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?
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Jen-esis! Mo-wgli!
3
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It's me, Karen, from, like,
4
00:00:07,785 --> 00:00:09,317
your most-cherished memories.
5
00:00:09,353 --> 00:00:11,620
If I die and all that flashes
before my eyes are
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00:00:11,656 --> 00:00:13,656
Karen memories,
know that my soul departed
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00:00:13,691 --> 00:00:15,790
in extreme indifference.
8
00:00:15,825 --> 00:00:18,860
So, I brought you some
backup bridesmaid dresses.
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00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:21,596
I know there were some sizing
issues with the originals.
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00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:23,765
Don't fret.
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00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,068
I had a problem with one of my
several wedding dresses, too,
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00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:28,303
way too loose on the hips.
13
00:00:28,338 --> 00:00:30,138
Oh, eat a hotdog, Karen!
14
00:00:30,174 --> 00:00:32,207
And, I wanted to invite you
to a super cool
15
00:00:32,242 --> 00:00:34,409
underground warehouse dance party rave.
16
00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:35,710
Neat-oh!
17
00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:40,482
No, I wanted to invite you, not you.
18
00:00:40,517 --> 00:00:42,050
You two can do things separately, right?
19
00:00:42,086 --> 00:00:44,052
(GASPS) Or are you
like those twins who can
20
00:00:44,088 --> 00:00:45,320
see through each other's eyes?
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00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:46,887
- JEN: No!
- MO: Yes!
22
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,051
?
23
00:00:49,114 --> 00:00:54,513
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:54,606 --> 00:00:56,097
?
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00:00:56,132 --> 00:00:57,431
How come I'm not invited?
26
00:00:57,467 --> 00:00:59,333
Well, it's sort of a hip,
sort of raw, sort of
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00:00:59,368 --> 00:01:02,236
badass thing, and you're, you know, you.
28
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,471
That's true.
29
00:01:03,506 --> 00:01:07,808
I can be badass. This ass is bad a lot.
30
00:01:07,843 --> 00:01:09,310
Oh, it's okay, Jenny penny.
31
00:01:09,345 --> 00:01:10,911
There's a fundraiser at
St. Peter's Church and
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00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:13,547
when I thought, who can I
invite to volunteer,
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I obvi thought of you.
34
00:01:15,317 --> 00:01:16,849
Why didn't you obvi think of me?
35
00:01:16,884 --> 00:01:18,684
Because it's you. (SNICKERS)
36
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:19,919
That's true.
37
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,321
I can go to a church-y thing-y.
38
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I was raised Catholic.
Plus, I'm not a bad person
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00:01:23,691 --> 00:01:25,458
just because I steal people's
lunches, and transit passes,
40
00:01:25,494 --> 00:01:27,127
and EpiPens.
41
00:01:27,162 --> 00:01:29,496
Yeah, and I'm not some goody
two-shoes just because
42
00:01:29,531 --> 00:01:31,131
I arrive oddly early to things,
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sometimes days in advance.
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00:01:32,734 --> 00:01:34,264
Okay, okay, Mo.
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You can come to the fundraiser.
46
00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:37,137
And I can come to the rave?
47
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No, I still want to continue
enjoying the respect of
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my very cool peers.
49
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So, when you say volunteer,
you mean paid volunteer?
50
00:01:45,012 --> 00:01:47,479
(LAUGHS)
51
00:01:47,515 --> 00:01:49,814
(WHISPERS) She's not joking.
52
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:57,489
?
53
00:01:57,525 --> 00:02:00,292
Mine looks like something
you'd bury a medieval nun in.
54
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:01,760
At least you're not gonna
spend all night
55
00:02:01,795 --> 00:02:03,762
picking shrimp tails
out of your cleavage.
56
00:02:03,797 --> 00:02:06,298
Well, I'll definitely need
something cooler for tonight.
57
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,433
When Karen sees how badass I am today,
58
00:02:08,469 --> 00:02:11,703
she'll totally take
me to that rave dance.
59
00:02:11,738 --> 00:02:14,405
Why do you want to go to a rave anyway?
60
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,140
Don't you normally spend
Friday nights writing
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00:02:16,176 --> 00:02:18,509
your Wuthering Heights
erotic fan fiction?
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00:02:18,545 --> 00:02:20,444
I'm just tired of being
seen as a straight-A,
63
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,013
straight-laced super kid.
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00:02:23,049 --> 00:02:25,283
It's better than being
seen as a bad person.
65
00:02:25,318 --> 00:02:27,885
Mo! You're not a bad person.
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00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,420
Thank you!
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00:02:29,455 --> 00:02:31,922
You just do really, really bad things.
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00:02:31,957 --> 00:02:36,927
?
69
00:02:36,962 --> 00:02:38,196
(SIGHS)
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00:02:38,231 --> 00:02:40,097
Oh!
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00:02:42,301 --> 00:02:44,168
I am surprised, Mo.
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00:02:44,203 --> 00:02:47,037
I really thought this would
be more of a Jen thing.
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00:02:47,073 --> 00:02:49,206
Well, I didn't peg you
for the religious type.
74
00:02:49,241 --> 00:02:51,274
Oh, I'm not religious.
75
00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:53,376
I'm an unaffiliated spiritual deist.
76
00:02:53,412 --> 00:02:58,215
I just have so much to give. You know?
77
00:02:58,250 --> 00:03:01,618
Of course, you know:
You've seen my house.
78
00:03:01,653 --> 00:03:03,020
Oh...
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00:03:03,055 --> 00:03:05,789
Mo, those are for the disadvantaged
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00:03:05,825 --> 00:03:07,791
members of society.
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00:03:07,827 --> 00:03:09,760
Hey, I am a 5-foot-tall woman of colour
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00:03:09,795 --> 00:03:11,795
with a low chin to jaw ratio.
83
00:03:11,831 --> 00:03:14,197
Also, I ate breakfast
out of a birdfeeder.
84
00:03:14,232 --> 00:03:20,436
?
85
00:03:20,471 --> 00:03:22,872
(COUGHS) Fireball.
86
00:03:22,907 --> 00:03:25,074
It's like Valentine's
Day spit in my mouth.
87
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:28,745
(PHONE RINGS)
88
00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:29,979
Baby bra!
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00:03:30,014 --> 00:03:31,748
It's your badass older
sister calling and
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00:03:31,783 --> 00:03:33,750
I need you to hook me up.
91
00:03:33,785 --> 00:03:35,484
Hook you up with who, like a therapist?
92
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:38,187
No, not a "who", a "what".
The weed, Eric.
93
00:03:38,223 --> 00:03:40,289
I want to purchase some and I
don't want it to be laced...
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00:03:40,324 --> 00:03:42,125
- Whatever that is.
- Go get it yourself.
95
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,193
There are, like, 20
dispensaries by your place.
96
00:03:44,229 --> 00:03:46,395
Oh, I thought those were vegan cafes.
97
00:03:46,430 --> 00:03:47,630
Also, I don't smoke weed,
98
00:03:47,665 --> 00:03:49,565
so I'm probably gonna tell mom and dad.
99
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,899
Eric, no!
100
00:03:50,934 --> 00:03:52,268
What kind of millennial are you?
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00:03:52,303 --> 00:03:53,535
Why aren't you on the weed?
102
00:03:53,571 --> 00:03:54,603
Are you drunk?
103
00:03:54,639 --> 00:03:57,172
Let's just say, that a lot
of people left a lot of
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00:03:57,207 --> 00:04:00,542
kind of booze at my last party. (LAUGHS)
105
00:04:00,578 --> 00:04:02,745
You're day drinking left over liquor?
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00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,446
Don't answer; I'm disappointed.
107
00:04:04,482 --> 00:04:05,981
'Kay, bye!
108
00:04:06,016 --> 00:04:09,785
No! (GRUNTS)
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00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:12,053
Oh-kay.
110
00:04:12,089 --> 00:04:14,222
Egh! Malibu...
111
00:04:14,258 --> 00:04:15,991
Tastes like grade 10 vomit.
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00:04:16,026 --> 00:04:17,993
?
113
00:04:18,028 --> 00:04:20,028
(SIGHS)
114
00:04:20,063 --> 00:04:21,729
?
115
00:04:21,765 --> 00:04:23,998
Great job, Mo-Mo!
Now, all we need you to do
116
00:04:24,033 --> 00:04:25,767
is assemble the tables and the chairs,
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take out those clothing care packages,
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and... decorate.
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00:04:29,439 --> 00:04:31,205
And, what are you gonna do?
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00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,441
- Supervise!
- Cool...
121
00:04:33,476 --> 00:04:36,277
Then I'm gonna supervise
these cookies into my mouth.
122
00:04:36,313 --> 00:04:39,547
Oh, I knew this was more of a Jen thing.
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00:04:39,582 --> 00:04:41,215
Oh, come on!
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I just carried 20 boxes of cookies
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and 10 boxes of clothes
up 3 flights of stairs.
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God is dazzled.
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00:04:48,991 --> 00:04:52,159
And honestly, who else
is there to impress?
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00:04:52,195 --> 00:05:01,501
?
129
00:05:01,537 --> 00:05:03,537
Hi, Diego!
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00:05:03,572 --> 00:05:05,039
Oh my God.
131
00:05:05,074 --> 00:05:06,740
?
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00:05:06,775 --> 00:05:07,908
Let's go, people.
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00:05:07,944 --> 00:05:10,911
These clothing care packages
won't assemble themselves.
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Hi... You must be Diego.
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00:05:16,319 --> 00:05:17,852
And you must be an angel.
136
00:05:17,887 --> 00:05:19,553
Oh, damn, that's a good line.
137
00:05:19,588 --> 00:05:22,022
That's what we call
the volunteers here, angels.
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00:05:22,058 --> 00:05:25,325
Too bad; I'm rolling with this.
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00:05:25,361 --> 00:05:27,193
It's nice to meet you.
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00:05:27,229 --> 00:05:30,897
Jennifer, as in St. Jennifer.
141
00:05:30,932 --> 00:05:32,866
Like the patron saint of disasters?
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And fevers!
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00:05:35,571 --> 00:05:37,504
Yeah, maybe just call me Mo.
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00:05:37,539 --> 00:05:40,073
(LAUGHS)
145
00:05:40,108 --> 00:05:44,244
?
146
00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,382
Dear sir or madam, I got
your email from Craigslist
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and thought that you might be
able to provide me with some...
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00:05:52,287 --> 00:05:54,220
(WHISPERS) marijuana.
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00:05:54,256 --> 00:05:56,256
Spell check.
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00:05:56,291 --> 00:05:58,124
?
151
00:05:58,159 --> 00:05:59,893
Your favourite game is Chrono Trigger?!
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That's so cool!
153
00:06:01,263 --> 00:06:02,962
Oh... (LAUGHS)
154
00:06:02,998 --> 00:06:05,298
Sorry, I'm not good around...
155
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:08,201
Mittens. Same.
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00:06:08,236 --> 00:06:11,070
I'm 24, I still need an idiot string.
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00:06:11,106 --> 00:06:12,372
(LAUGHS)
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00:06:12,407 --> 00:06:15,141
I was gonna say cool girls.
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00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,112
I can't believe we both
like video games and
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00:06:19,147 --> 00:06:20,546
Norwegian Forest cats.
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00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,048
And, we both hate Men In Black one,
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00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:23,749
but love Men In Black II.
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00:06:23,785 --> 00:06:25,551
They were finding the characters
the first time around.
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And, we're both religious!
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00:06:27,522 --> 00:06:29,088
?
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00:06:29,124 --> 00:06:30,818
Yeah!
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00:06:31,147 --> 00:06:33,897
?
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00:06:34,264 --> 00:06:36,798
- (PHONE RINGS)
- (LAUGHS) So bad.
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00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:37,899
Yello?
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00:06:37,934 --> 00:06:41,403
Jen, I think Karen Was right - I'm bad.
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00:06:41,438 --> 00:06:43,204
I've already broken
most of the commandments.
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00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,607
I've lied, I used the
Lord's name in vain,
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00:06:45,642 --> 00:06:47,809
and I stole cookies from disadvantaged
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00:06:47,845 --> 00:06:49,277
members of society!
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00:06:49,312 --> 00:06:52,013
You are a 100-pound minimum wage worker
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00:06:52,048 --> 00:06:54,148
with chronically inflamed adenoids.
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00:06:54,184 --> 00:06:56,384
You are a disadvantaged
member of society.
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00:06:56,419 --> 00:06:58,253
You feel me.
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00:06:58,288 --> 00:07:00,621
What'd you lie about?
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00:07:00,656 --> 00:07:02,390
Hey, I haven't seen you at mass here.
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00:07:02,425 --> 00:07:03,858
What church do you go to?
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00:07:03,894 --> 00:07:06,861
Ah... all of them.
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00:07:06,897 --> 00:07:08,096
Well, stick with it.
184
00:07:08,131 --> 00:07:09,663
You know, for a hot second,
185
00:07:09,699 --> 00:07:12,767
I was struggling with
being bad, but now...
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00:07:12,802 --> 00:07:16,837
let's just say it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
187
00:07:16,873 --> 00:07:19,908
It's 5 o'clock here.
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00:07:19,943 --> 00:07:23,378
It's 5:30, actually.
189
00:07:23,413 --> 00:07:25,245
Sambuca, tastes like the inside of
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00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:27,580
an old Chippendale dancer.
(DISCONNECTED SIGNAL)
191
00:07:27,616 --> 00:07:29,216
Hello?
192
00:07:29,251 --> 00:07:33,287
?
193
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,422
It's really nice to meet
another young person
194
00:07:35,457 --> 00:07:37,697
who's not afraid to have
God in their life.
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00:07:37,743 --> 00:07:41,594
In my life, in my heart, in my house.
196
00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,598
God is basically stalking me.
197
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,365
People hear "Catholic" and they think of
198
00:07:45,401 --> 00:07:46,324
all the stereotypes.
199
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:50,047
But, I'm a big supporter of
LGBTQ rights and pro-choice.
200
00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:51,704
That is very cool.
201
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:54,374
For me, the church has always been about
202
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:56,086
helping out others.
203
00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:58,378
- Community.
- I like that.
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00:07:58,414 --> 00:08:01,648
Kindness, generosity...
205
00:08:03,102 --> 00:08:05,803
- Honesty.
- Agh!
206
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:08,011
(PHONE RINGS)
207
00:08:08,199 --> 00:08:13,603
Mo! I am being so bad.
I'm eating unborn cookies!
208
00:08:13,638 --> 00:08:16,272
Also, I'm going to make a booty call.
209
00:08:16,293 --> 00:08:18,751
Enough out of your mouth.
Listen to my mouth!
210
00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:20,601
I think Diego might be converting me.
211
00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:22,524
Or, is it reverting me?
It doesn't matter,
212
00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:24,298
because once he finds out I'm a liar,
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00:08:24,305 --> 00:08:26,204
he's gonna drop me like
Cain dropped Abel.
214
00:08:26,441 --> 00:08:27,707
Who's Diego?
215
00:08:27,742 --> 00:08:29,218
Just this perfect Catholic guy.
216
00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:31,423
If a good person was here,
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00:08:31,441 --> 00:08:32,972
they would tell you to be honest.
218
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,530
I'm basically Catholic.
Both my parents are Catholic.
219
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:38,949
Mo, religion is not a race.
220
00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:41,084
Tell that to the American news media.
221
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,519
?
222
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,388
(KNOCKS)
223
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,092
You emailed me?
224
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:51,795
Hey! You're the nurse
from Karen's clinic!
225
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,764
Come...
226
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:57,334
What are you doing selling drug stuff?
227
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,136
Well, I got 4 kids by 5 fathers;
228
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:01,805
you do the math.
229
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,241
Anywho... What are you looking for?
230
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,876
I got uppers, downers, ravers,
231
00:09:05,911 --> 00:09:07,777
casuals, organics, free-range.
232
00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:09,479
I'm after some reefer, cannabis, dope,
233
00:09:09,514 --> 00:09:11,614
grass, Maui Wowie, little ganja.
234
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,916
Okay, there is a dispensary
directly across the street.
235
00:09:13,951 --> 00:09:15,385
I thought that was an improv theater?
236
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:19,455
It also is. But, I did get
out of bed this morning.
237
00:09:19,491 --> 00:09:21,857
So, I've got sativas, indicas, hybrids.
238
00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:23,459
I've got some Champagne Kush,
239
00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:25,161
Bullrider, Fort Collins Cough,
240
00:09:25,196 --> 00:09:27,263
Mendo Purps, a little bit of White Fire.
241
00:09:27,299 --> 00:09:30,366
I have some Alanis.
I'm out of Morissette's.
242
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:33,603
I got some Wilfrid Laurier,
I've got some Baby's Breath,
243
00:09:33,638 --> 00:09:35,305
I've got some Grandpa's Diapie.
244
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:38,684
And, my personal favourite, Placemat.
245
00:09:38,728 --> 00:09:41,528
Awesome! Which one's weed?
246
00:09:42,879 --> 00:09:44,513
Are you a narc?
247
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,000
?
248
00:09:47,007 --> 00:09:49,808
Mo, why is Jen CC'ing me
on all of her drug emails?
249
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:53,154
And why did she start
that hashtag "rave ready"?
250
00:09:53,190 --> 00:09:55,791
I'm a devout Catholic, Karen.
251
00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:58,694
Not gossiping gives me
a real pocket rocket.
252
00:09:58,729 --> 00:10:01,196
If you are going to
pretend to be religious,
253
00:10:01,231 --> 00:10:03,765
you might want to avoid
the term "pocket rocket".
254
00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:05,233
Who's pretending?
255
00:10:05,268 --> 00:10:08,269
You, to impress the
world's cutest Catholic.
256
00:10:08,305 --> 00:10:09,504
Why would I do that?
257
00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:11,940
Dude doesn't even seem that Catholic.
258
00:10:11,975 --> 00:10:14,576
So, I think tomorrow I'll
start off with an intro.
259
00:10:14,611 --> 00:10:15,977
Something like,
260
00:10:16,012 --> 00:10:19,547
"This one goes out to a
very special someone.
261
00:10:19,582 --> 00:10:21,682
You know who you are."
262
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,286
Ever since you came into my life,
263
00:10:25,322 --> 00:10:28,381
my world's a whole lot brighter.
264
00:10:28,412 --> 00:10:32,961
? WHEN I SEE YOU, MY HEART FREEZES. ?
265
00:10:32,996 --> 00:10:37,498
? WHEN YOU TALK, MY SOUL RELEASES. ?
266
00:10:37,533 --> 00:10:42,203
? WITHOUT YOU, I'D FALL TO PIECES. ?
267
00:10:42,239 --> 00:10:44,505
? I LOVE YOU... ?
268
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,440
I love you, too.
269
00:10:46,476 --> 00:10:51,278
? I LOVE YOU, JESUS. ?
270
00:10:51,313 --> 00:10:54,515
?
271
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,650
- God damn!
- Sh!
272
00:10:56,686 --> 00:11:00,287
?
273
00:11:00,322 --> 00:11:02,456
I gotta ask - Why the sudden dark turn,
274
00:11:02,492 --> 00:11:03,924
lamer Bobbsey Twin?
275
00:11:03,959 --> 00:11:07,094
Everybody just thinks
I'm a goody two-shoes.
276
00:11:07,129 --> 00:11:09,764
But there is more to
me than punctuality and
277
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,832
extraordinary scheduling.
278
00:11:11,868 --> 00:11:14,635
Okay... You don't like labels.
279
00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:17,070
"Good", "bad'; that's what those are.
280
00:11:17,106 --> 00:11:20,207
You think I like labels? "Nurse", "mom".
281
00:11:20,242 --> 00:11:23,711
- "Drug dealer".
- No, that one I like.
282
00:11:23,746 --> 00:11:26,146
Listen, nobody's just one thing.
283
00:11:26,181 --> 00:11:30,217
You're not good or bad. You're both.
284
00:11:30,252 --> 00:11:31,451
That's really wise.
285
00:11:31,486 --> 00:11:32,986
Yeah, I'm crazy stoned right now.
286
00:11:33,022 --> 00:11:34,754
I'm kidding. (LAUGHS)
287
00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:37,124
I'm pregnant, which
is like being stoned,
288
00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:39,526
except absolutely awful.
289
00:11:39,561 --> 00:11:41,461
Okay... (GRUNTS)
290
00:11:41,496 --> 00:11:44,197
My kids are in the van
with the window cracked.
291
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:46,400
But, if you're not done dipping a toe
292
00:11:46,435 --> 00:11:48,302
into the dark side...
293
00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:51,038
Try one of these.
294
00:11:51,073 --> 00:11:52,872
But just one!
295
00:11:52,908 --> 00:11:54,707
I don't want to be responsible for you
296
00:11:54,743 --> 00:11:58,911
seeing your worst future
in household objects.
297
00:11:58,947 --> 00:12:01,147
Or your best future,
298
00:12:01,182 --> 00:12:03,115
'cause that'll eventually
disappoint you.
299
00:12:14,795 --> 00:12:23,169
?
300
00:12:23,204 --> 00:12:25,137
This sucks. I don't feel anything.
301
00:12:25,173 --> 00:12:34,179
?
302
00:12:34,214 --> 00:12:35,646
Oh, there it is.
303
00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:39,867
?
304
00:12:40,119 --> 00:12:45,148
(PANTING)
305
00:12:45,245 --> 00:12:46,577
Burn off the gummy calories.
306
00:12:46,613 --> 00:12:48,113
Burn off the gummy effect.
307
00:12:48,148 --> 00:12:50,982
(LAUGHS) Right, Mo?
308
00:12:51,018 --> 00:12:54,686
(PANTING)
309
00:12:54,721 --> 00:12:57,889
Oh... You're the goody two-shoes.
310
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,960
Oh, God.
311
00:13:01,995 --> 00:13:04,196
This dress is a prison for my flesh.
312
00:13:07,005 --> 00:13:08,871
I'm 'a Cinderella this bitch.
313
00:13:08,878 --> 00:13:22,489
?
314
00:13:22,748 --> 00:13:27,218
Oh my God, I look gorgeous!
315
00:13:27,253 --> 00:13:30,221
Time to booty call.
316
00:13:30,256 --> 00:13:35,826
?
317
00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:38,428
So, what's everyone's favourite saint?
318
00:13:40,266 --> 00:13:41,565
Look, I've never boinked anyone;
319
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:45,135
that's gotta be like a
million Pope points, right?
320
00:13:45,171 --> 00:13:47,704
Well, it's nice to meet a young lady
321
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:50,073
who keeps her pocket
rocket in her pants.
322
00:13:50,108 --> 00:13:51,307
(LAUGHS)
323
00:13:51,343 --> 00:13:52,775
You feel me.
324
00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:54,043
(CLAP)
325
00:13:54,079 --> 00:13:57,914
Diego, you found a nice Catholic girl.
326
00:13:57,949 --> 00:13:59,349
I'm impressed.
327
00:13:59,384 --> 00:14:01,317
Oh, well, um...
328
00:14:01,353 --> 00:14:05,221
I was gonna do this, but
when we're done setting up,
329
00:14:05,257 --> 00:14:08,324
Mo, would you like to lead us in prayer?
330
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,560
Oh! Ah!
331
00:14:11,596 --> 00:14:14,097
- Uh...
- Yeah, seriously.
332
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:16,933
(AWKWARD LAUGH)
333
00:14:16,968 --> 00:14:21,104
?
334
00:14:21,139 --> 00:14:23,005
Booty... Booty.
335
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,207
Booty, booty, booty,
booty, booty, booty.
336
00:14:25,242 --> 00:14:28,310
(LAUGHS) Okay.
337
00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:30,212
(KNOCKS)
338
00:14:31,715 --> 00:14:34,182
Hello, booty call!
339
00:14:34,218 --> 00:14:35,483
Ah...
340
00:14:35,519 --> 00:14:38,186
Oh my God. Jen, are you okay?
341
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:40,522
Speaking of getting it on...
342
00:14:40,557 --> 00:14:44,526
Wow, you have, like, no pores.
343
00:14:44,561 --> 00:14:47,562
Ah...
344
00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:49,932
Thank you?
345
00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:52,067
Let's get you home.
346
00:14:52,102 --> 00:14:58,773
?
347
00:14:58,809 --> 00:15:03,411
Okay, we're gonna bring you down now.
348
00:15:03,447 --> 00:15:05,346
I hear you, but I don't
understand you because
349
00:15:05,381 --> 00:15:07,949
all your words turn into
rivers of dragons.
350
00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:09,851
Yeah, you've shaken hands with my girl,
351
00:15:09,886 --> 00:15:11,352
Mary Jane, tonight.
352
00:15:11,387 --> 00:15:13,688
I just remembered the ocean's a thing.
353
00:15:13,723 --> 00:15:16,591
It's big, too big.
354
00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:19,126
I'm guessing you don't
partake in the green too often.
355
00:15:19,162 --> 00:15:21,663
I don't partake in anything too often.
356
00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:23,397
My mom won't let me.
357
00:15:23,433 --> 00:15:26,568
And now, I won't let me because issues.
358
00:15:26,603 --> 00:15:30,738
But, I'm tired of being seen
as this uptight goody-goody.
359
00:15:30,774 --> 00:15:33,140
Well, I don't see you that way.
360
00:15:39,983 --> 00:15:41,182
Crap, did I do a weird kiss?
361
00:15:41,217 --> 00:15:42,383
No.
362
00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:44,418
Did I pass the highness onto you?
363
00:15:44,454 --> 00:15:45,853
That's impossible.
364
00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:49,991
Because the highness
was in us all along?
365
00:15:50,026 --> 00:15:52,026
I should go.
366
00:16:03,039 --> 00:16:06,239
That was bad. Wasn't it, Mo?
367
00:16:06,274 --> 00:16:09,976
?
368
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,645
Jen, I haven't led a
prayer since church camp.
369
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,580
What if I do it wrong and
they're not blessed properly,
370
00:16:14,616 --> 00:16:16,049
and then, they all end up going to he...
371
00:16:16,084 --> 00:16:18,618
Mo, I don't want to be bad anymore
372
00:16:18,653 --> 00:16:21,321
'cause I'm not bad, or good.
373
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:24,391
I'm both. I'm bood!
374
00:16:24,426 --> 00:16:27,060
Great, I'm having a metaphysical crisis.
375
00:16:27,095 --> 00:16:30,696
I'll rescue you;
that's what bood people do!
376
00:16:30,732 --> 00:16:32,465
But do you think the
ceiling mold looks like
377
00:16:32,501 --> 00:16:35,368
an old man's face because I do.
378
00:16:35,404 --> 00:16:37,570
? (ORGAN)
379
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:40,839
A reading from the book of...
380
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:44,543
Revelations! Oh, wow.
381
00:16:44,578 --> 00:16:49,681
"The fearful and unbelieving
idolaters and all liars...
382
00:16:49,716 --> 00:16:52,851
shall have their part in the
lake which burneth
383
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,387
with fire and brimstone."
384
00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:57,656
? (ORGAN)
385
00:16:57,691 --> 00:16:59,291
Okay, um...
386
00:16:59,326 --> 00:17:02,094
Here's a nicer one. Book of John.
387
00:17:02,129 --> 00:17:04,663
"God is greater than our hearts...
388
00:17:04,698 --> 00:17:06,765
and knows all things"?
389
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,235
? (ORGAN)
390
00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:15,239
I think what John is saying
is that it doesn't matter
391
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:18,543
what we call ourselves,
or what others call us.
392
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:21,212
We know our own truth and that truth is
393
00:17:21,247 --> 00:17:23,548
made up of a lot of things.
394
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:27,418
Faith is made up of a lot of things.
395
00:17:27,454 --> 00:17:31,089
Goodness is made up
of a lot of things...
396
00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:33,124
And that's okay.
397
00:17:33,159 --> 00:17:37,195
(APPLAUSE)
398
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:41,466
(GASPS)
399
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:44,268
Jen, you came.
You really are a good person.
400
00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:45,503
Turns out I'm fine.
401
00:17:45,538 --> 00:17:47,872
- I got this.
- What?
402
00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:52,243
(CLEARS THROAT)
403
00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:56,547
Ah! The word of God...
404
00:17:56,583 --> 00:17:58,583
We're not gonna need that.
405
00:17:58,618 --> 00:18:02,052
See, my drug dealer
once told me it's up...
406
00:18:02,088 --> 00:18:07,391
to you... Even you, sir.
407
00:18:07,427 --> 00:18:12,163
To decide your truth!
408
00:18:12,198 --> 00:18:14,732
Screw the rules! Do what you want!
409
00:18:14,767 --> 00:18:17,535
Can I get an, "Amen"?!
410
00:18:24,476 --> 00:18:29,680
?
411
00:18:29,715 --> 00:18:32,182
So, I may not be as church-y
as I led you to believe.
412
00:18:32,217 --> 00:18:35,185
Yeah, I figured that when
you described the Beatitudes
413
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:37,721
as a real "pocket rocket" of a chapter.
414
00:18:37,757 --> 00:18:40,124
(LAUGHS)
415
00:18:40,159 --> 00:18:42,760
Well, look...
416
00:18:42,795 --> 00:18:46,263
I don't go to church.
I don't go to confession.
417
00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:49,599
I don't even know
what I believe in, just that,
418
00:18:49,635 --> 00:18:53,470
someone or something must
be watching over me,
419
00:18:53,505 --> 00:18:56,306
if I have a friend willing
to rush across town
420
00:18:56,341 --> 00:18:59,142
tripping absolute balls...
421
00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:01,678
just to save me.
422
00:19:01,713 --> 00:19:06,482
Well, you know what my favourite
part of Catholicism is?
423
00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,517
Forgiveness.
424
00:19:12,590 --> 00:19:14,757
What, do I have cookie on my face?
425
00:19:14,793 --> 00:19:16,525
Um...
426
00:19:18,963 --> 00:19:24,233
? (ORGAN)
427
00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:26,202
Do you want to go
smooch in the parking lot?
428
00:19:26,237 --> 00:19:28,905
- Yep!
- (LAUGHS)
429
00:19:28,940 --> 00:19:35,443
?
430
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:38,279
Hey. How you feeling?
431
00:19:38,315 --> 00:19:41,616
Listen, I wanted to
apologize for earlier.
432
00:19:41,651 --> 00:19:43,985
I've never done a booty call before.
433
00:19:44,021 --> 00:19:46,955
Well, yeah, the call part's
not usually done in-person.
434
00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:50,158
Well, that's good to know.
435
00:19:50,194 --> 00:19:54,562
Listen, I was wondering if maybe
when I'm lucid we could...
436
00:19:54,598 --> 00:19:58,700
- I'm seeing someone.
- Oh!
437
00:19:58,736 --> 00:20:01,737
Well... congrats!
438
00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:05,339
It's my ex. We're getting back together.
439
00:20:05,374 --> 00:20:08,508
Look, I wasn't planning this.
440
00:20:08,544 --> 00:20:10,711
And if I was still
single maybe we could...
441
00:20:10,747 --> 00:20:13,147
Oh, don't worry about it.
442
00:20:13,182 --> 00:20:16,851
I mean, there's plenty
of booty for me to call.
443
00:20:16,886 --> 00:20:18,619
I'd love to still try
hanging out as friends
444
00:20:18,654 --> 00:20:19,620
if you're up for it?
445
00:20:19,655 --> 00:20:22,723
- Definitely.
- Thanks, Jen.
446
00:20:22,759 --> 00:20:26,426
You are a... really good person.
447
00:20:26,462 --> 00:20:29,429
Yeah, I've been told.
448
00:20:29,465 --> 00:20:31,331
(LAUGHS)
449
00:20:35,604 --> 00:20:37,570
Why?!
450
00:20:37,605 --> 00:20:40,439
I can still hear and see you.
451
00:20:40,475 --> 00:20:42,375
'Kay, thanks. Bye!
452
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,377
?
453
00:20:44,412 --> 00:20:45,979
Ugh! (GROANS)
454
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,540
?
455
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,617
I can't believe I got
excommunicated from a church
456
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,286
I'm not even a part of.
457
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:58,655
It's kind of a miracle.
458
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:02,526
Jennifer Wu, that was a
one-of-a-kind Versace dress!
459
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,261
Yeah, but it wasn't me.
460
00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:06,297
It cost me thousands of dollars!
461
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:09,567
Wish I'd known that
before the candy weed.
462
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:13,504
Karen, I want to be there
for you on your big day,
463
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,272
but I gots to be me.
464
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,340
And this dress, wasn't me.
465
00:21:17,375 --> 00:21:20,543
I could have returned it!
466
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:23,613
Yeah, I'm not feeling mine either.
467
00:21:23,648 --> 00:21:24,780
Can't go strapless with these.
468
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:26,983
It's like supporting a
family on a single income.
469
00:21:27,018 --> 00:21:29,051
Fine! You can choose your own dresses!
470
00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:30,487
But just make sure
that they are tasteful,
471
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,288
and elegant, and midnight plum.
472
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:33,223
Just say purple.
473
00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:34,424
And the wedding is in 10 months,
474
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:35,592
so don't dawdle.
475
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:36,726
You know, I have to admit,
476
00:21:36,761 --> 00:21:38,161
that was pretty badass
back at the church.
477
00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:39,695
So, if you still want to rave...
478
00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:42,999
Actually, I don't
think raves are for me.
479
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:45,968
Yeah! That's what I said originally!
480
00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:51,240
?
481
00:21:51,275 --> 00:21:53,375
Oh! So good.
482
00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:56,512
FOR MORE SECOND JEN, VISIT:
483
00:21:56,518 --> 00:21:59,375
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