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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,170
You guys didn't
have to do this.
2
00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:08,640
We couldn't send you off
to college unprepared, Tommy.
3
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,342
Oh, I hope we
got the right kind.
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,744
Yeah, we shopped for hours.
5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,313
It's beer!
Ah!
6
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,916
Not just beer, but...
7
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,985
Fake ID.
8
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,088
Look at you, Tommy.
9
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,090
The first Solomon
to go to college.
10
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,226
You get to explore
new horizons,
11
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:28,694
expand your mind,
12
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,762
and help us to further
understand that curious race
13
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,530
we call human.
14
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:36,802
Yeah, plus I don't
have to live with
you freaks anymore.
15
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,036
We're so proud.
16
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,472
Well, folks,
say your good-byes.
17
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,073
We've got a long drive
ahead of us.
18
00:00:42,142 --> 00:00:43,274
I'll load this
into the car.
19
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:46,644
Oh, gosh. Well, take
care of yourself, Tommy.
20
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,446
I feel like
I'm gonna cry.
21
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,183
[sneezes]
22
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,118
No, not cry.
Sneeze.
23
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,287
All right.
Bye-bye.
24
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,889
Bye, our little
Information Officer.
25
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,792
How in the world are
we ever gonna replace you?
26
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,394
Well, you know,
you'll just...
27
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,497
[zapping]
28
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,099
Who are they?
29
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,934
Oh, we're interviewing
for your replacement.
30
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,102
So if you could just...
31
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,371
Bye-bye, Tommy!
Bye-bye.
32
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,072
Hi, there.
Welcome.
33
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,875
How are you?
Hi, nice to see you.
34
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,878
♪♪ [rock 'n' roll]
35
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,983
Well, this is a very
impressive resumé, Christy.
36
00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:00,118
I'm hoping I can
leverage my skill set
37
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,953
to maximize the mission's
effectiveness .
38
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,522
You hear that?
39
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:07,659
She gonna something
the mission's whatever.
40
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,294
Christy, okay.
41
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,029
Well, we've got some
other aliens to see,
42
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,565
but we're very interested,
and we'll be in touch.
43
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:17,102
So, can we reach you with
the transmitter in your head?
44
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,137
I have a machine.
Oh, that's great.
45
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,505
So, Christy,
46
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,106
how are you getting
along with your body?
47
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,275
You like the boobs?
48
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:24,809
No, no, I really don't.
49
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,111
Mmm, yeah.
50
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:28,079
The smaller ones
aren't as much fun.
51
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,549
Well, bye-bye.
52
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,554
So, what do
you think, Harry?
53
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:36,655
Well, I think
she's our man.
54
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:37,756
Oh, she's amazing.
55
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,258
She's got the job.
56
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,925
Let's just crank through
this next bunch of Bozos,
57
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,527
'cause we're not gonna
find anybody better.
58
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:45,197
[zapping]
Hi.
59
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,032
I'm here for the interview.
60
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,535
You're hired.
61
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,336
Oh, that's great,
thank you.
62
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,470
I'm Bryce Canyon.
63
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,239
Oh, I like that.
64
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,974
Sally, can I talk
to you for a second?
65
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,376
Sure, I'll be right back,
Bryce Canyon.
66
00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,478
Isn't he great?
67
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:00,946
I thought we
were gonna hire Christy.
68
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,513
I hated Christy.
69
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:05,083
You didn't even ask
him one question.
70
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,685
I think you just wanna hire him
because he's a pretty boy.
71
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,754
Fine, you want
a question? Okay.
72
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,456
Bryce, when can you start?
73
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,224
Now.
74
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:17,261
That is the greatest
answer to any question
I have ever heard.
75
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,501
Well, here it is, Tommy.
76
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,203
Your first dorm room.
77
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,273
Oh hey, check
this out, Dick.
78
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,008
These walls
are real cinderblock.
79
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,210
Oh, I don't think so.
80
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,579
Dear God, they are!
81
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,649
Oh, this must
be my roommate.
82
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,917
His name's Joel.
83
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,585
I guess he's asleep.
84
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:44,890
No, I don't think he's asleep.
I think he's passed out.
85
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,792
Kahlua and cream.
86
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,227
I know he's unconscious,
87
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,196
but I really get that
kind of buddies-for-life
vibe, you know?
88
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,165
You know I was thinking...
89
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,768
with you here at college,
and me back in Rutherford,
90
00:03:56,837 --> 00:04:00,238
this will be the first
time we've been separated in--
91
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,442
how many missions have
we been on together?
Oh, dozens.
92
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,877
It's not gonna be the same
without you, Tommy.
93
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,279
You were my right arm.
94
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,581
The one I could always
turn to for good advice.
95
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:10,582
I learned a lot from you.
96
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,417
Well, thanks, Dick.
97
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:17,222
If you wanted to say that you
learned a lot from me, too...
98
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:18,757
that would be fine.
99
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,860
Uh...I mean,
100
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,428
I must've learned
some things.
101
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,764
Well, thanks, Tommy.
Yeah.
102
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:30,068
Well, my friend,
I'll see you in four years.
103
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,470
Five if you're
doing it right.
104
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:36,173
Yup, magnificent.
105
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,246
So, Bryce, I understand
you've gathered some
information for us.
106
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,948
We're all dying
to hear it.
107
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,652
Well, earth beings,
otherwise known as humans,
108
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:51,222
get around in cars,
which have four wheels.
109
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,292
Humans have no wheels.
110
00:04:55,996 --> 00:05:00,432
Yeah, we've known
that for weeks, Bryce.
111
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,800
Why don't you tell us
something we don't know?
112
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,570
Harry.
Go on, Bryce.
113
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,673
Well, uh, there are
only two bagpipe
factories in the world.
114
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:12,411
One in Edinburgh, Scotland,
6 Grant Road, and the other--
115
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,479
New Guy, New Guy,
New Guy...
116
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,514
You gotta be
more specific.
117
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,250
What side of the road?
118
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,186
Well, the factory's
on the left side of the road--
119
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,321
No, it's too late now!
120
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,890
Hey.
121
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:27,058
Please, go easy on Bryce.
122
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,394
I'm impressed
with his work.
123
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,531
Exceedingly impressed.
124
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:36,467
Oops, I dropped my pencil.
125
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,236
Oops.
126
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,204
Oops.
127
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:41,706
Hey!
128
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,475
Morning, everybody.
129
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,843
Oh, morning, Dick.
130
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,879
Say, have you met Bryce Canyon,
our new Information Officer?
131
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:48,946
Oh, hello, Tommy.
132
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,348
Bryce.
133
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:54,418
Oh, of course.
Tommy used to be our
Information Officer.
134
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,653
He's away in college.
135
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,254
You would've like him.
136
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,691
I liked him.
137
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,094
Say, Bryce, we need some
sunbathing information.
138
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,096
What do you say you
grease up, hit the rooftop,
139
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,465
and I'll check on your
progress later.
140
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,868
Okay, great.
Bye-bye.
141
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,839
It's nice to have some
new blood around here, huh?
142
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,741
But it is kind of odd
to see someone else
sitting in Tommy's chair.
143
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,910
Well, it's not Tommy's chair
anymore. It's Bryce's chair.
144
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,712
Don't you dare say that.
That's Tommy's chair.
145
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,348
That'll always
be Tommy's chair.
146
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,516
He's not dead, he's just
in a different location,
that's all!
147
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:28,119
Just in a different
location!
148
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,854
What's wrong, Dick?
149
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,322
I just don't want anybody
150
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,325
sitting in the wrong
chair, that's all!
151
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,061
'Scuze me.
Where's the roof?
152
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,463
Oh, forget the roof.
153
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,165
There's a little light
coming in here.
154
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,034
You just slide right here.
155
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,371
Ah, see, Harry?
156
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:50,075
This is the kind
of information we need.
157
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,813
Tommy, oh, there you are.
158
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,682
Dick, what the hell
are you doing here?
159
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,951
I just wanted to see
how you were doing.
160
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,152
And who is this?
161
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,654
Uh...Dick, this is Cindy.
162
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,057
Um, Cindy, this is my dad.
163
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,193
Your dad.
164
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,694
That's cute.
165
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,662
See ya.
166
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:13,564
Uh, oh, all right.
167
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,066
Okay, see you later, Cind.
168
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,634
See ya later, Cind.
169
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,037
I think she thinks
you're a dork.
170
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,171
Why are you here?
171
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,006
Because I'm
worried about you.
172
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,708
I sensed that there
was something wrong.
173
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,843
What are you talking about?
I'm having a great time.
174
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,046
I feel like we pressured you
into going to college.
175
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,148
It was my idea!
You mustn't be
so hard on yourself.
176
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,050
Why don't you just forget
the whole thing and come home?
177
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,518
Dick!
178
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,319
I want to go to college.
179
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:36,488
You could go to Pendleton.
180
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,089
I don't wanna go to Pendleton!
181
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,525
You've been telling for 6 years
how much Pendleton sucks.
182
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,994
No, but it's gotten
much better.
183
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,395
We just painted.
184
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,098
I am not leaving.
185
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:51,402
Well, all right,
I guess I was wrong.
186
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,804
[heavy sigh]
187
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,005
You don't wanna leave,
188
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,374
and I completely
respect your desires.
189
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,843
I'm sorry I barged
in on you.
190
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,478
Mm-hm.
191
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,715
I guess I'd better get back.
All right.
192
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:08,053
Oh, by the way, good luck
on the freshman prank.
193
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,555
What--what freshman prank?
194
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:14,325
Yeah, you know that sort
of antisocial rebellious act
195
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,195
that wreaks havoc, but makes you
the most popular man on campus.
196
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,429
Good luck with that.
197
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,332
Wait. Wait, what
do you mean? Like--
198
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,968
like putting a goldfish
in the dorm water cooler?
199
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,971
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
200
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,274
Something much more
destructive than that.
201
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,908
You've gotta do
some real damage
202
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:34,011
if you wanna set the girls
hearts aflutter.
203
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,247
Uh...mm-mm.
I don't know.
204
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,350
No, I understand.
205
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,517
It is a risky endeavor.
206
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:43,220
Well, look
at your friend Cindy.
207
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,090
Talking to that young
rascal over there.
208
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:51,328
I wonder what sort of freshman
prank he's cooking up.
209
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:52,897
You got any ideas?
210
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,766
Only about a million.
211
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,305
Bryce!
212
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,140
I've been waiting
for that report
213
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,808
on mustards
for over an hour!
214
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,310
Well, I'm still
working on it, sir. I--
215
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,612
Well, while you
dilly-dally around,
216
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:12,016
I got a pastrami and cheese
here that's not getting eaten.
217
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,419
Now you're the Information
Officer .
218
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:17,088
What's the proper mustard
for my situation?
219
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,890
Well, sir, you could try
yellow, or maybe Dijon.
220
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,493
[falsetto]
You're just guessing.
221
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,429
I know, I'm sorry, I--
222
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,131
I'm a screw-up.
I've--
223
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,865
I feel like I don't
know what I'm doing.
224
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,033
Have you ever felt that way?
225
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:33,271
[inhales]
No.
226
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,540
No, but everyone's different.
227
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,143
Such a tough planet.
I mean--
228
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,614
Hey, would you help me?
You know, be my mentor?
229
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:47,251
Mm. If I had a nickel
for every time someone
asked me that...
230
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,221
Well, the first
thing you gotta do
231
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:53,058
is just sort of get
comfortable in your own skin.
232
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,358
Yeah, about that.
233
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,660
I feel so tight.
234
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,428
Especially under the arms.
Mm.
235
00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:01,199
You know what's good
for that? Vaseline.
236
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,234
Yean, you just lube
them bad boys up,
237
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,269
they work all day.
238
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,772
I'm gonna try that.
239
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,942
Also, little bit
of advice here.
240
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,912
Gum can double as adhesive,
241
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:19,317
but most adhesives do not
necessarily double as gum.
242
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,620
This is great, sir.
243
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,189
No, no, you don't
have to call me sir.
244
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:29,593
Yeah, call me Your Honor.
245
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,195
Your Honor.
Yeah, a little bit louder.
246
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,964
Your Honor!
That's it.
247
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:43,008
[pounding]
248
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:47,679
Okay, that should do it.
249
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,013
All right.
250
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,950
Yeah, when the chancellor
comes in here tomorrow,
251
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,352
he's gonna flip.
252
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,020
Oh, yeah, he'll
have to flip.
253
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,490
Ah, flip!
254
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:01,191
Oh, no wait.
255
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:04,162
What do you say,
we take off the doorknob?
256
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,729
Yeah, that'll really
get his goat.
257
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:09,233
Oh, yeah, it sure will.
258
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,334
There we are.
259
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:11,836
Now for the signature moment.
260
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,037
The pulling
of the fire alarm.
261
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,505
The fire alarm?
262
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,407
Oh, yeah, you always
gotta pull the fire alarm.
263
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,609
Nice touch.
264
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,110
[alarm ringing]
265
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,978
Okay, Tommy, go
get the toolbox
266
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,180
and we are out of here.
Will do.
267
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,021
Dick, open the door.
268
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,622
You have-- you
have the doorknob.
269
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,925
I know.
270
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:37,094
Oh, my God.
You planned this!
271
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,564
You're trying
to get me expelled!
272
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,732
Bingo!
273
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:45,202
[alarm continues]
Dick! Dick!
274
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:52,844
That's why old
men wear their pants
higher than young men.
275
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:57,214
That is fantastically useful.
276
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,450
Bryce, thank you so much
for staying up tonight
277
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,520
and helping me out
with this crutch.
278
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:03,922
Well, that's my job.
279
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:06,457
Oh, you know, you're making
quite a name for yourself
280
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,359
in the organization.
281
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,461
Sally's Boy Wonder.
282
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,896
That's what they're
calling you.
283
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,632
Who's calling me that?
284
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,866
Sally.
285
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,103
Let's take a five,
shall we?
286
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,972
Let me pour you
a glass of wine.
287
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,574
My research tells me that
alcohol dulls your senses
288
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:25,009
and impairs your judgment.
289
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,077
I had not heard that.
290
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,614
You know something, Bryce?
291
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,349
If you play
your cards right,
292
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,785
I really think you have
a chance to go far.
293
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,853
How far?
All the way.
294
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,923
But that's just
the beginning.
295
00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:41,225
How can all the way
be just the beginning?
296
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,261
I like the way
you think, Bryce.
297
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,730
But you can stop now.
298
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,900
Don't you want to hear
the rest of my research?
299
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:51,569
Ooh, I'm dying to.
But you know what?
300
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,339
This chair isn't very
comfortable. I wanna
sit where you're sitting.
301
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,541
Oh!
No no no. Don't get up.
302
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:00,845
Okay. What'cha got?
303
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,882
Well, uh-- uh--
traffic lights?
304
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,717
Green means go.
[screams]
305
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,287
You cracked the code.
306
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,323
Let's celebrate.
307
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,791
Oh.
[yelps, squeals]
308
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,093
You know, if we're through
working tonight,
309
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:17,195
I think I'm gonna
turn in.
310
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,896
Oh, no. We're not
through, Bryce.
311
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,399
You come back here,
and you finish what
you started.
312
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,235
I'm beginning to wonder
if you care about
traffic lights at all!
313
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,237
Oh, Bryce! No!
314
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,940
[lustful sigh]
315
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:39,484
I came as soon as I heard.
316
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,585
Tommy! What were
you thinking?
317
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,019
You set me up,
you bastard!
318
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,387
He's been saying
that all morning.
319
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,989
Sure. Blame Dad.
320
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:47,358
I suppose you'll be sending
this good-for-nothing
home with me.
321
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,593
Well, it is a serious offense.
322
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,729
Where are the expulsion
forms? In your desk?
323
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,064
I-- I could give
you a leg up.
324
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,365
Tommy.
325
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:58,036
For your infraction,
I am issuing a warning.
326
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,837
That's it, Tommy!
Pack your bags!
327
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,373
Get in the car--
[stammers] a warning?
328
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,676
Mr. Solomon, this is
an institution of higher
learning, after all.
329
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,779
And we don't want to stifle
youthful exuberance.
330
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,048
A warning?
331
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,249
Why don't you just give
him a big wet kiss?
332
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:15,053
Dr. Solomon!
It was only a prank.
333
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,856
Only a prank! You would
wipe scum like this
off of your campus!
334
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:22,626
[chuckles]
I remember my own
freshman prank.
335
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,729
I messed with the marching
band's formation,
336
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,764
and made them spell out
a dirty word.
337
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:27,898
[laughs]
That's very funny.
338
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,033
Well, it's nothing like this.
339
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,134
Well, you're too kind.
340
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,135
What's happening here?
341
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,336
Are you dating anyone?
342
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,838
You know, I have a daughter
about your age.
343
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,540
I'd love to meet her.
No, wait a minute!
344
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,275
You know, I'm
gonna call her up.
She oughtta see this.
345
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:39,810
Such attention to detail.
346
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,478
I love the coffee mug.
Thank you.
347
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,115
But the coffee mug
was my idea!
What?
348
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,584
This whole thing is mine.
He had nothing to do with it!
349
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,786
I'm the mastermind
behind the freshman prank!
350
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,021
Oh, really.
Yes!
351
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,222
If there's anyone
you should be
352
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,591
foisting your daughter
off on, it's me!
353
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,193
Get out of here!
354
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,895
Good day, sir!
355
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,032
That's a picture
of my daughter.
356
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,407
Hey, guys! What's up?
357
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,409
Sally? Sit down.
358
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:14,779
Okay.
359
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:20,217
Sally, there's been
a complaint made
against you
360
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:22,720
by one of the employees
of the mission.
361
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,158
Who?
362
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,359
Bryce, do you wish
to remain anonymous?
363
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,265
Sally, Bryce feels
[sighs]
364
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,667
that you've been
sexually harassing him,
365
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,570
and he has requested
that he, at no time,
366
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:43,774
be left alone
in a room with you.
367
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,944
I think that's something
I'd like to discuss with
Bryce privately.
368
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,747
Okay, I'll leave
you two alone.
369
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,049
Harry?
370
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,350
Would you please stay?
371
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,087
All right.
[sighs]
372
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,655
Bryce, look.
373
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,190
You're very new here.
374
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,825
And you must have
misunderstood
375
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,194
my professional
encouragement.
376
00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:08,199
I mean, a pat on your
muscular back is not
harassment.
377
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:09,700
Well, I looked it up.
378
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:10,935
And according to state laws,
379
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,703
harassment is any verbal
or physical overture
380
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,372
that makes me feel
uncomfortable, and I'm
very uncomfortable.
381
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,343
Well, if you're not
comfortable, you should
take off your pants.
382
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,313
Casual Thursday.
383
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:26,817
That is it.
384
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,719
I don't think I can
work here with Sally around.
385
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:29,920
Either she goes,
or I go.
386
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,726
Sally?
387
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:36,961
Okay.
388
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,896
Everything you said
was true, Bryce.
389
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,531
I treated you like a...
390
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,667
sexy, hunky object
391
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,069
instead of a sexy,
hunky employee,
392
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,270
and I'm sorry.
393
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,374
I'm the one who should go.
394
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,675
This is good.
395
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,877
The system works.
[sighs]
Bye bye, Sally!
396
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,146
See you, Harry!
397
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,983
Bryce.
398
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,918
Look, it's a small universe,
399
00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:03,320
and we may work
together again.
400
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,955
So I just wanna say that
401
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,958
I've learned a really
valuable lesson here,
today, and...
402
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,561
well, no hard feelings.
403
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,865
Of course not.
404
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:17,034
Cool. In you go,
you piece of meat!
405
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,268
[zapping]
406
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,247
We're never hiring
anyone every again.
407
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,949
Well, with him gone,
408
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:33,151
I guess you'll be
wanting me
409
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,686
to oil up and put on
the Speedos.
410
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,356
No. No! No!
411
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:46,630
What?
412
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,965
I came to tell you
I'm leaving!
413
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,233
Then leave.
414
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,001
But I can't leave
without speaking my mind.
415
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,636
Well, you never could.
416
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,906
You are making
a big mistake, mister!
417
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,406
College is not what
you think it is.
418
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,775
Oh, it doesn't matter
what I think--
419
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,143
It's a big, ugly machine
420
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:00,778
that will chew you up
and spit you out.
421
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:01,779
I don't approve of college--
422
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,180
You teach at a college!
423
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,048
Oh, sure!
Throw that in my face!
424
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,551
You know what the problem
with your generation is?
You never had to work!
425
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,788
Work? I work! I'm third
in command on this
stupid mission!
426
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:11,989
[both] Oh, ha ha ha!
427
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,691
You know, I don't even know
who you are anymore!
428
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,259
You've changed!
I have not--!
429
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,361
Oh, yes. With your
new life of learning.
430
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,263
Your Internet. Your Nintendo.
431
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,598
Your fancy friends.
I--
432
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:25,636
MTV. Your virtual reality.
Your-- your-- and your--
433
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,438
I don't even know!
What are you talking about?
434
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:30,875
What am I talking about?
I'll tell you what
I'm talking about!
435
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,642
I don't want you to go!
436
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,481
[sighs]
I don't want you to go.
437
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:43,821
Come here. Sit down.
438
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,790
Come on!
439
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,595
[sighs] Why did you
have to grow up?
440
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,364
I don't know.
441
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:55,766
It's just the body
I picked.
442
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,001
Well, I don't like it.
443
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,670
Parenting's hard.
444
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,607
You give love.
You give encouragement.
You give support.
445
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,545
And then, if you do
a good job, they just
go away.
446
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,614
Well, then I guess you
did a pretty good job
then, right?
447
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,616
What do you mean?
448
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,519
Parental love,
at its best,
449
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,788
it's the only love
there is that...
450
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,324
inevitably leads
to separation.
451
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,994
How do you always
know these things?
452
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,295
I'm the Information
Officer.
453
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,198
I sent you a memo
on this, years ago.
454
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,369
I guess I did do
a pretty good job.
455
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:35,072
Yeah.
456
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,141
You all right?
457
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,141
Yeah.
458
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,210
Want a beer?
459
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,846
Sure.
Okay.
460
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:46,450
[cans opening]
461
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:52,956
There's beer
in this room.
462
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,094
Nice to meet you, Joel.
463
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:58,763
Isn't this yours?
No, no, no.
464
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,264
I was just leaving.
465
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,304
I'll see you
on your first break.
466
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,747
So how did things work out
with the new guy?
467
00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:21,585
Oh, well, he decided to pursue
career opportunities elsewhere.
468
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,654
You came on to him, huh?
469
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,623
Like Germany came on
to Poland.
470
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:29,226
Our first Sunday
night without Tommy.
471
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,394
Feels kind of funny,
being out here without
him, doesn't it?
472
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,796
Yeah, it kinda does.
But, you know--
473
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,865
I'm okay with it.
474
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,067
After all, I've been left
with two of the greatest guys
475
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,669
I've ever been on
a mission with.
476
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,837
[Sally and Harry]
Aw...
477
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,639
[banging]
Hey, guys.
478
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,440
[All] Hey, Tommy. Hi.
What's going on?
479
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,008
Well, school's only
an hour away,
480
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,043
so I figured I could
do my laundry here.
481
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,915
[all sighing]
482
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:53,250
I wonder what Tommy's
doin', right now?
483
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:55,285
Mm. Separating
his whites.
484
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:56,821
Yeah. Maybe starti''
a pre-soak.
485
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,289
Mm. I hope he goes
easy on the bleach.
486
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,025
But you know Tommy.
487
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,326
He won't.
Nope.
488
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:09,133
Closed-Captioned by
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