Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,993 --> 00:00:06,784
As we all know, we have been pursuing
famed designer, Jonathan Peterson
2
00:00:06,819 --> 00:00:08,786
to represent his new line
of ceramic housewares,
3
00:00:08,821 --> 00:00:10,938
and I would like to announce
that we have succeeded.
4
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:12,344
All: Yay!
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,994
But I can't,
because you have all failed.
6
00:00:15,572 --> 00:00:17,026
Sean, explain.
7
00:00:17,027 --> 00:00:21,397
I called his studio four times
and left messages. Liz, explain.
8
00:00:21,431 --> 00:00:24,850
He never called back so we drove
down there. Hunter, explain.
9
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,295
Nobody would let us in, which is
when I said we should just give up,
10
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,419
but nobody listened.
Sean, explain.
11
00:00:31,547 --> 00:00:34,362
What happened next wasn't technically
"breaking and entering,"
12
00:00:34,363 --> 00:00:39,111
but we did accidentally "break a door"
and then "enter."
13
00:00:40,835 --> 00:00:43,171
Then a security guard
chased us to our car.
14
00:00:43,205 --> 00:00:45,356
I knocked over a trash can
to slow him down,
15
00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:48,902
'cause apparently I'm the only one
who's ever seen an action movie.
16
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,346
Then Sean drove away
like a bat out of hell
17
00:00:52,381 --> 00:00:54,827
until he realized Liz and I
were not yet in the car.
18
00:00:56,852 --> 00:00:59,685
The point is, we made contact,
and the ball's in his court.
19
00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:01,835
I have an idea
how we can get to Peterson.
20
00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:05,543
You all could do your jobs.
21
00:01:05,577 --> 00:01:07,480
I deserved that.
22
00:01:09,264 --> 00:01:11,155
Hello.
I'm here for lunch.
23
00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:12,790
Oh, what long faces.
24
00:01:12,824 --> 00:01:14,692
Who wants a butterscotch?
25
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:16,994
Ooh, I do.
26
00:01:17,028 --> 00:01:19,396
Mom, you're a little early.
We're in the middle of a meeting.
27
00:01:19,397 --> 00:01:21,268
No, we're done.
[Snaps]
28
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:24,679
Do you have anything in there
to mask the stink of failure?
29
00:01:24,744 --> 00:01:25,936
Yes, I do.
30
00:01:25,937 --> 00:01:28,119
[Spritzing]
31
00:01:29,195 --> 00:01:30,591
My God,
look at that inventory.
32
00:01:30,625 --> 00:01:33,782
Oh, I also have something in here for
people with distracting coffee breath.
33
00:01:33,783 --> 00:01:36,405
Liz, have you ever
eaten a mint?
34
00:01:36,875 --> 00:01:40,525
Well, not all of us can put
our teeth in the dishwasher.
35
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,084
And a rare win for Liz.
36
00:01:45,934 --> 00:01:47,320
I need to eat light
at lunch.
37
00:01:47,321 --> 00:01:49,105
Going to an early dinner
with Bernard tonight
38
00:01:49,123 --> 00:01:51,040
and I don't want to be bloated,
know what I'm saying?
39
00:01:51,075 --> 00:01:52,208
[Clicks tongue]
40
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:53,442
Mom.
41
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,945
I'm gonna clear all the bases
tonight, know what I'm saying?
42
00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,302
[Clicks tongue]
43
00:01:58,198 --> 00:02:01,483
Why don't you just make a circle
and poke your finger through it?
44
00:02:01,572 --> 00:02:03,016
Don't be vulgar.
45
00:02:04,654 --> 00:02:06,855
Look what's coming my way.
46
00:02:06,874 --> 00:02:10,056
God, mom, your fiber shakes
bringing all the boys to the yard.
47
00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:12,760
- Daddy!
- Max.
48
00:02:13,691 --> 00:02:15,659
You are one fine mixed drink,
49
00:02:15,693 --> 00:02:19,280
and I'd like to be the swizzle
stick that stirs you up.
50
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:24,351
- Mom, you remember Lee?
- Yes, I do. We went to dinner that time.
51
00:02:24,385 --> 00:02:27,003
I didn't eat
and I still got sick.
52
00:02:27,038 --> 00:02:28,755
Father is in town on business.
53
00:02:28,789 --> 00:02:30,740
And maybe while you're here,
you can take me canoeing,
54
00:02:30,791 --> 00:02:32,957
like you did in that story
I once wrote.
55
00:02:33,592 --> 00:02:36,880
I'm trying to close a few deals,
and I'm hoping you'll be one of them.
56
00:02:36,931 --> 00:02:39,499
Everything on my body
is closed to you.
57
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:42,786
We're going to lunch.
Max, good to see you.
58
00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:46,072
Lee, here's hoping a chunk of
cholesterol breaks loose in your neck.
59
00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:47,983
See you later.
60
00:02:48,948 --> 00:02:51,032
Your mom's a classy lady.
61
00:02:51,262 --> 00:02:54,937
- I think so.
- I'd like her to choke me with my tie.
62
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:59,085
You realize you and I
barely know each other, right?
63
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,154
Do you and Lorna like hockey?
64
00:03:01,188 --> 00:03:02,122
No.
65
00:03:02,156 --> 00:03:04,991
Oh, but we once did go
to Smucker's Stars on Ice.
66
00:03:05,026 --> 00:03:07,210
I play golf
with Joe Smuckers.
67
00:03:07,245 --> 00:03:12,282
I can get you backstage passes, maybe
a photo op with Kristi Yamaguchi.
68
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:15,458
- Are you serious?
- The 'Guch owes me a favor.
69
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:21,057
That almost makes up for
that disturbing choking comment.
70
00:03:21,092 --> 00:03:22,826
Your dad knows a lot of people.
71
00:03:22,877 --> 00:03:26,179
Yes, he even knows Jonathan Peterson,
who you failed to reach.
72
00:03:26,213 --> 00:03:29,217
What? Then why didn't you ask him
to call Peterson for us?
73
00:03:29,218 --> 00:03:30,983
We were chased off
the guy's property.
74
00:03:30,985 --> 00:03:33,603
A winded security guard
threw up on my car.
75
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:36,957
Because father wants me to make it
on my own. He will not help me.
76
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:42,584
But he might help you, just to show
your mother what a big man he is.
77
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:44,064
Okay.
78
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,516
Okay, okay, how about this?
79
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,175
Why don't you two accidentally
bump into us at lunch?
80
00:03:48,176 --> 00:03:50,370
I'll mention I've been trying
to get a meeting with Peterson.
81
00:03:50,388 --> 00:03:52,562
Then your dad can impress my mom
by making it happen.
82
00:03:52,563 --> 00:03:53,813
That's a fantastic idea.
83
00:03:53,864 --> 00:03:55,430
[Gasps]
84
00:03:55,431 --> 00:03:56,883
Still my fault.
85
00:03:56,917 --> 00:03:59,118
No, no, Jerry.
This time I'm happy.
86
00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:00,286
Oh.
87
00:04:00,944 --> 00:04:02,505
I'm so hungry.
88
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:06,240
Season 1, Episode 11
"Trapped in the Closet (Part 2)"
89
00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:09,397
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
90
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:13,139
Let's see, what's less filling -
soup or salad?
91
00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:15,595
Don't you dare click at me
again.
92
00:04:17,604 --> 00:04:21,324
Oh, my God, look who's here.
It's Max and Lee.
93
00:04:21,358 --> 00:04:25,587
- What a coincidence.
- Like hell it is. What's going on?
94
00:04:25,695 --> 00:04:28,181
Okay, here's the deal.
We need a favor from Lee,
95
00:04:28,182 --> 00:04:30,827
and the only way he'll do it
is if he thinks it'll impress you.
96
00:04:30,866 --> 00:04:33,703
Play along and I'll take you to
that Cirque du Soleil knockoff.
97
00:04:33,737 --> 00:04:39,174
Oh, I love that one 'cause the girls are
a little fat, so it looks more honest.
98
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:43,304
All right, fine. You're my son.
I'll help you with your charade.
99
00:04:43,305 --> 00:04:45,753
Good, and be nice.
A little flirty wouldn't hurt either.
100
00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:46,887
[Clicks tongue]
101
00:04:48,139 --> 00:04:50,240
Oh, wow, look who is here.
102
00:04:50,275 --> 00:04:52,259
Hey, son,
I'm getting the weather report.
103
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:55,631
It's chilly today
and hot tamale.
104
00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:57,247
You still haven't got it.
105
00:04:57,265 --> 00:04:58,381
(Thunk) Ow.
106
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,693
Big boy...
107
00:05:01,336 --> 00:05:03,136
Would you two
like to join us?
108
00:05:03,171 --> 00:05:06,003
Spontaneity? Are you kidding?
We would love to.
109
00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:11,261
Well, I hate to bring up business at what
is obviously a freak social encounter,
110
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,830
but, Sean, any progress
getting to Jonathan Peterson?
111
00:05:13,864 --> 00:05:18,752
Not really. He's impossible to reach.
He's so above my station in life.
112
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,171
You know,
I love all of his products,
113
00:05:21,205 --> 00:05:24,574
and I would be so impressed
if anyone knew him.
114
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,451
I'm assuming...?
115
00:05:27,178 --> 00:05:30,347
Lee, you're grinning like
the guy on the pringles can.
116
00:05:30,381 --> 00:05:32,316
- Do you know him?
- Charlie Pringles...?
117
00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:33,767
Yeah, we play handball.
118
00:05:33,818 --> 00:05:37,321
- No, Peterson, you big silly.
- I'm kidding.
119
00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:40,523
Yeah, I know Peterson.
Gay guy, likes colors.
120
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,710
Would you be impressed
if I had his number in this baby?
121
00:05:43,745 --> 00:05:46,747
Well, dial it
and let's find out.
122
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
123
00:05:53,571 --> 00:05:55,349
Oh, hey, Ellie. I think
your dad's at lunch.
124
00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:57,350
- Good, I'm here to see you.
- Ooh, exciting.
125
00:05:58,968 --> 00:06:01,486
I need some advice,
and I can't talk to my dad about it.
126
00:06:01,537 --> 00:06:04,654
Oh, I've been waiting for this moment.
My little Ellie is...
127
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,567
Don't get gooey on me.
I need you sharp.
128
00:06:06,769 --> 00:06:08,137
Copy that.
129
00:06:08,537 --> 00:06:10,761
So I got invited
to this party,
130
00:06:10,762 --> 00:06:13,864
but there won't be any parents home
and there are gonna be make-out games.
131
00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:16,083
Jake's gonna be there,
who I kind of want to kiss,
132
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,828
but there are also gonna be some boys
there that I don't want to kiss,
133
00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:22,690
like Nick, who never doesn't have
cheetos caught in his braces.
134
00:06:22,691 --> 00:06:24,949
I don't want my dad to find out
'cause he'll just say I can't go.
135
00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:27,435
- So what do I do?
- Oh, don't worry, honey.
136
00:06:27,436 --> 00:06:28,747
I know exactly what to do.
137
00:06:28,818 --> 00:06:30,685
I have no idea what to do.
138
00:06:30,783 --> 00:06:32,533
I don't know why
she came to me.
139
00:06:32,534 --> 00:06:35,125
She likes you. You're like
a role model. God help her.
140
00:06:36,944 --> 00:06:38,861
It's a lot of responsibility.
141
00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:41,146
I didn't know what to say,
so I told her I'd get back to her.
142
00:06:41,181 --> 00:06:45,059
And to stay in school, because nobody can
get mad at you for saying that to a kid.
143
00:06:45,385 --> 00:06:49,481
- What do you think?
- I feel that staying in school is key.
144
00:06:50,073 --> 00:06:51,907
Ellie's never come to me
for advice before,
145
00:06:51,941 --> 00:06:54,259
and if I screw this up,
she never will again.
146
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:58,565
- Come on, we can do this.
- I really feel like we can't.
147
00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:03,902
We were so poor, I walked
through ten miles of snow
148
00:07:03,937 --> 00:07:06,777
just to bring my grandmother
a Christmas ham.
149
00:07:06,778 --> 00:07:09,488
We had to tie our shoes
with packing string
150
00:07:09,489 --> 00:07:11,840
because real laces
were too expensive.
151
00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:15,508
So you guys grew up with
The Little Rascals, or something?
152
00:07:16,743 --> 00:07:19,211
- Children. They don't understand.
- No.
153
00:07:19,212 --> 00:07:21,579
I once waited two weeks
for an iPhone.
154
00:07:22,458 --> 00:07:24,123
Well, time to go
make some money.
155
00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:28,049
I'll call Peterson this afternoon.
And you have been a delight.
156
00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:30,150
And so have you.
157
00:07:31,815 --> 00:07:33,365
Come on, son,
I'll give you a ride.
158
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,868
Yes, I'm going
to make money as well, father.
159
00:07:37,904 --> 00:07:39,238
Well done, mom.
160
00:07:39,289 --> 00:07:42,924
If I didn't know better, I'd think
you weren't totally disgusted by Lee.
161
00:07:42,942 --> 00:07:45,133
I'm not disgusted by Lee.
162
00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:47,049
Yes, you are.
163
00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:50,632
That man came from nothing
and made something of his life.
164
00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:51,817
That's admirable.
165
00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:54,526
Mom, he's a pervert,
not Abraham Lincoln.
166
00:07:54,911 --> 00:07:56,812
He wants you to choke him
with his tie.
167
00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:59,487
Well, I'm not too old
to learn new things.
168
00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:02,778
Oh, my God,
what is happening right now?
169
00:08:02,796 --> 00:08:04,379
You can't be interested in him.
170
00:08:04,397 --> 00:08:06,982
I'm not interested,
but I'm not not interested.
171
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,101
What happened to Bernard?
Remember Bernard?
172
00:08:09,152 --> 00:08:10,102
[Clicking tongue]
173
00:08:10,103 --> 00:08:11,203
Bernard?
174
00:08:11,204 --> 00:08:14,169
Bernard is fine, but compared
to Lee, he's a little dull.
175
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:16,560
Plus, he always looks
like he's chewing something.
176
00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:19,488
I forbid you to go out
with Lee.
177
00:08:19,539 --> 00:08:21,757
It's gonna make things weird
with Max and me.
178
00:08:21,808 --> 00:08:24,527
And Lee's a barbarian, I don't want
you to be with a guy like that.
179
00:08:24,561 --> 00:08:25,861
Relax, dear.
180
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,763
I'm gonna still see
Bernard later,
181
00:08:27,814 --> 00:08:30,199
but now he's got a little
competition, that's all.
182
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,869
- So let's get some dessert.
- Dessert...?
183
00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:35,114
What happened to feeling bloated
and not sexy tonight?
184
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,348
Eh, it's just Bernard.
185
00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:43,896
Ugh, I did not sleep well.
186
00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:47,277
I was worried all night my mom
wasn't having sex with Bernard.
187
00:08:47,801 --> 00:08:51,938
I didn't sleep well either, because
I'm trying to keep something from you.
188
00:08:52,939 --> 00:08:56,409
I slept like a baby,
if anybody's wondering.
189
00:08:56,443 --> 00:08:57,860
So what's going on?
190
00:08:57,894 --> 00:08:58,828
[Sighs]
191
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,280
Ellie isn't sure if she wants
to go to a make-out party,
192
00:09:01,281 --> 00:09:02,665
so she came to me for advice.
193
00:09:02,766 --> 00:09:03,866
Why didn't she come to me?
194
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:05,301
Because she was afraid
you'd just say no.
195
00:09:05,335 --> 00:09:07,403
Well, of course I'd say no.
It's a make-out party.
196
00:09:07,454 --> 00:09:09,021
No, no, no, no, no, no.
197
00:09:09,056 --> 00:09:13,442
Jake's gonna be there, and he's cool,
but then there's this other guy, Nick.
198
00:09:13,477 --> 00:09:16,520
Ugh, Cheetos Nick?
199
00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:20,052
Lord, I just want to tell the kid,
"Try an apple."
200
00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:22,122
Anyway, thanks for telling me.
I'll talk to Ellie about it.
201
00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:24,970
No, no, no. Then she'll know
that I violated her confidence
202
00:09:24,988 --> 00:09:26,443
and she'll never
trust me again.
203
00:09:26,473 --> 00:09:29,225
And then for the rest of her teenage
years, you'll be in the dark.
204
00:09:29,259 --> 00:09:31,787
And she'll be in the dark
doing crack.
205
00:09:32,751 --> 00:09:34,227
Scared yet?
206
00:09:35,682 --> 00:09:38,601
Okay, I'll figure out
something you can tell Ellie.
207
00:09:38,635 --> 00:09:41,220
By the way, why is she
doing crack in the dark?
208
00:09:41,254 --> 00:09:43,453
Do it in a well-lit hotel room,
like a mayor.
209
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,809
Sean, disaster,
your office.
210
00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:48,604
I'm not saying there's been
a disaster in your office.
211
00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:51,378
I'm saying we need to discuss
a disaster while in your office.
212
00:09:51,398 --> 00:09:53,599
I'm not ruling out that there
has been a disaster in your office.
213
00:09:53,617 --> 00:09:56,784
I don't know. All will be revealed
when we reach your office.
214
00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:00,437
Okay, I'll get back to you
with an Ellie plan.
215
00:10:00,438 --> 00:10:05,078
In the meantime, I have to go
to my office, if it's still there.
216
00:10:05,161 --> 00:10:07,279
We don't know.
217
00:10:07,714 --> 00:10:09,438
All will be revealed.
218
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:14,593
Sean, are you aware that our parents
went out for a drink last night?
219
00:10:14,627 --> 00:10:17,531
No, they didn't. My mom
was with Bernard. Go Team Bernard.
220
00:10:17,830 --> 00:10:20,382
He's a pharmacist who drives
a sensible car, and I love him.
221
00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:23,952
No, she ditched Bernard so she could
boogie the night away with my father.
222
00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:26,042
Are you kidding me?
223
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,115
Thanks for nothing, Bernard,
you soft-spoken coatrack.
224
00:10:29,910 --> 00:10:31,511
They're seeing each other
again tonight.
225
00:10:31,512 --> 00:10:34,381
Sean, I cannot have my father
marrying your mother.
226
00:10:34,455 --> 00:10:35,643
What?
227
00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:38,174
That's crazy. My mom's never
gonna marry your dad.
228
00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:39,375
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
229
00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:41,194
Easy for you to say,
but every five years or so,
230
00:10:41,228 --> 00:10:43,696
my father chases down some woman
like a bull after a rodeo clown,
231
00:10:43,731 --> 00:10:46,315
and right now,
your mother is that clown.
232
00:10:47,218 --> 00:10:50,103
My mother is not a rodeo clown.
If anything, she's the bull.
233
00:10:50,137 --> 00:10:52,313
Then my dad is the matador.
234
00:10:52,606 --> 00:10:56,145
Then I'm the owner of the bullfighting
ring which used to be a rodeo.
235
00:10:56,961 --> 00:10:59,596
My point is, I am putting
a stop to this, all right?
236
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:00,949
I don't want my mom
with a guy
237
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:04,233
who uses his Martini olives
to put nipples on dinner rolls.
238
00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:06,433
Good, you're engaged.
I like that.
239
00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:07,837
I have a strained relationship
with my father,
240
00:11:07,872 --> 00:11:10,006
and I cannot lose him again
to another wicked stepmother.
241
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,177
Hey, my mom is not...
242
00:11:11,178 --> 00:11:14,042
Well, actually, I can see how you
might come to that conclusion.
243
00:11:18,165 --> 00:11:21,701
Okay, I'm here,
and now I'm late.
244
00:11:21,752 --> 00:11:24,152
- What did you have to tell me?
- Sit down.
245
00:11:25,045 --> 00:11:28,081
I'm gonna say this
as nicely as possible, okay?
246
00:11:28,342 --> 00:11:30,860
Please don't see Lee tonight
247
00:11:30,895 --> 00:11:36,057
because he is vile, crude,
boorish, and I hate him.
248
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,485
I'm seeing Lee tonight.
249
00:11:38,536 --> 00:11:41,650
Then promise me you won't move
things along too quickly.
250
00:11:41,691 --> 00:11:44,310
Does sleeping with him
count as "too quickly"?
251
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,075
Yes.
252
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:48,913
- Oh, don't be such a prude.
- I'm not a prude.
253
00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:52,044
Look, if you really wanna have
"sehhh" with some "mehhh,"
254
00:11:52,101 --> 00:11:54,284
then I don't have a problem
with that, all right?
255
00:11:54,285 --> 00:11:56,185
But I think you deserve better
than this guy.
256
00:11:56,203 --> 00:11:58,655
Look, I know Lee is crass
on the outside,
257
00:11:58,689 --> 00:12:00,790
but inside, he's intelligent,
he's interesting,
258
00:12:00,824 --> 00:12:03,176
he can dance,
and if he's good in the sack,
259
00:12:03,177 --> 00:12:05,417
I'm riding this train
as far as it goes.
260
00:12:07,232 --> 00:12:09,957
- Hello, Lorna. You look nice.
- Thank you, Max.
261
00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:13,563
Now, see, this one is polite
and he minds his own business.
262
00:12:14,097 --> 00:12:15,964
Please don't marry my daddy.
263
00:12:18,231 --> 00:12:20,082
Sean, you said you were going
to put a stop to this,
264
00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:23,311
and yet father says tonight he's going
to throw a hump into your mother.
265
00:12:23,964 --> 00:12:26,015
You could have said,
"Make love to my mother"...
266
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,605
Actually, that's not
sitting well either.
267
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:30,553
My point is,
father is leaving town tomorrow.
268
00:12:30,571 --> 00:12:32,288
If we can stop them
from consummating tonight,
269
00:12:32,306 --> 00:12:34,390
it'll buy us time to think
of a more long-term solution.
270
00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:35,708
How do we keep them apart?
271
00:12:35,743 --> 00:12:38,511
My mom's practically got
landing lights on her thighs.
272
00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:40,597
I've been scheming.
273
00:12:40,631 --> 00:12:42,086
And...?
274
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,417
I've come up with nothing.
275
00:12:44,451 --> 00:12:45,385
Oh, God.
276
00:12:45,419 --> 00:12:47,420
They're gonna go to dinner.
They'll go back to his room.
277
00:12:47,454 --> 00:12:48,805
He will take
his "boom boom" pills,
278
00:12:48,839 --> 00:12:51,656
which he says
puts the hustle in his muscle,
279
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,109
and then you and I
will will end up
280
00:12:53,143 --> 00:12:55,507
wearing matching sailor suits
in a family portrait.
281
00:12:55,829 --> 00:12:58,381
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What if
he doesn't have his boom boom pills?
282
00:12:58,415 --> 00:13:01,467
Do the math.
No boom boom.
283
00:13:01,502 --> 00:13:03,736
Right, so what if we go
to his hotel room
284
00:13:03,771 --> 00:13:05,405
while they're at dinner
and steal his pills?
285
00:13:05,406 --> 00:13:08,679
And maybe some fancy shampoos and
a shower cap, because they expect that.
286
00:13:08,926 --> 00:13:11,260
That's great.
This is a fantastic idea.
287
00:13:11,278 --> 00:13:14,102
I feel like we should hit our fists
together and make an exploding sound.
288
00:13:14,298 --> 00:13:16,766
Let's... let's see
how the evening goes first.
289
00:13:23,924 --> 00:13:27,110
El cuarto del ba?o
es la capital de los huevos.
290
00:13:29,346 --> 00:13:32,148
My Spanish isn't great,
but I think you just said,
291
00:13:32,182 --> 00:13:35,459
"The bathroom
is the capital of eggs."
292
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:38,404
Also, that maid was Polish.
293
00:13:38,439 --> 00:13:41,599
She understood the $4
I slipped her pretty well.
294
00:13:41,999 --> 00:13:44,501
Oh, look, there's my mom's purse.
I'm starving.
295
00:13:44,502 --> 00:13:46,102
There's got to be something
to eat in here.
296
00:13:46,105 --> 00:13:47,205
Oh, look, grapes.
297
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:49,382
Ooh, protein bar.
That looks good.
298
00:13:49,383 --> 00:13:51,951
Ooh, aleve. I've got
a splitting headache.
299
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:54,794
Ooh, a compass. You don't
see those much anymore.
300
00:13:55,306 --> 00:13:57,720
Fine, you stay here and
run errands in my mom's purse.
301
00:13:57,721 --> 00:13:59,172
I'll look for the Viagra.
302
00:13:59,326 --> 00:14:01,577
In a million years, did you
ever see our parents doing this?
303
00:14:01,612 --> 00:14:02,712
No.
304
00:14:02,713 --> 00:14:04,080
I didn't think
there was a woman alive
305
00:14:04,114 --> 00:14:06,119
who could keep my dad
away from the Asians.
306
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:08,551
Ooh, ooh, I found them!
307
00:14:09,069 --> 00:14:12,388
Get the keycard out of my pocket,
sweetheart. My hands are full.
308
00:14:12,422 --> 00:14:13,356
[Laughs]
309
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:15,091
- Full of me.
- Mm...
310
00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:20,149
Quick, the bathroom! We'll hide
behind the shower curtain.
311
00:14:20,848 --> 00:14:24,094
There's no shower curtain.
It's all beveled glass. It's so gorgeous.
312
00:14:24,768 --> 00:14:28,004
- This card doesn't work.
- That's my credit card, sweetheart.
313
00:14:28,022 --> 00:14:30,890
Oh, well,
I'll just keep that.
314
00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:33,374
- The closet! The closet!
- The closet, go.
315
00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:36,438
[Keycard scanner beeps]
316
00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:41,744
Good meal, good wine,
now let's have a good time.
317
00:14:42,453 --> 00:14:44,237
Phew, that was close.
318
00:14:44,288 --> 00:14:46,588
Yeah, lucky us.
319
00:14:46,589 --> 00:14:49,742
Now we have a front-row seat
to the worst show ever.
320
00:14:53,303 --> 00:14:57,628
I liked the way you shredded that waiter
tonight for not refilling our breadbasket.
321
00:14:57,646 --> 00:15:00,431
Well, how dare he tell us
we've had enough pretzel rolls?
322
00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:01,687
Mm.
323
00:15:01,688 --> 00:15:04,973
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go freshen up.
324
00:15:05,015 --> 00:15:08,139
Oh, don't be long.
Seriously, don't be long.
325
00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:10,058
I've had champagne,
and without a little action,
326
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,844
I'll be asleep in, like,
four or five minutes.
327
00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:18,871
- I'm feeling a little bit weird.
- Don't worry, we'll be out of here soon.
328
00:15:18,905 --> 00:15:22,441
Your dad won't find his pills, the evening
will go South, and my mom will leave.
329
00:15:22,442 --> 00:15:24,693
Yes, and then father will fall asleep
and we will sneak out.
330
00:15:24,744 --> 00:15:27,880
Yeah. Quick question.
He only uses pills, right?
331
00:15:27,914 --> 00:15:29,948
There's no backup steam pump
or anything?
332
00:15:29,966 --> 00:15:35,053
No, no. He briefly dabbled in shots, but
brother, you got to really want it.
333
00:15:35,455 --> 00:15:37,339
- Damn it.
- What's the matter?
334
00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:39,124
There's no gentlemanly way
to say this,
335
00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:42,277
but I seem to have misplaced
my engorgement pills.
336
00:15:43,129 --> 00:15:46,265
LORNA: Oh, that's okay.
I have some.
337
00:15:46,299 --> 00:15:47,799
Oh.
338
00:15:47,817 --> 00:15:50,969
Here they are.
A girl is always prepared.
339
00:15:50,987 --> 00:15:54,030
Lady,
I want you in my bunker.
340
00:15:54,807 --> 00:15:56,442
But this is an aleve bottle.
341
00:15:56,476 --> 00:16:00,996
Yes, I keep them in there so my son won't
find them when he's looking for grapes.
342
00:16:01,364 --> 00:16:03,699
Wait a minute. You took
some of those pills.
343
00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,701
Yes, which explains
the weird feeling I'm having
344
00:16:05,752 --> 00:16:08,287
which has traveled South and
turned into a raging predicament.
345
00:16:08,321 --> 00:16:10,922
- Oh, are you freaking serious?
- Yes, Sean.
346
00:16:10,924 --> 00:16:13,606
I'm afraid I'm trapped in a closet
with an erection that just won't quit.
347
00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:14,807
[Groans]
348
00:16:15,011 --> 00:16:17,664
You just described
how I spent my 20s.
349
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,352
So, Jake,
I hope you're okay
350
00:16:23,386 --> 00:16:25,721
with missing the party tonight
and coming here instead.
351
00:16:25,772 --> 00:16:27,055
Are you kidding?
352
00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:29,775
I was only going to that party
to hang out with you.
353
00:16:29,809 --> 00:16:31,193
- Really?
- Yeah.
354
00:16:31,227 --> 00:16:34,162
Plus, this is, like, the best
cheeseburger I've ever had.
355
00:16:36,616 --> 00:16:39,554
This is, like, the best
cheeseburger I've ever had.
356
00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:41,820
I know this was all
Sean's idea,
357
00:16:41,854 --> 00:16:44,406
but I still feel pretty good
about how we handled it.
358
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,076
Yeah, Sean may have solved the problem,
but who threw it in his lap?
359
00:16:48,127 --> 00:16:49,726
Both: Us.
360
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:54,082
Sean, I don't want you to be alarmed,
but I may have to unbuckle my pants.
361
00:16:54,117 --> 00:16:56,627
They're new,
and I don't want to rip them.
362
00:16:57,441 --> 00:17:00,409
Okay, okay,
I am alarmed.
363
00:17:00,691 --> 00:17:03,416
Try thinking
of something horrible, like...
364
00:17:03,557 --> 00:17:05,811
Flesh-eating bacteria.
365
00:17:05,845 --> 00:17:08,180
You know who's attractive?
Keira Knightley.
366
00:17:08,214 --> 00:17:09,348
[Cell phone rings]
367
00:17:09,382 --> 00:17:11,333
What's that?
368
00:17:12,704 --> 00:17:14,608
I'm getting a text.
369
00:17:15,347 --> 00:17:18,015
Aw, Liz sent me
a picture of Ellie.
370
00:17:18,016 --> 00:17:20,576
- She's on her first date with a boy.
- Who cares?
371
00:17:20,610 --> 00:17:22,652
Thanks to those pills,
so am I.
372
00:17:26,163 --> 00:17:30,116
- It's our idiot kids.
- Oh, my God.
373
00:17:30,503 --> 00:17:33,355
- Let's screw with their heads.
- Let's.
374
00:17:33,756 --> 00:17:36,496
Lady, why don't you
take that dress off?
375
00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:39,419
Or better yet, let me rip it off
with my teeth.
376
00:17:40,129 --> 00:17:42,180
[Laughs]
Do it, you beast.
377
00:17:42,215 --> 00:17:46,051
And then when you're done with me,
I'll stagger home in my robe.
378
00:17:47,498 --> 00:17:49,721
I can't listen to that
and have you like this.
379
00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:52,441
Stop moving around. I can feel
the wind hitting my area.
380
00:17:52,475 --> 00:17:53,442
[Shudders]
381
00:17:53,476 --> 00:17:56,778
I have to get out of here.
Attention, naked parents!
382
00:17:56,813 --> 00:17:58,814
There are children in here.
383
00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:00,315
Dismount!
384
00:18:00,366 --> 00:18:02,224
We're coming out.
385
00:18:02,669 --> 00:18:05,673
We knew you were in there,
you weirdos.
386
00:18:06,739 --> 00:18:08,224
Oh.
387
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:13,128
[Laughs]
388
00:18:13,162 --> 00:18:15,254
That's funny!
This is funny, huh?
389
00:18:15,255 --> 00:18:18,272
Come on,
let's all laugh about it.
390
00:18:19,452 --> 00:18:21,676
That was lonely.
391
00:18:22,255 --> 00:18:25,673
- Son, come out.
- No, thank you.
392
00:18:25,901 --> 00:18:28,021
I can't believe you.
393
00:18:29,062 --> 00:18:32,575
Well, I can't believe myself.
394
00:18:32,899 --> 00:18:36,852
I hope I've learned
a valuable lesson from tonight.
395
00:18:36,903 --> 00:18:39,771
And no ice cream for me.
396
00:18:39,805 --> 00:18:42,407
You always complain
that I butt into your life,
397
00:18:42,442 --> 00:18:44,309
and then you come over here
and do...
398
00:18:44,327 --> 00:18:47,488
- What exactly are you doing?
- Making a big mistake.
399
00:18:47,489 --> 00:18:50,916
But it's hard not to get involved in the
life of someone you care about and...
400
00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:53,335
Oh, my God,
I sound like you.
401
00:18:53,369 --> 00:18:55,153
My sweet boy.
402
00:18:55,171 --> 00:18:58,156
Look what you went through
to protect your mother.
403
00:18:58,174 --> 00:19:00,992
I've always wanted
this kind of devotion.
404
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:02,982
But not tonight.
405
00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:06,617
I was looking forward to trying
that thing with the tie.
406
00:19:06,618 --> 00:19:07,935
[Groans]
407
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,268
I'm sorry also, father.
408
00:19:10,303 --> 00:19:12,662
Way to go, dill weed.
409
00:19:12,889 --> 00:19:14,690
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
this whole thing happened
410
00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:16,141
because you were so cold
to your son,
411
00:19:16,175 --> 00:19:17,643
he was afraid to ask you
for a favor.
412
00:19:17,677 --> 00:19:22,180
Yeah, why can't you show Max
some love, you mean old moose?
413
00:19:22,198 --> 00:19:25,534
My son disappoints me constantly,
but I love him.
414
00:19:25,568 --> 00:19:27,703
All right.
415
00:19:27,737 --> 00:19:30,539
Max, I know I don't show it,
416
00:19:30,573 --> 00:19:35,527
but sometimes I suppose
I love you.
417
00:19:38,348 --> 00:19:41,006
So come out here
and give your dad a hug.
418
00:19:41,551 --> 00:19:44,219
I've been waiting my entire life
to hear that, father.
419
00:19:44,253 --> 00:19:46,512
But you know what?
I'll call you.
420
00:19:52,205 --> 00:19:54,373
So we could play cards,
421
00:19:54,407 --> 00:19:58,961
or backgammon,
or cribbage,
422
00:19:59,268 --> 00:20:02,247
or you could just have
a pomegranate.
423
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:07,419
Mom, if you want, I'm fine
with you going back to the hotel
424
00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:11,340
and having you know what
with you know who.
425
00:20:11,358 --> 00:20:14,310
It's all right, dear. I'll see him
the next time he's here.
426
00:20:14,344 --> 00:20:17,196
You know, with you in that closet
and Max in that state,
427
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:19,181
let's just say
you know how to turn a gal off.
428
00:20:19,199 --> 00:20:20,366
[Clicks tongue]
429
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,201
You know what I'm saying?
430
00:20:22,235 --> 00:20:26,233
I think Max wins the award for most
sexually scarred by the evening.
431
00:20:26,234 --> 00:20:28,118
I wonder how he's doing.
432
00:20:38,551 --> 00:20:40,970
I'm sorry to wake you, father.
I thought you were asleep.
433
00:20:41,004 --> 00:20:43,004
That's okay, son.
434
00:20:43,773 --> 00:20:47,408
Well, if I wasn't proud of you before,
I certainly am now.
435
00:20:51,643 --> 00:20:54,643
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
436
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,104
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
437
00:20:58,154 --> 00:21:02,704
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35801
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.