All language subtitles for Swedish Dicks - 02x09 - Girls Day!_track3_[eng]

I just--

-I just wanted--
-It's fine, Axel.

Okay.

But I feel like I need
to apologize.

I said, it's fine.

I lied to you.

-Yep.
-I'm sorry.

For God's sake,
can we change the subject?

Everything's normal.

-We're just a couple
of normal detectives.
-Normal?

I'm just trying to
change the subject.

I wish somebody would
walk through that door
right now, huh?

[door opens]

Mornin', ladies.

Why do I ever
open my mouth?

So Ingmar can put
a Swedish dick in it?

Just guessing.

-This is not
a good day, Jane.
-Aw.

-This is an emotionally
tender morning.
-What's the matter?

Did Ingmar find out
you've been lying to him

and taking the fake identity
of one Floyd Calhoun?

And if the authorities
find out,

you'll be deported,
and Ingmar will lose
his license.

Even jail time.

That whole shit storm?

That's right, bitches.

So, here's the deal.

You're gonna do me
a little favor.

You're gonna pretend to be

good little detectives

for once in your sad
little lives,

and I'm gonna hand over
all the dirt

I have on your
little friend Floyd here.

Or is it Axel?

Flaxel.
Is that a thing?

You notice that I'm here
without my goons.

I am goon-less.
What does that tell you?

This is some
sensitive shit.

-Like this.
-D-- Oh!

-[Axel groans]
-You see how one wrong move,

and everything can just
break apart?

I'll keep your
sensitive shit secret

as long as
you don't fuck up.

Okay, what do
you want from us?

A little bit
of bounty hunting.

[Jane]
This man was murdered
six months ago in Omaha.

His family is very sad,
as you can imagine,

and they want the guy who
did this brought to justice.

The problem is,
the killer was a member
of a criminal syndicate,

the fiercest
in all of Omaha.

And the Omaha police,
they've been paid off
by these gangsters,

so they'll get no justice
if they wait for the cops.

Fortunately for them,
they came to me.

Where do you keep
all those folders?

Back, Flaxel, back.

The killer
is Rick Santini.

At first I thought
I would just track him down
and bring him in myself,

and then I started
thinking,

"Why should I put
my life at risk finding this

terrible, crazy killer

when I could have my old pals
the Swedish Dicks

take a crack at it
for free?"

You want us to find this guy?

Find him, cuff him
and bring him in.

You do have cuffs, don't you?

Not the furry kind,
the big-boy kind?

Yes, we do.
Only, Ingmar won't
let me use them.

-Because you always
lose the keys.
-That happened one time.

-No! It happened
more than once.
-Zip it!

We'll do it.

-We're on the case.
-Excellent.

Yeah, thank--
Wait, Rick Santini.

It's too easy to
track people these days.

Okay, guys, I got him.

Whatcha got?

He in the Nebraska mob,

the meanest crime syndicate
in the Midwest.

-Other than the Iowans.
-How do you know all this?

You ever met an Iowan?
They all friendly in your face.

They smile, you smile.

Then whoosh!
Machete in your back.

Is "whoosh"
a machete sound?

I feel like it would be
more like a "shing!"

[chuckles]
Thank you.

Yeah, I think I have it.
Yeah.

[Axel]
Hey, you okay?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

I mean, after
everything with Brad?

-Yeah.
-[Ingmar] Okay, I got
something, a name.

Tony McFee.

It's a guy who used to
find employment for people
with criminal records.

He would wipe
their records clean
and find them a place to work.

Well, that's
a pretty noble cause.

He's doin'
15 years for it.

Boy, this country loves
to put people in jail.

[Ingmar]
Well, it turns out
that this guy

found employment
for our guy Rick,

so I want you to find out
where Tony McFee's locked up.

Got it.

[Sarah gasps]
Shit!

Hey, that's the prison
Tex is in.

Oh, no.

-Okay, let's go.
-See you later.

And, uh, good luck.

-Oh, I mean--
-Thanks. I--

-Feel better.
-Right, yeah.

-It's--
-Yeah, I get it.

-Yeah, but also
good luck with--
-[Ingmar] Axel!

-Thank--
-Okay. Bye, bye.

[door closes, locks]

Okay, now that it's just us,
I have solution.

A solution for?

I accept challenge
to cheer you up.

-Okay, first of all,
I don't need--
-So...

I do research,
and what you need

to forget about the pain
of Brad is girls' day!

Why are you saying it
like that?

That's what the American
girls do, right?

[energetically]
Girls' day!

[screams]
Yeah!

Whoo! Whoo!

[Tex]
Sure, I know who he is.

The bad news is,
Tony McFee is an Omaha mobster.

He didn't serve
any time at all.

He's got one of those
get-out-of-jail-free cards.

-Shit!
-But the good news is,

I reached out to
some funk friends.

Couldn't hurt, right?

-And?
-Jackpot.

Turns out Rick Santini
made a splash

in the L.A. go-go scene
a couple of years ago.

According to my friend
Trumpet John,

Santini is a beast
on the funk flute.

-Hmm.
That's a coincidence.
-Wait till you hear this.

One time Santini forgot
his flute at the Hotdog Club,

and John went
to return it to him.

Oh! So he knows
where he lives?

No. But he knows
where he works.

See, the thing
about a tank top

is that it's
20% less fabric

than a traditional shirt,

but it goes
for the exact same price.

That 20%, well,
that's pure profit, fellas.

Ain't that right, boys?
[chuckles]

So how's about you guys?
What brings you down here?

Lookin' to get some
high-quality tanks
off the books?

I'm your man.

Have you ever seen
this guy?

Oh, no,
does not look familiar.
Sorry, fellas.

-Oh, I was hoping
we'd find him here.
-Nope, definitely not.

Never seen him before.
Thanks anyways.
Take care. Bye.

All right, boys,
we only got between
Memorial Day and Labor Day.

Let's hustle up!

What?

Hey!

Shit!
Shit, get him.
Get him!

-Hey! Stop!
-Wait!

Stop!

-Stop! Stop!
-Hey, stop!

Please!

Please?

"Please"?

Yeah, what?
It doesn't hurt
to be polite.

Maybe you got
a point there.

Oh! I love it.
Girls' day.

Yes, Queen.

Guys, I'm just
not in the mood.

Mood has nothing to do
with girls' day.

Yeah, girls' day will
put you in the right mood.
Just relax.

And don't think about
the man who screw you
and broke your heart.

Yeah, thanks, great.

I'll try not to think
about all the things
you just reminded me of.

-See? It working already.
-Just let your mind wander off.

Yeah, relax.

Just let go of the tension.

The hurt.

The layers of betrayal.

Stop, stop!
I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

Sarah, you must complete task
of girls' day to get over Brad.

Yeah.
Get over that pretty boy.

But this isn't me.
You know how I deal
with things?

I work. And I work.
And I keep working

until I forget about
the fact that I don't
have a love life anymore.

-You know, the healthy way?
-That is so sad.

Who told you
to stop playing?
Play!

Continue!

I love girls' day.

[Ingmar]
I'm sorry to disturb you, sir,
but we do have

something special
for a Mr. Rick Santini.

Uh, I saw him earlier,
but I think he left.

-Oh, darn!
-Dang.

Dang, shoot!
Well, I tell you what.

You just give us his address,
and we'll run this over
to him personally.

I'm sorry, fellas.
I can't give out my employees'
personal information.

I do that,
I violate our policy.

While we appreciate
that very smart policy,

-because privacy's important...
-Yup.

...this isn't just
any package.

No, this is a prize check

from Nebraska's
Golden Sweepstakes.

-Which we must deliver
to Rick Santini personally.
-Yeah.

I understand that,
but, uh, rules are rules.

And rules are supposed
to be followed.
Right?

-[both] Right.
-And again,

we appreciate you sticking
to the rules, but--

Nebraska's Golden Sweepstakes,
they also have their rules, sir.

So where the hell
does Rick live?

Uh, 28 Judith Drive.

Blue house on the left.

Take Santa Monica.
You'll avoid the freeway.

Oh. Thank you, sir.
That was easy.

Thank you.

Okay, guys.
I have to call it a day.

No, I have whole plan.
You're not allowed to
back out on girls' day.

Yeah, she's right.
You need this, babe.

Yeah.
Next on list: girl talk.

What's Brad like in bed?

No, Sun, I-I don't--

I, I what?

I actually would
not mind hearing that.

He looks like the kind of guy
who waxes his chest.

-Is he?
-That's gross.

No. He--
Well, yeah, actually.

Axel doesn't have enough
chest hair to wax.

It's kind of like having

a prepubescent Aryan
lay on top of you.

Not like he's an actual Nazi.
He's very progressive on
a number of things.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Are you saying you and Axel
aren't, you know, good?

No, we're good.

That's sort of the problem.
We're just good. You know?

At first it was so exciting.
He was a deejay,

he was a private detective,
he shot a guy once.

But when it comes down to it,
he's kind of boring.

But seriously, Eve,
I mean, if you're not happy,
maybe you should--

Oh, no, I'm happy.
It's just that
I want something,

you know,
more exciting.

You know, a new dynamic,
something fresh.

Maybe I should get pregnant.
Is that crazy?

-Yes.
-Very crazy.

So, why don't you
break up with him?

Why you keep talking?
Play.

[sighs]

-[Axel] Hey, Ingmar?
-Yeah?

-I've been thinking.
-Good. I don't want to hear.

No, but I--
It was wrong of me to--

Can we stay
on the case?

No, that's what
I'm talking about.

I feel a connection
to Rick.

His past is coming back
to haunt him.

No, he's just trying to
cover up his mistake.

You made up for yours.

How?

Before I met you,
my best friend

was a murderer
who tried to kill me.

And you, you risked
your own life to save mine.

You're forgiven.

-Did you just call me
your best friend?
-Nope.

-Check it out.
-[Axel] He's about
to leave town.

Yeah.
Show time.

Thanks, partner.

Don't move.
I got a gun.

Don't shoot.
Don't shoot, okay?
I got kids.

No, okay, I lied.
I don't got kids.

But, you know, I'm, like,
a pretty good person.
You know, I recycle...

Hey! Hey!

Okay, we're not
gonna shoot you.
We're just gonna take you in.

I know where
you're takin' me.

-[shouts]
-Hey!

-We're not gonna kill you!
-You were hired by
Jane McKinney, weren't ya?

Well, she's workin'
for the mob, which means
I'm not goin' to jail.

I'm not goin' to a courthouse.

You hand me over
to Jane McKinney,
the mob will kill me.

-What?
-You sure?

Yeah, pretty sure.

Be careful.
They're hot.

[Axel] Mmm.

Mmm.
Oh, my God.

This must be where
cookies go when they die.

[chuckles]
I'm glad you like 'em.

Can ya explain why
these guys are after ya?

Born on the mean streets
of Omaha,

die on the mean streets
of Omaha.

I'm not American, but I'm...
pretty sure no one says that.

Okay, look.

I used to do some
bad things for 'em--

you know, burglaries,
a few drug deals.

But when they asked me
to kill somebody,
that's where I drew a line.

So, uh, I left town.

And when they found out
I was here in L.A.,

they hired a local
to track me down
and bring me to 'em.

Jane?
Yeah, she's infamous

for doing any job
as long as it pays.

You can't hand me over
to Jane.

Otherwise,
you'll be killers too.

-So we can't bring him to Jane.
-No.

Thank you.
You are a good person.

So we have to kill him.

I take it back!

-What?
-Trust me.

[vomiting into toilet]

[Ingmar]
You're okay in there?

No.

-I don't wanna die.
-You're not gonna die.

Hey, listen,
we're gonna tell Jane
that we tracked you down.

And that you attacked us,
and Ingmar had to shoot you
in self-defense.

-You can trust us.
-No, but they'll find me.
Eventually, they'll find me.

No, they won't.
Because you will have
a new identity.

Uh, this says I get
a free six-inch sub?

Oh! Oh, sorry.
Wrong one.

Oh.

[Axel]
You're going to be safe.

Because you are going to be
Floyd Calhoun.

[whispering]
Floyd Calhoun?

It's for the best.

[Sarah]
Kinda smells funny.

Smell is of donkey's milk,
fish sperm,

mixed with dead baby seals.

Fish sperm?

Yeah.
Fish sperm.

-It's organic.
-Ugh, it's gross.

Just breathe with your mouth.
No smell.

I like it.
I feel moisturized.

That's the dead baby seals
working.

[exclaims]
Enough!

Listen, I already feel
like an idiot that I didn't
find out about Brad earlier.

I feel dumb and alone,
and the fact that
you made me rub

dead baby seal over
my face doesn't make me
feel any better.

Oh, Sarah.
I'm so sorry.

I just trying
to help you.

You always there
for Ingmar and Axel,

and I just want to make sure
someone there for you.

That's so sweet.

[groans]
Shit on me.

[sighs]
That is so sweet, Sun.

I'm sorry I've been
a girls' day party pooper.

It's okay.

Girls' day not really
my style either.

[gasps]

How about shooting range
with picture of naked Brad
as target?

Now you're talkin'
my language!

Hey-- What, hey--

-Hey, Dad.
-Hey, guys?

-What-- Eve?
-Hey, baby!

What the hell are
you doin' in my office?

What's that stuff
on your faces?

And who the hell
is sitting on my desk?

Never seen him before.

You get the hell
out of my office!

-See you at
the shooting range.
-What--

Hey, we got some
really important work
we got to do here now.

-Okay, we need a makeover.
-Finally! Girls' day!

I'm good at Photoshop.

-Look up.
-Like this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, good.

Password "fiddlesticks."

Sit here. Sit, sit.
Okay.

I give you wound there.

Let's see.
Here it is.

Oh! Great.

Birth certificate,
social security.

-Yeah. Anything else?
-Bills. Your I.D.

-Oh, I.D.
-Anything that you have.

Are you sure
this is gonna work?

-Hello?
-Just shut your mouth.

-Okay.
-Driver's license.

Oh, you look so cute.

[Sun]
Bullet hole is done.

I'm gonna lay you down here,
all right?

-I have another credit card.
-You're amazing.

My P.I. license.

Open your eyes,
hold your breath,

and try to look dead.

-[Ingmar]
That's great. Great.
-Okay.

That's, um...

That's it.

That's my...
whole life.

-[phone line ringing]
-Jane?

Yeah, something happened,
and, uh,

we need to meet you
as soon as possible.

What the hell, Jane?

-Calm down, Ingmar!
Calm down!
-Shut up, Axel!

I thought
we had a deal.

What's got your panties
in a bunch?

Okay, you set us up.

You told us to track
this guy down, and we did!

The moment we knocked
on his door,
he started shooting at me.

I told you he was a killer!

What were you expecting,
a Girl Scout?

He shot him, Jane!
Ingmar killed Rick Santini!

He is dead.

Hot damn.

I didn't think
you had the balls.

No? But anything
for money, right, Jane?

Aw, come on.

This family I'm workin' for?

They might consider this
justice.

-You got proof?
-Yeah. We figured
you might ask that.

Looks good and dead to me.

You happy?

I still think you guys suck
as detectives.

And I hate your accent.

One of you smells like
old meat.

But, you know,
some people

think old meat is a delicacy.

[chuckles]

Bye, bye, girls.
We're even.

You got it?

Thanks for not
killin' me, guys.

-Anytime.
-Yeah.

And thanks
for all this too.

Yeah, the Omaha mob
thinks you're dead now,

so you just go on
livin' your life.

I'll never forget
what you've done for me.

[car engine starts]

Goodbye...
Floyd Calhoun.

Ah-ah-ah-ah. Hey.

Are we gonna talk about the fact
that your name isn't Floyd?

Yes.
I'm sorry I lied.

Just, I had to,
to protect Ingmar.

But it's all over now.
I'm just Axel.

-I'm here illegally.
-Hmm. I know.

It's so hot.
And now you have to go
back to Switzerland.

-Sweden, dummy.
-I--

-But you don't really
have to go back, do you?
-No, I do.

Without Floyd Calhoun,
I'm an illegal immigrant.

I can't do this anymore.
I just... can't.

But there has to be
another way.

Oh, it's okay.

I guess some people are just
not cut out for America.

[sighs]

[phone rings]

-Hey.
-Hey. [clears throat]

So, uh, have you
booked your flight yet?

No. I-I mean, I will.
I'm just packing up.

God, my whole life is here,
you know?

-Okay, look. You can't go.
-I think I have to.

Well, we'll think of something.
I'm not gonna let them
deport you.

You don't have
to keep helping me.
You have problems of your own.

Oh, my God.
What about marriage?

-What about it?
-Well, nobody's on to you yet.

If you got married now,
you could stay under the radar.

Yeah, uh, I thought about it,
but it's just wrong.

Marriage is for people
who really love each other.

Hmm. Babe?

When I get married,
it will be with someone
I really care for.

You know, marriage has
always been special to me.

To marry a woman
who really gets me,

who helps pick me up
when I feel down,

who just...

makes me feel happy
just by being myself.

You know, someone to go on
life's great adventure with...

Does any of that make sense?

[gasps, sobs]
Yes. Yes.

A thousand times yes.

Oh, I'll marry you!

And you don't have to
leave the country at all,

and we'll stay together
forever.

And we can rush the wedding.
We'll rush the wedding,
so that immigration...

-[Sarah] Axel!
-they won't suspect a thing!

Axel, are you there?
Can you hear me?

Isn't this exciting?

Oh!

I love it
when you look scared.

What the fuck is going on?