All language subtitles for Swedish Dicks - 01x08 - Back to School_track3_[eng]

[Ingmar]
The city at night,

it could be a dangerous place.

Get down!
With your hands up!

Do it!

[Ingmar] Because that'’s
when the bad guys...

...like to come out and play.

Two of you are lucky
that I'’m in a good mood today.

Otherwise,
I'’d kick both your asses!

Make sure he is not a cop.

Hey! Why don'’t you prove to me
you ain'’t no cop?

Ooh, great abs.
You work out?

Mostly good genes.

From my mother'’s side.

I would like to meet her
one day.

[clicks tongue]

[laughs]

So, to keep things fair, see?
No wire.

And no abs.

[chuckles]

Hey, real men don'’t need abs.

Can we get down to biz?

You got the cars.
I got the money.

Great. We'’ll take you
to the cars.

Hey, not so fast.

I don'’t do business
with someone I haven'’t met.

Dimitri, I need to meet him.

Nobody meets Dimitri.

Who are you?

Who am I?

Ha!

Who am I?

Ha!

Who am I?

Ha!

Hey! Excuse me.

Could you please stop
making those crazy noises?

You'’re scaring my kids.

[Trip] Whoa.

[grunts]

So what do you say? You get me
a meeting with Dimitri or what?

We'’ll talk to him.

See what he says.

Let'’s get the fuck outta--

[engine starts]

♪

And the Oscar goes
to Mr. Excellent Job!

Yeah. Really?
Because I was kinda nervous.

No! It was brilliant!
Down to the very last detail.

Including the fake pee.

What? I didn'’t... Yeah. Oh.

♪

I think it was the sound
of the gun going off
that made me, you know...

Eh, the same thing
happened to me once.

Oh, really?

Yeah. When I was a baby.

[cell phone buzzes]

What'’s that?

What?

That sound.

Oh, shit!

Yeah?

[indistinct mumbling]

Great.

Was that Dimitri?

[chuckles] Yeah.

He wants
to meet me tomorrow.

[elevator bell dings]

[Ingmar] Yes! High five!

Ingmar!

How they hangin'’?

To the left. As usual.

Of course they are,
you socialist son of a bitch!

Good to see ya!

Ingmar, you'’re not
still mad at me, are ya?

For ten years
I'’m your stunt double

makin'’ you look like
a kickass action star,

and when shit hits the fan,
I need you to back me up,
you completely abandon me,

so the answer
to your question is yes!

Not cool, man.
Not cool.

Hi. I'’m Axel, by the way.

All right.
I should'’ve backed you up.

You know how it is
in this biz.

You back the wrong pony,
your career is over.

Finito. Kaput. Done.

I'’d say more words like that,
but I'’ve run out.

I think you get
the point, huh?

So, you'’re here
to finally apologize?

God no. In fact...
[chuckles]

...as far as
the stunt community goes,
you are toxic.

I had to come in
through the back entrance
just in case somebody saw.

Get the hell out
of my office.

I wanna hire you.

To do what?

To see if one of your mistresses
is cheating on you?

No.

It'’s my daughter. Nicky.

[Chip]
Say hi, Nicky.

S'’up?

She'’s being bullied. Digitally.

-Oh. Oh, that'’s terrible.
-[Chip] Yeah, it is.

And what'’s worse,
we have no idea who'’s doin' it.

Well, Ingmar'’s busy
on another assignment,

but I'’d be glad
to take your case.

I mean, not only
to help your daughter,

but because,
believe it or not,

I, myself, have often been
the victim of bullying.

Why wouldn'’t I believe it?

I mean, Jesus Christ,
look at ya.

I mean, no offense, boychik,
but I need a real P.I.

Hey. Don'’t you
talk to him like that.

Actually, he'’s not half bad.

Ing, coming from you,
that'’s a real compliment.

All right, okay,
you'’re hired.

Oh.

Congratulations, boychik.

[chuckles]

♪

Sometimes, the end
did justify the means.

And sometimes
it wasn'’t only at night

bad guys came out to play.

[gunshot]

[woman screams]

♪

Some of them had no problem
at all revealing themselves

in the full light of the sun...

which unfortunately
was something I became

even more painfully aware of
in the upcoming days.

You must be the badass
I'’ve been hearing
so much about.

And you must be Dimitri.

Sorry about the mess.

Well, like they say,
"Good help is hard to find."

"Good help is hard to find"?

[laughs] Yes!
Good help is hard to find!

[all laugh]

I love it! Here!

Oh, that'’s a nice gift,
but no, I can'’t accept it.

Not a gift.

I want you to use it.

On her.

You--

Right! When in Rome.
[chuckles]

Pull the fucking trigger,
so I know you'’re not a cop.

Mm-hmm.

[clicks]

[inhales]

If I let you kill my last maid,

who do you think would clean up
the fucking place?

Who would clean up
the fucking place? [laughs]

[all laugh]

No me, no you.
I'’m not a cleaning lady.

Who would clean up
the fucking place? [laughs]

Yeah, you got me there.

While I tried my best
not to kill the maid,

which I didn'’t want to,

or to kill Dimitri,

which I really wanted to,

Axel was getting ready
to do some undercover work

at our client'’s
daughter'’s school.

Remember, I have to look
young enough to pass

as a Swedish high school
exchange student.

Yeah, piece of cake.

What do you think?

Y-- I think
you didn'’t do anything.

Nothing to do. You already look
like a prepubescent teenager.

We'’ve been here two hours.

It takes a long time
to do nothing.

♪

[Sun] We here.

Your car. It'’s really nice.

This not my car.

No? Whose is it?

Don'’t know. Don't care.

You stole it?

I no steal!

I borrow.

Shit.

What?

Authority figure.

Quick. Kiss me like you
kiss Mommy good-bye.

No.

Hey, uh--

[grunting]

See? Kissing like Mommy
totally work.

No. That'’s not how moms
kiss their kids good-bye.

What? I no use tongue.

♪

[exhales]

[exhales] Ah.

[exhales]

So...

you'’ve met me like you asked.

Are you ready to buy my cars?

Not sure yet.

[exhales]
What'’s the hold up?

Still tryin'’ to figure out
what kinda man
I'’m dealing with.

If I can trust him.

When you say "him",
you mean me, right?

Right.

Sorry. English sometimes
little confusing.

So how '’bout I show you
how much I trust you

and that way maybe
you'’ll trust me?

That sounds good.

What are you doing?

In animal kingdom,
this is trust.

Ultimate.

It'’s ultimate for sure.

[breathes heavily]
Do you see anything?

I think you know what I see.

Do you see any signs...
of the "C?"

The "C?"

The big "C."

Well, the "C"
is not that big right now,

but I'’m-I'm sure
in the right circumstances...

[chuckles lightly]
you do pretty well
for yourself, Dimitri.

No, no!
The big "C!" Cancer!

Cancer?

[exhales] The doctors
say I have it maybe.

I-I'’m waiting
for test result.

[exhales]

Do you see any sign?

[school bell rings]

So, you'’re a Swedish
foreign exchange student?

Yeah.
That thing is right!

Which is sad. Yeah.

You look a little old
to be in high school.

Well, I have aged very badly

because my homeland
has very cold weather.

And, uh, very high taxes,
you know, so it'’s--
it gets--

[blows air through lips]

Jumpin'’ jiminy!

I wouldn'’t mind sharing
my herring with her!

[chuckles]

I heard, uh, you two
were supposed to go
on a date.

Yeah, but she canceled
at the last minute.

I'’d already bought
the movie tickets.

And the condoms.

Mm-hmm.

I suppose that must have
made you very angry at her.

Yeah. I wanted to kill her.

♪

Well, uh, thank you
so mycket much for
a very interesting conversation!

I'’m going to kill him.

Kill who?

The doctor.
[sighs]

Just because he told you
you might have cancer?

Yes.

That'’s your answer
for everything, isn'’t it?

Something pisses you off,
you kill it.

I can'’t help it.
I am wired this way.

Besides, people fear me
is good for business.

Business I understand,
but you also do it when it has
nothing to do with business.

Like with your maid.

That was totally business.
That wasn'’t my maid.

That was a hit man disguised
as a maid sent to kill me.

Okay.

Now, what about the stunt man
some ten years ago

that you killed
because he was sleeping
with your girlfriend?

Uh, I-I didn'’t kill
this fucking stunt man! No.

No?

No.

That'’s not what I heard.

Believe me, I wanted to.
Yes, nice and slow.

But the little shit
died on me before I could.

[both] Go! Fight! Win!
Go! Fight! Win!

Go Tigers!

Whoo!

Whoo!

[all laugh]

That'’s so good!

In Sweden we don'’t have,
uh, cheerleaders.

-What? That'’s impossible!
-Why not?

We don'’t really have
that much to cheer for.

Really, it'’s--

You know, by the way,
I heard you two

are best friends forever
with, uh, Nicky Stone.

Were BFFs.

Really?
What-what happened?

She started
putting on weight.

So we had to cut her
from the squad.

So she told us
to go fuck ourselves.

-Can you believe that shit?
-Mm.

[chanting] Can you believe,
believe, believe that shit?

Whoo!

Whoo! [chuckles]

Ya-ya, so-so,
when she told you to, uh...

-[both] Go fuck ourselves?
-Yeah, yeah.

You, uh,
you were angry at her?

[chuckles] Oh, yeah.

Actually, we wanted
to kill her.

We still do.

♪

Well, th-th-thank you
so mycket much for
a very interesting conversation.

Thank you.

[both] Go! Fight! Win!

Okay. It'’s all there.
Congratulations.

You are now the proud owner
of 30 stolen luxury cars.

-Great.
-Here.

Your keys.

Great.

All the keys to all
of my stolen cars.

That'’s great.

Don'’t sound so happy.

You want some?

No, I'’m fine.

-[sniffs]
-[softly] Yeah.

[sniffs]

Yeah, Chip, it'’s Axel.

I just wanted to update you
on your daughter'’s case.

You any closer
to finding out who it is?

Well, I'’ve talked
to a lot of students...

Ugh. I can'’t stand her ass.
She is so annoying.

She told me that my hair
looked like a leprechaun.

She took my essay from me.

-Total...
-...bitch.

She messed up
my science project

because she wanted
to take a selfie.

She once pantsed me
and sent the video
to my grandmother.

She died the next day.

I'’m beginning
to hate her, too.

And I'’ve narrowed the list

of who might be bullying
your daughter down to...

43 people.

Forty-three!

Well, your daughter
has a lot of enemies.

Of course she does!

And you would too
if your daddy was a movie star!

Well, I guess that makes sense.

Uh, listen, um, I-I'’ll
call you back when I know more.

Okay? Bye.

Exactly who are you
and what are you
doing on this campus?

I am a Swedish
exchange student!

The hell you are.

Norwegian?

So, you'’ve been hired
by Nicky'’s father

to find out who'’s been
bullying her?

Yeah, that'’s correct.

You can kill the accent.

Right. Sorry. Absolutely.

You'’re still doing it.

N-no. No.

Well, I-I-I'’ll try harder.

Well, I appreciate what her
father is trying to accomplish,

because bullying
is not a good thing.

But I really wish
he had told us
he was hiring

a private investigator
to infiltrate the school.

But now that you know,
it'’ll be okay if I continue?

No. It'’s against
the school policy.

Ah. Well, I'’ll just have
to figure out another way

of finding out
who'’s been doing it.

Which is a shame
because I really enjoy
speaking like this!

Yeah, I'’m not hearin'
a difference.

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

[Ingmar] While Axel once again had his cover blown,

I ran into a dead end.

I hadn'’t found Tex's killer.

All I had was a bunch of keys
to a bunch of stolen cars.

There was only one person
who could help me.

So, you robbed two robbers
who robbed a poker game?

They were dead
when I robbed them.

Dead? Did you kill them?

Of course not. They killed
each other over some broad.

[sighs] Okay, so let me
get this straight.

You wanted the stolen money

-so that you could get
near "The Nob"?
-Yeah.

By pretending
you wanted to buy

some stolen cars
he was selling.

-Which you bought.
-Yeah.

And now I own them.

And all this because
you thought

he was responsible
for Tex'’s death.

Yeah.

Now, please,
what am I supposed to do

with these stolen cars?
Huh?

Okay, before I tell you
what to do about the cars,

I need you to promise me

that you'’re gonna let
this whole Tex thing go.

Yeah, I promise.

Okay, again,
but this time with feeling.

[softly] I promise.

Now please give me
some expert legal advice
what to do with these cars.

Okay. Here it is.
You ready?

Yeah.

Nothing.

-Nothing?
-Nothing.

You leave them where they are

and you pray no one connects
you back to them,

because if they do...

...you could be
in big, big, big trouble.

[cell phone rings]

Okay. [inhales]

Hello?

[Axel]
Hey, what up, bitch?

Huh?

[in Swedish]

[Ingmar] Big Lloyd,
he was the best in the biz,

and we go way back,

but all the hours
behind the computer

got the best of him

and his family
begged him to quit.

No.

Monica. Come on.

Lloyd'’s not doing
that shit anymore!

I know, but this
is for a good cause.

Someone'’s bullying
a high school girl.

Yeah.

[sighs]

Lloyd! Ingmar'’s here and he
wants you to do some hacking.

Yes! Hacking!

♪

[beeping]

So...
you and Ingmar.

You two go together
about as good as me and my ex.

Yeah, it'’s true.
We'’re a little different.

I know you.
You were a DJ!

Yes. That'’s right.

You were good.

Well, I wasn'’t bad.

Why'’d you quit?

Long story.

Maybe you should tell me.

Some day.

Or night.

What?

[in Swedish]

Oh-oh, yeah, yeah.

Some day or night.
Yes. Sure.

I'’d like that.

[computerized voice]
Accessing archives.

I got your bully!

Bingo!

Yes!

Someone named Mr. Niddels?

[Axel] Mr. Niddels?

I would never, ever bully
one of my own students.

But we have proof. The messages
were sent from your computer.

I-I don'’t care what the proof
says. I didn'’t send anything
from my computer. I swear!

Hmm. I don'’t get it.

All the evidence
clearly points

at Nicky'’s English teacher,
but...

I really believe him
when he says he didn'’t do it.

You same as me.

You have strong
female intuition.

Yes. I do.

Are you?

Female?

-Sun--
-[cell phone chimes]

[sighs]

[cell phone rings]

Hello?

Did you get the picture?

[Axel] Yeah.

Big Lloyd did a little more work
last night,

and he pulled that picture off
of the teacher'’s computer.

W-w-w-what do you mean?

The teacher
is not just bullying her?

He'’s also
taking pictures of her?

You don'’t get it.

That picture was taken
from the teacher'’s computer

time stamped while Nicky
was typing on the computer.

So she'’s bullying herself.

What do you mean
she'’s bullying herself?

Nicky was upset about a grade
an English teacher gave to her,

so she decided
to get back at him.

Ingmar, this is ridiculous.

I'’m beggin' ya.
Take over the case.

Find out the real truth
like a real detective.

Axel is a real detective,
and he found out the real truth.

You'’re loving this, aren't ya?

Loving what?

That for once
in your miserable life
you have the upper hand.

Because your daughter
is a success, and my daughter
is a fuck up.

-[laughs]
-Agreed.

You know why
my daughter'’s a fuck up?

-Because you'’re a bad parent?
-Shut up!

Because I'’m rich,
because I'’m famous,

which is something
he will never be.

Well, you'’re not
that famous, Chip.

Tell that to the people
in Cyprus! The Greeks love me!

We'’re outta here.

♪

Okay, see you later, losers.

Case closed.

♪

♪

[car alarm chirps]

[car alarms chirping]

[chirping continues]

♪