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1
00:00:00,450 --> 00:00:03,138
(Car door slams)
2
00:00:03,172 --> 00:00:07,009
Johnny: So, this is the town limits?
3
00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:10,512
Ray: Yes sir, 4,500 acres that
ends right here at the town sign.
4
00:00:10,546 --> 00:00:13,415
And it's all yours, Johnny,
it must be a nice feeling,
5
00:00:13,449 --> 00:00:15,616
considering you don't have a lot right now.
6
00:00:15,651 --> 00:00:17,285
You know, because of the
crooked business manager.
7
00:00:17,319 --> 00:00:18,386
You know, the money scandal...
8
00:00:18,421 --> 00:00:20,855
Yes, I know, I know, I know, Ray.
9
00:00:23,325 --> 00:00:24,559
What the hell is this?!
10
00:00:24,593 --> 00:00:26,794
Ray: The town sign.
11
00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:29,430
Johnny: Is this the real
sign, or the joke sign?
12
00:00:29,464 --> 00:00:30,898
Ray: What do you mean?
13
00:00:30,933 --> 00:00:33,467
Johnny: You don't see
anything wrong with this?
14
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,603
The man!
15
00:00:35,637 --> 00:00:38,272
Standing awfully close to
that woman, wouldn't you say?
16
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,575
Johnny: Well, he's holding on to her
so she doesn't fall into the creek.
17
00:00:40,609 --> 00:00:42,909
Johnny: Look a little closer, Ray.
18
00:00:42,944 --> 00:00:45,312
Ray: Well, it need a little sprucing up.
19
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,114
- Johnny: Sprucing up?!
- Ray: It's very popular,
20
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,715
people come from all over
to take a picture with it.
21
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,417
Johnny: I'll bet they do!
22
00:00:50,452 --> 00:00:53,220
You know what? This is coming down!
23
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,854
Ray: That's the mayor's family up there!
24
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,124
The sign's been here over forty years.
25
00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:01,327
Johnny: And you wonder
why this place won't sell?
26
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:04,864
Oh, I think I see it now.
His shoulders are too big.
27
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,033
Johnny: Get in the car, Ray.
28
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:14,740
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
29
00:01:16,965 --> 00:01:19,200
(Door creaks open) Moira?
30
00:01:19,234 --> 00:01:21,202
Boy, we've got our work cut out for us.
31
00:01:21,236 --> 00:01:23,304
But I've seen worse.
32
00:01:23,338 --> 00:01:25,439
It's not a problem.
33
00:01:25,474 --> 00:01:27,475
Moira?
34
00:01:27,509 --> 00:01:30,711
Moira: (Slurred) They
dare to call me irrelevant?
35
00:01:33,114 --> 00:01:35,482
Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant!
36
00:01:37,852 --> 00:01:39,553
L.A. is irrelevant...
37
00:01:43,191 --> 00:01:46,326
I am relevant!
38
00:01:51,365 --> 00:01:54,201
"Good riddance," is what they said.
39
00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:55,669
Oh, who said that, sweetheart?
40
00:01:55,703 --> 00:01:58,672
Moira: I don't know!
41
00:01:58,706 --> 00:02:03,008
They're no name commentors.
42
00:02:03,009 --> 00:02:06,412
- Tormentors.
- Are we having a bad day, honey?
43
00:02:06,536 --> 00:02:08,771
Moira: Anonymous.
44
00:02:08,806 --> 00:02:12,408
Ominous.
45
00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:14,543
That'll be fine, thank you.
46
00:02:14,577 --> 00:02:19,849
I'm afraid I don't have
a gratuity right now.
47
00:02:19,883 --> 00:02:22,818
Alexis: So, that guy from the other night.
48
00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,253
- He's not for me, right?
- David: What guy?
49
00:02:25,288 --> 00:02:28,590
That beardy guy that I kissed at the party.
50
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:31,694
He's gross, right? Like,
that's not a thing for me.
51
00:02:31,728 --> 00:02:34,898
There wasn't like, a spark or anything.
52
00:02:35,332 --> 00:02:37,665
You mean the hitchhiker that was
burning meat over a garbage can?
53
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,868
Yeah, that one.
54
00:02:39,902 --> 00:02:42,003
Have you seen your mother today?
55
00:02:42,038 --> 00:02:43,438
Um yeah, she was face down on the carpet
56
00:02:43,472 --> 00:02:45,440
before dragging herself into the closet.
57
00:02:45,474 --> 00:02:47,742
And you didn't say anything?!
58
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:50,578
I thought she was maybe looking
for a contact or something.
59
00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,180
Johnny: Yeah, she googled herself again,
60
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:55,149
now she's having one of her "things."
61
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,684
How bad is it?
62
00:02:56,719 --> 00:02:58,653
Johnny: How bad is it? A solid seven.
63
00:02:58,687 --> 00:03:00,888
It's not an eight, which
seems manageable for you.
64
00:03:00,922 --> 00:03:02,724
Johnny: Well, except I've got a
few things I have to take care of,
65
00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:04,559
so I need you two to go in, and take...
66
00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:06,761
No, I did Saint-Tropez, so.
67
00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:09,230
David: And I did her
birthday, and Aspen twice.
68
00:03:09,264 --> 00:03:10,931
Johnny: And I'm trying to sell this town.
69
00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:14,034
So, if you kids want any
chance of getting out of here,
70
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,436
you'll help me out, and go
in and look after your mother!
71
00:03:16,471 --> 00:03:18,339
Well, my horoscope said
that I shouldn't assume
72
00:03:18,373 --> 00:03:20,474
responsibility for
anybody but myself today.
73
00:03:20,508 --> 00:03:21,942
Johnny: Yeah, and my horoscope says,
74
00:03:21,977 --> 00:03:26,313
why don't you go in and help your mother!
75
00:03:26,348 --> 00:03:27,814
And don't let her out of your sight, okay?
76
00:03:27,849 --> 00:03:29,182
We don't want her detonating in public!
77
00:03:29,716 --> 00:03:31,818
Alexis: I know!
78
00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:34,654
Though it is kind of fun to watch, though.
79
00:03:34,689 --> 00:03:36,390
Not when you're the one she's
trying to back over with a car.
80
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,392
What's that?
81
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,026
- David: Eye cream.
- Johnny: From where?
82
00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:41,561
David: From Paris.
83
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,496
How did you pay for it?
84
00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:45,431
David: Oh, one of my credit
cards is still working.
85
00:03:45,465 --> 00:03:47,233
Johnny: Oh, you're charging
things to your credit card?!
86
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:50,136
I see, and how are you gonna pay for it?
87
00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:54,908
David: I don't think you
understand, I already have it.
88
00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:57,810
Well, I know this is a
bizarre concept for you, David,
89
00:03:57,844 --> 00:04:01,013
but if you want cream
from Paris, you need a job,
90
00:04:01,047 --> 00:04:04,850
so you can pay for the cream from Paris!
91
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:07,586
Okay well, tell that to the
bags under my eyes, then.
92
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:09,254
Johnny: And right after
you tell your next joke,
93
00:04:09,289 --> 00:04:10,656
I want you to go down to the front desk,
94
00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:11,824
and ask what's-her-name...
95
00:04:11,858 --> 00:04:13,026
Stevie.
96
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,695
Johnny: Where you can get a
job around here! All right?
97
00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:17,896
I'm in the middle getting
rid of an x-rated sign,
98
00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:20,699
before it scares off the few
buyers we might actually have!
99
00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:23,668
Okay, I'll get on that.
100
00:04:23,703 --> 00:04:26,839
Johnny: You want the smooth under
eyes of a 16-year-old, get a job!
101
00:04:29,175 --> 00:04:30,909
(Door slams)
102
00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:33,077
You just need to relax, because
it's not like your boyfriend left you
103
00:04:33,111 --> 00:04:35,980
for a Scandinavian flight attendant!
104
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:38,850
What kind of name is Kika anyway?
105
00:04:38,884 --> 00:04:40,485
I'm the one that should be in
the closet right now, not you.
106
00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:42,620
Moira: Help me out.
107
00:04:42,655 --> 00:04:44,456
- Moira: Help me!
- Alexis: Okay!
108
00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:47,892
- Moira: Oh, shhh!
- My foot's fallen asleep.
109
00:04:47,926 --> 00:04:51,128
Hey, shall we see what they're
saying about you and Stavros?
110
00:04:51,163 --> 00:04:54,598
Alexis: No! Moira: It's not my idea!
111
00:04:54,632 --> 00:04:56,667
Moira: You were a couple of doe eyed lovers
112
00:04:56,701 --> 00:05:01,339
aboard a trans-Atlantic
airship filled with gas!
113
00:05:01,373 --> 00:05:02,473
Alexis: You know what I think we should do?
114
00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,275
I think we should go get something to eat,
115
00:05:04,309 --> 00:05:07,043
because when you're eating you
can't be talking to me, okay?
116
00:05:07,078 --> 00:05:08,846
- Moira: You know what I think?
- Alexis: What?
117
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,248
(Snorts like a pig)
118
00:05:11,282 --> 00:05:14,818
You date pigs.
119
00:05:14,853 --> 00:05:17,755
Okay, I just remembered that being
a mother is not your strong suit.
120
00:05:17,789 --> 00:05:22,292
Oh darling, I'm only telling
you because it's true!
121
00:05:22,326 --> 00:05:23,559
Alexis: And because you
gobbled down a hundred thousand
122
00:05:23,594 --> 00:05:25,561
anti-depressants this morning.
123
00:05:25,596 --> 00:05:29,599
Moira: I was hungry! But I could still eat.
124
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:30,500
(Stapler clicks)
125
00:05:35,439 --> 00:05:37,774
David: Hi, um... question.
126
00:05:37,808 --> 00:05:42,845
If one were to theoretically look for a job
127
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,749
here in Schitt's Creek, where would you...
128
00:05:46,784 --> 00:05:49,819
suggest that that person go to look?
129
00:05:49,853 --> 00:05:52,187
Is there, like, a bulletin
board or a pamphlet,
130
00:05:52,222 --> 00:05:53,689
or something with information on it?
131
00:05:53,724 --> 00:05:55,958
Stevie: No, no bulletin board...
132
00:05:55,992 --> 00:05:58,294
What kind of job are you looking for?
133
00:05:58,328 --> 00:06:01,530
David: Um, something in like, art
curating, or trend forecasting.
134
00:06:01,564 --> 00:06:04,733
Stevie: Oh, okay... um, hmmm, let's see.
135
00:06:04,767 --> 00:06:07,569
Not seeing anything in art curating,
136
00:06:07,603 --> 00:06:09,838
or trend forecasting, that's weird.
137
00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:11,673
David: Okay.
138
00:06:11,757 --> 00:06:14,158
Um, do you have any other
skills or areas of expertise?
139
00:06:14,193 --> 00:06:16,260
I've been told I have really good taste.
140
00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:17,856
Oh, well, that's good.
141
00:06:17,890 --> 00:06:21,026
Um, let's see... Oh!
142
00:06:21,060 --> 00:06:23,762
Bag boy at the grocery store.
143
00:06:23,796 --> 00:06:25,096
I don't know what that is.
144
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,465
You put groceries in bags,
145
00:06:27,499 --> 00:06:28,832
so that people can carry their groceries
146
00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:31,969
out of the grocery store.
147
00:06:32,003 --> 00:06:35,206
Okay, and how much do
you think that would pay?
148
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,809
Mmm, I'm gonna say minimum wage.
149
00:06:38,843 --> 00:06:41,212
Johnny: Which is what, forty,
forty-five something an hour?
150
00:06:41,246 --> 00:06:44,915
- Mmm-hmm, exactly.
- David: Okay. Okay!
151
00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,283
Um, well, something to think about.
152
00:06:46,317 --> 00:06:48,318
For sure, thank you.
153
00:06:48,352 --> 00:06:51,655
Stevie: You're welcome.
154
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:55,993
Moira: I would like two apple fritters,
155
00:06:56,027 --> 00:06:59,229
sliver of pecan pie, large
fries with gravy and bacon!
156
00:07:01,999 --> 00:07:04,434
Alexis: Okay, so, she will
have scrambled egg whites
157
00:07:04,469 --> 00:07:06,470
and some steamed spinach,
please, thank you.
158
00:07:06,504 --> 00:07:10,773
Moira: And some pecan pie!
Onion rings, and ice cream!
159
00:07:10,808 --> 00:07:12,809
Actually, none of that, and
I will have a tea, thank you.
160
00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:15,245
Okay.
161
00:07:15,279 --> 00:07:18,514
Um, Mrs. Rose, are you
okay? You seem a bit...
162
00:07:18,548 --> 00:07:21,718
- Alexis: Mm-hmm, she's fine.
- Moira: I'm fine.
163
00:07:21,752 --> 00:07:23,586
(Bell on door jingles)
164
00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,832
Alexis: Um...
165
00:07:36,866 --> 00:07:38,700
Hey! Stay here, okay? Don't move!
166
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:46,275
Oh wow, I'm really bored.
167
00:07:48,612 --> 00:07:50,279
Hey! Hey! Hey you! Hey!
168
00:07:52,281 --> 00:07:54,382
Hey, so I just wanted to be clear
169
00:07:54,416 --> 00:07:56,051
about what happened the other night.
170
00:07:56,085 --> 00:07:57,719
The reason that I let you kiss me.
171
00:07:57,754 --> 00:08:00,488
Um, you kissed me.
172
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,357
Yeah, no, I can see how
that would be confusing,
173
00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:04,592
but I just wanted to let you know
174
00:08:04,627 --> 00:08:08,095
that that was just me
going through some stuff.
175
00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:09,764
Cool.
176
00:08:09,798 --> 00:08:11,899
Um, hey!
177
00:08:11,933 --> 00:08:15,036
So, why do they give you table scraps?
178
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:17,071
Are you, like, a poor person, or?
179
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,442
Uh, no, but thanks for asking.
180
00:08:21,477 --> 00:08:23,444
No, I use it to compost.
181
00:08:23,479 --> 00:08:26,313
You know, that way nothing gets thrown out.
182
00:08:26,347 --> 00:08:28,315
Composting?
183
00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:31,085
Yeah, no, I... I know composting.
184
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:35,089
Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does
a compost gift exchange.
185
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,792
I'm gonna go.
186
00:08:37,826 --> 00:08:40,727
Alexis: Okay, great, I'm glad
that we could clear this up.
187
00:08:40,761 --> 00:08:47,100
188
00:08:52,507 --> 00:08:54,308
Bob: Speak of the devil.
189
00:08:54,342 --> 00:08:56,009
Good morning.
190
00:08:56,043 --> 00:08:59,312
- Ray! Hi.
- Ray: Hi.
191
00:08:59,346 --> 00:09:00,914
Johnny: I... I just stopped
by to make an appointment
192
00:09:00,948 --> 00:09:02,882
to see the town council.
193
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,784
Bob: You're looking at us.
194
00:09:04,819 --> 00:09:07,987
I'm Bob, that's Ronnie, you know Ray.
195
00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:09,555
Johnny: Yes, yes, Ray.
196
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,225
Spent a wonderful morning with Ray.
197
00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:14,493
Well, I can see you've got a
million things on your plate,
198
00:09:14,528 --> 00:09:17,496
so I'll get to the point,
it's about the town sign.
199
00:09:17,531 --> 00:09:19,031
I told you he wouldn't let this go!
200
00:09:19,065 --> 00:09:21,200
(Ray and Bob chuckle)
201
00:09:21,235 --> 00:09:24,670
The sign tells people what to
expect when they're in town.
202
00:09:24,705 --> 00:09:27,072
Do you have a problem with that message?
203
00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:29,775
A major problem, Bob.
204
00:09:29,809 --> 00:09:32,010
Yeah, you see, it's the first
thing you see when you drive in,
205
00:09:32,045 --> 00:09:34,412
and as the owner of the town,
206
00:09:34,447 --> 00:09:38,851
I'd like to convey a better, cleaner image.
207
00:09:38,885 --> 00:09:41,153
There's a lot of history
in that sign, Johnny.
208
00:09:41,243 --> 00:09:43,077
Schitt history.
209
00:09:43,112 --> 00:09:45,213
Ronnie: That's all we need,
210
00:09:45,247 --> 00:09:47,748
some outsider coming in
here and changing everything.
211
00:09:47,783 --> 00:09:50,651
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
212
00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:55,155
(Fork clinks)
213
00:09:58,092 --> 00:09:59,827
- Hello, Moira!
- Moira: (Gasps) Hi!
214
00:10:02,597 --> 00:10:03,897
How are you?
215
00:10:03,932 --> 00:10:07,301
I'm eating egg whites,
216
00:10:07,335 --> 00:10:10,437
and hoping the building will collapse.
217
00:10:10,471 --> 00:10:12,739
Anyways, I have a giant favour.
218
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:20,380
My class is putting on a play for
the younger grades, and I just...
219
00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:23,015
thought that you'd be perfect,
220
00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:25,454
you know, to help coach the kids.
221
00:10:27,488 --> 00:10:30,390
Because they'd be thrilled
to have someone like you,
222
00:10:30,424 --> 00:10:36,622
an actual star... teach them?
223
00:10:37,597 --> 00:10:40,499
That must have taken such
courage to ask me that.
224
00:10:44,838 --> 00:10:48,140
But in show business boldness is rewarded,
225
00:10:48,175 --> 00:10:50,042
so my answer is yes.
226
00:10:50,077 --> 00:10:52,811
Yes, yes!
227
00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:55,746
- That is such good news!
- (Bleep), I know!
228
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:07,813
So, how'd it go?
229
00:11:07,848 --> 00:11:10,682
I met with a woman at a
very sad grocery store,
230
00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:14,753
and I have a quote unquote
interview to be a bag boy.
231
00:11:14,787 --> 00:11:18,023
Johnny: Hey, that's great!
232
00:11:18,058 --> 00:11:20,359
David: That's all that I'm
apparently qualified to be.
233
00:11:20,393 --> 00:11:21,393
When's the interview?
234
00:11:21,428 --> 00:11:22,961
This afternoon.
235
00:11:22,995 --> 00:11:24,696
Well, the interview's where you make
236
00:11:24,730 --> 00:11:25,964
your first good impression,
so, it's gotta count.
237
00:11:25,998 --> 00:11:27,365
I'm interviewing to be a bag boy,
238
00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:29,167
not a personal injury lawyer.
239
00:11:29,201 --> 00:11:32,236
David, I've had enough people
hire enough people in my day
240
00:11:32,271 --> 00:11:34,539
to know exactly what they're
looking for in an interview,
241
00:11:34,574 --> 00:11:36,975
so, let's go! Let's get up.
242
00:11:37,109 --> 00:11:38,877
(Claps)
243
00:11:38,911 --> 00:11:40,679
For what?
244
00:11:40,713 --> 00:11:42,413
(Knocking)
245
00:11:42,447 --> 00:11:43,714
Come in!
246
00:11:46,518 --> 00:11:50,054
Ah, David Rose.
247
00:11:50,088 --> 00:11:52,089
You're applying for the bag boy position.
248
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:53,624
David: Yeah.
249
00:11:53,659 --> 00:11:55,759
Johnny: Tell me David,
why do you want this job?
250
00:11:55,794 --> 00:11:57,662
I don't want this job.
251
00:11:57,696 --> 00:12:00,463
Well, thank you very much,
and don't expect a phone call!
252
00:12:00,498 --> 00:12:01,932
- David: Okay.
- Johnny: All right, do it right!
253
00:12:01,966 --> 00:12:03,567
Or let's not do it.
254
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,669
Now, we're gonna start again.
255
00:12:05,704 --> 00:12:07,604
- David: Okay.
- Johnny: Tell me, David, why do you want this job?
256
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:09,573
I ran out of eye cream.
257
00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:10,674
Okay, you're not gonna get this job.
258
00:12:10,709 --> 00:12:12,009
You're not gonna get this job!
259
00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:14,511
You know why? Your attitude sucks!
260
00:12:14,545 --> 00:12:15,778
- David: Okay...
- Johnny: And look at how you're dressed!
261
00:12:15,813 --> 00:12:18,715
Johnny: What is this?! Colostomy bag pants!
262
00:12:18,749 --> 00:12:20,450
I'm the manager of a
family run grocery store.
263
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:22,619
I'm not gonna hire you!
264
00:12:22,653 --> 00:12:24,987
You're not gonna get the
job, you're the last person...
265
00:12:25,022 --> 00:12:26,623
- David: Okay!
- Johnny: Where's your mother?
266
00:12:26,657 --> 00:12:28,157
Alexis: Whew!
267
00:12:28,192 --> 00:12:30,126
- Where's your mother?
- Alexis: What?
268
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,128
- Aaaaaah!
- Alexis: Aaah? What?!
269
00:12:32,162 --> 00:12:34,363
- Johnny: Where's your mother?!
- Alexis: She's with Jocelyn.
270
00:12:34,397 --> 00:12:36,699
- Johnny: With Jocelyn?
- Alexis: She's fine!
271
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:37,967
And I'm fine too, if anybody cares.
272
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:39,902
I told you to watch her!
273
00:12:39,937 --> 00:12:41,104
Alexis: I did watch her!
274
00:12:41,138 --> 00:12:43,372
I watched her talk to Jocelyn.
275
00:12:43,406 --> 00:12:46,475
(Sighs deeply)
276
00:12:46,545 --> 00:12:50,181
Moira: Okay, how many of
you beautiful young things
277
00:12:50,215 --> 00:12:51,316
have a background in the theater?
278
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,184
Raise your swords!
279
00:12:57,189 --> 00:13:01,359
I see, a class grounded
in realism, nice work.
280
00:13:01,394 --> 00:13:03,127
Because that is where
we find our deepest well.
281
00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:06,397
May I be up front?
282
00:13:06,431 --> 00:13:09,466
Jocelyn: Yes.
283
00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:11,803
We're not here to play, or to have fun!
284
00:13:15,073 --> 00:13:17,141
You will work until it hurts!
285
00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,713
(Horn honks)
286
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:24,881
Hey, come here a second!
287
00:13:24,916 --> 00:13:27,618
Hey, just the man I wanna see!
288
00:13:27,652 --> 00:13:30,253
So word on the street is
that you're all freaked out
289
00:13:30,288 --> 00:13:33,056
about the town sign, is that right?
290
00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:35,492
No, no, I'm not freaked out
about the town sign, I just...
291
00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:38,962
And that you have some sort
of problem with my family,
292
00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:40,463
- Roland: ... Or something, is that it?!
- Johnny: No, no, no, this is not about your family.
293
00:13:40,497 --> 00:13:42,098
- Roland: Oh, it's not?
- Johnny: It's not about your family.
294
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:42,665
- Roland: Oh, really? Okay, interesting.
- Johnny: No, no, no.
295
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:44,301
In the car, come on!
296
00:13:44,335 --> 00:13:48,471
In, let's go!
297
00:13:48,505 --> 00:13:50,841
Come on, Kaylee, try this.
298
00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:53,543
It's cool.
299
00:13:53,577 --> 00:13:55,345
Tiffany: I can be cool without drugs, Mark!
300
00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:56,546
Moira: Okay, stop! No one speak.
301
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:59,114
Not a word!
302
00:13:59,149 --> 00:14:01,551
(Wordless grunting)
303
00:14:01,585 --> 00:14:03,786
It's not your fault, the script is garbage!
304
00:14:03,821 --> 00:14:05,788
Okay, which one of you wrote this?
305
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:11,827
Jocelyn: I did.
306
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:14,230
Jocelyn, have you ever
been addicted to drugs?
307
00:14:14,264 --> 00:14:16,565
No!
308
00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:18,667
Then write what you know, okay?
309
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,535
The quiet suffering of a woman
310
00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:22,571
trapped in a relationship with a simpleton.
311
00:14:22,605 --> 00:14:25,440
That's not what I know Moira,
312
00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:28,943
and drug awareness is
part of the curriculum, so.
313
00:14:28,978 --> 00:14:31,212
I'm gonna work with these two.
314
00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:34,416
What is it that you want?
315
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:36,017
To go home.
316
00:14:36,051 --> 00:14:37,619
Is that where you keep the stash?
317
00:14:37,653 --> 00:14:39,621
You want the marijuana?
318
00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:41,623
Yes?
319
00:14:41,657 --> 00:14:44,625
Moira: No, you want to be
seen, and heard, and loved!
320
00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:48,263
Now, what is it you need?
321
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:54,202
It's different, be careful,
what is it you need?
322
00:14:56,571 --> 00:14:58,773
(Shouting) What is it you need?
323
00:15:01,009 --> 00:15:02,676
(Birds chirp)
324
00:15:02,711 --> 00:15:09,216
325
00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:18,091
Okay. Ahem!
326
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,526
(Knocking)
327
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:24,031
(Door creaks)
328
00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:29,169
Hey!
329
00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:32,172
Um, were you working
out or something? Or...
330
00:15:32,206 --> 00:15:35,508
Ah, sort of.
331
00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:38,711
Okay, well, I'm sorry for interrupting.
332
00:15:38,746 --> 00:15:41,180
Um, I just I happened
to be in the area, so...
333
00:15:41,214 --> 00:15:43,950
Twyla: Mutt?
334
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:46,319
Mutt: Um... just...
335
00:15:46,353 --> 00:15:48,721
Alexis!
336
00:15:48,756 --> 00:15:51,290
Twyla! (Laughs falsely)
337
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,558
I didn't know you two were uh...
338
00:15:52,592 --> 00:15:54,327
Did you wanna come in?
339
00:15:54,361 --> 00:15:55,828
I was just about to make some tea.
340
00:15:55,862 --> 00:15:58,331
Alexis: Mmm, no, I'm good.
341
00:15:58,365 --> 00:16:00,766
Uh, I should be getting back to my mom,
342
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,836
who's not well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go.
343
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:04,803
- Mutt: Okay.
- Twyla: Oh.
344
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:06,105
You guys have fun!
345
00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:07,739
Thanks!
346
00:16:07,774 --> 00:16:11,176
(Alexis laughs hollowly) Alexis: Bye!
347
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:14,880
Blaaaaah!
348
00:16:14,914 --> 00:16:18,484
Roland: That is my great
grandfather up there, Horace Schitt.
349
00:16:18,518 --> 00:16:21,186
He was a visionary, Johnny!
350
00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:23,488
He discovered this land, he developed it,
351
00:16:23,522 --> 00:16:26,057
and he turned it into the little
slice of heaven that it is.
352
00:16:26,092 --> 00:16:28,759
And I'm proud of him! You understand that?
353
00:16:28,794 --> 00:16:29,560
Roland, you've got this all wrong.
354
00:16:29,595 --> 00:16:31,596
Why do you hate me?
355
00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:33,365
I don't hate you! I don't hate you!
356
00:16:33,399 --> 00:16:34,366
Well then, why do you
have a problem with a sign
357
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,434
that celebrates my family?
358
00:16:36,469 --> 00:16:38,870
It's not, it's just the way
they're celebrating, that's all!
359
00:16:38,904 --> 00:16:40,571
Roland: Okay, so now you hate my family.
360
00:16:40,606 --> 00:16:42,540
Johnny: I don't hate your family!
361
00:16:42,574 --> 00:16:44,375
Roland: Well then, what is your
big fat problem with the sign?!
362
00:16:44,409 --> 00:16:46,076
Johnny: It looks like your
great grandfather's (Bleep)
363
00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:50,247
your great grandmother right up the ass!
364
00:16:50,281 --> 00:16:53,217
Oh my go... that is so demented!
365
00:16:53,251 --> 00:16:56,453
You can't tell me you don't see that!
366
00:16:56,488 --> 00:16:59,390
Well, you know, now that you put
that creepy thought in my head,
367
00:16:59,424 --> 00:17:02,959
sure, I... I see it, but
you got it all wrong, pal!
368
00:17:02,994 --> 00:17:05,229
Let me enlighten you, Mr. Johnny Rose!
369
00:17:05,263 --> 00:17:07,364
That isn't even Horace's wife!
370
00:17:07,399 --> 00:17:09,599
That's his sister.
371
00:17:12,504 --> 00:17:14,604
Well, how does that make it any better?
372
00:17:14,639 --> 00:17:16,673
Ohhh!
373
00:17:16,707 --> 00:17:18,842
Well, I don't know how they
do things where you come from,
374
00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,510
but around these parts,
375
00:17:20,545 --> 00:17:23,346
we don't do that sort of
thing with our sisters!
376
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:26,783
Roland, how is anybody
driving past this sign
377
00:17:26,817 --> 00:17:28,885
supposed to know the woman
getting banged from behind
378
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,421
is that man's sister?!
379
00:17:31,756 --> 00:17:35,491
- Roland: Oh my.
- Johnny: Oh my! Yes, oh my!
380
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:37,593
All right, Johnny, well I never
really looked at it that way,
381
00:17:37,627 --> 00:17:39,495
but now I get it, okay,
382
00:17:39,530 --> 00:17:41,064
well, all right, I'll
do something about it,
383
00:17:41,098 --> 00:17:43,199
I'll fix it, all right?
384
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:45,535
And thank you, thank you
for bringing that up to me.
385
00:17:45,569 --> 00:17:48,971
Johnny: Good.
386
00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:51,173
Good!
387
00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:54,944
Jocelyn, we're going off book!
388
00:17:54,978 --> 00:17:56,211
Jocelyn: Well, actually,
we're running out of time.
389
00:17:56,245 --> 00:17:59,014
Forget the lines, forget the lines!
390
00:17:59,049 --> 00:18:01,116
Let's just be in character, shall we?
391
00:18:03,752 --> 00:18:05,520
Oh, could you be stiffer?!
392
00:18:05,555 --> 00:18:07,255
Just watch, please.
393
00:18:07,290 --> 00:18:08,557
Ahem! Start wherever.
394
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,274
Um... Do you wanna smoke a joint?
395
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:15,410
Oh Mark, you are better than this.
396
00:18:15,444 --> 00:18:17,379
You can't let others define you.
397
00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:19,113
Look at me!
398
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:21,949
Never let the bastards get you down!
399
00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:24,251
- (Whispering) Can't say bastard!
- Okay.
400
00:18:24,286 --> 00:18:25,887
You must prepare for life,
401
00:18:25,921 --> 00:18:27,722
and whatever it will throw at you.
402
00:18:27,756 --> 00:18:30,091
The opportunities will diminish,
403
00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:32,293
and the ass will get bigger,
404
00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:34,028
oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will!
405
00:18:34,063 --> 00:18:35,629
Especially yours.
406
00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:37,998
You're going to have a huge ass.
407
00:18:38,032 --> 00:18:40,934
And you, future baldy.
408
00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:43,571
Sorry, hairless, homeless!
409
00:18:43,605 --> 00:18:46,039
So what? Who cares?
410
00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:49,360
When they get mean, you
tell them to go to hell!
411
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:52,729
Because only you know who you are!
412
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,031
And those cruel Internet people
413
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,867
cannot take that away from you!
414
00:18:56,901 --> 00:19:00,270
You will forge on!
415
00:19:00,304 --> 00:19:04,540
And you will find some glimmer
of something to hold on to.
416
00:19:04,575 --> 00:19:08,544
And only then will you find your way back.
417
00:19:08,579 --> 00:19:11,481
Only then will you become
once again who you are!
418
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:15,217
Lady standing!
419
00:19:17,053 --> 00:19:20,657
(Sobs)
420
00:19:20,691 --> 00:19:21,957
(Groans)
421
00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:28,831
Good, you're gettin' the hang of it.
422
00:19:28,865 --> 00:19:31,066
David: Well, putting groceries in a bag
423
00:19:31,101 --> 00:19:33,135
is not as complicated as one might think.
424
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:35,537
Store manager: Watch
the eggs. What did I say?
425
00:19:35,571 --> 00:19:37,606
David: You said put them in a separate bag.
426
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,110
Store manager: Good. Quick learner.
427
00:19:41,144 --> 00:19:45,013
Woman on P.A.: David Rose, line one.
428
00:19:45,047 --> 00:19:48,016
David: Sorry, I just gotta...
just one... thank you.
429
00:19:50,085 --> 00:19:51,586
Hello?
430
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:53,121
Hey, how's it going?
431
00:19:53,155 --> 00:19:54,823
Yeah, I can't talk right now, so.
432
00:19:54,857 --> 00:19:56,625
Johnny: Ah, they're working you hard, huh?
433
00:19:56,659 --> 00:20:00,862
Yeah, I can't talk, so
I'm gonna hang up, bye.
434
00:20:00,896 --> 00:20:02,230
Sorry, sorry about that.
435
00:20:07,069 --> 00:20:08,769
Someone's on a health kick, huh?
436
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,474
Woman on P.A.: David Rose, line one.
437
00:20:15,610 --> 00:20:18,145
I'm just gonna... scoot past.
438
00:20:21,383 --> 00:20:23,083
- Yeah?
- Johnny: You hung up.
439
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:27,621
Sorry.
440
00:20:27,656 --> 00:20:30,224
Okay.
441
00:20:30,258 --> 00:20:32,893
Where were we?
442
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:35,062
Woman on P.A.: (Annoyed)
David Rose, line one!
443
00:20:37,298 --> 00:20:40,234
Right.
444
00:20:40,268 --> 00:20:42,469
Take that off.
445
00:20:42,503 --> 00:20:44,872
Hand that to you.
446
00:20:44,906 --> 00:20:45,973
Now I'm gonna... I'm gonna go.
447
00:20:52,248 --> 00:20:55,583
This is worse. This is much worse!
448
00:20:55,618 --> 00:20:59,119
- David: You did this?
- Johnny: No, I didn't do this, I tried to fix this!
449
00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:02,685
Well, it... it is what it is.
450
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,420
Okay, it looks like...
451
00:21:04,455 --> 00:21:06,055
I know what it looks like, Alexis!
452
00:21:06,089 --> 00:21:08,057
I know!
453
00:21:08,091 --> 00:21:09,925
454
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:19,926
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
455
00:21:19,976 --> 00:21:24,526
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