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1
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,271
Mary, coming to lunch?
2
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,207
A new sushi place
just opened.
3
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,009
Dick,
I can't have sushi.
4
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:11,010
Why not?
5
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,811
I'm allergic.
It makes me vomit.
6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,180
Who could have put
that idea in your head?
7
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,249
The paramedics.
8
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:19,684
Oh! I can't--
I can't have lunch anyway.
9
00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:21,386
I'm late for my acupressure
appointment.
10
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,322
Acupressure.
How exotic.
11
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,990
How long has this
been going on?
12
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,824
Every Tuesday
for six months
13
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,560
since I hurt my back
bowling.
14
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,529
Bowling!
15
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,865
When did you
take up bowling?
16
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,334
Ah, our Mary's
full of surprises.
17
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:39,004
The big surprise
is that she stays
with you.
18
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,073
You don't know
anything about her.
19
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,208
Well, you don't know
anything about me.
20
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,943
Yeah. That's right.
21
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,312
What's her favorite food?
22
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,880
Chicken-fried steak.
23
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,716
That's your favorite.
What's her favorite movie?
24
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:51,783
That's easy.
25
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,085
A rental I kept called
Gas Pump Girls.
26
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,323
What color are her eyes?
27
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,125
Oh, uh, that I know.
28
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:03,128
Uh, mostly white
on the outside,
29
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:07,166
and in the middle...
something not white.
30
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,467
Her favorite food
is ratatouille,
31
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:10,902
her eyes
are blue or green
32
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:12,136
depending on what
she's wearing,
33
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,439
and her favorite movie
is Pardon My Sarong
34
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,674
starring Bob Hope.
35
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,008
My God!
36
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,011
You seem to know even more
about Mary than I do!
37
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,980
Does that tell you
anything?
38
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,215
Yes, it does!
39
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,350
You've got a thing
for my girlfriend!
40
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,154
♪♪ [theme music]
41
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,389
Thanks, Richard.
42
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,858
Sounds like
one heck of a game.
43
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,327
All right,
now here's Sally Storm
with a weather recap.
44
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,529
Sally?
45
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,596
Thanks, Chaz.
46
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,398
Well, there's
no rain in sight,
47
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,067
but by sundown
you Rutherford kittens
48
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,368
better find your mittens.
49
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,137
It's gonna be cold--
50
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,640
26 degrees by midnight.
51
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,908
Wow, seems like a nice night
52
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,044
to cuddle up by the fire
with a little Swiss Miss.
53
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:32,116
Chaz, what you and
your little Eurotrash
girlfriend do
54
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:35,520
is really
none of our business.
55
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,722
I--I--I meant cocoa.
56
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,658
Aw, can't even keep track
of their names.
57
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,225
So sad.
58
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,328
You know, I'm actually
starting to think
59
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:46,230
that that plastic surgeon
gave you a little
too much knockout gas
60
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:49,334
when you went in
for that fanny tuck.
61
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,103
Okay, I have a history
of weak glutes in my family.
62
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,271
Okay, whatever.
63
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,142
Anyway, tune in tomorrow
for my 45-day forecast.
64
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,844
I'm Sally Storm.
65
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,580
And we're clear!
66
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:03,748
Sally, I just got
the local ratings.
67
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,184
We are now number two
in weather
68
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,553
and number three in news.
69
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,787
You could be
going places, Sally.
70
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:09,787
You're hot!
71
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,389
So hot.
72
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,592
Sounds like
we're a pretty good
team, buddy.
73
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,594
Yeah, like John and Yoko...
74
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:19,030
Sacco and Vanzetti...
75
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:23,034
Bob Clisby and his 60-voice
children's choir.
76
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,469
Who are you again?
77
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:25,804
Oh, that's just
my brother Harry.
78
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,005
Unless you work here,
79
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,273
you really shouldn't
be hanging around.
80
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,941
If that's
an offer to work here,
81
00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:32,744
then I'd love to.
82
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,312
Hey, maybe he could
be a gofer.
83
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,014
A gopher?
84
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,416
Yeah, every station's
got one.
85
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,117
Every station's
got a gopher?
86
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,485
Yeah, yeah.
87
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,254
You'd be surprised at
how useful they can be.
88
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,290
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I can see that.
89
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:48,293
Oh, well, it's settled.
You start tomorrow.
90
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,961
That was really nice
of you, Chaz.
91
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,162
Thanks.
Sure.
92
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,163
Anything for you,
teammate.
93
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,800
And I mean that.
Anything.
94
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,935
Okay, well, you know,
95
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,905
I really enjoy
predicting the weather,
96
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,940
but, uh,
I'd love to move up
97
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:04,275
and start
predicting the news.
98
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,512
Oh, well,
you might be at the top
of the weather game,
99
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,213
but there's a lot
to learn about the news.
100
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:10,615
Will you teach me?
101
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,683
Oh, sure.
I'll show you the ropes.
102
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,518
They're slippery,
but I'll show you.
103
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,719
On your way in tomorrow,
104
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,888
why don't you pick up
a couple dozen doughnuts?
105
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:17,922
Oh, you know what?
106
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:21,526
I probably only
need two, but, uh,
107
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,762
maybe I'll bring in
the rest for you guys!
108
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,668
And leave a lot of
extra room in the legs.
109
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,537
I want to be able
to move fast
110
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,040
in my thick gopher pelt.
111
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,743
Sure, sure.
112
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,712
So, uh, why are you
dressing like a rodent?
113
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,714
Oh, um, no.
114
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,284
We prefer to be called
Varmint-Americans.
115
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,887
Harry's got a job
down at the station.
116
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,890
Ah, you mean like some
kind of a mascot?
117
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,759
Oh, yeah.
That would be great!
118
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,430
You know,
I twisted my ankle
119
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,999
in a gopher hole
nine years ago.
120
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,367
That reminds me.
121
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:06,605
I have to refill
that pain medication
on that.
122
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,675
Dick, great news
from the station.
123
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,277
I'm number two
in weather.
124
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,645
Oh, big deal.
125
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,347
You're forecasting
atmospheric conditions
126
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,282
on a planet that only
has one sun.
127
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,350
Yeah, but, I mean,
you know,
128
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:20,852
if I learn from Chaz,
129
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,954
I could become
a serious newsperson.
130
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,556
Well, here's a news flash.
131
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:27,225
Nina told me
that I don't know
anything about Mary.
132
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,593
What's not to know?
133
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,229
I mean, she's
stuck-up, boring.
134
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,064
And an excellent bowler.
135
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,500
I know all that,
but what else?
136
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,136
She likes needlepoint
and flavored coffees.
137
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,804
Her zeal
for walking in the rain
138
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,373
is eclipsed
only by her fervor
for stamp collecting.
139
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,542
Why don't I
know any of that?
140
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,545
Well, because you're
a typical guy, ya pig.
141
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,815
Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick,
sit down.
142
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,083
All right, look.
143
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,419
I've been a woman
for five years now,
144
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,388
so listen to me, okay?
145
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:57,989
If you want to keep
Albright,
146
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,824
you've got to start
paying attention
147
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,493
to the things
she likes to do.
148
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,495
I mean,
just let her know
149
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,598
that in your life
she comes first.
150
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:10,502
But I thought that honesty
was the more important thing
in a relationship.
151
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:19,778
Good morning, Mary.
152
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,213
What are these?
153
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,148
Your favorite flowers.
154
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,584
Lilacs aren't
my favorite flowers.
155
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:26,685
Of course they are.
156
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,520
I saw you buying them
just yesterday.
157
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:29,921
I bought lilacs
yesterday
158
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,657
to put on my grandmother's
grave.
159
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:37,428
And as luck would have it,
they were still there.
160
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,564
Uh, and there's more.
161
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,900
How's this for combining
your interests?
162
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:46,471
A stamp for your collection
celebrating needlepoint.
163
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,842
Dick,
I don't collect stamps
164
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,411
and I have no interest
in needlepoint.
165
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,513
Yeah, I know that.
166
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,016
Damn that Harry!
167
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,687
Mary,
do I look like a queen
168
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:03,788
in a sailor's dream?
169
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,924
You got the tickets!
170
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,324
Tickets?
Oh!
171
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:08,793
Tenth row.
172
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,227
You and I
and an evening
173
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:12,229
with woodsy balladeer
Gordon Lightfoot.
174
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:14,766
Yee!
Yee!
175
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,335
It's an exciting day
for us all.
176
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,871
Anybody up for a dumb-ass
Bob Hope movie?
177
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,540
Oh, thank you
for doing this, Judith.
178
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,243
Well, Mary, if anyone
digs Lightfoot
as hard as I do,
179
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,578
it's Mary Albright.
180
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,647
You know me so well.
181
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,482
We all do, Mary.
182
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:34,885
Judith, we are so touched
by your altruism,
183
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,120
but here, take these back.
184
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,322
What are you doing?
185
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,991
I know how much you love
Gordon Lightfoot, Mary,
186
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,660
so I've already
got us two tickets,
187
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,094
but they're
in the front row.
188
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,095
You did?
189
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,897
Why didn't you
say anything?
190
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:49,067
I'm not a showy person,
Mary.
191
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,536
Judith, I'm sure
there are a plethora
192
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,737
of eligible bachelors
out there
193
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,772
who'd be happy to take
that extra ticket.
194
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,040
Of course
there are.
195
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,376
Nina, you want
to come with?
196
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:01,145
I thought you'd never ask,
and I was happy about that.
197
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:02,914
Oh, you're gonna
love it, Nina.
198
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,349
Once, when I was in college,
199
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,318
I snuck into
a Gordon Lightfoot concert.
200
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,287
It was the most fun
I have ever had!
201
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,690
Well, you won't
have to sneak in
this time, pumpkin.
202
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:12,790
Oh!
203
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,192
Oh, God.
204
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,361
If he sing The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,
205
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,964
I will throw my panties
on the stage...
206
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,332
again.
Oh!
207
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,833
Mary, we'll be so close
208
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,902
that you'll be able
to snatch Gordon's panties
209
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,171
and throw them
back to Judith.
210
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,605
See you there, girls.
211
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,740
Oh!
212
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,447
Uhh!
213
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:39,016
Harry, you're--
you're here early.
214
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:42,687
It's my nature to rise
at dawn and forage.
215
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:46,124
But I can't officially
start work yet.
216
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,559
I'm having
a special suit made
217
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,160
and it's not ready yet.
218
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,462
Well, that's nice,
but it's not necessary.
219
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,097
We're very casual
around here.
220
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,298
Without the suit,
221
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,934
how are people gonna
know I'm a gopher?
222
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,536
Doesn't matter what you wear
223
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:00,838
as long as you're here
being our gofer.
224
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,173
Oh, I see, I see.
225
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:05,543
So it's more
of a method gopher.
226
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,879
Whatever method
works for you.
227
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,213
All right.
228
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:11,683
Hey, uh, Harry,
229
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,085
can you run this tape
up to editing for me?
230
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,086
I can run.
231
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,821
I got
strong hind legs
232
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,757
and a low
center of gravity.
233
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:22,593
Comes in handy
when eluding
my natural predator--
234
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,195
man.
235
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,832
Okay, see, I just need that
to go up to editing.
236
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,100
Yeah.
237
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,169
Oh, hey, Chaz!
Hey, Sally.
238
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,038
So you think I'm ready
to go out in the field?
239
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,673
Yes, we're ready
to throw you
in the deep end--
240
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,576
dinner and then
a Gordon Lightfoot show
at the Rutherdome.
241
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,444
The station's
got a luxury box.
242
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,080
Okay. Gordon Lightfoot.
243
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,582
Um, okay, I know
just what I'd ask him.
244
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:46,017
Um, ahem.
245
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,386
Mr. Lightfoot,
you've been in
the music industry
246
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,021
for over three decades.
247
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,656
Given the recent changes
248
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:54,659
in music distribution
via the Internet,
249
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:56,594
would you rather
be attacked by a bear
250
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,563
or a bear with a gun?
251
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,803
Excuse me,
are you the ticket maestro?
252
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,040
Now I am.
Oh.
253
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:14,612
Can I have two tickets
to Gordon Lightfoot,
254
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:18,183
front row,
equidistant from the aisle
and the concession stand?
255
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,917
That shouldn't be a problem.
256
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:23,254
Are you interested
in subscribing to our
entertainment magazine?
257
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,423
No, I'm not interested
in entertainment.
258
00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:28,226
I'm interested in seeing
Gordon Lightfoot.
259
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,060
Could I get your
zip code, please?
260
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,061
Zip code?
261
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,062
Look, I'm on
my lunch break here.
262
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,564
Can't you just
give me the tickets?
263
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,766
I can't order the tickets
264
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,401
until you're in
the customer database.
265
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,469
I don't want to be
in the customer database.
266
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,271
That's bizarre.
267
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,006
Okay,
I'm showing two seats
268
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,875
to Gordon Lightfoot
at the Rutherdome.
269
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,543
Oh, thank God!
270
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,078
Last row balcony.
271
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,613
Last row balcony?
272
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:49,981
Don't you have
anything closer?
273
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:51,316
Only some scattered
singles.
274
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,684
Oh, well, then...
275
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,954
I guess I'll take
the balcony seats.
276
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,089
[computer beeps]
277
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,857
Sorry. The balcony
seats are gone.
278
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,694
Gone? Then I'll
take the singles.
279
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:03,728
[beep]
280
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,296
Oh, now they're gone.
281
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,397
We're sold out.
282
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,433
How can that be?
283
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,369
I'm not the only
ticket maestro, dude.
284
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:14,171
You're not a ticket
maestro at all!
285
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,606
Don't you have anything?
286
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:17,875
[beep]
287
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,077
I've got a two-for-one
special
288
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:20,211
for The Ice Capades,
289
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:21,913
same night
at the War Memorial.
290
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,315
Ice Capades.
291
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,218
My treasured relationship
hangs in the balance,
292
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:30,021
and all you can offer me
are washed-up Olympians,
293
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,690
some of them
not even medallists,
294
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,425
mincing around on the ice
295
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,729
with a bunch of fuzzy
cartoon characters?
296
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:38,997
They're going fast.
297
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,499
Two, please.
298
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,738
Hey, Sally,
how's the weather?
299
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,707
Oh, listen, Chaz,
I was wondering.
300
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:52,643
Um, if I really nail
this whole news thing,
301
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,280
do you think I could
get a job on The View?
302
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,647
Because
I've watched that show,
303
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,650
and I could kick the crap
out of any one of 'em.
304
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,953
Well, maybe not
the big one.
305
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,822
Sally, I don't mean
to brag here,
306
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,824
but I happen to know
the lady finder
307
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,959
over at The View.
308
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,627
Really?
Yes, absolutely.
309
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,996
I mean, inside connections
are everything
in this business.
310
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,731
And along those same lines,
311
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,400
I got you a corsage.
312
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,602
[gasp]
Hey!
313
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:21,072
A pin-on flower!
314
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,108
This is like something
Barbara Walters
would wear.
315
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,177
This job's so cool.
Yeah.
316
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,712
Hey, also, listen, uh,
after dinner,
317
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,347
we're gonna stop by my home
so you can meet my mom.
318
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,016
Your mom?
319
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,218
That doesn't sound like
a work thing.
320
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,886
Sally, my mom...
321
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:38,823
was the first woman
on the moon.
322
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,626
My God, I had no idea.
323
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,362
Yeah, nobody does.
324
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,631
That's why I'm giving you
the exclusive.
325
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,001
The exclusive.
326
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:58,042
Reporting live from
the first woman on the moon,
327
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,944
I'm Sally Storm.
328
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:08,119
[DJ] Okay, our last pair of tickets to Gordon Lightfoot
329
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,521
are waiting for caller number 29.
330
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,223
That's it! Go!
Aah!
331
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,025
Faster, Harry!
332
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,359
My whole future
with Mary
333
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,527
is riding on this.
334
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,896
Then why don't you dial?
335
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,397
No, I'm emotionally taxed,
336
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,567
and I just
had a manicure
for the concert.
337
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,869
Guys,
wish me luck.
338
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,472
I'm going on a
field assignment
with Chaz.
339
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:29,140
We're very busy, Sally.
340
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,742
I've got to win tickets
to Gordon Lightfoot.
341
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,411
Gordon Lightfoot?
342
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,279
Dick,
the station owns--
343
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:36,547
Sally, please!
344
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,816
Not another word about
that insipid station!
345
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:42,053
At least when you're on TV,
I can hit the mute button.
346
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:46,123
Fine.
347
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:47,592
I was gonna say
348
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:50,795
I could get you
into a luxury box
for the concert,
349
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,129
but just forget it!
350
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,130
Oh, I will!
351
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,533
[ringing]
352
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,701
[door slams]
353
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:59,037
What? Sally! Wait!
354
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,939
Oh! Oh! Oh! Dick,
I'm the 29th caller!
355
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,774
Shut your pie trap,
Harry.
356
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,844
I just lost tickets
because I was rude
to Sally!
357
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:09,614
What?
358
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,318
All right, we have Harry Solomon on the line.
359
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,319
Are you ready?
360
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,387
Yes, I am.
361
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:18,322
Okay, Harry, for two tickets,
362
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:22,192
what was Gordon Lightfoot's first American single?
363
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,830
I have no idea.
364
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,733
If You Could Read My Mind, Love.
365
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:31,335
Oh, now, don't get
all tender now, Harry.
366
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,370
Correct! If You
Could Read My Mind!
367
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,873
Just bring your photo ID down to Will Call,
368
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,074
and the tickets are yours.
369
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:38,075
You mean I won?
370
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,243
You won all right.
371
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,212
And now less talk, more Lightfoot.
372
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,715
I won! Harry, I won!
373
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:44,882
Oh, thank God!
374
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:47,051
I got to get dressed
and pick up Mary.
375
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,653
You go for the tickets.
376
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,321
You know what?
377
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,023
I'm getting tired
of everyone always
telling me what to do.
378
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,927
Go for this. Go for that.
379
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,695
How am I supposed
to be a serious gopher
380
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:01,532
when everyone's
always treating me
like an errand boy?
381
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,173
Hey, buddy.
382
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,542
I'll give you 50 bucks
apiece for those.
383
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,777
You must be stupid.
384
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,547
All right,
I'll give you 60 bucks.
385
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:19,283
Yeah. Have you bought
concert tickets lately?
386
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,218
How much do you want
for 'em, man?
387
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:26,323
Well, it says right here
they cost $28.
388
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:29,126
Okay, then I'll
give you $28 for 'em.
389
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,361
That's more like it.
390
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,528
Oh, wait.
391
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,030
No, no, no, no.
I can't sell these.
392
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,899
I'm supposed to hold onto 'em
'til Dick gets here.
393
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,301
You know what?
I just talked to Dick.
394
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,769
He said he's not coming.
395
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:40,571
Oh, really?
396
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,507
Enjoy the show.
397
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,577
Excuse me.
398
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,946
Front row. Lightfoot. 250.
399
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,681
[Dick]
Harry! Harry!
400
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,017
Hey, Albright, nice jacket.
401
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,552
Who is that on there?
402
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,754
It's a pirate.
I actually drew
this pirate myself.
403
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,689
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, no one cares, Mary.
404
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,392
Oh, look,
Gordon Lightfoot T-shirts.
405
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:02,426
Oh.
406
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,162
Uh, double-XL
for me, please.
407
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,831
Harry, quick,
where's the tickets?
408
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:07,965
I sold 'em!
409
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,767
But I need those tickets.
410
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,836
You shouldn't have told
that guy you weren't coming.
411
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,638
I never told anybody
I wasn't coming.
412
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:15,072
Well, Dick,
that's just bad planning.
413
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,308
If you're not coming,
you gotta tell somebody.
414
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,582
Oh, wow!
415
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,850
Chaz, this is
the perfect place
416
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,986
to interview
Gordon Lightfoot.
417
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:31,355
Yeah, uh, about that,
418
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,157
um, there's some bad news.
419
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,759
Gordo is a no-go on that.
420
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,362
Oh, no.
421
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:42,533
So, uh, what, we just, uh,
we watch the concert,
422
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,702
and then report on it later?
423
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,071
Sally, one of the most
important arrows
424
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,006
in a newsperson's quiver
425
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,342
is the arrow
of patience.
426
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,609
Yeah.
427
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,380
And candles.
428
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,750
And champagne.
429
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:00,818
What?
430
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,288
This is Chaz Montana
431
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,323
reporting live
from the Rutherdome,
432
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:09,693
where...
I'm falling in love.
433
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,530
Oh, my God,
what is going on?
434
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,898
Sally...
435
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,568
you can't report the news
to the people
436
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,471
unless you love the people.
437
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,905
Start with me.
438
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:25,709
Uh, okay.
439
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,912
Um, stop it, Chaz,
440
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:31,348
because I am repulsed
by you sexually.
441
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,351
Then why are you here?
442
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,020
For the story!
But you know what?
443
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,288
I'm beginning to think
444
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:40,157
your mother wasn't
the first woman
on the moon.
445
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,093
Okay,
this is news school,
446
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:45,696
and I am the professor,
so what I say goes.
447
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,532
Please don't leave me.
448
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,566
Leave you?
449
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:53,638
Chaz,
you're my mentor, man.
450
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,572
I could
never leave you.
451
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,775
You've
taught me so much.
452
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:58,976
I mean,
you've taught me
453
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,378
that news could
happen anywhere...
454
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:03,748
to a man standing
in his underwear
455
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,816
in front of thousands
of people!
456
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,223
[Man]
Nice glutes!
457
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,223
Hi.
458
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,292
Yeah, this is Sally Storm.
459
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,893
Send a camera crew.
460
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:19,664
I've got a news story
down here at the Rutherdome.
461
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:22,099
A big-ass news story.
462
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,840
I'm standing outside
a Gordon Lightfoot concert
463
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:32,276
holding a pair of tickets
to The Ice Capades.
464
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:33,610
This is all your fault!
465
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,546
You know what?
Those were my tickets.
466
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,315
I made the call.
I knew the song.
467
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,417
It's about time
I got rewarded
for my work.
468
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:41,486
They don't even pay me
down at the station.
469
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,920
Why are we
talking about you?
470
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:44,088
This is about me!
471
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,222
It's always about you.
472
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,557
You, you, you!
473
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,892
Well, you wouldn't
be in this mess
474
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,763
if it hadn't been
for you.
475
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:54,398
Think about it.
476
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,934
[Women]
Lightfoot, Lightfoot,
Lightfoot!
477
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:59,236
Come on, tickets!
Time to go in!
478
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,205
What's wrong?
479
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,941
What's wrong?
480
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,876
What's wrong is me.
481
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,511
I've failed you, Mary.
482
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,379
I've ignored your needs.
483
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:11,115
I've belittled
your passions.
484
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:14,584
I've neglected you
and thought only
of myself.
485
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,488
But all of that
changes...right now!
486
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,789
What are you doing?
487
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,058
Mary, I would like
nothing more
488
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,393
than to walk into
this concert right now,
489
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,763
settle into my cushy
front row seat,
490
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:29,266
and let the nostalgic
sounds waft over me.
491
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:30,801
But that's
not what you want.
492
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,570
Yes, it is!
493
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:34,605
No, you think it is,
494
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,307
but I know you, Mary.
495
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,409
What you really want
496
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,679
is to recapture
the excitement of years ago
497
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:46,016
when a young and rebellious
Mary Albright risked it all
498
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:49,987
by sneaking into her first
Gordon Lightfoot concert.
499
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,222
Oh, Dick.
500
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,023
We were young,
501
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:55,826
and there
was a war on.
502
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,461
Come on, wild child.
503
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,397
You want us to sneak in?
504
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:02,265
No. You want us
to sneak in.
505
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:03,634
Come on, Mary.
506
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,704
Crouch with me
in the darkness and filth.
507
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:07,972
Let's see Gordon Lightfoot
508
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,007
the way he was meant
to be seen--
509
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:12,042
through the grimy slats
of a heating vent.
510
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,244
What do you say?
511
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,179
Let's do it!
512
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,183
Yes!
513
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,855
You know, I really
learned something tonight.
514
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,823
Mmm? To put others first?
515
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,192
Well, yeah,
516
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,827
and that Mary can
climb a drainpipe.
517
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,162
Now that I know that,
518
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,298
we'll be going to
a lot more concerts.
519
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,866
I still cannot believe
520
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,401
that you and Albright
snuck in.
521
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:40,404
And I can't believe
that Chaz Montana turned out
522
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,574
to be an obsessive naked
Gordon Lightfoot fan.
523
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,076
Yeah, I know,
and it's such a shame.
524
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:47,744
I mean, he is,
without a doubt,
525
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:50,447
the best newsman
I have ever worked with.
526
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:51,949
Oh, yeah.
527
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,518
I'm sorry that gopher thing
didn't work out, Harry.
528
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:55,819
Oh, well, it's okay.
529
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,956
Actually,
this reporter hired me
to dig up some dirt,
530
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,624
so tomorrow
I'm gonna be a mole.
531
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,093
See? Now that
I could see.
532
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,935
Closed-Captioned By
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Burbank, CA
39477
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