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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:08,742 [theme - "roseanne theme"] 2 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,086 [laughing] 3 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:55,055 [music playing] 4 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,726 God, Crystal, you mean he brings you breakfast in bed? 5 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,162 How was it? 6 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:04,932 No, I mean the breakfast. 7 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,635 Well, of course Ed's going to do something romantic. 8 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:11,939 I mean, it's Valentine's Day, for crying out loud. 9 00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,408 Only the slimiest low life of a husband 10 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,178 would forget you on Valentine's Day. 11 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,546 And he just came in. 12 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,782 I got to go, bye. 13 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,285 I didn't forget it. 14 00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,853 What did you get me? 15 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,256 A surprise. 16 00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:31,525 To both of us, huh? 17 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,460 Here. 18 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,664 Well, at least my son remembered. 19 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:39,300 Happy Valentine's Day from your son. 20 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,201 Love Warren. 21 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:44,505 Warren? 22 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,440 The one I made was lousy. 23 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,709 Well I would have love it anyway, DJ, because you made it 24 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,579 with your own two little hands. 25 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:52,713 Is there gravy on this? 26 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,916 What'd you do, fish it out of the trash? 27 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:56,817 Was that wrong? 28 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:00,654 Keep going, Deej. 29 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,756 You're making the old man look good. 30 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,659 No, it's not too late if he asked you today, tomorrow even. 31 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:06,760 It doesn't matter, because he's 32 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:07,961 not going to ask me anyway. 33 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,763 - Morning. - Morning. 34 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,365 Who ain't going to ask you anyway what? 35 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,267 Can we just eat breakfast, please? 36 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,235 Well, come on, Darlene. 37 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,336 We're all gathered together. 38 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:18,105 This is the perfect time to get caught up. 39 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:20,073 Yes, mother, and there are three other people here 40 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,942 to get caught up on. 41 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:22,843 OK. 42 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:23,977 Dan, you going to work today? 43 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:24,878 Yup. 44 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,046 DJ, you got scouts? 45 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:26,947 Yes. 46 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,816 Becky, you still blonde? 47 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:29,717 Yeah. 48 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,520 So, Darlene, what's going on? 49 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,122 You know, it's just like you to get all gross about this. 50 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,458 I mean, how come you can't talk about me behind my back 51 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,459 like a normal mother? 52 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,062 OK. 53 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,531 Let's do it. 54 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,399 His name is Barry. 55 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,900 JACKIE: Hi, guys. - Oh! 56 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,337 Get in here, Jackie. Darlene's got a boyfriend. 57 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:50,571 You're kidding. Who? 58 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,105 This guy she met playing basketball. 59 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,207 He's a sophomore. 60 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,475 Oh, he's an older man. 61 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,576 Yeah. 62 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,177 She really, really, really wants him to ask 63 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,746 her to Valentine's Dance. 64 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,781 So I told Darlene to invite him over this afternoon 65 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,650 to help her out with her math. 66 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,218 I thought the vulnerable, helpless girl 67 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,687 approach would be better than that Larry Byrd thing she does. 68 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:07,655 Yeah. 69 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:08,889 This better not get out of control. 70 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,424 I don't want to catch them groping on the couch 71 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,659 like with that last guy. 72 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,794 This is completely different, Dan. 73 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,897 She didn't even like that last guy. 74 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,799 Oh, well then. 75 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:21,168 Becky, what should I wear? 76 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,136 I said the pink skirt. 77 00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:25,138 It's too short. 78 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,941 She knows nothing. 79 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,678 I don't like this whole Darlene, pink skirt, 80 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,112 boy, too short thing. 81 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,848 Well, I don't like this whole husband, 82 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:38,286 stupid, forget Valentine thing. 83 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,188 I didn't forget. 84 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:42,089 OK, DJ. 85 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:42,990 Come on. 86 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,859 I'll drop you off at school. 87 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,295 Well. 88 00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:50,398 Happy Valentine's Day anyhow, honey. 89 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,799 See I'm not mad. 90 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,108 So, Jackie, now that you're off the police force-- 91 00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,009 OK. 92 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:02,910 I forgot. 93 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,478 Help me out here. 94 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,846 What does she want? 95 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,349 Oh, Dan, I'm sure whatever you pick out would be-- 96 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,283 Tell me! 97 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:13,854 - Lingerie. - No. 98 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:14,922 No. 99 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,024 Dan, she says you never buy her anything 100 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,959 that makes her feel sexy. 101 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,962 Hell, I bought her cable didn't I? 102 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,864 It's what she wants. 103 00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:24,765 How about jewelry? 104 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:25,833 She loves jewelry. 105 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,034 She doesn't have any of her own, but she 106 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,436 admires it on other people. 107 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:31,572 You are just embarrassed, because you think you're going 108 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,341 to be the only man in the lingerie store, 109 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,142 and everybody's going to be staring at you, 110 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,712 and thinking you're some kind of a pervert. 111 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,782 You've been a great help. 112 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,050 Dan, come on. 113 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,752 A lot of guys do it. 114 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,387 It's romantic. 115 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,588 I don't know. 116 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,658 I mean, how am I even going to know if it fits? 117 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:51,559 Try it on. 118 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,999 [music playing] 119 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,242 Good brownies. 120 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:12,346 Yeah. 121 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,781 They have nuts in them. 122 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:18,819 They're good. 123 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:19,720 Yeah. 124 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,155 Nuts. 125 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,957 Oh, she looks constipated. 126 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:29,663 It's all those nuts. 127 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,200 She's fine. 128 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,301 She's just got to relax. 129 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:44,378 Much better. 130 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,183 Oh! 131 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,419 Sorry. 132 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,586 It's OK. 133 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,155 I'll just go get something to clean that up. 134 00:05:58,659 --> 00:05:59,993 Mom, clean that up. 135 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,899 He hates me. 136 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,535 He does not. 137 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,002 He thinks I'm a dork. 138 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,772 Well, you gotta show him you're something special. 139 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,007 Oh, yeah, a special dork. 140 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:14,975 The head dork. 141 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,678 The dork queen. 142 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,213 Jeez, Darlene, I mean, try flirting a little. 143 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,183 You know, smile, laugh, lean in and listen, like what 144 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,118 he's saying is important. 145 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,654 Lean in and listen? 146 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:27,721 Yeah, like this. 147 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,563 You're making this up. 148 00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:38,065 Look, Darlene, I'm only trying to help you out. 149 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:38,966 OK. 150 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,301 OK. 151 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,403 But he's gorgeous, isn't he? 152 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,638 He's cute. 153 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,539 Oh come on. 154 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,741 He's a god. 155 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,242 I mean this homework thing is kind of lame, 156 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,612 but he came over, so he must like me, right? 157 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,780 Well, why shouldn't you like you? 158 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:53,847 I mean, you're funny. 159 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,015 You're cute. 160 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:58,786 You're wearing my clothes. 161 00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,821 Thanks. 162 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,656 There is one problem. 163 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:03,757 What? 164 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,893 Right now, he's out there with mom, alone. 165 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,699 I don't know, but I figure when your husband 166 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,034 forgets Valentines Day you've got a right to say something, 167 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:14,935 you know. 168 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,908 Oh sure, I don't want to go busting his chops or nothing, 169 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,243 but you know, I want a little romance. 170 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,144 Is that wrong? 171 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,188 Hi. 172 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,089 Hi. 173 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,003 What's that Lassie? 174 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,143 You say Timmy fell down a mine shaft? 175 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,382 Up on Big Rock Mountain? 176 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,887 And grandpa's already up there waiting. 177 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,693 I better get out there. 178 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:13,594 Good girl. 179 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,998 Your mom's nice. 180 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,367 OK. 181 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,935 This is my sister, Becky. - Hi. 182 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:22,836 Yeah. 183 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:23,804 I've seen in school. 184 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,378 Would you like another brownie, Barry? 185 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,280 No. 186 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,750 Maybe I should take off. 187 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,552 Hey, Barry, you got your license yet? 188 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,452 Uh-huh. 189 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:40,788 I got it a couple of weeks ago. 190 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:41,789 I'm waiting to get a car. 191 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:42,690 Ah. 192 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:48,662 ROSEANNE: What kind of car? 193 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,134 Yeah, what she said. 194 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:58,806 Well, my dream car is a red Corvette with a turbo charger, 195 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:02,242 but I'll probably wind up with my dead aunt's old Gremlin. 196 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,078 What is she doing? 197 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:05,979 Flirting? 198 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:14,154 Well God, I hope she doesn't hurt herself. 199 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:18,458 [harmonica music] 200 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,628 You know, so we're married 17 years, 201 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:23,831 and he totally forgets Valentine's Day. 202 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,333 I'd divorce him if I were you. 203 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,467 I'm not going to reward him. 204 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,406 So did Duke get you anything? 205 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,408 Oh, he's such a sweetheart. 206 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,177 You know, there were a lot of women in his life 207 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,545 before we met. 208 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,715 So for Valentine's Day he's going to have all their names 209 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,952 removed from his back. 210 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,387 I'd kill for a guy like that. 211 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,956 That's how I got him. 212 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:52,860 Excuse me. 213 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,027 Hello. 214 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,263 I'd like to speak with the manager, please. 215 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,497 He's not here. 216 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,199 He's never here. 217 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,534 Well, then maybe that's why they fired him and hired me. 218 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,336 Hi. Leon Karp. 219 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,838 I'm your new boss. 220 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,040 Which leads me to my first question, 221 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,208 why aren't you working? 222 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,476 Nobody's asking for anything. 223 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,414 Attitude. 224 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,582 We'll cover that later. 225 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:16,549 OK. 226 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:17,450 New rules. 227 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,418 You ready? 228 00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,486 All right. 229 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:22,790 First, when your shift starts, you start. 230 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:27,661 If you're five minutes late, you're docked five minutes pay. 231 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,029 Wow. 232 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,265 That's almost $0.30. 233 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,166 Hey. 234 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,267 I got to go to the bathroom. 235 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:37,137 Here's a buck. 236 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,972 That's very funny. 237 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:39,873 Thank you. 238 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:46,680 Now to continue on, I've been hearing 239 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,581 that the customers like to come in here, 240 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,351 because they enjoy themselves. 241 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,353 That you're friendly, you chat. 242 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:56,623 We think it's our sexy uniforms. 243 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,358 Why do you think this restaurant is in the middle 244 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,027 of this department store? 245 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,262 It's because, when our customers are hungry, 246 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,497 we do not want them to leave. 247 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,799 And after they've eaten, we want to get 248 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:06,800 them right back out there. 249 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,168 So they can buy things. 250 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,270 Well, do you want to be mean? 251 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,205 Not, not mean. 252 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,841 Brusque. 253 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,643 That's going to cut down on our tips. 254 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,746 You're going to make it up in volume. 255 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:22,783 So you want us to work twice as hard for the same money? 256 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,485 That's great. 257 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:26,453 OK. 258 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,354 I got to go. 259 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,559 Are you enjoying that coffee? 260 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:33,961 Yes, I am. 261 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,830 That's wonderful. 262 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:37,765 Get her out of here. 263 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,936 [elevator ding] 264 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,571 Yeah, she is definitely cute. 265 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:45,973 Well, you were right there at her house, 266 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,240 why didn't you ask her? 267 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,175 Well, it was weird. 268 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,409 Like her whole family was there. 269 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,811 And her sister was hanging out with us. 270 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,746 Dance is tomorrow, bud. 271 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:53,646 I don't know. 272 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,348 I think she likes me. 273 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:58,351 But I'm not sure. 274 00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,686 Oh God. 275 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:00,587 What? 276 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,923 That's her mother. 277 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,892 No, guys, don't. 278 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,693 Please. - Hey! 279 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:07,660 Hey, Mrs. Conner. 280 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,262 Hey, it's Bar. 281 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,364 Hey, so you guys know what you want? 282 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,634 Barry does. 283 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,837 But she's not on the menu. 284 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,205 I got to go. 285 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,506 Oh, where are you going? 286 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:20,440 Well, I can't stay here. 287 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:21,341 It's too embarrassing. 288 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,475 Oh, it is not. 289 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,477 Now I know you like my daughter, right? 290 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,946 OK. Yeah. 291 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,214 OK. 292 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,117 Now I'm a young, hip, happening kind of a mother here, 293 00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,351 you know. 294 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,587 I totally dig this teen romance stuff. 295 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:37,357 So that's why I'm going to give you some advice, Barry. 296 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,827 Call her, dude. 297 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,228 It's more complicated than that. 298 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,262 I mean, Darlene-- 299 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,798 It is not complicated. 300 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,133 - You sure? - Yeah. 301 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,700 Just promise me you'll have a small wedding, 302 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:48,701 and then you'll move away. 303 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:51,704 Hello. 304 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,006 This is Barry Parker. 305 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,241 Is this Darlene? 306 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,142 Just a second, Barry. 307 00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,076 I'll get her. 308 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,545 Darlene! 309 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,013 Hurry! 310 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,014 It's him! 311 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,082 BOTH: It's him! 312 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:02,983 It's him! 313 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:03,984 It's him! 314 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,018 OK. 315 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,286 I just became the kind of girl I hate. 316 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:07,187 Now give me the phone. 317 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,225 Here she is, Barry. 318 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,260 What? 319 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,596 I said I wanted to talk to you, Becky. 320 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:19,432 Do you have a date for the Valentine's Dance? 321 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,202 Hey, Bonnie, I'm sleeping over your house tonight. 322 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,103 K? 323 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,009 [harmonica music] 324 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,144 Darlene, for the millionth time, 325 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,346 I was only down here with you guys for like one minute. 326 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,582 Exactly how did I steal him away? 327 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,649 Well hello there. 328 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,352 Y'all going to be driving some time soon? 329 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,820 Oh, Darlene. 330 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:41,721 I told you. 331 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:42,655 He's not even my type. 332 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:43,556 Oh what? 333 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,524 He's not good enough for you? 334 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:45,926 Well, let me tell you something. 335 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:49,096 He's 50 times better than the mutants that you go out with. 336 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,031 Darlene, you're not making any sense. 337 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,132 I don't have to make any sense. 338 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,133 I just have to remember to be a little 339 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,601 more careful with my boyfriends when 340 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:57,770 my sister's feeling feisty. 341 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,206 Mother. 342 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,107 What's going on? 343 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:07,247 Barry called and asked me out, instead of Darlene. 344 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,416 No. 345 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,552 Would you tell her I didn't do anything? 346 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,221 - Darlene, you know, it's not-- - Oh yeah. 347 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,355 Take her side, like you always do. 348 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,957 She's just your little Princess. 349 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,191 What are you talking about? 350 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,659 She never takes my side. 351 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,660 We're always arguing. 352 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,830 She makes my life miserable. 353 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,065 Am I right? 354 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:26,033 Well, I do what I can. 355 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:31,771 I don't care what she says. 356 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,406 You hated the idea that I could have a boyfriend. 357 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,441 You're nothing but a snake. 358 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,309 Oh, I don't have to take any of this. 359 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:37,210 Yeah, right. 360 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,578 Run away, Becky. 361 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:41,915 Like you always do. 362 00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,817 You know, Darlene, this isn't Becky's fault. 363 00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,320 Honey, this happens to all girls. 364 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,123 It really does, and I promise it'll get better. 365 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,491 Oh yeah, tomorrow's another day. 366 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,093 It's not the end of the world. There's lots of other boys. 367 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,194 Did I leave anything out? 368 00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:00,968 There's plenty more fish in the sea. 369 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,836 That about covers it. 370 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:16,483 [music playing] 371 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,987 What do you think, pervert? 372 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,889 No, husband. 373 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,224 He's starting to buckle. 374 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,125 I got him. 375 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,061 Hi. - Hi. 376 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,562 - Can I help you? - No, thanks. 377 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,164 I'm, I'm just looking. - I see. 378 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,065 No. I'm not looking. 379 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,266 I didn't come in here to look. 380 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:36,303 I mean, I don't enjoy doing that kind of thing. 381 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:40,173 I mean, why don't you believe me? 382 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,141 Something for your wife. 383 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,042 Fine. 384 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,176 For Valentine's Day? 385 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,077 Thank you. 386 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,278 Oh that's so sweet. 387 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,381 Well, what do you think she would do like? 388 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,382 A Teddy? 389 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,051 A nightie? 390 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,185 How about a robe? - Robe. 391 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,086 Yeah. 392 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,254 Yeah. 393 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,289 Big, long robe. 394 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,891 Do you want silk, lace, see through? 395 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,597 Could I have a glass of water? 396 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:05,498 Amy. 397 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,040 Good construction. 398 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,074 Here you go, sir. 399 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:14,974 Thank you. 400 00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,243 Would you like to sit down? 401 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,144 Thank you. 402 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,189 There, there. Calm down. 403 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,557 It's OK. 404 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,225 Now I know you said a robe, but I think this is something 405 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,726 that she will really like. 406 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,528 And see how sheer it is? 407 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:36,896 Feel it. - No. 408 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,997 Oh come on, it won't bite. 409 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:38,898 No, really. 410 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:39,799 It's OK. 411 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:40,700 Come on. 412 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:41,868 I know you want to. 413 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:45,205 It's wonderful, but I got to-- 414 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,307 Oh, excuse me. 415 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,241 Sir, are you all right? 416 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,509 No, I, I got to go. 417 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,510 Something to do with my car. 418 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,147 Arnie. - Dan. 419 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,382 Wow, listen man, my car broke down. 420 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,449 I came in here to use the phone. 421 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:57,417 How's Rosie doing? 422 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,318 Good. 423 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,320 Bye. 424 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:07,026 [music playing] 425 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,596 Hey, Becky, how's that book? 426 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,497 Incredibly boring. 427 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:21,241 You know, Becky, it's not your fault that that Barry 428 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,975 kid asked you out or anything. 429 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,645 I mean, you're very pretty, and you're a sophomore. 430 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,115 And you're comfortable around boys. 431 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,417 And you know, it's not his fault either. 432 00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,320 And it certainly isn't Darlene's fault. 433 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,889 The book is better than this, mother. 434 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,692 Well, she really needs you now, Becky. 435 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:40,727 I'm not going to go up there. 436 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,795 She's just going to dump all over me. 437 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,797 I know that, and then she'll probably cry some more. 438 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,933 And it's bound to be an awful experience, 439 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:50,570 and I'm glad I won't be having it. 440 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,272 So why should I? 441 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,707 Because you're the big sister. 442 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,344 You know, you get to date first and drive first. 443 00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,512 You get to do everything first. 444 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,148 And Darlene's going to be killing 445 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,015 herself her whole life just trying to catch up to you, 446 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:03,916 you know? 447 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,952 Just give her a break. 448 00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:08,087 I mean, she needs somebody to unload on right now, 449 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:09,756 and this time I'm just not good enough. 450 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:18,097 This is very, very nice of me. 451 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:21,268 I want big points. 452 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,770 Well, I thought it was going to be a truly selfless act, 453 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:28,441 but then at the last minute she pulled it out. 454 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,478 Well, I was never trying to catch up to you though. 455 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,946 Oh, we, you wish you were me. 456 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,215 No. No. 457 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,249 Get out of here. 458 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,617 No. No. 459 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:38,651 No. - Yeah. 460 00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:40,620 That was the burden of my entire life, 461 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:41,921 trying to hold myself back. 462 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:42,855 Oh! 463 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,225 So you wouldn't feel overshadowed 464 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,693 by my magnificence. 465 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,495 You're dreaming. No. 466 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,496 No. 467 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,530 Rosie, could I see you? 468 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,867 He got it. 469 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,068 - Oh. - Oh. 470 00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,003 Yeah. 471 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,238 Guilt is a many splendored thing. 472 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,008 Coming, dearest. 473 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,415 Oh, you did get me something. 474 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,317 For my wife, on Valentine's Day. 475 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,251 Oh. 476 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,151 So nice. 477 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:16,823 I made it with my own two little hands. 478 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:20,527 Oh, Dan. 479 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,396 Well, Roseanne, I tried. 480 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,499 I went to the underwear store and everything. 481 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,868 But people were staring at me, leering. 482 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,036 I felt so cheap. 483 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:38,378 Dear Roseanne, though this gift is not what you desired, 484 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,613 the sentiment is clear. 485 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:44,617 If you need proof I love you still, hell, Rosie, 486 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,854 I'm still here. 487 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:48,755 Love, Warren. 488 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:58,398 Oh, Dan, I know you really do love me you old goat. 489 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,435 I'm going to go try this on. 490 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:12,279 [harmonica music] 491 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,180 Hey. 492 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,148 Oh, hey. 493 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,784 So, how was the dance? 494 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,552 It was OK. 495 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:20,687 You can tell me. 496 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,323 I'm not going to like break down or anything. 497 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,726 It was really nice. 498 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,695 Anybody there I might know? 499 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,598 Barry showed up with Angela Deets 500 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,433 She looks just like you. 501 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,368 That's so gross. 502 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,769 Thanks. 503 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,838 Well, you know what I mean. 504 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,474 So did he like spend the whole night gazing at you? 505 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,843 Sort of. 506 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,211 Did he ask you to dance? 507 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:46,479 Uh-huh. 508 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,980 So? 509 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,617 So I thought what would Darlene want me to do? 510 00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:53,353 So you punched him in the neck? 511 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,253 No. 512 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,155 I just told him to get lost. 513 00:20:56,255 --> 00:21:00,860 But then I told Angela Deets that she was his second choice. 514 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,029 So what did she do? 515 00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:07,867 Well, let's just say old Bar won't be dancing for a while. 516 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,370 Cool. 517 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:18,778 [theme - "roseanne theme"] 518 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:32,692 [laughing] 519 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:44,571 [snorting] 520 00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:46,072 You, you. 521 00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:48,107 I can't look at you. 522 00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,877 DARLENE: I can't look at you either. 523 00:21:50,927 --> 00:21:55,477 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33905

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