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1
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,874
[sniggering]
2
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,042
What's so funny?
3
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,042
Look at the cover
4
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:13,511
Of this ridiculous
Magazine.
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,512
Harrison ford.
6
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,814
Ooh. Let me see that.
7
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:16,949
They're calling
This ugly nerd
8
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:19,317
The sexiest man
On earth.
9
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,952
Well, he is.
10
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,020
Oh, wait a minute.
11
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,188
You actually think
He's sexy?
12
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,790
I wouldn't kick him
Out of bed.
13
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:26,791
I would.
14
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:27,892
He's got to go out
And work
15
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:30,194
And support me
And the kids.
16
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,631
Oh, come on!
I'm sexier than he is.
17
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,567
Absolutely.
Ha ha ha!
18
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:36,568
Excuse me.
19
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,136
Ha ha ha!
20
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:40,873
Well, at least
You think
21
00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,875
I'm sexier
Than he is, mary.
22
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,042
Huh?
23
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,076
Don't you?
24
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:48,146
Oh, come on, dick.
You're sexy, but...
25
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:50,849
You're no harrison ford.
26
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,218
I am too harrison ford!
27
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,486
Oh, dick...
28
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,554
Well, I am!
29
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,089
I have
To get to class.
30
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,256
How can you
Possibly say
31
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,658
Harrison ford is
Sexier than I am?
32
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,060
I mean, just because
He's got those
33
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,095
Incredible
Cheekbones
34
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:06,231
And that perfectly
Chiseled jaw...
35
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:09,367
And those penetrating
Brown eyes...
36
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:11,236
That you could almost...
37
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,704
Lose yourself in...
38
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,174
If you stare at them...
39
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:18,743
Long enough...
40
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,078
Whoa!
41
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,448
But I love you.
42
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:24,716
See you, dick.
43
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,092
Oh, my god!
44
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,529
I'm hideous!
45
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,142
Ok, fine. Lights.
46
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,511
Any questions,
Comments, anyone?
47
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,112
About what, dr. Solomon?
48
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:29,447
We've been sitting
In the dark for 10 minutes.
49
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:30,449
You haven't
Showed us a thing.
50
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,050
I've been showing you
My face.
51
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:34,653
What do you people think
Of my face?
52
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,422
Anyone? Uh,
How about you, bug?
53
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:40,291
Wha...Excuse me, sir.
Your, uh, your what?
54
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,626
My face!
55
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,595
My face. Do you
Find it appealing
56
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,263
In an incredibly
Handsome,
57
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,932
Sexiest-man-on-earth
Sort of way?
58
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:50,135
You're sort of
Not my type.
59
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,105
How about you, pitman?
Do you find me attractive?
60
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,540
I'm sorry, dr. Solomon.
61
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,042
The last time I answered
That question in school,
62
00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:00,579
One thing led to another,
And then my biology teacher
63
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,815
Wound up asking me
To kill her husband.
64
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,384
Eh, eh, leon,
65
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,918
You'll give me
A straight answer.
66
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:07,920
Me?
67
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,922
Well, uh...Dr. Solomon,
68
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,557
I've always found
High cheekbones
69
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,024
To be very attractive.
70
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,693
Like mine?
71
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,695
Actually,
More like pitman's.
72
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,795
What?
73
00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:20,031
Yeah, but what about me?
74
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,200
Uh, dr. Solomon...
75
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,268
Looks are very subjective.
76
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,503
Well, is that
Your subtle way
77
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:26,504
Of telling me
78
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:27,672
That you think
I'm hot?
79
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:31,443
No.
80
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,945
Oh, yeah? Well, you're
Not so pretty yourself!
81
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,283
...Harrison ford.
82
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,719
What's with
The long face?
83
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,720
Look, that's just
The way it's shaped.
84
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,255
I can't help it, ok?
85
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,357
Whoa. What's yanking
Your ponytail?
86
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:48,093
I just don't get it.
87
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,228
Harrison ford and I
Have all the same parts:
88
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,097
2 eyes, 2 ears,
A nose, and a mouth.
89
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,232
How come they look
So much better on him?
90
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,233
Well, you know,
You could always do
91
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,502
A little snip-snip job.
92
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,704
If you're suggesting
That I kidnap someone,
93
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:00,738
Cut off his face,
94
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:01,940
And glue it
Onto my own, don't.
95
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,777
Because that never looks
As good as it should.
96
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,946
I was talking
About plastic surgery.
97
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,815
Yeah. You know,
10 years ago
98
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:12,117
I had my boobs done.
99
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,251
You did?
100
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,187
Reduced 3 sizes.
101
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,524
Plastic surgery.
102
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,926
Of course!
103
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,195
Why should I
Have to walk around
104
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:24,796
Looking like
A drab lump of clay
105
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,099
When I can pay someone
To...Chisel me
106
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,234
Into a perfect
Human sculpture?
107
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:31,770
You're not going
To get
108
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,137
Your boobs
Done, are you?
109
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,942
I just might!
110
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,944
This is so unfair.
111
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,212
If everyone
Can just pay
112
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,614
To be good-looking,
113
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,315
It totally
Cheapens things
114
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,316
For those of us
115
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,519
Who are naturally
Exquisite.
116
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:50,355
Natural? There's
Nothing natural about you.
117
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:53,458
You picked your body
Out of a catalog.
118
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,093
Mine came with
A free tote bag.
119
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,366
Hey...Look...
120
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,902
The little hand is
Picking dick's nose.
121
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,804
Now cut it out!
122
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,572
Ok,
123
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,577
I'm sorry
I had to step out.
124
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,979
I was in the middle
Of a tattoo removal.
125
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,216
Apparently, this gentleman
Has stopped loving his mom.
126
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:21,285
Ok. Now let's see
What we can do
127
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,087
With...Your face.
128
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,490
Yeah. Can I see how
I'd look with a bigger chin?
129
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,658
Of course.
130
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,429
But with a bigger chin,
131
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,831
I'd need a bigger nose,
Right?
132
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,398
Well...
133
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,366
Ok.
134
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,905
Why stop there?
Make my ears bigger.
135
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,674
Your ears.
136
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,479
No, bigger. Even bigger.
137
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,180
No, like an elephant.
Bigger! Even bigger!
138
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,815
Dick, dick,
Dick, dick.
139
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,617
Shh. Calm down.
Sit down.
140
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,753
I'm sorry, doctor. He's
Just a little overexcited
141
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,354
About the idea of...
Looking better.
142
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,623
Ha! Well, he should
Be, and, uh...
143
00:05:58,625 --> 00:05:59,791
So should you.
144
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,927
Oh, I'm not
Getting anything done.
145
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,962
You're not?
146
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,798
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were.
147
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,234
That's ridiculous!
148
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,737
Have you seen me?
149
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,706
I don't need
Anything done.
150
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,740
I could make you look
151
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,042
A little less tired,
That's all.
152
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,279
Less--less tired?
153
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,313
It wouldn't take much.
154
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,648
I look tired?
155
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:24,749
Hey, doc.
156
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,084
What can you do
For me?
157
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,187
Oh, my god!
158
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,558
The symmetry
Of those cheekbones!
159
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,927
That chin...
That aquiline nose...
160
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:36,962
Stop! It tickles!
161
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,096
Surgically speaking,
This man is...
162
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,097
Perfect!
163
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,098
What?
What?
164
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,133
But look at him!
165
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,936
His eyes don't even
Open all the way.
166
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:48,539
You know something?
You and I...
167
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,008
We could be brothers.
168
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:55,780
Would you look at this?
169
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,482
I think I've found
The perfect earlobe.
170
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,749
Is that a beaut?
171
00:06:58,751 --> 00:06:59,985
Hmm.
172
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,486
Is that
A david duchovny?
173
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,520
No. It...
174
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:04,022
It's a regis philbin.
175
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,224
Really?
176
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,926
Nice lobes,
Reege.
177
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,927
I don't know about
178
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,196
This plastic surgery
Stuff, dick.
179
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:14,399
I heard about a woman
Who had a face-lift once.
180
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,801
They pulled her skin
So tight
181
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,436
That she couldn't blink.
182
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,539
One morning,
Her eyes dried up
183
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,575
And fell into
Her raisin bran.
184
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:29,180
She gobbled them
Right down with the flakes.
185
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,182
Whoa.
186
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,349
So she could, like,
187
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:36,454
Watch herself eating
Her own eyeballs?
188
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,590
What a horrible
True story.
189
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:40,925
Hey, guys!
Hey.
190
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:41,959
What's going on?
191
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:42,960
Oh, we're looking
For perfect
192
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,028
Facial features
So dick can show
193
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,797
The doctor what he
Wants to look like.
194
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,931
And it just so happens
195
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,467
That all the magazines
That came out this month
196
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,303
Have beautiful people
On their covers.
197
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,872
Talk about
A coincidence.
198
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,680
Hello, gentlemen.
199
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:05,783
Oh, it's you again.
200
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,059
Hello there.
201
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,166
I never noticed how
Handsome your uncle is.
202
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,168
Yeah, we know.
We know.
203
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:26,804
Hey.
204
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,073
Oh, good morning,
Sally.
205
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,107
Morning.
206
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,908
How'd you sleep?
207
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,577
Why?
Do I look tired?
208
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:34,879
No.
209
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,914
Then why are you
Asking me how I slept?
210
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:39,450
'cause it's morning.
211
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,385
'cause I look
Exhausted?
212
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,288
'cause...
You just woke up.
213
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,423
Maybe you should go.
214
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,725
But, sally, I--
215
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,126
Please go.
216
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,197
Sally, I'm sorry
217
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,233
About that whole
Sleep thing.
218
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,470
I was out of line.
219
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:10,148
Oh...
220
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,383
Nina...
221
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,321
I just want you to know
That after my surgery,
222
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:19,990
I'm going to be
Devastatingly handsome.
223
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,559
It's going to be
Very difficult for you
224
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,461
To keep your hands off
Of me.
225
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,628
Oh, really?
226
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:27,165
But no matter
How gorgeous I look,
227
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,435
It'll still be me
Underneath, and, uh,
228
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:33,004
I'm still not
Attracted to you.
229
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,407
And I just
Want you to know
230
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,243
That if you never
Came out of anesthesia,
231
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,977
That that would be
Ok with me.
232
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,816
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
233
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,485
You're actually getting
Plastic surgery?
234
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,987
Yes, mary.
235
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:49,988
Yeah. I've been
Thinking about this
236
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,389
Long and hard--
237
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,457
Well, not long,
But hard...
238
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,761
Not even hard.
239
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,329
But why?
240
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,198
2 words, mary.
241
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,465
You.
242
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:06,838
Me?
243
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,239
Oh, come on.
Don't play dumb.
244
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,506
You're the one
Who said
245
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:10,909
You wished I looked
Like harrison ford.
246
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,510
I never said that!
247
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,678
Oh, please!
If harrison ford and I
248
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,147
Were both standing
In this room right now
249
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,448
Professing
Our undying love to you,
250
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,783
Who would you choose?
251
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,585
Don't be silly--
Who?!
252
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,787
Is he divorced?
253
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,021
You see?
254
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,691
Dick...
255
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:29,127
This is the face
I fell in love with,
256
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,430
And this is the face
I'm still in love with.
257
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,201
Do you mean it?
258
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,269
I do.
259
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,571
Yeah. Nice try,
Albright!
260
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,649
All right, dick,
You ready?
261
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,354
Good.
262
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:58,857
Here we go.
263
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:03,060
[heartbeat]
264
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,602
Uhh!
Uhh!
265
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,675
Good work, tommy.
266
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,110
That's exactly
How I want you
267
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,546
To remove the gauze
After my surgery.
268
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:25,282
Wait a minute.
269
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,018
You're really gonna
Stop with the face?
270
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,019
What do you mean?
271
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,020
Take off the robe.
272
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,021
What?
273
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,222
Take it off!
274
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,060
What is that?
275
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,061
What?
276
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,130
Well...
First of all,
277
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,931
This whole area
278
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,633
Needs to be sucked out.
279
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:43,901
You think?
280
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,069
Who's the handsomest
Guy here?
281
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,070
You.
282
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:47,071
All right.
283
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,840
And, uh...
Let's not forget about
284
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,408
The pectoral implants.
285
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,609
Mmm. Yeah.
286
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,645
Now,
Should we go in, uh...
287
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:57,915
Through the armpits
Or the nipples?
288
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,287
I'd remove the nipples.
289
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,288
Remove them completely?
290
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,288
In a second.
291
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,091
Yeah, but then...
292
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,625
I'd sew 'em back on...
293
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:10,395
Up here.
294
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,932
Well...That's
Not a little high?
295
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,734
No, no. They'll
Extend the torso
296
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,302
And make the whole
Package appear leaner.
297
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,371
I see.
298
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,372
Well, if you're
Gonna do that,
299
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,274
You might as well
Put 'em up here.
300
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,275
On the shoulders?
301
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,276
Why not?
302
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,277
I like it.
303
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,344
That's good.
304
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:28,412
And let's remove
A couple ribs, shall we?
305
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,413
I hate my ribs.
306
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,883
Mmm, yeah.
Oh, and, uh...
307
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,717
Right about here.
308
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:36,954
What's that for?
309
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,222
That's for later.
310
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,031
Unbelievable. Look
At all these magazines.
311
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,566
Everything
Revolves around
312
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,201
The beautiful people.
313
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,836
They have it all.
I mean...
314
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,704
How are the rest of us
Supposed to compete?
315
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,140
Well, you got a big hunk
Of celery in your teeth,
316
00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,508
And that won't help.
317
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,509
Thanks.
318
00:12:58,511 --> 00:12:59,677
Look at this.
319
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,146
Every beautiful woman
Is with a beautiful guy.
320
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,314
Yeah, we do
Tend to gravitate
321
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,483
To our own kind.
322
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,820
Man, how did
A gorgeous guy like don
323
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,057
End up with
A double-bagger like me?
324
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:16,027
It's a brain-teaser.
325
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,763
It's wrong.
326
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,198
It is wrong, harry.
327
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,199
I mean, this--
328
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:25,003
This is the life
Don should be living.
329
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,070
He should be the dude
330
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,172
With the hot babe
On his shoulders,
331
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,008
And he should be
On the jet-ski
332
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:32,710
With a menthol cigarette
In his mouth...
333
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,812
But he's not.
334
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,715
Because
I'm draggin' him down.
335
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,518
I'm draggin'
My beautiful donny down.
336
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,187
Mmm. You know, I didn't
Want to say anything,
337
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,022
But you totally are.
338
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:47,258
Thanks, harry.
339
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,726
Now I know
What to do.
340
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:51,895
Mm-hmm. All right,
We'll see you later.
341
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:54,265
Well, hello.
342
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:07,311
Dick, be ready for you
In a few minutes.
343
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:08,379
Are you nervous?
344
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,080
Well, a little.
345
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:11,182
Don't be.
346
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,351
Plastic surgery is going
To improve your life.
347
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,351
It did mine.
348
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:15,752
You had plastic surgery?
349
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,821
Oh, no.
350
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:20,391
But it did
Buy me a yacht.
351
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,263
Well, old face,
352
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:29,266
This is the last time
I'll be seeing you.
353
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,368
I'd say good-bye,
354
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,037
But good riddance
Is more like it.
355
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,272
Heh heh heh heh heh.
Look at this forehead.
356
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,041
All mottled and wrinkled
357
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,677
From years of tortured
Thoughts and...
358
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:43,714
And gentle ruminations.
359
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,217
I'm certainly
Not going to miss that.
360
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,920
Or this chin,
For that matter,
361
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:49,921
All scratched and scarred
362
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,290
From shaving in a rush
So often,
363
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,159
Trying to get
To work on time or...
364
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,828
Or to mary's house...
365
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,063
To pick her up
For a date.
366
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,764
I remember this one.
367
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:04,001
I was rushing off
To take her on a picnic.
368
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,570
It started to rain,
369
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,005
So we had to eat
Wet tuna sandwiches
370
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,341
In an outhouse.
371
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:14,412
That was so nice.
372
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,480
So, good-bye, old chin.
373
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,749
You'll be facing
The laser soon.
374
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,320
And good-bye to you,
Old nose.
375
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:24,822
And take care, old ears.
376
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:28,058
And you, too, old lips.
377
00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:33,030
And take care
Of yourselves...Eyes.
378
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,035
Oh, my god.
379
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:39,237
What am I doing?
380
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,874
All right, dick,
We're ready for you now.
381
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,475
Well, we're
Not ready for you!
382
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,476
What?
383
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,311
I'm not gonna
Change this face!
384
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,512
This face is a scrapbook
385
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,882
Dedicated to who I am,
Damn it!
386
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:54,819
And, by god,
I'm gorgeous!
387
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,356
No! You're not!
388
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,823
Screw you!
389
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,165
[imitating airplane]
390
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,569
Don!
391
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,374
Hey, sally.
392
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,975
Can I talk to you
For a second?
393
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:23,347
Sure.
What's goin' on?
394
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:24,548
I think you know.
395
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,383
I think you've known
For a long time.
396
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,555
I really don't.
397
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,191
Come on, don.
Stop pretending.
398
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:35,259
You and I both know
399
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,994
That a relationship
Cannot last
400
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,397
When one of the people
Looks like me...
401
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,098
And the other
Looks like you.
402
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:44,769
Damn it! I knew one day
You'd wake up
403
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,904
And realize
What was goin' on.
404
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,573
Don't kick yourself, donny.
405
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:49,907
We gave it
Our best shot.
406
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,009
I thought we were
Beyond looks, sally.
407
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,678
Come on, don.
Look at you.
408
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,247
How could we
Get beyond that?
409
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,854
Yeah, I guess so.
410
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,056
Don't get me wrong.
411
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:08,592
I appreciate
Your kindness.
412
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,461
Not many men
Would hang in there
413
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:13,598
With a gal
As unattractive as me.
414
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:14,865
What?
415
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,703
Don't make me
Spell it out for you, don.
416
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,104
I know I'm as ugly
As they come.
417
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,373
I don't even know how
You can stand to look at me.
418
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,621
Well, sally,
I'm not gonna lie to ya.
419
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,789
It's been hard.
420
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,259
It's been
A real struggle.
421
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,726
And granted,
We'll continue to get
422
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,362
Stares out in public,
423
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:48,432
But...That's a price
I'm willing to pay...
424
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,367
Because I love you.
425
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:57,107
Oh, donny!
426
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:58,108
Oh, ho ho!
427
00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:00,711
Thank you!
Thank you!
428
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,054
Well, mary,
What do you think?
429
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,755
You didn't get anything done.
430
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,458
No. Look, mary,
I know how much
431
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,560
You wanted me
To have that surgery.
432
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:17,828
I never wanted you--
433
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,962
No, no!
434
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:21,965
But when I got in there,
I realized this face...
435
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:23,467
Is my face!
436
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,803
It's like a museum
Of my life,
437
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,738
Especially
My life with you.
438
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:28,806
So, if you've grown
Tired
439
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:32,209
Of this dusty,
Drafty old museum,
440
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:35,480
Maybe you should just
Go to the guggenheim.
441
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,382
Oh, dick, dick...
442
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,950
I know what
You're going through.
443
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,519
I've been there myself.
444
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,986
You have?
445
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,222
Yes,
As a matter of fact,
446
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:47,124
A few years ago, I--
447
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,627
I was thinking about
Having some work done on...
448
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,395
My nose.
449
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:52,896
Your nose?
450
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:54,765
Yes, I thought if it
Was just a little longer--
451
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,368
No, no,
But I love your nose.
452
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,702
You do?
453
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:01,705
The way it scrunches up
When you smile.
454
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,941
It really does?
455
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,876
And those ears...
456
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,414
I love it when you
Let me nibble on them.
457
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,984
I kinda like that, too.
458
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,987
And those eyes...
459
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,322
Like 2 clear
Blue windows
460
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,625
Into the deepest soul
I've ever known.
461
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:24,227
Oh, dick.
462
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:28,198
Oh, mary.
463
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,199
Sorry about the lights.
464
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:30,367
My coffee maker
Blew a circuit.
465
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,570
I'm going to check
The breaker.
466
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:41,078
My god,
You're beautiful.
467
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,379
So are you.
468
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,315
Yeah, I know.
469
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:52,856
You know, they
Say that beauty is in
470
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,625
The eye of the beholder,
471
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:55,660
When in reality,
472
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:59,196
It's in the eye
Of the beholdee.
473
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,331
Well,
What are you saying?
474
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,399
If I think
I'm attractive,
475
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,399
I actually am?
476
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,635
No, tommy, not you. Me.
477
00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:08,305
Not you. Mm-mmm.
478
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,440
You know
What I realized?
479
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:12,943
It's not important
What you look like.
480
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:16,447
What's important is
Who you are on the inside.
481
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,950
[laughing]
482
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,919
That's hilarious!
483
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,020
Where'd you
Hear that, leno?
484
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,155
No, no, I made it up
Myself. I swear!
485
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,557
You should write
For leno.
486
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,459
I know!
487
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,928
[collective sigh]
488
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:35,666
Well, I, for one,
Am tired of being handsome.
489
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,434
You know, all people see
When they look at me
490
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:38,736
Is a pretty face,
491
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,737
And then they end up
Treating me
492
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,738
Like I'm an idiot.
493
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,141
You are
An idiot.
494
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,577
See? That's what I'm
Talkin' about. Forget it.
495
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,578
I'm not gonna
Be handsome anymore.
496
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,747
You can't just stop
Being handsome, harry.
497
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,483
Oh, no?
33680
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