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1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,471
Dick...Dick...Dick.
[yelping]
2
00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:08,973
Dick, wake up!
Wake up, dick!
3
00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:11,376
Wha--ooh!
Wha--wha? Oh!
4
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,744
Oh, sally! Thank god!
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,679
I had the most
Horrible nightmare!
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,883
I dreamt that
The big giant head
Came to earth!
7
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:20,418
And he was
An obnoxious,
Loudmouthed boob,
8
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:24,389
And...And he made you
High commander, and...
9
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:28,894
And then I was eating
A giant marshmallow...
And...
10
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,596
Oh, my god!
Where's my pillow?!
11
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,931
Dick.
12
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,000
Get ahold of yourself, ok?
13
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,935
Look. It wasn't a dream.
14
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:39,438
He did make me
High commander.
15
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,640
And my pillow?
16
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,842
He, uh...He confiscated
All our pillows
For himself.
17
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,279
Oh, my god.
Then it's true.
18
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,281
Sally, get me
Some coffee.
19
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,348
Dick...
[chuckles]
20
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,784
I'm not getting you
Anything anymore.
21
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,988
You work under me now,
And you're just gonna
Have to get used to it.
22
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:56,989
Oh, great!
23
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,690
Now, get up
And get dressed.
24
00:00:58,692 --> 00:00:59,992
No.
That's an order!
25
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:00,926
An order?
26
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,029
"High commander sally."
27
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,797
That sounds
Real impressive.
28
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,366
Rally 'round, troops.
29
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,868
High commander sally
Wants to go to the mall.
30
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,005
Did it ever occur to you
31
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,541
That I might actually
Deserve this promotion?
32
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,042
Of course it didn't!
33
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,545
Uh, sir...
Permission to--
34
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:20,546
Dick.
35
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:23,615
What is this?
36
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,017
It--it's called
A soap opera, sir.
37
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:26,952
Mmm.
38
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,754
What are they doing?
39
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:33,158
They're having sex.
Sir, if--if I may--
40
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,892
I want to do that.
41
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,232
I want to do
What drake is doing
To amanda's sister.
42
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:44,636
Sir, I'll--
I'll call some people.
43
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,705
But, sir,
If I might,
44
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:50,909
How could you make sally
The high commander?
I'm the high commander.
45
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,076
Well, not anymore.
46
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,545
Then what am I?
47
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,246
I don't know.
48
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,015
How does "Lieutenant"
Sound?
49
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,250
Awful!
50
00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,784
That's right.
It doesn't have
51
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,920
Much of a ring
To it, does it?
52
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:05,791
Let's see.
Let's make you
The...Transmitter.
53
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,794
"Transmitter dick."
Now, that sounds
Kind of jazzy.
54
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,596
But...I--I can't be
Transmitter.
55
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:12,964
Harry's the transmitter.
56
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,233
Fine. Then you'll be
His assistant.
But--but--but--
57
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,736
No. No. No. No. No.
Don't thank me.
58
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:21,006
Wait. I've changed
My mind. Thank me.
59
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,971
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions,
The national broadcasting
Company
60
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,207
And coca-cola classic
61
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,979
Ok, tommy.
Now, the thing
About a cummerbund
62
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:05,250
Is that not only
Is it a nice accent
To your ensemble,
63
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:08,954
But you can also
Hide your stash in it.
64
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,956
I'm not hiding
A stash in it.
65
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,891
Oh. Well, you know,
That's a good idea.
66
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,026
you ought to hold it.
They never search
The girl.
67
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,363
That's just great.
I was worried
About that, too.
68
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,364
I'm leaving.
69
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,000
Ha ha ha ha ha!
70
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:24,569
She is
The sweetest thing.
71
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,238
You be good
To her, tommy.
72
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,774
This is the most
Important night
Of her life.
73
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,276
What about her wedding?
74
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:33,178
Ah! Weddings
Come and go.
75
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:38,350
But a girl only has
One junior prom.
76
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,719
Of course...
Some girls have none.
77
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:45,056
Hello, vicki.
78
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,759
Excuse me. Tommy,
Did you hear anything?
79
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,461
'cause I most
Certainly did not!
80
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:54,099
[sobbing loudly]
81
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,469
Ah.
Good afternoon,
Dick.
82
00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,037
High commander.
83
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,940
Look, I...I just
Want to say I...
84
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,809
I completely accept
Your new position
85
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,211
And only hope that
You will treat me
86
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,879
With the same
Consideration
And respect
87
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:10,382
That I,
As high commander,
Showed you.
88
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,351
Of course.
Get out of my chair.
89
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:17,889
Sally, I need someone
To drive me to get
My corsage at 3:00.
90
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,491
No problem.
Dick, drive him.
91
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,493
Yes, sir.
Thanks. Dick,
Get out of my chair.
92
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,894
Uh, but--
Move!
93
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,398
Dick, get out
Of my chair.
94
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,802
Good afternoon.
95
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,070
All: good afternoon, sir!
96
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,038
At ease, at ease.
Well...
97
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,907
Well. What's going on?
98
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,510
We were just
Discussing tommy's prom
Tomorrow night, sir.
99
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,512
Oh. What is this "Prom"?
100
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,480
Uh, prom. It's, um...
It's a party.
101
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,382
A party! I'm down.
Count me in.
102
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:49,254
That'd be great, sir,
But it's only
For teenagers.
103
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,389
Well, he could go
As your chaperone.
104
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,157
Or
He could not.
105
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:56,161
Chaperone, chaperone.
I kinda like
The sound of that.
106
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,163
Chaperone. Dick,
Get out of that chair.
107
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,732
Yes, sir!
Right away, sir!
108
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:01,799
You, um...
109
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,568
Want to
Sit down, sir?
110
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:04,903
No.
111
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,345
Oh, it's nothing
To be ashamed of, dick.
112
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,149
This happens
To all men
113
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,051
At some point
In their life.
114
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,386
It does?
115
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,754
Sure.
116
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,856
At least,
I think so.
117
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,457
I wouldn't
Really know.
118
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,894
I've been batting
Kind of a thousand...
119
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,395
Up until now.
120
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:31,797
[groaning]
121
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,298
Oh, dick,
What's wrong?
122
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,400
Ohhh...
I don't know.
123
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,235
Ever since
Stone got here--
124
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,737
Oh, enough
About stone!
125
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:42,340
I knew his type
Back in college.
Big man on campus.
126
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,409
But you look past
That flashy smile,
127
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,478
Sleep with him
A couple of times,
128
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,413
Do kinky things
You never thought
You'd do,
129
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,415
And then try
For days to get him
To answer the phone.
130
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:52,450
then you see
The real him.
131
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,922
This isn't really
The pep talk
I was hoping for.
132
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,766
Oh, vicki,
I love ya.
133
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,935
Can you ever
Forgive me? Aah!
134
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,338
I just came in to steal
One of vicki's cigs.
135
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,774
So what's new?
136
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,410
Oh, you know.
Same old same old.
137
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,411
You wanted the cable
Hooked up in here?
138
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,080
Yeah. Right
Over there, honey.
139
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,287
Hey.
140
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,925
Oh, good.
Stone. Look--
141
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,560
Oh. If it isn't
Crooked ear.
142
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:39,631
Right. Uh, you know,
I--I know you and dick
Go back--
143
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,265
You have
A very pretty mouth.
144
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,067
It moves a lot,
But it's very pretty.
145
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,336
Ok. You know, ever since
You got here--
146
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,372
I--I can't help but notice
That you're a woman.
147
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:52,410
And as such,
I'd really like to have a go
At the sex thing with you.
148
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,650
So...Why don't we find
A pair of earmuffs
149
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,318
And retire
To the bedroom?
150
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,256
No, I--I don't think so.
151
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,594
Ah.
152
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,096
Oh, my god.
153
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,664
Oh, my god!
154
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,365
I know, and I'm still just
Getting the hang of it.
155
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,134
You pig!
156
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,503
No, no! Wait! Wait! Wait!
The bedroom's this way!
157
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,509
Oh, man! This shirt
Doesn't have
Any buttons!
158
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:28,346
What a ripoff!
159
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:31,582
Why don't you try
Using some of these
Little black things?
160
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,751
Harry, that's
The stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
161
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,152
Go get me
A stapler.
162
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,959
You know, you cannot
Order harry around
Like that anymore, dick.
163
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,293
He outranks you now.
164
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,797
Oh, right. I forgot.
I have too much
Cellulite on my ass
165
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,532
To be a high commander.
166
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,403
Yeah, dick.
Maybe if you put on
A wonder bra,
167
00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,204
You could get
Your job back.
168
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,374
Are you guys
Insinuating
169
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,876
That I got this job
Because of the way
I look?
170
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,213
Who's insinuating?
We're saying it
Right to your face.
171
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:02,780
Yeah.
172
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,883
This is
So typical!
173
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,885
When a woman
With a body
Like this
174
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,220
Gets
A promotion,
175
00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:09,487
Everybody
Questions it.
176
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,656
But if it were
A man with a
Body like this,
177
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,624
There wouldn't
Be any question!
178
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:19,064
Ah. Sir.
As per my duties
As high commander,
179
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:22,200
I have completed
The daily status report.
180
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,070
If you'll notice,
I've organized it
Chronologically
181
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,572
And not as my
Predecessor used to do,
182
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:30,141
Uh, in...Limerick form.
183
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,243
Excellent work.
184
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,511
Excellent work!
185
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,579
But you didn't
Even look at it.
186
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:38,749
Didn't have to. I like
What I'm looking at
Right now.
187
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,018
What are you saying?
188
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,253
I'm saying...
189
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,988
Vah-vah.
190
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,592
Oh, my god.
191
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,596
I didn't want
To believe it,
But it's true.
192
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,532
You didn't promote me
On my merits.
193
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,534
No, ma'am.
194
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,601
Oh, god.
195
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,269
But don't get me wrong.
196
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,204
I promoted you because
I thought you'd be
197
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,307
The best
Possible candidate
To give me pleasure.
198
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,178
Ok.
199
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:10,047
I'll give you pleasure,
You steaming pile
Of alien--
200
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:10,915
That's right!
201
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:11,983
Talk dirty!
202
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,953
Hey. I got
A limo outside
For tommy solomon.
203
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,722
Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready.
204
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,256
Hold that thought.
205
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:20,257
Shotgun!
206
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,604
You look really
Pretty tonight,
Alissa.
207
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:35,073
Thank you.
208
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,777
Yah-ha!
209
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,779
Tommy,
I just have
A question.
Yeah.
210
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:45,016
Who is this man,
And what's he doing
Here ruining my life?
211
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,219
Yaaahhh!
212
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,220
Whoo-hoo!
213
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,889
Ha--
214
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,490
[choking]
215
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,559
I think
I swallowed a bug.
216
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,199
[romantic music plays]
217
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,645
Excuse me, sir.
I would just love it
218
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,581
If you wouldn't
Play grab-ass
With my typing teacher.
219
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,551
I would love it
If you'd keep in mind
220
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,219
Which one of us
Is your supreme leader.
221
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,255
Get--shh! All right.
Give her my love there...
Big boy.
222
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,325
Tommy. You're
Spending more time
223
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,894
With your dad's friend
Than with me.
224
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:33,631
Yeah. Well, you
Have to understand.
It's his first prom.
225
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,266
Mine, too!
226
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,334
Right. Exactly.
See that?
227
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,105
Hey, kids.
228
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,275
Have you seen anything
Illegal goin' down?
229
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,843
You know, smoking,
Drinking?
230
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,311
No.
Oh.
231
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,948
Come on, cats.
Old donny's no square.
232
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:54,285
I'm totally down
With your awesome scene.
233
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,587
Now, uh...
234
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,321
Which one
Of these kids
235
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,256
Is dancin'
With lucy in the sky
With diamonds?
236
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:06,998
Hey, guys.
237
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,035
Hi, vicki. What
Are you doin' here?
238
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:14,005
Well, I was just
Sittin' at home--hi--
239
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,874
I was just sittin' at home
Feelin' lonesome,
And I thought,
240
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,341
Hey, what the hell?
241
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,645
It's never too late to go
To your junior prom.
Ha ha ha ha!
242
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,649
I'm not sure
That's true.
243
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,651
[sobbing]
244
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,490
Dick.
245
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,491
Hello, mary.
246
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,826
Is stone around?
247
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:35,827
No.
248
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,096
Good.
249
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,432
Because I have
A little news flash
About your friend.
250
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,234
This afternoon,
He grabbed me
And kissed me!
251
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:45,869
What?!
252
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,272
Oh, dick, I know how
This must make you feel.
253
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,707
Oh, but
This is wonderful!
254
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,874
What?!
255
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,310
Stone likes you!
256
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,611
This reflects
Beautifully on me!
257
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,681
Dick, another man put
His tongue in my mouth!
258
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,450
Tongue! Yes!
259
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,452
How can this be
A good thing?
260
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:05,089
Mary, don't you see?!
He's given you
His seal of approval!
261
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,091
Why do you care
What he thinks?
262
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,426
The only thing that matters
Is what you and I think.
263
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:13,030
Tell me, mary...
What do you think?
264
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:17,368
I think
You're way too smart
And handsome and sexy
265
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:22,039
To waste a second
Of your time worrying
About that braying jackass.
266
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,208
Mary...
What?!
267
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,710
I think my little
Problem is gone.
268
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,416
Yehh-haww!
269
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,094
Tommy,
Your weird friend
Is ruining the prom.
270
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:45,129
Which one?
271
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,870
he's in the lead.
272
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,806
So sorry, alissa.
I know I'm screwin'
This whole night up for you,
273
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,177
And you're gonna
Probably end up back here
In 20 years like vicki.
274
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,945
It'll be all my fault.
275
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,380
Tommy, it's bad,
But it's not...
276
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:06,016
That bad.
277
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:09,120
The point is that
We're here together,
And that makes me happy.
278
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,421
Really?
279
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,422
Really.
280
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,590
Whoops!
281
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,769
I'll get
Some napkins.
282
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,704
[drumroll]
283
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,739
Ok, everybody,
It's that time!
284
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,609
And now the king and queen
Of the junior prom...
285
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,378
Tommy solomon
And alissa strudwick!
286
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,947
Ohh! Ohh!
287
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,615
Oh, my god!
We won!
288
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,616
Ohh!
289
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,618
Oh, thank you
So much!
290
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:41,552
Ohhh...
291
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:44,288
This is
So beautiful!
292
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,291
[band plays]
293
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,067
♪ why do birds ♪
294
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,636
♪ suddenly appear ♪
295
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,905
♪ every time ♪
296
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:04,275
♪ you are near... ♪
297
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,710
Oh, my god.
298
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:09,981
It's like
He's singin'
Just for me.
299
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,083
♪ close to you ♪
300
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,487
♪ why do stars ♪
301
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,156
♪ fall down
From the sky ♪
302
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,826
♪ every time ♪
303
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,462
♪ you walk by? ♪
304
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,498
Oh, dear,
Just like me...
305
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,966
They want to be...
306
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,669
♪ close to you ♪
307
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:38,709
[whispering]
Oh, stone...
308
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,717
You know, this is
How I always imagined
My prom night would be.
309
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,655
I--I was--I was
In a bad, bad place,
Stone,
310
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:55,059
But you've...
You've reawakened
The woman in me.
311
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,799
Let's go to my place.
312
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:02,934
No. Not the solomons'.
313
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,702
No, no, no.
My place.
314
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,704
The view is...
[chuckles]
315
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:07,705
Unbelievable.
316
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:29,394
Take me there.
317
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,066
You know,
For the first time
In days,
318
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,234
I actually feel
Good about myself.
319
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:41,305
I don't need a fancy title
To have self-respect.
I have love.
320
00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:45,042
You know,
We got a little
Dried-up jelly
321
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,078
By the stove here,
Dick.
322
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,245
On it.
323
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,883
Let's just get this settled
Once and for all.
324
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:54,419
You know what?
Maybe my body got
My foot in this door,
325
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,988
But you guys know
That I deserve this job
Regardless.
326
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,257
Yeah, whatever.
Tommy: sure.
327
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,791
Shut up!
Hey, y'all.
328
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,593
Hey, vicki.
Hey,
Vicki.
329
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:03,761
That was
Some prom there.
330
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,763
Oh, yeah, it was gr--
It was weird.
331
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:06,764
Weird?
332
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,966
Well...
I was with stone...
333
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,735
Ahh! You were with--
334
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,871
Stone? Uh, what
Happened with stone?
335
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,973
Well, it just doesn't
Make any sense.
336
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,308
All I remember
Is I'm lookin'
Down on the earth
337
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,812
From way high up,
And there were
These pulsating lights
338
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,448
And this...This noise,
This...
339
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,884
Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep.
Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep.
340
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,986
Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep.
Skee-bee-dee-beep-beep.
341
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:32,156
And...Stone was there,
And that was nice.
342
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:36,760
But the next thing I knew,
I woke up in my own bed,
343
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:39,263
And I don't have a clue
How I got there.
344
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,334
Do you think I might
Be goin' crazy?
345
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,401
Yes.
346
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:48,272
Yes, you are
Going crazy.
347
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:49,840
That is a shame.
Yeah.
348
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,642
My advice is
Forget about it,
349
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,844
Don't tell anyone,
And pretend you're well.
Yeah.
350
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,912
Um, do y'all have
Any deviled eggs,
351
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:58,415
The kind with the relish
In 'em? I've got
This massive craving.
352
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:00,785
You know what? I think
We have some of those
In the living room.
353
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,787
Let's go, guys!
Yeah! Yeah!
354
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:07,625
Oh, my god.
He took her up
To his bachelor pod.
355
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,095
That skunk!
Takin' advantage
356
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,163
Of my innocent
Little vicki?
357
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,065
He is seriously
Out of control.
358
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,301
All right.
As high commander,
359
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:20,204
I'm gonna go in there,
And I'm gonna tell him
What's what.
360
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,975
Good morning, sir.
361
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:25,743
With all due respect...
362
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:30,080
You cannot
Just go around
Abducting humans.
363
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:31,716
Yes, I can.
364
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:36,754
Well, ok. But, uh...
There are plenty
Of places on earth
365
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,689
To do what
You two did.
366
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,692
I know. But I wanted
To be really loud.
367
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:45,229
You know, you four
368
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,265
Haven't done
This planet justice
In your reports.
369
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:49,900
It's...Infectious!
370
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,902
I...Don't want to leave!
371
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,271
In fact, I've decided
To make this place
372
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:56,941
Our new base
Of operation.
You have?
373
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,709
Yes. I've hired
An architect.
374
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:01,178
We're gonna go up...
And out!
375
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,414
I'm never leaving!
Vicki: stone!
376
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,416
I--I don't--
I don't understand
This, but I...
377
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,253
I think I might
Be...Pregnant.
378
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,454
Aah!
379
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:14,458
Well, look at the time.
I gotta get going.
380
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,931
Whoo! Yes, indeed.
I've got
To get going.
381
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,599
Home for me!
I'm late!
382
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,101
What are
You doin'?!
383
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,470
I don't know.
I'm suddenly overcome
With a desire to flee.
384
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,074
Sir! Please! Sir!
385
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:33,210
I hereby upgrade your
Evaluation to substandard.
Keep up the good work.
386
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,713
Uh, uh, proceed boldly
And with stealth.
387
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:36,881
Shwehhw!
388
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,050
Whatever.
I don't know.
389
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,986
Ok. All right. We got
A big situation here.
390
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,822
But we got time.
We got 9 months,
So we can--
391
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,825
You guys...We got
A little problem here.
392
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:56,067
Well, 10 minutes ago,
These pants fit great.
393
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:59,036
And now--now I can't
Even zip 'em up.
394
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,706
They--
They cost me $40.
395
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,075
Hello!
396
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,478
Mary! Mary, it's
So good to see you!
397
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,179
Well, till tomorrow,
Then. Sleep well.
398
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,915
I just got here!
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
399
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,217
Ohh...Ohh...
Ohh...Oh.
Oh. Wait. Yeah.
400
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:17,788
Oh, my god, vicki,
Look at you!
401
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,390
She's put on
A few pounds.
402
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:20,390
Sally: yeah.
403
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,493
You know,
She loves her tacos,
So...
404
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,762
You look like you're
6 months pregnant!
405
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,831
Yeah!
Duh!
Where have
You been?
406
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,767
I had no idea!
I mean, this is so--
407
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,770
Harry, congratulations!
408
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,171
Oh.
Why, uh...
409
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,009
I do not need this
My first week
As high commander.
410
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,011
I do not need this!
What're we donna do?
411
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,046
All right.
412
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,047
All right.
413
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,548
First things first.
We minimize contact.
414
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,483
Dick, you gotta get
Mary outta here.
415
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,986
Take her to one
Of those really long
Foreign films
416
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,520
She pretends to like.
417
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,157
Ok? Tommy, call
The hospital. Tell 'em
There's an incoming.
418
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,691
Harry, you go run
To the bathroom.
419
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,526
I don't want to have
To stop on the way.
Now, go!
420
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:02,732
Nice work,
High commander.
421
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,437
Thank you.
422
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,171
For a beginner,
I mean.
423
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,341
Thanks.
[chuckles]
424
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,342
Of course, there were
425
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,344
No alien impregnations
On my watch--
426
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,578
Yeah, I get it, dick.
427
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,117
Um...Doc--
Dr. Albright...
428
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,089
It would mean
A great deal to me
429
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,991
If you would
Deliver my child
Into this world.
430
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:30,927
What?
431
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:34,498
Well, you're
The only doctor
I trust.
432
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,468
Oh...Vicki, I--
I'm not that kind
Of doctor.
433
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,804
Oh. I see.
434
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,306
Just because
I do not have insurance
435
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,576
Means I'm not
A human being.
436
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:50,313
No. No. I--I can't
Deliver your baby.
437
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,283
But I'll be there
For you.
438
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,151
Oh, well, now,
That's good,
439
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,820
'cause I believe
My water just broke!
440
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,790
Dick, get in here!
441
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:03,160
We've got to take vicki
To the hospital!
The baby's coming!
442
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:04,729
[sally breathes
Nervously]
443
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:06,129
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
444
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,765
You're
The high commander.
Give us an order!
445
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,500
Chase them?
446
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,137
Let's go!
447
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,010
You're gonna be
Ok, honey.
448
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,012
Oh, god, harry,
I can feel it!
449
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,881
I can feel it coming!
450
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,816
Just relax.
Breathe deeply.
You're doing great.
451
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:29,820
I can see the head.
Boy, is that
A big head!
452
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:33,123
[all screaming]
453
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,225
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions,
The national broadcasting
Company
454
00:21:34,227 --> 00:21:36,160
And coca-cola classic
455
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:40,531
Is dick in?
Haven't seen him. Why?
456
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:43,834
Well, his friend stone left this
At the prom last night.
457
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,504
I think he was
Spikin' the punch.
458
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:47,838
What makes you
Think that?
459
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,207
Well, I, uh...Woke up
On the football field
460
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:52,209
When the sprinklers
Came on.
461
00:21:54,546 --> 00:21:56,546
Well, I'll be sure
To tell him when he--
462
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,215
Uh--uh...
Where's my evidence?
463
00:21:58,217 --> 00:21:59,483
I don't know!
464
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,986
Jeez! This happens
To me all the time!
35591
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