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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,437
Good morning, all!
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,438
Good morning.
Good morning.
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,540
Hey, you're wearing
Your lucky tie.
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,541
What's the occasion?
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,710
Oh, no occasion, really.
6
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:15,413
This hotshot visiting
Professor, dr. Neesam,
Arrives today.
7
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,015
The dean asked me
To show him around,
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,550
So I want to look my best,
9
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,885
Just to let him know
That he's on my turf.
10
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:23,388
Why don't you
Just drop your pants
11
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,789
And spray
All the corners?
12
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:26,258
That's what cats do.
13
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,392
They do?
14
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,093
I'll think about it.
15
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,896
Well, whatever you do,
Come back early.
16
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,631
I need the car tonight.
I got a date, all right?
17
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:33,998
Ooh, sally.
18
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,735
About that, he called.
He's not coming.
19
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,237
What? Why?!
20
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,139
He said
He's afraid of you.
21
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,141
Was it the death grip?
22
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,310
Dick, how are you
Supposed to teach a guy
The death grip
23
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:48,013
If you don't put him
In the death grip?
24
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:50,982
[mocking] Ooh! I'm afraid
Of the death grip!
25
00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,924
And this is the door.
26
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:02,027
Coat rack,
Fireplace, files,
27
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:05,164
And last but not least,
My desk.
28
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,200
Dr. Neesam?
29
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:13,938
I can't believe
They just leave these out
In the hall for the taking.
30
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,975
Oh, you're telling me.
31
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:19,444
Nina!
32
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,679
Yes?
33
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,081
Could you bring dr. Neesam
And me a cup of coffee?
34
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,683
Oh, yes, of course.
Dr. Neesam,
How do you like it?
35
00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:28,019
Any way you'd like
To give it to me.
36
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,891
How about hot
And in your lap?
37
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,127
[muttering]
38
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,895
I'll give it to you.
39
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:41,066
Is she
Coming on to me?
40
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,101
I can never tell.
It's best to ignore it.
41
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:47,205
So, dr. Neesam,
What has brought you
To pendleton?
42
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,541
A plane. It was
Absolutely dreadful.
43
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:50,875
I know
What you mean.
44
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:52,444
Your fate is
In the hands of
A couple of doormen
45
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,611
And a uniformed
Waitress.
46
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,113
And the endless pointing.
47
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,115
Oh, god, yes!
48
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,519
They point to
Where the door is.
49
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,686
And you only
Just came through it.
50
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:02,687
Exactly.
51
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,489
If the plane
Lands in the water,
52
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:09,594
My flotation device will
Be the person next to me.
53
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:13,598
Dr. Neesam,
I find you
Pompous, judgmental,
54
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,900
And completely
Self-absorbed.
55
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,836
Would you
Be my friend?
56
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:19,971
We'll see.
57
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,318
Excuse me. I'm looking
For dr. Dick solomon.
58
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,288
Ah, dr. Neesam. He should
Be back any minute.
59
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,656
You're welcome to sit
And wait.
60
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:14,926
Oh, thank you. Would you
Get me a cup of coffee?
61
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,628
Don't you remember? We met.
62
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,564
I'm dr. Mary albright.
63
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,066
Ahh! Dr. Mary albright.
64
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,969
Would you get me
A cup of coffee?
65
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,037
I don't think dr. Solomon
Would appreciate
66
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,573
You rummaging
Through his desk.
67
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:30,042
I thought I sent you out
For coffee.
68
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:35,914
I am dr. Mary albright, ph.D.,
Professor of anthropology!
69
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,883
You know, your cheeks
Turn a beautiful pink
70
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:38,950
When you're yelling.
71
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,952
It complements the crystal
Blue of your eyes,
72
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:44,489
And it comes together
In your moon pie of a face.
73
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:45,891
I beg your pardon?!
74
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,225
You have the head
Of a cookie.
75
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,860
I want to eat you!
76
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,629
You stay away!
77
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,898
First a lick, then a bite.
78
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,701
Ah, liam,
There you are! Good!
79
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:59,504
I see you two
Have broken the ice.
80
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:00,806
What do you say
We all go out tonight
81
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:01,907
And get to know
Each other better, hmm?
82
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,809
Good idea.
83
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,743
Dick, I'm not sure
About this guy.
84
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,713
He doesn't even know me,
And he chased me
Around the room!
85
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:09,748
He did?
86
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,916
Well, mary,
I barely knew you
87
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,151
The first time
I chased you.
88
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,854
It's just what
You bring out in men.
89
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,089
Yeah?
90
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,289
She's in!
91
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,094
Your turn.
92
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,201
Wow! 3 bull's eyes
In a row. You are good!
93
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,137
Actually, I'm
A bit off tonight.
94
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,373
I wish
I could do that.
95
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,374
Oh, mary!
96
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:38,209
You throw
Like a girl.
97
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,710
Oh, don't be silly.
Anyone can learn.
98
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,546
Come here.
Come here.
99
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:42,914
Right.
Now, hold that.
100
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:43,982
Tip it up
A little bit.
101
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,217
Ease back,
Big breath,
102
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,686
Relax,
Follow through.
103
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:48,787
Whoo!
104
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,888
It hit the board!
105
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,556
I've never done that!
106
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:54,325
Oh!
107
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:56,361
Yes. Good girl.
108
00:04:56,363 --> 00:05:00,332
Dick, sally
And harry won't
Buy me a beer.
109
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:03,402
Harry, sally,
Don't be so cheap!
110
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:06,538
I'd like to introduce
You to my family.
111
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:10,007
Ah, yes.
The dim-witted brother
And the surly adolescent.
112
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,680
Oh, well,
He's sure got us pegged.
113
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,015
This is
My sister sally.
114
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,449
You're in luck.
She's available.
115
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,518
Really?
116
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,386
A woman as beautiful
As you, available?
117
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,454
Oh.
118
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,790
You must have a severe
Personality disorder.
119
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,126
Wow! This guy's
Amazing.
120
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,898
Mary:
Dick, your turn.
121
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:33,899
Personality disorder.
122
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,201
I'm gonna
Go kick his ass!
123
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,636
Don: there you go,
Princess.
124
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:39,905
Don.
125
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:40,906
Sally?
126
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,641
What are you
Doing here?
127
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,142
Um, uh...I, um,
128
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,012
We got a report about
Some south american
Gunrunners
129
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,847
Working out
Of the back room.
130
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,615
But you're
Not in uniform.
131
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:51,616
Well, yeah.
132
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:54,486
I'm....Undercover.
133
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,989
That just makes my story
All the more believable.
134
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,291
Well, I'm glad
You're here.
135
00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:01,493
I could use
Some company tonight.
You see, um...
136
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,395
I thought maybe
We could sit down and
Order some chicken wings,
137
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,397
And you could
Tell me I'm pretty.
138
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,398
Hi, donnie.
139
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,800
You were great
Last night!
140
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:12,804
Who was that?
141
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,238
I gotta go.
142
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:22,480
Dick: and for shorter distances,
Compared to a wavelength,
143
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:26,884
We know that e-w
Equals one over r-cubed
144
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,687
And--
145
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,422
Hello, liam.
Can I help you?
146
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,756
No, but I can help you.
147
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,024
This is rather puzzling.
148
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,326
You have
5 unnecessary terms.
149
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,829
Now, now, dr. Neesam.
This is my class.
150
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,331
Yes, but you see,
151
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,700
Here...
And, uh, here...
152
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,301
Brackets here,
Of course.
153
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:46,204
Now, these terms
Are all equal
154
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:49,341
And self-nullifying.
155
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,745
Voilà!
156
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,880
But that doesn't work.
157
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,114
Yes, it does.
No, it doesn't.
158
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,983
Yes, it does.
159
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,651
Oh! Dear god,
I understand that!
160
00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:02,753
Yes! Sweet mother!
161
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,155
For the first time
In my life,
162
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,892
I see
How something works!
163
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,360
Oh, shut up, leon!
164
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,596
Now, listen to me, officer.
165
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,665
I need to reach
Don orville.
166
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,500
Of course
You haven't seen him!
167
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:16,901
He's undercover,
You idiot!
168
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,638
Sally. Sally,
We have company.
169
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,341
You remember larry
From night school?
170
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,519
How you doin'?
171
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,091
Not too bad.
172
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,565
So...
173
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,100
You like movies?
174
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,103
Kinda.
175
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,677
You know, um,
Sally likes spaghetti.
176
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,580
So do I.
177
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,650
Larry's
Got a car.
178
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,151
I like cars.
179
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,020
Ah, well,
We have
A match!
180
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,592
Sorry, man.
181
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,532
We had a deal!
182
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,415
Damn. 2 feet short.
183
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,319
Huh.
That means I've
Got to putt it in.
184
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,635
[air horn blows]
185
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,808
Well, what?
186
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:04,809
What was that?
187
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,011
What?
That noise.
188
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,145
What noise?
189
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,147
I don't recall a noise.
190
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,215
Maybe a bird...
191
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,150
A small rodent.
192
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,457
Perhaps you
Have a brain tumor.
193
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,465
[toot]
194
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,071
What was that?
195
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,773
Oh, this?
196
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,274
Um, it's an experiment.
197
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,176
I wanted to see
How you'd react.
198
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,278
I am a biologist,
You know.
199
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,048
Are you going
To do it again?
200
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,950
Probably not.
201
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,867
Oh.
202
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,369
Bad luck.
203
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,703
Oh.
204
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,305
Better luck
On the next hole.
205
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,239
[toot]
206
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:15,679
Oh, I got it.
All right.
207
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,681
How about that guy
From the newsstand?
208
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,016
Oh, frank deegan!
209
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:20,451
Well, how about him,
Sally?
210
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,685
He seems
Presentable.
211
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:22,686
No.
212
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,722
Come on, sally.
He lives on a houseboat.
213
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:28,092
It's on
His mother's lawn!
214
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,527
I don't need a date,
You guys.
215
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:30,761
If you really
Want to help me,
216
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,563
Help me figure out
What the problem is
With don.
217
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:35,800
Oh, I'll tell you
How to solve any kind
Of love problem.
218
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:40,037
Now, what you do
Is you invite him in for
A little casual breakfast,
219
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:42,640
And when he's walkin' in,
You're fryin' the eggs...
220
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,776
In the buff.
221
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,845
Ooh, I'd
Like to see that.
222
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,313
No. You're not there.
223
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,316
What? So we don't
Get any breakfast?
224
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,884
Go get a doughnut.
225
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,153
Wait, wait. Hold up.
226
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,589
Doesn't the grease
Splatter all over
Your boobs?
227
00:10:58,591 --> 00:10:59,824
Doughnuts
Aren't breakfast.
228
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:00,891
No. Eggs are breakfast.
229
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,493
You know what's good
For breakfast?
230
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,794
Shut up! Talk!
231
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,296
If you want to find out
What's up with don,
232
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,765
Why don't you try
The old-fashioned method?
233
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,701
What do you mean,
Like, stalk him?
234
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:13,003
No!
235
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,807
Disguise yourself
And follow him around.
236
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:24,983
I'll set the table.
237
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,017
Oh, I'll help.
238
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,952
No, no. Mary'd
Prefer it done right.
239
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,290
Mary, I don't want you
To invite him over
Anymore!
240
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,858
Dick, you don't own me.
241
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,726
I can invite
Whomever I please.
242
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:36,894
Fine, but I
Don't like him!
243
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,029
Well, you
Don't have to!
244
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,030
I don't!
245
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,531
So, what's for dinner?
246
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,999
Baked new england
Lobster.
247
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,567
Mmm! Sounds yummy.
248
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,069
Liam's making it.
249
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,704
Oh! Damn!
250
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,473
Don't touch it.
I'll get it.
251
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,407
[ding]
252
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,977
How did he do that?
253
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,479
Isn't that hot?
254
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,914
Oh, very, yes.
255
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,317
Aah!
256
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:05,823
Ice?
257
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,524
What are these?
258
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,361
Escargot foie gras
Champignon à la grecque
En croute.
259
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,462
Do try one.
260
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,067
Oh!
261
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:22,773
This is the best thing
I have ever put
In my mouth!
262
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:26,510
Once again,
I come in second.
263
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:29,079
Dick, try one of these.
264
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:32,049
Oh, no.
I'm really not hungry.
265
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:36,954
Although they
Do smell awfully good.
266
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,288
Isn't that terrific?
267
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:39,289
Yes.
268
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:41,225
Mm-hmm.
269
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:43,594
Mary, would you
Put the salad out,
Please?
270
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,795
Oh!
271
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,297
The salad
Looks perfect.
272
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,366
Thank you.
So, dick, you don't
Really cook, then?
273
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,034
Me? I'm
An excellent cook,
274
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,636
But I don't do it
In front of mary
275
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,805
Because she doesn't
Like me to do, uh--
276
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,306
How can I put this?
277
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,540
Womany things.
278
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,808
Ah.
279
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,977
I enjoy cooking
Out of doors,
Of course,
280
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:01,879
Along with
Other manly men,
281
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:03,947
But in the confines
Of a kitchen,
282
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:08,152
I find that
Real men tend to eschew
Such girlie pursuits.
283
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:09,086
Quite.
284
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,497
Where's dick?
285
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,466
Our game tired him out.
286
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,967
He's having a nap.
287
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,336
Oh.
288
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,837
Whoops!
Dropped the ladle.
289
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,272
Oh, I'll get it.
290
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,976
I wish you
Wouldn't do that.
291
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:36,280
Why? Didn't I
Do it well enough?
292
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:39,050
As a matter of fact,
You did it perfectly.
293
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,687
But it's just that
I'm kind of involved
Right now.
294
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,122
I mean, not officially,
But I'm--
295
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,958
Ah, mary's afraid.
296
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,793
Mary doesn't want to rock
The boat in her little life.
297
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,295
She doesn't
Want to lose control
298
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:54,131
And be swept away
In a torrent of pleasure.
299
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,240
Dick: mary?
300
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,355
Where's don orville?
301
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,323
I saw him
Come in here.
302
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,492
Don orville?
Don't play games
With me, babe.
303
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:22,926
I saw you
Talk to him
The other night.
304
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,162
You mean
Donnie orvellini?
305
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,163
Donnie orvellini!
306
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,298
Aah!
Aah!
307
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:33,004
[music playing]
308
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,772
Tom jones:
♪ it's not unusual ♪
309
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,575
♪ to be loved by anyone ♪
310
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,877
♪ it's not unusual ♪
311
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,879
♪ to have fun with anyone ♪
312
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,413
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
313
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:47,551
♪ but when I see you
Hangin' about with anyone ♪
314
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,821
♪ it's not unusual ♪
315
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,289
♪ to make me cry ♪
316
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:53,757
Aah!
Aah!
317
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,696
Oh. Oh, mary.
318
00:14:58,698 --> 00:14:59,964
Oh, mary. Mary!
319
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,966
Oh, dick,
Are you all right?
320
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,267
Where is he?
Where is he?
321
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,468
He's gone.
322
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,336
I'm glad
You threw him out.
323
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:07,838
Well, he left.
324
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:08,773
Oh.
325
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:11,309
How long
Have I been out?
326
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,409
Oh, I don't know.
327
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,744
What? 10 minutes?
30 minutes?
328
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,412
Oh, I don't know.
I took off my watch.
329
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,983
You only take
Your watch off when we--
330
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,018
Oh, mary, no!
331
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,920
Oh, I'm sorry.
332
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,321
How could you?!
333
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:25,822
I don't know
Why I did it.
334
00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:27,090
You know how he is.
335
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,993
Oh, I can't stand it!
He's beaten me again!
336
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,795
Have you noticed
How good he is
At everything?
337
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:33,665
Oh-ho, yeah.
338
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,433
I mean, yeah.
339
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,503
No wonder you
Couldn't resist him.
340
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:42,906
He's just like me
To the 10th degree.
341
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:46,476
Yes! That's why I did it!
He's exactly like you!
342
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:47,678
I know!
343
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,380
We're both brilliant.
We're both gorgeous.
344
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:52,449
We're both...
345
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,021
Oh, my god,
Of course.
346
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,922
We're both--
347
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:01,925
Aah!
348
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,962
Well, that was easy.
349
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,464
So he was good?
350
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:10,334
Oh, he was good. He
Was panty-throwing good.
351
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:11,502
Then why
Are you worried?
352
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:12,970
At least it's not
Another woman, right?
353
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,306
I know, but you should
Have seen all these women
Staring at him.
354
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,475
He is a karaoke star,
Tommy.
355
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,078
They just don't get
Any bigger than that.
356
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,248
I left him a message.
I sure hope he calls.
357
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,317
Oh, well,
Don't worry, sally,
358
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,751
'cause we'll
Be your dates.
359
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:28,953
Yeah.
Me and harry.
360
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:30,355
How'd
You like that?
361
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,521
Yeah.
362
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,991
I'm gonna
Fry you up some eggs.
363
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,325
Don: sally!
364
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,361
Oh, it's don! Get lost.
365
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:43,934
I got your message.
366
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,602
I'm so glad
You came, don,
367
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:49,106
Or should I say,
"Donnie orvellini"?
368
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:51,908
So you know.
369
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,677
Yes, I know.
Why didn't you tell me?
370
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,780
I didn't think
You'd understand, sally.
371
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,114
Cops...
372
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:59,816
They don't sing.
373
00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,452
I thought you were
With another woman.
374
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,788
Sally, music is my lady.
375
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:05,856
Oh, don,
376
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,591
I want to be with you
377
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,393
and that lady.
378
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,061
Sing for me.
379
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,229
Oh.
380
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:13,764
♪ oh ♪
381
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,433
♪ my love ♪
382
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,234
♪ my darlin' ♪
383
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,702
♪ I've hungered ♪
384
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,072
♪ for your touch ♪
385
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,074
♪ a long ♪
386
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,742
♪ lonely time ♪
387
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,744
♪ and time ♪
388
00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:29,480
♪ goes by ♪
389
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,648
♪ so slowly ♪
390
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:34,251
♪ and time can do ♪
391
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,153
♪ so much ♪
392
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:37,888
♪ are you ♪
393
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:43,093
♪ still mine? ♪
394
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:48,965
What are you doing?
395
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:50,667
Uh, taking a few things.
396
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:53,270
Those are my theories
On the earth's
Gravitational alignment.
397
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,905
Yes, and some of them
Are quite good,
398
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,173
And that's
Why I'm taking them,
399
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,941
Just to prove something
To the folks at home.
400
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,243
You don't
Need those theories.
401
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,611
You can figure them out.
402
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,046
You can figure
Everything out,
403
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,513
And I think I know why.
404
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:06,016
All right,
Let's hear it. Why?
405
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,751
You're an alien.
406
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,187
Oh, dick, well done.
407
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:11,388
I knew it!
408
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,724
Dick, you are
Quite a remarkable
Human creature.
409
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,461
Oh! Well, I agree
With the remarkable part.
410
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,464
After all,
I figured out
Who you are,
411
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:24,469
But you, my friend,
Have missed something
Glaringly obvious about me.
412
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,969
Care to guess?
413
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:29,973
No. You see,
I came to this planet
For only one purpose:
414
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,141
To destroy it.
415
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:32,409
What?
416
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:34,211
Oh, yes. Big explosion,
Chunks of debris,
417
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,479
Things flying
Every which way,
418
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:37,314
Then a second explosion,
419
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,316
Not quite as huge
As the first one,
420
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,984
But still very big
And sparkly,
421
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:42,652
Something to see.
422
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:44,421
Only, of course,
You wouldn't
423
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:47,258
Because you'd
Have been vaporized
In the first one.
424
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,658
But why the earth?
425
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,028
Because you're
Blocking our view!
426
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:53,864
I won't let you!
427
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:54,999
No, no. Let me explain.
428
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,400
When I first
Came to this planet,
429
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,903
I looked around for
Signs of intelligence,
But nothing much,
430
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:01,973
Certainly
Nothing to justify
Not blowing it up,
431
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,775
Then...Then,
Dick, I met you.
432
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:08,613
Ah, yes, me.
Well, there's a reason
Why you were so impressed.
433
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,480
You see,
I'm not from ohio.
434
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:13,283
You see, dick,
You proved to me
435
00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:15,652
That human beings
Can be bright
436
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,789
In a sort of look-what-
My-2-year-old-can-do
Sort of way.
437
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:19,790
That's because--
438
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,124
That is,
If for 2 minutes
439
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:24,295
They can get their minds
Off large-breasted
Lifeguards,
440
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,964
Coffee cake that
Doesn't make you fat,
And celine dion.
441
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:29,800
Somebody
Tell her to stop.
442
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:32,336
The boat sank.
Let it go.
443
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,105
I'm not quite following.
444
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,309
Dick, you and you alone
445
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,645
Have convinced me
To spare your kind.
446
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:42,646
Me?
447
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:43,647
Mm-hmm.
448
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:44,648
Me?
449
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:45,616
Mm-hmm.
450
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,553
Oh, I see.
451
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:53,157
Now, what is this thing
That's so important
About you
452
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,125
That I simply
Have to know it?
453
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,193
What? Hmm?
454
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,962
Oh! Oh, that.
455
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,363
Yes. Well, I'm, uh--
456
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,865
I'm an--an--
457
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,499
I'm a...
458
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:03,633
Canadian.
459
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,604
I'm so sorry.
460
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:10,107
Nevertheless, I'm
Going to do something
461
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,942
That I hoped
I wouldn't have to do.
462
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,110
Well, we can't have you
Blabbing about this
463
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,511
To everyone, can we?
464
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,513
So I'm going to smooth
Over your memory traces,
You see?
465
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,016
Now, this device
Is very, very efficient,
466
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:22,652
But it does melt about
Half a human brain.
467
00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:24,321
Pbbblt!
468
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:28,758
They'll never notice
In canada.
469
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,894
Well, then...
470
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,230
As I'm not
Blowing the place up,
471
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,033
That'll give me time
To buy a few souvenirs,
472
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,467
Or maybe
I'll get a massage.
473
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:39,803
Yes, that's it,
A massage.
474
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,976
Ha! Ha ha ha!
475
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,911
Human brain.
476
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,416
Some of us
Don't have a human brain.
477
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:01,525
So, you see,
I, an alien,
Saved the earth
478
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:04,327
By being a better human
Than any human could ever be.
479
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,263
Yeah, dick.
We get the irony.
480
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,764
It's really
Pretty obvious.
481
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,202
I just wish that I
Could tell all the people
That I've saved.
482
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:12,403
Yeah, but you can't.
483
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:13,637
Oh, I know.
484
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:16,173
Wow! Mary albright
And another alien.
485
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,674
What are the odds
Of that happening?
486
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:18,675
Oh, shut up.
487
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:19,676
No, seriously.
488
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,111
I mean, the odds
Of an earth woman
489
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,580
Having a physical
Relationship with
An extraterrestrial--
490
00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:25,549
Well, that's got to be
About a billion to one,
491
00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:27,250
But to have it
With two? Wow!
492
00:21:27,252 --> 00:21:28,318
Shut up.
493
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,587
You don't suppose
494
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:31,688
All those other guys
She's been with
Were aliens?
495
00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,459
What other guys?
496
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:38,395
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
497
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:46,804
[singing
From das rheingold]
498
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:58,815
Sit down!
499
00:21:58,817 --> 00:21:59,917
Nobody leaves
500
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:03,187
Until wotan has stolen
The ring from alberich!
35356
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