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1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:03,300
And then Regis looked
right into the camera, and said,
2
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,200
"Just give her
the damn Emmy already."
3
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,800
No, La Lucci,
he didn't say "her,"
4
00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:08,600
he said, "Give La Lucci
the damn Emmy."
5
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:09,800
Right, right, right, La Lucci.
6
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,800
Do it. Do Regis.
7
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:14,800
"Give La Lucci
the damn Emmy already."
8
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:17,300
Now do Regis finding out
he has a week to live.
9
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,200
Grace, no bad taste.
10
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,800
And I need some time
to work on that one.
11
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:23,200
So you're seeing apartments today?
12
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,100
Do Regis after he's had
too much melon.
13
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,600
- Stalling.
- Not stalling.
14
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,900
Grace, you haven't even
been looking at apartments.
15
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,700
So not true.
Look, there's one now.
16
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,100
There's one and there's one.
17
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,600
Danny gets back
to town in a week.
18
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,000
You need to move out
of his apartment,
19
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,400
and away from
"ex-boyfriend land."
20
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:39,900
- I hate "ex-boyfriend land."
- So start fresh.
21
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,900
When Michael left me, I completely
changed the whole apartment.
22
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,400
Will, your apartment
is exactly the same.
23
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,600
The point is,
you need a new place.
24
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,600
It's easy for you to say,
Mr. Rent Control,
25
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:53,400
Mr. View-of-the-Park,
Mr. Perfect Apartment.
26
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,100
Oh my God.
27
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,800
Why don't I move in with you?
28
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,500
- Wow!
- Huh?
29
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,600
Can't, because I promised Jack
he could stay with me.
30
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,200
Just till his floors are done.
Excuse me? How brilliant is this?
31
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:06,200
I love you, you love me,
and I love the fact
32
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:10,100
I won't have to pretend
I'm looking for apartments.
33
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:13,100
Okay, let me think about this.
34
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,400
No!
35
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:18,300
I love you, but no, no, Grace,
we need to have our own apartments.
36
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,400
- Why?
- Because, we're grown-ups.
37
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,100
Aren't we?
38
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,100
What just happened?
We were having fun,
39
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,700
we were playing Regis,
40
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,700
and suddenly I'm supposed to
grow up, get my own place,
41
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,600
- and pay bills? I hate you.
- No, you don't.
42
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,700
Look, I gotta get to work,
and you have got to start looking
43
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,300
for a new apartment.
44
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,000
Go. Go, you big grown-up.
45
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,600
As Regis: "What do mean
I only have a week to live?
46
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:47,500
What am I gonna tell Gelman?"
Ah-hh.
47
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,200
Oh, it all began with
just one little dance
48
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:03,300
But soon it ended up
a big romance
49
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:06,000
Blame it on the Bossa Nova
50
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,900
The dance of love.
51
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,400
I made it myself.
It's a dry snack mix.
52
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:15,300
I call it "garlic jazz."
53
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,000
I think you might like it,
but if you don't,
54
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,800
Blame it on the Bossa Nova
55
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:23,100
Knock it off. Don't make me laugh.
You're bugging me.
56
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:27,000
Okay,
how am I bugging you?
57
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:31,100
How about projectile "garlic jazz"
all over my $4,000 sofa?
58
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,400
Each time you describe the sofa
you add another thousand.
59
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,600
( Guapo squawking )
60
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:39,500
Must you always
let that bird out of it's cage?
61
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,900
Hey, birds gotta fly,
fish gotta swim.
62
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,200
Will's gotta lighten up.
63
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:46,200
Sorry, Jack,
I didn't get much sleep.
64
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,100
You were on the phone till 4:00am.
I could hear you gushing
65
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,500
three rooms away.
66
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,900
For your information,
I was having a heart-to-heart call
67
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,000
with someone who
actually cares about me.
68
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:57,900
Nobody actually cares about you
at Dial-a-Dude.
69
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,200
I don't know what
you're talking about.
70
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,600
It's $2.99 a minute.
71
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:07,500
And so not worth it.
72
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,000
Jack McFarland,
you are a frustrating roommate.
73
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,400
You make expensive phone calls,
but you don't pay the bills.
74
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,600
You eat a lot,
but you never cook.
75
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:19,000
You put on a maid's uniform,
but you never clean the house.
76
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,200
Okay, what is this?
What's with the vertical eyebrows?
77
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:25,700
- You and Grace get in a fight?
- No, we did not get in a fight.
78
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,500
She wants to move in.
And I said no.
79
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,400
And I might have been
a little insensitive.
80
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,100
Do I have "garlic jazz" breath?
81
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:37,400
That's right, I forgot,
it's always about you.
82
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,400
Why are you so angry?
83
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,100
Why don't you tell me
what this is really about?
84
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,000
Oh my God.
85
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:47,900
You're in love with me,
aren't you?
86
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,900
Do you smell toast?
87
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,800
Because I think you're
having a stroke.
88
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,700
All I'm saying is,
you're a realtor.
89
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,400
Let's get a little real.
90
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:02,800
Who can afford-- no, no, no...
91
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,900
don't hang up, please.
I'm sorry.
92
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,800
I'll have my assistant
fax over the application.
93
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:12,300
It's gonna cost me a muffin basket.
94
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,500
Oh my God,
I already have this.
95
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,600
Well, so now I have two.
96
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,800
I could live with my sister
for a few months.
97
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:23,700
I could also shove bamboo
under my fingernails.
98
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,900
Now this is something,
"I got it so I'll have it.
99
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,900
And maybe I'll wear it,
and maybe I won't."
100
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,800
But maybe I will.
Whoop!
101
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,700
Last month I had a fiance,
and a two-bedroom apartment.
102
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,600
Next month, single and homeless.
103
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:38,700
Right on track.
104
00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:40,700
Okay, now this is just fun.
105
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,800
It's "Beach,
cocktails with the Pearlmanns,
106
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:46,200
kicky little blouse,
cheeriness."
107
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:50,000
Dick's gotta stop drinking.
108
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:53,900
Do you also hold up sandwiches
in front of starving children?
109
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,000
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I'm being insensitive.
110
00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:59,900
I should really--
do you want a blouse?
111
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,600
No, thank you.
I want an apartment.
112
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,100
Can you please fax this application
over to the realtor?
113
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,100
Oh, honey.
114
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:11,100
Machinery, no.
115
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,500
Why do you have to be the one
to move out in the first place?
116
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,600
It's the break-up rule.
117
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,600
Whoever cancels the marriage
is forced to wander
118
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:25,100
the streets of New York without
a place to plug in her hot rollers.
119
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,000
Honey, you know that Danny would
take you back in a heartbeat.
120
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,600
I'm not gonna marry someone just
because I want a nice apartment.
121
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:38,200
Yes, that would be wrong.
122
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,400
It would be settling.
123
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,200
- I wanna marry the one.
- And well you should, honey.
124
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,000
How else are you gonna get
to the two and the three?
125
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:55,300
2,900 for a loft in NoHo.
126
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,400
2,300 for a loft in SoHo.
127
00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:01,300
That's too much money
to pay for any Ho.
128
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,900
Okay, here, charming one-bedroom,
Chelsea adjacent,
129
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,200
well-maintained, 1,500.
Sounds great.
130
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:10,700
Okay, let me decode.
Charming: tiny.
131
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,500
Chelsea adjacent: New Jersey.
132
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:18,300
Well-maintained: super washes
blood off sidewalk daily.
133
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,200
You're not helping.
This is for you.
134
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:26,100
Okay, fine, fine.
Let me see. Okay?
135
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,600
Oh my God. Oh my God,
here it is. Perfect.
136
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,000
Upper West Side,
spacious two-bedroom,
137
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,900
- two-bath, fireplace...
- This is great.
138
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,900
...hardwood floors, terrace,
beautifully decorated
139
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,800
by talented woman who hates
looking for apartments,
140
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:42,800
gay best friend included.
Ha-ha!
141
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:48,700
- Grace, you can't move in with me.
- Why not?
142
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:52,400
- Because, you know it's a bad idea.
- I don't know that, you know that.
143
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:55,300
I hate when people say, I know that.
How would I know that?
144
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,600
Let's go over the reasons
why you shouldn't.
145
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,600
Reason #1 :
you just got out of a relationship,
146
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,800
and you need
to wipe the slate clean.
147
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:04,900
Okay. Reason #1 why I should:
148
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,600
I would never let you
walk out of the house
149
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,100
with mustard on your face.
Come here.
150
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,000
No, no, no, eew.
151
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:13,800
Reason #2: the dry cleaner in your
neighborhood calls me nice lady.
152
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,900
He calls me nice lady.
153
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:19,400
You need to build your own nest.
Living with me--
154
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:23,300
- I'd just become a crutch for you.
- So be my crutch.
155
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:27,700
You are so Markie Post
in every single Lifetime movie.
156
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,000
Eew.
157
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,300
Grace, this is right.
158
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,300
You'll see,
it's gonna be great for you.
159
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,000
How? I'll be in a crappy
apartment somewhere, alone,
160
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,700
sitting around reading a human
interest story about, I don't know,
161
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,200
a kitty, with no hind legs,
162
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,700
who pulls herself around on a cart.
163
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,600
Then I'll be sad, because I'm alone,
and kind of wounded,
164
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:55,400
and I'll identify with the kitty.
165
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:59,100
- I am that kitty.
- You are not that kitty!
166
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,000
Trust me, you're a big ol' calico.
167
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,400
- Really?
- Yeah.
168
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,300
- Yeah. I can do this.
- You can do this.
169
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,300
I should do this.
170
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,100
This could be the best thing
I've ever done for myself.
171
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,000
Look at you.
Gettin' on, gettin' past.
172
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,500
Gettin' a little sick,
what's in this thing?
173
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,100
Will,
I'm scared.
174
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,900
Of course, you're scared.
You're supposed to be scared.
175
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,100
- I'm scared.
- You are?
176
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,800
Yeah, I just ate a hot dog
from a vendor with three teeth.
177
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:33,700
I'm terrified.
178
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,300
Will:
Sign here.
179
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,700
Initial here.
180
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,300
Put the pen here.
Shake my hand here.
181
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,500
As your attorney, it gives me great
pleasure to inform you
182
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,900
that you are now the largest
manufacturer of buffalo feed
183
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,700
in the entire Southwest.
184
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,500
Say it again!
185
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,500
You are now the largest
manufacturer of buffalo feed
186
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,100
in the entire Southwest.
187
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,800
It just sounds sexy, doesn't it?
188
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,500
- I'm hot.
- Yeah, let's go celebrate.
189
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,400
Harlin, can I take a rain check?
I am so tired.
190
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,900
Figuring out all those billable
hours really wiped you out, did it?
191
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:09,600
No, just this guy
who's living with me.
192
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,100
Look, Will,
193
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,200
I know it's none of my business,
194
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,200
but when my wife
and I are having a problem,
195
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:18,400
I light some candles,
get out some nice aromatic oils,
196
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:21,400
then rub it up--
197
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:25,300
it's just none of my business.
198
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:30,700
No, it's just a friend who's
staying with me temporarily.
199
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,200
He keeps odd hours.
He's got the energy of a ferret.
200
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,800
He's messy,
and he's got this enormous bird.
201
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:39,700
And by bird you mean--
202
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,600
Bird.
203
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:47,200
Just checking.
204
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,200
Woman:
Will, it's Grace on line two.
205
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,200
- Hey.
- I found it, it's great.
206
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,200
- Come overnow.
- Where is it?
207
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,400
It's in Brooklyn Heights.
Get off at the Borough Hall stop.
208
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,800
- I'll meet you there.
- Wait this connection must be bad.
209
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:01,700
I could have sworn
I heard you say Brooklyn.
210
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,300
What do you think?
211
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,300
- I think we're in Brooklyn.
- You hate it.
212
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,500
No, no I don't.
213
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,600
Who knew there were such nice
apartments in Brooklyn?
214
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,500
I thought the only thing in Brooklyn
were the Dodgers,
215
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,300
and about 300,000 guys
named Guido.
216
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,200
Will, the Dodgers
left Brooklyn in 1958.
217
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:22,100
Sweetie, you know
I don't follow the volleyball.
218
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:26,300
- Look at that tree.
- They really do grow in Brooklyn.
219
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,800
Grace, you have a new apartment!
220
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,600
I know!
221
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,900
- We need to do something.
- We need to play the game.
222
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,800
Yes!
What game?
223
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,800
The guess-where-all-my-
stuff's-gonna-go game.
224
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:40,800
- I just made it up.
- Oh, excellent game.
225
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:44,600
- Ready?
- Yeah.
226
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,400
I'm up against the wall
with a southern exposure
227
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,300
that gets all the light
during the day. What am l?
228
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,900
You're the ficus.
229
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,100
Yes.
230
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,800
Good. Moving on.
231
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:59,600
I'm above the fireplace.
232
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,200
What am l?
233
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,200
You're the ugly piece of string art
you got in Santa Fe.
234
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,700
If you're not even going
to challenge me,
235
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,300
I can leave right now.
236
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:12,200
Okay, okay.
237
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,100
Captain's chair.
Come on, Grace.
238
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,200
Okay, okay.
I got one.
239
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,900
( spitting )
What am l?
240
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:26,700
I don't know what that is,
but I am really embarrassed for you.
241
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:31,600
- I'm the humidifier.
- Oh, yeah.
242
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,300
One, yes!
Coming back!
243
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,800
- The lease?
- No, haven't done anything yet.
244
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,500
No, it's a two-year lease.
245
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,000
- And you've signed it.
- Okay.
246
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,600
I am old, and I once
lived in Aunt Reba's house,
247
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:51,400
and I'm not Uncle Joe.
248
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,700
Sweetie, I've gotta go.
I left Harlin back at the office,
249
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,100
- and I gotta get back. I'm sorry.
- Okay. Call me.
250
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,300
I will.
251
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,700
I'm really happy for you.
252
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,600
I'm a coffee table!
253
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:23,600
Announcer: Tonight:
comedian Sandra Bernhard;
254
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,500
twelve-year-old pig caller
Joni Marchinko;
255
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,500
and Regis Philbin
256
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,300
with Andy Richter
and The Max Weinberg Seven.
257
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,300
Now, here's your host
258
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,200
Conan O'Brien!
259
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,300
Jack, I'm sorry, but--
260
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,800
Morning, roomie.
Last night you missed it.
261
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,800
They had grizzly bear attacks
on The Discovery Channel.
262
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:05,700
It was good,
but I wanted better.
263
00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,900
What did you break?
264
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,600
Can't a fella just make
another fella a little meal?
265
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,400
You broke another
wineglass, didn't you?
266
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:17,300
Welcome to Cynical lsland,
population you.
267
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,500
I just think
it's a little sad, Will,
268
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,400
that you can't accept
a simple act of kindness
269
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,800
without turning it into something
ugly and bitter.
270
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:29,600
Okay, Guapo pooped
on one of your suits.
271
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,700
There, let the bile flow.
272
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,600
Jack, it's all right.
273
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:36,800
Excuse me?
274
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,500
It's a suit,
I can get it dry cleaned.
275
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,600
That's true.
276
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,000
Since I'm going,
do you need anything cleaned?
277
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,400
On me.
278
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,600
Where's Guapo?
What did you do with him?
279
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,000
Pretty bird?
280
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:53,300
Jack, Guapo's fine.
281
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,700
What? Can't a fella
dry clean another fella's--
282
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,200
I want you out.
283
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:01,300
I'm asking Grace to move in.
284
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,200
Oops, I did break
another wineglass.
285
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,400
Jack, come--
you're leaving in a week anyway.
286
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:13,200
She belongs here.
I thought if she had her own place
287
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:16,000
it would be good for her,
but it's not good for me.
288
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:18,000
She's too much a part
of my everyday life.
289
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,600
I can't have her
all the way over in Brooklyn.
290
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:21,600
So you think you and Grace moving
in together is the best thing
291
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:25,000
- to do for the both of you?
- Yeah, I'm sure of it.
292
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:27,000
And I'm out?
No, no, that's very interesting.
293
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:30,000
- Now I know how your suit feels.
- Oh, Jack.
294
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:33,900
Come on! It's not that big a deal.
You can stay at your mother's.
295
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:38,000
What is that?
Some type of sick joke?
296
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000
All right, then maybe you can stay--
297
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:43,200
You know what? I can take care
of myself, thank you very much.
298
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,100
Don't worry about me.
299
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,500
I'm a survivor.
300
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:51,400
- So you'll be at your mother's?
- Yup!
301
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,400
Jack: Grace,
302
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:58,300
Grace, where are you?
You're making a huge mistake.
303
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,300
Are you Karen?
304
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,300
Yes, honey.
305
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,200
Well, Peter, Paul, and Mary,
you are fabulous.
306
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,300
Well, thank you.
307
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,900
- Who are you?
- I'm Jack.
308
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,200
Jack?
309
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,900
Oh, Will's Jack?
310
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,300
Well, hello, honey. We've talked
on the phone a million times.
311
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,800
I can't believe we've never met.
312
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,100
Look at you, you little hottie.
Stand up.
313
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,000
Oh, no, come on.
314
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,300
Look at you.
You are a rocket ship.
315
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:34,200
Oh, get out of here,
you strange person.
316
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,600
This is--
317
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,400
what is this?
318
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:42,400
PS, loving the boobs.
319
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:46,500
Perky, with all kinds of attitude.
Store bought?
320
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,700
Huh-uh.
321
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,900
Right on. God, I had no idea
you would be so--
322
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,500
kitten-with-a-whip!
323
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,700
Come on, let's touch stomachs.
324
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,600
Oh, my Lord.
You are a complete freak.
325
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,300
So, honey, what are you doing here?
Why are you here?
326
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,700
What's going on?
What's happening? What's that?
327
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,700
I borrowed this tassel
from Grace two months ago,
328
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,600
- and I never returned it.
- You borrowed one tassel, for what?
329
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:21,200
Let's just say a lamp.
330
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,700
Okay, come on, honey.
Stick around, talk to me.
331
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,000
I have nothing to do today.
Grace is taking the day off to move.
332
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:29,100
Not where you think.
333
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,100
- Shoes?
- Chanel.
334
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:33,000
- Fabulous.
- I know. What are you telling me?
335
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,800
Will is asking her
to move in with him.
336
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,600
Honey, no, no,
she can't move into his place.
337
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,600
That's not acceptable.
338
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,500
Tell me about it,
you feisty little Shih Tzu.
339
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,500
Oh, honey, how is she ever
going to get married
340
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,400
if she's playing house
with a gay guy?
341
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,500
No offense.
342
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,400
Just guessing.
343
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:05,900
- Hey.
- Hi!
344
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,200
How did you get up without buzzing?
345
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:10,100
For three bucks you can get into
any building on this block.
346
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,200
- Actually, this one only cost two.
- See? I'm a bargain.
347
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,100
So, what do you think?
348
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,700
It's great. I met one of your
neighbors on the way in.
349
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:21,500
I'm sure he's a lot less
threatening with his pants on.
350
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:25,700
Okay, got it, Will.
Brooklyn bad; Manhattan good.
351
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,900
Look. Is this perfect here or what?
352
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,400
It's perfect.
It's also mine.
353
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,100
Oh my gosh, it is?
354
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,800
- It is.
- Keep it, you keep it.
355
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,300
Really? Thanks.
356
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:39,200
I'm glad you're here.
Tell me where this mirror should go.
357
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,100
- How about here?
- Over.
358
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,500
- Over.
- Hello? Arms.
359
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,500
Further, go on.
Eh, eh, eh...
360
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,800
- Will, I'm going out the door.
- Trust me.
361
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:52,300
Take it into the hallway.
362
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,200
Now get in the elevator,
and go downstairs,
363
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:57,200
and get in the cab that's gonna
take you back to my apartment,
364
00:17:57,100 --> 00:18:01,100
'cause I want you
to move in with me.
365
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:07,700
Look at you.
366
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,500
Look at what you're doing.
367
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,900
This is the face of a man
who's driving me crazy.
368
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,800
Why? I thought you'd be happy.
I thought-- I'm talking to my--
369
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:18,700
Can we put this down, please?
370
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,700
We're born roommates.
What's the problem?
371
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,200
What's the problem?
The problem is it's too late.
372
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,100
I can't believe this.
What happened?
373
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,200
What happened to the whole
you being a crutch thing?
374
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,600
Some people might call it a crutch,
but-- what's a crutch?
375
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:32,300
It's support.
Support from someone who loves you.
376
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,800
Someone who has a terrace,
which you don't,
377
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:38,100
out here in Murderville.
378
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,800
I can't believe you're doing this.
Why are you doing this?
379
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:44,700
- You're too far away.
- Listen to me.
380
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,900
I packed boxes,
I overpaid movers.
381
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,100
My mother's been here, and hates it.
I'm staying.
382
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,500
Grace, you just left
the man you were gonna marry.
383
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,800
I just got out of
a seven-year relationship.
384
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,700
Why should we go through that alone?
At the end of the day,
385
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,700
I'd like to be with my best friend.
386
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:01,200
So would l,
387
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,200
but I'm here.
388
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,700
I can't talk you out of this?
389
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,000
I'm a lawyer. I'm very good
at this sort of thing.
390
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,600
I know, you talked me into it.
391
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,100
I should sue myself.
392
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,000
Will, I've got to do this.
I have to have done this.
393
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,900
Be happy for me.
It's good that I have my own place.
394
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,000
Even if it is in Brooklyn.
395
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,000
Ya know what I'm talkin' about,
ya big mook,
396
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:25,900
with your 90-mile-an-hour hair?
397
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:51,700
Okay, I've done this.
398
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:16,900
- Goodnight, Will.
- Goodnight, Gracie.
30648
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