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1
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:04,002
Last time on
3rd Rock From The Sun...
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,737
Dear Mary...
3
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:09,508
She saved all the love
letters I sent to her.
4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,675
Wait a minute.
5
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,878
I never sent her
any love letters.
6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,178
Apparently,
another man has been
7
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,048
sending love letters
to Mary,
8
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,449
a man named Scoochie.
9
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,519
The letters!
10
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,388
Scoochie?
11
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,622
Aah!
12
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,859
No! Scoochie,
reveal yourself!
13
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,559
I can't take it anymore!
14
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,767
No! Stop! Please
don't kill him!
15
00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:38,170
Liam, what are you
doing here?
16
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,371
I'm Scoochie.
17
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,472
You're the one
who's been writing me
18
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,106
love letters
for the past 3 years?
19
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,242
I thought
you'd forgotten me.
20
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,878
Forgotten you? One of
my most cherished memories
21
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,115
is the two of us co-mingling
on your butcher block.
22
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,650
No. No, no.
I'm Scoochie.
23
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:54,386
Mary, this man's
an imposter.
24
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,121
Now, we know that
the real Scoochie
25
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,323
is a master of verse,
26
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,458
so why don't we
settle this with
27
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,528
a little off-the-cuff
verbal jousting?
28
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:06,297
[Crowd cheers
and applauds]
29
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,567
Now...
30
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,170
to me, off-the-cuff
verbal jousting
31
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:14,473
is a dish best served
written in advance.
32
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,841
Are you declining
my challenge?
33
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,343
[Crowd boos
and hisses]
34
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,345
No. Not at all.
35
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,614
Let the verbal
jab-fest begin.
36
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,216
But you go first.
37
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,684
Oh. Very well.
38
00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:28,153
[Man] Uhh!
39
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:31,756
Of the hours in a day,
the only time is you.
40
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,225
You are the beat
of my breath.
41
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,826
You are the wine
in my blood.
42
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,662
You...are Mary.
43
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:38,763
Oh!
44
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:43,001
[Crowd applauds
and whistles]
45
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,706
Whatever.
46
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:51,042
I will now
dispatch my foe
47
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,111
with an elegant haiku.
48
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,616
5 syllables,
7 syllables,
49
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,317
5 syllables,
50
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,051
I know that!
51
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,853
I'm so sick of you!
52
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,121
You think you know
everything!
53
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,257
Will you stop it,
please?
54
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,725
Well, yes, that is
technically a haiku,
55
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,394
but it's rather
pedestrian one.
56
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:13,098
No, no. That was
an accidental haiku.
57
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,099
What?
58
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,233
I want another turn!
59
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,201
Oh, Dick,
don't bother.
60
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,638
I knew you didn't
write those poems.
61
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,605
Good night.
62
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,307
Call me, Scoochie.
63
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,942
Okay.
Okay.
64
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:29,347
♪♪ [theme]
65
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:04,917
You guys!
66
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,520
You guys!
You guys!
67
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,054
What's
our favorite movie?
68
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,024
[both] Arthur 2: Arthur On The Rocks.
69
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:15,027
Well, feast
your eyes on this!
70
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,194
Arthur? Arthur?
71
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,196
Yeah! There's
a prequel.
72
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,698
Well, who knew?
This is gonna answer
73
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,733
so many questions
about Arthur 2!
74
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,735
Yeah. Like the "2."
75
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:27,572
♪ Once in your life you find her ♪
76
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,842
♪ Someone who turns your heart around ♪
77
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:31,843
[Dick] Stop the music!
78
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:32,844
♪ Next thing you know ♪
79
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,580
♪ You're closing down-- ♪
80
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:36,581
Aah!
Hey!
81
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,749
I've got horrible news.
82
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,050
Brace yourselves.
83
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,486
Liam Neesam is back.
84
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,821
Liam who-some?
85
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,323
Oh, yeah. Remember
that alien who came here
86
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:47,158
to destroy earth,
but then he didn't
87
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,394
'cause he thought Dick was
such a great human being?
88
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,731
Dr. Liam Neesam. Yeah.
I thought you were
89
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,932
talking about
the other Liam Neesam.
90
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,301
You know. The plumber?
91
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,036
Oh, yeah.
92
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,571
Is he back
to destroy the world?
93
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,206
He's back
to destroy my world.
94
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,408
Liam is Scoochie.
95
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,509
What?
Yes!
96
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,311
And Scoochie
is from Team X!
97
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,378
No way!
98
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:08,947
Probably wasn't
enough for him.
99
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,183
Now he wants to
steal my Mary.
100
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,751
Oh, come on, Dick.
No alien would travel
101
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,253
all the way
across the universe
102
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,056
just to boff
Mary Albright.
103
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:21,927
Sally, that is so crass!
104
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,528
I prefer to think
that Liam is here
105
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:26,398
to make sweet,
gentle love to Mary.
106
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,565
That's nice.
107
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:28,934
That's even worse!
108
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,435
Dick, look,
I'm just saying
109
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,769
I'd be surprised
if this wasn't
110
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,471
a part of something
much bigger.
111
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:34,939
You know,
you may be right.
112
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,341
I don't know
what he's up to,
113
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,977
but whatever it is,
I won't have it!
114
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,913
It's time for Dick Solomon
to fight back!
115
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,581
Right after one piece
of blueberry pie.
116
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,016
Who's with me?
117
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,291
And of course, "Liam"
spelled backwards is "mail,"
118
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,626
as in the letters with
which I correspond with you,
119
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,296
and of course the homonym
of "mail" is "male,"
120
00:04:57,298 --> 00:05:00,532
which I find
fiercely appropriate.
121
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,934
Liam, your wordplay
is dazzling.
122
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,535
Thank you.
And of course,
123
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,537
an anagram of "Liam"
is "Mali,"
124
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:08,206
a sub-Saharan country
125
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,641
with an
unfortunate climate.
126
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,077
And another anagram
is "Lima,"
127
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:15,814
capital of Peru and home
of the Inca civilization.
128
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,550
And of course,
if you lose the "M,"
129
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,452
add a "B" and scuttle
the letters around,
130
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,387
you get...Bali.
131
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:25,424
[laughs lightly]
132
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,759
That's a nice word.
Exotic.
133
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,494
Well, think of it
less as a word
134
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,896
and more
as an invitation.
135
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:36,568
Oh, Liam, that's sweet,
but I'm still
136
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,502
"technically" going out
with Dick.
137
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,671
Oh, dear. Look,
there's something
138
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:40,906
I must get off my chest.
139
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,675
I think of you as
absolutely exquisite,
140
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,510
and yet you persist
in going out with a man
141
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:49,781
whose name doesn't spell
anything other than Dick.
142
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,286
But he's so sweet.
143
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:57,355
Oh, wake up,
my little pumpkin seed.
144
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,723
Has he ever taken you out
145
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,325
to a decent restaurant
like this?
146
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,427
Oh, we go to nice
restaurants sometimes.
147
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,428
Oh.
148
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,629
But he always
brings a fly
149
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,630
to put
into the soup
150
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,365
so he doesn't
have to pay.
151
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,400
Well, don't worry, Mary.
152
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,468
The only fly that
I have with me tonight
153
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,669
is the one
on my trousers,
154
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,972
and you won't find that
anywhere near your soup.
155
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:17,208
Liam, if you
brought me here
156
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,843
because you thought
you could score,
157
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:21,913
well...we'll see.
158
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,919
Oh, this is awkward.
159
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,554
Rutherford is
such a small town.
160
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,756
This will power the
rumor mill for months.
161
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,091
Shh, shh!
162
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,325
Nevermind that.
163
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,460
I need to listen
164
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,829
to the conversation
with my girlfriend.
165
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,497
My affection for you
166
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,499
is only part of my reason
for being here, though.
167
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,336
The other reason is
to make you a job offer.
168
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:45,837
A job offer? Doing what?
169
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,205
Good question,
Mary.
170
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,973
I'm giving you
the opportunity
171
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,343
to do groundbreaking
anthropological research.
172
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:53,445
The only snag
is that at the start,
173
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:56,247
I can only pay you
a high 6-figure salary.
174
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,117
Oh, that's one,
175
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:02,487
maybe 2 figures more
than I'm used to.
176
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,722
Why me?
177
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:04,923
Because I can't
think of anyone
178
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,758
I'd rather work
side by side with...
179
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,927
or on top of.
180
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,228
Uhh!
181
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,362
Oh, that rat!
182
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,998
He's using her mind
to get to her body!
183
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,535
That's so...rat-like!
184
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:17,702
Dick.
185
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:20,205
Here's your sandwich.
186
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,342
Dick, what
are you doing here?
187
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:26,844
I'm, uh...having
dinner with Judith.
188
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,480
It's a date, Mary.
189
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,882
Are you spying on me?
190
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,083
And what are you
doing here?
191
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,718
Getting a job offer
from Liam?
192
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,389
Yes! And I accept!
193
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:38,390
What?
194
00:07:38,392 --> 00:07:39,624
Oh, fantastic!
195
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:44,128
Look, what do you say
I get this one for you?
196
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,564
[fly buzzes]
197
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:50,335
[fly buzzes]
198
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,539
Bon appetit.
199
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,580
That's so much nicer
than the fly I brought.
200
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,416
Come on, Sally,
it's starting.
201
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:06,984
We've watched
this movie,
202
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,553
what?
9 times now?
203
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,421
And like the wine
Arthur drinks,
204
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,756
it keeps getting
better with age.
205
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,358
You know, I wish
I had a limousine.
206
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,425
And a butler.
207
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,261
And a shameless
chemical dependency.
208
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,263
Oh, yeah.
209
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:21,832
♪ Once in your life you find her ♪
210
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,336
♪ Someone who turns your heart around ♪
211
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,971
♪ The next thing you know ♪
212
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:29,341
Hey!
Hey!
213
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:30,608
I was right.
214
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:33,612
Liam's sole purpose
on earth is to win Mary.
215
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,279
So stop it.
Situation solved.
216
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,280
Now hit play.
217
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,681
No. But how?
218
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,784
He's better than me
at everything.
219
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,585
Oh, man.
You're screwed.
220
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,720
Well, maybe he isn't.
221
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,989
Liam still thinks
that Dick is a human,
222
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:47,726
and as a human,
Dick is no competition.
223
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,394
But Dick is not a human.
224
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,229
See, if Liam knows
that Dick's an alien,
225
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,563
they'll be on
the same wavelength.
226
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:53,731
He'll have to respect him,
227
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,200
and then he'll
back off Albright.
228
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,201
That's brilliant!
229
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,036
So, I'll
just tell him.
230
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,571
As long as you realize
231
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,872
that by telling him,
232
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,807
you may be forfeiting
your inheritance.
233
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,242
That's Arthur.
234
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:08,647
Yeah. See? It all
comes back to Arthur.
235
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,014
♪ When you get caught ♪
236
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:14,686
♪ Between the moon and New York City ♪
237
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,557
[knocks]
238
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,596
Do you know
what time it is?
239
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,398
Time to come clean.
Time to bare my soul.
240
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,167
Time to tell you
that I, like you,
241
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:31,836
am an alien.
242
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,905
Impossible.
Open your mouth.
243
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,342
Good Lord.
So you are.
244
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,377
Good night.
245
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,847
Look! Now that you
know I'm an alien,
246
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,148
you'll stop
seeing Mary, right?
247
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,249
Why should I do that?
248
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:49,087
Well, because of
the alien's code
249
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,621
which states that aliens
250
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,790
cannot steal girlfriends
from other aliens.
251
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,191
You just made that up.
252
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:55,193
I did not.
Did.
253
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,194
Did.
Did not.
254
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,495
Not.
Did.
255
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,330
All right, then.
256
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,199
Who enforces this
code of yours?
257
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,601
Before I answer that,
may I ask you,
258
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,071
what is the single thing
that frightens you the most?
259
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,606
Oh, I suppose
a shark attack.
260
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,374
Oh, well, coincidentally,
261
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,745
the code is enforced
by a squadron of sharks.
262
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,846
Sharks?
Oh, I love sharks.
263
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,682
You just said
that you hated sharks.
264
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:18,683
Well, I must have
265
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:19,684
misunderstood
the question.
266
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:20,785
Stop worrying.
267
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:21,786
I didn't come all
the way to earth
268
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:22,887
for your
sloppy seconds,
269
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:23,888
and since
you're an alien,
270
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,222
I can spill a tad.
271
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:27,025
You see,
I'm using Mary
272
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,961
as a cover
for my master plan
273
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,530
to devolve all human
beings into monkeys.
274
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:34,932
Oh! Oh, what a relief!
275
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:38,703
I thought you were here
to sleep with my lady.
276
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,171
What was that
about monkeys?
277
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,706
Well,
I'm here to devolve
278
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,507
all human beings
into monkeys, you see,
279
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:46,310
and then turn the earth
into a giant theme park
280
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,979
called
Planet Monkey World.
281
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,916
Planet Monkey World?
282
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,585
Why, that's appalling!
283
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:54,986
How can you do this?
284
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,821
I weep for humans!
285
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,390
Has Mary agreed to this?
286
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:00,057
Yes, although she doesn't
know all the details,
287
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,593
like the end
of the world, etcetera.
288
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:03,828
I'm sorry, Liam,
289
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,264
but I'm telling Mary
about this right now.
290
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,398
In that case,
I shall be forced
291
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,134
to tell her that
you're an alien.
292
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,735
That's not fair!
293
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,471
You've had more time to
think this out than I have!
294
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,972
This is awfully good,
you know.
295
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,580
Well, thank you all
very much for being here.
296
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:25,382
As you represent our
targeted alien consumers,
297
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,752
any suggestions you have
in this focus group
298
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,454
will be
very much appreciated.
299
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,455
Back in a moment
with you.
300
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:34,292
Now, remember,
don't hold back.
301
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,693
It's vital
to the survival
302
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,061
of the human race
that you tell him
303
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,462
how much you hate
this plan.
304
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,897
Yeah. Got it. Okay.
305
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,466
Ladies and gentlemen,
306
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,936
I give you...
Planet Monkey World.
307
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,104
[overlapping chatter]
308
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,973
Ooh!
Wow!
309
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,808
Lame, lame!
310
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:52,310
No, hear me out. I mean,
Planet Monkey World
311
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,878
is based on
a simple premise--
312
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,913
monkeys are funny.
313
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:59,050
Picture Beethoven's 5th
at Carnegie Hall.
314
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,051
Boring!
315
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,319
Now, picture it
played
316
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,420
by 120 classically
trained monkeys.
317
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:04,421
Ha ha ha!
318
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,522
He claimed
that it was
319
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,658
stolen
by a monkey wrench
320
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,125
and sold to you
by a monkey.
321
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,226
Oh!
322
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,328
Ah...
any questions?
323
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,330
Yes.
324
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,397
Will the monkeys
325
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,533
have monkey boobs
or human boobs?
326
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:16,634
Good question,
good question.
327
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,237
My gut tells me...
human.
328
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,672
Nice.
Aw, damn.
329
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,140
Harry, you had
your hand up?
330
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,410
Oh! Uh, no.
Tommy covered it.
331
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,277
I see. Yes?
332
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,547
Just how do you plan
333
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,949
to turn the humans
into monkeys?
334
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:34,151
With this Ape-Maker 3000,
335
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:36,553
a species
transmorphic device.
336
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,122
Now, who would
like to come up
337
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,990
with some ideas for
the new territories
338
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,025
of Planet Monkey
World?
339
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,026
Oh!
Oh!
340
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,161
What we're trying
to do is,
341
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,163
we're throwing
monkey-related words
342
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,864
into existing names,
you see?
343
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,400
So Mississippi
becomes Bananasippi
344
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,436
or Missouri becomes
Bananassouri.
345
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,805
What about California?
346
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:57,208
Oh, I know!
Monkeycalifornia.
347
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,546
It's a bit on the nose,
isn't it, Dick?
348
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,914
Bananafornia.
349
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:03,982
Very good!
Tommy's got it!
350
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,250
A lucky guess!
351
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,351
It's not a lucky guess.
352
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,719
You just put banana
in front of all the names.
353
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,120
Well, no.
Not necessarily.
354
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,321
Banana is
a common theme,
355
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,789
but we like to
mix it up a bit.
356
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,057
Anyone else?
357
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:16,861
Okay. How about
Opposablethumbsylvania?
358
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,196
Very good!
359
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,098
Dianefossechusetts.
360
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,532
Marvelous!
361
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,635
Crapthrowerzona.
362
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,971
Yes. We may have to
clean it up a bit,
363
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:27,906
but I like the idea.
364
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:32,477
North Monkeykota.
365
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,878
No.
366
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,713
South Monkeykota.
367
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:36,714
Brilliant!
368
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,850
Oh, drat!
369
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:41,652
New Monkeyexico.
370
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,320
No, no.
371
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,255
Curious Georgia.
372
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,823
Marvelous!
373
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:53,765
And on a final note,
my friends, my colleagues,
374
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:56,200
on the bicycle
that is my success,
375
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:58,002
you are
the training wheels
376
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,171
guiding me down
that bike path
377
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,305
toward my dream.
378
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:03,675
Could she be
any more pompous?
379
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,910
Yes. You should have
seen her first draft.
380
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:08,412
She compared herself
to Abraham Lincoln,
381
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:11,615
and he did not
come off well.
382
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,351
Maybe if we leave now,
she won't notice.
383
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,853
And if ever any of you
384
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,721
need a letter
of recommendation,
385
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,456
call me.
386
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,525
Dick, you missed
my farewell speech.
387
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,927
Listen, Mary,
I think it would be
388
00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,163
a huge mistake for you to
take this job with Liam.
389
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,231
This is so typical!
390
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,367
I finally
get the opportunity
391
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,469
to make some money
in a job I love
392
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,003
and you
want me shackled
393
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,505
to this flea-bag college
394
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,073
and a dead-end
relationship.
395
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,208
Oh, really?
396
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,110
Do people in
a dead-end relationship
397
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,378
buy an ab-roller
together?
398
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,718
You're just jealous
of Liam.
399
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,453
Oh, Mary, I'm worried
about you.
400
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:50,755
I don't want you
to get hurt.
401
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:55,493
Liam is...not what
he appears to be.
402
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,560
Oh, right.
403
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,896
He's not suave
or brilliant
404
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,699
or incredibly
romantic.
405
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,467
Mary, if those things
were important to you,
406
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:04,669
you should have said
something!
407
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:08,239
I'm not a mind-reader,
you know!
408
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,074
That's it, Dick.
409
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,109
I'm taking this job.
410
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:16,581
It's Mary Albright's turn
to climb to new heights!
411
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,583
Oh, Mary...
412
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:24,421
with 4 hands
and a prehensile tail,
413
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,791
it'll be a fast trip.
414
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,197
This is horrible!
415
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,566
We've got to find
some way to stop Liam!
416
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,735
His plan will
obliterate humanity!
417
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,237
If only he wasn't
so cold-hearted.
418
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,271
If he only cared
419
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,240
about people and
earth like we do.
420
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,509
Wait.
Tommy, that's it!
421
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,511
Liam is in
a human body.
422
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,612
He must have
human emotions.
423
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,847
We can exploit that.
424
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,782
Yeah. If we get him to
feel sympathy for humans,
425
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,916
maybe he'll think twice
426
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:54,052
about turning them
into monkeys.
427
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,953
Focus group, please.
Focus group.
428
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,288
Now, what do you think?
429
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,123
Is 7 dollars
too much for this?
430
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,791
7 dollars.
431
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,895
I'll take 2.
432
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:07,364
Liam,
Planet Monkey World
433
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:09,200
is a fantastic idea,
434
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:12,303
but it's missing
something essential.
435
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,738
Now, don't say
bluegrass music,
436
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:14,739
'cause that'll be covered
437
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,273
at the Country Monkey
Jamboree.
438
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,575
No. No, no, no.
439
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,311
You're missing
the real earth,
440
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,281
like the happiness
in a child's eyes
441
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,916
when a loving parent
442
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:26,718
tucks him in safe
at night.
443
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,221
Or the wonder
of two young lovers
444
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,190
as they stroll
down the beach,
445
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,492
dreaming of
what is yet to be.
446
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,327
Or the quiet contentment
447
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,162
of a couple
in their autumn years
448
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,263
as they sit and reflect
449
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,298
on a life well-spent
together.
450
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,867
Or hookers.
451
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,308
Cheap,
painted hookers.
452
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,843
I see.
453
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,177
You're trying to
make me
454
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,712
feel something
for humanity
455
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,747
so I'll bag the whole
Monkey World plan.
456
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,783
Well, let me
just check.
457
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,219
No. Nothing.
458
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,220
Oh!
459
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,954
Well, we tried.
460
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,324
I guess I'm gonna
go watch Arthur
461
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,292
before Arthur turns
into a monkey.
462
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,694
Well, I'm off.
463
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,994
Goodbye, Liam.
464
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:13,965
The greatest privilege
one has on earth
465
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,633
is the chance to feel
466
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,368
the bond of
the human experience.
467
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:21,005
I'm only sorry that you
never got to feel it.
468
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,473
Yecch!
469
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,142
Well, then.
470
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,243
[Arthur
theme song playing]
471
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:27,745
What's that song?
472
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,446
Oh, that's the theme
from Arthur.
473
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:30,581
Oh, it's catchy.
474
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,749
No, no. You won't
find me falling
475
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,251
for any of that
sentimental nonsense.
476
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,518
No, no.
477
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,786
Arthur, eh?
478
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:39,323
Yeah. He's a rich man
with a drinking problem.
479
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,324
Ah. Well, anyway,
480
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,394
when I set out to do
something, I do it.
481
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,996
♪ Arthur, he does as he pleases... ♪
482
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:49,400
See, just like Arthur,
I do as I please.
483
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:53,671
♪ Deep in his heart, he's just ♪
484
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,807
♪ He's just a boy... ♪
485
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,242
I've always fancied that
at heart, I'm a child.
486
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,844
Tell me, he has
a drinking problem?
487
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:03,914
♪ Showing himself a really good time... ♪
488
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,582
Well, with a healthy
attitude like that,
489
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:06,751
he must have
a reasonable chance
490
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,818
of beating this
alcohol thing.
491
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:10,354
I mean, is he in it
alone or what?
492
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:12,490
Oh, no. He's got
the love of Liza Minelli
493
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:13,691
to help him through.
494
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,828
You know...
495
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:17,829
that happened to me
recently.
496
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:18,963
This is extraordinary.
497
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,031
This Arthur thing
is all about me,
498
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:21,432
and suddenly I feel
this odd mix
499
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,167
of joy and sorrow,
500
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,036
of hope and despair,
501
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:27,638
of triumph
and tragedy.
502
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,841
Liam, that's--
that's humanity.
503
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:31,842
Well, it's wonderful!
504
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:32,843
Does this mean
505
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,444
that you're scrapping
506
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,579
Planet Monkey World?
507
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,814
Oh, screw Planet--
508
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,015
what happened?
509
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,451
I feel so alive.
510
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:47,191
Guys! We did it!
511
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,126
We did it!
512
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,829
Whoo!
513
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,264
[laughter]
514
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,402
[Liam] Hello, Dick?
515
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:01,972
Liam! Are you here
to say goodbye?
516
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:02,974
Want a hug?
517
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,108
No, no.
I just came by
518
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,310
to let you know that
plans have changed a bit.
519
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,578
They have? How?
520
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,179
Well, I'm leaning
towards going ahead
521
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,848
with this Planet Monkey
World thing again.
522
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,716
But what
about last night?
523
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,652
Oh, last night
was beautiful!
524
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,686
I felt things here
525
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,087
I've never felt before
in my life.
526
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:18,256
It was
absolutely wonderful.
527
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,791
But I slept on it and...
528
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,159
it doesn't really
hold up, you know?
529
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,195
So, Planet Monkey
World is a go.
530
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,929
I thought I'd start
here at Pendleton.
531
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,931
Have you got
a campus map anywhere?
532
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:29,032
Oh!
533
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:32,436
♪ Once in your life
you find her ♪
534
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:35,106
♪ Someone who turns
your heart around ♪
535
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:37,007
♪ And next thing
you know ♪
536
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,576
♪ You're closing-- ♪
537
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:41,378
Oh, why run through all
that Arthur nonsense?
538
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,713
I think
he's a terrible wanker.
539
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,048
Aha!
540
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,883
I've got you now!
541
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,351
That's not
the real devolver.
542
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,519
Do you think
I'd be stupid enough
543
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,254
to give you
the real devolver?
544
00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:51,822
This is the real
devolver.
545
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,924
Oh, it's beautiful.
Can I see it?
546
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,925
Mm-hmm.
547
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,994
Aha!
I've got you now!
548
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,763
I said, do you think
I'd be stupid enough
549
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,965
to give you
the real devolver?
550
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,333
The real devolver's
in my pants pocket.
551
00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:04,869
Uh...see?
552
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,504
Are you sure that's
the real devolver?
553
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:08,572
What?
554
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:10,207
Well, you said it was
in your pants pocket,
555
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,043
but then you got it
out of your jacket pocket.
556
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,378
So I did.
557
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,646
That's
rather embarrassing.
558
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,950
I seem to have lost track
of the real devolver.
559
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:20,751
Do either of yours
560
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,753
say "real devolver"
on the top there?
561
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,689
No. I don't think so.
562
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:25,690
Oh, that's funny.
563
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:26,724
Khiii!
564
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,125
Well, how on earth
did that happen?
565
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,493
Khiii!
566
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:30,961
Where's the other one?
567
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,196
I took the label off
568
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,197
and I put it
in the...
569
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,632
Do you want me to hold
that one for you?
570
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:36,967
Yes. Um...
571
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,402
Oh, I remember!
572
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,403
I took it
out of the fridge
573
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,404
and I put it in there,
574
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,405
'cause I had my wallet
575
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,406
in my pants pocket,
576
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,407
so it's in--
577
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,674
it's in the--
578
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:50,615
Oh, could I have that?
579
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:53,751
Stay where you are.
580
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,052
Goodbye, Liam.
581
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,120
Oh, I say!
582
00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:02,026
[gasps]
583
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,866
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
41789
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