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1
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,403
Guess what,
You guys.
2
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,772
Don is taking me
Bowling.
3
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:08,807
Can you believe it?
4
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,309
Bowling!
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,944
Hard to believe.
6
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,312
Just picture it:
7
00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:17,950
Me and don,
Alone...
8
00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:21,453
Our sweaty bodies
Intertwine...
9
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,622
Bowling.
10
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,593
You don't know what
Bowling is, do you?
11
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:29,661
No.
12
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:34,633
[jennifer laughing]
13
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,468
Oh, dick.
14
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,305
I came to pendleton for
Its collection of rare books,
15
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,808
But I found something
Much rarer--
16
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,511
The love of a good man.
17
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:46,512
Oh ha ha.
18
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,280
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
19
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:51,450
Well, I'm off
To sing madrigals
With my choral group.
20
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:52,484
Are you sure
You won't join me?
21
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,886
Uh, madrigals...
No, I don't think so.
22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,755
All right.
I'll see you later then.
23
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:57,756
Ohh!
24
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,492
Good-bye, all!
25
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,228
Good-bye,
Jennifer.
26
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,363
She's great, dick.
27
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,864
Oh, yeah, she's great.
28
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,499
There's just one problem
Really.
29
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,667
What's that?
30
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,202
I can't stand her!
31
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,235
How did that happen?
32
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,871
I don't know!
For the first 3 days
33
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,339
I was madly in love
With her,
34
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,007
Then on the fourth day,
It was over.
35
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,577
Wow. So it sounds
Like it was
Just infatuation.
36
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,279
Thank you so much,
Mr. Monday morning
Quarterback.
37
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,181
You win
The hindsight bowl!
38
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:24,182
I miss mary!
39
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,851
Oh, gee! Ohh!
40
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,420
Mary and I were
Meant for each other.
41
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,788
And now I've dumped her
42
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,890
Just because she was
So busy being dean.
43
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,058
I've gotta get her back.
44
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,693
Well, but first you
Gotta get rid
Of jennifer.
45
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:35,861
I know, but how?
46
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,863
Well, you could treat her
Like you treated mary.
47
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,064
That seems to do
Irreparable damage.
48
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:43,035
Look, dick, you just
Gotta come clean.
49
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:45,103
You gotta tell jennifer
The truth.
50
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,371
It's what don would do.
51
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:49,675
I mean, don always says,
"The truth might hurt,
52
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:53,411
But a lie will only
Get you a billy club
To the windpipe."
53
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,613
The truth, huh?
54
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,616
You know, that's so crazy
It just might work.
55
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:34,419
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
And the national
Broadcasting company
56
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,791
♪ diaphenia, like
The daffdowndilly ♪
57
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,492
Jennifer.♪ white as the sun ♪
58
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,361
♪ fair as the lily
♪jennifer.
59
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,263
♪ heigh-ho, heigh-ho
♪excuse me.
60
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,432
♪ how I do love thee
♪
61
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,633
Jennifer!
62
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:52,437
What is it, my pretty prince
Of fun and physics?
63
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,205
I have something
To tell you,
64
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:56,007
And it's not
Going to be easy.
65
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,944
A bit of gossip,
Perhaps even sleazy?
66
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,215
Maybe it's gonna be
Easier than I thought.
67
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,618
Jennifer, we've had
Some good times...
68
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,620
And many more to come.
69
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,521
Yes, well, actually,
What I was getting at is
70
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,558
I think it's time
We moved on.
71
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,760
To the next level? Oh, dick,
I couldn't agree more.
72
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,128
[class bell rings]
73
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,497
I've got a class.
We'll celebrate later.
74
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,199
Oh, jennifer, no,
You misunderstood.
75
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,268
♪ diaphenia, like
The daffdowndilly ♪
76
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,904
Jennifer!
Oh, damn!
77
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:34,813
Yes!
[strike]
78
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,315
Whoo-hoo!
All right, donny!
79
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,649
Oh, that was so great!
80
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,917
Wh-what is that called?
81
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,085
That's a strike, baby.
82
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,955
All right, now, remember
What I told you, sally.
83
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:47,492
When bowling, first of all,
You put your fingers
Into the holes here.
84
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,764
Hold it like that.
All right.
85
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,666
All right. Ok.
Now the key is
The head pin.
86
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,002
You want that head pin,
So you want to hook
Around through--
87
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,403
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
Throw ball, knock down pins.
88
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,405
Well, there's more to it
Than that. I mean--
89
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,073
Don't throw the ball!
90
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,343
[strike]
91
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:12,017
Ohh, no!
92
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:15,487
Putting the you
Back in him?
93
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:17,856
Not the self-help books!
94
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:21,192
I need help. I made
A complete ass of myself.
95
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,528
So you got drunk and
Told him off. Big deal.
96
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:24,963
You want him back,
Go get him.
97
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,400
I was the one that
Told him it was ok
To see other people.
98
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,336
Now I think that's
A big red check
In my guilt column.
99
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,038
Ok, you want him back?
100
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,106
Well, it just bothers me
To see him with her.
101
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,442
Shut up! I said,
Do you want him back?
102
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,643
Yes.
103
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:39,644
Repeat after me:
104
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:40,645
Go
Go
105
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:41,646
Get
Get
106
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:42,847
Him.
Him.
107
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,148
Again! Go get
Go get
108
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,183
Him.
Him.
109
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,717
All together!
Go get him!
Go get him!
110
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:49,154
Now you march in there,
Tell him how you feel,
Straight up.
111
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,154
Straight up!
112
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:52,057
Go get him!
Go get him!
113
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:54,659
"And so, jennifer, lest
There be any misunderstanding,
114
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:58,896
"Let me repeat:
I do not, cannot, and
Will not ever love you
115
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,898
"As long as we
Both shall live.
116
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,735
With frosty aloofness..."
117
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:04,736
Dick solomon.
118
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,905
Now, that should
Do the trick.
119
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,707
Dick.
Mary, what are
You doing here?
120
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,944
I-I've come here to
Tell you something
Straight up!
121
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,279
And here it is:
122
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,548
What you did
Really hurt me.
123
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,683
Oh, I know. Mary--
124
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,351
No, no, no,
It was thoughtless
And pigheaded!
125
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:21,820
That's exactly what
I've just written--
126
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,887
No. Let me finish.
127
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,256
I don't put all
The blame on you.
128
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,659
I mean, I was
Consumed by my job,
129
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,761
And I didn't have
Enough time for us,
130
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,763
But seeing you
With someone else
131
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,231
Makes me realize
What I've lost.
132
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,832
It does?
133
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:38,770
Now I can't expect you
To just come running
Back to me
134
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,572
Without me making
Some sacrifices.
135
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,773
No, of course not.
136
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,378
I mean, I've just got to make
Myself more available to you.
137
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,913
Oh, yeah,
That would be a must.
138
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,749
I--I can't give you
A lot of time, but I can
Give you quality time.
139
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:55,720
And seeing me with jennifer
Made you realize this?
140
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:56,888
Yes, dick.
141
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,292
I see.
142
00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:02,961
Well, let me explain
Something to you, mary.
143
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,298
Quality time is good,
But jennifer gives me
Quantity time.
144
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:10,334
That means a lot
Of time, mary.
145
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,637
She puts me first.
Me. Not her job.
146
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:16,941
Something apparently
You are not willing to do.
147
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,911
I am so too willing.
It's just that
You're being--
148
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,313
No, no, it hurts
Too much!
149
00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:22,547
Oh, dick!
150
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,482
I'm not saying that
You should stop trying,
151
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:25,483
But it will be hard.
152
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:26,818
There are hurdles, mary.
153
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:27,986
Hurdles!
154
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,055
Remember: hurdles!
155
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,332
So there I was. I'd just
Finished my break-up
Letter to jennifer
156
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,334
When mary comes in and
Tells me she wants me back.
157
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,336
No!
Yes!
158
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:46,838
After what
You did?!
I know!
159
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,274
Oddly enough, being with
Jennifer seems to have helped.
160
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:52,110
The less available I am,
The more mary wants me.
161
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,378
So you took mary back?
162
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,113
Ohh, no, no.
163
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,915
No, mary's offer
Was tempting, yes,
164
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,351
But I'm not closing
This deal just yet.
165
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,885
I can get a lot more
Out of her.
166
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:01,920
What makes you so sure?
167
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:02,954
Jennifer...
168
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,222
Is my bargaining chip.
169
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,557
Well, what do you want?
170
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,358
I want the old mary--
171
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,027
Walks in the park,
172
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,529
Breakfast in bed,
173
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,030
Lunch in bed.
174
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,499
Changing the sheets,
'cause there's food in the bed.
175
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,533
You know.
176
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:19,103
Hi, guys.
177
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,137
Where's sally?
178
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,873
All right, don,
Let's get outta here.
179
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:22,874
Hey!
180
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,880
Sally, are we
Going luging?
181
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,982
No, we're going
Bowling. Why?
182
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,953
Well, because
You're dressed
Like a big luger.
183
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,388
That's exactly right.
184
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,522
Sleek,
185
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,158
Agile,
186
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,694
Aerodynamic, and...
187
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:44,896
Dangerous.
188
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,532
Let's bowl.
189
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,939
All right,
Eyes on the target...
190
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:58,009
Relax, concentrate...
191
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:02,079
And...Doh!
192
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,715
Ah, that's very good,
Sally.
193
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,017
You're really getting
The hang of this.
194
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:06,951
Oh, there's one left.
195
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:10,422
Die, you bastard, die!
196
00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:12,323
Yes! A spare!
197
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,424
I get to go again.
198
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,994
Uh, sally! Can
I talk to you
For a minute?
199
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,429
Yeah, but hurry up.
I'm in the zone.
200
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:18,763
Sally,
Have you ever--
201
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,266
You ever heard
Of the term,
"Play by the rules"?
202
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,835
No.
203
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,103
Well, the rule is,
You know,
204
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,604
You get a turn, and
Then I get a turn.
205
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,039
I don't like that rule.
206
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,074
Hey, don, what's
The goal of bowling?
207
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,176
Knock down
The most pins.
And have I?
208
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,845
Well, yes, sally, but
There's a certain thing
Called sportsmanship.
209
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,749
Freeze. 6-pin standing
At 11 o'clock.
210
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,383
Sally...
211
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,319
That's not our lane!
212
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:42,854
What the hell are
You doing, lady?!
213
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,456
You left 'em unprotected.
Get your head back
In the game.
214
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,458
Mary: now I think,
215
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,027
That once you see
The numbers,
216
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,897
You'll realize
Just what good shape
This department is in.
217
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:52,963
And next semester...
218
00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:55,032
Dick, with
My allergies,
219
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,968
I won't be able to
Eat anything here.
220
00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:58,969
Uh-huh.
221
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:02,140
Oh, no! No, no, no!
222
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,576
Mary's here.
This is no good.
223
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,876
Well, we'll go
Somewhere else.
224
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,846
No, no. I will not let her
Control my life. Sir...
225
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,782
We would like a table
As far away from
That woman as possible.
226
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:12,984
Of course.
227
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,418
How is the table
By the window?
228
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:15,987
What, in the draft?
229
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,822
Well, what about
Next to the bar?
230
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:20,424
With all those
Drunken boors?
231
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:22,393
Well, I'm afraid
That leaves
This table here.
232
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,630
All right,
But this is an outrage.
233
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,499
You're sure you're
All right with this.
234
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:31,002
Absolutely. We are going
To have a good time.
235
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:35,339
Why should we let
Some wacky coincidence
Dampen our spirits?
236
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,407
Oh. Uh.
237
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,408
Dick.
238
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,409
Why, mary.
239
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,777
I didn't expect
To see you here.
240
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:43,514
What a surprise!
Hello, provost,
How are you?
241
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,516
So nice to
See you both.
242
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,518
Listen, I don't want to
Interrupt your dinner.
243
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,854
Jennifer and I will just
Sit over here and nuzzle.
244
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,826
I can't understand
A word you're saying.
So let's order.
245
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:58,195
I don't know why
You would bring me
To a place like this.
246
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,197
I'm allergic to
Everything on the menu.
247
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,532
Why, the butter alone--
Aah!
248
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,268
Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha!
249
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,269
Oh, you.
250
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,720
Quality time?
251
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,288
You actually said
"Quality time"?
252
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,857
Well, I was just
Trying to define--
253
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,393
Is that what
We talked about?
254
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,160
Is that what
We talked about?!
255
00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:31,729
No.
256
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,731
When a man hears
"Quality time,"
257
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:35,133
He thinks it means
258
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,269
Rub your feet
While you watch
The lifetime channel.
259
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,204
[whining]
Well, what am I
Supposed to do?
260
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,207
[mocking] What am I
Supposed to do?
261
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,276
You have really lost it.
262
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,211
You have lost
Your groove thing.
263
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,812
Come on!
264
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:52,483
Blow smoke up his ego,
Make him want you.
265
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,751
I don't know.
266
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,087
You...
267
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,688
Are mary albright.
268
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,725
You flirt shamelessly.
269
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:04,595
That's what
You're famous for.
270
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,596
I am?
271
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:06,630
Mm-hmm.
272
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,300
I am.
273
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:12,937
Now, you go out there
And live up to your
Trashy reputation.
274
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,071
I'll do it!
275
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:16,941
Hi, dick.
276
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:18,275
Mary.
277
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:20,745
Gee, I hope last night
At the restaurant
278
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,179
Wasn't too awkward
For you.
279
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:23,881
Ohh, not at all.
280
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:25,883
I don't know whether
You noticed, but, uh,
281
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,618
I was with jennifer.
282
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,221
Uh huh. You had
On a new jacket
Last night. I liked it.
283
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,622
Ooh, you did, huh?
284
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,125
I found it on a bus.
285
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,460
Pretty good fit,
Though, eh?
286
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:36,628
Very.
287
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,696
But you always know
What looks good on you.
288
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,964
Well, that's so true.
289
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,134
Have you been
Working out?
290
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,302
Oh, yeah.
291
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,738
Hey.
What?
292
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,473
I canceled my meeting
Tonight.
293
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:50,475
Really?
294
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:53,845
So we can do...
Whatever you want.
295
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:54,913
Oh, yeah?
296
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,781
Let's say we make it
An early weekend.
297
00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:58,716
Oh, I can't take
Friday off.
298
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,984
I have a budget meeting
In the morning.
299
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,752
Ohh, look at this.
300
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,654
Jennifer's wide open
On friday.
301
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,157
You know,
She is so flexible.
302
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,500
I'll see how open
I can get.
303
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:22,673
My god,
It's actually working!
304
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,742
If I can keep this going
Another few days,
305
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:28,045
I'll have her
Up to 6 nights
And melrose mondays.
306
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,513
Melrosemondays?
307
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:30,882
Oh, jennifer.
308
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,283
What happened to you?
309
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,451
It's an allergic reaction.
310
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,720
I told you I couldn't eat
At that restaurant.
311
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,622
But you didn't eat anything.
All you had was water.
312
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,291
I think there was
A lemon in it.
313
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,526
[sniffling]
314
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,695
Dick, I noticed something
Last night,
315
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:47,098
And I want you to be
Perfectly honest with me.
316
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,634
You still have feelings
For mary, don't you?
317
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,036
[gasps] He didn't
Answer right away.
318
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,205
Oh, my god. He didn't
Answer right away.
319
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,540
Oh, dear god, jennifer,
320
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,641
He does have are you
Feelings for her. All right?
321
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:57,709
[babbling] Now,
Jennifer...
322
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,444
Jennifer, calm down!
323
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,779
Look, I can see
You're upset,
324
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,381
But I think it's crucial
That we tough it out
325
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,749
For another 2 or 3 days,
Depending.
326
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,251
Ohh.
327
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,186
I see what game
You're playing.
328
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,587
You've just been
Using me.
329
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,588
No.
330
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,223
Oh, thou blind fool, love,
331
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,559
What dost thou to mine eyes,
332
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:18,229
That they behold,
Yet see not what they see?
333
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,331
J-j-jennifer, wait!
334
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:25,236
I don't even know
What that means!
335
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,506
Ohh!
336
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,941
What's the matter?
337
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,075
I'll tell you
What's the matter.
338
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,577
Jennifer broke up with me
339
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,812
Just as I was starting
To make some real headway
With mary!
340
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,948
Oh, god, why don't you
Just be honest with them?
341
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,350
It's what don would do.
342
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,852
I can't! I've almost got
Mary where I want her.
343
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,521
What are you gonna do?
344
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:46,524
I've gotta find
Some way to win
That horror show back!
345
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,426
I'm gonna go insane!
346
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,094
That's nice. We'll miss ya.
347
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,133
Psst.
You guys ready?
348
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:58,302
Yeah.
Wait a second,
I gotta go get my--
349
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,438
Come on,
Come on,
Come on!
350
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,408
Hey, guys. What are you guys
Doing? Where you going?
351
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:06,277
I-I-I'm just taking
Harry and tommy...
352
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,445
In for questioning.
353
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,983
Oh, I thought
We were goin' bo--
354
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:15,452
[strangers in the night] ♪ bo bo-bo-bo ♪
355
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,789
♪ bo bo-bo-bo-bo ♪
356
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,162
All right!
All right,
Tommy!
357
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,163
Atta boy,
Baby!
358
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:28,967
[ball hits pins]
359
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,304
All right, boys,
Another beer frame!
360
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,539
All right!
You in the zone, baby!
361
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,807
Come on, get 'em all!
362
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:37,976
See the ball,
Be the ball!
363
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:41,745
Oh, yeah!
364
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:42,980
[ball hits pins]
Ah!
365
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,816
♪ who goes? ♪
366
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:46,817
♪ we goes ♪
367
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,152
♪ the three amigos! ♪
368
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:51,121
Hoo-ahh!
369
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,260
Sally.
370
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,830
Where ya been?
371
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:07,838
♪ diaphenia, like
The daffdowndilly ♪
372
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,175
♪ white as the sun,
Fair as the lily ♪
373
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,377
♪ heigh-ho ♪
374
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,677
♪ heigh-ho ♪
375
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,613
♪ how I do love thee ♪
376
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,882
♪ I do love thee
As my lambs ♪
377
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:21,052
♪ are beloved
Of their dams ♪
378
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:26,624
♪ how blest were I
If thou wouldst prove me ♪
379
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:31,195
♪ diaphenia, like
The spreading roses ♪
380
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:34,699
♪ that in thy sweets
All sweets encloses ♪
381
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:38,703
♪ fair sweet, fair sweet,
How I do love thee ♪
382
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,506
♪ I do love thee
As each flower ♪
383
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:44,641
♪ loves the sun's
Life-giving power ♪
384
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:50,881
♪ for, dead, thy breath
To life might move me ♪
385
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,420
You're mocking
My madrigals.
386
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:57,788
Jennifer, no.
387
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,890
I'm here to win back
Your heart.
388
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:00,891
[skeptical]
Mm-hmm.
389
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:01,959
Forgive me.
390
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,128
Dick,
Are those orchids?
391
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,396
Yes.
392
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,698
Call 911.
393
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,899
Call 911.
394
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,901
No, no, no. It's ok.
They're all paid for.
395
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,103
Gaaagh! Aah!
396
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,071
Oh, my god!
She's allergic!
397
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,139
Oh, damn!
398
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:21,245
Honestly, sally, it's not
What you think it is.
399
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:24,449
Uh, what--what do
You think it is?
400
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,951
You went bowling
Behind my back.
401
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,919
With harry
And tommy.
402
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,521
Ha ha ha ha,
Noooo.
403
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:31,855
No.
Of course not.
404
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:34,591
Why are you wearing
Matching bowling shirts
Then?
405
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:36,794
Ok, give me a minute.
406
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,599
Hey, is--is that
A water fountain?
407
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:42,600
I think it is.
408
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:43,534
Let's check that out.
409
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,035
I would like that.
410
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,839
Why don't you
Tell me
The truth, don?
411
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,507
Just be honest.
412
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,077
All right,
You want honesty?
413
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,945
I'll...
I'll give you honesty.
414
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,216
I hate bowling
With you, sally.
415
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,619
I--I absolutely hate it!
416
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,253
You're--you're terrible.
417
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:08,459
By ignoring the rules,
You just spit in the eye
Of the pastime of the gods.
418
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:12,630
And to be honest,
I never want to go
Bowling with you again.
419
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,535
Oh, sally.
420
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,604
Sally, I'm kidding!
421
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,039
I'm kidding!
I'm a kidder.
422
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,473
I'm joking, it was a joke.
423
00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:25,008
I--I love bowling with you.
424
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,711
You don't mean that.
425
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:27,878
I...
426
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,213
I don't mean it?
427
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,714
You don't think
I mean it?
428
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,051
Come on.
429
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,552
Sally, it's your turn.
430
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,622
You're up.
431
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,658
And I want you to use...
432
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:41,826
My ball.
433
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,328
You mean--
434
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:45,496
That's right.
435
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,664
Blue thunder.
436
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,834
[choking back sobs]
437
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,305
Oh. Oh, don!
438
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,674
Oh! Sally!
439
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,278
Aah!
440
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,679
Dr. Solomon!
441
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,681
♪ heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
442
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,349
♪ how are you doing? ♪
443
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,184
I'm fine.
♪ how are you doing? ♪
444
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:08,919
I'm fine.
♪ how are you doing? ♪
445
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,287
I'm fine! Shut up!
446
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:11,455
What are you doing here?!
447
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,924
These flowers are
For jennifer.
What?!
448
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,093
It's ok. They're plastic.
449
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,328
But she's in the hospital.
450
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,262
No, she's out,
451
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,763
And coming here.
Oh!
452
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:23,800
♪ diaphenia, like
The spreading roses ♪
453
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,702
♪ that in thy sweets
All sweets encloses ♪
454
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:26,703
Oh, my god!
455
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,306
What the hell was that?
456
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:31,476
I've gotta get ahold of mary
Before it's too late!
457
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,714
[ring]
458
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,983
Don't answer that!
It's dr. Solomon,
459
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,617
And he's desperate
To talk to you.
460
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,718
He is?
461
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,954
Whoa, whoa,
Whoa, whoa.
462
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,290
You've got him
Where you want him.
463
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:51,495
Now...It's time
To be cool. [snap]
464
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:54,498
Hi, mary, it's dick.
I was just wondering
How you were doing.
465
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,101
But, uh, you just walked in,
So when you get
This message,
466
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,403
Just ignore it.
Take care. Bye.
467
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:00,938
Hello, dick.
468
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,239
Mary, I was just
Thinking about
469
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,575
What you said
The other day,
About quality time.
470
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:05,576
Oh, that.
471
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,412
I, uh, just want
You to know
472
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,948
That if you're still
Willing to make that
Kind of commitment,
473
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,083
I would be willing to make
A sacrifice of my own.
474
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,418
Are you making
An offer?
475
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,154
Well, no, I'm really
Just putting out a feeler.
476
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,723
I'm not sure
It's worth my time
To respond to a feeler.
477
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:22,493
Oh, I think this is a feeler
That you can't refuse.
478
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:27,098
Mary, if you can promise me
To make a good-faith effort
To spend more time with me,
479
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,933
I will break up with jennifer,
480
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,436
Despite the fact that I will
Be crushing the frail soul
481
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,972
Of a woman already teetering
On the edge of sanity.
482
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,474
I can live with that.
483
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:39,443
Oh, mary!
Oh, dick!
484
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,779
Oh, mary!
485
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,282
What do you say we get outta
Here and find someplace nice?
486
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,950
And when I say get outta here,
I mean right now!
487
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,652
You!
Jennifer!
488
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:51,122
What were you doing
To me, orchids?!
489
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,124
I gave you a list
Of my allergies,
490
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:55,626
And what was on the top
Of page 6, column 2?
491
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,094
Orchids!
492
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,030
Ok, jennifer, before
You go any further,
493
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,464
There's something
I must say:
494
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,032
I am breaking up
With you.
495
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,367
You're breaking up
With me?
496
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,136
you're breaking up
With me?!
497
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:10,674
I ended this hideous travesty
Of a relationship yesterday!
498
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:12,876
Yesterday? She--she
Broke up with you
Yesterday?
499
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,412
Oh, that's right.
You broke up with me.
500
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:16,981
That's how it happened.
501
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,215
Teetering.
502
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,650
You're
Incredible!
503
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:24,554
You are so lucky I'm allergic
To any blood other than my own,
504
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:27,858
Because if I weren't,
I would cut you open
From stem to stern
505
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:31,028
And dance in the red,
Red river of your death.
506
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,029
Help me, mary,
Help me.
507
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,163
Oh, get out!
508
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:37,000
A plague! A plague on you,
Dick solomon!
509
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,168
Aaaaah!
510
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,271
Oh! Oh!
511
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:43,240
I am so sorry,
Dr. Albright.
512
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,242
I don't know
What came over me.
513
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,077
I'm really
A very docile person.
514
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,212
Oh, that's all right.
515
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,681
He brings that out
In women.
516
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,983
Could I be transferred
To another office?
517
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,284
First thing in the morning.
518
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,186
I don't know why I put you
In here in the first place.
519
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,487
You wanna get a drink?
520
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,757
Oh, I can't go to bars.
I'm allergic to smoke.
521
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:00,891
I have a full bar
In my desk.
522
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:03,060
Lead me.
523
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,531
It seems like
It should've worked.
524
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,200
A triangle is
The strongest shape
In geometry,
525
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:13,070
But somehow,
A love triangle
Just collapses.
526
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,538
Yeah, but, see, that's
What I'm trying to tell you.
527
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:16,974
You just gotta be honest,
Dick. Like don.
528
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:19,343
There aren't a lot of guys
Who'd actually admit to--
529
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,912
Where are you
Guys going?
530
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,981
Us? We're goin' bo--
531
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:26,317
♪ bo-bo bo-bo-bo ♪
532
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:29,553
♪ bo-bo bo-bo-bo ♪
533
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,556
♪ bo-bo bo... ♪
534
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,031
Captioning made possible by
Carsey-werner productions
And the national
Broadcasting company
535
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:44,234
Captioning performed by
The national captioning
Institute, inc.
536
00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:47,737
[ball hits pins]
Ah, strike.
537
00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:49,173
Nice one, don.
538
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:51,609
But they're still winning.
539
00:21:51,611 --> 00:21:53,277
What are you
Talking about?
540
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,279
Ah, we keep knockin' 'em down.
They keep comin' back.
541
00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:58,315
Public performance of captions
Prohibited without permission of
National captioning institute
542
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,050
I'm gonna take out
Their headquarters.
543
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,485
What?
544
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:06,089
I'm gonna disable
The pin setter with
This 16-pound mama.
40282
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