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1
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,604
Okay, I got it.
Here we go.
2
00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:08,673
[Dick]
Sally! Harry!
3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,674
Sally!
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,808
I have
terrible news!
5
00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:12,310
Dick, get in the picture.
6
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:22,320
I didn't know our camera
had a self-timer.
7
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:25,257
What's a self-timer?
8
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,126
Oh, for God's sake,
never mind!
9
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,794
I have some
terrible news!
10
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,395
Liam was gonna
go through with his plan
11
00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,364
to turn Earth
into Planet Monkey World,
12
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,299
so I had to use
his own weapon
13
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,968
to turn him
into a chimp!
14
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:36,969
Oh, my God.
15
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:38,270
You chimpified Liam?
16
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,337
Yes!
17
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:40,639
But that's
not the worst part.
18
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:44,209
Mary saw me do it! She
witnessed something alien!
19
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,845
There is no good way
to explain what she saw.
20
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,247
Okay, okay.
21
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,449
Okay, damage control,
you guys.
22
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,718
We have to normalize
the situation.
23
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,286
But how?
24
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:59,624
What if we...
chimpify everyone in...
25
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,293
say, the Ukraine?
26
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:06,432
We tell Albright
that Liam is Ukrainian.
27
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,033
Yeah.
28
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,068
And it finally
caught up with him.
29
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,436
Yeah!
It's settled!
30
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:13,572
Tonight,
we fly to Kiev.
Wait, wait.
31
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,641
That's, like,
a 12-hour flight.
32
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:18,076
Yeah, and you have to
connect through Warsaw.
33
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,211
It's a bitch.
34
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,445
Mmm, yeah.
35
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,548
Once you get there,
you lost the whole day.
36
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,450
Ooh! I have
a better idea!
37
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:27,385
Why don't you
just deny it
38
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:29,687
and then act like
it never happened?
39
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,892
That's right. Deny.
40
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,193
Good idea.
41
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,129
And we have a kick-ass
Ukrainian Plan B.
42
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,633
♪♪ [rock 'n' roll]
43
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:19,938
Nina, please, I need
to talk to you in person.
44
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:23,408
I think there might be
something wrong with Dick.
45
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,778
I--I think I might be
in danger.
46
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,247
No, I have not been
watching old movies.
47
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,352
Yes, I have been drinking.
48
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,819
[knocking]
Oh, my God!
49
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,887
There's somebody
at the door!
50
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,355
Please stay on the line.
51
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,504
Dick! Hi!
52
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,939
How are ya?
Good to see ya!
53
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,340
Hello. How ya doin'?
Everything okay?
54
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,075
Yeah, yeah.
Mind if I come in?
55
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,410
No, no.
Why--why--
56
00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,411
Why would I?
57
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,113
Well, I guess
you shouldn't.
58
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:03,081
You are my girlfriend,
aren't you?
59
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,416
Sure am.
60
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,252
Have been for a long,
long time.
61
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,821
I've been good to you.
62
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,524
Mary, were you talki''
on the telephone?
63
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,160
No, no, no.
64
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,895
There's no dial tone.
65
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,697
H-Hello?
66
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,931
Nina!
67
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,833
No, e-everything's
fine here.
68
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,102
Yeah, like it
always is here.
69
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,403
Tell her, Mary.
70
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,305
Just like he says,
everything's fine.
71
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,842
Don't worry,
I'll take care of her.
72
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,813
So, I, uh...
73
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,681
I guess you were talking
on the phone, huh?
74
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,883
[stuttering]
T-To Nina.
75
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,819
Yeah.
[laughing]
76
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:41,886
Yeah.
77
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,288
I guess I forgot.
[laughing]
78
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,290
You forgot, huh?
[laughing]
79
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,228
Oh, well,
this sure has been
80
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,863
a normal day
for us, huh?
81
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,264
[laughing]
82
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:55,300
I'll see ya!
Yeah, bye!
83
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:56,301
I'll drive safely!
84
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,735
Yes, please!
85
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,705
[laughing]
86
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:02,240
Oh!
87
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:09,080
Oh, my God!
Look at this place!
88
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,048
Yeah, there must have
been a robbery here.
89
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:12,316
Oh, no.
90
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,418
I'm gonna go
with murder.
91
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,819
No way.
Robbery.
Murder.
92
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:15,820
Robbery.
Murder!
93
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:16,888
Robbery!
94
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,923
You know what?
Let's not argue about it.
95
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,093
Hopefully,
we're both right, okay?
96
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,360
Hey, Rico,
what's goin' on here?
97
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,362
There's been
a robbery.
98
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,497
Aw, damn!
Yeah!
99
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,199
Yeah, but don't worry.
We got the guy.
100
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:28,467
Cool. Is Don here?
101
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,935
No, he, uh,
took a sick day
102
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,136
to catch up
on his soaps.
103
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,604
Oh.
104
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,573
I'll take over
from here, Rico.
105
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:40,612
Name?
106
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,913
Sam.
107
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:44,382
Sam.
108
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,418
Was your boyfriend
one of the robbers, Sam?
109
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,420
I don't have a boyfriend.
110
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:51,523
Doesn't have
a boyfriend.
111
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:56,728
Pot Pies, Belly Stuffers,
Breakfast in Seconds...
112
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,697
Ah, here we are.
Pizza.
113
00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:04,268
Don?
114
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:05,470
What are you doing
in there?
115
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,006
[stuttering]
I'm i-inspecting. Yeah.
116
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,208
Uh, yep, these frozens
are up to code.
117
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,343
Good work, people!
118
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:13,812
Now, one last thing.
119
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,047
Tomorrow night,
you wanna go out on a date?
120
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,317
How 'bout 9?
121
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,186
Slow down there.
Let's try one.
122
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,188
See how it goes.
123
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:26,158
So, if you knew you were
gonna be on freezer duty,
124
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,426
why didn't you
dress for it?
125
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,895
Cold doesn't bother me.
126
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,396
Then why are you shaking?
127
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,865
Why am I shaking?
[sobbing]
128
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,668
I'm shaking because
there was a robbery.
129
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,636
There's no such thing
as freezer duty.
130
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,271
What?
131
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,241
I--I was hidin'
from the bad guy.
132
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:44,442
I'm a coward.
133
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,711
No.
134
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,781
That's why I joined
the force.
135
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,350
All those cops around,
I thought I'd feel safe.
136
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,759
Thanks for coming out
with me.
137
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,028
Purge your soul,
and let's flag down
a waitress.
138
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,063
I think there might be
something wrong with Dick.
139
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,669
I think I might be
in danger.
140
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:19,210
I think she's ready
for the talk.
141
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,280
We've always been
suspicious of Dr. Solomon.
142
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:25,350
Secretive about his past,
speaks many languages,
143
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,685
pretends not to
understand anything.
144
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,689
What are you saying?
He has another identity?
145
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,558
Yes. I think "stupid
college professor"
146
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,061
is just a front.
147
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,597
I think he's a stupid
international terrorist.
148
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,133
Face facts, Mary.
149
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,969
Dick Solomon fits
the classic profile
150
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,170
of a serial killer.
151
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,406
A serial killer?
152
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,776
Moody, high forehead.
153
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,478
Lives in an old lady's
attic.
154
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,948
Only one piece
of the puzzle missing:
155
00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:00,385
your head in a box.
156
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,158
Hey, cutie.
157
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,226
Hey, Sam.
158
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,727
No, no, no,
no, no.
159
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:11,496
Sam works
at the supermarket,
160
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,799
but this place tries to be
a little fancy, so...
161
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:17,602
"Samantha" works here.
162
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,836
Well, wait a second.
163
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,839
So there's you,
and then there's Sam.
164
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,508
Exactly.
Oh.
165
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,210
Well, it's a good thing
you're both workin'.
166
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,113
So 9:00 is good?
167
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,113
For what?
168
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,116
We're goin' out.
169
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:35,654
Wow, Samantha,
you a take-charge
kind of girl, huh?
170
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,355
Well, okay, but--
171
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,323
Oh, 9's no good.
I got plans.
172
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,325
How 'bout 7?
173
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,928
Um...okay.
Okay.
174
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,395
I'll be there at 7.
Okay.
175
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,232
Hi. Table for two?
176
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:49,835
Right this way.
177
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,905
Hot damn,
I'm datin' twins.
178
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:01,880
Hello, Mary.
179
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,549
What are you doing
at my desk?
180
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:09,921
I'm looking for some
information about you.
181
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,756
About me?
What's to know?
182
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,592
Dick, why don't you
ever talk
183
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,560
about your childhood?
184
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,129
How come I've never
met your parents?
185
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,632
Well, I told them
all about you, Mary,
186
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,166
and they didn't
want to meet you.
187
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,673
Well, what are
their names?
188
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,874
Where--Where are
their pictures,
189
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,176
some mementos?
190
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,479
Uh, well...
okay, Mary.
191
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:38,082
Uh, this is my father's
lucky one-dollar bill.
192
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,450
And, um...
193
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:42,920
and this pencil was given
to my mother by Babe Ruth.
194
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:45,390
See his number?
Number two.
195
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,059
[breaks pencil]
Hey!
196
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,461
I was gonna pass that
on to my son,
when I had one!
197
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,731
You have a son! Tommy.
198
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,133
Oh! Right.
199
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,338
Dick, I think you've been
hiding something from me,
200
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,574
and I think you've been
hiding it from me for 6 years.
201
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:03,608
Oh, what makes you
say that?
202
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,579
I saw you turn a man
into a monkey!
203
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,882
Actually, it was
a chimpanzee.
204
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,884
And it never happened.
205
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,288
That's it!
No more covers!
No more lies!
206
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:19,124
I don't know who you are!
I don't know what you are!
207
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,591
All I know is that I--
208
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:23,128
I can't see you anymore.
209
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,229
Good-bye, Dick.
210
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,598
Mary, wait!
211
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,138
Okay.
212
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:40,078
Look, I've been wanting
to tell you this
for a long time.
213
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,647
This is hard.
214
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,116
I want to make sure
I say it right.
215
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,117
It's okay.
216
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,418
Mary, I'm--
217
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,889
What rhymes with "shmalien"?
218
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,090
Oh, forget it!
219
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,792
Mary! I...
Dick Solomon...
220
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:56,794
am an alien.
221
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,832
From outer space.
222
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:16,948
[groans, coughs]
223
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,249
Where am I?
224
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,751
And what's going on?
225
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,853
You lied so much,
you passed out.
226
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,391
Mary...
227
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,525
it's true.
228
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:32,930
I'm the High Commander
of an exploratory mission
229
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,567
that came to Earth
6 years ago
230
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,834
to study mankind.
231
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,540
Does your family
know about this?
232
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,911
We're not a family.
We're a unit.
233
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,847
Tommy is the information
officer.
234
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,649
Sally is the security
officer.
235
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,886
And Harry has an enormous
transmitter in his head.
236
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,056
Oh, that's impossible!
237
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,457
Except for the Harry part.
238
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,962
Open your mind.
239
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,300
Think about everything
you don't know about me.
240
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,503
And then think about
everything you do know.
241
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,439
Think about how...
242
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:17,442
every single time
something happens,
243
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,511
it's like I'm learning it
for the first time...
244
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,146
like a child.
245
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:25,583
Mary, think about our entire
6-year relationship...
246
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,952
knowing that I'm an alien.
247
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,887
You are an alien.
248
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:05,990
Yes.
249
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,625
Why didn't I
see this before?
250
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,961
Because you're only human.
251
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,701
[door opens]
252
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:17,769
[panting]
253
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,336
Don?
254
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,773
What's with the police tape
surrounding your house?
255
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,210
I'm not in the mood
for company.
256
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,512
I'm a coward.
257
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:31,983
All right. Now, you listen
to me, Donald Leslie Orville.
258
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,684
Ever since
I have know you,
259
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,185
you have gone out there
every day
260
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,555
and done your job,
even though you're
scared to death.
261
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,190
There's only one word
for that kind of coward.
262
00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,291
Brave!
263
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,462
I never thought of that.
264
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,530
Well, think again.
265
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:47,699
And you know what?
266
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:50,267
Now that you've been
honest with yourself...
267
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,403
you have the power
268
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,839
to be the man you've
always wanted to be...
269
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,942
the man you deserve to be.
270
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,009
The man...
271
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,579
I fell in love with.
272
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,151
I feel like I can go
back out in the world
and start again.
273
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,722
I can always
tape my soaps!
274
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,627
Thank you, Sally.
275
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:18,129
My pleasure.
276
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,064
Now...that's my boy.
277
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:21,032
[screams]
278
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,536
What? Uh...
did I poke you?
279
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:26,437
No, it's just cold
against my skin.
280
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:37,648
So check it out,
Doobie.
281
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,518
I got two
of everything.
282
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,689
For the twins.
283
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,958
I once dated twins.
284
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,692
It was so confusing,
285
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,261
especially when
they dress alike.
286
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,529
Twins dress alike?
287
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,899
Well, these did. They were
the Minnesota Twins.
288
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,336
[Woman] Hello!
289
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,871
Oh! It's 7:00.
290
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:02,373
That must be Samantha.
291
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,675
She's the posh one.
292
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,643
But I think she might
be the most naughty.
293
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:15,186
[screams]
[screams]
294
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,290
Sam! It's you!
295
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:21,459
You're early!
296
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,860
Well, maybe a little bit.
297
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,894
Is that a problem?
298
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,833
No! Not at all.
299
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,569
Here! Let me
show you around.
300
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,637
This is the living room.
301
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:33,971
This is the kitchen.
302
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,472
And this is the bathroom.
Here ya go.
303
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,107
[Sam yelps]
Why dontcha go in there.
304
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,479
Oh, great. Now I have
to go to the bathroom.
305
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:48,686
Dick?
306
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,889
When you came to Earth...
307
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,091
was I your first?
308
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,392
Uh, no. I was.
309
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:00,698
But you were a very
distant second.
Aw...
310
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,401
I can't believe I'm--
311
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,137
If I told my mother
I was dating an alien,
312
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,238
it would kill her.
313
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,308
Dick! Let's call her.
314
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,876
No! No, no, no, no!
Mary, no!
315
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,013
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's a secret.
316
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,782
I'm just so excited.
I have so many questions!
317
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,684
Well, go ahead!
318
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,219
Did you build the pyramids?
319
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,388
Only the one in Las Vegas.
320
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,589
What about Easter Island?
321
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,791
Easter Island was
a practical joke
322
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,427
that got out of hand.
[laughs]
323
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,897
I can't believe
my boyfriend's an alien!
324
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,168
Dick...
325
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,804
on your planet...
326
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,971
how do you do it?
327
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,440
Well, it's--
it's similar to Earth.
328
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:46,410
Typically, you launch
a protoplasm capsule
329
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:47,945
into your partner's
receptor port,
330
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,147
and then wait for a...
331
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,849
an impact summary.
332
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,119
Take me, spaceman!
333
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:07,632
I'm screwed. Sam's here
early, and her sister
Samantha's due any minute.
334
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,999
So you're gonna
go outside,
335
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,168
and distract Samantha
when she gets here.
336
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,470
How can I do that?
337
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,272
Well, shiny objects
usually work for me.
338
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:18,609
[laughs, door opens]
339
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,543
[gasps]
340
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,512
[shrieks]
341
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:23,681
Samantha!
342
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,350
You're here, too.
343
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,484
Too?
344
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,519
To...eat...
345
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,989
in the kitchen...
346
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,556
where people always eat.
347
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:33,891
Not in the bathroom.
348
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,059
Where they hide.
349
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,027
Stay calm.
350
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,299
Harry, is something wrong?
351
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:45,102
No, I'm havin' a great time.
352
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:46,971
And so are you.
353
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:50,408
Now, why don't you just
sit here and count to 100.
354
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,775
No reason.
355
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,444
Harry, where
are you going?
356
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,346
To check on the ham.
357
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,147
It's in the bathroom.
358
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,250
It's an old family recipe.
359
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,623
Sam, quick, you gotta
get outta here.
360
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,193
Harry, I didn't
see anybody.
361
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,329
That's because
you missed her!
362
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,830
Now, come on.
363
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,198
I want you to go
in the bathroom
364
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,833
and sneak Sam out, okay?
365
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:19,237
I think the other one
might be hotter, anyway.
366
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,904
Harry?
367
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:21,905
Yes?
368
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,340
What's goin' on?
369
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:24,541
Well, nothing.
370
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,043
Let's go eat.
371
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,679
Isn't the ham
in the bathroom?
372
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,214
Yeah, that's right.
373
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,749
[knocking]
374
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,951
Who's that?
It's the ham.
375
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,419
[knocking]
376
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:36,421
It must be ready.
377
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,557
Harry, I know
somebody's in there.
378
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,558
Look...
379
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,527
I got a confession to make.
380
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:45,363
I made two dates tonight.
381
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,463
You did?
382
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:48,366
Who'd you make
the other date with?
383
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,901
Oh, I can't tell ya.
384
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,368
It's too sick.
385
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,438
Hello.
386
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,544
I wish you two
all the luck in the world.
387
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,884
Great. Now I lost
Sam and Samantha.
388
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,522
They took the ham!
389
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,861
I have listened to
what you've had to say.
390
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,062
I have processed it.
391
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,429
I'm not gonna
change my mind.
392
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,798
I'm gonna kill Albright.
393
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,366
But you can't!
394
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:23,601
Don't worry.
395
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,202
I'll use the second
most pain-free manner
396
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:26,237
I can think of.
397
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:29,206
Sally, she loves
that we're aliens.
398
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,009
And she loves the secret.
She thinks it's sexy.
399
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,778
Dick, as Security Officer,
400
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,181
I have to take care
of all security breaches.
401
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:41,818
Any human who knows our
true identity must die.
402
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,089
Now, those are the rules,
and I'm stickin' with 'em.
403
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,090
Okay.
404
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,225
Fine. You're right.
405
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,226
Okay, that's very mature.
406
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,526
Big news, Don.
407
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:50,594
There's something you
should know about Sally,
408
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:51,628
Tommy, Harry, and me.
409
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:52,563
Okay, fine, fine!
410
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,533
I won't kill her.
411
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,235
But this conversation
is not over, mister.
412
00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:58,202
Thank you.
413
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,738
Sally, I really took
your advice to heart.
414
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:04,341
So I went down to the station
and I made some changes.
415
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:06,844
You volunteered
for the anti-gang unit?
416
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,479
I'm opening a muffin shop!
417
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,117
What?
418
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,520
Don, that's ridiculous.
You were meant to be a cop.
419
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:17,988
Only in your dreams.
420
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,958
Whenever I was at work,
I was scared.
421
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,293
But whenever
I'm around muffins...
422
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,898
not so much.
423
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:35,606
Dick, get in here and tell Don
what you were gonna tell him!
424
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:44,882
So it turns out that Sam and
Samantha were the same person.
425
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:47,785
Why are the crazy ones
always attracted to me?
426
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,824
I still can't believe
Don traded in his badge
427
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,226
for an apron
and a whisk.
428
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,863
I'm just really worried
he's giving up his calling.
429
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,867
Now that Mary knows about us,
we should invite her up here
430
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,869
to muse with us
about the earth.
431
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:09,640
Oh, this day
just keeps getting
better and better.
432
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:10,674
You know, I'll tell you
something interesting about--
433
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:12,909
[sounding like
space signal]
434
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:15,579
Incoming message
from the Big Giant Head.
435
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:18,282
The Big Giant Head
sends congratulations
436
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,650
on a job well done.
437
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:20,917
Nice.
438
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:23,287
And notice of your mission's
imminent cancellation.
439
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,422
Cancellation?
440
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,924
An inter-alien complaint
has been lodged
441
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,459
by Liam Neesom.
442
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,694
As you know,
the use of a weapon
443
00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:33,531
against another alien
is a mission violation.
444
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,632
He was gonna
turn us into chimps!
445
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:35,733
He did it first!
446
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:39,503
It doesn't matter
who started it!
447
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,472
The Big Giant Head
is telling you:
448
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,841
The mission is over.
449
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,076
Over?
No!
450
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,511
Yes...and that's final.
451
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,281
You must leave
by Saturday at midnight,
452
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,550
when your earth bodies
will expire.
453
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:56,387
Transmission ending
in 3, 2, 1--
454
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:57,354
[sneezes]
455
00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:00,190
What happened?
456
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,693
We have
to go home.
457
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,233
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
32346
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