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1
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:06,004
So, junior prom, eh?
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,939
It's held
In the gymnasium?
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,641
Yeah. It's gonna be great.
4
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,509
Mm-hmm. That sounds
Really romantic.
5
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,012
You know, I spend
5 days a week there
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,513
Having hulking
Football players
7
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,616
Yank my underpants
Up my crack.
8
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,085
Tommy, listen to me.
9
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,454
I've always dreamed
Of going to my prom.
10
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,289
I've been
Looking forward to it
For years.
11
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,458
So if you ruin it
For me,
12
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,760
I'll yank
Your underpants
Up your crack.
13
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,795
This is a side
Of you that I like.
14
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,535
Hey, hon, what are
You looking at?
15
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,638
Oh, my god! You're going
To your prom?
16
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,139
Yeah. What's wrong?
17
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:45,043
Well, it's just--
See, I never got
To go to my prom.
18
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:49,047
It was supposed to be
The most beautiful night
Of my life.
19
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,982
Just me and freddy steckel.
20
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,717
Like in your tattoo?
21
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,556
But something terrible
Happened that night.
22
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:01,126
Freddy never made it
To my house.
23
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:03,428
As he was getting
Into his car
24
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:04,363
In his driveway,
25
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,763
His wife caught him
26
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,532
And made him come
Back inside.
27
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,336
That's sad.
28
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:14,739
I still have my pretty
Prom dress in my closet.
29
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,676
Sure, now it's
Old...Faded...
30
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,178
Stained with my tears.
31
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,614
Do you wanna see it?
32
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,782
Ok, sure.
33
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:27,485
Well, wait a second.
What about me?
34
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,789
Oh, great. I guess
I just have to stand here
35
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,190
And twiddle my--
36
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,559
Incoming message
From the big giant head.
37
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:36,161
Dick, sally!
It's the big giant head!
38
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:39,431
The big giant head has
Evaluated your mission,
39
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,400
And you have been
Issued a score based
On the color scale
40
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,970
Of the visible
Light spectrum.
What?
41
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,705
Your mission has been
Adjudged orange.
42
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,507
Hey, that's great!
43
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,942
Orange is very bad.
44
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,846
On a scale of 1 to 10,
It's, like, a 2.
45
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,047
Oh! Damn!
46
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,482
To reevaluate your mission,
47
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:00,986
The big giant head
Is on his way to earth.
48
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:08,560
He will arrive tomorrow
Between the earth hours
Of 9 a.M. And 3:30 p.M.
49
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:12,130
Someone from the mission
Must be home
During this time.
50
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:17,202
Transmission ending
In 3, 2, 1--
51
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,870
Ah-choo!
52
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:50,035
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions,
National broadcasting company
53
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:54,372
And coca-cola classic
54
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,577
The big giant head
Is coming here? Why?
55
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,579
To tear us 4 new ones.
56
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,416
But we just got these.
57
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,519
He's gonna yell.
58
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,388
There will be lots of yelling,
And then the hitting.
59
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,556
How dare he?
60
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,191
He's never even been
To this planet.
61
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,794
He has no idea how hard
It is to be a human.
62
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,697
Wait. "Be a human"?
63
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,265
My god, you guys.
64
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,167
Maybe that's our problem.
65
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,803
We've become
Too damn human!
66
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,371
What are you talking
About, sally?
67
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,305
You see? "Sally."
68
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,474
You used to call me
"Lieutenant."
69
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:30,709
Well, we've adapted!
70
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,644
We're emulating
An earth family.
71
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,912
Earth families don't refer
To each other by rank.
72
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,748
They use more
Familiar terms,
73
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,883
Like "You"
And "Bastard."
74
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,657
And "You bastard."
75
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:49,661
Thanks to you guys,
Our mission might
Be canceled.
76
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,795
Us?!
77
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,996
Well, what about you?
78
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,798
You separated yourself
From the mission
79
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,767
By moving into
Your own apartment!
80
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:59,804
Huh. Ok. Well,
How about the fact
81
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:03,241
That you decided
To father a baby
With vicki
82
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,610
Despite the distinct
Possibility
83
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:08,112
It might explode out
Of her stomach
84
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:10,047
And eat the
Doctor's face off?
85
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,316
If there were
Any tentacles,
86
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,819
It would show up
In the sonogram.
87
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,822
Will you two stop fighting?
88
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,258
You have both taken
Unacceptable risks.
89
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,528
Lieutenant, I order you
To move back in with us.
90
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,096
Harry, you will not
Father an earth baby.
91
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,464
What am I supposed
To tell vicki?
92
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:27,565
Just deal with it!
93
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,334
I'm the high commander.
That's final.
94
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:31,403
Yeah, well, if I were
A high commander,
95
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,970
I'd turn a hose
On you and albright.
96
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,141
Well, you're not.
97
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,709
Besides, I'm sure once
The big giant head
Meets mary,
98
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:42,580
He will find her to be
A suitable use of my time.
99
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:45,984
What's the look?
100
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,758
Oh, good. Mary,
Here you are.
101
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,693
Listen. An old friend
Of mine
102
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,294
Is coming to town.
103
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,762
Great guy, really great,
104
00:04:57,764 --> 00:05:00,031
And I'm really hoping
He'll like you.
105
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,100
Don't you mean you're
Hoping I'll like him?
106
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,868
Yeah, that's what I meant.
107
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,270
Who is this guy?
108
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,838
He's an old college friend.
109
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,039
Now, when he gets here,
110
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,374
You're not gonna start
Talking explicitly
111
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,844
About our sex life, are you?
112
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,146
Of course not.
113
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:15,514
Well, that's the thing.
114
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,315
You see, I'm kinda
Gonna need you to.
115
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,386
Try to bring up
How great I am
116
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:24,022
And also mention
How much I've learned.
117
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,891
You want me to talk
About our sex life
118
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,793
So you can impress
An old college chum?
119
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,963
Yes. And don't be
Afraid to embellish.
120
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,199
Every time you're about
To describe something,
121
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,201
Multiply it by 2 first.
122
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,470
Dick, why are you
So insecure?
123
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:40,538
You're fine in bed.
124
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,542
Ok. Multiply it by 2.
125
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:46,644
You're great in bed.
126
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,014
Multiply by 4.
127
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,849
You are a stallion.
128
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,918
The merest touch
Of your hand
129
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,621
Ignites an unquenchable
Inferno in my loins.
130
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,825
Yes, 4! 4!
Do it!
131
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,663
Could I just hear 5?
No!
132
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,230
Ok. 4! 4 is good.
133
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,499
Hey, doug.
134
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,501
What's the deal
With these things?
135
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:11,436
They're pickled eggs.
136
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,104
Can I?
137
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,262
That's pretty good.
138
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:40,699
Uh, doug. You gotta
Help me out with
Something, ok?
139
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,901
When I ask if I can
Take off early,
You just say,
140
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,670
"No, you gotta
Stay late and purge
The soda valves," ok?
141
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:46,671
Ok.
142
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,005
Hi, harry.
143
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,507
Hi, vicki. Egg?
144
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,844
Baby, come on. You know
I've already got an egg.
145
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,446
Oh, right! You mean...
146
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:57,915
Say, doug.
147
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,851
Mind if I knock off
A little early tonight?
148
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:03,988
Sorry, harry. I need you
To purge the soda valves.
149
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,591
But come on, doug.
150
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,392
Can't you see
We got plans?
151
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:12,229
Sorry, harry. I need you
To purge the soda valves.
152
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:15,800
What, you're forcing me
To stay?
153
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:17,669
Yeah.
154
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:23,408
Well, thanks a lot,
You son of a bitch!
155
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:28,046
Oh, boy! Just because you're
So unhappy in your life,
156
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,049
You gotta make
Other people feel bad?
157
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,052
Oh, yeah! Walk away!
158
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,920
Walk away!
159
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:38,889
♪ we've got tonight ♪
160
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:43,394
♪ who needs to know? ♪
161
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,429
♪ we've got tonight-- ♪
162
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,464
That's it.
163
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,101
Just sway to the music.
164
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,604
Hey, stop it!
165
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,174
Well, excuse me
For trying to simulate
166
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,176
An actual prom-type
Situation!
167
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,845
I just need help
With the dancing part, ok?
168
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,147
Let's just do it again.
169
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,581
Ok, but this time
You be alissa.
170
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,715
Ok.
171
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,053
Wait. Why am I
Being alissa?
172
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,221
Because I'm tired
Of being alissa.
173
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,856
Yeah, but at the prom,
I'm gonna be tommy.
174
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,124
Don't worry about it.
175
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,225
What are you doing?!
176
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,094
I'm just trying
To prepare you.
177
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:18,095
Tommy might try that.
178
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,698
I would not try that.
Yes, you would.
179
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,467
Yeah, I would.
180
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:30,975
I wish I were dancing
With vicki right now.
181
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:34,279
But thanks to the big giant
Stupid head, I can't.
182
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,181
[crying]
Oh, it's ok.
183
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,952
Hey, I'll be vicki.
Sorry. Shh, shh, shh.
184
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,287
Shh, shh, shh.
185
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,124
I'll come back.
186
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,162
We're just practicing
For the prom.
187
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,297
Oh, the prom.
188
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,166
One of the most
Grueling nights
Of the year
189
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,968
For us boys in blue.
190
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,102
How come?
191
00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,303
How come?
192
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:01,406
Prom night has
All the ingredients
Of a tragedy.
193
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,040
Take a couple
Of teenagers,
194
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,109
Throw in a bottle
Of scotch
195
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,444
Lifted from daddy's
Liquor cabinet,
196
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,813
Stir in a dash
Of loud music,
197
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,581
And you've got
A deadly cocktail.
198
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,718
I thought that was
A long island iced tea.
199
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,319
Do those have
Teenagers in them?
200
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,387
No.
201
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,889
Then it isn't!
202
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,457
Hi, don.
How are ya doin'?
203
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,627
I just need to talk
To tommy and harry
For a second.
204
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:25,263
Why is there
A nonessential human
In this house?
205
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,264
It's just don.
206
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,633
Officerdon.
Use your heads.
207
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:32,403
There's an officer of earth law
In our headquarters!
[telephone ringing]
208
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,672
Don: it's the phone.
209
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,673
Yeah, oh great.
210
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,174
Be a dear and get it,
Would you, don?
211
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,175
Thanks. Bye now.
212
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,677
Ok, listen. Any minute now,
213
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,378
That door could open
And in could walk
The big giant head!
214
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,714
The big giant head?
215
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,114
The big giant head
Is here?!
216
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,249
No!
No!
217
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,985
Ok.
218
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,786
Call me when
He gets here.
219
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:50,121
That was the airline.
220
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,189
Airline?
221
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,457
Yeah, you're
Expecting somebody?
222
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,225
Well, they wound up
In east rutherford,
New jersey,
223
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,360
Instead of rutherford,
Ohio.
224
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:56,594
[squeals]
225
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,128
Anyway, he's on
A flight here now.
226
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,431
To the airport!
Let's go!
227
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,043
Do you see him yet?
228
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,045
See who? We have no idea
229
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,980
What kind of body
He formed into.
230
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,248
This is so frustrating.
231
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,016
He could be any
Of these people.
232
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,220
So his head
Will be smaller?
233
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,754
Yes, his head'll
Be smaller.
234
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,158
Dick, what are
You doing?
235
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,293
You can't be too careful.
236
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,228
I love you people!
237
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,099
I love your airplane.
238
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,601
I love to fly.
239
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,736
Does it show?
240
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:39,938
Look at this loser.
241
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,040
Hello!
242
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:46,243
Is this any way to greet
Your supreme leader?
243
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,283
Welcome, o great
And glorious leader,
244
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,985
Whose presence
In which we,
245
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,620
Your humble and
Insignificant subordinates
246
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,522
Are barely worthy
Of basking.
247
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:58,523
Right.
248
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,625
This is some body
I picked out.
249
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,260
Pretty good, eh?
250
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,195
Nice abs.
251
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,630
So, how was
Your trip, sir?
252
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,365
Horrifying, at first.
253
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,634
I looked out the window,
254
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:14,239
And I saw something
On the wing of the plane.
255
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:17,042
The same thing
Happened to me!
256
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,144
Anyway, to calm me down,
257
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,346
They gave me something
Called...Alcohol.
258
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,548
We never would
Have known.
259
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,916
Let's get
On a flight to jersey
And get another round.
260
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,018
No, no, you don't
Have to, sir.
261
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,054
That bar over there
Serves alcohol.
262
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,955
Hot diggity!
263
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:38,997
I love this planet already.
264
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:45,703
How long are we gonna
Stand like this?
265
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,239
Until he wakes up
And sees the respect
266
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:49,307
We're giving him,
Soldier.
267
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,475
Well,
I hope it's soon,
268
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,745
'cause
My deodorant's
Crapping out on me.
269
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:58,182
Oh...My...God!
270
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,618
What the hell
Happened?
271
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,386
[all shouting]
Good morning, sir! Ha!
272
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:07,625
Who's that pounding
On my head?
273
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,527
I will find him
And destroy him.
274
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,130
It's a limitation
Of these primitive
Bodies, sir.
275
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,898
It comes from
Too much alcohol.
276
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,334
Well, it's a design flaw!
Fix it immediately!
Yes, sir!
277
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,969
Hello, hello, hello.
278
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,037
Who's this?
279
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:22,940
Hi. I'm mamie dubcek.
We met last night.
280
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,208
You were out
In the bushes,
281
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,676
And sally was
Holding your head.
282
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,645
Yes, I ordered her
To do that.
283
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,646
I chased away
The cat.
284
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,581
I got you a mint.
285
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:30,982
The yelling will cease,
286
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,350
Or the killing
Will commence!
287
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,585
Ah, I thought
There'd be
A hangover
288
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,187
In the house today.
289
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:39,757
Here you go.
A little hair
Of the dog.
290
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:43,728
Has this got, uh,
Some of that alcohol?
291
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:44,762
Well, it's
A bloody mary.
292
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:56,741
Ah-um!
293
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,679
It's going
To be a golden day.
294
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,747
Mrs. Dubcek, this is
My old friend...
295
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:04,748
Stone.
296
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,017
Stone phillips.
297
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,221
Like that guy
On dateline?
298
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,255
No.
299
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,790
Can I have another?
300
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,525
Yes. I'll be
Right back.
301
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,859
Good. I think, sir,
302
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,728
That you will find
Our mission to be in--
303
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,863
Whoa!
304
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:21,099
These feel good.
305
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,133
Those would be
Your legs, sir.
306
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,037
How nimble they are.
307
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,040
Yes, sir. Now if I could
Direct your attention
308
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,408
To the living quarters--
309
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,109
Oh, that was fun!
310
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,445
Yes, sir, very good.
I also...
311
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:36,213
Admire your footwork, sir.
312
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:38,215
Oh, that is so much fun!
313
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:40,050
Come on, everybody,
Join in.
314
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:46,624
Sir!
315
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,859
With all due respect,
I feel it is--
316
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,629
Lieutenant! When you talk
To me, straighten up.
317
00:13:57,803 --> 00:14:00,237
May I commend you
On the form you've taken?
318
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:01,472
Thank you, sir!
319
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,341
Dick?
Sir!
320
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,309
My stomach is making
That noise again.
321
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:06,810
Get me something
To fill it.
322
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:09,313
Yes, sir!
Right away, sir!
323
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,448
Sir, I have some ideas
324
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:14,385
On how to increase
The efficiency
Of the mission
325
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,986
If you'd like
To hear them.
326
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,187
What I'd like to hear
327
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,823
Is how you get around
328
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,858
On those long
Earth legs of yours.
329
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,426
Excellent work.
Excellent, excellent.
330
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,361
I appreciate that, sir.
331
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,398
Would you like
To kick me with them?
332
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,535
Uh...No,
Thank you, sir!
333
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,437
Perhaps later?
334
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,205
Fine!
335
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,307
Sir!
336
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,044
You two!
337
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,314
You're going to bathe me.
338
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:47,919
[both weakly] Yes, sir.
339
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,855
I call washing
The top half.
340
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:51,956
Screw that.
341
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:59,630
What the hell have you
Been doing here
All this time?
342
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,233
Well, I've been
Working a lot
343
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,835
On my relationship
With mary.
344
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,903
For 3 and a half years?!
345
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,205
Establishing
An emotional bond
With a human
346
00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:09,606
Is a huge accomplishment.
347
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:11,708
Most humans can't
Even achieve it.
348
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:13,177
Really?
349
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:16,246
Dick, that's extremely
Underwhelming.
350
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,883
If you only
Understood how much
I've actually achieved--
351
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,517
Oh, I try to understand,
352
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:22,520
And I've been sending
You a lot of messages,
353
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:23,821
But you have got
No answer!
354
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,790
Dick, why is
This door locked?!
355
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,391
Oh! Oh, good. It's mary!
356
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:31,228
You'll see. She accepts
And trusts me completely.
357
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,297
Why the hell did you
Lock the door?
358
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,199
Are you going
Through my stuff again?
359
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,301
I love you, too, mary.
360
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,370
Could you come
Over here?
361
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:42,139
I'd like you to meet
My old friend stone.
362
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,907
It's a pleasure
To meet you.
363
00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:46,144
I don't like you.
Excuse me?
364
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,812
Let's go. I want
Something else
To taste.
365
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:52,116
Is there such a thing
As macaroni?
366
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,785
Did he just say
He didn't like me?
367
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,721
Yes, but you just
Don't understand
368
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,889
His crazy sense
Of humor.
369
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,157
He's a nut.
370
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,828
Why don't the three
Of us go out,
371
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,462
Have some macaroni
And alcohol,
372
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,731
And you can get
To know mary better.
373
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,000
If I have to.
374
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,769
But who's this
Delicious mocha number?
375
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:14,605
Excuse me?
376
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:17,908
I love the round part
At the top of the legs.
377
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,878
Oh, yeah?
Well, what do you
Think of my hand?
378
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,983
These are fun, too!
379
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,520
Ok. Let's get going!
380
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:30,855
Par-tay!
381
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:37,862
Orange you glad
I didn't say banana?
382
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,598
I don't get it.
383
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,301
Mary can explain it
To you.
384
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,968
I--I...
385
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,237
Harry, I'm gonna need
3 more tequila sunrises
386
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:49,107
And a couple of more
Knock-knock jokes.
387
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,042
Dick, listen.
You have got to calm down.
388
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:54,244
Calm down? Do you want him
To banish us into space
389
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,881
In one of those big
Flat mirror things
390
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,149
Like in superman ii?
391
00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,751
Dick, that's not real.
392
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:00,985
It looked real.
393
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:06,424
So, stone...
Quite a little lady
I got here, huh?
394
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,192
I see no glaring defects.
395
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,661
Well, I do have
This crooked earlobe.
396
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,928
Oh, my god.
397
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,100
That's disgusting.
398
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,301
I was joking!
399
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,337
Now it's all I can see!
400
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,538
Dick?
401
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,072
Ooh!
402
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,641
Now look what
You've done!
403
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,275
The man is a jackass!
404
00:17:25,277 --> 00:17:27,311
Why do you want
To impress him?
405
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,313
I'm not trying
To impress him.
406
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,715
Look, we'll get you
A nice floppy hat
For that.
407
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,485
Yeah, when you do,
Give me a call!
408
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,253
Mary! But, mary!
409
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:39,157
Hello, there.
May I join you?
410
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,691
Have a seat.
411
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,660
These are mine.
Get our own.
412
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,430
Hi, harry.
There you are.
413
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,499
Oh, hi, vicki.
414
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,236
Harry,
Is something wrong?
415
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,372
It feels like you've
Been avoiding me.
416
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,274
Oh, no.
417
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,442
Harry!
418
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:02,913
Harry solomon,
Do you or do you not
419
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,382
Wanna be the father
Of my baby?
420
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:08,452
Look, vicki,
It's just a really
Big responsibility,
421
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:11,455
And I feel like
I have to think
422
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,357
About my career first.
423
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,027
Baby, you do not
Have a career!
424
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:19,830
And yet you expect me
To provide for a baby.
425
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,799
Oh, what, are you
Gonna have a career?
426
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:23,901
Yeah!
427
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,505
Ok, now that's
Just hurtful.
428
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:31,408
You know that
I'm not designed to live
In your 9-to-5 world.
429
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:34,478
Oh, baby. The world
Is such a mess,
430
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,949
What with the craziness
In texas and...
431
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,487
Africa...Canadians
And their whole thing.
432
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:49,359
Let's just give it a week,
See if things clear up.
433
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:50,961
Harry solomon...
434
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,032
I do not even know you!
435
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:04,174
[all singing]
436
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:06,243
Get me some drinks.
437
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,344
Yes, sir!
438
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,514
Hey, dick.
439
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,216
Rough night here
Tonight, huh?
440
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:15,252
Why would you say that?
441
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,020
Well, there've been
Some complaints.
442
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:22,025
Public urination,
Verbal harassment,
Lewdness...
443
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:24,494
And more public
Urination.
444
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,730
It could be
Anybody here, don.
445
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:29,233
Well, I'm kinda bettin'
It's that guy.
446
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:31,335
Kick! Kick!
447
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,670
Higher!
As though your life
Depended on it!
448
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,307
Higher! Go!
449
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:39,476
Uh, don, I'd like you
To meet my old friend stone.
450
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:40,644
Friend, huh?
451
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,147
Well, listen, friend,
Rutherford is a clean town,
452
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,982
And it's shenanigans
Such as yours
453
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,051
That are gonna dash
Our hopes of landing
454
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,186
The 20-aught-8
Summer olympics!
455
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,189
Would you lean
A little closer?
456
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,592
Your breath smells
Of chili fries.
457
00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,130
Can't you
Just give stone
A little break?
458
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,832
It's kind
Of important to me.
459
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:04,068
That's a no-can-do, dick.
The law's the law,
460
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,436
And it bends for no man.
461
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,672
Please, don.
462
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:11,008
For old time's sake?
463
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,510
It sure would mean
A whole bunch to me.
464
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,145
Sally!
465
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,580
Ok.
466
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:20,083
But tell him to stop
Whizzing in front
Of the lady folk.
467
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:21,618
Ok.
It's my pet peeve.
468
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:23,553
I know, sweetie.
I will. Thanks.
469
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,721
Thanks, don.
470
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,660
Hello.
471
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,131
Well, hi, there.
472
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,767
I'm a rocket man, you know.
473
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,738
Really?
474
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,839
Can I help you
Jettison your pants?
475
00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:45,543
I kill you!
476
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,378
Sally: hey!
477
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,413
No one violates
The big giant--
478
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,818
Area around stone
479
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:56,854
Without going
Through me first.
Is that understood?
480
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,355
Yeah, ok.
481
00:20:58,357 --> 00:20:59,957
Lieutenant, well done.
482
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,125
Thank you.
483
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,226
I like the cut
Of your jib.
484
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:05,963
Well, I've been working
On my jib.
485
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,132
Dick disappoints me.
486
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,467
I find him...
487
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:12,870
Disappointing.
488
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,239
I'm issuing a big
Giant directive.
489
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:17,141
Lieutenant, you are
Now officially
490
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:20,878
The new high commander
Of this mission.
491
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,580
Oh, my god.
492
00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:24,148
A toast!
A toast!
493
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:28,419
A toast to my new
High commander.
494
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:32,056
All: to your new
High commander!
495
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,125
Huh?!
35730
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