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1
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,238
Oh, look!
2
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,773
That sexy new
French film opened.
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,775
They shot it two years ago,
but had to wait
4
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,880
until the actress
was of legal age.
5
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,548
Yeah, I saw that
movie yesterday.
6
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,715
Hey, how was it?
7
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,351
I heard there was
an awesome shower scene.
8
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,787
Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,422
But then this
naked girl got in,
10
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,658
and you could barely
see the shower.
11
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:28,460
I'm taking Mary to
the 6:00 showing.
12
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,495
Big Don and I are
going to the 6:00.
13
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,763
Well, maybe we
should join you.
14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,965
Oh, that would be great.
Does Mary have to come?
15
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,335
Of course she does, Sally.
16
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:40,506
She's my girlfriend.
She's paying.
17
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,241
Fine, but do me
a favor this time.
18
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,676
When we get to the theater
don't yell "Fire!" just to see
19
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,811
what everybody will do;
it's my turn.
20
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,147
Agreed.
21
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,749
Well, family,
I'm off to work.
22
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,185
[in unison]
See you later.
23
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,586
Fire! Fire!
24
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,020
[screaming panic]
25
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,489
[laughing]
26
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,525
It's never not funny.
27
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,394
That guy's got
a million of 'em.
28
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,664
Yeah, and they're
all that one.
29
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,499
Hey, Tommy, you know,
I meant to ask you,
30
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,933
now that you have graduated,
31
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,769
I guess your mission as
a high-schooler is
32
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,003
pretty much over, huh?
33
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,705
Yeah, that's true.
On to the next phase.
34
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:17,442
Aw, menopause.
35
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,677
No, Harry, he's
talking about college.
36
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:23,181
College? No, I've had enough
of classes and schedules.
37
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,117
I'm gonna do my own thing.
38
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:27,219
It's time to go out
on the road,
39
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:29,354
where life is a question
mark, where you--
40
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,989
[Sally and Tommy]
"Make no promises--"
41
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:34,059
"follow no plans and
careen across the nation
42
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:37,528
plucking experiences like
grapes off the vine."
43
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,998
Yeah, well, I can't be
original yet.
44
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:42,567
But I'm sure that Kerouac
was pretty boring
45
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,436
before he went out
on the road.
46
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,037
And that's what I'm gonna do:
47
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,473
follow my wanderlust.
48
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,274
Well, I'm going with ya.
49
00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:53,378
Because I, too,
have a wanderlust
50
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,146
inspired by a different book.
51
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,147
You do?
52
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,349
Indeed.
53
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,684
And one day far from here,
54
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,619
you and I will point
our fingers at
55
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,688
that bespectacled man
with the sock hat
56
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:08,626
and proudly say,
"There's Waldo!"
57
00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:13,165
Harry, Waldo's
a fictional character.
58
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:17,168
Ah, then it will be
that much sweeter.
59
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,671
when we find him.
60
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,176
Nina, what are you
looking for?
61
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,812
It's Wednesday, and
Dr. Solomon get's all
62
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,714
bent out of shape if
the angry eyes
63
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,650
aren't in his
Mr. Potato Man.
64
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:08,186
You shouldn't have to do
things like that for Dick.
65
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,754
That's degrading.
66
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,589
And it's not degrading
to go out with him?
67
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:21,099
Nina, it's Wednesday.
Where are the angry eyes?
68
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:24,636
Oh, there they are.
69
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,970
Hi, Dick.
70
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,073
Oh, Mary, would you like
to go to the movies tonight,
71
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,108
just you and me?
72
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,343
That sounds like fun.
73
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,510
And Don and Sally?
74
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,079
That sounds like less fun.
75
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,148
Oh, come on, Mary,
come with us.
76
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,382
And bring your big purse,
77
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:38,984
'cause I'm poppin'
corn for four.
78
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:41,752
All right.
79
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:42,820
But don't bring that walker.
80
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,322
I'm not gonna try
and get you
81
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,590
a senior citizen
discount again.
82
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,259
All right.
83
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:51,296
If your dignity is worth $2
to you, then fine.
84
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,997
Fine.
85
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,769
[laughing]
86
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:58,936
That was good.
87
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,739
Oh, I gotta
tell ya, hombre,
88
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:01,940
going out with
you and Dick
89
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:04,075
was not quite the
spike in the forehead
90
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,044
I thought it was gonna be.
91
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,946
And to pay for all
our movie tickets,
92
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,280
that was just
above and beyond.
93
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,583
Oh, well, Dick convinced me
that was the thing to do
94
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,786
when he grabbed my credit card
and paid for everybody.
95
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,254
Oh, that reminds me, Mary,
96
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:19,858
I'll be needing that card back
sometime after dessert.
97
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,627
Hey you guys, why don't we
do this again Saturday night?
98
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,196
Oh, great idea.
How 'bout it, Mary?
99
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,797
Why not?
Don?
100
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,432
Well, I'll be on duty.
101
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,433
[disappointed groans]
102
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,135
But I can make it.
103
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,904
Hey, hey, how
about that movie?
104
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,106
Oh, I know!
105
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,674
That couple had so much
passion for each other.
106
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,077
That's how my Donny
makes me feel
107
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,545
when he looks
into me eyes.
108
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,779
Aww...
109
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,048
I dunno, I thought a few
of those love scenes
110
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,283
were a little gratuitous.
111
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:48,953
Mary, I'm surprised
you're so prudish.
112
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,757
Especially since she's such
a hellcat between the sheets.
113
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,524
Dick!
114
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,859
No, it's true.
115
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,896
What Mary does to my back
with her nails is art.
116
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:58,997
Oh, stop it.
117
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,599
Stop it?
Stop it?
118
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,768
That's something you'll never
hear her say under the sheets.
119
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,504
Wait, wait, hold on,
not to take anything
120
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:06,771
away from you all, right,
121
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,007
but my guy's no slouch
in the sack, either.
122
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:11,109
Now remember, Don's
a public servant.
123
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,544
He stays 'til
the job gets done.
124
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:13,545
Sally, please.
125
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,113
Hey hey!
Hey, Donny.
126
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,848
You know, until I met Don,
127
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,251
I had no idea you could
get a cramp in your boobs.
128
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,088
Oh, you can.
129
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,456
Well, Mary likes to chase me
around the bed wearing nothing
130
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:28,927
but a tribal fertility mask
and a small square of burlap.
131
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,829
Guess where?
Not there.
132
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,664
Hey, how about the check?
133
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,933
Huh, maybe I should get--
I'm gonna go get the check.
134
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,135
Oh, there's my cleaning lady.
135
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,943
Oh, man, look at this place.
136
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,913
See, this is the kind
of authentic Americana
137
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,581
that you don't find
in Rutherford.
138
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,817
Nope, only if you
stand on our toilet
139
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,953
and look out
our bathroom window.
140
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,855
What do you say to a cup
of joe and a hunk of pie?
141
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,393
I say, "Hello, pie."
142
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,531
What am I, with the rain man?
Where the money?
143
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,339
I thought we had
more money than this.
144
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,941
Well, I thought I had
smaller holes in my pockets,
145
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:20,845
but hey, that's what life
on the road is all about.
146
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,614
You know?
Discovery.
147
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:25,883
So then, what, are we
completely tapped out now?
148
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,219
No, you know what?
This is good.
149
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,722
This is good news, Harry.
150
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,724
This is how stories are born.
151
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:36,361
Yeah, I feel like Kerouac
strolling into Bakersfield,
152
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,663
broke, looking to make
some walkin' money.
153
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,634
And I feel like Waldo.
154
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:47,104
At the beach, poking out
from behind that cabana.
155
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,209
Hi, Phil.
156
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,745
Can I help you boys?
157
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:54,979
You sure can, Phil.
158
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,148
My friend and I here
haven't had a hot meal
159
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,850
for a good two hours.
160
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,819
We're hungry drifters.
161
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,188
That we are, and
we'd be willing to work
162
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,655
for our two squares a day.
163
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,558
I'm pretty handy,
and my friend here,
164
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:11,429
um, can draw
fanciful caricatures
165
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,430
of your patrons.
166
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:15,500
Fanciful caricatures.
167
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,910
That look familiar?
168
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:30,181
It's a square with "Phil"
written inside it.
169
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,283
Keep it.
170
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:38,590
Man, my hair can do
no wrong today!
171
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,657
Morning, Sally.
172
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,658
Hey.
173
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:41,759
Say, Sally,
174
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:44,262
last night when we were
out with Don and Mary,
175
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,963
did you notice
anything strange?
176
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,799
You mean the way
they acted all weird
177
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,834
when we talked about
how good they are in bed?
178
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,303
No.
179
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,438
No, the way they didn't
say anything about how good
180
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,306
we are in bed.
181
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,441
Hey, you're right!
182
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,644
I mean, what kind of freaks
don't openly discuss
183
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:04,081
their lover's sex
moves in public?
184
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,116
It's crazy, no?
185
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:06,184
Yeah.
186
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,485
I mean, we talked
about everything.
187
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,220
I mean, politics, money...
188
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,322
Don's friend Cyrus
from high school.
189
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,524
Oh, and Albright
got really passionate
190
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,093
about electric cars.
191
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,427
She hates 'em.
192
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,262
Yeah, so what's wrong
with talking about sex?
193
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,931
We'd just seen a
whole movie about it.
194
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:20,932
I know.
195
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,066
You see it everywhere.
196
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,936
Magazines, billboards,
music videos.
197
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,038
The whole planet
revolves around it,
198
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,040
but when it comes to
praising my attributes
199
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:33,311
as a lover, Mary
is bizarrely silent.
200
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,914
Well, Don wasn't exactly
beating the drum
201
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,316
for me, either.
202
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,052
Think that's cause there's
nothing to talk about?
203
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,089
Oh, are you saying
we're no good in the sack?
204
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,923
[laughs]
205
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,729
[in unison
Oh my God!
206
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,135
I stepped hopeful
out of a dank shoebox attic
207
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,937
in Rutherford, Ohio
208
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,940
in the wheat-swept
breadbasket of America.
209
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,775
America,
210
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,777
and now I dwell
211
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,480
in a grease-marked
palace of drills
212
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,584
spills and guys named, "Phil."
213
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:17,555
All right.
I'm famous.
214
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:20,791
So Phil, tell me your story.
215
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,227
What brought you
to this gas station?
216
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,295
Was it the call
of the open road?
217
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,998
The never-ending circus
of passing strangers?
218
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,533
Well, I didn't graduate
from high school,
219
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:33,004
and then my dad died.
220
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,739
That's a tragic story.
221
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,074
I'm so jealous.
222
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,975
[bell ringing]
223
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,977
Well, Harry, we should
get back to work.
224
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,212
Help me put these tools away.
225
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:45,616
All right.
Mind if I grab a smoke?
226
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,827
Mind if I quit smoking?
227
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,264
You know, I love
this kind of work.
228
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,865
Clears my head.
229
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,633
Real.
Tools.
230
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,835
Not afraid to get
your hands dirty.
231
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,271
Oh my God, what
is this stuff?
232
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,505
This doesn't come
out, does it?
233
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:08,973
It's okay.
234
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,041
[bell ringing]
235
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,142
Oh.
236
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,011
Phil, do you have
any club soda?
237
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:20,785
Well, hello there,
honky tonk angel.
238
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,621
Anyone ever tell you
that you're pretty enough
239
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:26,825
to be on one of them
naked ladymud flapsmudflaps?
240
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,229
Anyone ever tell you
to check under the hood
241
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,364
and then drove right over you?
242
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:38,836
I get it, you
want full service.
243
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,872
Uh-oh.
244
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,748
Mind if I smoke?
245
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,487
Does this tape work on metal?
246
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:59,290
'Cause my gun barrel's
kinda loose.
247
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,659
Officer, I've only
got one thing.
248
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,661
Would you mind if
I went in front of you?
249
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:04,895
Oh, sure thing.
250
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,499
Oh, excuse me.
251
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,770
Mary!
embarrassed laughter]
252
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,472
Hi.
253
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,539
How are ya?
254
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,108
What a surprise.
255
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,610
Isn't this crazy?
256
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,079
How are ya?
Good, good.
257
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,413
Good seeing you
the other night.
258
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,715
Very.
Yeah.
259
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,183
Good.
260
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,520
Anyway.
261
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,254
It was kind of bizarre.
262
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,655
Yeah.
263
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:34,458
And what Sally said about
how attentive you are in bed,
264
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,593
I...
265
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,395
What Dick said about
that burlap square,
266
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,997
I just can't get that picture
of you naked out of my head.
267
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:43,067
I'm sorry.
Oh, that's okay.
268
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,337
What Sally said about you
keeps playing in my head
269
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,572
on a loop.
270
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:49,073
"Don stays until
the job gets done.
271
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,508
"Don stays until
the job gets done.
272
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,844
Don stays until
the job gets done."
273
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,113
Tell me about the mask, Mary.
274
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,249
Is it red?
Is it red?
275
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,319
With pointy horns.
276
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,821
Holy mama.
277
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,090
Next.
278
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,558
Oh, oh.
Price check.
279
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:09,160
I don't know her.
280
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:13,898
Good evening.
281
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:14,899
Table for four, please.
282
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,334
Smoking or non-smoking?
283
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,603
That's what we're
here to find out.
284
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,372
Why the hell
are we out again?
285
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,108
It was nothing.
Just relax.
286
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,109
You think they know?
287
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,144
Shh.
288
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,445
Don't be silly.
289
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,914
Come on, Mary.
Ah, something smells good.
290
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,949
Ah, they bake
their own bread.
291
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,718
Oh boy.
292
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,353
It really smells.
Nice.
293
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,688
Yeah, it sure does.
294
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:42,527
So, Don, Mary, are Sally
and I good in bed?
295
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,728
It starts.
296
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:47,064
I think Don and I would
prefer to talk about bread.
297
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,732
Is that true, Don?
298
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,901
Or the butter.
299
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:54,238
Fine, yeah, we'll talk
about bread.
300
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:59,443
Is Irish soda bread
really all--
301
00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,479
Oh, I can't do it!
302
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,381
There's something the
two of you won't tell us.
303
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,416
We already know what
it is, so what is it?
304
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,617
Dick, I haven't
the faintest idea--
305
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,852
Mary and I kissed.
306
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,020
Aw, geez.
307
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,021
You what?
308
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,188
You what?
309
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,957
Well, it wasn't
completely our fault.
310
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,725
You lit the wick.
What can I say?
311
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,527
Good way to soften the blow.
312
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,329
Yeah, nice blow softener.
313
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,965
Admit it, Mary, you kissed
because we're inadequate.
314
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,400
That's not it.
315
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,869
Come on, Sally, let's leave
these thoroughbreds alone
316
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:26,170
in their stables.
317
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,807
Yeah, the big stud and his
feisty little broodmare.
318
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:34,312
Mary, pay for dinner yourself.
Here is you credit card.
319
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,050
This place looks great.
320
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,785
You didn't have
to do this, Tommy.
321
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,787
Ah, well, yeah,
I have trouble writing
322
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,555
in a cluttered environment.
323
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,891
So I inventoried the tires
324
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,694
and I composted
these old sandwiches
325
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,362
and I stacked these oil cans.
326
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,630
Okay.
327
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,365
Oh, and I put all
the dirty magazines
328
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:57,168
in black shrinkwrap.
329
00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,137
Who asked you to do that?
330
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,405
[bell ringing]
331
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,840
I'll get that.
Where's Harry?
332
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:05,543
[bell ringing constantly]
333
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:11,148
We gotta business to run,
man, what are you doing?
334
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,751
You didn't recognize the
theme to Beverly Hills Cop?
335
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,256
Look, here, try
this one, all right?
336
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,993
[bell ringing]
337
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,594
Here I am, rock you
like a hurricane.
338
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,330
Come on, we gotta
get back to work.
339
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,332
Folks, I apologize.
He's new here.
340
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,600
Harry, we still on for later?
341
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,002
We're meeting
at the road house.
342
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,404
Yeah, the band
can't wait for you
to sit in with 'em.
343
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:37,641
Oh yeah, just gotta find
an amp for my hose.
344
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,510
All right.
Later.
345
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,645
All right, we'll see
you guys later.
346
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,749
[bell ringing]
347
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:46,818
Who was that?
348
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,186
Oh, that's Amber and Duke.
349
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:54,424
She's a pole dancer
and he's a pole repairman.
350
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,461
Nice couple.
Hey, we're going out later on.
351
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,762
You wanna come with us?
352
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,396
No, I've got a lot
to do tonight.
353
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,898
I've got inventory
and receipt totals.
354
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,467
I'm gearing up for that
tire recall.
Are you sure?
355
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,470
I could cover for you
if you want to go out
and have some fun.
356
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,739
Harry, do you think that
Kerouac went out drinking
357
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:12,343
and having adventures
with rowdy characters?
358
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,145
It says right here--
359
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:16,847
I haven't had time
to read it yet.
360
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,518
Well, that's too bad, because
you have to kiss a man.
361
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,396
You know, normally I'd
twist Albright's head off
362
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,965
like a bottle cap
for kissing my man,
363
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:38,269
but tonight I just
don't have it in me.
364
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,404
Oh, who can blame them?
365
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,307
After years of wandering
in a carnal desert,
366
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:48,912
they finally stumbled on
the sweet oasis of each other.
367
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:53,818
My poor Donny, having to
fake it all these years.
368
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,020
Maybe I try to
be too creative.
369
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:59,323
Insisting that we
make love on the beach.
370
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,526
In an elevator.
371
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:05,195
In that office supply store.
372
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:10,535
Maybe I was just too
forceful, too spontaneous.
373
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:14,872
And I thought that showing up
in a see-through
cacamisoleosile
374
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:17,241
and a thong was all I needed.
375
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:25,149
Endless hot-oil massages.
376
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:32,490
A leather halter
and a sparkly platinum wig.
377
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,995
Stallion-like endurance.
378
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,967
Yoga.
379
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,503
Yoga?
380
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,905
In bed?
381
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,206
Tell me about it.
382
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:53,343
Only if you tell me what
kind of stallion you are.
383
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:56,313
A great, big one.
384
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,719
[screams]
385
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,793
Bed flesh of my
brother dinosaur
386
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,628
in cans, in tanks,
387
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,030
petroleum.
388
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,999
Petroleum.
389
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:18,502
You have so many uses.
390
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,540
I got nothing.
391
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:24,775
[bell ringing]
392
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,610
Freebird.
393
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,812
Bye, you crazy road hogs!
394
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,847
Wow!
I like those guys.
395
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,583
[shouting]
396
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,354
Nice of you boys to show up.
Where've you been?
397
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,491
Well, about the only place
we haven't been is jail.
398
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,192
Harry, we were in jail.
399
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:46,497
Oh, yeah, no wonder
that bathroom attendant
was so aggressive.
400
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,734
Look, can you guys
help me out over here?
401
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,469
No can do, Tommy.
Harry and I are gonna
hit the open road.
402
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,104
Yeah, the Allman brothers
are in Branson.
403
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,540
We got no choice.
We're Allman-heads!
404
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:56,640
What, you--
you can't go!
405
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,242
Phil, you have to
run the gas station.
406
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,676
I'm not like you, Tommy.
407
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,280
I don't want to run a gas
station the rest of my life.
408
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,280
Well, neither do I!
409
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:04,314
Well, then come with us!
410
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,783
I don't wanna
do that, either!
411
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,652
If I go with you, I know in
two weeks, I'll just end up
412
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,454
managing the Allman brothers.
413
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:12,356
And at this stage
in their career,
414
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,324
that's just not smart.
415
00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:15,859
Well, what are you gonna do?
416
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,829
I'm too organized.
417
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,063
I'm too driven.
418
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:21,666
I need to learn how
to be irresponsible.
419
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,734
I need to go to a place
where my potential
420
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,470
won't shine through and
I can just vege out.
421
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,105
Does such a place exist?
422
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,940
Yeah, it does.
423
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,209
I'm going to college.
424
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,549
Another coffee?
425
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,852
And bring the pot.
I gotta lay low for a while.
426
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:51,796
Hello, Don.
427
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,163
Sally!
428
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,999
You look dressed to kill.
429
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,702
No, Don, I'm dressed
to win you back!
430
00:18:58,771 --> 00:18:59,936
Huh?
431
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,605
Look, come on.
432
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,041
I know my curvy boobiness
can't compare
433
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,244
with Albright's
mousy charms!
434
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,545
Is this a trick?
435
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,547
Because, you know, I can
get backup just like that.
436
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,450
Oh, see, that's just it, Don!
437
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,185
I don't have any tricks.
438
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:18,355
But I want to learn.
I want to satisfy you.
439
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:24,362
So I kissed Albright, and
you wanna satisfy me.
440
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:27,765
Oh, yes, please help me, Don.
441
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,501
Well, I might be
willing to teach you,
442
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:34,271
but...it will be rigorous.
443
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:37,575
I'll wear my leather halter
and sparkly wig.
444
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,176
And we're back.
445
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,748
[Mary]
Dick?
446
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,617
Are you out there--
447
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,789
Dick.
448
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,023
We've got to talk.
449
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,024
Uh-uh.
450
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,159
Oh, what're you doing?
451
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:56,760
Are you giving me
the silent treatment?
452
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,962
I invented
the silent treatment.
453
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,231
Why talk?
454
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,300
Talk just ruins everything.
455
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:06,637
One or two slightly
colorful turns of phrase,
456
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,406
can make a man
dump a woman,
457
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,308
a woman throw over
the love of her life,
458
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:14,245
and a brilliant college
professor kiss his own sister.
459
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,613
Your sister?
460
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,849
I'm not talking.
461
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,319
Oh, Dick, what I
did was wrong,
462
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,954
and I'm really embarrassed.
463
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:27,424
But there's a reason why
people's personal lives
464
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:28,626
are personal.
465
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,661
I guess I better
watch what I say.
466
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,497
No, I don't want you
to censor yourself.
467
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:37,935
I love 80% of what comes
out of your mouth.
468
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:42,606
But let's keep what's special
between us between us.
469
00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:45,609
So you don't love Don?
470
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,145
I don't even like Don.
471
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,513
Oh, Mary.
472
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:53,650
Did you bring the mask?
473
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,018
No.
474
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,087
Oh, good, that thing
never did anything for me.
475
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,856
Oh.
476
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,459
It was the burlap.
477
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,394
Closed-Captioned by
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34599
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