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1
00:00:03,769 --> 00:00:06,171
So, what do you think?
2
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:11,409
Heh. Are you the sheriff
of a Chuck E. Cheese?
3
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:16,181
Are you a pilot for
Definitely a Virgin Airlines?
4
00:00:17,222 --> 00:00:19,745
Fawz got me a temporary
gig working security.
5
00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:21,329
That's right, we've had some break-ins
6
00:00:21,364 --> 00:00:22,387
at one of my apartment buildings,
7
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,856
so I hired a couple of
expert security guards,
8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,558
and Tush.
9
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,827
Why didn't you ask me?
10
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,095
I've been a police officer for 30 years.
11
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,465
Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot.
Of course!
12
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:37,735
Randy, do you know any cops
who might be interested?
13
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:40,626
Me! I'm on a leave of absence.
14
00:00:40,661 --> 00:00:42,240
I could use the extra money.
15
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,609
- Great. You're hired.
- Oh.
16
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,077
Oh. And one more thing.
17
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,313
Every time I enter the lobby,
you have to salute me.
18
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,316
Oh. Can I use my middle finger?
19
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,752
So that's a no on the salute.
20
00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,421
I have great news.
21
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,056
You found another bathroom to use?
22
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,891
Aw, we'll miss you.
23
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,294
No. I just booked my first catering gig.
24
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,730
- Congratulations, Sofia.
- Thank you.
25
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,719
Arthur, I need somewhere to prep.
26
00:01:07,754 --> 00:01:09,234
- Can I rent your kitchen for the night?
- Nah.
27
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,802
- No one uses my kitchen.
- Oh, c...
28
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,371
- Please? I'll pay you 300 bucks.
- No.
29
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:15,106
Yo, we're not open tonight.
What's the big deal?
30
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:18,824
1988. Barbara O'Bannon
wanted to make pies here
31
00:01:18,859 --> 00:01:20,078
for a fund-raiser.
32
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,146
A crew of two turned into 12.
33
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,548
The next day my sprinkles were gone.
34
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,083
And there was jelly on my ceiling.
35
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,585
Thank God. I thought that was blood.
36
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,054
Guess I'll call the guys
37
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,589
who own the diner over at Ashland.
38
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,591
They're always asking me
to speak Spanish to them.
39
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,592
That's nice.
40
00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,794
They're Korean. It's weird.
41
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,030
Yo, if you're worried
about your kitchen,
42
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,698
why don't you pay me to work that night?
43
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,000
I can keep an eye on Sofia.
44
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:45,803
Mm, I bet you'll keep an eye on Sofia.
45
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:48,473
(high-pitched): Whoo...!
46
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,808
Okay, what are you talking about?
47
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,810
And why do you sound
like a flamboyant ghost?
48
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,547
Oh, come on.
49
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,915
We've all seen it.
50
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,217
How you laugh at her stupid jokes,
51
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,986
choking down that healthy
garbage she sells.
52
00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,354
ARTHUR: Come on, face it,
53
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,956
you got a crush on her.
54
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,425
(high-pitched): Whoo...!
55
00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:11,062
Okay, do you have any idea
how ridiculous y'all sound right now?
56
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,798
Oh, don't be embarrassed.
I think it's cute.
57
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,899
Yeah, me, too.
58
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,834
Hey, look, if renting out my kitchen
59
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,070
helps you court this young lady,
then great.
60
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:21,139
Might turn into a carriage ride, huh?
61
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,142
- If she gets chilly, you offer her your coat.
- Oh. So, what,
62
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,577
go back to the 1800s?
63
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,279
'Cause that wasn't a
great time for my people.
64
00:02:29,872 --> 00:02:31,015
Diner guys said no.
65
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,350
Well, look no further,
66
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,052
'cause Arthur said you
can use his kitchen.
67
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,287
Under the condition
that Franco is with you.
68
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,056
(high-pitched): Whoo...!
69
00:02:39,725 --> 00:02:40,847
What's going on?
70
00:02:40,882 --> 00:02:42,126
Okay, so, uh, these guys think
71
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,461
I volunteered to watch you
72
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:45,630
because I want to go on a date with you.
73
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,232
Oh. Well,
it's a little too late for that.
74
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,200
Why?
75
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,906
What?
76
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:57,809
Well... we've already hooked up.
77
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,911
Does "hooked up"
mean what I think it means?
78
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,979
It means...
79
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,880
(high-pitched): Whoo...!
80
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:05,450
Hey, hey. We're done with that, man.
81
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,517
Are we?
82
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,353
BOTH (high-pitched): Whoo...!
83
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,756
♪ ♪
84
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,696
Well, well, well.
85
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,198
You two have been sneaking around
86
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,833
and secretly dating.
87
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,302
Ain't a secret,
ain't sneakin', ain't datin'.
88
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,805
And ain't really none of your business.
89
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:30,141
Ah, well,
we respect your privacy, Sofia.
90
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,610
But we don't respect Franco's.
91
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,312
(chuckles) They do not.
92
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,480
(chuckles)
93
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:39,196
Okay, so I'll let you enjoy all this.
Bye.
94
00:03:39,231 --> 00:03:40,985
(giggles) Get a life.
95
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,420
What up, Shorty La-La?
96
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,023
Nope. Not doing nicknames.
97
00:03:45,791 --> 00:03:46,758
What's got into her?
98
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,227
Apparently, Franco. (chuckling)
99
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,695
Why would you...
100
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:51,663
So you finally
101
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,731
told them about you and Sofia, huh?
102
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,033
How do you know? I didn't tell you.
103
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,668
We live in a tiny apartment, man.
104
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,936
Just because you zip me
up in my sleeping bag
105
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:01,239
does not mean I can't hear stuff.
106
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,275
Well, I'm glad you two are dating,
Franco.
107
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,011
Yeah, it's been a long time
since you had a girlfriend.
108
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,946
Would you stop? We're not dating.
109
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:10,615
And she's not my girlfriend.
110
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,884
Nobody does that anymore...
People our age don't put labels
111
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,019
- on everything like you guys did.
- That's just what
112
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:17,155
two hot people do when
they get together.
113
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:20,725
Uh, thank you
for the creepy compliment, man.
114
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,460
Look, I just got into college,
all right?
115
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,762
I don't have time for any
of that serious stuff.
116
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,931
That's kind of how the
kids are these days.
117
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,434
Except, of course,
my daughter, the nerd.
118
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,136
Her and her boyfriend
are taking things slow.
119
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,938
They study together,
120
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,140
watch movies in the dorm,
121
00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:37,742
you know, hang out as friends.
122
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,744
- Ha!
- Ha!
123
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,081
- "Study together."
- Hook up in the library.
124
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,249
- "Watch movies."
- Hook up in his room.
125
00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:49,320
- "Hang out as friends."
- Hook up in her room.
126
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,888
Aw, damn!
127
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:54,058
She's a chip off the old block.
128
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:55,660
ARTHUR: You know, Franco,
129
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,862
I think that your generation
likes to keep things casual
130
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,198
because you, uh,
you're afraid of getting rejected.
131
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,301
No, look, no, you just got
to put yourself out there.
132
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,702
Look, that's how I got Joanie.
133
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,903
- "Got Joanie"?
- Yeah.
134
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:09,340
Like in exchange for a cow
and bag of magic beans?
135
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,575
Well, laugh all you want,
136
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,777
but we were happily
married for 45 years.
137
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,812
Well, as tempting as it
is to take dating advice
138
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,814
from a bunch of single people over 50...
139
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,850
I'm cool with the way things are.
140
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,618
And Sofia is, too.
141
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:24,388
So if my daughter says she's
"cramming for finals..."
142
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,357
You don't want to know.
143
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:43,117
Okay, rookie,
let's go over a few simple procedures.
144
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,675
Tush, I'm a cop.
145
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,778
- I think I can handle this.
- (laughs)
146
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,513
You may know the streets,
147
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:52,316
but an apartment lobby,
whole different beast.
148
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,185
Okay, smart-ass,
149
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,387
tell me this...
what is the highest threat
150
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:59,891
to personal safety in
this building right now?
151
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,994
It's feeling like this conversation.
152
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,362
The garage.
153
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,097
The perp waits behind a vehicle,
154
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:09,500
and then slips under the
rolling door as it closes.
155
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,669
Interesting. I was just gonna tell you
156
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,037
all the places you can nap
157
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,706
without being seen on
the security cameras.
158
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,975
You nap on the job?
159
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,278
Pretty sweet way to make
20 bucks an hour, huh?
160
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,914
Wait. $20?
161
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,749
I'm making $17.
162
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,250
Really?
163
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:29,153
Well, maybe that's because I
was the assistant floor manager
164
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,422
at a tractor factory.
165
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:32,723
I'm a cop,
166
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:36,060
and a million times
more qualified than you.
167
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,664
Just because I'm a man doesn't
mean that wasn't hurtful.
168
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:43,167
Gee, I bet Fawz is paying
me less because I'm a woman.
169
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:45,436
I can't wait to bust him on this.
170
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:49,006
Okay, but just keep this
between you and Fawz.
171
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,408
I can't afford to get involved.
172
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,278
I need a job on my résumé
that I didn't get fired from...
173
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,481
or start a fire at.
174
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,218
So you're not gonna back me up on this?
175
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,352
No.
176
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,454
But don't let me stop you...
177
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,989
You should speak up for yourself.
178
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,290
Back at the factory,
179
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,025
I found out that other guys
were making more than me,
180
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,961
so I marched into the boss's office
181
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,929
and I insisted on a raise.
182
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,865
- What happened?
- A week later
183
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:17,768
they shut down the factory,
moved everything to China.
184
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:21,239
Oh, my God,
I cost 300 people their jobs.
185
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:24,609
Ooh, let's get Chinese tonight.
186
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,880
Okay, just a few ground rules.
187
00:07:31,097 --> 00:07:33,411
This area over here, off limits.
188
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,253
- That's the sink.
- All right,
189
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,488
the sink is fine, but the rest...
off limits.
190
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,056
I have memorized
191
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,159
every square inch of this place,
and I expect to find it
192
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,060
- exactly the way I left it.
- Okay.
193
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:45,663
So, open bag of flour, next to a bucket
194
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,324
of stale grease,
on top of what looks like a shoe.
195
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,568
Oh, that's where my shoe went.
196
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,604
Also, don't use this chopping block
197
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,506
for anything other than chopping.
198
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:58,009
Unless "chopping" means... (whistling)
199
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,012
In which case, no chopping.
200
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,681
Okay, I resent the fact that
you think I would have sex
201
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,283
on your dirty-ass counter, all right?
202
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,451
I'm more of a walk-in freezer freak.
203
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:09,453
All right, look, if she breaks the rules
204
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,889
you might find it hard
to lay down the law, see?
205
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:15,326
So all you got to do
is bang on this pipe...
206
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,663
and I'll come running down from
my apartment lickety-split.
207
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,198
Which also sounds like
208
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,000
something you shouldn't
do on the cutting board.
209
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,869
Well, thank you,
but I won't need your help.
210
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:28,573
All right.
Okay, so, you kids, uh, have fun.
211
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,174
Not a lot of fun.
212
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,610
In fact, don't have any fun.
213
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,012
In fact, I'm taking this.
214
00:08:36,545 --> 00:08:37,678
I'll just, uh,
215
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,584
get out of your way.
216
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,820
Uh. Unless you want me in your way.
217
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,288
'Cause I can do that, too.
218
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,456
First, I have
219
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,658
to make 20 pounds of arroz con pollo
220
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,126
and 200 empanadas.
221
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,561
- (knocking)
- Oh.
222
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,396
Good. That must be Joaquin.
223
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:56,133
- (gasps) Hola! ÿCómo estás?
- Hola, guapa!
224
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,735
JOAQUIN: Te ves súper bien.
225
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,770
Disculpa que llegue tarde pero
ya estoy aquí para ayudarte.
226
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,173
- No te preocupes.
- Chicago te ha caído muy bien.
227
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,041
(laughing): Juaco!
228
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,576
Hola.
229
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,012
Who are you?
230
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,213
Uh, Franco, this is Joaquin.
231
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,581
He's gonna help me with the empanadas.
232
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,483
Joaquin, this is my friend Franco.
233
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,085
Friend?
234
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,420
I understand that word. Okay.
235
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,356
Um, so, how do you two know each other?
236
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,625
- We used to work at a restaurant in Madison.
- We were dating
237
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,860
up until this one picked
up and moved to Chicago.
238
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,328
But now Joaquin's moving here.
239
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:27,231
He's opening up his own restaurant.
240
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,633
You're moving here?
241
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,968
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that sounds kind of risky. Don't you think?
242
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:34,805
Like, I wouldn't call Chicago an
"eating" town, you know?
243
00:09:46,075 --> 00:09:48,508
ÿPor qué llegó este muchacho
aquí si no va a ayudar?
244
00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:50,343
Ah, él trabaja aquí.
245
00:09:50,345 --> 00:09:51,577
Uh, el patrón le preguntó
246
00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:54,247
que si podía venir...
(continues indistinctly)
247
00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:56,883
Me gusta su chaqueta.
ÿAdónde la compró Franco?
248
00:09:56,885 --> 00:09:59,218
Whoo! Heard my name.
Heard Franco. I heard my name.
249
00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:02,021
Uh... wh-what'd he say about me?
250
00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:03,923
He wants to know where
you got your jacket.
251
00:10:03,925 --> 00:10:05,525
(scoffs) Forever 21.
252
00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:08,628
Please do not translate that.
253
00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,396
No, no. I got it.
254
00:10:11,719 --> 00:10:13,733
That's nice ink you got there, man.
What are you, a...
255
00:10:13,735 --> 00:10:15,001
a baseball fan?
256
00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:17,036
Played a couple of
seasons for the Brewers.
257
00:10:17,038 --> 00:10:18,371
Just the minor leagues.
258
00:10:18,373 --> 00:10:20,239
- Oh.
- That's where the modeling agency found me.
259
00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:23,381
(chuckles) You're a model, a chef,
260
00:10:23,416 --> 00:10:26,125
and a baseball player...
You know, it sounds to me
261
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,915
like you're having trouble
finding who you are, Joaquin.
262
00:10:29,784 --> 00:10:31,684
- (knocking)
- Oh, that's the door.
263
00:10:31,686 --> 00:10:33,052
I'm gonna get it.
264
00:10:33,922 --> 00:10:35,755
Coming!
265
00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:38,958
Oh, man.
266
00:10:40,362 --> 00:10:41,928
- Yo. I got your text.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:43,396
Where's Sofia?
268
00:10:43,398 --> 00:10:46,032
And what's a Jo-quinn?
269
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:48,468
It's this dude she used to
go out with in Wisconsin,
270
00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:49,669
and now he's moving here.
271
00:10:49,671 --> 00:10:51,668
But you know what? Maybe it's nothing.
272
00:10:51,703 --> 00:10:54,240
- Just take a look and let me know what you think.
- Come on, man.
273
00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:57,410
You're Franco Wicks.
This guy can't compete with you.
274
00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:01,647
You really have to get
in there and massage it.
275
00:11:02,254 --> 00:11:04,650
- That dude's gotta go.
- I know.
276
00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:07,186
But I can't kick him out.
277
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,689
Sofia's gonna be pissed off at me.
278
00:11:09,691 --> 00:11:11,724
But I do know somebody who doesn't mind
279
00:11:11,726 --> 00:11:14,360
being the bad guy.
280
00:11:15,964 --> 00:11:17,997
Yo. This is Sweatpants.
281
00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:19,365
'Sup?
282
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,767
So, uh, sorry to interrupt,
283
00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:22,368
but Arthur told me to check on things
284
00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:23,603
every once in a while.
285
00:11:23,605 --> 00:11:25,872
So, uh, counter... good.
286
00:11:25,874 --> 00:11:28,408
Mm, desk... still desky.
287
00:11:28,410 --> 00:11:30,309
And, uh, let me check these pipes.
288
00:11:30,311 --> 00:11:33,613
You know, sometimes they get clogged up.
289
00:11:33,615 --> 00:11:35,314
Nope, all clear.
290
00:11:35,316 --> 00:11:36,749
Y'all good to go. Carry on.
291
00:11:37,309 --> 00:11:38,684
SWEATPANTS: Oh, last thing,
292
00:11:38,686 --> 00:11:39,886
Arthur doesn't like it
when there's two people
293
00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:41,087
on the same side of the counter,
294
00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:42,822
so we gotta...
295
00:11:42,824 --> 00:11:47,527
Ooh, damn. You are solid.
296
00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:49,195
Bet you got a seis pack, huh?
297
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,831
That's Spanish for "six-pack."
298
00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:53,833
I think he knows, Sweatpants, let's go.
299
00:11:55,804 --> 00:11:57,904
Randy, I got your text.
300
00:11:57,906 --> 00:12:00,473
What's the emergency?
Do I get to evict someone?
301
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:04,343
I mean, do I have to evict someone?
302
00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:09,248
So, you're paying Tush $20 an hour,
and me 17.
303
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,350
Is that because I'm a woman?
304
00:12:11,352 --> 00:12:14,854
Well... yes.
305
00:12:16,157 --> 00:12:18,602
But that's because men have to
take care of their families.
306
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:21,894
I have a daughter.
Who's Tush supporting?
307
00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:23,329
She's got you there.
308
00:12:23,331 --> 00:12:26,132
I have no one.
309
00:12:26,134 --> 00:12:28,968
Well, Tush started before you...
he has seniority.
310
00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:30,069
Three days.
311
00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:31,137
And he spent one of them
312
00:12:31,139 --> 00:12:34,140
stuck in a stairwell.
313
00:12:34,142 --> 00:12:36,509
You've got some pretty tough locks here.
314
00:12:36,511 --> 00:12:38,478
I'm not sure why you need us.
315
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,914
Look, women in this country
make 82 cents to the dollar
316
00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:43,249
compared to men.
317
00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:44,684
I'm paying you 85.
318
00:12:44,686 --> 00:12:47,820
#resist, #thatswhatshesaid.
319
00:12:47,822 --> 00:12:50,957
Fawz, you have got to make this right.
320
00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:52,959
Equal pay for equal work.
321
00:12:52,961 --> 00:12:56,395
Fine. Tush, now you're making 17.
322
00:12:56,397 --> 00:12:57,964
Wait, what?
323
00:12:57,966 --> 00:13:00,099
Randy, I said keep me out of this.
324
00:13:00,101 --> 00:13:01,467
If you want to pay him less
325
00:13:01,469 --> 00:13:02,435
because he's a dope,
326
00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:03,870
that's your business.
327
00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:06,439
But if you can afford
to pay $20 an hour,
328
00:13:06,441 --> 00:13:08,474
then you can afford to pay me that.
329
00:13:08,476 --> 00:13:11,043
Sorry. I if you don't like it,
you're free to walk.
330
00:13:11,045 --> 00:13:12,378
#takeitorleaveit,
331
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,146
Hashtag
"if you're gonna leave it let me know,
332
00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:15,681
I gotta find someone else."
333
00:13:19,722 --> 00:13:20,520
Asi esta bien?
334
00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:25,391
No. Mas despacito.
Tienes que tener paciencia.
335
00:13:25,393 --> 00:13:26,425
Okay.
336
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,796
You know,
I don't know what they're saying,
337
00:13:30,798 --> 00:13:34,200
but, damn, that's a sexy-ass language.
338
00:13:34,202 --> 00:13:35,601
This part gets a little messy,
339
00:13:35,603 --> 00:13:38,938
and I'm meeting
with friends later, so...
340
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:41,407
Hey, there's an apron right there, man.
341
00:13:42,582 --> 00:13:43,109
ARTHUR: Hey, what...
342
00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:45,077
What the hell's going on here?
343
00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:47,647
Who's this?
344
00:13:47,649 --> 00:13:49,682
This is my friend, Joaquin.
He's helping me.
345
00:13:49,684 --> 00:13:52,184
Oh, nice to meet you, Joaquin.
346
00:13:52,186 --> 00:13:54,720
Aren't you the spicy enchilada?
347
00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:58,457
He's not allowed to be here. Get out.
348
00:13:58,459 --> 00:14:01,294
- What?
- I was very clear... just you and Franco.
349
00:14:01,296 --> 00:14:03,195
This is Barbara O'Bannon all over again.
350
00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:04,797
No, no, no, no, no, no.
351
00:14:04,799 --> 00:14:06,566
No, I need him. There's no way I can
352
00:14:06,568 --> 00:14:08,267
make the empanadas without him.
353
00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:10,703
Look, you knew the deal...
either he goes or you go.
354
00:14:10,705 --> 00:14:12,505
Seriously?
355
00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:14,807
Okay, I'm so sorry.
356
00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:15,675
Let me walk you out.
357
00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:17,443
- Esta bien.
- Okay.
358
00:14:18,188 --> 00:14:20,146
Hey, yo, Joaquin, you still going out,
359
00:14:20,148 --> 00:14:21,981
to, like, a club?
360
00:14:21,983 --> 00:14:24,884
And might it be a plus-one situation?
361
00:14:24,886 --> 00:14:27,119
Man, I'm sorry I woke you up, man,
362
00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:28,220
but I know you wouldn't
like some stranger
363
00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:29,589
- messing with your stuff, you know?
- Yeah.
364
00:14:29,591 --> 00:14:32,124
Looks like he was
messing with your stuff.
365
00:14:32,126 --> 00:14:33,459
But you're not jealous, right?
366
00:14:33,461 --> 00:14:36,329
I mean,
you two are just "hooking up," right?
367
00:14:36,331 --> 00:14:37,563
You don't know what
you're talking about.
368
00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:38,998
It's a little more
complicated than that.
369
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,267
Well, it wouldn't be if you
knew where you stood with her.
370
00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:43,769
I-I-I'm just saying.
371
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,242
Hola, guapa.
372
00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:52,578
Yo, I'm sorry about Arthur,
373
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:54,191
but you know how he gets sometimes.
374
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:54,914
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
375
00:14:54,916 --> 00:14:56,616
It's so crazy that he...
376
00:14:56,618 --> 00:14:58,951
that he came down here for no reason.
377
00:14:58,953 --> 00:15:00,219
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
378
00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,023
What now, kid? Oh...
379
00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:06,659
She found out about the pipe thing?
380
00:15:06,661 --> 00:15:08,861
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Maybe we should text next time.
381
00:15:08,863 --> 00:15:10,296
Yeah, maybe.
382
00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:11,931
I don't believe you.
383
00:15:11,933 --> 00:15:13,666
Why did you get rid of Joaquin?
384
00:15:13,668 --> 00:15:15,101
He took off his shirt. You know,
385
00:15:15,103 --> 00:15:17,336
the food could have got
contaminated with, like,
386
00:15:17,338 --> 00:15:19,872
you know, chest hair and cologne and...
387
00:15:19,874 --> 00:15:21,941
That is crap, and you know it.
388
00:15:21,943 --> 00:15:23,476
I thought I was just doing you a favor.
389
00:15:23,478 --> 00:15:24,944
So, hey, if you don't want me here,
I'll just leave.
390
00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:27,580
Whoa. Where do you think you're going?
391
00:15:27,582 --> 00:15:29,048
I thought you was pissed off at me.
392
00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:32,485
I am, but I still have
200 empanadas to make,
393
00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:34,487
and you just kicked out my only helper.
394
00:15:34,489 --> 00:15:35,888
So grab an apron.
395
00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:38,624
I don't know how to make empanadas.
396
00:15:38,626 --> 00:15:41,227
Well, figure it out.
397
00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:42,995
Because if I don't pull off this gig,
398
00:15:42,997 --> 00:15:44,530
I'm going to make you pay for it
399
00:15:44,532 --> 00:15:46,632
for the rest of your life!
400
00:15:46,634 --> 00:15:49,001
I'll stay. That's my choice.
401
00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:51,737
I'm terrified, but that is my choice.
402
00:16:02,196 --> 00:16:04,429
Oh, my God, these look terrible.
403
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:07,365
They look nothing like Joaquin's...
I'm dead.
404
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,700
Hey, look, stop panicking.
405
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,535
He's not the only one who
knows how to make these.
406
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,437
I'm gonna go on YouTube
and find a tutorial.
407
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,905
And there we go.
408
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:15,874
Two million hits. The Shirtless Chef.
409
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:19,511
And... it's Joaquin. God...
410
00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:20,612
What is up with you?
411
00:16:20,614 --> 00:16:22,514
Why are you being all jealous?
412
00:16:22,516 --> 00:16:23,815
I'm not jealous,
I just don't like seeing you
413
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,150
with some other guy here.
414
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,552
That's literally the
definition of jealous.
415
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,389
- You're being so territorial.
- What?
416
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,125
I just don't like him
all up in my space.
417
00:16:33,127 --> 00:16:36,628
Which is the definition of
"territorial."
418
00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:39,965
Buy a damn dictionary.
419
00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:42,868
And I don't...
I thought we were just having fun.
420
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:44,102
It's not like we're dating.
421
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,838
Maybe we should date.
422
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,675
What?
423
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,979
Sofia, I like you. I like you a lot.
424
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:56,648
All right?
And I want to take you on a date.
425
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,550
I want to pay for dinner,
426
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,153
and when it gets cold,
I want to give you my coat.
427
00:17:02,008 --> 00:17:03,255
I have a coat.
428
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,324
Maybe you forgot your coat.
429
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,425
Maybe you didn't think the carriage ride
430
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,760
would be so chilly, and you was like,
431
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:09,895
"Oh, it's a chilly carriage ride,
let me get a coat."
432
00:17:09,897 --> 00:17:10,996
I'm like, "Here take the coat."
433
00:17:10,998 --> 00:17:13,532
I don't know, it was Arthur's idea.
434
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,544
Franco, I think you're awesome
435
00:17:16,579 --> 00:17:18,904
and amazing, and I really like you.
436
00:17:18,906 --> 00:17:21,873
But I just can't right now.
437
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,742
You know, I-I-I just, I don't have room
438
00:17:23,744 --> 00:17:25,377
for a relationship with anyone.
439
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,845
I have big plans for my business.
440
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:29,347
A food truck, then catering,
441
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,583
and then a restaurant.
442
00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:32,918
And you know what that's like.
443
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,520
You have big plans, too.
444
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:39,191
(sighs) Yeah, I do. Yeah.
445
00:17:39,193 --> 00:17:40,892
And who knows, I mean,
446
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,495
maybe someday, when we're not so busy,
447
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:46,298
we can go on that carriage ride.
448
00:17:47,259 --> 00:17:49,334
- Really?
- Yeah.
449
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,103
I'm dying to see how that
whole coat thing works.
450
00:17:55,243 --> 00:17:57,309
And you know, just so you know,
451
00:17:57,311 --> 00:18:01,379
that whole bulked-up, muscly vibe...
452
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,614
it's not really my thing.
453
00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:05,050
See? It's so played out, right? Yeah.
454
00:18:05,052 --> 00:18:07,122
You want a guy you can
beat in arm wrestling.
455
00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,053
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
456
00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:09,633
A dude you can give a piggyback ride to.
457
00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:10,634
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
458
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,190
You want a guy you can
share your jeans with.
459
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:16,061
And I know that 'cause I tried
'em on when you were in the shower.
460
00:18:16,063 --> 00:18:19,497
Which was weird.
I knew it was wrong when I did it.
461
00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:24,803
- So, how did it go last night?
- SWEATPANTS: Not great.
462
00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:26,271
When I showed up at the club,
463
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:29,674
Joaquin pretended like
he didn't even know me.
464
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,243
I-I was talking to Franco.
465
00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:34,412
Franco, how did it go after
I got rid of Joaquin for you?
466
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,780
Well, I took your advice
and I told Sofia
467
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,582
that I wanted a relationship.
468
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:40,485
- And?
- She doesn't.
469
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,587
Well, good. You made some progress.
470
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,122
How the hell is that progress?
471
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,590
1971.
472
00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:47,559
- Oh, man...
- Ernie Menchilla.
473
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,794
The poker king of uptown.
474
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,363
I asked Joanie to be my best gal,
475
00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:53,398
but she was so mesmerized
by Ernie and his accordion,
476
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,699
she barely knew I existed.
477
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,901
But I hung in there, see,
478
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:59,104
and eventually everything went my way.
479
00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:01,506
You just gotta be a little patient.
480
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,009
Okay. All right.
481
00:19:04,011 --> 00:19:05,944
Wait, so what happened
to that other guy?
482
00:19:05,946 --> 00:19:10,382
Well, let's just say
we never saw him again.
483
00:19:11,111 --> 00:19:13,652
Arthur, did you kill Ernie?
484
00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:16,721
I was just trying to sound badass.
485
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:19,224
He moved to Delaware.
486
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:22,327
Oh, Fawz, I've been looking for you.
487
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,795
- You have?
- Yup.
488
00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:25,864
Something occurred to me last night.
489
00:19:25,866 --> 00:19:27,666
The reason women earn less
490
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,901
is because we never talk about pay,
491
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:31,403
so we never know if it's equal.
492
00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:33,672
I agree, it's a great system.
493
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,640
What's your point?
494
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,143
I called all your female employees...
495
00:19:38,145 --> 00:19:40,979
from your real estate office,
your travel agency,
496
00:19:40,981 --> 00:19:42,480
and your dry cleaners.
497
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,250
Now they all know that
the men get paid more
498
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,986
for doing the exact same job.
499
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:50,355
Oh, well, if they have a problem,
500
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,489
they should come see me.
501
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:55,293
Oh, well, lucky for you they're outside.
502
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,328
Ladies?
503
00:19:57,918 --> 00:20:00,131
Linda? Tiffanie?
504
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:03,768
You... from the travel agency?
505
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,303
We want a raise.
506
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,038
- WOMEN: Yeah... Right...
- What?
507
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,007
No. Especially not Linda.
508
00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:11,743
She just took three
days off to have a baby.
509
00:20:12,761 --> 00:20:16,114
I wasn't gonna get involved,
but right is right.
510
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:17,549
Aw, thank you, Tush.
511
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:20,952
Dammit, these gals deserve
a raise and maternity leave.
512
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:22,620
And it wouldn't kill you
to pay us a compliment
513
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,890
every once in a while... they're free.
514
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,660
Wait a minute, if you're all here,
who's minding my stores?
515
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,762
All those well-paid men.
516
00:20:30,764 --> 00:20:34,232
What? No, they're idiots.
517
00:20:35,323 --> 00:20:37,969
Well, that's all you got left.
518
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:41,306
Ladies, sit, have a donut.
519
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,808
Don't mind if I do.
520
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,176
Okay, okay, fine, fine.
521
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:47,545
I will pay you exactly
the same as the men.
522
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,314
All right.
523
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:52,751
Which is still 20% below
the industry average.
524
00:20:52,753 --> 00:20:55,186
Come on, I need a win here.
525
00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:57,822
All right, we'll take it.
526
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,057
Okay, great, come on, back to work.
527
00:20:59,059 --> 00:21:00,925
Back to work, let's go.
Come on, come on.
528
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,928
And, Linda, please,
no more breastfeeding during lunch.
529
00:21:04,351 --> 00:21:05,730
We have a closet for that.
530
00:21:29,842 --> 00:21:31,863
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