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1
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,905
[beeping]
2
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,139
What's with the beeper?
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,675
Oh, I just got it.
4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,142
My parents aren't
Getting any younger,
5
00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:13,978
And I feel a little safer
Knowing that they can reach me.
6
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:15,647
Just being a good daughter.
7
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,216
If anything,
I am a good daughter.
8
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,085
Aren't you gonna
Call back?
9
00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:25,924
Yeah, I guess so.
10
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,560
Oh, nina, good.
11
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,195
I need my grade reports
By tomorrow morning,
12
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,832
Or the registrar
Is gonna use my ass
As a tetherball.
13
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:37,135
I gotta run.
I left the reports
On your computer.
14
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,137
I don't see them.
15
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,107
They're on your computer.
16
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:45,744
Nina, don't
Jerk me around.
17
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,246
I think what she means
Is that the grades
18
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,682
Might actually
Be in the computer.
19
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,984
Yes, mom, I know.
20
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:57,155
3 for a dollar
Is a great price
For crenshaw melons.
21
00:00:57,157 --> 00:01:00,292
You know, I got this beeper
For emergencies.
22
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:03,162
Yeah, I know they're
Gonna go fast.
23
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,063
I'll just have to risk it.
24
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,064
Good-bye.
25
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,401
How am I gonna get
My grades out of this?
26
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,936
They're not
On the disk?
27
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,771
The disk?
28
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:16,842
Oh, my god.
29
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:21,146
You know, in 3 years,
I have never seen you
Use your computer.
30
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,381
It's your dirty
Little secret, isn't it?
31
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:27,486
You're a physics professor
Who's computer illiterate.
32
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,388
I am not.
33
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,523
Well, fine, fine.
34
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,224
But if you
Ever need my help,
35
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,927
I...An anthropology
Professor,
36
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,462
Will teach you...
37
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,765
A physics professor...
38
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,734
How to open a file
With your mouse.
39
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:43,735
Ha ha ha!
40
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,643
Computer, activate now.
41
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,582
Oh.
42
00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,152
Oh ho, silly me.
43
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,052
It's japanese.
44
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,620
[clears throat]
45
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,523
ima kumputa hajimate!
46
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,607
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
47
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:42,293
And the national
Broadcasting company
48
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,364
Interesting hair.
49
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:48,366
No, I think
That's a hat.
50
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,836
No, I don't think
A cow would wear a hat.
51
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,639
Why don't you guys
Just get a new tv?
52
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,477
Wha...
53
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:01,379
New tv?
54
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,314
Can we--
Can we do that?
55
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,851
Yeah.
56
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,652
My god,
That's brilliant!
57
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,087
That's my girlfriend.
58
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,088
Harry.
59
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,790
Ohhh!
60
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,758
Ohhh! It's blue!
61
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,927
It's blue!
62
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,630
Oh, my god.
We're pregnant!
63
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,067
I am the man!
64
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,902
Harry!
65
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,771
I just has
A blue icy pop.
66
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,708
Ohh.
67
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,578
Well, that doesn't mean
That I'm not the man.
68
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,145
Honey, you
Will be the man.
69
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,079
We're going
To a specialist
70
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,949
To make sure
All systems are go.
71
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,517
That's right.
72
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:40,551
That's right.
73
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,486
Ok, that's my cue.
74
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,420
Yeah, me, too.
75
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,690
Get it...
And get it. Ha!
76
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,659
Tommy, aren't you
Gonna go with
Your girlfriend?
77
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,295
No, I was just gonna
Stay here and watch.
78
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:55,100
This is grown-up stuff.
Get out of here!
79
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,934
Get it, ha!
Get it!
80
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,809
Dick, what
Are you doing?
81
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:08,846
I-I'm just, uh,
Working on my computer.
82
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:09,781
It's not even on.
83
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:10,848
Yes, it is.
84
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:11,850
No, it's not.
85
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,118
Yeah, I-it's just, uh,
Warming up.
86
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,290
You don't know how
To use a computer!
87
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:19,491
Shut up!
88
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:23,328
Oh, he has no idea!
89
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:24,996
I am a superior being.
90
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,032
I came to earth
On a spaceship
91
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,367
That could fit
In my pants.
92
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,837
What am I supposed to do
With technology so backwards
93
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,272
It can't even read
Your thought waves?
94
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,977
Miss...
95
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,246
You have a very
Rare condition
96
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:43,415
Which can only
Be cured
97
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,350
By gettin' naked.
98
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,154
We don't have much time.
99
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,857
Harry, this is
Serious business.
100
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:54,426
I gotta be sure that
Everything's all right.
101
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:57,328
Hi, I'm dr. Howard.
102
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,831
I understand you've been
Trying to get pregnant.
103
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,066
Oh, boy,
We sure have.
104
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,500
For a whole month.
105
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,604
It's been the
Greatest month
Of my life.
106
00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:09,574
Well, a month, that's
A little early to panic.
107
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,709
But...
108
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,578
It's not like we're doing
Anything else.
109
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,646
Well,
110
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,648
If it'll give you
Some peace of mind,
111
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,617
We can have
A little look-see.
112
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:23,121
See, the reproductive
System is a very complex
Piece of machinery.
113
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,155
Ok.
114
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,558
You see this, harry?
This is your urethra.
115
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:27,592
Oh!
116
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,729
Where did you get
That picture?!
117
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,833
It's not really yours.
118
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,535
Probably some...
119
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,671
Fancy male model,
Isn't it?
120
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,007
Sure.
121
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,580
Hello.
May I help you?
122
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,915
Yes. I am quite livid!
123
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,384
I purchased this computer
Here 2 weeks ago,
124
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:56,822
And I can't do
Anything with it.
It's broken.
125
00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:00,525
We haven't sold
This machine here
For 6 years.
126
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,962
Fine, fine.
I'll just take
Store credit, then.
127
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:07,899
This is stamped
"Property of
Pendleton university."
128
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,369
You have sold me
Stolen goods?
129
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,137
How dare you!
130
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:15,307
You did not buy
This computer here.
131
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,774
You are lying.
132
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:18,877
You are a liar.
133
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,715
I thought the customer
Was always right.
134
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,349
That's so clear.
135
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:28,720
You can actually see
Where this guy ends
And this guy starts.
136
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,589
Oh, whoa, this one's
Even better.
137
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,590
Oh, yeah!
138
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,825
But it pales
In comparison
To this...
139
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,794
Masterpiece!
140
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:36,795
Tommy.
141
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:37,796
Huh?
142
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,801
Sweet mother!
143
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:46,571
Both: there's a picture
in that picture!
144
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,542
Oh, my god,
It's so little.
145
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:54,079
I could just sit down
And rest it right here
On my, uh...
146
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,182
Uh, thigh shelf.
147
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,250
Uh, now, all you do
To clear the screen--
148
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,751
That much I know.
149
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,787
I have something
Similar to this at home.
150
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,931
Ok, you guys.
151
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,632
Check it out.
152
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:18,870
4-head vhs
Auto-tracking deliciousness.
153
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,773
525 lines
Of resolution.
154
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,341
Ooh, yeah!
155
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,044
However, it says here
156
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:30,382
That this vcr
Only has 250 lines.
157
00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:31,650
What are you saying?
158
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,018
Nothing.
159
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,020
A-are you saying
That these colors
160
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,556
Could be
More vibrant?
161
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,856
This looks good to me.
162
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,359
I am saying, tommy,
That if we went digital,
163
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:45,330
We'd get the most
Out of our bitchin' tv.
164
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:48,567
So it would really
Be a waste of money
Not to.
165
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,203
This really looks fine.
166
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:52,704
It's horrible!
167
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:56,074
Pack it up.
This piece of crap's
Going back.
168
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,855
Grrrrrr!
169
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,190
Harry, cut it out.
170
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,292
I gotta find out
If I'm ovulating.
171
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,739
Ok.
172
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,540
Now we can begin.
173
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:30,842
Oh. Ok.
174
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,644
Grrrrr!
175
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:34,745
You know what?
176
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:37,248
Get away from that tv.
177
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,249
Why?
178
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,884
The electromagnetic field
179
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,986
Can wreak havoc
On your swim team.
180
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,121
Ohh!
181
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,125
All right, harry.
182
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,461
Take off the robe.
183
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,530
Take it off?
184
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,666
Take off the robe.
185
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,667
All right.
186
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:02,440
Oh, no. No, no, no, no,
No, no, no, no, no.
187
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:03,608
What?
188
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,676
Why are you wearing
Such constrictive underpants?
189
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,745
Well, dick was done
With them.
190
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,882
Harry, you know,
You are not helping
The cause.
191
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,684
You've got to get
With the program.
192
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,818
Take 'em off.
193
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:14,952
What?
194
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:16,053
Take 'em off now.
Take 'em off.
195
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,289
If it's all
The same to you,
196
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,358
I think I'll just
Leave them on.
197
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,359
[sobbing]
198
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,394
Harry!
199
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,097
Ok, configure
Modem file.
200
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,832
Where's
The modem file?
201
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,300
Go to your control panel.
202
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,301
My what?
203
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,170
Your control panel
On your desktop.
204
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,271
Where?
205
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,140
On your computer's
Desktop.
206
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,175
That's not a desktop.
This is a desktop.
207
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,044
That's a screen.
208
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,912
No, no, no.
Quit this.
209
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,380
Hit "Command q."
210
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,447
Command...
211
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,150
That's control.
Hit command. Command!
212
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,652
No, no, no, no, no,
No, no, no, no, dick!
213
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,788
Aaaahhhhh!
214
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:51,856
There.
215
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:52,857
[beeper beeps]
216
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,492
Oh, great.
217
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:58,997
Don't tell me, mangos
Are 3 for a dollar.
218
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,499
I'm gonna go use
Your phone.
219
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,367
[muttering to herself]
I'm so smart.
Get her a beeper.
220
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:06,270
Good daughter.
Oh, that's right.
221
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,773
Now, this is high quality.
222
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,774
Oh, yeah!
223
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,776
Dvds, baby!
224
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,978
Digital video...
225
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,113
Dynamite.
226
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,982
This resolution
Is perfect.
227
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,117
Oh, the colors
Are so alive.
228
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,353
It's leprechaun 2.
229
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,554
Whoa, whoa,
Check this out.
230
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,689
There's a bonus
Audio track
231
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,490
Where you can hear
The director's comments.
232
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:29,060
The director of
leprechaun 2.
233
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,428
Ooh, and look,
234
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:34,131
At the end you can see
The original trailers
For the movie.
235
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:38,402
You're paying to
Watch the commercials
For leprechaun 2!
236
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:41,072
Digitally remastered.
237
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,740
Yeah.
238
00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:46,711
The resolution of
This dvd is so good...
239
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:51,483
It's almost a shame
To watch them
On a smallish tv.
240
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,618
It's like lookin'
At the mona lisa
241
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:56,921
While someone's jabbing
A stick in your eye.
242
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,789
Is it that bad?
243
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:02,994
We need a new tv!
244
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,696
Pack it up.
This piece of crap
Is goin' back.
245
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,566
Nothing.
246
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:09,600
I've done
Everything you ask,
247
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,903
And what do I get?
Nothing!
248
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:12,837
That's it!
249
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:13,938
Bon voyage.
250
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,806
It's out to the landfill
With you!
251
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,108
Computer: welcome.
252
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,078
What did you say?
253
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,646
You have mail.
254
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,449
I do?
255
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:29,053
No, mom, I don't have
Grandma's recipe
For apple pan dowdy.
256
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:32,023
Look, every time
This beeper goes off,
I think you're dead,
257
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,459
And I'm starting
To get disappointed.
258
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,797
No, mom, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
259
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,232
Bye.
260
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:45,069
The hell I am!
261
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,804
Oh, my god.
262
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,240
Art, science,
Philosophy.
263
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,241
This is beautiful.
264
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,010
What are you
Talking about, dick?
265
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,578
I-I'm on-line!
266
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:55,680
Do you know what
They call this?
267
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,348
The world wide web.
268
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,384
The entire planet
Is at my fingertips.
269
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,418
Hmm, good for you.
270
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,086
Good for all of us.
271
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:03,154
We've spent
All this time
272
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,722
Trying to get closer
To humanity,
273
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,957
And now we have
Instant access
274
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,726
To every culture
On earth!
275
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,162
Except the french.
276
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,164
Ah! There they are!
277
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,633
Lucky us.
278
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:19,570
[singing french
National anthem]
279
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,907
You know, dick, if we're
Gonna make it to dinner,
We better go now.
280
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,875
Every place is gonna
Be closed in an hour.
281
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,778
I'm sorry, mary.
I--I can't leave now.
282
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:27,645
Why?
283
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,113
I have a whole world
To explore.
284
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,415
Riches to unearth.
285
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,518
And in 15 minutes,
There's an on-line chat
286
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,586
With jennifer
Love hewitt,
287
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:38,756
And no way
Am I missing that!
288
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,394
[1812 overture plays]
289
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,167
Mmm!
290
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,669
Now, this is a television!
291
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,837
Oh, god.
292
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,873
Look how big
Everything is.
293
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:58,209
That violin
Looks like a cello.
294
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,678
No, that is a cello.
295
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,480
Oh, I was wondering
Why that dude
296
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,416
Was playing the violin
Between his legs.
297
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,284
Come on, harry.
We're gonna be late
For the clinic.
298
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,554
I don't want to go
To the stupid clinic.
299
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:10,721
Harry,
300
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,023
Face it,
You have a problem.
301
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,291
I am not impotent.
302
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,896
Hello, alissa.
303
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:21,331
How's school?
304
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,767
Good.
305
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:23,935
That's great.
306
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,102
Yeah.
307
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:29,607
Dick: and so you see,
308
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,710
That by utilizing
A viscous barrier,
309
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,946
We minimize bonding
Between any 2 substances.
310
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,516
Now, you
Understand friction,
311
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,650
And I...
312
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,652
Have a nice omelet.
313
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,496
Any questions?
314
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,863
Um...
315
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,901
Why are you
On a computer?
316
00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:01,372
My actual presence
Is no longer necessary
317
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:02,907
In the learning process.
318
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:04,875
This is my new live webcam
319
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:08,079
At www.Planetsolomon.Com.
320
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,981
It's on me 24 hours a day.
321
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,883
Now, anybody can log on.
322
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,186
You can watch me do
Almost everything,
323
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,956
And, uh, for a small fee...
324
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,123
Everything.
325
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,596
Now, what I'd
Like to do now
326
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,464
Is take
An aggressive approach
327
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:31,803
By running an extensive
Battery of tests on you, harry.
328
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:32,803
Does that sound good?
329
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,539
It doesn't sound great.
330
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,141
You just relax.
331
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:40,511
Drink this solution,
And I'll be back
In a minute for the x-ray.
332
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:43,081
Look at that.
It's just kool-aid.
333
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,649
Kool-aid with radioactive tracers.
334
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:51,222
Harry, listen to me.
We're gonna
Get through this.
335
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,890
You know
That dr. Howard?
336
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,525
He's got this
Little tiny camera
337
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,427
That he can send
Straight up your--
338
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,099
Ok, that's it!
339
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,903
No more specialists,
340
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,371
No more equipment,
341
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:10,040
And no more
Radioactive kool-aid.
342
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,009
What are you doing?
343
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,178
Now you listen
To me, baby.
344
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,013
This isn't
About doctors
345
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,848
Or medicine.
346
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,616
It's about
You and me, baby--
347
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:20,817
2 people in love.
348
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:21,786
You're hurting me.
349
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:22,787
Yeah!
350
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,723
Now, if we're gonna
Make a baby,
351
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:29,827
We're gonna do it
The natural way.
352
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,429
Oh, harry.
353
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,532
Vicki, I suggest
You join me
354
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,502
Up here on this
Butcher paper right now.
355
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,740
Yeah!
356
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:45,843
And get it,
And get it...
357
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:48,646
You see, alissa,
The problem
Wasn't the tv.
358
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,683
The problem was
We didn't have
Dolby 6-speaker
359
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,318
Digital
Surround-sound.
360
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,055
Stupid!
361
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,622
But now...
362
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,492
We have everything.
363
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,893
Ok.
364
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,128
Hold on.
365
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,797
[entertainment tonight theme plays]
366
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:07,898
Ok.
367
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,001
We're at
30% volume.
368
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,836
[music louder]
369
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:14,439
40%.
370
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,407
50%.
371
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:17,408
Ahhh!
372
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:18,476
Stop it!
373
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,377
Whoooooaaa!
374
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:23,347
I feel like I'm watching
entertainment tonight
375
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:25,583
At carnegie freakin' hall.
376
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,619
Awesoooommme!
377
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,187
Turn it down!
378
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,924
How loud do you
Need to hear
379
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:36,027
That it's mary
Steenburgen's birthday?
380
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,095
Louder?
381
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,162
We did it.
382
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,698
We have the ultimate
Home theater system!
383
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:41,699
Yeah!
Yeah!
384
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,167
Ha!
385
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,137
Excuse me, how much
Did all of this cost?
386
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:48,906
How much did it cost?
387
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,842
No money down, baby.
388
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,242
That's how much
It cost.
389
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:54,178
How much will it cost?
390
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,214
No payments till
The fourth of july.
391
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,315
Uh-huh!
392
00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:00,151
then how much
Will it cost?
393
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,197
$45,000.
394
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:17,134
Pack it up.
395
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,436
This piece of crap's
Going back.
396
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,406
[knock on door]
397
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,141
Sally: dick.
398
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:26,911
We're going to the
Taste of rutherford's
Street festival.
399
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:27,845
You coming?
400
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,146
Coming?
401
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,881
I'm already there.
402
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,516
There's a live
Video stream
403
00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:33,818
From the roof of the bank.
404
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,420
It looks like the chili booth
Is the place to be.
405
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:41,959
[knock on door]
406
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,327
Tommy: dick, we're
Going to a movie.
407
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:46,797
Don't bother me.
I'm performing
Virtual surgery.
408
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:47,798
Fine.
409
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,334
Oh! Look what
You made me do.
410
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:51,335
Suction!
411
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,139
[pounding on door]
412
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,506
Mary: dick,
Are you in there?
413
00:17:56,508 --> 00:18:00,144
Just slide the pizza
Under the door, please.
414
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,582
Oh, my god, dick!
415
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,551
You haven't been
To work in 3 days.
416
00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:10,220
Your family
Is so concerned
They called me.
417
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:11,989
They never do that.
418
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:14,358
Ahh, my family.
419
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:19,163
Yes. Sally, harry,
And the little one.
420
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,731
How are they?
421
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:24,068
Again,
They're concerned.
422
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:28,806
Dick...I think you need
A little fresh air.
423
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,074
I'm going to
Take you outside.
424
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,677
I can't allow that
To happen, mary.
425
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,279
Get up!
426
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,615
Ow!
427
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,683
Whoo!
428
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:45,256
You've made me
So angry, mary.
429
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,291
Oh, go to hell!
430
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,127
Oh...
431
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,229
So bright.
432
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,607
What the--
433
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,709
Hey, mister,
That's my frisbee.
434
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:06,944
Are you talking to me?
435
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,579
Are you talking to me?
436
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:09,680
Yeah.
437
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,415
I'd almost forgotten.
438
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,283
There are real people
On this planet.
439
00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:15,186
Can I have my frisbee?
440
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,587
Go long, young man.
441
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:17,889
Go long!
442
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,056
[glass breaks]
443
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,959
Nice throw, ya freak!
444
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:24,294
What an enchanting boy.
445
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,714
There it is, harry.
446
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,148
We had that one.
447
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,154
Sweet mother!
448
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:54,124
There's a picture
in the picture!
449
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,295
Look, everybody!
450
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,463
I'm alive!
451
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:00,598
Ohh!
452
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,999
It's wonderful.
453
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,467
People everywhere.
454
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,802
Ohh!
455
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,538
I love you all!
456
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,772
This is amazing.
457
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:11,409
I can smell you.
458
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,077
Dick!
459
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,011
Dick, you're out.
460
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:14,878
Sally, harry, tommy.
461
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,414
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
462
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,716
What are you doing here?
463
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:19,850
Can I help you?
464
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:23,320
I'm returning $60,000
Worth of merchandise
465
00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:24,321
To you...
466
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,357
My brother!
467
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,725
I'm on lunch.
468
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:31,629
Sally, I've made
Such a mistake.
469
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,896
I thought
All this technology
470
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,566
Would help me
Wrap my arms
Around humankind.
471
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,734
But I was wrong.
472
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,102
All it gave me
Was a raging case
473
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,171
Of carpal tunnel
Syndrome.
474
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:44,341
So what about
Being connected
To the world wide web?
475
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:45,909
I wasn't connected
To anything.
476
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,411
I was separated.
477
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,313
And that's not
What we came
To this planet for.
478
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,082
That's what
Technology does.
479
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,417
Technology is evil!
480
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,218
Dick, just because
You went nuts,
481
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,455
That doesn't mean
That all technology
Is evil.
482
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,456
Of course it does.
483
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,723
What about, uh...
484
00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:01,492
Medical technology?
485
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,527
Medical technology
Is ok.
486
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,529
Ok, uh, what about
The computers
487
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,498
That make sure
Airplanes don't crash?
488
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,600
Those I like.
But that's it.
489
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,668
Well, what about
The machine
490
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,904
That puts
The creamy filling
In the cupcakes?
491
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:14,938
Harry, no!
492
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,274
I've already
Drawn the line.
493
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:20,777
Oh...Who am I kidding?
494
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,747
I'm not gonna
Manually inject cream
Into my own cupcakes.
495
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:27,551
That would've
Been crazy.
496
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:28,619
Can I help you, sir?
497
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,620
Yes!
498
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,788
I am quite livid!
499
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:34,791
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
500
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,259
And the national
Broadcasting company
501
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:40,231
It's beautiful
Out here, isn't it?
502
00:21:40,233 --> 00:21:41,631
Yes, it is.
503
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,033
This is the way
It should be, mary.
504
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:46,737
Just you and me
And the stars
And the trees
505
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,739
And nothing coming
Between us.
506
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:49,806
[beeper beeps]
507
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:53,077
Oh, great!
How do I turn
This thing off?
508
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:54,811
Here, let me see that.
509
00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:58,015
Captioning performed by
The national captioning
Institute, inc.
510
00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:02,019
Public performance of captions
Prohibited without permission of
National captioning institute.
35088
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