All language subtitles for Swedish Dicks - 02x10 - Till Dicks Do Us Part_track3_[eng]

I would like
to propose a toast

to the absent bride,
to... the groom,

the former Floyd Calhoun.

And now
he's gonna marry Eve.

-Yeah, smartest choice.
-[Sarah] Choice?

What else can he do to
keep from getting deported?

-[gasps] Have a baby?
-There's an idea.

Oh, that's absurd.
I'm not even pregnant.

I like Eve.
I mean, this is a win-win
situation for us all.

-Right, Sun?
-Yeah, win, win, win. Huh?

You get to stay
in country, huh?

You get a new wife, huh?

And you have tiny little Axels
running around, huh?

I can tell
Eve is very fertile.

-[gulps]
-[chuckles]

So weird.

-Yeah, totally.
-[Ingmar] Okay,
to a new beginning.

[all]
New beginnings!

[woman shrieks]

My lovely daughter!
Oh, sweetie!

-[laughs]
-Oh, found your way in.

Mm! Oh, Axel,
I'm so thrilled!

I cannot tell you how long
I've wait for this day.

There have been
so many beaus,

and not a single proposal.

-Mom.
-Oh.

There was one--
Greg, the musician.

-Didn't he die?
-Yes.

Now, listen,

just because we've only got
a couple of days to plan this

doesn't mean
we can't do it right.

I've got some
of my dead husband's

life insurance money
left over,

and I want you to have it.

Mom, that's Dad
we're talking about.

-Oh, we couldn't take
your dead husband's money.
-Axel!

Bah, bah, bah!
I am not taking no
for an answer.

[giggles]
I'm just so happy! Oh!

Mr. and Mrs.
Axel "Ingstrom."

-Enstrom.
-Yeah, "I-Insum."

Insoom.

Oh, that's it.
Yeah, that's exactly it.

[giggles]

[upbeat music plays on radio]

[Tex] You get right
the fuck out of here!

Alfred the Murderer
is getting married?

-Oh, his name is Axel.
-I thought it was Floyd.

Well, it's not
"Alfred the Murderer."

Well, it was
when he was in here.

And that's kind of how
I like to remember him.

-Who's the bride?
-Oh, her name is Eve.

-Axel and Eve.
-Interesting girl.

-Sounds almost biblical.
-Almost, yeah.

-I've got to be there.
-What? At the wedding?

I gotta play
the "Wedding March."

[scoffs] How?

You can help me, Ingmar.

-What? [chuckles]
-You can help me, Ingmar.

You can help me, Ingmar.

You can help me,
Ingmar.

You can help me, Ingmar.
You can help me, Ingma--

Tex is coming to play
saxophone at my wedding?

-Well--
-This is starting to get real.

Well, the prison has
a special program
called Inside/Out,

which gives inmates
with special talents

a temporary leave

so they can share their skills
with the rest of the world.

And Tex asked me to
testify on his behalf.

-What'd you tell him?
-I told him I would
ask you first.

-What do you think?
-Oh, what do I think?

Mm-hmm. I think
I'm getting married
in a couple of days,

and, uh, nothing
is ready, Ingmar.

So, uh, I think I'm having
to make more decisions
than I think I can handle.

So, I'm going to leave
this one up to you.

Okay. Yeah.

-Okay.
-I am you right now,

and I just invited
an incarcerated murderer
to Axel's wedding.

[gulps]

The dice are a metaphor.

You're saying having Tex
at the wedding is a gamble.

I not saying that.

The dice are.

Honeys, we have got
a big job ahead of us.

Puttin' together
a wedding by tomorrow?
Oh, my goodness.

And it is a good thing
you chose me, because...

anyone else would have turned
your big day into an oogie mess.

-Mm. What if we wanted
our day to be an oogie mess?
-Axel.

Oh, no, it's fine.
The groom's just joshin', right?

-Right?
-Yeah.

Oh, Mylanta,

you are gonna be
a gorgeous bride!

That skin tone
with an ivory dress--

Hold my calls.
Hold my calls!

Thank you,
but actually I'm just
the maid of honor.

She's the bride.

-Hey.
-Oh, my goodness.

Oh, forks and spoons,
of course it is.
I am so sorry.

[snaps fingers]
Apollo?

Now, my perfect manservant
Apollo has pulled
some rings for y'all.

-Are you ready?
-[Eve] Yes.

Well, I am told

that this is an exact
replica of the ring

that Brad Pitt wore
when he married Gwyneth.

Mm.
It's pretty nice.

It's a little basic.
Do you have anything
with a little more sauce?

-Sauce?
-Wait!

Brad Pitt didn't
marry Gwyneth.

Where is my mickey-fickey mind,
Apollo?

-I'm sorry.
-Well, we'll take
a look at these options.

So, no, no.

-Um, definitely not that one.
-What's wrong with that one?

Oh, that looks like somebody
took it off a dead cruise
director. No offense.

Uh, okay, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no,

no, no, no and no.

Apollo, you're fired.

[gasps] That one.
The blue one. It's perfect.

-[gasps]
-Uh, o-okay.

Can I see it?

Sure.

-Havin' a little trouble?
-[woman] It's okay. Don't worry.

Apollo, we're gonna need
some hand soap.

-Okay? It's in the bathroom.
-'Cause that's the one I want.

It's right next to the sink.
You know where it is.

I think I speak for all of us
on the Inside/Out board

when I say that
your testimony thus far

is as compelling as
anything we've ever heard.

-Thank you, Warden.
-And believe me,

we've heard things
you wouldn't believe.

-Right, Gene?
-True, that.

But there's still
the small matter
of this changed man

being a ruthless assassin.

And you want
to set him loose.

I'm saying his powers of funk,
however formidable,

don't negate the clear fact
that Tex Johnson

is a very dangerous man.

We're not
setting him loose, Gene.
You know that.

We are simply
giving him

a temporary
supervised release,

which is the Inside/Out
program's raison d'etre.

-English, please.
-It's French.

Still have no idea
what that means.

It means that
Ingmar's loyalty

to Tex is also duly noted.

So I would like
to ask you,

do you think that Tex Johnson
wants to be good?

No doubt about it.

That'll be all,
gentlemen.

That was very impressive,
Ingmar.

You can be very persuasive
when you want to be.

Yeah.
What do you think?

Well, it's
a lot to consider.

I want to give you
what you want.

Maybe you can
give me what I want.

-Like what?
-A drink.

You know who I am?

Don't you work with Ingmar?

[scoffs]
Ingmar works with me.

Quick story.
When I was little,

my grandpa told me about
this kid he grew up with

whose best friend
was a tree.

His best friend was a tree?

Don't interrupt!

As this kid grew up,

he would take things
from the tree and never
give anything back.

The tree just gave
and gave and gave.

And the kid just took
and took and took.

Until finally, the kid
cut down the tree

and made a house
out of it.

Um,

that's from a children's book
called The Giving Tree.

-You calling my grandpa liar?
-Not at all.

Ingmar got a lot of shit
on his mind right now.

-Axel might get deported.
-I thought he was
getting married.

Because he might
get deported.
Keep up!

Axel illegal alien, huh?

He is getting married
tomorrow so he not get
tossed out on his ear.

-'Cause that could be
the end of the Dicks.
-Oh, shit.

That's right.
And still,

Ingmar is doing for you,
laying his reputation
on the line.

That Ingmar,
straight-up Giving Tree.

-Ingmar and I are friends.
-You'd better be.

Because I not want
any shenanigans.

If you want to
bring the funk,
then bring it.

But if this some angle
you're playing,

then this one fucked-up
North Korean defector you're
gonna wish you never saw!

You got that,
Tex Johnson?

Got it.

This conversation
never happened.

Sun out.

The nun didn't have
an ID, though.

It was a donkey.

-Ingmar, you are terrible.
-You are terrible!

-I am not.
-Yes, you are.

I'm just like any other
divorced gal over 40

who runs a men's prison.

I like you.

I like you too, Sharona.

I'm awfully grateful that you
put together this board meeting.

I just hope that you--

Well, you don't have
to worry about Tex,
not one little bit.

-Thank you.
-Nothin' to worry about at all.

Tonight, right now,

it's just us.

-"Justice"?
-Just us.

Oh.

-I felt something between us
from the very day we met.
-Yeah?

I knew right then and there
I wanted to see more of you.

That's what I intend
to do tonight.

Check, please?

[chuckles]
Wow.

Uh, not exactly.

I couldn't finish, uh,
getting into this thing

because, uh, there was
no one to help me.

-Oh? Miss Janeane?
-She's in the bedroom with Eve.

She's got a total
bride crush on her.

-Well, yeah.
-Looks like you didn't
do much better.

Here, turn around.

You know, I think what
you're doing is really brave.

When we, um,
talked about it, I...

didn't think it was
actually gonna happen.

Yeah, well...

Um, will you?
It's easier.

Yeah, well,
here we are, right?

It is happening.

Yeah, it's...
it's for sure happening.

And I gotta say...

I don't know
what to think about it.

I know exactly
how you feel.

Oh, wait.
What are you talking about?

What are you
talking about?

Hey, Axel!

-Eve!
-Wow!

Look at that.

-You-You look stunning.
-Amazing.

Did I tell you?
Miss Janeane
knows these things.

[humming]

-You like it?
-Mm-hmm, yeah.

[pop jazz plays]

Sunny Bunny.
There you are.

Uh, you were scheduled
to sit for a portrait
ten minutes ago.

I-- Oh!

Copy that.
Here comes the Sun.
They're expecting you in five.

That headset
isn't even plugged in.

Do not give me flack
today, sister.

I'm doing all of this at
the spur of the moment and out
of the goodness of my heart.

Look around!
The table linens don't
match the chargers.

There's a murderer
playing a saxophone.

And whose idea were
these wedding favors?

I mean, seriously,
saltwater taffies?

That my idea.

Well, the wrappers
are gonna get everywhere.

The flowers look nice.

Thank you.
They better stay that way.

I need them in an hour
for a funeral.

Alfred.
Alfred the Murderer.

Congratulations, man.

-Thanks, Tex.
-She's a lovely girl.

And maybe someone
has told you this,

but after six marriages,
I know it better than anyone.

Listen.

Oh, no,
listen to your wife.

-Oh.
-When she says something,

man, listen.

Even when she's not
saying something.

-You dig me?
-Yeah.

-Hey, Ingmar.
-Hi.

-Nice night with Warden Johnson?
-Who told you?

Warden Johnson.
Appletinis, eh?

Yeah, four of 'em.

Are those
saltwater taffies?

Come on, fellas.
See you later.

Hey, I just want to say
thank you.

I know this is
really tough for you.

-Uh, uh, what do you mean?
-You know, with Brad and all.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, for sure.
Really tough.

Hey, so you know,
you mentioned at girls' night

-that things weren't...
-Exciting?

-Well, you said
they were just good.
-I did.

But look at me now.

There is a murderer
playing saxophone

while I stand
in this mausoleum
in a wedding dress

about to save my future
husband from being
deported from America!

It doesn't get
more exciting than that!

-Well, I just want to
make sure you're happy.
-I am!

I am happy AF!

Dear Axel.

This all reminds me
so much of my Harold.

You know,
when I was a girl,

my father had me all set up
to marry this boy named Clark.

He was cool.

Trouble was, I had already
met and fallen for Harold.

We'd been doing it
for a month.

Long story short,
I ran away with Harold.

-I defied my family.
-What happened?

My dad committed suicide.

But I mean, he had
a history of mental illness.

The point is,
you're marrying for love.

-Thank you, Gerty.
-Call me "Mom".

[Lou] Okay, everyone,
let's go, let's go.

There'll be
time for moments later.

Gerty, take your seat.
It's marryin' time.

[Lou]
This way, everyone.

A little more walkie,
a little less talkie, huh?

Come on.
This way, everyone.

[crowd exclaiming]

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

to celebrate the memory--
the marriage of Axel and Eve.

Now, when two lives
are joined,

it is for only one reason:

love and love alone.

You may face each other,
my young sparrows.

Evelyn Willow Frink,
do you take

Axel Magnus Engstrom

to be your wedded husband

for better or worse,
from this day forward,

as long as you both
shall live?

-I do.
-And Axel Magnus Engstrom,

do you take
Evelyn Willow Frink

to be your wedded wife
for better or worse

from this day forward,
as long as you both may live?

[gulps]

I d-don't.
Uh, no.

-[crowd gasps]
-What?

-What?
-Wait, what?

-You said "I do not."
-Yeah.

This is usually where people
say "I do," muffin.

-He speaks Swedish and English.
So his English is off.
-Sorry, yeah.

It's not--
It's just-- No "not."

-Oh. "I do."
-Just "I do."

-Try again.
-But-But I don't.

-[crowd gasps]
-Are you kidding?

We're not
a good match, Eve.

We both know it.

No, we deserve someone
we truly want to spend
the rest of our lives with.

I'm sorry, Eve.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Sorry, everyone.

-Shit.
-It's just, I have to
get married today.

"Have to,"
not "want to."

Those two little words,
they're scrambling my eggs.

Is that...
I don't know,
is that a expression?

-No, it's not.
-But do you understand
what I mean?

[sighs]
Yes, I do.

-[people gasp]
-[Eve] I mean, I need someone

who is exciting
and adventurous and kinky.

It's t-- It's true.
She does, she does. Right?

At first,
you were a deejay.

You were then,
like, a detective.
You got shot.

And now, you know,
you're- you're cute.

You're just--

You're so simple, you know?

Thank you, Eve.

The person I want to marry
is someone I feel

really, really close to.

Someone who's
actually here.

-[crowd gasps]
-[man] What?

And when
we're together,

the pieces
just fit.

Oh, my God.

I don't know
how to say it.
We-- We just are.

-He's losin' his mind.
-No. It's about love.

I know this is crazy,
but...

will you marry me?

-[crowd murmuring]
-[Sun] Shut the fuck up!

Yes, I will.

-I will.
-[people] Aw!

I do.
You're definitely
my partner from now on.

And hurry up
before I change my mind.

This is even more romantic.

I love it.
It's weird, but--

-Come on.
Let's do this now.
-[Axel] Yeah. It--

-What?
-No, uh...

Maestro, please?

Music!

-Nobody move!
-[people screaming]

Where the fuck is he,
motherfucker?

[screaming continues]

Well, I'm going to remember this
as a learning experience.

We learned that I'm boring.

-Yes, yep.
-Yep. And that
we don't love each other.

[Sun] We also learned
next time jailbird

ask to play funk
at your wedding,

say no.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I'm sorry about all this.

Are we good?

We're good.

But I got to go,
though.

Oh?

I got a date tonight.

-There goes the bride.
-Yeah.

You still have
to get married, Axel,
or you American history.

Oh, you're right.

Sun?

-Will you marry--
-Fuck you.

[door buzzes]

Well, after a very long
and intense interrogation,

the police have
determined that Ingmar

-is not a suspect
in Tex's disappearance.
-Oh!

Thanks to my lawyer's
brilliance and expertise,

I am off the hook.

You sure
you're okay, Dad?

Yeah.
Why wouldn't I be okay?

Well, I don't know.
I mean,

Tex did kind of
hang you out to dry,
and now he's gone.

We have time for
daddy-daughter talk later, huh?

We have wedding to do.
Lou waiting for us.

-Oh.
-I almost forgot.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

-Uh, I need to uh--
-Yeah.

What the hell?

Hello, Ingmar.

I'm sorry I broke up
your wedding.

I kind of had to leave
in a hurry.

You're not goin' back,
are you?

To jail,
or to killing people?

You tell me.

No, not going back.

-I told you,
I'm a changed man.
-Are you?

Because this feels a lot
like the last time

you played me,
my old friend.

Only last time, I didn't
come back to thank you.

-Oh, to thank me?
-Yes.

I owe a lot to the funk,

and to the California
penal system.

But mostly,
I owe you, pal.

Just for being a friend.

See ya around, Ingmar.

I'm happy for you, and all
your success with the Dicks.

Everything's going
to work out for Axel.

I know it.
I know it.

It's a green card?

It's awkward, isn't it?
Being the first one at a party.

Yeah. Oh, no.

Try being the only one
at the party after everyone

left to go to another party
and didn't invite you.

That's awkward.

Hey, Dad said that Tex
got you your green card.

-That's great.
-Yeah, it was either that
or get married.

So, did you mean it?

Yeah, but now
I officially un-mean it.

I mean we could
never get married.
It would be--

Insane. Because we're
friends, right? So...

-Yeah.
-If anything, we should
probably take a step back.

Totally agree.
A step back is...

the move.

Okay, guys, we're here!
The party can begin.

This the party?
I'm missing
my practice for this?

-You play badminton?
-I have a life, you know.

You told me there was
gonna be fun people here.

Listen, let's celebrate.

Let's celebrate
that we're clear,

we're free, we're legit.

No one has to marry anyone.

There's no more
Floyd Calhoun.

There's no more Tex.

Just me and my squad

and this beautiful,
crime-infested city

that we call our home.

You did not just
call us "squad."

-I am afraid he did.
-I like it.

-[Sun] It's pretty dumb.
-Well, to the Dicks.

-[all] To the Dicks.
-[cell phone ring tone]

Oh, wait. Hang on.
That's me.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, that's me.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.
You must have the wrong number.

Um, my mom passed away
when I was little.

[woman]
No, that's not true.
Ingmar has been lying to you.

[indistinct]

Mom?