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1
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,632
'S wonderful
2
00:00:35,637 --> 00:00:37,764
'S marvelous
3
00:00:38,974 --> 00:00:41,272
You should care
4
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,640
For me
5
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,947
'S awful nice
6
00:00:46,982 --> 00:00:49,951
'S paradise
7
00:00:49,985 --> 00:00:52,613
'S what I love
8
00:00:52,654 --> 00:00:55,214
To see
9
00:00:55,257 --> 00:00:57,350
You make
10
00:00:57,392 --> 00:01:01,294
My life so glamorous
11
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:05,663
You can't blame me
for feeling amorous
12
00:01:06,668 --> 00:01:09,660
Now, is this
a bit of terrific, hmm?
13
00:01:11,006 --> 00:01:15,466
Last night, she was banging
on my door for 45 minutes...
14
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:16,534
but I wouldn't let her out.
15
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,878
'S wonderful
16
00:01:27,923 --> 00:01:31,154
'S marvelous
17
00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:38,361
That you should care for me
18
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,506
Don't worry. I'll get the mail.
19
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:46,837
I'll get it.
20
00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:49,503
Uh-oh. Speaking of my mo...
21
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:50,806
I have an amazing mother.
22
00:01:50,846 --> 00:01:55,010
You know, she's 85 years old,
and she don't need glasses.
23
00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:56,108
She drinks
right out of the bottle.
24
00:01:58,053 --> 00:01:59,748
She don't even
open them anymore.
25
00:01:59,788 --> 00:02:01,119
She goes
right through the label.
26
00:02:03,992 --> 00:02:05,459
Oh, and drinking?
27
00:02:05,494 --> 00:02:07,462
My doctor said,
"Stop drinking"...
28
00:02:07,496 --> 00:02:09,555
so I'm not gonna drink anymore.
29
00:02:09,598 --> 00:02:12,965
I'm gonna freeze it now
and eat it like a Popsicle.
30
00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:19,964
'S wonderful
31
00:02:20,008 --> 00:02:22,977
'S marvelous
32
00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,479
You should care
33
00:02:25,514 --> 00:02:26,481
For me
34
00:02:26,515 --> 00:02:27,982
2, 3, 4.
35
00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:30,985
'S awful nice
36
00:02:31,019 --> 00:02:33,487
'S paradise
37
00:02:33,522 --> 00:02:36,320
'S what I love
38
00:02:36,358 --> 00:02:37,985
To see
39
00:02:38,026 --> 00:02:39,994
I guess you all know
this is my last night here.
40
00:02:40,028 --> 00:02:41,495
Tomorrow morning
I'm going to Hollywood...
41
00:02:41,530 --> 00:02:42,656
and make a new picture...
42
00:02:42,697 --> 00:02:45,291
me, Frank Sinatra,
Sammy Davis Jr...
43
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,891
and Joey Bishop...
44
00:02:46,935 --> 00:02:48,368
called "Little Women."
45
00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:52,006
But before that,
I'm gonna do a TV special...
46
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,507
with Mr. Bing Crosby.
47
00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:55,601
Now, why Bing works so hard,
I'll never know.
48
00:02:55,644 --> 00:02:58,010
He's got $21 million...
49
00:02:58,046 --> 00:02:59,638
on him.
50
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:12,059
My dear
51
00:03:12,093 --> 00:03:15,722
It's four-leaf clover time
52
00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:19,598
From now on,
my heart's working overtime
53
00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:23,036
I don't care
who you are, fat man.
54
00:03:23,071 --> 00:03:24,902
You get them reindeers
off my roof.
55
00:03:27,075 --> 00:03:29,737
'S wonderful
56
00:03:29,778 --> 00:03:32,576
'S marvelous
57
00:03:32,614 --> 00:03:34,741
That you should care
58
00:03:34,783 --> 00:03:39,618
For me
59
00:03:40,622 --> 00:03:42,089
Good night! Good night!
60
00:03:42,123 --> 00:03:43,954
See you next year!
61
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,923
Great, Dino. Only great.
62
00:03:49,965 --> 00:03:51,830
They were rolling in the aisles.
63
00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:54,164
Why didn't somebody
take their dice away?
64
00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:56,494
Dino.
65
00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:57,505
Hmm?
66
00:03:57,539 --> 00:03:59,370
Am I going to see you
before you leave?
67
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,931
Just one last nightcap?
68
00:04:00,976 --> 00:04:02,034
You got it.
69
00:04:02,077 --> 00:04:04,068
I'll be in my room.
70
00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:05,579
Keep your hat on.
71
00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:09,049
What's her name? Mitzi?
72
00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:10,551
No, no. Sylvia.
73
00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:11,677
Sylvia.
74
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,711
This one is Mitzi.
75
00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:14,722
Dino.
76
00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:15,723
Hmm?
77
00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:17,725
Are we going to
get together tonight?
78
00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:19,852
Just one for the road, huh?
79
00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:20,883
It's a must.
80
00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:22,988
My room later, OK?
81
00:04:23,999 --> 00:04:25,967
This is beginning to look
like Custer's last stand.
82
00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:26,968
Like what?
83
00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:28,970
Because it isn't
just Sylvia and Mitzi.
84
00:04:29,004 --> 00:04:30,335
There are all those
other Indians.
85
00:04:30,372 --> 00:04:31,737
You've got Janet
in the dressing room...
86
00:04:31,773 --> 00:04:33,172
Juicy Lucy up in your suite...
87
00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:34,175
and those German twins...
88
00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,437
waiting for you
in the steam room.
89
00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:36,603
That's the whole idea.
90
00:04:36,645 --> 00:04:38,977
Now that I got everybody
stashed away, I can beat it.
91
00:04:39,014 --> 00:04:40,982
So you pack my stuff
and put it in the car.
92
00:04:41,016 --> 00:04:42,278
You're going to leave
just like that,
93
00:04:42,317 --> 00:04:43,614
without saying good-bye?
94
00:04:43,652 --> 00:04:44,983
Damn right, because
if I start saying good-bye...
95
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:45,987
to all these dames,
96
00:04:46,021 --> 00:04:48,546
you'll have to carry me
out of here...
97
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:52,390
what's left of me...
in a cigar box...
98
00:04:52,427 --> 00:04:53,689
baby.
99
00:05:35,103 --> 00:05:36,570
What's the matter?
100
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,435
That Sinatra kid missing again?
101
00:05:38,473 --> 00:05:40,441
We had a bad pileup
down the highway.
102
00:05:40,475 --> 00:05:42,568
You'll have to take the detour.
103
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:43,907
Where does that lead to?
104
00:05:43,945 --> 00:05:47,381
You come out at Barstow,
by way of Warm Springs...
105
00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:50,248
Paradise Valley, and Climax.
106
00:05:50,285 --> 00:05:51,775
That's the only way to go.
107
00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:38,299
Fill 'er up?
108
00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,858
Yeah. No, no. Over here.
109
00:06:47,342 --> 00:06:49,674
Anything else?
110
00:06:49,711 --> 00:06:51,144
No, thanks.
111
00:06:53,882 --> 00:06:56,612
Hey! You forgot
your green stamps!
112
00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,216
Hi, Barney!
113
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:55,237
Deedle, deedle, deedle
114
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:57,938
Deedle, deedle, d...
115
00:07:57,979 --> 00:07:59,412
No, no, Mulligan.
116
00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:01,745
You've got an extra
deedle in there.
117
00:08:01,783 --> 00:08:03,751
It's six deedles, not seven.
118
00:08:03,785 --> 00:08:06,754
Let's not monkey around
with Beethoven, shall we?
119
00:08:06,788 --> 00:08:08,722
Once more.
120
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:12,726
Orville.
121
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,227
Yes, dear?
122
00:08:14,262 --> 00:08:15,559
What's the matter?
123
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,257
Please, dear, not now.
124
00:09:15,023 --> 00:09:17,253
Mulligan, not only
do you have a tin ear...
125
00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:18,418
you have lead fingers.
126
00:09:18,459 --> 00:09:20,324
Whoever told you
to take up the piano?
127
00:09:20,361 --> 00:09:21,760
You did, sir.
128
00:09:21,796 --> 00:09:24,196
Well, I need the money,
but what's your excuse?
129
00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:26,996
It says here
molto espressione...
130
00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:29,094
which means with much
expression...
131
00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:31,697
with feeling, with heart.
132
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,889
From the top again.
133
00:10:26,394 --> 00:10:29,124
A-natural!
134
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,197
Just a minute, you.
135
00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,202
Oh, hi there, Mr. Spooner.
136
00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:36,225
Don't you "hi there" me.
137
00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:38,966
I know your type,
sneaking around to back doors.
138
00:10:39,007 --> 00:10:40,497
All right, let's have it.
139
00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:41,667
Have what?
140
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,676
That note my wife left you.
141
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,270
You must think I'm blind
or stupid or something.
142
00:10:45,313 --> 00:10:47,440
Oh, yeah, the... sure.
The note.
143
00:10:47,482 --> 00:10:50,144
She wanted, uh, two quarts
of milk and a dozen eggs.
144
00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:53,950
A likely story.
145
00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:57,651
"Two quarts of milk.
One dozen eggs."
146
00:10:57,692 --> 00:10:58,954
What's it all about?
147
00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:00,392
I'll tell you
what it's all about.
148
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:01,656
It's about, um...
149
00:11:01,696 --> 00:11:02,720
buttermilk!
150
00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:03,958
And she forgot
to order buttermilk.
151
00:11:03,998 --> 00:11:04,965
She always forgets.
152
00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:06,990
She doesn't like buttermilk,
but I like buttermilk.
153
00:11:07,035 --> 00:11:08,400
There's nothing
like buttermilk...
154
00:11:08,436 --> 00:11:10,961
especially if you
have a lazy colon.
155
00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,370
Excuse me.
156
00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:34,693
No, no, no, Mulligan.
157
00:11:34,729 --> 00:11:36,458
Now you're leaving out
a deedle.
158
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:38,522
There are six deedles, not five.
159
00:11:38,566 --> 00:11:40,056
Orville!
160
00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:48,775
Yes, lambchop?
161
00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:51,005
Zip me up, will you, please?
162
00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:52,012
Going somewhere?
163
00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:53,308
Yes, and I'm late.
164
00:11:53,347 --> 00:11:54,746
I don't want
to keep him waiting.
165
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:57,444
Of course not. Him? Whom?
166
00:11:57,485 --> 00:11:58,611
The dentist.
167
00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:00,143
Oh. You got a toothache?
168
00:12:00,188 --> 00:12:01,621
No. Time to have
my teeth cleaned.
169
00:12:01,656 --> 00:12:02,816
You just had them cleaned.
170
00:12:02,857 --> 00:12:04,154
I have to go in
every three months.
171
00:12:04,192 --> 00:12:07,252
Dr. Sheldrake says I have
very tender gums.
172
00:12:07,295 --> 00:12:09,855
Oh, he does, does he?
173
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,125
Bye, darling.
174
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,632
Bye.
175
00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:13,998
Where did you get those flowers?
176
00:12:14,035 --> 00:12:15,696
They're from Johnnie.
177
00:12:17,105 --> 00:12:19,164
I picked them myself.
178
00:12:19,207 --> 00:12:20,538
Isn't he sweet?
179
00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:21,769
Yes, isn't he?
180
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,640
Well, I'm off.
181
00:12:23,678 --> 00:12:25,509
See you, Johnnie.
182
00:13:06,087 --> 00:13:08,180
How old are you, Mulligan?
183
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,452
Fourteen... going on fifteen.
184
00:13:14,595 --> 00:13:16,688
Pretty big for your age,
aren't you?
185
00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,562
That's what they tell me.
186
00:13:24,806 --> 00:13:26,671
You stay away from my wife,
do you hear me?
187
00:13:26,707 --> 00:13:27,674
What?
188
00:13:27,708 --> 00:13:29,232
Pussyfooting around
behind my back!
189
00:13:29,277 --> 00:13:31,302
Bringing flowers
to a married woman!
190
00:13:31,345 --> 00:13:32,903
Let go of me!
191
00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:42,722
You ought to be horsewhipped!
192
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:50,230
And don't you ever
come back here again...
193
00:13:51,232 --> 00:13:52,290
you teenage wolf!
194
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,367
You male Lolita!
195
00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:58,732
Orville!
196
00:13:59,807 --> 00:14:01,468
Hey, you, Orville!
197
00:14:11,819 --> 00:14:15,482
Listen to this!
I think I got it. I...
198
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:18,253
Are you ready?
I'm a poached egg.
199
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,259
You're a what?
200
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,453
I'm a poached egg.
201
00:14:20,494 --> 00:14:22,155
That's it... the title
of the song.
202
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:23,163
What song?
203
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:24,221
The one you played me yesterday.
204
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:26,922
Oh, that one.
205
00:14:26,968 --> 00:14:27,957
I got the whole lyric
worked out.
206
00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:28,969
You want to hear it?
207
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:29,970
Not now, Barney.
208
00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:30,971
I got other things on my mind.
209
00:14:31,005 --> 00:14:31,972
Oh, come on. Come on.
210
00:14:32,006 --> 00:14:32,973
I'm not in the mood.
211
00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,565
It's a dilly, I'll tell you.
212
00:14:34,609 --> 00:14:36,634
Give me a pickup.
213
00:14:39,847 --> 00:14:41,872
I'm a poached egg
214
00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:43,349
Without a piece of toast
215
00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:45,614
Yorkshire pudding
216
00:14:45,653 --> 00:14:46,950
Without a beef to roast
217
00:14:46,988 --> 00:14:48,979
I'm a haunted house
218
00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:51,014
That hasn't got a ghost
219
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,219
When I'm without you
220
00:14:53,261 --> 00:14:54,387
Brilliant?
221
00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:57,387
I'm a mousetrap
222
00:14:57,431 --> 00:14:58,898
Without a piece of cheese
223
00:14:58,933 --> 00:15:00,992
I'm Vienna
224
00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:02,502
Without the Viennese
225
00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:04,663
I'm da Vinci
226
00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:06,605
Without the Mona Lis
227
00:15:06,641 --> 00:15:07,869
When I'm...
228
00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:09,570
Mona Lis?
229
00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:11,510
That's what makes it...
230
00:15:11,545 --> 00:15:13,035
the irregularity...
231
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,447
that unexpected little twist.
232
00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:18,475
Keep playing.
233
00:15:18,519 --> 00:15:20,384
It's ridiculous.
234
00:15:20,421 --> 00:15:21,445
What do you mean ridiculous?
235
00:15:21,489 --> 00:15:23,821
I mean this whole
songwriting business.
236
00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:25,883
What are we knocking
ourselves out for?
237
00:15:25,927 --> 00:15:26,951
We must have written
fifty songs by now.
238
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:27,961
Sixty-two.
239
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,826
And what's happened? Nothing.
240
00:15:29,864 --> 00:15:31,024
We write them. I copy them.
241
00:15:31,065 --> 00:15:32,692
We send them out to
all the publishers...
242
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:34,860
and the record companies
and the singers...
243
00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,426
Tony Bennett,
Barbra Streisand...
244
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,335
Nat "King" Cole,
the Four Freshmen.
245
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,169
And do we ever hear
from any of them?
246
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,970
No! They just steal
the stamps...
247
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,375
from the return
self-addressed envelopes.
248
00:15:44,412 --> 00:15:46,437
Are we gonna
go through that again?
249
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:47,777
Irving Berlin wrote
a hundred songs...
250
00:15:47,815 --> 00:15:50,409
before he hit it with
"Alexander's Ragtime Band."
251
00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:53,386
And what about George Gershwin
and Richard Rodgers?
252
00:15:53,421 --> 00:15:54,547
But they were professionals...
253
00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:58,251
and we're amateurs buried here
in Climax, Nevada.
254
00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:00,351
Where do you think
Cole Porter came from?
255
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,884
Peru, Indiana.
256
00:16:01,929 --> 00:16:04,056
Hank Mancini?
Aliquippa, Pennsylvania.
257
00:16:04,098 --> 00:16:06,396
Johnny Mercer?
Savannah, Georgia.
258
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:09,733
And he only won
four Academy Awards.
259
00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,965
So play!
260
00:16:14,942 --> 00:16:16,910
I'm Las Vegas
261
00:16:16,944 --> 00:16:18,377
Without a slot machine
262
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,471
I'm a gypsy
263
00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:21,947
Without a tambourine
264
00:16:21,983 --> 00:16:23,951
I'm Napoleon
265
00:16:23,985 --> 00:16:25,748
Without a Josephine
266
00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:28,084
When I'm without you
267
00:16:28,122 --> 00:16:31,182
Gets better
all the time, huh?
268
00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,250
I'm a doctor
269
00:16:33,294 --> 00:16:34,727
Without a single pill
270
00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:36,787
I'm a lawyer
271
00:16:36,831 --> 00:16:38,321
Who never drew a will
272
00:16:38,366 --> 00:16:39,993
I'm a dentist
273
00:16:40,034 --> 00:16:42,195
Without a tooth to fill
274
00:16:42,236 --> 00:16:43,294
When I'm...
275
00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:48,942
Tender gums.
276
00:16:48,976 --> 00:16:52,173
That's a hell of a thing
to say to a married woman.
277
00:16:52,213 --> 00:16:54,807
Oh, what are you talking about?
278
00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:56,146
It's that new dentist.
279
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,650
I can't keep her
away from the place.
280
00:16:57,685 --> 00:16:59,585
She's there right now,
in the chair.
281
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:02,180
He's tilting her
all the way back.
282
00:17:02,223 --> 00:17:03,952
He's giving her laughing gas.
283
00:17:03,991 --> 00:17:06,152
She's laughing.
He's laughing, too!
284
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,990
They're both laughing...
at me!
285
00:17:08,029 --> 00:17:08,996
Relax, will you, Orville?
286
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,190
You'll drive yourself crazy.
287
00:17:10,231 --> 00:17:11,391
Dr. Sheldrake.
288
00:17:11,432 --> 00:17:12,456
Sheldrake.
289
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,831
Dr. Sheldrake. Dr. Sheldrake.
290
00:17:13,868 --> 00:17:14,857
Sheldrake.
291
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,503
Did you hear the one
about the nearsighted turtle...
292
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,336
who fell in love with a helmet?
293
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:28,510
Then there's the one
about the nearsighted snake...
294
00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:30,210
who proposed
to a piece of rope!
295
00:17:34,255 --> 00:17:35,722
Hello?
296
00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:37,383
This is Dr. Sheldrake.
297
00:17:37,425 --> 00:17:39,154
I told you. Listen to them.
298
00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:43,763
I know what
you're laughing at...
299
00:17:43,798 --> 00:17:44,765
you and my wife,
300
00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:47,359
and I'm going to report you
to the Dental Association!
301
00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:50,131
Who is this?
302
00:17:50,171 --> 00:17:51,468
This is the husband...
303
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:52,597
and you're not
kidding me for a second.
304
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,870
I know what you're doing to her.
305
00:17:54,909 --> 00:17:58,037
I'm putting an inlay
in her lower left bicuspid.
306
00:17:58,079 --> 00:18:01,105
I thought so.
Let me talk to her.
307
00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,412
Mrs. Mulligan,
your husband on the phone.
308
00:18:03,451 --> 00:18:04,418
Mrs. Mulligan?
309
00:18:04,452 --> 00:18:05,544
I don't want to talk
to Mrs. Mulligan.
310
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,554
I want to talk
to Mrs. Spooner!
311
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,749
Mrs. Spooner? She isn't here.
312
00:18:09,790 --> 00:18:11,883
Her appointment
isn't till next Wednesday.
313
00:18:11,926 --> 00:18:13,757
Next Wednesday?
314
00:18:13,794 --> 00:18:16,456
Oh! I'll give her the message
when she comes home.
315
00:18:16,497 --> 00:18:19,694
You were right.
I was worrying about nothing.
316
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,257
She isn't even there.
317
00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:22,735
You nut!
318
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,431
I'm a bullfight
319
00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:28,874
Without a matador
320
00:18:28,909 --> 00:18:30,934
I'm a heckler
321
00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:32,445
Who never gets the floor
322
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,345
Casanova
323
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,178
The night he didn't score
324
00:18:36,217 --> 00:18:37,206
Each time...
325
00:18:38,853 --> 00:18:41,219
Why isn't she there?
Where is she?
326
00:18:41,255 --> 00:18:42,222
Why was she lying to me?
327
00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:44,087
Oh, for heaven's sakes, Orville.
328
00:18:44,125 --> 00:18:45,717
It's Johnnie Mulligan,
of course.
329
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,386
His mother's at the dentist...
330
00:18:47,428 --> 00:18:49,396
he's at home alone, and
she's with him!
331
00:18:49,430 --> 00:18:52,797
Johnnie Mulligan? Come off it.
He ain't even shaving yet.
332
00:18:56,737 --> 00:19:00,673
The milkman! He's shaving.
It must be some kind of code.
333
00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:02,938
A dozen eggs... that's twelve.
334
00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:05,411
They're meeting behind
the dairy at 12:00.
335
00:19:05,446 --> 00:19:07,141
Now you're running amok.
336
00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:09,149
You can't go around
suspecting everybody.
337
00:19:11,118 --> 00:19:13,177
Sometimes I'm not even
so sure about you.
338
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,312
Me?
339
00:19:14,355 --> 00:19:16,255
I'm scared, Barney.
I'll tell you, I'm scared.
340
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:17,882
I'm married to
the prettiest girl in town...
341
00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:19,153
and she's gonna leave me
one of these days.
342
00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,160
I just know it.
343
00:19:20,194 --> 00:19:21,422
- She will?
- Yes, she will.
344
00:19:21,462 --> 00:19:23,430
And you know why?
Because you're a nobody.
345
00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:25,432
Giving piano lessons
for a buck and a quarter.
346
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:28,128
Maybe once a week you play
a wedding or a funeral.
347
00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:29,500
Big deal.
348
00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:32,438
Why, a beautiful girl like that,
she should be spoiled.
349
00:19:32,473 --> 00:19:34,532
A touch of mink,
fun in Acapulco...
350
00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:35,701
breakfast at Tiffany's!
351
00:19:35,743 --> 00:19:36,971
Fat chance.
352
00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:39,946
Orville, all it takes
is one hit, just one hit.
353
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:41,413
"How Much is That Doggie
in the Window?"...
354
00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:42,437
three million records.
355
00:19:42,483 --> 00:19:45,247
"White Christmas"...
eight million records.
356
00:19:45,286 --> 00:19:48,016
You think Irving Berlin's
afraid of losing his wife?
357
00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:49,022
No, I guess not.
358
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:50,148
That's why you got to keep
359
00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:51,988
putting those
nickels in the slot.
360
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:54,824
Because you never know when
you're gonna hit the jackpot.
361
00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,524
Yeah. I guess so.
362
00:19:57,565 --> 00:19:59,726
Well, then, let's go.
363
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,098
I'm a poached egg
364
00:20:04,138 --> 00:20:05,503
Without a piece of toast
365
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,302
Yorkshire pudding
366
00:20:07,341 --> 00:20:08,831
Without a beef to roast
367
00:20:08,876 --> 00:20:10,673
I'm a haunted house
368
00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:12,201
That hasn't got a ghost
369
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,737
When I'm without you
370
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:21,588
I'm a mousetrap
371
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:23,920
Hey! Hey!
372
00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:25,425
I'm Vienna
373
00:20:25,459 --> 00:20:26,448
Without the Viennese
374
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:27,619
I'm da Vinci
375
00:20:28,629 --> 00:20:30,096
Without the Mona Lis
376
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,722
When I'm without you
377
00:20:31,765 --> 00:20:33,460
You know, I'm beginning
to like that Mona Lis.
378
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,626
What did I tell you?
379
00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:40,804
Aw, hold it, mister!
I'm coming.
380
00:20:40,841 --> 00:20:42,741
Stay with it, will you?
381
00:20:51,385 --> 00:20:52,511
What'll it be?
382
00:20:52,553 --> 00:20:56,387
A shave and a haircut.
The works, baby.
383
00:21:13,507 --> 00:21:14,496
Hey.
384
00:21:15,509 --> 00:21:16,476
What's the matter?
385
00:21:16,510 --> 00:21:17,534
You know who you are?
386
00:21:17,578 --> 00:21:19,978
Sure. I'm the greatest.
I'm the prettiest.
387
00:21:20,014 --> 00:21:22,073
Y-y...
388
00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:23,947
What do you do for
cigarettes around here, huh?
389
00:21:23,984 --> 00:21:26,885
- Cigarettes?
- Yeah.
390
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,285
Hmm.
391
00:21:32,159 --> 00:21:33,922
Or...
392
00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:35,258
Orville!
393
00:21:35,296 --> 00:21:37,594
Hey, Orville!
394
00:21:42,169 --> 00:21:44,137
Come here quick!
395
00:21:45,906 --> 00:21:47,533
You know, I've been here
for five years...
396
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:49,633
but this is the first time
that anybody...
397
00:21:49,677 --> 00:21:50,837
oh, sure, back in '61...
398
00:21:50,878 --> 00:21:52,937
Liberace pulled in here
with a flat tire...
399
00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:57,246
but we never had anybody
that's somebody like you.
400
00:21:57,284 --> 00:21:58,911
Where's the men's room?
401
00:22:01,088 --> 00:22:02,055
Oh.
402
00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:03,283
Wait a minute.
403
00:22:03,324 --> 00:22:04,916
I want you to meet
a friend of mine.
404
00:22:04,958 --> 00:22:06,448
Orville, look who we got here!
405
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:07,960
Who?
406
00:22:07,995 --> 00:22:10,190
It's Dino!
407
00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:12,460
Oh! How do you do?
408
00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:13,466
This is Orville Spooner.
409
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,094
He plays the piano and the organ
at the church.
410
00:22:16,136 --> 00:22:17,865
Oh, he's a terrific musician.
411
00:22:17,905 --> 00:22:18,872
Well...
412
00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:19,873
the face is familiar.
413
00:22:19,907 --> 00:22:21,067
Oh?
414
00:22:21,108 --> 00:22:22,632
Not yours, his.
415
00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:23,836
Oh.
416
00:22:23,877 --> 00:22:26,209
OK if I go
to the john now?
417
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,886
Orville, this is it.
This is our jackpot.
418
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,548
Remember "That's Amore"?..
top single for 37 weeks.
419
00:22:36,590 --> 00:22:37,887
Or "Memories are Made
of This"?..
420
00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:40,154
over two million copies!
421
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:42,525
And he's got his own
recording company.
422
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,325
I'll run over and get
some of our songs!
423
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:45,763
No, no, no. That's
not the way to do it.
424
00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,323
You got to be more subtle.
425
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:48,891
Subtle?
426
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,267
Just start singing him
one of our tunes, casual-like.
427
00:22:51,304 --> 00:22:52,999
Or hum a little. Catch his ear.
428
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:54,028
I see.
429
00:22:54,074 --> 00:22:56,406
What are you waiting for? Go!
430
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,778
I'm a poached egg
431
00:23:08,822 --> 00:23:10,380
Without a piece of toast
432
00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:11,754
Yorkshire pudding
433
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,224
Without a beef to roast
434
00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:15,023
I'm a haunted house
435
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,585
That hasn't got a ghost
436
00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:18,996
When I'm without you
437
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:34,407
I'm a western
438
00:23:34,447 --> 00:23:36,347
Without a hitching post
439
00:23:36,383 --> 00:23:39,409
There's paper towels
in the ladies' room.
440
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,565
I'm a mousetrap
441
00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:59,003
Without a piece of cheese
442
00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:00,631
I'm da Vinci
443
00:24:00,674 --> 00:24:02,266
Without the Mona Lis
444
00:24:02,309 --> 00:24:04,402
Mona Lis?
445
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:13,982
I'm Las Vegas
446
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:15,282
Without a slot machine
447
00:24:15,321 --> 00:24:16,720
I'm Napoleon
448
00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:18,417
Without a Josephine
449
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,516
What's with him?
450
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:21,390
Catchy tune, isn't it?
We wrote it together.
451
00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:22,689
- No.
- Yeah.
452
00:24:22,728 --> 00:24:24,195
We're gonna call it
"I'm a Poached Egg."
453
00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:28,564
I'm a poached... cuckoo.
How much do I owe you?
454
00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:30,694
$5.15. Too bad
you're in such a hurry...
455
00:24:30,736 --> 00:24:32,704
because if we had just
a little more time...
456
00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:34,205
Here you are.
457
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,835
100? Oh, I can't change this.
I'll have to run to the bank.
458
00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:39,538
Why don't you have a cup
of coffee with Orville?
459
00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:40,546
Get acquainted.
460
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:41,604
We've got a lot of songs...
461
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,047
and they really sound
better on the piano.
462
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:45,277
Uh, just a minute.
463
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,218
Here, here. Here's $10.
464
00:24:47,253 --> 00:24:48,914
Keep the change.
465
00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:51,848
Oh, wait!
466
00:24:51,891 --> 00:24:54,519
I forgot to check the oil.
467
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,120
You know, uh, "I Left My Heart
in San Francisco?"
468
00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:58,255
Big hit, right?
469
00:24:58,297 --> 00:24:59,264
They stole it from us.
470
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:00,196
Is that so?
471
00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:01,700
We wrote it first,
only it was called...
472
00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:03,326
"I Left My Heart
in San Diego."
473
00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:05,803
Exactly the same idea.
474
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,897
We just missed by a few miles.
475
00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:12,467
All set.
476
00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:14,480
We also have an
Italian-type song...
477
00:25:14,514 --> 00:25:16,004
like "Volare," only better.
478
00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:17,743
It would be just perfect
for you.
479
00:25:17,783 --> 00:25:18,750
Shove it in an envelope...
480
00:25:18,784 --> 00:25:20,479
and send it to
my office in Hollywood.
481
00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:23,318
Oh, no. All you guys want to
do...
482
00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:26,348
is steal those return stamps!
483
00:25:26,392 --> 00:25:31,227
Aww, the hell with him.
He sings flat anyway.
484
00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:33,630
Flat, sharp, or round...
he sells, doesn't he?
485
00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:35,463
Yeah. I guess we muffed it.
486
00:25:35,501 --> 00:25:38,299
Who knows when we'll get
a chance like this again?
487
00:25:38,337 --> 00:25:40,771
Oh, I'd say
in about three minutes.
488
00:25:40,806 --> 00:25:41,773
Three minutes?
489
00:25:41,807 --> 00:25:43,240
I disconnected his fuel line.
490
00:25:43,276 --> 00:25:44,265
He's got enough gas
in the carburetor...
491
00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:47,143
to go a couple blocks.
492
00:25:47,179 --> 00:25:48,146
Cuckoo!
493
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:49,147
Yeah. Right now he's stalled...
494
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:50,739
on the corner
of Citrus and Yucca.
495
00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:52,341
He's going into Pringle's
hardware store.
496
00:25:52,385 --> 00:25:54,410
He's asking if he
could use the phone.
497
00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:57,889
We should be hearing from him
in about ten seconds.
498
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:02,293
Five, four, three, two, one.
499
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,194
You answer it.
I'll get the tow truck.
500
00:26:12,338 --> 00:26:14,431
Barney's Service Station.
501
00:26:14,473 --> 00:26:19,433
Oh, hello there.
Of course I remember you.
502
00:26:19,478 --> 00:26:21,605
What seems to be the trouble?
503
00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:55,039
What is this,
a gag or something?
504
00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:56,605
A gag?
505
00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:58,480
You're sure you didn't
mess around with that motor?
506
00:26:58,517 --> 00:27:00,485
That's a terrible thing to say.
507
00:27:00,519 --> 00:27:02,714
Well, what's wrong with it?
508
00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:05,781
Look. If this is your attitude,
I'm not even gonna tell you.
509
00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:07,520
He's a factory-trained mechanic.
510
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,528
That's like being a doctor.
You got to take an oath.
511
00:27:09,562 --> 00:27:11,496
All right, doc,
what's the word?
512
00:27:13,366 --> 00:27:14,856
You know anything about cars?
513
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:18,996
Me? I need a copilot to turn on
the windshield wiper.
514
00:27:19,038 --> 00:27:20,062
The left intake valve
is cracked...
515
00:27:20,106 --> 00:27:22,233
on account of that
double camshaft...
516
00:27:22,274 --> 00:27:24,242
because of
the internal combustion.
517
00:27:24,276 --> 00:27:25,402
That bad?
518
00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:28,345
It happens once in a while.
You know these Italian cars.
519
00:27:28,381 --> 00:27:29,939
Well, don't stand there
talking to each other.
520
00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:32,314
Fix it!
521
00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:33,943
"Fix it," he says.
522
00:27:35,054 --> 00:27:37,045
I have to send to L.A.
For a new part...
523
00:27:37,089 --> 00:27:38,147
and if they don't have it,
it has to come...
524
00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,589
from the distributor
in New York...
525
00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:40,683
and if he doesn't have it...
526
00:27:40,726 --> 00:27:43,490
it has to come from
the factory in Milan.
527
00:27:43,529 --> 00:27:44,496
Milan?
528
00:27:44,530 --> 00:27:46,259
That's ridiculous.
He's a busy man.
529
00:27:46,298 --> 00:27:47,390
You bet I am.
530
00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:49,333
I got to get back and do
a television special.
531
00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,563
Oh, really? What channel?
532
00:27:51,603 --> 00:27:53,161
What the hell difference
does it make?
533
00:27:53,205 --> 00:27:54,297
I want to watch it.
534
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:55,306
Well, we'll watch it together...
535
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:56,773
because I'll probably
still be here.
536
00:27:56,808 --> 00:28:00,244
Quiet, will you? Let me think.
537
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:01,746
What I could do
is take a valve...
538
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:04,408
from that old Chevy
and grind it down to fit.
539
00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:05,916
That should get you
to Hollywood.
540
00:28:05,951 --> 00:28:07,043
He knows his business.
541
00:28:07,085 --> 00:28:08,245
And how long will that take?
542
00:28:08,287 --> 00:28:09,481
Well, if I work all night...
543
00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,614
I can have it for you
first thing in the morning.
544
00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:13,284
You mean I got to spend
the night in this dump?
545
00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:15,316
They just opened
a brand-new motel here.
546
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,260
He wouldn't like it.
It stinks.
547
00:28:17,296 --> 00:28:18,263
How can you say that?
548
00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,288
It's got all the modern
conveniences.
549
00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:21,299
Didn't you hear what happened?
550
00:28:21,333 --> 00:28:22,300
A skunk got into
the air conditioning.
551
00:28:22,334 --> 00:28:23,392
I don't care where I sleep.
552
00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:25,369
Just find me
an empty pool table.
553
00:28:25,404 --> 00:28:26,871
I'm sure Mr. Spooner
would be glad...
554
00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:28,099
to put you up
for the night.
555
00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:29,334
Wouldn't you, Orville?
556
00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:31,865
Me? Oh, of course I would.
557
00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:33,207
He's got a spare room...
558
00:28:33,245 --> 00:28:35,304
and it's right
across the street.
559
00:28:35,347 --> 00:28:38,282
His wife... oh, his wife's a
great cook.
560
00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:39,477
I get the scene.
561
00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:40,746
This way.
562
00:28:40,786 --> 00:28:42,651
No, not you. You stay here...
563
00:28:42,688 --> 00:28:45,384
and start grinding
that little grabber.
564
00:28:45,424 --> 00:28:47,187
Come on. Let's go.
565
00:28:54,299 --> 00:28:56,358
Tell me, since we're both
in the same racket...
566
00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:57,663
Tin Pan Alley...
567
00:28:57,703 --> 00:29:00,831
don't you think that rock'n'roll
is on the way out?
568
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:02,863
They're just not writing them
the way they used to...
569
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:04,899
I mean those evergreens
like "Star Dust"
570
00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:06,274
and "Melancholy Baby."
571
00:29:06,311 --> 00:29:08,211
Look, let's cut out
all the small talk.
572
00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:09,373
I'm bushed.
573
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:12,410
It's real quiet here.
574
00:29:12,451 --> 00:29:13,918
You can take a nice long nap...
575
00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:16,420
then we'll have some dinner,
and afterwards...
576
00:29:16,455 --> 00:29:18,946
we can sit around the piano
and sing some songs.
577
00:29:18,991 --> 00:29:20,481
Is that the only
action in this town?
578
00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:22,015
Oh, no. There's a bowling alley.
579
00:29:22,060 --> 00:29:24,153
Or you can stand outside
Pringle's hardware store...
580
00:29:24,196 --> 00:29:26,255
and watch color
television in the window.
581
00:29:26,298 --> 00:29:27,492
Hey, you're not
reading me right, pal.
582
00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:29,329
What's with the broads
around here?
583
00:29:29,368 --> 00:29:32,337
Broads? Oh, you mean
action action.
584
00:29:32,371 --> 00:29:34,896
Yeah. It's a habit
with me, like breathing.
585
00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:36,737
I should have known
from the gossip columns.
586
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,174
Well, it's not that I like to.
587
00:29:38,210 --> 00:29:40,371
You see, I have to
because if I skip one night...
588
00:29:40,412 --> 00:29:42,437
I wake up the next morning
with such a headache.
589
00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:44,176
Oh.
590
00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:46,514
No, no.
This is our bedroom.
591
00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,178
You're in there.
592
00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:56,454
This is it...
593
00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:59,487
a sort of a combination
sewing room and guest room.
594
00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:04,229
You ought to have this tuned.
595
00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:05,429
Tuned?
596
00:30:06,271 --> 00:30:08,000
About your problem...
you know...
597
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,473
that headache you
were talking about...
598
00:30:09,508 --> 00:30:12,136
maybe you ought
to try the Belly Button.
599
00:30:12,177 --> 00:30:13,166
The what?
600
00:30:13,211 --> 00:30:15,702
There's this roadhouse
just outside town...
601
00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:16,805
called the Belly Button.
602
00:30:16,848 --> 00:30:19,043
They've got these
cocktail waitresses.
603
00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:20,108
They're very friendly.
604
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:22,143
At least, that's what I hear.
I've never been there myself.
605
00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:23,711
After all, I'm a married man.
606
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:27,314
This your wife?
607
00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:28,792
Yes, sir. Her name is lambchop.
608
00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:31,489
It's really Zelda.
I call her lambchop.
609
00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:32,656
How about that?
610
00:30:32,698 --> 00:30:35,360
She sews and she knits
and she puts up preserves.
611
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,267
And she grows her own parsley.
612
00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:39,668
Must be a great girl all around.
613
00:30:39,705 --> 00:30:41,832
Oh, she is.
614
00:30:41,873 --> 00:30:44,364
You lucky dog!
615
00:30:50,482 --> 00:30:52,245
Well, I guess
you're all set here.
616
00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:53,512
You know where everything is.
617
00:30:53,552 --> 00:30:56,146
It takes a few minutes
for the hot water to get hot.
618
00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:59,589
And if there's anything
else you want...
619
00:30:59,624 --> 00:31:00,989
bye now.
620
00:31:26,151 --> 00:31:27,118
Oh, hello, darling.
621
00:31:27,152 --> 00:31:28,414
Hello.
622
00:31:28,453 --> 00:31:29,715
Sorry I'm late.
623
00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:33,452
Dr. Sheldrake sends
you his regards.
624
00:31:33,492 --> 00:31:35,289
That's nice.
625
00:31:35,327 --> 00:31:36,294
How'd it go there?
626
00:31:36,328 --> 00:31:38,091
- Where?
- At the dentist.
627
00:31:38,130 --> 00:31:39,290
Oh, fine. Fine.
628
00:31:39,331 --> 00:31:40,298
Did he hurt you?
629
00:31:40,332 --> 00:31:43,199
No. But he thinks he'll have to
pull my wisdom tooth.
630
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,996
You're lying, Zelda.
631
00:31:47,038 --> 00:31:48,369
Well, maybe he can save it.
632
00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:49,999
You weren't
at the dentist at all.
633
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,009
Your appointment
isn't till next Tuesday.
634
00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:53,010
It's next Wednesday.
635
00:31:53,044 --> 00:31:54,511
So where were you today?
636
00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:56,537
If you must know,
I was at my mother's.
637
00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:57,605
On a Saturday?
638
00:31:57,649 --> 00:31:59,344
Isn't that when she works
at the blood bank?
639
00:31:59,384 --> 00:32:01,352
Orville, I'm not going to
answer any more questions.
640
00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,047
You haven't
answered any so far.
641
00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:04,953
I'm sick and tired
of you spying on me...
642
00:32:04,990 --> 00:32:06,014
and cross-examining me...
643
00:32:06,057 --> 00:32:07,684
and checking the mileage
on my car.
644
00:32:07,726 --> 00:32:09,387
Don't change the subject.
645
00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:10,554
I have myself vaccinated...
646
00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:12,187
and right away you want
to know who bit me.
647
00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:14,027
All right, who bit you?
648
00:32:14,065 --> 00:32:18,263
I mean, where were you?
And what's in that box?
649
00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:20,670
You really want me
to tell you?
650
00:32:20,705 --> 00:32:22,696
Yes.
651
00:32:22,741 --> 00:32:24,538
It's a present for my lover.
652
00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:27,306
Oh! Oh, it is, huh?
653
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,284
It's today?
654
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:43,988
September 30th.
655
00:32:44,029 --> 00:32:46,793
I thought it was the 31st.
656
00:32:46,832 --> 00:32:49,562
It was going to be a surprise,
and now you've spoiled it.
657
00:32:49,601 --> 00:32:52,468
I'm sorry, darling.
I guess I'm a monster.
658
00:32:52,504 --> 00:32:53,630
Yes, you are.
659
00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:55,162
I don't know why
you put up with me.
660
00:32:55,207 --> 00:32:56,174
I don't, either.
661
00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:58,233
Talk about mental cruelty.
662
00:32:58,276 --> 00:32:59,243
Jealousy.
663
00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:03,145
Suspicion, nagging,
and cross-examining.
664
00:33:03,181 --> 00:33:04,205
Do you want to know
why I'm late?
665
00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:05,739
You don't have to explain.
666
00:33:05,784 --> 00:33:07,445
Because of those
idiots at the bakery.
667
00:33:07,486 --> 00:33:10,421
I ordered pistachio cake,
and they made it chocolate.
668
00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:12,082
I know how you hate chocolate.
669
00:33:12,123 --> 00:33:14,591
Pistachio, chocolate...
who cares?
670
00:33:14,626 --> 00:33:16,651
I love you.
671
00:33:16,695 --> 00:33:18,253
Actually, I didn't mind waiting
672
00:33:18,296 --> 00:33:20,662
because otherwise I never
would have seen him.
673
00:33:20,699 --> 00:33:21,961
Who?
674
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,433
I looked out the window...
675
00:33:23,468 --> 00:33:27,063
and there he was,
driving by in his car.
676
00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:28,663
Who?
677
00:33:28,707 --> 00:33:32,040
He wore sunglasses,
and he needed a shave...
678
00:33:32,077 --> 00:33:35,046
but I recognized him anyway.
679
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,513
Who?
680
00:33:40,118 --> 00:33:41,483
Dino?
681
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,044
I nearly fainted.
682
00:33:43,088 --> 00:33:45,488
I've been crazy about him
since I was 16.
683
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:46,491
You never told me.
684
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,720
I used to be president of
his fan club...
685
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,352
and secretary-treasurer.
686
00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:51,487
There were just two
of us...
687
00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,430
me and Rosalie Schultz,
but she chickened out...
688
00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:54,591
and went over to Mitch Miller.
689
00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,498
I don't blame her.
690
00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:59,629
Imagine, Dino in person...
driving down Citrus Avenue.
691
00:33:59,671 --> 00:34:02,105
You must be imagining it.
It's ridiculous.
692
00:34:02,140 --> 00:34:04,665
What would a guy like that
be doing in Climax?
693
00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:06,540
Anyway, I read somewhere
that he's in Hollywood.
694
00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:07,943
Television or something.
What are you doing?
695
00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:08,946
I just want to play "Volare."
696
00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:09,947
Oh, no, you don't.
697
00:34:09,981 --> 00:34:11,005
Why not?
698
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:12,983
You never know
who's going to barge in.
699
00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,144
Who?
700
00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:17,348
I don't know. Rosalie Schultz,
Mitch Miller, anybody.
701
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:20,324
And besides, I don't want
a strange man singing to you.
702
00:34:20,358 --> 00:34:21,347
There you go again.
703
00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:25,796
I mean, after all,
it is our anniversary.
704
00:34:29,834 --> 00:34:31,461
I've got another
surprise for you.
705
00:34:31,503 --> 00:34:32,663
Another?
706
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:33,966
You'll love it.
707
00:34:34,005 --> 00:34:36,235
I'd better go in the sewing
room and finish it.
708
00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:37,502
You do that.
709
00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:45,181
Sewing room!
710
00:34:45,216 --> 00:34:48,276
Zelda. Wait!
711
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,582
What are you
going in there for?
712
00:34:49,621 --> 00:34:50,849
I have some sewing to do.
713
00:34:50,889 --> 00:34:52,254
What sewing?
714
00:34:52,290 --> 00:34:53,552
It's a secret.
715
00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:55,253
You know I don't like secrets.
716
00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:56,317
All right, if you insist.
717
00:34:56,361 --> 00:34:58,852
I'm making myself
a black chiffon negligee.
718
00:34:58,897 --> 00:35:00,364
I just have to put
the lace on the collar.
719
00:35:00,398 --> 00:35:02,457
I want it to be
ready for tonight.
720
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:05,298
You don't need lace
on the collar.
721
00:35:05,337 --> 00:35:08,101
You don't even need
a negligee.
722
00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:10,607
And we don't have
to wait for tonight.
723
00:35:15,146 --> 00:35:16,443
I have no more
lessons today...
724
00:35:16,481 --> 00:35:18,711
and we're all alone
in the house...
725
00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:19,717
so why don't we...
726
00:35:19,751 --> 00:35:21,912
In the middle
of the afternoon?
727
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:23,682
That's what makes it...
728
00:35:23,722 --> 00:35:25,519
the irregularity...
729
00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:27,582
that unexpected little twist.
730
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:30,356
Orville, have you been
reading "Playboy" again?
731
00:35:30,395 --> 00:35:31,862
You just relax.
732
00:35:31,896 --> 00:35:34,865
I'll be with you
in a minute, lambchop.
733
00:36:19,810 --> 00:36:20,868
I was just coming to see you.
734
00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:21,936
Look what I got...
735
00:36:21,979 --> 00:36:23,674
all the Italian food
they had at the market.
736
00:36:23,714 --> 00:36:26,239
Macaroni, parmigiana,
frozen pizza, chianti.
737
00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:27,251
Forget it.
738
00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:28,309
That's what he likes.
739
00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:29,341
You'll gonna give him
an Italian dinner...
740
00:36:29,387 --> 00:36:30,718
play him our Italian song.
741
00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:33,053
Oh, no. He's gonna get into
his Italian car and beat it!
742
00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:34,079
What do you mean?
743
00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:36,184
I don't want him in the house.
We got to get rid of him.
744
00:36:36,227 --> 00:36:37,194
After all the trouble
we went to?
745
00:36:37,228 --> 00:36:39,219
- You heard me.
- Why?
746
00:36:39,263 --> 00:36:40,389
Because he's a sex maniac.
747
00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:41,625
So what? That's his problem.
748
00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:43,964
But it's my wife!
He's already after her.
749
00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:46,469
And what's worse, she's crazy
about him, too.
750
00:36:46,504 --> 00:36:49,996
Oh. What's wrong with that?
He likes her. She likes him.
751
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,303
So while you're
plugging the songs...
752
00:36:51,342 --> 00:36:53,333
she's sort of
putting him in the mood.
753
00:36:53,377 --> 00:36:55,436
Why, you miserable...
754
00:36:55,479 --> 00:36:57,447
are you suggesting
that I use my wife?
755
00:36:57,481 --> 00:36:59,745
Watch that chianti.
756
00:36:59,784 --> 00:37:01,411
I don't care if
I never sell a song.
757
00:37:01,452 --> 00:37:03,977
I'd rather starve first
because I love my wife.
758
00:37:04,021 --> 00:37:05,420
I adore her. I worship her.
759
00:37:05,456 --> 00:37:06,480
Don't you trust her?
760
00:37:06,524 --> 00:37:09,391
No. Excuse me.
761
00:37:40,558 --> 00:37:42,389
Hurry up, playboy.
762
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,398
It is no use arguing, Barney.
763
00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:54,302
Just reconnect
his fuel line and... pssst.
764
00:37:54,338 --> 00:37:56,363
Well, not so fast.
765
00:37:57,575 --> 00:37:59,600
Why do we have to
get rid of him?
766
00:37:59,644 --> 00:38:01,612
Why don't we get rid of her?
767
00:38:01,646 --> 00:38:02,613
Zelda?
768
00:38:02,647 --> 00:38:04,274
Sure. Just send her away
for the night...
769
00:38:04,315 --> 00:38:05,373
if you're so worried.
770
00:38:05,416 --> 00:38:06,906
Send her away.
That's already better...
771
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,145
but it won't work.
772
00:38:08,185 --> 00:38:09,152
Why not?
773
00:38:09,186 --> 00:38:10,778
Didn't you hear what I said?
774
00:38:10,821 --> 00:38:13,153
This guy is only
interested in action.
775
00:38:13,190 --> 00:38:14,350
He's not going to spend
the night here...
776
00:38:14,392 --> 00:38:17,486
just with me, eating macaroni
and listening to our songs.
777
00:38:17,528 --> 00:38:18,927
He's going to be
at the Belly Button...
778
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:21,295
looking for broads.
779
00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:22,993
Hold it. Hold it, hold it.
780
00:38:23,034 --> 00:38:24,763
Why does he have to go
to the Belly Button?
781
00:38:24,802 --> 00:38:26,997
Why don't we bring
the Belly Button to him?
782
00:38:27,038 --> 00:38:28,300
Now you're going too fast.
783
00:38:28,339 --> 00:38:29,431
Once Zelda's out of the way...
784
00:38:29,473 --> 00:38:31,441
we pick up one of those
cocktail waitresses...
785
00:38:31,475 --> 00:38:32,464
and get her over here.
786
00:38:32,510 --> 00:38:34,034
Mmm. That'll keep him
in the house.
787
00:38:34,078 --> 00:38:35,375
How am I going to
explain it to him?
788
00:38:35,413 --> 00:38:37,404
That I was afraid he was going
to make a pass at my wife...
789
00:38:37,448 --> 00:38:38,710
so we got him a chippy instead?
790
00:38:38,749 --> 00:38:40,910
You don't have to
explain anything.
791
00:38:40,951 --> 00:38:43,943
Just introduce her as your wife.
792
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,683
What?
793
00:38:45,723 --> 00:38:46,883
Does he know
what Zelda looks like?
794
00:38:46,924 --> 00:38:48,357
- No, but...
- Then that's it.
795
00:38:48,392 --> 00:38:51,259
He's going to get
all the action he wants.
796
00:38:51,295 --> 00:38:53,422
Barney, you're sick!
797
00:38:53,464 --> 00:38:56,661
Uh-huh. He can
tickle her and pinch her...
798
00:38:56,701 --> 00:38:59,363
grab her, wrestle with her.
799
00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:02,529
Excuse me.
800
00:39:50,811 --> 00:39:53,041
Nice little lambchop.
801
00:39:56,217 --> 00:39:57,844
Coming, Orville.
802
00:39:59,754 --> 00:40:01,585
All right, all right.
803
00:40:01,622 --> 00:40:02,646
So it's a great idea.
804
00:40:02,690 --> 00:40:04,658
But just tell me one thing
if you're so clever...
805
00:40:04,692 --> 00:40:06,250
how do I get rid of my wife?
806
00:40:06,293 --> 00:40:08,853
That's the easiest part.
Hit her.
807
00:40:08,896 --> 00:40:09,988
Hit her?
808
00:40:10,030 --> 00:40:12,396
Or start an argument
or get her sore at you.
809
00:40:12,433 --> 00:40:15,800
Shove a grapefruit in her face.
There's lots of ways.
810
00:40:15,836 --> 00:40:17,531
You want me to
louse up my marriage?
811
00:40:17,571 --> 00:40:19,436
It's just for one night.
812
00:40:19,473 --> 00:40:21,464
So she cries a little.
She goes home to her mother.
813
00:40:21,509 --> 00:40:22,976
And tomorrow morning
you can explain...
814
00:40:23,010 --> 00:40:23,999
the whole thing to her.
815
00:40:24,044 --> 00:40:25,705
You buy her a nice present.
816
00:40:25,746 --> 00:40:27,008
By that time,
you can afford it...
817
00:40:27,047 --> 00:40:29,481
because we'll have
sold all those songs.
818
00:40:29,517 --> 00:40:32,645
You mean for no reason
at all... a grapefruit?
819
00:40:32,686 --> 00:40:34,381
Right in the kisser.
820
00:40:34,422 --> 00:40:35,411
Oh, I couldn't do that.
821
00:40:35,456 --> 00:40:36,855
You've got to
because you love her.
822
00:40:36,891 --> 00:40:38,984
It's for her own good.
823
00:40:39,026 --> 00:40:40,254
Orville!
824
00:40:41,629 --> 00:40:44,154
Good luck. And you better
get her out of here fast...
825
00:40:44,198 --> 00:40:45,460
because I'm on my way
to the Belly Button...
826
00:40:45,499 --> 00:40:47,364
to pick up that dame.
827
00:40:53,107 --> 00:40:54,472
Orville!
828
00:40:56,510 --> 00:41:00,412
Oh, Barney brought this...
a little anniversary present.
829
00:41:00,448 --> 00:41:01,506
Why did you get dressed again?
830
00:41:01,549 --> 00:41:02,641
Again?
831
00:41:02,683 --> 00:41:04,014
After you took a shower.
832
00:41:04,051 --> 00:41:06,451
I did? Oh, of course.
833
00:41:06,487 --> 00:41:09,888
And I got dressed again
because I was feeling chilly.
834
00:41:09,924 --> 00:41:11,949
You certainly didn't act chilly.
835
00:41:11,992 --> 00:41:12,959
When?
836
00:41:12,993 --> 00:41:14,585
When I was in the shower.
837
00:41:14,628 --> 00:41:17,096
I thought you were going to
climb right in with me.
838
00:41:17,131 --> 00:41:20,828
You did? I mean, did I?
839
00:41:20,868 --> 00:41:24,668
We could save a lot of money
on our water bill. Hmm?
840
00:41:24,705 --> 00:41:25,967
Hmm.
841
00:41:26,006 --> 00:41:27,473
Look what I dug up.
842
00:41:27,508 --> 00:41:28,475
What?
843
00:41:28,509 --> 00:41:29,976
Our wedding pictures.
844
00:41:30,010 --> 00:41:33,673
Oh? Just let me get
rid of this stuff.
845
00:41:33,714 --> 00:41:35,079
All right.
846
00:41:46,727 --> 00:41:48,319
Hey, you.
847
00:41:49,363 --> 00:41:51,354
Beethoven.
848
00:41:55,536 --> 00:41:58,232
When am I going to meet
that wife of yours?
849
00:41:58,272 --> 00:42:00,900
She's taking a nap because she
just took a shower...
850
00:42:00,941 --> 00:42:02,966
but I guess you know that.
851
00:42:03,010 --> 00:42:05,410
Did you say she grows
her own parsley?
852
00:42:05,446 --> 00:42:07,744
Yes. You'll have
some for dinner.
853
00:42:07,781 --> 00:42:09,510
That's when you'll
meet her... at dinner.
854
00:42:09,550 --> 00:42:11,916
I think I'll catch a little
shut-eye myself...
855
00:42:11,952 --> 00:42:14,011
so I can be nice and fresh.
856
00:42:14,054 --> 00:42:15,612
Fresh?
857
00:42:15,656 --> 00:42:19,490
I have a hunch this may turn
out to be a big night.
858
00:43:03,870 --> 00:43:07,169
Come here, darling.
You'll get a kick out of these.
859
00:43:07,207 --> 00:43:08,868
Out of what?
860
00:43:08,909 --> 00:43:11,173
Our wedding pictures.
Remember that day?
861
00:43:11,211 --> 00:43:15,045
Do I? It was
the worst day of my life.
862
00:43:15,082 --> 00:43:16,640
I thought it was beautiful.
863
00:43:16,683 --> 00:43:18,412
Oh, you did?
864
00:43:18,452 --> 00:43:19,419
It was just that
you tried to do...
865
00:43:19,453 --> 00:43:21,648
too many things
at the same time.
866
00:43:21,688 --> 00:43:22,780
Whoever heard
of a bridegroom...
867
00:43:22,823 --> 00:43:26,953
playing the organ
at his own wedding?
868
00:43:26,993 --> 00:43:29,257
Look at mother...
crying her eyes out.
869
00:43:29,296 --> 00:43:33,528
I'm glad you brought that up.
870
00:43:33,567 --> 00:43:36,502
You want to know how
I feel about your mother?
871
00:43:36,536 --> 00:43:37,503
No.
872
00:43:37,537 --> 00:43:40,802
All right, I'll tell you.
She makes me throw up.
873
00:43:40,841 --> 00:43:42,934
The way she treats your father.
874
00:43:42,976 --> 00:43:45,376
And you know
what she looks like?
875
00:43:45,412 --> 00:43:46,504
Godzilla!
876
00:43:46,546 --> 00:43:47,945
Now, now, Orville.
877
00:43:47,981 --> 00:43:49,539
Now, now, what?
878
00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:51,175
Mother may be a little
difficult, but...
879
00:43:51,218 --> 00:43:53,345
Difficult? She's impossible.
880
00:43:53,386 --> 00:43:57,755
A mean, vicious, loud-mouthed,
interfering old bag!
881
00:43:57,791 --> 00:44:00,282
Now, what do you think of that?
882
00:44:00,327 --> 00:44:03,296
Well, basically I have
to agree with you.
883
00:44:03,330 --> 00:44:04,661
You do?
884
00:44:04,698 --> 00:44:07,496
Why do you think I got married?
To get away from her.
885
00:44:07,534 --> 00:44:11,061
Oh, so that's the reason
why you married me.
886
00:44:11,104 --> 00:44:15,598
Not the only reason.
I also love you.
887
00:44:15,642 --> 00:44:17,769
Oh.
888
00:44:17,811 --> 00:44:21,247
Here are some pictures
from our honeymoon.
889
00:44:21,281 --> 00:44:23,249
Honeymoon?
890
00:44:23,283 --> 00:44:26,912
Boy, was that ever a flop.
891
00:44:26,953 --> 00:44:28,318
I wouldn't say that.
892
00:44:28,355 --> 00:44:31,051
Oh, you wouldn't?
893
00:44:31,091 --> 00:44:34,219
I'll admit the first night
was a little disappointing...
894
00:44:34,261 --> 00:44:35,319
when they didn't
have a room for us...
895
00:44:35,362 --> 00:44:37,227
and we had to sleep
out in your old rambler.
896
00:44:38,465 --> 00:44:40,592
It was a Volkswagen.
897
00:44:40,634 --> 00:44:41,862
Darling, here's a picture.
898
00:44:41,902 --> 00:44:43,426
It was a rambler,
a blue rambler.
899
00:44:43,470 --> 00:44:45,995
It was pink.
900
00:44:46,039 --> 00:44:47,006
Don't tell me.
901
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:48,530
Of course it was blue...
902
00:44:48,575 --> 00:44:50,338
exactly the same color
as my eyes.
903
00:44:50,377 --> 00:44:54,108
Your eyes are pink.
904
00:44:54,147 --> 00:44:56,479
What are you talking about?
I have blue eyes.
905
00:44:56,516 --> 00:44:57,813
I say they're pink.
906
00:44:57,851 --> 00:45:00,684
You want to make
something of it?
907
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:04,417
Orville, what is this...
some kind of a new game?
908
00:45:06,726 --> 00:45:08,421
I wonder who that could be.
909
00:45:13,466 --> 00:45:14,899
Good afternoon, Mrs. Spooner.
910
00:45:14,935 --> 00:45:15,924
May we come in?
911
00:45:15,969 --> 00:45:17,664
Of course, Reverend.
912
00:45:18,738 --> 00:45:19,727
Hello,
Mrs. Spooner.
913
00:45:19,773 --> 00:45:20,740
Mrs. Mulligan.
914
00:45:20,774 --> 00:45:21,763
- Hi, Zelda.
- Hi, Rosalie.
915
00:45:21,808 --> 00:45:23,901
We hate to intrude
on you like this...
916
00:45:23,944 --> 00:45:25,206
but we're collecting
signatures...
917
00:45:25,245 --> 00:45:27,338
for a petition
urging the city council...
918
00:45:27,380 --> 00:45:30,144
to close down
that dreadful place...
919
00:45:30,183 --> 00:45:32,276
if the ladies
will forgive my language...
920
00:45:32,319 --> 00:45:35,482
the Belly Button.
921
00:45:35,522 --> 00:45:39,390
Of course. We'll be glad
to sign, won't we, Orville?
922
00:45:39,426 --> 00:45:40,757
We will?
923
00:45:40,794 --> 00:45:44,821
Well, it's a disgrace,
a cesspool...
924
00:45:44,864 --> 00:45:46,263
a blot on our community.
925
00:45:46,299 --> 00:45:49,029
I understand they let minors
use the cigarette machine.
926
00:45:49,069 --> 00:45:51,333
Rosalie and I went
in there to investigate...
927
00:45:51,371 --> 00:45:53,032
and two strange men
approached us...
928
00:45:53,073 --> 00:45:54,904
and offered to
buy us Bloody Marys.
929
00:45:54,941 --> 00:45:56,704
I got the distinct impression
930
00:45:56,743 --> 00:45:59,109
that there's love for sale
on the premises.
931
00:45:59,145 --> 00:46:05,243
"Love For Sale," Cole Porter...
a million and a half copies.
932
00:46:05,285 --> 00:46:08,277
Well, what are we waiting for?
Who's got a fountain pen?
933
00:46:17,397 --> 00:46:19,797
Oh, I see you're celebrating
your anniversary.
934
00:46:19,833 --> 00:46:20,822
Our fifth.
935
00:46:20,867 --> 00:46:22,528
What a lovely cake.
936
00:46:22,569 --> 00:46:23,558
Pistachio?
937
00:46:23,603 --> 00:46:24,797
Would you like a piece?
938
00:46:24,838 --> 00:46:26,829
I wouldn't want you
to spoil it.
939
00:46:26,873 --> 00:46:29,103
Oh, well, maybe just
a little piece.
940
00:46:29,142 --> 00:46:31,133
In that case, I'll have
a little piece, too.
941
00:46:31,177 --> 00:46:32,144
Reverend?
942
00:46:32,178 --> 00:46:33,145
No, thank you.
943
00:46:33,179 --> 00:46:34,407
Cholesterol, you know.
944
00:46:34,447 --> 00:46:36,677
Thank you.
945
00:46:36,716 --> 00:46:40,015
However, if you happen to
have half a grapefruit.
946
00:46:42,589 --> 00:46:46,753
Well, actually, I was
saving it for my wife.
947
00:47:16,589 --> 00:47:18,318
What do you say, Barney?
948
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:21,749
Is Polly working today?
949
00:47:21,795 --> 00:47:23,285
- Sure.
- Where?
950
00:47:23,330 --> 00:47:27,027
She's gone back to
being a blond again.
951
00:47:34,607 --> 00:47:36,438
Hey, Polly,
we were just wondering...
952
00:47:36,476 --> 00:47:39,206
how do you get that thing
to stay in there?
953
00:47:39,245 --> 00:47:40,507
I glue it in.
954
00:47:40,547 --> 00:47:42,276
Ha ha ha!
955
00:47:43,483 --> 00:47:46,111
What would happen
if I unglued it?
956
00:47:46,152 --> 00:47:48,052
You'd get beer in your eye.
957
00:47:48,088 --> 00:47:49,248
From there?
958
00:47:49,289 --> 00:47:51,985
From here.
959
00:48:03,937 --> 00:48:06,098
Look, Bertha, you still want
those new seat covers...
960
00:48:06,139 --> 00:48:07,538
in your station wagon?
961
00:48:07,574 --> 00:48:08,563
Why?
962
00:48:08,608 --> 00:48:10,769
I'll give them to you
for half price...
963
00:48:10,810 --> 00:48:12,209
if you'll do me a little favor.
964
00:48:12,245 --> 00:48:13,872
Like what?
965
00:48:16,716 --> 00:48:19,742
It's OK with me
if it's OK with Polly.
966
00:48:19,786 --> 00:48:21,117
Muah!
967
00:48:27,427 --> 00:48:30,885
Listen, Polly, I got
a proposition for you.
968
00:48:30,930 --> 00:48:33,057
Step back.
Here comes a big one.
969
00:48:34,234 --> 00:48:35,201
Gesundheit.
970
00:48:35,235 --> 00:48:36,930
Like I said,
I got a proposition.
971
00:48:36,970 --> 00:48:37,937
I need you.
972
00:48:37,971 --> 00:48:38,995
Right now?
973
00:48:39,038 --> 00:48:40,005
It's an emergency.
974
00:48:40,039 --> 00:48:41,631
Yeah, it must be.
975
00:48:41,674 --> 00:48:44,142
Actually, it's not for me.
It's for a friend of mine.
976
00:48:44,177 --> 00:48:45,940
He's giving a little party.
It's an all-night job.
977
00:48:45,979 --> 00:48:47,537
I just got on duty.
978
00:48:47,580 --> 00:48:49,548
I won't be through
till 1:00 in the morning.
979
00:48:49,582 --> 00:48:51,743
It's OK. I talked to Big Bertha.
980
00:48:51,785 --> 00:48:52,979
It's all fixed.
981
00:48:53,019 --> 00:48:54,782
You better get yourself
another girl.
982
00:48:54,821 --> 00:48:57,517
I'm coming down with this cold,
and I feel lousy.
983
00:48:57,557 --> 00:48:59,718
Well, if you want to
pass up 25 bucks.
984
00:48:59,759 --> 00:49:02,227
- How much?
- 25 bucks.
985
00:49:02,262 --> 00:49:04,253
Huh?
986
00:49:04,297 --> 00:49:05,525
Suddenly I feel better.
987
00:49:06,566 --> 00:49:08,193
Atta girl. Let's go.
988
00:49:08,234 --> 00:49:09,565
Don't you want me to
change my clothes first?
989
00:49:09,602 --> 00:49:10,933
Come on.
I got my motor running.
990
00:49:10,970 --> 00:49:12,232
At least let me
put on a coat.
991
00:49:12,272 --> 00:49:13,239
What for?
992
00:49:13,273 --> 00:49:15,207
Do you want me
to catch pneumonia?
993
00:49:15,241 --> 00:49:16,640
On an outside job like this...
994
00:49:16,676 --> 00:49:18,303
I'm not covered
by any Blue Cross.
995
00:49:18,344 --> 00:49:19,436
Ok, but step on it.
996
00:49:19,479 --> 00:49:20,503
I'll pick you up
around the back.
997
00:49:20,547 --> 00:49:21,571
Yeah.
998
00:49:33,693 --> 00:49:36,491
Bang! Bang! Bang!
999
00:50:07,527 --> 00:50:08,585
Here's your dinner, Sam.
1000
00:50:09,596 --> 00:50:11,962
I won't be home till late.
1001
00:50:11,998 --> 00:50:13,192
Polly!
1002
00:50:13,233 --> 00:50:15,895
I'm coming!
1003
00:50:15,935 --> 00:50:18,130
Now, don't stay up
all night watching TV.
1004
00:50:18,171 --> 00:50:19,297
It's not good for your eyes.
1005
00:50:24,010 --> 00:50:25,443
Are you kidding?
1006
00:50:25,478 --> 00:50:27,503
I'm not going in any truck.
1007
00:50:27,547 --> 00:50:31,813
Listen to her... Princess Grace.
Get your keister in here!
1008
00:50:31,851 --> 00:50:34,877
You know what you are?
No gentleman.
1009
00:50:34,921 --> 00:50:37,014
Come on! Come on!
1010
00:50:37,056 --> 00:50:38,489
OK.
1011
00:50:56,409 --> 00:50:58,639
Say, what kind of party
is this anyway?
1012
00:50:58,678 --> 00:51:00,669
My friend will explain
the whole thing to you.
1013
00:51:00,713 --> 00:51:02,408
What are you so worried about?
1014
00:51:02,448 --> 00:51:05,611
Well, the last time I took
a job like this was July 4th.
1015
00:51:05,652 --> 00:51:07,210
It was one of those
bachelor barbecues...
1016
00:51:07,253 --> 00:51:10,950
with fireworks and everything,
and they raffled me off.
1017
00:51:10,990 --> 00:51:12,582
I went for $83.
1018
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:15,660
Except the next day,
the check bounced...
1019
00:51:15,695 --> 00:51:19,028
so all I got out of it
was a case of poison ivy.
1020
00:51:24,470 --> 00:51:26,870
Thank you, Mrs. Spooner.
1021
00:51:26,906 --> 00:51:27,873
Bye, Rosalie.
1022
00:51:27,907 --> 00:51:29,033
Happy anniversary, Zelda.
1023
00:51:29,075 --> 00:51:30,804
Come, come, ladies.
We have a lot of work to do.
1024
00:51:30,843 --> 00:51:33,175
We need another 400 signatures.
1025
00:51:36,015 --> 00:51:37,243
Reverend.
1026
00:51:39,586 --> 00:51:41,019
Are you sure you
don't need some help?
1027
00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:42,988
After all, 400 signatures.
1028
00:51:43,022 --> 00:51:44,512
Why don't you take
my wife along?
1029
00:51:44,557 --> 00:51:45,990
She's very good
at this sort of thing.
1030
00:51:46,025 --> 00:51:47,083
Oh, I wouldn't think of it.
1031
00:51:47,126 --> 00:51:48,889
Not on your anniversary.
1032
00:51:51,297 --> 00:51:52,924
This way, playboy.
1033
00:52:03,776 --> 00:52:07,109
In case there are
any more petitions.
1034
00:52:07,146 --> 00:52:08,238
Yeah.
1035
00:52:12,318 --> 00:52:13,546
Now...
1036
00:52:13,586 --> 00:52:15,213
Where were we?
1037
00:52:16,956 --> 00:52:20,255
You know, this town isn't
going to be the same...
1038
00:52:20,293 --> 00:52:23,524
if they close down
the Belly Button.
1039
00:52:23,563 --> 00:52:24,552
Why should you care?
1040
00:52:24,597 --> 00:52:25,928
Why should I care?
1041
00:52:25,965 --> 00:52:27,933
I happen to be their
biggest customer.
1042
00:52:27,967 --> 00:52:28,934
You?
1043
00:52:28,968 --> 00:52:30,458
All those nights
when you thought...
1044
00:52:30,503 --> 00:52:32,494
I was at choir practice
or bowling...
1045
00:52:32,538 --> 00:52:34,802
or watching color television
outside Pringle's...
1046
00:52:34,841 --> 00:52:36,570
I was really
at the Belly Button.
1047
00:52:36,609 --> 00:52:37,906
Doing what?
1048
00:52:37,944 --> 00:52:40,742
Using that cigarette machine,
drinking Mary Bloodies...
1049
00:52:40,780 --> 00:52:42,941
and a lot of other things, but
I'd rather not talk about it...
1050
00:52:42,982 --> 00:52:45,712
because you'll just get sore
and walk out on me.
1051
00:52:45,752 --> 00:52:47,014
What other things?
1052
00:52:47,053 --> 00:52:48,350
You may think I'm
sort of a square...
1053
00:52:48,388 --> 00:52:51,221
but ask any of those
cocktail waitresses there...
1054
00:52:51,257 --> 00:52:54,283
I am a swinger.
1055
00:52:54,327 --> 00:52:55,589
Sure you are.
1056
00:52:55,628 --> 00:52:58,062
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
1057
00:53:12,145 --> 00:53:15,512
Poor Zelda. I guess the wife
is always the last to know.
1058
00:53:15,548 --> 00:53:16,537
Know what?
1059
00:53:16,582 --> 00:53:19,312
For your information, I have
been playing around for years.
1060
00:53:19,352 --> 00:53:20,376
Oh?
1061
00:53:20,420 --> 00:53:21,580
And not just with those
waitresses...
1062
00:53:21,621 --> 00:53:23,020
with some of your best friends.
1063
00:53:23,056 --> 00:53:24,045
Like who?
1064
00:53:24,090 --> 00:53:26,081
Well, I'm too much of
a gentleman to mention names...
1065
00:53:26,125 --> 00:53:27,285
but last Thanksgiving...
1066
00:53:27,326 --> 00:53:29,590
there was a little incident
in the organ loft.
1067
00:53:29,629 --> 00:53:31,927
Oh, you and Rosalie Schultz.
1068
00:53:31,964 --> 00:53:32,953
How did you know?
1069
00:53:32,999 --> 00:53:35,399
She told me all about it.
We had a big laugh.
1070
00:53:35,435 --> 00:53:36,459
You mean, you were discussing...
1071
00:53:36,502 --> 00:53:37,935
my sex life
with another woman...
1072
00:53:37,970 --> 00:53:39,198
and laughing about it?
1073
00:53:39,238 --> 00:53:40,398
What sex life?
1074
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:41,907
So you chased her
up the bell tower.
1075
00:53:41,941 --> 00:53:44,136
It just so happens
that she chased me.
1076
00:53:44,177 --> 00:53:46,907
What difference does it make?
Nobody caught anybody.
1077
00:53:46,946 --> 00:53:48,573
And anyway, I trust you.
1078
00:53:48,614 --> 00:53:50,605
You trust me?
1079
00:53:50,650 --> 00:53:52,982
That's a lousy thing to say
about your husband.
1080
00:53:53,019 --> 00:53:55,487
Don't you think I'm attractive
to other women?
1081
00:53:55,521 --> 00:53:57,853
You're attractive to me.
1082
00:53:58,891 --> 00:54:00,552
So come to bed.
1083
00:54:03,429 --> 00:54:04,657
Oh, no.
1084
00:54:04,697 --> 00:54:06,164
You're not going
to weasel out of it.
1085
00:54:06,199 --> 00:54:08,599
The truth is, you don't
give a damn about me...
1086
00:54:08,634 --> 00:54:11,068
because if you did,
you'd be jealous.
1087
00:54:11,104 --> 00:54:12,571
You'd fight for me.
1088
00:54:12,605 --> 00:54:14,470
It's the most primitive
emotion there is.
1089
00:54:14,507 --> 00:54:15,769
You take the Watusis.
1090
00:54:15,808 --> 00:54:18,038
I read all about it
in the "National Geographic"...
1091
00:54:18,077 --> 00:54:19,772
in Dr. Sheldrake's office.
1092
00:54:19,812 --> 00:54:21,575
If a Watusi wife
catches another woman...
1093
00:54:21,614 --> 00:54:23,639
with a Watusi husband, you
know what she does?
1094
00:54:23,683 --> 00:54:26,277
She buries her in sand up to
her neck...
1095
00:54:26,319 --> 00:54:28,412
and smears honey
all over her head...
1096
00:54:28,454 --> 00:54:30,513
and lets the red ants
loose on her.
1097
00:54:30,556 --> 00:54:32,581
But what do you do
when Rosalie Schultz...
1098
00:54:32,625 --> 00:54:34,286
tries to steal your husband?
1099
00:54:34,327 --> 00:54:36,591
You give her a piece
of pistachio cake!
1100
00:54:36,629 --> 00:54:38,824
Well, if that's
all you care about me...
1101
00:54:38,865 --> 00:54:39,889
I've had it.
1102
00:54:39,932 --> 00:54:42,127
I'm not staying here
another minute.
1103
00:54:42,168 --> 00:54:44,500
Where do you think you're going?
1104
00:54:44,537 --> 00:54:46,505
I'm going home to mother.
1105
00:54:49,175 --> 00:54:53,168
Orville! Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
1106
00:54:53,212 --> 00:54:54,873
That's right. What am I doing?
1107
00:54:54,914 --> 00:54:56,108
It's the other way around.
1108
00:54:56,149 --> 00:54:58,208
You're going home
to your mother.
1109
00:54:58,251 --> 00:55:00,685
Darling, what's
the matter with you?
1110
00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,585
All day you've been
trying to pick a fight.
1111
00:55:02,622 --> 00:55:03,850
It's for your own good.
1112
00:55:03,890 --> 00:55:05,881
There isn't room enough
here for the three of us.
1113
00:55:05,925 --> 00:55:07,256
The three of us?
1114
00:55:07,293 --> 00:55:10,456
I mean the four of us.
Out you go.
1115
00:55:10,496 --> 00:55:13,021
Orville, you're not
making any sense.
1116
00:55:13,065 --> 00:55:15,795
This is me, your wife.
Zelda, remember?
1117
00:55:15,835 --> 00:55:17,097
Five years ago today...
1118
00:55:17,136 --> 00:55:20,037
we promised to love, honor,
and cherish each other...
1119
00:55:20,072 --> 00:55:21,266
and you were so nervous...
1120
00:55:21,307 --> 00:55:23,741
you put the ring
on the minister's finger.
1121
00:55:23,776 --> 00:55:28,042
Oh, cut out that sentimental
slush!
1122
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:29,479
Out!
1123
00:55:29,515 --> 00:55:30,539
Oh...
1124
00:55:33,452 --> 00:55:35,647
Don't cry, lambchop. Please.
1125
00:55:35,688 --> 00:55:37,315
Maybe I'm not
making any sense now...
1126
00:55:37,356 --> 00:55:38,653
but I'll make a lot
of sense tomorrow...
1127
00:55:38,691 --> 00:55:40,158
when I explain
the whole thing.
1128
00:55:40,193 --> 00:55:41,182
Don't bother!
1129
00:55:41,227 --> 00:55:43,092
Tomorrow or any other time!
1130
00:55:51,304 --> 00:55:53,101
Zelda!
1131
00:56:11,424 --> 00:56:15,190
Nice timing, Orville.
Now we're cooking.
1132
00:56:15,228 --> 00:56:19,688
I wish I were in hell
with my back broken.
1133
00:56:19,732 --> 00:56:22,496
Just wait till you see
what I brought for dessert.
1134
00:56:23,870 --> 00:56:25,735
This is Polly.
1135
00:56:28,608 --> 00:56:29,597
My friend Orville.
1136
00:56:29,642 --> 00:56:30,939
Hi.
1137
00:56:30,977 --> 00:56:32,569
Not here.
1138
00:56:32,612 --> 00:56:34,170
You want the whole
neighborhood to know?
1139
00:56:34,213 --> 00:56:36,078
Get her in the house.
1140
00:56:36,115 --> 00:56:37,309
That's some welcome.
1141
00:56:37,350 --> 00:56:39,910
Stop beefing.
This is cash on the line...
1142
00:56:39,952 --> 00:56:41,579
and no poison ivy.
1143
00:56:41,621 --> 00:56:43,213
Come on. Come on.
1144
00:56:52,498 --> 00:56:55,262
You got a wastepaper basket
someplace?
1145
00:56:57,536 --> 00:56:58,969
Well, what do you think of her?
1146
00:56:59,004 --> 00:57:00,904
I guess she's all right,
but I wouldn't know.
1147
00:57:00,939 --> 00:57:04,807
You can take my word for it.
She's a pistol, a real pistol.
1148
00:57:04,843 --> 00:57:05,901
Say, what is this?
1149
00:57:05,944 --> 00:57:07,673
You brought me all
the way here on approval?
1150
00:57:07,713 --> 00:57:10,113
No, no. You got a deal. Right?
1151
00:57:10,149 --> 00:57:11,480
Oh, sure. We've gone this far.
1152
00:57:11,517 --> 00:57:12,950
We may as well
go through with it.
1153
00:57:12,985 --> 00:57:14,714
Don't force yourself, mister.
1154
00:57:14,753 --> 00:57:16,220
Oh, I didn't mean it that way.
1155
00:57:16,255 --> 00:57:17,313
I think you're
most attractive...
1156
00:57:17,356 --> 00:57:19,085
and you're going to do
a very good job.
1157
00:57:19,124 --> 00:57:21,251
What does he want now,
references?
1158
00:57:21,293 --> 00:57:23,386
Simmer down. You, too...
1159
00:57:23,429 --> 00:57:25,192
because it's gonna work out
just great.
1160
00:57:25,230 --> 00:57:26,629
I hope so.
1161
00:57:26,665 --> 00:57:28,599
Don't bet on it, hon.
1162
00:57:28,634 --> 00:57:29,760
I better leave you alone now.
1163
00:57:29,802 --> 00:57:30,826
Do you have to?
1164
00:57:30,869 --> 00:57:32,359
I'm supposed to be
grinding that valve.
1165
00:57:33,972 --> 00:57:35,098
And one more thing...
1166
00:57:35,140 --> 00:57:37,472
you got all night,
so take it easy.
1167
00:57:37,509 --> 00:57:39,568
You don't have to start
on the piano right away.
1168
00:57:39,611 --> 00:57:43,547
Build up to it slowly.
1169
00:57:43,582 --> 00:57:45,277
Know what I mean?
1170
00:57:45,317 --> 00:57:46,648
Maybe while you have dinner...
1171
00:57:46,685 --> 00:57:48,482
you can sneak it
into the conversation.
1172
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,421
And then after dinner,
you can really go all out.
1173
00:57:58,996 --> 00:58:00,964
Well, shall we get organized?
1174
00:58:00,998 --> 00:58:04,456
Look, I'm a good sport...
I mean, you could ask anybody...
1175
00:58:04,501 --> 00:58:06,867
but none of that
crazy stuff, huh?
1176
00:58:06,903 --> 00:58:08,666
You see, I got this bad cold.
1177
00:58:08,705 --> 00:58:11,936
Did you ever hear of anybody
with a... with a good cold?
1178
00:58:11,975 --> 00:58:13,203
Huh.
1179
00:58:15,012 --> 00:58:17,003
It's a nice place you got here.
1180
00:58:17,047 --> 00:58:18,480
Oh, you'll like it.
1181
00:58:18,515 --> 00:58:20,983
It's not very big,
but it's clean.
1182
00:58:21,018 --> 00:58:22,485
What is?
1183
00:58:22,519 --> 00:58:23,986
What is what?
1184
00:58:24,021 --> 00:58:26,615
I don't know.
You brought it up.
1185
00:58:28,091 --> 00:58:30,218
First thing you have to do
is get out of those clothes.
1186
00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:32,490
Just like that?
1187
00:58:33,029 --> 00:58:33,996
You're so right.
1188
00:58:34,030 --> 00:58:36,897
First thing, we'd better make
sure my wife isn't coming back.
1189
00:58:36,933 --> 00:58:38,730
Yeah. I think we better.
1190
00:58:47,610 --> 00:58:49,737
You realize if it weren't
for venetian blinds...
1191
00:58:49,779 --> 00:58:51,269
it would be curtains
for all of us?
1192
00:58:51,314 --> 00:58:53,248
I guess you can't
be too careful...
1193
00:58:53,283 --> 00:58:54,875
a man in your position.
1194
00:58:54,918 --> 00:58:56,249
My position?
1195
00:58:56,286 --> 00:58:57,719
Oh, I recognized you
right away.
1196
00:58:57,754 --> 00:59:00,416
I see you at church
every Sunday playing the organ.
1197
00:59:01,491 --> 00:59:02,958
You go to church?
1198
00:59:02,992 --> 00:59:04,152
All of us girls go.
1199
00:59:04,194 --> 00:59:06,458
Big Bertha takes us
in the station wagon.
1200
00:59:06,496 --> 00:59:08,157
Well, you know what they say...
1201
00:59:08,198 --> 00:59:10,223
the family that
prays together...
1202
00:59:10,266 --> 00:59:13,997
It's just that Bertha thinks
it's good for public relations.
1203
00:59:16,039 --> 00:59:17,506
We mustn't wake him up,
not yet...
1204
00:59:17,540 --> 00:59:18,973
because if he catches on,
we'll be dead.
1205
00:59:19,008 --> 00:59:19,975
Who?
1206
00:59:20,009 --> 00:59:20,976
Barney and me.
1207
00:59:21,010 --> 00:59:22,568
No, I mean, who's gonna
catch on?
1208
00:59:22,612 --> 00:59:23,874
Nobody, I hope.
1209
00:59:23,913 --> 00:59:25,813
So, shall we...
1210
00:59:25,848 --> 00:59:27,145
Oh, OK.
1211
00:59:27,183 --> 00:59:28,150
No, no.
1212
00:59:28,184 --> 00:59:31,915
Not in here. In the bedroom.
1213
00:59:31,955 --> 00:59:33,286
You name it.
1214
00:59:38,027 --> 00:59:40,222
Don't mind me
if I'm a little nervous...
1215
00:59:40,263 --> 00:59:41,821
but so much depends on this.
1216
00:59:41,864 --> 00:59:42,990
I just hope we can swing it.
1217
00:59:43,032 --> 00:59:44,124
We'll do our best.
1218
00:59:44,167 --> 00:59:45,395
Thank you.
1219
00:59:47,103 --> 00:59:50,197
Now if you'll just put on
one of my wife's dresses.
1220
00:59:51,307 --> 00:59:52,433
What for?
1221
00:59:52,475 --> 00:59:54,102
That's the only way it'll work.
1222
00:59:54,143 --> 00:59:56,304
We've got to pretend
you're my wife.
1223
00:59:58,481 --> 01:00:01,279
What are you,
some kind of a weirdie?
1224
01:00:01,317 --> 01:00:02,579
Didn't Barney tell you?
1225
01:00:02,619 --> 01:00:05,087
He didn't tell me to expect
anything like this.
1226
01:00:06,089 --> 01:00:07,750
I'm getting out of here.
1227
01:00:07,790 --> 01:00:08,916
Now just a second.
1228
01:00:08,958 --> 01:00:11,324
You know, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
1229
01:00:11,361 --> 01:00:12,953
All those people
in the congregation...
1230
01:00:12,996 --> 01:00:15,692
do they know what you're doing
the other six days of the week?
1231
01:00:15,732 --> 01:00:16,790
You don't understand.
1232
01:00:16,833 --> 01:00:19,734
It's not for me. It's for him.
1233
01:00:19,769 --> 01:00:20,861
Who's him?
1234
01:00:20,903 --> 01:00:23,463
Back there. He's asleep.
1235
01:00:23,506 --> 01:00:26,634
What are we playing,
musical chairs?
1236
01:00:26,676 --> 01:00:28,974
Barney says it's not for him,
it's for a friend of his.
1237
01:00:29,012 --> 01:00:31,776
Now you say it's not for you,
it's for a friend of yours.
1238
01:00:31,814 --> 01:00:33,247
Oh, but he's not
exactly a friend.
1239
01:00:33,283 --> 01:00:34,750
It's more like
a business promotion...
1240
01:00:34,784 --> 01:00:36,547
and he likes action
all the time.
1241
01:00:36,586 --> 01:00:39,555
I got nothing against that,
but not with Zelda.
1242
01:00:39,589 --> 01:00:41,216
Oh. Who's Zelda?
1243
01:00:41,257 --> 01:00:42,451
You are.
1244
01:00:42,492 --> 01:00:43,789
Me?
1245
01:00:43,826 --> 01:00:46,158
It's my wife,
but tonight you're her...
1246
01:00:46,195 --> 01:00:48,493
so you're Zelda.
1247
01:00:48,531 --> 01:00:50,999
What did I get myself into?
1248
01:00:51,034 --> 01:00:53,195
Oh, you just wait till you
find out who he is.
1249
01:00:53,236 --> 01:00:54,203
You'll flip.
1250
01:00:54,237 --> 01:00:55,431
Huh. I will?
1251
01:00:55,471 --> 01:00:56,768
Oh, boy.
1252
01:00:56,806 --> 01:00:58,831
So who can it be...
Richard Burton?
1253
01:00:58,875 --> 01:01:03,039
No, but you're getting warm.
Here, try this.
1254
01:01:03,079 --> 01:01:06,242
It may be a little tight,
but that can't hurt any.
1255
01:01:19,295 --> 01:01:20,762
What's the matter now?
1256
01:01:20,797 --> 01:01:22,230
I lost my navel.
1257
01:01:22,265 --> 01:01:23,960
Where?
1258
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,230
I think it rolled under there.
1259
01:01:55,764 --> 01:01:57,026
Where am I?
1260
01:01:57,066 --> 01:01:58,226
In Climax.
1261
01:01:58,267 --> 01:01:59,393
Where?
1262
01:01:59,435 --> 01:02:00,402
Don't you remember?
1263
01:02:00,436 --> 01:02:02,199
You had that cracked valve?
1264
01:02:02,238 --> 01:02:03,796
Beethoven?
1265
01:02:03,839 --> 01:02:05,067
Oh.
1266
01:02:05,107 --> 01:02:06,369
What time is it?
1267
01:02:06,408 --> 01:02:09,707
Oh, it's only 4:00, so why don't
you go back to sleep?
1268
01:02:14,783 --> 01:02:17,013
What are you doing down
there, anyway?
1269
01:02:17,052 --> 01:02:19,350
I'm looking for
my wife's navel.
1270
01:02:19,388 --> 01:02:20,582
Oh.
1271
01:03:13,575 --> 01:03:15,042
Looks real nice, Polly.
1272
01:03:15,076 --> 01:03:17,544
Thanks, and the name
is Zelda.
1273
01:03:17,579 --> 01:03:19,046
Oh, yes, of course.
1274
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,048
Hey, candles.
1275
01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:23,550
I found them in the drawer.
1276
01:03:23,585 --> 01:03:26,850
For intimate dining,
candlelight is a romantic must.
1277
01:03:26,888 --> 01:03:27,877
Oh?
1278
01:03:27,923 --> 01:03:29,049
I used to read up
on all that stuff...
1279
01:03:29,090 --> 01:03:30,648
in Ladies' Home Journal...
1280
01:03:30,692 --> 01:03:33,957
what every bride should know,
how to keep your husband happy.
1281
01:03:33,995 --> 01:03:36,463
Say, maybe we should have
some place cards.
1282
01:03:36,498 --> 01:03:37,465
I don't think so.
1283
01:03:37,499 --> 01:03:39,262
There's just the three of us.
1284
01:03:41,603 --> 01:03:43,366
Tell me, how did
you and I meet?
1285
01:03:43,405 --> 01:03:44,770
What do you mean?
Barney brought you.
1286
01:03:44,806 --> 01:03:46,273
Oh, no. You and Zelda.
1287
01:03:46,308 --> 01:03:47,297
I'm Zelda, remember?
1288
01:03:47,342 --> 01:03:49,037
How did we meet,
in case it comes up?
1289
01:03:49,077 --> 01:03:50,874
Oh. Well, you were
singing in the choir...
1290
01:03:50,912 --> 01:03:54,109
and I noticed you right away
because you were always off-key.
1291
01:03:54,149 --> 01:03:56,083
Hmm. So you kept me after hours.
1292
01:03:56,117 --> 01:03:58,017
I wanted to, but your mother
used to watch us like a hawk.
1293
01:03:58,053 --> 01:03:59,020
She never liked me much.
1294
01:03:59,054 --> 01:04:00,021
So?
1295
01:04:00,055 --> 01:04:01,886
So in order to
ingratiate myself...
1296
01:04:01,923 --> 01:04:03,413
you see, she works
at the blood bank...
1297
01:04:03,458 --> 01:04:06,916
I'd go in three times a week
and give a pint of blood.
1298
01:04:06,962 --> 01:04:08,327
Three pints a week?
1299
01:04:08,363 --> 01:04:09,591
Well, the other days,
I'd sneak over...
1300
01:04:09,631 --> 01:04:12,759
to the hospital in Silver City
and get a transfusion.
1301
01:04:12,801 --> 01:04:16,794
Boy, you must have
been nuts about me.
1302
01:04:16,838 --> 01:04:18,271
I certainly was.
1303
01:04:18,306 --> 01:04:22,800
And, uh, how did
you propose to me?
1304
01:04:22,844 --> 01:04:25,574
Well, I wrote this love song...
1305
01:04:25,614 --> 01:04:28,048
and one afternoon while
I was tuning your piano...
1306
01:04:28,083 --> 01:04:31,519
I played it to you,
and that did it.
1307
01:04:33,588 --> 01:04:34,612
Imagine...
1308
01:04:34,656 --> 01:04:37,250
somebody writing
a whole song for you.
1309
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:42,389
You know, when I was
in high school...
1310
01:04:42,430 --> 01:04:43,897
there was this boy.
1311
01:04:43,932 --> 01:04:46,025
He used to write me poems.
1312
01:04:46,067 --> 01:04:47,398
What kind of poems?
1313
01:04:47,435 --> 01:04:50,996
In chalk, on sidewalks
and fences.
1314
01:04:51,039 --> 01:04:53,599
Why, I had to go
all over town erasing them.
1315
01:04:54,609 --> 01:04:56,634
Polly... I mean, Zelda...
1316
01:04:56,678 --> 01:04:58,646
keep an eye
on the meat sauce, will you?
1317
01:04:58,680 --> 01:04:59,704
Sure.
1318
01:04:59,748 --> 01:05:01,875
I hate to put you
to work like this...
1319
01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:02,941
I mean, like a housewife.
1320
01:05:02,984 --> 01:05:04,076
Oh, I enjoy it.
1321
01:05:04,119 --> 01:05:05,552
As a matter of fact...
1322
01:05:05,587 --> 01:05:07,214
I was almost a wife once myself.
1323
01:05:07,255 --> 01:05:08,381
Almost?
1324
01:05:08,423 --> 01:05:11,085
That's how I happened
to wind up in nevada.
1325
01:05:11,126 --> 01:05:12,525
Where are you from?
1326
01:05:12,561 --> 01:05:14,722
Jersey City, New Jersey.
1327
01:05:14,763 --> 01:05:17,527
I was working at the Plaza Hotel
as a manicurist...
1328
01:05:17,566 --> 01:05:20,535
and I had this 1,200 bucks
my father left me.
1329
01:05:20,569 --> 01:05:23,197
So I was going to open
a little beauty shop... my own.
1330
01:05:23,238 --> 01:05:25,399
Then I met this guy.
1331
01:05:26,908 --> 01:05:28,375
This needs more salt.
1332
01:05:28,410 --> 01:05:29,377
What guy?
1333
01:05:29,411 --> 01:05:34,371
He was a salesman,
a hula hoop salesman.
1334
01:05:34,416 --> 01:05:35,849
Remember those things?
1335
01:05:40,822 --> 01:05:42,687
He wanted to marry me.
1336
01:05:45,193 --> 01:05:46,558
That figures.
1337
01:05:48,663 --> 01:05:50,563
So I bought this
secondhand car and trailer.
1338
01:05:50,599 --> 01:05:53,193
We drove to Nevada,
spent the night here.
1339
01:05:53,234 --> 01:05:57,432
The next day, we were supposed
to go to Vegas and get hitched.
1340
01:05:57,472 --> 01:06:00,066
Could use some pepper, too.
1341
01:06:00,108 --> 01:06:01,666
What happened?
1342
01:06:01,710 --> 01:06:03,473
When I woke up
in the morning...
1343
01:06:03,511 --> 01:06:05,945
the guy was gone,
and the car was gone.
1344
01:06:05,981 --> 01:06:07,881
That was it.
1345
01:06:07,916 --> 01:06:11,283
You know anybody who can use
six dozen plastic hula hoops?
1346
01:06:11,319 --> 01:06:13,219
They come in assorted colors.
1347
01:06:13,254 --> 01:06:15,882
You mean he just took off?
1348
01:06:15,924 --> 01:06:18,324
Eh, I should have known
he was a fink.
1349
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:20,157
He had small moons.
1350
01:06:20,195 --> 01:06:21,856
He had what?
1351
01:06:21,896 --> 01:06:25,832
You know, small moons
on the fingernails.
1352
01:06:27,836 --> 01:06:30,464
Now, you, for instance,
you got big moons.
1353
01:06:30,505 --> 01:06:31,699
Is that good?
1354
01:06:31,740 --> 01:06:33,537
It means you're a gentleman.
1355
01:06:33,575 --> 01:06:34,872
When you're a manicurist,
1356
01:06:34,909 --> 01:06:35,876
you can tell a lot
about people...
1357
01:06:35,910 --> 01:06:37,400
just from their hands.
1358
01:06:37,445 --> 01:06:39,174
I never had a manicure
in my life.
1359
01:06:39,214 --> 01:06:40,875
Nobody in this town has.
1360
01:06:40,915 --> 01:06:42,974
That's why I had to take a job
at the Belly Button...
1361
01:06:43,018 --> 01:06:45,714
trying to scrape up
enough money to get another car.
1362
01:06:45,754 --> 01:06:47,551
But something always
seems to happen.
1363
01:06:47,589 --> 01:06:49,318
I guess I'm stuck here for good.
1364
01:06:49,357 --> 01:06:52,724
A girl like you... I'm sure
you'll find some nice guy.
1365
01:06:52,761 --> 01:06:55,559
Not a chance, unless I get
out of this place.
1366
01:06:55,597 --> 01:06:59,795
Around here, I'm just somebody
the bartender recommends.
1367
01:06:59,834 --> 01:07:01,324
"Try Polly the Pistol."
1368
01:07:01,369 --> 01:07:03,963
'S marvelous
1369
01:07:04,005 --> 01:07:05,472
You should care
1370
01:07:07,075 --> 01:07:09,305
'S paradise
1371
01:07:20,522 --> 01:07:24,754
'S awful nice, woo, pow
1372
01:07:24,793 --> 01:07:25,782
Paradise
1373
01:07:27,128 --> 01:07:28,095
Let's get ready.
1374
01:07:28,129 --> 01:07:29,426
He'll be out in a minute.
1375
01:07:29,464 --> 01:07:31,022
I know that voice
from someplace.
1376
01:07:31,066 --> 01:07:32,795
Of course you do. He's a singer.
1377
01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:33,801
Who?
1378
01:07:33,835 --> 01:07:35,325
Now don't flip.
1379
01:07:35,370 --> 01:07:36,394
Well, who is it?
1380
01:07:36,438 --> 01:07:38,030
It's Dino.
1381
01:07:38,073 --> 01:07:39,040
Dino?
1382
01:07:39,074 --> 01:07:40,041
That's right.
1383
01:07:40,075 --> 01:07:41,042
Hmm.
1384
01:07:41,076 --> 01:07:42,168
I like Andy Williams better.
1385
01:07:42,210 --> 01:07:44,337
Shh! For heaven's sake,
watch it.
1386
01:07:44,379 --> 01:07:45,346
You're supposed
to be nice to him.
1387
01:07:45,380 --> 01:07:47,371
Don't worry. I know my job.
1388
01:07:47,415 --> 01:07:49,474
Now let me look at you.
1389
01:07:49,517 --> 01:07:51,610
Maybe we'd better open
a couple of buttons.
1390
01:07:51,653 --> 01:07:54,019
Your wife wouldn't do that.
1391
01:07:54,055 --> 01:07:56,046
I guess not.
1392
01:07:56,091 --> 01:07:58,389
Oh, the ring.
You should have a ring.
1393
01:07:58,426 --> 01:07:59,893
Here, put this on.
1394
01:08:01,396 --> 01:08:03,626
You suppose there's
a law against this?
1395
01:08:03,665 --> 01:08:05,098
Against what?
1396
01:08:05,133 --> 01:08:07,124
Wearing a ring
without a license.
1397
01:08:07,168 --> 01:08:08,226
Don't be silly.
1398
01:08:08,269 --> 01:08:10,100
Come on, let's go
into the living room.
1399
01:08:12,507 --> 01:08:15,135
Domestic, domestic.
1400
01:08:15,176 --> 01:08:17,041
We've got to
make it look domestic.
1401
01:08:17,078 --> 01:08:20,377
You sit here, and I'll sit here.
1402
01:08:22,584 --> 01:08:24,449
No, that's not domestic enough.
1403
01:08:25,687 --> 01:08:28,622
You knit, and I'll read.
1404
01:08:28,656 --> 01:08:32,057
Uh... uh, I don't
know how to knit.
1405
01:08:33,228 --> 01:08:35,992
Well, then you read,
and I'll knit.
1406
01:08:37,565 --> 01:08:40,227
No, that's no good.
1407
01:08:40,268 --> 01:08:42,133
Now, let me see...
1408
01:08:44,606 --> 01:08:47,097
'S wonderful
1409
01:08:47,142 --> 01:08:50,043
'S marvelous
1410
01:08:50,078 --> 01:08:54,105
You should care for me
1411
01:08:54,149 --> 01:08:57,277
Mmm, 's awful nice
1412
01:08:57,318 --> 01:08:59,252
Paradise
1413
01:09:00,522 --> 01:09:02,888
Hard to see
1414
01:09:21,109 --> 01:09:23,100
Pardon me.
1415
01:09:23,144 --> 01:09:24,805
Is this the way to Disneyland?
1416
01:09:26,781 --> 01:09:29,011
Oh, we didn't hear you.
1417
01:09:30,051 --> 01:09:32,417
This is my wife Zelda.
1418
01:09:32,454 --> 01:09:33,751
Howdy, ma'am.
1419
01:09:33,788 --> 01:09:35,881
My husband told me
you were staying with us.
1420
01:09:35,924 --> 01:09:37,516
What a delightful surprise.
1421
01:09:37,559 --> 01:09:38,548
Zelda has all your records.
1422
01:09:38,593 --> 01:09:40,254
She's a big fan of yours.
1423
01:09:40,295 --> 01:09:41,455
I'm a big fan of hers.
1424
01:09:41,496 --> 01:09:43,054
I picked these on the way here.
1425
01:09:43,098 --> 01:09:45,464
Oh, they're lovely.
1426
01:09:45,500 --> 01:09:47,195
Cocktail time.
What would you like?
1427
01:09:47,235 --> 01:09:49,931
Martini? Old fashioned?
Vodka on the rocks?
1428
01:09:49,971 --> 01:09:50,938
No, thanks.
1429
01:09:50,972 --> 01:09:52,030
Nothing to drink?
1430
01:09:52,073 --> 01:09:54,041
Just a bowl of bourbon
and some crackers.
1431
01:09:54,075 --> 01:09:55,975
Bourbon. Good idea.
1432
01:09:56,010 --> 01:09:57,341
How about you, Zelda?
1433
01:09:57,379 --> 01:09:59,609
Uh, do we have any buttermilk
in the house?
1434
01:09:59,647 --> 01:10:01,410
Buttermilk! Coming right up.
1435
01:10:06,688 --> 01:10:07,655
Well, just don't...
1436
01:10:07,689 --> 01:10:10,852
stand there, you two. Talk.
1437
01:10:10,892 --> 01:10:12,484
Mingle.
1438
01:10:14,095 --> 01:10:15,562
Uh, tell me something.
1439
01:10:15,597 --> 01:10:17,497
Anything.
1440
01:10:17,532 --> 01:10:19,329
How'd you happen
to get stranded here?
1441
01:10:19,367 --> 01:10:20,925
Oh, just lucky, I guess.
1442
01:10:23,605 --> 01:10:25,232
Oops.
1443
01:10:25,273 --> 01:10:27,503
You know, that dress dummy
don't do you justice...
1444
01:10:27,542 --> 01:10:29,169
even with all the padding.
1445
01:10:29,210 --> 01:10:31,303
I suppose I've put on
a few pounds.
1446
01:10:31,346 --> 01:10:32,711
Well, don't you worry about it.
1447
01:10:32,747 --> 01:10:33,714
As far as I'm concerned...
1448
01:10:33,748 --> 01:10:36,478
there couldn't
be enough of you...
1449
01:10:36,518 --> 01:10:37,985
baby.
1450
01:10:38,019 --> 01:10:39,008
Huh.
1451
01:10:39,053 --> 01:10:41,578
How much do you
think she weighs?
1452
01:10:48,997 --> 01:10:50,362
Guess.
1453
01:10:54,669 --> 01:10:55,658
May I?
1454
01:10:56,671 --> 01:10:57,831
Help yourself.
1455
01:11:06,314 --> 01:11:07,406
115.
1456
01:11:07,449 --> 01:11:09,349
Guess again.
1457
01:11:09,384 --> 01:11:11,545
Glad to.
1458
01:11:17,192 --> 01:11:18,159
120?
1459
01:11:18,193 --> 01:11:19,922
You're getting warm.
1460
01:11:19,961 --> 01:11:21,553
Oh, boy.
1461
01:11:23,598 --> 01:11:25,589
Oh, that's close enough.
1462
01:11:30,205 --> 01:11:31,604
How much you think I weigh?
1463
01:11:35,743 --> 01:11:36,971
Go ahead, lambchop.
1464
01:11:37,011 --> 01:11:38,239
Take a crack at it.
1465
01:11:38,279 --> 01:11:39,678
Yeah.
1466
01:11:39,714 --> 01:11:41,773
1731/2.
1467
01:11:41,816 --> 01:11:43,750
That's not fair.
1468
01:11:43,785 --> 01:11:45,685
Right on the nose.
1469
01:11:45,720 --> 01:11:46,687
Skol.
1470
01:11:46,721 --> 01:11:47,688
What?
1471
01:11:47,722 --> 01:11:48,689
Skol!
1472
01:11:48,723 --> 01:11:50,088
Sure, it's cold.
It's got ice in it.
1473
01:11:52,193 --> 01:11:53,751
Funny! Funny!
1474
01:11:57,866 --> 01:12:01,097
Well, drink up
and be somebody.
1475
01:12:01,135 --> 01:12:02,602
Why don't we sit down?
1476
01:12:02,637 --> 01:12:03,604
Why don't we?
1477
01:12:03,638 --> 01:12:07,938
Ah, lambchop, Dino,
and I'll sit back here.
1478
01:12:07,976 --> 01:12:09,671
Where'd you get
this crazy couch?
1479
01:12:09,711 --> 01:12:11,508
Oh, it's been
in the family for years.
1480
01:12:11,546 --> 01:12:13,275
It's a love seat.
1481
01:12:13,314 --> 01:12:16,181
Love seat? For three?
1482
01:12:16,217 --> 01:12:17,775
Victorian, you know.
1483
01:12:17,819 --> 01:12:20,617
Two lovers and a chaperone,
but that didn't stop anyone.
1484
01:12:20,655 --> 01:12:23,715
It was usually an old lady,
half-deaf, half-blind...
1485
01:12:23,758 --> 01:12:26,386
sitting there and... knitting.
1486
01:12:27,595 --> 01:12:28,892
Knitting?
1487
01:12:28,930 --> 01:12:30,090
It's good therapy.
1488
01:12:30,131 --> 01:12:31,564
I took it up
when I quit smoking.
1489
01:12:31,599 --> 01:12:32,566
It keeps my hands busy.
1490
01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:33,567
You know what they say...
1491
01:12:33,601 --> 01:12:36,627
the devil finds work
for idle hands.
1492
01:12:56,858 --> 01:12:59,019
What are you knitting?
1493
01:12:59,060 --> 01:13:00,527
A sock.
1494
01:13:00,562 --> 01:13:02,154
With a turtleneck?
1495
01:13:08,403 --> 01:13:10,064
He's got small moons.
1496
01:13:10,104 --> 01:13:11,071
Oh?
1497
01:13:11,105 --> 01:13:12,072
I got what?
1498
01:13:12,106 --> 01:13:13,573
Oh, it's this theory
my wife has.
1499
01:13:13,608 --> 01:13:15,473
If you've got small moons
on your nails...
1500
01:13:15,510 --> 01:13:17,444
you're a gentleman
and a scholar.
1501
01:13:17,478 --> 01:13:18,445
Interesting.
1502
01:13:18,479 --> 01:13:20,174
Now, you take me.
I've got big moons.
1503
01:13:20,214 --> 01:13:23,411
That means I'm a fink.
1504
01:13:25,053 --> 01:13:26,987
Well, you're only half right
about me.
1505
01:13:27,021 --> 01:13:28,249
I'm no scholar.
1506
01:13:28,289 --> 01:13:31,258
Knit one, purl two.
1507
01:13:31,292 --> 01:13:34,455
Hmm. Something around here
smells good.
1508
01:13:34,495 --> 01:13:35,826
It's the meat sauce.
1509
01:13:35,863 --> 01:13:37,057
It's making my mouth water.
1510
01:13:37,098 --> 01:13:38,497
We also got you some pizza.
1511
01:13:38,533 --> 01:13:40,933
How about a little antipasto?
1512
01:13:45,373 --> 01:13:47,739
You'll spoil your appetite.
1513
01:13:47,775 --> 01:13:48,935
You want to bet?
1514
01:13:52,747 --> 01:13:54,112
Damn!
1515
01:13:54,148 --> 01:13:55,479
What's the matter?
1516
01:13:55,516 --> 01:13:56,710
I've dropped a stitch.
1517
01:13:56,751 --> 01:13:58,150
Oh.
1518
01:13:59,921 --> 01:14:03,357
You know, you can lose
a hand that way.
1519
01:14:06,327 --> 01:14:10,661
Did you hear the story
about the girl and the lobster?
1520
01:14:10,698 --> 01:14:12,029
No. How does it go?
1521
01:14:12,066 --> 01:14:14,034
Well, this girl was sitting
in a movie house...
1522
01:14:14,068 --> 01:14:16,161
and this guy sat down
next to her...
1523
01:14:16,204 --> 01:14:17,694
and they were
sitting in the dark...
1524
01:14:17,739 --> 01:14:19,502
and they were watching the
picture, see...
1525
01:14:19,540 --> 01:14:21,872
and suddenly
she felt something...
1526
01:14:21,909 --> 01:14:23,638
crawling up her leg
and pinched her.
1527
01:14:23,678 --> 01:14:24,645
Ah!
1528
01:14:24,679 --> 01:14:25,771
Go on.
1529
01:14:25,813 --> 01:14:27,075
Then she felt something
crawling again...
1530
01:14:27,115 --> 01:14:28,275
and pinched her again.
1531
01:14:28,316 --> 01:14:31,012
She said, "What is the idea
of you pinching me?"
1532
01:14:31,052 --> 01:14:34,783
And he said,
"Well, it wasn't me.
1533
01:14:34,822 --> 01:14:35,880
It was my lobster."
1534
01:14:35,923 --> 01:14:38,016
His lobster?
1535
01:14:38,059 --> 01:14:39,686
He explained it. He said...
1536
01:14:39,727 --> 01:14:41,558
"A friend of mine
gave me a live lobster"...
1537
01:14:41,596 --> 01:14:42,756
and I said,
"Gee, that's wonderful.
1538
01:14:42,797 --> 01:14:43,991
"I think I'll take it
home for dinner."
1539
01:14:44,032 --> 01:14:46,227
He said, "No,
it already had dinner.
1540
01:14:46,267 --> 01:14:47,928
"Why don't you take it
to a movie?"
1541
01:14:50,705 --> 01:14:54,402
Take it to a movie!
1542
01:14:54,442 --> 01:14:55,966
...to a movie.
1543
01:14:56,010 --> 01:14:58,478
I told you. He's a funny man.
1544
01:14:58,513 --> 01:14:59,912
Yeah. Funny.
1545
01:15:03,451 --> 01:15:04,611
You got any more
stories like that?
1546
01:15:04,652 --> 01:15:05,846
Yeah. I got...
1547
01:15:05,887 --> 01:15:08,117
Oh, yeah. There was the one
about this doctor, you see.
1548
01:15:08,156 --> 01:15:10,818
He was examining
a girl's knee, and he said...
1549
01:15:10,858 --> 01:15:14,294
"What's a joint like this doing
on a pretty girl like you?"
1550
01:15:16,564 --> 01:15:19,226
Oh! Oh, I got to remember
that one.
1551
01:15:21,102 --> 01:15:24,071
Excuse me. I've got
something on the stove.
1552
01:15:27,675 --> 01:15:29,575
I think this belongs to you.
1553
01:15:29,610 --> 01:15:32,738
Me. You. What's the difference?
1554
01:15:32,780 --> 01:15:33,747
Maybe I'd better help you.
1555
01:15:33,781 --> 01:15:34,748
No, no, no, no.
1556
01:15:34,782 --> 01:15:36,750
You stay right
where you are, lambchop.
1557
01:15:36,784 --> 01:15:37,751
Make him feel at home.
1558
01:15:37,785 --> 01:15:40,413
Show him a little
western hospitality.
1559
01:15:41,556 --> 01:15:44,719
We don't want him to have
a headache tomorrow.
1560
01:15:50,732 --> 01:15:53,963
What is this, Candid Camera?
1561
01:15:54,001 --> 01:15:58,062
You must think my husband
is sort of, uh, peculiar.
1562
01:15:58,106 --> 01:15:59,630
Oh, no.
As a matter of fact...
1563
01:15:59,674 --> 01:16:01,574
I'm getting very fond of him.
1564
01:16:01,609 --> 01:16:02,803
So am I.
1565
01:16:02,844 --> 01:16:04,835
And I'm crazy about his wife.
1566
01:16:04,879 --> 01:16:06,779
Do you know what
I'd like right now?
1567
01:16:06,814 --> 01:16:10,910
Sure. Another bowl
of bourbon and crackers.
1568
01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:13,378
Tell me something.
1569
01:16:13,421 --> 01:16:15,685
Anything.
1570
01:16:15,723 --> 01:16:18,817
How come he calls you lambchop?
1571
01:16:18,860 --> 01:16:22,887
Maybe it's because
I wear paper panties.
1572
01:16:22,930 --> 01:16:25,364
Paper panties?
1573
01:16:25,399 --> 01:16:27,890
I also wear a gold ring.
1574
01:16:33,574 --> 01:16:35,269
Talk about finks.
1575
01:16:35,309 --> 01:16:37,243
This guy's got no moons at all.
1576
01:16:37,278 --> 01:16:38,472
Never mind the moons.
1577
01:16:38,513 --> 01:16:40,708
You should be out there
entertaining him.
1578
01:16:40,748 --> 01:16:43,342
What right has he got to treat
your wife like that?
1579
01:16:43,384 --> 01:16:44,715
It's a good thing
you're not my wife...
1580
01:16:44,752 --> 01:16:46,879
or I'd throw him
out of the house.
1581
01:16:47,922 --> 01:16:49,753
Yeah.
1582
01:16:49,791 --> 01:16:52,658
Oh, I'm sorry.
1583
01:16:55,763 --> 01:16:58,288
Paper panties. Ooh.
1584
01:17:03,704 --> 01:17:06,639
Hot stuff. Don't touch.
1585
01:17:06,674 --> 01:17:08,403
I can't help myself.
1586
01:17:08,442 --> 01:17:11,138
How would you like
a macaroni shampoo?
1587
01:17:11,179 --> 01:17:12,203
Anything you say, baby.
1588
01:17:12,246 --> 01:17:15,807
Sprinkle me with parmesan.
Stab me with a breadstick.
1589
01:17:15,850 --> 01:17:18,114
You're quite
an operator, aren't you?
1590
01:17:18,152 --> 01:17:20,143
Well, not really, but all we
have is just this one night...
1591
01:17:20,188 --> 01:17:21,348
so I have to work fast.
1592
01:17:21,389 --> 01:17:24,119
It's sort of
an emergency operation.
1593
01:17:25,126 --> 01:17:28,254
It's that little
old winemaker, me!
1594
01:17:28,296 --> 01:17:30,264
Sit down. Sit down.
1595
01:17:30,298 --> 01:17:32,129
You didn't have to go
to all this trouble.
1596
01:17:32,166 --> 01:17:33,929
What trouble? I'm very grateful.
1597
01:17:33,968 --> 01:17:36,334
You see, this is our fifth
wedding anniversary...
1598
01:17:36,370 --> 01:17:37,928
and I forgot to buy
my wife a present...
1599
01:17:37,972 --> 01:17:40,463
so instead, she's getting you.
1600
01:17:45,346 --> 01:17:46,313
You know what they say...
1601
01:17:46,347 --> 01:17:49,748
white wine with fish,
red wine with lambchop.
1602
01:17:58,358 --> 01:18:02,158
Believe me, it's the best thing
that could've happened to you.
1603
01:18:02,195 --> 01:18:04,857
If I told you once, I told you
a thousand times...
1604
01:18:04,898 --> 01:18:07,423
don't marry him.
1605
01:18:07,467 --> 01:18:09,458
Orville J. Spooner.
1606
01:18:09,502 --> 01:18:11,197
You know what the "j"
stands for? Jerk.
1607
01:18:11,238 --> 01:18:13,297
That's what he is, a jerk.
1608
01:18:13,340 --> 01:18:15,740
Never made more than sixty
dollars a week in his life.
1609
01:18:15,775 --> 01:18:18,175
No ambition, no future.
1610
01:18:18,211 --> 01:18:19,872
When I think that
you could've married...
1611
01:18:19,913 --> 01:18:23,849
Wally Coates...
Dr. Wallace Coates...
1612
01:18:23,884 --> 01:18:27,684
the second-most-successful
chiropractor in Carson City.
1613
01:18:27,721 --> 01:18:30,451
Henry, stop rocking.
1614
01:18:30,490 --> 01:18:34,688
Or take Tom Pringle.
He was dying to marry you.
1615
01:18:34,728 --> 01:18:38,858
Only the president of the Junior
Chamber of Commerce...
1616
01:18:38,899 --> 01:18:42,027
but you let Gladys Bukitsch
grab him off.
1617
01:18:42,068 --> 01:18:43,729
Gladys Bukitsch.
1618
01:18:43,770 --> 01:18:48,139
Four foot six, bad complexion,
pigeon-toed.
1619
01:18:48,174 --> 01:18:50,472
I could cry.
1620
01:18:50,510 --> 01:18:52,239
You know what he did
for her folks?
1621
01:18:52,279 --> 01:18:54,941
Bought them a house
in Del Webb's Sun City.
1622
01:18:54,981 --> 01:18:56,642
So now they're retired...
1623
01:18:56,683 --> 01:19:00,619
playing shuffleboard
with the other senior citizens.
1624
01:19:00,654 --> 01:19:02,349
Oh, Zelda, Zelda...
1625
01:19:02,389 --> 01:19:03,651
what a mess you made
of your life.
1626
01:19:03,690 --> 01:19:05,885
That's enough, Mamie.
Now leave her alone.
1627
01:19:05,926 --> 01:19:08,292
Did you say something?
1628
01:19:08,328 --> 01:19:10,091
Not recently.
1629
01:19:10,130 --> 01:19:12,860
First thing tomorrow,
you go and see a lawyer...
1630
01:19:12,899 --> 01:19:17,927
Charlie Green, whom you also
could've married.
1631
01:19:17,971 --> 01:19:21,270
You'll have no problem
getting a divorce.
1632
01:19:21,308 --> 01:19:22,275
Just wait till I get up there...
1633
01:19:22,309 --> 01:19:24,800
and tell the judge
how he treated me...
1634
01:19:24,844 --> 01:19:27,005
slamming the piano cover
on my hand...
1635
01:19:27,047 --> 01:19:30,744
just because I said
he was a no-talent slob.
1636
01:19:32,452 --> 01:19:33,419
Where are you going?
1637
01:19:33,453 --> 01:19:35,148
Home.
1638
01:19:35,188 --> 01:19:36,519
Back to Orville?
1639
01:19:36,556 --> 01:19:38,114
Yes, mother.
1640
01:19:38,158 --> 01:19:40,285
He's so right about you.
1641
01:19:40,327 --> 01:19:42,352
You're a mean, loud-mouthed...
1642
01:19:42,395 --> 01:19:45,421
interfering old...
1643
01:19:45,465 --> 01:19:46,989
you want to know
what he calls you?
1644
01:19:47,033 --> 01:19:48,898
What?
1645
01:19:48,935 --> 01:19:50,664
I better not tell you.
1646
01:19:52,772 --> 01:19:54,797
Godzilla?
1647
01:19:59,512 --> 01:20:02,345
I'd like to propose
a toast to my beloved wife...
1648
01:20:02,382 --> 01:20:03,815
who has stood by me
so valiantly...
1649
01:20:03,850 --> 01:20:06,114
for the last five hours...
five years...
1650
01:20:06,152 --> 01:20:07,779
and to our distinguished
guest...
1651
01:20:07,821 --> 01:20:09,982
star of stage, screen,
and television...
1652
01:20:10,023 --> 01:20:11,422
a man who needs
no introduction...
1653
01:20:11,458 --> 01:20:13,016
where is he?
1654
01:20:13,059 --> 01:20:15,425
He dropped his napkin again.
1655
01:20:17,330 --> 01:20:19,924
It seems I have
a very slippery lap.
1656
01:20:19,966 --> 01:20:21,797
Slippery lap.
1657
01:20:21,835 --> 01:20:23,097
Cheers!
1658
01:20:23,136 --> 01:20:25,434
Oh! In the words
of Rossani Brazzi...
1659
01:20:25,472 --> 01:20:28,930
grazie, grazie.
1660
01:20:28,975 --> 01:20:31,068
Uh, shall we move
into the living room?
1661
01:20:31,111 --> 01:20:32,601
You go ahead.
1662
01:20:32,645 --> 01:20:34,010
I'll clear the table.
1663
01:20:34,047 --> 01:20:35,344
No, no, Zelda. Not yet.
1664
01:20:35,382 --> 01:20:36,371
Let's not break up the party.
1665
01:20:36,416 --> 01:20:37,883
Oh, I'm with you.
1666
01:20:37,917 --> 01:20:41,478
Oh, you don't mind if I, uh,
bring along a friend?
1667
01:20:41,521 --> 01:20:44,115
As long as you don't
bring your lobster.
1668
01:20:44,157 --> 01:20:46,091
Funny! Funny!
1669
01:20:46,126 --> 01:20:48,253
All right. Everybody line up
for a square dance.
1670
01:20:48,294 --> 01:20:50,228
Square dance?
1671
01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:53,824
We got wine, we got women,
and we got songs.
1672
01:20:53,867 --> 01:20:55,027
What would you like to hear?
1673
01:20:55,068 --> 01:20:56,592
Well, do you know
Old Man River?
1674
01:20:56,636 --> 01:20:58,934
Darling, why don't you play
one of your own songs.
1675
01:20:58,972 --> 01:20:59,939
One of mine?
1676
01:20:59,973 --> 01:21:02,066
Oh, I wouldn't want to
impose on our guest.
1677
01:21:02,108 --> 01:21:04,941
Well, how about
"Cuddle Up a Little Closer"?
1678
01:21:04,978 --> 01:21:07,276
I'm sorry, but we have
a request from a lady...
1679
01:21:07,313 --> 01:21:08,371
in the balcony.
1680
01:21:08,415 --> 01:21:09,382
Let's see now.
1681
01:21:09,416 --> 01:21:11,384
There's this little Italian
number we wrote...
1682
01:21:11,418 --> 01:21:13,318
which may be of some
interest to you.
1683
01:21:19,192 --> 01:21:22,525
Every day
I sit and pray I
1684
01:21:22,562 --> 01:21:25,030
Win you over soon
1685
01:21:25,065 --> 01:21:27,659
Say yes, won't you?
1686
01:21:27,700 --> 01:21:29,167
Do you, don't you
1687
01:21:29,202 --> 01:21:32,660
Want this world in tune?
1688
01:21:32,705 --> 01:21:36,106
What does it take
to persuade you?
1689
01:21:36,142 --> 01:21:42,172
And how much more
must I serenade you?
1690
01:21:42,215 --> 01:21:45,048
Listen to me, Sophia
1691
01:21:45,085 --> 01:21:48,646
Have you any idea
1692
01:21:48,688 --> 01:21:51,748
How much you mean to me-a?
1693
01:21:51,791 --> 01:21:55,887
How much, you'll never know
1694
01:21:55,929 --> 01:21:59,330
If I'm all agitato
1695
01:21:59,365 --> 01:22:03,131
Every heartstring vibrato
1696
01:22:03,169 --> 01:22:07,162
Every look passionato
1697
01:22:07,207 --> 01:22:10,574
Who but you made me so?
1698
01:22:10,610 --> 01:22:14,637
It's love, it's love, crescendo
1699
01:22:14,681 --> 01:22:19,641
Never, ever diminuendo
1700
01:22:19,686 --> 01:22:23,144
Say the word, Sweet Sophia
1701
01:22:23,189 --> 01:22:27,148
Or from earth I resign
1702
01:22:27,193 --> 01:22:30,720
Oh, Sophia, be mine
1703
01:22:32,699 --> 01:22:35,964
Well? What do you
think of it, huh?
1704
01:22:36,002 --> 01:22:38,835
Oh, it's a grabber,
a real grabber.
1705
01:22:38,872 --> 01:22:39,839
It is?
1706
01:22:39,873 --> 01:22:41,431
Takes one to know one.
1707
01:22:41,474 --> 01:22:42,771
What a great piece of material.
1708
01:22:42,809 --> 01:22:44,936
Boy, what I could do with it.
1709
01:22:46,045 --> 01:22:48,104
You mean you like the song?
1710
01:22:48,148 --> 01:22:49,672
What song? Oh, yeah.
1711
01:22:49,716 --> 01:22:51,343
It's another
"Arrivederci, Roma."
1712
01:22:51,384 --> 01:22:52,351
I'll take it.
1713
01:22:52,385 --> 01:22:53,352
You'll take it?
1714
01:22:53,386 --> 01:22:54,944
He'll take it!
1715
01:22:54,988 --> 01:22:57,081
Did you hear that, darling?
He'll take it!
1716
01:22:57,157 --> 01:23:00,092
Oh! Stay right
where you are, lambchop.
1717
01:23:00,126 --> 01:23:01,115
Play it again.
1718
01:23:01,161 --> 01:23:02,651
Yes, indeedy!
1719
01:23:11,804 --> 01:23:15,137
Listen to me, Sophia
1720
01:23:15,175 --> 01:23:17,075
Have you any idea
1721
01:23:18,678 --> 01:23:22,136
How much you mean to me-a?
1722
01:23:22,182 --> 01:23:24,980
Every day more and more
1723
01:23:25,018 --> 01:23:28,818
You're sweeter than spumoni
1724
01:23:28,855 --> 01:23:33,417
Sweeter even than zabaglione
1725
01:23:33,459 --> 01:23:36,485
Say the word, sweet Sophia
1726
01:23:36,529 --> 01:23:40,260
Let our hearts intertwine
1727
01:23:40,300 --> 01:23:42,200
Oh, Sophia, be mine
1728
01:23:51,511 --> 01:23:53,479
Ole!
1729
01:23:53,513 --> 01:23:55,640
Sweet Sophia, be mine
1730
01:23:55,682 --> 01:23:57,843
Let that honeymoon shine
1731
01:23:58,918 --> 01:24:01,546
Pluck the grape from the vine
1732
01:24:02,589 --> 01:24:03,556
Let our hearts
1733
01:24:03,590 --> 01:24:06,354
Let our hearts intertwine
1734
01:24:06,392 --> 01:24:09,225
And put your love on the line
1735
01:24:09,262 --> 01:24:11,628
Sweet Sophia, be mine
1736
01:24:11,664 --> 01:24:14,428
Let the honeymoon shine
1737
01:24:14,467 --> 01:24:16,059
Paper panties.
1738
01:24:21,808 --> 01:24:23,708
Or from earth I resign
1739
01:24:25,511 --> 01:24:27,172
Oh, Sophia, be mine
1740
01:24:29,281 --> 01:24:30,942
What's going on in there?
1741
01:24:33,051 --> 01:24:35,315
Zelda, you're not
supposed to be here.
1742
01:24:35,354 --> 01:24:36,844
Why not? This is my house...
1743
01:24:36,888 --> 01:24:38,651
and that's my husband,
the swinger!
1744
01:24:38,690 --> 01:24:40,817
Now, now, Zelda, take it easy.
I know this looks pretty bad.
1745
01:24:40,859 --> 01:24:43,157
That miserable liar,
he was telling me the truth.
1746
01:24:43,195 --> 01:24:45,390
No, he wasn't.
I mean, the truth is...
1747
01:24:45,430 --> 01:24:47,125
Look, Zelda.
There are certain things...
1748
01:24:47,165 --> 01:24:49,190
a man cannot ask his wife to do.
1749
01:24:49,234 --> 01:24:51,498
Like what? You mean, now she's
gonna drink out of his shoe?
1750
01:24:51,536 --> 01:24:52,662
Oh, she'll do anything.
1751
01:24:52,704 --> 01:24:54,535
You see, she's getting
twenty-five bucks.
1752
01:24:54,573 --> 01:24:55,540
Twenty-five bucks?
1753
01:24:55,574 --> 01:24:57,474
It's an all-night job.
1754
01:24:57,509 --> 01:25:00,103
Well, if that doesn't
kill him, I will!
1755
01:25:00,145 --> 01:25:02,079
Now, don't blame Orville.
1756
01:25:02,114 --> 01:25:03,411
Actually, the whole
thing was my idea...
1757
01:25:03,448 --> 01:25:05,075
I mean, throwing you
out of the house.
1758
01:25:05,117 --> 01:25:06,106
It was?
1759
01:25:06,151 --> 01:25:07,778
And that girl... Orville
didn't even know her.
1760
01:25:07,819 --> 01:25:09,446
I brought her around
and introduced her to him.
1761
01:25:09,488 --> 01:25:10,512
You did?
1762
01:25:10,555 --> 01:25:11,715
And don't worry about
the money it's costing...
1763
01:25:11,757 --> 01:25:13,622
because Orville and I,
we're going halfsies on this.
1764
01:25:13,659 --> 01:25:14,853
You are?
1765
01:25:16,328 --> 01:25:17,727
OK, Zelda, hit me
if you want to...
1766
01:25:17,763 --> 01:25:19,390
but please don't go in there.
1767
01:25:19,431 --> 01:25:20,693
You'll spoil everything.
1768
01:25:20,732 --> 01:25:22,495
I wouldn't dream of it.
1769
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,627
Atta girl. Now you go
back to your mother's...
1770
01:25:24,670 --> 01:25:25,796
until tomorrow morning.
1771
01:25:25,837 --> 01:25:28,829
I'm going, all right,
but not to my mother.
1772
01:25:35,614 --> 01:25:36,638
Oh, whew.
1773
01:25:36,682 --> 01:25:38,946
Ole!
1774
01:25:38,984 --> 01:25:41,646
Oh, sweet Sophia, be mine
1775
01:25:41,687 --> 01:25:43,484
Or from earth I resign
1776
01:25:43,522 --> 01:25:44,511
Let's...
1777
01:25:48,660 --> 01:25:50,890
Pardon me. Pardon me.
1778
01:25:50,929 --> 01:25:53,557
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I just got carried away.
1779
01:25:53,598 --> 01:25:54,565
Here.
1780
01:25:54,599 --> 01:25:55,827
Don't mind me. Go right ahead.
1781
01:25:55,867 --> 01:25:58,131
Western hospitality.
1782
01:25:58,170 --> 01:26:00,900
Listen to me, Sophia
1783
01:26:00,939 --> 01:26:03,237
Do you realize this is the first
song we ever sold?
1784
01:26:03,275 --> 01:26:04,674
It's a good thing
that valve cracked...
1785
01:26:04,710 --> 01:26:05,802
or I'd have never heard it.
1786
01:26:05,844 --> 01:26:09,541
Yeah, and I never would have
met him... I mean you.
1787
01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,913
Now, look, here's... Orville,
kiddo...
1788
01:26:11,950 --> 01:26:14,077
I'll need one copy
for my television producer...
1789
01:26:14,119 --> 01:26:16,314
and my orchestra leader
and my arranger...
1790
01:26:16,355 --> 01:26:17,754
and for the guys
from the agency.
1791
01:26:17,789 --> 01:26:18,756
Let's see.
1792
01:26:18,790 --> 01:26:21,486
I'll need maybe, like,
uh, twelve copies.
1793
01:26:21,526 --> 01:26:22,493
How many?
1794
01:26:22,527 --> 01:26:23,551
I hate to do this to you...
1795
01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:24,653
but since I'm leaving
in the morning...
1796
01:26:24,696 --> 01:26:27,494
you'll have to stay up
all night making copies.
1797
01:26:27,532 --> 01:26:29,090
Did you say twelve?
1798
01:26:29,134 --> 01:26:31,125
And don't you worry
about me or your wife...
1799
01:26:31,169 --> 01:26:32,830
we won't bother you.
1800
01:26:32,871 --> 01:26:37,035
Maybe we'll go in the garden,
and she'll show me her parsley.
1801
01:26:38,643 --> 01:26:39,701
Here we are. Sophia.
1802
01:26:39,745 --> 01:26:42,771
Twelve copies. Isn't that lucky?
1803
01:26:44,383 --> 01:26:45,782
Yeah.
1804
01:26:45,817 --> 01:26:47,478
How lucky can you get?
1805
01:26:47,519 --> 01:26:48,679
Oh!
1806
01:26:51,957 --> 01:26:53,686
All right, lambchop.
Refill the shoes...
1807
01:26:53,725 --> 01:26:55,488
and let's have
a little more music.
1808
01:26:55,527 --> 01:26:57,256
What would you like to hear now?
1809
01:26:57,295 --> 01:26:58,660
"Taps."
1810
01:26:58,697 --> 01:27:00,665
Would you be interested
in a nice little waltz?
1811
01:27:00,699 --> 01:27:03,031
"When it's
Pussy Willow Time in Picardy."
1812
01:27:03,068 --> 01:27:04,729
I don't think
I could do it justice.
1813
01:27:04,770 --> 01:27:06,863
Here's something more lively...
what you'd call a novelty.
1814
01:27:06,905 --> 01:27:08,930
"I'm Taking Mom
to the Junior Prom...
1815
01:27:08,974 --> 01:27:11,204
"'Cause She's a Better Twister
Than my Sister."
1816
01:27:11,243 --> 01:27:13,302
Gets you right here.
1817
01:27:14,780 --> 01:27:17,112
Oh, this is it. It's a ballad.
1818
01:27:17,149 --> 01:27:18,878
I wrote it for Zelda
when we were dating.
1819
01:27:18,917 --> 01:27:21,408
It means a lot to us.
1820
01:27:40,372 --> 01:27:41,339
Hello?
1821
01:27:41,373 --> 01:27:43,603
Orville, are you
out of your mind?
1822
01:27:43,642 --> 01:27:45,701
What are you trying
to do, ruin us?
1823
01:27:45,744 --> 01:27:48,178
What do you mean?
I'm doing great.
1824
01:27:48,213 --> 01:27:49,305
I just sold him
the Italian number.
1825
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:51,110
You didn't sell anything.
1826
01:27:51,149 --> 01:27:52,514
The broad sold it.
1827
01:27:52,551 --> 01:27:53,848
So get out
of the house, already.
1828
01:27:53,885 --> 01:27:56,251
Leave the two of them alone.
1829
01:27:56,288 --> 01:27:57,550
Oh?
1830
01:27:57,589 --> 01:27:58,556
Oh.
1831
01:27:58,590 --> 01:28:02,151
Make some excuse and beat it,
or we'll blow the whole deal.
1832
01:28:02,194 --> 01:28:03,422
Roger.
1833
01:28:06,431 --> 01:28:08,797
Oh, that was Roger
from the bowling alley.
1834
01:28:08,834 --> 01:28:10,062
I'm afraid I've got
some bad news for you.
1835
01:28:10,101 --> 01:28:11,363
Bad news?
1836
01:28:11,403 --> 01:28:13,598
I forgot this is Saturday...
bowling night.
1837
01:28:13,638 --> 01:28:15,333
Why didn't you remind me, Zelda?
1838
01:28:15,373 --> 01:28:17,000
I'm sorry.
1839
01:28:17,042 --> 01:28:18,532
You see, I'm on the Climax team.
1840
01:28:18,577 --> 01:28:21,102
We've got this big grudge match
against Silver City.
1841
01:28:21,146 --> 01:28:23,307
So I'm afraid I'll have to
leave you alone.
1842
01:28:23,348 --> 01:28:24,940
What are you afraid of?
1843
01:28:24,983 --> 01:28:26,678
Nothing, really.
1844
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:28,447
I'm sure you'll
look after my wife...
1845
01:28:28,487 --> 01:28:30,512
and she'll look after you.
1846
01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:31,817
Excuse me.
1847
01:28:36,094 --> 01:28:39,791
Something tells me
we're gonna have a ball.
1848
01:28:40,799 --> 01:28:42,232
Won't we, lambchop?
1849
01:28:55,747 --> 01:28:58,545
Oh! The way these
matches drag on...
1850
01:28:58,583 --> 01:29:01,848
I may be gone for hours,
so don't even wait up for me.
1851
01:29:01,887 --> 01:29:02,911
We'll be rooting for you.
1852
01:29:06,424 --> 01:29:08,619
No, darling. E flat.
1853
01:29:10,729 --> 01:29:13,027
Would you play it for me
before you go?
1854
01:29:13,064 --> 01:29:16,431
I haven't heard it
for a long time.
1855
01:29:17,702 --> 01:29:18,691
Sure.
1856
01:29:20,539 --> 01:29:22,564
You don't want to miss
the first inning...
1857
01:29:22,607 --> 01:29:24,973
or the first chukker
or whatever you call it.
1858
01:29:25,010 --> 01:29:26,170
Just one chorus.
1859
01:29:33,885 --> 01:29:36,513
All the livelong day
1860
01:29:36,555 --> 01:29:40,013
And the long, long night
1861
01:29:40,058 --> 01:29:43,653
What do I do-oo-oo?
1862
01:29:43,695 --> 01:29:47,859
Dream about you-oo-oo
1863
01:29:47,899 --> 01:29:53,929
Felt this way the first time
you came in sight
1864
01:29:53,972 --> 01:30:01,105
Suddenly my gloomy old sky
turned magically bright
1865
01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:06,148
You'll find
we're perfect casting
1866
01:30:06,184 --> 01:30:09,642
You and I
1867
01:30:09,688 --> 01:30:13,146
With love that's everlasting
1868
01:30:13,191 --> 01:30:15,659
Will I leave you ever?
1869
01:30:15,694 --> 01:30:18,993
Never, never, never
1870
01:30:19,030 --> 01:30:26,664
All I live for now
is to hold you tight
1871
01:30:26,705 --> 01:30:29,674
All the livelong day
1872
01:30:29,708 --> 01:30:34,611
And the long, long night
1873
01:30:45,223 --> 01:30:47,191
Waiteress!
1874
01:30:47,225 --> 01:30:49,557
Hey, waiteress!
1875
01:30:55,233 --> 01:30:57,224
Another Bloody Mary...
1876
01:30:59,170 --> 01:31:03,573
and drinks for everybody
in the orchestra.
1877
01:31:06,444 --> 01:31:08,207
Fellas!
1878
01:31:08,246 --> 01:31:10,840
Hey, fellas.
1879
01:31:10,882 --> 01:31:13,373
Play "Melancholy Baby."
1880
01:31:23,161 --> 01:31:24,685
Fellas...
1881
01:31:24,729 --> 01:31:26,594
didn't you hear me?
1882
01:31:26,631 --> 01:31:30,158
I said, play "Melancholy Baby."
1883
01:31:30,201 --> 01:31:32,169
Come on now, everybody.
1884
01:31:32,203 --> 01:31:34,034
Shape up!
1885
01:31:39,210 --> 01:31:40,700
Eighty-six.
1886
01:31:43,214 --> 01:31:46,672
Look, honey, don't you think
you had enough?
1887
01:31:46,718 --> 01:31:48,208
No.
1888
01:31:51,222 --> 01:31:52,689
It's my anniversary.
1889
01:31:52,724 --> 01:31:55,192
I've been married
five years today.
1890
01:31:55,226 --> 01:31:58,195
Now, why don't you go home
and celebrate with your husband?
1891
01:31:58,229 --> 01:32:00,629
Oh, no. He's busy.
1892
01:32:00,665 --> 01:32:03,133
You know,
I could have married...
1893
01:32:03,168 --> 01:32:06,137
the second-most-successful
chiropractor in Carson City.
1894
01:32:06,171 --> 01:32:11,165
Instead, I married Orville J...
"j" for jerk... Spooner.
1895
01:32:15,180 --> 01:32:17,011
I think
I'm going to be sick.
1896
01:32:17,048 --> 01:32:19,448
Uh-huh. All right,
but not in here, honey.
1897
01:32:19,484 --> 01:32:21,543
Come on.
1898
01:32:21,586 --> 01:32:23,645
That's it. Grab her.
1899
01:32:23,688 --> 01:32:25,383
That's a girl.
1900
01:32:28,693 --> 01:32:30,661
Sick, sick, sick.
1901
01:32:30,695 --> 01:32:32,424
Shall I call a cab?
1902
01:32:32,464 --> 01:32:34,432
We can't send her home
in this condition.
1903
01:32:34,466 --> 01:32:35,763
Don't you know who she is?
1904
01:32:35,800 --> 01:32:37,028
I've seen her in church.
1905
01:32:37,068 --> 01:32:38,035
She's the organist's wife...
1906
01:32:38,069 --> 01:32:39,934
and we're in enough trouble
already.
1907
01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:40,960
This way.
1908
01:32:49,214 --> 01:32:50,272
Bang.
1909
01:32:58,156 --> 01:32:59,589
Where's this plane going to?
1910
01:32:59,624 --> 01:33:00,648
This isn't a plane.
1911
01:33:00,692 --> 01:33:02,284
You're in Polly's trailer.
1912
01:33:02,327 --> 01:33:03,658
Hello, Polly.
1913
01:33:03,695 --> 01:33:04,662
She's gone for the night.
1914
01:33:04,696 --> 01:33:07,130
You can sleep it off here.
1915
01:33:07,165 --> 01:33:08,632
Hang on, everybody.
1916
01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,657
Fasten your seat belts.
1917
01:33:25,250 --> 01:33:29,311
No chance you're taking chances
1918
01:33:29,354 --> 01:33:33,154
Taking me on
1919
01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:37,150
Believe me when this man says
1920
01:33:37,195 --> 01:33:41,154
Summer, spring, and fall-time
1921
01:33:41,199 --> 01:33:45,158
You're my one and all-time
1922
01:33:45,203 --> 01:33:51,870
All I live for now
is to hold you tight
1923
01:33:54,546 --> 01:33:57,674
All the livelong day
1924
01:33:57,715 --> 01:34:03,654
And the long, long night
1925
01:34:05,156 --> 01:34:06,680
I bet it would sound
even prettier...
1926
01:34:06,724 --> 01:34:10,125
with like... like twenty violins.
1927
01:34:10,161 --> 01:34:12,925
And a whole chorus of voices.
1928
01:34:18,670 --> 01:34:20,638
Well, time to go.
1929
01:34:20,672 --> 01:34:21,639
Go where?
1930
01:34:21,673 --> 01:34:22,640
Bowling.
1931
01:34:22,674 --> 01:34:24,642
Oh. Have a good time.
1932
01:34:24,676 --> 01:34:27,144
No, not me. You, remember?
1933
01:34:27,178 --> 01:34:29,146
You got a match.
1934
01:34:29,180 --> 01:34:30,647
Oh, sure.
1935
01:34:30,682 --> 01:34:33,651
No. A bowling match
against Silver City.
1936
01:34:33,685 --> 01:34:35,653
And don't worry about the songs.
1937
01:34:35,687 --> 01:34:36,915
I'll buy this one, too.
1938
01:34:36,955 --> 01:34:38,980
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's not for sale.
1939
01:34:41,159 --> 01:34:42,990
You can have "Sophia"
or any of the others.
1940
01:34:43,027 --> 01:34:44,654
What "Sophia"?
1941
01:34:44,696 --> 01:34:47,164
That Italian number
you were so crazy about.
1942
01:34:47,198 --> 01:34:48,324
Oh, that.
1943
01:34:48,366 --> 01:34:50,163
I don't think we should
talk business now.
1944
01:34:50,201 --> 01:34:52,431
I can see you two have different
things on your minds.
1945
01:34:52,470 --> 01:34:53,835
So we'll discuss it
some other time.
1946
01:34:53,872 --> 01:34:55,100
Like when?
1947
01:34:55,139 --> 01:34:57,164
Oh, the next time
I come through town...
1948
01:34:57,208 --> 01:34:59,108
on my way from Vegas...
1949
01:34:59,143 --> 01:35:01,976
if there's a detour
and if my car breaks down.
1950
01:35:02,013 --> 01:35:03,002
Fair enough.
1951
01:35:03,047 --> 01:35:04,742
I don't think
that's fair at all.
1952
01:35:04,782 --> 01:35:06,613
Bye.
1953
01:35:06,651 --> 01:35:08,482
Hold it.
1954
01:35:11,656 --> 01:35:14,523
Orville, you better run along...
1955
01:35:14,559 --> 01:35:18,120
'cause it's not fair
to yourself or to your team.
1956
01:35:18,162 --> 01:35:19,629
My team?
1957
01:35:19,664 --> 01:35:21,962
Why, Barney and everybody.
1958
01:35:22,967 --> 01:35:25,629
You don't want
to let them down, do you?
1959
01:35:25,670 --> 01:35:27,661
I guess I shouldn't.
1960
01:35:28,673 --> 01:35:33,167
Oh, uh, you better put this on.
It gets chilly later.
1961
01:35:35,179 --> 01:35:37,147
She worries about me.
1962
01:35:37,181 --> 01:35:40,014
That's what a wife is for.
1963
01:35:41,686 --> 01:35:43,677
Will you be
all right, darling?
1964
01:35:43,721 --> 01:35:44,688
Well, of course she will.
1965
01:35:44,722 --> 01:35:46,952
I'll help her with the dishes
and everything.
1966
01:35:46,991 --> 01:35:50,222
After all, we don't want her
to have ants in the morning.
1967
01:35:53,698 --> 01:35:56,428
Are you sure you want
to be alone with this guy?
1968
01:35:56,467 --> 01:35:59,868
Look, mister, I got a job
to do, and you're in the way.
1969
01:36:01,940 --> 01:36:03,430
Good-bye, darling.
1970
01:36:13,950 --> 01:36:15,417
Come on.
1971
01:36:15,451 --> 01:36:17,442
Come on!
1972
01:36:21,958 --> 01:36:22,925
What took you so long?
1973
01:36:22,959 --> 01:36:25,621
I thought I'd have to
come in and drag you out.
1974
01:36:27,964 --> 01:36:29,932
I've been doing some thinking.
1975
01:36:29,966 --> 01:36:31,024
Now, before he
records that song...
1976
01:36:31,067 --> 01:36:33,297
his lawyers are gonna
send us a contract...
1977
01:36:33,336 --> 01:36:35,429
standard royalties,
a set a copy...
1978
01:36:35,471 --> 01:36:36,938
but we hold out...
1979
01:36:36,973 --> 01:36:38,099
because if we can get
another of our songs...
1980
01:36:38,140 --> 01:36:41,234
on the other side of the record,
that doubles our royalties.
1981
01:36:41,277 --> 01:36:43,939
Why let somebody else
cash in on our hit?
1982
01:36:43,980 --> 01:36:47,074
And if it's a big hit,
maybe he'll do the whole album.
1983
01:36:47,116 --> 01:36:50,882
"Dino Sings Millsap
and Spooner."
1984
01:36:50,920 --> 01:36:52,945
All right. So it's
Spooner and Millsap.
1985
01:36:52,989 --> 01:36:55,924
Who cares so long as it sells
a million copies?
1986
01:36:55,958 --> 01:36:57,448
Then we get a gold record.
1987
01:36:57,493 --> 01:36:59,324
Maybe we win a Grammy award.
1988
01:36:59,362 --> 01:37:01,296
Then come the personal
appearances...
1989
01:37:01,330 --> 01:37:02,729
Ed Sullivan!
1990
01:37:02,765 --> 01:37:04,995
Policemen are holding
the crowds back.
1991
01:37:05,034 --> 01:37:06,365
Ooh! Ooh!
1992
01:37:06,402 --> 01:37:07,562
They're throwing
jellybeans at us.
1993
01:37:07,603 --> 01:37:09,730
He's got a hell of a nerve.
1994
01:37:09,772 --> 01:37:10,739
Huh?
1995
01:37:10,773 --> 01:37:13,606
Does he really think
he can buy my wife for a song?
1996
01:37:13,642 --> 01:37:15,007
What wife? What are you
talking about?
1997
01:37:15,044 --> 01:37:16,011
She's not your wife.
1998
01:37:16,045 --> 01:37:19,242
Him and his rat pack,
they think they own the earth...
1999
01:37:19,281 --> 01:37:22,079
riding around in their white
chariots raping and looting...
2000
01:37:22,118 --> 01:37:23,949
and wearing cuffs
on their sleeves.
2001
01:37:23,986 --> 01:37:25,214
Orville, pull yourself together.
2002
01:37:25,254 --> 01:37:27,245
To them, we're just
a bunch of squares...
2003
01:37:27,289 --> 01:37:28,551
straight men, civilians!
2004
01:37:28,591 --> 01:37:30,081
Any time they want
to move in...
2005
01:37:30,126 --> 01:37:31,923
we're supposed to
run up the white flag...
2006
01:37:31,961 --> 01:37:35,453
hand over our homes
and our wives and our liquor!
2007
01:37:36,632 --> 01:37:38,930
Oh, no, you don't!
2008
01:37:38,968 --> 01:37:40,959
Orville!
2009
01:38:05,795 --> 01:38:07,353
Forget something?
2010
01:38:07,396 --> 01:38:10,024
So you're helping
my wife with the dishes?
2011
01:38:10,066 --> 01:38:13,558
Ha! Who's washing, and who's
drying?
2012
01:38:13,602 --> 01:38:17,060
One thing I can't stand
is a sneaky husband.
2013
01:38:17,106 --> 01:38:19,074
Big Hollywood hotshot.
2014
01:38:19,108 --> 01:38:21,668
You think you can walk
in here and snap your fingers...
2015
01:38:21,710 --> 01:38:24,144
and I'll serve my wife
to you on a silver platter...
2016
01:38:24,180 --> 01:38:26,341
with an apple in her mouth.
2017
01:38:26,382 --> 01:38:27,679
Get out of here.
2018
01:38:27,716 --> 01:38:30,150
Orville, please!
2019
01:38:30,186 --> 01:38:31,915
He doesn't mean it.
2020
01:38:31,954 --> 01:38:33,717
You heard me.
2021
01:38:33,756 --> 01:38:36,224
O-u-t.
2022
01:38:36,258 --> 01:38:37,225
Out!
2023
01:38:37,259 --> 01:38:38,487
Take it easy. E-a-z-y.
2024
01:38:38,527 --> 01:38:40,995
Get out of here,
or I'll throw you out.
2025
01:38:41,030 --> 01:38:42,998
I'm going to count to five.
2026
01:38:43,032 --> 01:38:45,057
One, two...
2027
01:38:45,101 --> 01:38:46,966
What happened
to western hospitality?
2028
01:38:47,002 --> 01:38:48,060
Four...
2029
01:38:48,104 --> 01:38:49,594
five.
2030
01:38:53,609 --> 01:38:55,270
Orville!
2031
01:38:57,279 --> 01:38:59,770
Stop it, both of you!
2032
01:39:10,993 --> 01:39:13,689
Are you all right? Don't
mind him.
2033
01:39:13,729 --> 01:39:15,629
He gets these fits
once in a while.
2034
01:39:15,664 --> 01:39:17,825
He just goes crazy and starts
attacking people...
2035
01:39:17,867 --> 01:39:19,698
milkmen and dentists
and pupils and...
2036
01:39:19,735 --> 01:39:20,702
Oh.
2037
01:39:20,736 --> 01:39:23,204
Are you hurt?
Is anything broken?
2038
01:39:23,239 --> 01:39:24,706
No. I'm OK...
2039
01:39:24,740 --> 01:39:28,232
but I'm gonna have
such a headache tomorrow.
2040
01:39:32,181 --> 01:39:35,673
If you want action, buddy,
go to the Belly Button...
2041
01:39:35,718 --> 01:39:38,949
but don't try to muscle in on a
happy home.
2042
01:39:45,261 --> 01:39:46,728
Is my car ready?
2043
01:39:46,762 --> 01:39:47,888
Just about.
2044
01:39:47,930 --> 01:39:49,591
Look. This isn't
going to make...
2045
01:39:49,632 --> 01:39:51,259
any difference about the
song, is it?
2046
01:39:51,300 --> 01:39:53,325
I mean, you still like it?
2047
01:39:53,369 --> 01:39:54,336
Where is that place?
2048
01:39:54,370 --> 01:39:55,337
What place?
2049
01:39:55,371 --> 01:39:57,839
The Belly Button.
2050
01:40:01,710 --> 01:40:03,177
The swine.
2051
01:40:03,212 --> 01:40:05,203
I fixed him good.
2052
01:40:07,216 --> 01:40:08,683
Big idiot.
2053
01:40:08,717 --> 01:40:10,685
I'll say he is.
2054
01:40:10,719 --> 01:40:12,983
I mean you.
2055
01:40:13,022 --> 01:40:15,718
You fixed yourself good.
2056
01:40:15,758 --> 01:40:17,191
You had everything
going for you...
2057
01:40:17,226 --> 01:40:18,557
and you went and loused it up.
2058
01:40:18,594 --> 01:40:19,686
Why?
2059
01:40:19,728 --> 01:40:22,424
I didn't want him to think
you were a pushover.
2060
01:40:22,464 --> 01:40:24,398
What difference does it make?
2061
01:40:24,433 --> 01:40:27,197
One man more or less
in my life.
2062
01:40:29,438 --> 01:40:31,963
I'm Polly the Pistol, remember?
2063
01:40:32,007 --> 01:40:35,101
I come highly recommended
by the bartender.
2064
01:40:35,144 --> 01:40:38,204
Well, I'm not the bartender,
and you're not Polly...
2065
01:40:38,247 --> 01:40:39,475
not tonight.
2066
01:40:40,015 --> 01:40:43,951
Tonight, we're Mr. And Mrs.
Orville J. Spooner.
2067
01:40:51,727 --> 01:40:53,251
Look at this mess.
2068
01:40:57,666 --> 01:40:59,099
What does the "j"
stand for?
2069
01:40:59,134 --> 01:41:00,123
James?
2070
01:41:01,103 --> 01:41:02,695
No.
2071
01:41:04,206 --> 01:41:05,673
Joseph?
2072
01:41:05,707 --> 01:41:07,197
Uh-uh.
2073
01:41:08,710 --> 01:41:10,200
Jasper?
2074
01:41:12,047 --> 01:41:13,537
Jeremiah.
2075
01:41:14,716 --> 01:41:17,412
I'm sorry I asked.
2076
01:41:29,097 --> 01:41:30,894
Don't throw that away.
2077
01:41:30,932 --> 01:41:33,196
There may be a deposit on it.
2078
01:41:33,235 --> 01:41:34,725
All right, dear.
2079
01:42:01,196 --> 01:42:03,790
Cold getting worse?
2080
01:42:03,832 --> 01:42:05,925
It's not my cold.
2081
01:42:10,205 --> 01:42:13,174
It's been a long day,
hasn't it?
2082
01:42:13,208 --> 01:42:14,698
Yes, dear.
2083
01:42:29,224 --> 01:42:31,317
Coming, Mrs. Spooner?
2084
01:43:27,215 --> 01:43:30,150
Hey, pal. Those gorgeous
cocktail waitresses...
2085
01:43:30,185 --> 01:43:31,311
I heard so much about...
2086
01:43:31,353 --> 01:43:32,320
Yes, sir?
2087
01:43:32,354 --> 01:43:33,321
Where are they?
2088
01:43:33,355 --> 01:43:34,686
This is it.
2089
01:43:34,723 --> 01:43:35,690
You must be kidding.
2090
01:43:35,724 --> 01:43:37,589
I've seen better navels on
oranges.
2091
01:43:37,626 --> 01:43:39,218
Take that redhead over there.
2092
01:43:39,261 --> 01:43:41,195
She was runner-up
to Miss Nevada.
2093
01:43:41,229 --> 01:43:43,493
What year? Come on, pal.
2094
01:43:43,531 --> 01:43:45,192
Where do you keep
the real stuff?
2095
01:43:45,233 --> 01:43:48,066
The most popular one
around here is Polly the Pistol.
2096
01:43:48,103 --> 01:43:49,365
Polly the Pistol?
2097
01:43:49,404 --> 01:43:51,372
You can't go wrong with her.
2098
01:43:51,406 --> 01:43:53,374
Fastest draw in the west.
2099
01:43:53,408 --> 01:43:55,876
Now you're talking.
Where is she?
2100
01:43:55,911 --> 01:43:57,776
Must be her night off.
2101
01:43:57,812 --> 01:43:58,972
Oh, that's too bad...
2102
01:43:59,014 --> 01:44:01,448
because I'd sure like
to shoot it out with her.
2103
01:44:01,483 --> 01:44:03,041
Why don't you
try the trailer?
2104
01:44:03,084 --> 01:44:05,314
That's where she lives,
right behind the place.
2105
01:44:05,353 --> 01:44:06,320
Which way?
2106
01:44:06,354 --> 01:44:07,651
That-a-way.
2107
01:44:07,689 --> 01:44:08,656
That way?
2108
01:44:08,690 --> 01:44:11,158
Well, if I'm not back by
morning...
2109
01:44:11,192 --> 01:44:12,557
you send a posse
out after me.
2110
01:44:35,717 --> 01:44:36,706
Bang!
2111
01:44:45,560 --> 01:44:47,050
Open up!
2112
01:44:49,030 --> 01:44:50,224
I know you're in there.
2113
01:44:52,200 --> 01:44:56,102
We got the place surrounded,
and I'm coming in to get you.
2114
01:44:57,105 --> 01:44:59,972
Who is it?
2115
01:45:00,008 --> 01:45:02,602
The Lone Ranger.
2116
01:45:04,679 --> 01:45:06,146
What do you want?
2117
01:45:06,181 --> 01:45:07,910
I told you. I'm lone.
2118
01:45:07,949 --> 01:45:10,144
I'm so lone like you
wouldn't believe.
2119
01:45:10,185 --> 01:45:12,278
Go away!
2120
01:45:12,320 --> 01:45:15,653
That's no way
to treat a customer.
2121
01:45:15,690 --> 01:45:17,749
Where do you keep your glasses?
2122
01:45:22,731 --> 01:45:28,192
Are you going to get out,
or do I have to call for help?
2123
01:45:28,236 --> 01:45:32,104
From what I hear, you don't
need any help, Polly baby.
2124
01:45:35,209 --> 01:45:36,767
You're...
2125
01:45:36,810 --> 01:45:37,777
you're Dino.
2126
01:45:37,811 --> 01:45:39,904
No names, please.
2127
01:45:39,947 --> 01:45:42,347
I thought I saw you
driving through town.
2128
01:45:42,383 --> 01:45:44,351
I didn't make it.
My car broke down.
2129
01:45:44,385 --> 01:45:46,853
They put me up
with some piano teacher.
2130
01:45:46,887 --> 01:45:49,321
Piano... Orville Spooner?
2131
01:45:49,356 --> 01:45:51,256
That's the joker.
2132
01:45:53,727 --> 01:45:55,718
What an evening.
2133
01:45:55,763 --> 01:45:56,821
What happened?
2134
01:45:56,864 --> 01:45:59,196
Ah, these amateurs, what they
won't do to sell a song.
2135
01:45:59,233 --> 01:46:00,791
He kept throwing his wife at me.
2136
01:46:00,834 --> 01:46:01,823
His wife?
2137
01:46:01,869 --> 01:46:03,632
Yeah. Get the scene?
2138
01:46:03,670 --> 01:46:04,796
I'm beginning to.
2139
01:46:04,838 --> 01:46:06,897
Not a bad-looking dame,
if you like home cooking...
2140
01:46:06,940 --> 01:46:08,601
but me, I like to eat out...
2141
01:46:08,642 --> 01:46:10,473
you know, Chinese one night...
2142
01:46:10,511 --> 01:46:12,240
a little French cuisine
another...
2143
01:46:12,279 --> 01:46:15,214
and a little delicatessen
in between.
2144
01:46:15,249 --> 01:46:16,876
Drink up, baby.
2145
01:46:18,618 --> 01:46:20,609
What song did he play you?
2146
01:46:20,654 --> 01:46:22,781
"Sophia"?
2147
01:46:22,822 --> 01:46:24,255
How did you know?
2148
01:46:24,291 --> 01:46:26,122
Did you like it?
2149
01:46:26,159 --> 01:46:27,717
I need another Italian song...
2150
01:46:27,761 --> 01:46:29,991
like a giraffe needs
a strep throat.
2151
01:46:31,865 --> 01:46:34,265
Well, I think Orville has a
lot of talent.
2152
01:46:34,301 --> 01:46:36,064
You know him?
2153
01:46:37,070 --> 01:46:38,935
See him almost every night.
2154
01:46:38,972 --> 01:46:40,405
He's one of my regulars.
2155
01:46:42,275 --> 01:46:45,301
That mousy little guy
with the Beethoven on his chest?
2156
01:46:45,345 --> 01:46:47,711
No. He's a real swinger.
2157
01:46:48,715 --> 01:46:51,047
What do you think
you're doing?
2158
01:46:52,052 --> 01:46:53,076
Guess.
2159
01:46:56,356 --> 01:46:58,881
No coaching from the audience.
2160
01:46:59,893 --> 01:47:04,091
Look. You don't understand.
This is my night off.
2161
01:47:05,498 --> 01:47:07,398
Well, it's my night on,
Polly, baby...
2162
01:47:07,434 --> 01:47:11,097
and if you're worried
about money, I tip large.
2163
01:47:18,745 --> 01:47:23,307
Anyway, in my opinion,
you're all wrong for it.
2164
01:47:23,350 --> 01:47:26,342
I'm all wrong for what?
2165
01:47:26,386 --> 01:47:27,512
That song.
2166
01:47:27,554 --> 01:47:28,612
I told Orville
he should send it...
2167
01:47:28,655 --> 01:47:30,282
to Bobby Darin or Elvis.
2168
01:47:30,323 --> 01:47:31,551
Elvis who?
2169
01:47:31,591 --> 01:47:33,559
I suppose you never
heard of the Beatles, either.
2170
01:47:33,593 --> 01:47:36,528
Oh, sure, and I can sing better
than all three of them.
2171
01:47:36,563 --> 01:47:37,621
There are four of them.
2172
01:47:37,664 --> 01:47:38,722
Oh, haven't you heard?
2173
01:47:38,765 --> 01:47:40,232
One of them got his hair
caught in his guitar...
2174
01:47:40,266 --> 01:47:41,699
and was electrocuted.
2175
01:47:41,735 --> 01:47:43,396
You can make jokes about
them...
2176
01:47:43,436 --> 01:47:45,336
but they're young
and they're popular...
2177
01:47:45,372 --> 01:47:46,896
while you...
2178
01:47:46,940 --> 01:47:48,805
What about me?
2179
01:47:48,842 --> 01:47:51,106
Let's face it.
You're over the hill.
2180
01:47:51,144 --> 01:47:53,237
Sure do know how
to hurt a fella.
2181
01:47:53,279 --> 01:47:54,837
I'm sorry,
but can you imagine...
2182
01:47:54,881 --> 01:47:56,872
what Jack Jones
could do with that song?
2183
01:47:56,916 --> 01:47:58,042
What?
2184
01:47:58,084 --> 01:48:00,882
Listen to me, Sophia
2185
01:48:00,920 --> 01:48:02,353
Have you any idea
2186
01:48:02,389 --> 01:48:03,356
Now look, lady.
2187
01:48:03,390 --> 01:48:04,414
You may have heard
a lot of singers...
2188
01:48:04,457 --> 01:48:07,517
but you ain't heard nothing sung
till you heard me sung it.
2189
01:48:07,560 --> 01:48:10,688
Oh, listen to me, Sophia
2190
01:48:10,730 --> 01:48:13,699
Have you any idea
2191
01:48:13,733 --> 01:48:17,692
How much you mean to me-a?
2192
01:48:17,737 --> 01:48:22,401
How much, you'll never know
2193
01:48:22,442 --> 01:48:24,171
Then, of course,
there's Robert Goulet.
2194
01:48:24,210 --> 01:48:27,145
If I'm all agitato
2195
01:48:27,180 --> 01:48:29,978
Every heartstring vibrato
2196
01:48:30,016 --> 01:48:33,918
Every kiss passionato
2197
01:48:33,953 --> 01:48:35,284
And Eddie Fisher.
2198
01:48:35,321 --> 01:48:38,654
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2199
01:48:38,692 --> 01:48:42,389
Sweet Sophia, be mine
2200
01:49:26,773 --> 01:49:29,640
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2201
01:49:30,643 --> 01:49:33,168
Sweet Sophia, be mine
2202
01:49:53,566 --> 01:49:55,033
Dino!
2203
01:49:55,068 --> 01:49:58,504
Hey, Dino! Dino!
2204
01:49:58,538 --> 01:50:00,028
Dino!
2205
01:50:30,003 --> 01:50:33,996
Well, good-bye, Mr. Spooner.
2206
01:50:36,009 --> 01:50:37,977
What's the matter?
2207
01:50:38,011 --> 01:50:39,979
I'm contemplating.
2208
01:50:40,013 --> 01:50:41,480
Contemplating what?
2209
01:50:41,514 --> 01:50:42,981
Suicide.
2210
01:50:43,016 --> 01:50:44,984
What are you talking about?
2211
01:50:45,018 --> 01:50:46,485
Look at me...
2212
01:50:46,519 --> 01:50:49,977
yesterday, a solid citizen,
a blood donor...
2213
01:50:50,023 --> 01:50:55,984
a signer of petitions,
and today, the way of all flesh.
2214
01:50:56,029 --> 01:51:02,059
Nonsense. You spent the night
with Mrs. Spooner, remember?
2215
01:51:02,101 --> 01:51:03,466
Yeah.
2216
01:51:04,470 --> 01:51:05,960
That's right.
2217
01:51:07,974 --> 01:51:09,407
Here you are.
2218
01:51:09,442 --> 01:51:10,932
What's that?
2219
01:51:10,977 --> 01:51:12,103
It's your pay.
2220
01:51:12,145 --> 01:51:15,046
You know, the deal
we made? Twenty-five dollars?
2221
01:51:15,081 --> 01:51:18,448
You wouldn't pay
your wife, would you?
2222
01:51:18,484 --> 01:51:20,679
But you need the money if
you're saving up for that car.
2223
01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:21,687
What car?
2224
01:51:21,721 --> 01:51:23,348
I gave up on that
a long time ago.
2225
01:51:23,389 --> 01:51:25,254
I'll never get out of this town.
2226
01:51:25,291 --> 01:51:26,588
Don't say that.
2227
01:51:26,626 --> 01:51:28,116
Oh, you don't have to worry.
2228
01:51:28,161 --> 01:51:30,493
If we ever
run into each other...
2229
01:51:30,530 --> 01:51:33,465
I'll pretend
I never even met you.
2230
01:51:33,499 --> 01:51:34,989
Thanks.
2231
01:51:36,502 --> 01:51:38,493
Nice to have met you.
2232
01:51:40,006 --> 01:51:43,464
I wish there were something
I could do for you.
2233
01:51:43,509 --> 01:51:45,477
You've done a lot.
2234
01:51:45,511 --> 01:51:49,777
For instance,
you cured me of my cold.
2235
01:51:49,816 --> 01:51:51,181
Bye.
2236
01:52:13,473 --> 01:52:16,806
You're just in time.
I'm making coffee.
2237
01:52:17,911 --> 01:52:19,538
Would you like some?
2238
01:52:20,747 --> 01:52:22,442
Don't look so surprised.
2239
01:52:22,482 --> 01:52:25,212
You took my place last night,
so I took yours.
2240
01:52:25,251 --> 01:52:27,014
It's that simple.
2241
01:52:29,322 --> 01:52:30,789
Oh, then you must be Mrs...
2242
01:52:30,823 --> 01:52:32,120
That's right.
2243
01:52:32,158 --> 01:52:33,819
Where do you keep the cups?
2244
01:52:39,265 --> 01:52:43,292
Look. Whatever your husband did,
he did it for you.
2245
01:52:43,336 --> 01:52:46,328
Whatever I did,
I did it for him.
2246
01:52:48,841 --> 01:52:51,002
I've never stayed
in a trailer before.
2247
01:52:51,044 --> 01:52:53,103
It's really quite cozy.
2248
01:52:53,146 --> 01:52:56,707
I liked your house,
especially that big kitchen.
2249
01:52:56,749 --> 01:52:58,307
I made waffles this morning.
2250
01:52:58,351 --> 01:53:00,285
I'll bet there was no syrup.
2251
01:53:00,320 --> 01:53:02,811
I opened up a jar
of your preserves.
2252
01:53:02,855 --> 01:53:07,258
You know, it was sort of fun
being a wife for a night.
2253
01:53:07,293 --> 01:53:08,760
And for one night...
2254
01:53:08,795 --> 01:53:11,764
it was fun being
Polly the Pistol.
2255
01:53:11,798 --> 01:53:13,891
Oh.
2256
01:53:13,933 --> 01:53:15,798
This belongs to you.
2257
01:53:15,835 --> 01:53:16,824
Me?
2258
01:53:18,805 --> 01:53:20,432
Five hundred dollars?
2259
01:53:20,473 --> 01:53:22,771
Large spender from out of town.
2260
01:53:22,809 --> 01:53:25,300
Why don't I ever meet
anybody like that?
2261
01:53:25,345 --> 01:53:26,437
I think you did...
2262
01:53:26,479 --> 01:53:27,878
but you were married at the
time.
2263
01:53:27,914 --> 01:53:31,816
You really want
to give this to me?
2264
01:53:31,851 --> 01:53:34,820
I'll swap you
for that ring.
2265
01:53:34,854 --> 01:53:39,814
Oh, sorry. I forgot.
2266
01:53:39,859 --> 01:53:41,793
And if you should
find a loose navel...
2267
01:53:41,828 --> 01:53:44,592
floating around the house,
it's mine.
2268
01:53:44,630 --> 01:53:46,996
I'm not going back home.
2269
01:53:47,033 --> 01:53:48,227
You're not?
2270
01:53:48,267 --> 01:53:49,825
I'm moving in with my folks.
2271
01:53:51,437 --> 01:53:52,961
Maybe I shouldn't butt in...
2272
01:53:53,006 --> 01:53:55,531
but I think you're
making a mistake.
2273
01:53:55,575 --> 01:54:00,512
If I were you... and I was...
I wouldn't leave Orville.
2274
01:54:00,546 --> 01:54:04,744
A woman without a man is like
a trailer without a car.
2275
01:54:04,784 --> 01:54:06,251
You ain't going nowhere.
2276
01:54:06,285 --> 01:54:10,517
So when you find a good guy,
you should stick to him.
2277
01:54:10,556 --> 01:54:14,424
I deal with married men
all the time, the heels.
2278
01:54:14,460 --> 01:54:17,918
Believe me, you got
a wonderful husband.
2279
01:54:17,964 --> 01:54:21,263
I know that, but he'll be
an even better husband...
2280
01:54:21,300 --> 01:54:22,460
when I get through with him.
2281
01:54:26,806 --> 01:54:29,673
What was that
about a loose navel?
2282
01:55:12,418 --> 01:55:14,147
- Hi there, Mr. Spooner.
- Hi.
2283
01:55:14,186 --> 01:55:15,210
Mrs. Spooner around?
2284
01:55:15,254 --> 01:55:16,744
- Why?
- I was just wondering.
2285
01:55:16,789 --> 01:55:18,586
For the last three days,
she hasn't ordered anything...
2286
01:55:18,624 --> 01:55:20,421
no milk, no butter, no eggs.
2287
01:55:20,459 --> 01:55:23,053
Well, we've been eating out.
2288
01:55:23,095 --> 01:55:24,619
I... I mean,
she's been eating out.
2289
01:55:24,664 --> 01:55:25,653
As a matter of fact...
2290
01:55:25,698 --> 01:55:26,722
she's been living out
with her parents...
2291
01:55:26,766 --> 01:55:28,597
but it's only temporary.
2292
01:55:28,634 --> 01:55:30,499
Just a little
misunderstanding.
2293
01:55:30,536 --> 01:55:32,629
You know how it is
with married...
2294
01:55:33,673 --> 01:55:35,538
none of your damn business!
2295
01:56:41,340 --> 01:56:42,967
Oh, it's you.
2296
01:56:43,008 --> 01:56:45,135
Didn't I tell you
to stay away from here?
2297
01:56:45,177 --> 01:56:47,077
Wait a minute, Orville.
I've got a message for you.
2298
01:56:47,113 --> 01:56:48,842
Big genius.
2299
01:56:48,881 --> 01:56:50,371
"We're going to be rich,"
you said.
2300
01:56:50,416 --> 01:56:52,407
"Just get rid of your wife
for one night."
2301
01:56:52,451 --> 01:56:54,681
Well, I got rid of her,
all right. Permanently!
2302
01:56:54,720 --> 01:56:55,687
She doesn't want to see me.
2303
01:56:55,721 --> 01:56:56,847
She doesn't want to talk to me.
2304
01:56:56,889 --> 01:56:58,117
That's what I'm trying
to tell you.
2305
01:56:58,157 --> 01:56:59,715
I've got a message from Zelda.
2306
01:56:59,759 --> 01:57:02,785
You fat, miserable,
no-good slob!
2307
01:57:02,828 --> 01:57:04,056
Get lost!
2308
01:57:08,667 --> 01:57:09,895
What message?
2309
01:57:09,935 --> 01:57:11,562
So I'm a fat slob, huh?
2310
01:57:11,604 --> 01:57:12,901
Well, come on. Come on.
2311
01:57:12,938 --> 01:57:14,496
I just talked to Zelda.
2312
01:57:14,540 --> 01:57:15,632
She wants to see you.
2313
01:57:15,674 --> 01:57:17,107
- She does?
- Uh-huh.
2314
01:57:17,143 --> 01:57:18,838
Oh, you beautiful man!
2315
01:57:18,878 --> 01:57:20,140
Where? When?
2316
01:57:20,179 --> 01:57:22,739
8:00 tonight at her lawyer's.
2317
01:57:22,782 --> 01:57:23,749
Her lawyer?
2318
01:57:23,783 --> 01:57:25,182
Charlie Green.
You know, upstairs...
2319
01:57:25,217 --> 01:57:26,946
over Pringle's hardware store.
2320
01:57:26,986 --> 01:57:27,953
Why?
2321
01:57:27,987 --> 01:57:30,012
Why do you think? Divorce.
2322
01:57:30,055 --> 01:57:31,283
Divorce?
2323
01:57:31,323 --> 01:57:33,257
Oh, Barney, this is crazy.
I love her.
2324
01:57:33,292 --> 01:57:34,452
I know...
2325
01:57:34,493 --> 01:57:37,690
but that's the way she wants it.
2326
01:57:37,730 --> 01:57:40,699
Why don't you just bring me
a five-gallon can of gasoline...
2327
01:57:40,733 --> 01:57:41,700
and a match?
2328
01:57:41,734 --> 01:57:43,065
That's no way to talk...
2329
01:57:43,102 --> 01:57:44,592
because I'm gonna
be there, too...
2330
01:57:44,637 --> 01:57:46,070
as a witness.
2331
01:57:46,105 --> 01:57:48,300
Oh, good.
2332
01:57:48,340 --> 01:57:50,205
Then you can swear
how it was all your idea...
2333
01:57:50,242 --> 01:57:51,470
that you put me up to it.
2334
01:57:51,510 --> 01:57:53,137
You don't understand, Orville.
2335
01:57:53,179 --> 01:57:56,114
I'm going to be
a witness for her.
2336
01:57:56,148 --> 01:57:57,274
For her?
2337
01:57:57,316 --> 01:58:00,683
The way you treated
that poor girl.
2338
01:58:00,719 --> 01:58:03,711
You shouldn't
have done it, Orville.
2339
01:58:03,756 --> 01:58:05,519
I shouldn't?
2340
01:58:05,558 --> 01:58:09,050
Why, you fat, miserable slob.
2341
01:58:09,094 --> 01:58:12,257
See you at the lawyer's
at 8:00 sharp.
2342
01:58:43,262 --> 01:58:45,890
Zelda, before we go up there,
I've got to talk to you.
2343
01:58:45,931 --> 01:58:47,592
I warn you, you're not
to make any statements...
2344
01:58:47,633 --> 01:58:49,362
except in the presence
of your lawyer.
2345
01:58:49,401 --> 01:58:50,800
You shut up!
2346
01:58:50,836 --> 01:58:52,861
The way I treated you
was unforgivable...
2347
01:58:52,905 --> 01:58:53,963
but if you'll forgive me...
2348
01:58:54,006 --> 01:58:55,701
everything will be
different from now on.
2349
01:58:55,741 --> 01:58:56,935
There will be
no more jealousy...
2350
01:58:56,976 --> 01:58:59,604
no more suspicion,
no more cross-examining.
2351
01:58:59,645 --> 01:59:01,112
And your eyes are not pink.
2352
01:59:01,146 --> 01:59:02,977
Too little and too late.
2353
01:59:03,015 --> 01:59:05,245
We've drawn up a temporary
property settlement.
2354
01:59:05,284 --> 01:59:06,512
You get the piano...
2355
01:59:06,552 --> 01:59:08,986
the pictures of Beethoven,
and the classical records.
2356
01:59:09,021 --> 01:59:12,548
She gets the popular records,
the bed, and the love seat.
2357
01:59:12,591 --> 01:59:14,058
Let's go.
2358
01:59:14,093 --> 01:59:16,527
Zelda, remember
five years ago...
2359
01:59:16,562 --> 01:59:18,553
when we exchanged
wedding rings...
2360
01:59:18,597 --> 01:59:22,590
we promised for richer,
poorer, better, worse?
2361
01:59:22,635 --> 01:59:24,034
Where is your ring?
2362
01:59:24,069 --> 01:59:26,594
My ring? Oh, yeah.
2363
01:59:26,639 --> 01:59:28,903
You want to know where it is?
2364
01:59:28,941 --> 01:59:29,908
It's in the shower.
2365
01:59:29,942 --> 01:59:31,409
Slipped off,
went down the drain.
2366
01:59:31,443 --> 01:59:33,604
You see, I've lost a lot
of weight since you left.
2367
01:59:35,414 --> 01:59:36,574
What's that song
they're playing?
2368
01:59:36,615 --> 01:59:37,843
Stick to the subject...
2369
01:59:37,883 --> 01:59:39,214
the case of the missing ring.
2370
01:59:39,251 --> 01:59:40,809
Don't worry, Zelda.
I'll get it back.
2371
01:59:40,853 --> 01:59:43,344
Maybe with a string
and a piece of chewing gum...
2372
01:59:43,389 --> 01:59:46,187
or better yet,
we'll... we'll call a plumber.
2373
01:59:50,129 --> 01:59:53,257
Either that's "Sophia,"
or somebody stole it from us.
2374
01:59:53,299 --> 01:59:55,358
And now, the star of our show...
2375
01:59:55,401 --> 01:59:57,892
direct from a successful
appearance at the bar...
2376
01:59:57,937 --> 01:59:59,131
Dino.
2377
01:59:59,171 --> 02:00:00,638
Dino?
2378
02:00:03,475 --> 02:00:06,808
Listen to me, Sophia
2379
02:00:08,013 --> 02:00:10,743
Have you any idea
2380
02:00:12,084 --> 02:00:16,145
How much you mean to me-a?
2381
02:00:16,188 --> 02:00:19,419
How much, you'll never know
2382
02:00:20,826 --> 02:00:23,920
If I'm all agitato
2383
02:00:25,030 --> 02:00:28,591
Every heartstring vibrato
2384
02:00:28,634 --> 02:00:29,828
I don't understand it.
2385
02:00:29,868 --> 02:00:31,529
Why would he sing our song
after what I did to him?
2386
02:00:31,570 --> 02:00:33,094
I guess the bigger they are...
2387
02:00:33,138 --> 02:00:34,605
the nicer they are.
2388
02:00:34,640 --> 02:00:36,972
Who but you made me so?
2389
02:00:37,009 --> 02:00:39,170
Look at it.
It's on all twelve sets!
2390
02:00:39,211 --> 02:00:41,008
Twelve sets, my eye.
2391
02:00:41,046 --> 02:00:43,207
Thirty million people
are watching this show.
2392
02:00:43,248 --> 02:00:46,149
A Nielsen rating of 21.7.
2393
02:00:46,185 --> 02:00:47,914
Did you hear that, darling? Do
you know what this means?
2394
02:00:47,953 --> 02:00:49,011
Sure.
2395
02:00:49,054 --> 02:00:50,715
I'll have Charlie Green
ask for more alimony.
2396
02:00:50,756 --> 02:00:52,656
- Zelda!
- Shh.
2397
02:00:52,691 --> 02:00:54,556
I can't hear my words.
2398
02:00:54,593 --> 02:00:58,996
Or from earth I resign
2399
02:00:59,031 --> 02:01:03,593
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2400
02:01:09,908 --> 02:01:12,172
Thank you. Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
2401
02:01:12,211 --> 02:01:14,543
Now, isn't it a gas, that song?
2402
02:01:14,580 --> 02:01:15,740
Found it myself...
2403
02:01:15,781 --> 02:01:17,908
and there's an interesting
story behind it.
2404
02:01:17,950 --> 02:01:20,043
I was on my way
back from Vegas...
2405
02:01:20,085 --> 02:01:23,248
and I stopped in a place
called Climax, Nevada.
2406
02:01:23,288 --> 02:01:24,585
Lovely little town...
2407
02:01:24,623 --> 02:01:27,114
and I heard one
of the natives humming a tune...
2408
02:01:27,159 --> 02:01:30,754
and as I drove away,
that melody kept haunting me...
2409
02:01:30,796 --> 02:01:31,785
you know...
2410
02:01:31,830 --> 02:01:34,560
so I turned around
and went back...
2411
02:01:34,600 --> 02:01:36,932
and there were these
two amateur songwriters...
2412
02:01:36,969 --> 02:01:39,938
Miller and Spoonsap,
uh, Moonsap and Spiller.
2413
02:01:39,972 --> 02:01:42,065
Millsap and Spooner.
2414
02:01:42,107 --> 02:01:43,972
Spooner and Millsap.
2415
02:01:44,009 --> 02:01:45,135
Well, anyway...
2416
02:01:45,177 --> 02:01:47,645
I stayed up all night
listening to their songs...
2417
02:01:47,679 --> 02:01:49,146
and tonight,
you're hearing one of them...
2418
02:01:49,181 --> 02:01:50,148
for the first time...
2419
02:01:50,182 --> 02:01:51,206
which just goes to prove...
2420
02:01:51,250 --> 02:01:53,081
that if you've got
what it takes...
2421
02:01:53,118 --> 02:01:56,383
sooner or later, somebody
will take what you've got...
2422
02:01:56,422 --> 02:01:57,787
baby.
2423
02:01:57,823 --> 02:02:01,384
Listen to me, Sophia
2424
02:02:02,428 --> 02:02:04,726
Have you any idea
2425
02:02:05,831 --> 02:02:07,355
Can we have your autographs?
2426
02:02:07,399 --> 02:02:08,957
This way, please.
2427
02:02:10,869 --> 02:02:12,598
How much, you'll never know
2428
02:02:12,638 --> 02:02:16,404
Imagine, just this morning,
he was checking my mother's oil.
2429
02:02:16,442 --> 02:02:18,467
I bet you're going to make,
like, a million dollars.
2430
02:02:18,510 --> 02:02:21,638
Who cares? In our bracket,
the government gets most of it.
2431
02:02:21,680 --> 02:02:23,307
Will you sign this for me?
2432
02:02:24,817 --> 02:02:26,580
Can't we try again, lambchop?
2433
02:02:26,618 --> 02:02:27,744
How would it look
when Barney and I...
2434
02:02:27,786 --> 02:02:28,844
are on "The Ed Sullivan Show"...
2435
02:02:28,887 --> 02:02:30,354
and he wants you
to stand up and take a bow...
2436
02:02:30,389 --> 02:02:32,084
and you're not in the audience?
2437
02:02:32,124 --> 02:02:33,887
You can always get someone to
take my place.
2438
02:02:33,926 --> 02:02:35,018
Who'll know the difference?
2439
02:02:35,060 --> 02:02:36,994
Yeah.
2440
02:02:37,029 --> 02:02:38,155
What do you mean?
2441
02:02:38,197 --> 02:02:39,562
Will you sign this for me?
2442
02:02:39,598 --> 02:02:40,690
- Me, too.
- Here.
2443
02:02:40,732 --> 02:02:41,756
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
2444
02:02:49,475 --> 02:02:51,841
Listen to me, Sophia
2445
02:02:51,877 --> 02:02:53,401
He's no Valentino
2446
02:02:53,445 --> 02:02:55,743
Have you any idea
2447
02:02:55,781 --> 02:02:57,146
But there's no one we know
2448
02:02:57,182 --> 02:02:59,946
How much you mean to me-a?
2449
02:02:59,985 --> 02:03:01,145
Who can love like Dino
2450
02:03:01,186 --> 02:03:03,780
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2451
02:03:05,324 --> 02:03:07,792
All the others were so-so
2452
02:03:07,826 --> 02:03:09,316
Skinny like a pony
2453
02:03:09,361 --> 02:03:11,852
Not a one amoroso
2454
02:03:11,897 --> 02:03:13,364
Thin as macaroni
2455
02:03:13,398 --> 02:03:16,390
But with you, I'm aglow
2456
02:03:16,435 --> 02:03:17,902
Bang, bang.
2457
02:03:17,936 --> 02:03:20,700
Only you I adore
2458
02:03:21,707 --> 02:03:26,110
She's sweeter than spumoni
2459
02:03:26,145 --> 02:03:27,942
She's a manicurist I met.
2460
02:03:27,980 --> 02:03:29,948
I had my nails done
while you were gone.
2461
02:03:29,982 --> 02:03:31,916
- I'm not asking any questions.
- That's right.
2462
02:03:31,950 --> 02:03:33,508
There's going to be
no more questions.
2463
02:03:33,552 --> 02:03:35,417
Here. You'd better put this on.
2464
02:03:35,454 --> 02:03:36,944
My ring.
2465
02:03:36,989 --> 02:03:38,479
When our hearts intertwine
2466
02:03:38,524 --> 02:03:39,491
Where did you get it?
2467
02:03:39,525 --> 02:03:40,890
No questions, remember?
2468
02:03:40,926 --> 02:03:42,689
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2469
02:03:42,728 --> 02:03:44,218
I must be going out of my mind.
2470
02:03:44,263 --> 02:03:46,288
I can't figure out any of this.
2471
02:03:46,331 --> 02:03:47,855
Any of what?
2472
02:03:47,900 --> 02:03:51,427
I mean, the ring and the song
and the car and Dino.
2473
02:03:51,470 --> 02:03:53,370
How would you?
2474
02:03:53,405 --> 02:03:54,394
When did she?
2475
02:03:54,439 --> 02:03:55,838
Why would he?
2476
02:03:57,242 --> 02:03:59,142
Kiss me, stupid.
2477
02:04:01,113 --> 02:04:10,283
Oh, Sophia, be mine
171017
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