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1
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,104
Hey, you guys,
2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:08,440
Why is everything so red
On valentine's day?
3
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,043
I mean, the greeting cards
And the candy.
4
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,478
Even the tire ads.
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,913
Well, red represents
All the blood
6
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:17,783
That was spilled
At the massacre.
7
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:18,850
Massacre?
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,019
Yeah, the st. Valentine's
Day massacre.
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,955
It was a very big deal
Here on earth.
10
00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:24,456
Well, all I know
Is at school,
11
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,624
Everybody says valentine's
Day is designed
12
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,394
To maximize
The lovin'.
13
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:30,629
What about people
Like you
14
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,766
Who never
Get any lovin'?
15
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:36,402
Yes, well, that's
All about to change.
16
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:39,371
Because this valentine's day
Is about me and alissa
17
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,039
Maximizing the lovin'
18
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,909
And minimizing...
The virginity.
19
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:45,344
Yes!
20
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,345
It's about time.
21
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,346
I've been telling
You to do that
22
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:48,980
Since you were 14.
23
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:49,982
Hey, guys!
24
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,516
Hey, alissa,
How you doing?
25
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,352
Ahh...
Cake in the oven!
26
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,355
Oh, will you, uh...
Look at the time?
27
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:58,791
Harry?
28
00:00:58,793 --> 00:00:59,792
Hmm?
29
00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:02,227
Oh, I was just trying
To stagger my exit
30
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,896
For a more
Natural effect.
31
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,468
♪ la la la
La la la la ♪
32
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,338
And I'm out!
33
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,174
What's going on?
34
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:18,143
Uh, I've just
Been thinking
35
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:21,713
About what we should do
For valentine's day.
36
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,747
Oh, that's sweet.
37
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,883
Yeah, so...So,
Like, up all night
38
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,552
Trying to craft the best
Way of saying this.
39
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:31,256
Alissa, do you want
To get a hotel room?
40
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:36,427
Tommy, it better be
A nice hotel room.
41
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,496
Really?
Are you serious?
42
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,398
Yeah, I mean, I think
We're ready, don't you?
43
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,167
Yes, yeah. No, I do.
44
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,434
I really do.
45
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,004
And absolutely it'll be
A nice hotel room.
46
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:49,341
I mean, after all,
It's our first time.
47
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,043
Oh...
48
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,212
Your first time.
49
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,882
What--what?
50
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,421
Thank you.
51
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,223
So, mary,
52
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,492
What do you want for
Valentine's day this year?
53
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,996
Oh...I'm not
Expecting much.
54
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:44,996
Why not?
55
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,165
Well, the first year
We dated,
56
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,535
You claimed to have never
Heard of valentine's day.
57
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:54,405
The second year you gave
Me a ham sandwich.
58
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,841
That's why
I'm not expecting much.
59
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,109
I'm so sorry.
60
00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:59,911
Mary, this year I'll
Try to get it right.
61
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,179
You know I love you.
62
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,015
Yeah, I know.
63
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,016
Hey.
64
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,918
Oh, tiffany,
You finally made it!
65
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,953
Oh, dick,
This is my niece tiffany.
66
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,454
She's staying
With me for the week.
67
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:10,455
Sorry I'm late.
68
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:11,456
Aunt mary, can
I have 20 bucks?
69
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,358
Uh, you're
Not going to join us?
70
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,660
No.
71
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:17,128
Oh, ok.
72
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,665
But be home by 10:00.
My rules.
73
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,832
That's not going
To happen.
74
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:21,766
Have fun.
75
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,672
Sweet girl.
76
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,640
She's a pain
In the ass.
77
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,109
My therapist said I had
To set limits with her.
78
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,511
Therapist?
79
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,012
Why are you
Seeing a therapist?
80
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,347
To talk.
81
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,448
About me?
82
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,649
Oh, dick...
83
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,151
About our
Relationship?
84
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:40,718
Dick, please!
Oh, my god!
85
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,887
You're talking
About me!
86
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,121
Yes--no!
87
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,990
Dick, that's between
Me and my therapist.
88
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,124
But tell me!
89
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,258
No!
Please!
90
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,594
No!
91
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,496
So what are
You going to eat?
92
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,633
That's between
Me and my waiter.
93
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,139
Hey, don!
94
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,910
Sally, look what
I found on the porch.
95
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:08,379
It says it's from
Your secret admirer.
96
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,982
Secret admirer?
97
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,518
Hey, you guys,
Get in here!
98
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,887
You sure you want to read
That in front of everyone?
99
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:16,888
Hey, what's
Going on?
100
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,424
Look what some weirdo
Left on the porch!
101
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,425
Let me see that.
102
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,460
"Dear sally,
103
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,695
"I can't stop
Thinking about you.
104
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,096
Whoa, this guy
Sounds obsessed!
105
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,097
Don: but, uh--
106
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,232
"I stay
Up at night
107
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,933
Just to watch
You sleep."
108
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,535
Sally--
Eww!
109
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:31,803
"On this
Valentine's day
110
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,472
Your heart
Will be mine."
111
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,507
Aah!
112
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,075
Don: no, you
Don't understand.
113
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,209
This is the most
Creepy, horrible,
114
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:41,546
Disgusting thing
I have ever encountered!
115
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:42,914
It's a good thing
You're dating a cop.
116
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,549
Yes, it is, yes.
117
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,718
Don, should we go outside
And look for clues?
118
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,723
Clues? Sure, why not?
119
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,829
Oh. So I got
Alissa and me
120
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,631
A room
At the ramada.
121
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,332
Attaboy!
122
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,901
She's totally
Fine with it.
123
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,502
Attaboy!
124
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,503
But I'm a virgin.
125
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,171
Attaboy!
126
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:08,773
And, you know,
She's not.
127
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,508
Atta--
Stop it!
128
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,011
What, you mean the pointing
Or the actual--
129
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,579
Everything!
130
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,780
I don't know
What to do, man.
131
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,382
She's so much more
Experienced than me.
132
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,917
What if I make
A fool of myself?
133
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,086
Oh, don't worry.
134
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,420
You will.
135
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,192
So, dick,
136
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:29,795
What would you
Like to talk about?
137
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,464
Mary albright.
138
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,932
Ok.
139
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,635
What does she talk about
When she comes here?
140
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,369
I can't discuss
Patients, dick.
141
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:39,938
Doctor-client
Privilege
142
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,040
Is the foundation of
Trust in psychotherapy.
143
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,375
Oh, that...
Makes perfect sense.
144
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,811
I respect that.
145
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:48,546
How about I ask you
Questions about mary,
146
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,982
And you nod
Your head yes or no?
147
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,884
No.
148
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,120
Was that a yes?
No.
149
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,187
Was that a no?
150
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,188
Yes!
151
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,924
Yes! Good, good.
152
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,926
Dick, what's
Really going on?
153
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,160
What do you mean?
154
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,829
Are you feeling insecure
About something?
155
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:05,830
Like what?
156
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,932
I don't know.
You tell me.
157
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,000
My relationship
With mary?
158
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,001
Yes?
159
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,369
No.
160
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,839
Was that a yes?
161
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,408
[wailing] Yes!
162
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,777
[sobbing]
163
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:20,912
Ohhh!
164
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,952
Hello.
Is tommy here?
165
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:27,953
Yeah, I'm tommy.
166
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,787
Hi.
167
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,422
Uh, do I know you?
168
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:32,423
I'm tiffany.
169
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:33,424
Aunt mary wanted
To get rid of me,
170
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:34,592
So she told me to
Come over here
171
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:35,793
And hang out
With you.
172
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,429
Uh-huh. Well, I got
Some homework to do, so...
173
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:39,797
You're a cutie.
174
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:43,067
Not exactly big-boned,
But really hot.
175
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,737
Thanks.
176
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,873
I'm bored.
Let's do something.
177
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:49,941
Right.
That's the thing--
178
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,342
I got this
Stuff to do, so--
179
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,445
Come on, stop being
So lame all the time.
180
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,915
You just met me.
181
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,316
How old are you?
182
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,319
18.
183
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,987
Make me a sandwich?
184
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,224
Uh...
185
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:11,196
We--we got turkey.
186
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,001
[humming]
187
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,504
Don,
What's going on?
188
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:20,738
Huh?
189
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,607
Have there been
Any breaks in the case?
190
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,209
Uh, uh, no, sally.
191
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,278
Uh, but I've got every
Available man on it.
192
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,347
What about
A handwriting expert?
193
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,750
Don't you guys have some
Sort of handwriting expert
194
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,084
That can take
A look at this thing?
195
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,285
A handwriting expert?
196
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,054
Sally, we're just a small
Police department,
197
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,024
And I, uh...I'm
The handwriting expert.
198
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,526
Uh, here, let me
Take a look at that.
199
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:45,964
Aha! Given the slope
Of this crossed "T,"
200
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,833
We can definitely
Conclude that this guy
201
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,836
Is a lover,
Not a loser, sally.
202
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,371
Really?
203
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,740
I don't know.
204
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,608
Curve of the "V"
Says he's a pervert.
205
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,445
And the capital "Y"
206
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,413
Says he's killed
And will kill again.
207
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,414
Rico!
208
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:04,683
I knew it!
209
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:09,020
Don, I cannot sleep
Knowing that he is out there.
210
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:12,022
Please find him for me.
211
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,625
Just find him.
212
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,162
Boy, oh, boy.
213
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,298
You better
Find that perv.
214
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,435
I'm the perv.
215
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,541
The first time
I saw mary undress,
216
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:30,876
I remember thinking,
217
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:34,112
"God, I hope
This skylight holds."
218
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:41,352
Would you consider
Your relationship
219
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,921
With mary to
Be a happy one?
220
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,257
Yes. Apart from
The occasional mishap.
221
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,792
Mishap?
222
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:52,897
You know, like me publicly
Accusing her of murder or...
223
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:56,634
Or showing up naked
At one of her fund-raisers.
224
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:59,304
So those weren't
Mary's delusions.
225
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,304
I beg your pardon?
226
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,306
Go on.
227
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,674
I mean, I try so hard
228
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:03,941
To do the right thing,
229
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,943
But inevitably my choice is
230
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,980
"The worst thing imaginable."
231
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,316
Her words.
232
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,218
How does that
Make you feel?
233
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,219
Frustrated.
234
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,220
Why?
235
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,422
Because I want...
236
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:21,459
Because I want to be
A good human being.
237
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,127
And what's
Stopping you?
238
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,929
I don't know.
239
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:25,930
You?
240
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,400
No.
241
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,101
Me?
Good!
242
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,135
And?
243
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,171
And...Where I came from.
244
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,074
Yes, of course!
245
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,475
It's where I'm from!
246
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,476
And?
247
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,478
It's my past!
248
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,779
That's it!
249
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,248
My past is stopping me
250
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,282
From being
A good human being.
251
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,583
Go on.
252
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,118
It's standing between me
And my happiness with mary.
253
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,119
Go on.
254
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,921
I've got to
Let go of my past!
255
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,423
That's it! I'm letting
Go of my past!
256
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,058
Go on.
Go on?
257
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,393
I've just made
A huge breakthrough!
258
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,662
Isn't that enough?
259
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,401
Food, clothing,
Shelter.
260
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,036
The basics turn me on.
261
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,571
Shelter turns you on?
262
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:08,806
Yeah.
263
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:09,874
Because you need
Those things
264
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:10,975
Or you'll die.
265
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,210
But sometimes
It feels like
266
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,878
If you have them,
You'll die.
267
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,014
Wait, how do you mean?
268
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,349
Well, you can have
Shelter all day long,
269
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,817
But if you don't go
Outside once in a while,
270
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,186
You go crazy.
271
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,921
Oh, right. And you could
Eat like a pig,
272
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,591
But then sometimes
You have to stop, right?
273
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,026
And clothing.
274
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,728
Yeah?
275
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,895
Well, sometimes,
276
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:33,565
Don't you just
Have to be naked?
277
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:41,639
I've got a girlfriend.
278
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,843
I've got a boyfriend.
279
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:48,012
We're gonna have sex
On valentine's day.
280
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:50,815
No. We're gonna
Have sex right now.
281
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:55,520
I'm a virgin.
282
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:58,356
I could educate you.
283
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,859
I could use
An education.
284
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:01,860
Let's go.
285
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,561
Ok!
286
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:06,231
Alissa is gonna be
So happy about this.
287
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,304
I have an announcement
To make.
288
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,739
Ay yi yi.
Oh, jeez.
289
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:18,443
I have spent my entire
Life as a human
290
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,478
On the outside
Looking in.
291
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,213
Always trying,
Approximating,
292
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,548
Attempting,
293
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,116
But never being
A human being.
294
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:28,485
That's 'cause
You're not.
295
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:29,687
Lieutenant,
296
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,189
I refuse to be defined
By who I am.
297
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,392
My past has always
Gotten me into trouble.
298
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,227
As of now,
I have no past.
299
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,263
I am no longer
An alien.
300
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,031
What?
301
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:44,101
From now on,
I am a human being.
302
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,036
I am john q. Pubic.
303
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,047
So let me
Ask you this:
304
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,548
If you're not
An alien anymore,
305
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,682
Am I still an alien?
306
00:11:58,684 --> 00:12:01,886
I'm not here to define
You or anyone.
307
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,388
But I will say this:
308
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,223
All the cool kids
Are no longer aliens.
309
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,692
I've gotta change.
310
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:10,328
Only one more shopping
Day before valentine's,
311
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,663
And this time,
I'm getting it right.
312
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:13,664
What are you
Getting for don?
313
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:17,101
Ooh, I'm thinking
Ham sandwich.
314
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,936
Great idea.
315
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,539
Hey, that's what you
Got mary last year.
316
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,740
Yeah,
When I was a...
317
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,476
[beeping]
318
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,011
Alien.
319
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,853
So, uh, I was ok?
320
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:36,887
You're a natural.
321
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:37,922
Really?
322
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,291
But in the genetic
Imperative kind of way,
323
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,393
Or are we talking
Style points here?
324
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,795
Both. I gotta go.
Take care.
325
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:45,963
W-wait.
326
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,899
Wait. So, this is like
Good-bye and good luck?
327
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:50,134
Yeah.
328
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,736
What a deal!
329
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:56,507
[laughs]
330
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,181
Hey, tommy!
What do you know?
331
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,816
Well...
332
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,152
A lot more than I did
2 hours ago.
333
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,554
Oh!
334
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,456
Nothing says
I love you
335
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,558
Like having sex
With a stranger
336
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,526
The night before you're
Supposed to do it
337
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,094
With your girlfriend for
The very first time
338
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,296
On valentine's day.
339
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,297
Yeah.
Yeah.
340
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,597
I'm so thoughtful.
341
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:21,532
Yeah.
342
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,105
Look, have you caught the guy
Who wrote the note yet?
343
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,106
Caught him?
344
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,207
Oh, uh,
Yeah, sure.
345
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:31,676
I nailed him.
He's in lock-up.
346
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:32,710
Your worries
Are over.
347
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,479
Oh, thank you so much!
348
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,481
I want to see him.
349
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,482
Y-you can't.
350
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,750
Uh, nobody's
Allowed in there.
351
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:39,884
It's too dangerous.
352
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:40,951
I'm going in.
353
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,620
Sally, sally!
354
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,122
Sally!
355
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,457
All right, don,
Which one is he?
356
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,558
Sally, I--
I know how--
357
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,660
Which one's the perv?
358
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,661
Uh, the one
In the red flannel.
359
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,829
He's your man.
360
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,631
Ok, flannel boy,
361
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,399
Yeah, step over here.
362
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,568
So you're the one
Who's been stalking me, huh?
363
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,471
Well, you have messed
With the wrong broad, baby!
364
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,940
You have made
My life a living hell,
365
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,775
And you will suffer
The wrath--
366
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,777
Sally, for
God's sake, stop it!
367
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,479
What is it, sweetie?
368
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,381
I was the one
Who wrote the note.
369
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,649
You?
370
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,718
I thought it would be
Better than a card.
371
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,754
I wanted to say it
In my own words.
372
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,622
You wrote...
373
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:20,858
"Dear sally,
374
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,461
"I can't stop
Thinking about you.
375
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,796
"I stay up at night...
376
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:29,534
Just to watch you sleep."
377
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,703
Both: "On this
Valentine's day...
378
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,572
Your heart
Will be mine."
379
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,809
Oh, my god,
That is so sweet.
380
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,512
Thanks. I tried.
381
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,385
Let's go.
382
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,887
You could never write
A valentine
383
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,821
That good, you creep.
384
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:57,394
Oh, hi, dick.
385
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,596
Oh, mary.
386
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:05,269
Happy, happy
Valentine's day.
387
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:09,373
Wow, dick, this looks
Like a real present.
388
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,674
I put a lot of
Thought into it.
389
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:11,843
Oh!
390
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,880
Oh, my god,
This is amazing.
391
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,448
Oh, I knew
You'd love it.
392
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,351
When I was 5, I wanted
A piano just like this,
393
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,386
But my mother
Wouldn't get it for me.
394
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,588
Here's another
One, mary.
395
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,659
Oh, my god! Do you know
What this is?
396
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,194
Yeah, it's the novel
397
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,063
That your professor
Wrote while you
398
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,265
Were having an affair
With him in college.
399
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,534
How did you know that?
400
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,871
And here is
A flowing black wig.
401
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:42,039
Your camp counselor wouldn't
Let you play maria
402
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:45,576
In west side story,
But I will.
403
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,212
I never told you
Any of these things.
404
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,646
But you told
Your therapist,
405
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,282
Who is now
My therapist.
406
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,985
You're seeing
My therapist?
407
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:57,521
Yeah. You betcha.
408
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,323
And she told you
All of this?
409
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,159
Oh, of course not.
410
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:04,461
Mary, that would be
Completely unethical.
411
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,732
I looked at your files while
She went to the bathroom.
412
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,470
I can't believe this.
413
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,704
What do you mean?
414
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,873
People don't do this.
415
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,043
People don't look at other
People's psychological files
416
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:22,413
To get gift ideas!
417
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,949
They don't?
418
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:27,184
[shrieking] No!
419
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:28,786
Wait a minute, mary!
420
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,454
Are you sure?
421
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:33,791
Oh, stupid alien!
422
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,260
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
423
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,261
[piano plinks]
424
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:38,395
[plink]
425
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,964
[plink plink plink]
426
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,532
[clang]
427
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,504
[knock on door]
428
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,910
Hello,
My valentine.
429
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:55,846
Hello,
My valentino.
430
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,016
So, this nice
Enough for you, huh?
431
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,920
Set me back $47.99.
432
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:06,456
Listen, I, uh, I have
A present for you,
433
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,992
Because I wanted tonight
To be really special.
434
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:10,627
Really?
What is it?
435
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,897
Last night...
436
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:16,234
I lost
My virginity.
437
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,704
You what?
438
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,274
And if tonight is
Anything like last night,
439
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,009
You're gonna have
One great time.
440
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,545
Why would
You do this?
441
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,546
Oh, I did
It for you.
442
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,781
For me?
Yeah,
443
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,683
You know, because you're
Such an experienced woman.
444
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:33,851
You don't
Want a boyfriend
445
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,886
Who doesn't know
What he's doing, you know?
446
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,655
I thought you'd be happy.
447
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,423
Happy?
448
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:40,891
Not quite happy.
449
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,526
I have to go
Think about this.
450
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:43,527
Ok.
451
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:44,995
Well,
Don't be long!
452
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,031
Oh, I'm gonna
Be very long!
453
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,902
Good thing
I got pay-per-view.
454
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:58,242
[music on tv]
455
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,613
[knock on door]
456
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,181
Alissa.
457
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,587
hola, mon frère!
458
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,356
Harry.
459
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,557
So how'd it go?
460
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:16,960
Uh, I think she was
A little intimidated by me.
461
00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:18,429
What do you mean?
462
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,465
I think she felt like
I had too much experience.
463
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:24,569
Aw, ain't no such thing,
Little buddy.
464
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,036
Oh!
465
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,137
Those 2 ladies naked?
466
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,205
Yes, they are.
467
00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:29,139
Ah!
468
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:34,912
So, what'd that guy do
To deserve the spanking?
469
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,784
Thank you for agreeing
To this emergency session.
470
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,686
So what happened?
471
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,655
Dick read your file on me.
472
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,091
He touched my things?
473
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,560
I feel so betrayed.
474
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,061
I can't trust
These freaks
475
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:53,397
To sit while
I take a leak!
476
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,335
What did you just say?
477
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,237
What did you think
I just said?
478
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,374
Dr. Brand, I need
To talk to you!
479
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,108
Dick, you have
To wait your turn!
480
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:06,310
No, this can't wait!
481
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,611
Oh, this is infuriating!
482
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:10,748
Dick, what compelled you
To invade my personal space?
483
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,816
Oh, and read mary's files?
484
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,953
I did it because I am a man
Who will do irrational,
485
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,454
Often annoying things
486
00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:19,257
Out of love for
Mary albright.
487
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,159
Why can't you just act like
A normal human being?!
488
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,728
Because I'm never
Going to be
489
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,630
A normal human being,
Mary!
490
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,197
And do you know why?
491
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:28,799
Because I'm lousy at it!
492
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,635
And you're just gonna
Have to accept that.
493
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,369
Don't listen to him, mary.
494
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,507
I'm happy with myself.
495
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,743
I don't want
To alter who I am.
496
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,044
I like me.
497
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,449
Get that down,
Dr. Brand.
498
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:47,684
So you're saying
You're never gonna change.
499
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,853
Dick solomon,
Love him or leave him.
500
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,188
You've got
A choice, mary.
501
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,761
Oh, dick,
I do love you.
502
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:59,597
And I know what would happen
If I ever tried to leave you.
503
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:03,100
Yeah. Irrational
And annoying things.
504
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,568
Yeah.
505
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,637
I wouldn't
Normally say this,
506
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,305
But you two
Should not be together.
507
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,344
Happy valentine's
Day, mary.
508
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,779
Happy valentine's day,
Dick.
509
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:27,224
So how are things
With alissa?
510
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,760
Well, she
Hasn't called yet.
511
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,663
Which I'm reading
As smooth sailing.
512
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,331
She's just going to
Have to accept you
513
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:35,398
For who you are.
514
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,136
Wait. Is a non-alien
Speaking?
515
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,105
'cause I cannot
Hear a non-alien
516
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:44,041
Up here on
The alien rooftop.
517
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,177
Sally,
I'm an alien again.
518
00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:48,979
Good, 'cause that other
Thing was stupid.
519
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,614
Not as stupid as
Sally being scared
520
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:51,715
By a valentine.
521
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,383
Hey, I did not know
The earth custom
522
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:54,718
On that one, all right?
523
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,687
Isn't it great to always
Have that excuse?
524
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,056
Yes, it definitely is.
525
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,325
[all making
Kooky noises]
36001
Can't find what you're looking for?
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