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1
00:00:00,834 --> 00:00:03,771
[film rise theme]
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:06,240
[theme music]
3
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:14,782
You may ask, why do 100
enemies with 100 swords
4
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:19,220
pursue one poor poet?
5
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:26,527
Because they know this poet is
a friend of Cyrano de Bergerac.
6
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,463
[applause]
7
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:38,772
[crowd chatting]
8
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,642
You liked to me.
9
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:42,776
OK.
10
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,214
So it's not exactly
like "Pinocchio."
11
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,916
You should have caught on,
DJ, when she said "The Elephant
12
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,985
Man" was like "Dumbo."
13
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:55,856
[drooling]
14
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,625
What, is Aunt Jackie on?
15
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,761
No, you're drooling on me.
16
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,164
Roseanne, i got to go.
17
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,332
No, Dan.
18
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,699
This is Jackie's big night.
19
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,601
We got to sit here
and watch the play,
20
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,837
and then go backstage and
tell her it didn't stink.
21
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:10,738
I'm sick.
22
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,206
I get the flu.
23
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:13,374
Oh, me too.
24
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,309
[coughing]
25
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,210
Cut.
26
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,346
It out.
27
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:19,847
Well, you do feel kind of warm.
28
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,014
Yeah, Can we please go?
29
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,750
I need to be sick
in my own bathroom.
30
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,818
Well, Jackie's
part's coming up now.
31
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,254
And she went to a lot
of time and trouble
32
00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:28,322
to make sure her
character was special.
33
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,957
We'll just watch her
part, and then we'll go.
34
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,531
Even Evil got to die
in his own bathroom.
35
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:47,608
Oh Gods, command the
muse to mold my lyric.
36
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:56,984
Tureen of beef.
37
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,292
That's it.
38
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,193
Let's go.
39
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,131
[theme music]
40
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,635
I got the flu.
41
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:22,670
I know, Dan.
42
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:23,737
I just got sick.
43
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:24,872
I was there, Dan.
44
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,073
I'm sorry about the rug.
45
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,308
It's OK.
46
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,277
You lay down, and I'm going
to go get you some soup.
47
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,244
DAN: Ugh.
48
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,579
This is the itchy blanket.
49
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,216
Jeez, 39 years old,
he gets a little flu,
50
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:39,853
and he acts like
actually a total baby.
51
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:45,225
I said, 39 years old,
he gets a little flu,
52
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,295
and he acts just like a baby.
53
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,195
DAN: Oh, OK.
54
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,835
Roseanne?
- Yes?
55
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:58,238
DAN: Put an ice cube in it
so I can eat it right away.
56
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,239
You bet, honey.
57
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,107
It's in there.
58
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,008
It's melting.
59
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,444
Ah yeah, it's almost gone.
60
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:07,481
It'll be real cool for you now.
61
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,382
Roseanne?
62
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,317
Yeah?
63
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,051
I can't find the
remote control.
64
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,220
It's right there.
65
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,656
Put it on channel two for me.
66
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,525
[funny music on tv]
67
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,626
Channel three.
68
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,093
[dramatic music on tv]
69
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,062
Four.
70
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:22,996
[romantic music on tv]
71
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,433
OK, back to two.
72
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:26,334
No.
73
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,668
[funny music on tv]
74
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,002
You know what, Dan?
75
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,371
I'm going to click it one
more time, and whatever's on,
76
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,373
you're going to watch it.
77
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,743
There, "Hee Haw" in Spanish.
78
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,979
It's your lucky day.
79
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,280
All right, here you go.
80
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:41,281
Eat your soup.
81
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,631
What?
82
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,367
Well, you have more
noodles than I do.
83
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,203
I do not.
84
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,204
Yes, you do.
85
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,539
You've just given
me chicken water.
86
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,177
All right, here.
87
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,211
[soup sloshing]
88
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,247
No, I-- now I have
too many noodles.
89
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:16,717
Stay sick, Dan, because
as soon as you're well,
90
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,853
I'm going to kill you.
91
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,188
OK, here it is.
92
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,590
Oh, good work Deej.
93
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,892
Give me your handbook,
and I'll sign it off.
94
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,660
What's going on?
95
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,630
This is this last requirement
for his Woodchuck badge.
96
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:32,366
He needed to make
something out of wood.
97
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,967
And he did.
98
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,704
Hm, well that's beautiful.
99
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,439
Yeah.
100
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,307
I wonder what it is.
101
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,710
Hey, that Woodchuck
thing's tonight, isn't it?
102
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:43,577
Yeah.
103
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,512
Well, you can go.
104
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:45,779
Well, I've got to go.
105
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,448
The reviews are in.
106
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,348
Uh-oh.
107
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,249
ROSEANNE: What?
108
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,852
Too many noodles.
109
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,321
Hon, lift up the lid this time.
110
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:02,563
So, last night's production
of "Cyrano de Bergerac"
111
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,499
proves that the Lanford
Community Theater Company
112
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,700
is finally getting better.
113
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,601
[gasps]
114
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,702
It's a rave.
115
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:09,603
Darling come here.
116
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,504
Look at this.
117
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,072
Here, read, read, read read.
118
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,543
Shirley Fisk, proprietor
of Shirl's Nail Hut,
119
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:18,178
turned in a must-see
performance as Roxanne.
120
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:19,379
Yeah, blah, blah, blah.
121
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,615
Skip down to this
part where I circled.
122
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,516
The ensemble--
123
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,719
That's me.
124
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:29,990
The ensemble was less
confused this time around.
125
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,526
Less confused.
126
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,928
That's great, huh?
127
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,263
Well, look at this, would you?
128
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,632
They're putting in a Dairy
Queen right next to the bank.
129
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,200
That'll be handy.
130
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,970
Can you be a little
more excited for me?
131
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:43,871
I am.
132
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,405
I'm excited, I swear.
133
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:49,777
When you said "tureen of
beef," I got totally hungry.
134
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:50,744
DAN: Roseanne!
135
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:51,645
What?
136
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,847
DAN: Roseanne!
137
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,116
I say what!
138
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,017
DAN: What?
139
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:03,491
Darling, go see what he wants.
140
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:07,260
Dad, what do you want?
141
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,630
DAN: What?
142
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,765
Go in there.
143
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,901
I hate sick people.
144
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:14,968
Hey, what time is it?
145
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,169
I got to get to work by one.
146
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,506
Whoa, work.
147
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,673
You didn't tell
me you had a job.
148
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,008
Yeah, I'm walking
down at the theater.
149
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,076
Answering phones, you know
taking reservations and stuff.
150
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,077
Oh.
JACKIE: Yeah.
151
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,679
What are they paying you?
152
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,180
Nothing.
153
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,651
That's an interesting
career choice.
154
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,820
I'm part of the
theater, Roseanne.
155
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,121
I'm helping out.
156
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,189
Well, do the other
actors help out?
157
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,558
When they can, yeah.
158
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,060
They all have jobs.
159
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,328
You just don't get it, do you?
160
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,332
He wants soup.
161
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,266
[phone ringing]
162
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,968
Oh, I could just
save him the time
163
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,770
and pour it down the toilet.
164
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:50,704
[phone ringing]
165
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:51,605
Hello?
166
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,007
Yeah, just a minute.
167
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,442
Jackie!
168
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:56,343
What?
169
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,611
It's Steven Spielberg.
170
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,179
He saw your play
last night, and he
171
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,447
wants to fly you
out to Hollywood
172
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,549
so you can answer his phone.
173
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:02,850
That's funny,
you're very-- ah.
174
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,885
It's Lou, your stage manager.
175
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:05,819
Lou?
176
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,020
Hi!
177
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,856
Hey, did you see the review?
178
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,390
Less confused!
179
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,659
Yeah.
180
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:12,560
Huh?
181
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,698
Oh.
182
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,600
Yep.
183
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:20,634
OK.
184
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:21,869
Sure.
185
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:22,803
All right.
Great.
186
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:23,704
Bye-bye.
187
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,677
Shirley Fisk has the flu.
188
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:30,644
So?
189
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,613
So I'm the understudy.
190
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,581
I have to go on tonight.
191
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,983
I have to do Roxanne.
192
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,951
Well, who's going
to do tureen of beef?
193
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,457
I'm in trouble, Roseanne.
194
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:45,993
I didn't think she
was going to get sick.
195
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,127
She never misses a show.
196
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:51,531
I didn't really bother
to learn the whole part.
197
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:52,766
What?
198
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,034
Well, I mean, I
know a little bit.
199
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,168
I know what happens.
200
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,103
Kind of.
201
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,240
I don't believe you, Jackie.
202
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,375
You better call the guy up and
tell him that you can't do it.
203
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,376
I can't do that.
204
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,277
I'm the understudy.
205
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,647
I'm their last resort.
206
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:07,748
Well, what are
you going to do?
207
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:08,649
I don't know.
208
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:12,920
I should go buy the play.
209
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,792
[upbeat music]
210
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:26,133
OK, so that what's his name
Cyrano, he goes, "Call her."
211
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,468
And then that Christian,
he goes, "Roxanne."
212
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,770
and then you go--
- I know this.
213
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:30,738
Don't tell me.
Don't tell me.
214
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:31,639
Don't tell me.
215
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:34,574
OK, tell me.
216
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,748
You guys have been rehearsing
this play for a whole month.
217
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,149
Have you ever even watched it?
218
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,383
I wasn't in this scene.
219
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:46,820
I didn't care what happened
in the rest of the play.
220
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,289
Roseanne, I got
bad things coming
221
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,457
out of every part of my body.
222
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,264
Oh, you poor baby.
223
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,866
Is there anything
I can do to make
224
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:03,403
you feel better without
actually having to touch you?
225
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,839
I need some post-nasal
drip medicine.
226
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,540
Oh, we don't have
any of that, Dan.
227
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:08,608
I'm dripping.
228
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,877
Dan!
229
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,812
I'm working on a scene here.
230
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,313
Can you give me a minute?
231
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,582
No!
232
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,450
I swear, the very next
one of yous to whine
233
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,453
is going to get creamed.
234
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,355
Dan, please help her
out with her lines.
235
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,256
Aw!
236
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,357
I'll make you some tea.
237
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,759
[coughing]
238
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,595
All right, where were you?
239
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:29,596
Where?
240
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,298
Christian goes,
"It's Christian."
241
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,167
DAN: It's Christian.
242
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,568
And if it is, so?
243
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,070
My dearest Roxanne--
244
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,539
[coughing]
245
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,708
What--
246
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,776
I'm never going
to learn this scene.
247
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,212
I'm going to be humiliated
in front of the whole town.
248
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,446
[coughing]
249
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,682
Jackie, you've learned
the whole rest of the play,
250
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:49,983
you know.
251
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,052
Why are you having so much
trouble with this one scene?
252
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,053
It's too much pressure!
253
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,755
Everything happens
in this one scene!
254
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:55,889
There's too much going on.
255
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,190
First Christian's talking.
256
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,892
And then Cyrano's
talking to Christian.
257
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,128
And then Christian is
pretending to be Cyrano--
258
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,195
Oh, never mind about me.
259
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,096
I'll be fine.
260
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,735
I'm ready.
261
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,636
Oh no, your Scout thing.
262
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,004
I forgot.
263
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,473
OK, go on out in the car.
264
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,108
I'll get dressed, and
I'll meet you out there.
265
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,078
Hurry up.
266
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,579
You can't go out, Dan.
267
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,715
Roseanne, there's no way
I'm going to miss this.
268
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:22,615
He's my son.
269
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,217
I've got to be there.
270
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,118
I'll take him.
271
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,387
OK.
272
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,421
What?
273
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,823
No!
Wait a minute!
274
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:30,991
No, you can't go.
275
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,225
This play starts in two hours.
276
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,360
Well--
277
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,095
I need your help, or
I'm just going to flop.
278
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,897
Jackie, DJ made
some wood thing,
279
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,065
and they're giving him a medal.
280
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,933
But I was counting on you.
281
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,169
Well, get somebody else
in the play to help you.
282
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,336
I can't do that.
283
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:46,606
Then they'll know I
didn't memorize the lines.
284
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,607
[sighs]
285
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,508
Bye.
286
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,643
I can't believe this!
287
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:53,646
You're dumping me for
some stupid merit badge?
288
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,049
That stupid merit badge
is the most important thing
289
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,284
in my son's life right now.
290
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,685
Well, this is the most
important thing in my life.
291
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:01,054
If you are any kind of sister,
you wouldn't run out on me now.
292
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,455
Yeah, well if I was
any kind of sister,
293
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,657
I already would have told you
that this whole theater thing
294
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,593
is getting way out of hand.
295
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:07,995
What's that supposed to mean?
296
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,097
Well, that everybody else
just has it as a hobby,
297
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,965
but you're turning it
into a career, you know,
298
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,601
just because you've got
nothing else going on.
299
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,203
Oh, that's what you think.
300
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:17,604
Ever since you
quite the force,
301
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,239
you've just been
hanging out, Jackie.
302
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,074
Oh sure, you're not
hanging out at the Lobo.
303
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:24,144
Now it's a theater, but
it's still just hanging out.
304
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,745
OK, fine.
Sure.
305
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:26,814
Bye-bye.
306
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,448
Thanks for being there
for me, Roseanne.
307
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:31,018
[coughing]
308
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,953
Shut up, Dan.
309
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,421
[upbeat music]
310
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,227
[gentle music]
311
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,468
You've scrambled the
eggs too hard, Becky.
312
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,938
A minute ago he said
they were too loose.
313
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,105
Yeah, well now
they're too chewy,
314
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,340
and they make his
little face hurt.
315
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,109
[plate clatters]
- Well hey, that's it.
316
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,644
I'm not cooking for him anymore.
317
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:02,449
If he wants to eat, he can
lick the VapoRub off his chest.
318
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,353
Hey girls, your
brother's a chipmunk.
319
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,554
Woodchuck.
320
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:08,455
Whatever.
321
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,092
Where's you dad?
322
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,093
How's he doing?
323
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,863
He's driving us crazy.
324
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,764
Does my tongue
look funny to you?
325
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:18,665
Ew, gross!
326
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:26,706
Well, well.
327
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,607
It lives.
328
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,076
Yeah, I feel a little better.
329
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,947
So how come you're
driving that girls crazy?
330
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,983
Kicks.
331
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,317
Did Jackie call?
DAN: No.
332
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,218
Jeez.
333
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,120
She's a big girl.
334
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,121
I know.
335
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,522
You know, I was
thinking-- of course,
336
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,424
what I said to her
was true, you know,
337
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,628
but maybe I was a
tad insensitive.
338
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:49,529
How unlike you.
339
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,635
Maybe I ought to just back off
and let her live her own life.
340
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:58,071
[laughing]
341
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,942
[upbeat music]
342
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,345
[theatrical music]
343
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,217
Christian!
344
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,551
Cyrano!
345
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,553
And what is this urgency?
346
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,222
She read the letters.
347
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,789
She wants to see me.
348
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,291
Ah, that is good.
349
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,493
But she thinks
they are my words.
350
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,428
Is that not what you want?
351
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,862
(WHISPERING) Is
someone calling?
352
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,064
Is someone calling?
353
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,532
Is someone calling?
354
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,267
Is someone calling?
355
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,036
Relax, you're doing great.
356
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,470
You think so, Lou?
357
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,939
Well, you're no Shirley Fisk.
358
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,541
Yeah, well, who is?
359
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,876
Not you.
360
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,579
Come, stand
beneath the balcony,
361
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,382
whilst I stand behind the tree
and whisper the words for you
362
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,351
to woo her.
Call her forth.
363
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:47,988
Roxanne.
364
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:57,597
Roxanne!
365
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,474
Call her forth louder.
366
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,375
Roxanne!
367
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,246
Is someone calling?
368
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,382
Is someone calling?
CHRISTIAN: Roxanne!
369
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,184
- Jackie.
- Is some
370
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,685
Someone's calling.
371
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:19,719
Oh god, Lou.
372
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:20,620
OK.
373
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:21,554
Yeah.
374
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,690
OK.
375
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:27,727
Mayhaps we are at
the wrong balcony.
376
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:28,628
I don't think so.
377
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:36,703
So, are you from
France originally?
378
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,943
Is someone calling?
379
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:44,978
What shall I say?
380
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,847
Heed what I say and repeat it.
381
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,250
My words before
could not express--
382
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,120
My words before
could not express--
383
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,754
--what my heart truly feels.
384
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,923
--what my heart truly feels.
385
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:57,824
Oh.
386
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,695
ROSEANNE: (WHISPERING) I can
see that you love me no longer.
387
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,369
My father, the
duke, is calling.
388
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,539
Be right back.
389
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,007
What are you doing here?
390
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,109
I can see that you
love me no longer.
391
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:17,444
We had an argument.
392
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,545
We'll work it out.
393
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:19,479
I'm in a play!
394
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,552
That is the line, Jackie.
395
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,786
Oh, no.
396
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,755
It's no use, Roseanne.
397
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,957
No, you go on out there,
and I'll feed you your lines.
398
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,192
No, we can't do that.
399
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,093
Why not?
400
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:33,993
They're doing it.
401
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,134
Oh, the Big Dipper.
402
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,576
I can see that you
love me no longer.
403
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:50,543
Oh you gods!
404
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,644
Oh you gods!
405
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:52,979
See how I love--
406
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,647
See how I love--
407
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,015
more than words can say!
408
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:59,652
more than words can say!
409
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:00,720
ROSEANNE: Why are you words--
410
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,289
Why are your words--
ROSEANNE: so--
411
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,790
so--
ROSEANNE: halting
412
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:04,691
halting.
413
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,761
How shall I explain?
414
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,729
I shall speak for you.
415
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:10,597
Good.
416
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:18,138
Each word struggles through
the dark, seeking your light.
417
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,106
ROSEANNE: If that were true--
418
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,773
If that were true.
419
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,008
ROSEANNE: my own words--
420
00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:22,975
my own words--
421
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,211
ROSEANNE: would
struggle like yours.
422
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,845
would struggle like yours.
423
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,847
It seems to me that
your words come more
424
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,516
easily than they did before.
425
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:30,417
ROSEANNE: That's right!
426
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:31,318
I know!
427
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,989
But I have never spoken
with my true heart, before.
428
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,225
Why not?
429
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:41,828
Because I have never
spoken to your heart before.
430
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,029
I love you.
431
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,030
Christian!
432
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,499
Oh, you do
tremble like a leaf.
433
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,567
Yes, I tremble.
434
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,735
I tremble with love.
435
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,503
For you have made me love you.
436
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,939
That's right!
437
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,874
Give me a kiss.
438
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:58,578
Now I could die, but
for one thing, a kiss!
439
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,813
Come then, it awaits you!
440
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:01,848
Go Go!
441
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,283
Climb!
442
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,718
JACKIE: A kiss, sweet as nectar.
443
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,155
Come claim your prize.
444
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,055
Roxanne!
445
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,664
Hey Lou, is that guy single?
446
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,967
[theatrical music]
447
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,938
Excuse me, Roseanne,
I need the table.
448
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,707
Oh, sorry.
449
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,009
Hey, Jackie was that
tonight, wasn't she?
450
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,579
Yeah well, the important
thing is, she fit the costume.
451
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,984
Hey Phil, good job tonight.
452
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,686
Hey, thanks Roseanne.
453
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,188
Jackie did good,
don't you think?
454
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,190
Well, I got to tell you, I've
been doing community theater
455
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:46,859
for 14 years now and, no.
456
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,898
Well, she remembered
most of her lines.
457
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,200
Yeah, that she did.
458
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,234
I'll see you.
- OK.
459
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,202
Have a nice night.
460
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,303
I said no, Al.
461
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,270
Come on.
462
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,471
Are you going to
stand there and tell
463
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,207
me you didn't feel
something special
464
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,609
going on between us tonight?
465
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,611
I was playing a part.
466
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:05,878
I was acting.
467
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:10,049
Come on, you're not
that good of an actor.
468
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,918
Good night, Al.
469
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:12,819
Good night, Roxanne.
470
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:17,690
[laughing]
471
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,627
What a doof.
472
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:21,728
Jackie, you were great.
473
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,629
JACKIE: No, I wasn't.
474
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:23,896
Oh yes you were!
475
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,064
No.
476
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,133
Everybody was leaving
during my curtain call.
477
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,536
Well, sure, because
it's snowing outside,
478
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:32,138
you know, and they
want to get home.
479
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:33,039
Shirley got roses.
480
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,173
I didn't get roses.
481
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,675
Well, that was opening night.
482
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,310
You only get roses
on opening night.
483
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,279
You're just saying
that, Roseanne.
484
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,980
You're just trying not
to make me feel bad.
485
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,283
Oh Jackie, have
some confidence, OK?
486
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,183
God, you're pathetic.
487
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,356
You know, you
were right, before.
488
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,259
I haven't done anything,
really, since I quit the force.
489
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,060
Well you've got the
right to take your time
490
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,363
and figure out what it
is you really want to do.
491
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:57,564
I've had plenty of time.
492
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,931
I know.
493
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,000
It's just that I was really
proud of being a cop, you know,
494
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:01,901
so--
495
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:02,835
I know that.
496
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:03,970
I don't want to
do just anything.
497
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,406
Well, you'll find
something, Jackie, trust me.
498
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:07,874
You've got a lot of potential.
- Yeah.
499
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,175
You're going to
find the right thing.
500
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,444
You'll see.
501
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,112
So you really thought
I was good, huh?
502
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,448
I-- I couldn't believe it.
I thought you were great.
503
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,449
Yeah, I don't know.
504
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,485
Maybe Roxanne isn't my part.
505
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,419
I don't know.
506
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,688
She, uh, dumps the
really cool guy
507
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,956
with the big nose for the
moron with the cute butt.
508
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,057
That's right up your alley.
509
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,899
I must find a way
to make her love me!
510
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,000
Now!
511
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,569
And how am I to teach--
512
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,004
how am I to--
513
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,407
how am I to--
514
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:41,408
[sneezing]
515
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,309
Bless you.
516
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,983
And how am I to teach you now?
517
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:55,755
What?
518
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:56,623
Nose.
519
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,625
Nose.
520
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:02,128
Oh god.
521
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,129
I shall die!
522
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:04,631
Oh, yes.
523
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:06,933
Stand here beneath our balcony
whilst I stand behind the tree
524
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,869
and whisper the words
for you to woo her.
525
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,838
[sneezing]
526
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:14,807
Roxanne!
527
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,579
Is someone call--
528
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,515
[sneezing]
529
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,659
Is someone call--
530
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:36,028
[sneezing]
531
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,567
A token of her love.
532
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,873
[sneezing]
533
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:53,179
[film rise theme]
534
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:57,779
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