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1
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,138
( screams )
2
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:09,875
( screams )
3
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,877
( screams )
4
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,216
- good morning, dr. Albright.
- oh, nina, call the florist
5
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,952
and tell them no carnations.
6
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,220
I want those flowers
That look like bird's heads
7
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,856
With a stick stuck in its eye.
You know, the good ones?
8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,759
- what's going on?
- she's having some big affair.
9
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,761
( grunts )
You tramp!
10
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,429
Oh!
11
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:33,165
Dick, it's a catered affair.
12
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,867
You're cheating on me
and your diet?!
13
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,571
No, the north rutherford
Country club
14
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,640
Is planning
Its charity auction
And I volunteered my house.
15
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,009
I didn't know
You were in a club.
16
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:46,979
They haven't asked me
To join, not yet.
17
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,981
They have the most wonderful
Health spa.
18
00:00:48,983 --> 00:00:52,985
Not to mention pool,
Tennis, golf, spa cuisine.
19
00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:55,287
- not that that's important.
- oh, no.
20
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,956
- I'm doing this for charity.
- oh, what charity?
21
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,625
Oh, something for kids.
Orphans, I think.
22
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,628
I've got so much to do!
23
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,362
I hope I haven't left
Anything out!
24
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:06,364
Well, let's see.
You've kissed butt,
25
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,366
Sucked up, fawned over
And stroked them.
26
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,236
A little wine and cheese
And it's party time.
27
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,238
- where's my guest list?
- on my desk.
28
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,073
Oh,
I'll go get it.
29
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:20,244
- what is wrong with her?
- she' climbing
The social ladder.
30
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,913
The what?
31
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,849
I'm sorry, nina,
I don't understand ebonics.
32
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,055
No, you know,
You try to fit in
With a group of people
33
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,790
By pretending
You're just like them.
You talk like them,
34
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,360
You act like them
Until they think you're
One of them.
35
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:38,363
- you know what that's like.
- no! No, I don't!
36
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:41,799
And neither does tommy,
Sally and harry! No,
We're not social climbers!
37
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,202
- we're humans!
- oh, I've invited
So many people,
38
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:46,438
- I hope my place
Is big enough.
- I have an idea.
39
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:51,309
- why don't you have
Your meeting at my place?
- your place? Ah, well.
40
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,311
See, dick,
Most of the people
41
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:55,313
Are coming
From north rutherford
42
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,814
And your place is...
43
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,117
All the way over
On the other side of town.
44
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,053
But the buses
Run until 9:00.
45
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:05,289
What she means is you live
On the wrong side
Of the tracks.
46
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,359
That's not what I'm
Saying... Out loud.
47
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:11,196
- what?
- well, it's just that
I've tried so hard to get
48
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:13,932
These people to accept me
That I don't want
To invite them
49
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,934
To my boyfriend's attic
With his...
50
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,270
Unusual brother and...
51
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,273
Angry amazon sister
In...
52
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:24,442
The heart of the meat packing
District. No offense.
53
00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:27,379
- no, none taken.
- or understood.
54
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,116
( '50s rock music playing )
55
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,682
- ( all gasp )
- oh, that's gotta hurt.
56
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:07,318
This is an incredible sport.
These guys must be the best
Athletes on earth!
57
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,956
Well, they don't call it
Professional wrestling
For nothing.
58
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,891
- ( all gasp )
- ( crowd cheering on tv )
59
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,894
Turn off the tv!
60
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,896
But dick,
It's your favorite!
61
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:21,399
"The grave digger!"
62
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,902
I don't care who it is.
We're not--
63
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:27,372
- oh look, he's got
A new shovel.
- ( all agree )
64
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,041
Do you think we live
On the wrong side
Of the tracks?
65
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,878
What are you talking about?
The tracks are right over there.
66
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,647
Yeah, if we lived
On the other side of them,
We'd have to wait
67
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,283
For the train to pass
Every time we went
To the liquor store.
68
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:42,421
- ( door shuts )
- hi, did I miss
The grudge match?
69
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,923
Mrs. Dubcek,
Have you ever been
To north rutherford?
70
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:47,592
North rutherford,
Sure.
71
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,761
I once had a fling
With a pool boy up there.
72
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,531
Lovely cabana,
Very nice.
73
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,400
What's so special
About it?
74
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,869
It's a very different
Class of people there.
75
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:01,573
- different class?
- you mean, not homo sapiens?
76
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,575
Oh no, they have
Their "Artsy" types too,
77
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,343
But they're very discreet.
78
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,284
Hey,
Solomon.
79
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:15,219
Hey, elman, romano.
How's it going, guys?
80
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:17,856
- you are dead, solomon!
- what did I ever do
To you?
81
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,492
You bust out laughing
In math class any time
We say anything!
82
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:23,628
Yeah, but guys,
Only the really
Stupid stuff.
83
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,463
- get him!
- wait!
84
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,798
If I had known
It bothered you guys--
85
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,399
Believe me,
I won't do it again!
86
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:31,369
- ( locker rattles )
- tommy: hello?
87
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:34,306
anybody out there? this is not funny--
88
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,810
- hi.
- are you okay?
89
00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:42,013
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
How are you?
90
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,149
Hey, don't let those guys
Bother you. They're just
Having fun.
91
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,718
Oh, yeah, I know.
92
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,289
We had a few laughs last week
When they "Pantsed" me
In the cafeteria.
93
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,158
- I'm lorna.
- oh yeah, I know.
94
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,994
- you were in my math class
Last year.
- oh, right.
95
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:59,831
- what happened to you?
- I passed.
96
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,834
( school bell rings )
97
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,003
You know,
Lorna...
98
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:08,172
- I realized something
Sitting in that locker.
- what was that?
99
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:11,409
I really should wash
My gym shorts more often.
100
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,911
What's that?
101
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:16,514
Oh, nothing, it was some
Stupid poetry I wrote.
102
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,516
Can I read it?
103
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:21,519
- it's not very good.
- oh, come on, come on.
104
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:24,221
Whatever.
105
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:28,026
"Last night, death
Signed my yearbook.
106
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,695
'have a good summer''
He wrote.
107
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,530
'see you next year''
108
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,700
And then I realized it wasn't
My yearbook he signed.
109
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,635
It was my tombstone."
110
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,540
- what do you think?
- I liked it.
111
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,376
Especially the surprise
Ending there.
112
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:48,246
You are the first one
To get the irony.
113
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,384
What do you think of
The one on the back?
114
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,885
Ah.
115
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:57,556
"Death sent me
An e-mail."
116
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,391
There's a motif
Here, right?
117
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:02,260
- yeah.
- ah.
118
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,601
Mr. And mrs. St. Clair,
So good to see you again.
119
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,804
We've met before?
120
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,573
Well, yes,
Several times.
121
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:18,276
We were trapped
In an elevator
For six hours.
122
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,214
Doesn't ring a bell.
123
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,415
I--
Pried open the roof
124
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:27,018
And climbed two stories
To get help.
125
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,853
Oh, yes!
126
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,855
She had on those awful
Leatherette boots.
127
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,457
Hmm.
128
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,392
( doorbell rings )
129
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,265
Hello, mary!
I brought you
A box of wine.
130
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,433
( laughs )
131
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:46,170
- I don't drink that.
- well, then why do you
Keep running out of it?
132
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,873
Give me the damn box.
133
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,675
I'll have
A glass of merlot.
134
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,612
And I'll have a nice
Hawaiian punch.
135
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,015
Don't believe we've met--
Edgar st. Clair.
136
00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,985
Don't believe we've
Met edgar allen poe.
137
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,954
But, um...
138
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,856
But I'm dick solomon.
139
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,924
And what do you do,
Mr. Solomon?
140
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,927
( stammers )
I'm in...
141
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,295
( using accent )
Physics...
142
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:12,897
Mr. St. Clair.
143
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,633
Physics, eh?
144
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,368
You know, I always thought
If I hadn't gone into business,
145
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,637
- I'd have done something
In physics.
- yes...
146
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,307
And if you had wheels,
You'd be a bus.
147
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:25,310
( both chuckle )
148
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,779
- actually, I own
Several bus lines.
- really?
149
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,782
Then all you need
Is the chassis.
150
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,717
( both chuckling )
151
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:37,488
How's everything here?
152
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,757
Perfect, thank you,
Mary.
153
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,393
No...
Thank you for coming.
154
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,497
- it's my pleasure.
- oh, no...
155
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,765
It's my pleasure
To have you here.
156
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,605
Thank you again.
157
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:59,343
- so sad.
- yes, she's
Trying so hard
158
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:01,345
You can almost smell
The desperation.
159
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:04,182
Oh, no, I think
That's her dog.
160
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,687
You are a ticket.
161
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:11,356
Say, you must
Come by the club.
162
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,357
The boys should meet you.
It'll be a kick.
163
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:15,860
Oh, good.
Can I kick back?
164
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,796
( both chuckle )
165
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,866
Oh, hi, lorna.
Uh, bye, lorna.
166
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,769
- back for more, genius?
- you're dead, einstein.
167
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:28,606
Will you guys stop?
You just want to beat
Him up because he's smart.
168
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,608
So?
169
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,610
Uh, now wait a minute,
Guys, she's right.
170
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,946
If I'm smart
And you guys are morons,
171
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,948
Nothing personal...
172
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,718
Wouldn't it make
More sense for you
To use my intelligence
173
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,721
To your advantage?
Huh?
174
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,723
Here, let me use
A visual aid.
175
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:47,158
- take that kid--
- okay.
176
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,228
- this one?
- uh, yeah, yeah.
177
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,763
Now see, you'd probably
Like to beat him up, right?
178
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,932
- definitely.
- yeah.
179
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,035
But see, you shouldn't
Because his sister's
180
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,037
Dating the third floor
Hall monitor
181
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,772
And if you beat him up,
You'll never be able
To ditch chemistry.
182
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,110
- we don't take chemistry.
- no.
183
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:10,682
But now you can
And you'll never have to go.
184
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,085
See? Told you
He was smart.
185
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:18,022
( snickers )
We don't have
To take chemistry.
186
00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:23,294
( sighs )
187
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:35,039
Singapore sal, the iron maiden,
Circles her prey.
188
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:38,642
Her opponent,
Handsome harry,
Circles nervously,
189
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:40,645
Hoping to avoid
190
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,647
Yet another
Serious injury.
191
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,582
( both grunting )
192
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,619
Hoo-ah!
193
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:56,727
You're good.
194
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,730
( winded )
Real good.
195
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,134
Oh, well, hello,
196
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,002
Pair of hooligans.
197
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,972
- who's the dork?
- oh,
198
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,808
Harry solomon,
Nice to meet you.
199
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,310
- come on, guys.
- where you going?
200
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,011
- out on the roof.
- what'cha gonna do?
201
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:17,415
- burn stuff,
Throw junk at cars.
- have a good time.
202
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,253
- hey, how's it go--
- ( both groan )
203
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,324
I like his friends.
Nice kids.
204
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,259
I know, me too,
Sweetie.
205
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,863
( grunts )
206
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,609
Well,
It started it.
207
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:46,443
So, how was your party?
208
00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:49,180
- did you play "Pin the tail
On the bentley"?
- no, no.
209
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,783
Mostly we just played
"Pin the cheese
On the cracker."
210
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,551
Mmm...
Exciting party, huh?
211
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,720
Exciting?
It was awful.
212
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,789
I had a two-hour
Conversation
With someone
213
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,791
About cornish
Gay men.
214
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,661
Are you sure it wasn't
"Cornish game hen?"
215
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,997
That's what I said,
"Cornish gay men."
Aren't you listening?
216
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,699
Okay.
217
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:11,036
Good morning,
Everybody.
218
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,871
- wasn't last night fun?
- ( chuckles )
219
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,440
Have you ever met a group
Of more interesting people?
220
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,476
( chuckles )
221
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,711
- here, mr. St. Clair called.
- oh.
222
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,715
Mr. St. Clair called.
That's so exciting.
What did he say?
223
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,984
- he said to call him back.
- oh, isn't that sweet?
224
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,019
Mr. St. Clair wants me
To call him back.
225
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,520
What do you think
I should do?
226
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,622
- call him back.
- oh right, right.
227
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,896
Ah, yes,
Is mr. St. Clair in?
228
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,898
Mr. St. Clair,
Mary albright.
229
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,901
Hi.
What?
230
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,903
Oh, I'd be
Honored to come.
231
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,973
Who?
Dick?
232
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:52,443
Well, sure,
I'll bring him.
233
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,446
Yes,
He is that.
234
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,448
Well, thank you.
235
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,582
No, no...
236
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:01,018
Thank you.
Bye.
237
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,954
This is so exciting.
The st. Clairs
238
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,056
Want to invite us
To their club tomorrow night.
239
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,359
( stammers )
Tomorrow? I can't!
240
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,161
Well,
Why not?
241
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,430
( stammers )
Well, for openers,
Tomorrow is...
242
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,699
Spaghetti and waffle night
And the whole family
243
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,467
Is going mad
With anticipation.
244
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,735
Can't you cancel?
245
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,671
Well-- and break
Their little hearts?
246
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:23,341
No, sally's already made
The pesto syrup.
247
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,376
( stammers )
So... Bring them along.
248
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,378
Oh, dick,
I really want to go.
249
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:30,415
- and they really want
You to be there.
- why?
250
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,417
Well, they like you.
They think you're fun.
251
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,785
Oh, please.
For me?
252
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:37,154
All right.
Fine, mary.
253
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,656
For you.
254
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,826
Oh, thanks.
I appreciate it.
255
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,661
No, it's okay.
256
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,597
We're having spaghetti
And waffles tonight, too.
257
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,369
Both:
Hey!
258
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,305
Hey, tommy, I'm sorry.
It was just an accident.
259
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,042
All right, kid.
260
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,811
- you don't sweat it.
Get lost now.
- ( bell ringing )
261
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:03,548
- hey, solomon,
Let's get out of here.
- all right, man.
262
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,683
Wait, where are you
Guys going?
263
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,052
- we're going to go
Set off the fire alarm.
- both: yeah.
264
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,654
- why?
- why?
265
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,423
'cause the alarm's going
To go off and there's
266
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,192
Going to be kids running
Everywhere and they're
267
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:18,796
- going to have to evacuate
The whole building.
- yeah, bro.
268
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:22,499
( stammers )
It made more sense
The first time he explained it.
269
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:25,436
- boy: yo, solomon!
- yo, what's up?
270
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,276
No, that's not it.
271
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,778
That's not it.
272
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,679
( screams )
Oh, that's it!
273
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,615
All right.
274
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,352
Head butts.
You ready?
275
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,854
Dick:
sally! tommy!
276
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:47,358
Harry! Listen up!
This is very important.
277
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,861
We've been asked to hob-knob
With the creme de la creme
Of rutherford's elite.
278
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,531
Hmm, well, I'm okay
Hob-wise.
279
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,200
It's the knob part
What concerns me.
280
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:57,935
The evening is very
Important to mary.
281
00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:01,272
- we've got to make
A good first impression.
- whatever.
282
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,942
Edgar st. Clair's nephew
Buzzy will be there.
283
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,777
He has a face like a horse.
I want you to charm him.
284
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:09,547
I'll bring a carrot.
285
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,549
Now, harry,
286
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,551
You will pose as sally's
Wealthy cousin.
287
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,220
- ah, am I well bred?
- you're overbred.
288
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,989
In fact...
You're mute.
289
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,791
Mmm, all righty.
Oh, I mean...
290
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,560
( silent )
291
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:25,562
Now, sally,
They already adore me.
292
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,999
But you must strive
To be accepted by
These people.
293
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,000
Accepted?
294
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:32,503
Have you forgotten
How hot I am?
295
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:37,007
I mean, good looking women
Are accepted at more places
Than american express.
296
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,009
I could belch
The alphabet
297
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,011
And men with phds
Would be asking me
298
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,946
- to tutor their kids.
- ( door shuts )
299
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:46,084
Great news!
I am now the coolest
Punk in school.
300
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,985
Well, congratulations!
What did you do?
301
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,788
I got suspended
For setting off
The fire alarm.
302
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,891
( scoffs )
They suspended you for that?!
You saved hundreds of lives!
303
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,260
No, no, no.
304
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:59,163
That's the best part.
There was no fire.
305
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,933
Tommy!
This is outrageous!
306
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,768
The next time you set off
A fire alarm,
307
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,337
You damn well better start
A fire first!
308
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,775
I can never do anything
Right for you, now can I?
309
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,717
Mary:
I'll be right down.
310
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:22,620
- have you noticed?
- what?
311
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,256
There's no tv
In this room.
312
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,260
Then why does
It exist?
313
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:34,065
- okay...
How do I look?
- oh, very nice.
314
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,632
- but not great.
- you look great.
315
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,868
No, you would have said
Great if I looked great.
316
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,436
Mary, you look
Fantastic.
317
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,372
You're right, too busy.
I'll go change.
318
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,175
There's no tv
In there either.
319
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:48,479
There is no tv anywhere
On the ground floor.
320
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,649
That explains why
She's so weird.
321
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,852
It's why them hoidy-toidies
Didn't like her party.
322
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,155
She got no tv.
323
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,856
How does she live?
324
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:02,026
Actually, she gets a lot
Of information from books.
325
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,862
- get out!
- what?
326
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:07,497
Sometimes she even reads
For entertainment.
327
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,167
What, like tv guide?
328
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,069
No.
329
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:18,943
What do you think,
Pearls or gold?
330
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:21,412
The only accessory
You need is me.
331
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,082
Aw...
I'll go get a scarf.
332
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:28,686
- hey, lorna.
- hi, tommy.
333
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,121
- hey, where
Were you today?
- home.
334
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:36,026
I'm just here picking up
Some books because I was...
Suspended.
335
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,428
- bye, tommy.
- wait, where
Are you going?
336
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:41,099
Tommy, I liked you
Because you were smart.
337
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,467
Now you're just like
Elman and romano.
338
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,037
But you hang out with
Elman and romano.
339
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,506
They have cars.
340
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,744
Now you're just like them.
But without a car.
341
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,047
I can change back,
I can be smart again.
342
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,616
I'll be having
My butt kicked by
Tomorrow afternoon.
343
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:00,885
Here, stuff me
In a locker.
344
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,587
If only it were
That easy, tommy.
345
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,523
But you can never
Go back.
346
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,358
I've seen it
A million times.
347
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,799
( all laughing )
348
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:19,636
So dick, this weekend,
Any chance we can
Squeeze in 18 holes?
349
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,672
It depends.
How big are the holes?
350
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,307
( all laugh )
351
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:27,545
So you're saying that
When a 300-pound soprano
352
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,314
And a 250-pound tenor
353
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:34,017
Dress in funny costumes
And take 15 minutes to die,
That's art.
354
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:38,756
But when the grave digger
Takes on the caped canadian,
That's trash?
355
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,791
I'm sorry,
I don't get it.
356
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:44,295
Well, my point is
The cultural "Histoire"--
357
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:47,331
Yeah, yeah, talk is cheap.
Let's go outside and
Settle this thing.
358
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,503
Why do you call it "Bacon"?
You don't "Bake" it,
You fry it.
359
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,172
Why the devil can't
They call it "Frycon"?
360
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,009
Am I right, eggie?
361
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:00,244
You know, I think
He's on to something.
362
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,382
So, I made a brief stop-over
In spain, and then--
363
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,750
Harry:
really?
364
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:10,087
I understand
The plains of spain
Experience...
365
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,290
Mainly rain.
366
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,228
I'm really impressed
With dick.
367
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:19,997
He's got them eating out
Of his hands.
368
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:23,066
Yeah, I tried that once
And got bit by a goat.
369
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,003
Oh, look at me.
370
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,673
All my life I've been
On the outside looking in.
371
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,709
Now I'm on the inside.
372
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,511
- you want to go outside?
- never again.
373
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,513
I'm going outside.
374
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,350
- 500.
- that much?
375
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,585
- I'm afraid you were
Taken, my friend.
- was I?
376
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:46,123
Yes, I only paid $20.00
For mine, and it's
A rolex, too.
377
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,593
The trick is to buy it
Straight off the truck.
No overhead.
378
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,730
- have you listened to him?
- who?
379
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:55,766
The "Nutty professor."
380
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:59,569
- lord knows which rock
St. Clair found him under.
- ( both laugh )
381
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:03,307
Remember when he invited
The dutch transvestite
To read our palms?
382
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,877
And where did
He get that accent?
383
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:09,747
May I have your
Attention, please?
384
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,016
Dickie has just
Informed me about
Something,
385
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,351
And I think everyone
Should hear it.
386
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:17,955
Thank you, eggie.
I don't mean to panic
Anyone,
387
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:22,359
But I'm afraid the calamari
Is infested with baby squid!
388
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,999
Dick, suddenly I'm
Not feeling very well.
389
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,501
Mary, you didn't eat
The calamari, did you?
390
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,237
- yes, that's it.
- we've got to get
You out of here!
391
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:35,273
Harry, sally, bring
The car around.
392
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:39,610
I'm sorry, boys,
Got to amscray.
Ta-ta.
393
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,980
Mary, you're
Spoiling our fun.
394
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:47,084
You know, if I were you,
And had your money,
395
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,021
The first thing I'd do
Is hire a good surgeon
396
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:54,358
To have that huge cob
Removed from my butt.
397
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,028
You may have
Your little clubhouse,
398
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,231
But none of you
Is truly happy.
399
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,033
Actually, we are.
400
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:09,173
Well, then, some
Of you are... Fat.
401
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,915
Oh, mary, what
A wonderful evening
That was.
402
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,084
The ambiance, the people,
The repartee--
403
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,919
- I hated it.
- oh, wasn't it dreadful?
404
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:25,289
I thought you were having
Such a good time.
405
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:29,994
I wanted to stick a chilled
Salad fork into my eye.
406
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,062
I don't know what I ever
Saw in those people.
407
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,464
I guess I spent
So much time trying
To impress them
408
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:35,966
That I never stopped
To realize
409
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,734
That they weren't
Worth impressing.
410
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,670
You're worth
Impressing, mary.
411
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,238
Thank you.
412
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,574
- you know one thing
I did like about them?
- what?
413
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,609
- their shrimp puffs.
- I didn't have any.
414
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:48,512
- I've got some right here.
- oh...
415
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,682
Oh, wait, wait!
416
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:54,418
I have dipping sauce.
417
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,620
No, thanks.
418
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,862
You know, in a way it's a shame
Things didn't work out better.
419
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:08,866
After all, they seem
To like everything you do.
420
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,701
Not everything.
421
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:13,137
♪ they can't take that away from me ♪
422
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:17,407
♪ no, they can't take that away ♪
423
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:19,376
♪ from me. ♪
424
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,084
Surprise!
425
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,586
Oh my god!
426
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:31,088
Now you have a tv
On the ground floor.
427
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,857
That's the biggest tv
I've ever seen.
428
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,391
How did you
Afford this?
429
00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:36,627
I sold your grandmother's
Antique end tables.
430
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,128
What?
431
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,363
Actually, that only covered
The down payment.
432
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:43,166
You have 12 more monthly
Payments of $265.00.
433
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:48,338
Gunsmoke!
35687
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