All language subtitles for The Ricky Gervais Show s03e03 Armed Forces.eng

For the past few years, Ricky Gervais,
Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington

have been meeting regularly for a
series of pointless conversations.

This is one of them.

Testing.

Is that all right?

Hello, and welcome to The Ricky
Gervais Show, with me, Ricky Gervais,

Stephen Merchant...
Hello.

And a little round-headed buffoon.
That is... Karl Pilkington.

Right.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

It's come to our attention
that the allied forces...

Um, all around the world, in active
service, fighting for their country...

Even though they're in danger, and
they're missing their loved ones,

they all have one
thing in common.

The love of one man, the
respect of one fellow soldier.

He's a civilian, but
he's one of them.

He is...to some a...just a,
a little bald-headed fool.

Karl Pilkington. Karl, what do you think?
What do you think of this?

It's an honor, isn't
it, to do this?

Yeah, it's all
right. Yeah.

Brilliant.

Okay, there's people out there, Karl.
They're fighting in Afghanistan,

Iraq...all
over the globe.

They're in
a dark building.

They're not breaking
radio silence.

Morale often low.
There's one man they can turn to, to cheer em up.

Come on, they want some
words of encouragement,

some words of wisdom,
something to keep them going.

A message to the
troops. Come on.

Go, Karl.
What is it?

You're like...you're like
their Winston Churchill.

I don't know what
to say to them really.

Do you know any soldiers?

Well, yeah. Me brother
was one, wasn't he?

Yeah. But he
got kicked out.

Why did your brother get
kicked out of the Army?

Um... Well, there's a few things.
I... I think he got a few chances.

I think the final straw was nipping
out to get some fags in a tank.

Just think of at.

Just think of
that. Amazing.

Just see that...just
a little corner shop.

Just like the things shaking,
jumping off the shelves.

And they're going, "What is this?
What is going on?"

Twenty Rothmans, please.

Yeah, there was loads
of things. It was that...

And what else did he do?

I think the sergeant wasn't
happy that me mum wrote...

Wrote the sergeant a letter,

um, trying to get me brother out
of going to Northern Ireland.

What did she say?
I love this.

What did she say?
She wrote a letter. Wow.

Like tying to get him out of PE.
Oh.

Yeah, I
kn. Yeah.

It was all like...
Let's not forget...

He's got a chestie cough.
Let's not forget your, your mum...

Is a person who put...

Typex on a spider so your dad
couldn't kill it so she knew,

- it was the right spider in case...
- Oh, yeah...

Your dad killed the real spider,
then thought, I better replace it.

I mean...

No, actually, it wasn't just that.
Incredible.

That was, that...it was Typex so
that when me dad was vac-ing up,

or me mum was vac-ing
up, it stood out.

It wasn't like, it wasn't
like branding a sheep.

- Right.
- It was there so it stood out.

'Cause they used to have like, um,
what's her name? Laminate flooring.

Right.
And me dad changed it to darker carpet.

Right. So all of a sudden
you couldn't see it anymore.

I've never heard
anything like this.

I don't remember
this story. You...

Oh, no. No. She, she had a pet spider?
What do you mean?

It was just a spider.
Yeah, yeah...

Yeah, he kept a, she kept a
spider. They had a spider,

but then it became a pet, 'cause
it was there all the time.

As opposed to just getting
rid of it straight away.

Right?
You know, because you didn't

clear it, right, straight
away, suddenly it's a pet.

- It's, it's... - No, it's a house
spider, 'cause they live in houses.

You make them welcome. They get rid of
other little bugs, and termites and stuff.

Me brother has left home.
I have left home. Me sister's gone.

So it's for me mom, isn't
it. She's got a budgie.

There's only so much
you can do with that.

It's not as free is
it, as a spider.

- Right.
- So she just looks after that one.

- They love to...
- "Oh I'm so lonely.

"I'm bored of a budgie."
"Get yourself a spider."

"They live in holes."

That's a different
thing all together.

She just wrote to the
sergeant and said, um...

Just sort of, you
know, "Look...

"I didn't want him to join
the Army. It was his dad.

"Uh, he didn't get a job.

"His dad told him, if you don't get a
job, you're going to join the Army.

"He ended up joining.
He's joined at a bad time.

"He hasn't had enough practice at this yet.
Can you just let him..."

Surely that's for them...
He hasn't had enough practice.

Surely that's for
them to decide.

No. Yes, and she's on there going,
he can't shoot for toffee.

- Yeah. Ha...
- He was all right about it.

The only thing that
really annoyed him is...

Me mum started off the letter
by saying, "Hello, Chuck."

Not appropriate.

And...and he called
back though.

He did call her, and said, "Look,
you know, I don't appreciate it...

"Being called 'Chuck' and
stuff. But I got your note.

"You know, a lot of mothers
are in the same boat."

Sorry, he actually
mentioned, "Don't call me Chuck?"

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he brought it up.
Because it's all about respect, isn't it. And...

Well, she's a civilian.

Yeah, but I suppose it's...
it's respect still.

He's putting his
life on the line.

And someone's saying, you
know, "All right, Chuck."

So, uh, so he phoned back
and he said presumably...

What? I mean, if I was
him I would have...

Not only would I have sent him to,
uh, Northern Ireland instantly.

Yeah. I'd have put him
in the most dangerous spot.

Yeah.
I mean, as punishment.

To get your
mum to write a letter?

No. No...

He didn't ask me mum to do it.
She did it off her ownb ack.

He was probably
horrified, wasn't he?

Oh, wow.
Oh, that bit, imagine that.

The sergeant major go,

"Attention. Got a
little letter here.

"Let me read it to
you. Hello, Chuck."

Just reads it out.
And he goes...

"Pilkington? Come here
you horrible little man."

Imagine him reading out
in front of the troops.

I remember sort of
looking up to him thinking,

"Oh, he's, he's in the
Army. I want to do that."

And he used to come
home quite a lot.

But he used to do me dad's head in,
cause he'd turn up with like a wagon...

With like load of his mates
in it just turning up...

Un...sort of, you know,
we didn't have any notice.

Just turn up, and he'd
bring them all in.

"Come on!"

They'd be drinking me dad's whiskey at kick off.
Me dad saying, "Get out."

Mind the spider.

- And...
- Don't tread on the spider.

Yeah, he used to just turn
up with like half of F-Troop,

and they'd just take it over
to the house.

And me dad used to be on nights.
So he'd hear all this going on...

Come down, go, "What's
going on? Get out."

And he's going, "Oh,
come on, get out!"

And they'd sort of kick off a bit,
and I'd see him for a few minutes,

and they'd drive off
again on the truck.

Not a model soldier then?

Uh, well, what's, what's a
model soldier? I don't know...

I mean, I, I always thought it
was good when I was younger,

and you know, he
joined. I, I was...

Like, "Oh I'm going to
do that when I get older.

"And me dad always said,
'You won't be able to cut it.'

He said, "You can't do it."
Oh.

And I said,
no, I can. I can.

Look how good, 'cause I used
to make me bed really neat.

All right. So it was mainly
housework you were good at? Yeah.

You're probably
better off as a mum.

No. No. No.
It was like...

Because it has to be immaculate, doesn't it.
They look for no creases and that.

And I was a bit
paranoid with me bed.

Just with the, with the
duvet and that. I used to...

Duvet, do they have duvets?

Well, I don't know. But
just making the bed, pride,

in appearance of, of the bedroom.
Yeah.

Yeah, it's sort
of like discipline.

- Once, once I made it,
- It's all about, yeah...

No one could sit on it.
I used to get all...

All stressed out and feel sick if someone
came and sat on me bed after I'd made it.

Don't be coming in.

And it was annoying, 'cause
that's where the C.B. was.

So everyone used to come in, they would
go on the C.B. and sit on me bed.

They'd be going, don't sit
on me bed. I've made it.

Right.
Why did you used to feel sick?

It was a bit of a thing.
I just didn't like it. O-C-D?

A little bit of, yeah.
It's like I've made...

I've gone to the trouble of making it.
Why would you just come in and sit on it?

When I made it?

Yeah, but what...
but hold on though.

You, you do that in the Army.
Sergeant Major comes in and goes,

"Pilkington." And he just...
He does it for a laugh. He turns over your bed.

He pulls out your locker.
He gobs on your shoes, right?

He goes, "Start
again you cunt."

What are you going
to do? Going to be sick?

No, you're going to go...

"Yes, Sergeant Major.
I'm going to start again."

No. I'd say, why,
why did you do that?

- I'm missing home as it is.
- I'm stressed out.

I'm just trying to make me...me, me
surroundings as nice as possible.

Teddy's on the floor.
You keep coming in and messing with it.

Can you not do that?

"Who are you talking
to you little, bald cunt?"

Maybe me dad's right then.
Cause he said... He said, I mean...

Me dad sort of said the
bed-making is all right.

He said, "But you're not
that good with laces."

Wow. Did he have
to tie your laces?

Well, I just...just
never been that good.

I can tie them, but they never
sort of stay tied for a long time.

I have never seen him tie his laces.
I've realized that.

No. He always comes in...does
Suzanne do them for you?

Is he an old manc one of those little manc
trainers where they're all tucked in...

Where you don't see the laces?

I tend to just get a good knot
on them, and then just leave them...

And kick them off. And then
they're tied permanent.

So you've got slip-on,
laced-up shoes basically?

Yeah. I don't
like laces.

Well, they
can't be tight enough.

Don't see why laces are good anyway when
you're in the Army, especially with boots.

You have boots with like
about 60 holes in them.

If you're in a rush...
if you're in bed,

you get out of the
bed. You make the bed.

The sergeant comes in,
rips it apart again.

He's going, there's a war.
You go, stop messing with the bed.

And then I'm there trying to put me boots on.
You got 60 laces.

I don't understand why
Velcro hasn't been used.

Velcro is ideal for
a war situation.

You're in bed.

Siren goes off.
You jump out.

Why do you want boots
with loads of laces?

Well, that's a thought
for the, uh...

If there's any top
brass listening.

How would you cope, Karl,

in a war situation? Ignore the, the,
the mechanics of being a soldier.

I'm talking about the fear.

I mean, these men and women
are brave beyond compare.

Mmm...
Constantly under duress.

I was told I had
good pain threshold.

By whom?

Um, a woman at that face
rub place I went to.

Right.

She...cause they
ask you when you go in.

She said, what's your
pain threshold like?

I said, I don't know.
Trying to avoid it.

She was going, yeah, but you know, would
you say very, very good, medium, or bad?

I can't imagine you
getting hurt much, because...

Because there's the
signals to the brain.

You've got, you know, it just
is dulled isn't it with you?

So you don't really...

Yeah. But then Suzanne always
moans at me when I'm going,

"Oh, God. Me wisdom teeth is aching
." She's going, "Oh, shut up."

She said, "You haven't got
any wisdom teeth, you dopey cunt."

No. She just always goes, "I had it.
I didn't make a fuss."

But it's one of them things that you can't
get through to people...pain, isn't it?

Yeah. And they don't know
what your pain threshold is.

So like I say, I've got
brilliant pain threshold.

I'm saying, "Me tooth's hurting
." She's saying, "Oh, shut up."

But she doesn't know.
I wish you'd...

I think I've talked about it before about
giving someone the pain that you've got.

So you go there. Have a feel of that.

I'm in agony here.
Yeah. Yeah.

But you've made it up that you've
got a high pain threshold.

This isn't, this isn't... No.

This is not scientifically proven.
No. The woman told me.

The woman told me!
Well how does she know?

Because I haven't got to it yet.

- When I had the face rub...
- Yeah.

She was sticking
electric into me head.

And she was going...

What sort of place is
this? This wasn't a spa.

No, it was. It's what they do now.
Jesus Christ.

Well, she, she... I don't know.
So she just plugged something into the main?

She plugged something
in and rolled it over...

Did she have an
assistant called Igor?

Was it in a castle in Bavaria?

She plugged this thing iv, rolled it
over me head, and said, is that hurtin?

And I was going, no.
She went, Oh right.

And she said...and then by the end of it,
she said, look at that. I had that on full.

I said, what is it?

She said, it's an electric current that does something.
And I was going, really?

- That does something.
- She's a scientist.

- And, um, yeah.
- She's a maniac.

She said...she said, now,
when you fill out that form,

just put you're really
good at pain threshold.

Put you're really good at.
..you going to come again? Well, yeah.

Fifty quid, said like, let's
try your testicles next time.

So, you know...

So how was this...what was
this supposed to be achieving?

It was like a face rub.
Why is, why is...

You've gone in for a facial, and she's
testing out what your pain threshold is.

Well, that's what I said.
I said, hang on a minute... What you mean?

- It's supposed to be relaxing, this.
- Yeah.

Normally have
whale noises happening.

Yeah. And now
it's going to be me screaming.

She said, no, no. It's just...
you know, we have to ask.

We have to make sure.
'Cause there is a bit of pain.

You know, heat is heat,
and it is hot cloths,

Um, a bit of a rub.

There are the...there are the thumb screws.
Let's get the thumb screws out now.

And plus all that kidney stone pain that I have.
And... Yeah, but you just were in

agony when you had the kidney stones.
You don't, I don't remember you having this...

triumphant... Sure you
gave up instantly. Yeah...

Winged and winged and winged...

Yeah, because you have to to get seen.
If I go in there and I'm going, I'm in agony.

And they're going, you don't
look like you're in agony.

I'd be out the back
of the queue.

So you have to go in and go...

And they're going,
quick, get him in.

So pain threshold is good for yourself,
but it's not good for other people.

So you were bullshitting?
You didn't feel pain at all?

I was in agony, but
I can hold it off.

I can sit there and be
quiet and have a sweat on.

But if you do that in a
hospital waiting room,

it will be the little div that's
going in with a pan on his head,

who's screaming and saying his head's throbbing.
That's what I'm saying.

So to get seen, you have to put
on...it's like a baby crying.

There's nothing wrong with it.
What is it crying for? It's probably hungry.

Well, I'm hungry.
I'm not crying.

But that's what they use, isn't
it, to get attention? Right.

So you're, so you're braver than
a baby is what you're saying.

You're braver than a baby.
That's what we've established here.

In some cases,
and not in others.

When you fill out the form, can't you...
Not in others.

Sometimes babies are braver.
When are babies braver?

You can chuck them in
a pool and they don't panic.

I am rubbish.

Sorry. Will you
leave my baby alone?

No, I'm doing an experiment. Mr. Pilkington,
will you stop throwing children in the pool?

- No. Babies.
- You're, you're barred

from this swimming
pool from now on.

I mean babies.
It's the same way...

You can chuck one out of a
window, and it can land,

and it won't break
its back, cause he's...

No, no. That's not true.
Do not do that.

Do not do that.
You're a maniac...

You cannot throw a baby out
of a window. Overhear that.

You're thinking of a cat.
And don't throw cats out.

Don't throw any living
thing out of a window.

You can't throw a baby out of the
window and it won't break its back.

What are you talking about?
No, it's just, there's a certain height...

It's all about us tensing up.

We tense up, don't we? It's like...wasn't
there 3omebody fell out of a plane?

They passed out, and because they passed
out when they landed they were relaxed.

They woke up. They were like,
bloody hell, what happened then?

Someone fell out of a plane?

That's bollocks.

It's not, honestly.

How far up
was the plane?

Oh, high up.
It's a plane, isn't it?

Well, what's the lowest height
that a plane could be at?

Oh, well, even if it was at 30 feet, that's
a height, isn't it, to fall without...

Yeah. Exactly.
But if the plane...

Was the plane, was the
plane just on the runway?

No, it was high and up, high and
up, it was high up enough...

Is this where you went for the holiday?

We're going to high-up-enough?
Fuck me.

Cunt can't even talk.

So, yeah, pain threshold.
I'm very good at it.

So, would you say
you've ever been brave?

Cause I was thinking
before we did this,

I can't think of a time
when I've ever been brave.

I don't think I've
been cowardly.

I've just never been in a situation where
I needed to be brave particularly.

And I've always managed to
avoid fights, conflicts...

Yeah.
See I, uh...

When I was in Sulford, I'd nip
to Gregg's to get a pasty.

I heard some bells going off.
I came out,

and saw... I don't know what that is.
Went over to the car sort of,

thinking, "Oh, I can't till I have
this pasty when I get home...

"Cup of tea, nice cup of
tea. Maybe a bit a bread."

I love the fact that his head
was just filled with food,

'cause he was buying
food and thinking food.

When he's eating, I'm
thinking, I'm eating food.

Food. Just, just one big globular
mess of food cells in his head.

Yeah.
For the, for the duration

of the food experience.

I can remember that food thought going
on now, and it was probably like...

15 years ago.

But I remember how happy I was.
I'm at the Gregg's, I've got what I want.

I'm on me way home. This pie is hot.
It's going to be hot when I get home.

It's going to be a nice
cup of tea, bread.

These are the things you save...

And yet you forget
really important facts?

Yeah, cause he doesn't know
why wars are happening.

Yeah.
But he does remember this.

Yeah, but listen...
This is why I remember it. Yeah.

Like I said, you forgot
the bit that I said.

- A bell going off. And then what's going on?
- Hmm.

I am walking over the road, pop
the key in the car. I turn round.

Bloke comes running
out of the post office.

Obviously the bell has gone off.
He's got a big shotgun. Balaclava on.

And he stops and looks at me.
He's there with a big gun in his hand,

and he's looking at me.
And I just... I wasn't scared.

I just was thinking,
does he want me pie?

I remember thinking, if he said,
if he said, "I want that."

I'd have to give it up.

So a man with a gun...
I told Suzanne.

She said, no, he was probably
thinking about nicking your car.

He's got your key...
What, he didn't have a car ready?

He came, he had the balaclava,
No. He legged it.

He had the balaclava, the gun,
and goes fuck me, I forgot the car.

In the end he sort of ran off down
the back alley.

I love the fact that you...
He looked over at you for a split second,

and you thought the might be interested in your pie.
Was there other people around?

Were you sure this happened, and
you weren't reading a comic book?

No, it happened.
And so he looked you in the face?

- Yeah. Though his balaclava,
- He saw you.

he made eye contact.

I looked at him. Everything
sort of stopped for a minute,

and then he just sort of legged
it off down the back alley.

And he, what, what did he...what
did you say to the police when you...

Obviously wit... I didn't.
I didn't. I just went.

Well, you were
a witness to a crime.

I had me pie. And like
I said, it was warm.

It's not going to stay
warm forever, is it?

But when they, when...when it
was on crime watch a few weeks...

It wasn't. That's
what was weird.

I said to Suzanne, oh, let's watch,
like, Ground Reports, tonight.

See if I'm on the telly
or anything. Nothing.

Didn't even get reported.
Why would you be on the telly if you just ran away?

Just in say CCTV or something like
that if I was involved in it.

They went, this happened today
in Tulford outside of Gregg's.

Are you this man with the pie?
I wanted to make sure I was well out of this one.

Because Suzanne sort of said,
"Oh, should you get involved?"

But you shouldn't get involved, because
then I'm at... I'm at risk, aren't I?

Nobody was killed. Well, there you are.
We're back to bravery again,

aren't we?
Yeah.

Yeah, I have bravery.
Go on then?

Next door but one, there's a fellow there.
He, uh, he likes a drink.

He came home late one
night, banging on the door.

Obviously forgot his key.
He was trying to kick the door in.

I looked out the window
going, who's that?

Thinking someone's
breaking in, right?

I see it's him. Now I saw all
the curtains twitching.

They just went back to bed.
Now I kept an eye on him.

He kicked so hard, he fell back,
dropped his curry, landed in the road.

- Dropped his curry! Oh, God.
- Right.

Why didn't he get a pie from Gregg's,
cause that lands and it's still fine?

So, anyway, he passes out.

Right. Yeah. Curry all over the shop...
And in the road.

- Cars come down that road.
- Yeah.

- Sometimes pretty fast. And it's night time.
- Yeah, of course.

- Could get his head squashed. And like I said,
- Yeah. Yeah.

curtains are still a twitching,
no one's a helping.

I, I go out there, and
I go, you all right?

You all right? And he's,
he's totally off his head.

He's obviously had a, you
know, a right skin full.

And he's going, "Oh,
where am I? Where am I?"

I'm going, you're outside your house,
but you've got to get off the road,

cause yore going
to get squashed.

So he's like, oh, and he could hardly move.
So I sort of picked him up,

sat him on the pavement.
So I picked up the curry and stuff.

Suzanne came out. What's going on?
I said, oh, look at him. He's in a right state.

Anyway, he's sort of
coming round a little bit.

Um, In the end I said, where's your keys?
Got him in his house.

Job done.

But that's not bravery.
There's was no threat you.

It's just put yourself
out a bit for two minutes.

It is bravery because he's...
He's out of his head.

He could have thought I was attacking
him, and he could have swung at me.

Now the good thing is...

He's lying in the road
unconscious covered in curry.

- This, this is not a threat.
- It is a threat.

I'm out on the
street late at night.

Someone could have come around the
corner and thought I was mugging him.

- And what do they do?
- And they would have attacked me.

Why would they
attack you? That...

Because they think well hang on, what are you doing?
People don't ask questions,

cause you're not allowed to, like with the sergeant.
They chip in straight away.

I know what's going on here.

No you don't. You don't
know the full story.

He's pissed up, and there's
curry all over him.

It isn't, it isn't
blood. It's masala.

You hear about this all the time.
Misunderstandings.

Now, I helped him. The
day after he remembers.

He comes round, and he gave me some
mince meat that he had left over.

I love this.
Where do you live?

This is amazing.
Oh, my God.

Oh God.
So the thing is, it goes to show

that I put myself out.
He appreciated it.

He said, "You're right, you know,
the way cars come round here,

"Oh, I'd... I'd had a bit of a week, you know?
I'd had a lot to drink.

"Good on you." And no one else chipped in.
Now it is bravery, kind of...

No. Cause no one else went
out there and helped.

You didn't even know about that.
It's only cause you just asked.

It was ages ago.

I don't shout about it.
I don't want an award.

Have a go hero. I don't
want any of that.

I just...
There's no have-a go-hero about it.

Did you, did you
take the mince meat?

Yeah, I did. Yeah.
It was good stuff.

Yeah. That's better than
awards in a way, isn't it?

I told him that.
So it depends.

I think there's different ways...
Fucking mince meat.

I love that.

I was, uh... I was saved
by a, a bald man.

Slaughtered my finest pig and mince
the meat and send it to him.

What about phrases from
the warry days?

What about things like, um,
"Careless talk costs lives."

What did you make of that?
Careless talk?

I suppose just busy chatting
in a trench rather than...

No it doesn't.
It doesn't mean that.

Have another go.

"Careless talk costs lives."
They used to have posters up

all over in London
and other cities.

Careless talk...

Costs lives.

There was another one.
There's another saying

that means the same that
might give you a clue.

The walls have ears.

Yeah. But that
just means, uh...

Don't be slagging someone off, because
someone will hear it, pass it on.

And then they'll end up fighting their own
instead of who they should be fighting.

Well, no.
You're almost there. No...

But think about what you mean when...
It's not about gossip.

It's not about...
Well, in a way it is.

But it's very specific gossip.
It's about...much more important tittle tattle.

Careless Whispers?

No. That's, that's,
that's... George Michael.

Say again. What's
the first one again?

"Careless talk costs lives."

I don't know. I imagine
it being like a...

Don't go shooting your mouth
off about things you know...

About the war effort, cause there
might be a German spy in the pub,

disguised as a barmaid.

Oh, you're lovely, Tracy.
She's goin yeah, I am, Karl.

What
do you know about the war?

No, that's true, that does happen.
I remember...

Me brother being in the Army.
He...he yelled the same thing.

What? He was told, he
was told not to...

'Cause he liked the women and that.
And he was told, listen...

- One of them might be a German spy?
- Yeah.

Said don't, don't be going
out with German women,

'cause they're quite
muscley and...

Could be a man? Could be a gang of them.
No. And they'll do you in.

Sorry. Your
brother was told.

Don't go out with a
gang of German women,

'Cause they're quite muscley,
and they might do you in.

Yeah, because it's
all part of the thing.

They sort of go out, like you say, pretending
they're just like women out on the night.

'Cause he was...he was in Germany for a bit.
He was posted over there.

- Right.
- And...

Apparently they target like
British soldiers and that.

And like I say, he,
he liked his women.

He'd just go along with it
thinking this is good.

Um, you know, achtung,
baby, or whatever.

- And U2.
- Hey, achtung, baby.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, achtung, baby.
- Yeah.

And then, you know, got him in a
headlock and, you know, Good night, Vienna.

Hold on.
Good night, Vienna. Oh.

Why, why would the...why are these
random German women just killing...

Helpless British blokes.
What...what's the reason for this?

It was a proper thing.
I remember him telling me...

Telling me mum, saying, "Oh, God.
I had a right dilemma.

Met some women, German. Couldn't go with
them though, cause we were told..."

"That they might be, you
know, might be trouble."

Really, yeah. Honestly.
That's, that's a fact.

So British soldiers were getting
beaten up by German women.

This is not true.
Can't be.

Why? If you're
caught off guard,

you're just thinking, oh,
you know, out with the ladies.

And then they suddenly
turn on you. It's a shock.

- But, but why are they beating him up?
- It's a surprise element.

It's...you're presumably
talking about the Cold War.

Because
he's a soldier.

- Yeah, but we were...
- Yeah, but they, they... they were allies then.

Well... When your
brother was stationed in Germany,

he wasn't...it wasn't
occupied Germany.

We hadn't invaded.
It wasn't...it wasn't the German resistance.

They were stationed there because
we're all in it together now.

I don't know then.
There was just a problem with German women.

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