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1
00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:02,270
[music playing]
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,708
[theme music]
3
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,352
[cackle]
4
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,855
[music playing]
5
00:00:57,425 --> 00:01:00,961
So, Becky, is that the
shirt you wore school today?
6
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:01,895
Yes.
7
00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,764
OK.
8
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,800
Would you like
another beer, dearest?
9
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,171
Thank you, my pet.
10
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,405
Can I have a beer?
11
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:12,306
No.
12
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:16,377
So, Becky, something
wrong with your food?
13
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,680
Oh, you mean you hid some
food under all this slop?
14
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,048
Hey!
15
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,817
I stuck that in the microwave,
pressed Power, pressed Time,
16
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:28,256
pressed Start, and this
is the thanks I get.
17
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,458
God, nobody could
eat this crud.
18
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,092
If you don't finish your
crud, you're not going
19
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,227
to get any crap for dessert.
20
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,333
Hey, whoa, it's
your turn to clear.
21
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,268
Oh, of course.
22
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:41,702
Isn't it always
my turn to clear?
23
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,238
Becky, is there something
you'd like to share with us?
24
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,706
Like what?
25
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,009
Like why you've been acting
like a total snot lately?
26
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,544
Why don't you
just kiss my butt?
27
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,413
Well, haul it on
over here, Jumbo.
28
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,549
DAN: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
29
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:59,887
No butt-kissing at
the dinner table.
30
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:02,022
I'm just sick of Mom
treating me like a baby.
31
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,056
Hello.
32
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,426
What were you doing
in my room today?
33
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,360
Cleaning.
34
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,996
Isn't that what
you hired me for?
35
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,531
I hate that room anyway.
36
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,666
It's such a little baby room.
37
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,235
Don't you hate it, Darlene?
38
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,269
Who cares?
39
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,104
As soon as I turn
18, I'm out of here.
40
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,972
Why can't you
back me up for once?
41
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,174
Well, I don't like you, Becky.
42
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,879
Becky, if you don't
like your room, change it.
43
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,349
You know, we got a garage
full of paint out there.
44
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,550
Your Dad'll help you.
45
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,518
She means your real dad.
46
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,358
You can get
started tomorrow, OK?
47
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,660
Fine, whatever.
48
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,794
Oh, no.
49
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:44,732
Just seeing your smiling
face is thanks enough.
50
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,134
[music playing]
51
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,506
JACKIE: Well, I did it.
52
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,242
I asked that guy out,
like you told me to.
53
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:55,142
Yeah?
54
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,244
How'd it go?
55
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:57,678
- We got a date for tomorrow.
- Way to go.
56
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:58,679
Yeah.
57
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,214
Only now I have to pay.
58
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,283
No way, the guy pays.
59
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,384
Yeah, but I asked him out.
60
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:05,953
Well, so the rule is
the guy still stays.
61
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,121
Who made up that rule?
62
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:09,857
Some cheap, hungry woman.
63
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,061
DAN: What do I look
like, Becky, your slave?
64
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,062
BECKY: So I was a little late.
65
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,163
DAN: Two hours!
66
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,531
And it's your room!
67
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,901
You think I'm gonna spend my
day off painting it by myself?
68
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,970
So what are you going to wear?
69
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,838
I think I'll wear
that burgundy pullover.
70
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,743
This whole marriage/family
thing's been a lot of fun,
71
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:30,644
but I gotta go.
72
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:33,681
Damn.
73
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,383
I lose more husbands that way.
74
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,088
Just don't start
with me, Mother, OK?
75
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,456
I've had it.
76
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,624
Oh!
77
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,992
Cover me.
78
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,227
God, it's his problem he's
having this stupid hemorrhage.
79
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,629
I mean, I was just
going to come down
80
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,699
here, get something to eat, then
go up and paint my stupid room.
81
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,000
Oh, no.
82
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,836
Stay down here and fill our
lives with joy and mirth.
83
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,441
Hey, I know what you ought
to wear on that date--
84
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,710
your red blouse with
your black skirt.
85
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,612
That skirt is so short.
86
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,046
I know, but you
have great legs.
87
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,381
And you should wear
your hair down,
88
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,049
too, you know, cause
it'll hide your neck.
89
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,183
What's the matter
with my neck?
90
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,052
ROSEANNE: And make sure
that you order dessert.
91
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,122
Because I was reading in "Cosmo"
where it says that, you know,
92
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:20,193
a healthy appetite is
considered to be sexy nowadays.
93
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,095
I was so far ahead of my time.
94
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,067
DJ: (YELLING) Mom!
95
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,168
What?
96
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:32,506
DJ: (YELLING) My head's
stuck in the drawer!
97
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,474
Not again.
98
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:43,484
God, doesn't she
drive you crazy?
99
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,954
Well, she wants me to be
happy, and she cares about me,
100
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,189
and yeah, she drives me crazy.
101
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,325
Well, I'm sick of it.
102
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,993
I mean, she hates
everything I do,
103
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,796
my friends, the clothes I
wear, the guys I go out with.
104
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,064
Me, too.
105
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,799
Yeah, but at least
you get a break.
106
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,668
I mean, you can just come
here, do your laundry,
107
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,235
and then go home.
108
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,137
Well, you'll survive, Beck.
109
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,540
Look, she's been doing the
same thing to me for 20 years,
110
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,477
and I'm basically
a happy person.
111
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:13,447
Not saying I don't wake up
screaming every now and again.
112
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,082
ROSEANNE: Now don't
do that again.
113
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,017
And go wash that salad
oil off your head.
114
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:17,985
DJ: OK.
115
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,920
[laughter]
116
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:25,726
How does he get his
head stuck in a drawer?
117
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,661
[laughter]
118
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,097
[sigh]
119
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,433
He's gifted, Jackie.
120
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:39,072
So what color's
this room going to be?
121
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,209
Let's just paint big
black bars on the walls.
122
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,577
I mean, it feels
like a jail cell.
123
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,446
Might as well look like one.
124
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,780
Come on, Becky.
125
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,248
I don't care, Darlene.
126
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,783
Well, then why
are we doing this?
127
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,685
Hey, you don't want to
do this, you don't have to.
128
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:52,886
You know, one
minute you say you
129
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,488
want to paint the room,
and then the next minute,
130
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,023
you say you don't care.
131
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,059
What is going on
with you, Becky?
132
00:05:59,159 --> 00:05:59,960
All right.
133
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,529
Do you remember Mark?
134
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:02,496
From down the street?
135
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,131
No, that guy I went out with.
136
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,067
Oh, yeah, the stupid one?
137
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:07,968
He's not stupid.
138
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,603
He's gorgeous.
139
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,505
I mean, you just wish you
could meet a guy like that.
140
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,974
Yeah, well, if I wait a couple
years, he'll be in my grade.
141
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,050
Well, I'm going
out with him tonight.
142
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,618
Don't you remember
what Mom and Dad said?
143
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,186
Yeah, so they don't
want me to see him again.
144
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,320
So what?
145
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,689
So I'm 16 years old.
146
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,891
I don't have to listen
everything she says.
147
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,427
So if they find out, they're
going to ground you forever.
148
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:36,163
Well, they're not
going to find out.
149
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:42,102
Because officially, I'll be at
the basketball game with you.
150
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,303
Why should I lie for you?
151
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,237
Because you're good at it.
152
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,809
I don't know.
153
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,978
Come on, Darlene.
154
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:54,247
Sisters do this for each other.
155
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,349
I can't believe this guy
is so important to you.
156
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,351
Oh, please.
157
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,888
I'll owe you.
158
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:03,857
I'll owe you big.
159
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:04,925
I guess.
160
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,259
Thank you so much.
161
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,728
Yeah, yeah.
162
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,197
[music playing]
163
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,572
Come on, Becky.
164
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,974
Where are you?
165
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,375
[dog barks]
166
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:26,980
What are you doing out there?
167
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,448
DARLENE: Uh, dropped my key.
168
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,349
DAN: Well, come inside.
169
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,489
Hey, Darlene.
170
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,456
Hey.
171
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:37,958
Great game.
172
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,793
They beat us by like 20
points, but at the end,
173
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:43,396
we went and tipped their
bus over and set it on fire.
174
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,365
Where's Becky?
175
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,967
Oh, she went out to get
pizza with her friends
176
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,068
after the game.
177
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,236
She should be home in
like an hour or so.
178
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,008
Hey, genius.
179
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,677
How long were you
at the pizza place
180
00:07:56,777 --> 00:08:00,514
before you remembered
that I had all your money?
181
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,649
Uh, not long.
182
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:03,250
How was the game, Beck?
183
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,384
It was OK.
184
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,285
Who won?
185
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,419
I-- I just told you.
186
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,489
I just want to
hear it from her.
187
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,424
Well, she doesn't know,
because she was in the bathroom
188
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:12,926
the whole time,
bleaching her upper lip.
189
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,904
So, Becky, who'd
you come home with?
190
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,975
I hitched a ride with
a serial killer, OK?
191
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:28,876
Who'd she come home with?
192
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:29,910
What difference does it make?
193
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:30,978
We want to know.
194
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,479
God, you're beginning
to sound like Mom.
195
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:33,747
DAN: Hold it.
196
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,549
If I found that really
insulting, would it bother you?
197
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,122
Come on, Becky, we
asked you a question.
198
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,357
Where were you?
- Pizza.
199
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,258
Quiet.
200
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,594
I'm not talking to you.
201
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,494
Well?
202
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:48,562
Well, you really want to know?
203
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,298
Fine, I was with Mark.
- Becky!
204
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,199
You lied to me!
205
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,239
This better not be
the Mark I think it is.
206
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,775
Oh, yes, it's the evil Mark
with the fake ID, the one
207
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,010
you don't want me
to go out with.
208
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,813
The one you're not allowed
to go out with, Becky.
209
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,781
Oh, is that so, Roseanne?
210
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,150
DAN: Hey!
211
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,051
Her name is Mother.
212
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,488
And you're grounded
till the end of school.
213
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:16,389
How's that?
214
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,390
That is so lame.
215
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,226
What are you doing
to do, tie me up?
216
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,794
You know, I've had just
about enough of this.
217
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,763
You are way over
the line this time.
218
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:23,731
Get upstairs.
219
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:24,632
No!
220
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:25,666
What do you mean, no?
221
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:26,566
Oh, you're right.
222
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,001
I don't mean no.
223
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,137
I mean goodbye.
224
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,138
[slams door]
225
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,041
[music playing]
226
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,253
[knock]
227
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,891
You don't have, like, a
jealous wife or anything,
228
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,726
do you?
229
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,227
No, none of my
wives are jealous.
230
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,462
[laughs]
231
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,998
Oh, I'll be right back.
232
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,399
Who is it?
233
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,768
BECKY: It's me.
234
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,302
Becky?
235
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,570
I can't take it anymore.
236
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,471
Yes, you can.
237
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,372
Bye.
238
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,810
I can't deal with her.
239
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,278
She'll just never understand me.
240
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,579
Becky, how about
I come over tomorrow
241
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,147
and we'll talk about it then?
- Oh, no, no, I got--
242
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,016
I gotta move in with you.
I've made up my mind.
243
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,820
Becky, this is
not a good time.
244
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,989
Oh, my god, you guys were
just about to, like, do it.
245
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,326
I'm-- I'm really sorry.
246
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,961
I'll just be out in the hall.
247
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,365
Holler when you're done!
248
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,171
Maybe I should go.
249
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,808
No, you sit right there.
250
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:44,377
Becky, come in here.
251
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,713
Go home.
252
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:46,947
I can't.
253
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,682
I mean, she doesn't care
what I want or if I'm happy.
254
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,217
She never listens to me.
255
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,686
I mean, all she wants
to do is run my life.
256
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,488
Becky, please go home.
257
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:58,058
Please, please, please, please.
258
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,492
That's it, Becky.
259
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,830
Roseanne, please,
please, please, Go home,
260
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,632
please, please, please, please.
261
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,234
Oh, I can't believe it.
She followed me.
262
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,601
Now do you know what
I'm talking about?
263
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,737
Well, what did you expect?
264
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:10,971
Did you think I was just
going let you walk out?
265
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:14,007
Please, please,
please, please, please.
266
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:14,975
I'll tell you what.
267
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:15,876
I'll just go home.
268
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,878
No, stay.
269
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,312
Can't you see Jackie's busy?
270
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,014
You're being very rude.
271
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,515
I don't care if she is busy.
272
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:23,416
See?
273
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,384
It's just like you said.
274
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,654
She just drives you crazy!
275
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,222
Like you said?
276
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,458
Well, we were
talking about dating.
277
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,592
And--
278
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,362
And what, like you're
some expert on dating?
279
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:38,999
After all the losers
you go out with?
280
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,101
Bye-bye.
281
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,002
I'll call you.
282
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,205
I'm so sorry.
283
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,574
Well, I hope you're both happy.
284
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,676
That loser had potential.
285
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:50,911
Becky, you're coming home.
286
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,145
No!
287
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,513
I'm staying here with
someone who understands me.
288
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:56,483
I have nothing
more to say to you.
289
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,617
I'll be in the other room.
290
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,054
There is no other room, Becky.
291
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,489
Then I'll be in the bathroom.
292
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:03,356
Becky!
293
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:06,894
[slams door]
294
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,402
She's all yours.
295
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,536
She can't stay here.
296
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:17,838
You should've thought
about that before you
297
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,306
opened your big mouth.
298
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,008
But I always open my
big mouth and nothing
299
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:23,610
like this ever happened.
300
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,378
Bye, Jackie.
301
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,914
Bye, Becky.
302
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,215
You can't be serious.
303
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:31,718
Congratulations, it's a girl!
304
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:32,719
[door closes]
305
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,156
[music playing]
306
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,261
Would you look
at all this stuff?
307
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,596
I thought our kids were
supposed to be deprived.
308
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:44,497
Well, we tried.
309
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,303
Where were you?
310
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,571
Getting a drink.
311
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,873
God.
312
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,542
Well, here, take
this trash out.
313
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:56,509
No.
314
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,878
No?
315
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,747
Yeah, no.
316
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,917
I mean, this is my room, and
this is the way I want it now.
317
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,085
Wrong.
318
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,586
This is my room.
319
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,222
Because it's in my
house, on my lot.
320
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,223
Those are my chairs.
321
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,724
Those are my desks.
322
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,126
That's my Hello Kitty.
323
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,627
There's my Easy-Bake Oven.
324
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,898
So you take my trash
downstairs to my garbage cans
325
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,532
and throw it out, now!
326
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,433
Jeez.
327
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,405
Right attitude,
wrong daughter.
328
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,677
What's wrong?
329
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:31,778
Becky's stuff.
330
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,047
Oh, are you gonna get
all weepy on me now?
331
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,515
No, I'm not.
332
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,217
Well, come on, let's
get it over with.
333
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,489
(TEARFULLY) AC/DC,
"Highway to Hell."
334
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,263
I miss her, Dan.
335
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,299
I miss her, too.
336
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,700
You know, we can always
call her and tell
337
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,068
her we want her to come home.
338
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,570
No, she's got to come
home because she wants to.
339
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,939
When's that gonna happen?
340
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,473
I don't know.
341
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,977
Guess we'll wait a
couple more days.
342
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:04,878
She'll figure it out.
343
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:05,778
Trust me.
344
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,080
I've lived with Jackie.
345
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:07,981
We're better.
346
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,922
- Hey.
- Hey.
347
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:15,989
What are you doing?
348
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:17,457
Becky's laundry.
349
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,059
How things going over there?
350
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,093
Good.
351
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,361
You and Becky getting along?
352
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,663
Yeah, I'm enjoying
having her there.
353
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:27,067
We gave each other a facial
and went down to the mall
354
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,102
to scam guys.
355
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,038
Last night we made
prank phone calls.
356
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:35,608
Crystal's still wondering how
Nancy Reagan got her number.
357
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,910
Yeah, is she going to school?
358
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,478
She doing her homework?
359
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,512
She getting in on time?
360
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,981
She's fine, Dan.
361
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,649
She's really been
a big help, too.
362
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,919
She's making the bed,
doing the dishes.
363
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,256
Oh, well, that is
just great, Jackie.
364
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:52,292
Well, Roseanne, come
on, not that big a help.
365
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,328
Nothing that a maid couldn't do.
366
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,998
No, no, I'm happy she's
having such a good time.
367
00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,199
That way she never
has to come home.
368
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,833
Well, what do you want
me to do, kick her out?
369
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,769
What makes you so sure
she'd come back here?
370
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,304
You are encouraging
her to stay.
371
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,638
I am not.
372
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,874
Then how come she's all of
a sudden acting so perfect?
373
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,610
Because I'm not her mother.
374
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,480
No, you're making it like some
great big damn slumber party.
375
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,115
Roseanne.
376
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,016
I want her home.
377
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,150
Well, come get her.
378
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,051
No.
379
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:18,986
Then quit yelling at me.
380
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:19,886
No!
381
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:20,787
I'm leaving!
382
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,892
Steal my daughter and
then leave me her laundry,
383
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,327
like I'm really going to do it.
384
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,261
[door slams]
385
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:34,034
Oh, sure, take her side.
386
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,235
What do you think?
387
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,337
I won't wait up.
388
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,938
What are you going to do?
389
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,008
Oh, just hang out, I guess.
390
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,409
No Mark tonight?
391
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,011
Look, I just wanted
to be able to see him.
392
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,279
I don't have to see
him every night.
393
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,448
Well, could get kind
of lonely around here.
394
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:52,152
You sure you don't want me
to drop you off somewhere?
395
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,021
I'm not going home, Jackie.
396
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,922
Can't stay here forever.
397
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:56,923
I know.
398
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,058
JACKIE: All right.
399
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,292
OK.
400
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,028
Well, I left the number
where I'm going to be,
401
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,063
right here by the phone.
402
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:07,367
Oh, and Becky, don't call.
403
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,368
[door closes]
404
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,812
[phone ringing]
405
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,549
JACKIE (ON MACHINE): (SULTRILY)
Hello, it's Jacqueline.
406
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,818
I'm all torn up inside
about missing your call.
407
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:26,886
Ow!
408
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:30,123
Please leave a message
and I'll call you.
409
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,025
Bye-bye.
410
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,460
[beep]
411
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,328
ROSEANNE (ON MACHINE): Becky?
412
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,430
Becky, come on, pick up.
413
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,067
Becky, are you there?
414
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,569
Becky, pick up the phone.
Becky, come on.
415
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:43,536
[silence]
416
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,939
[music playing]
417
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:47,907
[knock]
418
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:48,875
Who is it?
419
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:49,842
DARLENE: It's me.
420
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:55,014
Oh, come on in, Darlene.
421
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,753
Oh my god, you're
doing homework?
422
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,988
So?
423
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,856
You don't even know
how to run away right.
424
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,526
You're pathetic.
425
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,994
What are you
doing here, Darlene?
426
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,197
Well, I came by to tell you
that you're a major butthead,
427
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,666
and this just proves me right.
428
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,968
Goodbye, Darlene.
429
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,270
All right, all
right, all right.
430
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,206
Um, let me just
ask you something.
431
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,576
What did mom do that
was so horrible?
432
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,712
Everything!
433
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:26,813
She wouldn't let me see Mark--
434
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,014
Well, you saw him anyway.
435
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,549
- Well, I had to lie about it.
- You didn't lie.
436
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,583
I lied.
437
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,219
I covered for you
and I got grounded,
438
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,287
and you don't even care!
439
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,089
Well, I am sorry,
Darlene, all right?
440
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,326
No, you're getting
off way too easy, Becky.
441
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:40,627
Go home, Darlene.
442
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,330
Look, Jackie is
putting up with you.
443
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:44,831
Mom and Dad are impossible.
444
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,032
Mom and Jackie are fighting.
445
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,567
Everybody is yelling
at everybody else,
446
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,836
and nobody's saying what
they should be saying.
447
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,838
Becky, you're a
selfish, inconsiderate,
448
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:52,805
spoiled little brat!
449
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,076
[slams door]
450
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,359
[rewinding tape]
451
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:14,827
[beep]
452
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:16,896
ROSEANNE (ON MACHINE): Becky?
453
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,566
Becky, come on, pick up.
454
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,601
Becky, are you there?
455
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,771
Becky, pick up the phone.
456
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,873
OK.
457
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,976
Listen, um, your dad wanted
you know he misses you
458
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,412
and he wants you to come home.
459
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,148
And he thinks you guys can
work out all your problems
460
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,917
if you'd come back.
461
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,653
OK, well, that's all.
462
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:41,554
[beep]
463
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,823
[beep]
464
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,858
It's me again.
465
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:50,363
Your dad also wanted me to tell
you that, like, he loves you.
466
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,264
[click]
467
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,265
[beep]
468
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:53,966
[beep]
469
00:18:55,802 --> 00:19:00,740
OK, and, um, me too.
470
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:01,741
[click]
471
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,213
[music playing]
472
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,452
No more push-up pops?
473
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:13,986
Well, have a fudgie bar.
474
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:17,524
Not the same.
475
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,361
Hey, guess what?
476
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,695
I stayed awake in
history class today.
477
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:23,596
DAN: Attagirl.
478
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,702
Whose turn is it
to do the dishes?
479
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,638
Becky's.
480
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:32,772
Thanks, Darlene.
481
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:33,673
Hey.
482
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,075
Yo, Jack.
483
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,310
Is it OK if I use the washer?
484
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:43,750
Sure, go ahead.
485
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:51,258
This war, this vendetta,
this Sicilian thing must end.
486
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,225
All right.
487
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:00,967
Hey.
488
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,569
Hi, I've just got
a couple of loads,
489
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:03,936
and I'll get out of here.
490
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,876
No rush.
491
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,344
[sigh]
492
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,250
So, you seeing that guy again?
493
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,150
Jonathan?
494
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,152
Yeah, I saw him last night.
495
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,053
Mm.
496
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:26,058
What'd you wear?
497
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,060
Jeans and my red blouse.
498
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:28,961
Mm.
499
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,730
We went bowling.
500
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:31,631
Oh.
501
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,501
That's a good choice.
502
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,269
How are things back here?
503
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:40,006
Well, she's grounded
for two weeks.
504
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,941
We're upped the
curfew a half hour.
505
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,343
Allowance stays the same.
506
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,711
What about Mark?
507
00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,012
No No, absolutely not.
508
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,481
We would not budge on that.
509
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,518
We forbade her to
ever see him again,
510
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:55,187
so you should wear your
blue dress to the wedding.
511
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,524
Mother, are we going to be the
last people in the free world
512
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:58,858
to get a dishwasher?
513
00:20:58,958 --> 00:20:59,759
Jeez!
514
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,497
Oh, and I forgot.
515
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,133
She's calling me Mother.
516
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,068
[music playing]
517
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,341
[phone ringing]
518
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,977
Just let it ring.
519
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,813
JACKIE (ON MACHINE):
(SULTRILY) Hi, this is Jackie.
520
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:21,914
Leave a message.
521
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:24,651
Bye.
522
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,018
[beep]
523
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,086
ROSEANNE (ON MACHINE): Jackie?
524
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,055
Jackie, pick up.
525
00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:30,056
Jackie?
526
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,190
OK.
527
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,059
Listen, I was just
reading in "Cosmo," there
528
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:35,795
these great new exercises.
529
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:38,197
It's like you look up at the
ceiling and you chew, see.
530
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:39,866
And you do it for, like,
five minutes every day,
531
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,768
and it'll fix up that
scary deal you got
532
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:43,936
going in the back of your neck.
533
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