All language subtitles for Can.You.Feel.This.2022.480p.OF.WEB-DL.h264-SanneD_eng

I'm free, I am free,
I finally can breathe.

Alive, I can scream,
that you can't break me.

Alive, alive, alive, can't break me.

Alive, alive, alive, can't break me.

You

mind if I buy the next round?

I guess.

Two?

This is a rough day?

No, just long.

I'm gonna drink to that.

I love this bar.

It's right around the
corner from my office.

I work at this little investment firm.

Nothing too exciting,
but it pays the bills.

What about you?

You from around here?

I am.

I used to play soccer in high school.

Did you play any sports?

A few.

I ran track mostly.

That's kind of my type.

Unavailable?

Uh, no.

More like tough.

Like, you can handle yourself.

Go to the end of the world.

Maybe that's true.

So did you go to high school around
here or Look, just so you know, I'm not

looking for anything other than to drink.

Who says I'm looking for anything else?

You are amazing.

You don't do sleepovers, do you?

Early morning.

Well, can I at least get your number?

So you really were just
looking for a drink, huh?

Morning, I'm Eliza.

Mackenzie.

So I see that you've been court
ordered to be here due to an

altercation that happened last month.

Why don't you tell me in
your own words what happened

that brings you to my office?

I mean, it's pretty self explanatory.

I punched a guy, and a judge
told me I need anger management.

I take it you're not
exactly thrilled to be here?

Not exactly.

I don't like being told what to do or
where to be either, but I want you to

know that therapy is a collaborative
process, meaning I'm on your side.

Why don't you tell me what
made you punch this guy?

I mean, it was just an
ordinary night, really.

I was out at the bar with some
of my friends, and this guy cuts

in front of us to order a drink.

He was obviously drunk, so I let
it slide, but he turns around

to try to talk to my friend Alex
and is just being a total dick.

Staring at her chest and asking her name.

She rolls her eyes at him, so then he
grabs his drink and he spills it on her.

And he was drinking some fruity shit, too.

We finally get our drinks and
we're walking back to the back of

the bar, but it's pretty crowded.

And then I feel this
hand on my lower back.

I turn around and it's that fucking
guy trying to cut in closer to me

to get to Alex to try to talk to
her, except he comes in too close.

And before you even know it, I clock him
in the face and he starts freaking out.

Calls the cops and he's holding
his hand over his eyes saying this

bitch has blinded him for life.

So what I'm hearing, and part
of my clinical terms, is that

this guy was a total asshole?

Yeah.

I'm curious about what part provoked you.

Was it the part where he touched
you or invaded your friend's space?

I mean, I I don't really
know, I just kind of did it.

Okay, so do you remember what
you were feeling in that moment?

Or can we rewind to right
before you punched him?

I mean how am I supposed
to know what I was feeling?

I was obviously angry, wasn't I?

Were you?

What were you feeling in your body?

Nothing.

I felt absolutely nothing.

My hand didn't even hurt after
punching him, even though

it was purple the next day.

I just went black, kind of.

Like, when he touched me, I saw
red, and I didn't even think

about it before punching him.

So would you say that it was being
touched that provoked you the most?

Probably.

I don't really remember anything after.

Alex kind of had to
fill me in on the rest.

Have you been so angry that
things went black before?

Yeah, probably.

You know, Mackenzie, sometimes
when we black out, it's

actually a survival response.

It's our nervous system's way of
dealing with a potential threat,

and our nervous system knows that
we can fight, flight, or freeze.

So, my take on this is that at
some point, you've had to utilize

protective mechanisms before.

Does that feel true?

Yeah.

Anyways, I'm not really
feeling like talking about it.

I'm sure it's all in my file.

Why don't we shift gears and you can
tell me something about your life.

What do you do for work?

I, uh, work as a stable hand
and take care of horses.

Sometimes I train them.

You must really love animals then.

They're easier than people.

How about your other relationships?

Do you have a partner, close friends?

I don't have a boyfriend,
if that's what you mean.

What about dating?

Do you date?

Not really.

I'm not really looking
for anything serious.

What about casual dates or encounters?

Hm, I have a way of finding me.

Is it enjoyable?

No one can make me cum, except me, so
it's usually better when I'm by myself.

And I'm usually thinking about
something else when I'm with someone.

So would you want to be more
present to the experience?

I think so.

I think that's what a
normal person would feel.

What I'm hearing you say is that you're
interested in gaining some awareness as

to why it hasn't been pleasurable for you
in the past and perhaps how it could be

more pleasurable for you in the future.

Wow.

You really get right to it, huh?

You thought we'd be talking about
my anger management for an hour.

The pattern I'm noticing
is that you check out.

And when those patterns interrupt our
ability to be present in our lives,

I think they're worth noticing.

Don't you?

I guess so.

Great.

I'll see you next Thursday at 10.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I am so glad you reached out.

You are?

Yeah.

I never understood why we
didn't hang out back in the day.

Track.

Track?

Yeah.

I mean, I was always so busy
training or going to meets.

Oh, right.

You know, sometimes high school
is a complete blur to me.

But I do remember you were
always super athletic.

So what have you been up to?

I got this job working at a farm.

I'm Training Mustangs.

Wow.

Yeah.

And the family I work for got
me this apprenticeship where

I get to study horse training.

That's amazing.

You're like a modern day
horse whisperer, huh?

Pretty much.

What about you?

What have you been up to?

Well, after RISDA, I got
an internship in New York.

But after a couple years, I
was so burnt out from living in

the city, so I moved back here.

That must have been pretty
crazy, living in New York.

Yeah, it was.

Have you been?

No, but I've always wanted to go.

Oh, sorry.

It's my girlfriend.

She is visiting family.

I just want to make sure
she got there safely.

Girlfriend?

Uh, yeah.

I thought you knew I was gay.

I'm pretty sure the whole
school knew before I did.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I figured, I just,
I didn't know you were seeing someone.

Yeah, we met back in New York.

We were both tired of the
city, so we said fuck it.

Have you seen anyone special?

Not really.

How'd you meet?

We met on Tinder of all places.

I had been on a bunch of those apps
just, you know, playing the scene.

We started talking and,
well, haven't stopped.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I just realized I forgot to
check one of the horses before I left.

I better go.

Oh.

I hope it's okay.

It will be.

I don't know if you can see it, but
I'm going to show you how to do it.

Come on in.

Somehow you're a little bit
more stunning in person.

Take a seat.

Thank you.

So, I went ahead and I got
us both a white and a red.

Which one are you feeling?

Um, red.

How long have you played?

Unfortunately, I decided to
buy a piano right after passing

the bar and getting hired.

So, at this point it's just serving as
a really expensive home decor piece.

I've done my fair share of Tinder
swiping, and I didn't come across

your profile until recently.

I'm new to all of this, and
I just wanted to try it out.

Have you been with a woman before?

Would you want to be?

Why do you think I'm over here?

You want to follow me to the bedroom?

Uh huh.

Okay.

Um, uh Follow me.

Help, Help, Help, Help,
Help, Help, Help, help, help.

Ah,

ah.

Ooh, I

found you baby, come alive.

You, you like, we're dancing
in boon, boon, light, ooh.

In the coming up all night.

Coming up all night in the,

so good.

Do you go by Mick or McKinsey?

No one has ever called me Mick before,
but I kind of like it when you do.

Mick it is.

What are you having?

Right now, gin and juice.

But, hopefully you, later.

So, I know your profile says
you're really into kink.

What does that mean to you?

It's sort of a lifestyle for me.

Definitely a practice.

Something I think enriches
and enlivens my experience.

I love that.

Like, kind of an art to you.

Absolutely.

I think that's admirable,
that you put it out there.

It's bold.

I just know what I like, and
I don't want to skirt around

the topic or apologize for it.

Because life is too short
to have unexciting sex.

Power play creates tension, and for
me, sex without tension is boring.

I want to know what you're into.

I mean, I have to be honest with you.

I am not as experienced with
all this stuff as you are,

but I'm really interested.

And by this stuff, do you mean BDSM?

Yeah, I guess I fantasized
about it without really knowing

there was a word for it.

What do you fantasize about?

The basics.

Biting.

Scratching.

Slapping.

Go on.

I mean, I've always wondered
what it would be like to have a

dick and to fuck someone with it.

You mean you've never had strap on sex?

That can be arranged.

Did you mean you've
never had strap on sex?

Or did you mean you'd like to
have a dick, like, as a dude?

I'm not really sure, I guess.

Like, I've thought about
what it would be like.

Okay.

Yeah, sure.

Been with plenty of trans guys, too.

You have?

Yeah!

Gender is such a spectrum.

And I think we're finally at this
place in history where People are

starting to question the awful
norms we were raised as, you know?

Gender is something that we get to decide.

And that's liberating for a lot of people.

Totally.

Well, I think it's really cool, Mackenzie.

I think it's cool that you're
into exploring yourself.

I am.

Really into the idea of all of
this, but I would not want you

to feel unfulfilled in any way.

Why don't you let me decide
what would be fulfilling for me?

Okay.

I just might be nervous
the first time or whatever.

So will I.

Wanna come back to my place?

I can't tonight.

I have another date in about an hour.

What?

I practice ethical non monogamy.

It's kind of my whole promise
to myself thing to not get

caught up in something stagnant.

But, I would love to see you another time.

Friday night?

My place?

Sure.

Awesome.

It was so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm stepping on it.

I said, I said, I said, I
said, I said, I said, I said,

So, tell me all about your
Tinder experiences, your

life experiences, yada yada.

I'm actually new to Tinder,
but it's been good so far.

So are you new to this area, or?

I've lived here a while.

New to being with women, I guess.

That's surprising.

Is it?

Yeah, you have total BDE.

BDE?

Big Dyke Energy.

Thank you.

And only a lesbian would
find that flattering.

I mean, I've fooled around with women, I
guess, but never really went all the way.

Wow.

I mean, she kind of did everything.

Like, she was super direct.

Which I guess was kind of nice for
my first time, but I wouldn't want

it to be like that every time.

So she was a top?

What does that mean?

Tops are usually doers and givers.

Yeah, exactly.

Have you figured out what you're into yet?

Top, bottom, switch?

I mean, I know what I'm into.

I just haven't really had
enough encounters to experiment.

That's vague as fuck.

Okay, yeah, I think I'm a top.

Sex was really good with Liz,
but I think ultimately I'd like

to have more of the control.

Knew it.

Knew what?

Knew you were a top.

I'm a top too.

I knew it the second you walked in.

You could tell by my walk?

Trust me, I've been in
this game for way too long.

You know what this means, right?

We would have awful sex.

Plus, I have the same flannel.

Oh my god.

But I like your vibe and we
could totally be friends.

I'd like that.

Mick, glad you could make it.

Me too.

Come on in.

Can I get you something to drink?

I'm good for now.

Cool.

Can I show you my room?

Here it is.

Nice.

It does the job.

So, how has your night been?

Mm hmm.

It's better now.

I like that you put me in my place.

I have you right where I want you.

What is it you want to do to me, Mick?

I want to taste you.

Make you beg for me.

And when you've said please
enough times, and I feel like

you're ready and deserving, I
want to fuck you until you come.

Can I show you something?

I want you to wear This.

When you fuck me.

Uh, I've never worn one before.

I know.

I think it'll feel really natural to you.

You get mad when I ask what you're
doing Cut me off all night, it's feeling

stupid I'm wondering where you are In
a while you'll probably say your name

Every look in, with my heart in the palm
of your hand Throw it all apart Why are

you acting like this is just so typical?

and call myself a blur whenever you're
sick enough to run from what feels wrong

it's gon go my way when i had enough to
stop everything's about it i don't say

a word i don't say good night i feel
bad about it back to where we were give

it up, don't get down i love my mind

Everyone's always gonna be there,
make you feel fine even when

it's not fair, I play my part.

Why can't you just believe?

This is just so typical I'm sick
of love I'm never sick enough To

run from what feels wrong I'm sick
of love But not enough Can't stop.

Can't stop.

Can't stop.

Can't stop.

Can't stop.

Can't stop.

Can't stop.

Can't stop.

I loved our night together.

I did too.

You gave me the best
Everything I wanted and more.

I did?

Can't believe you've never dommed before.

You're a natural.

Guess it did feel normal to me.

Did you have a favorite part?

I liked all of it, but I loved
fucking you with a strap on.

You looked so good wearing it.

Mm hmm.

Sometimes what?

I've never really told
anybody this before.

Sometimes I just wonder what
it would be like to be a dude.

Have a dick of my own
and fuck someone with it.

You don't need a dick to do that.

I know.

It's not all about the sex though.

What do you mean?

Like, I wonder what it would be
like to go through the world as a

dude, not have people give you shit.

Oh, like catcall me all the time.

Or touch the small of my
back to ask me to move.

Men never do that to other men.

Only women.

Exactly.

And I've never been much
of a girly girl either.

Like, I don't want to go
shopping or do my makeup.

Being a woman can mean different
things to different people.

I don't think there's one
prescribed way of being one.

Yeah, guess I've just
never really felt like one.

Like, I don't know what
it means to be a woman.

Are you saying you are a man?

I guess I'm saying I'm a question mark.

Or a semicolon.

Yeah, yeah, I like that.

It's okay not to know, you know?

I think a lot of people only think they
know their gender based on what society

has conditioned them to believe gender is.

Have you ever read Gender Trouble?

I haven't.

It's by Judith Butler, who
basically says, Gender is completely

performative and isn't a fixed thing.

Performative.

I like that.

Yeah!

And it can be fluid, too.

You don't have to identify with what
you were raised as, or you don't even

have to identify with a gender at all.

Have you ever Experimented
with your gender presentation?

I haven't, but shit, I used to cry
my eyes out as a little girl when my

mom would make me wear stockings and
a dress, till she finally gave up and

let me wear baseball caps and jeans.

Well, I think you're
very beautiful and brave.

Thank you.

Why do you say that?

It's not easy to question our
identities, but we have to, to grow.

You make me feel unafraid to
be myself, which is new for me.

I really enjoy learning you, Mick.

I want to know everything.

I've never really let anyone before.

I've got my stuff.

We all do.

I'm not afraid of it.

Probably head out soon.

What do you have planned for today?

Got some hungry horses to
feed, but later, you, my place.

I wish.

I have a date tonight though.

Oh, who's it with?

Ah, it's the same girl as last week.

We've been seeing each other
on and off for a couple months.

Hey, do you have feelings for her?

I have feelings for a lot of people.

Hey, Mick.

Hey.

That doesn't mean I don't want to see you.

Last night was fucking amazing.

It was great.

And I know I want to see you again.

If you want to see me.

Of course I do.

Good.

Tomorrow?

Sure.

I can stop by after work.

Yes, please.

How'd it go?

Oh, it was amazing.

I asked her to hang again tonight, but
she's going on a date with another girl.

How do you feel about that?

Honestly?

Like shit.

But I really like her.

We're gonna hang again tomorrow.

Sounds like she really likes you too.

And that's great!

Like, it's hard to find good chemistry.

Yeah, but what would you
do about the open thing?

I can't answer that for you.

But what I do know is that they
only work when everyone is open

and honest about their feelings.

Even if the feelings suck.

So my advice is to think about what it
would mean for you to explore it or not.

I definitely have feelings for her.

It's just hard, and I really
kind of hate the idea of her

having sex with somebody else.

I get that.

Just be honest.

And know that she's probably not
going to change into being monogamous.

And that's not about you.

Totally.

Over the siren sounds

This is a dream getting the royal
scar Holding a diamond blade

Throwing it far Holding your breath
still you jump the fire will just

I have something for you.

What is it?

Come in and see.

Open it.

A sports bra?

It's a binder.

For your chest!

Oh.

I thought you would totally be into it.

As of our talk yesterday
morning and all No, no, I am.

I just, um, I've never
thought about wearing one.

Shit!

I shouldn't have just assumed.

I can't believe It's cool.

I'm still figuring things out.

Of course, I know a few people that
binding has been life changing for.

Partners of yours?

Not necessarily.

How do I wear this thing anyway?

Wow.

You look hot.

Yeah?

How do you think I
should fuck you tonight?

Hard.

Think you deserve that?

Yes.

I'm not so sure.

Take off your pants and
lay on your stomach.

Yeah.

Hey, what's wrong?

Nothing, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Fuck.

What's going on?

I don't know if I can do
this with you anymore.

Do what?

I like you, Kate.

I like you too, Vic.

That's what's fucking me up.

I feel like we could really have
something, but you're seeing other people,

and it makes me feel fucking insecure.

That's kind of a part of it.

Through exploring other relationships,
we get to work on our insecurities.

Jealousy.

I don't want to explore
other relationships.

I'm Sorry if I led you on in
any way, but that's who I am.

I'd really like to keep seeing you.

I think what we have
is pretty amazing, too.

Could that ever change, though?

Like, could you ever just see me?

I don't ever just see anyone, Mick.

My heart has a lot of room
in it for many people.

I just don't know if I'm cut out for it.

I think we could be really
good for one another.

I'm not disputing that.

I'm just not wired to be monogamous.

Mick, come here.

What we just did was special.

I'm sorry, Kate.

I just don't think I'm cut out for it.

Mick, you don't have to leave.

Yeah, I do.

First off, bitch, I'm A to the
genital Semi automatic cause I'm

sleepin with a demon dog Finest of
the plague, slayin heads on my back,

yeah Trinity, don't matter what you
better on my side In a hundred club

plays, broke space on my donation Do
you wanna tell me what's going on?

I had a rough week.

Do you wanna tell me what happened?

There's this girl I met.

I like her a lot, and I kind
of fell for her really fast.

But she doesn't want to be with me in
the way that I want to be with her.

She's not monogamous, which
usually wouldn't bother me

because I don't like people.

But with her, it's different.

Does her non monogamy mean that she's
not interested in you, or that she's not

interested in being monogamous with you?

No, she says that she's interested in
me, but I can't, like, I just can't

put myself out there for no reason.

I see.

So, ultimately, you'd like to be
exclusive with this person and

she doesn't want the same thing.

I'm curious why you used the word trust.

You said that you can't trust anyone?

Did this person lie to you
about seeing other people?

No, she told me about
it on our first date.

I can't trust anyone because
putting myself out there is so

hard to then just be let down.

Like, what's the point?

It sounds like the person that you're
struggling to trust is yourself.

What do you mean?

Well, it seems like this girl was honest
and upfront with what she wants, and

when you speak about these feelings
of losing trust, I have a feeling

that it's you that you don't trust.

It's more so that I know
people will let me down.

When did you start believing that?

Forever.

That's how it's always been for me.

I'm a fucking adult and I've never
even been in a serious relationship.

And then there's this girl, and she likes
me, and she sees me in the best light,

like, how I would want to see myself.

And how's that?

Like, I'm interesting,
and important, and smart.

Why is it so hard for you to
believe good things about yourself?

If those things were true, and she
really saw me that way, then I think

that you're putting so much power in
what it means to be with this person.

I know that I am, but I just feel
like we would be so good together,

and then I would feel secure.

Secure in her liking you?

No, I know that she likes me
more like secure in having her.

Like, not losing her.

So, let's say that you were monogamous.

Would there still not
be a risk of losing her?

I guess there's always kind of a
risk, but I just feel so out of

control with her seeing other people.

I see, so I can imagine that
being with this person brought

up a lot of anxiety then?

Yeah.

Okay, I want to examine this
relationship and this idea of security

with this person whose name is Kate.

Okay.

So when we look closer at your
relationship, um, It seems like the

security you're looking for doesn't exist
because you're looking to someone else

for that security and we can't look to
other people to make us feel secure.

You started this session by saying that
you can't trust anyone and I suggested

that maybe it's you that you can't trust.

I think that sometimes when we
feel most vulnerable it brings

out all of our best offenses.

Fear, shut down, being closed
off, and sometimes feeling

like Fuck, I'm embarrassed.

Like, I told her I couldn't see her
anymore in this super dramatic way.

And then what happened?

I left.

My goal for you, Mackenzie, is
that you can keep the channel

open for trust in other people.

And ultimately be able to trust yourself.

So that, when bad things happen,
you'll be able to handle them.

Do you share that same goal for yourself?

I guess.

I mean, I think my goal has always
been to find someone, and yours

is slightly more depressing.

I think that that can still be a goal
too, but I really want you to focus on

the things that are in your control.

Yeah.

The whole thing really did
make me feel outside of myself.

Is there anything else around this
idea of insecurity or vulnerability?

As a kid, best behavior so
my dad doesn't get angry.

It never works.

It's a lot for a child to take on.

It's kind of the kid's job to be messy
and exploratory, don't you think?

And not have to worry about
their parents emotions.

Yeah, it wasn't my job to try to
control how my parents would act.

Absolutely not.

Well, we're almost out of time,
so what are you going to do for

yourself for the rest of the day?

I mean, work.

Sometimes I sit in the shower
after, or go for a run.

Great idea.

What about being around
any type of community?

I don't really have one.

You know, keeping people at arm's
length kind of gets in the way of that.

What about somewhere where you
didn't have a lot of pressure to

converse, only if you wanted to?

Like a bar?

I'm thinking more like
a gym, or an art class.

I think that community can be a great
catalyst for healing to take place.

I'll think about it.

Wonderful.

Please take good care of yourself.

I'll see you next week.

Thanks, Elijah.

Hear from you, mixed feelings, mixed
feelings, when I lay with you, again,

mixed feelings, mixed feelings, I
don't know where you stand, or I stand,

you play your part, I don't want it
to end, my best friend, what's this?

Me.

Right?

I don't want to rise.

When I kiss your lips,
I get mixed feelings.

Mixed feelings when you hold me close,
I get mixed feelings, mixed feelings.

I just need you to hear that
I'm scared of feeling this way.

But I know that you know that
I can't stand to be alone.

I just need you to hear I

need you to polish tack
today, this is filthy.

Got it.

Hey.

Do you want to use the plunging bag?

I've never used one.

I don't think I've seen you around before.

Kim.

Mackenzie.

You wanna have a go?

I'll show you.

Yeah, why not?

Alright.

Well, it's pretty straightforward.

Arms up by your face.

Good.

Feet shoulder width apart.

Alright.

Ideally, you should have
your hands wrapped, but for

your first time, it's okay.

Alright.

Take a hit.

Hence why wrapping is important.

What brings you by the gym?

I want to get in shape, I guess.

What about you?

Well, from the looks of it,
you're already in good shape,

but It's like therapy for me.

Helps me move through whatever
kind of day I'm having.

It's nice to see a new face.

Usually it's just me and the dudes.

Alright, heavy hitter.

Try it again.

Good.

Now, bend your knees.

Even more.

Good.

You're a natural born athlete, huh?

Thanks.

Um, I'm thirsty.

Do you know where I can fill up my water?

Yeah.

I'll show you.

I'm a C Y O

R A P H E Blame it on the A D H D Watch
your thoughts fall out of my brain

You know that I love ya You know that
I need ya So why do you walk away?

Did you steal me a potion?

Cause I feel like a monster We're
throwing words like ninja stars

out here, and it's tearing us
apart, forgive me I see it clear.

Who is texting you so early?

I don't even know anyone who
would be up at this hour.

No one but us.

You can check it, you know.

Who is it?

This girl.

Someone getting a booty call?

She's not like that.

Who is it?

Who is it?

Who is she?

This girl I got in a fell for last month.

I think the whole Polly
thing scared her away though.

Having amazing sex with multiple
partners is definitely not for everyone.

Yeah, we really connected though.

What's she look like?

Oh, she's cute.

You should invite her over.

That's not her style.

Plus I haven't heard from her in weeks.

And I think I could use some sleep
after such an athletic night.

Mmm, guess that's a healthy thing to do.

Oh, you tell me that you're sorry.

We'll make up to tell me

everything.

You know, I'm trying.

To be open, but that window is closing.

And either way, I need to make it clear.

Before we're leaving here.

And either way, I need to make it clear.

Before we're leaving here.

Let's shake out of love Of love What

are these for?

For you, of course.

Mick, I'm confused.

I feel like we need to talk.

No, no, no, no talking.

I hate talking.

But the last time you were here
you said that I know, I was in

my feelings and I'm not anymore.

It's really okay, I
just needed to see you.

Are you drunk?

No, no, I had a few drinks
earlier but I'm good now.

I'm happy to see you.

I, I missed you.

You missed me?

Of course I did.

But you didn't respond to any of my texts.

I know.

Like I said, it was in my
feelings, and I'm not anymore.

So, you've embraced the fact that
I'm Polly, and you're good with that.

Yeah, yeah, I'm good with whatever.

Just needed to see you.

Didn't you miss me?

Of course I missed you, but I
don't want you to do anything

that might make you feel bad after
You could never make me feel bad.

You only make me feel good.

Did you only come here for that?

What?

No.

I came here to see you.

To be with you.

Whatever that looks like.

I promise.

Alright.

Let's be together.

Get up.

Get up.

What?

Come on, we're gonna dance.

I don't dance.

You said you came here to be with
me, no matter what that looks like.

Fine, fine, but you know I
wouldn't do this for anyone else.

Put your hands around my waist, I
put my hands here, and then we sway.

You're something else, you know.

Did you go to prom?

No.

Really?

I bet all the girls
would've danced with you.

And then gone back to their
boyfriends to fantasize about you

when they went into home base.

That's very flattering, but I
wasn't dancing with girls back then.

And I never finished high school.

Really?

Why?

To tell you the truth,
I don't really know.

My parents moved us around a lot.

It was hard to stay on track, I guess.

And I had trouble focusing.

Well, tons of brilliant minds went
on to accomplish amazing things.

Never finished school.

Really?

Like who?

Hmm, there was The founder of Tumblr?

Oh!

And Aretha Franklin!

Yes.

I love this song!

I'm thirsty.

Want something to drink?

Sure.

Why don't I get it for you?

Meet me in my room?

Yes, please.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Easy there.

What?

I was thirsty.

Of course you were.

We aren't gonna do that tonight.

Do what?

You said you came to see me and I don't
want you to do something you would regret.

I could never regret doing
anything with you, baby.

Baby?

You're cut off.

Cut off from you?

Yeah, um, I'm okay.

You're welcome to help yourself though.

Mmm, be right back.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Mick, why did you come here tonight?

I told you, I needed to see you.

But why did you text me?

Like, why tonight?

Because I missed you.

I miss the way you make me feel.

Hm.

Um, I'm Hey.

I'm not really feeling up to it tonight.

That's okay.

Can we just lay here?

Sure.

Ah!

Shit!

Sail on, off the radar.

Adventure.

Away from this

Trouble it will find you It's behind
you It always is Unfold from my mind.

I don't want you near If you killed me
with kindness, I'd no longer feel you here

Feather.

It's just so weird.

She just got up in the middle of the
night and left without saying a word.

Kate fell asleep and got left
in the middle of the night.

Shut up!

It wasn't like her.

Well, did she seem okay
before you fell asleep?

I think so.

We didn't do anything other
than dance and cuddle.

I thought we were having fun.

So boring.

You just don't know how to hang out
with someone without having sex.

What are we doing right now?

Hooking.

Then probably having sex.

True.

Maybe she did have a work emergency.

You should invite her over so I
can gauge her sense of character.

You think she's cute!

Yeah, but in a hot and
tormented kind of way.

She's really smart and sensitive.

Well, invite her over so
I can get to know her.

Uh uh.

Mmm.

Oh my god, you have to taste this.

Oh, wow.

Mmm, right?

You can't tell me she
won't like my cooking.

It's gonna scare her away.

She's not Polly, and she's not into
having sex with multiple people.

I know so many women that have said
that exact thing, and so give them

the opportunity to do otherwise.

Fine.

I'll text her, but I doubt she'll come.

3, 2,

1

Hi.

Hey beautiful.

Sorry again about last night.

You have nothing to apologize for.

You must be Kate's friend.

Ari.

Mackenzie.

So glad you could make it.

Hope you like Italian.

I made my grandmother's special marinara.

Sounds good.

So, Kate said.

You had a work emergency last night.

What do you do?

I am a horse trainer.

Wow.

I am terrified of horses.

They're actually pretty gentle
creatures for the most part.

What do you do?

I'm a curator for a local art gallery.

Hm.

That's actually how we met.

I was trying to show my work there.

And try did you ever.

Be right back.

I don't think she's having a good time.

Me neither.

She seems a little shy.

I know.

That's what I like about her.

What do you guys usually talk about?

Sex, mostly.

We should probably forget about dinner.

More wine?

Sure, thank you.

And I'll grab some bread.

I'll help you.

She thinks you're cute.

She thinks I'm cute?

Because you are.

But why dinner?

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Maybe she is hoping you
will have sex with us.

I'm sorry it was a dumb idea.

You don't have to stay.

Don't make up my mind for me.

Sorry to interrupt.

Just grabbing another wine.

No, it's okay.

How about we will go dinner
and just Drink a little wine.

Do you like this wine?

Yeah, it's good.

We've been drinking it all day.

There was a Open Anthem gallery on
Friday and there's always wine left over.

Pergot the job?

My gallery, we have very
progressive desires.

We want to showcase artists who have
a variety of different backgrounds.

You know, artists who are, you know,
Atypical, BIPOC, trans, refugees,

queers from a spectrum of experiences.

That's really cool.

I feel like the only guys that
were artists that we learned about

in school were just white guys.

Exactly!

When did you know you were gay?

Oh, I've always known.

I mean, maybe I didn't have
the vocabulary, but I knew at a

young age, indefinitely by 11.

Not gonna be with a man.

Not me.

I had all the boyfriends.

I bet you did.

How about you, Mackenzie?

Uh, kind of like you.

I think I always knew, but
I didn't let myself be with

women for a really long time.

Shame's a bitch.

Yeah, it is.

Well, congratulations on finally
allowing yourself to live authentically.

Thanks.

I don't speak this upper line But the
way you move is perfect by design You

look just like you fell down from the
sky You're on another level And you've

got something special If I could let
you fall in love with me You know I

would You got me with your hook And all
you got to do is so much for joining us

and we will see you in the next video.

Bye.

Oh, you, if you want me, need me,
you just gotta take it easy, baby,

it's your move, your move, your move.

Now I'm sure that you
get this all the time.

But your eyes say diamonds,
look like just alright, alright.

I need the shoes and
freckles, just my type.

Yeah, you got the credentials.

You're making me go mental.

If I could make you fall in
love with me, you know I would.

You got me with your hook, and
all you got to do is fall in love.

It's your love, your love, your love.

Now it's all you, all you, all you.

Just gotta say please.

Baby, it's your love,
your love, your love.

Baby, it's your love,
your love, your love.

You, you, you, you, you, you.

Oh,

You just gotta say, please.

It's you're me.

Oh,

Welcome back to the room, Mackenzie.

Wherever you are, come back,
start to notice your surroundings.

Welcome back to the room.

I guess I zoned out.

That can happen sometimes
during these exercises.

Yeah.

Where did you go?

Uh, I was thinking about
something else, I guess.

Like what?

Sex.

Anything in particular
you were thinking about?

I had a threesome a few nights ago.

And how was it?

Good.

It was my first one, so I don't
really have anything to compare it to.

Who was it with?

Ugh, you remember that
girl Kate I told you about?

Of course.

She's not a monogamous.

And last we spoke, brought up some
feelings of insecurity in you.

What made you change your
mind about seeing her?

I'm not really sure.

Who was the other person?

I didn't know her.

Uh, no.

It was one of her friends.

Girlfriends.

And how did that feel?

She wasn't my type.

And I didn't really have
sex with her, just Kate.

So I guess it was fine.

And would you say that you
enjoyed the experience?

How can you tell if you enjoyed something?

You tell me.

Tell me some things that bring you
an honest sense of joy in your life.

When I'm riding horses.

And what about that
gives you that feeling?

They don't expect anything from me.

Ah, so it's an unconditional exchange.

Yeah.

Do you feel like Kate and her
friend expected something from you?

People always do.

Did you find the experience pleasurable?

I mean, I get pleasure
when I'm giving pleasure.

So, why have a threesome with Kate?

I'm not really sure.

I just did it.

Like, have you ever had an
experience where you end up

somewhere and you don't know how?

Like, when you're driving your car.

You know that you're in your car, and
you're on the highway, and then your

mind drifts, and all of a sudden you're
at your exit, and your mind wakes up

just before you get into an accident.

I have had that experience driving,
and it's Very terrifying to wake up and

realize that you weren't paying attention.

Kate is kind of that place that I end
up when I forget that I'm driving and I

blink and realize that I'm at her door.

Kissing her.

In her mouth.

Okay, let's rewind a bit.

What happens before you get in your
car and decide to drive to Kate?

I'm having trouble sleeping.

There's this thing that happens that I
can't really explain but is terrifying.

I fall asleep and then I wake up and
it's like my mind wakes up and is

completely aware but then my body's
just laying there and I see it and

I tell myself to move but I can't.

It's like I'm fucking trapped.

So there's actually a word to
describe what you're experiencing.

And it's called sleep paralysis.

Has it happened to you?

I haven't.

But a lot of my clients have.

Especially those with PTSD.

Tell me, how do you feel?

When you come out of it.

Eliza, I have to tell you something.

I'm having a hard time.

I can't sleep.

I drink when the
nightmares are really bad.

I drink to fall asleep.

I almost died the other night because
I drove drunk and ran off the road.

Nightmares can feel real.

Your drinking is an attempt to soothe
those intense feelings, wouldn't you say?

Yeah.

So, your work is going to be to
notice when you feel the need to

self soothe, and find other tools
instead of alcohol and sex to numb.

Sex?

Well, wouldn't you say you
use alcohol and sex to numb?

To numb?

No, I drink to numb and I fuck to feel.

Have you ever had sex sober?

No.

It might be something to work towards.

Why?

Let's see a deeper sense of connection,
pleasure, ecstasy, intimacy.

Just hold for like two minutes maybe.

One minute.

So why are you here?

Oh, I'm

just like you, really.

It's been a long week
already and I need a release.

What do you want?

I want the same thing you want.

I want to feel better.

Baby, I've been tryin to help you Help,
help We got a path to the light Tell

me that you're gone All our friends say
that it's a lifetime I'm in love Lost

in the storm Turned right into the bully
I I don't want to keep you waiting.

I know I gotta make you mine.

You've got a friend in the world.

Tell me do you want me
to the rest of my life?

Must have been blind till I saw your face.

Mom,

I miss you.

That's why I'm here.

I need you.

You deserve a world of goodness.

It wasn't your fault.

I've been having a hard time.

But you need not punish
yourself anymore for things

that were never in your control.

I don't know why I do
certain things anymore.

You need to wake up.

Mom!

Um, Yeah.

Yes!

Oh my god, yes, yes.

Awesome.

Oh my god, yes.

Yes.

Oh my god, yes.

I'm gonna go.

I can't.

As far away from here as

you can, okay?

Just go!

Go!

Go!

I love you!

I love you!

Just go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

I love you!

Just go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

I love you!

Just go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Okay.

Okay.

and don't forget to
subscribe to my channel.

I'm sorry.

I can't see you anymore, Kate.

I don't know why you elicit
such a strong reaction from me.

Maybe it's because I've never
in my life been able to commit.

I have a fear of settling down.

And there is something
about you that settles me.

and unnerves me at the same time.

It makes me want to jolt out of my skin.

I've been more myself
around you than anyone.

I feel like I haven't been myself at all.

I clearly am meant for only one
and I can't keep lying to myself.

I've acted out many different parts
to get by, or at least try to.

It's time for me to be honest with myself.

I was never completely there with you.

Hey, do you work here?

I do.

How can I help you?

I was wondering where the water source is.

My horse is out and I just
started boarding here, so I'm

still learning my whereabouts.

Sure, I can get that for you.

I was just about to water the horses
after I finish up with this girl.

She's cute.

Yeah.

She's a good girl.

How are you today, Mackenzie?

There's something I
have to tell you about.