 21 00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:20,305 When someone wrongs us, we want justice. It's fundamental. And you do. 22 00:01:20,339 --> 00:01:24,177 You were sitting in your old flat in London, phoning me every day... 23 00:01:24,211 --> 00:01:26,613 That you wanted to go downstairs and smack their heads in, 24 00:01:26,647 --> 00:01:29,650 for being late and shouting around and being drunk. 25 00:01:29,685 --> 00:01:31,486 And you could hear it. You wanted some justice. 26 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,023 Yeah, but nothing would have happened if I called someone up and said, 27 00:01:34,057 --> 00:01:35,425 "There's people doing noise pollution." 28 00:01:35,459 --> 00:01:37,894 But you are, you are concerned with law and order. 29 00:01:37,928 --> 00:01:39,529 You wanted your rights... No. But there's no point... 30 00:01:39,564 --> 00:01:41,365 And you ended up moving, so... All right, quiet! 31 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,234 Yeah. But I shouldn't have to move because of some noisy people. 32 00:01:43,268 --> 00:01:46,205 No, you shouldn't. But I'm saying, you were stressed. No one cares, though. 33 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,841 And you wanted justice, but you, you thought you couldn't get justice. 34 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,645 So you moved away, which is... Yeah. So I dealt with it in my way. 35 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,514 Yeah. Right. Right. I hated them. 36 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:54,915 Cause they didn't care about anyone else. 37 00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:56,213 Exactly. Well, the police wouldn't get involved. 38 00:01:56,236 --> 00:01:59,087 There's other people who live around there who had to put up with that. 39 00:01:59,121 --> 00:02:00,789 No one cared. 40 00:02:00,823 --> 00:02:03,458 So what did it feel like every night when you were trying to watch tele? 41 00:02:03,493 --> 00:02:05,261 And it's hot and you got the window open, or... 42 00:02:05,295 --> 00:02:06,996 No, you could just hear stuff. 43 00:02:07,031 --> 00:02:11,201 And, you know, it's, it's not a thing of... you get a lot of tourists in London. 44 00:02:11,236 --> 00:02:11,968 So they talk. 45 00:02:11,991 --> 00:02:14,906 And it's not even as if you can listen in to what they're saying. 46 00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:16,874 And have a, have a view on their opinion cause they're foreign. 47 00:02:16,909 --> 00:02:19,077 So you can't... Is that... So that's entertaining for you? 48 00:02:19,112 --> 00:02:20,812 Well, yeah. Because if you can hear what people are saying, you go, 49 00:02:20,847 --> 00:02:23,114 "Oh, yeah. That's a good point." Switch your tele off. 50 00:02:23,149 --> 00:02:24,683 That's a good point. 51 00:02:24,717 --> 00:02:26,117 I don't want to hear anyone talking. 52 00:02:26,152 --> 00:02:28,920 But isn't it your own fault for living in central London? 53 00:02:28,954 --> 00:02:31,222 Well, not really. Cause it wasn't always like that. 54 00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:33,158 I've been there years. And then all of a sudden, 55 00:02:33,192 --> 00:02:35,226 you know, good fellows turn up. 56 00:02:35,261 --> 00:02:37,562 They sat down there making a racket. 57 00:02:37,596 --> 00:02:39,330 What can you say to them? 58 00:02:39,365 --> 00:02:41,833 You call down. They can't hear the phone ringing. 59 00:02:41,868 --> 00:02:45,437 But it's louder. I think it is louder abroad than it is here. 60 00:02:45,472 --> 00:02:48,475 Whenever I go away on holiday, I always notice that. 61 00:02:48,509 --> 00:02:50,811 It's always a couple of decibels higher. 62 00:02:50,845 --> 00:02:52,379 Really? Always. 63 00:02:52,413 --> 00:02:55,483 Like the sound of bird noises and that are louder abroad. 64 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,488 Because they are trying to get above the noise of the noisy people. 65 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,123 No. That's not true. They are. 66 00:03:01,157 --> 00:03:05,260 When I was in... where was I? Menorca or something. 67 00:03:05,295 --> 00:03:07,430 It was like lying there... 68 00:03:07,465 --> 00:03:12,302 If it wasn't a noisy local, it was the people in the villa next door. 69 00:03:12,337 --> 00:03:15,339 If it's not them, they suddenly collected the bottles from the bottle bank. 70 00:03:15,373 --> 00:03:16,941 That's a nice noise, 71 00:03:16,975 --> 00:03:19,643 when you, when you're just relaxing... the bottle bank. 72 00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,512 Just pop that there where the villa is. 73 00:03:21,546 --> 00:03:23,280 So that was a racket. 74 00:03:23,314 --> 00:03:25,748 There was always some... There was just so much noise. 75 00:03:25,783 --> 00:03:27,550 Animals, creatures. 76 00:03:27,585 --> 00:03:29,552 You can't, you can't escape. It's the one thing you can't escape... noise. 77 00:03:29,587 --> 00:03:31,421 Your ears never turn off. No. 78 00:03:31,455 --> 00:03:32,956 They're always there. 79 00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:34,691 But I've told you before, wear ear plugs if you have to. 80 00:03:34,725 --> 00:03:36,860 I don't like it. But he doesn't like... 81 00:03:36,894 --> 00:03:38,828 He can, he says, he can hear the sound of his own heart. 82 00:03:38,863 --> 00:03:42,031 Well, there always a sound. Like your eyes. You can close them. 83 00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:44,734 My eyes close all the time. And if, if I don't like to look at something... 84 00:03:44,769 --> 00:03:46,102 Blinking. It's called blinking. Yeah. Yeah. 85 00:03:46,137 --> 00:03:47,437 No. But if I don't like the look of something, 86 00:03:47,471 --> 00:03:49,806 they, they close before even I've thought about 87 00:03:49,841 --> 00:03:51,441 if I want to see it or not. 88 00:03:51,476 --> 00:03:53,877 What do you mean? What do you mean exactly? They're ahead. 89 00:03:53,911 --> 00:03:55,946 I just mean if, if I see something on the tele, 90 00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:59,315 or like one of those casualty programs or something... RICKY: Yeah. 91 00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,952 It's like my eyes know that I'm not going to like the look of it. 92 00:04:01,986 --> 00:04:04,054 But, no. No. No. No. So they close quickly. 93 00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:07,124 Me ears, they, they seem to be interested in everything. 94 00:04:09,193 --> 00:04:10,660 Even though I'm not. 95 00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:15,498 What, whatever it is, you can't close your ears. 96 00:04:15,533 --> 00:04:17,467 Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You can't... Exactly, yeah. 97 00:04:17,501 --> 00:04:19,235 You can't, you can never... So that's why I'm... 98 00:04:19,270 --> 00:04:20,837 I like the idea that your eyes are closing when you were, 99 00:04:20,872 --> 00:04:23,340 "Oh, well, I was watching that. What you doing eyes?" Have your eyes, wait. 100 00:04:23,374 --> 00:04:25,242 Have your eyes ever closed something that you were going... 101 00:04:25,276 --> 00:04:27,377 I'm enjoying that. No. They normally get it right. 102 00:04:27,411 --> 00:04:29,112 Your eyes aren't making any decisions. 103 00:04:29,146 --> 00:04:30,583 They normally get it right. You're making the decisions. 104 00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:32,849 You turn away, cause you don't like seeing something. 105 00:04:32,883 --> 00:04:35,218 You don't turn away, and then you're going, "What was that?" 106 00:04:35,252 --> 00:04:37,019 And your eyes going, "You don't want to know." 107 00:04:37,054 --> 00:04:38,988 You do not know, you don't want to know, Karl. 108 00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,289 Well, I'm just saying anyway... 109 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,457 Mmm, lovely pair of tits here. Oh, whoa! 110 00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:42,925 I can't believe it! 111 00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:45,327 I just mean noise pollution... 112 00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:48,497 It's the... is the one thing you can't escape. 113 00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:52,468 But the thing about law and order is, um, you don't have to take it. 114 00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:55,504 You can combat being wronged. 115 00:04:55,538 --> 00:05:00,843 It's not just punishment or retribution. It's justice. 116 00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:03,546 You want to know that you're valued. 117 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:04,914 Uh... 118 00:05:04,948 --> 00:05:06,716 You know is, well, this is a big issue, isn't it, Rick? 119 00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:09,519 Is, is, ya know is one life more important than another? 120 00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:12,588 If you've transgressed in a terrible way... 121 00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:14,791 Um, you've murdered, raped, whatever, 122 00:05:14,825 --> 00:05:16,626 and so I'm going to put you to death... 123 00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:19,095 Well, this is a bit of an interesting argument, isn't it? 124 00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:20,696 Whether capital punishment... 125 00:05:20,731 --> 00:05:22,631 I, I, I don't agree with execution. 126 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:25,468 Karl, where do you stand on the tricky issue of capital punishment? 127 00:05:25,503 --> 00:05:27,003 You've given it some serious thought I imagine? 128 00:05:27,037 --> 00:05:29,005 Um... 129 00:05:29,039 --> 00:05:33,142 So what? You're asking me like should he be, should he, should he be on death row? 130 00:05:33,176 --> 00:05:35,544 Well, should, should someone flip the switch? 131 00:05:35,579 --> 00:05:37,980 Send him to his death in the electric chair? 132 00:05:40,416 --> 00:05:41,850 Um... 133 00:05:44,287 --> 00:05:46,154 Yeah. 134 00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:49,957 Simple as that. Oh, the least considerate. 135 00:05:49,991 --> 00:05:53,593 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I saw a little bit of flicker behind the eyes. 136 00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:56,395 I don't know what... Well, just take us through the mental process, 137 00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:59,198 that you, that you arrived at the yes with, there. 138 00:05:59,232 --> 00:06:02,435 So you, you, you don't live with a cause there was a quite a brief gap there. 139 00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:04,103 I just was thinking... 140 00:06:04,138 --> 00:06:07,339 It's not a nice job if you're working and you've got to flip the switch. 141 00:06:07,374 --> 00:06:08,641 Right. 142 00:06:08,675 --> 00:06:11,276 But I was wondering if, if it's possible... 143 00:06:11,311 --> 00:06:15,448 To just do it so it's linked up to someone's switch? 144 00:06:15,482 --> 00:06:17,816 What do you mean? When they put the lights on something. 145 00:06:19,419 --> 00:06:22,054 So it's like some time tonight when the sun goes down, 146 00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:25,859 and people start putting the lights on in their house, it could happen. 147 00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:28,328 But we don't know what household. They might be away on holiday. 148 00:06:28,363 --> 00:06:30,998 So you might get an extra two weeks. 149 00:06:31,032 --> 00:06:33,567 But at least that way... Because for me... Well... 150 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:37,104 So, but what my point is that you do agree that someone should be put to death... 151 00:06:37,138 --> 00:06:38,402 For a terrible crime? Do you? 152 00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:42,309 You've got to have something there to stop them people who, who don't care, don't you? 153 00:06:42,343 --> 00:06:44,445 Nature has done it in a way with bees. 154 00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:47,614 They've gone, "We'll give you a weapon, but if you use it, you die." 155 00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:49,549 - And that's like the bee. - Well, yeah. 156 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:51,318 When they're worried they're going to go, "I'm not going to do it." 157 00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:53,320 Well, that's... Yeah, we do, won't we? We have... We have 158 00:06:53,354 --> 00:06:56,803 people saying, "One, you can't do that." That, that's step one. Here's the law. 159 00:06:56,923 --> 00:06:58,725 Don't do it. Two... Yeah. But there's a lot of people... 160 00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:01,127 Who go, "I'm not bothered by the law. I'm not bothered about annoying people." 161 00:07:01,162 --> 00:07:02,088 Yeah, that's true. 162 00:07:02,111 --> 00:07:04,898 So, for them, at the end of the scale you've got the chair. 163 00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:07,033 And you stick the wires on their head, and we'll fry your head. 164 00:07:07,068 --> 00:07:09,103 And they go, "Oh, God. No. I don't want that." 165 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,505 I, I think a lot of those crimes... 166 00:07:11,539 --> 00:07:14,508 The deterrent isn't relevant, you know? Things like armed robbery maybe, 167 00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:18,345 where it's a risk. What can I get versus what my crime may be. 168 00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:21,114 Maybe then it might be a deterrent. But then of course... 169 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:25,019 If you start to get into capital punishment for crimes that aren't murdering someone, 170 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,855 then that thing brings in... You might as well murder them, because, then... 171 00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:29,657 But... Then you've got more chance of getting away with it. 172 00:07:29,691 --> 00:07:32,927 So it's very delicate what you make people be killed for... 173 00:07:32,961 --> 00:07:35,464 You've made a, an interesting and reasoned argument there, Rick. 174 00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,732 I'm looking forward to, to hearing the riposte. 175 00:07:38,668 --> 00:07:40,769 Right. 176 00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:43,038 When I was younger... 177 00:07:43,073 --> 00:07:45,107 I used to nick Mars bars. 178 00:07:45,142 --> 00:07:46,643 Okay. 179 00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:49,913 All right? Now, I did that then. 180 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,381 And I, and I knew... 181 00:07:51,416 --> 00:07:53,617 That even if I get caught, what's the worst that's going to happen? 182 00:07:53,652 --> 00:07:54,634 Yeah. 183 00:07:54,754 --> 00:07:57,555 It's not going to... I'm not going to go to prison over that. 184 00:07:57,590 --> 00:08:00,325 But it was worth nicking, because a Mars bar... they were like 45 pence. 185 00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:02,493 Sure. Um... 186 00:08:02,527 --> 00:08:05,829 A Mars bar was a proper treat. There's a lot going on in there. 187 00:08:05,864 --> 00:08:07,866 Yeah. Yeah. A lot of chocolate. A lot of caramel. 188 00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:09,767 - I, and I saved 45 pence. - Yeah. 189 00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:11,302 So, to me... 190 00:08:11,336 --> 00:08:12,970 So that, that was like an advert that went wrong just at the end. 191 00:08:13,004 --> 00:08:15,239 They started off good. They go, "This bloke is good. He's..." 192 00:08:15,273 --> 00:08:17,641 You cover that Mars bar has a lot in it. And it's... "Oh, good. Keep going." 193 00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:19,076 Yeah, they've got, it's got caramel. It's got... 194 00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:19,929 "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." 195 00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:23,446 But it's 45 pence, which is too fucking much. So I fucking nick it you cunt. 196 00:08:23,481 --> 00:08:26,416 But when I was younger, that was worth a risk. 197 00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:29,552 Because I knew that I'd be getting something worth 45 pence. 198 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:30,986 Yeah. For free. 199 00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,187 You weren't going to get the electric chair. 200 00:08:32,222 --> 00:08:33,722 And I wasn't going to get... done. STEPHEN: Mmm. 201 00:08:33,756 --> 00:08:38,126 So the stakes were high. The risks were low. 202 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,062 What do you mean, the stakes were high. The risks were low? 203 00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:42,497 I think he's just trying to sound cool. 204 00:08:42,531 --> 00:08:45,834 The stakes weren't high. The stakes are what can happen to you. 205 00:08:45,869 --> 00:08:48,036 And the risks... the stakes and the risks are the same. 206 00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:50,105 The risk is the stake. Okay? 207 00:08:50,139 --> 00:08:52,541 Unless you're nicking meat from a butchers. 208 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:56,111 Then the steaks are high and the risk is low. 209 00:08:56,146 --> 00:08:57,647 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 210 00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,582 But what you meant was 211 00:08:59,616 --> 00:09:00,916 the gain was high. It was worth the risk. 212 00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:03,219 The gain was high. The gain was high. The... yeah. Yeah. 213 00:09:03,253 --> 00:09:04,720 The risk was low. But... Yeah. 214 00:09:04,754 --> 00:09:06,221 That is not, was... It wasn't, was it? 215 00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,023 Cause 45 P isn't a lot unless you're a kid. 216 00:09:08,057 --> 00:09:09,558 It is when you're a kid. Most of the time... 217 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,027 I didn't want to say which shop it was that I nicked it from. 218 00:09:12,061 --> 00:09:14,096 But it's where I did my paper round. Now the thing is... 219 00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:15,831 Ah, so you nicked it from your own boss? 220 00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:18,166 Ah. But listen, I used to wake him up. 221 00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:20,135 Oh, that is terrible. I helped him run... No. Cause I... 222 00:09:20,169 --> 00:09:21,423 That is terrible. 223 00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:23,505 This is awful. Go on. Hang on there. That is, that is really bad. 224 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:25,907 Cause I, I want to hear him rationalize his, his terrible crime. 225 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,276 Cause that sweet old man that used to give... 226 00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,477 He's not an old man. I used to go around and wake him up, right? 227 00:09:29,512 --> 00:09:31,580 Sweet little old man. Yeah. He hated runnin' that place. 228 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,849 All right. Uh, if anything, I'd say I was his best asset. 229 00:09:34,884 --> 00:09:36,418 Not really. 230 00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:37,552 Because I know what... Yeah... 231 00:09:37,586 --> 00:09:39,287 He was nicking from him. He was nicking from him... 232 00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:40,688 Yeah. I, I don't know how much he made on papers. 233 00:09:40,723 --> 00:09:43,758 But he'd probably go "45 P profit, hold on." KARL: Listen... 234 00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:45,694 I, they got their papers really early. 235 00:09:45,728 --> 00:09:47,362 - Cause I, I got up early. - Yeah. 236 00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:49,031 I used to go round to the shop... 237 00:09:49,065 --> 00:09:51,166 When you have a Mars a day, he helps you work, rest, and steal. 238 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,869 So, so I used to go round there. Wake him up. 239 00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:57,806 He'd be like, "What you doing round here so early?" 240 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,576 "Don't know, I am just hungry." 241 00:10:01,610 --> 00:10:03,845 "What?" "I'm just, I'm just hungry for work." 242 00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:04,523 No. 243 00:10:04,534 --> 00:10:07,348 Oh, well good. Good boy. I'm just going to turn away a minute. 244 00:10:07,383 --> 00:10:08,208 - Yeah. Yeah. - Um... 245 00:10:08,328 --> 00:10:11,386 While you stand there in front of the confectionery. Um, I'll turn away now. 246 00:10:11,421 --> 00:10:13,455 And I've looked back now and here's the papers. 247 00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:15,490 And thanks so much, Karl. Cause you... You're a lovely kid. 248 00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:17,025 You're such an honorable and trustworthy guy. 249 00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,526 Yeah. I can't really afford to... 250 00:10:18,561 --> 00:10:20,528 - I've been betrayed so many times. - Yeah. 251 00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:22,496 That's why my lovely wife is no longer with me. You know she ran off with Ken. 252 00:10:22,531 --> 00:10:23,931 Yeah. But I mean at least I've got a friend. 253 00:10:23,966 --> 00:10:25,600 He's got one young friend. 254 00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:27,335 You, you turn up early. You're... Oh, God. 255 00:10:27,369 --> 00:10:29,604 It's brilliant. Oh, and Karl, keep a lookout, cause some... 256 00:10:29,638 --> 00:10:31,906 Someone's been nicking Mars bars. 257 00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,741 Yeah. And I know, I know it's not you. Cause I trust you implicitly. 258 00:10:33,776 --> 00:10:37,011 And, and by the way, Karl, why don't you take a Mars bar for free? 259 00:10:37,046 --> 00:10:39,013 Oh, thanks. 260 00:10:39,048 --> 00:10:41,449 Now that never happened. All right. 261 00:10:41,483 --> 00:10:46,755 So I'm getting 50 pence a day for delivering papers. RICKY: Mmm. 262 00:10:46,789 --> 00:10:49,290 - But I needed the energy. - Right. 263 00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:52,526 Now if I, if I spent my 50 P on the Mars bar... 264 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,660 Yeah? 265 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,062 - Five P profit a day is not worth it. - No. 266 00:10:56,096 --> 00:10:59,332 So, help yourself. 267 00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:02,001 I knew I was doing a good job for him. No, no, no. 268 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,770 There you go. Help yourself. Not, no... 269 00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,805 So, help yourself. 270 00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:09,141 That doesn't, that doesn't follow. So, help yourself. Get another job. 271 00:11:09,175 --> 00:11:13,279 Leave that job. Negotiate a pay rise. Not help me self. 272 00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:14,580 That doesn't... That doesn't go. 273 00:11:14,614 --> 00:11:16,716 That's ridiculous. Where does it stop? 274 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:18,951 If you worked in a nuclear power plant, 275 00:11:18,986 --> 00:11:20,486 where they're not paying me much. 276 00:11:20,521 --> 00:11:21,754 I'll have a lovely little bit of uranium. 277 00:11:21,788 --> 00:11:23,488 A lovely little bit of uranium? 278 00:11:23,523 --> 00:11:25,524 Yeah. Yeah. That'll do. 279 00:11:25,558 --> 00:11:28,860 That's, that's a strange analogy, Rick. 280 00:11:28,894 --> 00:11:31,296 Straight from a bloke nicking stuff from work. 281 00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:33,897 So he works at a power plant. He's helping himself to a bit of uranium. 282 00:11:33,932 --> 00:11:36,032 What's he doing with the uranium? Wow. 283 00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,301 You know, Mars a day and all that. And that's for energy. 284 00:11:38,335 --> 00:11:40,369 And so is uranium. 285 00:11:40,404 --> 00:11:44,540 But more energy than a Mars bar. Yeah. 286 00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:49,346 A lot of the laws of the land, are from the Bible. 287 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,514 I mean, that, that's... That kicked it off. 288 00:11:51,549 --> 00:11:53,984 I mean, there was laws before obviously. And there were... 289 00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:57,287 There were different gods before, before this one, um, was invented. 290 00:11:57,321 --> 00:11:59,188 Um, but let's have a look at the Ten Commandments. 291 00:11:59,223 --> 00:12:01,190 Oh, yeah. I'm just going to go through... 292 00:12:01,225 --> 00:12:02,825 I'm just going to go down these. 293 00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:04,427 See which ones I, um, I commit. 294 00:12:04,461 --> 00:12:07,096 Uh..."Thou shalt have no other god." 295 00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:09,231 I don't have any god, so I haven't broken that one. 296 00:12:09,265 --> 00:12:11,099 Two, "graven images," nope. 297 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:14,035 I don't have any graven... No, I don't, I don't accept there's a god to... 298 00:12:14,070 --> 00:12:15,770 Uh, three. "Thou shalt not take the name of the..." 299 00:12:15,805 --> 00:12:18,206 Again, I don't take his name in vain, 'cause I don't believe he exists. 300 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,608 So, I'm fine there. "Remember the Sabbath." 301 00:12:20,643 --> 00:12:22,110 I always remember Sunday. 302 00:12:22,144 --> 00:12:23,512 Um, I know, I, I've got a calendar and everything. 303 00:12:23,546 --> 00:12:25,014 So, I'm doing all right. 304 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,582 And, uh, "Honor thy father." Yeah, I do that. 305 00:12:26,616 --> 00:12:28,484 "Never commit adultery." Don't do that. 306 00:12:28,519 --> 00:12:29,786 Uh... I don't... Ever killed anyone? 307 00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:31,955 No. Never killed anyone. I don't steal. 308 00:12:31,989 --> 00:12:34,792 I don't lie. And I don't covet. 309 00:12:34,826 --> 00:12:37,194 So, I am an amazing Christian. 310 00:12:37,229 --> 00:12:38,896 Pretty... yeah. You're a pretty clean-living guy. 311 00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,331 Well, there you go. 312 00:12:40,365 --> 00:12:42,800 Well, whereas... I don't know. 313 00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,935 Karl, have you ever... What's your view? You... 314 00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:48,806 I still, um, still open like post that isn't for me. 315 00:12:51,676 --> 00:12:53,443 Why do you open other people's mail? 316 00:12:53,477 --> 00:12:57,346 It's just, it's just a fellow called Bruce who... 317 00:12:57,381 --> 00:13:00,816 He's the bloke who used to own the flat before me. 318 00:13:00,851 --> 00:13:03,086 And I don't know. 319 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,523 I started off in the thought "Well, should I pass it on, you know?" 320 00:13:05,557 --> 00:13:07,758 You know, 'cause when people move it's a lot of messing about... 321 00:13:07,793 --> 00:13:09,561 - Tracking down where they've gone. - Mmm. 322 00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:12,631 So I thought should I just leave them for a bit? And I collected some for a bit. 323 00:13:12,665 --> 00:13:14,900 And then there was one that sort of said, 324 00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:17,737 "This is important," on the front of it. 325 00:13:17,771 --> 00:13:20,840 So I thought, "How important is it?" So I opened it. 326 00:13:20,874 --> 00:13:22,141 Was it, was it important? 327 00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:24,143 Uh, not really. It was from a tattooists. 328 00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:26,679 What did they say? 329 00:13:26,713 --> 00:13:27,815 It was just something about a... 330 00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:30,097 They said, "Oh, we used the AIDS needle on you." 331 00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:31,851 Yeah. Can you, can you come in for a little test? 332 00:13:31,885 --> 00:13:34,988 So I just, I just thought if I, I just kind of thought... 333 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:38,658 "Oh, I'll just open it." Havin' a look. And it was, it was weird... 334 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:42,162 Because do you know like how you get fed up with being yourself? 335 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,764 No. But go on. I'm intrigued. Well, you can... 336 00:13:44,798 --> 00:13:46,098 Of course. 337 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,067 No. You can just have days where you're like... 338 00:13:48,101 --> 00:13:49,435 - Nothing's going on. - I wish I was Brad Pitt. Yeah. 339 00:13:49,469 --> 00:13:50,903 Well, you know, and, and... 340 00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:52,204 Bruce Willis in your case, yeah? 341 00:13:52,239 --> 00:13:54,340 Well, well, this, this bloke was Bruce. So... 342 00:13:54,374 --> 00:13:56,642 I just go, "Oh, let's see what..." You know? If I, if I was Bruce... 343 00:13:56,676 --> 00:13:58,477 Yeah? Would I be happier being him? 344 00:13:58,512 --> 00:14:00,246 Do you know like... I've said to you before. Yeah. 345 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,683 You never know if you don't feel well, 346 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:07,821 because they cannot put you in someone else's body to sort of compare. 347 00:14:07,855 --> 00:14:11,458 So I think, well, would I enjoy being Bruce more? 348 00:14:11,492 --> 00:14:13,460 Sure. And why, so and what have you... what have you... 349 00:14:13,494 --> 00:14:16,330 Gleaned from Bruce? Well so, he's got a tattoo. We know that. 350 00:14:16,364 --> 00:14:18,966 Uh... there wasn't that much. It was... It was mainly busy at Christmas. 351 00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:21,369 A lot of Christmas cards which were good, cause I didn't get that many. 352 00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,971 - Yeah. Oh, yeah... - So you just you put up his Christmas... 353 00:14:24,006 --> 00:14:25,473 He put up his Christmas cards. 354 00:14:25,507 --> 00:14:28,043 What? You had Christmas cards hanging in your flat... 355 00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:30,212 To, do..."Have a lovely Christmas, Bruce. 356 00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:31,547 "Auntie Jean." 357 00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:33,616 That's crazy! Well, hang on a minute. 358 00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:35,184 Cause when you put them on you... you know, 359 00:14:35,218 --> 00:14:36,886 your mantelpiece or your shelf or whatever... RICKY: Yeah. 360 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,121 You're not, you're not looking in them every day. 361 00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:41,491 It's just a picture of Father Christmas. It don't matter who it's to, or from, or... 362 00:14:41,525 --> 00:14:43,226 Then why have them up at all? 363 00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,860 Well why don't just buy some blank? To make it Christmassy. 364 00:14:44,894 --> 00:14:46,462 - You could just buy some blank cards... - Yeah. Yeah. 365 00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:47,273 - ...and put them up. - Use them every year. 366 00:14:47,285 --> 00:14:50,265 There's no point. I don't have to. Bruce has got a lot of friends. 367 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,700 Yeah, but... 368 00:14:51,735 --> 00:14:53,802 It was more awkward, right? 369 00:14:53,837 --> 00:14:58,040 Cause the bloke downstairs... Cause I, cause I always collect the stuff for Bruce. 370 00:14:58,074 --> 00:15:00,742 I got talking to a bloke who's in the same block. 371 00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:03,645 And like, he used to see me picking stuff up for Bruce. 372 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,015 He'd always say, you know, "All right, Bruce." No. 373 00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:08,550 You've never told him that you're not Bruce? 374 00:15:08,584 --> 00:15:10,285 No. No point. 375 00:15:12,354 --> 00:15:15,456 I have a fascinating tale to tell you, Karl. 376 00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:16,886 I think you'll be intrigued. 377 00:15:17,006 --> 00:15:21,162 Um... When I do, um... 378 00:15:21,197 --> 00:15:24,933 Junkets for films in... In America or... 379 00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:27,169 Um, I was assigned a security. 380 00:15:27,236 --> 00:15:30,039 And, uh... I've had security before. 381 00:15:30,073 --> 00:15:33,209 I've had security. They just sort of get you in and out of the car, and... 382 00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:36,679 Usually just to control, sort of autograph hunters and things, and... 383 00:15:36,714 --> 00:15:39,950 But, um, this time I was given a, a security. 384 00:15:39,984 --> 00:15:42,518 And he, he came in as the suit. He was about 30, but quite unassuming. 385 00:15:42,553 --> 00:15:45,354 I thought he was from a, just a security firm. 386 00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:49,925 It turned out that, uh, he was actually L-A-P-D. 387 00:15:49,959 --> 00:15:54,562 Who was doing this for celebrities, cause he earned more money. 388 00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:56,898 And then, I found out he had a gun. 389 00:15:56,932 --> 00:15:59,667 So, I can't come in the airport with you, cause I can't take my gun in there. 390 00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:01,869 So, he's armed. 391 00:16:01,903 --> 00:16:04,806 So, I've got security. He's an L-A-P-D who's... who's armed. 392 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,641 And I'm fascinated. Now, I'm fascinated. 393 00:16:06,676 --> 00:16:09,878 This man is walking around with me, with a little ear piece, talking to everyone. 394 00:16:09,913 --> 00:16:12,381 He seems to know everyone. And he's got a gun. 395 00:16:12,416 --> 00:16:15,285 Then one night, he said... He dropped me off at the hotel. 396 00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:18,923 And he said, I've actually been called up about going on a mission. 397 00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,625 They need my help. 398 00:16:20,659 --> 00:16:23,194 I said, "Really? What is it?" He said, "It's a hostage situation." 399 00:16:23,228 --> 00:16:25,664 He said, "And I'm, I'm also SWAT." 400 00:16:25,698 --> 00:16:29,367 And I was thinking, what... "Oh, God. It's, it's just, it's just a silent hero." 401 00:16:29,401 --> 00:16:31,035 Hmm. So, next day comes. 402 00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:32,367 I was, "How was it?" He said, "It was fine." 403 00:16:32,487 --> 00:16:35,206 He said, "I just turned up." He said, "I had to... I had to do it in my suit." 404 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,742 He said, "Cause, I'm the negotiator." 405 00:16:37,776 --> 00:16:39,210 What? 406 00:16:39,245 --> 00:16:40,545 So I went, "Oh, my God." 407 00:16:40,579 --> 00:16:44,583 And I just asked him questions for two hours. Hmm. 408 00:16:44,617 --> 00:16:48,386 What do you think of that, Karl, as a job? It's amazing, isn't it? 409 00:16:48,421 --> 00:16:49,705 Um... 410 00:16:52,956 --> 00:16:56,629 Yeah. I mean, once you've done one though, it's like any job, isn't it? I suppose. 411 00:16:56,663 --> 00:16:58,231 Yeah. Once you've done one. 412 00:16:58,265 --> 00:16:59,999 Yeah. Boring. Yeah. Not impressed? 413 00:17:00,034 --> 00:17:01,267 No. No. No. It's good. And the... Could you do it? 414 00:17:01,302 --> 00:17:03,002 Do you reckon you could do it? 415 00:17:03,037 --> 00:17:04,670 Do you reckon you could negotiate someone out of a hostage situation? 416 00:17:04,704 --> 00:17:06,672 With your dulcet tones? Well, I think in one of them things... 417 00:17:06,706 --> 00:17:10,275 There's nothing you can do. It's like... it doesn't matter if it goes wrong. 418 00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:12,410 Because, if you... if you did your bit, no. Well, it does. 419 00:17:12,444 --> 00:17:14,278 It's like being a vet, isn't it? 420 00:17:14,313 --> 00:17:15,980 Not really. Not really. 421 00:17:16,014 --> 00:17:17,881 - Cause, well, that's ridiculous. - No. It is. 422 00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,950 What I mean is, you're, you're expected to... 423 00:17:19,985 --> 00:17:21,752 - ...make the little kitten live. - No. No. No. 424 00:17:21,787 --> 00:17:24,255 No. No. No. There's loads of it. Cause I was saying so, um... 425 00:17:24,289 --> 00:17:29,961 So, he says, "I need a car by 5:00, or I'm going to kill someone." 426 00:17:29,995 --> 00:17:33,264 He then makes sure that he doesn't kill anyone. 427 00:17:33,298 --> 00:17:36,468 But he makes sure that car doesn't come till quarter past five. 428 00:17:36,502 --> 00:17:37,969 But he's not bothered, is he? 429 00:17:38,004 --> 00:17:39,438 He is bothered. He's 15 minutes late? 430 00:17:39,472 --> 00:17:41,172 He is, cause he's, he... He really takes about... 431 00:17:41,207 --> 00:17:42,774 He empathizes with these guys. And he says... 432 00:17:42,808 --> 00:17:44,509 No, you've got to understand. 433 00:17:44,543 --> 00:17:46,411 - No. But the fellow in the house with the gun. - He says... Yeah? 434 00:17:46,445 --> 00:17:49,447 He's not going anywhere. Fifteen minutes to either side doesn't matter. 435 00:17:49,481 --> 00:17:51,115 Why, why is he in a rush? 436 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,951 I don't think Karl is getting how important... I'm not sure he is. 437 00:17:52,985 --> 00:17:54,519 And how amazing this is. No. You said... You said. 438 00:17:54,553 --> 00:17:56,721 Yeah? Yeah. They make the car 15 minutes late. 439 00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:59,357 He's getting his car. That bloke's not in a rush. Yeah. 440 00:17:59,391 --> 00:18:00,992 And he's never going to get in the car, is he? 441 00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:02,860 And he has to get in their head. 442 00:18:02,895 --> 00:18:05,497 But to do that, he says, that he has to empathize with them to a certain extent. 443 00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:07,932 He has to understand why they're doing it. To talk to them, and go, 444 00:18:07,966 --> 00:18:09,734 - Yeah. You've had a bad day. - Hmm. 445 00:18:09,768 --> 00:18:11,169 That would send anyone... 446 00:18:11,203 --> 00:18:12,937 But he has to get their trust. 447 00:18:12,971 --> 00:18:16,007 Karl, try and, try and talk me out. You think it's that easy. 448 00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:18,042 Right? I've got a hostage situation, right? 449 00:18:18,076 --> 00:18:20,578 They go, "There's only one person we can ask for." 450 00:18:21,546 --> 00:18:23,481 "Get me Karl Pilkington." 451 00:18:23,515 --> 00:18:26,350 The police know that you're their top man. And there's a guy in there. 452 00:18:26,384 --> 00:18:29,386 He's got a gun. He's got a hostage, okay? He's just done a crime. 453 00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:32,388 They don't know what to do. Okay? 454 00:18:32,423 --> 00:18:34,257 Right. You turn up. 455 00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:36,859 What's your first question to the...? 456 00:18:36,893 --> 00:18:38,494 I'm talking to you? 457 00:18:38,528 --> 00:18:40,028 Well, no. You got to assess... 458 00:18:40,063 --> 00:18:41,463 So, I'll say, "It's all right." 459 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:44,500 Uh... I think there's a saying. 460 00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:47,703 Actually, there's a... you say, "Where's brass," right? 461 00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:49,506 Right. I found that out. I heard that. 462 00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:50,874 I overheard that. What's that? 463 00:18:50,908 --> 00:18:52,809 It was something... 464 00:18:52,844 --> 00:18:56,046 You're wasting time. Who's that bald cunt that's just turned up? 465 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,182 I'm going to fucking kill... Listen. Right. Where's brass? 466 00:18:58,216 --> 00:18:59,483 What does it mean? 467 00:18:59,517 --> 00:19:01,418 I heard it at school when they... 468 00:19:01,453 --> 00:19:04,087 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You can't just use... 469 00:19:04,122 --> 00:19:07,357 It means... I heard, I heard someone use it on the, this... 470 00:19:07,391 --> 00:19:08,859 Well, I don't know what the fuck it means. All I know... 471 00:19:08,893 --> 00:19:11,462 It means the top person of, of the police or around at that moment. 472 00:19:11,496 --> 00:19:13,797 Right. Well you... I'm the fucking top brass here. 473 00:19:13,832 --> 00:19:15,566 I've got a fucking gun against this kid's head. 474 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,803 Who the fuck are you, you bald little shithead? Where's my car? 475 00:19:19,837 --> 00:19:22,605 What car? I've asked for a car. Where's my fucking car? 476 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,340 Am I talking to you now, am I? 477 00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,676 Yes, you are. I was... Are, are you the, are you the negotiator? 478 00:19:26,711 --> 00:19:29,512 Yeah. Right. Get me a fucking car. 479 00:19:29,546 --> 00:19:31,614 Where do you want to go? 480 00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:34,250 I'm, I'm fucking sore from shouting. 481 00:19:34,284 --> 00:19:37,419 Throw a phone through the window so I can talk to you over the phone. 482 00:19:37,454 --> 00:19:40,522 No. All right. In a minute. 483 00:19:40,557 --> 00:19:42,224 Don't ever fucking say "No" to me. 484 00:19:42,259 --> 00:19:43,659 In a minute, I said. 485 00:19:43,694 --> 00:19:45,995 Okay. Well, the clock's going. 486 00:19:46,030 --> 00:19:47,730 - Where's this fucking phone? - All right. Listen. Listen. 487 00:19:47,765 --> 00:19:49,566 I've got a sore throat. Just hang on a minute. 488 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,868 Why aren't you putting the phone through, you dopey cunt? You want to talk to him. 489 00:19:51,902 --> 00:19:53,336 Because I don't want to give you a phone straight away. 490 00:19:53,371 --> 00:19:54,938 You said you've got to delay him. 491 00:19:54,972 --> 00:19:57,274 No. They... you've got to talk to them. 492 00:19:57,308 --> 00:19:59,176 They shouldn't even demand a phone. 493 00:19:59,211 --> 00:20:02,112 You should make sure you've got a phone, you dopey twat. 494 00:20:02,147 --> 00:20:03,314 Give him a phone. 495 00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:05,015 Right. Thanks. All right. How's it going? 496 00:20:05,049 --> 00:20:07,084 That's better. Right. All right. Uh... 497 00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,585 Who are you, by the way? Who, who are you? 498 00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:10,253 Bruce. I can't, I can't give you them details. 499 00:20:10,288 --> 00:20:12,455 Well, you can. Cause I've got to trust you, you dopey sod. 500 00:20:12,489 --> 00:20:15,424 Are you police, or just some fucking cunt walking by? 501 00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:16,625 I'm a policeman. 502 00:20:16,659 --> 00:20:19,060 Right. I don't trust policemen. 503 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:21,062 No. Well, I'm a bit higher than that. 504 00:20:25,034 --> 00:20:26,601 So, listen. 505 00:20:26,635 --> 00:20:28,937 Oh, don't you tell me. I'm laying down the law here. 506 00:20:28,971 --> 00:20:32,283 No. Listen. I'm going to shoot someone unless I get a fast car. 507 00:20:32,307 --> 00:20:33,187 I've done a robbery. 508 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:35,543 It's all gone wrong. Yeah. For now. But I want a car to the airport. 509 00:20:35,577 --> 00:20:38,178 I want a plane standing by. 510 00:20:38,213 --> 00:20:42,049 You don't know me. But I do this a lot. 511 00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:46,086 Right? And I can tell you that it never works out right. 512 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,924 Do you know anyone who's done what you're doing, and he's now living a happy life? 513 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,059 Well, I don't care. I don't care about living anyway. 514 00:20:52,093 --> 00:20:54,662 I don't care about living out... I don't care if this goes wrong. 515 00:20:54,696 --> 00:20:56,530 Cause I'm going to shoot the hostage. 516 00:20:56,564 --> 00:20:57,731 What's your problem? 517 00:21:01,903 --> 00:21:06,007 I think you've got the wrong attitude, mate. I think you've got the wrong attitude here. 518 00:21:06,041 --> 00:21:10,245 No. But this is, the... To be honest with you, this was my last week. 519 00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:11,947 What? Why are you telling him that? 520 00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:15,017 Because I want to bring him down to my level. 521 00:21:15,052 --> 00:21:17,053 Right. What's that got to do with it? 522 00:21:17,087 --> 00:21:20,089 Well, you know, I've done this job for a long time. 523 00:21:20,124 --> 00:21:21,991 Right. And sometimes I felt like you. 524 00:21:22,025 --> 00:21:25,061 Right. Hmm. I've been, you know, even though I'm on this side. 525 00:21:25,095 --> 00:21:28,397 You know? Sometimes I feel like, "Oh, I've had enough of this." 526 00:21:28,431 --> 00:21:30,966 Right. Well, I haven't enough. But I, I tell you, 527 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,767 I don't care about living or dying here. 528 00:21:32,802 --> 00:21:35,703 So, if I don't get a car to the airport, all bets are off. 529 00:21:35,737 --> 00:21:37,205 I'm killing everyone and then myself. 530 00:21:37,239 --> 00:21:39,540 So you're... you'll, you'll be a big loser. 531 00:21:40,909 --> 00:21:43,044 Now you've got to get him to stand near a window. 532 00:21:43,078 --> 00:21:45,013 You've got, you've got to take him out. 533 00:21:45,048 --> 00:21:46,882 But, but... Because I've got a gun to someone's head. 534 00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:49,519 You can't burst in. Right? You've got what? Come on. 535 00:21:49,553 --> 00:21:51,821 How do you get him to stand near a window? 536 00:21:53,758 --> 00:21:55,826 Uh, I bet you're hot in there. 537 00:22:00,532 --> 00:22:02,366 Keep going. Keep going. I am. 538 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,401 I am. I am hot. Yeah. That's why I've just drawn the curtains... 539 00:22:04,435 --> 00:22:06,669 And then keep away from the window, cause the sun's blazing in... 540 00:22:06,704 --> 00:22:08,571 It's, it's, it's not too bad away from the window. 541 00:22:08,606 --> 00:22:11,074 It's, uh, the sun has gone around the back now. 542 00:22:11,108 --> 00:22:13,509 Just come and have a look. It's a lovely, lovely evening. 543 00:22:13,543 --> 00:22:15,211 Why would you want me to stand near a window? 544 00:22:15,245 --> 00:22:19,014 I think just because when you see how nice an evening it is... 545 00:22:20,850 --> 00:22:22,918 Worst, worst load of drivel ever... 546 00:22:22,952 --> 00:22:25,221 When you see how... Keep going. I'm interested. It's the worst... 547 00:22:25,255 --> 00:22:26,689 When you see a lovely evening... 548 00:22:26,723 --> 00:22:28,090 No. I mean, it's, it's that thing. What... 549 00:22:28,125 --> 00:22:30,726 I've heard that if you smile, you, you, you feel better. 550 00:22:30,761 --> 00:22:32,595 So have a little smile. 551 00:22:32,629 --> 00:22:34,930 Think of a happy moment in your life. 552 00:22:34,965 --> 00:22:36,632 I'll tell you what a happy moment in my life would be. 553 00:22:36,666 --> 00:22:39,268 Putting a bullet through your little round head, you cunt. 554 00:22:39,302 --> 00:22:40,636 Keep thinking about that image. 555 00:22:40,670 --> 00:22:42,472 Right. And you can see that round head. 556 00:22:42,506 --> 00:22:45,274 Just come to the window. I'll show you the round head. 557 00:22:45,308 --> 00:22:46,676 That would probably work, actually. 558 00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,945 Yeah. 559 00:22:48,979 --> 00:22:51,781 What, well, now I'm not going to come near the window. 560 00:22:51,815 --> 00:22:55,752 You come near the window. You come near the... my window. 561 00:22:55,786 --> 00:22:59,823 Up you come. Are you coming near the window? 562 00:22:59,857 --> 00:23:02,125 No. Not yet. What? 563 00:23:02,159 --> 00:23:03,493 Delaying it again. 564 00:23:06,430 --> 00:23:08,531 Right. I'm, I'm coming near the window. 565 00:23:08,565 --> 00:23:10,733 Well, I'm going to shoot you if you come near the window, you dopey prat. 566 00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:12,468 Well, why? I thought we were getting somewhere here. 567 00:23:12,502 --> 00:23:14,537 No. I'm going to shoot you. I've conned you. 568 00:23:14,571 --> 00:23:16,672 I've, I've negotiated you to come near the window. 569 00:23:16,706 --> 00:23:19,475 And I'm going to shoot you in the head, you prat. 570 00:23:19,509 --> 00:23:20,743 Oh, I'd just leave then. 571 00:23:22,754 --> 00:23:29,533 Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for www.addic7ed.com 572 00:23:29,583 --> 00:23:34,133 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 49782

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