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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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(Man coughs, baby cries)
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(Buzzer)
4
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:43,091
- Patient Liptrott?
- That's me.
5
00:01:43,260 --> 00:01:44,898
Dr Rahmat will see you now.
6
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- It's my throat. It's tormenting me.
- Open your mouth, please.
7
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:55,059
- Wider. Say "ah".
- Aaaahh...
8
00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:58,849
Good. Now, if you could just
lie down on the couch for me, please.
9
00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:08,376
Good.
10
00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:13,936
- But it's my throat, Doctor.
- Yes, I know.
11
00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:16,896
Good.
12
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:23,778
Ah! Now if you could just slip down
your trousers for me, please.
13
00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:26,412
Don't take them off entirely.
14
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,536
Beast!
15
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:31,979
- He's a beast...
- Is Dr Rahmat finished with you?
16
00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:36,611
Finished with me? Oh, that's funny.
17
00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:41,455
I am dying, Egypt!
18
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,576
(Vacuum cleaner whirs)
19
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Dying!
20
00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:51,729
Can that have anything to do with
the fact you were up until all hours?
21
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:55,051
Celebrating the elevation
of Hoskins to the bench?
22
00:02:55,220 --> 00:02:58,769
Well... I suppose that's the rule
nowadays.
23
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:03,297
If you're no good at the bar, they make
you into a bloomin' circus judge.
24
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:07,578
I am surprised Uncle Tom
isn't Lord Chancellor by now.
25
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:12,177
- When are you getting up?
- Perhaps... never...
26
00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:15,571
There's nothing today
except a chambers meeting.
27
00:03:15,740 --> 00:03:22,532
If my clerk rings, tell him
Rumpole's life is ebbing...
28
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,531
...quie...
29
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:27,294
- Quietly away.
- Then I'd better call the doctor.
30
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:32,409
No, Hilda, please, not another old quack
like MacClintock,
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00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:36,778
who put me on a starvation diet
then dropped off the twig himself.
32
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:39,738
- Plenty of other doctors in the surgery.
- Ugh...
33
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:44,257
The General Medical Council? I never
thought it would go as far as that!
34
00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:48,857
Well, we're all behind you. I can't
believe you'd do anything so foolish.
35
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,217
Of course, we've all been tempted.
36
00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:54,848
But I wasn't tempted.
I was not tempted at all.
37
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:57,818
- That's the whole point of the matter.
- Oh, Doctor.
38
00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:01,177
- Didn't know you were here, Doctor.
- That's all right.
39
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:05,652
A Mrs Rumpole called for a doctor.
She wants a call-round on her husband.
40
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:08,812
Oh! Old Rumpole!
41
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:12,655
He's a barrister, Rahmat. You'd
better go and do your best for him.
42
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,253
In all the circumstances.
43
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:17,856
And how is the great barrister-at-law
feeling now?
44
00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:20,739
- Near to death.
- We are all near to death, sir.
45
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,368
But I am sure Mr Rumpole
will survive us all.
46
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:30,013
Rahmat, senior medical doctor. Not
as imposing a title as barrister-at-law.
47
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:33,570
Mrs Rumpole, your husband
looks as strong as a horse.
48
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,492
I certainly don't feel it.
49
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:39,858
Could that possibly be because horses
don't drink much Pomeroy's plonk?
50
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:43,897
The slightest noise,
I feel as if my head's cracking.
51
00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:46,335
Temporary, sir, only temporary.
52
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,855
Now, if you will breathe in for me.
53
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,931
(Wheezes)
54
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:55,332
In, out, in, out.
55
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:59,334
And for the last time, in, out.
56
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:04,210
Well, there'll be no need for the flags
to fly at half-mast over the Old Bailey.
57
00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:06,655
Tomorrow there will be rejoicing there.
58
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:10,495
Word will go round,
and crowds will be cheering,
59
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:15,290
"Our great barrister-at-law is returning
to us." What a fine lung you have, sir!
60
00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:18,975
- A pleasure to listen to you.
- There's nothing wrong, is there?
61
00:05:19,140 --> 00:05:23,133
I diagnose a case of the collywobbles,
brought on by food poisoning.
62
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:26,736
- Food poisoning? I hardly think so.
- For which I prescribe
63
00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:29,812
two Alka Seltzers and a glass of water,
black coffee,
64
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:33,416
and a quiet day in bed
with kindness and consideration
65
00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:35,536
from your charming wife.
66
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,931
- Oh, well, thank you, Doctor.
- Think nothing of it, sir.
67
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:45,491
Perhaps one day I'll ask you
to help me out of a bit of a hole.
68
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:49,733
By all means. What crime
were you thinking of committing?
69
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,255
No crime, sir. No crime at all.
70
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:56,652
Mrs Etheridge then caused
her white BMW vehicle
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00:05:56,820 --> 00:06:02,497
to skid off the Uxbridge Road and mount
the pavement, terrorising passers-by.
72
00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:06,335
She then collided
with a municipal disposal bin,
73
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,412
wrecked a mobile shopping basket,
74
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:12,299
and finally crashed into a lamppost.
75
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:18,294
Questioned by the officers, she said,
"Do call me Bambi, darling.
76
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:20,769
"And can't we forget all about it?"
77
00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:24,296
I would say this was
eccentric and dangerous behaviour,
78
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,212
even for a lady driver.
79
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:31,170
Er... Did my learned friend say,
"Even for a lady driver"?
80
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:35,572
He did, Mr Rumpole.
My hearing is particularly keen
81
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:39,210
and I heard him quite distinctly.
"Even for a lady driver."
82
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:41,336
Perhaps my learned friend can help me.
83
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:45,209
Is my unfortunate client
being put on trial for dangerous driving
84
00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:47,336
or simply because she is a woman?
85
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,775
That's exactly
what I should like to know.
86
00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:59,057
I am very sorry. I didn't mean to infer...
I mean... well...
87
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:03,816
Surely... I mean, we all have
the greatest respect...
88
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:06,972
...and, indeed, affection, for ladies.
89
00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:12,817
Mr Govett, this is
a perfectly ordinary driving case.
90
00:07:12,980 --> 00:07:15,972
Perhaps you could manage
to keep sex out of it.
91
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:20,330
You got me off!
92
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,968
You're an absolute sweetie!
93
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:28,009
- Please, Mrs Etheridge.
- Do call me Bambi. Everyone does.
94
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:32,130
Mrs Etheridge, I did not get you off,
the prosecutor got you off
95
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,894
when he started on about lady drivers.
96
00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:38,336
How can I reward you,
Mr Rumpole, darling?
97
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,731
What about a naughty lunch
with just the two of us?
98
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,856
Can you get an afternoon off?
99
00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:47,171
- I'm afraid that's quite impossible.
- Of course you can.
100
00:07:47,340 --> 00:07:51,413
Do you enjoy scrumptious desserts
as much as I do?
101
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:55,573
Of course you do. All men enjoy
scrumptious desserts.
102
00:07:55,740 --> 00:08:00,416
- It's settled. I'll give you a tinkle.
- I never lunch out. Pressure of work.
103
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:04,493
Tut-tut-tut! All work and no play
make Mr Rumpole a dull boy.
104
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:07,094
And I am sure you're not that, are you?
105
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:10,096
Goodbye, Mrs Etheridge.
106
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:14,819
Mr Rumpole!
107
00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:19,610
Has anyone ever told you you're
a very cuddly kind of barrister?
108
00:08:21,340 --> 00:08:23,296
(Mr Rumpole sings)
109
00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:26,816
Ah, Rumpole, there you are.
110
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:32,531
Last week, I put up a notice, "Remember
the Forests of the Earth. Save Paper."
111
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,656
So you did.
112
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:38,574
Some... person has scribbled
across the bottom, "Yes,
113
00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:41,538
"and don't waste it
on bloody silly notices."
114
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,611
That seems like fair comment.
115
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:46,852
I have certain responsibilities,
as head of Chambers.
116
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,659
- One is to the forests of the earth.
- Quite right.
117
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,812
- Something you might like to know.
- About the forests?
118
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:55,653
No, about our new pupil,
Mrs Heather Whittaker.
119
00:08:55,820 --> 00:08:59,938
- She is a thoroughly nice person.
- We could do with a few of those!
120
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:03,137
Yes, we could.
She is no longer young, Rumpole.
121
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:08,613
She is taking up the bar in middle life.
She is here as a pupil to Erskine-Brown
122
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:12,489
- and will help him out in court.
- She doesn't work full-time, then?
123
00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:15,777
I think you were away sick
when we agreed to take her on.
124
00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:17,896
- Oh! I was dying!
- Really?
125
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:23,974
- I changed my mind.
- I want to make something clear to you.
126
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:28,691
Mrs Whittaker is not the type of person
to enjoy... rough behaviour in Chambers.
127
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:33,854
She won't relish people who scribble
obscenities on notice boards.
128
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:38,377
- It wasn't obscene!
- I'm glad you admit you wrote it.
129
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,258
I never plead guilty.
130
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:43,696
I have to confer about hanky-panky
on the National Health!
131
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:47,933
Through all my troubles and tribulations,
I had only one thought:
132
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,809
That I have an absolutely wizard
barrister-at-law.
133
00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:55,211
Well... I can't work miracles.
134
00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:58,690
- Tell me about yourself, Dr Rammat.
- Rahmat.
135
00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:01,977
- Rahmat. Are you married?
- Was married, sir.
136
00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:04,608
The memsahib died
giving birth to our son.
137
00:10:04,780 --> 00:10:08,375
When you first came to England,
you went to old MacClintock's?
138
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:12,249
- Yes, he was very kind to me.
- And when Dr Cogger took over?
139
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:16,857
The same. Tim Cogger is a thoroughly
good chap with a fine sense of humour.
140
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:20,854
Do you know what they said about him
at Barts? He was a very fine joker.
141
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:24,615
- Perhaps not a brilliant doctor but...
- Are you?
142
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,931
- What?
- A brilliant doctor.
143
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:33,376
Most of us are not. Most of us are
at a loss more than we'd like to admit.
144
00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:38,330
But we try to be kind and cheerful
and wait for the disease to go away.
145
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,173
Well, that's frank, anyway.
146
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:47,290
But I am afraid that Miss Liptrott
is not very likely to go away.
147
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:52,090
No! What a pain in the neck that girl...
If one could be so rude about a young...
148
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:55,013
Had you seen her before she came
that morning?
149
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:57,330
No and
I hope I never shall see her again.
150
00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:01,129
- What does she look like?
- I can help you there, Mr Rumpole.
151
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:06,169
She got herself plastered
all over "The Beacon".
152
00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:10,128
There she is, Mr Rumpole,
a children's nurse.
153
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:14,657
Looks a perfectly nice sort of girl,
unfortunately for us.
154
00:11:14,820 --> 00:11:18,369
Aged 27, works for a wealthy
Kensington family as a nanny.
155
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:22,818
"Went to the surgery with a sore throat
but the doctor had other ideas,
156
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,175
"told me to lie on the couch
and undress."
157
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:29,015
- "Dr Ghulam Rahmat..."
- Rahmat.
158
00:11:29,180 --> 00:11:33,571
"...who came to England 12 years ago
said, 'I'll fight this to the last stitch.
159
00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:37,289
"'I have the best barrister
in the country."' Well, that's true.
160
00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:41,817
- I never took a shine to her, I swear.
- All right. What's our defence?
161
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:46,417
Whenever I ask the client that, he
mentions a book. About some passage.
162
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:52,610
Our defence is the same as Forster's
fine novel, "A Passage To India".
163
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:56,011
- I'm sure you know it well.
- Oh, of course!
164
00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,250
Just remind me of the plot, will you?
165
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:03,175
In it, an English girl
accuses an Indian doctor
166
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:05,171
of raping her in the Malabar Caves.
167
00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:10,858
I told the client the tribunal won't be
interested in stories about Indian caves.
168
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:15,411
Yes, now let him finish. What was
the doctor's defence in that case?
169
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:20,051
That it all went on
in the fevered imagination of the girl.
170
00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:24,054
- And what was the verdict?
- He was acquitted, of course!
171
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:27,815
And you will enjoy a similar triumph,
great barrister-at-law.
172
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:31,290
Let's hope so. As Mr Pinhorn says,
that was a work of fiction.
173
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:36,090
We have to deal with fact.
Tell me, Dr Rahmat,
174
00:12:36,260 --> 00:12:41,254
your precise clinical reasons for
asking a young lady with a sore throat
175
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:43,376
to remove her underwear.
176
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:46,776
Phylli!
177
00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:52,416
Darling!
178
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,056
No, no, let me.
179
00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:01,974
- So the fraud's all over?
- All over and all convicted.
180
00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:05,450
- Did you have fun in Swansea?
- Don't ask silly questions.
181
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:09,533
It's wonderful to have you back. Of
course, the children have been good.
182
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:14,774
But you can't crack a bottle to discuss
scandals in Chambers with kids.
183
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:19,536
- Have you been up to something?
- You're looking absolutely alluring!
184
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:23,409
- You have been up to something.
- Look, I'll just drop these in my room
185
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:26,970
and we'll go for a drink in Pomeroy's
to celebrate your return.
186
00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:32,896
Scandal in chambers?
What is the scandal in chambers?
187
00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:36,848
I don't know. I am sure there must be
some but I have no idea what it is.
188
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:39,090
- Claude.
- Yes, Phylli?
189
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:43,651
- Are you the scandal in chambers?
- Of course not. Not this time. Not ever!
190
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:45,572
How could you think such a thing?
191
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,379
- You've got new pictures.
- Those are my pupil's.
192
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:53,691
Heather. She came while
you were away. You'd like her.
193
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:56,169
- Would I?
- She's got grey hair and glasses.
194
00:13:56,340 --> 00:13:58,296
She's well past her sell-by date.
195
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:00,894
You sound
as though you invented chauvinism.
196
00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:03,779
I like women.
I like them very much indeed.
197
00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:06,659
Not all women. Naturally,
I don't like all of them.
198
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:10,813
You, especially. Just you, Phylli,
in that sort of way, of course.
199
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:15,337
Mrs Whittaker would never tempt me,
if I were ever to be tempted.
200
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,252
Which I'm not. Not in the least.
201
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:19,012
(Knock at door)
202
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:22,889
- Henry. How wonderful to see you.
- You saw me this morning, sir.
203
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:27,417
- It's wonderful again. Is that a brief?
- What does it look like? Autumn roses?
204
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:31,493
Tomorrow you are on before
Mr Justice Graves in Court No.3.
205
00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:33,616
(Henry and Erskine-Brown chatter)
206
00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:46,449
Thank you, Henry. Phylli, darling.
Are you ready for that drink?
207
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:48,451
Yes, Claude, quite ready.
208
00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:58,932
- Um... It's Mr Rumpole, isn't it?
- A piece of him.
209
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,297
I've been so longing to meet you.
I'm Heather Whittaker.
210
00:15:02,460 --> 00:15:04,212
Erskine-Brown's pupil.
211
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:07,338
I've taken to the bar rather late in life,
I'm afraid.
212
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,537
Just as well.
The young can't stand the pace.
213
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:16,058
You're a legend, Mr Rumpole.
Of course you know that.
214
00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:18,973
I am absolutely dying
to hear you on your feet.
215
00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:23,895
Why don't you pop down to the General
Medical Council? A doctor's in trouble.
216
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,858
Hilda! I am home!
217
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:31,979
Sans Pomeroy's, straight as an arrow
shot from the bow.
218
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,051
You're wanted on the telephone.
219
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:38,611
By a woman who apparently rejoices
in the name of Bambi Etheridge.
220
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:41,855
- Did you tell her I was dead?
- No.
221
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:45,615
I said, "Hilda Rumpole." She said,
"Is your lovely husband home?"
222
00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:48,931
And I said, "I can hear Rumpole's key
in the lock."
223
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:52,012
- What does she want?
- I don't know. You better ask her.
224
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,533
- Rumpole speaking.
- Oh, dear.
225
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:02,136
It's a bad moment.
You're with your wife, aren't you?
226
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:06,259
Ought I to have pretended
to be the Gas Board, or something?
227
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:09,537
'I can't advise you to appeal.'
228
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,736
You'll have to pay them yourself.
229
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:16,735
Of course! You can't talk now,
can you, Mr Rumpole, darling?
230
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:20,939
I'll ring again when you are
not in the bosom of your family.
231
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:24,376
An appeal would simply be throwing
good money after bad.
232
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:30,251
'What a thing to say! You're not
bad money, are you, Mr Rumpole?
233
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:36,131
'Lunch is on me. I'll ring again...
when you're alone. Bye.'
234
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:39,290
(Rumpole) 'Extraordinary thing.
235
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:43,453
'Women seem to be falling over
each other to ask me to lunch.'
236
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:47,738
With the lamb, Ch�teau Beychevelle
suit you, would it, Rumpole?
237
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,572
I dare say I could force it down.
238
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:52,300
Number 52. Thank you, madame.
239
00:16:56,340 --> 00:17:01,812
Well, what are we celebrating? They
putting you up on the high court bench?
240
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:05,211
They are not putting me anywhere.
Where am I putting myself?
241
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:07,336
I have just about had it up to here.
242
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,695
Oh, dear, what can I do?
243
00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:13,819
You can help me spend Claude's
money. I hope he finds that boring.
244
00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:18,098
- The Chablis, madame.
- Fine. Rumpole, tell me honestly.
245
00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:20,694
- Am I a rut?
- A what?
246
00:17:20,860 --> 00:17:22,816
A rut.
247
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:27,091
- No...
- Would you call me humdrum?
248
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:31,896
- Would madame care to taste this?
- Just slosh it about.
249
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:35,939
- Am I run-of-the-mill?
- Not in the least.
250
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:39,615
- Yes. Men are all the same.
- Are we?
251
00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:44,251
Perhaps not you, Rumpole, but then
you are not really interested, are you?
252
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:50,979
- Interested in what?
- What everyone else male thinks of.
253
00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:52,573
Sex.
254
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:56,335
Is that the stuff that leads
to embarrassing telephone calls?
255
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,572
- Look at that wretched doctor of yours.
- Dr Rahmat.
256
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:01,890
A woman wanders in with a sore throat
257
00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:04,369
and he is trying to get
inside her knickers.
258
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:06,496
Just like Claude.
259
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:09,413
Claude looks after people
with sore throats?
260
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:13,414
I'll prosecute the life out of him.
He'll be struck off for ten years.
261
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:17,016
- Who, Claude?
- No, Dr Rahmat.
262
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:20,695
What has Dr Rahmat
got to do with you?
263
00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:25,251
I'm prosecuting him, that's all,
before the General Medical Council.
264
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:30,858
First rate, I shall have a foeman worthy
of my steel. Sorry, foeperson.
265
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,251
Yes, I don't know how you could
defend someone like that.
266
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:37,730
You know perfectly well I have to
defend someone like anyone.
267
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,051
- You couldn't defend a real snake.
- Dr Rahmat?
268
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,610
- No, Claude!
- Oh, Lord, Claude...
269
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:47,852
What's our unfortunate learned friend
been up to now?
270
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:50,250
Let me read you something.
271
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,292
Thank you.
272
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:01,056
"Barrister,
good-Iooking and young at heart..."
273
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,935
Hold on.
274
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:11,139
"In a rut, bored with the humdrum
of run-of-the-mill married life
275
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:15,373
"seeks new partner for the occasional
fling. Country walks, opera-going,
276
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:19,010
"four-star restaurant treats
and the pleasures of the flesh.
277
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:23,970
"Tall and slender preferred. Write with
a photo, if possible..." A box number.
278
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,416
- Yes, well?
- Read it for yourself if you want to.
279
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:38,656
No, Rumpole, not there.
Where I turned down the page.
280
00:19:38,820 --> 00:19:42,415
Yes, where? Oh, I see, yes.
281
00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:47,059
What makes you think Claude
is the Ionely heart?
282
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,212
He's a barrister and he's opera-going.
283
00:19:50,380 --> 00:19:53,816
There are six thousand barristers.
Some must go to the opera.
284
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:56,619
I'm sorry, Mrs Erskine-Brown,
285
00:19:56,780 --> 00:20:00,295
I don't think your evidence
is absolutely conclusive.
286
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:03,293
I found that in Claude's room
in chambers.
287
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:07,453
Oh, things are beginning to look black
for the accused.
288
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:13,253
Do you mind if I hang on to this
for half an hour this afternoon?
289
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:20,130
421.
290
00:20:21,540 --> 00:20:23,098
Ah...
291
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:26,338
- 'Hello.'
- Oh, hello.
292
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:29,173
Is that the Naughty Marietta
Escort Service?
293
00:20:29,340 --> 00:20:30,739
'Yeah.'
294
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:34,210
Would it be possible to speak
to Marietta herself, please?
295
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:36,211
'This is Marietta speaking.'
296
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:40,976
- Marietta Liptrott, I presume?
- 'Here, are you the newspapers? '
297
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:45,372
No, no, no, I promise you. Just
someone in need of your escort service.
298
00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:50,818
'When's the function? '
299
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,778
It's not for me, exactly,
it's for a friend of mine.
300
00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:56,898
He wants to take you along
to add a little colour
301
00:20:57,060 --> 00:21:01,611
to the Ladies Night
at the Lawyers As Christians Society.
302
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:04,010
I'll be in touch with the arrangements.
303
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,330
Nice to talk to you, Miss Liptrott.
304
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,411
Rumpole,
is this your idea of a joke?
305
00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:11,413
You should not listen
to a private conversation.
306
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:14,652
- I couldn't help overhearing.
- Of course you could.
307
00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:19,450
You were using chambers facilities
to telephone an escort agency.
308
00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:21,929
Rumpole, you are a married man.
309
00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:25,012
Oh, that fact has not escaped
my attention.
310
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:29,219
Well, don't you think you ought to make
a clean breast of this to Hilda?
311
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:33,612
A clean breast of what?
312
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:38,934
The fact that you are troubled
by these sort of, well, needs.
313
00:21:40,420 --> 00:21:45,175
Ballard, when you are next troubled
by the need to talk absolute balderdash,
314
00:21:45,340 --> 00:21:47,854
why don't you make a clean breast
of it to Matey?
315
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,739
Have you finished
with that wretched magazine?
316
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:01,414
Yes, Exhibit A, thank you.
317
00:22:01,580 --> 00:22:02,979
Most helpful.
318
00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:07,179
Well, what are you going to do,
confront the unfortunate Claude?
319
00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:09,410
Confront him? No good at all.
320
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:12,378
He'd pretend it wasn't him,
or something devious.
321
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:17,375
No, I shall set a trap for him and leave
him absolutely no way of escape.
322
00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:20,134
Poor old Claude. Poor old Dr Rahmat.
323
00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:22,370
What chance has either of them got?
324
00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:24,292
What's all that?
325
00:22:24,460 --> 00:22:26,018
Oh, I'm studying medicine.
326
00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:30,219
If all else fails,
I may set up as a quack.
327
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,515
- Sorry, it's only the rut.
- That's all right, darling.
328
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,393
Anything interesting in the post
this morning?
329
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,312
No, absolutely nothing.
330
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,313
Nothing from anyone tall and slender?
331
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,711
This one's from HM Inspector of Taxes.
Bloomsbury District.
332
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,475
- I don't know if he's tall and slender.
- Or if he likes country walks.
333
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,315
- Sorry?
- Thinking of going on a country walk?
334
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,950
You know I hate country walks.
You get your shoes dirty.
335
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:05,635
I know you didn't mean walks.
That's not what you had in mind.
336
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,439
Phylli,
I'm not entirely following your drift.
337
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,149
I'll let you read your letters.
I hope they're from fat people.
338
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,153
They're all circulars.
Bills and things, honestly.
339
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,117
And the one you threw away?
340
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:21,159
I saw you throw a letter
straight into the waste-paper basket.
341
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,709
I haven't seen you move
so quickly for years.
342
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,668
- If you want to know what it was, look.
- Oh, no, please don't bother.
343
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,153
We're having dinner
with the Arthurian-Daybells.
344
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,676
Unless you've fixed up a treat
in some four-star restaurant.
345
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,354
"Are your pipes fully lagged
for the winter?
346
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,195
"One call from our Lag-U-Man
prevents frozen-tap misery."
347
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,271
There, is that what you wanted to see?
348
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,034
Oh, very clever, Claude,
very clever indeed.
349
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,715
You think you've wormed your way
out of it again, don't you?
350
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,115
Your missus quite all right, is she?
351
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,157
Of course. Perfectly all right.
352
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,756
- She didn't seem to notice me at all.
- Well, I suppose not.
353
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,480
I got in early today
to do some extra practice.
354
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,154
I'm not usually here before the clerks.
355
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,915
Your missus seems to have got
some strange ideas into her head.
356
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:16,358
- Oh, why do you say that?
- We had a fellow in chambers, Ibotson.
357
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,115
Ibby Ibotson we used to call him,
most charming fellow.
358
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,874
But his missus got the idea
into her head
359
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,918
that she was the reincarnation
of Nell Gwynne.
360
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,629
She used to come into the clerks' room
and offer to sell us oranges.
361
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:35,989
Poor old Ibby, he had to leave the bar
and take her to live in Littlehampton.
362
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,549
- I'm not sure if that cured her.
- Uncle Tom!
363
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,154
There's nothing wrong with Phyllida.
364
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:44,912
Oh, well, if you say so.
365
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,277
It's just a... sort of a joke
we have together, that's all.
366
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:52,149
Oh, really? How frightfully funny.
367
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,392
I've arranged for you to see Dr Cogger.
368
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,348
Oh, why on earth?
My health is excellent.
369
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:04,548
- Thanks to my sensible lifestyle.
- Marguerite Ballard rang this morning.
370
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,553
She said that Sam was very worried
about your health.
371
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,076
That you'd been acting
rather strangely lately.
372
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,356
What have you been doing strange?
373
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:17,159
- I suppose phoning up escorts.
- What did you say?
374
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,158
I said,
I suppose I was feeling out of sorts.
375
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:25,711
Well, if you're feeling out of sorts,
stop complaining to me.
376
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,952
I've arranged for you to see
Dr Cogger at morning surgery.
377
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,753
- Looking for a friend?
- Really! I don't know what you mean.
378
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,559
Lots of people advertise for friends
in this.
379
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,631
You take "Casanova" regularly?
380
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,199
Oh, no.
381
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:50,115
As a matter of fact, the cleaner found it
in a doctor's waste-paper basket.
382
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,432
She was going to put it out,
but I thought I'd just have a look.
383
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,353
Ah, Dr Cogger's free, is he?
384
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,191
I gather from your wife
you have some sort of problem.
385
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,794
Failing eyesight, perhaps.
386
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,997
I saw you in the Savoy Grill,
I raised my glass to you,
387
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,957
but you didn't recognise me.
388
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:14,079
The Savoy Grill? It's a bit
out of the class of a struggling GP.
389
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,470
- Then it wasn't you?
- I hardly think so.
390
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,553
Now, tell me why your wife
made this appointment?
391
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:25,191
Well, somebody told her I was behaving
rather strangely in Chambers.
392
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,238
Behaving strangely?
What sort of strangely?
393
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,755
Ringing up escort agencies.
394
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,150
Escort agencies?
395
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,311
But why ever should you do that?
396
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,869
I suppose they thought
I needed an escort.
397
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:43,797
You mean young girls to take out
to dinner? That sort of thing?
398
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,157
Yes, that sort of thing.
399
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,790
My dear Mr Rumpole, I shouldn't let
that worry you in the least.
400
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,997
A lot of men, perfectly decent chaps
in my experience,
401
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:59,029
feel the need of young, fresh...
well, young company occasionally.
402
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,953
It doesn't mean they're sick in any way.
403
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:05,476
- Is that what you think?
- Oh, yes, I do, quite honestly.
404
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,838
Oh, then you're probably familiar
with this friendly little magazine.
405
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,878
- I don't think so.
- Are you sure?
406
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,077
It's full of advertisements for escorts,
407
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:20,677
companions, people for a night
out on the town. That sort of thing.
408
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,549
Is it? Well, it certainly seems
to have interested you.
409
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:29,236
Yes, your receptionist told me that it
was found in one of the doctor's rooms.
410
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:33,075
Mr Rumpole,
my partners are all big boys now.
411
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,357
I really can't be expected
to nanny them.
412
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:40,718
Perhaps I should have, when I think of
the trouble Rahmat's got himself into.
413
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,879
Now, what would you say
your problem is medically?
414
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,315
Medically, I can't sleep.
415
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:53,759
I seem to wake up at one in the morning
and worry about poor old Dr Rahmat.
416
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,071
I suppose you'll give him
an excellent character.
417
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:04,392
Well um... That's a little awkward.
418
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,358
I'll say everything I can for him,
of course,
419
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,637
but I've been asked
to be a witness for the prosecution.
420
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,916
Ah.
421
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,274
Look, I'll write you out some pills.
422
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,115
Phobomorin, perfectly harmless.
423
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,316
Phobomorin?
424
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:27,155
"Not poppy nor mandragora
nor all the drowsy syrups of the world
425
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:31,757
"would lay a medicine me to that sweet
sleep which I owedest yesterday."
426
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:37,439
I know, it's distressing for all of us
when a doctor goes off the rails.
427
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,676
Just a few chocs, Miss Dankwerts.
428
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:48,039
Really, you shouldn't, Mr Kellaway.
They are naughty, but irresistible.
429
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,192
A little goodwill present
from Marchmain's Medicines.
430
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:55,592
You've always been so helpful.
Now, is Dr Cogger free?
431
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:59,150
Yes, I'm sure. You've finished
with Dr Cogger, haven't you?
432
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,719
Oh, yes.
433
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,111
For the moment.
434
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:15,238
- Can I help you, Mrs Erskine-Brown?
- I'm going to borrow Diane's typewriter.
435
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,960
I'll be going home, then.
436
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:23,240
Mrs Erskine-Brown,
I said I was going home.
437
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,313
- Don't let me stop you.
- I'd be glad if you did.
438
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,277
Goodnight, Henry.
439
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,149
The wife having invited the Chair
of the Ways and Means over for a bite
440
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,630
to discuss rubbish disposal
in the borough and matters arising.
441
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:40,952
It's not the sort of thing one hurries
home to Mrs Erskine-Brown, honestly.
442
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:47,070
I mean, going home's probably
a different matter for you entirely.
443
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,879
You go home
to Mr Erskine-Brown and the kiddies.
444
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,715
Henry, are you trying to tell me
you've got problems?
445
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,878
Oh. Well... yes.
446
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,679
If you've got problems,
keep them to yourself.
447
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:05,834
I've got problems up to here. I can't
manage another person's problems.
448
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,956
Is that clear?
449
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,590
If that's the way you feel,
Mrs Erskine-Brown.
450
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,238
"Dear barrister,
451
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,791
"I am slim, intelligent
and considered attractive.
452
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,350
"I am also bored
with the humdrum of married life.
453
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:37,435
"I am absolutely crazy about the opera
and country walks.
454
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,149
"I am busy at the moment, but
suggest we meet a week next Thursday
455
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:45,916
"at a place convenient to you.
The Temple Churchyard at 6pm.
456
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,753
"Shall we both wear white carnations?
457
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:52,629
"I am looking forward eagerly
to the ensuing fun and games.
458
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,917
"Yours sincerely, In A Rut."
459
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,550
Oh, Doctor!
460
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,551
Dr Rahmat!
461
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,350
Ah, the great barrister-at-law!
Looking extremely fit, if I may say so.
462
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,592
I wanted to see you,
there's a question I should've asked.
463
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,196
Mr Pinhorn's been trying to get in touch
with you at the surgery.
464
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,590
Alas, I am seldom there these days.
465
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,433
The patients don't seem too keen
on seeing me.
466
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,831
But shall we walk along?
I have an appointment.
467
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:31,755
It's about Dr Cogger. Did you and he
ever quarrel about anything?
468
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:38,475
Look, if I'm going to defend you,
you've got to trust me.
469
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:43,153
Well, yes, we did have
a few words once. About drugs.
470
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:44,719
Drugs?
471
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,394
He was always wanting us
to prescribe new drugs.
472
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:52,395
Very expensive, from Marchmain's.
They are always experimenting.
473
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,996
So I said to him, my patients
would be just as well off
474
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,674
with a few kind words
and a couple of aspirins.
475
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,956
And what was his reaction to that?
476
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,396
Oh, poor old Tim
got into a most terrible bate.
477
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,279
He went as far as to say
that he didn't want partners
478
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,910
who were so pig-ignorant
on the subject of new drugs.
479
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:15,631
I'm sure it was all said in the heat
of the moment and he didn't mean it.
480
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,998
Well, I am most reluctant to part,
but I have an appointment.
481
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,958
I'll come in,
you can buy me a beer or something.
482
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,509
It would be such a pleasure.
Some other time.
483
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,638
This appointment
is of a rather private nature.
484
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,552
(Sitar music)
485
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,836
(Phone rings)
486
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,513
- Hello.
- 'Is Horace there?
487
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,557
'This is Bambi speaking.'
488
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,439
This is a recorded message.
489
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,672
Sorry. We are not available.
Leave your name and number,
490
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,037
we will contact you on our return
from Tasmania.
491
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:52,872
Beep!
492
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,794
This is a distressing case
of a doctor's violent
493
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,191
and unprovoked sexual assault
upon a young woman patient.
494
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,750
(Rumpole)
'Totally surrounded by quacks.
495
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,480
'Quacks who save their patients' lives
496
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:11,350
'or launch them into eternity
with one slip of the scalpel.
497
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,433
'OId quacks who applied leeches
as a cure for pneumonia.
498
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:22,358
'Quacks who thought sex made
you blind, and quacks as judges.
499
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:29,517
'Waiting to decide the professional life
or death of good Dr Ghulam Rahmat.
500
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:36,157
'Oh, the quack in charge,
Sir Hector MacAuliffe.
501
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,550
'Sawbones by appointment to Royalty.
502
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,713
'The grim look of a man who starts
the day with porridge and prayers.
503
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:48,073
'What on earth has poor old Rahmat
got to look so cheerful about?
504
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,391
'It can't be the way our Portia
is opening her case.'
505
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:56,076
Dr Rahmat then put his hand
between her legs, tried to kiss her
506
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,708
and suggested there was time
for a quick one.
507
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,156
Meaning sexual intercourse,
Mrs Erskine-Brown?
508
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,470
This is what
we ask the committee to infer.
509
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,958
Miss Liptrott had to struggle to
free herself from the doctor's embraces,
510
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,510
and when she pulled her clothes
back on, she fled from the room.
511
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,070
She was still screaming, "The beast,"
in the reception area
512
00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:21,552
where she was seen by waiting patients
and Miss Dankwerts, the receptionist.
513
00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:25,599
After the incident, she suffered
extreme bouts of nervous depression
514
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,718
and was treated for that complaint
by Dr Cogger,
515
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,553
a member of the practice
I shall call as a witness.
516
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:35,759
She puts the case most fairly, and old
Tim Cogger will be fair to me, also.
517
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,637
Dr Cogger is an extremely busy
General Practitioner.
518
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,679
Of course, Mrs Erskine-Brown.
Dr Cogger is well-known to most of us.
519
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,751
He has to get away to his practice.
520
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:50,310
Any objection to my calling him
before Miss Liptrott?
521
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,755
Oh, that suits us.
522
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:57,277
If I can blast Cogger out of the water,
we'll have an easier job with Marietta.
523
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,079
No need to blast anyone
out of the water.
524
00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:02,435
He must not
attack poor old Tim Cogger.
525
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,831
Do tell Rahmat to put a sock in it,
will you?
526
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:10,039
I have no objection to my learned friend
calling Dr Cogger first.
527
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,838
Absolutely not.
528
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,116
Dr Cogger, please.
529
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,078
Is Dr Rahmat a good doctor,
in your view?
530
00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:27,630
I've always found him so,
within his limitations.
531
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:32,999
So if a young woman patient came to
a competent doctor with a sore throat,
532
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,675
can you think of any good clinical
reason why he should ask her
533
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,798
to lie down on a couch
and remove her knickers?
534
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,270
- I'm afraid I can't.
- Thank you very much, Dr Cogger.
535
00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:48,753
Dr Cogger.
536
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:54,231
You are no doubt familiar
with infectious mononucleosis,
537
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,072
known as glandular fever?
538
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:57,673
Of course.
539
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:01,276
Is it not so prevalent
among young people that is it called
540
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,112
the kissing disease?
541
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:08,593
I think you may take it, Mr Rumpole,
that we all know what glandular fever is.
542
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:13,117
I would have thought so, sir. That is
why I can't understand anyone thinking
543
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,477
Dr Rahmat's method of examination
in any way peculiar.
544
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:21,111
Is not a symptom
of glandular fever a sore throat?
545
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,158
- It can be.
- It may be the patient's only complaint.
546
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:28,154
- That may happen.
- So if you suspect glandular fever,
547
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:32,598
you might look for other signs such as
swellings in the armpits and the groin?
548
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:38,312
- You might.
- A competent doctor would do so.
549
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,473
- If he suspected mononucleosis, yes.
- Yes.
550
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:47,191
So that if a young lady complaining of a
sore throat came to a competent doctor,
551
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,272
he might well ask her
to lie on the couch
552
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:55,116
and remove her knickers
so that he could examine her groin.
553
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:58,990
It's possible.
554
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:04,792
Dr Cogger, are you here to assist
the committee by telling us the truth?
555
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,678
Yes, of course.
556
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,070
Then why did you tell my learned friend
557
00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:14,109
that you know of no reason
why Dr Rahmat
558
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,635
should examine her
in the way described?
559
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:24,350
I suppose the complaint
you're suggesting didn't occur to me.
560
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,478
I see. You mean that
you are a competent doctor
561
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,359
and like Dr Rahmat,
within your limitations,
562
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,638
and your limitations lead you
to forget the odd disease occasionally.
563
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,394
I hope, Mr Rumpole,
you're not suggesting
564
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,472
that a routine examination
by a competent doctor
565
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,790
includes trying to kiss his patient
566
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,679
and suggesting there
might be time for a quick one.
567
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:49,594
At this point, sir,
I am suggesting nothing.
568
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:56,871
Dr Cogger, you said that you were
treating Miss Liptrott for nervous strain.
569
00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:01,079
- Did you give her a couple of aspirins?
- No, Phobomorin, as I remember.
570
00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:03,595
Ah, Phobomorin!
571
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:08,629
Yes, that seems to be a favourite
of yours. Is this an expensive drug?
572
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,872
I believe it is.
I haven't looked up the price lately.
573
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:17,394
And is it supplied by the firm
of manufacturing chemists
574
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,951
whose representative buys you
luncheon at the Savoy Hotel?
575
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,669
Peter Kellaway is a personal friend.
576
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,876
We lunch together occasionally.
577
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,190
The last time you lunched, who paid?
578
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:35,750
- I can't remember.
- Oh, well, do try to think.
579
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,797
It may have been Peter.
580
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,873
Or his company, Marchmain's,
the manufacturing chemist?
581
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,593
Mr Rumpole,
582
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,958
we are here to decide if your client
sexually assaulted his patient.
583
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,874
What on earth has Dr Cogger's lunches
at the Savoy got to do with it?
584
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:57,113
I quite agree, sir, these questions
can't possibly be relevant.
585
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:01,398
You said that Dr Rahmat
had certain limitations.
586
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,951
Did you mean that he was
unwilling to prescribe certain drugs?
587
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:10,238
We had some disagreements, yes.
I thought his treatments old-fashioned.
588
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:14,313
He did not want to prescribe
expensive drugs from Marchmain's?
589
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:19,600
I suppose some drugs we disagreed
about came from Marchmain's, yes.
590
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,478
Yes. Tell me.
591
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,029
Did you only get four-star luncheons
592
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:28,239
or did a little cash
change hands occasionally?
593
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,234
Perhaps I should warn the witness,
Dr Cogger,
594
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:37,235
you are not obliged to answer any
questions which might incriminate you.
595
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,312
- Do you follow?
- I do.
596
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,595
- I prefer not to answer the question.
- Don't be too rough, sir.
597
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:50,117
You can't make an omelette
without breaking eggs.
598
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:59,110
And seeing that Dr Rahmat refused
to take part in your prescription racket,
599
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,271
you wanted him out of the practice.
600
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,910
It's very hard to get rid of a partner,
as you know, Mr Rumpole.
601
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:06,911
Very hard, unless, of course,
602
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,436
you can have him found guilty
of professional misconduct.
603
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,552
Mr Rumpole, you're not suggesting
I went into his room
604
00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:17,109
and tempted him to seduce me,
are you?
605
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,994
Would you just take a look at that,
please?
606
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,399
Oh! What are you doing
to the poor chap, sir?
607
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:27,471
Wait and see.
608
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,910
Does that not appear to be an
advertisement for an escort service?
609
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:33,991
It would seem so.
610
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:38,278
Do you see the photo of the young lady
who calls herself Naughty Marietta?
611
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,078
Yes, I do.
612
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:47,315
Is not that Miss Marietta Liptrott,
the complainant in this case?
613
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:51,234
The young lady who you say you are
treating for a nervous disorder?
614
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,710
- Really, there is no need for this, sir.
- Sshh!
615
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,314
- It looks like her.
- It is her.
616
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:02,076
The so-called children's nurse
we hear so much about
617
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:06,028
goes to restaurants for money.
Rather like you, Dr Cogger.
618
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,636
- What are you suggesting?
- You know perfectly well, don't you?
619
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,917
I am suggesting, sir,
that you paid this young lady
620
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,913
to create that scene
in Dr Rahmat's consulting room.
621
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,116
That is absolutely ridiculous.
622
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,796
I didn't even know of Miss Liptrott
until after the incident took place.
623
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,598
Did you not?
624
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,355
The incident we hear of took place
on August 13th of this year.
625
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:32,957
Look at the front of that "Casanova"
magazine. What is the date on it?
626
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:37,911
- July.
- July, yes.
627
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,310
And we know
where the magazine was found.
628
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:46,272
- Then he asked me to lie on the couch.
- Did that strike you as rather strange?
629
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:50,353
- Not really, not at the time.
- Did you lie on the couch?
630
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,830
Oh, yeah, he said he just wanted to see
if I had any swellings.
631
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,639
Would I mind him feeling?
And I said no.
632
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,677
Did he remove your knickers?
633
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,958
Er... No,
I think I may have pulled them down.
634
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,156
And then? What happened then?
635
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,310
I'm not quite sure. Er...
636
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:10,596
I think he examined me, like, and...
637
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:14,275
then he went to wash his hands
at the basin in the corner.
638
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,399
- What did you do?
- Oh!
639
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,475
I ran screaming out the door.
640
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:27,395
- What made you do that?
- I don't know, really. Er...
641
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:31,394
Well, I had been up late
with this gentleman.
642
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:35,030
He kept me talking half the night
about mortgage rates.
643
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:39,273
I was overtired, my nerves were bad,
644
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:45,310
I suppose I just lost control of myself.
645
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,519
Miss Liptrott, you made a statement
to the General Medical Council
646
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:53,753
to the effect that Dr Rahmat
had made improper advances to you.
647
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,878
I'd made such a fuss in the surgery,
and stuff,
648
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,838
I thought I had to give
some reason for it.
649
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,553
But I always meant
to tell the truth when I got here.
650
00:43:04,720 --> 00:43:08,508
What is the truth, Miss Liptrott?
651
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:13,310
The truth is that Dr Rahmat always
behaved like a proper gentleman.
652
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:21,552
We've won.
Portia's going to throw in her hand.
653
00:43:21,720 --> 00:43:23,551
Sir, in view of these answers,
654
00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:27,190
we do not feel it would be right
to continue with the case.
655
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:33,669
Mr Rumpole, during the course
of your cross-examination,
656
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,957
you made certain serious allegations
against Dr Cogger.
657
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,190
Withdrawn, sir, unreservedly.
658
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,396
Oh, do shut up.
659
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,954
Yes, very well. They're withdrawn.
660
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:50,955
As far as we are concerned, Dr Cogger
is as pure as the driven... slush.
661
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,078
- What was that?
- Snow, sir, driven snow, I said.
662
00:43:55,400 --> 00:44:01,191
Thank you, Mr Rumpole,
and now, Miss Marietta Liptrott...
663
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,868
The next time you are feeling overtired,
664
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,476
please resist the temptation
to make scandalous allegations
665
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,791
- against an innocent doctor.
- Yes.
666
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:16,511
You have put a large number of
distinguished medical men and lawyers
667
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,831
to a great deal of unnecessary trouble.
668
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:24,357
The girl in "A Passage To India",
the one that was supposed to be raped,
669
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:26,397
she withdrew her story in court.
670
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:30,030
Yes, right. Old EMF. Always so true.
671
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:34,876
- Do you think Marietta read the book?
- Perhaps. It's such a fine novel.
672
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,349
So, Cogger put her up to it?
673
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:39,556
Oh, yes.
674
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:41,472
He thought I'd tumbled
675
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:47,078
to why he wanted
all of us to use the Marchmain drugs.
676
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:50,152
He tried to get rid of me,
so he hired Marietta.
677
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,880
- How do you know?
- She told me.
678
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,679
- You talked to her?
- Oh, yes.
679
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,354
I've taken her out to dinner quite often.
680
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:02,308
We go to the tandoori restaurant,
Memories Of India, Gloucester Road.
681
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,678
I didn't think it was something you'd
wish to know, great barrister-at-law.
682
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,432
Why on earth not?
683
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:13,230
Because I didn't want us to win the
case by rubbishing poor Tim Cogger.
684
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:17,276
I want to keep my partnership,
you see.
685
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,557
I want to get along well
with all the chaps in the surgery,
686
00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:23,280
Dr Tim included,
so I thought the best way out
687
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:28,798
was to persuade Miss Liptrott to tell the
truth, which is that nothing happened.
688
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,077
But it seemed to me
too simple a way to win,
689
00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:37,473
and far too unsubtle for
a brilliant barrister like yourself.
690
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:43,670
And at least, sir, you will agree that
I managed humbly to make an omelette
691
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,798
without breaking a single egg.
692
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:54,110
Oh, charming. My dear old quack,
what if you spread the infection?
693
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,317
What if all my clients arranged
their own acquittal?
694
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,391
I'd be out of work, a disaster!
695
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,028
Clients settling their cases
is not right.
696
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:06,273
I'm sorry, Mr Rumpole,
I truly am very, very sorry.
697
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:10,274
What did you offer the lady
to persuade her to tell the truth?
698
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:14,797
I offered her, sir, as you might put it,
all my worldly goods.
699
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:17,633
Don't babble.
What are you talking about?
700
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,519
No, honestly, Mr Rumpole,
I do not babble.
701
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:26,710
Miss Marietta Liptrott is as charming
and honest as she is beautiful.
702
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:30,759
And she has done me the honour
of agreeing to be my wife.
703
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:34,993
The ceremony will be at the mosque
in Regents Park
704
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,994
to be followed by a reception at the
Memories Of India in Gloucester Rd.
705
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:44,314
You and your good lady are cordially
invited, as indeed are you, Mr Pinhorn.
706
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:48,951
- But not Dr Cogger?
- Oh, yes, Dr Cogger.
707
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,190
Because all the surgery will be there,
708
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:55,751
and I'm hoping Tim Cogger will propose
a toast to the happy couple.
709
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:57,399
I'll certainly ask him.
710
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:04,794
(CIock strikes six)
711
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:43,558
Nobody came, except Claude's pupil,
Mrs Wiggins, whatever her name is.
712
00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,631
Mrs Whittaker, very nice lady.
713
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,995
So the trap didn't work.
714
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,549
She was wearing a white carnation.
715
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:53,109
Perhaps she'd been to a wedding,
or something.
716
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:57,671
Portia, you are a brilliant advocate,
your courtroom manner is irresistible,
717
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,513
but you simply cannot skate
over the evidence.
718
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:04,832
Here, have another look at that.
Read it aloud, if you please.
719
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,589
- "Barrister."
- Stop. Barrister.
720
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:12,070
Isn't there another letter
after "barrister", small letter?
721
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:24,597
Oh, yes, it looks like an F.
722
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,558
It is an F. F for female.
723
00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:32,032
You were so sure that you had Claude
in the frame, you didn't even notice it.
724
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:36,193
A lady barrister, looking for adventure,
sharing Claude's room.
725
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,669
That's why you found
the magazine there.
726
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,196
I'm afraid you've disappointed
Mrs Whittaker dreadfully.
727
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,875
- Mrs Whittaker?
- The evidence seems conclusive.
728
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:49,149
Poor old Mr Whittaker, eh?
729
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:52,790
Obviously of the humdrum persuasion.
730
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,997
We ought to take out a subscription
to this magazine.
731
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,675
We've learnt a lot, haven't we,
out of only just one issue?
732
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,876
Well, perhaps you can, Rumpole.
733
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:06,397
I really must go and find Claude. You
know, he did seem pleased to see me.
734
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,791
Of course he did.
You owe him a lunch at the Savoy.
735
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:12,999
Hello.
736
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,071
Oh, God!
737
00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:20,198
Yes, Mrs Etheridge. I'm listening.
738
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,274
You mean
you ran into something again.
739
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,277
What?
740
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,989
The Cenotaph? I see.
741
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,319
Ah! Ballard.
742
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,798
- I've got good news for you at last.
- What's that?
743
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:44,236
I've got a client for you,
a lady, a motoring offence.
744
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,755
Oh, it's rather serious, I'm afraid.
745
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:50,595
I told her she'd better brief
a reliable QC.
746
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,196
Yes, yes, of course.
What's her name?
747
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:58,114
- It's a Mrs Etheridge.
- Etheridge.
748
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:03,115
I told her that you were
a rather cuddly kind of barrister.
749
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:10,196
Oh, and do call her Bambi.
Everybody does.
750
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:12,796
(Phone rings)
751
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:16,431
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00:50:16,481 --> 00:50:21,031
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