All language subtitles for Tacoma FD S04E11 Its A Penisi-ful Life 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP 5 1 H 264-CSd_track3_[eng]

[laughter]

- Wait.
You never pee in the shower?

- Never. It's nasty.
- Really?

Sometimes I hold it
until I'm in the shower.

- Yeah.
- Come on. How do you aim?

- I don't.
- You don't have to aim.

You're in the shower, bro.
- No, bro. What?

- You are missing out on one of

the finer things in life,
my friend.

- What up, a-holes?
- Hey, what's up?

- Hey.
- A-hole.

- Whoa.

What the hell's with all
the flavored seltzer water?

- It was a gift from the guy we
uncoupled from the hot tub jet.

- Yeah, but that doesn't mean
you have to drink it.

I keep telling you,
that stuff sucks.

It's a scourge.
Get rid of it.

- No. I love it.
- Yeah, you got to try

this Fizzle Froot
Guava Jalapeño, my friend.

- And the LePleux Pamplemousse
is always a solid choice.

- But there's barely
any flavor.

- Exactly.
[laughter]

- Why would you drink something
with hardly any flavor?

- I don't know.
'Cause it's good.

Just a Whiff.

- Yeah, 'cause we like it.
[laughs]

- You people never
listen to me.

Those drinks are a scam.

You only drink them
because they're trendy.

Let me show you
how they make them.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[farts]

Mm-hmm. There you go.
Penisi Froot.

Grape-eux.

- Pfft.
- You're gross.

- I'm not sure it works
like that, but, uh...

- He's really cranky.

Are you gonna make me try it?
- Obviously, yes.

- Yup.

[laughs]
So he drinks it.

[laughs]
I can't believe you drank it.

- Oh, boy.

- Actually, pretty good.
- What?

- Yeah, right.
Whatever.

Ah, let me try.
[laughs]

- Ike, what are you doing, man?

- Ah, it still smells
like farts.

I'm drinking it.

♪ ♪

[exhales]

That is nice.

[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪

♪ Check it and see ♪

♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪

♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪

- What the hell?
Where's my soccer game?

Hey, guys, I recorded
AC Milan versus Udinese,

and it's not here.
You know what happened?

- We thought it was recorded
by mistake and we deleted it.

- Mickleberry.
- Come on, man.

- Don't admit it, man.
- Are you kidding me?

- Yeah, sorry, Cap.
We needed to make room for this

game show we've been watching
where people eat stuff

to figure out if it's cake
or made of Legos.

[laughs]
It's really good.

- That was a huge match.

AC Milan is currently
number one in Calcio A,

but Sassuolo, Juventus,

Atalanta, and Udinese
are currently in contention.

- Are those cars or...

- They're soccer teams, bro.
- Kind of feel about soccer

the way you feel about
flavored seltzers.

- Aren't you Mexican?

- Is this gonna be
a gross generalization?

- Mexican people love soccer.
- Not me.

I think it's boring.
They just pass the ball around

and the game ends
in a zero-zero tie.

- I'm with him.
I want touchdowns,

scoring, homeruns, that's it.

- No, that's the beauty
of the game.

It's a chess match that's often
decided by just one goal.

It's incredible.
The fans are going bananas.

all: [snoring]
- You know, I keep saying

we should watch a game
together sometime.

Fine. Okay. Fine. Fine.

I try to broaden your horizons,
and this is the thanks I get.

- My horizons are plenty
broadened, okay?

I'm gonna be a star
because of this uke.

I'm writing parody songs

and the first song
I'm parodying is "Purple Rain."

I call it "Carpool Lane."
[laughs]

♪ Carpool lane, carpool lane ♪
[mimics electric guitar]

- That's awesome.
- That was pretty great, man.

- My God, Granny, song parodies
are the lowest form

of entertainment
on the entire planet.

Any idiot can
"Weird Al" Yankovic a song.

- That's not true.

- Yeah?
Name a popular song right now.

- Uh, "Smear My Dick Sauce"

by Changy B featuring
PDQ Zygote.

- Smear my dick sauce. Okay.

"Shear My Ticks Off," and you
sing it in a sheep's voice.

Boom. It's that easy.
- Hey, can I use that?

- Yeah, take it.
Do what you want with it.

Throw it in the trash.
It's gonna suck.

- Wait, wait, hold on a second.
Back up.

Are you saying that "Weird Al"
Yankovic takes a song

that's already popular and then
does his version of it?

'Cause I'm pretty sure
it's the other way around.

- Are you telling me that you
think that "Weird Al" Yankovic

wrote a song called
"Another One Rides the Bus,"

and in response,
Freddie Mercury and Queen wrote

"Another One Bites the Dust"?
- Yeah.

- Ikey, respectfully, you have
said some dumb things in

your life, but this one might
be the dumbest of them all.

- That's not respectful at all.

- No, he's right.
I am super stupid.

I say dumb shit all the time.
He's always telling me that

I say dumb stuff and I'm like,
"Thank you for pointing

"that out because now
I know that I'm an idiot

and I should probably
just stop thinking."

- Hey, what's up, gang?
- Not much.

Cap's just pissing in
everyone's Cheerios.

- No, I'm not.
I'm trying to give out

life advice, but no one
appreciates it.

For example,

Mickleberry,
you sit around all day

eating onion bagels and you
wonder why your breath stinks.

- [gasps]
Edward Caesar Penisi.

I know you're upset,

but breath-shaming the probie,
that is a bridge too far.

- Well, so is shame-shaming me.

I'm trying to improve his life.
The kid is constantly

complaining about
his breath being bad.

- He's right, Chief. I am.

But I still want that bagel.
- No, I'm doing you a favor.

I'm trying to do
all of you favors.

- You are very ornery.

Are you going through
man-opause?

- No, I'm not going through
man-opause.

I sacrificed one of my nuts
for this station

and I don't get an ounce
of appreciation.

- Well, I made the same
sacrifice.

You don't see me
running around here

rubbing my one testicle
in everyone's face.

- [laughs]
- Okay, well, there's this.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

I said I wanted
this stuff gone,

but nobody listens to me.

So now, I'm gonna
dump it myself.

- Oh, come on. Really?
- Don't.

- What are you doing?
- Cap!

- What are you doing, Cap?

- No, no, no, no, no.
- No, don't, Cap.

Don't touch it!
- No, no, no, no!

[all protesting, groaning]

- I organized that.

- There. Honestly,

I would like to see you all
try to manage without me.

It would be a total disaster.

all: [scream]
- [grunts]

- [gasps]

[groans]

Oh, boy. Okay.

[hisses]

[upbeat music]

[groans]
Wow. That hurt.

Oh, boy.

Hey, Ike,
do you wanna help me up?

I kind of rang my bell.
[groans]

- Man, this Smidge Banapricot
one is nice.

- Ooh, I love Smidge.

♪ Just a smidge of flavor
means a smidge of taste ♪

[laughs]

- God, what the hell, guys?
You that mad at me?

- They're not mad at you,
Eddie.

How can they be mad at someone
who doesn't exist?

- Who are you?

- They can't be mad at you
because you were never born.

- Oh, are you from
Softwood Meadows?

Hold on.
You got an ID bracelet?

- No, Eddie, Eddie,

I'm not from the assisted
living facility.

I'm your guardian angel,
Lawrence.

- [laughs]

Uh, hey, someone call
Softwood Meadows.

See if they're missing
a patient.

Hey, joke's over.
This guy needs help.

- You really are a thick one,
aren't you, Eddie?

Haven't you ever seen
a Hallmark Christmas movie?

- [laughs]
Okay, the prank's over.

The prank's over.
- It's not a prank, Eddie.

Stick your hand down your pants
and find out.

- [laughs]

Okay, stick my hand down my
pants and this isn't a prank?

Okay, I'm gonna put my hand
in my pants.

You guys can take a photo.
We'll all have a nice laugh.

Okay, here we go.
Here we go.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's
my kind of day right here.

- Yeah, how many testicles
do you feel, Eddie?

♪ ♪

- [gasps] Oh, my God,
I've got two testicles.

- You have two testicles
because you didn't pop one

pulling Chief McConky
out of that fire.

Because you were never born.

- Let's go.
- All right.

- Eddie, I'm an angel,

and I'm here to show you
what life would be like

without you.

♪ ♪

- So am I a ghost?
- [chuckles] No.

- Can I float?
- No.

- Can I walk through people?
- No.

- Can I haunt anyone?
- Eddie, Eddie.

I'm an angel,
and I'm here to show you

what Station 24 would be like
if you'd never been born.

- Oh.
- Come on.

Now take your hand
out of your pants.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

- [sighs]
- What--what are we doing?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[whooshing]

Whoa. God, you just whooshed us
through that wall.

I mean, you do realize you only
saved us, like, two seconds.

But still.
- Eddie, observe.

- Oh, man,
this place is a mess.

Well, they're packing up.
What?

Oh, my God.

The station got shut down
without me?

- Granny, can you believe
we're moving into

a brand-new deluxe station?

- [chuckles] Yeah, well, that's
what happens when you win

Best Shift in America
three years in a row, baby!

[laughs]
- Oh, yeah.

- Best Shift in America?
Without me?

- Hey, Ike, I'm really sorry
I won't be joining you.

- Ah, I'm sorry too, Granny.

- Oh, man,
Granny didn't make the cut.

- No, no, he quit.

- [groans]
Hey, thanks for letting me

leave my platinum albums here.

They're putting
solid gold bidets

in every room in my mansion.

- What did he just say?
- Without you shitting all over

the fine art form
of song parody,

Granny went on to be
even bigger than Weird Al.

- Bigger than Weird Al?
- I got to say,

that last multimillion
dollar-selling album

that you made was so funny.

"Uptown Skunk" instead
of "Uptown Funk?"

How do you even think
of that stuff?

It makes me laugh every time
I think about it.

- [laughs]
- "Uptown Skunk."

I'm just like, it's so funny.
- Oh, and did I tell you

that Disney is going to make
a animated movie about it?

And they're going to give me
a piece of the merch.

- Shut up.
- A piece of the merch.

- I wonder if I could fit these
in my Lamborghini.

- A Lambo?

- Guess I have to put them
in my other Lambo.

[laughter]
- I forgot you have two.

Come on.
- Come on.

- Hey, can I drive one?
- Nah.

- No, I know.

- I thought you were
supposed to show me

that their lives were worse
without me, not better.

- I have no control
over that, Eddie.

I'm just trying to help you
appreciate them.

- I don't think their lives
are better off without me.

And I do appreciate them.
- No, Eddie, you don't.

You think they should
all be like you.

But if you really
appreciate them,

then I'll get my wings,
and you'll hear a bell.

[bell ringing]

- Oh, and what happens
if you don't get your wings?

- Then I'll go to hell.

And you'll hear this.

[trombone whomping]

- Oh, man.

That's a bummer.
OK.

Well, I hope
I can help you out.

By the way,
thank you for choosing me

to be my guardian angel.

- No, I--
I didn't choose you, Eddie.

You were randomly assigned.
- That's weird.

I feel like you'd be the kind
of guy that would choose me,

you know, a fellow Italian.

And probably a
former firefighter, am I right?

- No, no,
former travel agent from Ohio.

I'm actually a woman.

They just have me
appear to you

in what's deemed
an appealing form.

- Is this what you
look like as a woman?

- No, actually, I--
I looked like Uma Thurman.

[chuckles]

- Well, honestly,
I would find that to be

a more appealing form.
- [chuckles]

- Can I see?
- No.

- Come on.
Give me a little taste.

- Don't get weird.
Come on.

Let's keep going.
- Where are we going?

Whoa.
[whooshing]

[laughs] I love the whoosh.

It's amazing.
- OK, Eddie, observe.

- How often do
you do the whoosh?

All the time?
- Eddie, please, observe.

- Hey, just out of curiosity,
how far could you whoosh us?

Could you whoosh us
across town?

- Eddie.
- Could you whoosh us anywhere?

- [sighs] OK.

- Holy shit.
The waterfalls of Zihuatanejo!

- [chuckles]
- I always wanted to come here.

It's on my bucket list.
- I know that.

And I can whoosh you anywhere.

[whooshing]

- Oh, that was awesome!

Zihuatanejo.
Are you kidding me?

- Can we get on with this now?
- Yes.

Yes.
- Whoops.

Here we go.

Yeah, call coming in
in 3, 2--

[alarm blaring]
- Attention 24,

rescue 42,
a marijuana dispensary.

Structure fire.
Respond...

- You did it again.
That was the call.

- How'd he do that?
- Now hold on now.

It's going to be a false alarm.

[alarm blaring]
- Station 24. False alarm.

Now reported as
just a lot of weed smoke.

- [chuckles]
Ike, your psychic powers

never cease to amaze me.

- Ike has psychic powers?

- He does.

Because you weren't always
telling him he was dumb,

he didn't believe he was dumb.

And he exercised
his brain muscles.

And now he can
predict the future.

- [scoffs] Son of a bitch.

- Ike, I never
understand why you don't

use your incredible gift
to make millions

in the stock market.

- [chuckles] I knew you
were going to say that.

So, Granny,
I have psychic abilities.

But I can't
travel back in time

and change the value of stocks.

You understand?

- [chuckles]
Psychic powers, yes.

But still, some--
some trouble in other areas.

- [chuckles] Yeah, all right.

Well, so Ike is better off too.

Where's Mickleberry?

- Ah, step this way.

- Why are we walking?
- Because we're not whooshing.

- Oh, come on.
Let's whoosh.

- Eddie.

- Dr. Mickleberry,
tell me the story

of how you won
the Nobel Prize.

- Dr. Mickleberry?

- I was a rookie firefighter
in Tacoma.

One day, I was just
eating an onion bagel.

And suddenly,
the inspiration hit me.

I realized how
I could cure halitosis.

- The onion bagel sparked
the cure for halitosis?

- It did.

Since you weren't here
to snatch that bagel

out of his hand,
Mickleberry went on

to make the entire world
a better place.

- My absence
eliminated halitosis

across the entire planet?

That seems like kind of
a wild coincidence.

- Ah, boy.

You are a tough nut to
crack there, Eddie boy.

Why can't you appreciate
that your crew

has talents beyond you?

- Maybe it's not me
who's dragging them down.

Maybe the new captain
just happens

to be a super cool,
exciting guy

who brings out the best
in everybody.

- Maybe.

- Hey, Cap.
- Hey, guys.

What's crackulating?
- There goes that theory.

- [chuckles]
- Granny, good to see you.

Hey, I cannot stop
listening to your music.

That song "Carpool Lane,"
oh, I love it.

- [chuckles]
- I only want to see you

driving in the carpool lane.

Carpool lane.
Carpool lane.

It's brilliant.
It's brilliant.

It's a parody.
But it's like its own song.

You know what I mean?
- Thanks, Cap.

But you know I got newer songs
than that, right?

- Oh, I know that.

I listen to the new stuff too.

Lou let the frogs out.

Croak. Croak.
Croak. Croak.

[laughter]
That's a great one.

You bring so much joy to me.
I don't know how you do it.

You take someone else's song,

you change the words
a little bit,

and then you make it
your own.

It's amazing.

You're better than Weird Al.

- [laughs] Oh, my God.

I'm going to--I'm blushing.
You just can't see it.

- You know who else
loves your music?

My son.
- His son?

[rock music]

- 'Sup, Dad.

Hey, guys.

Here's the reports
you asked for.

- Lukey, you never let me down.

- Ah, thanks, Dad.

- Lucy is Lukey?

- Because Terry didn't have
to pull you out of the fire,

he never popped his boy nut,
and, therefore,

was able to sire the son
he always wanted.

- That doesn't make sense.

The whole boy nut,
girl nut thing

is based on Terry's
misunderstanding

of human biology.

- Yes, but because you
weren't here to debunk it,

his belief had a psychosomatic
effect on his own sperm.

- I love having a son.

- [laughs]
Oh, man.

I love being your son, Dad.
Hey, think fast.

- Oh, Jesus!
OK, all right.

- You're such a pussy, Dad.

- The kid's kind of
a douche, though, huh?

- Yeah, a little bit.

- OK. So if Terry's the
captain, who's the chief?

- Look alive, sausage party.

♪ ♪

The chief is on deck.

[dramatic music]

- [whimpers]

- Dick tap.
- Oh, my balls!

- I knew he was
going to do that.

He's a great kid.
- [groans]

[laughter]

- So then I say, hey, I know
you're lactose intolerant.

Just don't milk it.

- Oh!
[laughs]

Gee, that is the funniest
story I've ever heard.

- That's a dumb joke.
That's not funny.

- Eddie.
- You know, I've been thinking

about the pickleball
tournament.

What have we won?
Like, 10 years in a row now?

- At least.

- Maybe we need to
handicap ourselves,

tie our shoelaces together.

- Oh, like,
tie my shoelaces together?

Or tie my shoelaces
to your shoelaces?

- [laughs] I hadn't
even thought about that.

- [laughs]
- I love it.

Hysterical.

You just bought yourself
two more vacation days.

- Thank you, Chief.
- Where's the sniveling,

snarky pain in the ass
Wolf Boykins?

Is this Wolf cool?
- Yes, Eddie.

Because you never tormented him
at the Academy,

Wolf developed into a really
charming and confident guy.

He also parts his hair
on the other side

and has chosen to
stay uncircumcised.

Don't ask me why.

- OK, yes,

I foreskin-shamed him
once or twice.

- 17 times.

- OK.
But how did he become chief?

- Hey, guys.

- [chuckles] Well, at least
Vicky is still with Terry.

- Oh, hey.

- There she is.
Sweeter than a Georgia peach.

- Oh, come here.

[both moan]

- What? No.

- Yep, without you here to
set your sister up with Terry,

she and Wolf fell in love.

- Oh, my God.
It's disgusting.

- Hey, Vicky.
- Hey, Tommy.

- It's actually Terry.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- [laughs]

- That's right.
I knew that.

- People say that
all the time, so...

- Of course,
once she married Wolf,

Commissioner Penisi
fast-tracked him

into the chief spot.

- Oh, yeah, that figures.
Same as Terry.

[flute playing]
- Did you guys hear something?

- What's that, Cap?
- What do you mean?

- I felt a cold shiver
in the room.

Did you feel that?
- Oh, that's us.

- OK.
- We haunted him.

- Shh.
- Oh, hey, Ms. Boykins.

Good to see you.
- Hey.

- Hey, Chief.

Here's the reports
you asked for.

- Lukey!
- Hey, Dad!

[both laugh]

- Who is Lukey McConky's mom?

- Oh, Terry met
a very nice woman

at his bagpipe class
named Orla.

- Ugh, "Orla."

You know, I don't think
any of these people

are better off without me.

- Well, it all depends
who you ask.

They are all very happy.
- OK. Well, you know what?

I've had enough.
I'm ready to go back.

- Not quite yet.
There's more.

- Hey, Mom.
Hey, Dad.

Someone call for the She Wolf?
[howls]

- [laughs] I love her so much.
- So proud.

- Vicky and Wolf
have a Lucy too?

- They do.
- And she's a local cop?

- And not a very good one.
- Think fast, McDorky.

- [groans]
- [laughs]

- I got the turkey
and the giblets on that one.

- And she's a tool.

- Hey, Lukey, drinks tonight?

- You know it, girl.
[bell dings]

- Are they hooking up?
- Of course.

[laughter]

- Lucy is definitely not
better off in either form.

- Well, it's not
an exact science.

- OK.
Well, I've seen enough.

Please, no more.
- You're sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure.
I am sure.

Please, I want to go back.
I can't handle this.

Please, I want to go back.
- [moaning]

- Yeah, Mom!
Get some!

- Eddie, remember,

you have to appreciate
the people in your crew.

- I do. I do.
I want to go back, though.

[both moaning]

- Hit that chip, boss.

- [howls]
- [shouts]

- You sure?
- Yes, I'm very sure.

- No, no, no,
are you sure, Eddie?

- Very sure.
- You're sure?

- I'm super sure.
- [howls]

- Super sure?
- Super sure.

- Say it.
- I'm super sure.

- Say it one more time.
- [howls]

- I'm super sure.
- One more time.

- Lawrence, please!

- Yeah!
[whooshing]

- [breathes heavily]

- Oh.
- Hey, buddy.

- There's the sleepyhead.
- Boop.

- Hello. [laughs]
- He's there.

- There he is.
- Let's wake up. You OK?

- Boop. Boop.
- There he is.

Let's sit him up.
There you go.

[chatter]
- Easy, Cap.

Easy, man.
You bumped your old noggin.

- Yep.

- We were really
worried about you.

- Yeah.
- You all right?

- I'm back.

I think.

- Oop, oops, oops.
- Oh, oh.

- Hey, Cap, Cap.
Still at work, pal.

Don't do that.
- Yes!

Oh, only one testicle,
one beautiful testicle.

[soft music]

- What are you doing?
Hey, stop it!

- Oh, there's that
one beautiful nut.

- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?

- Yes! Oh, I could just kiss
you, you little nut, ooh.

- At least buy a guy
a meatball sub first, huh?

- I just had
the most horrible dream.

I dreamt that an angel
named Lawrence

showed me what life was like
if I was never born.

And you were there, Granny.
And you were there, Vicky.

And you were there, Terry.
And you were there.

And so were you, Mickleberry.
You were there.

And, Ike, you were there too.

- Sure, pal.
[chuckles]

- But you were all
better off without me.

Granny, you were
a multiplatinum-selling

recording artist.
- People still buy albums?

- And, Mickleberry,
you cured halitosis.

- What's halitosis?

- And, Ike,
you had psychic powers.

- Oh, man, it would be so much
cooler if I could read minds.

But that's still cool.

- Oh, and, Terry,
you had a son.

- A son?

- But it was just
a boy version of Lucy.

- Really?

- Dad!
- Oh, and, Vicky,

you were married
to Wolf Boykins.

- [retches]

- Yeah, I know.
Tell me about it.

I'll never be able
to unsee that.

But you had a Wolf version
of Lucy.

- There were two of me?
- Yeah.

And you were hooking up
with yourself.

- That tracks.
- It was an incredible journey,

where I learned that you all
weren't taking me for granted.

It's me that's been taking
all of you for granted.

- Hm.
- Aww.

- Granny, I will encourage
your parody songs from now on.

- You know, it reminds me.

I just came up with a parody
jingle for Fizzle Fruit.

It's called "Fruit 66."
Listen.

But it's a play on "Route 66."
[laughter]

- That's awesome,
which is originally

a "Weird Al" Yankovic song,
"Route 66."

- No, that--Ike, that's not--

- Uh, yeah, it is.
Look it up, Cap. [chuckles]

- Ike, it--
I'm not going to--

- Eddie, you need to
appreciate your group.

Appreciate your group!

- I do. I do.

I appreciate them.
I really do. I do.

- Who are you talking to,
Eddie?

- No one.

Hey, I want to make
breakfast for everyone.

Who's in the mood
for some Eggs Penisi?

- There you go. There you go.
- Yeah!

- Me!
- Hey, I'll take some.

- Oh.

Hey, who put all this crap
back in the fridge?

- I did. I "Barely" had time
to restock it.

[laughter]
- Good one.

- [laughs] OK.
That's fine. That's fine.

You know, I can work with this.

I'm sure there are
some eggs in here, huh?

Let me take a look.

[all exclaiming]

- Son of a bitch.

Oh, God.

- Appreciate your crew.

Appreciate your crew!

- You know what?
Fuck that shit.

Granny, "Fruit 66" is a
stupid idea for a song.

And, Ike,
"Route 66" was written

about 20 years before Weird Al
Yankovic was even born.

- I didn't even say that.

- And I thought I told
you guys to get rid of

all this fruity seltzer water!

- Cap, Cap,
what about the angel?

Remember?
- There is no angel.

Like, the whole thing
was a bad dream.

- Okay.
- You get it?

- Yeah, I get it.
- A dream.

[trombone whomping]

- [shouts]

Fuck you, Eddie Penisi!

- Eh, what are you going to do?

Mickleberry,
clean the stuff up.

- High-five, bro.
Best of friends.

[rock music]
[sighs]

[rock music]

- I'm looking at it.
I'm giving it to you.

- A pickle.
- Nope.

- Cucumber.

- No. Pickle and cucumber
are the same thing.

- Sadness.
- No, no, they're all shapes.

- Yes, I said sandwich.
- No.

- Did you think I said
something else?

- Concentrate.
Press your temples harder.

- An armadillo with a bow tie.
- No, no, no, no.

- A bow tie, I said.
- You know what? It's not.

- I don't think you're
concentrating because

I have to concentrate on you.

Then you concentrate
on me, right?

- Let's just take
a few minutes. Take five.

I don't think this
is working right now.

- Delivery for
Captain Eddie Penisi.

- Ooh, that's me.
Ha, ha, ha, free stuff.

- Hmm.
Wonder what it could be.

- Don't look at those cards.
Don't peek.

- I'm not going to.
I never have.

- I'm looking at you.
- I know.

I can see you.
- Here we go.

Thank you.

[laughs]
Flavored seltzer water.

How did you know?

[laughter]
- Gotcha.

- Oh, yeah.
- I suppose I deserve that.

And just to show you
that I can take a joke,

I'm going to drink some of this
crap you guys like so much.

- Dig in, Cap.
You're going to love it.

- There you go.
- Mm-hmm.

Mm. Mmm.

[sighs] With the mere Mention
of raspberry sriracha.

[ding]

- It's a hell of a new flavor,
don't you think?

[ominous music]

I got you a lifetime supply.

[maniacal laughter]

- [screams]