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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,936
♪ ooga-ooga-ooga-chaka ♪
2
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:06,271
♪ ooga-ooga-ooga-chaka ♪
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,840
♪ ooga-ooga-ooga-chaka ♪
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,910
Mama, turn it down!
I'm on a word search!
5
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,312
♪ ooga-ooga-ooga-chaka ♪
6
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:17,449
♪ ...Deep inside of me ♪
7
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:22,220
♪ when you hold me
In your arms so tight ♪
8
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:27,392
♪ you let me know
Everything's all right ♪
9
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,294
♪ I--I--I--I--I-- ♪
10
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:34,133
♪ I'm hooked
On a feelin'... ♪
11
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:37,001
♪ I'm high
On believin' ♪
What do you
Want from me?!
12
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:42,174
♪ that you're
In love with me... ♪
13
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,242
Ok...All right,
Then.
14
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,511
I'll see you then.
Ok. Bye.
15
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:47,679
Who was that?
16
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:48,846
My girlfriend.
17
00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:50,182
Your girlfriend?
18
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,683
Yeah. Alissa.
19
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,386
Since when is alissa
Your "Girlfriend"?
20
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,722
What do you mean, man?
We hang out at school
Together.
21
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,392
We bought
A pizza together.
My girlfriend.
22
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,894
If you say so.
23
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,397
Look, she just
Invited me over to go
Baby-sitting with her.
24
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,867
Wouldn't you say
That qualifies as
A boyfriend thing?
25
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,870
Not in the circles
I run in, no.
26
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:16,908
Well, you're super-wrong,
Because alissa just happens
To be my girlfriend.
27
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,977
That's right.
Say it enough,
28
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,513
And you might just
Start believin' it.
29
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,182
I hate you!
30
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,418
Hello, sweetness.
31
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,187
Hello, vicki.
32
00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:32,757
Look what I did.
I ordered way too
Much chinese food.
33
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,426
I hope
You're hungry.
34
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:37,562
I'm always hungry.
[growls]
35
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,764
That's what I like
About you, harry.
36
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:43,568
You're a good eater,
Yet you got a stomach
Like a washboard.
37
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:48,239
Yup, and a tush
Like a sink.
38
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:50,375
You got good genes,
Baby.
39
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:54,712
The kind of genes that
I would like to pass
Along to my child.
40
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:59,017
Hmm. Yeah. Could you
Pass the dim sum?
41
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:02,521
Harry, you know,
I'm not getting
Any younger,
42
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:06,591
And, lately,
My biological clock
Is just tickin'.
43
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,261
Yeah. Could you
Pass me some moo shoo?
44
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,897
Harry...
45
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,566
I wanna have a baby.
46
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,569
Haaa! Haaa!
47
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,672
[hacking]
48
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:56,608
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
And the national
Broadcasting company
49
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,211
Good morning, all!
50
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:01,680
Uh-huh.
Mm.
51
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,481
What's with
The classified,
Sally?
52
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,082
I'm getting
My own apartment.
53
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,217
Excuse me?
54
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:08,119
I've decided I need
My own space.
55
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,355
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
56
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,456
Dick, it's time.
57
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:12,524
It's not time.
58
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,192
And what's more,
It will never be time.
59
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,728
Now, I'm gonna
Leave and come back
Into the room,
60
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,431
And we'll just
Start this whole
Day over again.
61
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,901
Good morning, all!
62
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,035
Hey.Mo
Rning.
63
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,871
What's with the
Classified, sally?
64
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,371
I'm getting
My own apartment?
65
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,973
You're what?!
66
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:31,276
Dick, I need
My own space!
67
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:33,745
Out of the question!
We are a unit!
We are on a mission!
68
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,414
My mission is
To figure out
What it's like
69
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,550
To be an adult
Human female,
70
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,352
And I'm still
Living with my
Middle-aged brother!
71
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:44,356
When we split up,
We risk exposure.
72
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,024
Harry, talk
Some sense into her.
73
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,060
I got a lot on
My mind, dick.
74
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,728
I'm thinking
About having a
Baby with vicki.
75
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,497
You're what?!
76
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,666
Do you think
That lamaze is
The way to go?
77
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,034
I would say drugs.
78
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,236
Are you insane?
79
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,638
What will you do
When the doctor
Says,
80
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,042
"Congratulations.
It's an 8-pound
Purple tube"?
81
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,309
Yeah, that would
Be sticky.
82
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:06,812
What is happening
To this unit?
83
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,079
We used to
Stick together.
84
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,148
Now you're all
Going off in your
Own directions.
85
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,149
What about you,
Tommy?
86
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,884
Are you running away
To join the circus?
87
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,385
No. I'm just
Going baby-sitting
88
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:15,820
With alissa,
My girlfriend.
89
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:16,722
Keep dreamin'.
90
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,657
Now stop this
Right now!
91
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,759
I am issuing
A command decision.
92
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,094
No one on this mission
Will be doing
93
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,831
Any impregnating,
Relocating, or baby-sitting
94
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,600
Without my express
Written consent!
95
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:32,203
Now, let's just try
To start this day
Right, shall we?
96
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:36,141
Good morning, all!
97
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,109
Good morning,
jerk.
98
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,911
Jackass!
Creep!
99
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,448
That's better.
100
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,955
Hello. I see you
Have an apartment
For rent.
101
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,957
Great. Now,
A sally solomon
102
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,026
May be by today
To look at it.
103
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:59,197
Please, don't hold
The fact that she is
A convicted arsonist
Against her.
104
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:03,501
Who am I? I'm one
Of her drunken and
Unruly roommates.
105
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,402
Thank you.
106
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,471
Yeah, yeah,
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
107
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,707
What are you doing?
108
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:11,109
Clipping sally's wings,
Thank you very much.
109
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,777
Sally's looking
For her own place,
110
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,814
So he's trashing her name
To every apartment manager
In town.
111
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,616
Condos, too.
112
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:18,950
Put that
Phone down!
113
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,485
Could you hold,
Please?
114
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:24,589
Dick, people grow.
You can't hold on
Forever.
115
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,691
When I went
To prep school,
116
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:28,526
My father
Wouldn't let go.
117
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,461
He visited me
Every weekend.
118
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:34,099
He was also having
An affair with
The school nurse.
119
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:37,669
But the point is
It drove me crazy,
120
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,204
And it just pushed
Me farther away.
121
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,872
You're doing
The same thing.
122
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,407
Mary, you can't
Compare me
123
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:45,109
To your morally
Bankrupt father.
124
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,778
My family
Is different.
125
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,780
Very different.
126
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,249
Promise me
You'll stop this.
127
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,751
All right,
I promise.
128
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:53,752
Thank you.
129
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,689
Thank you for holding.
130
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,124
I'm with
A leading colombian
Drug cartel.
131
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,826
Yes, and I'm
Scouting apartments
132
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,695
For one of my mules--
Sally solomon.
133
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,230
Dick!
muchas gracias.
134
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,500
I've stopped,
I've stopped.
135
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:15,306
Harry, you know what?
I've been thinking.
136
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:18,309
If it's a girl,
It'll look just
Like me,
137
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:21,612
And if it's
A boy, it'll look
Just like you.
138
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:28,452
What if it looks
Like something you
Never seen before?
139
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:31,122
Now, you know,
That does happen.
140
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:34,793
My sister had a baby
That looked just like
My boyfriend.
141
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,661
It was weird, weird.
142
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:40,198
I'm just not sure
That this is
A good idea.
143
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,501
Oh, harry, see,
That's what I love
About you.
144
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:48,406
Not only are you
Strong and sexy,
But you're a worrier.
145
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,309
You're gonna be
A great daddy.
146
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:54,445
Yeah. I'll be
A great daddy.
147
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:58,416
I like kids.
Like playing
With kids.
148
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:02,187
I just hope
That's what we have.
149
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,358
Ok, now, here's
The number where
We're gonna be.
150
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,760
Here's the
Car phone number,
151
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,328
And my sister's number's
On the fridge.
152
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,197
Don't worry.
Everything
Will be fine.
153
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,231
Hi.
154
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,767
Oh, mr. And mrs. Wheeler,
This is tommy.
155
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,901
Nice to meet
You, tommy.
156
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,436
Now, you've
Got the numbers,
Right?
157
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,771
She's got
The numbers.
Ok, good.
158
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,673
Come on,
Let's go.
Bye-bye, now.
159
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,743
So, uh,
How you doing?
160
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,744
Good.
How are you?
161
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:27,779
Good.
162
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,748
So, uh, couldn't
Help but notice
163
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:34,085
That, um, you
Introduced me
As "Tommy."
164
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,354
Uh...Yeah.
165
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:37,855
Just "Tommy"?
166
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,190
Uh-huh.
167
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,826
Interesting.
168
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:44,128
Would you prefer,
Like, "The t-man"?
169
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,229
Well, I just--
170
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,331
I don't want
The wheelers
To be worrying
171
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,167
All night
About who I am.
172
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,335
You know, "Is he
Her brother tommy?
173
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,671
"Her lab partner
Tommy?
174
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,673
"Her dance
Instructor tommy?
175
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:58,142
Her boyfriend tommy?
Her dance instructor
Tommy?"
176
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,611
Dance instructor?
177
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,481
Yeah. I dabble
In jazz fusion.
178
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:06,050
It's just an example.
Let's watch tv.
179
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,255
Good night.
I'll see you monday.
Good night.
180
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,157
Dick! What the hell
Did you do?
181
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,126
Or I might just
Stay and watch.
182
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,962
I've called
Every rental agency
In this entire town.
183
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,464
They've all
Hung up on me!
184
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,766
Perhaps you
Should work on your
Telephone etiquette.
185
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,334
Albright,
You live by yourself.
186
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,335
Let me ask you
Something.
187
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,737
I was just
Leaving.
188
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,338
It'll just take
A second.
189
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,007
Please,
Just sit down.
190
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,675
Thank you.
191
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,912
Look, I have gotten
To the point in my life
192
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:37,582
Where I feel
I don't have to live
With my family anymore,
193
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,884
And I'd really like
Your opinion on that.
194
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,119
Mary, tell her
She's wrong.
195
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,521
Sally, no.
Every time I
Give you advice,
196
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,956
It blows up
In my face.
197
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,924
What?
Name one time.
198
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:48,092
I can name 5!
199
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,328
I can name 7.
Oh, I can name 10.
200
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,530
I can name 12.
I don't care!
201
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,865
Look, albright--
202
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:57,535
Doctoralbright...
203
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,203
You live by yourself.
204
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,539
I could do that,
Right?
205
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,441
No comment.
206
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,376
So you think
It's a good idea.
207
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,579
I refer you
To my last response.
208
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,181
Mary, you can provide
A preponderance
Of evidence
209
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,917
That proves
What a frightening
Responsibility
210
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,252
Living alone is.
211
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:17,455
In order to do that, we
Would have to determine
212
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:21,359
What the meaning
Of the word "Is" is.
213
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,161
All right, look...
214
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,664
Would you,
In a million years,
215
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:31,469
Live in an attic
With dick, tommy,
And harry?
216
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,871
Well, I really think
That's a matter of--
217
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:35,840
Answer
The question,
Please.
218
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:39,811
I would rather live
In a box behind
The 7-eleven.
219
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,012
Oh, damn!
220
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:45,082
Ha ha! Aren't babies
Cute, harry?
221
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,584
Oh, look,
There's me!
222
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,719
I had just learned
To walk.
223
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,255
And you're in
A beauty pageant!
224
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,957
I was "Little
Miss bowl-a-rama."
225
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,392
Aww!
226
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,028
Shut up!
The situations
Are not comparable!
227
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,131
Dick, I have
Made up my mind!
228
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,633
Harry, get away
From that strumpet!
229
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,536
I'm doing
Your job here.
You know that.
230
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:07,505
Out! Out! Out!
231
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,274
Boy, your brother's
Got some control
Issues.
232
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,810
He's a freak!
233
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:15,045
He won't even let me
Get my own place.
234
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:18,716
There's a room
Over the garage I
Used to rent out.
235
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:21,952
What?
Mama, that place
Is condemned.
236
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:25,923
I know. It's
Just asbestos
And bad wiring.
237
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,992
Nothing
A little paint
Won't fix.
238
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:30,194
I would like
To see this place.
239
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,532
Well...
This is it.
240
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,869
[long gasp]
241
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,138
Oh, wow!
242
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,541
I cannot believe
This place.
243
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,211
Now, there's
No kitchen.
244
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:49,080
Which means
No dishes, huh?
245
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,282
Oh, my god!
Look at that!
246
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,551
I know--
Rat droppings.
I'm sorry.
247
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,187
No--a window!
248
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,357
You didn't
Tell me there'd
Be a window.
249
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:06,397
What a great place
To put a hole!
250
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,801
Ok, dubie...
251
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:14,572
How much are
You charging
For this place?
252
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,640
Mmm...
75 a month.
253
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,642
Are you serious?
254
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:19,944
Ok, 60.
255
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,345
I'll take it!
256
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,247
I prefer cash.
257
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,749
Hey, what say
We tack this
Onto dick's bill?
258
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:31,121
Well, sure.
In that case,
It's 75.
Ok.
259
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:35,093
"Good night, stars,
Good night, air,
260
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:39,297
Good night,
Noises everywhere.
Good night, moon."
261
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,833
Good night.
262
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,838
Ahem! So, how do you
Know the wheelers?
263
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,674
Oh, um, mr. Wheeler's
My mom's boss.
264
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:53,278
So, if she saw him
Walking in the halls
At work,
265
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,314
She'd say,
"Hey, there's my boss,
Mr. Wheeler."
266
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,315
I guess.
267
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,083
Ok. So, if you saw...
268
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:03,220
Me...Walking along
In the halls at school,
You'd say...
269
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,989
"Hi, tommy."
270
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,158
Right, right.
271
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,726
[doorbell rings]
272
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,962
They're back
Already?
273
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,164
Let's see
Who's at the door.
274
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:20,037
Oh, my god!
It's a couple of
Scary weirdos.
275
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:25,643
Yeah. That's
My uncle and
His girlfriend.
276
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,980
Hello. We understand
There's a baby
On the premises.
277
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,383
And there he is!
Oh! Oh!
278
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,252
Woojie, woojie,
Woojie, woojie!
Cute thing.
279
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,454
Take him.
What?
280
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,655
You'll like him.
You'll see.
281
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,123
Are you sure?
You'll like it.
282
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,027
Ahh...Hiya, hon.
283
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:47,731
So...You two kids
Thinking of
Having kids?
284
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,373
Come on, dick.
It's all-you-can-eat.
285
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,641
No, I'm not hungry.
286
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:59,444
You can eat the rest
Of what I can eat.
287
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,778
Come on,
Cheer up, dick.
288
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,114
Sally wants her own space?
Let her have it.
289
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,882
You gotta roll
With the punches.
290
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,317
Look at me.
I've moved on.
291
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,319
Sally gave me
The old heave-ho,
292
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:11,556
And here I am, about
To put this place
Out of business!
293
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,959
I can't. I have
To figure out a way
To get her to come back.
294
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,528
I know. You're concerned
For her safety.
295
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,364
Oh, that's a laugh.
296
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,632
Look, sally may be
A tough cookie,
297
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,770
But in a lot of ways,
She's naive, and that
Makes her vulnerable--
298
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:29,574
Easy pickin's for
Any rat-bastard psycho
With a good haircut!
299
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,176
Still have feelings
For her, eh, don?
300
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,611
Maybe.
301
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:36,147
More shrimp here,
Johnny!
302
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,216
If sally only understood
The workings of
The criminal element,
303
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:40,818
She'd move back
In a heartbeat.
304
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,253
Criminal element?
305
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,656
Exactly how does this
Criminal element work?
306
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:46,090
It's the usual story.
307
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:49,694
She comes home tired
And forgets to close
The blinds.
308
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:53,597
She puts on a teddy
And parades in front
Of the window.
309
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,800
Suddenly, there's
A knock at the door.
310
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,268
Is it pizza?
311
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,070
No!
312
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,472
It's dr. Nefarious
In a ski mask
And a hatchet!
313
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,740
She's screaming
Her head off,
314
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:05,076
But nobody can
Hear her because of
The train passing!
315
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,777
Clickety-clack!
Clickety-clack!
Clickety-clack!
316
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,346
Whoo-whooooo!
317
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,347
Huhn! Huhn! Huhn!
318
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,448
Aaaaaah!
319
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:15,186
Not a pretty picture...
But it could happen.
320
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,088
You're right, don.
321
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,391
In fact, I can
Almost guarantee
That it will happen!
322
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:29,901
So...
323
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:33,537
You want me
To go buy y'all
Some wine?
324
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,707
No, that's ok.
325
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,377
They probably
Got plenty
Around here.
326
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,847
So, um...
327
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,815
You ever been to vegas?
328
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:50,888
Lookin' forward
To the new star wars movie?
329
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,157
Nothin'!
330
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,759
Well, harry, you can't
Just talk to him
331
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:55,826
While he sits there.
332
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:56,928
You gotta,
333
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,264
You gotta pick him up
And play with him, see?
334
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,998
Go ahead.
You'll feel it.
335
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,837
Well, I don't feel it,
But I sure smell it.
336
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,839
And now I feel it.
337
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,340
Here.
Let me take him.
338
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,607
No, no, no, no.
Now, listen,
339
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:12,910
Y'all just go on
And go out
For ice cream.
340
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,712
We'll hold the fort
Down here, ok?
341
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:15,747
Are you sure?
342
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,282
Go on! Go on! Have fun
With your boyfriend.
343
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:19,349
Ok.
344
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:21,585
Wait. Did you hear
What she just said?
345
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,454
Look, william's
Got a load in his diaper,
346
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,989
And if she wants
To deal with it,
That's fine with me.
347
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,858
No, no, no.
Before, before.
348
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:29,794
She specifically
Referred to me
As your, um...
349
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,195
You know...
350
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,263
Boyfriend?
351
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,731
Mm-hmm.
352
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,399
So?
353
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,370
So nothing.
That's great. Let's go.
354
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,174
In your face, man!
355
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,382
[rattle]
356
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:03,895
Uh...
357
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:04,896
Ahem.
358
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,900
Who's there?
359
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:09,901
[cat screeches]
360
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,270
[sighs]
361
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:14,538
It's just a cat.
362
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,906
It's just a cat.
363
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:16,907
Ok.
364
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,415
[humming]
365
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:43,868
Lieutenant!
366
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,469
Lieutenant!
367
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:46,570
What?
368
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,572
It's me!
369
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,074
I know!
370
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,543
Stop choking me!
371
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,978
That's an order!
372
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,947
Jesus, dick!
373
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,482
What the hell
Are you thinking?
374
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:01,652
I came here to show you
How vulnerable you are
Living alone.
375
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:02,653
And did you?
376
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:03,954
Yes!
377
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,291
Except for
The vulnerable part.
378
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,292
Dick!
379
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,527
Lieutenant,
We belong together!
380
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,661
You can't leave the unit!
381
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,163
I am not
Leaving the unit!
382
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,666
I just need
My own space.
383
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:19,704
I want the hair
In the sink to be mine.
384
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,872
Yeah, but you won't
Be under my roof.
385
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,142
I'm not that far away.
386
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,944
Look,
When I open my door,
387
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,480
I can see right
Into tommy's bedroom.
388
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,481
You can?
389
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,982
Oh, my god.
390
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,485
He has no privacy
At all.
391
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,489
I'm gonna be ok, dick.
392
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,990
I've learned a lot.
393
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,660
Well, you've had
A good teacher.
394
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,496
I guess I better go
Deal with harry now.
395
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,498
High commander...
396
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,500
Proceed with care
And discipline.
397
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,504
Your counsel has
Been acknowledged.
398
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,513
Hello!
399
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,383
Howdy!
400
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,121
Rrr rrr rrr!
401
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,588
Amazing!
402
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,025
200 times, and he
Still thinks it's funny.
403
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:16,994
And for some reason,
So do I.
404
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,962
Honey, you can stop now.
405
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:20,765
Rrrr!
I mean it!
406
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,099
Ok.
407
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,369
Hey, little one,
Look at you.
408
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,104
Oh, yeah.
409
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,540
Boy, bet you're
Gonna be something
410
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,043
When you grow up,
Huh?
411
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,544
Postal worker...
412
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,547
Toll booth
Operator...
413
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,885
Or maybe even
The president...
414
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,554
Of a fan club.
415
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,556
Oh, I envy
Your parents.
416
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,059
Vicki.
417
00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:50,160
Yeah?
418
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:53,064
I know I'm not
Your average guy.
419
00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:01,272
But I deserve
As much happiness
As the next guy.
420
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,673
Oh, harry!
421
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,808
Oh, vicki!
422
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,179
Harry, stop it
This instant!
423
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,149
Dick, didn't you
Ever learn to knock?
424
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,283
I'm warning you,
Harry,
425
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,585
If you continue
With this foolhardy
Escapade
426
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,587
And implant this
Empty receptacle
427
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,222
With your cosmic seed,
428
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:21,158
You will no longer enjoy
The protection of our unit.
429
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,294
Are you saying
I'm not good enough
For your family?
430
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:24,328
No!
431
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,829
Although you're not.
432
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,666
Harry knows what I mean.
433
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,101
So what's your decision?
434
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,605
Dick...
435
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,107
Would you please hold
William for a second?
436
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,443
Vicki...
437
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,912
Let's make a baby!
438
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,614
Yahoo!
Yeah!
439
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:47,551
We're home!
440
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:53,057
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
And the national
Broadcasting company
441
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,792
What are you writing?
442
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:58,196
I'm entering harry's
Breach of conduct
Into the logbook.
443
00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,129
What'd he do?
444
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,198
Never mind.
445
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,634
Oh, what's happened here?
446
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,135
This morning
We were all together,
447
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,205
And now look at us.
448
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,706
Sally's
Living in a garage,
449
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,142
And harry's
With that vicki.
450
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:13,144
It's those damn dubceks.
451
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:15,646
Of all the gin joints
In all the world,
452
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,482
Why did we have
To move into this one?
453
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,584
Well, it was
The first place
We looked.
454
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:21,652
That's true.
455
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,956
You know, every night
Before I go to sleep,
456
00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:27,157
I look at myself
In the mirror,
457
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,158
Sometimes for hours...
458
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:31,762
And I commend myself
459
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,098
For how well I've kept
This unit together.
460
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:37,668
But tonight
I see only failure.
461
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,237
I'm a bad
High commander.
462
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,872
Oh, you're an excellent
High commander.
463
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,674
It's a very difficult
Planet.
464
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:44,542
You know, humans grow.
465
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:46,243
It makes
Other humans hurt.
466
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,177
It's earth.
467
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,181
You know,
What are you gonna do?
468
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:51,749
How do you know
So much?
469
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:52,683
Dick, I'm the oldest.
470
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,185
When you get
To be my age,
471
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:55,686
You just know things.
472
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:58,522
Are you gonna be ok?
473
00:20:58,524 --> 00:20:59,690
Mm-hmm.
474
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,260
Oh, come here,
Little buddy.
475
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,762
Come on. It's ok.
476
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,998
It's all right.
477
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,467
Captioning performed by
The national captioning
Institute, inc.
478
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:11,802
Tommy?
479
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,037
Alissa.
480
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,974
You left your bag
At the wheelers'.
481
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,209
Uh...
482
00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:21,645
I'm just gonna
Leave this and you
Alone with dad
483
00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:24,715
And whatever
The hell it is
You're doing.
484
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,652
Get off my lap!
485
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,887
Alissa, look,
He's not really my dad!
486
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:31,455
He's just some guy
I'm living with!
487
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,390
No, no, no! Alissa!
488
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:35,726
Public performance of captions
Prohibited without permission of
National captioning institute
489
00:21:38,231 --> 00:21:40,397
Time passes
So quickly here.
490
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:41,665
You're put
On this planet,
491
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:42,733
You assume a life,
492
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,735
Your little subordinates
Need you
493
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,169
And are always
Underfoot,
494
00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:48,238
All ass and elbows.
495
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,808
Then one day,
They leave,
496
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,710
And you're
Sitting alone worrying
497
00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:54,712
And wondering
How they're doing.
498
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,747
Well, I'll find out.
Hey, harry, how you doin'?
499
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:57,748
Harry: outstanding!
500
00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,250
Sally, how are you?
501
00:21:59,252 --> 00:22:00,751
Sally: aw, shut up!
502
00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:06,157
It feels so good
When they call.
37616
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