Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,806
She thinks she is all that,
But she is not all that.
2
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:12,811
Oh, no, girlfriend,
Do not go there.
Do not go there!
3
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,480
Oh, damn!
She went there.
4
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:20,084
Well, I better get
Back to the station.
5
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:21,219
Time to go on duty?
6
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:24,722
No. I'm on duty.
It's time to punch out.
7
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,159
Well, I'll see you
Thursday, tommy,
At career day.
8
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,293
Career day?
9
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,728
What career day?
I've heard nothing of this.
10
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,665
It's nothing, dick.
It's just a bunch of bores
11
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,733
Blabbing on
About what they do.
12
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,235
You wouldn't
Be interested.
13
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:40,972
Wait. Dick
Not interested in
Talking about himself?
14
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,308
I know! That's insane.
15
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,178
Oh, don't be silly, tommy.
16
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,979
Once your classmates
Hear me speak,
17
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,815
You'll be the toast
Of the school.
18
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,316
Are you kidding,
Dick?
19
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:52,817
You're a physics
Professor.
20
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,754
I mean,
That's almost
As dorky as...
21
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,992
I got nothing.
22
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,428
I'm stumped.
23
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,929
This is outrageous!
24
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,564
I'm wise. I'm revered.
25
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,567
And I work damn hard!
Who do you think
Puts food on the table?
26
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,834
I put it there.
27
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:11,170
I'm going with
America's farmers.
28
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,504
There's food
On the table?
29
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,006
Oh, now, stop it.
30
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:15,740
If you people
Think it's so easy,
31
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,510
Why don't you get a job
And work for a change?
32
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,579
I'm glad that
Was a question
And not an order.
33
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,213
Dick: it's an order!
34
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,716
Well, I'm glad it's an order
And not a direct order.
35
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,818
Dick:
It's a direct order!
36
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,319
I'm glad it's
A direct order--
37
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:30,789
Dick: go get the want ads!
38
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,095
Hey, guys.
39
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,096
Is dick here?
40
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:12,097
No.
41
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,364
I wanted to talk to him.
42
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,366
Why?
43
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,367
Well, I'm looking for work.
44
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,501
There were some sweet gigs
45
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,436
On the pendleton
Research board,
46
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,138
But I don't know
Which one to do, like here.
47
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,273
I can get 50 bucks
48
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,508
If I let them rub solvents
In my eyes.
49
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:28,180
Oh, sally,
That--that's not good.
50
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,182
Really? Well,
I could sign up
51
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,183
For the hornet sting
Study,
52
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,618
But I didn't bring
A swimsuit.
53
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,588
Dr. Albright is looking
For a research assistant.
54
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,923
Really?!
55
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,324
Uh...
56
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,827
Yes, but it's
Just grunt work.
57
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,296
I mean, it doesn't pay
Hornet study money.
58
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,997
Oh, that's ok.
What do I have to do?
59
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,767
Uh, well, I'm giving
A talk next week
60
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,001
At the faculty club.
61
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,969
Some bolivian professors
Will be there,
62
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,638
And I'm going to be
Discussing the culture
63
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,273
Of the aymara indians.
64
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,541
And I'm your date?
65
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,644
No. You're my fact checker.
66
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,646
You just go to the library
67
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,049
And make sure all
My information is accurate.
68
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,884
Hmm, I would've gone
With the hornets.
69
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,386
Good morning, mary.
70
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,387
Good morning.
71
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,321
Sally, what are you
Doing here?
72
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,390
Oh, I'm doing some
Anthropology stuff
For albright.
73
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,492
You're what?!
74
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,993
See ya, boss.
75
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,661
Well, that's just great!
76
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,397
You never show
Any interest in physics!
77
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:22,400
Well, dick, there's
Good reason for that.
78
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,002
It's physics.
79
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,605
Like anthropology
Is so hot?
80
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,607
I mean, sure,
There's naked people,
81
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,410
But...Once
You get past that,
82
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,345
It's really just...
83
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,780
What?
84
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,683
I don't know.
I can't get past
The naked people.
85
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,928
You know how
They say if you
Really want a job,
86
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,631
It'll just fall
Right in your lap?
87
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,132
Uh, no.
88
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:59,538
And how desperation
Is the surest road
To success.
89
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,873
I never heard that.
90
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,443
Why do they say
Those things? Why?
91
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:07,345
I'm not sure they do.
92
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:09,347
I fell for the lies.
93
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,850
Pounded the pavement,
And now here I am.
94
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,853
There are no jobs
For guys like me.
95
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,722
You know, I've been
Looking for a new bartender
For a while now.
96
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:22,327
Do you mind, buddy?
We're talking about
My problems now.
97
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:25,730
I'm saying I need
Somebody to start today.
98
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:29,468
Uh, yeah. Well, I guess
You're out of luck.
99
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,203
Why, what do you
Got going on?
100
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:34,139
I'm looking for a job,
Brainiac!
101
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:38,377
Morning, class, I'm...
102
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,378
Sorry I'm...
103
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,445
So late.
104
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,914
A funny thing
Happened today.
105
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:45,416
I learned that there is
A, uh, a...
106
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:46,918
Small group of people
107
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,856
That doesn't find physics
Absolutely exhilarating.
108
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:54,259
Isn't that hilarious?
109
00:04:58,998 --> 00:04:59,997
Exactly.
110
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,433
So I was wondering,
111
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,234
What drove you to take it?
112
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,936
Well, uh, it's required.
113
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,571
And we want
To graduate.
114
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,941
So that's all that brings
You back to my class,
A requirement?
115
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,844
Not one of you yearns
For a career in physics?
116
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:18,450
Not one soul longs to make
Physics his lifework?
117
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,954
Not one among you
Aspires to place physics--
118
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,289
Dr. Solomon.
119
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,525
Leon, please,
Tell me you have to pee.
120
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:33,197
Guess what.
121
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,198
What?
122
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,435
I found a mistake
In your speech.
123
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,505
Oh. Ok.
Let's hear it.
124
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:44,375
Ok. This is
So great. Ok.
125
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,977
Here on page 2,
126
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:49,180
You say there aren't
Any aymaran communities
On the high plains,
127
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,483
But dirkson's survey
Says there are.
128
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,018
No, there aren't.
129
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,386
Yeah, but dirkson
Says there are.
130
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,856
All right. Maybe
There's one or two,
131
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,525
But my point still stands.
132
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,027
No. Ok,
But dirkson says--
133
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,929
Forget dirkson!
134
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,932
Just go back there
And concentrate on--
135
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:11,369
On place names
And spellings and
Things like that.
136
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,838
Ok?
137
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:18,310
Man, who died
And made her dirkson?
138
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,812
Look, sally,
If you're gonna work
For dr. Albright,
139
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,381
There are a couple
Of things you need
To understand.
140
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,784
One: she doesn't
Like to be corrected
When she's wrong.
141
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,421
And two:
She's often wrong.
142
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,423
Wait, wait.
So I shouldn't tell her
143
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:34,492
Her breath smells like
A sock full of horseradish?
144
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,994
I didn't.
145
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,400
But, hey,
That's my boss.
146
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,402
I just can't
Please him.
147
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,505
Well, what are you
Gonna do?
148
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,941
Exactly.
I just can't win.
149
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,477
Well, what are you
Gonna do?
150
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:55,246
You said it.
151
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,181
You know, I got a family
To think about.
152
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,216
What are you gonna do?
153
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:01,218
Hey, you know
You're right.
154
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,720
Tomorrow, I'm
Going down there,
155
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:05,122
And I'm gonna
Tell him what he
Can do with his job.
156
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,024
Harry, thanks
For listening.
157
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:09,860
Hey, what am I
Gonna do?
158
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:11,796
Harry,
I need a drink.
159
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,030
You and everyone else.
160
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,466
I got the whole town
Of rutherford drinking again.
161
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,634
Harry!
162
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,603
All right!
163
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,105
What is wrong
With this world?
164
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,174
You dole out moonshine
To a roomful of boozehounds
165
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,609
And everybody loves you,
166
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:28,613
While I shape young minds
With the elegant laws
Of physics,
167
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,382
And what do I get?
Nothing.
168
00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:31,883
Here's the deal, dick.
169
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,886
Around here,
A guy can't even give
Peach schnapps away.
170
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:39,391
But you put it
In a pineapple glass,
Add a little umbrella,
171
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:42,327
Call it a shooter,
I can't make 'em
Fast enough.
172
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,630
Harry, that's brilliant!
173
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,333
You're saying
I gotta give physics
A little razzle-dazzle,
174
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:49,334
Right?
175
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,468
Ok.
176
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,404
Of course! This
Is the nineties.
177
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,440
Kids want what's cool.
They want the latest,
The here and now.
178
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:57,908
They want the fonz!
179
00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:00,178
Ayyy!
180
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,579
What are you gonna do?
181
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,515
I'm going to career day!
182
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:07,985
All right!
You do that!
183
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,588
What an idiot.
184
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:14,225
Harry, did some joker
Put my number up
185
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,061
On the men's room wall?
186
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,796
Ooh, I don't think so.
187
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:21,566
Well, be a doll
And put it up there,
Will ya...
188
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,169
Before that big guy with
The beard takes a leak?
189
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,140
Hi. Am I interrupting?
190
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,875
No. Come in.
191
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,578
What's wrong?
Find another mistake?
192
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:34,880
No. Nothing.
193
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,114
Really?
194
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,383
Really. I went
Through it with
A fine-tooth comb.
195
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,885
This baby is gold.
196
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,252
Great.
197
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,387
What about
The population
Of circuata?
198
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,856
I was just
Guessing on it.
199
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,290
That was a guess?
200
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,692
You nailed it!
201
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,497
Well, I've always been
Pretty good with trends
202
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,198
In that part
Of the hemisphere.
203
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,200
Listen,
I gotta tell you,
204
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,602
After reading dirkson,
Your stuff was refreshing.
205
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:03,141
But substantial,
Like, uh, gatorade,
But with meat in it.
206
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:07,245
Sally, let me
Buy you lunch.
207
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,747
We can go
To the oak room.
208
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,081
The oak room?
209
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,616
You deserve a treat.
210
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,618
Well, I spent the day
With your speech.
211
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,720
I think I've had my treat.
212
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,357
Dear god!
213
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,861
They have
Chocolate cheesecake.
214
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,997
Of course, I should
Probably just apply it
Directly to my thighs.
215
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,233
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
216
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,800
That's, oh, so funny!
217
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,307
Oh, yeah. All right.
218
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,446
Step right up, kids, and
Meet the girls of physics.
219
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:45,150
Each and every one of them
A bundle of mass and energy.
220
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,285
Are you
Really a licensed
Bikini inspector?
221
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:50,889
Uh, kind of.
I'm a physics professor,
You understand?
222
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,391
Now, friends, let me
Tell you about a little
Thing called physics.
223
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,860
You know what makes a car
Go fast? Physics.
224
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,863
And you know what makes
A curve ball curve?
Why, physics!
225
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,865
And you know
What's got me standing here
226
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,867
Instead of
Floating out the window
Like a puff of smoke?
227
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,368
Inertia,
With a capital "I."
228
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,404
That rhymes with pi,
And that starts with "P,"
229
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,106
And that stands for physics.
230
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,444
Your father is an insult
To this entire school.
231
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,780
I don't see
Your dad here.
232
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,850
Uh, my dad is
Performing open-heart
Surgery right now.
233
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,887
Oh, couldn't cut it
As a brain surgeon?
234
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,358
Now, let me tell you
About something
That's really hot.
235
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,428
Inasmuch as "E" equals
Cosine "M" plus "I" sine "M,"
236
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,930
We get arbitrary values
Of the separation constant "P."
237
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,232
Now, watch this.
238
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,233
I'm sorry I'm late, kids,
239
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:39,804
But I was involved
In one of the world's
Scariest police chases.
240
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,105
How'd it end?
241
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,140
The guy got away.
242
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,341
Ohhh!
243
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,510
But I rolled my car.
244
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,445
Cool!
Cool!
245
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,480
Oh, man,
I want to be a cop.
246
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,483
It's not all glamour, kids,
But it's mostly glamour.
247
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,019
Oh, and, uh, guns.
248
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,688
Cool!
Cool!
249
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,657
And what makes
That policeman's gun
So cool? Physics!
250
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,993
Kinetic energy
Generates the velocity
251
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,427
With which the bullet
Exits the barrel,
252
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,964
While the ballistic
Coefficient
And sectional density
253
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,866
Determine the damage
To its targets.
254
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,335
Guns don't kill people.
Physics kills people!
255
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:15,840
Oohhh. Ohh!
256
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:26,417
[snaps fingers]
257
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,088
Tony!
258
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:45,570
Dick, I told you,
You shouldn't have
Come to career day.
259
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:48,306
Oh, when we first
Came to this planet,
I could've gotten any job.
260
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,509
Cowboy, rock star,
International superspy.
261
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,778
Why did I choose physics?
262
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,281
Dick, you know
What they say.
263
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,716
When life
Gives you lemons,
264
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,286
Just shut up and
Eat the damn lemons.
265
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,787
Well, I've had it.
266
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:05,790
I renounce physics and
All its uses and applications,
267
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,792
Including conservation
Of momentum.
268
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:08,793
Whoo hoo hoo.
269
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,127
I'm out. I'm out.
270
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:11,128
Hey, guys.
271
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,397
Hey.
Yo, dubie.
272
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,898
Give me a margarita,
Harry.
273
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,232
What about
Your job?
274
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,101
I'm on the job
Right now, baby.
Rocks, no salt.
275
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,270
Are you telling me
That mary's presentation
Is already perfect?
276
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,207
Well, she thinks it is,
And I'm getting paid
Not to argue. Ka-ching!
277
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,274
[ding]
278
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,675
You got lucky,
Damn you.
279
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,845
I'll tell you the secret.
You just pucker up,
280
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:30,214
Vapor-lock onto your
Boss' butt, and hold on.
281
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,184
No independent thought
Required.
282
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,686
In fact, it
Just gets in your way.
283
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:38,189
Free thinkers
Die in the dirt
Like dogs, sally.
284
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,590
Here's your booze.
285
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,858
Sally.
286
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,860
Dubie, my hollow-legged
Lady friend.
287
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:46,363
One-eyed jimmy's
Gonna go out back
And fight a midget.
288
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:47,765
You wanna watch?
289
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,300
Yeah. Let's go.
290
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,701
Citizens.
291
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:53,204
Ah, what'll it be,
Officer?
292
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,773
Oh, I'm just
In the neighborhood
Checking things out.
293
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,808
You got it.
One free cheeseburger.
294
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,277
Don't be stingy
With the onions.
295
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,878
Harry, I'd like
A free cheeseburger.
296
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,146
You got it.
That'll be 6 bucks.
297
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,715
Oh! That's it!
I want a new job!
298
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,886
A job that comes
With respect, stature,
And free cheeseburgers.
299
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,253
I want your job.
300
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,722
Dick, you don't know
The first thing
About being a cop.
301
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:15,659
It's a gritty job
Where a good day is one
Where you come home alive.
302
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:18,596
Isn't that pretty much
A good day for anyone?
303
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,233
[police radio chatter]
304
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,235
I gotta go back
To the station.
305
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,603
They're bringing in
A suspect.
306
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:26,937
Hey, don,
I want to go.
307
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:29,173
I want to hold a gun
And flash a badge.
308
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:31,609
I don't know, dick.
It's illegal,
It's dangerous,
309
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,678
And it violates
The sacred oath I took
When I joined the force.
310
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,447
So don't tell anyone.
311
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,681
Let's go!
312
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,020
All right, dick.
We're gonna go in there.
313
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:45,256
We're gonna do a little
Thing we like to call
314
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,757
"Good cop, bad cop."
315
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,092
You're good cop.
316
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,326
I'm down with that.
317
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,428
I'm glad. All right,
Here we go.
318
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,503
Hi, jonesy, I'm dick.
I like your shirt.
319
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,641
So, you say that you
Didn't rob any gas station.
320
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,809
Right, jonesy?
Yeah.
321
00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:07,278
Right. Now, I--
322
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,480
I believe you, but...
323
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,048
The thing is...
324
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:12,049
You're scum!
325
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,985
I find chunks of you
In my puke!
326
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,819
So don't you
Jerk me around!
327
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:16,820
Dick!
328
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,322
We'll be right back.
329
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,593
You're supposed
To be good cop.
330
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:23,594
I am!
331
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:24,929
You're raising
The bar too high.
332
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,430
You know how bad
I have to be now?
333
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:27,665
Real bad!
334
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,267
I couldn't help myself.
335
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,834
Why don't you be good cop?
336
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,870
That way, I can
Go as big as I want.
337
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,641
Ok, I'll
Be good cop.
338
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:42,179
Oh, well, you'll have to,
Uh, excuse my partner.
339
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:44,348
He's got
A real mean streak,
340
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:47,184
But...I want
To help you out.
341
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:49,687
See, I know
That you're a nice--
342
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,622
Oh!
343
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,056
We'll be right back.
344
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,958
What's the matter
With you?
345
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,360
I'm always good cop.
346
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,429
This was my one chance
To be bad cop.
347
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,797
But I'm
A bad good cop.
348
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,032
You're
Not even a cop!
349
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,900
Well, can't we
Both be bad cop?
350
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,968
But the whole
Concept is--
351
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:05,903
Oh, whatever.
352
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,241
Now I want answers!
353
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,276
And I really
Want answers!
354
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,216
Thank you
For inviting me
To your conference.
355
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,152
How do I look?
356
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,987
You look fine.
357
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:25,389
I love bolivian men.
358
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:28,826
They're like hondurans
Without all the attitude.
359
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,161
Good afternoon, ladies.
360
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,529
Oh, dr. Albright,
361
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,164
What a great suit!
362
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,500
Well, thank you,
Sally.
363
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:39,503
Sally, you smell
Like jagermeister.
364
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:43,240
Somebody spilled it on me
In the library.
365
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:46,177
Well, once again,
I was completely unnecessary.
366
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,345
If I didn't know any better,
367
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,213
I'd swear you were a moron.
368
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,517
Aymaran.
369
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:54,452
Aymaran.
370
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,692
Come on.
We're your friends.
371
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,394
You did it, right?
372
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:05,997
No.
373
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:06,998
Come on.
374
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,167
You can tell us.
375
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,235
No.
I didn't do it.
376
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,976
Well, so much for
Good cop, good cop.
377
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,311
There's no such thing!
378
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,380
I told you, there's
Only one permutation
That works.
379
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,382
Ok.
I have this idea.
380
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,250
Sad cop, somewhat
Effeminate cop.
381
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,251
Get out!
382
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,486
Go home, dick.
383
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,154
You are not
Cop material.
384
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,222
I have to be!
385
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,490
It's not you.
It's just not you.
386
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,991
You're right.
387
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,959
Apparently, I was
Put on this earth
388
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:39,330
To bore a bunch
Of unreceptive dimwits
To the end of my days.
389
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,998
It's my lot in life.
390
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,234
Well, I think we both
Learned something today.
Let's have lunch sometime.
391
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,671
Look.
392
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,172
Why don't you
Just let me go?
393
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,174
Because I know
You did it, jonesy!
394
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,176
You jumped the fence,
And you stole the money.
395
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,677
But you
Got no proof.
396
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,814
Besides, I couldn't
Jump that fence.
397
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,983
It's physically
Impossible.
398
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,619
Physically impossible?
399
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:05,022
That's where you're wrong.
400
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,424
You may not have much respect
For the law, jonesy,
401
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:09,193
But there's one law
That you can't break:
402
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:13,397
Coulomb's third law
Of universal gravitation.
403
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,698
What?
404
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,700
It states that the force
Between 2 objects
405
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,703
Is proportional
To the algebraic products
Of their respective charges,
406
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,206
As well as proportional
To the inverse square
407
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,641
Of the distance
Between them!
408
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:28,212
But of course, you knew that,
Didn't you, jonesy?
409
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,813
Not--not all of it.
410
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,983
You're object "X,"
411
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,118
And the fence
Is object "Y."
412
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,221
Now, where "V" is
The velocity of the 2 objects,
413
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,223
And "R" is the distance
Between them,
414
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,226
And "E" is a unit vector
Directed from the first
Object to the second,
415
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,828
We see that the fence
Proved little challenge.
416
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,964
Well...I guess.
417
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,166
You guess!
I bet you guess.
418
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,669
And so we see
That "X" equals zero
419
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,171
As "Y" approaches infinity!
420
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,007
That's how you avoided
The security camera.
421
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:58,342
That's how you managed
To get back over the fence.
422
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:01,278
That's how they found you
Exactly 1.3 miles
From the crime scene,
423
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,413
Proving that you
And only you
424
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,281
Could have perpetrated
This heinous crime!
425
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,450
There's the proof!
426
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,618
Ok! Ok! Ok!
You got me!
427
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,954
I did it!
I did it!
428
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,956
My god! What kind
Of a cop are you?
429
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,624
I'm not a cop!
430
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,460
I'm a physics professor!
431
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,635
Of course, my dad
Didn't say anything.
432
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,037
He never did.
433
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:29,507
And how did that
Make you feel, chet?
434
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:30,941
Angry.
435
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,643
Worthless.
436
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:37,248
Oh. But you know
That's not true,
Now, don't you, chet?
437
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,749
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
438
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:40,117
All right!
439
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,151
[sighs] Well...
440
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,152
[ding]
441
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,187
Happy hour's over, chet.
442
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,923
But I think we made
Some real progress.
443
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,391
I feel better.
444
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,160
Yeah.
And just remember...
445
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:50,661
Don't stop drinking.
446
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:51,829
Thanks, harry.
447
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,564
All right, buddy.
448
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,534
Line 'em up, harry.
449
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:58,535
5 martinis.
450
00:18:58,537 --> 00:18:59,670
No, harry.
451
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,406
Dr. Albright,
We should take
You home now.
452
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,609
No, nina. I have
Brain cells that will
Remember this evening,
453
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,312
And I want them destroyed!
454
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,481
Hey, dr. Albright,
How did your talk go?
455
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,617
How did my talk go?
456
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,118
Let's see.
457
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,620
First of all,
458
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,622
The bolivians
Were highly amused
459
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:19,289
When I confused the name
Of their president
460
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:22,126
With the word for kayak.
461
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,362
But they stopped
Laughing when...
462
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:29,133
In their native tongue,
I welcomed them to my...
463
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:33,404
Womany place
And told them...
464
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:38,142
I told them there
Was room for everyone!
465
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,645
Tell her how you told them
That their country was a...
466
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,780
Shining example
Of goat death.
467
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,084
I hope this isn't
In any way my fault.
468
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,952
It's all your fault!
469
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,188
You were supposed
To check these things!
470
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,991
You're absolutely right.
I let you down completely.
471
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,561
Yes, you did!
What were you thinking?
472
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,163
I have no excuse.
It's just--it's just...
473
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,199
Really intimidating
When you work for...
474
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,334
For what?
475
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,202
Say it.
476
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,404
A bitch?!
477
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,174
No.
478
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:12,476
A genius!
479
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:23,053
Well,
That's nice, but...
480
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,287
I'm a professional,
481
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,757
And I expect other people
To be professional with me.
482
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,259
Of course you do.
483
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,728
God, what have I done?
484
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,731
I've let down the
Brightest woman alive!
485
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,366
Oh, god!
486
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,301
[sobbing]
487
00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,072
Oh, sally.
488
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,708
Don't beat yourself up.
489
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,110
Let me buy you a drink.
490
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,512
Margarita,
Rocks, no salt.
491
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:49,947
Harry!
[ding]
492
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,854
And so, using
Coulomb's third law,
493
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,588
I was able to prove
That he did it.
494
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,057
What does that
Have to do with it?
495
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,358
Nothing.
496
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,327
All I proved was
That he's rotating
Around the sun.
497
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:05,162
But he
Didn't know that.
498
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:06,664
That's the wonderful
Thing about physics.
499
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:08,666
Nobody understands it.
500
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:12,003
So you can use
Your knowledge to bully
People into submission.
501
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,604
Well,
That's the plan.
502
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,606
As long as america's
Educational system
503
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,174
Remains
Woefully inadequate,
504
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,675
I rule.
505
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:20,177
Yes,
You really do.
506
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,746
What you do
Is amazing.
507
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:22,747
Thank you, sally.
508
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:24,348
Sometimes
I wish you were dead
509
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:27,184
So they could put you
On a stamp.
510
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:31,788
Sally, you're not
Kissing my butt,
Are you?
511
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:34,258
A man of your stature?
I wouldn't dare.
512
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,126
Well, good.
Here's 20 bucks.
513
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,928
Thanks.
514
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:41,031
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
515
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,769
Now that you're
Feeling better about
Your career again,
516
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:47,638
Do I have
To keep working
At the bar?
517
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,772
Oh, no, harry.
518
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,275
Oh, good.
There's just
Too much pressure.
519
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:53,210
All those people
And their problems.
520
00:21:53,212 --> 00:21:54,911
No. There's too much
Pressure in the soda gun.
521
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:56,012
You could put an eye out.
522
00:21:56,014 --> 00:22:00,717
Why do you think they
Call him one-eyed jimmy?
523
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:03,086
Wait. He lost
His eye from soda?
524
00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:04,655
Yeah. Root beer.
525
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,156
No wonder he's angry.
526
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,224
I would be.
527
00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:08,658
So how
Was the fight?
528
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,928
Oh, short.
39414
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof