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Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for
www.addic7ed.com
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For the past few years,
Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant,
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00:00:18,794 --> 00:00:20,761
and Karl Pilkington
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have been meeting regularly for a
series of pointless conversations.
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This is one of them.
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Testing.
Is that all right?
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Hello, and welcome to The Ricky
Gervais Show, with me, Ricky Gervais,
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Stephen Merchant...
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Hello.
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And the little
round-headed buffoon
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that is Karl Pilkington.
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Hi.
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Um, I thought we could
play, uh, Room 101.
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Room 101 of course is taken
from George Orwell's 1984.
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Mmm-hmm. Room of all your
fears and terrors and so, uh...
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Is there a copyright issue here?
Can we just steal this idea?
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Uh, well yeah, well
let's play Room 102.
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Clever.
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This is the room next door to Room
101, which is worse, in my opinion.
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So Karl, these are things
that really annoy you.
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Uh...
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Slugs, is in there.
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Slugs.
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So, um, then there's... you
have to put a case forward,
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and me and Steve decide whether slugs
go in, or whether they stay out,
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whether they've got a purpose.
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It's just 'cause I'm having
a problem with slugs.
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At the moment, there's a lot
of slugs coming in the house.
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- Why?
- Don't know.
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I just... they can get where, like,
water can, you know what I mean?
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'Cause they're boneless, aren't they?
So any little gap...
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So is water boneless?
There's not many bones in water.
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No, that's what I said.
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Why... why banish them all to Room 102, slugs,
because they're harmless, aren't they?
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All I know is, they're
clogging up me piping.
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I had to go out
and buy a plunger.
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I hadn't seen them since,
like, comics when I was a kid.
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And I suddenly thought, I need one of
them things that I always saw in comics.
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00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:03,774
I never thought I'd need
one of them in me life.
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I've got slugs in me pipes.
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So I went out, three quid it was.
I had no idea what the going rate is for a plunger.
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Gave it a bit of plunge. Uh,
and I think it was slugs.
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Like, all like bits of
black stuff came up.
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I think it was slugs in
there, like broken-up slugs.
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Well hang on, hang on, hang on, it
could just b black gunk, couldn't it?
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No, no, it looked
very sluggish.
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Because, remember, I've had
a problem with them anyway.
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I'll go to the toilet or
whatever, look 'round,
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there's a slug climbing up the wall
out of the shower basin thing.
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Are you
sure it's a slug?
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Yeah, definitely.
Definitely slugs.
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I have to keep chucking them out,
because I don't like killing anything.
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Right.
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I didn't want to kill the slugs with slug
pellets, so I bought some copper ribbon.
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Right, they don't like
going over that, do they?
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They don't like that.
They get a little shock.
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They get a little
charge, yeah.
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But now that should be a warning.
But instead, they're diverting.
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They've done a diversion.
They've gone up the wall and across.
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Now it's like, that's a warning.
That's like having a "No trespassing" sign.
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Yeah. And they're just
going, "Bollocks to that."
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And they're getting in,.
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00:03:01,462 --> 00:03:03,363
And now, you get to a
point when you do say,
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well, if they carry on like this, I'll
have to kill them, because they're not...
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How much...
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They're not playing
by the rules.
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I don't know what they're doing, and
I don't know what their purpose is.
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They just sit there, still.
I don't see 'em doing anything.
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I was looking at
one close up...
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Well, what do you want them to do?
Be reading Rousseau?
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What do you want a slug to do?
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In the same way you see a bee collecting pollen...
good, it's doing it's little work.
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Ants carrying big
leaves, or whatever.
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But slugs just sat there...
They're all doing the same thing.
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They're all doing the same thing.
That slug is out, it's eating.
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But it's not...
It's finding food.
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There's no food. There's no food in
our kitchen for a slug, believe me.
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There's not enough there
for me, sometimes.
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But never mind a slug.
There's nothing for it.
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Definitely not in the
shower. What's it doing?
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So, I told you ages ago about how
they cause more problems than good.
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They eat, they eat cabbage...
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Right.
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Um, when they
shouldn't be.
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Um...
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They get in letterboxes
and nick stamps.
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They don't nick stamps.
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They eat the stamps.
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They like the glue on it.
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00:04:02,223 --> 00:04:03,523
Right.
Right.
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00:04:03,558 --> 00:04:04,858
Is this a big problem, though?
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00:04:04,893 --> 00:04:08,863
Is there an epidemic of
slugs eating stamps?
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00:04:08,898 --> 00:04:11,567
But I think it is, and that's
why they're so slow.
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I think they're sweating glue.
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All right, they're eating all them, and
that's why they're sticking to stuff.
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Have you ever picked up
a slug? Well sticky.
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They give off this glue. It's like all
the glue that they're eating off stamps.
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They panic, and when they
sweat, they sweat glue.
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00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:30,819
Sweat! Think
of a drug... a slug...
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What do you mean,
they sweat glue?
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You're making up nature.
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00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:38,159
It makes sense.
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That is not...
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This is just a nonsense theory.
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It's just what I've
noticed on them.
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Right. Rick, do you allow
slugs in Room 102?
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Well I just wanna... I think
we should, you know,
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you know, if they're gonna be
gone forever, then we should...
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we should put a case forward.
They're amazing creatures.
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What do they do for the world?
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They're food.
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It's not good enough,
that. Not good enough.
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What do you mean?
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00:04:59,749 --> 00:05:03,151
Well, that's the ultimate sacrifice.
Surely them being food...
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00:05:03,185 --> 00:05:04,569
I'm just having problems
with them at the moment.
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00:05:04,593 --> 00:05:06,987
I spent three quid
on a plunger,
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and I don't like the idea that
every time I get up in the night
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00:05:09,023 --> 00:05:11,057
to go into the toilet or whatever,
I gotta put the light on,
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'cause I might have
a bit of sluggage between me toes.
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00:05:13,127 --> 00:05:15,795
Sluggage!
A little bit of sluggage between my toes!
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00:05:15,830 --> 00:05:19,032
Right, okay. We need to move on.
So, you're not putting them in?
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00:05:19,066 --> 00:05:20,666
I'm not
putting slugs in.
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00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,468
All right. Slugs have
not gone in Karl, I'm afraid.
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What's your next one?
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00:05:23,904 --> 00:05:25,971
Ok, number two.
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00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:27,506
Um,
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00:05:27,541 --> 00:05:32,044
people who don't want to do what the
brains would be better at doing.
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00:05:32,078 --> 00:05:34,412
Right, okay. Now, I've gotta
get around that sentence.
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00:05:34,447 --> 00:05:36,414
Now tell me again?
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00:05:36,448 --> 00:05:39,550
Brains that don't wanna do
what their owners are good at.
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00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:40,785
Ah, so now it's the
brain's fault.
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00:05:40,819 --> 00:05:44,054
Can you just expand on
that point please, KP?
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00:05:44,088 --> 00:05:48,138
Do you know, like... people
decide what they want to do.
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00:05:48,258 --> 00:05:48,924
Right.
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00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:51,788
Don't they, for a living?
Well, sometimes they're not good enough.
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00:05:51,908 --> 00:05:52,410
Right.
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00:05:52,530 --> 00:05:54,042
You mean they have a dream,
and they can't fulfill it
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00:05:54,162 --> 00:05:56,826
because they haven't
got the skill or...
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00:05:56,849 --> 00:05:59,036
Yeah, but that doesn't mean
they're not good for anything.
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00:05:59,071 --> 00:05:59,666
No.
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00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:02,640
It's just that they haven't unlocked
the thing that they're good at.
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00:06:02,675 --> 00:06:04,643
Of course. So I
mean, that's...
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00:06:04,677 --> 00:06:07,179
There's much bigger
issues there that, um,
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00:06:07,213 --> 00:06:10,383
poor, working-class people don't
get the same opportunities.
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When you're worrying about whether you're
gonna live through the next few days,
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00:06:15,321 --> 00:06:17,689
you don't start thinking, "Oh, I
wonder if I can play the cello?"
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00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:20,058
Can I refer you back though, Rick?
You made an interesting point there,
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but I fear that's not exactly
what Karl was saying.
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Go on. I don't think that his
point was quite that profound.
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00:06:24,096 --> 00:06:25,529
Uh, yeah that's kind
of what I meant.
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00:06:25,564 --> 00:06:26,006
Yeah, I don't know.
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00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:29,132
There was something to do with the
brain not allowing its owner...
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00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:31,301
Yeah, because that's
the bit that annoys me.
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Fair enough if a brain hasn't decided
what it wants to do because you don't...
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00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,071
What is this...
Let him, let him finish.
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00:06:35,106 --> 00:06:37,207
Oh God, this thing about the brain...
Let him finish. Shut up.
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00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:40,644
Because it hasn't, it hasn't
found its destiny-type thing.
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00:06:40,678 --> 00:06:42,179
The brain hasn't
found its destiny.
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00:06:42,213 --> 00:06:43,948
But, when someone
is good at something,
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00:06:43,982 --> 00:06:45,316
and they know the brain
is good at something,
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00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:47,151
but then they don't
want to do it,
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00:06:47,186 --> 00:06:49,054
and they want to go off
and do something else.
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00:06:49,088 --> 00:06:52,257
Now they say in this country the problem
is we haven't got enough tradesmen.
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00:06:52,325 --> 00:06:53,425
Right.
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00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:54,627
Not enough plumbers.
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00:06:54,661 --> 00:06:55,928
Right.
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00:06:55,962 --> 00:06:57,596
There's enough
plumbers' brains.
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00:06:57,631 --> 00:06:59,498
I don't know what the fuck that means!
Shut up! Let him speak.
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00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,334
What are you talking about?
Shut up. Let him please finish.
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00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:02,089
Let him finish.
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00:07:02,209 --> 00:07:03,075
Because this is like the
slug beds and pillows again.
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00:07:03,076 --> 00:07:06,890
Brains have not changed over the years.
The brain is exactly the same.
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00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:11,210
But it's the owner of the brain that's in charge.
The brain could be going,
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00:07:11,244 --> 00:07:12,678
"I want to go for a walk."
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00:07:12,713 --> 00:07:17,383
But if your body's too lazy to
get up and go and see the stuff,
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00:07:17,418 --> 00:07:19,085
the brain isn't gonna
get what it wants.
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00:07:19,119 --> 00:07:21,153
It doesn't make sense,
Karl. You are your brain!
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00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:22,788
All right. Let's
go to the extreme.
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00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:24,790
People with no legs, who
want to be swimmers.
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00:07:24,824 --> 00:07:25,857
Don't be stupid.
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00:07:29,395 --> 00:07:30,895
Oh, God! Oh, God.
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00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,165
And he's so annoyed!
Is this a big problem?
183
00:07:33,199 --> 00:07:36,168
It's, it's madness, isn't it?
It's mad that the brain wants to do that so much.
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00:07:36,203 --> 00:07:39,005
The brain's in the wrong,
in the wrong body almost.
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00:07:40,441 --> 00:07:41,942
Yet... are you with me?
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00:07:41,976 --> 00:07:42,417
No!
No.
187
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:43,614
A plumber,
a plumber...
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00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:47,548
A plumber who can plumb is annoying
when he jacks it in as a living,
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00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:51,286
because there's other brains
who can't do plumbing.
190
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,054
They don't get their
head 'round it.
191
00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:55,123
I don't know what this means.
I don't know what you're putting in Room 102,
192
00:07:55,157 --> 00:07:57,758
'cause you're saying it's like
this brain's wandering around...
193
00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:58,901
Who's to blame?
Looking for a body, and it goes,
194
00:07:58,924 --> 00:07:59,852
"Oh, I'll choose that body."
195
00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:01,401
"Hang on, this body doesn't
even want to do some plumbing."
196
00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:04,431
It's a matter of taste.
It's just a matter of taste.
197
00:08:04,465 --> 00:08:06,700
Sometimes it's... I'm not putting the brain in.
It's just people...
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00:08:06,734 --> 00:08:08,768
Uh, if I had a
really good skill,
199
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:11,437
I'd hope that, that I'd use it.
200
00:08:11,471 --> 00:08:13,740
So people who don't fulfill
their own potential.
201
00:08:13,774 --> 00:08:15,208
Is that a better point?
202
00:08:15,243 --> 00:08:16,188
Yeah, that's what I meant.
203
00:08:16,308 --> 00:08:18,411
Who am I talking to now,
Karl, or his brain?
204
00:08:18,446 --> 00:08:19,479
We're both listening.
205
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:26,342
Well, um, I will put in people who
don't fulfill their full potential.
206
00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:27,914
Slugs are safe.
207
00:08:28,161 --> 00:08:30,566
What's your next thing to
try and get in Room 102?
208
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,700
It's a tricky one, this.
209
00:08:31,735 --> 00:08:32,735
Go on.
210
00:08:32,769 --> 00:08:35,770
It's, it's people who, um...
211
00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:37,739
who think...
212
00:08:37,773 --> 00:08:39,941
that humans are special.
213
00:08:39,976 --> 00:08:41,843
- Do you know what I mean?
- But you think that.
214
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:44,579
No, I don't. I don't think humans are special.
I think some of us are.
215
00:08:44,613 --> 00:08:46,514
Look at it like this.
You see, I think,
216
00:08:46,548 --> 00:08:49,584
we think we're important
because, we just do.
217
00:08:49,618 --> 00:08:51,919
Well I don't, but some do.
218
00:08:51,954 --> 00:08:53,989
And they're the ones
I want to get rid of.
219
00:08:54,023 --> 00:08:56,391
Another
argument with himself.
220
00:08:56,426 --> 00:08:58,060
Now, we think we're special.
221
00:08:58,094 --> 00:09:00,396
There might be something else
going on that's more important.
222
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:01,831
We're in this universe,
aren't we?
223
00:09:01,865 --> 00:09:02,899
Yeah.
224
00:09:02,966 --> 00:09:04,434
Trying to make a new universe.
225
00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:05,639
What do you mean?
226
00:09:05,759 --> 00:09:09,606
There's a machine somewhere, a big bang.
We're making a big bang again.
227
00:09:09,641 --> 00:09:12,309
Right. Well that...
you've got that completely wrong, but sure.
228
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,478
They're not trying
to create a new world,
229
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,247
they're trying to recreate the conditions that
happened at the beginning of the big bang.
230
00:09:17,281 --> 00:09:18,314
All right, so they, but
the world came...
231
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,349
It's a bit different.
232
00:09:19,383 --> 00:09:21,051
But the world came
from the big bang.
233
00:09:21,085 --> 00:09:23,219
Yeah, but they're trying to recreate
the conditions so they can test
234
00:09:23,254 --> 00:09:24,921
and they can experiment to see...
Dangerous.
235
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,255
The conditions before...
236
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:27,490
So why are they doing
that? Who's allowed that?
237
00:09:27,524 --> 00:09:28,958
This is what annoys me.
238
00:09:28,992 --> 00:09:30,693
It's because humans
think they're special.
239
00:09:30,727 --> 00:09:31,927
"Oh, who made
the big bang?"
240
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:33,963
"Oh, I'd like me
name on that."
241
00:09:33,997 --> 00:09:35,965
"I wanna claim it."
242
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:37,900
Why do people always want
to better someone else?
243
00:09:37,934 --> 00:09:39,402
It's happened, let
them have it.
244
00:09:39,436 --> 00:09:42,105
Okay, right. Okay, Karl.
You're in charge of the world now.
245
00:09:42,139 --> 00:09:46,877
You are this... you're all-powerful.
You're like a god, okay?
246
00:09:46,911 --> 00:09:50,581
You can do anything. You go...
You call all the scientists, and they go,
247
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:55,686
"What do you want of us,
oh, oh orange-headed one?"
248
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,055
"What the fuck do you
want of us, right?"
249
00:09:58,089 --> 00:09:59,990
What do you want them to do?
250
00:10:00,024 --> 00:10:02,159
Go. What do you say?
251
00:10:03,694 --> 00:10:05,162
Uh...
252
00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:08,297
well, I want to come in, and...
253
00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:10,066
How long have they been
working on the big bang idea?
254
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,001
Forget it, it doesn't...
you've got every scientist...
255
00:10:12,036 --> 00:10:14,170
No, but I don't just want to
come in and pooh-pooh that,
256
00:10:14,204 --> 00:10:15,205
'cause they're gonna...
Poo-poo.
257
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:16,707
They've done a lot
of research on it.
258
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,909
Well, hold on.
You wanted it stopped a minute ago!
259
00:10:18,943 --> 00:10:21,745
Yeah I know, but you don't
just come in, guns a' blazing.
260
00:10:21,779 --> 00:10:23,447
I'd say, I'd say,
"Hello everyone."
261
00:10:23,481 --> 00:10:24,715
You can do anything
you want. Go on then.
262
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:25,683
Hello, everyone.
263
00:10:25,717 --> 00:10:27,384
Hello Karl,
leader.
264
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:31,289
Right. Uh, listen.
Uh, this big-bang thing you've been doing...
265
00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:33,157
Yeah, well that's
just only a few of us.
266
00:10:33,191 --> 00:10:35,626
That's like less than a millionth
of a percent of us. We're all here.
267
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:36,861
Yeah.
268
00:10:36,895 --> 00:10:37,862
I've dropped AIDS
research.
269
00:10:37,897 --> 00:10:39,097
I've dropped cancer research.
270
00:10:39,131 --> 00:10:40,498
Right. Well, why have
you dropped that?
271
00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:42,801
Who's told you to do that?
I'm working on new...
272
00:10:42,835 --> 00:10:45,537
Well no, we just... well, we knocked off.
They said you wanted to tell us something.
273
00:10:45,572 --> 00:10:47,739
We're all here.
Every scientist in the world is here.
274
00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:49,074
Listen, what research
are you doing?
275
00:10:49,194 --> 00:10:54,045
Oh, well I'm looking at, um, what
happens if you give Feminax to an owl.
276
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,547
What happens?
277
00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:58,683
Well I'm halfway through it, you...
I got called away.
278
00:10:58,717 --> 00:11:02,186
Look, I'm really busy.
What do you want me to work on?
279
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:04,788
Who said they're doing cancer?
280
00:11:04,823 --> 00:11:06,190
Me.
281
00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:08,125
Go back. Go
back to work.
282
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,293
Cheers.
283
00:11:09,327 --> 00:11:10,928
Right.
284
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,031
Okay. The rest of us doing stuff that
you think we're fanning around with,
285
00:11:13,065 --> 00:11:14,265
what would you want us to do?
286
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,833
Listen, well, I can't
do it all today.
287
00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:17,001
What about me?
I was doing AIDS. Hang on a minute.
288
00:11:17,035 --> 00:11:18,102
I was doing AIDS.
289
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,337
You just wait a minute.
290
00:11:19,371 --> 00:11:21,606
Right, okay. Why does
cancer get to go back?
291
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,843
Are you saying that cancer's
a bigger problem than AIDS?
292
00:11:24,877 --> 00:11:26,011
You go back to work.
293
00:11:26,045 --> 00:11:27,246
So, AIDS can go back.
294
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,782
I'm doing... Oh, I'm doing
restless leg syndrome.
295
00:11:29,816 --> 00:11:33,185
Right. Can everybody but
the big bang people leave?
296
00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:44,596
Tell you another problem
that I worked out.
297
00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:47,131
It might, might make a slight
difference on fat people.
298
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:49,467
Don't put a light
in the fridge,
299
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:52,169
because that's just, that's just...
at night, when they get peckish,
300
00:11:52,204 --> 00:11:53,805
they can see everything
that's in there.
301
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,907
Don't put the light there.
You don't need a light in a fridge.
302
00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:57,875
There's no lights
in other cupboards.
303
00:11:57,910 --> 00:12:00,112
Yet where there's food, it's like fatties
getting up at four in the morning.
304
00:12:00,146 --> 00:12:01,813
What can I have? What's
that at the back?
305
00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,615
Get rid of the light,
they'd eat less.
306
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,317
There might be some
logic in that.
307
00:12:05,352 --> 00:12:06,685
That's interesting.
308
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,255
What's it there for?
Tell me what that light is there for.
309
00:12:09,289 --> 00:12:12,391
They say turn off your standby light,
yet you've got a light in your fridge,
310
00:12:12,426 --> 00:12:14,593
showing where tomatoes is, or chocolate.
Well, no, it is turned off.
311
00:12:14,628 --> 00:12:17,463
It's turned off when you shut the...
the light's not on when the door's not open.
312
00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:19,699
Yes, but a fat person has always
got the fridge door open.
313
00:12:22,736 --> 00:12:25,871
So, what you're saying, in a
way, is that the free market,
314
00:12:25,905 --> 00:12:27,439
capitalism being what it is,
315
00:12:27,474 --> 00:12:31,843
which has allowed companies, food
manufacturers, to make them more,
316
00:12:31,878 --> 00:12:34,980
full of more salt, more fat, in order to
attract you in order to make more profits,
317
00:12:35,014 --> 00:12:36,715
is actually resulting
in obesity.
318
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:39,052
I was in a cafe,
right, um...
319
00:12:39,086 --> 00:12:43,523
I normally like to go in there, and
I might have beans on toast, uh...
320
00:12:43,557 --> 00:12:44,791
Cheese on top?
Cup of tea.
321
00:12:44,825 --> 00:12:46,593
I might have a bit of cheese.
Yeah, cheddar on top.
322
00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:48,728
Uh, only if they offer.
Sometimes I think I shouldn't have it,
323
00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:51,098
so I'll only have it if they say,
"Do you want cheese?" Oh, okay.
324
00:12:51,133 --> 00:12:53,400
And then it's down to their problem.
Do you know what I mean?
325
00:12:53,435 --> 00:12:54,901
It's kind of like, they
made me have that.
326
00:12:54,936 --> 00:12:56,470
So, anyway I'm sat in there,
327
00:12:56,504 --> 00:13:01,007
this little fella...
I'd say he was from, like Africa or something,
328
00:13:01,042 --> 00:13:06,380
uh, came in, and he had a little top
hat on, suitcase, and red jeans.
329
00:13:06,414 --> 00:13:07,881
Dead happy he was.
330
00:13:07,915 --> 00:13:10,708
I think he just turned up to London.
It's his first day out,
331
00:13:10,828 --> 00:13:12,986
and he's probably thinking, "I can't
believe me luck, look at the choice here."
332
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,588
Anyway,
333
00:13:14,622 --> 00:13:15,689
the difference was...
334
00:13:15,723 --> 00:13:16,790
All conjecture.
Yeah.
335
00:13:16,824 --> 00:13:17,958
All hypothesis.
Yeah. Okay, go on.
336
00:13:17,992 --> 00:13:21,428
The difference was, he
went in and he said,
337
00:13:21,462 --> 00:13:23,597
"Have you got any porridge?"
338
00:13:23,631 --> 00:13:25,432
He asked for two bowls
for the price of one.
339
00:13:25,466 --> 00:13:26,499
There was a little bit of a...
340
00:13:26,534 --> 00:13:27,867
A kerfuffle?
341
00:13:27,902 --> 00:13:29,869
Yeah, a little bit, because
he couldn't understand why.
342
00:13:29,904 --> 00:13:31,972
"You've got loads of porridge.
Give me two portions."
343
00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:34,675
But what... what I
found interesting is,
344
00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:39,214
he didn't wanna go for
the donut, or the pastry,
345
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:42,216
because in his country they don't...
they don't have it. RICKY: Hmm.
346
00:13:42,251 --> 00:13:45,953
So food, where he's from, is for
what food is for, isn't it?
347
00:13:45,988 --> 00:13:48,056
Giving you energy.
348
00:13:48,090 --> 00:13:49,390
Here, it's not about that, is it?
No.
349
00:13:49,424 --> 00:13:52,227
You go, "Oh, I'd... I'd
love a little muffin."
350
00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:55,330
So I just found... I just found it interesting.
That's all me point is,
351
00:13:55,364 --> 00:13:56,331
that he could have anything.
352
00:13:56,365 --> 00:13:58,032
He's come over here,
he's in London.
353
00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:01,502
He's got loads of stuff on offer.
Yet he still wants his porridge.
354
00:14:01,537 --> 00:14:06,575
Do you think, uh, that... well, firstly, do you
think perhaps he had traveled from the past,
355
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:09,578
in some kind of time machine?
356
00:14:09,612 --> 00:14:11,613
But, secondly, do you think
that now that he'll have a...
357
00:14:11,648 --> 00:14:15,417
he'll have his first taste of a donut,
wouldn't he, or a pain au chocolat...
358
00:14:15,451 --> 00:14:17,753
Do you think he'll get a taste
of it the next time you see him?
359
00:14:17,787 --> 00:14:21,156
Well, maybe, that's... that's how it works, isn't it?
I mean, why do I like...
360
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,525
And when next time,
when they go, "Hello, usual?"
361
00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:27,061
"No, shove
the porridge. I want a donut."
362
00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:28,529
That's, that's what
happens, isn't it?
363
00:14:28,564 --> 00:14:31,132
It's all about a mixture. You
need a mixture in your body.
364
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,800
You need to have...
365
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:35,569
like I've told, said to you
before, I get an urge for things
366
00:14:35,603 --> 00:14:38,089
that I don't even know about.
367
00:14:38,383 --> 00:14:38,805
Do you know what I mean?
368
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,540
What, like what?
What are you talking about?
369
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:43,377
Anything. The one that always
surprises me are plums,
370
00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:47,180
Because I shouldn't get an urge for plums.
I don't like 'em enough.
371
00:14:47,248 --> 00:14:49,850
But if I pass them in the supermarket,
I go, "I might want 'em for a bit."
372
00:14:49,884 --> 00:14:51,218
"Yeah, I think
you need that."
373
00:14:51,252 --> 00:14:53,187
And I go mad, I'll eat
a full packet in a day.
374
00:14:53,221 --> 00:14:57,658
I'll eat, like, six and get a bellyache, and
I know I shouldn't overdo it with them,
375
00:14:57,693 --> 00:14:59,227
but it's just like,
your body...
376
00:14:59,261 --> 00:15:00,929
He's like a creature, isn't he?
377
00:15:00,963 --> 00:15:03,031
Me body just calls
out for stuff.
378
00:15:03,065 --> 00:15:04,599
It doesn't, Karl.
379
00:15:04,634 --> 00:15:06,535
No, it feels that way, because
I wouldn't normally buy 'em.
380
00:15:06,569 --> 00:15:10,005
Me favorite fruit... I like
an apple, love a banana.
381
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,407
I've got into, uh,
blackberries.
382
00:15:12,442 --> 00:15:14,843
Quite expensive, but
a bit of a treat.
383
00:15:14,877 --> 00:15:17,812
I think there's plenty of fruit out
there, bananas, apples, oranges.
384
00:15:17,846 --> 00:15:20,214
We've got plenty of fruit.
They can't get rid of fruit quick enough.
385
00:15:20,249 --> 00:15:23,717
There's loads of stuff with fruit in
it now, shower gel with kiwi in it.
386
00:15:25,853 --> 00:15:28,288
I'm telling you. They can't get
rid of it, because it's too much.
387
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:31,090
So they say, "What can we do with all this stuff?
Let's stick it in there."
388
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:33,526
Orange juice, I had a
orange juice sort of cordial,
389
00:15:33,561 --> 00:15:34,594
Yeah.
390
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:35,996
Tastes a bit weird, this
isn't orange...
391
00:15:36,031 --> 00:15:38,766
Sneaked a bit of pineapple
in, orange and pineapple.
392
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,335
They can't get rid
of the stuff.
393
00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:43,705
I'm, I'm a big fan of the
Satsuma. Easy to peel.
394
00:15:43,739 --> 00:15:47,643
What I don't like is the big oranges you
have to peel them, and you get it on your...
395
00:15:47,677 --> 00:15:49,178
They're the ones that I
eat when I'm in the bath.
396
00:15:52,049 --> 00:15:55,651
So, you just dunk under the water
afterwards and you're clean again?
397
00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:59,087
If I'm going to have a bath then, you know.
That's what you do.
398
00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:00,855
So it's two treats. It's
an orange and a bath.
399
00:16:00,890 --> 00:16:03,058
I mean, that's amazing.
That's an amazing thing to look forward to.
400
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,759
Don't think you've blown
that for when you're old,
401
00:16:04,793 --> 00:16:06,527
when you're 74?
402
00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,796
And they'll go, "I'll tell you what, Karl.
Lovely treats, a bath and an orange."
403
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:11,832
"Done it. I did it
when I was 36."
404
00:16:14,402 --> 00:16:17,451
So, uh, have you heard
of Desert Island Discs?
405
00:16:17,571 --> 00:16:17,886
Yeah.
406
00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:19,040
Good, let's do
that. Right.
407
00:16:19,074 --> 00:16:21,375
Forget the eight records,
we can't play 'em anyway.
408
00:16:21,410 --> 00:16:22,577
We can't play 'em anyway.
409
00:16:22,644 --> 00:16:23,812
I know, but for people
in other countries,
410
00:16:23,846 --> 00:16:25,747
they may not be familiar with
Desert Island Discs.
411
00:16:25,781 --> 00:16:28,717
Oh, it's, it's a program.
It's a real national institution here.
412
00:16:28,751 --> 00:16:32,621
They get, uh, you know, prime
ministers and leaders of men,
413
00:16:32,655 --> 00:16:34,823
and really eminent
people to go on,
414
00:16:34,858 --> 00:16:39,428
and you talk about your life, and you
choose your eight favorite tunes.
415
00:16:39,462 --> 00:16:44,532
You take uh, a luxury item, and
you're allowed to take any book.
416
00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:50,804
I did it, and I, I took a book,
I think a tabletop book of art.
417
00:16:50,839 --> 00:16:53,273
Why would you take that?
418
00:16:53,308 --> 00:16:55,676
You can't take anything
that's useful.
419
00:16:55,711 --> 00:16:57,545
It's just, you know, it's...
420
00:16:57,579 --> 00:17:01,282
you know it's any luxury item you can't...
I took a vat of Novocaine.
421
00:17:01,316 --> 00:17:04,818
I thought if I get a toothache,
I'm sipping on that till I die.
422
00:17:04,853 --> 00:17:09,490
If I'm stuck here with nothing to do, I've got
eight records, I'm going to be sick of them.
423
00:17:09,524 --> 00:17:10,991
That's the thing.
424
00:17:11,025 --> 00:17:13,326
I'm looking at art. At least I'm
looking at something, you know...
425
00:17:13,361 --> 00:17:15,395
What book would you take, Karl?
426
00:17:15,429 --> 00:17:17,831
Well I wouldn't take an art
book, anyway. I know that.
427
00:17:17,865 --> 00:17:19,366
Right, okay, so come
on, one book...
428
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,468
Because you're gonna get sick of it.
You're going to get sick of...
429
00:17:21,502 --> 00:17:23,537
Right, one book.
You can't get sick of art either, okay.
430
00:17:23,571 --> 00:17:25,306
You can.
You can.
431
00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:27,575
You can have a brilliant picture
on your wall, but eventually,
432
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:30,945
remember what I've said to you.
Your eyes get bored of anything.
433
00:17:30,979 --> 00:17:32,880
I don't
remember him saying that.
434
00:17:32,914 --> 00:17:35,582
I think I blanked out. I think he came
in one ear, straight out the other.
435
00:17:35,616 --> 00:17:37,651
Well that's why
relationships break up,
436
00:17:37,685 --> 00:17:39,886
because the eyes get sick of
looking at that other person.
437
00:17:39,921 --> 00:17:42,123
And you go, "Me eyes
want a change."
438
00:17:42,157 --> 00:17:44,025
That's what it's all about.
439
00:17:44,059 --> 00:17:46,527
"Me eyes want a change.
Okay, sorry love..."
440
00:17:46,561 --> 00:17:47,962
Fuckin' hell, choose
a book to take.
441
00:17:47,996 --> 00:17:49,963
I'd probably take a dictionary
or something like that.
442
00:17:49,998 --> 00:17:51,498
- Oh, that's ridiculous!
- Why?
443
00:17:51,532 --> 00:17:52,933
Why would you
take a dictionary?
444
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,102
Just because I'm not
that good with words.
445
00:17:55,136 --> 00:17:58,439
But what would you want words for?
You're not talking to anyone any more.
446
00:17:58,473 --> 00:18:01,308
You don't have to worry about your vocabulary.
You have to worry about...
447
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:02,710
Oh...
448
00:18:02,744 --> 00:18:04,111
But there'll be a lot of
talking to yourself probably.
449
00:18:04,145 --> 00:18:05,512
It'd be nice to sort of...
450
00:18:05,547 --> 00:18:07,381
Oh, so you're gonna bring yourself
up on your grammar, are you?
451
00:18:07,416 --> 00:18:08,983
You're talking to
yourself and you go,
452
00:18:09,017 --> 00:18:10,484
"Oh Karl, you're an idiot.
You don't say it like that."
453
00:18:10,519 --> 00:18:12,253
Well if you got to talk yourself,
it would be nice to have...
454
00:18:12,287 --> 00:18:14,188
Why are you talking
to yourself, you maniac?
455
00:18:14,222 --> 00:18:16,290
'Cause there's no
one else about.
456
00:18:16,324 --> 00:18:18,859
Yeah, but you don't open your mouth and
actually verbally talk in order to talk...
457
00:18:18,894 --> 00:18:21,795
Also, what does it matter if
you've got a dictionary or not?
458
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,464
Who's arguing with who?
459
00:18:23,498 --> 00:18:27,968
Because, sometimes I feel frustrated when I don't...
I can't get me point across.
460
00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:29,803
- But it's just you!
- You already know your point!
461
00:18:29,838 --> 00:18:32,339
Exactly, that's even more annoying.
Look how you're getting annoyed now.
462
00:18:32,374 --> 00:18:33,941
You're annoyed with me 'cause
I can't explain what I mean.
463
00:18:33,976 --> 00:18:36,577
Yeah.
I don't want to be annoying meself.
464
00:18:36,612 --> 00:18:38,246
Why would you
be annoying yourself?
465
00:18:38,281 --> 00:18:41,082
But you already understand your point!
You don't need to vocalize it.
466
00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:43,184
Well, sometimes I think
through what I'm saying.
467
00:18:43,218 --> 00:18:43,736
Yeah?
468
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:47,322
And I think, "Does that make sense?" And
sometimes I'll go, "No it doesn't."
469
00:18:47,356 --> 00:18:50,425
And I'll go, "Why is that?" And
then, you work it out in your head.
470
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:53,962
Now if I've got a better vocab,
I'll have a good little chat.
471
00:18:53,996 --> 00:18:55,263
What?
472
00:18:55,297 --> 00:18:56,698
What? Have
a good little chat?
473
00:18:56,732 --> 00:18:57,966
With yourself?
474
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,935
If you're not keeping yourself
interested in anything,
475
00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:02,737
your brain's going to
get turned to mush.
476
00:19:02,805 --> 00:19:03,771
Now, I'm, I'm...
477
00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:05,106
I know how you feel.
478
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:07,441
I'm teaching me brain
stuff, keeping it active.
479
00:19:07,476 --> 00:19:09,210
Mmm.
480
00:19:09,244 --> 00:19:13,748
The only thing you've got on that island
is your imagination and your thoughts.
481
00:19:13,783 --> 00:19:17,786
Now, if you can make those
imaginations and thoughts better,
482
00:19:17,821 --> 00:19:19,621
which you do with language,
483
00:19:19,656 --> 00:19:22,058
you're going to have a
better time, aren't ya?
484
00:19:22,092 --> 00:19:23,993
Well now, if you've had the
thought, you've had the thought.
485
00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:28,132
You don't go, "Hold on, I'd have a thought
here, but I can't think of the word."
486
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:33,338
You don't think in language in that same way,
do you really? You think more conceptually.
487
00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:35,172
When someone came up...
488
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:38,476
"Oh, guess what? I just found a cure for...
oh, I can't think of the word."
489
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,077
Forget it.
I will...
490
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,913
I've just worked out the cure for...
I can't think of the word.
491
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:43,781
Let's look it up.
What is it?
492
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,683
Cancer!
493
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,552
No, but just to think...
language is a powerful thing, isn't it?
494
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:48,719
Yeah.
495
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:49,921
Uh...
496
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:52,824
Now he's run out of words.
497
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,559
You see, this is
what I'm saying.
498
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,929
It's sometimes difficult for me to get
me point across with what I mean.
499
00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,566
Yeah, but that's fair enough, if you're
communicating, say, in this environment, and it's,
500
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,202
dare I say it, perhaps a shame
that you didn't read a dictionary
501
00:20:03,237 --> 00:20:04,704
before we started doing
the broadcasting.
502
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:06,340
But anyway, you've waited till
you're on a desert island,
503
00:20:06,374 --> 00:20:07,341
with no other fucker around...
504
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:09,276
Well, no, no, we're...
I think by then,
505
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:11,011
by the time you
get shipwrecked,
506
00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:12,846
there will probably be a few
more entries to the dictionary.
507
00:20:12,881 --> 00:20:14,915
Um, grippage,
508
00:20:14,949 --> 00:20:16,850
foodage,
509
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:18,752
rummanging,
510
00:20:18,786 --> 00:20:20,187
replemishing.
511
00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:21,755
But, so what? All
words are made up.
512
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:24,557
Orange. One day
someone went, what?
513
00:20:24,592 --> 00:20:26,426
He's got a head like...
He's got a head like something...
514
00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:28,194
He's got a head like
a fucking what?
515
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,529
I don't even know what...
516
00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:30,763
He's got a head like
a fucking what?
517
00:20:30,798 --> 00:20:33,599
And the other thing is,
say if I am captured...
518
00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:35,435
- By who?
- Who?
519
00:20:35,469 --> 00:20:36,603
What?
520
00:20:36,637 --> 00:20:37,603
By who?
521
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:38,705
By a boat that's passing.
522
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:40,507
Captured?
Do you mean saved?
523
00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:42,343
- All right, saved then, yeah.
- Okay.
524
00:20:42,377 --> 00:20:45,212
If I'm saved... there you go again, you see.
I went for "captured" instead of "saved."
525
00:20:46,582 --> 00:20:48,116
You're captured by
some pirates...
526
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:50,919
But you're not talking to anyone,
Karl, in your head. It didn't matter.
527
00:20:50,954 --> 00:20:52,488
You knew what you meant.
528
00:20:52,522 --> 00:20:54,457
When you sat there on that
desert island and you thought,
529
00:20:54,491 --> 00:20:56,192
"What if I'm captured
by a boat,"
530
00:20:56,226 --> 00:20:58,461
they didn't come over and go, "All
right Karl, we've come to save you."
531
00:20:58,495 --> 00:21:00,896
You wouldn't go, "Well no, I don't
want saving, I want capturing."
532
00:21:00,931 --> 00:21:02,932
They go, "Right, sorry.
Wait for the next boat."
533
00:21:02,967 --> 00:21:05,502
It didn't matter. You knew what you meant.
You'd go, "Help!"
534
00:21:05,536 --> 00:21:07,137
And you'd get on the boat.
535
00:21:07,171 --> 00:21:09,440
Do you, do you think
in words that you don't use?
536
00:21:09,474 --> 00:21:11,275
You've only got yourself
for company.
537
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:13,911
Yes, but you don't...
If you bore yourself, what's the point?
538
00:21:14,947 --> 00:21:16,181
What is the point, seriously?
539
00:21:16,215 --> 00:21:17,516
But how are
you gonna...
540
00:21:17,550 --> 00:21:18,884
What, so you think you're
gonna read that dictionary
541
00:21:18,918 --> 00:21:20,652
and you're going to
be better company,
542
00:21:20,687 --> 00:21:22,187
'cause you're going to be impressing
yourself with longer words?
543
00:21:22,222 --> 00:21:23,388
You're going to go...
544
00:21:23,423 --> 00:21:25,057
If a boat passes,
and they go,
545
00:21:25,091 --> 00:21:26,491
"There's a fellow over there on
that island, let's go and get him."
546
00:21:26,526 --> 00:21:28,827
Now, the way I am at the moment,
they'd go, "You all right?"
547
00:21:28,862 --> 00:21:29,862
And I'd go, "You what?"
548
00:21:29,896 --> 00:21:31,063
And they'd go, "Don't stop."
549
00:21:32,199 --> 00:21:34,233
Where... That's it!
Imagine that!
550
00:21:34,268 --> 00:21:37,904
Whereas, if I sort of say something with a
big word that I cannot think of right now,
551
00:21:37,938 --> 00:21:40,239
they'll go "Oh, who's that?
He sounds like he knows..."
552
00:21:40,273 --> 00:21:42,774
Yoo-hoo!
Antidisestablishmentarianism!
553
00:21:42,808 --> 00:21:44,542
Get him on
this boat now!
554
00:21:44,577 --> 00:21:46,444
Wasn't enough, our wit.
555
00:21:48,180 --> 00:21:49,847
But then I'm on the
news and they go,
556
00:21:49,882 --> 00:21:51,949
"Oh, Karl, what was it
like on the island?"
557
00:21:51,984 --> 00:21:53,885
And I can start saying stuff.
558
00:21:53,919 --> 00:21:56,788
It was scramfarious!
559
00:21:58,857 --> 00:22:00,391
No, but then, I think it
makes it more interesting.
560
00:22:00,426 --> 00:22:02,393
Whereas at, at this
moment in time,
561
00:22:02,428 --> 00:22:04,262
I'd struggle telling
what it's like.
562
00:22:04,297 --> 00:22:06,731
I like the idea of you trying to
educate yourself, I love the idea.
563
00:22:06,765 --> 00:22:08,032
But do it now.
564
00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:10,702
But there's so many other books.
If I'm stuck with one...
565
00:22:10,736 --> 00:22:12,504
Okay, the dictionary, you've
got a dictionary. Fine.
566
00:22:12,538 --> 00:22:14,206
What's your luxury item?
What's your luxury item, quick?
567
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,141
Let's geoff this
island. Come on.
568
00:22:16,175 --> 00:22:18,343
What did you take
for your luxury?
569
00:22:18,378 --> 00:22:20,746
A vat of Novocaine.
Oh, yeah.
570
00:22:20,780 --> 00:22:23,081
Some Revels, a big sort of bag.
571
00:22:23,116 --> 00:22:25,784
- A big bag of Revels.
- A big bag of Revels.
572
00:22:25,818 --> 00:22:27,652
Just for the variety.
573
00:22:27,687 --> 00:22:29,488
But, there's no variety
particularly, in revels.
574
00:22:29,522 --> 00:22:31,723
They're all chocolate,
aren't they?
575
00:22:31,758 --> 00:22:35,727
No, all different. You got orange ones,
you've got coffee, caramel, malteasers.
576
00:22:35,761 --> 00:22:37,629
I mean, taking Novocaine
isn't great, is it?
577
00:22:37,663 --> 00:22:40,765
If you don't get a toothache, you'll
be going, "Why didn't I bring Revels?"
578
00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:49,903
Sync and corrections by Sp8ky for
www.addic7ed.com
579
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:54,503
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