All language subtitles for Snow-Valley_2024_English-ELSUBTITLE.COM-ST_72655716

Dude, Dell fucking Evans
is gonna ride our new board

at the Freestyle competition
at Breck this weekend.

Pre-orders are gonna
go through the roof.

Can we confirm with his rep

that he'll post it on the Gram?

Uh, Dell is my boy.

This is friendship,
not business.

Of course he knows what's up.

Nicely done, bro.

And that little snafu
with the bindings?

Uh, factory corrected
and pressure tested last week.

We're salary.
Yes!

Looks like you're in

for some powder paradise
this weekend, man.

It's gonna be so epic.
Catch you on the flip.

Aight.

Congratulations.

You played
such a big part in this.

I'm sorry, but I did nothing.

No, you've been everything.

When everyone thought
I was crazy

to design my own board,

you were there, here...

with me.

And I know you've been
swamped with your own shit,

but not once did I feel alone,

so I'm just...

So happy?
Yeah.

So am I.

What?

I would just love to see
the look on my professor's face

if I called
my dissertation paper

"my own shit."

Oh, ha-ha.

Hey, come here.

No more work.

This weekend's about us. Okay?

You good?

Of course. Why?

It's just you've been doing
your stare out the window thing

for a while now.

I'm just excited to get away
with you this weekend.

Feels like we've both been
in an endless work bubble.

Yeah, me too.

So beautiful.

- Heath, what is this?
- We're here.

- Your parents' ski cabin?
- Yeah.

Um, flows off the tongue

better than
16 bedroom ski chalet

that...

we have all
to ourselves this weekend.

Not bad, huh?

In the summer we can take
the boat out in the lake.

I'm sorry if I seem overwhelmed.

I just was not expecting this.

Yeah. Most people aren't.

Forgive me if this is rude,
but I've met your parents...

And they're not
pretentious assholes like me?

Exactly.

Come on. It's just a house.

Ah, mi casa es tu casa.

Come on. I'll give you the tour.

Strong bones...

keeps us afloat.

Chairs, if sitting's your thing.

I personally am
a standup guy myself.

If forced to sit,
I like to do it by the fire.

Family dinner time.

My personal favorite...

the couch.

Very impressive, Mr. Jacobson.

But I'm gonna need some time
to look over the fine print.

I have the contracts
here already to sign.

Come here, babe.

I can't even imagine the parties
you had here growing up.

You have no idea.

I have a few.

So what should we do first?

I have a few ideas
in that department, too.

But I'm afraid if we get started
on those ideas,

we won't get any ski runs in.

Oh, we have time
to get over to the mountain

before it closes?

Come here.
This is the best part.

We can ski on, right from here?

Not to the main mountain,

but that's a private run
just for us,

for the other residents
in the development.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna
call down and make sure

they keep the lift open

and have to check in
with the office real quick.

Why don't you go
pick out a room for us?

Upstairs?

Wherever you want. Explore.

But I think
you'll find the master bedroom

overlooking the valley
doesn't suck that bad.

I'll meet you downstairs
in a bit.

Boo!
Sorry. You scared me.

Yeah, my dad nerds out hard
on all this shit.

What is all this?

Oh, mining antiquities
he collects.

The old nut
loves the Americana of it all.

I think it makes him feel
more blue-collar or something.

Oh, yeah?

And how's that
working out for him?

Hey, I think pretty well.
You said so yourself.

Why mining?

Well, Snow Valley's
an old mining town.

This whole area
is built on the old tunnels.

They went bust at
the turn of the century

and this area got developed
into a ski town.

You think they skied?

You kidding me?

This dude
was the first Olympic champ

sponsored by Atomic.

Speaking of, shall we?

Honestly, I don't know
why it was so cold

in that Roller Rink that night,

but when I bent over,

it was like a... a winter storm
system shot up my ass.

I'm telling you,

when you leaned
over the tire skates,

the sound your pants made
when they ripped

was etched in my mind forever.

Hey, at least
I saved the course.

That you did.

The look on some
of those kids' faces

as your left butt cheek
hung out as you skated

was so funny.

The cost of business
of going commando

and ain't always pretty.

What about me?

What did you think?

I mean, obviously, you thought

I was the most beautiful woman
you'd ever seen.

But when I skated up to you
for the first time

and introduced myself.

Honestly?

Honestly.

Well, I know I'm supposed to say
something funny or cute, but...

I was in love with you

from the moment
I set eyes on you.

And actually, in that moment,
I... I was pissed at myself

for being such a showboat

because I thought
you'd think I was a clown.

Oh, well, rest assured,
I still very much think that.

But...

Who's here?

Go have a look.

Special delivery.

Oh, um, Heath, it's...

One second.
I don't have my wallet on me.

- It's on the house.
- Oh.

Thank you.

- Have a nice night.
- You too.

- Wait, how...
- Surprise.

How did you...

Ah, I've made some moves

with the pizza place in town.

Now you might not count
the night we shared a slice

with my ass hanging out
of my jeans our first date

but I do.

You are too much.

Heath, I've been so swamped
in my paper I haven't even...

Hey.

Happy anniversary.

- Oh, my God. I love you.
- I love you, too.

And on top of this being
our first anniversary...

I not only wanna celebrate that,

but kickstart another.

- Heath. Stop.
- Open it.

It was my grandmother's.

Now I... I'm not gonna try
and top the pizza

from the Roller Rink
with anything too clever

because I'm just gonna
sound like a cheese stick.

Come here.

I fucking love you.

And this has been
the best year of my life.

And actually,

there's a really bad storm
coming in tomorrow,

so if you say no,

it could get awkward between us
if we're stuck here.

I can't lie.

I liked the sound
of Laura Jacobson better

than Laura Pell
the first night I met you.

So I guess the answer's yes.

Come here.

Are you here to save me?

Are you here to save me?

Hmm.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Show me the fucking rock, bitch.

Ew.

Seriously, show me the ring.

It's his grandmother's,
you douchebag.

I'm kidding!

I know. I love it.

And I love how traditional
and romantic he is.

Shut up, Kiko.
You know you live for the bling.

You're right.
But for you, I love it.

Did he tell you what he did?

Oh, my God! It was so adorable.

He came to see me
and asked for my permission

just like he would've done
if mom and dad were still alive.

Okay. What is wrong?

Nothing is wrong.

You have that Laura look.

Everyone and their looks I have.

Can I not just have
a resting facial expression

without people
demanding an explanation?

No.

I'm your sister. What's up?

You should just see this place.

Uh, bitch,
I better see it a lot.

It's just their ski house

and it's like a mansion.

And you're complaining?

Is it weird that I didn't know
his family was this wealthy?

Of course not!

It means he's classy.

And you might be
the first woman in history

to be bugging
because her husband is loaded.

Well, I'm not saying I'm mad
and I get it.

I just didn't know.

- You always do this.
- What?

You talk yourself off a ledge
whenever you're happy.

I am so not on a ledge.

Well, then this isn't me
talking you off of one then.

You work and study so hard.

And the one night
that I convince you

to come out and get laid,

you bag a unicorn

because you fucking deserve it.

You are the best,
most caring person I know.

But this is
your much wiser older sister

telling you that everything
is fine and then some.

And that I'll always be
jealous of you

because everything
about you is perfect

because that's what
you put out in the universe.

- Thanks, Oprah.
- Fuck you.

Fuck you too.

Laura?

I'll call you later.
Someone's at the door.

Okay. Bye.

Heath?

One sec. I'm coming.

Um, can I help you?

It's you.

Excuse me?

How rude of me. I...

I was looking for Heath.

But now I'm reminded.

He did tell me he was
having guests this weekend.

Oh, it's just me.
I'm the only guest.

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm Ellen.
I work for the Jacobsons.

Oh.
Apologies.

You must think
I'm quite the fool.

But you see,

I stepped out for some groceries

and I left my keys in my room.

Oh, you're...
You're staying here?

I live here, darling.

You were here last night?

No, I slept outside.

Of course I was here.
Where else would I have been?

Not to worry, I won't
interrupt your little love nest.

You'll likely
never see me again.

Dude, that's sick.

All right, my brother,
I'll hit you up manana.

Dell posted on his socials

about riding my board tomorrow

and pre-orders
are already rolling in.

Did you ever think
life could be this dope?

What?

Um...

I just met Ellen.

Oh, don't worry about her.
She's just the help.

Been with us for years.

"Just the help." Got it.

Forgive me, I didn't grow up
in a 16-bedroom ski chalet.

Neither did I.

This is just
where I come skiing sometimes.

- Come on, let's...
- No, this isn't okay,

because I didn't know
someone else was here last night

and we weren't exactly
being discreet out here.

And even if we were,
it might've been kinda nice

to know someone else
was at the house.

Wait, sorry.
That totally came out wrong.

I... I'm just excited and...

Sorry,
I didn't think to say anything

because I called and told her
to take the weekend off.

And... and she said she had
plans to go see her sister.

Now clearly that did not happen.

But Ellen has her own
apartment above the garage

with its own entrance
and everything.

And I'm gonna go
tear her a new one

for coming in through
that front door.

No, I... I'm sorry.
She forgot her keys.

I was just caught off guard.
That's all.

You certainly don't need
to tear her a new one.

I was kidding about the new one
and the tearing of it.

Yeah, I know you were.

But I think she made our bed.

So maybe you could tell her
she doesn't have to do that.

No, I think I did.

I've seen you make a bed, Heath.
She definitely did.

She's a housekeeper.
It's in her DNA.

I'm just gonna send her a text
to tell her that she, uh...

Oh, she beat me to it.

She, uh, profusely apologizes.

She said she was gonna go
to her sister's this weekend,

but with this storm coming,

she's going to stay put
and hunker down.

- Heath, I'm sorry.
- Don't be.

I should have said something.

- I'm just happy and excited.
- So am I.

And even more so
because I have an entire weekend

of the best skiing in the world

with the best fiancée
in the world.

Should we invite Ellen?

Yeah, Ellen's more of a sledder.

Come on,
let's go hit the slopes.

Aw, that's sweet.

John and Sarah
sent us a cute note.

Oh, they're the best.

I recognize that guy.

Don't worry about him.
Works for the development.

I keep telling him
the driveway is heated.

Hey, pal. Uh, we're good.

The driveway is heated,
but... but thanks.

Storm's coming in.

Uh, yeah, we heard.

The driveway is heated,

like I've said
about five times now.

- What the fuck!
- Storm's coming in!

Yeah, we got the memo, fucktard!
And get off my property.

I'm telling you,
I recognize those guys.

Yeah, so do I.
They work for the development.

Nice guys usually.
Probably just...

I'm fucking crying today.

No, they're...

What?

Laura, wait!

What?

Laura.

What's your deal?

I swear I thought
those guys were from the photo.

Sorry. I...

- I'm crazy.
- No, it's fine.

It's probably just the altitude.

- It messes with me too.
- It must be.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't be. Are you kidding?

Come on.

You know what you need?
The hot tub.

- Yes.
- Let's go.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

Thought I'd, uh, invite
a few friends to help celebrate.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, girl,
I knew this day was coming.

I've been manifesting
so hard for you and Heath.

Thank you so much.

So happy you guys could make it.

- Congrats, my dude.
- Thanks, B.

Interesting, you wanna
walk me through the pieces?

Oh, yeah. Issey Miyake.

Get on the level, bro.

If you say so.
Best man right here.

- Brannon, so great to see you.
- Oh, likewise, my lady.

Miracle we've made it
with Crash Bandicoot driving.

Yeah, once we made it
through the storm

it was fine,
but it was on our tails.

They think access
to the mountain's

gonna be shut down
by nine tonight.

You know what that means?

- Unfortunately, I do.
- Hmm.

- Powder paradise.
- Powder paradise.

They're such tools.
Let me see it.

Are you so happy?
So much.

And I'm so happy
you guys are here.

Now I know why you wanted
to get so much food.

Oh, sushi chef Laura is gonna
light it the fuck up tonight.

You're putting her
to work in the kitchen

on her engagement weekend?

Um, no,
I'm putting all of you to work

because I'm teaching you all
how to make sushi.

- Fun.
- Oh, dude.

You know Dell Evans?

Not, uh, personally. No.

He's riding
my new board tomorrow

at the freestyle competition
at Breckenridge.

Look at that. Oh, yeah.

Guys, can we not bring
business vibes into this?

I think we're here to celebrate.

Sure thing, boss.

- I'll get glasses.
- I'll roll with.

And then we will all
roll with to the hot tub.

Oh, my God.

How amazing is this place?

Still trying
to wrap my mind around it.

So much abundance...

and a lot of room
for kids to run around.

Don't worry, G.

My toast is gonna murder
at the wedding.

But, uh, tonight let's just
get our motherfucking drink on.

Okay?
So to the best couple I know.

Soon to be the best
married couple I know.

New moon blessings.

What?

Everything okay?
Yeah. What's up?

- Tastes fine.
- I wish it was the Champers.

Whatever it is,
Brannon, you can tell us.

What?

Yeah, I mean, come on.
We're in a jacuzzi, dog.

We've got powder days
in the forecast

and enough sushi
to feed an army.

I mean,
what could possibly be wrong?

Ed knows about this weekend.

And Ed being Ed,

he's, um, on his way
here right now.

What?
Why didn't you tell me this?

I just found out, I just got
a text when we were driving up.

Of course, like I can't think

and drive
at the same time, right.

That's not what I meant.

I just know
how you feel about Ed

and the storm was really bad

and I didn't want you to
crash the car and kill us both.

Wait, what?

- Who's Ed?
- I haven't told you about Ed?

Uh, no.

Uh, my mom
tells his mom everything

and somehow he found out.

Well, if it's a friend of yours,
I'm sure we can...

Like you said,
we have plenty of food.

Food is not the solution.

No, it is not.

What's his deal?

Nobody really knows,
to be honest.

He comes from
a perfectly good family.

My money is, he got dropped
on the head as a baby

and then picked up

and then dropped
on his head again.

And then again.

His brother
did say something once

about his temporal lobe,
whatever that is.

- It's part of his brain.
- Right.

Uh, Ed doesn't
really have a normal, uh...

Operating system.

That's why he just
assumes he's invited.

Well, the dude has a...

His heart is strangely
in the right place, I will say.

What place is that?

I... I don't know, he does, like,

disaster relief
and shit like that.

I don't know.
The Sean Penn shit.

Sean Penn shit.

Will Ed be invited
to the wedding?

Our families are close.

It's one of those bridges

we would have
to cross sooner or later.

Yeah.

Is he bringing
a girlfriend or wife?

- Doubtful.
- Boyfriend?

I actually think
he banged a ladyboy in Thailand.

Oh. Woo. Dude. Ed gets girls.

Fucks them on bathroom sinks

like he did with
the caterer at our wedding

while my grandmother
was still using the toilet,

like, terrified.

Dude killed it on
the dance floor that night.

Oh, yes he did. I remember that.

Are you guys serious right now?

Hey,
you're the manifestation coach.

Why don't you just will it away?

Wait, you're what?

A new project I'm working on

that Brannon
doesn't take seriously.

Babe, I gave you
the seed funding

to get your app started,
I was making a joke.

Thank you
for letting the whole world know

that I can't do
anything without your help.

Guys!

Guys, it's my weekend.

I mean, it's our weekend.

But we're here to ski,
eat, drink, and have fun.

If Ed is what you say he is...

we'll drink more.

We're gonna need heroin.

Yeah, like a lot of it.

So once you put
your rice and fish in,

you just sort of
wet the seaweed like this.

Then you roll it,
push it down...

roll it again...

and voilà.

Voilà.

Guys.

This storm is getting bad.

They just, uh,
closed the highway.

Maybe Ed will have to turn back.

Who's gonna have to turn back?

Heathcliff?

Edward.

Where the fuck is everybody?

I thought this was
supposed to be a party.

Just us, Ed.

B-man.

I wasn't expecting to see you.

Likewise.

Yeah, that storm
is no fucking joke, though.

Thank God airport security

didn't find
my little baby blow bullet.

This shit was my North Star
throughout that storm.

Pun intendo.

Ed, just...

spectacular outfit as always.

- Hey, look good?
- Feel good.

- Yes, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, my brother.

Cut these threads
at the Salt Lake City airport.

Pick some chump's pocket while
we were deboarding the plane.

I'm sorry,
but who the fuck stands up

as soon as the plane lands?

Um, do I fucking know you?

Oh, I fucking know you.

You motherfucker!

Come here.
Gimme hug. Gimme hug.

No, don't give me hug.
Don't give me...

Fuck you.

Where's this
honey of yours, huh?

Oh, my days.

Well done, doggy. Well done.

Laura,
it's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm Anna, Brannon's wife.

We've met.

Yeah, right.
Right. My bad. My bad.

4th of July.

Our wedding. Yeah.

Right.

Right.

How's your grandma?

She has some
great memories with you.

She's still taking a shit?

You still
fucking girls on sinks?

It's still
more sanitary than floors.

- It's really good to see you.
- Likewise.

Ed. I'm Laura.

- I've heard so much about you.
- Oh.

Oh, now you...

you are a keeper.

Oh, yes, beautiful

and intelligent.

So lovely to meet you.

Ooh, what are y'all making?

That is revolting.

So I guess we can't interest you
in "Make your own sushi" night.

Not unless Nobu Matsuhisa
is the instructor, love.

Hey.

Yeah, I'm gonna need
some room for prep.

I brought meats for days.

You brought meats for days,
like, on a plane?

Well, you can put human remains

in a checked bag these days.

They're only looking for bombs.

And cocaine,
right through security.

Cocaine. Hello, cocaine.

Oh, speaking of...

the bachelor party's
all handled.

Yeah.

Me and Mitch
locked down a guest house

at one of Pablo Escobar's

old ranches
just outside of Medellín.

Yeah, I guess you just
tip these handlers

a few Colombian pesos,
they can get you anything

from a live panther
to a traffic team...

Sorry to break up this
riveting guys weekend chit-chat.

But doesn't the best man
usually handle that?

I didn't make the plans
because I'm some basic groomsman

with nothing better
to do with his life.

Oh, my God!

Seriously, you need
to go on Lexapro again.

He has a fucking gun!

Dude, what the fuck?

What? I'm in Utah.

I can open carry
as long as it's not loaded.

You're in Snow Valley, Ed, you
didn't need to come strapped.

Hey, this is not
the time in American history

to be Second Amendment
shaming anyone, Heath.

Okay, copy that.

But, uh,
why did you feel the need

to bring, like, a gat to,

you know, a nice safe house?

Why don't you tell us
what you love most

about the United States
Constitution?

And then I'll go. Ready?

No, not ready.
This... this is a ski weekend.

We're not discussing
our favorite amendments.

Ed, I love you, but the gun
is going in the safe.

I wanna leave.

You're not gonna get
anywhere on those roads

without a snowcat, honey.

Well, then we'll ski to a hotel.

- Come on.
- No, no relax. We're not going.

Oh, my lord. Bless this house.

If I'd have known I'd be here
with all these snowflakes

I would've
concealed carry my. 38.

- Fine. Fine.
- Hey, hey. Come on.

Fine!

I put it in the fucking safe.

Fucking pussies.

Lead the way.

Wow.

Why do you have a safe?

Cash in hand
in case anyone gets kidnapped.

Who knows in these times?

These times.

Where you're worried
about getting kidnapped,

and I get shamed
for packing a little heat.

Ed, it's going in the safe.

Hand it over.

And the clips.

Really cooking my grits, Heath.

And the holster.

I want no memory of this.

Well, good luck forgetting me.

I'm unforgettable.

Yeah.

I'm unforgettable, bitch.

So, it's called a sip and see.

You know, you sip champagne

and everyone meets
my sister's baby.

Aw!

I think my favorite thing
about crypto

is I literally just made 58K
in the last 20 seconds.

Bon appétit.

I gotta hand it to you, Ed.

This looks and smells amazing.

Just a heads up,
javelina's a gamey swine.

You hunted this?

Shot it rummaging
through the trash

in my dumpster.

Oh, but be careful.

I wasn't able to find the slug.

Baby bites.

Dumpster pig. Hmm.

First time for everything.

Tell me about yourself.

You don't look like
one of Heath's

normal
trust fund digger bitches.

I appreciate your honesty,

but the jury's still out
on cutting a living.

I'm a graduate student.
Oh.

- Getting my doctorate.
- Oh! See?

Didn't I tell you
I could tell she was smart?

Oh, yeah, how's your...

You're working on some
crazy research paper, right?

I'm sorry, Anna.

We were talking.

And where I'm from,
when people are talking,

you don't interrupt them.

Oh, yeah? Where's that Ed? Hell?

Let's dial back
the hostility, please.

- Are you kidding me?
- I'm so sorry about her.

As you were.

So, I study
abnormal child psychology.

Wow.

That must come in handy
living with Heath.

Fuck you.

Oh, um, uh,
her paper just got published.

Ooh, that is tight.

Can I get it on Audible?

No, and you wouldn't want to.

It's a scholarly paper.

Mostly circulates
with professors and students.

Try me. I love books.

Romance, thriller, cottage core.

You name it, I have read it.

You know, it has got
some elements of a mystery.

What is it?

I study extrasensory perception
in case studies of children

with extreme
developmental disabilities.

Damn.

Sounds trippy.

Believe me, I know.
It's a lot to chew on.

Extrasensory like psychic?

To put it plainly, yes.

Especially in extreme cases
of autism and schizophrenia,

the subjects I study are able
to read symbols on cards

without even seeing them.

Telepathic communication
isn't uncommon.

And their ability
to create images

of people they've never even met

that we've linked
to actual people...

it's pretty wild.

It's like The Shining?

Kind of. Yeah.

It's still pretty fringe,

and I'm not going on Joe Rogan
anytime soon, but...

Wait, this is
what your paper's about?

I fucking love Rogan.

I've told you this
like a hundred times.

Are you kidding?

Can they see dead people?

All the time.

You should have your patients
come to this place.

- Has he told you about it?
- Here we go.

Dude, we do not need
to go there.

Go where?
Nothing.

Just the old mining history
I was telling you about.

Oh, then he definitely
hasn't told you.

Well, this weekend
is just full of surprises.

Ed, come on.

We're here to celebrate
our engagement.

If he hasn't told you,

then you definitely
don't wanna Google

"Snow Valley..."

"insane asylum."

Please don't.

- I don't have my phone on me.
- Oh, my God.

You know, you... you...
You could've listened

to the part
where he's politely asked you

to not Google this.

This is so fucked up.
What?

An old mine shaft
that they used as, like,

a makeshift sanitarium
for the mentally ill.

There was an explosion,
and they all burned to death.

Yeah. Great dinner talk.

Anything's better
than listening to Ed.

Look, it was a long time ago.

People did
a lot of fucked up shit.

Fortunately, the state of Utah

Department of Mental Health
and Science

has come a long way since then.

Yeah, but that story is true.

And that nuthouse

was a part
of the East McGovern shaft

that ran right beneath our feet.

Our buddy Clay...

heard some...

screams and shit
down in the basement...

when we were in high school.

Cries that could only be...

tortured souls of the...

mentally ill patients
that were incinerated...

while trapped.

Burned to death...

right beneath this house.

All right, dude, we... we get it.

Do you though?

Most horrific part...

they all could have been saved.

All the other miners
were rescued

and from much deeper tunnels.

- They purposely let them burn.
- Hmm.

That kinda energy
never rests peacefully.

How could anyone just dump
their kids in a mineshaft?

It happens more than you think.

I mean, not in mineshafts,

but we've supervised cases

of mentally ill kids
being abandoned all the time.

If it feeds your intrigue,

I thought I heard
something strange last night.

The altitude.
We talked about this.

Uh, the anniversary
of the explosion is...

tonight.

Tonight. January 14th.

- Did you know this?
- Of course, I didn't.

And even if I did, why...

why would it matter?

Don't you remember how batshit
everyone started acting

the last time we partied here
on the anniversary?

Everyone was on shrooms.

Even still,
I thought it was grim

you picked the anniversary
of the incineration

to have your engagement weekend,
but it was a surprise, so...

A surprise
that you weren't invited to.

Not invited?

Not invited.
Anna.

No one else wants
to stand up to you.

You weren't invited.

Is this true?

Yeah, it's true.

Heath.

Ed...
Was I not invited?

You're always welcome.

You know that.

But, I mean, yeah,

this was supposed to be
a couples' weekend.

I...

I would've brought a date
had I known, but...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm...

I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna go.

Dude, you're not driving
in this weather.

I don't care
how much cocaine you brought.

No, I'm just gonna turn in.

Great.

Leave us to clean up
your pig slaughter.

Don't worry about that.
Ellen will do it tomorrow.

Seriously?

I'm just gonna go to bed.

Ed, wait, come on.

We're gonna finish
this amazing dinner

and then go have a tournament
on the golf simulator.

You all go play.

I won't be able to focus
on my game.

I know when I'm not wanted.

Clearly, you don't.

You've gotta stop.

Ow, Brannon!
You're hurting my arm.

I'm sorry, but this is bad.

What do you mean?

When he gets emotional like this
about not feeling wanted,

it... it's third-grade
birthday shit,

but it's his kryptonite.

Hence why he would always
just assume he's invited.

I should have said
something earlier

but bad things can happen.

And why'd you have to be
so harsh?

We're... we're talking about
an uninvited guest

who brought a gun
to a ski weekend.

Yeah, I... I know. I know that.

But he's here,
and you just made it worse.

Okay. How bad are we talking?

Bad. Yeah.
Bad.

You have to apologize, Anna.

To keep the vibe good.

- When was it good?
- Level.

Look, it'll mean a lot
if you do.

We've seen this before.

An apology goes a long way
with Ed.

Fine.

In the interest of "the vibe,"

I will go apologize
to your psychotic friend.

Golf simulator. Now.

Put me down for birdie.

Put you down for bogey.

Put me down for hole-in-one.

I'm telling you, dude,
she could be on the tour.

Tour-shmour.

Here's $8,000 in golf lessons
for free.

Fuck!

That better be a call
from the Pope.

Even better.

Dell Evans.

Deli boy,
qué pasa mi primo amigo?

No bueno amigo.

Uh, what do you mean
"no bueno," mi amigo?

- What happened?
- Like I said, no bueno.

All right,
stop speaking Spanish.

- What the fuck happened?
- Heath!

So you can't ride
my board tomorrow.

I can't ride any board

for like six months years.

I just called
'cause you're my bro,

and I think
there's something wrong

- with the bindings.
- No, no, no, no.

Nothing's wrong
with the bindings.

The factory checked them
and gave them the thumbs up.

Something's clearly wrong
with your ability

to ride a snowboard.

You have any idea
how hard you just fucked me?

Whoa, dude. Chill.

Oh, no. Fuck you!

Fuck!

What is wrong with you?

This is so bad.

Yeah, for Dell.

- He can't walk.
- What about me, Laura?

This is the first thing
I've ever done

that anybody's ever taken me
seriously for.

You have any idea
how much I've put into this?

Well, of course, I do.

And I'm sure he does as well.

So, maybe if you just
took a sec,

you could call him back
and apologize.

No, you're right.
He does know.

I'm gonna go get my iPad

and make it
crystal fucking clear

that he needs to ride
my board tomorrow.

Did you not...

Heath?
What?

The mining ax
that was on the wall.

Yeah. That's weird.

Collecting axes
is definitely fucking weird.

It's missing.

And please don't tell me

it's the altitude
playing tricks on me.

No, you're right.

Don't worry,
this is just Ed messing with us.

Ed 101.
Oh, great.

The guy who brought the gun
now has an ax.

Where are they anyway?

Anna?

- Which room did Ed take?
- Did he take one?

- I didn't see.
- Me neither.

I haven't seen him
since he brought in the pig.

Okay. You guys go find them.

I'm gonna go get the iPad.

Oh, shit!

Wow. Great leadership.

That's not funny.

Ah, fuck! Ah!

You okay? What happened?

I don't know, it's like
someone just ran past

and whacked me
with a lacrosse stick.

It's probably
just a draft from the window.

It was not a draft.

But it probably was.

Come on.

There's some flashlights
and shit in the storage closet.

Let's go.

Fuck!

Ed, if you're playing games
this isn't funny.

Something tells me
that if Ed was playing a game,

it wouldn't be one
we would think is funny.

Quick study.

Did you hear that?

Um, no?

It was like
a little boy laughing.

Like I heard the other night.

It's just the wind, babe.

You really need to learn
to differentiate the two.

Let's just get upstairs
so I can get my iPad

and FaceTime with Dell.

Shouldn't we find Ed and Anna?

In theory, yes.

I just need to get
this binding issue

out of this stoner fuck's head
before he tells someone

with a brain that could sue me.

Heath, Jesus!

No, I... I'm sorry,
but this could be bad

for the both of us, okay?

Guys, it's gonna be fine.

If I get sued off
my first snowboard,

it's not gonna be fine.

Was that a gun?

Sure sounded like it.

I thought you locked it
in the safe.

I did,
but not every gun in existence.

Should we call the police?

I've got no bars.
Don't sweat it.

This is just Ed being Ed.

I'm starting to think
Ed belongs in jail.

That was Anna. Anna?

What are you gonna do
with that, Tiger?

Your golf bro
teach you how to spar too?

I have a black belt in aikido.

Anna?

Yes. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

Now clench the anus.

Squeeze. Ooh!

Feel that energy just blast up
the base of the spine...

- What the fuck!
- To your third eye.

Oh. A little privacy, please.

- Oh.
- What the fuck!

- What's your problem, Ace?
- What's my problem?

This isn't what it looks like.

Well, sure as fuck
doesn't look like an apology.

I'm doing you a solid, chief.

Anna's chakras
are all clogged up

from the negative aspects
of your relationship.

He's right, Brannon.
Our relationship has issues.

I know, baby. But this?

This is a powerful release,
B-man.

And until you learn
how to support this beautiful,

beautiful woman
in her manifestation

coaching business,

without it triggering your need
for belittlement

or control,

your relationship will remain
in stagnation, my friend.

But baby you... you hate Ed.

I mean, upstairs...

- How?
- I don't know.

We just... we connected.

I don't know how to explain it.

You know I walked in,
and there was sage burning,

and we started talking
about energy and...

I took you on five dates
before we slept together,

20 before we did any butt stuff.

A little sage
and some energy talk

and Ed's walking
through the back door?

No. No, no, no.

Brannon,
you have this all wrong.

Dude, there was
no meat-on-bun contact, bro.

I walked in on you
laid down doggy on my wife

telling her to clench her anus.

Dude, it's a breathing technique

to move the kundalini
up the spine.

Fucking what?

What the fuck
are you talking about?

If you took any interest
in my yoga practice, you'd know.

- But you don't.
- Case in point.

When you clench the muscles
around the genital,

sphincter, and sit bone.

Leave my wife's shit bone
outta this!

- Sit bone.
- The perineum, bro.

Okay?

It's where the serpent's coiled
at the base of the spine.

If you wanna continue
pleasing a woman like this,

you really need to study
on this stuff, champ.

I'll show you
where the serpent's coiled

you sick fuck!

And I'm done paying
for your yoga.

Is he okay?

Is he breathing?

- Yeah.
- Good.

He'll be fine.

He'll wake up
in about 20 minutes

in a state of calm,

much more open to receiving.

Hey, you have nothing
to be ashamed of, love.

- He'll understand.
- Ed, where is your gun?

What are you talking about?

You were not just firing
your gun?

During a healing?

I would never pervert
such a sacred act

with an instrument
of violence, Heath.

Did you bring another gun?

I'm on a ski trip.
Why would I need two guns?

Yep.

That was a Glock 19.
Same as mine.

It's a pretty popular pistol,

but my bet

is that someone
broke into your safe, Heath.

Could it be Ellen?

Ellen's not much
of a gunslinger.

Who is Ellen?

Oh, don't worry about Ellen.
She's just the help.

To overcome the beast
we must become the beast!

All right,
let's just get out of here.

- What about Brannon?
- What about him?

We can't just leave him here

with his head
dangling off the bed.

I got a bad back,
so unless Heath here

wants to hoist him
over his shoulder,

and carry him
out Vietnam casualty style,

we're just gonna
have to dump him, and run.

Okay, yeah.

We might be surrounded.

We gotta check
the safe for my piece.

You guys go ahead, I'm just
gonna stay here with Brannon.

I would've loved
to have finished our session.

I know we have
our issues, but...

as soon as I saw his reaction,

I knew that he really loved me.

So this is our journey now.

Well, if you ever
find yourself in Miami,

- don't be a stranger.
- Wrap it up, let's go.

Let's move out.

Who else has the combo?

Only my dad.

You saw that I locked it.

- I saw that you closed it.
- No, I definitely locked it.

Well, maybe
the individual who lit

this glorious roaring fire
could clue us in.

Guys, let's just get out.
Get to a neighbor.

So maybe someone has a phone,
we can call the police.

Fuck! Fucking Dad!

Ah! Ow!

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

Yeah, I definitely just heard
that little fucker too.

I'm telling you, I think
there's a little boy here.

And don't tell me it's the wind.

You're both crazy.

Are we though?

Okay, that was further away.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on.

I like this kid.

Damn. Come on, come on.

Get down. Get down.

Did you lock the door?

Of course I locked the door,

I'm being pursued by
a psychopath with a gun.

Oh, dope. Movie night.

It's the guys from the photo,
from the driveway.

Can't say I've seen that one.
Good flick?

Ellen,
what the fuck is going on?

Your brother has escaped.

What?

This doesn't concern you.

You just said
that someone escaped.

And you have a brother?

It's Ellen's runt she had
with my dad.

- It's not like a real brother.
- Oh, word,

I didn't know Big Mike
had a Schwarzenegger baby.

How could you let this happen?

He must have gotten out

when I went
to check the fuse box.

And where is it exactly
that you've been keeping him?

Laura, it's for his own good.
Don't overthink this.

No, Heath, I think underthinking

- has officially ended.
- He's a total train wreck, babe.

He hasn't spoken a word
since he was born.

He has violent tendencies and...

And might have a gun.
And I'm sorry, "train wreck"?

Look, I know you have
a soft spot for these types,

but I'm telling you,
this is different.

I work with kids like this.
How could you not tell me?

For this exact reason.
Because I knew you'd overreact.

And if any of this ever got out,

my dad's reputation
would be ruined.

Fuck your dad,
we need to help him

before he hurts himself
or one of us.

- Or both.
- Yes.

Finally, Ed, you've said
something I can get behind.

Oh, you can get behind my dad

locking me in a shed for a week
and feeding me dog food?

You see,
best not to meddle in affairs

that are none
of your fucking business!

I hear you loud and clear,

but right now,
a mentally disabled child

is loose in a house with a gun.

It's my fucking business.

Ellen, I study
abnormal child psychology.

What is his condition?

His condition

is in perfectly good hands
with his mother!

Mother knows best.

Brian?

Don't be afraid.

I'm sorry.

These people have upset you.

But your mother is here...

to make everything better.

- How could you?
- Ah!

Leave a loaded gun
out in the open.

Ah, I put it
in the safe, and locked it.

Nobody else has
the combination, Ellen.

Well, then.

Well, then what?

I believe those beneath...

may be having
a bit of fun with us.

Y'all really gotta
plan your ski weekends

around this one
from now on, buddy.

Shut up, Ed.

I think I heard him
the other night.

Are you here to save me?

Ellen, I know
this will sound crazy,

but I study this phenomenon,

and I think your son
was trying to contact me.

I can help you.
Oh, my God.

This is not the time
to start spinning your wheels

on your psychic retard theories.

We just gotta find this kid,
and get him back to his room.

Yeah.

It's all making sense now.

You've come here
to take my boy, haven't you?

What? Of course, not.
I just wanna help.

Ellen stop!

Laura, run!

Laura, chill.

We've gotta set her straight
before she gets away.

Ellen, you hurt my face.

Okay.

Oh, Laura.

Heath, where the fuck is she?

Ellen and I
just wanna talk to you.

Damn it!

Are you here to save me?

Are you here to save me?

Yes.

Yes. Brian?

If that's you...

I can hear you.

I can help you.

I can save you.

If you'll let me.

You can trust me, Brian.

I think you know that.

I heard you
the other night as well.

When you asked
if I was here to save you.

And I wasn't sure
what was happening.

But now I do.

And I believe
you have great powers.

Just please use them
to let me help you.

You don't have to hurt anyone.

Brian, I can hear you
if you speak to me.

Where are you?
And I'll come to you.

I'll help get you to a place
where people understand you.

And can help care for you.

Would you like
to come play with me in my room?

Yes, yes, Brian.

I'll meet you in your room.

I am coming in, Brian.

Please put the gun down.

And we'll leave here together.

Mama, no!

Brian.

You think she's gonna help you.

But she's only gonna
take you away from me.

I'm the only one...

who truly understands...

what's best for you.

Chin up, little man.

I got two on this bitch as well.

Hands up fuckstick.

Get down on your fucking knees.

You too, ax lady.

I thought you said
you only brought one gun.

I lied.

You always keep two in the coat.

You people are going away

for a very, very long time.

And you can give this
back to grandma.

Are you seriously
this emotionally invested

in this stupid puzzle?

Do you ever remember things
about our childhood?

I remember being children.

No, like, weird things
that you can't explain.

I don't remember
being able to explain

a lot of things as a kid
because I was a kid.

Forget it, I just...

I'm involved
in this study at school,

and ever since I started,

I've been having like, déjà vu,

and I can't tell

if I'm uncovering
repressed memories,

or I'm just convincing myself

that I'm experiencing
what I'm studying.

I don't mean
to freak you out, but...

do you ever remember
hearing Mom and Dad

talking to us after they died?

Or you and I communicating
without using words?

Okay, you need to catch
some dick harder than any woman

in the history of Friday night.

There's this guy, Heath,
that I'm dying for you to meet.

He's single,
and ready to mingle.

I know you wanted
to just get away,

and have a chill weekend,

but my girl is having
a Boogie Nights birthday bash

down at the roller skating rink
tonight, and you and I

are fucking going,
and that's final.

How's he doing?