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1
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,972
Ugh! I am
so bored!
2
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,207
Me, too.
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,541
Well, what
do we do
4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:10,976
when we're
feeling bored?
5
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,411
Whine?
Squirm?
6
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,047
No, we take out
the Solomon family
7
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,849
rainy-day
fun book.
8
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:17,850
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
9
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:19,184
I forgot
we had that.
10
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,686
Let's have a look,
shall we?
11
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,353
We can come up
with an idea
12
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,956
for something
fun to do.
13
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,356
Now, let's see...
14
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,926
We've done video arcades,
airport bar,
15
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,094
Shetland pony rides.
16
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:30,362
Tiny horses.
17
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,830
That was so cool.
Yeah.
18
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,866
It's fun to
read this book.
19
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,267
Reading this book
in this book?
20
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,170
Yes, but stop
interrupting.
21
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,572
Now, here's two things
we haven't experienced.
22
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,508
Visit a parallel universe
or rent go-karts.
23
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,043
Wait. Visit
a parallel universe?
24
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,378
How is that
possible?
25
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,047
Simple. We just use
the time/space portal
in the closet.
26
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,483
Okay, here's
my concern.
27
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:55,553
Do they get angry if
you drive the go-karts
off the track?
28
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,389
Wait. So you mean
to tell me
29
00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,158
that we are living
another existence
in another place?
30
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,060
Actually, Sally,
everyone exists
31
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,096
in every possible place
at every possible time.
32
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:06,264
W-w-wait a second.
33
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:08,066
That means that
somewhere right now
34
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,301
I'm driving go-karts.
35
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,302
All right.
36
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:11,703
Let's go!
37
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,071
Well, what--
what about Tommy?
38
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,406
Leave him a note.
Oh.
39
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,141
Am I okay to go
dressed like this?
40
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,342
You're fine.
41
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,211
Anyway, I'm sure
they have a Gap there.
42
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,680
Sally!
Okay, I'm so excited!
43
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,549
Here we go!
44
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:28,887
Who am I kidding?
45
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,190
There's no portal
to another dimension
in the closet.
46
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,357
Oh...
Oh...
47
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:33,625
It's in the shower.
48
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,792
Whoo-hoo!
Yes!
49
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:36,328
I want to go
to Wisconsin!
50
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,062
Anywhere in
West New York.
51
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:49,308
This is fantastic!
52
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,910
Dick, you
look great!
53
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,845
Oh, so do you!
Oh!
54
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,581
And look at Harry!
55
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,150
Oh, my God,
we've got towels.
56
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,053
Hey, look,
there's more.
57
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,754
[gasps]
58
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,090
Look at this place.
59
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:08,760
We must be doing
incredibly well
60
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,395
in this parallel
universe.
61
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:13,365
It is so open
and airy.
62
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,702
Yeah, we should
get some cattle.
63
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,970
Guys, guys,
look at this!
[horn honks]
64
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,241
There's a New York taxi
and a New York bus.
65
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,843
[gasps]
I can see the Empire
State Building.
66
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,544
Look at the sidewalks
67
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:30,148
jammed with people
of every conceivable
ethnic background.
68
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,018
Hot damn,
we're in Vegas!
69
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,721
♪♪ [jazz]
70
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,060
New York City.
71
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:18,096
My kind of town.
72
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,332
It's the city
by the bay.
73
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,802
Gateway to the west.
74
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,204
The Aloha State.
75
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,372
Motown.
76
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,007
[phone rings]
77
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,742
[beep]
78
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,044
[Dick] Hello, you've reached the Solomon residence.
79
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,046
This is Dick Solomon, attorney-at-law.
80
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,748
Please leave a message at the beep.
81
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,150
[beep]
82
00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:40,252
[Woman] Dick, you're due in court in an hour.
83
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,553
Good luck. [beep]
84
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,721
Did you hear that?
85
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,690
I have
an answering machine!
86
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,458
And I'm a lawyer!
87
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,459
Of course!
88
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,994
We have whole new
lives here.
89
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,530
Yeah, and we've
got to play along.
I've got to go to court.
90
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:52,998
Ooh, I got
to go shopping.
91
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,433
Mm, I'm gonna
get a pretzel.
92
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,701
Look, here are
your coats.
93
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,837
Ooh, cool!
94
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,172
I can't wait to see
the look on Mary's face
95
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,709
when she finds out
that I'm a lawyer.
96
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:06,144
Hold on a second.
Albright's here?
97
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,578
Oh, I'm sure she is.
98
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,313
A love like ours
transcends
99
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,250
all dimensional
limitations.
100
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,184
Maybe you'll meet some
people you know too.
101
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,419
Cool. Really?
Oh, yeah.
102
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,887
But F.Y.I.,
103
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,889
they may have made
different life choices
104
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,291
in this universe.
105
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,793
Mm...I see
what he's saying.
106
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,662
You see, in this world
Officer Don
107
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,431
could be an old
Vietnamese woman.
108
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,532
No, Harry,
109
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,434
they'll have
the same bodies.
110
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,602
Dick's
just saying
111
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,137
they'll probably
all be gay.
112
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,678
Oh, no, no, no.
113
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,180
General, allow me.
114
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,116
You've served your
country bravely.
115
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,718
It's the least I can do.
Go on, get in there.
116
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,053
I got to find out
where the courthouse is.
117
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,222
Excuse me.
118
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:52,757
Sir, could you give me
some directions?
119
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:54,426
You must be
from out of town.
120
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:57,162
No, no.
I breathe New York.
121
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,564
I know this island like
the back of my hand.
122
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,133
Then why do you
need directions?
123
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:04,002
I meant, do you
need directions?
124
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,738
I am so sick of people
coming in from out of town
125
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,873
and not knowing how to get
to the courthouse!
126
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:11,143
Are you sure you're
from this planet?
127
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,245
Taxi.
128
00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:15,180
Sally.
129
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,282
Sally! Harry!
130
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,616
Heads up, guys.
131
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,152
New Yorkers
can be curt.
132
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,587
Um, okay, you guys,
133
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:25,424
doesn't that guy
by the newsstand
134
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,025
look a lot like Tommy?
135
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,493
Guys!
136
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,496
Tommy!
Tommy!
Tommy!
137
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,797
Oh, my God.
138
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,733
You came!
139
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,300
So you got
our note?
140
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:37,636
Your note?
141
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,138
No, I just come to
this parallel dimension
all the time.
142
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,139
Mostly mid-week.
143
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,908
The theater prices
are cheaper,
144
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,776
and you miss the bridge
and tunnel crowds.
145
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,245
Is this thing
hard to do?
146
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,547
I fell right into it.
147
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,582
I got myself a really
nice gig in midtown.
148
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,017
Listen, Tommy,
I'm due in court,
149
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,085
and I don't know how
to get to the courthouse.
150
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,154
I got to go to work too.
You can share my cab.
151
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,789
If you got time,
I'll show you
152
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,024
where the peepshows moved
153
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,525
after they cleaned up
Times Square.
154
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,028
Tommy, I am
an attorney!
155
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,462
But, yeah, all right.
156
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:07,799
Whoa!
157
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,101
Check it out, Sally.
158
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:11,303
You write a column
for the newspaper.
159
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:13,171
Oh, my God!
160
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:16,407
And I'm hotter here,
if that's possible.
161
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:18,209
Look.
162
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,712
"The two-hour orgasm."
163
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,148
I wrote that.
164
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:27,185
I got to get cracking on
tomorrow's column, baby.
165
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,319
Yeah.
166
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,654
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait!
167
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:30,655
What about me?
168
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,490
I mean, what am I
supposed to do?
169
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:34,325
Just watch TV like
I do back home?
170
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,428
I always get left out.
[horn beeps]
171
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,498
Mr. Solomon, Scott's back
from the Hamptons,
172
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,999
and he wants to talk.
173
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,668
It's urgent.
174
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,470
Outstanding.
175
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,004
What do I do?
176
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,207
Just, uh,
play the game.
177
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,508
I don't know how.
178
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,943
Hey, Sally,
how will I know
179
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,811
if this guy I met
at power yoga
180
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,213
is the marrying type?
181
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,915
Uh...the sex
will be good?
182
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,584
Oh, that's awesome.
Thanks.
183
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,752
Come on, Mr. Solomon.
It's time to go.
184
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,721
Oh, yes, I
suppose it is.
185
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,457
Oh, just get
in the car.
186
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,361
♪♪ [Saturday Night Live
theme plays]
187
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,430
Hi, man.
188
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,932
Hey, can you get this
for me? Thanks.
189
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,801
Kenny. Hey, can I
get a bagel?
190
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,069
Thanks.
191
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,272
Toby. Hey, can we go easy
on the wigs this week?
192
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,874
It's drying out
the scalp.
193
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,675
Hey, thanks...Tara.
194
00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:26,777
Tara.
Tracy!
195
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,778
What's up, man?
196
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,414
Hey, can we talk
for a second?
197
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:30,548
Yeah.
198
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:31,949
Hey, listen,
um, Tommy, man,
199
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,851
I don't need to study
these lines, man.
200
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,121
You know what I'm saying?
That works for you, right?
201
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:39,757
But me? All I got to do
is cultivate that little
"Oops, I messed up" giggle.
202
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,159
[giggles]
203
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,761
Then America's gonna be
loving me too, so what's up?
204
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,596
Look, I know it's
been a little weird
205
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:46,831
between us recently,
206
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,633
what with me getting
all the attention
207
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,502
and you sort of shoved
into the background.
208
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,404
It does seem a little
unfair, you know?
209
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,906
'Cause I been here since '97.
You know what I'm saying?
210
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,607
And you been here,
what, a month?
211
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,943
But it doesn't matter
what they think out there.
212
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,579
What matters is that
Saturday Night Live
213
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:04,382
is an ensemble piece.
214
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:05,583
You understand?
215
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,520
Yeah, you know I always
felt that way, you know?
216
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,188
I guess I'm a big
sucker, huh?
217
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,689
No! No!
218
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,391
It is still
an ensemble piece.
219
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:14,792
We are all equal,
220
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,794
and we are gonna
maintain that tradition.
221
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,296
Are you with me there?
222
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:19,597
Yeah.
Good.
223
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,299
Tommy, I'm with you.
All right. Good.
224
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,435
Let's rehearse. Put on
the hamburger head.
225
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,638
Yeah.
226
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,906
Oh, that's good.
227
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,442
Now, that's really
funny, man.
228
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:31,810
Here. This way.
229
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,516
Hello...
230
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,853
Is this where I'm
supposed to be?
231
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,723
It's about time,
counselor.
232
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,191
Nina!
233
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:51,329
You will address me
with the proper respect.
234
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,965
I am the Honorable
Judge Campbell.
235
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,533
You go, girlfriend.
236
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,701
[bangs gavel]
237
00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:01,605
Counselor...
238
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,609
kindly proceed
with your summation.
239
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,545
Eh, with my what?
240
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:11,583
Oh, uh...right,
with my summation.
241
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:19,123
We sit here in this
court of law,
242
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:24,395
we, with our fragile sense
of right and wrong.
243
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,264
It's so easy to play
judge and jury,
244
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:30,902
especially when you are
a judge and a jury.
245
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,537
Get on with it,
counselor.
246
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:33,939
By all means,
Your Honor.
247
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,408
Now, I could poke holes
248
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,310
in the prosecution's
argument, but I won't.
249
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,010
That's cheap.
250
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,147
Now, I'm not here
251
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,983
to ask you
for an acquittal,
252
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,584
and I'm not here
to ask you
253
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,719
to listen to
your conscience, no.
254
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,755
I am only here to demand
that you recognize
255
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:55,459
that I am the most
brilliant trial lawyer
256
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:57,028
that you have ever seen.
257
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,597
And I thank you.
258
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,665
He's done it again!
259
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,301
Counselor!
260
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,069
Your Honor, may I
approach the bench?
261
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:11,676
Do you happen to know
a, uh, Mary Albright?
262
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,111
Is this another witness
263
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,312
you're planning
on calling?
264
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,747
Could be. Are you
buddies with her?
265
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:17,748
Get out!
266
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,621
I'm sorry.
267
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,557
I've never been
in an elevator
that fast before.
268
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:34,332
"Harry Solomon,
network president."
269
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,767
Is this true?
270
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,202
Yes.
271
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,736
[shouting]
Then what the hell
272
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,573
are you people
doing in my office?
273
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:45,276
Harry, we need some creative
counterprogramming fast.
274
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,011
ABC's got a major hit
275
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,079
with Who Wants to Be a Turkish Prisoner?
276
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:53,318
Well, that might be
good for ABC,
277
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,053
but that's not
who we are.
278
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,321
We're about quality,
all right?
279
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,158
I want this network
to be about families
280
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,393
and violence
281
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,829
and as much sex as
we can get away with.
282
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,865
All right,
let's get busy.
283
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,267
I didn't waste
all those hours
284
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,768
watching TV
for nothing.
285
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,971
You mind if I move
a few of these around?
286
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,205
You're gonna change
the schedule?
287
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,007
Oh, no, no.
Not change.
288
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,242
Save.
289
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,843
[Harry]
All right.
290
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,379
Hey, you know what
I'd like to see?
291
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,880
A whole night
of Will & Grace.
292
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:23,982
Wouldn't you?
293
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,349
Brilliant!
294
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,218
Hey, better yet,
295
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,653
why don't we make
one night Will,
one night Grace?
296
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,327
So I've come to the conclusion
297
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,697
that New York is the sexiest city
298
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,198
in the world,
299
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,301
from sexy Bronx to sexy Brooklyn.
300
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:46,604
It's the city that never sleeps.
301
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:50,008
Unless it rolls over
302
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:54,211
and passes out
after sex.
303
00:11:56,249 --> 00:12:01,218
Ooh, Dick, I just wrote
something so great!
304
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,353
Don!
305
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,994
You're here.
I can't believe it.
306
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,562
Yeah, finally.
307
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,597
Crosstown traffic
was a bitch.
308
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,099
Jeffrey.
309
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:17,268
Yeah? It's me.
310
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,436
Close 5th Avenue
and the bridge.
311
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:21,973
Oh, and tell Puff Daddy
312
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,708
I'm gonna be late
for lunch.
313
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,147
Don, you're
so different.
314
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,849
How do you mean?
315
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,217
Oh, nothing.
316
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:36,153
I'm just--pff--
a little overwhelmed.
317
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,990
I mean, I thought you
were hot in a uniform,
318
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,925
but this is way better.
319
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:45,629
When I was in uniform?
320
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:48,699
I've never worn
a uniform in my life.
321
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,201
Oh, no, I know that.
322
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,936
I just meant
like, you know,
323
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,137
your tie and suit.
324
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,438
Although you wear the--
325
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,274
You don't wear the same
thing every day,
326
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,975
so it's not a unif--
Sally!
327
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,211
Are you going
nuts on me?
328
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,379
Listen.
329
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,481
I want a girlfriend.
I don't want a nut.
330
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,683
I want a nut,
I go to the nut store.
331
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,254
Jeffrey.
332
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,089
Is everything okay,
Mayor Orville?
333
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:13,224
I'm leaving.
334
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,126
Mayor Orville?
335
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,062
Mayor of New York
City Orville?
336
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,130
Oh, my God,
337
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,967
I'm the girlfriend
of the mayor.
338
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,236
Good-bye, Sally.
339
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,038
No, no, no!
Don, please don't go.
340
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,906
Listen. If I get
a little crazy,
341
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,476
it's just that I
miss you so much,
you know?
342
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,878
Mr. Mayor.
343
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:38,750
Mr. Big City in
the palm of his hand.
344
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:41,652
Well...
345
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,187
half-hour.
346
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,222
Ooh!
347
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,429
New York is
so fantastic.
348
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,631
I have the coolest job.
Don's here.
349
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,833
Plus, he's mayor.
I've never been happier.
350
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,702
That sounds wonderful.
I'm thrilled for you.
351
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,236
Seriously. Thrilled.
Are you really?
352
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:00,471
No! What are
you, crazy?
353
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,607
I'm depressed.
I want to go home.
354
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,075
I haven't found
Mary yet.
355
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,176
Oh, you'll find her.
356
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,510
No, I've looked
everywhere.
357
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,246
I've checked the faculties
at NYU and Columbia.
358
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,515
I even tried
the Staten Island
Academy of Beauty.
359
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,917
No Mary Albright.
360
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:14,586
Although they almost
talked me into
361
00:14:14,588 --> 00:14:15,920
their $4 perm.
362
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,088
Look, Dick,
why don't you
363
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,522
just try to find
somebody else?
364
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,292
I looked, but $4 is
a very competitive price
for a perm.
365
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,628
Okay, let me give you
a little piece of advice.
366
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,930
You only have yourself
to blame for being miserable.
367
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:27,364
I can't help it.
368
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,767
I'm having a real problem
with this whole experience.
369
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,168
It's so...
so superficial.
370
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,369
Oh, God.
371
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,072
No, I miss Mary.
I miss love.
372
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,239
Love is real.
373
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,274
No, sex is real
with or without love.
374
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:39,577
Granted, sex without love
has its place--
375
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:42,546
usually at a party
under a pile of coats--
376
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,483
but life without
true love
377
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,884
is completely
meaningless.
378
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,552
Okay, Dick,
we're in New York.
379
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,088
Why don't you just
lighten up?
380
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,589
I don't want
to lighten up.
381
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,424
Why is it that we
need to constantly
382
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,627
distract ourselves from
life's deeper concerns?
383
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:58,630
Oh, my God,
look at those shoes.
384
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,799
Terrific, I'm talking
philosophy with Ivana Trump.
385
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,002
Look, I got to see
a new client.
386
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,604
I'll talk to
you later.
387
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,406
8...9.
Here's the place.
388
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,444
♪♪ [easy listening]
389
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,717
Leon, what are you
doing here?
390
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:22,319
I work here, buddy.
391
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:23,988
Shouldn't you be
in class?
392
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:27,392
School's off.
It's a national holiday.
393
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,860
It's Sammy "The Bull"
Gravano's birthday!
394
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,332
Are you Solomon?
395
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,500
Strudwick!
396
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:36,867
Yes. Father Strudwick.
397
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,336
I'm the one
who called you.
398
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,337
Father Strudwick?
399
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,139
You mean you're
a priest?
400
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,076
I need your help.
401
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,245
I've been accused
of embezzling donations.
402
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,713
You thief!
403
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:50,815
You horrible,
horrible pilferer!
404
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,217
Hey! Hey,
pipe down.
405
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,152
[plays intro]
406
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:01,626
♪ If you want
the thrill of love ♪
407
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:05,129
♪ I've been through
the mill of love ♪
408
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:09,600
♪ Old love,
new love ♪
409
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:15,005
♪ Every love
but true love... ♪
410
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,010
♪ For sale ♪
411
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:26,750
♪ Appetizing
young love for sale ♪
412
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:33,324
♪ If you want
to buy my wares ♪
413
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:39,196
♪ Follow me
and climb the stairs ♪
414
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:44,034
♪ Love... ♪
415
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,803
♪ For sale ♪
416
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:56,947
Applause is nice,
417
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,849
but it doesn't
buy the groceries.
418
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,885
You can tip
the performers
if you want.
419
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,687
Oh, yeah, here.
I will.
420
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,656
$100?
421
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,424
I don't care
what you've heard.
422
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,194
This will only buy you
another song.
423
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,596
Oh, I don't want
another song, Mary.
424
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,264
I just want to talk.
425
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:18,169
Mary. No one calls me
Mary anymore.
426
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:22,240
My stage name
is Kiki Li.
427
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:25,409
So...you're an actress
in New York City?
428
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,844
That's wonderful!
429
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,880
Well, I'm between jobs
at the moment.
430
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,082
14 years in between.
431
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:35,052
Well, I guess it's
good to rest up.
432
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,588
You know, a girl
comes to New York City
433
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,291
willing to do anything
to become a star,
434
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,059
and once she's done
all those things
435
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,195
and she's still
not a star,
436
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,796
what's left?
437
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,565
It doesn't matter
that you're not famous.
438
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,500
I like you just
the way you are.
439
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:52,569
Dressed like a slut.
440
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,971
Watch your language.
441
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,172
I'm sorry.
442
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:58,008
Oh, I've been
called a lot worse
443
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,578
and the tip was
a lot smaller.
444
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,615
But, hey, I'm bringing
the party down.
445
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,617
This is a party,
isn't it, handsome?
446
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:07,751
Oh, yes.
447
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,253
Yes, it's a party,
all right,
448
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,655
because I've
finally found you.
449
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,691
Yeah. Let's have fun.
450
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,660
Fun is fun, right?
451
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,896
I'm a lawyer.
452
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,569
Lorne?
453
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:27,905
Oh, hi, Tommy!
This is a surprise!
454
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:28,939
What are you doing
455
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,774
at Lorne Michaels'
desk, sweetie?
456
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,743
Well, Ana, I wanted
to talk to you alone,
457
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,845
so I sent Lorne out
to get me a latte.
458
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,280
Oh.
459
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,581
Listen.
460
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:41,252
I don't think we can
see each other anymore.
461
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,921
Oh, this is so sudden.
462
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,491
I mean, I thought we
made such a great couple.
463
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,926
Well, I thought so
too at first.
464
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,294
What do you mean
at first?
465
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,063
We've only been
going out a week.
466
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,165
Yes, but...
467
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:55,866
in that week
468
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,602
my career
has exploded.
469
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,471
I just think that
my fans would prefer
470
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,939
to see me unattached.
471
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,073
Yeah.
472
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,009
I understand.
473
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:07,678
But, um, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
474
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,546
This really hurts.
475
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,952
And I don't want
it ever said
476
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,122
that Ana Gasteyer
kept Tommy Solomon
477
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,491
locked up in a cage.
478
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,094
I let him run free
in the wild
479
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:27,465
like the bird he always
longed to be.
480
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,066
Okay.
481
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,835
Well, that was
a mixed metaphor,
482
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,370
but I'll take it.
483
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,138
Thanks, Ana.
484
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:37,107
Hey...thanks
for not crying.
485
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,776
There's a pro.
486
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,783
Love ya.
You do?
487
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,951
No, not like that.
488
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:56,226
I think meeting Mary
in a parallel universe
489
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,028
has done wonders
for our relationship.
490
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,597
It's like
starting anew.
491
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:02,165
You know, it has
been so great
492
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,701
for me and Don too.
493
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,736
Having sex
with a mayor
494
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,906
is incredible,
you guys.
495
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,774
I fired four
people today.
496
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,543
What, from the network?
What for?
497
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,045
Well, they were
smarter than me.
498
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,446
Only four?
499
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,116
[sighs]
500
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,650
I can't believe
how quickly
501
00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:22,219
Mary warmed to me.
502
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,021
It's so easy
to talk to her.
503
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,755
So easy to ask her out.
504
00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:28,158
She's much easier here
than in Rutherford.
505
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,060
If that's possible.
506
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,063
I see what
you did there.
507
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:35,032
You are
the professional
funnyman!
508
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,700
Well, it's New York.
509
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:39,636
Brings out the best
in all of us.
510
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,405
Now that
I've found Mary,
511
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,373
I could stay
here forever.
512
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,443
Wait. Do you think
we could, Dick?
513
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:49,646
I'd like to
propose a toast.
514
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:51,749
Here's to New York.
515
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,151
If you can
make it there,
516
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,153
then you don't have
to go back to Rutherford.
517
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,624
The Solomons
are staying.
518
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,558
Hey, hey!
Whoo-hoo!
519
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,732
Closed-Captioned By
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Burbank, CA
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