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1
00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:05,163
- Previously.
- Stop the wedding!
2
00:00:05,271 --> 00:00:08,069
This marriage is a complete fraud,
just like the groom.
3
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:10,199
You don't seem to grasp
the gravity of the situation.
4
00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:13,871
If I'm not married to an American citizen,
I'm going to be thrown out of the country!
5
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:15,675
How are we gonna
keep this up for two years?
6
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,649
By being the happiest
married couple in America.
7
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,243
I recommend you have
this honeymoon right away, Mr. Steele.
8
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,088
At least we can say we were up
all night on our honeymoon.
9
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,887
Why do we always draw the line
at the bedroom door?
10
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:31,521
Maybe this honeymoon will turn out
to be a blessing in disguise after all.
11
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,927
- So what do you do?
- I'm an archaeologist.
12
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,936
I'm about to set up a dig here.
13
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:42,600
- Roselli. Anthony Roselli. My friends call me Tony.
- Yes, I'm sure they do.
14
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:48,306
As soon as I prove
Steele's marriage is a fraud...
15
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,383
I'll be back in solid
with my bosses.
16
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,543
- Heading back to the monuments?
- As soon as your plane takes off.
17
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,450
- Good-bye.
- Adios.
18
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:59,389
Here's to finishing in Los Angeles
what we started in Mexico.
19
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:01,960
When's your next flight
to Los Angeles?
20
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,532
Oh!
21
00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:53,227
Ain't polite to run off in the middle
of a conversation, love.
22
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:55,239
He wants his money.
23
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,536
- I told you. He'll get it.
- When?
24
00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,112
A week. Two at the most.
25
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:02,613
And who's gonna give you
all that green, eh?
26
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,047
My husband.
27
00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:07,449
One of us got a bum memory, love.
28
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,454
You ain't married.
29
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:13,822
That's merely a formality,
you greasy little ape.
30
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,088
Now, you run back to your master...
31
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,632
and you tell him
he'll get every penny I owe him...
32
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:22,132
just as soon as I become
Mrs. Remington Steele.
33
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:44,552
Ah! Home, sweet home!
34
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:46,818
Even the smog smells good.
35
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:49,759
The white zone
is for loading and unloading only.
36
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:53,354
- You two have a nice honeymoon?
- Truly an unforgettable experience, Fred.
37
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:56,958
What Mr. Steele means is that
the honeymoon's just beginning.
38
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,369
Uh, this came for you
special delivery this morning.
39
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,373
Thank you.
40
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,513
Immigration?
41
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:12,949
"Dear Mr. Steele, due to the circumstances
surrounding the demise of Norman Keyes...
42
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:17,421
"we shall be forced to continue our
investigation of the Steele-Holt marriage.
43
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:20,424
Forms enclosed. " Etc, etc, etc.
44
00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:25,520
- "Yours sincerely, Gladys Lynch?"
- Gladys Lynch?
45
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,657
What happened to
Estelle Becker?
46
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,997
It seems she's been supplanted.
47
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,799
When are these bureaucrats
gonna leave us alone?
48
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:36,306
Miss Lynch wants proof?
Fine. We'll give her proof.
49
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:42,177
- Fred. The office.
- The office?
50
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,773
The office.
51
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,719
First we're going to
take care of the paperwork.
52
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:53,155
Then we're going to invite Gladys Lynch
to a very special dinner.
53
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:56,922
- Arsenic and Old Lace?
- Come again, chief?
54
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:01,057
Cary Grant, Josephine Hull.
Warner Bros., 1944.
55
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:05,570
Two little old ladies invite lonely gentlemen
to sip elderberry wine and poison them.
56
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:09,403
A little extreme.
Seeing is believing, right?
57
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,945
Step one, Mildred develops the pictures-
proof of a honeymoon.
58
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,674
Step two, I move my clothes in-
proof of cohabitation.
59
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:19,513
- Mm-hmm. - Step three, you cook up
one of your fabulous gourmet feasts.
60
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,144
Undisputable proof of
wedded domesticity.
61
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,190
Hold the huzzahs.
We have a problem.
62
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,191
You lovebirds only took
one picture, remember?
63
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:29,992
Make 10 copies.
64
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:37,633
By the time dessert is served, we should have
Miss Lynch eating out of the palm of our hand.
65
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:39,967
Mm-hmm. And after dessert?
66
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,098
I'm open for suggestions.
67
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:45,405
The office, Fred.
And don't spare the rubber.
68
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:59,714
- Who are all those people?
- I figured you two would be raring to go once you got back.
69
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:02,693
Steele? Listen, nice to meet you.
70
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:05,958
I gotta talk to you!
71
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,867
I have a 9:00!
72
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:13,632
- Excuse me!
- Wait your turn, huh, lady?
73
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,233
Let go of my hand.
74
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:19,277
- All right. Listen!
- Hold it. Hold it.
75
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,913
That's better.
76
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,711
- Where's 9:00?
- That's me.
77
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:28,184
- 9:15.
- 9:30.
78
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,380
- 9:45.
- 11:30.
79
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,082
- You're early.
- I'm desperate.
80
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:33,988
Sit down.
81
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:38,427
Given our sizable backlog, Laura,
I suggest we divide and conquer.
82
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:42,467
- Don't we do better as a team?
- This mob is rabid, Laura. 9:00?
83
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,468
Uh, 9:15?
84
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,630
All right, madam. This way. Park it right
in there. There you go, sweetheart.
85
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,640
- Oh.
- In there, sir. Thank you.
86
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:54,645
- Wait a minute.
- In and out, honey. Just run 'em through. It's okay.
87
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:02,652
- I'm sorry for the mix-up, Mrs. -
- McCormick.
88
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:07,317
But Mr. Steele- My husband and I
just got back from our honeymoon.
89
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,863
Oh, don't apologize, sweetie.
Believe me. I know how it is.
90
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,761
I was the secretary
who married the boss too.
91
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,962
I was never a secretary.
92
00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:20,163
Don't be embarrassed.
It happens all the time.
93
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,834
You're the shoulder he cries on,
the one who caters to his every whim.
94
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,571
So why shouldn't he dump
the old crow at home and marry you?
95
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:29,648
Mr. Steele and I are different.
96
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:32,240
Ah, that's what I said about Hubert.
97
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:35,013
Only, now the louse
is cheating on me.!
98
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,419
With his new secretary!
99
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:40,014
I'm very sorry to hear that.
100
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,287
I don't want pity.
101
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,761
I want proof. I want pictures.
102
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:49,460
That no-good dirtbag's gonna think twice
before he takes another dip in the steno pool.
103
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:54,199
I understand how upsetting
all this must be, Mrs. McCormick...
104
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,140
but, unfortunately,
the Remington Steele Agency...
105
00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:01,304
isn't equipped to handle matters
of such a delicate nature.
106
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,939
Perhaps you should consult
the yellow pages.
107
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,419
Take a little advice.
Keep up the shorthand.
108
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,391
Oh.
109
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,404
- So, this is the little woman.
- Yeah.
110
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,667
That is quite some catch.
You sly dog!
111
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:33,409
Laura Holt- Steele.
112
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,606
Holt-Steele.
Laura Holt Steele.
113
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,616
Very good, Laura. You're gettin' the hang of it.
114
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:41,186
I bet she does a lot more
than just type and file.
115
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,346
Oh, my wife's a woman
of many talents. Yes.
116
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:47,256
Perhaps you'd like to
fill me in on the case, Mr. Steele.
117
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,454
Mr. Steele? That's a bit formal,
isn't it, cutie?
118
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:55,762
Company policy. It's Mr. Steele around the office.
No exceptions for the little wo- trouper.
119
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:58,428
You run a tight ship.
I like that, Steele!
120
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,699
May we please
get down to business?
121
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:03,206
Of course. Listen.
122
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:05,368
- I own a yacht brokerage down at the marina.
- Mm-hmm.
123
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,447
Lately, some of our ships have been
disappearing right out of their slips.
124
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,711
Now, we're- Could you top this off
for me, cutie?
125
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:14,285
Thank you.
How are you fixed, big guy?
126
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,151
Yes. I could do with a spot more tea.
There you go.
127
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:22,156
Want some advice from an old salt?
128
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:26,095
Don't bring the little woman around the office.
Cramps your style, if you know what I mean.
129
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:28,598
Huh? Huh?
130
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,635
Might I see you
for a moment, big guy?
131
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:34,695
We have a client here, Miss Holt,
uh, Steele, uh, Holt-Steele. Hmm.
132
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,640
Take your time, you sly dog.
133
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,012
Will you stop encouraging that boor?
134
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:53,649
- I'm merely maintaining our cover, Laura.
- Then stop enjoying it so much!
135
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:57,695
I was used to unidentified woman.
I could even swallow unnamed associate.
136
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,891
I am not used to having people
assume I slept my way into my job.
137
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,198
I realize how humiliating this is for you,
Laura. But it's the end result that counts.
138
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:08,467
By tonight, we'll be rid of Gladys Lynch
and the whole bunch of them at Immigration.
139
00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:11,543
Then it'll just be the two of us, hmm?
140
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:15,045
Alone... in my apartment?
141
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:17,775
- Where you can practice
sleeping your way to the top.
142
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:20,579
I mean, who knows what
a night of lovemaking could bring?
143
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:24,747
Your own parking space?
Unlimited expense account?
144
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:27,417
A key to the
executive washroom?
145
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:32,454
Throw in a desk chair,
and you've got yourself a deal.
146
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,200
Hey, little lady-
147
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,329
Make that decaf, will you?
Ah, you son of a gun.
148
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,044
Next!
149
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,353
Department of Immigration
and Naturalization.
150
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,856
- Gladys Lynch?
- That's right.
151
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,066
Anthony Roselli.
152
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:14,731
I just took over the Remington Steele case
from Estelle Becker. Why am I reporting to you?
153
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,331
- Ask Washington.
- I did.
154
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,207
- And?
- Some gobbeldygook about a fresh perspective.
155
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:22,337
That the file I asked for?
156
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,416
What qualifies you
for this assignment?
157
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,584
I got friendly with Steele
and Laura Holt in Mexico.
158
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,215
They think I'm an archaeologist.
That way, they won't be suspicious.
159
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,451
Who are you?
160
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:39,456
Until Washington says different...
161
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:40,930
I'm your boss.
162
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,433
I did some checking on you,
Mr. Roselli.
163
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,766
Are you always so interested
in your coworkers?
164
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:49,967
I am when they pop out of nowhere.
And that's exactly where you came from.
165
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,101
There's no record of you
being with Immigration.
166
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,009
I've been in Latin America
for the past few years.
167
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,014
My records probably haven't
caught up with me.
168
00:11:57,116 --> 00:12:01,212
Why not? Haven't you
heard of computers? Instant access?
169
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,380
Gladys-
170
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:07,357
I'm not gonna hog the spotlight,
if that's what you're worried about.
171
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,156
All I wanna do is prove
that Steele's marriage is phony.
172
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,196
Help me, and you can
take all the bows.
173
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:17,029
There's something going on here
that I don't understand.
174
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,104
But that doesn't mean
I won't before it's over.
175
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,366
Gladys-
176
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:25,433
Fight me on this, and you'll be
stamping passports in Palmdale.
177
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,672
Have a nice day.
178
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,493
- Mmm.
- Mmm!
179
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,165
- Shannon!
- I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd pop 'round.
180
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:58,300
Oh. Last time I saw you
was in Hong Kong.
181
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,708
And that was five years ago.
182
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:03,213
Aren't you glad to see me?
183
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:07,615
Oh, beside myself with joy.
Uh, unfortunately, I'm expecting guests.
184
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:12,487
I've missed you so much, Douglas.
185
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,957
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
186
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,727
- The bedroom.
- Oh, I love it when you take charge.
187
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,800
You can't be found here.
Not tonight.
188
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:25,735
Oh, if I am as quiet as a mouse,
um, do I get a reward?
189
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:28,534
- A big reward?
- Oh, yeah.
190
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,541
Coming!
191
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,942
Oh. Ahh.
192
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:38,107
Oh, God.
Coming, coming, coming.
193
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:46,390
Ooh.
194
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,825
- Hmm. Hi.
- What took you so long?
195
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,456
The... duck.
Had to put the duck in the oven.
196
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,433
Isn't it a little late
to be starting dinner?
197
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,730
Instant duck. Comes in a pouch.
198
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:02,306
I'll put these away.
199
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:05,400
Ah, no, no, no, no.
I'll take care of those.
200
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,776
Why don't you-You just open
the champagne. That's a good idea.
201
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,781
Are you sure you can handle it?
202
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:13,909
It's okay. I can do it. It's fine.
203
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:16,988
Heh. Child's play. It's okay.
204
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,221
It's okay. Don't worry.
205
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,430
Don't you want to know
where I've been? How I've been?
206
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,441
How I got there?
207
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,807
- No!
- Need some help?
208
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,937
No!
No.
209
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,244
Oh, it started in Paris,
I remember. It was raining.
210
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:47,319
It always rains in Paris
in the spring.
211
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:49,683
Save that thought.
212
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:54,223
There, you see?
All tidied.
213
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,692
How did you fit
everything in there?
214
00:14:56,795 --> 00:15:00,629
- Oh, let's not talk about shelf space at a time like this.
- Ooh! Ooh!
215
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,101
- What's gotten into you?
- Hmm? Mmm!
216
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:15,176
You haven't forgotten Mexico, have you?
Let the chips fall where they may?
217
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,181
Up periscope, hmm?
218
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,647
Mmm.
219
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,416
- What about Gladys Lynch?
- Well, she said she wanted proof. Hmm?
220
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,619
I don't think this is
the proof she had in mind.
221
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:39,636
Let's live dangerously, eh?
222
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:44,404
- Why not?
- Oh.
223
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:54,483
- Company, ah.
- Wait.
224
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:59,683
- What happened to your periscope?
- It's retractable.
225
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,420
- Wait, wait.
- Huh? Okay.
226
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,554
- All right?
- Fine. Smile.
227
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,235
Gladys Lynch.
228
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,271
Pleasure to meet you,
Miss Lynch.
229
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:17,103
I'm Remington Steele, and this is my wife,
Laura Holt- Steele. Holt-Steele.
230
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:19,643
- Laura Holt Steele.
- Please. Please, come in.
231
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:22,270
Yes. Please do.
Come on in. There we go.
232
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:25,976
Um, may I take your wrap,
Miss Lynch?
233
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:31,182
Whatever happened to Estelle Becker?
She was such a booster of our marriage.
234
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:34,726
That's exactly what happened
to Estelle Becker.
235
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,558
- Is there some sort of problem that we don't know about?
- Problem?
236
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:42,691
Just because a man named Norman Keyes died
trying to prove your marriage was a fraud?
237
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:44,701
Can't imagine why that would
raise any eyebrows.
238
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:48,239
Miss Lynch, we understand that
the immigration department...
239
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,207
has to scrutinize all marriages
between U.S. Citizens...
240
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,608
and- and... aliens.
241
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:57,671
And we want you to know that we're willing
to cooperate in every way we possibly can...
242
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,047
- to clear up the slightest doubt.
- Mm-hmm.
243
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,950
Would you like a tour
of our happy home?
244
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,423
Uh, uh, why don't you start
in the kitchen?
245
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:11,087
- The kitchen?
- Uh, show Miss Lynch your pots and pans, darling.
246
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,892
She's so proud of her pots and pans.
247
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:16,126
Run along.
That's right. Run along.
248
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:25,670
- Where was I?
- In Paris, being rained on.
249
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,678
- Oops.
- That's where I met him.
250
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,682
- I was foolish to think I could forget you. What was I to do?
- Duck.
251
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,412
- What about the duck?
- It's almost ready.
252
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,956
Take a peek at this.
253
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,730
In fact, I think it's burning.
254
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,394
Men. Never let them unpack.
255
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:09,712
Come in. Shannon,
I think it's time you knew.
256
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,847
I've just returned
from my honeymoon.
257
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:15,017
- Perfect. The wife's always the last to know.
- What?
258
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:18,460
As much as I admire your respect
for tradition, I'm afraid it's adieu.
259
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:22,625
Douglas, I've flown 6,000 miles
to- to throw myself at your feet.
260
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:26,033
And I appreciate the gesture.
There's no one prettier prostrate than you.
261
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:28,299
But I'm afraid all we're left
with are our memories.
262
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,568
If that's the way you feel,
then it really is adieu.
263
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:34,407
That's what I've always liked about you.
You've always been a sport.
264
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,105
- Oh. Mildred.
- I'm not late, am I?
265
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,480
- Actually, uh, you're early.
- But-
266
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:42,179
The kitchen. Quick. Quick!
Straight through here.
267
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,154
- That's it, my girl. That's it. Oh, yes.
- Oh!
268
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:48,317
Just hide over here.
Hunker down. Hunker down.
269
00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:51,157
As soon as the coast is clear,
make a beeline for the door, okay?
270
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:54,960
- If you're sure it'll make you happy.
- Ecstatic.
271
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:58,366
Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
272
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:06,411
Ah, Mildred, now you're on time.
Ah, splendid, the pictures.
273
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:10,278
Let's not keep Miss Lynch waiting.
Come on. Step lively.
274
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:12,373
Come on. This way.
Let's go into the bedroom!
275
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:19,822
- Okay.
- There... we... go.
276
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,693
Oh, don't worry about the pole.
We'll get a new one.
277
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:28,197
Anything for my bride.
A pole. Anything.
278
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,963
- Thank you, dear.
- Anyone want to see the honeymoon pictures?
279
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,004
- Good idea.
- Oh.
280
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:38,475
Great. Uh, ladies, I think the light's
a lot better in here, don't you?
281
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:42,035
Of course, we took so many, we wouldn't
want to bore you with all of them.
282
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:51,621
Shannon.
283
00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,990
I think this happy gathering
calls for some champagne, eh?
284
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:04,000
What was that?
285
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:07,128
The neighbors.
Walls are paper thin.
286
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,042
Oh!
287
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,513
Clumsy me.
288
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:18,947
Where did she come from?
289
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,315
- Paris.
- The bathroom.
290
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,320
She came from
a bathroom in Paris?
291
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:26,255
She just flew in from Paris, and she was,
uh, freshening up in the bathroom.
292
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:30,055
I see. Now I got a biggie for you.
293
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,993
- Uh-huh.
- Who is she?
294
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,565
- Mr. Steele's sister.
- Ah.
295
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:39,831
Could I trouble you for a glass of brandy?
Travel can be so unsettling.
296
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:43,533
Oh, now, now, Sister Steele.
297
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,236
I'm sure rest is
the very best thing for you.
298
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,313
She will join us
as soon as she's up to it.
299
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,313
- Yes.
- Yes, indeed.
300
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:53,441
Yes, yes, yes. Oh!
301
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,688
Oh, quick thinking, Laura.
302
00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:00,622
- Thank you. Who is she?
- Mmm?
303
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:03,286
Oh, I'm sorry.
Forgive my manners.
304
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:07,991
Ah, Shannon Wayne, may I introduce
my wife, Laura Holt?
305
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,034
Steele. Holt-Steele.
306
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:12,126
Laura Holt Steele.
307
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,432
Charmed, I'm sure.
308
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,942
Shannon and I are, uh,
old, old, old friends.
309
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,775
- They can be such a comfort.
- Yes.
310
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:29,982
You, uh, you seem to be
taking this in stride.
311
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:34,718
It's very simple. We blow
this marriage charade, and it's all over.
312
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,726
They fine me within
an inch of my life.
313
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,855
The agency goes in the Dumpster,
my hard work, my dreams up in smoke.
314
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,697
So as long as immigration thinks we're
the happiest married couple in America...
315
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,328
I don't care what you do,
you miserable swine.
316
00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:53,207
So, smile, lamb chop.
317
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,803
These pictures are all the same.
318
00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:58,906
We liked it so much, we wanted to
give it to all of our friends.
319
00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:01,542
Yeah. Why don't you...
take one for your scrapbook.
320
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:04,918
- I'd like to see the rest.
- Well, if you've seen one, you've seen them all.
321
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:11,661
Tony!
322
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:23,202
Gladys, I'd like you
to meet my brother.
323
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:27,111
How ya doin'?
324
00:22:28,747 --> 00:22:33,241
- As you can see, we're just one, big, happy family.
- And real close.
325
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:36,185
- We'd better be running along.
- Where are you going?
326
00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:37,846
- The airport.
- The airport?
327
00:22:37,956 --> 00:22:40,789
Well, didn't I tell you, dear?
Mother's flying in for the weekend.
328
00:22:40,892 --> 00:22:43,656
But don't hold dinner.
She could be circling up there for hours.
329
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,662
Come along.
330
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,735
Sounds like your goose
is cooked.
331
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:54,101
Thank you, Mildred.
Thank you so much.
332
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:57,232
Ah. Well, ladies,
why don't we sit down then, eh?
333
00:22:57,342 --> 00:22:59,572
- I think I'll be running along.
- Oh, so soon?
334
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:02,476
I need time
to absorb the evening.
335
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,048
Oh.
336
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,920
I suppose you heard that.
337
00:23:22,601 --> 00:23:25,195
- What-What are you doing?
- I was trying to get your attention.
338
00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:27,931
- Oh, it's lonely in here, Dougie.
- What do you mean?
339
00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:31,531
Here. Looks like Sis
is well enough to travel.
340
00:23:31,643 --> 00:23:35,079
- What about my coat?
- We'll send it to you parcel post.
341
00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:38,149
Careful! Hey!
342
00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:52,258
This better be good.
343
00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:56,000
It all started in Paris.
344
00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:05,106
Okay. You've steamed,
you've stewed, and you've digested.
345
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,371
You've done everything but talk.
346
00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:14,483
Domestic tiff.
347
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:17,020
Dangerous game,
trying to make your husband jealous.
348
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:24,694
- I know I shouldn't have kissed you that way. I'm sorry.
- I'm not.
349
00:24:27,666 --> 00:24:32,103
The last time I saw you, we were saying
good-bye to each other in a Mexican airport.
350
00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:35,002
I have a standing offer
from UCLA.
351
00:24:35,106 --> 00:24:37,301
Thought I'd take it.
352
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:40,776
Well, why didn't you say anything
about it while we were in Mexico?
353
00:24:40,879 --> 00:24:43,006
I didn't want you to
think I was following you.
354
00:24:43,114 --> 00:24:47,141
After all, you're a... happily
married woman on her honeymoon.
355
00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:53,146
You are a happily married woman,
aren't you?
356
00:24:56,895 --> 00:24:58,795
Some days are happier than others.
357
00:24:58,897 --> 00:25:02,424
You never told me why that Keyes guy
thought your marriage was phony.
358
00:25:02,534 --> 00:25:04,434
Doesn't matter what Keyes thought.
359
00:25:04,536 --> 00:25:07,369
- 'Cause he's dead?
- Because he was wrong.
360
00:25:10,108 --> 00:25:12,133
What would you do
if another Keyes came along?
361
00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:17,981
He never proved anything.
362
00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:21,644
Well, if someone could prove
you weren't really married...
363
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,687
I'd be the happiest man in the world.
364
00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:28,783
I did follow you here.
365
00:25:30,161 --> 00:25:32,186
Good-bye, Tony.
366
00:25:50,982 --> 00:25:52,882
- Good morning, Mildred.
- Good morning.
367
00:25:52,984 --> 00:25:54,884
Hello.
368
00:25:54,986 --> 00:25:57,113
- I'm Laura Holt Steele.
- Norman Metzger.
369
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,281
- Where's the boss?
- Sleeping in.
370
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:03,054
Uh-huh. Excuse us.
Coffee break.
371
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,767
Okay, little mary sunshine. Spill.
372
00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:15,273
I don't know what you're
talking about, Mildred.
373
00:26:15,373 --> 00:26:19,139
You two have been married for less than a week,
and you're fooling around already?
374
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:23,271
Oh, I have heard about modern marriages,
but this one takes the cake.
375
00:26:23,381 --> 00:26:26,544
Why don't you ask Mr. Steele
how his sister is doing this morning?
376
00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:30,644
- His sister is history.
- Good. Then you can send in the client.
377
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:34,191
Whoa. Speaking about
lost relatives...
378
00:26:34,292 --> 00:26:36,920
just what's going on between
you and the Italian Stallion?
379
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,523
He's a friend. That's all.
380
00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:43,567
Oh, don't you think it's a little too friendly
that he shows up on your doorstep?
381
00:26:43,668 --> 00:26:46,728
He's an archaeologist at UCLA.
382
00:26:46,838 --> 00:26:49,306
I didn't ask what he did.
I asked what he's doing.
383
00:26:49,407 --> 00:26:52,137
Mildred, send in the client!
384
00:27:04,356 --> 00:27:06,449
Please sit down, Mr. Metzger.
385
00:27:07,559 --> 00:27:09,754
That will be all, Miss Krebs.
386
00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:20,733
- Shall we begin?
- Shouldn't we wait for Mr. Steele?
387
00:27:20,839 --> 00:27:23,205
With the demands
on his precious time...
388
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:26,277
I'm afraid Mr. Steele's schedule
is rather unpredictable.
389
00:27:26,378 --> 00:27:29,313
Now, what seems to be
the problem?
390
00:27:29,414 --> 00:27:31,678
This. Boy with Flute.
391
00:27:33,618 --> 00:27:35,518
That's quite a flute.
392
00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:39,112
- You're holding it upside-down.
- Oh.
393
00:27:43,928 --> 00:27:46,294
It belongs to the Levinson estate.
394
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:49,299
I was supposed to sell it.
I'm the executor.
395
00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:51,301
But I think it's been stolen.
396
00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:55,772
- But you're not sure.
- The Lindstrom Gallery agreed to accept it on consignment.
397
00:27:55,874 --> 00:28:00,038
But I hadn't heard from Eric Lindstrom
for a couple of weeks, so I phoned.
398
00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:05,082
He never returned any of my calls. I went
down there, but the place is locked up tight.
399
00:28:05,183 --> 00:28:09,415
So, you're afraid Lindstrom may have
disappeared with the painting.
400
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:12,388
Afraid isn't the word.
401
00:28:12,490 --> 00:28:16,017
Mrs. Steele, I'm just an accountant.
402
00:28:16,127 --> 00:28:18,357
My stock in trade is client trust.
403
00:28:18,463 --> 00:28:21,557
Now, if Lindstrom absconded
with that painting...
404
00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:27,366
the estate is out $21/2 million,
and my reputation is ruined.
405
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:35,005
- Then let's get cracking.
- What about Mr. Steele?
406
00:28:44,422 --> 00:28:47,220
- You're sure we shouldn't wait for your hus-
- Positive.
407
00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,969
Morning, morning,
morning, morning.
408
00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:03,199
She's not in.
409
00:29:03,308 --> 00:29:05,208
Left her sleeping
like a baby.
410
00:29:05,310 --> 00:29:08,768
- Liar!
- Really, Mildred. No need to get nasty.
411
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,213
Oh, no, no. Not you, boss.
It's that Tony character.
412
00:29:12,317 --> 00:29:15,309
I've been doing some checking up
on that alleged gravedigger.
413
00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:19,288
- Alleged?
- Oh, he's supposedly in town on UCLA's invitation.
414
00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:23,622
- But, UCLA doesn't even know he exists.
- Steele?
415
00:29:25,196 --> 00:29:27,824
Speak of the snake.
416
00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:31,163
That's speak of the devil, Mildred.
Always confusing her clich�s.
417
00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:33,794
Can I talk to you? In private.
418
00:29:33,905 --> 00:29:38,342
Absolutely, Anthony.
Yes. Mi casa es su casa.
419
00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:40,536
Come in. Come in.
420
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,614
Three's a crowd, Mildred.
421
00:29:44,716 --> 00:29:47,378
That's another clich�-
in this case, accurate.
422
00:29:52,957 --> 00:29:56,984
- Business must be good.
- It's been a banner year for crime.
423
00:29:57,095 --> 00:30:00,155
I suppose you're wondering what
I was doing at your apartment last night.
424
00:30:00,265 --> 00:30:02,995
Nonsense. I thought what you were doing
was perfectly clear.
425
00:30:03,101 --> 00:30:05,035
Kissing my wife, wasn't it?
426
00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:09,740
I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy it.
427
00:30:09,841 --> 00:30:12,002
So, you're an honest man, Anthony.
428
00:30:12,110 --> 00:30:15,045
I like that in a person.
So does my wife.
429
00:30:16,414 --> 00:30:18,746
You should know that I find
your wife very attractive.
430
00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:20,977
Oh, I'm sure she'll be
delighted to hear that.
431
00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:25,021
But I'm not the kinda guy
who'd go after a married woman.
432
00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,887
Now it's my turn to be delighted.
433
00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:31,826
That is, unless
she wasn't really married.
434
00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:35,229
- Hypothetically speaking, of course.
- Of course.
435
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:39,565
Because if a married woman
wasn't really married...
436
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:41,571
she'd be fair game,
wouldn't she?
437
00:30:41,673 --> 00:30:45,109
- Hypothetically speaking, of course.
- Of course.
438
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:50,242
Then again, if this married
woman was being pursued by a-
439
00:30:50,348 --> 00:30:54,182
Oh, say an archaeologist who was
on the staff at-Well, pick any school.
440
00:30:54,285 --> 00:30:57,846
Say, UCLA. And she found out
he was a bald-faced liar...
441
00:30:57,956 --> 00:31:00,447
she'd be fairly upset
with this archaeologist, don't you think?
442
00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:05,261
Hypothetically speaking.
443
00:31:09,100 --> 00:31:11,091
A shame this isn't in
hieroglyphics.
444
00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:14,103
But then, perhaps you can decipher
its full meaning anyway.
445
00:31:17,408 --> 00:31:19,876
It's a good thing we're dealing
in the abstract, eh, Anthony?
446
00:31:19,978 --> 00:31:22,572
- Good thing.
- And if you want to keep it that way...
447
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,875
I suggest you find someplace else
to dig in the dirt.
448
00:31:24,983 --> 00:31:29,044
I'm leaving for England in a few days.
449
00:31:30,955 --> 00:31:32,855
Give my best to Big Ben.
450
00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:47,661
Well, Anthony, it's a pity
we won't be seeing you again.
451
00:31:47,772 --> 00:31:50,764
You never can tell.
452
00:31:50,875 --> 00:31:52,775
Drop everything, Mildred.
453
00:31:52,877 --> 00:31:56,711
I want to know all there is to know about
that slippery wife-stealer, and I mean pronto.
454
00:31:59,284 --> 00:32:01,809
Remington Steele
Investigations.
455
00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:05,853
Yes, I will give him
the message.
456
00:32:05,957 --> 00:32:09,051
Speaking of slippery...
457
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,958
your sister has apparently
collapsed in her hotel room.
458
00:32:12,063 --> 00:32:15,294
- Shannon?
- You have any other sisters I should know about?
459
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:19,962
- Where is she?
- Wilshire Marquis. That tart is trouble, boss.
460
00:32:20,071 --> 00:32:23,234
I'll handle the tart.
You keep digging for skeletons.
461
00:32:38,089 --> 00:32:40,023
In 'ere.
462
00:32:49,767 --> 00:32:54,363
- Douglas, wha-what are you doing here?
- I believe you wanted to see me.
463
00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:57,873
- I told you not to say anything.
- I didn't know how long you'd last.
464
00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:00,570
That will be all, Doctor.
465
00:33:01,879 --> 00:33:06,646
So-
466
00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:09,276
What seems to be
the problem?
467
00:33:09,387 --> 00:33:11,981
- I suppose you have a right to know.
- Mm-hmm.
468
00:33:12,090 --> 00:33:14,183
- It's my heart.
- Oh.
469
00:33:14,292 --> 00:33:19,161
I have some sort of a condition. A-A multisyllable
word that only the doctors can pronounce.
470
00:33:19,263 --> 00:33:23,165
B- But when you boil it down,
time is of the essence.
471
00:33:23,267 --> 00:33:25,895
Of course.
472
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,336
- Prescription brandy?
- Oh, doctor's orders.
473
00:33:28,439 --> 00:33:30,669
Uh, it stimulates the circulation.
474
00:33:30,775 --> 00:33:32,936
I bet it does.
475
00:33:36,414 --> 00:33:41,283
I'll admit, there have been
other men in my life.
476
00:33:41,386 --> 00:33:45,618
Well, a few other men.
Quite a few other men.
477
00:33:45,723 --> 00:33:48,055
We're not going back
to Paris, are we?
478
00:33:48,159 --> 00:33:50,354
But they all paled
in comparison to you.
479
00:33:50,461 --> 00:33:53,953
Which is why I-I'd hoped we could
spend what little time there's left together.
480
00:33:54,065 --> 00:33:57,364
- I'm a married man.
- Oh, I'll forget it if you will.
481
00:33:57,468 --> 00:33:59,800
- I'm afraid I can't.
- You think it'll last?
482
00:33:59,904 --> 00:34:02,372
It has to.
483
00:34:02,473 --> 00:34:05,499
Oh, give me these next few months,
and I promise you won't regret it.
484
00:34:09,013 --> 00:34:10,776
I don't think my wife
would like that.
485
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,908
Oh, stop being such a loyal twit!
Forget Lulu.
486
00:34:14,018 --> 00:34:16,248
It's you I need!
487
00:34:16,354 --> 00:34:18,788
Desperately.
488
00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:22,257
Steady, darling.
Remember the ticker?
489
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,193
Oh, how- How can you let
a little thing like a- a wife...
490
00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:28,390
stand in the way of
a dying woman's last request?
491
00:34:28,499 --> 00:34:30,558
Oh!
492
00:34:37,041 --> 00:34:38,941
I think we should call
your husband.
493
00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:01,123
- After you.
- You're not bad!
494
00:35:38,769 --> 00:35:41,294
- Boy With Flute.
- I knew it.
495
00:35:41,405 --> 00:35:45,034
Since the painting appears to be missing,
our next step is to find Eric Lindstrom.
496
00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:48,840
No. I'll tell you what our next step is.
We're going to find Remington Steele.
497
00:35:48,946 --> 00:35:52,109
That's who we're going to find.
It's time to call in the big guns, little lady.
498
00:35:54,252 --> 00:35:57,710
Remington Steele Investigations.
499
00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:01,519
Oh, hello, Mr. Metzger.
No, Mr. Steele's not in.
500
00:36:02,660 --> 00:36:04,560
Oh, hi, hon.
501
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,562
Sounds like we've got
a bad connection.
502
00:36:06,664 --> 00:36:10,430
Yes, Mildred, I think
I've cleared up the problem.
503
00:36:10,535 --> 00:36:12,765
Did Mr. Steele leave a number?
504
00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:16,136
Just a minute.
505
00:36:20,645 --> 00:36:24,479
Yes. Okay.
506
00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:27,642
Thanks.
507
00:36:27,752 --> 00:36:32,883
- This really isn't necessary.
- Are you going to call, or am I?
508
00:36:41,465 --> 00:36:43,695
- Hello?
- Hello?
509
00:36:43,801 --> 00:36:44,927
Yes?
510
00:36:46,470 --> 00:36:49,496
Remington Steele, please.
Mrs. Steele calling.
511
00:36:49,607 --> 00:36:53,668
I'm afraid he's indisposed
at the moment.
512
00:36:55,246 --> 00:36:57,714
324 Laurel Vista.
513
00:36:57,815 --> 00:37:00,443
I'll tell him just as soon
as he gets dressed.
514
00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:02,451
Ciao, darling.
515
00:37:10,828 --> 00:37:13,854
You never said anything
about a Mrs. Steele!
516
00:37:13,965 --> 00:37:17,128
Nasty habit,
listening on extensions.
517
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:20,227
- It's the way I find out things.
- Well, don't worry about her.
518
00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:23,865
I'm paid to worry. And the fella
what pays me ain't gonna like it.
519
00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:27,376
So don't tell him.
Because nothing's changed.
520
00:37:27,478 --> 00:37:29,878
I'm still going to be
Mrs. Remington Steele.
521
00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:33,075
What about 'er?
522
00:37:34,385 --> 00:37:36,979
As good as gone.
523
00:37:47,164 --> 00:37:49,428
I wish Steele were here.
524
00:37:49,533 --> 00:37:53,230
I told you. He's in conference with a client.
525
00:37:53,337 --> 00:37:56,135
He'll catch up with us
as soon as he's free.
526
00:38:08,419 --> 00:38:10,853
Hello? Eric Lindstrom here.
527
00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:16,052
So good to hear your voice. Wish I had
time to chat, but I'm afraid I'm not in.
528
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,221
- Do leave your name and number
after the tone. Thank you.
529
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:22,492
Hi, Mr. Lindstrom.
530
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:24,500
This is Tina at
the L.A. Tribune.
531
00:38:24,602 --> 00:38:26,593
We haven't received your
subscription payment yet.
532
00:38:26,704 --> 00:38:28,968
Could you please mail it
right away? Thanks.
533
00:38:33,811 --> 00:38:37,713
Hmm. Timers.
The lights come on automatically.
534
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:40,079
If Lindstrom isn't here,
then where is he?
535
00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:50,518
Next time, I'm waiting for Steele!
536
00:39:28,966 --> 00:39:31,730
Conducting the investigation
with your usual decorum, eh, Laura?
537
00:39:31,836 --> 00:39:33,599
I thought you were someone else.
538
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,934
Mr. Steele, am I glad to see you.
539
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,940
I'm afraid I got held up in traffic.
540
00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:40,602
I'll bet it was bumper to bumper.
541
00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:44,704
Yes. Especially near the beach.
542
00:39:44,815 --> 00:39:47,545
But since the two of you have
plunged ahead, why don't you fill me in?
543
00:39:47,651 --> 00:39:52,384
While you were out blowing your horn,
someone was using us for target practice.
544
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,084
I'm just an accountant.
I've never been shot at before.
545
00:39:55,192 --> 00:39:57,820
Okay, Mr. Metzger.
Calm down. Don't panic.
546
00:39:57,928 --> 00:40:00,795
At least we know we're hot
on Lindstrom's trail.
547
00:40:00,898 --> 00:40:04,231
Oh, listen, lady.
You may be a good little detective...
548
00:40:04,335 --> 00:40:06,701
but from now on, the head honcho
calls the shots!
549
00:40:09,273 --> 00:40:11,673
So, what's the plan, Steele?
550
00:40:15,346 --> 00:40:17,906
Uh, the plan, yes.
551
00:40:18,015 --> 00:40:22,975
Uh, the plan is that we continue to proceed
according to the usual detective procedure.
552
00:40:24,321 --> 00:40:26,846
Keep me posted.
553
00:40:26,957 --> 00:40:29,118
Where are you going?
554
00:40:29,226 --> 00:40:32,024
A pressing matter has arisen
that demands my immediate attention.
555
00:40:32,129 --> 00:40:34,029
Mr. Steele, you just got here.
556
00:40:34,131 --> 00:40:37,032
Mr. Metzger, I'm sure my associate here
has explained to you...
557
00:40:37,134 --> 00:40:39,500
that I function best in
an advisory capacity.
558
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:45,303
I assure you, sir, that I shall keep my eye
on your case every step of the way.
559
00:40:45,409 --> 00:40:47,343
- You have my word.
- Thank you.
560
00:40:48,779 --> 00:40:50,679
Carry on, Mrs. Steele.
561
00:40:52,650 --> 00:40:55,642
Well.
562
00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:57,653
Was he worth waiting for?
563
00:41:03,260 --> 00:41:06,491
- Out rather late for a woman
in your delicate condition.
564
00:41:06,597 --> 00:41:09,498
- Oh, careful, darling. You're hurting me!
- Where have you been?
565
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,763
Out for a late night stroll.
It does wonders for the heart.
566
00:41:12,870 --> 00:41:16,931
And does your constitutional
involve taking potshots at Laura?
567
00:41:17,041 --> 00:41:22,502
- What are you babbling about?
- The only other person with a motive left town two days ago.
568
00:41:22,613 --> 00:41:26,777
Come on, darling. I've much more effective means
of eliminating your blushing bride.
569
00:41:28,452 --> 00:41:30,818
Do you really care for me
as much as you say you do?
570
00:41:30,921 --> 00:41:33,515
- Oh, darling.
- Huh?
571
00:41:33,624 --> 00:41:35,683
Let me count the ways.
Oh!
572
00:41:35,793 --> 00:41:38,227
If anything happens to Laura
before I become a legal resident...
573
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:42,925
- I am gonna be kicked out on my ear.
- You always did enjoy traveling.
574
00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:46,867
- I'm also lookin' at five years in prison!
- I don't understand.
575
00:41:55,746 --> 00:41:58,340
Immigration found out
about my phony passport.
576
00:41:58,449 --> 00:42:01,885
The only way to avoid being deported
was to marry an American citizen.
577
00:42:01,986 --> 00:42:03,920
Little Lulu to the rescue.
578
00:42:04,021 --> 00:42:05,921
Only we didn't have time
for a proper marriage...
579
00:42:06,023 --> 00:42:09,857
so I... manufactured
the appropriate documents.
580
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,257
You're not legally married!
581
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,990
And there's a bunch of bureaucrats
eager to prove it.
582
00:42:14,098 --> 00:42:18,364
If they succeed, I am gonna spend the next
five years of my life in the pokey!
583
00:42:18,469 --> 00:42:20,664
Now, do you understand?
584
00:42:20,771 --> 00:42:23,968
- Oh, perfectly.
- Then stay away from Laura.
585
00:42:24,074 --> 00:42:27,100
Oh, I wouldn't do anything
to hurt you.
586
00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:31,238
Remington Steele's marriage
is a complete and total fraud.
587
00:42:33,751 --> 00:42:36,242
Care to elaborate,
Miss Wayne?
588
00:42:36,353 --> 00:42:38,253
What more is there to say?
589
00:42:38,355 --> 00:42:41,847
He told me that it was merely a ploy
to keep him from being deported.
590
00:42:41,959 --> 00:42:43,824
- I knew it.!
- Why did he confide in you?
591
00:42:43,928 --> 00:42:46,328
We were-
592
00:42:46,430 --> 00:42:48,330
How shall I put this?
593
00:42:48,432 --> 00:42:53,563
We were in the throes of ecstasy
when it just slipped out.
594
00:42:53,671 --> 00:42:56,333
Nice image.
595
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,567
So what do you get out of
blowing the whistle on him?
596
00:43:00,611 --> 00:43:03,478
Our children deserve a name,
Mr. Roselli.
597
00:43:04,915 --> 00:43:06,815
You and Steele have children?
598
00:43:08,218 --> 00:43:11,654
Derek, a darling little towhead
and- and Pettina-
599
00:43:11,755 --> 00:43:14,485
A sad-eyed beauty.
600
00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,492
She- She misses her father so much.
601
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:19,427
Yeah, well, she'll be missing him
another five years at least.
602
00:43:19,530 --> 00:43:21,521
We're gonna need
your statement in writing.
603
00:43:21,632 --> 00:43:24,362
W- Whatever does she mean,
another five years?
604
00:43:24,468 --> 00:43:27,028
- Mandatory prison term.
- Oh, no.
605
00:43:27,137 --> 00:43:30,038
Oh, no, no, no, no. L- I could never do that.
What would I tell the wee ones?
606
00:43:31,709 --> 00:43:37,147
Unless you could waive that minor
little detail and simply deport him.
607
00:43:37,247 --> 00:43:39,147
Hmm?
608
00:43:40,184 --> 00:43:42,049
- Could be arranged.
- In writing?
609
00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:44,780
Mr. Roselli,
need I remind you...
610
00:43:44,888 --> 00:43:48,517
that Chapter 38, Paragraph 17 of
the Immigration and Naturalization Code...
611
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:51,891
- clearly states that-
- Gladys, take a walk.
612
00:43:51,996 --> 00:43:53,896
Lower your blood pressure.
613
00:43:57,101 --> 00:43:59,695
Where do I sign, hmm?
614
00:44:51,755 --> 00:44:54,280
- Is Laura in?
- Ooh, hold it, boss. We gotta huddle.
615
00:44:54,391 --> 00:44:57,827
Quickly, Mildred. I've just come up with
a new development on the Metzger matter.
616
00:44:57,928 --> 00:45:00,362
Okay, you remember the time
you told me to check on Tony the tiger?
617
00:45:00,464 --> 00:45:03,763
- Yeah.
- Nada. Goose egg.
618
00:45:05,936 --> 00:45:09,599
Don't you get it?
He's not an archaeologist.
619
00:45:09,707 --> 00:45:11,800
There's no record that
he was ever in Mexico.
620
00:45:11,909 --> 00:45:14,503
In fact, there's no record
that he exists at all.
621
00:45:14,611 --> 00:45:18,012
You think the little woman
made him up too?
622
00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:21,209
Highly unlikely. However let's not
burden her with this information, okay?
623
00:45:21,318 --> 00:45:22,808
Okay.
624
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:26,014
- Mildred, book Mr. Steele and me on the first flight to London.
- London?
625
00:45:26,123 --> 00:45:30,082
A friend of Mr. Metzger's ran into
Lindstrom at the Thames Gardens Hotel.
626
00:45:30,194 --> 00:45:33,630
Yes, he had the nerve to invite him up
to the Presidential Suite for tea.
627
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:36,461
- Oh.
- Who says crime doesn't pay?
628
00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:40,401
I confirmed it with the airline.
Lindstrom landed two days ago.
629
00:45:40,504 --> 00:45:43,371
That's what I love about you.
You're always one step ahead of the game.
630
00:45:43,474 --> 00:45:46,534
- Piccadilly Circus, here we come.
- We?
631
00:45:46,643 --> 00:45:49,976
Aw, come on. I was
a big help in Mexico.
632
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,605
And you'll be an even
bigger help right here.
633
00:45:52,716 --> 00:45:54,616
Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
634
00:45:54,718 --> 00:45:57,653
If Lindstrom's flown the coop,
then who shot at you two last night?
635
00:45:57,755 --> 00:46:00,986
We're detectives, Mildred.
Everybody shoots at us. You know that.
636
00:46:01,091 --> 00:46:04,254
- Obviously, Lindstrom has an accomplice.
- Of course. Who else could it be?
637
00:46:04,361 --> 00:46:06,659
Time to start packing, don't you think?
Tallyho and all that.
638
00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:09,790
Get the galoshes out.
Huh? Yeah.
639
00:46:38,996 --> 00:46:40,896
How'd it go?
640
00:46:40,998 --> 00:46:42,898
- She's out like a light.
- Who is she?
641
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,867
- A loose end.
- Aw, come on, Tony. Give us a clue.
642
00:46:45,969 --> 00:46:48,836
You went outside channels on this one,
and we can all get burned.
643
00:46:48,939 --> 00:46:51,567
I got something heavy going down.
She got in the way.
644
00:46:51,675 --> 00:46:53,336
What do you want us
to do with her?
645
00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:55,707
Put her on a plane to Singapore.
646
00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:58,646
There won't be any questions with this.
647
00:46:58,749 --> 00:47:01,047
Diplomatic passport.
648
00:47:01,151 --> 00:47:03,210
From the look of her,
she's got a healthy pair of lungs.
649
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:06,847
Shame about the accident.
Had to bandage the whole face.
650
00:47:06,957 --> 00:47:09,255
That oughta keep her quiet.
651
00:47:09,359 --> 00:47:14,524
I pull this off, I'm back in business.
I won't forget you guys.
652
00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:29,604
Oh, please don't hurt me.
I have a weak heart.
653
00:47:29,713 --> 00:47:32,273
Will you relax, lady?
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
654
00:47:32,382 --> 00:47:35,909
My pills. L- I need my pills.
They're in my purse.
655
00:47:37,154 --> 00:47:39,054
All right.
656
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,174
Yeah. It worked.
Steele's on his way to London.
657
00:48:06,224 --> 00:48:10,774
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