All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S02E21 - Sensitive Dick (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_track3_[eng]

Hey, dick, can I
Borrow the car keys?
I have a date with august.

- sure, tommy.
- you can't give him the keys.
He can't drive.

How do you know?
I've never tried it.
I could be great at it.

- check and mate.
- he doesn't even
Have a license.

- you don't have
Your license yet?
- I'm taking driver's ed.

- she's right.
No keys for you.
- ha ha!

- then what am I
Supposed to do?
- sally, you drive him.

Ha ha!

( playing "Strangers
In the night" )

( chuckles )

Hey there, tiger.

( growls )

You remember
My daughter vicki,
Don't you?

Sure. I put
A turkey carcass
On my head

And had sex with her
On your kitchen table.

That's my little girl.

So, what brings you
To rutherford?

She's back for her
High school reunion.

Thanks for killing
The surprise, mama.

Ever since
They canceled
"Ryan's hope,"

She's been
Real moody.

So, vicki,

Why didn't you return
Any of my phone calls?

Well, I wanted to,
But they...

They put a lock
On the phone

Down at social
Services.

Well, I'm glad
You're here

'cause I could use
Some social services.

( '50s rock music playing )

Come on, come on.
Anyone.

- "Y" to the fourth power.
- no.

11?

No.

- velocity squared?
- no.

That guy
From "Jeopardy"?

No, no, no!

Dr. Solomon,
Can't you just
Tell us the answer?

We've been guessing
For 45 minutes now.

You've been guessing?

All right, people,

Due to your
Staggering ineptitude

With the most basic concepts
Of quantum superpositions,

I am issuing
The following assignment:

You will write a five-page
Letter to your parents

Apologizing for
Wasting their money.

I want them on my desk
Tomorrow morning
For my approval

And a blistering p.S.

And bring a stamp, damn it.
I'm not a post office.

Don:
the wedding chapel was
only two miles away.

All she had to do was
Come to a complete stop

And turn on
Her blinker,

But I guess she had
More important things
To think about.

And now she's dead!

- any questions?
- yeah. Where can
I rent that movie?

You can't.

Class dismissed.

Hey, tommy.

( deepens voice )
Hello, don.

- hello, sally.
- tommy said

You were showing
"The bride
Wore asphalt."

- did I miss it?
- yes, but...

- maybe I can arrange
For a private screening.
- when?

- now.
- can we watch it
Backwards?

You're a sucker
For a happy ending.

( dramatic instrumental
music playing )

Look,
Her head's back on.

- judith.
- as head of
The disciplinary committee,

It is my sad duty
To inform you

That one of your students
Has registered a complaint
Against you.

There must be
Some mistake.

Is it true that you forced
Them to write humiliating
Letters to their parents?

Well, yes,
But that can't be it.

I'm afraid it is,
And according to
University rules of conduct,

You must attend
Sensitivity training.

My office
Will contact you.

Oh, and dick,
I wouldn't leave town.

I don't need
Sensitivity training,

You strident,
Power-mad tart!

- ( groans )
- happy birthday, dad.

Of course
I remembered.

How's the chest pains?

Mary, do you think
I'm insensitive?

You just hung up
On my father.

Now, don't try
To change the subject.

Okay, fine.
You're insensitive.

I am?

Oh, come on, dick.
It wouldn't kill you

To occasionally think
Of people's feelings
Before you speak.

( laughs )
What a bunch of crap.

You log 40 billion
Light-years without
A single moving violation,

They make you take
A road test anyway.

Welcome
To earth, folks.

You don't need that book.
Just use your common sense.

Green means go.
Yellow means
Slow down.

Red means
Stop and check
Your make-up.

That's my best friend.

That's kenny.

Ooh, jace carter.
Ooh!

Whoa! Who's
The biker chick

With the confederate flag
And the bottle of bourbon?

That's me.

Nice.

Harry, I was wondering

If maybe... You'd be
My date to the reunion.

I'd love to.

Will there be...

Turkey?

- ( door slams )
- family meeting!
Family meeting!

Both: what?

I've just heard
The most upsetting thing.

Someone has accused me
Of insensitivity.

You're not family!
Get out!

What is it with this
Planet's preoccupation
With sensitivity?

You should be able
To have an open dialogue
With anyone, like we do.

We can say anything
To each other
And not take offense.

For example, tommy
Wouldn't object
If I mentioned

That he was a greasy
Little disappointment.

What's to argue?

Sally couldn't
Dispute that she's
A sadistic bimbo.

You got me.
And, dick, you're
A rubber-faced bag of wind.

Well said!
And harry, you're an idiot.

Thank you, sir.
May I have another?

Hooray...

For personal growth.

Today we're
Going to learn
How to breathe,

How to listen,

And how to say
"I have a personality disorder."

- wait a minute--
- dick, I hear you.

Can... You...
Hear... Me?

Yes. You're
The annoying guy
In the unitard.

Dick, labels disable.

Okay, we're all
Shipwrecked at sea.

There's very little
Food left

And one passenger
Too many.

I say we eat
The big, fat guy.

Boo, dick!
Boo!

How about the woman
With the bad hairdo?

Your work is incompetent.
You get an "F."
You fail.

( high-pitched voice )
You're right.

My work has been weak,
But it's not my fault.

I'm just not
As smart as you are.

( gruff voice )
Ah, I suppose
You have a point.

I am exceedingly
Brilliant.

You just go so fast,
I can't follow you.

And now I'll
Never get a job.

I'll have to sell
My feet for keychains.

I've never
Heard things

From your point
Of view before.

Maybe I have been
A little hard on you.
I'm-- I'm...

( sniffles )

I'm sorry.
( sobbing )

I think someone
Needs a hug.

Okay, class,

I thought we'd try
Something different.

- no kidding.
- now,

Let's reflect
On the ballet
That is physics.

( clears throat )

In standard
Quantum chromodynamics,

The lagrange density

Equals one
Over four pi

Times the square
Of the field
Strength tensor.

Now,

Given that there is

This concentration

Of intense
Nucleic energy,

How many hydronic jets
Will emerge

When the quark-
Antiquark line

Within the meson
Ruptures? Bug?

A million?

- does that mean I'm right?
- no, not even close, bug,

But you tried,
And that's what
Makes you special.

What's that
Supposed to mean?

- do you want me
To say it slower?
- no.

Class, I have
Your midterms.

Now, I didn't want
Anyone to feel stress,

So I've abandoned

The traditional
Grading system,

And I'm giving
You all happy faces.

I can't apply
To graduate school

With a happy face
In physics.

Graduate school?

I don't think
Any of you have to
Worry about that.

( whines )

Nina, did you make
The appointment
For my high colonic?

There are two things
I don't do.

I don't pick up
Dry cleaning, and I don't
Schedule enemas, okay?

That's okay.
I forgive you.

- mary, are we still on
For dinner?
- sure.

I was thinking
Of wearing this.

It's not coming off
Anytime soon, is it?

Dr. Solomon--

Oh, dear god.
I'll make this brief.

Your students have filed
A class-wide complaint
Against you.

You are required
To appear

Before the disciplinary
Committee, which I chair.

What?!
I give them happy faces
On their mid-terms,

And this is how
They repay me?

- yeah, that's messed up.
- ( groans )

That's it.
No more mr. Nice guy.

And no hug for you,
Four eyes.

Fine!

This is the last time
I shop at gotta dance.

The edacity!
They won't allow me
To return my unitard.

Why not?

- because I wore it
Without my underpants.
- oh, my god!

This reminds me
Of your prom night.

- oh!
- ( shutter clicks )

Only this time
Your date isn't married.

Hi, folks.

Unless you have a warrant,
You cannot come in here.

- no, that's
Sally's date.
- oh.

Well, it's nice
To meet you.

Don't I know you?

No, I don't--
Let's go.

Mama, let's go.

Go, go, go.

Hello, don.

Hello, sally.

I thought
We would skip dinner

And drive straight
To lookout point.

That is, if you
Can stand the heat.

You know me, don.
The hotter, the better.

- ready, tommy?
- yeah.

- tommy's coming?
- the kid needs to see
How it's done.

You could show him
How to put the key
In the ignition.

Couldn't I just buy him
Some magazines?

He's been reading
About it for weeks.

He's ready for
The real thing,
And I figure...

He should learn
From the master.

Okay, he can come,

But I'm not
Promising anything.

If you'll all
Take your seats,
This hearing can begin.

All right, dick,
Out with it.

Where did you grab her?
And how many times?

It's not that kind
Of hearing.

First, we will hear
From dr. Mary albright

Who will speak
On behalf of
Dr. Solomon.

Dr. Albright,
How would you
Describe dr. Solomon?

Well, it's
Kind of hard.

I mean...

Have you ever had
A piece of really
Stinky cheese?

I enjoy
Stinky cheese.
Continue.

The thing is,
It has

These wonderfully
Rich flavors

That you
Can't get to

Without
The stinkiness.

Man: have you ever
found dr. Solomon
to be insensitive?

No. Dr. Solomon is
Warm, kind, and a credit
To pendleton state.

And he's never been
Abusive towards you?

No. Dr. Solomon
Is warm, kind,

And a credit
To pendleton state.

- have you been coached
To say that?
- no.

Dr. Solomon is warm,
Kind, and a credit
To pendleton state.

- just keep your eye
On the white line.
- where is it?

Look out!

Uh... Don, maybe
You ought to drive.

No! You're passing
That test tomorrow
If it kills us all!

You heard the lady.

( chatter over police radio )

A 3-11.

Tommy, step on it.

- ( tires squeal )
- ( siren wailing )

Oh, party, man!

Okay, harry,
Don't you let these
People intimidate you.

You just be yourself.
You're great.
Remember that.

- hello, vicki.
- hello, elroy.

This is my boyfriend.
He's a famous brain surgeon.

Vicki dubcek?

( both squealing )

- look at you!
- oh, look at you.

What was that nickname
We used to call you?

"Whore."

Whore!
Isn't she
Priceless?

And who are you?

Harry solomon,

United states
Ambassador

To portugal.

What bothers you most
About dr. Solomon's
Teaching methods?

He's always
Saying I'm wrong.

And how often
Are you wrong?

Always.

One day he told me

If I liked
Long hair so much,

Maybe I should
Join the circus.

- were you hurt by that?
- no.

More confused.

And then
He stared at me,

And I felt all dirty.

He did well
In the session,

But when he left,
He stole the puppets.

Dr. Solomon, do you
Have anything to say

- in your defense?
- I have plenty to say.

I should have
Brought a book.

I stand here accused
Of insensitivity.

Sure, I've tried
To change my ways.

I've cried.
I've hugged.
I've been hugged.

And you know what
I've discovered?

I'm an offensive
Person.

But in a tolerant
Society,

Is there no place
For my kind?

Why must everyone
Like me?

Why can't
We all just...

Not get along?

Conflict
Is necessary.

Throughout history,
Human beings

Have persecuted
The great agitators--

Socrates, galileo,

And now dick solomon.

Where would you be
Without us

To provoke
And enlighten you?

To attach the electrodes
Of knowledge

To the nipples
Of ignorance?

Throughout history,

All over the world,

People have
Rightfully looked
To pendleton state

For virtually nothing.

But maybe one day
They'll be able to say

That an unpopular battle
Was won there

For an ugly little thing
Called... The truth.

- thank you.
- and when they make
A movie of this--

And they will--

I don't want to be played
By woody harrelson.

We will now
Deliberate
And return

With a guilty
Verdict.

Who would have
Thought that I'd be
Spending this night

In a veritable wonderland
Of twinkly lights,

Tiny wienies,

And the most beautiful
Woman from orlando?

Mmm.

So what did you do
At your high school
Reunion?

Vicki,

I didn't exactly graduate
From high school.

Oh. Well...

I didn't exactly
Graduate, either.

Jace?
Jace carter?

- yeah?
- well, it's...

Vicki dubcek here.

Oh. Right.

I don't think
You understand.

That's vicki dubcek.

- who are you?
- I'm vicki's husband,

Harry solomon,
Hollywood stuntman.

And when I'm not crashing
Through plate glass windows

Or catching on fire,

You'll find me
At my hollywood mansion
With my wife.

You see,
I could have

Any woman I want,
Including her...

But I choose vicki

To share my fabulous
Hollywood lifestyle.

Wow! Vicki,
You made it.

Yeah.
Yeah, I did.

I'm also
The postmaster
General.

After reviewing
All the testimony,

The disciplinary committee
Unanimously votes

To admonish
Dr. Solomon.

- what does that mean?
- you're officially
Admonished.

Does that come
With a pay cut?

No. However, if there's
Another violation,
You will be censured.

Does that come
With a pay cut?

No, but should that
Fail to stop you,

You will be sanctioned,
Which means a 30-day
Suspension.

- with pay?
- yes, with pay.

That sounds good.
Could I be sanctioned
Right now?

No. We're
Adjourned.

Dr. Solomon,

I'm really sorry.
We never meant for
There to be a hearing.

I don't even know
How it got this far.

No need to apologize.

You're stupid, I'm rude.
See you tomorrow.

We'll see you.

Well, dick, I think
You made a nice point.

Yes, for a piece
Of stinky cheese.

Oh, dick,

You are who you are,
And that's the guy
I love.

Thank you, mary.

- and you know what?
- what?

- I love me, too.
- good.

It's something I learned
In sensitivity class--
To love myself.

- good.
- and I really
Love myself.

I mean, a lot.

Well, I failed
By driver's test.

I can handle
A high-speed
Police chase,

But for some reason,
At 20 miles an hour

I hit three parked cars.

Don't worry about
Not having your license.

Lord knows it
Hasn't stopped me.

I'm going to be
The laughingstock
Of my whole school.

Well, I've discovered
Something, tommy.

It doesn't matter what
You do in high school,

As long as you can make
People feel like losers

At the reunion.